#they need(ed) each other SO much

[cononeillbreastingboobily]

One of the things I'm particularly bitter about when it comes to this ending is how it flattened Ed and Izzy's relationship.

You can't, in the same season give me

"I have... love for you, Edward." "I loved you, best I could." "Artsy outsider was always your thing." "A shark did this."

and

"Hello Mr. Latch! it's not your fault you're broken, no. Were just trying to do your job, weren't ya?"

and expect me to just... move on from that, accepting that we will never get anything more from them, that their relationship won't get explored, that they won't have a the chance, time and space to finally talk it through as a crew, to air out their grievances, to reach a boiling point, and to decide where to move on from there. Within just a few episodes they became the most fascinating part of the show for me, and the fact that, as far as we know, this is it for them... yeah, I don't like that at all.

#they deserved so much space to try and work through all the shit they've been through and what they did to each other #speaking hurriedly as izzy was dying in ed's arms was just not it chief. like. if that's the ending we're gonna get. fine. but they deserve #so much better #not to mention that this season fully showed that Con and Taika are spectacular actors #they could carry material of absolutely catastrophic emotional intensity #and i think that's the kind of skill you'll need in your cast to show the end (or rekindling?) of a decades long relationship #they could've done it!!!!! #sigh. SIGH!!!!!!!!! #edizzy #blackhands #izzy hands #edward teach #con o'neill #taika waititi #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd s2 finale spoilers

[sage-nebula]

Thinking about how when baby Tails met little Sonic, and Sonic was so nice to and supportive and encouraging of him, and that was the first time in so long that anyone was nice to or actually liked Tails, and so an achievement was unlocked for Sonic: Miles Prower will now die for you.

And then a little while after that, when Tails tells Sonic that he's already got the best family, and that Sonic is his best family, and he loves and cares about Sonic more than anyone else, and so an achievement was unlocked for Tails: Sonic the Hedgehog will now die for you.

These brothers just love each other so much, I cry.

#sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #unbreakable bond #they need(ed) each other SO much #it's part of why I prefer not to write or read about conflict in their relationship #and instead prefer to have the conflict come from outside sources #Sonic and Tails have already both lost so so SO much #they don't need to lose each other too #at least not through any faults of their own #''best friends / brothers are suddenly enemies'' is such a tired boring awful trope #would much rather have it be Them vs The World #but that's just me #this wasn't inspired by anything specific i'm just thinking #(well the thought was bc of the Beyond Oblivion prequel i wrote) #(and how canon Tails was just as desperate for anything remotely resembling positive attention) #(and how canon Sonic gave that to him and that's why Tails latched on) #(but the rest is just musings springboarding off that) #but yeah like see also why I disliked the direction Supernatural seasons 4 & 5 took #why I never felt compelled to read Archie Sonic on top of there just being Too Much (bc I know Sonic & Tails have dumb split-up arcs in it) #etc #it's just not for me #it can be for others! that's fine. everyone has different tastes #but it's not for me #sth

[electric-friend]

i’ve got so many unfinished fics in my drive and maybe even one published one where someone calls stede strong and brave for maintaining his softness even when life pushes back.

recently i feel like stede made a choice ed and izzy have both made in the past that they’ve always wished they never did, and stede could have been spared from. at the very least i think it hurt ed to see the version of himself he hates in stede. he probably thinks stede wanted to become that man for reasons other than stede has been bullied his entire life for being inadequate and told a man a bit like blackbeard is a real man.

call me crazy or whatever but i actually think a major thing that should be communicated between ed and stede is something on stede’s end. his trauma and his feelings and his issues. as it stands now, i don’t think ed understands what’s going on with stede. i don’t think he understands the person stede really wants to be. i don’t think he understands stede’s own issues of self-doubt and stede’s insecurities. hell i don’t think ed even has that much of a grasp of how unpopular and disliked stede has always been his entire life. and i think maybe if stede explained himself better, ed would understand more of what was going on. that he wouldn’t be seeing stede as manifesting something he wants to escape from, he would see stede as someone he needs to help escape with him.

#ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #blackbonnet #gentlebeard #stede bonnet #edward teach #a hint of #steddyhands #but i’m not really going into it #idk if this makes much sense #it’s not super well laid out it’s just a chaotic bunch of prose im expressing myself through #obviously i feel like ed should maybe communicate more of his feelings to stede too #but i feel like everyone is focusing really hard on stede being a dick and needing to apologise #when what really needs to happen (though i doubt it will on screen) is they both need to articulate their feelings #so that they understand each other and stop getting caught up mis communicating #also listen. i don’t think stede did a good thing in that argument #but i do fundamentally believe that ed saying it was a mistake. no matter how much stede might also think that was true #probably genuinely seriously triggered stede and upset him a lot #they were both really hurt in that conversation #but i think that there’s this thing going on where stede has become a man that reminds ed of a part of himself he associates- #-with the version of himself he hates #and in a way that’s happening the other way around too #ed is soft. quiet. gentle. the crew doesn’t respect him #stede sees a version of himself he feels insecure about when he looks at ed now #and it’s fucking with them. #majorly. #i hope they talk but i know there’s not enough time in the show for them to talk the way i want them to

[spaceshipkat]

idk i have thoughts about the finale but atm im not sure how to word them beyond hmm? (my tags are full of spoilers so don’t read them if you haven’t seen the finale yet)

#i need to think a bit more #and this is gonna sound weird coming from me but i wouldn’t have minded more angst? #i love angst when it’s written with a narrative purpose #like i was deranged after the end of s1 #it’s why i thought s2 would end with them separated but in love and have to fight back to each other #that angst would pull people into s3 with as much fervor as the angst after s1 pulled people into s2 #and i would have had SO much fun exploring that angst in fics #as it stands now? idk #i have another canon divergence fic in mind #(well it’s the last chapter in im starving darling but whatever) #but that angst. i just. hhhhhhhh. #like i said. complicated feelings. #and maybe i wouldn’t have minded seeing Ed and Stede have that conversation about opening the inn #it felt unfinished from Stede’s end #we spent all of ep7 watching him love being The Pirate #and then we don’t even get a conversation bw him and Ed where they talk about retiring to be innkeepers? #where Ed asks Stede to choose him over fame? #look don’t get me wrong i had such a blast with this season and loved every minute of it #but (and i’m gonna be a broken record by saying what i’ve seen others saying) it felt rushed #our flag means death #ofmd s2 spoilers #tagging those bc of my tag rambles

[toytulini]

Ed really havin a Flint moment huh

#toy txt post #ofmd s2 #ofmd 2 #ofmd spoilers #our flag means death #ofmd #ed teach #torturing his crew the vibes are rancid #steers them into a storm seemingly conjured by his own fucked up mental state to kill them all #all that was missing was the doldrums #i know everyone wants these fandoms to fight to the death but these shows are having a conversation w each other i think #whether u wanna acknowledge it or not #also i love jim so fucking much im gonna die #ALSO i recognize that. zheng yi sao and stede bonnet probably did not actually overlap in real life? and i dont care #im glad they decided to include her. im obsessed #stressed tho about the potential for a weird love quadrangle thing between jim olu archie and zheng. pleeeeeease do not do that to me #besides that tho it has been terrible. awful. delicious. its so stressful #very good #i need to see the next eps NOW

[katmiscellanious]

Izzy, who is absolutely in love with Blackbeard: I have love for you

Ed with more daddy issues than he has treasure:

#I’m not even taking this shit seriously at all #but there is so much potential humor in the misunderstanding of their relationship #y’all need to stop paying so much attention to what the creators tell you to feel about their pieces of media #it’s your story too #interpret it however you want #I do think Izzy is a manifestation of piracy for Ed #he is his instigator #his punching bag #his best friend #but they aren’t GOOD for each other #anyways I’m so devastated about Izzy. #it’s fine though everything is fine #ofmd hbo #ofmd ed #ofmd season 2 spoilers

[mothkraft]

i know i have to write some sort of mini fic with hot pants and diego going to a chippy and hot pants get their first deep fried mars bar and also diego's signature order is rock n' chips which i don't know why i haven't seen this before as a play on words and with (what little) british culture there is like it's peak brit humour to me i hate it i love it this little man downs marmite on toast and hot pants can't believe how much they're in love with this creature of a bloke

#dinopants #i need it i need it so bad i need diego and hot pants to be out late at night and explore the comfort that they find in each other #whilst eating fish n chips on some steps on a rainy night to sober up a bit after clubbing/going for drinks or SOMETHING #my love language is sharing well salted (and vinegar-ed) chips after a long day #i need diego with his faded west country accent i need hot pants not getting all his colloquialisms #but enjoying this rare window into the diego without a front of arrogance to pretend he's worth more #coz he's already worth enough to them #and they to him #OTL i love them so much i am sick in the brain for diego and hot pants and them together and just ARGH

[dumbkiwi]

i know that calico jack isnt coming back and to most people, he's about as important as antoinette as just kind of a one-off plot device antagonist. and i know theyre not going to talk about him in s2. but in my head jackedizzy is such a core trio (esp w hornigold) that im afraid s2 will feel like its missing something if they talk abt hornigold but dont address jack

#sel speaks #he lives in my head so much #just the perfect vehicle for escalating ed and izzys already unhealthy dynamic #and for just being reprehensible in general #but in my mind all three of them developed separate but analogous coping strategies for dealing w hornigold #ed being a charismatic chameleon izzy being the rule follower and jack just checking out altogether #none of them communicate well at all #and izzy and jack are disastrous as a pair #but somehow theyre soooo codependent and absolutely all needed each other to survive their adolescence

[capybara-fanatic]

tw for ed in the tags, as one does

#i think i have an ed again #and you know how come #because in health we have to fill out this chart every day #and its basically like what you eat for breakfast lunch and dinner #what snacks you had #how much you excersized #how much you rested and talked on social media #how much you slept each night #and ive taken a good hard look at my chart and i feel like absolute shit #and i started my period today too so i don't know if im gaining weight or im just bloated and its awful #the shorts i got the other day are tighter than i thought they would be and they're my size #my thighs are bigger than i thought they were #i need to find our scale and check my weight because i feel awful

[easeupkid]

sometimes i really am as dense as a brick

#am getting ready to go back to school and i’m anxious so i’m trying to get myself to focus on the nice things and i’m like oh i can see #some people who i haven’t seen in a while i feel like i was laying the foundations last semester i hope i can resurrect them from summer #slump and so i was thinking about some people i would like to get to know better + i was thinking about this guy from my es class who i #buddied around w/ and some of our interactions and like literally . i think we were flirting i wish i wasn’t dumb #LIKE….. some examples so i can determine if i am gnawing my own arm off over nothing or not like one time i was at an event doing my #reporter job and after i finished doing interviews + stuff i was just like at the event at as a normal person and he was tabling so i was #talking to him and he was like oh i saw you talking to a bunch of people + figured you were working and i was really hoping you would come #talk to me and i was like oh cool we’re buds he wanted to talk to me :) and then we hung out for the rest of the time like maybe that was a #statement made from a more than buds perspective BECAUSE I WAS LITERALLY THINKING THE SAME THING ABOUT THE GIRL I HAD A CRUSH ON AT THE TIME #WHO WAS RUNNING THE EVENT #and then there’s other stuff too like one time we were doing some group project in class where we had to debate other groups and i was like #oh this will be easy because i like to argue and he was like oh do you now ??? like in a way that could be interpreted to be flirty #and one day we literally went wading in the creek in the park together and were picking up rocks off the stream bed to show each other like #hmmmmmm much to think about #makes me angry @ myself for not picking up on it because i thought he was cute too but like #idk if we will have a lot of other overlap because we’re in diff major areas and i’m finished w/ most of my gen eds so like #unless he just happens to be in my final poli sci gen ed this semester like……. #+ i thought about asking for his number in a FRIEND WAY at the end of the semester because he was cool but then i just didn’t lol because i #chickened out omfgggggggggg but like even if i am misinterpreting this i still wanna be friends with him he was cool #ANYWAYS sorry guys needed to get this off my chest #sorry for treating tumblr like a diary it WILL happen again #i’ll delete this later #c speaks

[artofckery]

thinking about stede again, how his fatal flaw is being selfish and not considering other people's choices and feelings, and how that was what caused him to leave Edward at the docks. he just believed what Chauncey said about ruining Ed, and didn't stop once to maybe think that Ed had made the choice to be with him of his own volition. that was what (indirectly in a way) caused Ed to retreat into the Kraken again.

#ohhhhh boy. its gonna be some really tough conversations they'll need to have to patch things up #there's so much of each other that Stede and Ed don't understand most of which is mainly bc of miscommunication #i really wanna see them even that out and have a healthy relationship 🥺 #ofmd meta #(sorta) #stede bonnet #edward teach born on a beach #x

[kafkaesquedyke]

the lacking nuance fandom fr

#ig that’s technically every fandom but rn it’s especially ofmd #either you’re in the canyon and think izzy never did anything wrong even though he literally was an antagonist in s1 #or you’re an ed apologist and don’t think he’s responsible for any of his negative actions #and that’s despite both characters admitting in canon that they fucked up at various points #also the fact that they suck so much is what makes them fun. love my fucked up guys <3 hope they fuck up more in the future #except rip izzy ig he’s not doing anything in the future lmao #stop pitting two bad bitches against each other etc etc #I need to stop looking at the tag only L takes in there lol #ofmd

[dean-winchesters-clit]

I need y'all to understand how fucking important it is that their lovemaking song was La Vie En Rose.

Those translated covers you hear on TikTok take their lyrics from a Louis Armstrong cover of the original French version sung by Edith Piaf. The English lyrics are beautiful but there are some things lost in translation, which is why I love that they had Izzy sing the original French version while Stede and Ed are making love.

Edith Piaf's version of the song is all about the intensity of love and finding love after a trying time. Her vocals are incredible and bleed all the different emotions she feels while singing. Izzy starts with the English translation of the song, which goes:

But a closer translation to the original French would be:

"Quand il me prend dans ses bras; When he takes me into his arms/ Il me parle l'a tout bas; He speaks to me softly/ Je vois la vie en rose; And I see life through rose-colored glasses."

Obviously this is fine and dandy, but it's the translation of the original French lyrics used later in the episode that really get me. Izzy sings this:

Which translates to this:

"He speaks words of love to me/ They are every day words/ And they do something to me.

"He has entered into my heart/ A bit of happiness/ That I know the cause of.

"It's only him for me/ And me for him, for life/ He told me, he swore to me, for life."

It's that last verse that the English version just wouldn't be able to capture. The translated version of that verse is about angels and love songs and mentions nothing of a vow to love one another for life.

That's what's so special to me about the French version of the song being used in that moment. Edith Piaf sings as a person who has lived through so much pain and suffering (which she definitely did as a French woman living through World War II) and finally finds comfort and peace in the arms of her beloved.

That is ultimately what Ed and Stede are for one another. Safe harbors, calm waters, peaceful days and nights in each other's presence. They bicker and argue and hurt one another, but they always come back together so easily. Stede was hurt and needed reassurance, needed to prove to himself that he wasn't a whim, needed to feel the security of Ed in his arms. And perhaps they shouldn't have gone all the way that night, but they're both impulsive and obsessed with each other and they needed something.

It's that song that lets me know they're gonna be okay. They're intense and impulsive but they compliment each other. They fit together perfectly, and they find comfort in one another no matter what's happened to them in the past. They need their harbors, their anchors, each other. They'd never leave each other behind. They make each other's lives la vie en rose.

(Edit: fixed a translation error)

#ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd s2 #our flag means death season 2 #our flag means death s2 #ofmd season 2 #ofmd spoilers #ofmd s2 spoilers #our flag means death spoilers #our flag means death s2 spoilers #stede bonnet #the gentleman pirate #edward teach #blackbeard #izzy hands #gentlebeard #blackbonnet #la vie en rose #s2e6 #ofmd s2e6 #calypso's birthday #i also want to make a post about their argument #their third breakup #i have some thoughts

[sassydefendorflower]

One of the biggest “I love you”s in Fullmetal Alchemist are all the ways people respect each other’s bodily autonomy. There are two scenes that carry this theme to its fullest potential, and I love them so, so much.

The first one is quite iconic: Riza’s throat was slit and Roy has a chance to save her - by dooming their country and committing human transmutation. And Roy would do it. He would throw it all away just to save her, even though he knows that human transmutation is an unforgivable sin. But she looks at him and signals him to Not Do It. And he doesn’t. He wants to, but he doesn’t do it. Because only minutes earlier, he hurt her again by dooming himself (and potentially the country) with his fury.  And if there is one thing Roy Mustang doesn’t want to do, it’s hurt Riza Hawkeye any more than he already has. Even if that means watching her die. Even if that means letting her go.

He respects her and their goals enough to say no.

He loves her enough to let her die.

The second one is just as heart-wrenching: after Al sacrificed himself, basically dying in the process, Ed tries to think of a way to save him. Both Hohenheim and Ling offer him a Philosopher’s Stone to bring Al back - and Ed says No. Even though he wants nothing more in life than to save his little brother. Even though there is nothing he wants more desperately than the safety of Al. He says no for many reasons - Hohenheim is his father after all, Ling needs the stone to become Emperor - but mostly he says no because he and Al promised to never use a Stone for themselves. And he respects that. He puts Al’s wish above his own desire to see his little brother again. He respects Al’s decision (his own conviction) enough to break the rules of the world to find another way.

Because he loves Al - he loves him enough not to break the fundamentals of their principles. He loves him enough to respect the integrity of their believes.

And the narrative rewards both Roy and Edward for their choice to respect the agency and bodily autonomy of their loved ones - they survive, are saved, are brought back... and neither Ed nor Roy had to force their own desire for them to live on clearly stated last wishes.

So often we see media portray the disregard for bodily autonomy (especially in medical contexts) as a sign of love, the breaking of patient-doctor confidentiality as a sign of care, the violation of a living will as a sign of family - I like to think that Fullmetal Alchemist shows us that there’s strength in respecting it instead.

#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #roy mustang #riza hawkeye #royai #edward elric #alphonse elric #fma #fmab #fullmetal alchemist #my post #sacrifice

[lovebugism]

istg that “just because you’re beautiful and a good kisser does not mean i forgive you.” “you think i’m beautiful?” is sooooo eddie coded.

i'm picturing a sorta enemies to lovers with eddie pulling yet another prank on reader (we all know this boy has the emotional maturity of a five year old when it comes to making a move on the girl he likes) but he really does hurt her feelings this time so he tries to make it up to her and they end up kissing.

from what you've written before i think you could put a great spin on this sorta scenario, if you feel like it <3

hope you like it! :D — you're eddie munson's biggest enemy. and, yes, you're also his soulmate. (enemies to lovers, secret relationship, 0.9k)

bug's one year celebration ♡

You storm into the bustling lunch room, having traded your pretty corseted blouse for a piece of oversized Corroded Coffin merch — definitely not by choice. “Do you have a death wish?” you ask when you reach the Hellfire table at the very back of the cafeteria, zeroed in on its leader at the head of it.

Eddie turns slowly, blinking up at you with innocent button eyes. His chews through the hamburger wadded in his cheek. “Potentially,” he answers, muffled before he swallows it down.

You huff, too easily frustrated. It isn’t any wonder why he likes to mess with you so much. “Where are my clothes?” 

“The ones you left on my bedroom floor last night or…?”

“No, you idiot— The clothes you stole from the girl’s locker room. Which makes you a total perv, by the way.”

“Oh, that sexy little number?” he croons, turning in his seat to face you more. “It’s in my locker, actually.”

“Well, get it out,” you say with gritted teeth.

He thinks for a moment, pursing his lips to the side. “Hm… I don’t think I will.”

Your jaw tightens. “Why?”

“‘Cause it’s a little revealing, don’t you think?”

“Well, yeah, that’s kinda the point, Munson.”

He smacks his lips against his teeth, then scrunches the bridge of his nose. He wags a sarcastic, ringed finger at you. “See— Those aren’t the values a nice girl like you should have—”

“God, you’re infuriating,” you groan and stomp off again.

Eddie smiles to himself while he watches you go, cheek tilted lazily to his shoulder. The only thing he likes better than seeing you come (in more ways than one) is watching you leave.

He sighs a deep, contented sigh and turns back to the rest of the table. They’re all wide-eyed and silent, still musing on the sudden interaction with the disbelief that it had happened at all.

Eddie only grins, wider this time. “Ah… She’s obsessed with me.”

—————

By the end of the school day, your blouse hasn’t yet been returned to you. You’re still stuck in the stupid shirt Eddie had left for you — all black, too big, and obviously his. You know it belongs to him because you’ve worn it thousands of times while sleeping over at his place. It smells just like him, like weed and cologne and boy.

You’re heading towards the exits when a hand pulls you into an abandoned classroom around the corner — pale, ringed, and lanky. As if you needed any further confirmation it was Eddie Munson. 

You stumble in, and he locks it behind you.

“Don’t you think you’ve bothered me enough today?” you squint.

“Oh, so you don’t want your shirt back?” he teases, waving the thing in his free hand. You reach for it, and he snatches it back, smirking softly down at you. “Uh-uh. What’s the magic word, sweetheart.”

“Give me my shirt back,” you answer in a monotone.

“Not even close, but I’ll give you a kiss for it.”

You sigh like it’s a chore for you and lean in to kiss his cheek. Your lips just barely graze his stubbly jaw. Eddie shrugs. “You missed, but I’m feeling nice today, so—”

You snatch it from him when he hands it to you. “You can’t keep doing this, Eds. We’re supposed to hate each other.”

“Well, one, we do hate each other. Obviously,” he scoffs and leans back on one of the desks. It shifts under his weight, and he stumbles. He decides to sit on it completely while you laugh. “And two, this was, like, a genius prank on my end. I made my arch nemesis walk around in my shirt all day— you’re not giving me enough credit for this, sweetheart.”

“Yeah, except I got called the freak’s girlfriend all day.”

“By who?”

“Who do you think?”

He ponders for a moment. “…Jason?”

You nod, all slow because it’s obvious. The only one who hates Eddie more than you do is Jason Carver. You wonder if he’s secretly in love with the town freak, too.

“Well, it’s about time he knows who you belong to,” the boy says with a laugh. “He’s only been trying to get with you for two years.”

You cross your arms over your chest. “I don’t belong to anyone— I’m not a toy.”

“Well, yeah— only when you wanna be,” Eddie teases, reaching out for you. His ringed fingers curl around your wrist to pull you closer. You sigh in annoyance but walk between his thighs anyway.

“You’re so annoying.”

Eddie grins, pink and boyish. “But you like me anyway. So who’s the real loser?”

“I thought we hated each other,” you quip with narrowed eyes.

“I was kidding— Just kiss me.”

You giggle quietly and lean in to peck his lips. He tastes like nicotine and spearmint, mouth soft like flower petals. You get lost in him too easily. One peck becomes two — then three — then a longer, languid, and more drawn-out thing.

You feel Eddie smile against you, knowing he’s won now that you’re melting for him. You pull away with a smack when you regain your senses.

“Just because you’re pretty and a good kisser, doesn’t mean I forgive you, by the way. You know that, right?”

“Mhmm,” he hums mindlessly, already leaning forward to kiss you again.

You pull softly back. “And that I’m totally getting you back for this?”

“Yep.” He pecks your lips once, with a lot more self-restraint than you’d had. “So… When are you coming over to get the clothes you left at my place last night?”

#published by bug #eddie munson x reader #stranger things x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson #stranger things #stranger things imagine #eddie munson imagine #stranger things fic #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fanfic #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #st drabbles #eddie spaghetti drabble #event: bug turns one

[thebibliosphere]

Remembering a 'fun' moment through the haze of drugs yesterday when I asked the nurse for something to brace my knees with because I could feel my hips starting to dislocate when they turned me onto my side.

The nurse, god love her, got down to my eye level on the gurney and very sweetly told me that when joints click, they're not actually dislocating, and it's just ligaments sliding over each other causing gas pockets to crackle and pop. This is true for most people and is actually what makes that satisfying crunch sound when you go see the chiropractor. So I knew right away she was thinking, "A chiropractor has told her this; this will be an Educational Moment."

Meanwhile, I was trying to figure out how to tell her I know this, and that's not what is happening as a teeth guard was being slipped between my teeth when my GI doctor went, "Did you not read the note I put in her file? She has EDS. When she says it's her joints, it's her joints. Listen to the patient!"

He then showed her how to hold my shoulders in place while he was doing the upper endoscopy exam so my shoulder wouldn't randomly slip out and make my chest muscles seize. As I was laying on my side and he was double checking my position he leaned in and let me know with a wink that he'd asked a physical therapist what to do and hopefully I wouldn't be in too much pain with my joints tomorrow. (I am not.)

He also brought an extra nurse in from the allergy department (Sam) to monitor for signs of anaphylaxis because, apparently, it looks different when the patient is sedated. The fact that I "woke up" from my sedation (I don't think I actually fell asleep) and gave him a thumbs up when he announced "excellent prep" to the room at large made some of the nurses flutter because they'd given me enough fentanyl to knock out a horse, but I have a vague memory of the allergy nurse and the GI doctor sharing a look over the top of my head before starting to talk to me in calm measured tones to let me know it was okay that I was awake, but I needed to stop moving. Was I in any pain? Could I squeeze Sam's hand once for no and twice for yes? Okay, good, we're almost done...

It was a weird but validating experience.

#chronic health tag #medical procedure #I feel like this GI doctor is trying to make up for every instance of medical abuse I've ever experienced #and it's working #I felt so safe