#there is no public transportation. just this stupid

[a4g]

Can I be vulnerable or will I get shot to death bullet nasty bullets

#I’m so lonely I hate the suburbs there is no gatherings for connections and I have yet to get my license #I feel like ripping my hair out #I’m so lonely. no one is ever outside #it’s just shopping .working or home #there is no gatherings besides churches #and religion is really really bad for me mentally. sorry #I can’t participate. I’m also queer #but I could hide that but I wouldn’t connect to anyone #might as well eat at a McDonald’s while watching people pass by #I didn’t stay connected to any of my friends at school cause I didn’t share intrests or humor #and I was underdeveloped . as a person #I’m so behind and I’m so lonely I want out I want out #there is no public transportation. just this stupid #bare necessities. a park. a River. and endless housing. #no side walks. like max 3 benches . excluding the SINGEL SMALL AREA . for performances #doesn’t count #been there for like centuries #I feeel like crying. or jumping offf the nearby bridge over the river #I want to be independent. #but I need my license. which requires me to have free time. and for my parents to have free time. and to find a slot in the crowded dmv #and for me to not mess up #and I need a job #I don’t want to do collage. I don’t . well I do. but I don’t know WHAT I FUCKING WANT #I HAVE NO BASE FOR WHAT ANYTHING IS #THIS JUST FEELS LIKE A SECOND HIGH SCHOOL #I DONT KNOW WHAT JOB I WANT #I WANNA WORK AT A FUCKING WALMART OR SOMETHING #PLEASE #just . let me work . somewhere #I’ll hate it I know but I feel so stagnet

[greencarnation]

How do I keep this dying plant alive?

I think it's an African Violet but I'm not 100% sure. It was a bit lopsided and wonky when I got it but since then it's gotten worse and lost a ton of leaves. I don't know what's wrong. Maybe it's the cold?

Any and all advice welcome because I don't know how to take care of plants like at all

#i got it at a fundraiser thing last week #and then carried though a protest and like 3 hours of public transport #so maybe it got knocked up a bit then? #or it could just be bad conditions #but if it's the cold how do i fix that? #i cant afford heating bills for me let alone a plant #maybe a little hot air thing i put next to it #it could be lack of light maybe #it is by a window but its just been rain and gray all week #or am i watering it wrong #help #plants #gardening #horticulture #how am i meant to be a hot plant dad if i csnt even keep this little guy alive #i am emotionally attached to this stupid plant #it was a palestine fundraiser and watching the it die is fucking depressing #i cant even help the stupid plant

[pepprs]

mutuals. i am going to see the national touring production of the company revival. in chicago.

#purrs #it’s $23 for a ticket and it’s blocks away from where the conference hotel is. im going to SOB. im going to lose my fucking mind. im shaking #i just bought the ticket. im going to see it by myself. im going to go see it and im going to ….. oh my god. OH MY GOD. km going to travel #there by train. by myself. oh my goddddd oh my god. maybe im jumping the gun but oh my god. #this is going to fix me. i am going to watch britney coleman sing being alive and it’s going to fix me. #im kinda stupid for buying a ticket before ive like. made plans with other people who will be going there but. AHHHHHH #this will be the biggest bravest thing ive ever done. ive never been on public transportation in a city by myself before. ive never gone to #a thing by myself like this that’s on such a big scale. but im going to do it and im going to live and be happy. #like this is fucking crazy. i didn’t ask for permission before doing it i just did it. oh my goddddd

[citrinide]

Tjats a new one to add to the therapy conversations huh

#oh hey the thing I literally said was probably the issue was the issue and *I* fixed it look at that #but yes we definitely need to go through the process of forking over these to a store thatll literally just #tell you the exact fucking thing I did with a high ass price tag #because you personally are so shit with technology and refuse to believe I'm actually right about ANYTHING. #My phone is fine. Sucks for you that youre the only one experiencing problems (that i fixed. because you put it in too loosely.) #but this is literally none of our issue. #also how fucking stupid do you have to be to look at your comp sci major child WHO LIVES NOWHERE NEAR CAMPUS AND HAS NO OTHER WSY TO COMMUNI #CATE and go 'yeah Im sure you dont need your phone for your ~6 away from home and with public transport :)' #LIKE ARE YOU ACTUALLY THIS FUCKING STUPID??? #AN ISSUE THAT I FIXED SO EASILY. AND YOU'RE DOUBLING DOWN TO THIS DEGREE INSTEAD OF ADMITTING YOU JUMPED THE SHARK #cecil.fm #ours work perfectly fine now that i fixed it 'yeah well im still going to need your phones >:( also remove your lock >:(' #be honest. are you just mad you dont have an 'acceptable' excuse to go through my shit anymore because im an adult? #because i. yknow. kinda fucking need it FOR on campus communication. emails to staff dont just manifest out of nowhere #i cant just telepathically convey information to my group project partners who may not even be ON campus #i can NOT WAIT to get the fuck out of here oh my god #need a tea or smth tmrrw jfc.

[nerdie-faerie]

A whole hoard of teenagers just got on the bus in which is definitely their lunch break, and they all piled on in the back. The bus driver reminded them their was no vapimg allowed on the bus, and one of the replied 'okey dokey'

#public transport #they all just filed on in unorganised chaos but all managed to cram themselves in the back together with no drama #one guy got off while they were getting on and another guy switched from his double seat to a single so he wouldnt get sat by one #teenagers get a bad rap and they were definitely skipping but they were all pretty polite they havent been shouting or screaming #theres no tiktok playing they didnt make a fuss about the assumption that theyd be stupid enough to vape on the #bus and even had a dorky lil response that there was no sniggering about from the others like :( how sweet its obvious the rest of the #adults are apprehensive of them but theyre being well behaved and just enjoying the festive season theyve probably got exams #theyve been studying for one of them is one of the kids i used to work with but he quit before starting college

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i have to drive to the big city tomorrow morning... which is... #itll b fine. ive done it multiple times before so itll b fine #but also everytime i have to drive somewhere im a sobbing mess bc its so scary #and i space out which is terrifying so i have to sing and talk to myself the whole time so my brain doesnt drift too far #and i dont kno how long i have to b there or if ill b able to find parking... #i just hate is so much. literally its not a far trip. if we have a fucking working train system there would b a train between our two #universities and it would b like 30min. such fucking bullshit. that would b incredible. i would actually b able to go places #fuck the lack of public train transportation. its stupid. #at least i was busy all day. its crazy how much less terrible my day is when im in a semi empty lab working with algae #hopefully i didnt kill the culture bc i had to transfer immediately after making media. i think it cooled enough but well see #fuck. i dont wanna drive. i should sleep so im not more insane tomorrow #its crazy how distorted i get abt driving. i will convince myself that my car is gonna like fall apart while im driving #and that im absolutely going to have an accident caused by me. so i get up like ok this is where it all ends #in a smear across the highway #oh god i have to get gas tomorrow too #thry recommended i get there at 9 but maybe ill get there 8.30 and just like sit in my car crying for half an hour #lol i turn up to the lab with tear stained cheeks like hey sorry if it seemed like i was resistant to coming down here. im very unwell ✌️ #bleh. lets not think abt it. dont think just do. and pray i dont have to fucking go multiple days #my reward for success is no spring break bc a stressful project will begin this weekend #but im not even sure i have spring break bc im a lab tech so i think mayne thats not a loss? idk i dont kno #when im supposed to b working or not. it doesnt matter. my tine sheets r a lie #time sheets :-P #unrelated

[thetriangletattoo]

.

#i just walked under the sun for fifteen minutes to go print the thesis graphics #only to walk another fifteen minutes to go back home and find out i made three incredibly stupid mistakes and I'll have to go back there #I'll go tomorrow when there no public transport strike <3

[waugh-bao]

*

#this is just not my week #turns out I’m allergic to my best friend’s laundry detergent #and we washed all of my clothes in it before I left Taiwan #so now I have to rewash them here and hope it’ll fix the problem/stop making me want to rip my own skin off #the pope is coming to Lisbon AND World Youth Day is happening here #so the city is an actual circus #to the extent you can’t use public transport #meaning I have to walk 1 hour each way to the University for my classes #which start tomorrow #(that’s going to be a whole different hell because my reading and writing are higher than my speaking in Portuguese to a stupid degree) #the gym I’m using is a 35 minute walk away because the one that is 6 minutes away was going to charge me €102 for a month #and #like always #jet lag has rendered me basically unable to eat #because I’m just constantly nauseous #experience says I will be probably until next Monday too #yay #not the stones #me stuff

[flowersforvax]

Since we're currently making shit that's not about Elon Musk about Elon Musk (Glass Onion) may I steer your attention to Rainbow's song Stargazer? It's about a wizard

Where is your star? //Is it far, is it far, is it far?// When do we leave?// Hey, I believe, I believe // In the heat and the rain // With whips and chains

//Just to see him fly //

Too many die //

We build a tower of stone// With our flesh and bone //To see him fly //But we don't know why //Ooh, now where do we go

And then the wizard falls to his fucking death 🥲 we love a happy ending

Except of course people still fucking suffered

We believed, we believed, we believed

In heat and rain // With the whips and chains //To see him fly //So many died //We built a tower of stone// With our flesh and bone //To see him fly

But why

In all the rain

With all the chains

Did so many die

Just to see him fly

#fuck elon musk #did i personally care for twitter? not really #am i aware that his stupid decision negatively impacted millions of people whose livelihood depended on twitter? yes. that. #also his stupid loop bullshit or whatever it was called that was just a smokescreen to keep public transport from getting funds #fucking parasite #flowers talks #flowers talks music #that's a new tag #my metal journey

[sonego]

i can't cry even if i'd rly need it bc i've been repressing/suppressing (idk english) the tears alllllll day as not to worry my mum and now she's sleeping but the gates of my eyes are closed 🧍

#i dont think any of this is coherent or correct english. but anyway #i'm sooooo stressed? anxious? cause the buses schedules and routes changed #but it's a mess bc ✨️italian public transport✨️ and i don't KNOW what fucking schedule the bus i take to work uses now #like today i only managed to take the bus in time bc i went to the bus stop 25 minutes earlier than the supposed time #bc anxiety lmao #and the bus arrived at a TOTALLY RANDOM time 2 minutes later ??????? #no fucking clue why it arrived at that time cause it's not written anywhere #stupid fucking town stupid fucking azienda trasporti milanesi #so tomorrow morning i'm just gonna go to the bus stop rly early and take the first bus that arrives lol i'm so #imagine knowing your bus schedule 😹😹😹😹😹 that's so funny #anyway am also STRESSED and TIRED once again bc back pain #i don't UNDERSTAND what's going on w my back rn and i rly rly hate it #and i wanna chew glass #ok enough complaining. back to being silly abt sports

[munamania]

started my period that’s so funny i haven’t even been experiencing the symptoms

#other than the homicidal tendencies i guess. #like for example do you know how stupid people have been on the bus lately. it’s not weird to sit next to a stranger. on public #transportation. you are crowding the aisles you are so stupid!!!!!!!! #like when it’s really crowded and we could maybe squeeze more people if others would just SIT or at least we’d have more room #but even yesterday it was litchrally like. so empty it just so happened there was someone sitting at almost every window seat #and this group just stood. and then anyone else who got on stood bc what are they gonna do #you are so fuckimg dumb can’t you think about bus etiquette for two seconds. #abby talks

[ohnoitsthebat]

I don't think I can be online much today. I'm a mess right now. What I thought was a minor car problem is now looking like a major one.

#i am just. so tired. #i am an anxious crying mess right now #i thought that when we got a newer car we would have less problems #and really this is the first problem we've had since buying it 2 years ago #and maybe this is nothing #but i just have this dreaded feeling in the pit of my stomach #if it's the transmission i am fucked #i don't have over $400 for it #and the part is no longer under warranty #i'm just a mess right now #i know this is stupid and i know i'm being ridiculous #my mom already told me that #i just don't know what i'll do #i can't take public transport because i live in the middle of fucking nowhere #and have no friends to help me out #fml #y'all can ignore this #bat.txt #to delete later

[pepprs]

ok so updates w more detail now that i have a little more time to think / write it out. ik it’s silly / tmi to do this on tumblr dot com but whatever lol

i am 90% sure im going to rhode island for a conference in october. this one ive known about for a while and it’s not a big deal bc im not presenting or anything and i’ll know a lot of ppl there and the topic / contrnt / theme is completely in my wheelhouse so i will not be alone and i’ll be in the know abt stuff. lole

i am… 60% sure im going to chicago for a conference in november. and presenting. and i’ll be the only one from my team there. and this will be at a huge like… convention type thing in a field that is not mine and i won’t know anyone there except the other delegation members who will likely all be from the same department. it’s 5 days (!!!) and idk if i’ll be there the whole time but i kinda want to be even if most of it won’t be relevant to me bc.. like id be going alone bc everyone wants me to develop confidence and stuff and realize i can do it and represent us independently. and i want that. but im also fucking terrified in part bc this would be my first time traveling independently since brighton (so like in almost 4 yrs lol). also i have been to chicago before (in 2018 for a different conference) so im scared to like. revisit that. but also excited. like what if i meet someone? but what if im being pushed into this or pushed away? idk and now i can’t focus or articulate myself well bc there’s too much noise and everyone is trying to talk to me (i need to actually be doing work b it im typing this instead bc im freaking the fuck out over all these developments lol). anyways

also…….. i am……. 60% sure i am going to. take a graduate level course this semester. on mondays from 4:30-7. and then apply to be part of that masters program it’s in starting in the spring and ahve that class + a possible winter class count towards the credits. and it would take me 3 yrs to finish the masters. i don’t want one for the sake of havign one and i REALLY don’t want to be in the hell of being torn away from work and self care to do school stuff. but i need a masters degree and have had my eye on this program since i was a sophomore in undergrad and it seems kinda meant to be a little bit. and i get 100% tuition remission bc i work here LOLLLLL so it’ll be completely free which is huge!!!!! and it’s like why the fuck not if i have this opportunity but also im so scared and idk if im cut out for grad school due to my mental illness (unironically lol). help

also i switched desks this week and now i sit where my old supervisor (and my new supervisor / her successor LMAO) sat and this one colleague i have in a different dept who is the sweetest person EVER keeps commenting on it and saying im my old supervisors protege and that im the new her and. it’s making me want to scream a little bit but idk if it’s in a good way or bad way

#im so overstimulated rn so i STILL can’t fully articulate my thoughts well or lay out all the dimensions of why all of this is fucking #insane and it’s taking me so long to type bc of my stupid thumb and all the typos i have to correct 💀 but yeah. i am ummmm kinda becoming #an it girl here maybe and also a jet setter and idk what the fuck that means or is going to do to me. im scared but also excited and hopeful #but also mainly scared. lawl 💖 #purrs #lol actually nvm abt the shuttle thing i just realized it won’t be at the right stop for another hour and a half after class lets out 🤪 i #love the state of public transportation in this country it’s so epic and awesome and not flawed at all

[cosmojjong]

i know i should be driving but why does it scare the hell out of me

#ive had my driving license for four years or something now and i still get scared #also here theres a high percentage of accidents #it's not that i am not responsible i just get very conscious when driving and i think it has to do with my ocd #i am very attentive and careful when driving but i still feel uneasy though i cannot take public transport my whole life #mainly because i live in a rural area where buses don't pass as much so i need to drive to be independent #i remember how they almost didn't let me sit the exam because they knew i have certified ocd #idk what to do and how to overcome this fear #because my town is small but once i get out it's crowded and full of cars speeding up #i feel so childish and stupid even being this fearful after such a long time

[nerdie-faerie]

My train got cancelled :(

#public transport #which is just typical isnt it. tbought i was gonna be late as well yet i got there earlier than needed and the train isnt even running #its a later train than i wanted to get as well so the replacement is even later im not even surprised #i forgot my tooth brush and my ice tea despite the fact i knew i was forgetting something when i was grabbing my keys #ya know when you just want something to go perfection that even the littlest inconveniences are just ruining? yeah. #havent seen these friends in 5 months thought i was all prepared now im not gonna there on time and i dont even have everything i need #pretty sure i forgot some other things too which is stupid cus i was ahead of schedule until the last minute

[acewardcullen]

I. Hate. Cars.

#over $700 to fix my stupid ass car! #i hate that we need cars #because we don't actually need them #if fucking public transportation could be invested in #like it should be #but no #all you fixing dumbasses that love cars so much #just go play with your hot wheels instead and make actual cars obsolete #please #and yes part of the problem is also capitalism #i hate that too #rachel's life #rant time #uughhhh