#they are literally everything to me actually like i am NOT normal about them i love them sm????

[alllgator-blood]

okkk wait this is the anon that sent an ask about autistic narinder and leshy hc 😅 i retract my statement they're all autistic 🤯🤯🤯🤯

I WAS LITERALLY IN THE MIDDLE OF ANSWERING THAT ASK TO SAY "I FEEL LIKE THEY'RE ALL AUTISTIC" BEFORE THIS ONE GOT SENT IN, I was two sentences in so your comedic timing was impeccable actually

I know there's like no evidence in-game to back my claims so this is purely a vibe check (and also me being unable to write for neurotypical characters) but yeah no I 100% feel like all the bishops have autism for some reason. They definitely express it in different ways and I was actually thinking about that in the car ride back home tonight??

SEMI-DETAILED HC EXPLANATIONS BELOW THE CUT

For leshy, I feel like since he's the youngest...when he came along, everyone was like "yep. We don't even need to get this one tested" after seeing him in his natural element. Which sounds cruel but that's just personal experience after people in my family started getting diagnosed and we started noticing things about each other better LMAO. I kinda actually designed my iteration of him to be like a big stim toy, I did that shitpost sketch in the last post but even the first time I drew him I was like "this dude is made out of orbs that make satisfying noises when they click together", so if I had to categorize the way his neurodivergency manifests, it's definitely "I NEED TO MOVE AROUND!! RIGHT FUCKING NOW!! MAYBE SCREAM A LITTLE IDK IT JUST FEELS RIGHT!!"

Heket is for sure the one that fights the most against people labelling her with it, just because she's like I'M SO NORMAL GUYS. LOOK HOW NORMAL I AM. LOOK HOW WELL I CAN ADAPT TO CHANGE AND LOOK AT ME NOT FREAK OUT AT ALL WHEN I'M OUT OF MY ELEMENT!! She's the new leader of the family so she does her best to hold it together but if you make plans with her, she's gonna be in Waiting Mode as soon as the plans are made and might tear you limb from limb if you flake or reschedule. Something my therapist told me recently is that me getting absurdly upset over injustices (small or big) is likely directly related to being autistic, so if heket feels like something is wrong she will absolutely be vocal about it. If someone says something mean to her, they are her fucking arch nemesis from that point on. The block button is NOT enough she wants them DEAD

For narinder, I feel like he maybe bonded a lot with shamura over the fact both of them feel pretty disconnected from everyone else? The way his autism manifests is probably the feeling that he's on a completely different wavelength than everyone else, and can't experience empathy the same way his siblings can. He'll like have conversations with people but it feels like someone just talking at him, and him having to mentally choose the dialogue options that make the conversation end the quickest. He probably feels like a completely separate species from everyone else on more levels than just "I am a cat and you are not". I know this doesn't line up with my narinder art so far but I have a distinct characterization of him pre-schism that's completely different from post-schism. I feel like he also resented the other siblings for having the same condition as him but presenting so differently, he felt like he got the short end of the stick.

Kallamar........is a FREAk ABOUT TEXTURES. Bro will actually throw up if he has to eat or touch something gross. He would probably excuse himself to go hurl if he sees leshy combining everything on his plate and shovelling it into his face. I'M actually about to hurl just thinking about it. I have to have lotion on at all times or I freak out when I touch things with my hands, and I feel like kallamar needs to have that famous Cephalopod Mucus Layer in order to exist in his body without wanting to implode. Maybe even a special oil he formulates himself? I also feel like he probably has the most freakouts and has been left crying inconsolably + hyperventilating on the floor over something seemingly stupid MANY times, but shamura is understanding enough to be patient with him and not try to grab him or repeat phrases at him over and over.

LASTLY, SHAMURA DOESN'T THINK THEY HAVE AUTISM. They're like "I love my Neurodivergent Family :) can't relate tho" but all the siblings have unanimously agreed they have something going on up there, even before the TBI. I think they're very book smart, and have little file cabinets of their brain of stuff like "arthropod husbandry" and "dreamcatcher making techniques" but are totally clueless to how other people operate. They don't really know *why* people do the things they do; in my prequel AU thing, they gain most of their social knowledge through people watching rather than like...being normal and just knowing how to behave. Out of all the siblings, they've probably been told the classic phrase "but you don't look autistic!" the most LMAO

Also shamura 100000% has misophonia and that's the reason I didn't have them sitting at the table with the other siblings in the voidpunk comic I did of them. They love their family to death but they have to make the conscious decision to not shake baby leshy every time he loudly chokes down his dinner, so they just sit out meals and eat on their own time. If shamura was real I would build them a shrine and sacrifice my noise cancelling headphones cause idk if they have sound reduction methods in cotl world <3

I know autism kinda encompasses ALL of these traits and isn't something that can be categorized into "this one hates noises, this one needs to follow a schedule..." but I also don't want to just point at one bishop and go "YOU. YOU WILL BE MY VESSEL" because I'd never get to write all that I have in mind if only one character had it. There's definitely overlaps in symptoms between them but I just wrote down what I felt would be the most notable to that specific character. I've been wanting to do a comic about their special interests or the times they just like sync up and have a brain blast jimmy neutron moment, cause usually they're all over the place. I have literally never said the word "autism" so many times in my life I think I gotta cut it here, THIS IS SO LONG. I REALLY DID WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS THOUGH SO THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK GENUINELY. IDK IF YOU EXPECTED A SMALL ESSAY ON THIS BUT I WROTE ONE ANYWAY

#HEADCANON DUMP #LET'S FUCKING GOOOOO

[peachesarts]

#imogen temult #laudna #cr3 #bells hells #critical role fanart #critical role #southern gothic #they are literally everything to me actually like i am NOT normal about them i love them sm???? #anyway i hope you guys enjoy these i'm still crying from thursday #imodna #critical role spoilers

[crescentfool]

i love ryomina

no but seriously. even when i’m thinking about other things that captivate my interest, i find myself coming back to them and feeling like i fell down three whole flights of staircases every time i do. they are one of my favorite pairs in media and are very special to me.

it’s the way that ryoji and minato’s lives are inevitably intertwined with each other due to the circumstances 10 years ago on the moonlight bridge. without no minato, there is no ryoji. minato as he is today is because of ryoji. they have irreparably affected each other’s lives that you cannot discuss one without bringing up the other one.

ryoji mochizuki, who is death, pharos, thanatos, nyx avatar, the man of many names and identities, is the perfect summation of p3′s messages and themes.

minato arisato, the wildcard and protagonist, who has boundless kindness in his actions despite the unfortunate cards handed to him.

the two of them complement each other and tell a beautiful story from start to finish.

minato’s personas capture this perfectly. he awakens to orpheus, who’s flames burns bright, is snuffed out by thanatos during the encounter against the arcana magician. a visual precursor of the idea that ryoji stole from the life that minato could have had.

it’s the way that over the course of the game as minato interacts with pharos, talking throughout the dark hour, forging a bond that cannot be broken, that allows ryoji to exist. minato humanizes death.

november. the bells toll, calling the appriser. and yet, it’s peaceful... quiet, and full of life. ryoji, who breaks free from death’s chains, refusing his role, is given the chance to live for a month. to make the most of the humanity that minato has given him over those ten years. and what a life he lived. ryoji’s life is a reflection of what minato’s life could have been like in another universe.

it is the way the two of them are reflections of each other. ryoji with his hair down is just like minato. they are both stubbornly committed to choosing to be kind, to love life, yet are chained down by the cards the narrative dealt them with. they finish each other’s sentences, knowing each other intimately in a way no one else does.

how is that, a boy who lived for only one month, profoundly changes the course of the narrative? he is simultaneously relevant and irrelevant. blink, and you miss it, the beautiful life that he led.

ryoji is horrified at the revelations of being the appriser. he who so desperately wished to forget that his existence was meant to bring the end to all life, was unable to escape the inevitability of death. in a non-human way, of course. he becomes remorseful. a shadow of his brief time as a human who was enamored by the small beautiful things that life had to offer.

he is swallowed by grief. grief knowing that his very existence will take away not only minato’s life, but everyone else’s. the very thing that ryoji loved- life, fundamentally went against the role he was born for- to be the harbinger of death. and unable to grapple with this sadness he believes that the best thing for minato to do is to kill him, so that SEES can live in bliss not knowing about their inevitable end.

SEES is left rattled, calling into question what the meaning of life is and what they do when faced against the inevitability of death.

and!!! minato chooses!! for ryoji to live!! even in spite of what ryoji is MEANT to embody, minato still stubbornly chooses to defy death itself! and if that’s not cool i don’t know what is!! minato wants everyone to have the chance to live!!

so he climbs. he ascends tartarus, to meet ryoji, again, who is now the nyx avatar. and i just think there’s something so so beautiful about being able to use messiah, minato’s ultimate persona, against nyx avatar.

messiah, being the fusion of orpheus and thanatos is peak ryomina to me. because ryoji and minato have established an unbreakable bond from having been entwined for 10 years, minato still has a piece of death with him, and by proxy!! ryoji is able to defy and rebel against nyx trying to bring the fall! and i think that’s fucking cool shit if you ask me!

even when all of the arcanas have been gone through, it’s still not enough to stop the fall. and yet. minato knows. in the way that ryoji was sealed in minato 10 years ago by aigis... minato becomes the great seal so that everyone can live. it comes full circle.

march rolls around. he fulfills his promise to SEES on graduation day. minato dies from exhaustion. but goddamn does his sacrifice make me weep- he’s had such, such a tiring journey. he’s been through so many things because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. but at the end of it all, he’s reunited with ryoji in death.

and i think this is why ryomina continues to evoke so much emotions for me, to this day. the relationship that they have embodies so much of persona 3′s messages and themes that it makes me feel like a microwave with nothing running in it.

p3′s message is very hopeful, for me. my favorite takeaway from it is that even if death is inevitable, appreciating the life that we were given and choosing to live as best as we can with kindness (even if we can’t feasibly do everything), is just? really nice? and you see this manifest in both ryoji and minato’s personalities and what they do for the other characters.

ryomina just feels so distinct to me, the flavor that their relationship ties back to my favorite takeaways from this game and im just!!  god!! i love you minato arisato! i love you ryoji mochizuki! im so glad that i could meet them! i’m happy that they changed my life! they made me want to appreciate the connections in life even if they were fleeting! they made me!! want to pay attention to the good moments in life and cherish them!

i love ryomina so much!!! i’m so glad that these two could bring so much joy into my life! and i hope that others can have this joy too! 💛💙

#lizzy speaks #persona 3 #ryomina #ryoji mochizuki #minato arisato #meta #long post #(literally) #HI SO UM YESTERDAY I COULDN'T FUCKING SLEEP so to cope i was like 'i will talk out loud about anything and everything' #and somehow that turned into me talking about ryomina out loud and something about verbalizing my thoughts made me feel crazy about these- #two again. i mean for the record i continue to love them always very dearly but like my p3 braincells sometimes go into hibernation bc- #ive been on a really huge splatoon kick. but anyway my voice was like cracking at 3am because i was tearing up #i was like 'THE!! IM! SO NORMAL ABT WHAT ORPHEUS AND THANATOS AND MESSIAH SYMBOLIZE' etc etc etc #so i kinda just went to sleep like 'ok well you GOTTA type it out. everyone needs to know about this.' #and um i didnt mean to make 1069 words! sorry! not really! but i love them!!! even if im very quiet these days! #ohhh how lucky i am to have had the chance to experience ryomina they are such a gem. they make me so goddamn emotional #they really mean a lot to me because of well. (gestures at the entire post) but also they came at a really good point of my life and FUCK!! #im so so grateful to them!!! i love them!!!! the themes that their relationship and characters convey just !! IM SO NORMAL ABOUT IT!!! #they've affected me so profoundly and deeply and i wish i could make better art to get this across. but its ok. one day i can. one day #they make me so fucking talkative like actually but um. i had a lot of fun writing this! i dont think ive had like. a proper appreciation- #post for them that articulates why i like them so much (unless you count the essays i write in my art tags) so it was nice to make this. #admittedly theres a lot abt p3 that im rusty on since its been a goodwhile since ive interacted with the source material #and in a way you could say that like. i need to renew my p3 license LMAOOO but god some parts of p3 still have such a huge death grip on me #and what i mean by that is that the big Fucking Events have such!! clarity!! in my mind!! i recall them and i wilt on the spot!! #oh god i cant fucking shut up. the tags are probably 500 words long. enjoy my ramble. i wish every ryomina enjoyer a Good Life <3 #actually no. i hope that EVERYONE on the dash today has something that sparks joy for them the way ryomina does for me. #everyone deserves 2 have something that makes their brain do a little excited dance that makes them blow up and explode. its good for u! #BYE FOR REAL this is why i have to post my thoughts very spread out otherwise yall would have so many WORDS on ur dash pls help i have so #many emotions and i am so tiny i cannot possibly fit all the feelings i have about ryomina and other things inside my tiny little body

[wonder-worker]

I've been thinking about the tragedy of Elizabeth Woodville living to see the death of her family name.

I don't mean her family with her husband, which lived on through her daughter and grandson. I mean her own.

Her sisters died, one by one, many of them after 1485. When Elizabeth died, only Katherine was left, and she would die before the turn of the century as well.

All her brothers died, too. Lewis died in childhood. John was executed. Anthony was murdered. Lionel died suddenly in the peak of Richard's reign, unable to see his niece become queen. Edward perished at war. Richard died in grieving peace. For all the violence and judgement the family endured, it was "an accident of biology" that ended their line: none of the brothers left heirs, and the Woodville name was extinguished. We know the family was aware of this. We know they mourned it, too:

“Buy a bell to be a tenor at Grafton to the bells now there, for a remembrance of the last of my blood.”

Elizabeth lived through the deposition and death of her young sons, and lived to see the end of her own family name. It must have been such a haunting loss, on both sides.

#(the quote is by Richard Woodville in his deathbed will; he was the last of the Woodville brothers to die) #elizabeth woodville #woodvilles #my post #to be clear I am not arguing that the death of an English gentry family name is some kind of giant tragedy (it absolutely the fuck is not) #I'm trying to put it into perspective with regards to what Elizabeth may have felt because we know her family DID feel this way #writing this kinda reminded me of how I am just not fond at all about the way Elizabeth's experiences in 1483-85 are written about #and the way lots so many of the unprecedentedly horrifying aspects are overlooked or treated so casually: #the seizure and murder of two MINOR sons and the illegal execution of another; #her sheer vulnerability in every way compared to all her queenly predecessors; how she was harassed by 'dire threats' for months; #how she had 5 very young daughters with her to look after at the time (Bridget and Katherine were literally 3 and 4 years old); #how unprecedented Richard's treatment of her was: EW was the first queen of england to be officially declared an adulteress; #and the first and ONLY queen to be officially accused of witchcraft #(Joan of Navarre was accused of her treason; she was never explicitly accused of witchcraft on an official level like EW was) #the first crowned queen of england to have her marriage annulled; and the first queen to have her children officially bastardized #what former queens endured through rumors* were turned into horrifying realities for her. #(I'm not trying to downplay the nightmare of that but this was fundamentally on a different level altogether) #nor did Elizabeth get a trial or appeal to the church. like I cannot emphasize this enough: this was not normal for queens #and not normal for depositions. ultimately what Richard did *was* unprecedented #and of course let's not forget that Elizabeth had literally just been unexpectedly widowed like 20 days before everything happened #I really don't feel like any of this is emphasized as much as it should be? #apart from the horrifying death of her sons - but most modern books never call it murder they just write that they 'disappeared' #and emphasize that ACTUALLY we don't know what happened to them (this includes Arlene Okerlund) #rather than allowing her to have that grief (at the very least) #more time is spent dealing with accusations that she was a heartless bitch or inconsistent intriguer for making a deal with Richard instead #it also feels like a waste because there's a lot that can be analyzed about queenship and R3's usurpation if this is ever explored properly #anyway - it's kinda sad that even after Henry won and her daughter became queen EW didn't really get a break #her family kept dying one by one and the Woodville name was extinguished. and she lived to see it #it's kinda heartbreaking - it was such a dramatic rise and such a slow haunting fall #makes for a great story tho

[tamagotchikgs]

i try my best not to think of it and i havent in years but the fact the only people who were ever supposed to be my friends irl would always dump their love on me and then to leave me & say they dont like me over and over and over again only so they could watch my reaction n make fun of me together maybe did affect me huh

#i am normal i am not affected ii do not see ◡_◡ #[distant sounds of me crying & screaming && gasping for air &&& ripping myself to shreds like a bear] #i was always an autistic lil freak who didnt speak so i guess i shouldnt be surprised #but like. i always just wanted them to like me #i always just wanted the chance to like them back and let be allowed. always just wanted someone to be pals with. someone i could trust to #have my back for once vs everything else #i remember such a specific moment right #and we were going on a roadtrip w her and one i already had #and they ended up talking before we left #the worst part is i had to keep seeing them. i had to just keep reliving the humiliation over n over again n it got so deep in me #& the og one had a plan that we would sit together in the back n n we had like. tons of stuff brought we could do n snacks n all this #n then at the very last second literally as i had just sat down she was like . actually. i dont want you back here. i want her she's way be #better #and i remember so specifically she was like. LOL look at ur face.......... #and so i had to sit up front alone w nothing to do the entire ride but listen to them make fun of me for it #i feel like it would be better if they had left it at that but then they always came back n treated me so sweetly so i was like . ok i have #a chance #maybe they do like me #like the same girl went on to share cookies she had bought w me and we sat on the lawn for hours hanging out n eating them #and then she did it again #and again #but i was so alone in the world otherwise that i stayed #for years n years #my therapist always talks about how because of how long ive had anxiety means itll take either equally as long or longer to recover #and all i can think ab is how i lived with everything horrible at home #always just wanting to escape #to living through bad things outside of it too #just piling on top #from 6-16 #and i kept going back

[girlscience]

okay. I read gideon the ninth. i gave in and read the popular book that i had a grudge against reading because it was popular and marketed as lesbian books and it got recommended every time anyone talked about the lack of women as main characters in sci-fi/fantasy. and it was exactly as good as people said it was. also, for those of you who thought i was unbearable over zoro?? you ain't seen nothing yet

#the marketing as lesbian books isn't a bad thing... i just get very tired of like queer book marketing? if that makes sense #yes i want books with queer characters but i don't really want that to be the only reason a book is considered good #i hope i'm making sense #but that's not how it was! there were lesbians and it was central to the characterization of some characters but that was not what the story #was actually about and not once was sexuality ever brought up and no modern words were ever used to describe someone's sexuality #it was literally. normal. it just was the way they were and it wasn't a whole thing #(also gender was treated the same) and it was genuinely nice and good and wonderful (and high key relatable lol) #but anyway. gideon is everything to me. she is The Character #so i am about to spend a stupid amount of money on a larp longsword #and i am going to think about her every day till i die #also i am going to be reading the next books... but in order to avoid book induced insomnia i will try to read them slower lol #(we'll see if i can succeed or not)

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

love having those absolute stalker moments where two people that look as close to your characters as youve ever seen sit 10 ft away from you and then you have to pretend you're not staring like a fucking creep

#NO OKAY IM FREAKING OUT HELLO #theres many differences but like.. fully jensen and bryce #actually screaming #honest to fuck thinking about changing bryces hair purely bc of this mf #theirs is a LITTLE longer than bryces is but it works so well #literally their noses and evwrytjing guys im losing my shit #you dont understand #like.. their face shapes too #this fucking close to just drawing them so if they think its weird ill be like see look just coloring.. yk.. totally normal things #thats still so weird but like jfc im losing it #actually this is insane #the way theyre talking w each other and everything #the one w long hair keeps fucking w it too which is such a bryce move #YES i am full out stalking but idc at this point this is my only win in life #body types and everything jfc #im never going to recover #actually no its fucking crazy #yes youre watching me spiral into madness but fr wtf #im havint a meltdown what is this #i will be thinking about this forever amd ever dear god #im baffled #dont grt me wrong they were not the same #but artistically and stucturally it was literally them #the vibes amd everything i cant im done this is it my life is over

[pepprs]

hm. i think i am going to stop going to counseling. he does not understand me. he pathologizes things that are not pathological.

#purrs #the premises of counseling / therapy are that you need to have boundaries and be self sufficient and fully healed. FUCK THAT! relationships #are not transactions. we are allowed to need each other. we are allowed to blur lines. we are human and messy. our thoughts and feelings are #PRECIOUS. im not letting go of my thoughts they mean EVERYTHING to me they are the key to the WORLD. im not letting go of redacted why on #EARTH would i stop redacteding to redacted that is HELPFUL for me. i don’t CARE about the roots. who the fuck is it hurting????? NO ONE!!!!! #the way he flat out told me he agrees with my mom. bitch im done forever. im done literaly forever. i don’t know how to tell him but im done #forever. maybe it’s just my id which is what he said to me LMFAO and like maybe i just don’t like being uncomfortable or facing hard truths. #but i don’t fucking think it’s TRUE!!!!!!!!!! yeah i need to grow yeah i have unhealthy behaviors. but i don’t need to let go of the whole #THING bc of some arbitrary transactional concept of what relationships are supposed to be / mean. ive NEVER had a counselor try to uproot th #the whole damn thing like omg what is WRONG with you. i #im paying this man $25 a week to UNDERSTAND me and not ONCE have i felt understood by him. counselors can disagree with me but i literally #never feel like he is on my side. he’s adhering to conventional ideas about what parents are supposed to be and friends are supposed to be a #and work is supposed to be etc etc. and so patronizingly said just enjoy being 23 you don’t wanna waste your 20s! FUCK YOU. i will not #regret anything even if it’s unusual. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! #and also i know he probably watches back thru the recordings and has like his supervisor and professors watch them too which means that #there is a whole team of scientists + my family studying me in a lab and thinking im insane and finding ways to tell me. but fucking bold of #him to assume he can give me any meaningful valuable insight when he is actively checking his laptop / phone during our sessions and rarely #if eve gives me a chance to drive MY OWN CONVERSATION THAT IM PAYING FOR and is so phony abt being on the recording. like Omg. maybe im just #grown out of it. it fucking SUCKS bc i actually have things i am not normal about and really need help with and i can’t actually get help fr #from ppl whose job it is to fucking help me bc they think im not normal about things i PROMISEEEE i am normal about. and the way i effective #effectively told him that and he responded that he can’t take that credibly bc there’s no action behind it BY WHICH HE MEANS I HAVENT #STOPPED REDACTEDING TO ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT REDACTED IN MY WHOLE LIFE? THAT I HAVENT DECIDED IM DONE LEARNING SND GROWING AND CUT IT #OFF?????? DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF. INSANE. the ANTITHESIS of human. we are MEANT TO BE CONNECTED. FUCK!!!!!!!!! #delete later #my old counselors challenged me and disagreed with me b it i never felt like they flat out were unwilling to meet me where i am and #compromise with me. is that not what counselors are supposed to do???? or have i just had bad counselors until now??? because im NORMAL. i #swear to fucking god. im normal. im literally normal and it is not doing ANYONE harm. what is wrong with you. GOD

[sourkitsch]

Two things that are true at once:

I am not nearly as mentally ill as I’ve convinced myself I am

I am far sicker than I’ve convinced my friends that I am

#:( #my friend and I were talking about post grad plans and we were talking about how our friend is gonna move in w them + their partner #and eventually we got onto how I’m not confident on my ability to pay rent on place by myself #and then they were like omg wait we were actually just looking at a place w 3 bedrooms and thinking about who else we would want to live w #and I literally brushed them off by saying ‘oh no I’m a nightmare to live with’ and they were like no omg it would be so great!!!!!! #it would not be great. and I am hoping whatever these plans are fall through so I don’t have to say anything about it #because I cannot have roommates. my friends have only encountered my ptsd twice and I managed it well enough that I’m pretty sure #no one noticed. but it’s because the vast majority of my triggers are domestic. when I sleep over my moms house I sleep in a bedroom #all the way down the hall away from everything because I cannot hear people’s footsteps by my door or I freak the fuck out #and just the idea of people drinking or doing drugs in a place I live makes me feel like I’m gonna throw up #I’ve tried living in a single dorm before and that was bad enough that I had to move off of campus my sophomore year #I just really really really don’t want to be serious and tell them I can’t #because I know it would be unfair to all of us #I hate that I view myself as a punishment for other people but I know it’s because it is. I would be that crazy roommate that’s brought up #for years afterwards. and it sucks because I like this people even if I know not to trust them #it’s also now a pattern that when I bring something up about me not being normal people think it’s a joke. which maybe it’s my fault #I really need to go back to therapy but do not have the bandwidth to go over the incest thing with a new person right now

[running-in-the-dark]

I want to be someone who has smart and interesting things to say about shows/movies that I like - like when I tried to convince my friends that they really need to watch Leverage. that would have been useful! instead I'm just like 'it's sooo good I like it so much I love all the characters they're all so awesome 🥰'

my thoughts are generally just like.

ooh he soo prettyyy. I want to braid his hair. hehe he punched someone. look at his lil face 🥰 baby boi. pretty smile his mouth is so nice I like his teeth. chest hair. hands! arms arms arms 🤤 his eyes are so pretty. oooh blood on his face, blood on his face! he's growling. annd his voice is all raspy again. I wonder [many many redacted thoughts]. ooh now he's in danger oh noo 😏

there's a bunch of 'she's so pretty' and 'I love her' somewhere in between all that too but mostly it's just. very, very stupid

#and I wonder why I don't remember the plot of probably half the leverage episodes #I'm rewatching it with my partner now and it was. definitely interesting. how I remembered pretty much everything from season 1. annd it #got so much worse after that #I wonder why that could be :') #I have said at least half of these things out loud just during the last episode I watched #I am so fucking stupid for this man #no thoughts just 😍 #my brain melts and gets replaced with just pictures of Eliot with hearts drawn all over them like I'm a creepy stalker but also 12 years old #and tbh probably half of it is actually just. oh I need him. I want him. I love him. #do you sometimes wonder why some people feel the need to share every goddamn thought they have no matter how dumb it is? #why? oh no reason. me? oh no I don't do that I'm so normal! #hey at least I didn't once mention how fighting him and fucking him would definitely not fix anything but tbh yeah no it totally would #it really would #annnd now I'm losing my mind again and I better shut up before it gets even worse #like fuck it's like I literally lose the ability to form a single coherent thought #I've had thoughts about shows before! I'm capable of that! but not wjrn #there's a man. #ugh. horrible. bad. so stupid #(but he's hot and I want him and) #(oh crap now he's really in danger oh no I don't like it oh don't hurt my baby 😭) #(oh thank god now he's hitting people again. phew.) #anyway shut up shut up shut uppp #personal

[starrysmiling]

i literally never post of my own volition but i noticed yesterday that ao3 canonised the unbound character tags so now i am excitedly running around in circles because the. the . the tags i am lovingly fostering exist. I MADE THESE TAGS WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS.

the funniest thing about this is that "protagonist's name is fern!" links to the francis character tag... i am sorry... for changing his name.......

the general unbound fandom tag is under pokemon fan games which is understandable. but i am so. i am soooooo fucking happy about this. fuck.

#pokemon unbound #urheuwhdhghsf i am a polished fic writer who started tags i feel so. i feel sooooo accomplished #sorry i am head full of the main gang... i have no plans for the rest of the characters to have a lead role yet....... #i absolutely love fern but my friends were all like 'wait unbound's protag is called francis? not fern?' when i told them about this #which is fucking hilarious. at this point he's literally just an oc who looks a lot like francis #also um. um. god i should say this too but fern is kinda like a whole separate guy from francis at this point we've given him so much lore #francis is the name we give to v1 unbound's protagonist actually! #'why this specifically?' you ask. good question. i am happy to share fern lore just ask me please. i wanna talk about him #i feel kinda insane honestly i'm so ridiculously happy over this #i made them in like january? with the upload of steps? god it's been six months #whiiiiiich is to say. please fucking read steps it's . it's so everything #anyway i enjoy unbound and fax a normal amount please look out for more unbound content in the future!!!! #that is all from your resident fax truther... #it's time to fix all my fucking tags

[justinefrischmanngf]

my family . i love them . but good god .

#I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #I MOVED OUT FOR A REASON AND THE REASON WAS NOT SO THAT THEY COULD COME VISIT ME IN MY UNI CITY #it's fine i'm normal and kind and a good child and sister . #i'm also going to kms if they try to get me to take time off work for them #after fucking being on my ass the entire fucking year about getting a job and how i needed a job and how i should be employed #i just want to live my lifeeeeeeeeeee i want to be free i want to not be asked by my dad at 11.45pm why i'm up because it's late #i feel like i'm losing my actual mind but ykw it's ok and i know it's okay because this time next week i will be back in my uni city #i understand that my parents try and i understand that my sister is 15 but i cannot be everything they want me to be and i cannot #deal with them hanging over me at every second i can't do it #and i need to get over myself i need to let my entire past go and just move on with my life #but it's like i was so so sick the other week and literally both my parents and my younger sister were all on me for things they #needed me to do and i was fully in a different country . completely . a different country where i live out of home btw #and i get i get that family is important and we need to have each others backs or whatever the fuck BUT THEY KNEW I WAS SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #what about having my back........... anyway i'm not bitter . #i do need to just let it all go though bc it's just how it is and there are many worse situations to be in and i am very grateful for my #life so it's all fine . i just feel suffocated . but it's ok because soon i will be in a different country to them again and they will not #know where i am and i will be living my life <333333

[arklay]

loses my mind that they’ve known each other for over a year at that point (even if first four months was just bumping into each other at her work or around the city a bunch) but like um [redacted] was fascinated by her right away… which quickly turned into a weird obsession of wanting to figure her out… and he still hasn’t admitted mayhaps he had caught feelings a bit too quickly… hence the not date definitely dates… whereas diana like definitely started trusting him (in certain aspects) and kinda i guess maybe considered him something of a friend (which she didn’t know she needed) and recently she came to the realisation that somewhere along the line she caught feelings….

#as you can tell i’m very normal about their pre events set in game relationship :) majority of my fics and thoughts are written before they #get married lmao i literally can’t stop… and then most are after game where he lichrally Dies because i said my canon my rules he lives #cause i said so <3 but only have a bit of stuff for everything in between rip… i just love them a lot okay? they mean Everything to me… he #isn’t necessarily interested in sex (hello have talked about this on last six sentence sunday hi hello or my discord essay lmaoooo) but she #initiated things originally and he went oh?? another way i can get under the skin of dr diana sharp??? wanting to get be proud of making her #fall apart and get a bit of an ego boost that she wanted him so bad lmao but that eventually turned into wanting to figure out everything #that made her feel good because he’s a clown 🤡 big honking red nose and clown shoes. the whole nine yards. but it’s a VERY trusting and just #kinda experimental situation for them both and he’s always checking in on her and being such a guy so yeah. lots of thoughts and feelings. #and then sherry asks a question that makes them both go uhhhhhhhhh and she is a bit of a shit here but it makes him genuinely uncomfortable #so she apologises for that and tells him she’s not concerned with putting a label on Whatever is going on between them and she just enjoys #his company and like he’s like it’s cool it’s fine it was a joke… and it’s like a day he is getting a shocking migraine so like she ends up #staying and noticing he seems really off and she ends up taking care of him… maybe one day will post that whole situation when i rewrite it. #but now they’ve actually acknowledged that there is a Thing going on and while no labels or feelings are said like something definitely #shifts a bit over the next few weeks…… like am very not normal over them you don’t understand #oh and um. of course. diana is a brat :) #runs away at full speed #OH ALSO and that night of just nothing spicy happening between them happening just her being there and wanting to help him makes her realise #over the next few days like Oh Shit i care about him a lot omg i care about him oh no i think i have feelings oh god #leah.txt

[justtogetthrough]

I'm getting a foster kid part time (for relief, so a few days a few times a month except for potentially 2 straight weeks in august) and it's so surreal. Sometimes I'm like yay this has been my dream but sometimes I'm like oh my god I am not mentally well but I know I can hold it together for a weekend at a time so itll be okay I hope.

With my step kid I could be real and be mentally ill and wear t-shirts at home with my scars showing, but this youth is not related to me, she's a youth in care, I need to keep my scars covered in the dead of summer when she's around, and while I can be open and honest in appropriate ways about some things, I have to super censor my life and myself lest anyone feel like I am too unstable for her to be safe in my care.

This is wild

It's actually happening

#ive been planning a nice big cut on my arm once my surgery consult takes place but now im like can i live wirh myself if i do that #and them care for a kid who is lso traumatized af and superficially cuts and has suicide ideation #if i have to keep my arms covered at all times anyway im kinda like ......no one will find out then lmao #but the knowledge of an open wound while literally providing respite to a teenager in foster care is kinda weird #then again everything about my life is weird and i need to figure out what parts of my life are and are not shareable with this teen #i cant have her repeating things i tell her about and having her foster parents or CAS worker questioning if im fit to look after a kid #i mean AM I? i guess so. i dont have a plan to kill myself anymore so im back to just regular daily symptoms #its just shit i live with and caring for others is 10x easier than caring for ourselves isnt it #ill get help meal planning to try to avoid an eating disorder meltdown thats my only actual concern around competency #so hmu if you like meal planning and would wanna help me plan 2 weeks of three meals a day #i dont eat that often so it bogges my mind how much food normal people require in a day #personal