#this is also i think a symptom of what i like to call

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Do you know what can cause a vagina to be unable to have anything inserted into it? I can't insert anything, no matter how thin, into my vagina deeper than a centimeter or so. Most stimulation (external with fingers or anything other than a vibrator, including oral sex) is also extremely unpleasant and feels so overwhelming almost to the point of pain. It's not that I dislike sex, I still have it very regularly, so I don't think it's anything psychological. I've always been this way.

I also have extremely irregular periods, going months without one. Back when I had medical insurance, I tried to get tested for it, but due to them being unable to insert anything vaginally they couldn't find conclusive results. I no longer have insurance, and testing sounds expensive and I am unsure if this is something I need to be hugely concerned about.

hi anon,

there are a lot of reasons that penetration can be complicated, painful, or even downright impossible. polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and endometriosis can both cause irregular menstrual cycles and pain during penetrative sex, as can a tilted uterus, a harmless and fairly common condition.

the degree of concern necessary here is largely up to you. I think it's definitely fair to say that there are some irregularities going on re: your missed periods and the painful sex, but in the absence of any symptoms indicating a larger health problem - genital swelling or itching, painful urination, bloody or discolored discharge, general abdominal or pelvic cramping/pain - it sounds like the main way this impacts your life is by limiting your sexual options. per your own report you enjoy and have a lot of sex anyway, so whether or not not being able to have penetrative sex is a problem worth seeking medical attention for is your call.

#sex edventures 2024

[abirddogmoment]

A lot about Mav's decline and a little about how it makes me look at Rory.

I didn't talk about it very much here, but Mav was really subtle in his signs of pain when he was declining from his spine injury. Some of the things that tipped me off were changes to his gait, lower tailset, slower movement, reluctance/slowness getting on or off furniture, and needing extra cuddling. These things could easily be brushed off as him being tired or him being disinterested, and it really made me doubt what I was seeing.

I was sure Mav had something really wrong with him, but it was so hard to convince the vet of that. She said things like "are you sure you didn't just train him not to jump on the furniture?" and "sometimes dogs slow down as they age", meaning well but ultimately making things a lot harder for me. This, coupled with Mav's happiness at the vet and overall stoic personality, gaslit me into thinking I was imagining things. I googled things like "munchausen by proxy symptoms" because I needed to know if I was the real problem.

When Mav went for his OFA hips and elbow rads, I had them take spine rads as well, hoping it would answer my question and help find out what was wrong with him. When his rads came back normal, I cried. It was partly in relief that it wasn't something structural, but also partly desperation that I couldn't prove something was wrong.

I pushed my vet to refer Mav for a neuro consult. It took four months to get her to agree and then for the neuro clinic to schedule Mav in. In that time, I started tracking his decline with a special quality of life chart I made specifically for him. It showed a degeneration of his QOL, but I still thought maybe I was dramatizing things and imagining it.

When Mav went for his neuro consult, they took him back for tests for ten minutes, then came back and solemnly told me they were certain his problem was neurological. They then asked me if they could take him back and let their vet students do the (non-invasive) tests on him for practice because he was such a happy dog. Of course I said yes.

They told me he wasn't a good candidate for surgery. I could do an MRI, but it would be expensive and wouldn't add much besides a formal diagnosis. They recommended palliative care.

I sobbed while driving home. Part of it was relief that I finally knew I wasn't imagining things. Most of it was heartbreak.

I scrutinized Mav's final decline because I couldn't let him suffer. I had hard lines ("when he can't run" and "when the painkillers stop working") and he reached those, but he was still so happy. He still had so much joy in his life. I made the call anyway.

The day came. He trotted into the vet's office like he was meeting his best friend at a restaurant. The vet carried him back to get a port and he wagged his tail the whole time. He scarfed down an entire fistful of cookies.

It was still, without a single doubt, the right choice for Maverick. I have thought about it from every angle, torn apart every single decision, and there's nothing I would do differently if I could go back and do it all again.

Now Rory came to me with a weird gait. She came to me with occasional dorsal shivers (the skin thing horses do) and extremely occasionally bunny hops while running. Not enough for me to think there's something seriously wrong with her, but enough for me to send videos to her breeder. I tried to believe it was just a symptom of puppy uglies or that she just needed more time to grow gracefully.

I debated it for two months, but I finally took Rory for an assessment at a sports physio vet here in town. When I filled out the intake form, I made it clear that I could be concerned over nothing, that this could be a waste of $85 and an hour of our time.

She scheduled us in, did her hands on assessment, and found a knot in Rory's thigh. She gave us some stretches and we have a few more rechecks, but Rory should be totally fine and her gait should improved within the week. All the symptoms point towards a longterm overcompensation to reduce weight on her one leg.

I felt so stupid going into the sports vet today. I almost cancelled my appointment twice because I was sure I was imagining things. Even when she was examining Rory, I was preparing my apology for wasting her time.

Rory is going to feel better. She's going to get to grow up without the effects caused from an overcompensation from shifting her weight in a weird way. She probably would've been fine even without the appointment, but she's going to be even better now.

It's a whole lot of text to say something cliché like trust your instincts or don't overthink it, but it is what it is.

#dogblr #about mav #about aurora #tw sick dog #(mav not rory) #tw euthanasia #mav memories #if im missing a tw tag just let me know #anyway this post is mostly so i can go back later #the next time im doubting myself #and remember that my brain is mean to me and i can just....... trust...... my eyeballs......

[mumms-the-word]

Duke Belynne Stelmane and the Emperor

currently reading lore stuff about mind flayers for an upcoming deep dive and anyway here's some depressing content about how the Emperor turned Belynne Stelmane into his thrall (probably)

This is not Hot New Lore or a Brand New Theory by any stretch of the imagination, but hear me out

Remember when Wyll talks about meeting Stelmane? How he only saw her twice, but the second time she was very different? They attribute her changes to a stroke.

Wyll: I met her twice. The first time, I was a boy of seven or eight, at a banquet in the Flaming Fist's honour. One look and I was smitten. Chesnut hair that flowed behind her like willow fronds. She floated from one room to the next as if carried by clouds. The second time, Stelmane was...different. Even with the aid of a cane, each step she took was a struggle. Every word she spoke took great physical effort. 'A stroke victim?' I asked my father later. 'No,' he said. 'A stroke survivor.' Not a mere stroke, as it turns out - but the scars of her possession. Gods, what I wouldn't give to drive a dagger through the Emperor's building head. We can never let it do to us what it did to Stelmane.

The last part, the part where Wyll realizes that it was more than a stroke, is conditional upon you calling the Emperor out for possessing or messing with Stelmane, which is when the Emperor literally shows you him possessing her.

Note the glowy purple eyes and then later the mechanical movements, the fixed stares, the way Stelmane toasts the Emperor as if moved by puppet strings. Her gestures are stiff, as if she's being controlled.

Wyll and his father attribute Stelmane's movements to being part of a stroke. Slurred speech and difficulty moving parts of your body are stroke symptoms, so it's a convenient explanation for her change in behavior and her difficulty with movement and speech. But possession?

No, dear readers, I don't think the Emperor was possessing Stelmane. I think he genuinely made her a literal thrall.

(please excuse the horrible quality lol)

From Volo's Guide to Monsters on Mind Flayers:

A thrall-to-be is first rendered docile through psionic means. Using a low-power version of its Mind Blast ability, the mind flayer bombards the victim with energy that washes through its synapses like acid, clearing away its former personality and leaving it a partially empty shell. This step takes 24 hours. Over the next 48 hours, the illithids rebuild the victim's memories and personality, and the victim gains the skills and talents it needs to perform its intended function.

A Mind Blast that "washes through synapses like acid" sounds a lot like a stroke-adjacent experience to me. Strokes attack the brain, causing parts of the brain to literally die (usually due to a lack of blood flow or oxygen). It could explain Stelmane's stiff movements.

The "clearing away" of her personality and the suggestion of "rebuilding" her memories would also be extremely useful to the Emperor. Rather than exerting the mental energy to possess her all the time, constantly keeping her under concentrated surveillance, all he had to do was literally break her and then rebuild her. She becomes a Stelmane that is only partly herself, and empty shell that he can mold as he pleases.

This is veering into headcanon territory, but I imagine if it was just basic possession, she would move a little more fluidly and naturally than she does in the Emperor's memory. She wouldn't be exhibiting movements and speech that mimic stroke symptoms. That, and there is always the potential she could break free of possession.

But if she's a full-on mind flayer thrall, broken and rebuilt? An empty husk that has had her memories and personality pumped back into her, still under the control of the Emperor? That makes a ton of sense to me. There's no snapping out of that. As the Emperor says when he threatens you...she becomes a puppet.

And the fact that he keeps the threat of doing the same to you in his metaphorical back pocket at all times is honestly quite terrifying.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #the emperor #bg3 emperor #bg3 lore #bg3 meta #bg3 headcanon #kinda a headcanon i guess #anyway this was a quick lore post for funsies #back to your regularly scheduled programs besties #Youtube

[buckysgrace]

Hiii, omg ur taking requests?? i LOVE ur writing sm aghh 😍😍❤️❤️ would u write part 2 to think about me? i adored it sm maybe the reader is sick (she has a fever and really bad cough) but is very horny so she calls gator who’s at work rn but he promises he comes as soon as he can? also her relationship with gator is secret and he comes over when her parents are gone with her little brothers for the weekend and gator takes care of her and also she’s so clingy? <3 and when she vomits in front of him she cries and is so embarrassed…

Part two to Think About Me (but could be read as a standalone lol)

Hope you enjoy! And thank you for enjoying my writing!! <3

CW: Age gap (reader is 20, gator is 27), mentions of smut but no actual smut, Gator being very sweet does that count??

Your relationship with Gator was, surprisingly, nice. He was sweet, brought you pretty flowers and your favorite chocolates. He messaged you first thing in the morning and before you went to bed. He was perfect. You were both perfect. Other than the fact that it had to be hidden.

Your father had made that clear on your birthday. The Tillman's had been invited over and apparently there had been enough tension between you and Gator to raise suspicions from your parents. Suddenly you were too young, too naive to have a boyfriend. You thought it was ridiculous.

You were excited for this weekend, having many things planned out for you and Gator. Your entire family would be gone. Some out of state football game happening for one of your brothers. You had feigned sickness.

Only that had seemed to be your downfall as the early Saturday hours slowly drifted into the afternoon. Your cough worsened, becoming more severe as your cheeks grew hot and sweaty. You brushed it aside, sure that it was your hard work from cleaning so furiously.

"Hello," The raspy voice on the other end of the line drew out playfully, bringing a smile to your lips as you sniffled again, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," You said quickly, already hearing the worry in his tone, "Just some allergies. Do you think you could bring me something when you get off of work?"

"What kind of somethin'?" He teased, making you shift deeper into the couch as a giddy feeling spread through you. It was almost enough to make you neglect the sense of sickness you'd felt.

You thought of the habit he had to sneak into your room when everyone else was asleep, of all the sweet nights you'd had together. He liked kissing you. He liked kissing you everywhere. You were tingly at the thought once again.

"Don't know," You giggled softly as you curled up on the couch, smiling as you felt a rush of pleasure form between your legs at his words, "Something to make me feel better."

"I got the perfect cure for ya, baby doll," He teased, making you feel like you had thousands of butterflies spreading through your stomach, "Can you last a few more hours without me?"

"Mhm," You drew out softly, excited as you glanced back towards the kitchen. You had a crockpot full of chili on and had plans to make cinnamon rolls once he got closer. He liked those, especially when you added raisins to them, "I'll be waiting here for you."

Your plans became even more disrupted as your symptoms grew worse. You piled under blankets and blankets, unable to stop shivering despite how hot your face was. Every time you began to doze off your rough coughing awoke you, your lungs burning from the sensation.

"Hey," Gator's voice awoke you this time around, making your eyes snap open as you quickly sat up. He guided you slowly, holding onto your shoulders as you glanced at the time, "You alright?"

"I overslept," You wheezed out, sighing as you began to couch roughly once again, "Sorry. I was gonna make cinnamon rolls and-," You began to stand but gator gripped your shoulders and quickly sat you back down. You nodded your head, feeling like the house was spinning a little bit.

"You sick?" He mumbled as he brought his palm up against your forehead, then dragged it against your cheeks. You mumbled, shrugging your shoulders, "Where's the thermometer?"

"Um," You paused as you thought about it, "It's in the kitchen drawer. The second to the left." You said, sure of your answer. It hadn't been too long since you had to use it on one of your brothers.

Gator paused, pulling his paper bag open for a moment before he handed you a bag of cough drops and some nighttime cough syrup. You wrinkled your nose, thinking about how disgusting it would taste. You were still grateful though.

He gripped your chin softly with one hand when he approached again, then used the other to slide the thermometer under your tongue. You stared up at him, admiring the concentrated look on his features.

"Bite down," He instructed, making you blink in surprise before you did as he asked. He smirked a little, looking a little cocky as he flicked his eyes from your features and back to the numbers on the screen. He whistled, making your eyes snap up to him, "I'm gonna get you something to bring that down." He mumbled, shaking his head as he walked into the kitchen again.

"I made us chili," You replied, feeling like it wasn't that big of a deal to have a little fever, "I thought we could watch a movie. I got new pajamas too."

"You did?" He approached again, wearing a smile this time as he placed some pills in one of your palms and a glass of water in the other, "Drink that." You nodded along, doing what he instructed in hopes that you would feel better.

"I wanted it to be a good night," You replied, doing your best to keep from pouting as he unwrapped a cough drop for you next, "Thanks." You said softly as you popped it in your mouth, sucking on it a few times before you began to chew on it. It was a habit. You couldn't help it.

"It still can be," He mentioned offhandedly, as he brushed his fingers across your cheek, "I'll get us chili. You sit here. Uh, here." He paused as he handed you the remote, sending you a soft smile before he went on his way.

Your stomach twisted at the thought of food, so you set your bowl aside and curled up against him instead. He held you close, keeping his arm wrapped around your shoulders as he pulled you in tightly.

Your felt a little better curled up to his side, head resting against his shoulder as you drifted in and out of sleep. He was warm, giving you that comfort you needed as he held onto you close. Occasionally you'd hear him chuckle, which you hoped had to do with whatever he was watching and not the fact that you were sure you were snoring.

A cold sweat woke you up this time, making you pull away from Gator as your stomach twisted and turned in odd directions. You glanced at him for just a moment, noticing that he had somehow slipped into his sleep clothes at some point.

"You alright?" He asked as he brushed his palm across your back, rubbing softly as a bitter taste filled your mouth. You felt your eyes widen as you quickly stood, tripping over your own feet as you stumbled into the bathroom.

You made it just in time as you emptied the contents from your stomach into the toilet. You continued to gag for a moment, wishing that you could've shut the door first.

You felt his hands on your back before you heard his sweet reassurances. You held onto the counter for a moment, trying to catch your breath as you suddenly felt hot tears against your cheeks. This was not how you wanted your night with him to go.

"Hey," His voice was soft and warm, smooth like sugar as he continued to rub at your back. It was a little too hard, like he didn't know what he was doing, "It's alright. Just a little puke." He replied, like it was no big deal.

You wiped your mouth, sniffling as you flushed the toilet and sat back on your knees for a moment. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, listening to the sound of gagging from next to you.

"Fuck," Gator replied as he held his palm over his mouth, shaking his head quickly, "I'm sorry. Shit. Fuck, I'm fine. Really." He nodded his head, but looked a little pale as he rubbed at your back.

"You're fine," You replied as you sniffled, laughing once again as you shook your head, "I understand. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have seen that." You sighed as you stood onto shaky knees, gripping your toothbrush before you scrubbed your mouth clean.

"How about-," He began slowly as he adjusted your pajama shirt, covering up your exposed skin as his eyes met yours in the mirror, "I run a bath for you. How does that sound?"

You paused as you spit into the sink, satisfied that you could only taste mint as you slowly stood to look at him again. You nodded your head, feeling a little shy suddenly as he guided you upstairs.

His hand was warm in yours, strong as he held onto you tightly. Once you were inside the bathroom he got the water to the desired temperature before he slowly stripped you down.

His eyes still wandered, but not in a suggestive way. He admired you, making your heart thump roughly against your bones as he helped you into the tub.

You sank down into the water, sighing at the way the hot water massaged your tense muscles. Gator stood back for just a moment before he crawled in behind you.

He hummed softly before he pulled you back against him, pulling you close as he pressed his chest against your back. It was intimate, far more intimate than the times he'd been buried between your legs. You'd never had him be this sweet before, this caring.

You supposed your night wasn't all that bad after all.

#gator tillman #gator tillman fluff #gator tillman x reader #gator tillman x reader smut #gator tillman x reader fluff #Gator Tillman x you #Gator Tillman x yn

[aha-chuu]

Sorta interesting thing I noticed while reading Kavetham / haiveh fanfiction is that the most popular fanon seems to be that Kaveh is into make-up and has a whole beauty/skincare routine, but -

If you look at their faces, Al Haitham is the one obviously wearing make up? Like he has his peachy eye shadow situation and the same liner Kaveh has. Kaveh does have more pronounced eyelashes (mascara maybe?) but Al Haitham is definitely also wearing some make up, if not more make up.

I sorta like the idea that Kaveh, distractible architect extraordinaire, has the same insomnia I do and so doesn't get out of bed until the last minute before leaving. So he actually never plans time to do complex make up, if any at all, and his hair is stuck with a million clips and no sense of cohesion. His shirt is half unbuttoned cos he literally walked out of the door still pulling it on.

In contrast, Al Haitham has his life (and morning routine) in order, so he has time for a splash of eye shadow in the morning. He's very efficient and bare-bones about it, just a couple of products to look a little more presentable, but it's there. And ofc looking good is important when you're so recognisable.

#Kaveh #al Haitham #Alhaitham #Genshin impact #Kavetham #haiveh #this is also i think a symptom of what i like to call #the babygirlification problem #where people pick the twink (bottom) in the gay ship #and give them the more feminine attributes #which actually isn't too much of an epidemic for these two! #and bottom top hcs are ofc fine #but I'm a lil tired of like #oh big strong alhaitham and his fragile twink bf #saw a fic where they explicitly wrote Kaveh as a catalyst user cos #nahhhh he's too soft for claymore #':/ let them both have multiple attributes come on #also #there is something funny about Kaveh being a disaster and still looking so good #people assume he's putting in effort #but i think that's just me being optimistic about myself #i like Alhaitham more but the adhd blonde in me relates hard with disaster Kaveh man #but then I'm a humanities student who's a bit blunt... #maybe Kavetham is me. I'll give myself that yeah #self love or something

[sukifoof]

i think im just gonna start blocking people that engage in flowey age discourse <3 im not in the fandom for petty drama about nothing im here for analysis and art and its really irritating to be looking for art and all there is is arguments. i love uty dearly but the sudden uptick in pointless arguments regarding floweys character is infuriating. why can't we talk about how well hes written and that hes an extremely good example of ptsd why must we argue. if u disagree with something block and move on dont act like children

#im just really annoyed #this is part of the reason im taking a break from twitter its really annoying to want to see my favorite character #and instead the only 'content' is people fighting #its a shame to see it being dragged here too. every day i get a little closer to leaving social media Forever #'umm reading comprehension' hey if u have a point to make. make it. without being ableist and rude. #this goes for both 'sides' of the argument. also yes its ableist if u say that because he acts like 'that' he must be a child #hey!!! maybe dont call symptoms of ptsd something only a child can experience!!!! its incredibly demeaning!!!! #ive said this plenty times before but i absolutely do not at all care what age u view him as #do whatever u want im not ur mom. i personally dont wanna see anything suggestive or mean so i think from now on ill be blocking freely #can we maybe communicate with understanding and kindness and agree to disagree #riel

[sysig]

Giving nicknames, testing boundaries (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #Max Vyer #Dexter Favin #How /did/ Max come to like him so much in just two years? I have my theories :3 #More Teen Max!! Nothing has changed I just continue to love him lol #Two years is a pretty quick turnaround for such a stubborn kid - though I guess for a child two years can be a long time haha #Went from just hating Dex's guts of trying to drive him away and make him quit and hating being kept on a short leash #Does make me wonder how much of him kissing him was an impulse - I mean obviously lol but how much was genuine attraction! #Certainly seemed like a lot :0 Even upon being rejected he couldn't give it up! Still took him another several years to act again tho haha #I mean - in the text lol who knows what they got up to in the time skips hehe ♪ #AnyWay lol - them getting used to each other of slowly working into tolerating each other #Max said something in one of his wake-ups that as I read it implied Dexter was something of a polyglot?? Which - love that ♪ #If not conversationally-fluent then at tourist-fluent y'know I think that's great <3 #Which got me thinking about other languages and insults and curses haha #I like the idea of Dex only really strong-arming Max about Actual deviant behaviour - something that puts himself or others at risk #Harmless little things like any teen would do - like name-calling! Haha - just get a kind of neutral ''Huh'' #As well as interest <3 Not an outright dismissal not a lecture but at least the appearance of investment! #Considering Max's home life I can't imagine he had all that many people genuinely (or fake) interested in his shenanigans #All about suppressing the symptoms more than rooting out the cause it's amazing what just showing a little interest can do #I also just think it's cute of Max getting away with something silly and harmless but totally biting and mean! <in his mind haha #Silly lad <3

[whumpshaped]

cant stop thinking abt that reply to bram's post abt the abusive cluster b parents so just know if u were abused like that, first of all, samesies and it gave me cluster b pds as a result, second of all, i promise no one whos calling for understanding of cluster b ppl is invalidating ur experiences. if u feel like they ARE, i sincerely hope u realise u dont have to have a medical explanation for why others suck. if ur parents sucked, u can just say that, and its freeing, and focusing on behavioural patterns instead of diagnoses (which u most likely dont have access to when it comes to strangers) will allow u to weed out actual bad ppl and keep urself safe(er)

#i understand its easy and comfortable to latch onto labels especially when it comes to parents #i did it #then i was diagnosed w the same shit #that was my turning point i think #when i realised we have the same shit and yet i am actively working very hard to be kind and compassionate #i dont go out of my way to be mean #at some point u have to realise that some ppl r just evil and mean spirited #and pds arent indicative of how self aware or kind or polite or compassionate someone is #i'd argue most of us put in SO much work to know ourselves and our potentially harmful behavioural patterns #way more than a neurotypical who never bothered to look inward for even a second #'these stereotypes dont come from nothing' #no shit! my dad called me both borderline and narcissist as insults AND I TURNED OUT TO HAVE BOTH #but let me tell u smth #most of my symptoms? are fucking survival mechanisms i learned as a child to avoid getting hurt. because thats what the brain does. #u know what else didnt come from thin air? sayings like hurt people hurt people #plus my victim complex allows me to write banger complaint letters now so theres that #look around u and be very comfortable w the fact that ur probably surrounded by a bunch of cluster b ppl that u adore #bc we're just ppl too #and ur doing urself a disservice trying to spot us #cluster b ppl can be evil ppl just as neurotypicals but they can also be ur friend who struggles w insecurities and is a huge ppl pleaser #bc they read the ableist posts too and they know everyone in the mainstream world thinks theyre evil #and when if u told them 'well my cluster b parents were abusive' in a less accusatory tone #maybe theyd look u in the eye w compassion and say 'yea i know how that feels and im here for u'

[cyeayt]

Back on my bullshit answer my questions

while doing some rudimentary research for this poll it has come to my attention that pins and needles are a feeling felt while the limb is asleep, not the period of intense sensation/tingling/sensitivity experienced while it comes back online. or maybe it's both? the stuff i read referred to it as tingling that happens while the limb is pinned/under pressure/numb. i cannot find anything that references what i have come to think of as "the agony" but ive referred to it as the pins and needles in the options for this poll anyway.

Mild: limb has muted sensation but can be moved and used carefully, pins and needles begin almost immediately after limb is moved from whatever position caused it to fall asleep. Pins and needles not painful and do not appear painful, and last a few seconds, person affected is capable of speech and moving other parts of their body during pins and needles, which last a few seconds.

Middle intensity: limb is numb or partially numb and can twitch but not be moved precisely. Pins and needles begin a few seconds after limb is unpinned or when it is moved. Pins and needles not painful but intense and appear uncomfortable, taking a lot of the affected person's attention/capacity. they last between 5 and 7 seconds.

Intense: limb is numb and cannot move/be used, pins and needles begin 5-7 seconds after the limb is unpinned. pins and needles are intense and may be painful or not painful but 'unbearable', causing the affected person to cry out, grimace, or otherwise appear to be in pain. Person cannot speak or move their other limbs during pins and needles, which last 10 or more seconds (without shaking) and have residual tingling for a few seconds after limb regains movement/becomes bearable to move

obviously this all depends on how long the limb was pinned but just answer whichever is the most common for you, and if you want you can put in the tags what positions make your limbs go numb/how you deal.

#polls #poll #tell me your secrets #idk i was just shaking out my hand but im sick/tired rn so i was actively crying out and was thinking #that limbs falling asleep/pins and needles are a very common and intensely unpleasant experience #and its kinda fuckin weird that we as a society dont talk about it more #and that it can be brushed off or be a single line in books n stuff #and like theres a lot of things that get done dirty in books for how intense/scary/dangerous they are irl #like the first time i got the wind knocked out of me and thought i was dying cause its only ever described as #getting the wind knocked out of you #rather than you can't feel the air coming in and out of your lungs #and the only way you can tell youre not dying is that you aren't experiencing air hunger #which can happen when you are dying in certain situations so fuck if i know #and like headrush like i see new colors/lose track of reality/twitch or faint when its real bad and in books its always like #a bout of dizzyness or some shit #and before i get called out yea i know what an iron deficiency is #also rip to all book characters who've been knocked out for several hours after a head injury or passed out from blood loss lol #anyway #then theres shit like my psycosomatic faux asthma symptoms or swallowing issure or the foot thing that are unique to me as far as i can tel #and boy howdy does that suck shit #but to conclude #bodies are weird why dont you tell me how yours works.

[gentlemanbutch]

How does one monitor their heart rate if they can’t afford a smart watch?

Wanna track my symptoms but idk the best way to do it.

#not to be like omg I think I have xyz #but I am…concerned I may have pots #which is not new it’s just worse and I can’t ignore it now. and it also makes more sense if I also have eds #I MAY actually have a local cardiologist I can see but I wanna track my symptoms first #I can take my pulse on my phone but idk how accurate that is #my parents also have one of those …idk what they’re called. it’s a board you lay on and can tilt back to stretch your back #so I can probably do a homemade tilt table test on that lol #but yeah I just…don’t know what to track and people in a group I asked in were being rude #pots #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #undiagnosed chronic illness #undiagnosed disability #eds #ehlers danlos syndrome #chronically ill #chronic pain #disabled

[sonego]

gonna get personal in the tags sorryyyyy

shit i ran out of tags to use GKBKGKDKKDBJDMBMN ok rest under a read more 😭

so okay basically my doctor said sure i'll write you the prescription and also wait should i add it to your regularly taken meds page (so i can request it with a click when i run out)? and i was like yeah that'd be nice and i tried to explain that i thought i would only need for a short period of time but i still need it after many months so... but like he didn't care about the why lol

and anyway now that this has happened i'm like. gonna try to Stop doing what i was doing. there is no good reason to be in pain all the time and make my life harder when taking that dose of my med was working okay and making things considerably better. i don't need to punish myself. this is like so so so hard for me to internalize. being disabled is not a fault. even if it might be my "fault", even if i lowkey feel like i might have contributed to the condition i am in with like, bad choices or whatever, it's still not right to punish myself for it. i'm already unwell, i'm already suffering, what's making it worse gonna do to help? why do i need to feel worse just so i can think i got what i deserve for being in pain in the first place?

so yeah. going back to the higher dose. i hope that makes me feel less pain. i hope i can work without hating every second of it again. i do still hope one day i can get better and not need this med anymore, it's not like i've given up on that bc tbh a lot's still unclear and i will try and see if i can find answers. but in the meantime, no more punishing myself. i need to be okay. i want to be okay.

#called my doctor the other day #bc i needed the prescription for the muscle relaxant i take for my back pain #and i've been needing it for like a while but i kept putting off calling him to get it #there's a few reasons for that one of which is that i hate phone calls in general but especially w doctors #just makes me v v anxious #which is related to another reason which is that i was so scared he'd tell me no bc this was was supposed to be a temporary “fix” #like a little help while i actually got better #which clearly hasn't happened so i still need it but like. i am so used to doctors trying to like decide what i need #not based on my symptoms and needs and what i tell them but just what they think i SHOULD need #bc i SHOULDN'T feel pain i SHOULDN'T need to take that i should just idk excercise and lose weight and try not to be s*icidal and try to #control my moods and oh i shouldn't have headaches almost daily cause they found no medical reason for it #also have i tried sleeping more? have i tried not having insomnia? have i tried smaller doses of x med? #etc etc it's never what i AM experiencing it's what i SHOULD be experiencing. and let me tell you that sucks so bad #my previous gp ruined me so bad and i'm only now realizing it #like every time i need to tell or ask my current gp something i get so anxious bc i'm convinced he'll put up a fight and say no without #listening or he'll write me the wrong prescription or he won't even answer my calls ........... #instead this gp is the opposite #maybe even like. too easily says yes lmao 😭 like i try to talk things thru w him a bit to explain why i need x and he'll just be like #yeah sure here it is and sometimes i feel he's not even listening 🧍🏻 #but anyway like. i was kinda punishing myself i think? #i keep trying to lower my dose of muscle relaxant bc i think i shouldn't need it #and i don't want to need it i actually HATE that i need it. it makes me so mad w myself #so i keep trying even if every time i take less i am in so much pain #and these past couple of weeks? or something i did that even more bc i tried to lower it EVEN MORE #even if the 5th attempt to lower it a bit was unsuccessful and i was doing so badly #bc i was running out and i was killing two birds with one stone by trying to lower it so i would be a Better Stronger Nico #and was delaying having to call my doctor #end result: i wanna cry every time i stop (workiny #working* or studying or giffing or doing Whatever) #bc i'm forced to think of the fact i am in pain

[meatheadmutt]

why am i having to hold a gun to googles head to show me articles on the long term effects of hormonal birth control on the endocrine system in adult patients who began usage as a teenager

#barks #i just wanna know if having a hormonal iud as a teenager fucked with my shit or not #causeeeeee i switched to copper a few years ago and everything was gucci in the coochie until a bad summer hit #lo and behold i call the gyno and she puts me on nuvaring because my symptoms were a sign of hormonal imbalance #meaning i got my ass fucked up from the first iud. right? #fuck if i know i wish they didnt make it my responsibility and then not actually give a shit as to what really happens #the absolute hell you can go through both on and off of birth control is out fucking rageous #'cool my cramps arent as bad but im a raging bitch i want to rob a bank and i want to kill everyone and then myself' #can you please for more than five fucking seconds think about the actual effects these things have on us that arent 'harder to get pregnant #also never listen to anyone that tells you you cant get your tubes tied and still be able to have children down the line #they always wanna bitch and moan about it but its literally reversible just like a vasectomy. not as easy but still possible! #do we get mad at and blame the kitchen counter when a baby smacks their head against it? no. the baby is at fault #tell me why something i have no control over is the reason i have to bear the cross #instead of the dipshit baby that cause the issue in the first place being at fault????????????????????? #im going to burn this world down i swear to god i hate it more every day #the beauty is evident but the horrors persist #hi if you read all of this

[anti-transphobia]

Forever annoyed that "don't speak over marginalized people", the notion that marginalized people are already spoken over, and their oppressors need to actually listen and learn before speaking about complicated topics and need to do so in support of not OVER them, so quickly turned into "I'm not x so I can't speak on x issues". Like the "don't speak on this if you're not this" started out so well meaning because it was about people needing to actually take the time to learn before talking about issues they didn't previously understand! Now it's just an excuse for people to never learn about the issues minorities face or to actually stand up for them in any meaningful way

#forming an opinion is so natural and also important. you can't just stay 'neutral' on everything just because marginalized groups arent #a collective that either fully agrees or fully disagrees with something #you will always have 'lol im x and i dont care about bigotry' folks. always. always always always #you've gotta use your god damned brain and do what's right instead of going 'im not allowed to have an opinion on this' #it's literally just looped around to ignoring issues again. like saying 'racism is bad' isnt good enough when you stay quiet #when your friend is being racist because they're a poc being racist to another poc #and that situation is too 'unclear' for you #ive seen that happen a ton. fucking get over it. yes they're going to respond negatively to being called racist literally everyone does #get over that fear of backlash and stick up for people!!! #this is why radqueers are a plague. their entire stance is 'we dont care enough to think so everything is good and okay' #and has done horrible shit like spread RAMPANT misinformation about mental disorders such as DID #which makes life so much harder for people with DID. and all disorders as they get romanticized instead of actually understood #so the people with the '''bad symptoms''' get shunned #the amount of times I've heard horror stories of actual systems getting abused and forced into all kinds of shit because of endos....... #anyway neutral stances are for things that don't really hurt people or dont matter or #for when youre in the position of actually learning and forming a position #which in that case its meant to be temporary. temporary!!!!! #radqueers dni

[recapitulation]

yowch 🧍‍♂️

#ok medical tmi in the tags -> #ok i think ive pinpointed what frustrates me abt telling people i dont feel well #like it almost feels like a lie or just something i shouldnt talk abt bc like. ive been in a place docs would call 'bad' for like. 5-6 yrs #but within that time what i have felt has been SO varied. like. week to week day to day i the types of symptoms are so different #like this week ive been in a lot more pain but its been like isolated 5-10mins of very distressing pain. w almost nothing at other times #accopanied w like a really concerning amt of bathroom trips including like 3x a night which sucks for my sleep #and also my commute to work 🧍‍♂️ #but like i remember in college there were periods where my number 1 distressing symptom was cramping throughout the day #or there have been periods where nausea and lack of appetite is the thing that worries me the most #idk now that ive typed that out it sounds so similar like its all gi symptoms. but it FEELS so different. its like a different illness #but to most other ppl its like. ive been sick with this one thing forever #idk idk i know most illnesses are kind of fluid like this and im not alone #but when ppl ask me how im doing and im like. well bad. its like i dont know how to express that its such a different bad than last tues #and like the degree of bad def changes but theyre all still bad. how do u communicate that esp to healthy ppl #oughghgghh im just. feeling so bad in such a diff way. its been a week but my pain has been real high #and like Dude. i am losing fluids 🧍‍♂️

[machinedramon]

legit wondering if when I start going to the doc for all my physical shit I should ask abt who I should see abt maybe getting mood stabilizers

i'm sick of this unending cycle of getting eight million ideas and scrambling from one to the next before burning myself out on all of them and falling into a depression and hating myself for not doing any of the eight million things I was excited about

#i am losing my fucking mind here i cant fucking take it anymore #i dont think im bipolar i just think the adhd takes the wheel and fucking floors it #i dont have delusions of grandeur (not more than a flight of fancy that i know is unrealistic anyway) or like. euphoria. #i also dont not remember stuff from from those surges of inspiration #i mean i might forget something but thats bc i got distracted and my brain dumped it to focus on New Shiny Thing #this is the equivalent of my 2AM mental breakdown so bear with me here i am Going Through It when i should be sleeping #also it feels like theres shit crawling on me and there isnt but i cant sleep bc i am ITCHY WHY AM I ITCHY WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE THIS #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #fun fact: the sensation of shit crawling on you is called formication #which is really fucking funny #like i understand its from formica meaning ant but it is literally one letter away from fornication #anyway doing my usual webmd doom spiral and guess what gets formication as a symptom sometimes: bipolar disorder #im gonna laugh if i get a bipolar dx but it doesnt seem right #all the other options were autoimmune disorders like parkinson's and MS and fibro and RA #which. i might actually have rheumatoid arthritis. but the others? theyre scary. i dont wanna deal with that. #i dont even wanna deal with RA lets be real #farmer voice: i was just fine before i went to the doctor and now all of a sudden ive got an immune disorder #wait i dont think parkinson's is an autoimmune disorder thats a neurological condition #ok carry on #more fun facts since i am now down a wikipedia rabbit hole to distract myself from my itchy self #the process of ur limb falling asleep and going numb is called obdormition #then when the feeling starts coming back the pins and needles feeling is paresthesia #formication is an uncommon kind of paresthesia #obdormition is our funny word of the day and i look forward to telling someone about it randomly or for it to show up in a crossword soon #bc u know how u find something new and suddenly it's everywhere? #yeah. i get the feeling thats gonna happen here.

[pussymasterdooku]

💃🔪👨🏻

👨🏻🔨👩🏻‍🔧

🏃‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏢

#this is an illustration of me enthusiastically committing patricide and then running away #because that is the mood of the day #my mom got her report from her adhd testing and she shared it with me because i am an experienced reader of psych reports #and a longtime adhd haver and knower abouter #and she didn’t want to share it with him because she KNEW he’d be mean and leverage it against her #and she called me because she was sad it’s taken her so long to get diagnosed when she has it actually quite bad #and i was like well it speaks to your strengths that you’ve been successful even as this flew under the radar #and i pointed out her strong score on initiation as something that probably helped disguise other symptoms #since she can start things better than anyone else i’ve ever known with adhd #and he cruises in to say THATS NOT A STRONG SCORE ITS JUST BETTER THAN OTHERS. ITS JUST AVERAGE #and i’m. livid actually #and the way this brings up soooo much of what i hated myself for way back when #and how the ways he does not respect her so closely parallel the ways i thought about myself for years. because i’m SO much like her #and he denies that as a compliment to me and i’m like no i like being like her???? asshole lol #he also had shit to say re her lowish score on emotional regulation and she’s like…if you think living with me is hard imagine BEING me???? #anyway we’re going down there in a week we’ll see if he survives or if i have to break out his oversize hammer collection #alhpd #ok actually i updated the pictures. eva’s knifing him i’m beating him w tools and then we run away together. marriage!