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persephonesinfernos · 3 years
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ignoti nulla cupido masterlist.
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summary: natasha finds you once again to be able to keep her an tony’s promise to keep you safe, but how would they react when they’ll learn about the little dirty secret you have been keeping since you left bucky’s side?  
pairing: bucky barnes x reader.
warnings: agnst, cheating, sex abuse, abusive behaviour, bad writing [see each chapter for individual warnings].
author’s note: so, here it is! my second series and I’m really proud of it, I hope you’ll like it.
status: ongoing | 29th april 2021.
part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven | part eight | part nine | part ten | part eleven | part twelve | part thirteen | part fourteen | part fifteen | part sixteen | part seventeen | part eighteen | part nineten | part twenty 
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persephonesinfernos · 3 years
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ignoti nulla cupido | part eight.
summary: natasha finds you once again to be able to keep her an tony’s promise to keep you safe, but how would they react when they’ll learn about the little dirty secret you have been keeping since you left bucky’s side?  
word count: 1128.
pairing: bucky barnes x reader.
warnings: angst, and bucky being a dickhead.
author’s note: I’m sorry but I hate bucky, it doesn’t matter if I write him like this, I hate him. and please, please, do not hate me.
ignoti nulla cupido series | taglist | masterlist.
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“A kid?” Steve asked astonished.
“Yes, Cap. A kid, a little human being.”
Suddenly the whole room erupted in noises, everyone was asking questions about the revelation. Every single one of the Avengers wanted to know the name of the boy, his age, who was his father, why HYDRA took him, why (Y/N) didn’t tell anyone about him, etc.
Everyone was stating their opinion on the mater but Bucky, Bucky remained sited in a dazing state. Not a single movement was perceived by Natasha that was solely focused on the father, little did he truly know about (Y/N)’s son.
“Okay, that’s it,” Tony’s voiced was heard loudly over the murmuring. “Romanoff, why didn’t you tell me about this? Knowing about the kid would’ve made things much easier all this time.” The billionaire was clearly fed up with the present issue.
“Because Tony, I didn’t know,” the redhead spat back tired of Tony’s shit. “I didn’t even know until a few days before I went for her, until it was probably too late,” her hands up in the air, signalling her frustration. “Don’t you think I would’ve love to know that my best friend was pregnant? To be with her during the pregnancy, during the whole thing? She did it all by herself Stark,” Romanoff’s orbs stayed focus on Tony, but she was still very aware of Barnes’ movements. “Besides, it was not my secret to tell, not my confession to make. If she didn’t it was because of something and I always have trusted her judgment.”
Bucky stood up abruptly, his chair falling behind. Every single pair of eyes darted to him, however, nobody said anything as he walked out.
“Where are you going Buck?”
“Steve, I just… I just need to know,” a distraught whisper was all Steve could make out of his friend.
“Let her be, maybe you don’t like what she has to say.”
“I don’t care anymore.” With that, James Buchanan Barnes left, ready to discover what was truly going on with her former lover.
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(Y/N) was pacing around her room, she knew she told Nat to tell her big secret – most of it, at least. The team deserved to know if they’re going to help her out on this, but did she make the right choice? Maybe it was her who should’ve let everyone in her secret, maybe she should’ve of talk to Bucky first.
An ear-piercing bang startled her, turning around as she pointed her gun at whoever dared to walk in there without her permission. A blank pair of blue orbs staring right through her, her soul ripping apart at the sight.
“A child (Y/N)?” Barnes’ voice was calmed down but his heart, his heart was beating so loudly he was afraid it would break through his thoracic cage.
(Y/N) was still pointing her gun towards him, too afraid to even breathe. This was the moment she dreaded for the past three years, all the things she had thought of saying to his father’s son at some point evaporated from her mind.
“What do you want Barnes?” She blurted out.
“By starts, to not being pointed with a gun. Secondly, I want to know.” Bucky’s eyes began to look everywhere in hopes of a sign. A sign that he was doing the right thing, that what his instincts were screaming to him was wrong.
“I don’t have anything to tell you. You were crystal clear last time we were standing in front of each other, do you remember it? ‘Cause that last time is still my worst nightmare James.” Just speaking out his name broke more of her soul, not anymore was the name of the love of her life, but also the name of the child he fathered and now was at the claws of the same people that made Bucky’s life a living hell.
“(Y/N)….” He spoke softly, his feet stumbling to her in caution but something made him stop dead in his tracks. An image on an Ipad, a picture of a little kid with striking ice blue eyes, sharp jaw and short brown hair that was cut oddly familiar to a past life.
(Y/N) noticed what was going on but she was too afraid to try anything, she just stood still and watched how Bucky’s face changed from sorrow to realization, realization about your little boy, about his boy.
“Is that him?” Bucky’s voice was just a whisper, his fingers tracing the screen.
Taking a deep sight (Y/N) decided to tell the truth, nothing could be more broken. “Yes, name’s James. A shy three-year old that doesn’t need to blurt out a word, just the way he looks at you is enough to know what’s in his mind,” (Y/N) approached Bucky’s slowly, she was behind him now and even though Bucky didn’t budge when she placed her hands on his shoulders, she could sense the storming coming. “Just like his father” (Y/N) spoke, tears running freely down her cheeks.
Bucky snapped out, turning furiously to (Y/N) “He’s my son and you didn’t think I deserved to know? To know I had a kid.”
He towered over her, making (Y/N) feel terror at how his metal fist clenched in his side.
“You told me to get the fuck out of your life, that you didn’t care anymore about shit that happened to me or that will happen. That I was a demanding bitch.” (Y/N) chocked out, not looking at his eyes.
“You gave birth to my fucking son (Y/N), and now Hydra took him because you weren’t able to protect him.” She was sure that by now, someone had heard all the noise coming out of her bedroom even thou Bucky’s words were a mere whisper.
“I wasn’t able to be there, to watch him grow, to protect him because of you and your fucking insecurities and fear.” He was now inches away from her face, his metal hand grabbing (Y/N)’s wrist so tightly she was sure there were going to be bruises on it tomorrow morning.
(Y/N) tried to say something but it was like she was paralyzed, the only thing she was able to do was to watch the cold demeanour of the person she still loved and hated equally.
“This is on you (Y/N). Whatever happens to him is on you, just pray that we will get to him in time.” Bucky said voidly now, it felt like the Winter Soldier was the one standing in front of you.
He let go of (Y/N), her back hitting the wall behind her. As Bucky was about to cross the threshold, he stopped and without glazing her way he spoke “I’m getting a lawyer, as it is clear that you can’t be responsible for my child.”
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ignoti nulla cupido taglist: @vicmc624 | @margaaaa30 | @gudenuph | @summb | @peaches-roses-sins | @pspice639 | @purplewcrld | @gloryekaterina | @krazykatkay456 | @fangirl-swagg | @austynparksandpizza | @4babez | @tanyaherondale | @droopingdatura | @loveyou5everr | @urimaginespimp​ | @nat-reads​ | @asherys-valyrion​ |
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persephonesinfernos · 3 years
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ignoti nulla cupido | part twelve.
summary: natasha finds you once again to be able to keep her an tony’s promise to keep you safe, but how would they react when they’ll learn about the little dirty secret you have been keeping since you left bucky’s side?  
word count: 1185.
pairing: bucky barnes x reader.
warnings: just a bit of a cliffhnager.
author’s note: action starts now, be prepared! and btw, chace is back for all of those who fell in love with him!
ignoti nulla cupido series | taglist | masterlist.
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The car came to an abrupt stop in the middle of nowhere, or at least that was all (Y/N) could see; a vast large open area with nothing, not even life was anywhere to be seen. It was a dessert, cracks were seen in the dry soil and she thought that HYDRA couldn’t place its base in a more proper place.
“This is the place according to my intel (Y/N),” Chace spoke softly looking at her eyes.
“Okay, lead the way,” she firmly said as she geared up, every possible weapon was now stuck in her combat suit. It’s been too long since she last wore it and she had hoped she would never have to wear it again but the circumstances never felt more right to do so.
With a nod and a grip to her shoulder, Chace started to move carefully around the field, gun pointed forward in case someone decided to make an appearance.
She followed him, the silence that had settled among them provided the calmness and safety she needed at the moment before the battle, because it was going to be one hell of a battle, she was sure of it.
They came to an arrangement or rocks, they were not out of place but for the training eye, they felt suspicious as if they were placed there carefully to keep some secret hidden, the entrance to a HYDRA base for example.
“This is it (Y/N), are you sure you want to do this?” Chace searched in her eyes for a signal that this was wrong, that maybe she wanted or needed the help of someone else to do it.
“Yes. This is it, we’re getting James back today,” her voice was firm and void, something he had never heard since the night she escaped from the Avengers.
Moving the rocks aside Chace let her get in first, he knew her like the palm of his hand and he could feel her eagerness to deal with it and go back to a normal life, he could feel her anger boiling as any mass of water around her would turn into vapour and he couldn’t help to start thinking that maybe this was a bad idea.
The halls were all silent and empty and both of them knew that this wasn’t something desirable, that it meant that the greater danger would be unified in a room in which many lives will be lost, probably theirs too.
Lights were flickering from the ceiling charging the aura around them with terror and hopelessness, metal doors were closed and other halls were blocked as if whatever was in there knew they were coming, as they were being led to the point of no return.
Finally, they reached heavy and big gates but before (Y/N) could reach them, she felt a presence in her shoulders and she knew it was Chace but this time it didn’t feel like a comforting gesture, this time it felt like a warning.
She sighed heavenly, she didn’t have time for this as James could be possible be dead or worse behind those doors.
“I know what you’re feeling (Y/N/N) but maybe we should call them, not he but the others. This doesn’t look or feel good and you know it too.”
Before she could reply, a piercing scream was cursing through her mind making her, reaching to her ears in hopes she could block the sound but it was to no avail.
“What it is? What it is (Y/N)?” Chace screamed to her as he kneeled down so he could be at the same level as her. But (Y/N) couldn’t respond, the sound in her head was making everything blurred – she didn’t notice she started crying or the thick liquid that was coating her hands, she only could hear that ripping scream in her mind that had started to make some sense.
Chace saw the panic in her eyes, saw how the blood was impregnating her hands and face and how she was fighting to utter some words but nothing came from her mouth, only whimpers.
When she felt she would pass out from the pain she deciphered the sound, she figured out what was that screaming; it was a crying for help, it was James crying for her to get him, to save him.
Suddenly everything went quiet again and (Y/N) was again aware of her surroundings, she became aware of the salt taste fixed in her lips and how the blood that came from her ears were now everywhere in her face.
Wasting no time she got up and charged for the gates as she whispered one name as a mantra, as a way to keep her grounded to reality, James.
Chance understood what was going on and helped her in her task of opening the doors, finally being able to open them and to peer at what’s inside of the room, a little boy seated down and tied to a chair, gaze void of any emotion.
Before he could realize what was happening, before he could stop her, before anything he saw how (Y/N) made a run for him.
She was in front of his boy, trying to break him off of whatever spell he was under, untying him and holding tightly into her arms as she whispered soft words to him.
“I see you finally came and what a surprise this is it, Chace Turner,” a low voice spoke as a man came out of the shadows.
“What did you do to him?”
“Well, you see Turner. I don’t think that’s none of your business because you are not the father and as much I would like to stay I think it’s not gonna happen,” he moved slowly through the room, as a predator ready to jump for its prey and (Y/N) realized that it was the same man that took James away from him.
“I wouldn’t dare to move one more inch,” her voice was broken but it didn’t matter, James was there and she was going to kill that man.
He laughed, a devil laughed that made (Y/N)’s blood freeze. “Doll, doll, doll…. I was hoping daddy would come with you to this one but what can I say? He’ll come sooner or later so it’s not a big problem.”
A large group of men appeared behind Chace giving him no reaction time as they dragged him out, sounds of firing guns echoed through the room they were in and (Y/N) turned to James, grabbing his little hand and pulling him away so they could flee but the boy didn’t move and she started to panicked.
“James, c’mon little monkey. We need to go, we need to go back home” tears were blurring her sight as she shook his child hoping any reaction would follow.
He finally fixed his blue eyes in her, his hand reaching to her cheek and (Y/N) couldn’t help but lean to the touch but she noticed the void in his eyes as he spoke to her for the first time in weeks.
“Who is James? Who are you?”
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persephonesinfernos · 3 years
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ignoti nulla cupido | part seven.
summary: natasha finds you once again to be able to keep her an tony’s promise to keep you safe, but how would they react when they’ll learn about the little dirty secret you have been keeping since you left bucky’s side?  
word count: 904.
pairing: bucky barnes x reader.
warnings: angst, angst, angst and heavy use of alcohol for coping pourpuses.
author’s note: and here we are, everything ready to implode.
ignoti nulla cupido series | taglist | masterlist.
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For the next following days, everything went back to normal – or as normal as it could, given the previous events.
(Y/N) was still healing, her body immersed in a glass tube that contained cold water at every minute of every day but nobody except for Natasha, Tony and Bruce were allowed to get inside the room where (Y/N) was. It felt as if she was a princess, sleeping and waiting to be awakened by some prince.
Bucky spent most of his days back at the training room or at the glass that allowed him to see into (Y/N)’s room. Often Steven would just keep him company while the former assassin stared into the room, not even speaking.
Bucky just stared, millions of thoughts running wild in his mind. What happened to her? Where was her during all these years? What was she sorry for? Did she leave someone behind, a family? Has she forgotten about us? Is this my fault? This is my fault, if I hadn’t pushed her because of my fucking mistakes. God, what I’m going to do if she just doesn’t wake up again?
Every time his sapphire orbs got watered, every time his fists clenched tightly to the bar outside (Y/N)’s room. And every time he ended up walking away from her, grabbing a bottle of whisky and going to the gym. That was his routine, what he did and nobody nor anything could change it.
It didn’t matter that Steve would argue with Tony and Natasha almost every day about why he was not allowed to get to see (Y/N) or how he wasn’t informed about Nat’s mission or where she’s been for the last three years. It didn’t matter that the whole team would pitty him, or that they tried to make him feel better.
When (Y/N) woke up for the second time he was not behind the glass, he was too drunk to even walk into the training room. He didn’t let Steve help him when he came to break the good news, he was incapable to stand up and do anything. So he did lay there crying his ass off for her, for them, for him to be not able to be by her side and hold her as he listened to her beautiful voice.
After that, (Y/N) was moved to another room, a private one. She asked Natasha to not let Bucky come closer, to not step in. She was not ready to face him, to face her past and future.
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The next thing Bucky knew was that everyone was around a table in the briefing room, everyone but her. Since she woke up none saw her and it only broke Bucky’s heart in more little pieces if possible, he knew this was his punishment and he had yet to accept the fact she might not love him anymore.
Natasha and Tony stoop up in front of everyone, both extremely anxious.
“It’s time we talk. We need you guys to catch up with (Y/N)’s situation,” Tony spoke softly, not daring to meet Bucky’s eyes.
“She left the life three years ago as you know. What you don’t know is that before she left for good she asked Tony and me to erase her from everywhere. To give her a fresh and clean start,” Natasha continued.
“We did as best as we could, she went away. She lived in a little town where she worked as a baker and that was how much we knew. She only communicated with Romanoff, once a week.”
“That was our only condition. We promised to keep her safe and out of this world in exchange for her to let us know she was okay.” Natasha sighed, eyes searching for Bucky’s blue ones. “I can carry on from here Tony”.
“I went for her, I couldn’t keep her safe if she was not with me in these circumstances” The redhead spoke softly, still holding  Bucky’s gaze as a silent pleading for not doing anything stupid.
“When I got there I made contact. We met up, I asked her to come with me” Nat sighed and let out a chuckled. “She didn’t want to, she’s the most stubborn person in this world. But I changed her mind at the end”.
So? We all know this, tell me something I don’t know Romanoff. Bucky thought, eager in his seat to learn what was behind so much secrecy.
“I thought that the cabin was a safe and secret location, Tony was sure of it. He checked it two hours prior to our arrival. The attack was out of the blue, I didn’t expect it and (Y/N) didn’t expect it either. But she was not the target.”
All of the Avengers held still, this was something nobody could’ve foreseen. And Bucky felt how his left hand ran through his now shorter hair.
“What’re you talking about Romanoff?” Steve whispered as he was afraid to burst the secret and splash everyone with pain and sadness.
Natasha took a deep breath with her eyes closed and when she re-opened them, her stare was fixated on Bucky: how his body was all tensed up, how his expression was one that held nothing but regret, hope and apprehension.
“HYDRA wanted something else from (Y/N)” Nat noticed how Bucky almost stood up from his chair, his eyes shut down. “There was someone else with us, a kid. (Y/N)’s son”.
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forever taglist: @everythingisbeautifulposts | @rogersparkerbarnes |
ignoti nulla cupido taglist: @vicmc624 | @margaaaa30 | @gudenuph | @summb | @peaches-roses-sins | @pspice639 | @purplewcrld | @gloryekaterina | @krazykatkay456 | @fangirl-swagg | @austynparksandpizza | @4babez | @tanyaherondale | @droopingdatura​ | @loveyou5everr |
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persephonesinfernos · 3 years
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ignoti nulla cupido | part thirteen.
summary: natasha finds you once again to be able to keep her an tony’s promise to keep you safe, but how would they react when they’ll learn about the little dirty secret you have been keeping since you left bucky’s side?  
word count: 778.
pairing: bucky barnes x reader.
warnings: nope.
author’s note: feedback is always appreciated!
ignoti nulla cupido series | taglist | masterlist.
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Weeks were gone without any sign that Turner or (Y/N) were alive, that both of them got to HYDRA and saved little James. Nothing, just a dead silence that was eating alive every one of the Avengers. To say they haven’t been working their butts off was a total misunderstanding, their little secret base was fully alive 24/7 but still nothing, dead silence in each of their radars.
A dead silence that was driving Bucky mad, that was bringing him to a dark place that was abandoned years ago when he met her. A place where self-doubt and darkness were the main dishes in the daily menu that was Bucky Barnes’ life.
Weeks went by and finally, some intel stood up among all those pieces of information that only led to dead-ends, something that made Bucky’s heart to fluster with worry and happiness, a bittersweet taste in his lips.
He couldn’t remember much about how it went down, all was a distorted memory in his mind: how the whole team suited up, how they went to the quinjet as an only organism ready to do whatever it took, how Steve was always by his side or how Natasha looked more worry and afraid than other time before.
But what he remembered crystal clear and would be sealed forever in his brain was the image of Chace Turner tied up in a tree in the middle of nowhere; body a bloody mess of scars and open wounds, face so beat up that his eyes weren’t able to open up when he heard the voice of the team approaching them.
However, that was not the worst of all, what shook more Bucky was the Ipad set at his feet; (Y/N) seated in an oddly familiar chair, a piece of cloth in her mouth and another one covering her eyes after that, the image went black and letters were displayed in the screen.
You want your family? Come find them soldat.
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When Turner was able to talk again Bucky was there, Bucky was there when he explained what happened, how HYDRA set a trap for both of them, how he barely made it out alive and how he didn’t know what happened to (Y/N) or Jay.
He thought he could kill him on the spot but he didn’t, he realized his anger was not direct towards Turner but himself, he knew he was the only guilty one in that play and he had to make the next move if he wanted to be the man she fell in love with.
Consequently, he did the only thing he could’ve done, he locked himself in the tech room, he went through everything they had on HYDRA, on (Y/N), on anyone all over again until something caught his eye and he knew, he knew that this time he would not miss.
After that, he wasted no time: he geared up, he made sure nobody would discover his true intentions because this was a war he needed to fight on his own. He was not only fighting for her, for his son but for himself, for some sort of redemption that may not come from her lips.
In the darkest hours of the night he departed, his old motorbike would take him to his destination in the middle of a desert, a desert that held the only thing that could make his soul revive again, the place that held the light of his life.
His gun was held up when he stepped in the base, he felt how The Winter Soldier persona was brought alive with each step he took, with every fallen man at his feet but it didn’t matter, HYDRA was done taking things from him and if The Winter Soldier was what needed to be to preserve the warmth in his heart he was more than okay with it.
And there she was, not a single scratch in her soft and pale skin and Bucky felt how all the breath escape his lungs when her eyes were fixated in his.
“You shouldn’t have come James” her voice was a mere whisper full of terror.
“I’m done running away doll, we end this tonight” his hands placed in her jaw, the touch made her to close her eyes as tears fell from her eyes.
The last thing he was able to feel was how his lungs were flooding, how his mouth began to spit water and he learnt that it was her doing when the lips he had missed so much were pressed against his preventing him to breathe in.
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forever taglist: @everythingisbeautifulposts | @rogersparkerbarnes | @saltywolfzombie | @millennial-teenybopper | @forevernthensome |
bucky barnes fics taglist: @cruelsummer-s | @ambria​ | @torchwoodoctor​ |
ignoti nulla cupido taglist [THIS TAGLIST IS CLOSED]: @vicmc624 | @margaaaa30 | @gudenuph | @summb | @peaches-roses-sins | @pspice639 | @purplewcrld | @gloryekaterina | @krazykatkay456 | @fangirl-swagg | @austynparksandpizza | @4babez​ | @tanyaherondale​ | @droopingdatura​ | @loveyou5everr​ | @urimaginespimp​ | @nat-reads​ | @asherys-valyrion​ | @crimson-darling​ | @melrosaeparker​ | @uglyratlmao​ | @sugarpunch-princess​ | @5jacobm5​ | @catchmeupimgettingoutofhere​ | @kaitieskidmore1​ |
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persephonesinfernos · 3 years
Text
ignoti nulla cupido | part fifteen.
summary: natasha finds you once again to be able to keep her an tony’s promise to keep you safe, but how would they react when they’ll learn about the little dirty secret you have been keeping since you left bucky’s side?  
word count: 752.
pairing: bucky barnes x reader.
warnings: angst, IMPLICIT rape and abusive sexual behaviour.
author’s note: this story is approaching to the end, so prepare yourselves!
ignoti nulla cupido series | taglist | masterlist.
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All Bucky could do was holding her shivering form in his arms, pressing her body to his to give her some sort of comfort he knew she wouldn’t have until both of them will get back to the team with Jay safe and sound.
Even in her sleeping, her body continued quivering after the events that had happened just a few hours ago. Her body still smelt like sex and blood, a combination that just infuriated Barnes every time he set his eyes on the scars along her pale face and the already formed bruises along her thighs and neck.
They just tossed her away back to the cell once they were done with her, naked and motionless. And all the minutes that went by until the hold in Bucky set him free and he could reach to her felt like hours, watching her lied there trying not to cry and be strong.
Now, (Y/N)’s body was in his hold once again as his t-shirt covered her dirty skin and the tears that Bucky refused to let go when she was awake hit him with all the heaviness of his past acts and the mistakes that led them to that moment.
As the tears mixed with the dry ones in her face, Bucky couldn’t help to pull away the rebel strands of hair in her face so he could memorize her features once again; how her hair was shorter now than when she left, the little wrinkles around her eyes and the freckles along her jaw.
He tried to memorize every single detail in her skin, from the ones he could remember to the new ones that had formed over the last three years. Bucky memorized them while making up stories about how she got that little scar in her wrist or the burn mark in her right elbow, all of them involved Jay and a stupid situation in which he would try to help her cook or a playground and much enthusiasm from his son.
Sorrow invaded his heart as he thought about all those scenarios, about how normal they were, how far from the monster he fought every day to make the world a safer place and how he would have given up saving the world if that meant he could’ve been included in any of those scenes of normality and domesticity.
However, he couldn’t go back to the beginning, he couldn’t go back and try to fix his mistakes so he could have what he’d always wanted and a long-forgotten saying resurfaced from the depths of oblivion, Ignoti Nulla Cupido.
He had heard the Latin saying some years back, from the same lips that were now broken and purple when he told her for the first time about what exploded in his chest whenever she laughed and looked to the ground so nobody could see the crimson in her cheeks. Bucky remembered clearly the disbelief written across her face and the scolding tone in her voice when she told him he was a helpless dreamer, that he didn’t know anything about her to feel that way towards her and how you can’t crave something you don’t know before leaving him standing alone at the tower’s gym.
She was right, you can’t desire something you don’t know but he couldn’t help to feel that way around her since the very first day his eyes met hers. Since that day he wondered what would be to be the one she held, the one she loved every night and morning and when he got it… He lost it as soon as the written words in the sand disappeared because of the ocean, that was the way he lost her.
Ignoti Nulla Cupido, the words came back once again to him to mock him as he looked around the cell in which they were placed. Yes, the words kept teasing him because he had yearned everything about her without knowing that he already had it, without really knowing.
The grotesque situation made him laughed, he laughed so hard he could’ve sworn he was gonna pass out from oxygen deprivation.
Whipping his tears away, his gaze returned to her face and as he was about to tell her how wrong she was all those years ago, how one can desire what they don’t know, a soft childish voice startled him.
“You’re very important to her,” a pair of greyish blue orbs now locked in Bucky’s. “I’ve seen it in her mind, who are you?”.
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persephonesinfernos · 3 years
Text
ignoti nulla cupido | part one.
summary: natasha finds you once again to be able to keep her an tony’s promise to keep you safe, but how would they react when they’ll learn about the little dirty secret you have been keeping since you left bucky’s side?  
word count: 717.
pairing: bucky barnes x reader.
ignoti nulla cupido series | masterlist.
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It’s been a few years since (Y/N) left the Avengers HQ, also meaning she left Bucky behind. She could still remember the last time (Y/N) saw him, he was so angry and sad and both her screaming and his could still make her wake up in the middle of the night up to this time.
That fight, she couldn’t understand what was it about or how she and Bucky ended up in that place but it happened and once it was over, too many things were said that couldn’t be taken back. Feelings were hurt, hearts were broken and hits were taken. 
(Y/N)  just decided to leave it all behind, head back to her normal and plain life. Being in that tower made her heart ached with sorrow every time she caught his scent or walked nearby to where he was, so she just left. Left every piece of her life behind, Tony and Nat the only ones that knew about (Y/N)’s departure, promising her that they’d made everything in their power to keep her hidden and safe from anyone, including the other Avengers.
She’s been keeping in touch with both of them, especially with Nat, both females were very closed during her time with the Avengers so when she asked (Y/N) to meet up urgently, she couldn’t say no.
But seeing her back after 3 years was not what was making (Y/N) nervous, it was her dirty little secret – one she’s been keeping since a few weeks after her departure. (Y/N) knew that she would notice the subtle tell-alls of keeping something from her, (Y/N) was so screwed.
Approaching the dinner the two were going to meet, (Y/N)  could feel the clear signs of her anxiety; heart rapidly beating, sweat starting to form on her forehead, mouth dry. But, there she was, her red hair in full display for (Y/N), she was always a beauty. She slid into the front seat in the private booth and drawing a breath (Y/N) looked up to her.
“So, what it’s going on that you need to see me after all these years?” (Y/N) smiled at Natasha.
“Looking good (Y/N), I’ve missed that resting bitch face of yours” Brow quirking at her. “How’s normal and plain life treating you? Not missing our missions at all?”
“Nope, I’ve got other things to keep me excited about life”
Nat straightened up, looking directly at her (E/C) eyes. At that moment, she knew that Natasha Romanov was going to go for it, straight to the point. “Like a three-year-old?”
(Y/N) almost chocked down on her water, she was expecting anything but that. How could she know? She was sure to keep him under the radar, even from people like the Avengers.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about” (Y/N) said trying to act nonchalantly, but she shot her a glare and (Y/N) just gave in.
“Look Nat, it’s…. I found out a few weeks later after I’ve already left. My location was a secret, I was established in this town, I’ve already got a job…”
“(Y/N)… A child, a child is something important and you just happened to not mentioned it to me or Tony? We’ve been keeping you safe for all this time and knowing a child was there too would have made us do some changes in your security.” She started to sound exasperated.
“I was afraid, okay?” (Y/N) let out a groan. “You don’t understand it Nat, I couldn’t do anything, I was so fucking afraid of it. I was afraid of not being a good mom and what others would think if I came clean.”
“(Y/N)….” She whispered softly, placing both of their hands together. “Things have been happening lately with the Avengers and it only took me a few minutes to figure it out, so if I could, anyone could in any moment. This is not safe anymore.”
“Nope, I’m not leaving here. I can protect myself and James.”
Nat ran her hand through her hair, eyes showing concern for (Y/N). “Does he…. Does he know about it? About his child?”
“He said before I left that nothing ever involving me was his problem anymore, to just stay the fuck out of his life for good. So no, he does not.”
“Well, it’s time for him to know.”
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persephonesinfernos · 3 years
Text
ignoti nulla cupido | part two.
summary: natasha finds you once again to be able to keep her an tony’s promise to keep you safe, but how would they react when they’ll learn about the little dirty secret you have been keeping since you left bucky’s side?  
word count: 979.
pairing: bucky barnes x reader.
ignoti nulla cupido series | masterlist.
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Natasha was following (Y/N) close behind back to her apartment, she was tense and didn’t give much away about what was happening to the Avengers so she had to come all way across the country to take (Y/N) and her son back to a place she used to call home.
The only thing she did tell her was how she found out about James; Bucky has been severely hurt on a mission and needed to get surgery immediately, the details of the same were still blurred but the doctors ran some checks to find a perfect match for his blood since the super-soldier serum altered his DNA and James popped out.
Of course, he was in the system, he was a three-year-old and (Y/N) had to run to the ER in a few occasions, so his data was in the system. Luckily for her, only Natasha was there when it happened and she was able to conceal the information to everyone. She later informed (Y/N) that she was able to wipe all data that could tie Bucky to his son too, something she won’t be able to thank her enough.
(Y/N) stood abruptly when they reached her apartment building, nausea and worry filled her heart and she started to play with her fingers. Was James ready to all of this? Was she ready for him to meet her past life, the father of his child?
“Hey, it’ll be fine (Y/N)” Nat said grabbing her hands gently. “I’m not taking you to the compound, we’re gonna do a few stops before.”
“O-Okay” (Y/N) breathed out not looking at her.
The ex-Avenger was too anxious to wait for the elevator so she went for the stairs, her apartment located on the 7th floor but right at that moment, she needed it to burn down her stress so when (Y/N)  talked to her son she would be calm down enough.
Before opening the door (Y/N) looked back at Natasha and asked her if she was ready, she smiled as an answer and then, she proceeded to open the door. The nanny coming to them as she heard the door.
“(Y/N), I didn’t expect you so early,” She said wiping her hands with a kitchen cloth. “Jay is taking a nap at the moment, he was exhausted after we played with his Legos.”
“Thank you, Miranda” (Y/N) smiled thankfully to her. “You can go back home now, I’ll take it from here. I just hoped he didn’t give you much hell today”.
Miranda chuckled at her words, “You know, he’s an earthquake but a quiet and shy one. Today he was pretty non-talkative, but it doesn’t matter ‘cause those blue orbs are enough to understand him”.
(Y/N) felt the redhead grinning behind her, it was clear what she was thinking of or better in whom she was thinking of. Both of them said their goodbyes to Miranda as she got her stuff and walked out of the apartment.
“Okay, this is how we’re going to do this” (Y/N) started talking as the front door was closed. “You are not telling him anything, you need to follow my lead. I need to do this my way, just be friendly okay?” Nat quirked a brow to her.
“You’ll need to stay with him, distract him or take him out while I pack everything. I’m gonna need to be alone for this one Nat, you get it right?” She nodded and opened the mouth to answer her when a softly and sleepy voice was heard behind them.
“Momma?” (Y/N)’s son asked as he rubbed his eyes. “You’re home!! I missed you so much” James reached out his little arms so she would catch him and once (Y/N) complied, he rested his head in the crook of (Y/N)’s neck and kissed her in the cheek.
“Yes baby, I’m home and I brought someone with me.” James turned his head to look at Natasha and she saw it, a fucking living carbon copy of Bucky Barnes was in front of her. He had inherited some of (Y/N)’s traits but the resemblance with Bucky was scary. She needed to shake her head to break the spell.
“Hi” Bucky’s copy said shyly but with a little smile that lighted up his grey-blue eyes.
“Hi buddy, my name is Natasha but you can call me Nat. Your mommy does.” She smiled while reaching a hand to James so he could shake it.
“Hi Nat, you’re a friend of my momma?” He asked and both women exchanged some looks, not really knowing what to say.
“Yes, yes, she is honey. She’s here because we’re going on a road trip with her.” (Y/N) stepped in and answered Jay, after all, she had asked Nat to not say anything and just follow her lead.
“Really?” He asked, eyes widened looking at his mother for confirmation as she gave it to him by winking and ruffling his brown locks. “Yay,” Your son screamed while putting his little and chubby arms in the air, making both of the adults laugh.
“But I need to pack everything first, so why don’t you go out for a little bit with Nat. Maybe show your favourite spots around the neighbourhood to her?”
Jay nodded in excitement as he took Nat’s hand and headed to the front door. “Nat, give me two hours. Protect him” (Y/N) said to your best friend, she didn’t reply and she didn’t need her to. The ex-spy still could read her like a book.
As the door shut, (Y/N) collapsed to the cold floor not being able to stop the waterfalls falling from her eyes. She was terrified, terrified of what could happen to her son. Terrified about how Bucky will react when he’ll find out, terrified about what the others would think or say. She was too terrified to even remember how to breathe.
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persephonesinfernos · 3 years
Text
ignoti nulla cupido | part six.
summary: natasha finds you once again to be able to keep her an tony’s promise to keep you safe, but how would they react when they’ll learn about the little dirty secret you have been keeping since you left bucky’s side?  
word count: 786.
pairing: bucky barnes x reader.
warnings: angst, angst, angst.
author’s note: one more step closer to bucky and reader facing each other, are you guys ready?
ignoti nulla cupido series | taglist | masterlist.
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Bucky, Steve and Natasha entered together, together they walked towards the medical bay where shouting was heard. Bucky felt like a robot, it felt like his Winter Soldier years.
He was able to see and feel everything around him but his movements felt like another’s, as if he was trapped in his own body. Only one word replaying in his head and it was her name, the name of the person who gave him the whole word and dragged him from the darkness in his soul.
“There’s no pulse,” he heard Tony said as the three of them made the way into the medical bay. “There’s no pulse, c’mon kiddo. You can’t do this to me, you hear me?” Iron Man’s voice was shaking and full of terror.
Natasha grabbed Bucky’s hand, interlacing their fingers. The warmth radiating from her hand made Bucky snap out of his own thoughts and suddenly made him aware of what’s going on.
How (Y/N) was dying, how maybe this was his fault because he was the cause of her disappearing. How this was the first time in years that Natasha and he were sharing the same emotions, and how they needed each other at this moment.
“If you immerse her in freezing water her healing process will fasten,” Bucky didn’t know he spoke up until everyone stopped what they were doing and looked his way. Even then it didn’t feel like it was his voice.
Tony quickly fille the tube which became red in a few seconds. Natasha held Bucky’s hand even tighter if possible while watching the exchange.
“We need to do something more, Tony. We’re losing her, look at her face,” Bruce spoke softly as he moved a few locks of (Y/N)’s hairs out of her face.
Bucky started walking towards where they were, feeling something similar to jealousy looking at Tony and Bruce taking care of her, it was something that was once only reserved for him. But before he could make it Steve stopped him and looked his way with a pleading look.
Tony hovered over (Y/N)’s body with a needle in his hand “Romanoff, please.”
The redhead let go of Bucky’s hand and positioned herself next to her best friend, holding her upper body down the water.
“On three, okay?” Tony let out a heavy sigh. “C’mon Waterfall, you can’t leave me like this. Don’t you dare do this to me, to die on me. I got a new prototype that’s run by water and I kept doing upgrades until you came back, I need that brain of yours.”
Then Tony pushed the needle straight to (Y/N)’s heart, not hesitation on his movements. Everyone stopped breathing, focusing on her body, expecting any kind of reaction.
Seconds, minutes passed and no change was perceived. Bucky had to hold himself to one of the metal tables so he wouldn’t fall to the ground. Natasha was still holding her not daring to move and Tony stumbled backwards until his back hit the wall, hand on his head trying to suppress the tears on the verge of his eyes.
What nobody noticed was how the water in the tube had become ice and a little crack was making its way from (Y/N)’s feet to her heart. A loud gasp was heard as all the ice shattered and move upwards the ceiling. (Y/N)’s body went up too, eyes wide open and arms searching for something to anchor herself to.
Bucky’s hold got tighter and made the table split into two halves when he noticed that she came back from oblivion, maybe this was God’s, or whoever was up there, way of letting redeem himself.
“(Y/N), breather, (Y/N)” Natasha screamed as she held (Y/N) down. “You’re safe now, breathe”.
But (Y/N) couldn’t breathe, she kept gasping for air as she held for dear life to Natasha's arms. Her eyes started to become red, her veins were bursting from the effort and she kept searching the room for something, for someone.
The frozen water that was still just above Natasha and (Y/N) became liquid abruptly and fell down soaking both best friends. It eased (Y/N), her grip on Natasha loosened and took a deep breath of air.
“Ja-Ja… “ Her voice was soared and full of anxiety and it made Bucky’s heart to dissever.
“Shh, just closed your eyes and rest. You’re gonna be fine, we’re going to resolve this mess” Natasha hushed calmly as she took (Y/N)’s hair out of her beaten up face.
Before she could fully close her eyes and succumb to slumber, she searched fanatically once again the room. Her eyes fixated on a well-known pair of grey-blue orbs that made her cry as she whispered I’m sorry.
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forever taglist: @everythingisbeautifulposts​​ | @rogersparkerbarnes​​ |
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persephonesinfernos · 3 years
Text
ignoti nulla cupido | part three.
summary: natasha finds you once again to be able to keep her an tony’s promise to keep you safe, but how would they react when they’ll learn about the little dirty secret you have been keeping since you left bucky’s side?  
word count: 1173.
pairing: bucky barnes x reader.
author’s note: shit starts to get real so be prepared.
ignoti nulla cupido series | masterlist.
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A week has passed since the little impromptu road trip started, it seemed that Nat had all the time of the world to get to the Avenger’s Compound. Something that really stroke a nerve within (Y/N) because, if there was an imminent danger, why would she take so long to get there?
After all, she had made her come out in the clear after three years. (Y/N) was now in the real world, the safety that the bubble the town she was living in provided no longer existed. Both mother and child were out in the clear, a much bright and scary world than what she remembered.
There had been multiple stops along the way to the west coast: dinners, museums, amusement parks, Nat took care of all. She and James became friends surprisingly fast earning the aunt tittle in a matter of days.
It astounded (Y/N) how good Nat was with her son giving the fact that his father and her sometimes didn’t even look at each other’s way, or at least that was how it was back then.  Seeing her with James did bring back thoughts she’d pushed back to the deepest corners of her mind.
How would it be like if she had returned when she found out she was pregnant? Would that have changed anything between Bucky and her? Maybe it could, maybe if (Y/N) had come back Bucky would have loved her again, lots of maybes running wildly through her restless mind.
But what (Y/N) did know for sure was that she couldn’t force anything into Bucky, that she wouldn’t let a kid fix them both. No, she had seen that before, how parents got together again if they were expecting and that never ended up well. After all, she has been that child once in her life and she would not put that burden upon her baby’s shoulders.
Natasha stopped the car near a wood breaking her course of though. (Y/N) looked through the window, it didn’t look very welcoming. “Where are we at Nat?”
“We’re spending the night here, there’s a cabin just at the shore’s lake. Maybe do some fishing, a campfire, get the whole camping in the woods experience?” She stated jovially looking at Jay that couldn’t look more delighted.
“Okay” She just responded as she got off the car getting to James. “You and I are gonna have a talk, real talk Russian redhead once he’s out in bed” (Y/N) whispered to Natasha as her son ran to the cabin.
“Okay mamma” She chuckled “I see you master that motherly tone (Y/N/N) and it just makes you even scarier than before.”
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“What’s going on? For real this time, so don’t you dare give me a fucking excuse this time” (Y/N) spat back to Nat when she was sure her son was deeply asleep inside the cabin.
“Nothing’s going on, I just want to spend some quality time with my best friend. The best friend I haven’t seen in almost four years and get to know her son before we get to the Compound and all hell breaks loose.” She said back nonchalantly but(Y/N) didn’t buy it, she was nervous. She seemed to be on alert as if she was expecting something to happen at any given moment.
“Nat, if you don’t tell me right now was goin…” (Y/N) couldn’t finish as an explosion was heard and both of them were thrown a few miles ago due to the blast.
(Y/N) couldn’t hear anything, but she stood up and ran to the cabin screaming her only son’s name. She didn’t see Nat running behind her as she pulled out a gun but she did felt her hand grabbing her wrist as she was about to enter the house.
“(Y/N), stop. You can’t go in there, it could be a trap” Everything sounded distorted and distant.
“My son is in there Nat, what the hell?” She said trying to break free, but she was stronger than her. All those years without training had their effects on (Y/N).
“Dammit, this was supposed to be a safe location” She let go of her as she surveyed the area. “Okay, I’m gonna get in there with you. I hope you’re not rusty because I got a feeling that your abilities are going to be very much needed.” She handed her a gun and smiled softly to her, motioning to get into the cabin.
Everything was clear, no sign of James. (Y/N)  started to panic, she couldn’t breathe, her son was gone. She did this, she let Nat dragged both of them off of their perfect plain and boring life and she was paying the consequences now.
“Mom” (Y/N) heard James cry out for help, making both of them bolt towards the sound.
“Shut up stupid boy” A man said as he slapped James across his cheek as his tears became to grow in size.
“Don’t touch him or you will die” A gun was pointed towards his head.
“Oh, (Y/N) (Y/L/N). Finally, I get to see you, you’re looking good” An evil smirk forming in his face. “Natasha, thank you so much for bringing them to me. I really thought you were better than this, a better agent, a better spy but looks like you screwed it up.”
Nat launched herself forwards this man but she was knocked out in a matter of seconds, (Y/N)’s eyes widened in fear not knowing how he achieve that.
“What do you want? Just leave him out of this, he’s just a kid.” She smiled at Jay while she walked towards them. “Take me instead, I’ll do anything you want me to.” (Y/N) could feel it inside of her, how it was bubbling in her chest, the feeling foreign to her after much time.
“Sorry doll, not happening” The nickname made her gag as she realized it, he was HYDRA. “I want him, his DNA is a perfect and unique combination of what you’re able to do and what we did to his father. He’ll be a fantastic new fist of HYDRA when he’ll grow up.”
James stopped crying when the man mentioned his father and looked between both of them. It broke her heart, she had never told him anything about Bucky.
“Over my dead body” (Y/N) said between clenched teeth as the water from the lake began to rise and form a mass.
“Well, if you insist” The man was suddenly behind her, taking advantage of this he hit her in the head making her fell to the dirty ground, blood dripping from her forehead.
(Y/N)  pulled all her strength and crawled to where Jay was still but the man grabbed her hair and tossed her around. “Bye doll, send my dearest regards to the Winter Soldier.” He demanded as his foot covered in a military boot made contact with (Y/N)’s head followed by a blade inserted near her heart.
The last thing (Y/N) heard was her son, her three-year-old son yelling desperately for her to take him home.
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persephonesinfernos · 3 years
Text
now, you know | part one.
summary: based on the prompt “I was the one who was always there, not them.”
word counting: 882.
pairing: bucky barnes x reader.
wanings: angst, unrequired love. 
now you know masterlist | masterlist.
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Giggles were heard above the loud music, feminine giggles that signalled that she wanted something more from the night and (Y/N) couldn't help but groan as her forehead touched the bar counter and Sam slid another shot of tequila.
"You need to stop this, I mean, look at you" He said in a sweet tone while patting her shoulder.
Looking up to him, she couldn't help to slur her words as her hand was used as a supporter for her heavily intoxicated head "Why is he doing that? I get it, he hasn't had any action in over 50 years but..."
Sam just laughed at her, he watched intently as she struggled to find the right words to express what was eating her alive but it wasn't necessary, Wilson already knew what was all about.
"Pff, look at him" (Y/N) sighed as she turned around in the barstool so she could observe the guy with the icy blue orbs.
"(Y/N), your ogling and he's gonna find out" Sam tried to tear (Y/N)'s eyes from the former assassin but it was as trying to move a brick wall.
Bucky Barnes was oblivious about what his two teammates were doing as Wilson decided to pick up (Y/N) and carried her through the party to the balcony so he would be out of eyesight for (Y/N).
He was just too focus on the blonde in front of him, her golden locks were brushing his face anytime she came closer to his frame or when her lips would ghost his jaw in a teasing way. Yes, that was the only way to call it, a tease, she was a fucking tease and it got Bucky on edge anytime she would swing her lips in a display for him to witness but he was not the only one witnessing what was happening between both of them.
(Y/N) was watching everything from her spot in the balcony entrance as she gulped down another tequila, she was too drunk to care anymore about what the bystanders were murmuring as they observed her tears fell freely down her cheeks as Bucky, the man she was infatuated with would do anything except for looking her way or speak to her.
It didn't matter that Sam and Natasha were there trying to pacify her soul and mind, mumbling things about how Bucky didn't really care about all those beautiful women that had been coming and going for the past weeks or how he was just trying to feel normal again and that he would be back to being her best friend again in a blink of an eye.
It didn't matter because she'd heard of those same words over and over again from them, from Wanda, from Steve but Bucky kept doing just the same and (Y/N) couldn't help to think that maybe she was just someone who Bucky needed in his darkest nights to erase the tightness in his chest and once it all faded away, she would just become a reminder of that time.
And maybe she did but that didn’t give him any right to just kick her to the curb and act as if she was nothing, as she wasn’t the one that spends countless night easing his inner demons and worst nightmares as if she wasn’t the one that truly loves him.
Her glass full of liquor fell as her eyes watched how Bucky kissed the blonde, such dedication and passion in his movements, in the way he was holding her close to him that made her gag at the sight.
Thinking no more, she strode towards where the pair was in her way out of the big room the party was held. Bumping her shoulder harshly against Bucky’s large frame she made sure that Bucky would see her, would see her red and puffy eyes as well as her ruined make-up all over her face but what she wanted more than anything was for Bucky to see her broken soul because of his doing.
And Bucky did, he saw everything she wanted to and more. So he ran after her, chasing her as her name spilt from his lips in worry but that didn’t stop her, only his touch did when he grabbed her elbow gently.
“What happened (Y/N)?”
“You” She scoffed at his unconsciousness. “You and your little friend back at the party, you and all your past friends parading their looks and the after-sex glow.”
Bucky’s eyes widened at her words, he thought that she would be happy for him but maybe it was a misunderstanding, “Wait, are you jealous?”
“Of course I am, I was the one who was by your side and now you’ve ditched me, so of course I am.”
Her eyes glistered with unformed tears and something Bucky couldn’t place but he had a feeling he was about to discover it.
“Of course I am because while you’re fucking a different girl every week, I’m still in the same place. I’m still stuck watching you from afar, I’m still stuck waiting for you to come back, I’m still here loving you.”
Her words made Bucky’s grip to loosen, giving her the perfect opportunity to run away from him and her feelings, hoping that the midnight rain would wash away her persona.
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persephonesinfernos · 3 years
Text
now, you know | part two.
summary: based on the prompt “I was the one who was always there, not them.”
word counting: 836.
pairing: bucky barnes x reader.
wanings: angst, unrequired love.
now you know masterlist | masterlist.
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Bucky stood in the middle of the pouring rain, his heart aching with fear and worry at not finding her and he knew he was the one to blame.
He’s been too focus in trying to be the old Bucky that he didn’t realize that the old Bucky was long gone, that the person that welcomed him every morning was someone else, someone that he needed to breathe, to just live.
Bucky Barnes wasn’t aware that in the pursuit of his old persona, (Y/N) had spilt from his fingers as the drops that were now falling from his long locks that covered his eyesight. He was blind, as he has been lately.
But as tragic as it might sound, we don’t know what we have until we lost it and Barnes was the latest victim to the old saying and know, he was as lost as his heart.
With no clue about where to go in search for her, Barnes decided on going back inside to the party but his black velvet tuxedo was now heavy and ruined. The girl he was making out with minutes ago was suddenly a bimbo, a pretty face but nothing that could really warm his bed anymore.
Back at the core of the party, he couldn’t feel more out of place: everything seemed dull to his eyes, the lights were no bright anymore, the music was hideous to his ears and the people that surrounded him were just mere bodies that will no longer be side to side to him.
Luckily for him, a friendly hand was placed at his shoulder and began guiding him towards his own bedroom. Someone who had witnessed every single step of the stormy relationship between both loving souls, a man that wanted nothing more to see his friends happy for once in all.
“Okay Barnes, ditch the clothes and the defeated aura.” Wilson said face-to-face now.
Bucky could only nod, his mind still in a foggy state regarding all the late-night revelations.
“Tomorrow, tomorrow you speak to hear and fix this nonsense.”
And tomorrow came, with fresh new air and soft drops of rain covering the grass behind the compound where Bucky found her.
She was sitting in the wet grass, not caring that her legs would get cold behind her dress. Her hair was untied, flowing freely in the morning air but what made Bucky’s heart to beat faster was her eyes: her eyes always looked more vibrant and brighter in the morning, the colour of her eyes had always been Barnes’ favourite colour but it wasn’t until last night that he didn’t realize why.
“Think well your words before you speak up because this is the only opportunity I’m giving you” Her voice was soft and strong, her eyes not looking at Bucky.
“I… I don’t really know what to say (Y/N)” His hand scratching the back of his neck, a nervous tick that (Y/N) used to make fun of.
“Then this is pointless, I don’t know why I listened to Sam” She stood up, her eyes resting in Bucky’s frame but before she could walk past him, Barnes stopped her.
“Don’t leave yet, please” He’s begging but he didn’t care anymore. “I know I messed up, I know I neglected you in the past weeks and nothing that I can say or do would make up for it. But don’t shut me down doll.”
“You did that yourself” This time he was able to see her eyes, her eyes full of despair.
“You just leave me hanging there, not caring about what we shared all those late nights when neither of us couldn’t sleep because of the horrors that we’d committed in the past. You didn’t care anymore, you just wanted a good lay with anyone that could give it to you and that was the kind of connection you searched, not mine James.”
Bucky Barnes didn’t know what to say, he knew she was right but who could blame him? After all the tortuous years he spent with HYDRA, he was more than afraid of a deeper connection that could break him more that HYDRA did.
“I was trying to…”
“Yes, you did. I know exactly what you were trying to do because I did too, but if you’ve just come to me I would have told you that it never works in the end, but you didn’t.” She said angrily this time, she was done with caring.
“You know why? Because I know you James, I’ve been there through mostly everything so I knew what you needed. You searched for someone to warm your bed and maybe, hopefully, your soul and heart once again; somebody that could make you feel like James Buchanan Barnes again but let me guess, it never came right?” (Y/N) raised her head now looking at him, a sad smile in her lips as she saw Bucky speechless.
“And why do I know this? Because I was the one who was always there, not them.”
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now, you know tag list: @learisa​ | @all-art-is-quite-useless​ | @bloodyproudpotterhead​ | @cleverexperthologram​
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persephonesinfernos · 3 years
Text
have this moment forever | drabble.
summary: based on the prompt “you’re cute when you’re sick”.
pairing: bucky barnes x reader.
word count: 793.
author’s note: hey babes, it’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted something and I’m so so sorry but life’s been hectic but fear no more! I’m prepping a new series to start next week, so stay around.
masterlist.
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(Y/N)’s been feeling a bit sick these past few days and even though she’s been doing anything in her power to not fell sick, all her attempts were in vain.
(Y/N) hated being sick, all her badass and tough persona disappeared every time it happened and she became a dorky and needy person. She could take care of herself or others anytime but no if she was sick.
Bucky, of course, loved it when (Y/N) was sick. It was the perfect opportunity to really take care of her, ‘cause she would let him. Besides, she would complain about everything and would only want to cuddle on the bed until she was perfectly sane.
He loved seeing her so vulnerable, he loved teasing (Y/N) about it and how her lips would form a pout asking him to just lay down on the bed and to hug her. He loved her, there was no denying in it. But those feelings were increased whenever (Y/N) was ill, not because he was concern about her – that he was – but also because her façade was down and usually, he was the only one able to show the real (Y/N), the child still present in her.
So when she woke up coughing and sweating he knew. He knew that she was ill, the flu? It didn’t matter because it meant that she was going to put on some sweatpants, one of his t-shirts, do her hair in a messy bun and staying in watching Netflix while drinking lots of tea.
Bucky got up and on to his daily routines knowing that for the first hours of (Y/N) waking up would be hell, she would be angry and would snap at anything said to her. Even if someone just was breathing around her.
When he finished doing his training and running some errands, Bucky walked to your shared room with a cup of hot green tea, two spoons of brown sugar. Just the way you loved it, it was almost boiling so he used his metal arm to carry the cup.
“Hey doll, how are you feeling?” (Y/N) was seated on the floor, her eyes were red as well as her nose.
“I felt better, but now I’m really good.” She tried to smile to him but got caught in the middle of a sneeze.
Bucky chuckled softly at her. He took a seat next to (Y/N), passing her the cup. She started to drink it, a stray of hair was loose so Bucky just tucked it behind her ear. (Y/N) smiled thankfully at him and just scooted closer, pressing her side to him trying to get as much warm as Bucky’s body would allow. 
“Thank you for taking care of me James” Bucky’s heart went crazy. That was her way of telling him that she loved him, use his first name. (Y/N) went to kiss him, lips brushing and then she sneezed.
Bucky got up and just shook his head looking at her with loving eyes. Taking his phone out, he started to film her. It took a few minutes for (Y/N) to realize what he was doing but when she figured it out, hell broke loose.
“What the hell Bucky?” She shouted walking towards him as Bucky backed away from her, still filming everything. “Why are you doing this?” (Y/N) asked softly, a pleading tone in her voice, already giving him the puppy eyes.
“I just want to have this moment forever, and you know how bad my memory is. So….” He teased her, knowing (Y/N) would say nothing regardless of his memory subject.
She groaned loudly and lunched to him, trying to grab the phone. Bucky laughing was able to move the phone away from her and just kissed her cheek. (Y/N) stopped in her tracks, he just knew what to do to make her legs go all wobbly. She just couldn’t resist him, especially if she was ill.
“Okay, fine. But drop the damn phone and come cuddling.” Both her arms on her hips, trying to look intimidating. But that only made Bucky laugh even louder, how could she be intimidating? Her hair was a mess, a mess in a not so cute and sophisticate messy bun and she was wearing these old sweatpants and a t-shirt too big for her.
“Nope, I’m just going to stay here and observe you doll.”
“Geez, you’re unbearable. Can’t deal with this right now” (Y/N) whisper-screamed glaring at Bucky as she spun in her heels and went for the bed, mouthing swearing words and groans.
“C’mon love, it’s that you’re so cute when you’re sick.” Bucky screamed as he put his phone down and went towards her so both of them could cuddle for the rest of the day.
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persephonesinfernos · 3 years
Text
now, you know masterlist.
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summary: based on the prompt “I was the one who was always there, not them.”
pairing: bucky barnes x reader.
wanings: angst, unrequired love [see each chapter for invidual warnings].
author’s note: okay, so here we go again! three part story, hope you like it guys.
status: completed | 03rd december 2020.
part one | part two | part three
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masterlist.
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