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mitch-the-silly · 2 months

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hi!!

id like to request sir pentious x reader headcanons where the reader is sir pentious’ and of course went with him to the hotel to spy on the hotel crew for the vees (let’s just say he wasn’t caught on day one for this..) and the reader starts feeling bad so they take down all of the cameras set up. once pen finds out, he’s absolutely pissed and upset, so he refuses to talk to the reader for about a few weeks, and ends with the reader apologizing (or at least attempting to) and some fluff?

thanks a bunch!!

(I swear I love sir pentious more than life itself he’s such a silly lil thing)

OMG YESSS! Sir Pentious was such a comfort character for me; he deserves the world. Most of my friend group hasn't watched Hazbin yet, and I always get caught lacking because of my "It Starts with Sorry" mini-phase. His parts are actual pieces of heaven to me-

(Post-writing process note: I wrote the best parts while listening to "Christmas Kids" and every time that one pops up on my playlist, I cook really hard with whatever it is I'm writing-)

Enough said, I'm gonna make this a tiny bit of a slow burn. Because... yeah :>

Reader is gn! due to no specification of gender being made in the request.

HOPE YOU ENJOYY!!!

"Amnesty"

Sir Pentious X gn!Reader Fluff

Here are your headcanons!

You had found work under Sir Pentious some decades ago. He wasn’t exactly the most successful overlord, but you were happy to not be part of the lower end of the food chain.

He didn’t own your soul and truly had no interest in such a thing. But you were like an assistant of sorts. Not quite an egg boy, not quite an equal to the man himself.

Despite this, you thought he was quite charming. While he was not destroying half of Pentagram City, he was sitting in the main hall of his steampunk zeppelin drinking tea and conversing with you. It was a very comfortable life.

And thus, as it was routine for the both of you, he began to pick a fight with Alastor again (a sort of fight which he always lost, but when did that stop The Great Sir Pentious). You stood ready to shoot. Your hand on the only lever the egg boys could not reach.

Pulling that lever was literally your only job. The only reason Sir Pentious had hired you in the first place. That’s just how enjoyable your company was to him.

Alas, the fight with Alastor was another failure, but he didn’t go down without ripping a piece of his coat. Action that Alstor didn’t seem to take kindly. The whole ordeal ended in Sir Pentious being flung out across the Pentagram. Of course, you ran off to find him.

Once you found him, you checked if he was alright. “Sir! Are you alright? That was quite the hit the Radio Demon gave you…” you mumbled at him, checking his person to make sure he was alright. He’d put himself together quite well, so you let him be.

“Yes, yes, I’m fine Y/n. I must persist in this endeavor! We mustn’t flail in our pursuit of power.” He called out, a statement at which you nodded.

You two tried to walk back to where the zeppelin had landed, but before you could make it there, in front of an electronics store, the both of you saw a TV light up with a very recognizable face.

Through that TV, Vox (one of the overlords Sir Pentious was trying to catch the attention of by attacking Alastor) explained to both of you that he had a mission for them. To infiltrate into the hotel, blend in, and spy on Alastor and Charlie.

(Valentino butted in to ask that they spy on Angel too-)

The both of you were thrilled to accept this mission. Immediately finding the Zeppelin and making your way back to the Hotel (this time in conditional peace).

Sir Pentious knocked on the Hotel’s main entrance and you waited beside him.

When Vaggie opened the door, you did NOT get punched. Sir Pentious however, did not get the same luck.

You both pleaded your cases. Saying that you’d spoken about the possibility of redemption and had considered it the best idea.

Of course, Charlie just couldn’t resist taking you two into the hotel (much to Angel and Vaggie’s dismay).

That same night, both you and Sir Pentious began to set up Vox’s cameras. You almost got caught, but thanks to your amazing deception skills, you two got away with it (Angel saw you guys, and you pretended you’d lost something).

As the days passed, you seemed to get more used to the way things were. The egg boys, Sir Pentious and you loved it at the hotel.

You became friends with Angel Dust and found Niffty oddly endearing despite her psychotic tendencies. Vaggie’s protective nature made you feel safe, Alastor was good company, Husk was very interesting to talk to and Charlie was the sweetest person you’d met!

And after speaking to Charlie a couple of times on the subject of your dynamic with Sir Pentious, you realized that you were very much in love with him.

After such a revelation, your mindset completely changed. Charlie had helped you realize that truly, you didn’t just follow and care for Sir Pentious because he was the overlord you worked for, but because you genuinely cared about him. How could you live with the guilt of betraying, spying, and intruding on the privacy of such a sweet person as well as her friends? Yes, this mission meant a lot to Sir Pentious, but you… you couldn’t do it anymore.

One night, you snuck down to the lobby. You knew exactly where all the cameras were, and you began to carefully take every single one of them down. And just as you were on the last one, you were faced with the last person you wanted to see: Sir Pentious.

He stood in front of the last camera, looking at you in disbelief. “What are you doing messsssssing wissss the camerasssss?” He whisper-yelled at you. Demanding an explanation.

“Sir… I… I can’t with this anymore… They’ve treated us so well… and we’re betraying them.” You argued, trying to keep it as quiet as he was.

“What? Why would you do that? I’m not letting you back out of thissssss. You’re not acting with ssssensssse.” He hissed back.

“Sir Pentious, please… I… We are gaining nothing from this.” You argued.

“Nossssing? Y/n, we are working for Voxssss. That’ssss exsssactly where we’ve been trying to be for the passssst five decadessss. You’re not gonna throw all of that away, are you?” He frowned. He felt so offended that you would even suggest you both ditch the plan.

“No that’s not what I-, Sir… I… hand me the camera, please...”

“Absssssolutely not.” He spat back.

“Stop being so loud, we’re going to get caught.” You responded, “Please… let’s talk this over, Penty…” You mumbled. An old nickname you hadn’t called him in ages. It was more of an inside joke between the both of you, but you definitely meant it as a term of absolute endearment.

“No. I don’t care what you call me. I’m not going to fall for it. I don’t know what they told you, but I sssssee now that I’ve losssssst your pledged loyalty. Do not ssssspeak to me, ever again, you traitor.” He responded bluntly.

Normally you would find his melodramaticism funny. But this. This one he meant it. You looked at him, a tear rolling down your cheek. You couldn’t take the pain of the wound his words inflicted on your heart. You loved him, and he hated you now. He deemed you as a traitor. So you ran away in an attempt to spare yourself from him seeing you cry. Running up the stairs, you stumbled into your room. Crying in a corner as you looked at the (now deactivated) cameras that you’d taken down. You sobbed bitterly on the floor until you eventually were too tired to remain awake.

The next morning, you crawled into your bed. You didn’t want to leave it. Perhaps it was a bit dramatic of you, but you’d been around Sir Pentious for so long that you didn’t know if it even was far-fetched. But all of that aside, you couldn’t bear to show your face. You felt that if you saw him, you’d start sobbing on the spot. So you simply stayed tucked below your blankets.

Charlie came in to check why you hadn’t left your room, and you simply told her you felt sick.

She had Niffty bring you some stew.

The egg boys went to check on you. You didn’t tell them about the argument you had with Sir Pentious.

They offered to bring you the next bowl of stew. They really cared about you

(Carl has definitely accidentally called you his parent-)

After three days of moping around, you decided you would go downstairs and sit in the lobby.

Once she saw you, Charlie asked you if you felt better now and you told her you felt much better.

However, at some point, you were left alone with Sir Pentious. You knew that you had to approach him. From the very depths of your heart you knew that you loved him and that if you stopped talking to him, you would live in misery for the rest of your eternal existence.

So the second you felt ready, you walked up to him with an apologetic look.

The second he saw you in his field of view, he turned away from you. Letting out a resentful huff, he tried to ignore you. However, you were determined to fix things.

“Sir Pentious… I… I didn’t mean to upset you. I know Vox’s attention means a lot to you… but this place made me realize that… you can be happy without him. We can be happy without him. Here in the hotel! In Heaven!” You exclaimed, begging him to listen.

“We? What do you mean by we? You’ve never sssspoken to me like this before.” He asked, still a bit undignified but still turning to you, confused by your choice of words.

You paused, thinking of how to come clean to him. “The reason why I took down the cameras was… because I felt bad. Charlie and I have been talking about feelings and things of the sort… and she made me realize that… That I love you… And, I’m so thankful for the clarity she brought me that it felt like betrayal. But I guess I… I didn’t stop to think how that would make you feel…” You mumbled.

He gave you a look of bewilderment. He had no words; he was flattered. And suddenly, it all made sense to him as well. The reason why he’d felt so betrayed was because of how he valued you.

“The last thing I wanted was for you to detest me…” You mumbled at him, feeling tears build up in your eyes.

He gave you a look of sympathy. It clicked in his mind that you did it out of love for him. He didn’t know how to feel about your affection towards him, but he was sure he cared about you and that the feeling was at the very least partially reciprocated. But right now, the feeling of betrayal was still fresh on his mind.

“I… I forgive you, I sssssuppose… I can’t stay mad at you after such a heartfelt confessssssion…” He mumbled, blushing, turning away. This time, not out of grudge, but out of embarrassment.

It wasn’t quite long until you two decided to take all the cameras down for good (after you two were discovered by Angel Dust about a week later) and dedicate yourselves to redemption.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #sir pentious x reader #hazbin sir pentious #sir pentious #hazbin hotel sir pentious #sir pentious fluff #hazbin hotel headcanon #sir pentious x you #sir pentious x reader headcanons #snake boi #snake boi fluff #sir pentious is so prescious #i love him #headcanons

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stargirl1331 · 4 months

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A diary of my reactions to the songs on the playlist @unnamedrat made for me! written as i listen:)

this got long so i actually get to use a cut? amazing

Star-mitski: oooo nice vibes i really like th smooth to the less smooth. also: Star:)

So Real-jeff buckley: i am in love with the lyrics especially the "and i never stepped on the cracks/cause i thought id hurt my mother". has similar feeling to dear arkansas daughter in a way? ooooo i love the beat change!

Good heart-indigo de souza: 1) the title makes me happy 2) i relate to this song 3) i absolutely am in love and it is now im my liked songs. this song somehow reminds me of climbing a tree and jumping out of the branches. also about my new strawberry toothpaste but thats just because there was a lyric about brushing teeth.

This is A life-a bunch of people: oooooooo i really like the blend of voices it sounds like loosing memories of people in a way almost. i highly enjoy but also its so melancholy and i feel like i could lie on the floor in star and just vibe.

The prettiest star-bowie: Star title:) its a bop(whos suprised its bowie) i want to sway and dip and spin and dance. i maybe zoned out for the rest of this song and have no notes but it was very very nice.

Cabras-little jesus: I do not speak what i believe is spanish but im vibing.

Enjoy the silence-depeche mode: i have heard this before i rather like it. its what my dad would call "british new wave". ive been getting more into their music lately ALL I EVER WANTED.... WORDS ARE VERY/UNNECESSARYYYYYY dude im just vibing and bopping along

Love will tear us apart-joy division: A) dante u and my dad and me seem to have a bit of a venn diagram of music tastes this is sorta funny to me but im vibing sooo hard. b) i zoned out and did stuff so no notes other then Vibes are great

Grace-jeff buckley: i like these chords. oh the moon:) the moon asking to stay:) im fine. i am in deep feels with these lyrics. im so good. i really like this song. spinning in grass and falling over to stare at a rainy night sky vibes if you know what im saying

Buffalo replaced-mitski: No notes. had to do things. great song. like the lyrics. i just like her voice tbh.

where did the sun go-lor: I LOVE THIS SONG IT BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY I FOUND IT EARLIER THIS YEAR AND IT WAS MY SECOND MOST LISTENED TO. i love lor. i love this song. it makes me want to bite things. amazing. wonderful. wish there was a 10 min version

ok i have to do things ill continue this when i listen to the rest and can sit down and do it and also if i remember

#dante the detective #hello the fact that you think of me when u see star songs or smth it makes me all fuzzy:)#ive had an impact on people whove had an impact on me!!#i think of you when im discussing details in art or writing and stuff #its just like “oh dante would see so much in this cause hes a genius!”#seeds in the garden

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cosmosees · 1 year

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Zetto and/or Kizuna for the character ask?

once again for this...i shall take more if anyone wants to send

under the a cut once again!

ZETTO:

favorite thing about them: when i was a kid the kirb/zetto twist did genuinely make me insane. in a good way. i think hes a really fascinating character in his like...Mentality Switches between personas yk. guy whos a jerk in a funny way vs guy who just actually sucks

least favorite thing about them: honestly i wish it was just made more clear during like episode zero or smth what his stance in sofdti as like....a living thang was? not that it would matter much in the grand scheme of his development but idk kizuna said some SHIT yk

favorite line: id probably say like...a lot of stuff from the nylocke battle in the gemini tournament. absolute lowest point of that guy its really interesting. (obligatory MY ARM AAAAAGHHHHH mention purely because holy shit he was screaming)

brotp: HIM AND GAMESOFT oh my godd them together. aughh. the only two guys who Know the guys who can talk abt shit and he can be sad. solace in understanding and so on

otp: i know its basic but like....alphazet mannn. everything abt the two of them was PAINFULLY gay and its honestly kind of funny kirb (the guy not the character) didnt notice. runner up is him and nylocke becahse i just think they are silly and funny

notp: i dont really have anyone with him that i actively LOATHE but i think its probbably him and kizuna. putting my personal gay zetto hc aside i think theyd both be wayy too codependent unless they got like. therapy. i know a lot of what ive been saying so far makes it sound like i hate kizuna but i dont i PROMISE

random headcanon: i feel like postseries hed find a way to set gs up with a virtual machine desktop of her own so her knowledge of the world can extend beyond what she knows in tome. they spend time bonding over computer science n junk :)

unpopular opinion: im honestly never good at this part but as an adult with better drawing skills now...i actually like drawing his hair

song i associate with them: zetto was never someone i had much of a playlist for back in the day so i had to scrounge a bit but i think i found something satisfactory

favorite picture of them:

KIZUNA:

favorite thing about them: REALLY underrated secondary antagonist, interesting moral code, she has insane girlie guilt over her actions that doesnt get explored enough.....and shes a kitty cat :)

least favorite thing about them: her arc in the original series was like...a little inconclusive? i wish she couldve come to terms with sofdtis sentience and whatnot. the trajectory of a2z is changing her in a way im really liking so far though! im excited to see where she goes

favorite line: that whole rant at the tail end of the series where shes just like. a bunch of people she cared about almost died and she was freaking the fuck out. it hurts....i love her she needs THERAPYY

brotp: she doesnt get to interact with too many characters during the series but in my perfect world i think shed be chill with demonking. dont question my madness i know im right

otp: re the previous answer she doesnt interact with a lot of characters, on this note Especially im hesitant to give a definitive answer but i think if her parallels with flamey were more explored...in my perfect world.........theyd work so spicily

notp: same as zetto but also tacking gs onto this. less out of kizunas ability to see her as a person currently and more that in the future if/when she does end up coming around i do feel like gs would still be hurt by it. theyd be buddies tho:)

random headcanon: with the rpg version of tigerlily i sometimes wish that series kizuna had like...a secret lil roleplay presence. not necessarily on tome itself but she has to cool of SOMEHOW right. she made an anime catgirl avatar i KNOW she has thoughts about that shit

unpopular opinion about them: kizuna is probably the most divisive character ive done for this so far...all i can really say is like...i joke about supporting womens wrongs and stuff but i think introspectively she does have a lot of potential as a character that we dont see a lot of because most of the scenes with her are from zettos perspective. AGAIN tho im reallly liking where a2z is taking her so far i hope i get more scraps

song i associate with them: much like zetto she wasnt someone i had playlists for back in the day however unlike zetto i have the PERFECT one for her. nonexistent meet-cute (idlyam) by vylet pony.... feeling it

favorite picture of them:

#terrain of magical expertise #zetto tome #kizuna tome #cosmo.txt

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asrai-azurrcat · 3 months

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tumblr lets you vent without anyone seeing so ig ill try?? but i dont rly have anything to vent just writing down.. things umm tw sh?? depression?? but not mine.

why is mental health in kids so bad- like as someone whos thirteen and has never had any issues other than the common insecurities, why are so many people my age suicidal for years?? like. i know a lot get bullied and then there's family problems, but then some people just have happy lives until the internet; and then place expectations on themselves and sh and then they start to have thoughts about dying- and they're only, what, ten? eleven? twelve? like, they're practically still children. not even teen. and as terrible as it sounds, i just cant understand, especially how theres a lot of other kids who think being depressed makes you cool and edgy and gets you attention so they start to pretend to be unhappy and then draw attention away from people who need it, and at this age you really can't tell those kind of people from the genuinely hurt ones. i made this mistake with my year 6 bsf, ill call her blossom. but like. she's basically perfect in every way: beautiful and one of the only people who don't pretend to be kind, they really are just. actually. so kind at heart. and especially now that she's moved away and then got her phone taken away, took a massive break from tiktok and her stupid fucking boyfriend and studied and now, shes even better. doing better. in year 6 especially id always find sh scars on her arm and she'd never stop, and she talked abt being depressed before but i never even believed her. i was such an asshole friend abt that. like trying to will her to 'stop pretending to be fucked up'- how can she even consider me a close friend to her now, still? i have a vivid memory of one of my friends puppy, looking at blossom closing the school scissors around her fingers and puppy saying, 'oh my god blossom, stop acting depressed', and then blossom just smiled and stopped and i as a really horrible friend internally agreed with puppy. like. im supposed to be there for her. im just so self-centred and pigheaded, and i was prancing abt the world with rose-tinted glasses, thinking. like. there's no way anyone my age can be depressed, thats bullshit! anyone doing it is doing it for attention. and i hate myself for failing blossom like that. and then when i found out her fresh scars and knew she was being real abt this, and i just tried to press her for answers, she wouldn't tell other than a vague answer that her parents always argued. and then id only find out a year later in high school after she moved away, from a fucking spotify playlist, that she didn't get along w her mom. meeting up w blossom again in this new year, and seeing her talk about a new boyfriend who isnt obese and chronically online like her ex, and studying and omitting swear words and reading classic books instead of manga. idk what i was feeling, but i just feel a bunch of regret that i didn't even help her at all when i was friends with her, closest with her, just focusing on myself and my social life and feeling sorry for myself. god i hate myself for not caring more about her.

and now in high school i meet a bunch of new people with puppy and eventually join a friend group i can stabilise on, have fun, make new friends, find shil. and shil is a mirror of blossom, like throughout the entire y7 i was just constantly thinking: oh wow, they both care a lot abt other people. they're both into genshin. they both need a therapist. they both have parents that are on the verge of divorcing. they both aren't straight (actually im not sure abt blossom's sexuality after coming out of her y6, is she still pan?) and i don't deserve either of them. shil is just. so, so friendly and nice, staying friends with me despite my terrible personality, but she has her own friends that she prefers more- two groups of them- and i dont have anyone now that cappu has left, so i always feel like im the one clinging onto her. and shil is also dealing with her stuff, like the shit that happened in her home country and then her parents aren't getting along, she's been bullied and manipulated as a child. i mean, at least she's confiding in me this time unlike blossom, so at least i know what she's going through. and she doesn't have sh scars on her arms but who knows?!! who fucking knows because arms arent the only place you can cut yourself and shil could just be hiding them. and the difference here is that blossom liked me as much as i liked her to the point we could say ily to each other (platonically, near the end of the year very few times but still it was there) and shil is.. more distant, because as much as she's opened up more to me than blossom has it's not even the tip of the mountain of things she's carrying around. and going to a top girl's school filled with smart people and asians, we're surrounded by people under pressure and as much as the teachers stress that the school counsellors are there barely anyone really goes there. but shil is, im glad she applied. she needs it. i don't want to be an asshole to her like a did to blossom. and i thought just occurred to me that, if i lose her, ill be alone in the school, so basically my thinking is just centred around me. self-pity. feeling sorry for myself. if i don't stop being this self-centred, it probably will happen.

and then again, im always judging everyone, which shouldn't be a problem until i go acting on my judgements, and then i make myself fall closer to the social rock bottom because those judgements are mistaken, and i just like to judge people by their outward appearance and personality. like what happened with blossom. i didn't even know bats was this depressed and sh'ed until i found her vent. i just assumed she liked s3x jokes, and they never bothered her. and J too. im confused about J, but J really is suicidal too, because i remember her sending a massive vent to cappu and cappu telling me abt it. and i sort of gave her a blind eye during the period last year when her social life was evidently down and mine was blooming, being an absolute fucking idiot stupid selfish asshole not talking to her enough until the end of the year when we went to the mall with patty everyday like a ritual, and she befriended lin, hitch and tee, and vali, and hy, but she still has no energy, and she looks really tired everyday and looks like she's not taking care of herself.

why are children getting depressed? why are twelve year olds and eleven year olds getting depressed? why are they unhappy with their lives, why are they getting anxiety and cutting themselves, why is the internet doing this to them? what's going to happen to our children's generation, will fucking toddlers commit suicide- i want to understand these people. i want to help them, i want to avoid being a bystander to their unhapiness when i could help and i want to never make the same mistake i did with blossom. i want to stay friends with shil. i want to make new friends, join a new friend group, other than the inner circle with puppy that talk about things i don't even know like taylor swift or boys they meet on snapchat. i want to stop being self-centred and selfish, because these days whenever i try to think about other people like this it always circles back to me

i hope no ones reading this lmao

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rebelwrites · 3 years

Text

If My Body Had A Say (NSFW)

Clay Spenser x Reader

A/N told you it was gonna be a sinful week, my brain is in nonstop thirst mode this week! Song used is “Body Say” by Demi Lovato! Enjoy 😉

Join The Group Chat Here - If You Want Tagging Manually Let Me Know 🖤

Clay Spenser Masterlist

This Months Writing

“Right guys I have a feeling it’s gonna be a busy night tonight.” You smiled as you let the bar door slam behind you.

“Oh that’s it, turn up when everything is done!” Jake laughed.

“Urm you do remember, I am the boss and own this place right?” You winked, dumping your bag in the bar, “Just be grateful I’m tending tonight.”

“And by the looks of it, hoping to get laid as well” Jade laughed.

“Is it that obvious?” You smirked, as you hung your leather jacket up, revealing the black mesh top giving the perfect view of the red lace bra underneath.

“Nah” she winked.

“Just to let you know I will be calling dibs on any table there’s a cute guy on, shout up if you see one walk in. You all know my type” you laughed.

It was now around nine pm and you were right, tonight was busy but not too bad. You had your back to the door, pouring drinks when you felt something being thrown at you.

“Eyes right. Just walked in” Jake winked, looking over to the door you couldn’t help but bite down on your bottom lip at the Blonde god that just strolled in like he owned the place.

“Best wingman ever,” you smirked at Jake “Whatever table they are at, remember it’s mine tonight”

“Are you talking about the table or Blondie?” Jade laughed.

“Well if I have my way, then Blondie'' You grinned as the boys made their way over to the bar. You couldn’t help yourself as you grabbed the phone that was purely used for the music, scrolling through the playlists until you found the one you were looking for before hitting shuffle.

Turning back to the bar, you flashed the boys your best smile, whilst leaning forward giving Blondie the perfect view of your boobs, and you didn’t miss his eyes dropping before quickly looking back up.

“What table are you on boys?” You asked.

“The booth in the back corner,” Blondie smirked, as you locked eyes and in that moment it felt like it was only the two of you in the building.

“Perfect” you grinned, breaking eye contact with him, “write your order down and I will bring the drinks over shortly, also I am gonna need to get a credit card and ID to get the tab set up”

“Get Ya wallet out peaches!” One of the guys said as he slapped his hand on blondie’s back. “You lost the bet so tonight is all on you!”

“It was a stupid bet!” He huffed handing his bank card and ID over to you, his fingers brushing against yours, sending sparks through your skin.

“Thanks, I will bring this over once I’ve done” you nodded, flashing him your signature smirk.

Spinning around you placed both hands against the counter, taking a deep breath before looking down at the ID, you didn’t need it but he didn’t know that.

“That was sneaky, Y/N” Jade laughed, looking over your shoulder at the ID “fuck, girl he is Navy!”

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve hit the fucking jackpot!” You grinned as you got the tab set up before slipping the bank card and ID into the back pocket of your jeans so you could get the drinks started, moving my body to the beat of the music.

“Someone can’t stop watching,” Jake laughed as he squeezed behind you.

“Let him watch,” you winked, as you grabbed your bottle of beer, bringing it to your lips as you locked eyes with Clay, throwing him a wink as you licked your lips, before you grabbed the tray of drinks. “Oh this is gonna be easy”

As you got closer to the table you heard the conversation.

“Seriously, you made it so obvious that you were staring at her boobs” one of the guys said.

“I think she caught me” Clay laughed “but I mean damn she is absolute fire, I couldn’t help myself”

As you got closer the conversation stopped, placing the tray down in the center of the table, you decided to keep hold of Clay’s ID and bank card for a little bit, as you had a plan.

“So what is a bunch of Navy Seals, doing in a little bar of mine?” You asked leaning against the wall.

“Change of scenery” one said. “And our boy here lost a bet, so we thought we would come cause some chaos in a new place”

“Well if you need another troublemaker, you let me know” you smirked “Trouble is my middle name, enjoy boys”

As you walked off, you put an extra swing in your hips and you felt a set of eyes burning into your ass. This boy was putty in your hands and you loved it. And if the change of music didn’t give the game away then you didn’t know what would.

About an hour had passed, and a lot of flirting had happened between you and Clay already, whenever they needed more drinks he was the one to come up to the bar. The conversation just flowed with him and you felt like you had known him years.

Leaning your forearms against the bar you locked eyes with him again, that smirk of his was going to get you into some serious trouble. As the music changed you bite down on your lip.

“If I had it my way, I would take the lead. And if I had it my way, I would take you deep. If my body had a say, I'd get it off my chest. Show you all the red lace underneath this dress. And our eyes are crossing paths across the room. There's only one thing left for us to do” you mouthed along with the song, as you maintained eye contact with Clay from across the room, “You can touch me with slow hands. Speed it up, baby, make me sweat. Dreamland, take me there 'cause I want your sex. If my body had a say, I wouldn't turn away. Touch, make love, taste you”

You couldn’t help but squeeze your thighs together as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and his blue eye darkened with desire. Before he looked down, laughing at something the guys had said. His smile made you feel so many emotions and left you feeling weak at the knees. Grabbing a napkin and a pen you scribbled a note before folding it up, placing it between the cards.

No one had ordered more drinks but there order was the same each time so you quickly got it all together before taking them over.

“We didn’t order any more drinks?” Jason said.

“Well you boys looked thirsty, so this one is on me” you smirked before turning to Clay, “oh I forgot I still had these” you said, passing him back his ID and bank card. “I’m going on a break soon, so if you need anything just ask Jade or Jake and they will look after you”

As you walked away you saw Clay check the note you had left him. Smirking to yourself you headed to the bar. “Right I am going on break, and if my plan has worked I don’t know how long I will be” you winked “just don’t come looking for me because you might see things you don’t wanna see”

It wasn’t long before the door to your office burst open, with a hungry Clay standing in the doorway. He didn’t waste any time as he rushed over to you grabbing your jaw in his hands, smashing his lips against yours, this kiss was far from romantic, it was full of urgency and lust, you smirked into the kiss letting the sparks fly through your body as you fumbled with the belt on his jeans.

“You have been such a tease all night,” he growled against your lips.

“What you gonna do about it?” You giggled, as you pushed his jeans and his boxers down, wrapping your hand around his dick, slowly pumping, making a low groan leave his lips.

“Mmm, I can think of a few things,” he groaned “starting with bending you over this desk.”

“Don’t you want your dick sucking first!” You whispered, as you ran your fingers over the head, making his knees buckle slightly. “I’m really good at it.”

“I have no doubt about that, Princess” he groaned “but I just wanna fuck you so bad right now”

“Well then, what are you waiting for?” You said looking through your lashes at him.

Within a few seconds, your jeans were around your ankles and you were pressed against your desk, ass in the air ready for Clay. The sharp sting on his hand made you moan before the feeling of him stretching you out making you gasp. He gave it a couple of seconds for you to adjust to his size, but then he got impatient, his fingers digging into your hips and he pounded you from behind.

“Oh fuck” you screamed, “shit that feels so good”

“God you feel good wrapped around my dick” Clay groaned, as his thrusts got harder.

“Shit, that’s the spot” you cried as he wrapped one arm round finding your clit. The feeling was intense, you hadn’t had sex in a while so everything was tighter and made the pleasure more intense, alongside the fact that you were at work. “Fuck, Clay don’t stop”

“I wasn’t planning on stopping, Princess” he growled.

You swore your souls left you body, as he thrust as hard as he could, the feeling of him assaulting your clit as well as the hard strokes pushed you over the edge, screaming his name as you came, but he didn’t stop, even though you were still riding the orgasm out, everything was even more sensitive now and he knew this by how you were responding, so he carried on as he chased his own high, leading you to a second mind blowing orgasm within minutes, both finishing at the same time.

“Fuck” you breathed, resting your check against the cool wood of your desk.

“You okay down there?” Clay said with a breathless laugh.

“Ask me in five minutes” you laughed, “not gonna lie, no one has ever fucked me that good before”

“Well just shows you hadn’t met the right person” he laughed as he slowly pulled out of you, making you whine at the loss of feeling. “You know this doesn’t have to be a one time thing right”

“Who said it was gonna be a one time thing anyway?” You giggled as you cleaned yourself up before pulling your jeans back up. “I have your address baby, I didn’t need your ID for the tab, that was just for me”

“You sneaky shit,” Clay laughed, resting his hands on your hips. “But I know I’m gonna need more, I’m gonna need to taste you, and I know I’m gonna get addicted to you.”

“Take me on a date then Spenser,” you smirked, getting lost in his blue eyes, “and I might show you just how naughty I can get.”

@chibsytelford @mrsmarvelous1995 @supervalcsi @talicat713 @disasterfandoms @bravo-four-seal-team @jasonbabymama @jayhalsteadfan-2417 @lotsoflovefromlea @seik-o @ohitshanksgirlxo @velvetcardiganbucky @phoenixhalliwell @pancakeisreading @itsonautopilot @pinkrockstar19 @galaxysanduniversesinmymind @softi92 @abby-splace @pancakeisreading

#Clay Spenser #clay spenser x reader #clay spenser imagine #clay spenser oneshot #seal team #seal team x reader #seal team imagine #seal team oneshot

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anna-justice · 3 years

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Lost or Found - 24

Summary: As Jay, Hailey, Kim, Adam and Kevin start their junior year in the wake of a tragic summer, the past year of their lives comes back to haunt them. If you enjoyed Pretty Little Liars, this is for you! *UPSTEAD/BURZEK High School AU

...

24 - Evermore ...

“Your dad should have killed you when he had the chance…”

Hailey whimpered, her eyes clenched shut and beads of sweat appearing on her forehead.

“So you want to play hero one more time?”

She flinched in her sleep, her heart beating out of her chest, so fast that she thought it was going to explode.

“That works for me.”

Hailey shot up, screaming. The last thing she saw was the barrel of a gun. She clawed at her chest, trying to get a good breath. “Hailey?” Someone yelled, and then right after, her Aunt appeared in front of her. “Hailey, it’s okay.” Trudy reached out to grab her hand, but Hailey pulled it back, looking at her with scared eyes.

It had been a month since she had heard those words muttered aloud, but they plagued her dreams frequently.

The two weeks following that day, all five of them took turns rotating through the police station. Everyday there were new questions, more people to explain things to, more statements to clarify, it was never ending. Then, it just stopped. There was nothing else they could do, they had to wait for trial. And in the meantime, Erin was placed in a psychiatric hold facility, and her lawyers were defending her actions as a symptom as psychosis.

It bothered them all, that technically she was free, all because they could blame her attempted murder on a psychotic break. Especially when Kelly Severide was looking at time. A few days after, two detectives showed up at Hailey’s house, wanting a full recount of the last five months, and that included the night that she was attacked. When Severide was questioned, he had no alibi and he confessed to strangling Hailey. His excuse was that he was threatened the same way that the rest of them were, only in person. He claimed that he knew Erin was alive the whole time, but she threatened to kill his mom and sister if he didn’t cooperate.

Unfortunately, the only way to corroborate the story for a jury is to prove Erin mentally competent, meaning she was capable of carrying out her threats. To all involved, even Kelly, it was clear that she knew what she was doing, she was a mastermind, but to everyone on the outside, they were just a bunch of teenagers wrapped up in a murder.

The girl that everyone thought was Erin still hadn’t been identified, they had to dig up the casket for the second time. The only way they were able to ID it the first time was by the previous fracture and bracelet, but there are a lot of people in the Chicago area that have broken their left wrist.

So, with no new information and the date for the trial to begin still months away, they all lived life normally. Well, as normal as it could be after everything they went through. And normal for Hailey meant waking up every night screaming.

Trudy looked at her husband, who was standing in the doorway. They shared a look, a very familiar one. They repeated the same steps every night, like some cruel rehearsed dance. Trudy waited patiently for Hailey to calm down, just seated on the floor next to her. “Hailey, sweetie, you’re safe.” She repeated.

Every night it was the same, Hailey would snap out of whatever daze she was in and apologize profusely. “I’m sorry, I got scared…” She started.

“Shhh,” Trudy said, placing a hand on her leg, “It’s okay.”

Hailey nodded, swallowing hard. “I’m good, you all can go back to sleep.” She said, glancing at her uncle.

Trudy just nodded, she learned many nights ago not to fight her on it, “Alright. Goodnight Hailey, we love you.” She said, squeezing her shoulder.

“Love you too.” Hailey said, watching them retreat back to their room. They left the door open like they always did, Hailey sighed rolling over and grabbing her phone. She sent a quick text to her boyfriend.

Hailey: :(

It was a system that they started a few weeks ago. The first few nights Jay would stay up with her on the phone, or she would call him after Trudy and Randy finally left, but the lack of sleep began to play a part in their relationship. So, they decided that every time Hailey had a nightmare (or Jay, he wasn’t clean of them) they would text the other a frowny face, so that in the morning they would know what the other had gone through the night before without having to talk about it. It has proved to be useful.

Hailey laid down again, willing herself to close her eyes, but she couldn’t. Sleep was too vulnerable, so she laid there awake, just waiting for the sun to rise on (hopefully) a better day.

…

“What do you mean you haven’t picked out a costume?” Kim asked, as Jay slammed his door shut. Like every morning, they were all crowded around his truck, waiting until the last minute to head to class. The gossip still hadn’t died down, they were still the topic of every conversation, so they avoided it as much as they could.

Hailey shrugged. “I thought we weren’t dressing up.” She said, looking up at her boyfriend, who nodded in agreement. Halloween was tomorrow, and of course Kim had plans for all of them.

“No, I said we weren’t dressing up as the characters from scooby doo…” Kim said, giving Adam a pointed look.

Adam held up his hands in surrender, “Like I said, I’m sorry, it’s too soon.” He said, stifling a laugh.

Kevin rolled his eyes, “Yeah, you all know I’d have to be scooby. And I’m not dressing up like a dog.” He snapped.

“But Kev,” Adam said, faking a frown. “I thought you were my dawg.” Kevin glared at him, faking a punch as Adam jumped back.

“Anyway,” Kim started, looking back at Hailey and Jay, and ignoring the antics behind her. “I promised Stella we would all be at her party tomorrow night, you guys will be the only people without a costume.”

Hailey sighed, “Kim, we will get costumes, I promise.” Kim opened her mouth, but the warning bell cut her off. Hailey smiled, grabbing Jay’s hand. “We’ll see you guys later.” She said, before pulling him away.

“Please tell me you have costume ideas,” Jay said quietly.

“Nope.” They rounded the corner, Jay leaning down and stealing a kiss before they entered their classroom. Criminal justice was a little harder to sit through than it was before, but somehow Jay had managed to get his grade up.

They took their normal seats in the back of the class, waiting for the teacher to begin. “I have an idea,” Jay said, leaning on his hand.

“Okay?” Hailey said cautiously.

“I’ll be a firefighter, and you be a Dalmatian.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Hailey scoffed, “No.”

“Okay. You be the firefighter and I’ll be the Dalmatian.” He said, smirking.

Hailey shook her head, “Try again.” Jay fake pouted, retreating back to his half of the shared desk.

Finally, their teacher decided to start class, cutting their conversation off for the time being. After about 30 minutes of notes, he passed out an assignment, leaving them to work on their own. Jay turned to face her, smiling. “I’ve got another idea.” He said, Hailey gave him a pointed look. “Squints and the lifeguard from the sandlot.”

“Why? So every time someone asks us who we are you get to lay on the ground and make me kiss you?” She questioned.

“Exactly.” He deadpanned.

“Jay-”

“Okay, okay.” He said, laughing. He loved it when she got all riled up. “Peter Pan and Tinkerbell, cause you’re so short-”

“Jay!” She said, smacking his bicep.

He laughed harder, “Okay, in all seriousness...we can be Jack and Rose from the titanic…” He watched Hailey’s face slowly morph into slight agreeance, “And Kev could be the iceberg.”

“I’m done with you.” Hailey said shortly, stifling her own laugh.

Jay laughed at his own joke, watching his girlfriend pretend to be aggravated with him. “You love me, you know it.”

“Unfortunately…” Hailey said under her breath. She took a deep breath, “What about Danny and Sandy from Grease?”

Jay smirked, “You in leather pants? Perfect.”

“You’re hopeless.”

…

The next day, Hailey sat in Kim’s bedroom getting ready. They had about an hour before the boys were supposed to come pick them up. Kim and Adam were going as Romeo and Juliet, while Hailey and Jay had finally settled on Rapunzel and Flynn Rider. Kevin had grouped up with some of the boys from his team, they were going as zombie football players, very original…

“Kim, you’re going to have to do this.” Hailey said, laughing in defeat.

Kim smiled, taking over for her. She was waiting for her to ask for help, she’d been struggling to french braid her hair for almost twenty minutes. “I got it.” They sat there for a while in silence, Kim carefully laying pieces of blonde hair over the others, she glanced at Hailey in the mirror, noticing the blank look on her face. “How are you doing?”

Hailey’s head snapped up to meet her eyes, she caught her off guard. “Uh,” She shrugged, “I’m okay, I guess…”

Kim scoffed, shaking her head. “I’ve said that word so many times recently that I’m not even sure it’s a word anymore.”

“Yeah…” Hailey said, letting her thoughts wander. “I get that.” And she did, it was like she used the word as a shield. It was her response to everything, and she wasn’t okay, not that it was really a secret. None of them were okay, but saying it made it feel like they were. And deception was something worth clinging onto.

“You know, we never talked about-”

“We don’t need to.” Hailey said, cutting her off.

Kim eyed her cautiously, “Okay.” She wanted to talk, but she didn’t feel like she had any right to push Hailey to. Not after what happened. “Done.” She said, a few minutes later, taking a step back to admire her work.

“Thanks,” Hailey said with a genuine smile, picking up the jar of flower clips they had bought that morning. “You think I should just put these everywhere?”

Kim nodded, “Yeah, I think so.” She reached down, clicking shuffle on a playlist, a random Taylor Swift song playing. They were both done talking.

An hour later, the two of them were sitting in Kim’s kitchen talking to her mom when Jay and Adam arrived. Adam just let himself in the front door, Jay choked on a laugh as he waltzed in like he owned the place.

The boys appeared in the kitchen, “Honey, I’m home.” He said, passing Kim and hugging her mom. Kim rolled her eyes as they all laughed, Jay’s hand finding Hailey’s back like it always did. He was so happy, even though life was still crazy, he was ridiculously happy. Watching Hailey smile and Adam joke around like he used to (before they used it as a distraction) was so nice, and familiar and just so damn good.

Hailey peered up at him, grinning as he pecked her lips. “Alright, let’s get a picture so you all can get out of here.” Claire said, ushering them together. Jay stood next to Adam, both of them holding their girlfriends securely against their waists. They all smiled brightly, relaxing after the click.

They quickly bid their goodbyes, making their way out to Jay’s truck. Hailey slid easily into the passenger seat, despite her nude heels (that she was already regretting), while Adam and Kim got in the back. They pulled out of the driveway, and somehow Adam ended up with aux cord. Somewhere in between an old Maroon 5 song and the Weekend, Jay’s hand found hers on the center console.

Hailey looked down at it and smiled. It was a simple thing that they did every single time they rode together, but it really symbolized how much things had changed. Hailey thought back to the day that he kept his eyes trained on the road, back when she cut him off when he tried to apologize. It was only two months ago, but they were different, everything was different, everything was better.

Jay followed her gaze to their conjoined hands, mimicking her smile. She didn’t have to say anything, he knew exactly what she was thinking. Part of him wishes he could go back and stay with her then, he felt like they had wasted so much time, but the other part of him knew that they were better for it. Neither of them were ready for what they have now, then. And what they have was worth the wait.

Finally they reached their destination, Jay having the park pretty far away due to how many people were already there. They got out, Jay rounding the truck to help Hailey down, even though she hadn’t needed it in a long time. The four of them headed towards the decent sized house, they could hear the music thumping from outside. Hailey slipped her hand in Jay’s, gripping his forearm.

Jay noticed the look of discomfort on her face, leaning down. “Hey, you okay?” He asked, eying her.

Hailey nodded, holding on a little tighter. “Yeah, just don’t want to get lost in the crowd.” Jay nodded, believing her lie. She couldn’t really explain it, but she had a terrible feeling in her stomach and the thought of being lost in a sea of people made her want to throw up. Even though it was over, Hailey still found herself looking over her shoulder and watching out for her. And even though all of that meant she was nowhere near being in a party mood, she wasn’t going to bring everyone else down, they all needed a fun night.

They made their way through the crowded makeshift dance floor, and found Kevin in a living area near the back of the house where he was sitting with Stella, Conner, Matt and Sylvie. “Hey guys,” He called, jumping up and clapping Adam’s back.

Stella stood, hugging Kim tightly, “I’m glad you guys could make it.”

Kim squeezed her, “Me too.”

Stella backed away, touching Hailey’s arm affectionately and giving her a kind smile that she returned. “I know it’s kind of crazy,” Stella laughed, “If you need something or just a break, the keys to the upstairs doors are hidden right under the doors, just inside the rooms.” She glanced at the obvious couples, winking. “I trust you guys.”

They all nodded, Kim blushing, a chorus of “great” and “thanks” sounding. The group dispersed, the five of them huddling up. “Obviously Hailey and I are gonna stick together, if we get lost, meet back here at midnight and we’ll head out?” Jay suggested.

“Sounds good,” Kev said, nodding.

Adam agreed too. “That works for me.”

That works for me…

Hailey flinched at those words, instinctively squeezing her eyes shut. Her breath caught in her throat. The image of a pulled gun flashing through her brain. She grimaced, trying to push the thoughts away. “Hailes…” She took another deep breath, doing everything in her power to keep her fear at bay. “Hailes.” Someone said, harsher, snapping her out of her daze.

“Yeah?” She asked quickly.

Kim eyed her cautiously, “I asked if you wanted a water…”

“Oh,” Hailey shook her head, “No, I’m good, thanks though.” She watched as Kim and Adam slowly disappeared into the crowd, her eyebrowed cinched together.

Jay stepped in front of her, blocking her view of the rest of the room, “Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked, concern clear in his bright green eyes.

Hailey nodded vigorously, “I’m good, I promise.” She said, his face didn’t change. He didn’t believe her. Hailey reached up, pulling him to her level and attaching their lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck as she deepened it, pulling him even closer. Jay did his best not to get lost in the kiss, but with her it was so hard. She pulled away slowly, peering up at him. “Jay, I’m okay.” Kim was right, it didn’t sound like a word anymore.

Jay sighed, admitting defeat. “Okay.” He laced their hands together, leaning down and kissing her slowly before guiding her to the dance floor. They stood near the edge, Jay’s hand sitting on her hips as they swayed in sync to the fast music. They danced for a while before some of Jay’s teammates interrupted them.

Hailey stood securely at his side as they spoke, absently listening to the trashy rap music that was playing loudly throughout the room. “Fuck, shit, bitch…” The sound of a gun being cocked rang through the speakers and Hailey screamed. Suddenly the eyes of everyone around her staring at her. She was frozen in place, forcing the terrible memories away, but she couldn’t.

“Hailey.” Jay said, but her feet had a mind of their own and she was running towards the staircase, her lungs burning, she couldn’t get in a good breath. “Hailey!” Jay called after her, not even bothering to say goodbye to his team before taking off.

Hailey booked it up the stairs, dropping to the ground in front of the first door she saw, grasping aimlessly for the key. She slumped against the door, tears streaming down her face as she fought to breathe. Jay booked it towards her, crouching down and finding the key easily. He unlocked the door, then swept his hysterical girlfriend off the floor, carrying her into the room and setting her on the bed. She was still heaving in front of him, and Jay placed two hands on either side of her face. “Hailey, Hailey look at me.” He said, but her eyes stayed trained on his chest. “Baby, you’re safe, look at me, please.” She clenched her eyes shut, more tears falling down her face. When she opened them again, they met his and she launched herself into his arms.

Jay held her to him, rocking them gently as she cried into his neck. “I-I thought-” She stuttered, sobs wracking her body.

“I know, I know.” He said, trying to calm her.

“I thought it was over…” She said, and Jay felt his heart clench in his chest.

He ran his hand through her braided hair, no doubt destroying it. “It is, it’s all over, you’re safe. We’re safe.” For some reason that made her cry harder, maybe because she hadn’t for the past month, she had been bottling up her feelings to protect herself and everyone else. Because even though she was, she hadn’t felt safe in a long time.

Hailey pulled away after a long time, utterly exhausted. Jay couldn’t take the look of defeat on her safe, she looked so tired, so broken, that it scared him. How could he not have known how much pain she was in?

She couldn’t bear to look at him, so she kept her gaze fixed on her lap. He placed his hand on her thigh, and Hailey laid one on top of it. She sniffled, using her free hand to wipe the never ending tears from her eyes. “I’m okay.”

…

The following Monday, Hailey sat in the passenger seat of Jay’s truck. After the events of Saturday night, Jay had no choice but to loop in Trudy and Randall, he had to after he had failed to do so before. They spent the rest of the weekend convincing Hailey to see someone, to talk about everything they had been through.

It was probably the trauma left over from her parents, but the stigma that therapy made you weak was ingrained in Hailey’s mind, and convincing her to make an appointment was no easy task.

That’s how they ended up sitting in the parking lot of a private practice right after school, Hailey’s leg bouncing nervously up and down. Jay lifted their intertwined hands off the center console, kissing the back of hers. “I’m going to be here waiting, all I ask is that you go in there and try.” He said, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand.

Hailey smiled softly, nodding. She leaned across the console and kissed him slowly, hoping that she was able to portray just how much love she had for him and trust she had in him through it. Jay pulled away, taking her in. “I love you, Hailey Upton.”

“I love you, Jay Halstead.” She said.

“Now, go kick some ass.” He said and she laughed, opening the truck door. She shut it, giving him one last look before walking inside the doors.

She sat down in one of the waiting room chairs after signing in, a few minutes later an older man with big glasses popped his head out of the back. “Hailey?”

She stood, “Yes sir.”

The man smiled, “Come with me.” He led her back to an office, gesturing for her to sit on the couch while he sat in the chair across from her. “I’m Dr. Charles, but you can call me Daniel or Dan, or really whatever makes you comfortable.” He explained.

Hailey nodded, shifting nervously. “So, how does this work?” She asked.

“However you want it to, we can talk or not talk about anything you want.” He said, leaning back in his chair.

“Okay,” Hailey glanced at the ground, “The-There’s a lot…”

“That’s okay.”

Hailey grimaced, finally looking at him. “Where do I start?” She asked.

Dr. Charles smiled. “How about the beginning?”

Hailey sighed, taking a few deep breaths, ready to start confronting all the demons that she had been fighting for so long.

“Tell me everything.”

...

A/N: This is long but please, please, please read it!!

First, this is the end of this story, but it is not THE end! There will be a sequel and if you want to see a sneak peak, you can find it HERE. I am so so excited to continue exploring this version of these characters, and don’t worry, the next installment will be just as exciting as this one!

Second, thank you so so so so much to everyone who has shown love to and supported this story. It really means the world to me, you have no idea. This has been such an amazing experience and I have learned so much from writing this, so thank you so much for reading. You guys are truly incredible, and writing has helped me through a tough time in my life. I’m going to say thank you a million time, but thank you, thank you, thank you <3

This story evolved so much lol: in the beginning I had no plan, and then it changed like five times, and we ended up here, so here’s a few things that didn’t make it in.

Nadia was supposed to die in chapter 19, but I decided against it…

I debated Kevin and Stella getting together, don’t hate me for this ahaha

I almost made Kim lose her hearing, but I wasn’t sure I could do the storyline justice with everything else going on

I debated killing Adam (I’M SORRY, i’m sorry…)

And finally (cause you don’t need to know all of my secrets) I ALMOST broke up Upstead at the end

Anyway, there’s some behind the scenes action if you’re interested.

Back to the point: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SUPPORTING ME AND THIS STORY, I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, and i cannot wait to embark on this next journey together!!

So much love,

Anna

@lissethsrojas @puckluck28 @fuckyeahkillianemma @chilly7188 @thebigapocalypsewolf @karihighman @ruzek-halstead @anotheronechicagobog @snowwhite013 @tracysupton @angelsjedi @carissalizz

#jay halstead #hailey upton #upstead #upstead au #kim burgess #adam ruzek #burzek au #burzek #kevin atwater #erin lindsay #stella kidd #trudy platt #chicago pd #kelly severide #one chicago #chicago pd au

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hellas-himself · 4 years

Text

More Than Enough

Remember that self indulgent crack ship holiday fic I was writing about Cassian and Feyre? And how I couldn’t seem to mix the past with the present?

It’s a fic now. Still in the same AU just like... the year before. Leading up to the cheesy ass nonsense it is now. Originally it was going to be angsty at first but I think we have enough of that in our real life. If you haven’t read the crackship holidays featuring these two dumbasses, start here or on AO3.

Also. I promise all my other fics are not being abandoned.

I’ve had a playlist to listen to when writing them but it is so incredibly inappropriate if you understand spanish. and i haven’t made it onto spotify yet. But this song reminded me of them and that’s where the title comes from. Which is funny because Alina is who i put beside Toni Mafud as Rhys and Feyre whenever fan casts come up. ANYWAY.

Let’s follow Feyre as she thirsts after her best friend.

I blame it on the music.

Cassian lost his shirt about half an hour ago and is doing pull ups. The garage door is open, letting in the cold winter air. My fingers are cold but I don’t like wearing gloves when sketching. I had been working on hands and eyes but once he tossed his shirt… It’s not like I’ve never seen Cassian without a shirt on before. Between him and his brothers, they seem to always find an excuse to not wear one. But the difference is I don’t find myself daydreaming about what it would be like to run my fingers down their backs.

It’s definitely the music.

Even if I didn’t understand the words, the beat itself is way too sensual to not be about anything else but sex. But the lyrics and Cassian’s sweaty, half naked body mixed with the fact that I haven’t had sex in months is probably the worst mix. I am not supposed to be imagining sleeping with my best friend.

I clear my throat, startling Valo who was falling asleep at my feet.

“Sorry, baby, I need a drink.”

I set my sketch book and pencil down on the crate beside my chair.

“Would you get me a drink, bunny?” Cas breathes out and my face flushes all the more. I didn’t need another detail to this stupid daydream.

“Yeah,” I squeak and head into the house. I already know his post workout drink recipe by heart. I drink ice cold water while the blender is going.

Cassian is suspended in the air, holding his entire body parallel to the floor with his hands. Goddamn him. He drops his head back so that he’s looking at me upside down and he smiles.

“I love you,” he says and I roll my eyes.

“I’ll love you more if you don’t bust your ass.”

He chuckles and just to drive the nail in the coffin that is my desire to be the reason he’s making noises like that, he slowly lowers his body and resumes his pull ups. I set his cup on the table where he has his tools and go back to sit down.

Cassian drops down and walks over to his mat to do his cool down stretches. A new song comes on and the words are so filthy that I find myself staring at him. His tattoos. My ex-boyfriend had always believed I was into Cassian- and I wasn’t. But I wasn’t blind and I’ve been at his house almost every single day since Thanksgiving- he is always without a shirt.

It’s just the music.

“Plan on drawing me?” Cassian asks and I blink. I look away from his tattooed chest and to his face. He is smirking. Shit.

“Uh. Yeah. What better way to do anatomy studies than with a living reference?”

“Anatomy, huh?”

He flashes me a grin before he walks over to the table for his drink.

“Hey, what do you want for dinner?”

His question distracts me from looking at his ass.

“Uh, whatever you want… I’m not really craving anything.” Except you. I sigh and cover my face with my hands and lean over. I need a cold shower.

“Hey… You alright?” he asks softly.

I nod and slowly sit upright.

“I’m just… I’m fine. I promise.”

He doesn’t believe me but he walks over to grab his speaker.

“I love this song,” he says and starts to sing along to it as he gratefully goes back into the house.

Cassian meets me in the living room now dressed in a white tee and grey sweatpants. He lifts both my legs up so that he can sit down. This is normal. I always use his lap to rest my legs.

“I ordered Greek, I hope you don’t mind.”

“I told you, I’m not craving anything except-”

Fuck my entire life. Cassian raises a brow and I toss him the remote.

“Why don’t we finish your show so then we can watch my movie?”

This pacifies him and thankfully, his stupid show is so violent and bloody that all thoughts of fucking my best friend fade from my mind.

Our annual Christmas party is tonight and I’ve found an outfit. It is the kind of outfit Tamlin would have told me not to wear. It’s blood red and insanely inappropriate for winter with its spaghetti straps and super low neckline. Mor says it’s the perfect thing to wear after a break up and just the thought of all the pictures we’ll take with me and Cassian together makes me believe it.

I hang the dress up in the closet of Cassian’s bedroom. The heels are set beside his dress shoes and I can’t help but think about his reaction. Of dancing with him all night and coming back here and-

“Bunny!”

“I’m in the closet!”

I hear him chuckle.

“Shut up,” I call out and walk into the bedroom to find him pulling off his shirt. I feel my face go hot.

“I’m going to shower… do you want me to use the other bathroom?”

“What? No, this is your house,” I say far more casually than I feel. “Besides, we’ve got time, we can share.”

I want to punch myself in the face. Cassian starts to grin.

“The shower might be a little too small for the both of us but I’m sure we could find a way to-”

Cassian laughs when I smack his arm.

“Not exactly where I like being spanked but I’ll take it.”

“Oh my god, Cassian.”

He laughs and disappears into the bathroom. I force myself to leave the room when I hear the water.

Cassian walks into the kitchen in nothing but a towel, his hair wet, water dripping down his chest. He walks over and takes the sandwich from my hands.

“Fuck, we’re out of beer,” he mutters as he opens the fridge. I grab the second sandwich I made, expecting him to steal from my plate and force my gaze up. On his stupidly gorgeous face.

“I can go get some,” I say but he shakes his head and walks over to take my cup of iced tea.

“Are you cool with us taking a cab tonight?”

“Uh, yeah. I guess.”

Cassian drinks from my cup and sets it down before pinching my cheek.

“It’ll just be you and me,” he says softly. “So don’t worry about it.”

I blush at this and Cassian kisses my forehead.

“I’m gonna go get dressed. Thanks for the snack,” he says with a wink and walks away.

I keep my makeup rather muted; lip gloss and the usual winged liner. Nude eyeshadow. Cassian picked out the highlight and I have to admit, he chose well. My hair isn’t going to get any better, so I leave it in loose waves rather than the curls I’d wanted. I’ll leave that to Mor. I feel nervous, this is the first time since the breakup that I’m going out with all of our friends but Cassian will be there, and that’s enough to ease my nerves. Almost.

“Our ride is here,” Cas says as he walks into his bedroom. He stops and just stares. I approach him and hold out my ID card and debit card, needing to ignore the way his attention has me feeling.

“I don’t have pockets.”

“What?” He blinks and looks down at my hand. He laughs and pulls his wallet out. “You only need your ID.”

“Maybe so,” I say and reach out to smooth down the collar of his shirt while he puts my cards away. I remember my lip gloss and put it in his back pocket, giving him a wink.

Cassian holds my hand when we go outside, helping me down the steps and the driveway. It’s a regular occurrence, but I blush when he opens the door for me. And when he slides an arm around my shoulders when he sits down beside me. We take a bunch of pictures and call Cassian’s parents to check on Val- as if we hadn’t seen him an hour ago.

When we get to the club, Cassian holds my hand as we walk inside. Cassian and the boys are all friends with the owner, so we get to skip the line.

“Where are we going?” I ask as Cassian leads us up to the VIP lounge.

“Meeting up with Rhys.”

“What’s he doing up here?”

Cassian chuckles. “You know Rhys never passes a chance to be extra as fuck.”

I can’t argue with that.

Upstairs, Cassian helps me out of my coat. His fingers brush my skin and my mind takes a swan dive into the gutter.

“What do you say to a few drinks before we go downstairs?” he asks as he takes my hand. The bouncer outside the lounge acknowledges us with a nod.

“Yeah, I could use it.”

Cassian flashes me a grin and then opens the door.

“SURPRISE!” Everyone shouts and I find all of our friends standing under a Happy Birthday banner.

I am at a loss for words and Cassian laughs, bringing me further into the room. I’d completely forgotten about my birthday, I hadn’t cared enough to even think that anyone else would. But Elain is here with Az. So is Rhys and Lucien, Amren, Varian. Viv and Kallias, too. I’m separated from Cassian as I’m hugged and kissed by everyone. I realize Tarquin and Cresseida are here as well. Rhys is the one who breaks open the first bottle and we all stand around the little table to take shots.

“There is a cake,” Elain says as she hands me another shot. “But that’s later.”

“Later?”

She winks at me and shouts for Azriel.

“That’s my favorite song!” she exclaims and her husband happily ditches his brothers to go out and dance with his wife.

Lucien and Rhys pull me in for another hug as the others begin to trail down to the dance floor.

“You look good enough to eat,” Lucien mumbles and I laugh.

“Don’t tell me you’re already drunk, Luce.”

“We may have pregamed at the house,” Rhys admits. “But we took an uber! It’s okay.”

I roll my eyes.

“You both suck. I’m going to go find me two other cute boys to dance with. Boys who would have invited me to pregame with them and no amount of flirting is going to fix that.”

They begin to whine and I laugh, holding onto Rhysand’s forearms as they keep me caged between them.

“Alright! You win!” I say with a laugh and look over to find Cassian looking my way. He smiles.

I want to ask him to dance but Mor pulls him away before I can open my mouth.

We drink and dance and drink and dance and drink some more. I feel light headed and everything makes me laugh. But I haven’t danced with Cassian yet and that’s enough to dampen the mood. I push my way through the crowd until I find Cassian at the bar. I take the empty barstool beside him and sit down. I order myself a margarita before turning to face him.

“And where have you been all night?” I ask and Cassian smirks.

“Enjoying the night,” he says and takes a sip of his drink.

“Without me?”

I don’t understand the look in his eyes as he takes a sip of his drink. He sets the glass down and leans forward. I didn’t really understand just how short this dress was until he lays his hand on my thigh. If I turn my chair completely, if he moves his hand just an inch more…

“Yes,” he says and kisses me cheek. “But I think I’m about to enjoy it more now.”

“Why?” I manage to say. Cassian’s hand brushes my thigh as he sits upright.

“I’m about to go dance with my best friend.”

“Are you now?”

My drink is set before me and I grab it, chugging it down as Cassian slides off his chair. He turns mine so that I’m facing him completely and puts his hands on my hips.

“If she says yes, of course.”

I finish the last of my drink and set down the glass.

“When have I ever said no to you?”

Cassian grins.

I have danced with Cassian many times. At parties, at the beach, at clubs and bars and festivals. At his parents’ house. I should be used to the feeling of his body against mine, of his hands on me while we dance but not like this. I want nothing more than to take him back up to the lounge and push him down on the sofa or go find an empty bathroom stall.

But I don’t.

Birthday cake and alcohol isn’t the best mix, but I haven’t felt this alive in months. My face hurts from laughing, from smiling. My vision is spotty from all the pictures we’ve taken but I don’t care. Everything is right in the world.

“My feet hurt,” I complain and sit on Cassian’s lap.

“Want me to rub your feet?”

I shake my head and lean into him.

“No. Not until I’m showered.”

He laughs. “Okay.”

I sigh when he wraps his arms around me. He is so warm and smells so good, I want to stay this way forever.

“I think the birthday girl is done for the night,” Rhys says teasingly and I realize I was dozing off. I look up to see Rhys standing there with a stupid smirk on his face.

“Fuck you,” I say and curl up in Cassian’s arms. I feel his hand holding my dress down from showing everyone else my ass.

“Tempting,” Rhys says and then shoves his hands in his pockets. “But I think I’ll pass.”

I don’t think much of the look Rhys gives Cassian in favor of playing with his hair. I take way too much satisfaction in the knowledge that not everyone gets to do this, and that he enjoys it. Cassian seems to win whatever silent staring contest he and Rhys were having and Rhys rolls his eyes and goes after his boyfriend.

“You’re making me sleepy, bunny.”

“Good thing we’re going home together then,” I say before my mind catches up. But Cassian only chuckles and hugs me a little closer.

Cassian and I are a laughing mess as we stumble into the house. I lean on him to step out of my heels and he laughs as I shrug off my coat and toss it at him. We’re both trying to catch our breath, and I swat his hand away when he tries to tickle me again.

“I’m taking a shower,” I breathe out and walk off but he stops me.

“Wait,” he says and I turn to find him smiling.

“What?”

“Happy birthday,” he says softly and pulls me in for a hug. “I promise I’ll make you breakfast in the morning.”

“Hm… you really know the way to a girl’s heart, Cas.”

He pinches my side and I yelp.

“Go shower,” he says and kisses the top of my head.

“I won’t be long.”

My shower is clumsy and not at all relaxing. My feet hurt. So I put lotion on my body and grab the bottle of perfume that is on the dresser, except it’s not perfume but cologne. I shrug and put on Cassian’s Nirvana tee shirt and double check I actually have underwear on before I go looking for him.

“Cas?” The house is dark save for the light coming from his room. “My feet fucking hurt.”

He says something but I don’t understand it. His room is open and I step inside, finding him lying on his bed. He’s got basketball shorts on and his hair is loose.

“Bunny!” he says as if he hadn’t seen me all day. “I almost busted my ass in the shower.”

“Me, too.” I say with a laugh. “Maybe we should’ve showered together. It would’ve been safer that way.”

“I like the way you think, Archeron.”

He holds his hand out to me and when I’m close enough, he pulls me into bed with him. “You smell good.”

I snort. “I smell like you.”

“Exactly.”

I swat his arm but he ignores it, putting his arms around me.

“My feet hurt,” I complain, hoping he’ll make good on his promise.

“Just stay here,” he says simply.

My heart stops and starts too fast.

“Like… sleep here?” I ask too quietly.

“Mhm.” He goes quiet for a moment and then groans. “I forgot to turn the light off.”

“I can do it,” I say.

“No… Stay here.”

He goes quiet once more, and I let myself relax. We haven’t shared a bed since we were kids, playing video games until Adela would force us to go to bed. I smile at the thought and rest my head against his chest.

“Goodnight, Cas,” I say quietly, my eyes getting heavy.

“Goodnight, bunny,” he says and lets me go to stretch. Then he wraps his arms around me again and moves us so that we’re on our sides. He presses a kiss to my forehead and I close my eyes, letting the warmth of him lull me to sleep.

@mythicaitt @bookloveaffair @nalgenewhore @candid-confetti

#more than enough #cassian x feyre #crackship #and absolute self indulgence #him calling her bunny will be the end of me #i dont care what's canon #or that feyrhycien is everything to me

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awkward-radar-tech · 4 years

Text

Kylo Ren, The Rising Star

Summary: You are Kylo Ren’s personal assistant. The rising star doesn’t know how to cope with his sudden popularity. You let him take sanctuary in your apartment, and help him return to who he was before, Ben Solo.

A/N: I’m stating this now, no romantic relationship blooms in this. But, the seeds are planted. And I will write more where the relationship does grow, if requested.

Prompt, from an anon: But I got an idea, how about worn out actor Kylo Ren aka Ben Solo has been doing to much lately he doesn't even know what time zone he's in sometimes. Reader is average Joe lucky enough to be his PA in his new film. With the stress of everything and fans following him everywhere Ben hides out at your house, were he sleeps all day in your bed and you feed him lots of food, cos you like to cook?

Chapter 2

🌟🌟🌟

You didn’t know what you were getting into when you applied to be an assistant for a local movie shoot. But being the new personal assistant to the biggest rising star was not it at all. And you weren’t always local like you expected. Being Kylo Ren’s PA meant you had to go with him on his other press tours during breaks in shooting. Caffeinated anything had become your friend, and today was one where you were dependant. You had jumped across every American time zone in a day and a half, and now you had crossed the Atlantic, only to turn around in twelve hours and fly home.

You checked your watch and went to knock on Kylo’s dressing room door, “Twenty minutes until you’re on, sir. Do you need anything else?”

He opened the door, still in the t shirt and jeans he wore on the plane, “I just have one question, where are we?”

You looked at him, concerned, “We are in London, sir. You’re doing an interview for ‘the rom-com’ right now. Your suit should be hanging up for you.”

He yawned, “I told you to call me Kylo, not sir. And it is there. Could you step in real quick?”

You nodded and waited for him to step aside, following him inside, “Sorry, Kylo. So used to using sir. Now, what do you need?”

He closed the door and sat on the couch, “First, no need to apologize. Second, can I have a caffeine pill?”

You pulled out a packet from your bag and handed it to him, “You can hold onto these. But, uhh, Kylo, you didn’t need to ask me in here for that. Nobody cares how you stay awake.”

He hummed, “Thank you, (y/n),” he quickly took a pill, “and that isn’t why I asked you in here. I have an unconventional request, that nobody can know about.”

“Yes?”

“This movie, people are going crazy over it. They have surrounded my building at home, waiting for my return apparently. It is exhausting having to go through all these people, some have even found ways inside my building and to my door. I need a break. Could I stay at your place? I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“Kylo, sir, I live in a run down apartment. You wouldn’t want to stay there. And my couch is only a bit longer than this one, you wouldn't sleep very well."

"I'd much rather stay there than possibly anger fans. Please, think about it."

You gave him a pointed look and checked your watch, “Fifteen minutes, Kylo. Now get changed.”

You left the room, closing the door. Kylo was, but also wasn’t, your boss, and he was asking to stay at your place? He had bodyguards, couldn’t they tell the fans to leave? No, he cared too much about his fans’ feelings to have them told to leave. Maybe you would let him stay. Once back he was off for a week, so he wouldn’t have to leave. It would be fun to hang out with somebody for once, even if it was the person you worked for.

The interview went well, and before long you were being taken to a hotel for the night.

You followed Kylo outside to the car and he looked at you once inside, “Woah… It is already night?”

You nodded, “Yeah, it is almost eight. I think we are here for like ten hours then we head home to rest for a week.”

As you pulled up at the hotel, there were clearly a bunch of fans waiting for him, and you heard a muttered “shit.”

You looked at him, “When we get home, you can stay at my place, okay?”

He smiled wide for once in his life, “Thank you, so much, (y/n). I’ll give you a bonus.”

You shook your head, “We’ll talk about it later. I don’t want any extra money. Think of it as a kind gesture from a friend.”

The door was opened and Kylo was escorted into the building. You stayed in until the car parked before grabbing your own stuff and going up to your room; there were shrieks from girls, obviously he decided to stop and talk. You went up to your room and got ready for a bit of sleep.

As you washed your face you heard your phone ringing in the other room. When you went out to check it, you read it was Kylo calling, so quickly answered it.

“How can I help you, Kylo?”

“What time do I have to be ready by? Need to set my alarm.”

“Six. Hopefully the crazies won’t be awake then.”

He groaned, “Hopefully. Thank you. Goodnight, (y/n).”

“Goodnight, Kylo. Text me in the morning so I know you’re awake please.”

He hummed in acknowledgement and hung up.

In the morning he clearly hadn’t slept much, or well, he was a living zombie in a somehow oversized sweatshirt, clutching to a cup of coffee.

He looked at you in the hallway, “Oh, I forgot to ask if you wanted a cup. Security brought it up to me. They said everybody left at like 2 am, so the coast is clear.”

You gave him a warm smile, “It is alright, Kylo. I’m fine. Let’s head down to the car then.”

You thankfully got to the airport and onto the plane without incident, people have better things to do between 6 and 7 am on a Tuesday apparently. Landing back in Los Angeles was a different story, people don’t care that it is noon on a Tuesday.

Kylo still looked exhausted, and you hoped nobody followed you. As the car pulled up to the studio you knew you would be safe. You showed Kylo to your car and got in to drive to your apartment.

He looked at you as you pulled out of your spot, “Hey, thank you so much. I appreciate it, more than you might think.”

You nodded, “You’re welcome, Kylo. Do you want to listen to some music?”

“Sure. Listen to what you normally do.”

You turned on your radio, the bluetooth connecting and automatically playing your playlist. You tapped along to the songs on your steering wheel as you drove. After twenty minutes you pulled up to your run down building and parked in your spot.

You turned to Kylo, “No crazy fans it seems. That is good.”

He hummed, “Yeah. But there are still people around that could recognize me.”

“If they ask if you’re Kylo Ren just tell them no and give a fake name. I don’t talk with my neighbors so they don’t know what I do. And none of my friends know who I work for.”

He nodded and prepared himself to step out. He messed up his hair so it wasn’t as perfect as his normal style, put on the hood of his sweatshirt and stepped out, slinging his duffle bag over his shoulder.

You stepped out and got your bag from your trunk. You looked over at him awkwardly looming next to the car, “Let’s go, sir.”

He followed you like a lost puppy, and then you heard the voice of your annoying neighbor from the floor below yours, “Hey, 32! Is that Kylo Ren?”

You turned to her voice, “No. This is my friend.”

She acted like you were lying, “You sure?”

He stepped in, “Uh, yeah. I’m Ben. But I get that a lot. It is a bit tiresome.”

You tried to pull him away and walk inside, but she wouldn’t relent, why did she have to be out? And why did she care? She has always been vocal about despising everything about Hollywood, especially celebrities.

“Do you have ID to prove it?”

Kylo stopped and you turned, “Ben, don’t pay her any mind, let’s go get some lunch.”

He didn’t move when you pulled, “No, she wants proof I’m not stupid Kylo Ren, I’ll prove it,” he pulled out his ID and showed it to her, “See? Benjamin Solo. Now, can me and my friend go have some lunch? I’m rather hungry and I have a short fuse when I haven’t eaten.”

She just walked away after reading his ID. He looked to you and you just walked in, taking the elevator up and getting him in your apartment.

You threw down your bag as soon as you closed your door, “I’m so damn sorry Kylo. She is so annoying, and thinks she can know anything she wants. She isn’t even on this floor, she is in 21. But, uhh? You aren’t really Kylo Ren?”

He sat on your couch, “Well, I am now. I legally changed my name last year when people started recognizing me, but I still have my old ID, which I had just renewed a few months before I changed my name.”

You nodded, not wanting to pry further, "Alright then. Can I get you anything to drink?"

"Can I get some water please?"

You went and dropped your stuff in your room then got him a glass of water.

You sat on the floor after you gave him the cup, "TV? Food?"

"Watch whatever you want, (y/n)."

You turned on Netflix and turned on the show you were currently binging, then your belly grumbled, “I’m going to go fix some lunch, any requests?”

He looked at you hopefully, “Tacos?”

You thought for a moment and nodded, “Yes, I have everything to make tacos.”

You left the show on, you could rewatch the episode later, and went in to cook. You cooked some carne asada you had prepared for this week, some rice and beans, then prepared all the toppings you needed. Assembling Kylo's tacos were easy, he liked his tacos almost plain, just meat on the tortilla with some fresh pico de gallo. When everything was finished you fixed each of you a plate of your preferred tacos with some rice and beans then brought the plates to the living room.

"Here you go, Kylo. Just as you like it."

He took the offered plate and began to eat, "Did you make all of this right now? This is amazing."

You nodded, "I did most of it. I had the carne asada marinating to fix this week, and the salsa I just made. The beans and rice are pre-packaged, but I try to make them myself too, when I have the time. And the tortillas I buy fresh from a neighbor."

He hummed, "Well this is all delicious. Thank you so much."

You smiled and ate your meal. When you finished you took your plate into wash along with all the items you cooked with once you stored the leftover food.

After a moment Kylo sheepishly walked in with his plate, "Excuse me, (y/n)? Is there anymore?"

You turned to look at him, "Yeah! I just put it away in the fridge. Help yourself."

Kylo took out the containers and fixed himself more tacos, then stood at the counter to eat them while talking with you. "Where did you learn to cook like that?"

"Mostly self taught. I had to learn how to stretch my food budget when I moved out. Cooking from bulk purchases helps. So I had to learn how to use the same ingredients in as many ways as possible so I wouldn't get bored."

He handed you his now empty plate, "Can you be my personal chef and my PA?"

You laughed, "You don't want to see me 24/7 Kylo."

He walked out of the kitchen, "Maybe I do."

You just shook your head and finished washing everything. When you walked back into your living room, Kylo was passed out on your couch. He looked so uncomfortable, he was almost bigger than the old thing. You went to your room, changed all your bedding, then hid all the embarrassing things you had out.

You gently woke up Kylo once you finished, "Hey, go sleep in my bed. It is a lot more comfortable than this small thing."

He groaned and stretched, voice heavy with sleep, "No. That is your bed. You sleep in it. I'm fine here."

You crossed your arms, "No. Kylo. You are sleeping in my bed. I don't need to sleep right now anyways. You do. You've been working so hard recently. Go sleep in a damn bed."

He stood up and pat your head, clearly still mostly asleep, "Whatever you say, my dear. Goodnight."

Your cheeks burned and you just shook your head as you watched him shuffle into your room and unceremoniously flop face first onto your bed, snoring within moments. You went and shut the door most of the way, but first you placed his bags in plain sight in case he woke up and wanted to change out of his jeans.

You worked around your apartment, not letting the fact you had an unplanned guest keep you from your planned chores. You swept and dusted, set your bedding on to wash, the one nice thing about this apartment, you had a washer and dryer in your unit. While the wash was on you sat down and restarted your show and went through your social media. One of your friends shared a tabloid article theorizing that Kylo Ren is in a secret relationship since he has yet to return home after landing earlier today and has spent a lot less time interacting with fans these past few months.

You mumbled to yourself, “He’s staying away from you pricks. You’ve exhausted the poor man.”

You continued perusing, finding nothing else of interest, then paused your show before moving everything to the dryer. You continued watching until it was time to make dinner, pasta is what you had planned for tonight, so you doubled everything to have enough for Kylo.

As you were cooking you heard Kylo enter the kitchen, “Good evening, sleeping beauty. Are you hungry?”

Kylo was still a bit groggy, but rapidly waking up, “Yeah. The smells woke me up. What are you making?”

He sat at your kitchen table and you brought him a glass of orange juice, his favorite, “Pasta. Specifically homemade cheese tortellini with meat sauce. And garlic bread.”

He took a sip and hummed, “You make pasta?”

You nodded, “Only filled pasta, it is cheaper that way. And I made the sauce and garlic bread. Including the bread. But I freeze a lot of stuff so I didn’t actually make any of it tonight.”

He held up his glass, “And this juice?”

You laughed, “That is store bought. I can’t make it as well.”

“You’re lying. I’m sure you can.”

You hummed, “Yeah. I can. But only when oranges are in season.”

You turned back and began to stir the sauce and added the pasta to the now boiling water. You pulled out the garlic bread and shut off the flame for the sauce. After a few minutes you drained the pasta and added a bit of the water to the sauce, then added most of the sauce to the drained pasta.

"Alright, food is ready Kylo. Come help yourself."

"It smells amazing."

You handed him a plate and he served himself then sat back at the table. You followed suit and served yourself, then sat across from him.

You shared pleasant conversation, taking turns asking about the other's life. While you worked for him, and were around him more often than not, neither of you knew much about the other, but this time together would change that.

When he finished he looked up and smiled at you, "Now for a more personal question, if you want to answer it. Are you dating anyone?"

You smiled back and chuckled, "So asking about my parents and childhood isn't personal, but asking if I'm dating is?" You paused to take a sip, "No, Kylo. I'm not. Haven't dated in awhile. What about you then? There is a tabloid article out there theorizing you're in a secret relationship since you haven't come home yet and aren't interacting as much with fans."

He groaned and covered his face, "No. I'm not. Same as you, haven't in awhile." He rubbed his face and looked at you again, "And you know that tabloid is wrong. I'm here with you."

"But what about the fan interactions? Just the burn out?"

He nodded, "Yeah. I've really just wanted to go to bed recently, or get into work. They're great and all, but I don't want to be on at 7 am or 9 pm, especially if I just came from a different timezone."

"I can't even imagine. But you don't have to be on at all this week. Stay here for as much of that time as you want. Be Benjamin Solo again, if only for me."

His eyes lit up, "Yes. Call me Ben. Please. Only my mom and dad call me that anymore. I need to be Ben for a week. I'll order some plain clothes online to be delivered here too. I’m going to be Ben Solo again."

You nodded, "Okay, Ben. Let me clean up, and you can work on ordering everything you need. Then tell me when you're checking out and I'll fill out my address."

He stood up and grabbed both plates, "Let me help you please."

"Alright. You can help me Ben."

He grinned and had a tiny celebration, "Yes! Thank you."

He set to work filling up the sink with water, placing the plates and utensils in the sink, then turning to you, "Uhh, the leftovers need to be put away. Where are your containers?"

You moved to the right cabinet, "This one, Ben. But I'll put it away. You focus on washing."

He nodded, "Okay, (y/n)."

You put away the food and Ben grabbed each empty piece and cleaned it. Once the food was put away you sat up on your counter.

You looked to Ben, who was meticulously scrubbing the saucepan, "I had no problem cleaning up, Ky… I mean Ben. I do it all the time."

He turned to you, "I'm your unplanned guest. I want to do has much as possible to help and not throw off your schedule and routine. I'm sure you have one here too."

You looked away, feeling your cheeks warm a bit, "Well I do. But I'm fine doing it all myself."

He pointed a stern finger at you, but his face held a small smile, "No. I'm washing the dishes. Go relax. Put on a movie. Pour yourself some wine if you want, and have any. I'll be out in a bit."

You just nodded and listened, going to turn on some super cheesy rom-com your friend told you to watch. After a while you heard the sink draining and footsteps coming back out.

Ben plopped down on the couch right next to you and outstretched his arms across the back, then groaned, "Really, (y/n)? You like rom-coms too?"

You paused it, "Shit, sorry. Wasn't thinking. I just think that they are funny, especially the real cheesy ones. And one can dream about randomly falling in love with a stranger. But I'll change it to something else."

Ben shook his head, "No, you can keep watching. I'll order those clothes."

You started playing the movie again and he pulled out his phone and wallet to find clothes with rush shipping. After twenty minutes he silently passed his phone to you and you typed in the address information then handed it back. Once the order was placed he put his phone away and again stretched his arms out. You didn't know if he was actually watching or just zoning out, but you were happy he didn't mind.

As the credits rolled, you let out a yawn, “Alright, time for bed for me,” you tapped his thigh, “That means it is time for you to move, Mr. Solo. You’re on my bed.”

He turned to you, “No. I’ll sleep here.”

You grabbed his arm and stood up, “Nope, this is not an option. You are sleeping in my bed,” you began to pull on his arm, “Now come on you big oaf. You are going to sleep in my bed, just like you did earlier.”

He stayed planted in his spot, chuckling, “You’re gonna have to pull harder than that. I’m almost all muscles.”

You pulled harder and then tried to pull both his hands, starting to laugh, “Come on Ben. Go sleep in my damn bed.”

He stood up suddenly and caught you before you fell back, “Fine. Just this once.”

You crossed your arms, “This will be the second time, Ben. You slept before dinner.”

He smirked and walked away, into your room, “That was Kylo Ren, thank you very much. Now, do you need anything from in here before I close the door?”

You ran in, “Yes!”

He chuckled and just sat on your bed, pulling out his pajamas from his duffle bag. You grabbed everything you needed and went out.

You paused in the doorway, turning to Ben before closing the door, “Goodnight, Ben. See you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, (y/n). Thank you again.”

You nodded and closed the door then went to change and grab your bedding from the dryer. After setting everything up you crawled into your cocoon of blankets and pillows on the couch and fell asleep.

You were awoken a couple hours later by the sound of whining and screams, coming from your room. You quickly got up and knocked on the door, “Ben? You okay in there, sir?”

He didn’t respond, just more whimpers, so you opened up the door and walked in to find him asleep but thrashing.

Carefully, you approached him, reaching out to rub his arm, “Ben. Kylo. Wake up, sir. You’re having a nightmare.”

He woke up and clung to you, wrapping his arms around your waist. He was panting, repeating your name, “I’m so sorry. So sorry. For waking you up. Sorry.”

You ran your fingers through his hair, “Ben. It is okay, Ben. I promise.”

He nodded and slowly calmed down, “Okay. Okay. Thank you. Thanks for waking me up. I normally have to fight for much longer to wake up.”

You softly scratched his scalp, “Lay back down. I’ll stay until you’re asleep again.”

He hummed, “Can you keep doing that, and playing with my hair?”

You chuckled, “Sure.”

He moved back to laying normally and you moved to keep petting his head. It didn’t take long for him to get drowsy again, and he began mumbling to you.

His voice was barely audible and clearly full of sleep, “I like this. I like you. Don’t tell though.”

You felt your cheeks warm and continued until his murmurs turned to snores. You got up again and softly kissed his forehead, “Goodnight, Ben Solo. Sweet dreams.”

#a-r-t creation #ben solo / reader #kylo ren/ reader #kylo ren x reader #ben solo x reader #kylo ren/ you #ben solo/ you #kylo ren x you #ben solo x you

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the-sheep · 4 years

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ID GO ABSOLUTELY BONKERS IF U TYPED OUT HIS ENTIRE HISTORY FBFBFBFB i would like 2 see it..........

alright right right

This ended up being A HUGE POST so all info is under the cut.

Unless you’re on mobile, in which case, enjoy scrolling.

It all starts on flight rising. Well, Heart starts on FR. It REALLY starts with my webcomic/animated series.

It wasn’t well drawn or animated at first, but it steadily got better. One of the plot holes, back in 8th grade, was “who created priscilla and Jake?”

It was mostly summed up to “Penny made all the bots its all simple” but i was a middle schooler and i needed a complicated (and edgy) story.

Thing is I had already made Fandragons of a good chunk of my ocs on flight rising.

I bred two dragons to get my main characters, so why not just use them?

Christy Suggested the name Cavet, and I liked it.

Yeah this is my first digital image of him as a human and he DOES NOT LOOK RIGHT

no necklace, no beard, orange eyes…

horrific.

So I made human designs for them both, but Chrysanthemum remains forgotten, not even canon to Mechanical Fury anymore.

Here’s old art of her and Cavet back before she got wiped out from existence.

the art is bad btu the Heart gimmick is there

Here’s him in his second image ever. The one that pretty much defined his design.He also quickly gained a husband

Anyway he quickly morphed into a villain several time more dangerous than the main villain

He’s responsible for the deaths of not ONE, not TWO, but THREE children.

Two his kids, one the younger sister of a character that one of the dead kids liked.

One of his dead kids got his own story, the other was literally a main character.

Chloride, (Charlie) in all his glory, lucky enough to get resurrected as an android but after finding out he’s not who he thinks he is, has to attempt to live a normal Human life… when his two best friends are paranormal investigators, his love interest having lost their arm and their only remaining sister to the main villain.

He originally found out he was an android by finding his own blueprints, hearing his Mom cry about it, and then cutting open his face (for his signature scar) and running off.

Running into Cavet’s husband, Nathair Liu. He stitches him up, know all about robotic n all that but he is.

also a secondary villain….

youtube

I hate the art in this video but its not my worst.

(Video was Vendy’s debut, too. tho Vendy was more Nate(logan/mind/princi/whatever)’s kid than Cavet’s)

Okay i’ve gotten off track.

Yeah at this point I was really loving Cavet, on FR, and wrote an entire long story between him and Skittles based on the events of Mechanical Fury.

This was where I got the idea for reincarnation.

I needed an explanation for why the same character was in two different universes, and it was perfect. In fact, it lead to an amazing way to end it.

But what is in control of all this? What does he see in the in between?

Well, Death was packaged with two other red herrings to keep people from thinking she was more important than them from the start, when in fact, she was. One of the plot points is that Cavet dies. He continues causing havoc, but nobody can figure out why or how. he doesn’t have a body.

Except he does. Death.

She was scary, but that was just her, she was a literal robot grim reaper. Nobody suspected she was spreading a virus to make robots susceptible to Augap’s control everywhere she went. Not even her. Cav liked hanging out in the AI scape, AKA the robot afterlife or virtual heaven.

What a fun way to make a real grim reaper.

I never really kept track of the transition from “cute robot char” to “cute real god char”

and i guess it never happened. Heart still thinks of her as she was, as cute little Litty. Except when she’s not. He gave form to the literal concept of DEATH. And became her friend. She still calls him Papa, sometimes.

In any case, Cavet’s doodles started being more and more revolving around his angst with the reincarnation.

in fact, i had a few character in the same boat as him, as I had made a couple dragons into MF characters as well.

I called them The Artifacts. It didn’t seem rounded out with only four, so I added a 5th. To give me more leeway in case I make a character i like enough to bring with them.

and turns out. I did.

I was sad enough about Cavet losing the love of his life, betraying him, creating a rift between them with his descent into obsession.

So he came with them.

They’re inseparable.

after a few lives of getting revenge on him for killing his sons and some adult humans and a BUNCH of robots, (not even counting his crimes in the vampire life he committed because he thought he lost Liu forever) Soul revealed to him something about Heart’s 6th life, which Mind doesn’t remember.

But he was there.

Long story short, he was Captain Shuggazoom. Yeah 10 lives of stuff he forgot before he started remembering his past lives. Messed Heart up.

ANYWAY BACK TO DEVELOPMENT!

I went around, making original characters to fill in Heart’s lives. I put him in a LOT of stories, but a notable one is My Old Ask Blog, @ask-musical-monsters

In which Heart is our lovable Tweedle, Bean.

He’s the bird. (this is also the blog where Willow was made!) (also a character i referenced when putting antauri on the baldi blog)

I still hadn’t abandoned MF so Bean has a lot of influence from Cavet.

I REALLY liked bean. It occured to me here-ish that Heart isn’t constrained by being my oc. He can be whoever he wants and nobody will care.

So of course I immediately declare him purple guy. No drawings of him, but I know I said he was purple guy at some point. Also at this point in time I started organizing the lives by number order, and making a simple arc for Heart and the others to follow.

1000 lives.

I made a brief description of heart’s 1st life, but made it purposefully very superfluous so i can change it whenever i want. All i know is he had albinism, and a desire to live forever.

That summer I got an amazing idea. I would take advantage of the Baldi’s basics trend with a ASK BLOG.

It was a mathematically calculated success. I did as many things as possible to generate more audience. MAIN thing being posting as often as possible, and being REALLY funny.

But knew I wasn’t going to like adding to the ask blog if i didn’t like the main character

I already knew he was going to be Baldi, but I wasn’t sure exactly how to characterize him either.

Turns out making him heart solved both of those problems. He’s always been Heart.

And Princi has ALWAYS been mind.

Even if they don’t always show their artifacts, they always were the same people as all these other things ive made. They have a DEEP connection to both each other and me.

At some point, I re-re-discovered SRMTHFG. The first few seconds I saw SK I knew he was Heart. It was so perfect it scared me.

HE EVEN DOES THE POSE!!!!! RED EYES!!!! AAAH!!!

I got an idea for a storyline based on formless and regret and monkeys… so.. uh

Anyway that kinda brings us to today, where the events of the blog have happened based on Heart things, and i can play around with Heart as much as I want.

And Willie’s next life? Well, 23 is my favorite number. It’ll be cool, but I’m not sure how. All I know is 23 wears a striped shirt, and is a vamp again.

In summary, Heart is the most important character I’ve ever made, and I will never come close to anybody as wonderful and as complicated as him. He’s the greatest formless, the best villains, the heroes, and one character i want to hold out for finding irl.

I love them even in scribbles i find on bus seats, in fanart of him, love her in songs i hear, in flowers i see in the wild.

Whoever they end up being, it’s safe to say I’ve fallen in love with Heart.

If you want me to describe his in universe story, I’ll need a seperate post.

Other Heart Resources:

The Spreadsheet

The Playlist

#heart id tag #long post #baldis basics #my singing monsters #mechanical fury #fnaf #the mind electric #srmthfg #hfytus #IM SORRY IF THIS ENDS UP IN THE SRMTHFG TAG SHOWOFF

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purplesurveys · 4 years

Text

575

Coffee mugs, teacups, or water bottles? I’m not crazy about liquid-holding stuff, but I’d go with water bottles if I had to pick. Bubblegum or cotton candy? As in, those two as flavors? Bubblegum. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? I wouldn’t know but I wouldn’t be surprised if they found me unremarkable. I never recited, got average grades at the first half of grade school, and never really made an effort for the teachers to recognize me. I didn’t start taking stuff seriously till the second half of elementary. Do you prefer to drink soda from cans, bottles or cups? I prefer to pass on the soda. Earbuds or headphones? Earphones.

Movies or TV? Movie, definitely. Favorite smell in the summer? THE BEACH!!!!!!!!! And seafood being grilled at beachside, yummmmm. Game you were best at in P.E./gym? Table tennis. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? On an average day, I skip breakfast. But when my dad is home, he always makes me eat something, and usually that’s fried eggs and hotdogs with white bread. Sometimes he’ll fry rice and pair it with leftovers from last night. Name of your favorite playlist? Right now, it’s a playlist I titled ‘things I wish I said’ and it’s dedicated to Nacho. Lanyard or key ring? My key ring is attached to my lanyard, so that I never forget both my ID and my keys when leaving for school. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Fruitella. Or anything that’s chewy and fruit-flavored (which is still weird to me, considering I hate fruits). Favorite book you had to read for school? Dekada ‘70 and Without Seeing the Dawn. Most comfortable position to sit in? Improperly.

Most frequently worn pair of shoes? I think it’s my pair of Onitsuka Tiger sneakers, but not sure. I don’t keep count. Ideal weather? This question is on like 1 out of 5 surveys, ugh. I like bleak and cold weather. Pencils or pens? Pens. Obsession from childhood? The TV shows Hi-5 and Spongebob. And pogs. Favorite crystal? I don’t think I have any. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Sulk and complain. Unless I’m at the beach. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Sleeeeeeeeeeep in, take surveys, and stay in bed wrapped in a blanket. Five songs to describe you? I’m not feeling like anything right now, so I don’t think any of them would be able to describe me. Best way for someone to bond with you? Have samgyupsal with me :) Top 5 favorite Vines? “Come to Del Taco! They have fre...free sh...FREE SHAVACADO” “There’s only one things worse than a rapist – boom” “A child!” “No–” “T-T-T-T-T-T-T-TARGET” “Has anyone ever told you you look like Beyonce?” “...No they usually tell me I look like Shalisa” “Who the fuck is that?” “ME” “Ahhhh, stop, I coulda dropped my croissant” Ads you have stuck in your head? None of them because fuck them all. Average time you fall asleep? 10-11 PM. Sometimes a little later than 11. What is the first meme you remember seeing? Oh man I hopped on that train pretty early. I reached the very first batch of meme comics that came from 9GAG, e.g. the Y U NO guy, the FFFFFFUUUUU– guy, Forever Alone, Bad Luck Brian, the original trollface etc. Suitcase, duffel bag, or backpack? Backpack. I don’t use the other two. Lemonade or tea? Lemonade. Last person you texted? Gabie, I think. I didn’t talk to anybody all day because depression hit bad today, so I can’t remember all that well. Jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jackets, they’re usually more spacious. Favorite type of jacket? Windbreakers or hoodies. Favorite scent for soap? I don’t have a preference, soap should just smell nice for me lmao. Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? Honestly, none of these but if I had to go with one, I’d pick sci-fi. What clothes do you sleep in? Thin and short ones, because I like feeling more cold than warm. Favorite type of cheese? FETA!!!!!!!!!!! What saying or quote do you live by? I don’t like relying on quotes. What are you currently stressed about? Right now, nothing. I’m just feeling down in general. Favorite font? I use Proxima Nova for all my reviewers and school notes, because to me it looks pleasant. It’s actually the default font that my org uses to maintain our branding, and since I’ve worked on a lot of documents for the org, the habit of using Proxima just carried over to my irl files and I ended up liking it. What did you learn from your first job? Proofread every single goddamn thing you write 10, 15 times. From internship. I thought I was decent until my emails were bombarded with copy edits. Favorite fairy tale? None. Favorite tradition? Like, in general? My elementary/high school has a tradition of extending recess break and giving away either free ice cream or slices of our homemade tarts for the feast day of the Assumption of Mary. It’s always one of the most exciting times of the school year. Talent you're proud of having? Reading people. It’s more of a skill than talent, but still. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? I hate questions like this that force me to be creative, so I’ll pass. If you were an anime character, what genre of anime would it be? No thanks. Character you relate to? Monica Geller. Favorite website from your childhood? Y8, probably. And YouTube. Any scars? [trigger warning: self harm] One on my eyebrow, another on one of my toes, and I still have my scars from when I cut myself a few weeks back. Favorite flower? I like any except anthurium. Any good luck charms? Not really. Least favorite flavor of food or drink? Rootbeer/cola and buko. Left or right handed? Right. Least favorite pattern? I dunno if I have a least favorite one... I don’t really pay attention. Worst subject in school? Like, my least favorite among the ones I’m currently taking? Probably layout class. Favorite weird flavor combo? This isn’t a flavor but I’m willing to have mayo with a bunch of other food. When did you lose your first tooth? I was either in Kinder 2 or in Prep, so I was 5-6. Favorite potato food? French fries. Gas station coffee or grocery store sushi? I’ll take the sushi. The gas stations here look so filthy. Earth tones or jewel tones? Earth tones. Do you call them fireflies or lightning bugs? Fireflies. PC or console gaming? Consoles. I’ve never played on PC before. Writing or drawing? Writing. Podcasts or talk radio? Barbie or Polly Pocket? Fairy tales or mythology? I hate both. Cookies or cupcakes? Your greatest fear? Being humiliated in front of a crowd and losing my loved ones are two big ones. Your greatest wish? To have a lot of money later on in life haha. Who would you put before everyone else? G. Lamps, overhead lights, fairy lights, or sunlight? Overhead. Nicknames? Robyn, Byn, Reben, Rolayn. Favorite season? The season where it rains all day and it generally gets slightly colder. We don’t really have a name for it other than the wet season. Favorite app on your phone? Twitter. What is your desktop background? It’s one of the default Apple backgrounds but I picked the landscape that has a pinkish hue. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Four. Favorite historical era? I like all of them but in terms of social history, probably the Victorian era and the 1900s-1950s. There are some very interesting anecdotes about the way they used to live in terms of cuisine, sanitation, education, etc.

#survey #surveys

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mariss-lyn · 5 years

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king of my heart: ch.1

so this is a new story i previewed a while back on my page and the first chapter is finally here! i am already annoyingly invested in this series (this is becoming a series even if no one wants to read it) and i’ve started a playlist for it as well!! i can drop apple music/spotify links if anyone is interested.

ANYWAYS. this was not requested, just something i was messing around with while texting @marissafalls one day and i rolled with it. the first chapter ended up being 2k words soooooo. it revolves around ryan murray, but will have mention of other players on the team.

mentions: other cbj players, alcohol

warnings: cursing, drinking

feedback is always greatly appreciated and encouraging so feel free to to flood my inbox :-)

“I hate every part of this.”

This was not how I spent Saturday nights. I spent them at home, in my sweatpants, eating ice cream and talking to my mom on the phone. Sometimes I’d be at a game, in the suites with a couple of friends from college, eating free food and taking too many pictures. But I definitely was not the bar type, or at least not at eleven o’clock at night.

“Will you stop complaining? This is your fault anyways,” my best friend reminded me. And she wasn’t wrong. I lost a bet and this was my punishment. To be forced out of my comfort zone and have a couple of drinks out on the town.

“Okay well I didn’t actually think he would score a goal tonight. I thought the odds were in my favor.” Becca smiled at me. “Maybe they are.”

I rolled my eyes and patiently waited for the Uber to stop outside of some campus bar. I’d heard of it, but never visited. It wasn’t my thing. Quiet coffee shops were my thing. Libraries were my thing. Not bars where you got packed in like sardines and it was so loud, you couldn’t even order a drink without screaming. My friends and I all loaded out, Becca taking the lead, while I fell behind Eliza and Lacey.

After the bouncer checked our ID’s, we walked in and I immediately felt anxious. There were bright lights and drunk people everywhere. I quickly followed the girls to a table in the corner, trying to just catch my breath.

“Earth to Harper?” I snapped my head up to see the girls looking straight at me. “What?”

Becca smiled. “Drink order? I’m gonna go to the bar.”

“Whatever, is fine,” I mumbled. “Just a beer.” Becca squeezed my hand before she disappeared for the bar and I immediately started to dart my eyes. Taking in my surroundings. Figuring out what I got myself into.

And that’s when I noticed them.

They grabbed the attention of most of the bar. Tall, big boys. Hockey players. Professional hockey players.

“Holy shit!” I heard Eliza yell. “Is that the team?” I nodded. “Some of them.” I wasn’t sure anyone heard me. I didn’t really care. I was focused on the group of guys pushing their way to the bar, right next to where my best friend was. Just mere inches from our table.

This really was a bad idea.

“Fuck, they’re so hot.”

“Do you think they’re single?”

“Would they come here if they weren’t?”

I ignored the girls and their questions for a bit, focusing on the group. It was weird to me, seeing guys I’ve watched from afar for so long, right in front of me. I knew they went out. Word travels when you’re friends with a bunch of gorgeous girls. Friends of friends have had some experiences. But you never really expect it to happen to you. And you definitely don’t expect any of them to notice you.

But then they do.

“Harper, that one’s looking at you.”

I forced myself to look away. “Lacey, they’re not zoo animals. His name is Ryan.” I knew he couldn’t hear me, but I still felt nervous. Like somehow he’d only hear his name and know where it came from. My face was hot and my heart was racing. God, they really were beautiful.

“Harper, go talk to them!” I swung my head to look at Eliza. “Are you crazy? Why would I go talk to them?”

Eliza smiled. “Because Ryan is looking at you, not us.”

“The air quotes are not necessary, E. That’s his actual name.”

I looked back up at the group and noticed Becca coming back with our drinks. I grabbed the Corona she ordered for me and downed half of it in one sip. I could feel the girls watching me as I set the bottle down.

“Are you okay?” I shook my head. “No. I need a water.”

I stepped off the bar seat and stepped closer to the bar, squeezing in between a very pretty blonde girl and Boone Jenner. I patiently waited for the bartender to notice me, trying to just be cool. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself, so I didn’t move much. I could feel three sets of eyes watching me intently from behind, but I couldn’t turn around. I kept myself facing forward, trying not to eavesdrop. Until I felt Boone step away and someone else fill his spot.

“Is he ignoring you?”

I turned to my right slowly, my eyes coming to land on a pair of stunning brown eyes. Could brown eyes be stunning? Brown eyes were always ignored. Every country song was about blue eyes, sometimes green. But never brown. I always felt offended myself, having brown eyes, and I wondered if anyone found them stunning.

Not now, Harper. Jesus.

“I’m sorry?” I asked. “Who?”

Ryan smiled. Oh fuck did he smile. “The bartender. Did you need something?”

I nodded. “Oh! Just a water. It’s no big deal. I can wait.” He turned his body toward me now, and I noticed his friends had disappeared, surrounding the table my friends were occupying. How convenient.

Ryan extended his hand. “Ryan.” I smiled and took it in mine. “I’m Harper. Great game tonight.”

He nodded. “Thank you. Were you there?” Now it was my turn to nod. “I was. It’s actually your fault I’m standing at the bar tonight.”

Ryan started laughing. “Why’s that?”

I bit my lip. “I made a bet with my friends. If you scored, we went to the bars tonight. But if you didn’t, we ordered pizza and went home to drink.”

“Ah well I’m sorry I ruined pizza night. Let me make it up to you with a drink.” I smiled. “You don’t have to do that. You deserved the goal. It doesn’t happen often.”

Ryan laughed again. “Ouch, that hurts a little bit.” I laughed with him. It felt nice, and also surreal. “Wait, can I ask why it was me who had to score tonight? There are plenty of other guys you could’ve chosen from.”

I swallowed hard and shifted a little. “Uh, well, because you don’t score a ton of goals and you’re my favorite on the team so my friends were teasing me, I guess. That’s embarrassing. I’m sorry. You don’t need to be talking to some dumb fangirl.”

He smiled and set his bottle on the bar. “I don’t think you’re dumb. It’s not like I have a huge group of fans in the city, or anywhere really, except maybe back home. Plus, and this is no disrespect to your friends, but my friends have lost interest and they’re going to leave that table in five minutes. I, on the other hand, have no plans of leaving here.”

“What if we left together?”

It left my lips before I even fully thought it through. Here I was, exposing myself as not only a fangirl, but someone who was clearly willing to leave my friends behind and go somewhere with a stranger. A hot stranger. A really fucking hot stranger.

“Where would we go? If we left together?”

I shrugged. “Personally I’m starving and can’t stop thinking about pizza. And I know there’s a place down the road open late. But you don’t have to leave with me. I don’t really know what I was saying.”

“What makes you think I would rather be here than somewhere much quieter, eating pizza with you?”

“Besides the fact that you know absolutely nothing about me?”

Ryan smiled at me. “I know your name is Harper, and I know you hate bars like this. What’s the worst that could happen at a tiny little pizza place down the road from all of our friends?”

I bit my lip to hide a smile. “Okay, that’s fair. I can always call Becca if you’re a huge weirdo.” He started laughing. “Can you even eat pizza? Is that part of your diet?”

“I’ll just skate a little harder at practice on Monday. I’ll take a risk. I think it might be worth it.”

I leaned off the bar. “I’ll grab my purse and let the girls know. Should I just tell your friends while I’m over there?” Ryan straightened up and grabbed his beer bottle again, smiling. “I’ll come with you.” I walked towards the table, Becca’s eyes burning holes in me. I wish there was time to explain to her what was happening, but I wasn’t even sure I knew what was happening. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was convinced this wasn’t even real. I’ll wake up in the morning and this will all just be a very detailed dream I had after a night on the town.

“I’m gonna head out,” I announced but Becca was the only one listening. “I’ll see you in the morning?” She nodded. “Be safe.” I could always read Becca like a book. She thought this was a dumb idea. We were never really the girls who left the bar with a hot stranger. We showed up and left together, after a few drinks and a lot of dancing. And that was on the rare occasion we even went out. But nothing about tonight was going according to plan.

I turned to face Ryan, who was still talking to Boone. “Please don’t act like complete idiots once I leave. I’m not coming back for you.” Boone slurred something I couldn’t even try to make out and I choked back a giggle. “I’m out. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

He turned to me and smiled. “Ready?”

The Lyft ride to the pizza place was quiet, and our drive probably thought he was escorting an awkward first date around town. But it was a comfortable quiet. And usually I’d blame the drinks for how calm I was feeling with him, but I barely had half a beer, so everything was very clear to me. Ryan was just calming. His voice and the way he carried himself. It was attractive and that was so rare to find, at least for me. And he was soft. The way he spoke about his family and his job. I felt like I could listen to him talk every minute of every day.

“So do you come to a lot of games?”

I smiled and shrugged. “Not as many as I’d like. I spend more time watching them from the comfort of my couch. We’ve got a friend, Eliza; she gets suite tickets a lot from work so we use those when we can.”

Ryan smiled and took a slow sip of water. “Do you have tickets for Monday’s game?” I shook my head. “I’ll have some under your name. Lounge bands too.”

I laughed. “Are you trying to buy my attention, Murray?”

“Not at all. I just want to be able to see you again after tonight but my job tends to get in the way. So if you’re at a game, in the lounge, I have a better chance of seeing you when it’s over.”

It was cute. He was cute. And I really liked the way I felt with him. He probably could’ve asked me to pick up trash with him and I’d do it. Maybe this is why I’ve never dated? “I’ll be there Monday. Who says no to free tickets?”

The rest of the night felt so easy. It wasn’t until around 2am when I realized I should probably be heading home, brunch plans with my mother looming in the near future. I checked my watch and felt myself frown. “I should probably get going.”

“Can I get your number?” I smiled at how rushed he asked, thankful I wasn’t the only one suffering from word vomit tonight. I took his phone from his hand and entered my number, adding a pizza emoji after my name, “Thank you for tonight, Harper. I had a lot of fun.”

I nodded in agreement. “I did too. I kinda wanna do it again sometime.”

We had moved to the sidewalk outside now, both waiting for our cars to show up. The air was cool, but still unseasonably warm for a late winter night in Ohio. I shivered, wrapping my arms around myself. I looked up and caught Ryan looking down at me, the cutest smile on his face. Before I could speak, a car pulled up to the curb, the car I was waiting on. I felt myself deflate, not ready to leave yet. But then I felt Ryan’s lips on my cheek and my whole body felt electric. I felt the kiss all the way in my toes and I definitely wasn’t cold anymore.

“Good night, Harper.”

#komh series #my writing #komh ch 1 #ryan murray #columbus blue jackets #nhl writing #hockey writing #i'm so excited about this piece you guys #i hope you love it #idk what else to tag #so give me suggestions #nhl imagine

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elsigh · 4 years

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hello so im back, back again lol

soo atm i weigh 79.3kg

so i gained 2kg since coming to germany

also storytimeee:

idk if i told this story before but ill tell it again

i had an ex who i was and still am unfortunately in love with. love was a huge thing for me and a huge word and i could never say it to many people because it scared me and i never thought id love someone so much even if they brought me so much pain.

The first time i was with him i broke it off for literally no reason (cuz i was bored?) and then like 6 months later we got back together and i literally fell head over heels for him idk how but it happened and we were doing fine or so i made myself believe. i knew something was wrong but i was supportive and tried believing that it'll get better. then he broke up with me and 5 days later i found out that the reason was because he cheated on me with a girl he was in love with but he said he 100% was over her .

that hurt me so much

i blocked him and havent talked to him in around 4 months and then i unblocked him and followed him again cuz why nott im a clown bro

and thwn we started talking again and i went over to his place and literally (BIG CLOWN MOMENT) lost my virginityy with himm

i thought by doing that he'd love me back or just want me back but he doesnt give a fuck about anyone in his life except himself.

whenever we messaged he'd say that he cant wait to fuck me again etc. and nothing really romantic

whenever i tried being romantic or cutsie he'd shut it down.

and like it sucks that he only wanted me for my body and never really loved me and never will love me..

i broke whatever we had going on yesterday completely.

i told him how i felt and i WANTED and JUST NEEDED him to say anything ANYTHING to prove that he cared about me and id stay. i would stay forever. i would do anything for him

but instead he just replied with

"okay"

i cried myself to sleep last night so that was fun.

oh also my mom and dad and i were driving around and my dads playlist is a bunch of songs about love and heartbreak but like a fun tune or beat so he likes them but i cried in the car twice and they didnt notice yip yip hooray.

at least the eyeliner i was wearing is waterproof so thats a good thing :3

im still hurt and in so much pain but i need to get through this and not go back to him again. i deserve to be happy

i will find someone better who will treat me better than he ever did

alright thats the end of that vent rip

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honeysgogh-archive-blog · 6 years

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tagged by the lovely @honeyedmilks thank you !! this is my way of procrastinating ,,, tagging @nathanielwesninski , @minyardx , @declanlynch , @skywaliker n anyone else who wants to do this !

last

1. drink - water

2. phone call - my mum

3. text message - it was a bunch of laughing faces cause my friend was talking about how she needed to make cooler playlists adjhskafl

4. song you listened to - streetcar by daniel caesar is sososososoos good

5. time you cried - today lmao

ever

6. dated someone twice - lmao no

7. kissed someone and regretted it - i need to kiss someone first

8. been cheated on - no

9. lost someone special - does my dog count?

10. been depressed - i don’t think so

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - i need to get drunk first

fave colours

12. pink

in the last year have you ...

13. made new friends - only online friends

14. fallen out of love - ive never been in love

15. laughed until you cried - nope

16. found out someone was talking about you - besides my mum, nope n it really puts me on edge

17. met someone who changed you - nope

18. found out who your friends are - nope

19. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - lmao no

general

20. how many of your facebook friends do you know in irl - i havent been on facebook in months sooo idk

21. do you have any pets - no :((( but i want to steal yeontan

22. do you want to change your name - uhhh no

23. what did you do for your last birthday - it was my 17th n all i remember was that i cried because the cheesecake store was closed lmao ,, the day was already pretty bad so

24. what time did you wake up today - 5am cause the moon was so bright n full then i fell back asleep n woke up around 11 am

25. what were you doing at midnight last night - going over the day n overthinking literally everything - also looking at bts memes to cheer me up lmao

26. what is something you can’t wait for - my 18th in may ?? uhhh i dont really know

27. what are you listening to right now - 4 o’clock by namjoon n taehyung :(

28. have you ever talked to a person named tom - in grade 4 or smthing ,,, i heard in high school he has a small dick lmao thought id share

29. something that’s getting on your nerves - my brother who is going through shit n my mum showing she cares but when i was his age i went through so much shit n literally reached out to her only for it to backlash ??? im really annoyed

30. most visited website - tumblr n youtube n crunchyroll

31. hair colour - brown

31. long or short hair - longish ??

32. do you have a crush on someone - no one irl

33. what do you like about yourself - skipping this bs

34. want any piercings - nope

35. blood type - its a mystery

36. nicknames - none at all

37. relationship status - in love with men who will never know i exist

38. zodiac - taurus

39. pronouns - she/her

40. fave tv shows - how i met your mother n friends n b99

41. tattoos - nope

42. right or left handed - right

43. ever had surgery - only to get my wisdom teeth pulled out, does that count?

44. piercings - my ears n navel piercing

45. sport - supporting bts n loving all members wholly

46. vacation - i wanna disappear somewhere

47. trainers - i have nike’s but like i rarely wear them ?

more general

48. eating - nothing

49. drinking - water

50. im about to watch - boku no hero academia

51. waiting for - bts to drop their comeback n destroy the world

52. want - bts to drop their comeback n destroy the world akjfkl

53. get married - you’re going to have to take it up with my therapist

54. career - i need one

which is better

55. hugs or kisses - i would like both rn :))))

56. lips or eyes - eyes are the window to your soul ,,, probs why bts have such nice eyes cause their soul is lovely

57. shorter or taller - taller is preferred ,,, but like the same height is fine

58. older or younger - older ,, i view people younger than me as cute lil babys im not even joking ,, i cant view them the way i would view someone older

59. nice arms or stomach - arms all the way ! but both are lovely

60. hookup or relationship - honestly a hookup seems like so much effort but so does a relationship ,, idkajfkld

61. troublemaker or hesitant - ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

have you ever

62. kissed a stranger - i wish

63. drank hard liquor - nope

64. lost glasses - nope

65. turned someone down - ........ yes ,, really really badly though i dont have experience in that area

66. sex on first date - i need to get a date first

67. broken someone’s heart - ooh i hope not

68. had your heart broken - lmao by my parents

69. been arrested - that would be wild ,,, i was almost fined for driving without a license lmao that was fun

70. cried when someone died - i cried when my dog died ??

71. fallen for a friend - nope

do you believe in

72. yourself - god no

73. miracles - uuhhh no

74. love at first sight - im too pessimistic for that

75. santa claus - oh boy i wish

76. kiss on a first date - depends

77. angels - uhhh not sure

other

78. best friends name - i have three irl ,, kate n sophie n ellie but online im not sure ??

79. eye colour - hazel

80. fave movie - i have multiple ;; the breakfast club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, about time, baby driver

81. fave actor - ji changwook ,, matthew daddario ,, ansel elgort ,, nam joohyuk ,, dane dehaan ,, for actresses lily collins sjdkf i feel bad for only having one fave actress

if anybody actually reads this whole thing hi ! that was a waste of your time

#ty for tagging #this was fun #good way to procastinate #this is the most ive shared online before #about me #tagged #also @ the people i tagged you dont have to do this #ahjfkjf i tried tagging people ive never tagged before

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kidsfromyesterdaypod · 5 years

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Episode One: It’s Not a Phase, Mom [Transcript]

To make Kids From Yesterday as accessible as possible, we’re transcribing our episodes for you to read!

Note: we forgot to clarify this in the episode but when we talk about the days where people obtained downloads in ways that don't pay artists and that being different to how people consume music now, obviously the current methods of streaming and paid downloading are much better. Always, always support your artists no matter who they are.

Listen here

Courtney: Hello and welcome to Kids from Yesterday. This is an emo podcast that’s gonna be all about emo culture. Every week we’re going to do a deep-dive into facets of emo culture that interest us. So, I’m Courtney** **

Clodagh: And I’m clodagh and today and we’re going to be talking about why emo is not a phase.

[theme song plays. It is an original composition that strongly parodies a lot of pop punk bands]

Court: I have ‘why podcast?’ written here [laughs]

Clo: [laughs]

Court: so basically, me and Clodagh were talking the other day about…. what were we talking about?

Clo: I think we were talking about, as typical, we were talking about diet culture and how when we were teenagers the only bodies we had to admire were, or like look up to, were thin white women, and we were kinda talking about how I had never seen bodies that look like mine. Cause when I was a teenager and I was going through my emo phase, I was like a size 16 to 18, and how in Kerrang! – which was the only magazine I ever bought – or on Kerrang TV I didn’t see any bodies that look like mine and we kinda started to talk about that and it kinda just... the idea I think

Court: Grew from there

Clo: Came from that, yeah

Court: I just remember screaming at you through instagram messages, CAN WE DO AN EMO PODCAST and you agreed, for some reason? [Laughs]

Clo: [Laughs] Yeah

Court: But definitely that’s a topic that we were just talking about there that we want to do a deep-dive in at some point, and talk about that aspect of emo culture cause I think, like, fashion and that whole aspect of it was such a huge thing. And like if you were emo as a kid you had the hair and you had the clothes and you dressed like Hayley Williams or you dressed like, you know, Gerard Way

Clo: Yeah

Court: And there was no in-between and both of those people were, you know, thin

Clo: And white and cisgender

Court: Yeah. So there was a lot of stuff like that, and when you look back on it now it’s like wow there really wasn’t very much variety for us. So we definitely want to talk about that at some point but eh, ‘why podcast?’, to answer that question...

Clo: Something else I’d kinda been thinking about, I dunno if I mentioned this to you, but in the days leading up to that conversation id been thinking about how My Chemical Romance had kinda gotten the blame for a spate of suicides

Court: YES

Clo: And self harm, and there was this whole thing in the Daily Mail, I know they’d had a concert in London at some point afterwards where they were all chanting F the Daily Mail, em, and I’d kinda been thinking that, isn’t that bizarre that this band got the blame for something that was completely irrelevant and to people from the outside looking in, parents, adults, were you know, air quotes, concerned about it, but they were taking it up completely wrong.

Court: Yeah

Clo: [in a mocking voice commonly used when people made fun of emo kids in 2006] they just didn’t understand

Court: It wasn’t a phase. But yeah, it was interesting and it’s the same as like Marilyn Manson getting blamed for like murderers and serial killers and stuff, it’s that real ‘we don’t understand this’, Satanic Panic thing, we have a bunch of kids covered in eyeliner, as I am today – and it pained me to paint eyeliner around my face, it’s everywhere, its never coming off.

Clo: [Laughs]

Court: But that was, I imagine to a lot of parents, confusing and strange, and the only reference you have are all those shows that were like this emo did it and you always have these kids that hang out in a house in the middle of nowhere with like, pentagrams painted on the walls, and like fuck satan and like stuff like that, so like you can see why, but it is ridiculous, so it was interesting to see bands that were intrinsically linked with mental health issues. Which again is something else we want to talk about, maybe in a future episode.

Clo: Yeah

Court: But there really was that whole fear, I guess, that kids were listening to this music and becoming depressed, instead of a bunch of sad kids found a bunch of artists who heard them and said to them that this is ok. Or, in my Chem’s case, that this..that they’re... not ok

Clo: [laughs]

Court: I hate myself

Clo: [laughs]

Court: But you do have that thing where that was...I mean, what got you into emo music? Clo: For me, it think...yeah it started...it started…. It all started around 20… no 2006, I’d say, was when I first got into My Chemical Romance. 2006, 2007 I think it was...I can’t really remember… and I’d start listening to My Chem because... mainly because I used to stay up all night watching music channels and I remember I’d stay up until Scuzz would play the My Chem songs and then I’d go to bed

Court: [fondly] Remember Scuzz?

Clo: That’s not a thing anymore, which I recently found out… but yeah, but I got into it that way, and as I started secondary school, you know the people in my class were into High School Musical and they were into Chris Brown and I kinda, you know, as much as… you know when you do, when you start secondary school, you try to fit in with everyone else in your class. And I had got an interest in R&B music and High School Musical but I was still really into My Chem and Fall Out Boy, and then I met a couple of people in the year below me who were, like, really into My Chem and Fall Out Boy and I was like oh my god, these people, I’ve met people who are into the same music as me, and from there it progressed. And then I guess there was Twilight, I read the saga, and then Paramore did a song for it and I was introduced to Paramore, and they became my favourite band, my favourite emo band. So yeah, but it’s just always been, just there. Avril Lavigne? Busted? I think for everyone, it goes back to Busted

Court: [laughs]

Clo: Were you a Busted or McFly girl?

Court: I was a Busted girl. For years I refused to even acknowledge McFly cause I was like, they’re a rip off of Busted, as if three-piece boybands didn’t exist before that, as if they weren’t a rip off of Blink, or Blink weren’t a rip off of Green Day and stuff. But like to child me, I was like [mocking] I like Busted and McFly suck

Clo: I was the same.

Court: I discovered Avril Lavigne then as well. Discovered is a… I mean like, she was on the radio, there wasn’t much discovery there, but I really liked her, and then something happened and I got really into Linkin Park. Actually I think part of that, going back to Twilight, I was really into the books before the film happened, and Stephenie Meyer had a website and she used to make playlists for each of the books, so she had Muse and Linkin Park and a bunch of other bands that I’d never heard of, so I would’ve been 13 I think, and I remember one Christmas I was like, can I have all these Linkin Park albums? And one of my aunts being like, [pearl clutching] ‘WHAT?’

Clo: [laughs]

Court: ‘You’re a child!’ But like, that was kinda like the first thing. And I do remember being the same in school, like you just want to fit in

Clo: Yeah

Court: But Ii was kinda looking for people who were into all this stuff, and then when I was in first year somebody mentioned FOB, it was actually the year they went on hiatus, she’d gone to see them and I was like, who the hell are FOB, and then… no! That’s a lie, I knew who FOB were! So there was a Now 60-something or a Now 50-something...I can’t...what number are we on now? Would’ve been a Now 40, maybe, I don’t know, but it had This Ain’t a Scene It’s an Arms Race on it, and I remember listening to it and thinking that was the first time I’d ever heard a song for what it was, as opposed to just,

Clo: Yeah

Court: Oh I like the music to this, or oh I like this, like I actually heard the lyrics and it was kind of my introduction to poetry I guess? I got really deep and emo into these things before I’d even realised I had but like I’d never thought about going to see these bands, cause that was like...I didn’t have any friends who liked them so like, going to a concert was completely beyond me. So a girl was like, I saw FOB and now they’ve gone on hiatus, and I was like well first of all, what the hell is a hiatus?

Clo: [laughs]

Court: If only I knew [laughs]. And then like, second of all, I didn’t know that was even a possibility. So like I think I discovered Paramore around the same time as you with the whole Twilight thing, with Decode and I Caught Myself and, em, I was kinda late to the My Chem game which is really interesting, there was people that were so into My Chem and I just...I dunno, I dunno what stopped me from...but like, at the same time, I was trying to listen to like Kanye West and all these other people I have absolutely no interest in now but that at the time I was like, ‘yeah other people talk about this stuff, I wanna listen to this too’. I did eventually find people who did like all the stuff i liked, and that was where I found Panic! at the Disco and like… god, I can’t even think of any of them, really, those are all the main ones. I actually found my old iPod the other day and I looked at the music on it and it;s the same.

Clo: [laughs]

Court: It is the exact same stuff that I listen to now, they have two other bands that I don’t listen to now. Remember Young Guns? Clo: [excited] Yeah!

Court: Yeah. Young Guns and Orson.

Clo: Oh my God, yes, they had that one song. Yesterday?

Court: No Tomorrow

Clo: Tomorrow? Oh.

Court: [laughs] ‘yesterday, or tomorrow?’ [Laughs]

Clo: [laughs]

Court: Yeah. That was the only difference, everything else was All Time Low. Oh yeah! Forgot to mention my faves. All Time Low. I am a sad All Time Low Stan. I have seen them 20 times and I don’t want to talk about it.

Clo: [laughs]

Court: But Paramore is your, like

Clo: Yeah Paramore are my baes. Like what you said about This Ain’t a Scene, I first...I’d heard of Misery Business because I was somebody who did like My Chem, I did like Fall Out Boy, and I would, like watch Kerrang! and Scuzz to try and find that music. At the same time, I was watching The Box. I was really, shamefully so, I was really into Chris Brown, I was really into – still really into – Beyoncé, just kind of into R&B but also into emo. Like my iPod would’ve been really really mixed at the time?

Court: Yeah

Clo: so I kind of was like, I fit in here, but I also fit in here with the emos, and I guess I kind of progressed more towards that because they understood me. [laughs] Like, they were really, really into this music and because I had been kind of into it but also as an outsider, someone who was the only person who was kind of into it, my interests were elsewhere. But I remember in first year I actually went to meet Gary Barlow from Take That.

Court: [incredulous] Wowwwww.

Clo: And the picture… in the picture is me and I’m wearing a red and white top, I have like a black waistcoat on and there’s a little tiny Green Day badge on it

Court: awhhhh!

Clo: I’m dressed in the colours of American Idiot. I’m like, staying true to myself but also, you know…

Court: hanging out with Gary Barlow?

Clo: Hanging out with Gary Barlow!

[both laugh]

Court: So I guess trying to define what emo actually is, is really difficult.

Clo: Yeah. It’s different I think between different people. I guess like the American sense of the word might be something completely different to what it is here. I know at least in Ireland, or at least in my group, the emo kids didn’t just listen to emo music, we also listened to a lot of pop punk, and I don’t know if that would’ve blended in in America as well as it does here. I guess because here at least anyway – I think – emo is defined by what’s on Kerrang!

Court: yeah

Clo: and there was a lot of Good Charlotte, a lot of Sum 41, Puddle of Mudd, all that kind of stuff, and then as well, you have the goth music, like Marilyn Manson, Metallica, metal music that was kind of blending in with the emo scene as well, but it’s definitely…

Court: We didn’t have that distinction I don’t think. Like you see on American MySpace, and on Tumblr now even, they had a distinction between emo and scene kid. And I guess, considering the bands I was listening to, I probably would’ve been more scene than emo, but with the people I hung around with… I guess to me, the pinnacle of emo was My Chem.

Clo: Yes. Definitely.

Court: And, even, I’m like here’s all these other bands that I listen to… like, when you talk about emo, you talk about My Chem. But we were also limited in who came to play here I think. Even in England, they had a lot more bands and a lot more venues. Even if they only played in London you could still travel down, whereas here it was kind of… a bunch of bands came around 2010/2011/2012, and then nothing, and still kinda nothing, we go through phases of who comes here and who doesn’t. And even on revival tours or anniversary tours we’re skipped over a lot

Clo: You Me at Six will never forget us, though.

Court: I hope not. [laughs]. I mean, the last time they played here, he was like, ‘we’ll probably never come back here again’

Clo: Oh yeah! That was really sad

Court: Thanks, Josh. [laughs] Really appreciate that. Still don’t know what he meant? Whether he was thinking like, Brexit, or he was thinking, ‘can’t be arsed with this’, or..

Clo: Is it because it’s so expensive to bring – did he say that on stage, or is it just a thought I had? This is my life. Is it something somebody said or is it something I thought? But did he say on stage that it’s too expensive to bring equipment over?

Court: I don’t think so?

Clo: then it was just a thought I had.

Court: Maybe he’d said something like that before? I know – Tangent Time! – I know smaller bands… so there’s a band called Mallory Knox, who I really like, fucking love them so much, but I remember talking to them somewhere and being like, come play a show in Ireland and they were like, we’ve looked into it before the last few tours we’ve done and it’s just not worth it because of the cost of the venue and the cost of bringing over the equipment, it just… they were like, we’d end up losing money.

Clo: Ahh.

Court: and he was like we can’t even guarantee that we’d like sell enough tickets to make it worthwhile, so they were like, sorry!

Clo: Maybe it was you, then, who said it to me afterwards. I feel like we spoke about it afterwards and you must’ve said that to me. Because I don’t see how my brain would go there to think about that

Court: come up with that

Clo: yeah

Court: I dunno, did….uhh….yeah, maybe I did. I really don’t know

Clo: [laughs]

Court: I really don’t remember. But getting back to what defining emo as, I do think it’s interesting that there’s a whole culture where your clothes and your hair and what you listen to were identifiable. You could see somebody in the street and even if they didn’t have the full fringe or multicoloured hair or the weird clip-in racoon extensions, you’d still know, that’s an emo

Clo: yeah

Court: that’s one of my people. And I think that’s something that always really interested me.

Clo: Yeah actually, when I was standing on O’Connell Street earlier, I was kind of looking around to see what people were wearing and I was trying to pick out in my head like okay who around me might identify as emo or at one point identified as emo? I feel like it’s a bit harder now to pick somebody out as an emo because not only are we… not gone past the emo… stage, if that makes sense?

Court: Yeah. I mean, the actual, like, era, I guess.

Clo: era, that’s it.

Court: I mean a lot of people wear the clothes now, so it’s not….

Clo: yeah, so a lot more people would wear Converse, a lot more people would wear Doc Martens, whereas back during the emo era, those were things that were reserved for emos. If you wore Converse, you were an emo.

Court: People would make fun of you.

Clo: Exactly. Whereas now, every second person is wearing Vans, everyone’s wearing Converse, and skinny jeans are huge, and the check shirts and all that kind of stuff. That was something that I would’ve worn a lot of and looked around for people in the Navan emo scene

[both laugh]

Clo: to see who else was one of my people! But yeah, I think it’s a bit harder now to pick them out of a crowd.

Court: Yeah.

Clo: But it was something that hugely defined…. And I guess as well it goes with punk rock, you can tell a punk rocker, from then at least, a mile off. Mohawks, leather, all those kind of things, and definitely it’s the same with emo.

Court: Yeah. I think even now, the whole idea of stuff a punk would wear, like patched jackets, that’s a big thing, everybody does it, or like you have facial piercings, you must be a goth, whereas everyone has their nose pierced.

Clo: and tattoos as well! Wrist tattoos especially were I feel like a big thing in the emo era? Notably a phrase that was two words, one on each wrist. Or stars.

Court: Ah, the stars. Remember those? Clo: The black and red stars.

Court: Reaaaally glad I never did that.

Clo: Same! [laughs] and I definitely think that again, they were things that were reserved for goths, emos etc but now they’re generally just...you know, flooded into the mainstream and they’re everywhere.

Court: Yeah. So it’s really hard to define what it is now compared to what it was then. It was very very much a case of weirdos in the back of the classroom, everybody thought they were weird, and would say it, several times a day. Not speaking from experience or anything. [laughs] but you could see it, and they’d all kind of migrate towards each other and everything. And I don’t think that’s…. Maybe it’s not even as necessary anymore. I do think it was partially a survival thing, back in the day

Clo: Yeah

Court: Because there was such a stigma around having poor mental health, we’re talking even back in 2012… when did you finish school?

Clo: 2011.

Court: Yeah, so I finished in 2012 and even back then, you couldn’t talk about being depressed. Whereas, my sister goes to the school I went to and she said it’s much better now and I think you can talk a lot more openly about that kind of thing. And they’re a lot more accepting of LGBTQ students whereas when I was in school that was not discussed but you could kind of see an overlap between the emo kids and the ones who were LGBT. so I do think maybe in part it was a survival thing, we had a way of distinguishing ourselves so that we could find other people like ourselves. I don’t think anybody decided ‘let’s all wear this’, we also thought it was cool, it’s not like ‘Just gonna put on my survival gear now!’ but it did help, I think. You always know, oh hey I can talk to you about this band, most likely. Clo: Yeah

Court: but there was some people who like, if they were super into My Chem and you were like oh I like All Time Low, they’d be like [scoffing] ugh god they’re such sellouts, like I do remember someone laughing at me for saying All Time Low is my favourite band, she was like [scoffs] All Time BLOW? And I’m like, they call themselves that, it’s not

Clo and Court: [together] an insult!

Court: yeah! Like they fully know how terrible they are. And I fully know how terrible they are, but I still love them very much. But it’s just, I do think it’s interesting that that’s…

Clo: Yeah, definitely. And even, I think the great thing about it as well – this actually happened to me, like, a few months ago, when I was in work. And this girl… she was like, chatting away to me, she was like 19 in NCAD [Irish national college of art and design] and she was talking to me about music and I had just gone to see You Me at Six do their ten-year Take Off Your Colours anniversary show and she was talking to me and she was like oh I’m an emo, I like My Chem and everything like this, and like I said she was about 19 and I was like oh have you ever heard of You Me at Six and she was like no, who are they? And she made me write down the name in her phone

Court: [Laughs]

Clo: So she could go look them up! And I was like oh my god she’s emo and she doesn’t know who YMAS are. But as well as that, being able to cluster to each other and find each other, we’re able to find new bands

Court: Yeah

Clo: and as much as I envy the 80s, everyone going to record stores

Court: Yeah

Clo: As they romantically do in John Hughes films, I think we had a kind of a cool thing going on as well in that you’d find a band, you’d go home and you’d download their music

Court: illegally, usually

Clo: you’d find it somewhere, illegally, and you’d download it and it was on your iPod. And I think that was a really fun time. Whereas now, with Spotify, there’s no such thing as listening to a whole album anymore, you listen to a single here and there but back in the emo era, you would download the whole album and you’d listen to it from cover to cover because you wanted to see if these would, you know…

Court: if they were any good, or if this was something you could add to your… I mean that was something as well that really appealed to me, I got bored with pop music. Pop music is designed to be boring after a while, it fits into a very specific time period and a very specific style, so when everybody else was listening to music and was like this person is really good, these are great, I’d get bored after maybe 10 or so listens, and the first time i listened to any of these bands, I realised there’s no trend. And i do think that has changed now. A lot of bands, especially ones on major labels, have kind of fit into a trend. All the main guys like Fall Out Boy and Panic at the Disco, they change with the general mainstream trend.

Clo: Yeah

Court: And it’s keeping them afloat, it’s giving them new audiences, cause obviously us ageing emos aren’t going to keep them alive forever but it is interesting how people switch genres now. Like, remember the whole Five Seconds of Summer thing? And like all those kids were previous One Direction fans and they scooped up a whole new

Clo: music, yeah

Court: based on kind of being pop punk? But kind of not. But all those kids would identify as emo. And I remember being on Twitter and seeing those kids be like ‘omg flannel shirts and skinny jeans are like the 5SOS uniform. Like you wear one and you know I’m a 5SOS fan’.

Clo: oh my gosh

Court: and it was really weird, but it was so weird seeing it because of what we just said, it used to be ‘that person probably likes FOB’ whereas they had their own little like, this is how I find my people.

Clo: yeah

Court: and i think being in that emo space…. I mean, I did my thesis on fandoms. I’m super into the concept of fandoms. I have a psychology degree, it’s not very useful.

[both laugh] But! I did it on fandoms and on the people who are involved in fandom spaces and it has always fascinated me the way we gravitate. I was kind of on LiveJournal, I was kind of on MySpace. But for some reason as a child I was like, these can’t be… a child, I was like, 14… but these can’t possibly be Pete Wentz, this can’t actually be Hayley Williams, and I don’t why I doubted it so much. I think it was the whole ‘everyone’s lying on the internet’. So i was reading stuff and thinking that’s really cool, but it’s clearly not them. So I was kind of out of it a bit, and so I’d see it, and drama would happen, and I’d be like ‘what drama? They’re not real’. But you’d see that and it would be like an analog fandom, maybe you’d have friends to talk to or people in school to talk to but you weren’t like, entrenched in this community. It was very offline. So I think the coming online – maybe that’s why you don’t need the fashion as much anymore. It’s just if I have an account that has a My Chem lyric in it or a FOB lyric in it, or I tweet these bands I might find new friends. Or a lot of bands have their own forums or fanclubs and stuff, so maybe, I dunno, maybe that’s not a thing people need anymore.

Clo: yeah. Definitely for me I came into the online world with bands, I went there to find them, but I would’ve had a fandom, or like a like for the band, offline. When Gabe Saporta from Cobra Starship joined twitter in 2008, that’s when I joined. I didn’t care about anyone else, I just wanted to find Gabe on twitter.

Court: TELL ME ALL YOUR THOUGHTS, GABE.

[both laugh]

Clo: And Bebo, I probably would’ve been on Bebo when I started my emoness, and at that point, your’e just friends with people you know. Instagram today you just follow people you don’t know, you make friends with people who are into the same things as you but you just never meet them. Whereas with Bebo you got to know who from your friends were emo, as opposed to finding emo friends.

Court: Yeah, I get that. I think now it’s a lot different.

Clo: And I think that’s how we ended up flocking together. We met through another band who are not emo. Categorically not emo. And we ended up flocking together because we had shared interest in other bands like Green Day and Paramore and things like that.

Court: Yeah, I actually don’t even remember where I met you first, but my first memory of hanging out with you properly was in the queue for Green Day. So Green Day played Marlay Park in..2010?

Clo: Yep!

Court: and I still think of that as possibly one of the best gigs of my life. And it was it was before Green Day released Uno, Dos and Tré. Which we will talk about in detail at some point when we do our Green Day special. But it was around then. No, they released that in 2012 or 2013. So it was post… it was 21 Guns! Yeah it was the 21 Guns tour! And I got to meet Paramore that day. My friend won a private meet and greet with Paramore and I was too smol to appreciate it properly. And I was 15 or 16… no I was just gone 15, and I remember like SHAKING all the way through it like I don’t know how to talk to people? And I remember my mother freaking out cause she was like you’re going to be hanging out with a band like by yourself and I was like, they’re Christian! And she was like oh ok good, they probably don’t even drink. And at the time I don’t think Hayley did, cause she was worried about her voice and stuff

Clo: Yeah

Court: I remember being like these guys are good! But anyway I did that then I remember coming out and sitting on a wall then going over and queuing, and running into you and Nicole in the queue. And you guys were just in front of me for the whole thing.

Clo: Yeah I remember that gig, it was amazing. It was such a good show. And yeah I remember you telling me you met Paramore and I was SO jealous. I didn’t end up meeting them until 2013 I’d say? I met them, they played Belsonic in Belfast, and I won meet and greet tickets through the Paramore Fan Club.

Court: I remember that, and it was like 2 dudes and they were super nice? Wasn’t it?

Clo: What?

Court: The Paramore Fan Club. Wasn’t it two guys?

Clo: Oh no. The american one?

Court: the irish one?

Clo: No it was through the online fanclub. So I paid like 30 dollars a year or something.

Court: Woah. The All Time Low one was like 5 dollars a year.

Clo: The following year they got rid of it so they ended up doing it for free and I was really annoyed and the only reason I paid 30 dollars was to be in the running to win tickets if they ran these competitions. But I had other friends who went up to Belfast with me and they had won tickets as well through the fan club so we all got to go in and meet them. I was so nervous. What did you say to them? Do you even remember what you said? Court: Em… I remember talking to Jeremy. He had a Linkin Park branded Sharpie and I was like that’s so cool and he launched into this big story about it and I was like [sigh] you’re so cool and I was babbling at Hayley about how psyched I was for the show and then I was like omg your shirt’s so cool – remember Skelanimals? They were like…

Clo: yeah

Court: So I was like [babbles]. There was a lot of that. Except like, their manager. I dunno if it was their manager, she could’ve been… I dunno who she was, but she was really bitchy and mean. And they were happy to just stand there and chat. Jeremy and Hayley were just chatting themselves and joining us into the conversation, Zac was kinda...there. As he often was, he was just kind of there. And then Josh came out late, said sorry to Hayley for being late and then stood behind us, ignoring us.

Clo: Oh?

Court: And I went over and said hi and he was like oh hi, and I was like there’s only two of us here and I know we’re talking five hundred miles an hour but we haven’t attacked you? And like I haven’t screamed or done anything terrible. Cause even when they came out and said hi first I was shaking so bad, but like I didn’t fangirl or anything, I was just trying to keep it all inside. And I was so proud of myself for being so, like, stoic. Like I am so cool. And then he came out and was all sorry I’m late to Hayley and she was like, yeah cool, and their manager came out and was like we’re doing pictures now and then they have to go. And they were kinda like, we’re just chatting, it’s fine, so she kinda hurried them on. But I remember like, I loved Josh up to that point and it was real like, ‘never meet your heroes’ except Hayley was amazing. She was so sweet and so nice and she like gave us hugs and everything and it was just….it was… for never having met a band before, and that being my first experience of meeting a band, it was so positive except for the Josh bit cause I remember leaving and being devastated.

Clo: Yeah it’s definitely a case of don’t meet your heroes. Josh and Zac were gone by the time I got to meet them so it was just Jeremy, Taylor and Hayley. I was freaking out a bit. I was chatting to Jeremy, I don’t remember what I said because my friend afterwards was like oh my god you were chatting away it was great and I was like “Were we? I don’t remember.” I was shaking so much. I remember Hayley came to sign my...I had this Paramore book...I was like ‘I like your hair!’ and as soon as I said it, I was like “CLODAGH. What have you done. Why did you say that?! She probably gets that all the time, it’s probably the one thing she doesn’t want to hear at a meet and greet. What have I done, I’m so uncool, I said I like your hair to Hayley Williams”. She gets it all the time, so I was super embarrassed about that. But for a first time, it was really good.

Court: Yeah, I think for a band that are that big that are constantly getting bigger still – like they’re one of the few bands that are still growing because their sound has changed as they’ve gone on and it’s one of the few sounds that I believe it’s what they wanted to do, as opposed to a big label has gone hey, you need to appeal to this audience. Like I honestly believe that’s the music they wanted to write and that’s why I still like it, but for a band that big to be that accessible is cool.

Clo: I also think they have kept their audience as well. Fair enough, the last time they played here they played the Olympia Theatre [a 3,000 capacity venue in Dublin] which is a lot smaller than the 3 Arena

Court: So good though

Clo: Which they previously played, it was so good though, it was a great gig I was front row. But they didn’t… they could’ve well played the 3 Arena and kept the same audience. And even brought new people to see them. So I think they sold themselves short on that one.

Court: Yeah. I wonder was it just cause they hadn’t been here for a while? You see some bands be like, I don’t think we’ll sell this venue. Cause I know All Time Low played the O2 or the 3 Arena or whatever it’s called now

Clo: I think it’s the 3 Arena

Court: I’m old. Anyway, they played the 3 Arena and they ended up having to block out all the seats cause they just… they just might as well have played the Olympia.

Clo: I didn’t know that they played the 3 Arena, how long ago was that?

Court: That was….. 2016.

Clo: Okay. Okay.

Court: Just delving back into my All Time Low memories. [laughs]

Clo: Yeah.

Court: yeah, 2016. So they had done an arena tour in England and obviously thought, this is the same. And you’re like, no buddy, no it’s not. It was the same when they played Belsonic, everybody from Dublin just travelled up there and all the people from Belfast who wouldn’t normally travel, and some people flew over as well, so obviously they sold out Belsonic.

Clo: Yeah.

Court: And I think they thought well, we can do something this size in Dublin as well.

Clo: mmhmm.

Court: Cause they announced their Dublin show and I was really excited and everyone that was there was like ‘I’m not fuckin travelling down there for that.’

Clo: [laughs]. Although I’ve seen All Time low and I’ve listened to... some of their albums are really good ...pop...emo music. I don’t know if I can say that in front of you.

Court: [laughs] you can, that’s ok. I can take it.

Clo: I really enjoyed them, but I wouldn’t consider myself a huge fan. Like I said, I would listen to their stuff but I’m not really...I wouldn’t say they were one of my faves anymore.

Court: They’re still one of my faves. I mean their last album was diabolical. I just hated it so much, it made me angry.

Clo: mmhmm.

Court: It was one of those things where I thought, you tried something and it just didn’t work.

Clo: And that’s quite upsetting though, when your favourite band goes and does something like that, cause I can’t even imagine the heartache I’d have if Paramore came out with a shit album.

Court: See I think for them, they’ve been on FBR for so long, All Time Low only recently got signed to Fueled by Ramen, so I feel that they were like oh we need to try something new so they had this 80s electro-synth-pop-sort-of-pop-punk thing that they tried? And it was supposed to be a concept album except it wasn’t very well put together. Obviously somebody in a marketing room was like we have this character and you could write the thing about the character. But that only ever worked for My Chem. And only because Gerard was a genius.

Clo: Absolutely. And he’s somebody that obviously you can see with The Umbrella Academy which is on Netflix now, he was, or is, a writer and he knows how to write these intricate stories about characters. Whereas, All Time Low, they don’t really have a background in that? Court: [laughs]

Clo: I’ve never seen them come out with anything outside of that…

Court: they’ve done one kind of experimental album before. I loved it, people hated it. I hated it when I first heard it and it’s now one of my favourite of their albums. And this one was just… horrendous. Actually disappointing as hell. But they’re still my faves and I still have small faith that their next thing they’ll go back to basics. And they kind of have, they’ve released a couple of singles and they’re kind of more what they used to play. Paramore are still a fave...even though Panic! At the Disco is now just Brendon Urie – I mean it has been for a while, but now that it’s admittedly just Brendon, I still love them. I remember I saw something the other day where you were like I hate their new album. And, I don’t! I don’t love it, I like some things on it, I don’t actively hate it.

Clo: Their style from every single album that they’ve released, their style has changed.

Court: Yeah

Clo: when you go from AFYCSO to Pretty.Odd, they’re so different. I feel like their second album Pretty.Odd is so different because I know Ryan Ross was a massive fan of the Beatles

Court: yeah

Clo: And I feel like he took creative control of that album and fucked shit up and left the band. Their third one… Vices and Virtues, that was…

Court: I think that’s my favourite

Clo: I really like that one. They are… I feel like the Ballad of Mona Lisa is pop but emo.

Court: Yes.

Clo: It had radio success, at least here in Ireland.

Court: I think I agree. That was their single they released. Before that they had done a single for Jennifer’s Body. Loved that film, so good. Him and Spencer – oh, Spencer!

Clo: [fond] awh. That was when Ryan and

Court: Jon

Clo: Jon Walker. Had left.

Court: I always feel like Ryan thought, because he wrote the lyrics for that, that if he left them, they’d be screwed.

Clo: Yeah

Court: And then, they weren’t. Cause actually Brendon is really good at writing songs. I just think he’d never got a chance before that. If they were to play here or they were to play somewhere that I could get to, I’d go see them again, no bother. I’ve seen them in England a couple of times, once in the Forum in London and…...I think they played Slamdunk as well one year, too. And then they played the Olympia here a few years ago too.

Clo: Yeah that’s the only time I’ve seen them. I went to that gig on my own, actually.

Court: Awhhh! I didn’t know you were there!!

Clo: And it was incredible! I had so much fun. It was enjoyable cause I think the girl beside me was on her own as well

Court: Oh, okay

Clo: But we didn’t really like...it was a non-spoken thing, we were just kind of there having a great time

Court: That was a great gig. I’m trying to think who else… Obviously FOB. I’m not mad on their new stuff, but I feel like FOB are emo dads.

Clo: yeah

Court: and they’ve grown with their sound and it’s….I think it’s respectful of their original audience, as opposed to being too commercial in some ways. I feel like a lot of their audience is our age and older, like people in their early 30s were into FOB cause they were the original emo band, so I do think that what they’ve done is that they’ve grown with their own sound and they’re kind of going ‘we’re in our 30s and we’re dads and we’re getting older and here’s stuff that we’d listen to’, but that still respects the lyrical thing that got people interested in the first place. I can respect it even if I don’t love it.

Clo: yeah

Court: And then obviously My Chem.

Clo: They are… yeah. We are in twenty nine scene right now.

Court: TWENTY NINE SCENE! YEAH!

Clo: They… their last album was set in 2019, Danger Days

Court: Was it?!

Clo: it was set in the future

Court: We’re in the future!

Clo: We’re now in 2019 and there was a lot of conversation about, will they come back in 2019 because I was actually listening to it earlier on and at the end, Dr. Death who’s like the radio voice over – it’s another concept album – he says, you know, ‘bye for now, I know you’ll miss me’ and there was a lot of conversation about whether My Chem will come back in 2019. Obviously in 2019 we have the Umbrella Academy which is Gerard Way’s comic that was released on Netflix…. Will they come back? Who knows. We’ve got another 7 months to find out.

Court: I can’t see it happening. I would love… I never got to see them live.

Clo: Did you not?

Court: No. And when they last played here in 2011, they were giving away tickets on the radio, that was Brian and Dara on the Lock In [a radio show that ran at night on Irish music station Spin1038 between 2011–2013ish that played more alternative music and gave away tickets to alternative shows]... the Lock Down?

Clo: The Lock In

Court: The Lock In. And they were giving away tickets. And I’ve Blink tickets, I’ve won all sorts of tickets but this girl I know who was a huge huge fan of My Chem won them instead of me, and I was like yeah I’m happy, I’ll catch them the next time.

Clo: Yeahhh….

[both laugh]

Court: and it just didn’t happen. I did get to see Gerard play at Reading and Leeds...Well it was Leeds fest I went to, in 2014, so when he did…. I mean, it was as close as I was going to get

Clo: yeah

Court: You’re making a face, Clodagh’s making a face

Clo: Close enough

Court: yeah, it was fine, I didn’t love that

Clo: Did they do any My Chem songs?

Court: No. And he said, I watched, actually, an interview the other day, I dunno it was from four years ago, but he said that when he was doing those tours that he didn’t want to play My Chem songs because he didn’t want to set a precedent where people would expect him to always do that

Clo: Okay

Court: Cause I think he thought he was going to continue doing music, and then he disappeared off the face of the earth for a while, then he ended up in Wales. It was a whole weird thing.

Clo: Yeah I was on his Twitter account the other day doing a lot of research for this podcast, and he had something like ‘go follow this account for updates on Gerard Way’s life’ or something, I can’t remember what the account was called, but he hadn’t tweeted himself since 2015

Court: yeah he literally just stepped back from everything. I think he had, I dunno, whether he just got kinda lost? Or wanted to spend more time with his family, and then got focused on UA and on writing more… I think he’s still writing UA, I’m not sure?

Clo: I think he might have another one as well, I can’t remember the name of it but it was in his Twitter bio so I can only assume he had been writing another comic or something else. Which is great, at least we’re still getting something from Gerard Way’s brain.

Court: He’s still working on stuff, but I think he’s just kinda done. And I’ve seen Frank Iero andthe Cellabration and whatever one came after the Cellabration. So Frank Iero’s bands at the moment have a concept for each album but he changes the band name for every concept. The first one was FrnkIero andthe Cellabration, then there was FI and the.. something [Patience], and now there’s FIAT Future Violents.

Clo: See this I didn’t know

Court: Yeah so I’ve seen them…. Twice. Three times? No, I went through a phase of having...I developed really bad anxiety and I had a sensory problem where loud noises would cause me to have panic attacks. So I went to see Frankie in The Academy and somebody whistled really loudly close by and I literally had a panic attack and had to go home so I saw them twice and was in the room to see them three times.

Clo: Oh no!

Court: Which kinda sucked. But I got to see them, I saw them in Bristol, which was a weird place to go to, they supported Mallory Knox

Clo: another band

Court: Yeah, Mallory. I’d travel...Well I don’t anymore, I can’t anymore, but I used to travel a lot for gigs. Especially when you go to England, tickets are like 15 quid.

Clo: They’re dirt cheap.

Court: Yeah. Like it’s obviously because it’s easier for them to get there and easier for them to get gear around and stuff, but you’d spend 15 quid on a ticket and have the best time of your life.

Clo: 15 euro on a Ryanair flight.

Court: Yeah!

Clo: I used to be the same. I think the last time I travelled to see a band was last January, a band called [inaudible], psychadelic rock, totally not emo. They were really really good, but other than that, I would’ve travelled a good bit to see YMA6, I was a bit obsessed with them there for a while. And their live gig Final Night of Sin, and I went to see them in Southampton but it was completely random but it was the only place I could get tickets for, Belfast a couple of times, but other than that I think it’s been pretty quiet with regards to travelling for gigs. It’s definitely mostly been YMA6.

Court: Yeah. Like there’s no bands….the next band I’m going to see is Fever 333, and it’s the singer used to be in Letlive., if you remember that from a couple of years ago? So there’s nothing like, it’s really quiet here, bands don’t really come here.

Clo: Yeah, like I said earlier we had YMA6 came over in November, they played their 10 year anniversary show for Take Off Your Colours. Before that, I can’t remember the last emo band that I went to see.

Court: Yeah. I had tickets for Cute is What We Aim For. Now, I had those tickets, and then they cancelled, and then I found out some stuff that he’d said online originally when the MeToo stuff came out. And it was really stupid and ignorant. He apologised because people were like EHHH, SORRY?

[together] WHAT?

Court: And he was basically schooled, and he did apologise genuinely, but I was still like, that’s dodgy as all hell. It was basically just like ‘women are stronger than that’ and it was just like, no.

Clo: uhhhhh….

Court: It was real like, he wanted to be on the side of, women aren’t weak because that’s what he thought women were saying?

Clo: Okay…

Court: And he completely got the wrong end of the stick and it was really shitty when I read it, and I read his apology and his apology was better than most apologies we’ve seen and it was just, like, a completely ignorant thing he’d said. But I think had I seen that before, I would’ve been really mad.

Clo: Would it have turned you off going?

Court: Probably, I do think that’s another episode we need to talk about

Clo: Definitely

Court: what would actually stop you going to see a band, because as we know, over the last couple of years, a lot of bands have been outed for doing shitty things, especially in the era of MeToo, we’ve had a lot of people come forward and say this happened to me, this happened to me. Something had happened to a friend of mine, actually, a few years ago, that she was really brave and came forward and said… and that drama is still ongoing, which is really sad and really shit because other people are now involved in it too, and I just think like when you’re a teenager, you’re really trusting.

Clo: yeah

Court: and even if you are attracted to people in the band, you don’t really know what it is you’re expecting to happen? So if someone were to give you that kind of attention or ply you with drink or do whatever, I don’t know how I would’ve reacted as a kid to that, and obviously not every experience is mine, maybe some people did think they knew what they were getting into and it didn’t turn out that way. I do think that’s a future topic

Clo: definitely. So I think we’re going to wrap it up, I think we’re going to talk a little bit about maybe what kind of reunions would you like to see over the next Twenty Nine Scene. What do you want to see happen?

Court: Hmm. Obviously I would love to see My Chem come back

Clo: yes

Court: I don’t think they will. I think Gerard’s so resistant to the idea of doing anniversary tours. But a lot of bands are and then it comes around to it and nostalgia and stuff kicks in, so obviously that’s going to be top of the list. Emm… I’d love to see Hey Monday.

Clo: Oh my god, YES. I’d love for that to happen.

Court: I know Cassadee is… Cassadee Pope, she went on the Voice of America or whatever they call it over there, won, and is now is like a really successful country-music star. Which, like, good for you! Some of her songs are so great. I’d love maybe a one-off date maybe in England somewhere, I might go.

Clo: I would love to see that happen.

Court: Whatever happened to Metro Station?

Clo: Oh gosh. I’ve no idea. They met on the set of Hannah Montana, the two guys, obviously Trace Cyrus is Miley’s brother, and Mason Musso was the brother of the guy from Hannah Montana, I don’t remember what his name was, Oliver or whatever

Court: Yeah

Clo: So that was bizarre

Court: [laughs]

Clo: and the least emo thing to happen, hanging out on the set of Hannah Montana, but I think...I would actually like to see them. I really would, I remember there was a tour, Believers Never Die, and it was Hey Monday, Metro Station, FOB, Cobra Starship, and another band… but I remember that being my dream lineup. Really really wanted to go see that.

Court: that sounds amazing

Clo: I think ATL were the fifth band

Court: Of course they were

Clo: Cherry on the top of the cake for you. [laughs]

Court: Of course they were. Cobra Starship – you were...I just remember…. We didn’t really talk that much online, but I remember vague Facebook interactions, you were OBSESSED with Cobra Starship

Clo: [laughs]

Court: whenever I thought of CS, I’d be like ‘Clodagh really likes them’

Clo: their music wasn’t really emo, I think they kind of got their association, at least for me, through FOB. Gabe and Pete were really good friends, and they were on the same record label as well. I was obsessed with CS. I remember when I found out I won the meet and greet with CS, I fell to the floor

Court: [laughs]

Clo: and started crying

Court: super, super dramatic

Clo: very dramatic. So we met them, the meet and greet was amazing. I have a photograph that is just awful. We queued all day obviously so we’d get front row, but it didn’t matter if we got front row. In the meet and greet our phones died, and we have one really, really bad picture, it’s pixellated, it’s really dark, it was taken in the Green Room in the Academy downstairs just in bar lighting conditions

Court: Can we put it on the instagram?

Clo: yes

Court: even though it’s horrible?

Clo: I don’t think we’ll be able to make it out

Court: just circle your face

Clo: if I can figure it out, it’s very very dark. I’d love to see them. A band called Family Force Five supported them. Do you remember them?

Court: No?

Clo:They were like Christian metal emo, right.

Court: what a genre. That’s a mash up.

Clo: Their albums are really good and kinda metally-emo, but they were about Jesus and God. But they were kinda really good.

Court: There was a lot of Christian rock bands. Paramore started out as that. Then remember like Skillet?

Clo: Reliant K? I don’t know how that’s pronounced.

Court: Reliant K, yeah.

Clo: I used to love them, they were kinda Christian rock as well.

Court: yeah. It was really strange how many of those bands because as famous as they did and then… I’m sure we’ve forgotten loads for the reunion, but obviously top of 2019 wishlist is My Chem.

Clo: 100%. So that’s it for this week, thank you so much for tuning in and listening to this podcast, Kids From Yesterday. If you’d like to find us on Instagram we’re @kidsfromyesterdaypod and we’re on Twitter, @kidsfromydaypod.

Court: If you’re listening, make sure to share it, share it with your friends, tell people...I dunno… share

Clo: post it on your instagram story and tag us so we can share it too. We wanna be friends.

Court: we need friends. We don’t have any friends. Yeah, so, thanks so much for listening, and we’ll catch you next week. BYEE.

Clo: byeee.

0 notes

jerepars · 7 years

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Lionheart Extended Story Notes

Hyperlinks appear in blue (underlined on mobile). The story is posted here.

This chapter was a mission and a trip to write. As such, I think these notes are a doozy. I also think that this is utterly and completely self-serving, just more I can look back on in five years to recall what the hell I was thinking.

Like I said in the notes for the second chapter, I think that this whole story might just be character study and development. 14400+ words of character study. 5500+ words of a final chapter that thoroughly describes an alternative subculture that pretty much anyone reading won't relate to or won't care about. Wow. I think I might have outdone myself this time. I have truly gone off the deep end.

Jughead found American Graffiti on their hotel room TV. He paid mild attention to it while sitting at the small table where Betty had arranged the leftover snacks when they’d arrived before noon. The pitter-patter of his typing barely registered as his fingers flew over the surface of his laptop keyboard, a burst of inspiration from the city’s vibrancy hitting him.

Last time I referenced The Gaslight Anthem and how they often reference Bruce Springsteen. "High Lonesome" is one of those songs and it directly references "I'm on Fire" (actually there are multiple references to a bunch of different bands/artists in this song), the Springsteen song that I took inspiration from for the mood of the previous chapter. The rhythm of this song is always something I come back to when I think about lyrical prose, like the paragraph above. There are lines in the song that go and the pounding in the street was your heart in four-four time and the patter on the bar was just this one night and only to get by. I'm pretty sure I've described a heart beating in four-four time in a story before. So I went with 'pitter-patter' talking about typing, which isn't at all sophisticated, but it's there because of what it makes me think of.

But Betty wasn’t trying to be anyone else other than Betty. Her lips were painted in a mauve tone, the perfect mix of a shy violet and pink, with a brown undertone. That mauve was her color of the night, a study in contrasts. Innocent but sexual. Warm but cool. Ethereal but dangerous. A guiding light tinged with darkness. Beautiful imperfection.

So this is probably a good time to explain the chapter titles for the story. Every chapter title is actually a color in the Kat Von D line of makeup. I originally wanted to name every chapter after one of the liquid lipsticks. But there's no white liquid lipstick, so I had to get a little more creative and name the previous chapter after an eyeliner. One of the first things that came to mind when I decided I was going with the color theme in every chapter was that I wanted Betty to be wearing this mauve tone. Essentially, I wanted her to be wearing Lolita.

The reason I went with the color names from the Kat Von D collection is because of how they're named - they're references, too! The blue-toned red, Nosferatu (Chapter 1), is a horror movie. The rose color, Melancholia (Chapter 2), is not in reference to the 2011 film (I don't think), but the temperament of melancholia. The bold white, Neruda (Chapter 3), is in reference to the poet, Pablo Neruda. And this mauve with brown undertone, Lolita, is in reference to the book by Vladimir Nabokov.

It's weird (I'm weird, I'm a weirdo, have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on - that's weird, etc.) that I chose chapter titles based on makeup, of all things. But it seemed fitting.

They showed their IDs at the will call table set up by the basement entrance (it was an all-ages show so Jughead didn’t have to use his Delaware one) to collect their tickets and checked the set times posted on the door. There were people outside smoking, chatting, and laughing. Betty and Jughead listened to the first band from outside, enjoying the spring air, since the time spent finding parking meant that the show had already started briefly before they arrived. They talked about Hot Dog and Archie’s newest conquest and Jughead’s last collect call conversation with FP from prison.

Their topics of discussion presented them with some irony. They both wanted so badly to get out of Riverdale. They’d even scrambled to make their weekend plan work. So they could leave. But the town never left them.

Honestly, I still feel like this. And maybe a big part of who you are, who you grow up to be, is knowing where you came from and what you've left behind. No matter how far away I get from where I'm from, in distance and in mindset, part of it is always there. I wanted to include this part because I think that for people who don't forget where they come from--which I think is most people--it holds true.

They made it inside the venue during set change, just before the second band took the stage. The album of a not-hardcore band that Betty had on her New Jersey playlist played through the PA system while the stage was set up with a drum kit and amps. It was different than outside. The ceiling was low and the walls were wood-paneled. There was a colorful carpet that resembled a children’s patchwork quilt set down on the stage. The air was warm. But it wasn’t just the room full of body heat and chatter that made it feel that way. It was the same way that Betty’s choice of lip color made Jughead feel. It was an attitude.

Initially when I wrote this, I thought about the details of the all-ages venue that is local to me. But then I got sucked into the rabbit hole of my own love for research again. Over the years, while looking at tour dates and photos and videos for bands in indie/metal/punk/hardcore scenes, the venue that I've seen most for shows in Philadelphia has actually stuck with me. So the above description is based on the basement at the First Unitarian Church of Philadelphia. I always wondered why a church would be hosting bands that play grindcore or have upside down crosses and demons on their merchandise. Even simpler than that: why would a church be hosting bands that have explicit lyrics in their songs?

Eventually I found out that it's actually a really important venue to Philly's independent music scene. Kids involved in the local scene actually refer to the venue colloquially as 'The Church'. Typing in "First Unitarian Church Philadelphia" on YouTube yields years worth of video footage of bands, including the kind that Bughead would be there to see, playing the basement.

So. From Yelp, here's what it looks like empty, with the wood-paneled walls and low ceilings. Here's a picture where you can clearly see the carpet on the stage. And the not-hardcore band on Betty's New Jersey playlist on the PA system during set change? That's all because I watched a video of Lifetime playing at The Church from 1997.

The kids around all kind of looked like him, dark clothing and too many layers for the temperature of the room. Except instead of the scowl he usually carried on his face, everyone seemed genuinely happy to be there. He noticed the smiles that reached laugh lines. Handshakes and hugs as eyes met across the room; friends catching up and friends making new friends. It was just an all-ages show on a Saturday night. But it seemed to be so much more. Something therapeutic. Something sacred. Something special. In that room, with those kids, everything was unbreakable. The world couldn’t get to them and break their hearts.

I suppose this is the part of these notes where I reveal that a lot of what I was inspired by when thinking about this story, writing this story, writing this chapter, is probably regarded as cheesy hardcore? And that's okay. I know I'm cheesy.

Bane's "My Therapy" and Have Heart's "The Unbreakable" (there's even a Neil Young reference in the lyrics of this one) played a role in that paragraph getting written.

The room was filled closer to capacity when the second band started. They were a pretty big youth crew band from California that had toured for a few years. On another night they probably could have been the headlining band, but it was one of Philadelphia’s very own who’d close out the night later on.

It was a conscious decision to not ever name any bands that Betty listens to, including the ones that play the show. I knew that I wanted to include a youth crew band in the lineup because it's my story, I can do whatever I want, right? The one I have in mind is Fury from Orange County. It's really easy to get jaded on modern hardcore. But Fury gives me hope.

But actually being there to experience it was still different than any video on YouTube. The energy created by the intermix of the band and the crowd was on a different plane of intensity than could be delivered in the high quality of 1080p or even 4K. To be there in person, to feel the beat of the drums in their chests, to stand on the outer edge of the circle pit, and to hear the passion with which lyrics were yelled out with closed (but not clenched) fists and fingers points, it was a warm blood rush. It put the fire in Betty’s eyes again.

I think that video work at shows is getting better. There are videos out there of live sets where I do get chills. But it still isn't the same as being there, in person. The energy can't be matched. I chose to reference Defeater here because "Warm Blood Rush" feels intense from beginning to end.

When the band finished and the house lights came back on, Betty told Jughead that she’d spotted someone eating deep fried zucchini and wanted to investigate. Since the venue was a church basement, there was a kitchen for light concessions. He leaned against the wall and pulled his phone from his pocket as she walked away. There were several people leaning against the wood-paneled walls. He opened the Yelp app and was met with hundreds of results of his earlier query: cheesesteaks. Only he would look up food just as his girlfriend had gone off in pursuit.

One of the articles I read about The Church mentions the serving of vegan chili and one of those probably-inappropriate-to-be-wearing-at-a-church band church that the narrative alludes to. I've never been to this venue or even Philadelphia. But if chili's been served there, I feel like there would be a kitchen somewhere, right, because it's a church basement? And I felt like by the time Bughead makes it to this show, set in the future, there would definitely be deep fried zucchini instead of chili.

“Hey man,” a voice to Jughead’s left interrupted his review reading. “You should check out Jim’s.”

When Jughead glanced up, there was a kid beside him, on his own phone, casually checking NHL box scores. Jughead’s natural reaction was to wonder why the guy was being nosy, glancing at someone else’s business, making comment about it. He was used to the prying eyes in Riverdale; the ones always telling him he didn’t blend in, the ones who dismissed him, the ones that had made him seek solace on the south side. But he remembered where he was, he remembered that this was supposed to be a scene set apart because of open minds and hearts, so he responded, “Is it near here?”

The guy nodded and quickly explained it was just a few miles away on South Street and it would be open late after the show. The kid—Scott—introduced himself and they talked briefly about the band on Scott’s shirt. When Jughead brought out his sarcasm as the conversation continued into a new topic, Scott didn’t seem to mind, and threw it right back at him with his own. It wasn’t with malice or ill intent that either of them did it. Actually, Jughead noted, it was kind of friendly. It reminded him how far from Riverdale he was.

The words open minds and open hearts, the things that set us apart from "Can We Start Again" meant so, so much to me as a teenager. They still do. I think they always will.

So...here's how deep my crazy goes. I looked at a bunch of lists that rank the best cheesesteak places in Philly. And then I checked what time they were all open until on Saturdays. And then I checked how far they all were from the venue. I settled on Jim's, which according to Google Maps is two miles from where they would be. It's open until 3 AM and is on South Street.

I also wanted to include this interaction between Jughead and this stranger to show how different it is from home for him. In Riverdale he's this outcast sarcastic kid who has two friends. But maybe out in the real world it's not like Riverdale. Maybe a taste of the real world would do Jughead some good.

No sooner than the word ‘fun’ was uttered did the drummer begin to build a tempo with his sticks, all kick drum and snare. The low, heavy bass tones were next, producing a hollow rhythm that matched the drumming. The guitarist intentionally made a feedback loop between his guitar and amp as he strummed dissonant chords, creating a sound that was tense, cutting through the air of the room. As the band played together, Jughead recognized when the drawn out instrumental part flowed into the intro to one of their songs.

Like I said earlier, not including any band names was a conscious decision that I made. The same goes for not including any lyrics within the story. That could have been a good way to show what the content of the music is, the meaning behind it, what makes it so special, etc. But that's not how I wanted to do it. So here's the thing. When I was younger, the stories I wrote included lyrics very often. It always felt like I needed them to be there, because they encaptured the feeling of what I was writing. And it was always something I wanted to get away from. I wanted to get to a point where the content was all my own. I wanted to get away from using lyrics as a crutch that was so fully integrated into the stories.

A few years ago when I got back to writing stories, I was finally able to do it. I wrote a story where the main character is in a band (not a hardcore band, haha, an indie rock band), in the studio recording an album. Of course I made references to music within the narrative and dialogue, but there was never a point where I went to typing out lines of entire songs within the story to help build the story. I relied on descriptions and feelings evoked by the character and by the song(s) rather than just plainly using the songs. That wasn't an easy place to get to for me. It felt like something I had to earn, to get my writing to that place.

This absolutely is not a knock on anyone who uses chunks of lyrics in their stories. I still read those stories. And I'll still love them. Just, for me, I don't want to do that anymore. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't want to go back to before. A big part of what I even like about writing is the challenge. So I want to keep challenging myself to be better than I was years ago.

That being said, it took me a while to figure out who this band they were seeing is, and what the intro song is. When I was writing I always imagined "Some Came Running" because it's one of my favorite songs to see live and I know that I have been to shows where it has been the opening song, and to stick with the theme of me listening to so much Bane while I was writing. But then they couldn't be going to see Bane because they're not a band anymore. So then I thought "The Red, White, & Blues" because I still love it (also there's a lot of plaid flannel and shaggy hair going on in this video, which makes me think of Jughead, which I think means that the hardcore scene circa 2010 was Jughead-esque, haha) but realistically I don't think that's been an opening song for a while now. Then it dawned on me that what I needed to think about was what Philly band could play the show and what song could they play first?

The intro that's described in the paragraph is "We Will Not" by Paint it Black. And that would be the band that they go to see. It made a lot of sense. They're from Philly. They might even be the biggest hardcore band out of Philly in the last decade. Their sound is on the melodic side of hardcore. Their singer/vocalist does address the crowd and say meaningful things in between songs. And oh look, they used The Church's carpet for a show flier a few months ago. If the premise of this story was true, if hardcore was the thing that Betty needed, I have no doubt that for her first show she would choose something like this, that's melodic, that's full of venom but also thought provoking and socially conscious.

Once I had this sorted out I started to think about when the last time I saw Paint it Back was. And it was so long ago that I'm pretty sure it was when they played with the band Ceremony around the time they released Rohnert Park, when they were still kind of a hardcore band. As such, I ended up listening to "Sick" over and over again (I think I could listen to that drum beat for hours) and I think that may have leaked into the paragraph, too. I could imagine the "Sick" intro leading into "We Will Not" if it was the same band.

Also, last thing, the vocalist/singer for Paint it Black, Dan Yemin, was the guitarist in Lifetime, who I referenced as one of those post-hardcore bands on Betty's New Jersey playlist. Without even realizing what I was doing...everything is connected. It all comes back around full circle. It's also interesting (maybe just to me) to note that Yemin is actually a practicing clinical psychologist who works primarily with teenagers and young adults. Given what we know about Betty's mental health issues, I think it just makes PIB all the more the right choice.

He closed his eyes for a moment, focusing on the sounds that filled the room and ricocheted in his chest. He wondered if the way it made him feel was something he’d never be able to put into words and describe perfectly. When he’d listened to it before, with headphones or through speakers hooked up to his old record player, he’d noted the intensity and urgency of it all. That was tenfold when it was living and breathing, in the flesh, staring him in the face. It gave him chills and hair-raising goosebumps.

This is really just a shout out to Modern Life is War's "Hair Raising Accounts of Restless Ghosts", which is urgent, desperate, melodic, mid-tempo hardcore at its finest. It's a reminder that the intensity isn't just about how loud and fast a band can play. When that shines through and can bring those hynotizing chills even in places that have stupid barricades, it's a beautiful thing.

He was a witness to community that night, more than he’d seen anywhere else. That was a bit baffling considering he was from a small town and had a foot in with a biker gang, two things which were meant to have inherent community qualities. It was different the way these kids treated each other, with a natural respect and even love. To someone who didn’t know, it probably looked violent and turbulent, the same that he’d thought at first listen. But it was actually vehement passion with a purpose. The actions of the room flirted on the edge of violence and danger but always remained at controlled chaos. It was about coming together and letting what darkness they held in their hearts ring out in that safe space rather than becoming destructive in their day-to-day lives.

To Jughead, it was like Betty, like her color for the night. It was a representation of her, part of who she was and wanted to be. It was her big dreams. It was how she saw the world, still with optimism, how she was determined to make a difference with her lionheart.

Speaking of my cheesiness and liking cheesy hardcore, I named the story after the song "Lionheart" by Have Heart. If it's cheesy and it's wrong to love it, I don't ever want to be right. When I was writing and looking for videos of live sets that could give me chills and goosebumps through YouTube quality video, this consistently came up. I watched several different videos of it live and each time it would move me. I even found a version from a show that I was at several years ago and it made me feel lucky all over again that I got to have that experience.

Beyond that, I wanted to choose a song that represents Betty, or at least the Betty that I introduced in the first chapter. I think Betty does have a heart of a lion. And I think she does have a fire in her heart. At Have Heart's last show, Pat, the singer starts off the song by dedicating it "to the prettiest girl in the room" before he goes on to explain what words by singers like Aaron Bedard (the vocalist for Bane, a band that I have severely over-referenced in these notes) mean to him - which totally resonates with me. And I thought, hey, Betty Cooper is probably the prettiest girl in a lot of rooms, right? The song closes with the words I'm doing my best and I'm doing my part, don't criticize me, man, when there's no fire in your heart. It's very Betty. So I had to name the story after this song.

Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail. It was set in the same position as one of her signature ponytails and just as tight, but nowhere near as neat as a signature. It looked like she’d used her fingers to comb her hair into place and tied it back hastily when the heat inside the venue had risen. Stray baby hairs framed her face like a halo. She was a little disheveled—imperfect hair, sweaty temple, flaked mascara fallen to the high points of her cheeks. But her cat eyeliner could still cut a bitch. The pout of her lips was still adorned perfectly in that temptress shade of danger and innocence.

She was good girl Betty and pure Betty and real-life Betty Cooper all at once. Jughead was sure that he loved every version of her. Every marvel. Every color.

I thought it was fitting that through the course of the show, when it came time for Betty to put her hair up, it wouldn't be a messy bun or a quick low ponytail. I thought it should be a classic Betty ponytail as best as she could manage. It seemed to be symbolic for her bringing different parts of herself together in that space, in that moment.

Her indignant outburst earned her a chuckle from Jughead. He’d been too busy letting her take charge, immersing herself in the moment while she’d been discussing ‘zines and an upcoming hardcore music festival, to think about sharing the food that she’d bought. He’d even downed all of the water without a second thought. He looked her in the eye as they continued their walk. “I swear I’m not mad, Betty. Not even a little bit. I’m just thinking. Trying to commit everything to memory. You were amazing.”

The mention of the hardcore music festival is actually referring to This is Hardcore, an annual festival that takes place in Philly every summer. I wanted to work it in to the chapter somehow since it hits two checkmarks of what this chapter is with the city and the music.

And finally, so that I end this on a much poppier note, Jughead's last bit of dialogue is a reference I made to Motion City Soundtrack's Commit This to Memory, an album I listened to a lot in the twilight of finishing this, because in my heart of hearts I'm always just a 15-year-old pop punk kid.

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