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persephonesinfernos · 3 years

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ignoti nulla cupido | part seven.

summary: natasha finds you once again to be able to keep her an tony’s promise to keep you safe, but how would they react when they’ll learn about the little dirty secret you have been keeping since you left bucky’s side?

word count: 904.

pairing: bucky barnes x reader.

warnings: angst, angst, angst and heavy use of alcohol for coping pourpuses.

author’s note: and here we are, everything ready to implode.

ignoti nulla cupido series | taglist | masterlist.

For the next following days, everything went back to normal – or as normal as it could, given the previous events.

(Y/N) was still healing, her body immersed in a glass tube that contained cold water at every minute of every day but nobody except for Natasha, Tony and Bruce were allowed to get inside the room where (Y/N) was. It felt as if she was a princess, sleeping and waiting to be awakened by some prince.

Bucky spent most of his days back at the training room or at the glass that allowed him to see into (Y/N)’s room. Often Steven would just keep him company while the former assassin stared into the room, not even speaking.

Bucky just stared, millions of thoughts running wild in his mind. What happened to her? Where was her during all these years? What was she sorry for? Did she leave someone behind, a family? Has she forgotten about us? Is this my fault? This is my fault, if I hadn’t pushed her because of my fucking mistakes. God, what I’m going to do if she just doesn’t wake up again?

Every time his sapphire orbs got watered, every time his fists clenched tightly to the bar outside (Y/N)’s room. And every time he ended up walking away from her, grabbing a bottle of whisky and going to the gym. That was his routine, what he did and nobody nor anything could change it.

It didn’t matter that Steve would argue with Tony and Natasha almost every day about why he was not allowed to get to see (Y/N) or how he wasn’t informed about Nat’s mission or where she’s been for the last three years. It didn’t matter that the whole team would pitty him, or that they tried to make him feel better.

When (Y/N) woke up for the second time he was not behind the glass, he was too drunk to even walk into the training room. He didn’t let Steve help him when he came to break the good news, he was incapable to stand up and do anything. So he did lay there crying his ass off for her, for them, for him to be not able to be by her side and hold her as he listened to her beautiful voice.

After that, (Y/N) was moved to another room, a private one. She asked Natasha to not let Bucky come closer, to not step in. She was not ready to face him, to face her past and future.

The next thing Bucky knew was that everyone was around a table in the briefing room, everyone but her. Since she woke up none saw her and it only broke Bucky’s heart in more little pieces if possible, he knew this was his punishment and he had yet to accept the fact she might not love him anymore.

Natasha and Tony stoop up in front of everyone, both extremely anxious.

“It’s time we talk. We need you guys to catch up with (Y/N)’s situation,” Tony spoke softly, not daring to meet Bucky’s eyes.

“She left the life three years ago as you know. What you don’t know is that before she left for good she asked Tony and me to erase her from everywhere. To give her a fresh and clean start,” Natasha continued.

“We did as best as we could, she went away. She lived in a little town where she worked as a baker and that was how much we knew. She only communicated with Romanoff, once a week.”

“That was our only condition. We promised to keep her safe and out of this world in exchange for her to let us know she was okay.” Natasha sighed, eyes searching for Bucky’s blue ones. “I can carry on from here Tony”.

“I went for her, I couldn’t keep her safe if she was not with me in these circumstances” The redhead spoke softly, still holding Bucky’s gaze as a silent pleading for not doing anything stupid.

“When I got there I made contact. We met up, I asked her to come with me” Nat sighed and let out a chuckled. “She didn’t want to, she’s the most stubborn person in this world. But I changed her mind at the end”.

So? We all know this, tell me something I don’t know Romanoff. Bucky thought, eager in his seat to learn what was behind so much secrecy.

“I thought that the cabin was a safe and secret location, Tony was sure of it. He checked it two hours prior to our arrival. The attack was out of the blue, I didn’t expect it and (Y/N) didn’t expect it either. But she was not the target.”

All of the Avengers held still, this was something nobody could’ve foreseen. And Bucky felt how his left hand ran through his now shorter hair.

“What’re you talking about Romanoff?” Steve whispered as he was afraid to burst the secret and splash everyone with pain and sadness.

Natasha took a deep breath with her eyes closed and when she re-opened them, her stare was fixated on Bucky: how his body was all tensed up, how his expression was one that held nothing but regret, hope and apprehension.

“HYDRA wanted something else from (Y/N)” Nat noticed how Bucky almost stood up from his chair, his eyes shut down. “There was someone else with us, a kid. (Y/N)’s son”.

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