#these classes and teachers and kids suck and i dont know why i cant handle them this year its just gotten so much worse outta NOWHERE | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hyunincr · 9 months

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i hate school ♫

im at my “summer vacation” (here in brazil its not even summer btw) and i spent my whole vacation trying to became a better person, and change some behaviors in my personality that i dont like. i focused on myself and im really proud for that, i have been taking care of myself !

cw :: vent post

but yesterday i started to became anxious abt the first day in school (it’ll be next week), i remembered certain arguments that i had with some teachers and i was so embarrassed that i couldn’t sleep.

im really worried about reproving, im in the last year and i just want to be free of high school, i really dont want to make this year again. i suck in every subject in school, im always with bad grades, and my friends, family and teachers think that i simply choose to be like that. they think that having bad grades is an option…

last year i tried to focus A LOT on studying, and i still had bad grades. i was giving my best at that, and was really frustrating. i think that im so bad at this bcs i have adhd, but it’s not a plausible excuse. people don’t understand that, that i dont learn like the other people in class, and that im making my BEST every day.

the week after the vacation, the chemistry teacher #1 caught me on my phone, and he spent the next 1 hour dropping hints to me and talking that he would take off class the people that was on phone. and he has this obsession over calling me out. like leave me alone im not a horrible person bcs i committed a mistake one time.

and in the same week, but a few days later, the chemistry teacher #2 (we has different teachers to organic and inorganic chemistry) shouted at me and my friend bcs we are talking too loud. first that we aren’t the only ones chatting in the class, we count like more 3 groups talking too. but why he scolded us and not the others too ??? i was so sad bcs he was screaming and swearing at too 17yo girls just bcs they’re talking like ??????? it was so agressive and i was so uncomfortable. the kids that dont like me started laughing, and i was so sad :( he could have corrected us in a calmer way, i wouldn’t complain bcs he would be right, but screaming ? and swearing ?

but anyways, im so anxious to come back :( everyday its a fight to me, bcs its exhausting to be in a classroom when no one likes me and the teachers also dont like me. i usually just start to draw on my notebook, but the teachers say that im not paying attention to their subject. but its really heavy, i need to draw to clean my head a bit and distract to continue without having a burnout. their exam its like 10 questions (5 for side a, 5 for side b) but with 6 topics to study (each side) its even possible to study 12 topics, i cant even study one properly :(

its so heavy, and i just cant handle. im having 3 in EVERY subject (0 min. 10 max.). my self esteem isnt affected by this (i know that school’s not for me and its ok, im smart at other things) but i really care abt other people talk abt me and my grades. and sometimes it’s tiring to handle at my family’s reaction :/

but i’ll try to focus on myself again and not worry abt this until the comeback day.

#i hate school #diary #online diary #diary entry #journal #rant #vent blog #vent post

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smollandkindaannoyed · 1 year

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I dont know if anyone wants to hear about my intern at a highschool but I am going to tell you about it anyway.

So I am studying to become an art teacher and like I am focusing my intern on a first year class right now. Before I start venting about this class I do want to say it is a nice class, they are in general sweet kids but omg last lesson I got way to close to punching a kid.

So the lesson begins and the class in split in two right now, one doing a photoshop assignment and one doing a drawing one. The photoshop group goes to the computer room and like within less then a minute a girl comes back going "I can't find photoshop on the computer and the guys don't want to help me." And the teacher I am interning at was still explaining something to the other group so I go and help her and like after fixing it just ask the guys next to her why they wouldnt help her, dude just goes "I am to sigma to help her." And omg that is where it started for me because no, please no, why do these 14 years old kids have to be talking about the stupid wolf-pack theory that was disproven ages ago. But like I leave this be for now, do ask wether he was a Andrew Tate fan (because lets be honest from who else would they have learned this shit) and sadly yes, luckly not anymore. Did go "you know for what he was/is in prison right?" But like i left it be in this group.

Went back to the drawing group, because I am good in drawing and suck at photoshop, and I am just walking around. Checking if everyone is doing well and suddenly I hear someone say they have the N-word pass. I would like to say this class is 99% white and I am also white, in the group of boys this conversation was being held there was one boy who isnt. And I am annoyingly woke and confrontatiable, so of course for some reason I have to go and mingle with this shit. And like I do stop this convo just going like "You are white, an N-word pass is not a thing and will not make you be able to say it."

So I probably didnt change their minds but at least I ended that conversation with some grace. And then I hear that same group also talk about the god damn SIGMA MALE BULLSHIT! And like I can handle 14 year old boys talk about stupid wolf-pack theory bullshit once a day and like I said I will start a conversation when I feel like needed. So I just ask how these kids even know about the whole sigma male mindset and stuff, ANDREW TATE WHO THE FUCK ELSE! And like I just went "You know the whole alpha male stuff is based on a science expirement that was disproven by multiple other scientist (also I know they are probably called different but not sure) and like that Andrew Tate legit is being questioned for human trafficing."

And then these kids found out that this was the shit that would make me mad. And then other kids of this class where catching on I was getting mad. So this kid that usually is nice to me is just on his phone constantly so I ask if he is not going to use it to look for pictures to use he could give the phone to me. Instead of doing that he puts on De Kabout Dans (a fucking dutch children song and also absolute club classic cause every dutch/belgium person under 30 knows it from their childhood) on and then just puts the phone in his pocket. AND LIKE WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! I CANT TOUCH THE KID! And like calling their actual teacher just felt like showing them I couldnt handle them.

And like I got him to turn it off but when that was finished some other kid was drawing on her desk. And like I dont care that much, I do it a lot, but the school doesnt allow it so she had to clean it. Asked her to do it, she starts doing it with a piece of paper and just smudges it all over the desk instead. And like their is a sink on the classroom so I just ask her to get a sponge with some water on it and just clean it, of course 'she doesnt know where they are' while I legit pointed at them and she has been in this classroom longer then I have been. So well 'you could clean it for me right' and omg I am so annoyed by these kids because I got her to clean it but only after asking her to do it like 5 times.

So ye my "omg I am going to punch a kid"-stories of my interning at a highschool :)

#little #high school #i hate kids #If they do this next week I might snap and actually punch them #why am I doing a teaching study again?#I hated highschool #and somehow I am back again #but like some of these kids are very nice to me #also like these arent my own lessons yet where I have full control so I hope they understand I am serious when I am fully in charge #a little rant

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iconsumeheadcanons · 4 years

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persona characters autism headcanons!

hi im autistic and i started my day with sun so now im !!!!!!!!! some of these headcanons are from elsewhere on tumbr, but i dont know where :((( so i am hoping someone out there knows that n that everybody knows that i love them <3

(also go check out mollypaup and i think hypeswap if you havent already! they post some good stuff autism+adhd hc too!!! i think.. oh! and thieves-in-the-palace!!!)

Joker

there was some artwork from someone on tublr..where they pointed out that he doesnt really talk outside the metaverse so--hes hyperverbal as joker and just near nonverbal as akiren

he stims ALL THE TIME. that phone thing, the pencil thing, the little tappy tap of his foot, pulling at his bangs when hes embarrassed/smug. someone get him a fidget spinner. he’ll prob learn to do tricks with it

he probably sucks at focusing in class, like i know its just the game design but hes always surprised out of his daily “star out the window at the nearby office building” when his teachers ask him questions

mona mentions when the pt is at Wilton for the first time (after they run into shido) that joker eats like shit, and that could have multiple causes at the start of the story of course, but when i first played i thought that joker was a picky eater and that the variety (and amount of food) at the buffet would be an Ordeal...

tho mona makes that comment bc joker looked pale after having a little ptsd moment from shidos voice, but i didnt know that the first time i played

maybe when joker makes a face at ryuji putting so much ginger in his gyudon? joker probably does not like pickled ginger lol

his favortive foods are all spicy, which is why the curry he makes for his friends is always ‘overly spicy’, and why kasumi makes him a curry bento and joker kept going “...?” .... “....?!”

overly reflective glasses have been a great plus for him bc now he never has to make real eye contact every again!

mona Soft. play with Ann hair. maybe Braid. nice

puns (Gorou the Goroumet)

he has so many options to be straight up rude sometimes in game. he probably no clue on his own, which is why he defaults to Not Talking. people probably mention his constant scary face, which is just him being nonexpressive, squinting at all the fucking bright lights, and Tired

executive function who? we do everything last minute folks

high pain tolerance, which is why he was the kid that was always climbing trees in elementary school to get basketballs unstuck from the branches

his sixth sense lets him see treasure and possible places to climb/crawl bc 1. Shiny? Steal it. Steal it Now. and 2. Could i fit in that? Time to Find Out

probalby a bit of a klepto too oops. he’ll return it tho!! but he has to do it dramatically or he’ll die

cant sit properly to save his life

smells and touch are Great, they can keep him grounded when his brain goes off to police or dead rivals or guilt or

if a friend hung out with him and gave him total reigns of the agenda, he would choose to nap on the floor while his friend does something off to the side quietly

hyperfocuses on handy tasks (i.e. lockpicks, coffee brewing, cleaning, his part time jobs) and some things like movies and books. everything else is a tossup

his (normal) navigation app is his most used app bc he still doesnt know where hes going, even though he only goes to the same few places in the city

hates being sweaty, literally cannot stand it. probably double exhausted during the summer

but Needs Compression so hes often Struggling

Futaba

paraphrase from p5d “i have no motor skills so i cant play rhythm games :(” need i say more? (i will regardless)

echolalia all the time, from anime, memes, the PT

those headphones she wears all the time? noise cancelling ear protectors babey

only talks about her interests, “normal” talking is Not Easy, but she is still communicative w others despite her worries. shes not “hard to understand” at all but she feels the anxiety nonetheless

only talks informally, cannot talk ‘politely’ with out imitating someone around her

shes had meltdowns and anxiety attacks in game :( i relate so hard

Technology. thats it

def had an egypt phase that pops up every few months. probably came from yu-gi-oh

has Immune to Bright Lights buff. joker is very jealous

“Time to make like a tree and leave!” and 30 other iterations

video game metaphors are the only ones that makes sense to her

probably relates hard to robot characters in anime for their general androgyny and confusion about human emotions and connections

probably gets told that shes “too smart to be on the spectrum” by teachers >:( she fails their classes on purpose

wakaba’s autistic too that just how it is

the Connection that she establishes with Joker is so Warm. my life goals include adopting an older brother like futaba has lsdkfjslkfj

also eater of 5 foods only, i mean, she brings cup ramen to the beach. i just really admire her...

hides in small spaces for comfort

doesnt she have like uhhhhh hyperthymesia or something like that?

Yusuke

art

his entire social link is learning how humans work, which i relate

talks seriously all the time

“sarcasm? who is that? are you saying I was sarcastic?...how?”

cant remember to take care of his body, and madarame did not help with that either

lot of uncomfortable staring, hes overdoing the eye contact thingy

infodumps all the time, doesnt know hes doing it

needs a lot of support even if he doesnt think he deserves it. no one ever complains about helping him out tho

visual stims my friends

he didnt know that you could look up pictures on the internet but he does know you can stream live videos of waterfalls and fluffy animales!!

I am certainly in the mood

for something salty today.

he and joker are scared of math. numbers do not interact

Yusuke, futaba, and akiren are a trio and i know this bc their first day of non-thievery interacts is Akiren clearing Futabas room w/o permission, futaba hyperfocusing on destroying medjed, and yusuke rearranging futabas figurines so they are more visually appealing

morgana is a support friend for all of them bc igor knows they need it

Souji/Yu

yes, he mostly wears gray semi formal clothes bc parents tell him to, no, he will not changes this

Schedule or Death

“sorry, could you repeat that?�� “huh? oh yeah, i was saying that--” “yeah that’d be cool.”

cats, fishing, he just likes to be quiet. you can literally spend a day at the beach just to think if you want, and that is what yu want

has a lot of scripts for things (of which he shares with nanako!) but if he runs out he just stops talking..

inaba is a godsend bc its so fucking quiet and warm

he Yearns to hold his friends hands, but he shies away from a lot of touch (excepting yosuke, teddie, and nanako)

Cooking and Cleaning makes the world better. he and joker vibe together with this

unlike akiren, he strong arms any executive dysfunction into Be Productive or Else. his punishment is feeling the pure anxiety of having to make up for ‘lost time’. (another symptom of his workaholic parents)

writes everything down, notes are very neat, has pages dedicated for bad doodles when hes not feeling his usual Super Classroom Focus

Cannot handle secondhand embarrassment (most often caused by yosuke) and will quietly slip away to random cats or origami folding

hungry, crunch crunch folks. probably needs chewelry bc he used to chew on his shirt collars when he was younger.

cleans up after everyone in the food court, constantly worries about them accidently hurting themselves. likely spends half of group conversations watching peoples hands

he canonically eats expired food, nanako plz help your brother

really clumsy, but people only notice after they decide that he is a cool person

video games are too chaotic for him

exhausted every night from the pure amount of masking he does, if a friend spends the night (or is like yosuke) they will know his more comfortable weirdo self (tho everyone knows hes a weirdo eventually)

hyperempathetic, sometimes just understands animals and children better than peeople his age or older

Yukiko

her jokes

she and souji get in ‘trouble’ together, she and joker commit crimes together

she and chie have to coordinate outfits, its important

actually understands metaphors, but does not understand people

like me, had no clue that creepy kid was flirting with her

she is very angry when she has meltdowns that might involve slamming doors and shouting. her parents call these ‘tantrums’ and ‘unfitting for a polite daughter’ but really thats because her meltdowns tend to be caused by arguments w her family after a long day of school and TV world traipsing

the metronome meme, except hers goes between Loudest Person in the Room to Quietest Pin Drop in the Planet. she is completely unaware of this

her atmosphere brightens when chie appears. that is not only the lesbian energy within her, but also because chie is like her Favorite Person

Cannot wear Pants. No (tho she wants to try it! but she puts them on and her soul instantly squashes)

happy flappy lesbian! watch out!

Naoto

the pouty face. all the time lskdfjlasdkf

hes really snappy sometimes and i love that for him. he and akechi should fight just to see what would happen (please read Bang Bang Shoot Shoot on AO3)

“do not touch me or my hat, thank you”

no one has ever seen him shutdown and no one ever will (except for his grandpa)(and kanji)(and rise)

probably likes certain food textures and will stand for nothing less, probably feels embarrassed about his preferences with friends

constantly jumps between ‘everybody hates me so i should act like them so they dont hate me’ to ‘i refuse to be anything but very comfortable as myself, and i dont care that im making you upset sir’

he and souji are the king and queen of subtle stims, but for unhappy reasons :(

does not make jokes. cannot joke around. understand? yes, do? no.

loose clothes are the only good clothes, but all tags and obtrusive seams will be obliterated by kanji tatsumi

not very empathetic so he probably comes off as an asshole to strangers (like when he throws away his classmates confession letters without reading them) but he tries so hard to sound comforting when his buds are struggling.

his understanding of others emotions/reactions come from his learning as a detective, which seems cold+clinical to others, especially compared to souji, whos completely unexpressive but very introverted people person

Hamuko/Minako/Kotone

big personality!! very people-oriented!! koromaru and her are buddies!! when shes having a real bad time, shes very quiet and expressions turn off

interrupts herself in the middle of conversations all the time. no one knows where shes coming from. her brains is thousands of km ahead of her body

bouncey legs, swingin arms, twirlly skirt, little somersaults! when will she stop? never!

very obvious music stims with her hands and arms! people are like “oh there she goes! happy as usual!” shes listening to minatos heavy metal playlist

switches from exhausted to excited within milliseconds. no one can predict, not even her

SEES has to ask her for context all the time cuz she’ll just continue shit from 2 weeks ago without warning

professionals will assume shes very childish bc of how chipper she is, but she is beyond mature for her age and only feels comfortable enough to have serious conversations if a person has proved themself able to handle it

collects every little thing. her room is a mess and she has to get rid of most of it every time she moves :(

hates cleaning! smells bad, feels bad hhhhhgggg

dont let mitsuru-senpai see her bedroom

gets lost in the middle of conversations with others bc shes thinking about a story connected to one(1) word that was said earlier

no sense of time and place, she just sees her friends and goes “ah, this is the right place, then” but junpei and akihiko are also lost so now theyre all screwed

Minato/Makoto/Sakuya

no talkies, no walkies

his story in the movies is him literally learning how to function around people he cares for

doesnt get jokes, expressions, body language, empathy, subtlety, metaphors, physical contact, or eye contact. aigis is probably the only person he truly understands right away

he is still nice to people because he doesnt see a reason not to be, but also he has very limited energy so only his senpai and old people get his most polite-kindnesses

cannot describe feelings for the life of him. the team wont know hes injured or sick until hes passed out

everything is too loud, time to drown it out with my loud ass music

rocking and chewing stims, ryoji is the first person to point him out for these subtle stims (not accusingly of course, just general pure curiosity and love for the uniqueness of humanity)

likes to cover his face with whatever is available, lives like a bat in a dark dry cave

will wear anything that has pockets and his blue/gray/black palette

sleepy at all times bc he never has much energy

when he was younger he probably needed a lot of support, especially after his parents died, because he wouldnt communicate like a neurotypical and would shutdown for hours in the middle of school without warning. probably missed a lot of lessons and field trips out of pure overstimulation

eating at all times. no preference, just whatevers closest

his meltdowns probalby include humming whining noises and curling up in a ball, which makes people want to touch him, but that is the LAST thing he wants. put a blanket on him! play some music! do not talk and do not expect him to speak

aigis is the only person who can touch him normally bc her hands are cold and he likes cold

never nude, feels mmmmmmmmm without clothes and probalby wears a full robe in the hotsprings

will not do things that take more than one step w/o someone else walking him thru it, which Same

#my writing #p3 #p4 #p5 #persona 3 #persona 4 #persona 5 #ren #futaba #souji #hamuko #minato #vibes straight thru the sun #i sincerely hope the read more works #im so srry for grammar problems #i literally cant read rn

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phantomsheepdiedinafire · 3 years

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Childhood Trauma Rant (Content Warning- desc. of abandonment and just being trans and hurting, age regression ig, idk just sharing my experiences don't really specifically identify with that.)

I've realised through my tastes in fanfics and other things that what I want and fantasize about is indeed my child self wanting to heal all the shit I went through.

As a kid, I had these two issues.

I used to cry, a lot. I didn't understand why, and I didn't want to. You want to know what happened when I cried and couldn't stop crying? I was put in my room to calm down. It took me HOURS. Imagine being 4 years old in a room pacing around trying to stop crying but you just cant. I was FOUR YEARS OLD. and apparently that's literally abuse because children that young aren't capable of self soothing. You wanna know how I interpreted that? As abandonment and so now obviously I feel like every time I cry I feel like I'm being selfish and don't deserve to cry or be around people because I should know how to be better.

second

I was in a lot of emotional pain as a kid, and now seeing that crying was off the table, I talked. and talked. and talked.

You wanna know what adults did? They let me talk and talk and talk, and they didn't listen to a word of what I was saying. They let me go on and on and on like broken record and i felt like no one was listening to me, they literally were like, and i remember this, you're a kid hahaha funny talking child. Very clearly fine. Normal kids def talk this much.

I was crying for help. No kid desperately vys for adult figures attention like that unless they're, uh huh, *drums* desperate. I wanted somebody to notice how clingy i was, set boundaries, and ask me why i was saying all of those things.

So- you wanna know what fanfics I read growing up? HURT COMFORT MOTHERFUCKERS WHERE THEY ACTUALLY TAKE CARE OF THE PERSON. and second WHEN THEY LISTEN AND SET BOUNDARIES AND CARE ABOUT THE PERSON.

that shit slaps so hard and it's literally just child me trying to have some peace.

AND HE'S STILL SAD. HE'S NOT HAPPY YET.

I feel like I have to carry around this sad little motherfucker with me every where I go and he gets in the way because he's so fuckin touch starved and im like no we're 16 and our parents suck and we have little to no friends we don't have anyone like that. I am 16 now, and I'm realizing just how young I was before and how I was still literally a child.

It probably doesnt help that everyone called him a girl and I now can't identify with the little girl in pictures. When I think of myself as a child now im a little boy not a girl... and I feel like thats an ego I've always had I just havent felt like ive been allowed to identify with until recently. That hurts.

Meanwhile in class, this stupid ass 5 year old brain is like- nice teacher please rock me to sleep-

And I'm in class dealing with the fact that I'm uncomfortably imagining my teacher in this way when I'm trying to learn about the Protestant reformation. Jesus christ please I just want to learn about Constantine do you know how hard that is when your eyes start unfocusing and your brain starts going all fuzz-

when you come back it's embarrasing af , even when its just you and yourself. Because you're 16 years old in sophomore Humanities and you just realized you've been acting like a child all class. Even if no one else knew, you know, and it feels like an infringement on the version of you now. I could've really been present in the social dynamic, but no I tossed it all out. I felt out of control.

I remember going to school exhausted and exasperated that I couldn't stop being, i dont know, fuzzy. I wished I could be more present somehow, but i just couldnt put my finger on what or how or why.

Whats good now is that I know whats happening, i used to just, float in and out, and that was, dangerous? I dont know, it didn't feel healthy, anyway. I walked all over myself and didn't respect other people's boundaries in the process and I feel bad about that.

Now that i know whats happening I tend to manage myself better but shit. shit shit shit. ive lost so much time to this. Now that im out of my dads house, whatever this has been has gone down significantly, and i think it was living with him that reduced me to a state of maybe when he loved me more. Now I'm out, I want to grow up and be me for me, instead of hanging on to an attempt for validation Ill never get. I need to do things for myself now, its the only way Im truly satisfied.

All of this combined also probably explains why i'm eating disordered. I desperately want to have child body back if i cant have an adult male one- and i want to be taken seriously and cared for because i feel like people dont really care. when I stopped eating suddenly i was important again and I miss that, so much.

anyways. I went from reading tons and tons of gay smut (because i couldn't handle fem stuff I got really dysphoric) to basically searching for any and all "little" fanfics that I could find that were completely void of sexuality and I ended up finding them more emotionally satisfying. that in itself has made me really insecure because it's widely sexualised and that, is, disgusting.

scared of being judged for this ig-

but this is tumblr.

Btw age regression and smut don't mix it's, horrifying... it's intellectual pedophilia.

tl:dr, I was lonely kid, couldnt handle growing up, essentially i feel as though i couldnt emotionally mature, still act like f-ing 5 yo because im sad

#tw rant #my rants #childhood #trans #transgender #depression

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