#this is coming from someone moderately disabled both physically and mentally | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thedreadvampy · 3 years

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I dunno how to articulate it but I think there’s something to be said about how like. abled/neurotypical people infantilize neurodivergent people and water their experiences down to something palatable whereas they can’t do that for physically disabled people as much so they’re just uncomfortable? This probably doesn’t make much sense but. yeah :// (obviously I’m not saying being infantilized is a good thing it’s awful and I’ve experienced it more then once)

Maybe? I think there's something to be said for the palatability of (invisible) neuroatypicality (I say invisible in the sense of like. Irl more extremely visible behaviours like twitching, constant stimming or substantially stuttered/slurred speech do make people react differently), that's a very good point, but I think I'd separate it out from infantilisation. I think people with known MH Things or neuroatypicalities are often infantilised, yes, but infantilisation is such a substantial issue for even mildly visibly physically disabled people.

I can only speak to my own experience, but I would say minimisation is the main experience I've had with both mental health/neuroatypicality and invisible physical disabilities (eg my chronic pain, my friends' epilepsy and diabetes) whereas I associate infantilisation more with visible/physical disabilities (for example, my cane use our when I or friends have been using wheelchairs). What people can ignore/minimise they will, and when they can't ignore it they'll ignore you.

like the experience of being visibly physically disabled for me (and again, for me it's very mild because other than the cane I'm pretty Abled Body Passing) has involved a lot of

people talking about me/past me to people I'm with

people trying to do things for me or take tasks off me lest I hurt my poor little self

people Trying Not To Look

pity

condescension

being talked to Very Slowly And Gently

and that experience of fairly mild visible disability hasn't been my experience of being fairly autistic and having moderate PTSD symptoms.

(I also think a lot of people underestimate the degree to which a lot of people are happy to accuse you of faking/making a fuss when you use mobility aids or sensory aids, like one of the most irritating forms of online ableism discourse being perky about neurodiversity is 'people keep telling me I'm making X up and should get over it and they wouldn't tell someone on a wheelchair that!' which. yes. yes they would.)

So yes you're definitely right about watering down experiences to make them more palatable. and I think that extends to some physical disabilities where you can be like 'oh yeah I know they're [hearing impaired/visually impaired/use a cane/have an invisible disorder] but I just think of them as Normal because they can Act Normal' and I think a lot of the structures around ableism are about that 'let me ignore your problem please' like. There's this vast pressure to put as much work as possible constantly into never Appearing Disabled In Any Way, whether the issue is neuro or physical or both, and one way to do that is to say 'everyone feels that way' and the other is 'you don't feel that way' and either way you're supposed to stay palatable, and to a degree I think with a lot of issues it's when you refuse to or can't put all your resources into Being Normal that you get really severely infantilisation and dehumanised as a Poor Little Disabled Thing. that doesn't mean infantilisation is limited to highly visible disability (like the palatable idea of autism is hugely infantilising for example) but. I think that infantilisation is a way of minimising what can't be ignored and so it becomes less about neurodiversity vs physical disability and more about invisible Vs visible or ignorable Vs unignorable.

The thing I think undercuts the fact that online discourse on ableism focuses around neurodiversity and IRL discourse on ableism often centres around wheelchair use and profound sensory impairment is. what's visible and what's ignorable in what space.

online, somebody's words are most of how you know them. it's much more of your first impression whether their disability affects how they think and write than how they look or move. it's really easy to forget that some of the people you talk to are physically impaired or IRL have differences that are really apparent and make people treat them differently (like large scale scarring, deformities, issues in posture or bearing, twitches and tics, etc), and because we're all taught to be uncomfortable with visibly different bodies it's easier for most of us short term to lean into that - we choose to forget that other people are disabled (which is common enough IRL, like people will see and know you're physically disabled but have to be constantly reminded that that means you Can't Do Things, like I had a friend at work who broke her leg and she had to constantly remind people every day from her wheelchair 'no I can't come to a meeting on the 4th floor because I can't climb stairs') and other people may choose not to remind us because people get so dehumanised and infantilising on sight IRL where their disabilities are much more visible that it can be nice to have control over whether and when people notice you're disabled.

but IRL, the first thing people see is your body, your speech, your bearing and your movement. Which means it's easy to ignore or downplay stuff like mental health issues, chronic pain, invisible health issues etc because it isn't immediately visually obvious. so there the balance has historically been tipped in the other direction, where we only talk about the most physically readable forms of disability. which is also not good.

yeah this is kind of long and ramble and doesn't answer your point, sorry. I woke up thinking about this and I guess I'm dumping a lot of thinking into this ask fairly arbitrarily.

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #303

“if i can’t be loved, then i’ll be hated”

What color are your glasses, if applicable? Black. Candy corn or conversation hearts? They're both gross, don't make me pick between garbage. Do you own a lot of earrings? Not really after I weeded them out before moving. What did your backpack in high school look like? I dare say I had the dopest backpack of them all. It looked like a massive Ouija board, and the zipper was the planchet (sp?). Have you ever been to a rave? Nah. What is your favorite art medium? I have a particular fondness of oil paintings. They tend to look so smooth, and you can achieve incredible realism with them. How far away is the nearest hospital from you? Not even five minutes, I think. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? My mom. What is your favorite car color? Pink, duh. How did you learn to type? We actually had a class specifically for typing in middle school. What style of wedding dress do you want? I don't have that set in stone yet, but I really do love ballgown dresses with long trains as well as a-lines with a moderate train. I love a lot, except really for mermaid dresses. Do you fit into any stereotype, or are you non-stereotypical? I don't know if I fit perfectly into any and really don't care. Would you want your first child to have your hair color? ???? I don't care about their hair lol?????? It would depend on the hypothetical father, in which case I'd probably find it cute, but this is so, so unimportant. Do you enjoy writing in cursive? Yeah, it just feels good and flowy to me. What is your favorite hair color? Natural? Probably blonde with natural darker undertones throughout. I like blonde hair because it's far easier to dye, haha. Now, if we're including DYED hair, rose gold or pastel pink is *chefs kiss* What is your favorite eye color? Sapphire blue, probz. Would you put your birthday on a different day if you could? Nah, it's fine where it is. What holiday is your birthday closest to? Valentine's. Do you vent on social media a lot? NOOOOOOOO. I barely post ANYTHING about myself on social media because I feel like I'm being annoying, self-absorbed, find anything I do actually interesting, or don't want people to think I'm a whiner. All I ever really do on social media is share or reblog funny shit, things I love, stuff I find relatable or inspirational, educational, important for whatever reason, etc... Do you have abusive parents? I am very thankful to say no. Is your house haunted? Doesn't seem like it. What's your favorite thing to watch on YouTube? I'm in a real WoW-related phase lately... Watching my favorite streamers, gold farming guides, and other various aspects of the game. What are five health problems that you have? I talk about the mental issues enough, so I guess I'll talk about physical stuff here. Uhhh I have very low blood pressure (it's a med side effect), I have extremely weak legs following muscle atrophy, I have bad tremors, especially in my hands (amplified by medication once again), maybe TMI but we're adults here and it's a legit issue that I have chronic and severe conspitation, aaaand then of course I have hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) to a fucking outrageous and also humiliating degree. Ooooonce again as a prescription side effect. This answer made meds sound kinda bad, I know, but really, I'd rather have the will to live and just have to deal with these than want to die everyday and not. Do you have surgery coming up? No, let's keep it that way until I lose enough weight and when I am 110% getting loose skin removal. Which family member(s) do you look the most like? My sisters, ig. People say my mom also, but I honestly don't see it. Have you ever cried while watching a YouTube video? Yeah, usually just in let's plays, but it's happened for other reasons. Are you missing a website that just shut down? Nah, none that I know of. NO. FUCKING WAIT. So, when my laptop was fixed, a LOT of shit was wiped from it, and that included all of my goddamn Lightroom editing presets. The site they were from no longer exists, so I had to use a different, pretty sub-par one to install at least a few because it helps me get a start on editing the photograph and leaning towards the "vibe" I want before spending like 15+ minutes tuning it myself. Would you be a barefoot bride? No. Which would you rather name your daughter: Eliana, Echo, Emerald, or Ellery? Ohhh, I like these. I think I prefer "Eliana," but "Echo" is a close second. "Ellery" is nice, but it sounds too much like "celery" to name my kid that lmao. Which would you rather name your son: Maverick, Matthew, or Moses? Ugh, none, honestly. But "Matthew" wins. When was the last time you gave a speech? Like a *legit" speech? Probably not since uhhh... I guess when I argued my disability case at court? Does that even count? Have you ever been in a stampede? Well, never seen this'n in a survey before, so good job, lol. No. If you were a fairy, what color would you like your wings to be? It would depend on what I wore, really. And my hair. But probably light pink. Would you rather name your son Storm, Skylar, Sorin, or Solomon? "Sorin." "Skylar" is SO Southern, and "Solomon" sounds like the creepy kid all his classmates avoid and I ain't putting my kid through that. Did you read a devotional this morning? Not my jam. Would you rather be named Arizona, Alaska, Cali, or Georgia? Hm... "Alaska" is actually kinda cool???? And I'm white as fuck so lol????? I wouldn't mind to nickname of "Ally," anyway. Are you repulsed by ugly reptiles? lololol bro get out Did all your friends know about your first crush or was it a secret? I was definitely secretive and shy about it when I first started getting crushes. Do you ever feel insecure about going out without makeup? I feel insecure either way, so... How many different natural hair colors are there in your immediate family? So, this is a hard question to answer. My mom was born with brown hair, but it darkened to almost black; only her daughter Katie inherited that. By some genetic magic, Dad had blond hair as a kid, but it also turned black. Like... how?????? I was born with dirty blonde hair like him, and mine turned an average brown with age. My immediate sisters have always had brown hair. What is your favorite online game? World of Warcraft is ballin'. Would you ever want to be famous and sign autographs? Ha, the idea of signing autographs is awful... I can't physically write very long without my carpal tunnel flaring up. Do you like your shirt to be loose or tight? LOOSE. Especially as a bigger person, tight shirts are just really uncomfortable. What is your favorite Spanish name? I don't know nearly enough to answer this. Would you rather visit Asia or Europe? I think Asia is, in general, more interesting and prettier as a whole, but I guess I'm drawn to European culture being more like my own and there are specific locations I'm interested in, like Germany or Scotland. So to answer the question, I guess Europe wins. Are there any Asians in your family? I don't believe so. Have you ever had colored braces? Haha yeah, I did that when I had them. Do you take birth control pills? Yes, just for period cramps. Without them, they can be immobilizing for me. If you live in the USA: do you feel free and safe? Ha, no. Well, not *entirely*. Have you ever been sick on your birthday? I was recovering from the stomach virus, if that counts. As in I still got sick the day before and felt iffy on my actual bday. 17th, I think? Is talking about your past painful for you? Yes. Are you a member of any support groups online? I'm a member of The Mighty site, if that counts. When I'm feeling very, very sound of mind and helpful without all the negativity being a detriment to myself, I do like going on there and trying to help or comfort people. Have you ever called a suicide hotline? Yes, and the line was busy, and that's when I decided I was a goner. Do you ever fantasize about revenge? I uhhhhh... sometimes. What's a movie you would recommend to someone who never watches movies? Ohhh, that's hard. I don't really watch movies either, and I'm trying to think of one that essentially anyone would like, so hm. Oh, Coco is absolutely a possibility. That movie touched me so, so deeply and is high on my favorites list. It's impossible to not feel the emotions. Do you want to have grandkids? Hell, I don't want kids. Do you want to be an aunt or uncle? I already am one, and I love being an aunt. Who was your favorite Spice Girl? I don't remember their names or characters in general. Did you make a lot of home videos growing up? I mean *I* didn't, but Mom filmed quite a few. Do you enjoy babysitting? NO. What's an unpopular opinion that you have? Avoiding some political ones, uhhhh. OH. HERE'S ONE. THE SCENE AESTHETIC IS FUCKING CUTE AND NOT CRINGEY AND YOU CAN FIGHT ME ABOUT IT. Are you attracted to the opposite gender, same gender, or both? Both are A+. Was your first crush on someone of the same gender or opposite? Opposite. As a kid, I didn't even fathom the concept that women could date women. What is something you'll never eat again? Why? Brussel sprouts. Fucking disgusting. What is currently happening that is scaring you? Besides the very obvious answer of "Covid," I worry about my mom a lot. She's so weakened after all the chemo and meds and can do literally less than I can without heavily breathing and sweating. I just worry a lot that cancer will return sooner than we hope; I don't want it to EVER come back, but doctors say it is very, very likely at one point or another because she was so very close to Stage 4. What would be your personal hell? Being completely and entirely isolated forever while somewhere hot and humid, lol. And play one of my trigger songs on repeat eternally. What made the "weird kid" at your school weird? There was this poor guy named Alfred that was VERY clearly depressed out of his mind, and I heard him speak maybe once through all of high school, and the entire class couldn't believe it. He always sat way in the back and never smiled. I wonder how he is nowadays. What is a word you personally find offensive? "Retarded" personally offends me the most when misused and spoken as an insult. What instantly puts you to sleep? Now that is HARD to do; I have a ridiculously hard time going to sleep. The easiest way though would probably be me being drained from an emotional breakdown. That is so exhausting that I'm capable of crashing pretty fast and hard. What song is in a language you don't speak, but you love it anyway? I adore Rammstein, so there's plenty. I'll probably say "Donaukinder" is their best. What is something you would like to do if you weren’t judged for doing it? I keep that I RP a complete secret in my "real" life for this reason unless it's like, pried out of me. What's a movie you think everyone should watch? Why that one? Johnny Got His Gun. See how goddamn disgusting war is. What was the most unexpected good thing that's ever happened to you? Ha, realizing I was bisexual after once being homophobic. What is the funniest fact you know? Oh man, I know a lot of random trivia shit, really, so it's hard to say. Maybe that quokkas throw their offspring at predators to distract and escape from them... As awful as that is, c'mon, you gotta admit it's funny and shocking with just how adorable they are. What was your 'mic drop' moment? Oh, I don't know. Possibly when I publicly came out as bi on Facebook and made it abundantly clear that I gave no shits about some homophobic friends and family & I was beyond willing to let anyone's ass go over it. What's the kindest way a stranger has treated you? I remember as a kid at McDonald's, the woman in front of our car paid for our food; apparently seeing a mom, dad, and three kids in a van was enough that she wanted to just be kind and give us a smile. We have no idea who she was, never saw her face or anything, she was just a sweet woman. What is the biggest design flaw of your body? Okay, I'm going to let go of all hatred for my body weight-wise and just think of this as from a strictly natural design perspective, in which case I'd say my toes are too small. What age are you afraid of turning and why? 30, because I'm terrified of getting there and seeing I've possibly gone nowhere. What is the strangest thing you have ever felt? I'm keeping this question in just because I think there could be some interesting answers for others, but I'm witholding my answer because nobody wants or needs to know lmao. What makes someone immediately unlikable? Acting better than others and belittling. Who's a villain you sympathize with and why? D A R K I P L I E R because of his origins and overall purpose and just simply existing. What is something you regret to NOT have done? I have this oddly weird regret of not going like, all-all the way with He Who Shall Not Be Named????? Idk why though????? Considering I loved him way too much and I was a reckless and impulsive person who probably at some point would have wound up accidentally pregs????? What a fuckin trip that woulda been. What movie changed your life for the better? None have really "changed my life." What book you think should be directed as a film? Oh, idk. Most I can think of have been. Of all the decades you've lived in, which one have you liked best? The 2000s, probably. A carefree kid. How are you doing today? I'm exhausted. While out with Mom and my sisters yesterday, we got behind a van whose driver was obviously drunk or high off his goddamn ass, and he was swerving EVERYWHERE, nearly shoving so many cars off the road. Mom called 911 to get in contact with highway patrol to report his dumb fucking ass in. I was having an absolute panic attack and cried quietly like the entire 45 or so minute drive home. I was just so, so upset because this is why I don't fucking drive, and I felt like I'd made my sister (who was driving) mad because she had to firmly tell me I had to calm down (I was hyperventilating and talking to myself to try to calm down) if she was going to focus and keep us safe. She later ensured me she wasn't mad, but I still wasn't the same the entire rest of the day. Anyway, I slept hard last night but had two nightmares, so I'm still really tired today. I'm trying to keep myself really distracted. What's something your relatives don't know about you? A whole lot really, considering beyond my very immediate family, I see almost nobody because they live many states away. What's something your parents did, which you have sworn never to do? Mom would spank us or slap an arm pretty hard if my sisters or I misbehaved or "disrespected" her by "talking back." I'm not having kids, but I would never, ever, ever, put my hands on them in any way that isn't loving. You do not teach children via inflicting fear. I also have this probably overly strong aversion to beer because that's what Dad always drank as an alcoholic. I'll probably never try it, not that I really want to because it smells awful. What's the most annoying thing your pet does? I feel like "annoying" is the wrong word for this, but Roman (my cat) can be incredibly demanding of attention and to lie on me when I'm on the laptop in bed, and sometimes I just want space and be able to clearly see the screen, haha. He will legit meow like a baby and gently swat my arm sometimes if I try to keep him back. Heeee usually gets his way. As for Venus (snek), she does nothing "annoying" either, but rather a bit concerning to a snake mom: she is usually very slow to find and strike her food. I feed her frozen/thawed mice, and she will first slither around her entire cage, tongue flicking and clearly looking for her food, even though I always place it atop the same spot on her hide, and she can have her head RIGHT beside it and still do nothing. She ultimately generally eats (as a ball python though, she's a picky eater and will occasionally reject a meal), but I of course wonder why she's odd about dinnertime... As a champagne, she does have the notorious "spider gene" in her, which can cause neurological issues, but idk if something like this could be related.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''rise rebel resist'' by otep

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renzu-valra · 4 years

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The Basics: Nobushige

PLACE IN SOCIETY

✖ FINANCIAL – wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty

In Garlemald. Elsewhere it is superficial. He has “friends” in high and low places and never needs for money. Of course, everything has its price. His health and his mental well-being the cost—both forcibly taken instead of offered in exchange for such “aid.” And they will continue to be the cost until he either dies or finds a method to escape them.

✖ MEDICAL – fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / deceased

Despite appearing as someone physically sound and moderately healthy, the truth is that he is far from it. Due to sharing his body with a decrepit, volatile entity not meant for the mortal flesh to endure, his personage has been slowly rotting away. Whilst it is simple enough to hide behind makeup and perfumes as well as delayed via other means, he is quite weak and growing weaker. Due to more recent “treatments” however, he has gained a modicum of strength, but what has been lost already cannot be healed.

✖ CLASS OR CASTE – upper / lower / middle / working / unsure

As someone who secrets himself away in an unknown location for the large majority of their waking hours and otherwise, it’s hard to consider himself as someone fitting into these rankings. However, those he affiliates himself with currently are of higher prestige and he holds himself to such standards besides.

✖ EDUCATION – qualified(?) / unqualified / studying

From a technical standpoint, he attended no schools and obtained no such degrees signifying his value academically, however he never once slacked when it came to learning. His youth was spent doing nothing but; and he also has a near photogenic memory when it comes to what he studied back then. He can write and speak several languages amongst other things.

FAMILY

✖ MARITAL STATUS – married, happily / married, unhappily / engaged / partnered / divorced / widow or widower / separated / single / it’s complicated

It was short-lived. He vowed never to remarry due to the respect he had for his late husband. Legally, he is not seen as being widowed however, as the death of his spouse was never recorded or made public knowledge.

✖ CHILDREN – has children / no children / wants children / adopted children

Depends who you ask. Nobushige considers the child living in his estate a younger brother. ‘Mother’ considers him her flesh and blood son. ‘She’ desires more and fantasizes about it when she is especially unwell. Nobushige has zero intent on ever being a father.

✖ FAMILY – close with sibling / not close with siblings / has no siblings / siblings are deceased / it’s complicated

He was raised by his brother for all his life save recently. As such, they are closer than anyone else could ever be. Yet they’ve recently been separated due to unforeseen events.. and if they reunited now, then who’s to say what will come of their relationship?

✖ AFFILIATION – orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by both parents / other

His father died before he was born, and his mother shortly after due to mental trauma associated with his birth. He was brought up by his brother and another young boy besides.

TRAITS & TENDENCIES

✖ disorganized / organized / in between

✖ close-minded / open-minded / in between

✖ cautious / reckless / in between

✖ patient / impatient / in between

✖ outspoken / reserved / in between

✖ leader / follower / in between

✖ sympathetic / unsympathetic / in between

✖ optimistic / pessimistic / in between

✖ hardworking / lazy / in between

✖ cultured / uncultured / in between

✖ loyal / disloyal / in between

✖ faithful / unfaithful / in between

SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION

✖ SEXUALITY – heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual / omnisexual / demisexual

It’s more than an orientation to him as he, plainly put; simply cannot feel such pleasures. The same goes for experiences like pain for example. He does not desire it as he cannot feel it.

✖ SEX – sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable

In regards to his own personage, it is considered a vile sin and something completely immortal without justification due to the severe (life-or-death) complex he has in relation to his own innocence. Whereas for others engaging in such acts he cares none for as they can do as they please. Neutral then, to the affairs of everyone else.

✖ ROMANCE – romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable

He considers “romance” in the conventional sense lacking. Base. Common. Unfulfilling. Its truest form unachievable by many. What then is its “truest form?” Is it something we even want to know?

✖ SEXUALLY – sexually adventurous / sex experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious / uninterested

Would that he have never had the experience to begin with. Yet it was a necessary evil in order to make it to where he is today. If such a place can even be considered a good thing..

ABILITIES

✖ COMBAT SKILLS – excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

He has been trained in thaumaturgy, with a specialty in ice magicks; as well as with the blade. He has also trained some in self defense, however, given his current physical condition he can no longer take full advantage of his prior courses.

✖ LITERACY SKILLS – excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

One would assume since becoming blind this field of expertise would slack heavily, at least in terms of the written word. However, he is always practicing his writing even still and if you were for whatever reason communicating with him solely via letters, you would believe you were receiving letters from a prestigious literary master.

✖ ARTISTIC SKILLS – excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

To him, to pursue art is the grandest pursuit in this here mortal coil. On the surface, his artistic talent lays in his ability to design clothes and arrange flowers. Beneath that.. there lies another style of art he has deigned mastery of—conveying in itself a beauty incomprehensible to all save a selective few. As such, he will not share it with anyone else.

✖ TECHNICAL SKILLS – excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

He has not found opportunity to learn or tinker with mechanical devices of any sort, nor is there need for him to.

#ffxiv #ffxiv balmung #ffxiv rp #tag prompts #nobushige

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bubbelpop2 · 4 years

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Being fat isn’t a bad thing. Being malnourished is.

Not only is obesity a problem in america because healthy food and access to good healthcare are super fucking expensive, but the amount of people that are both obese, and malnourished at the same time, is at a phenomenal record high. This is because processed foods are cheap and easy to make, and cheap and easy to consume. They have a lot of the energy your body needs, but none of the materials that your body needs to rebuild itself. So when you eat fast food, you’re likely to eat it in large amounts to make up for the lack of vitamins that it gives you.

I grew up in poverty, with a shitty, neglectful dad. The only thing my dad knew how to make was spaghetti, and i was under his care. I ate so much spaghetti that I threw up. I ate so much spaghetti but was still hungry. Still tired, still not paying attention in class, still not nourished. Because spaghetti didn’t have the materials that my body and brain needed to thrive. I was surviving, but my brain’s ability to regulate thought, sleep, and emotion, was stagnated. All because the food that I had didn’t have enough nutrition.

Let me explain further. Imagine you’re a fisherman. You fish at a pond every day. The big fish are hard to catch, but nourish you very well. The little fish are too easy to catch, there are a lot of them, and they don’t nourish you well at all. In this metaphor, the big fish are the foods that contain enough materials for your body to rebuild itself and keep up vital functions. Your brain also uses these materials to regulate everything. These materials are essential to your survival. Now, let’s go back to the little fish: these fish have way, way more energy in them than the big fish. But they have little to no building materials inside of them. You would have to eat hundreds of them a day for your body to get everything it needs.

For rich people, who can pay people to fish for them, tell them which fish is better for them, prepare the fish, buy bigger rods and boats and nets, catching the big ones isn’t an issue.

For poor people, who only have a stick, or their bare hands, or a net, can’t catch the big fish. They can’t afford to, and they don’t have the energy to do so. So what are they supposed to do? Just “work harder”? Go out of their way to get the big fish? Are they even able to do that? Are they disabled and physically incapable of catching the big fish? Can they just not muster up the energy to do it because of how tired they are already because their brain isn’t getting enough nutrients?

Do you see the problem yet, or should I continue?

What about rich people who didn’t use to be rich, or prefer the small fish because they aren’t used to the big fish, don’t like them, or are too lazy to go out of their way to get big fish?

Obesity isn’t a problem, it’s the result of a problem. Fat people should absolutely not be shamed. They shouldn’t be victim to jokes, and shouldn’t be afraid to be fat. In fact, someone who’s fat because they eat large amounts of “big fish” (healthy and nutrient dense foods) are far less likely to get heart disease than a skinny person who, when they do eat, eat small amounts of the little fish. Obesity isn’t a problem, at least, not all obesity.

See, there are two different types of accumulating weight:

gaining weight by eating healthy foods often, drinking fresh water, and exercising moderately (not exercising extremely to the point of being underweight, which has been shown to be very stressful on the body. You’re not supposed to use all of the calories you consume, you need to save some for your body to be able to think and sleep properly.)

And gaining weight because you have no other choice. You have to eat. You have to eat, and because the only thing you can eat is cheaply mass produced foods that have high amounts of energy but low amounts of materials, your body stores the energy it doesn’t need, and desperately soaks up any nutrition it can get. And not only is it cheap and easy to afford, it’s also easy to eat and easy to digest, which makes it addictive.

The human brain is lazy, and so is the human body. The body doesn’t want to work hard for nutrients and energy. In fact, it’s designed to do it by expending the least amount of energy possible. So these foods, which are the only foods you can afford anyways, are easy to process. Easy to digest. Easy, easy, easy. Your brain likes easy. Your brain likes the word and concept of easy very much. Fast food is very addictive this way, and so are most of the cheap foods that aren’t from a restaurant but from a grocery store. Cereals, chips, bread, pasta, ice cream. All of these things are easy to digest. Which makes them very appealing, and very addictive.

And so a lot of people that have “problems” with their weight don’t understand that it’s not bad to be fat. It’s bad to be malnourished.

Your brain needs materials to survive and think and work properly. A prison study showed that when supplements that provide the proper vitamins and minerals that they need along side of their unhealthy prison food reduced violence by a whopping 39%. But that’s not the only report of proper nutrition reducing emotional instability.

The fast food industry is predatory. It takes all of the things that your brain is designed to love, and enhances them. Which causes enhanced reactions. Have you ever felt your mouth water at the thought of a deep fried chicken strip with cheese sauce and msg, and then moaned when you bit into it? It’s designed to be addictive, and a lot of fast food companies and even regular food companies like grocery stores add sugar and msg to everything. In case you don’t know what msg is, it’s a chemical that’s made up of all of the things that our brains love. It’s not harmful, but it’s very, very delicious, and very, very addictive. Hell, msg is in the official KFC secret recipe.

“Colonel's secret blend of herbs and spices? It came very close, yet something was still missing. That's when a reporter grabbed a small container of the MSG flavor-enhancer Accent (how did that get in the test kitchen?) and sprinkled it on a piece of the fried chicken. That did the trick. Our chicken was virtually indistinguishable from the batch bought at KFC. (Does KFC add MSG? A KFC spokesperson confirms that it does use it in the Original Recipe chicken.)”

And the kicker? It’s not even unhealthy to be fat. It’s just unhealthy to consume products that have high energy (calories) but low building materials (vitamins, minerals, healthy fats). In fact, a lot of perfectly healthy people constantly work out to exhaustion and eat as little as possible to avoid being fat, when the fact of the matter is, that having a bit of a tummy, thighs, and hips, (for both men and women!) Is not only healthy, but we’re designed to be in that state. That’s why people keep gaining back weight time after time, diet after diet.

Because some people? Are designed to more aggressively store body fat than others, regardless of diet or exercise. I know people that could eat an entire barn full of cows and still not have a single inch of fat on them, and I also know a lot of my fat friends don’t binge eat. They don’t eat fast food constantly, and they don’t have a lazy or unhealthy lifestyle. They’re fat, because they’re supposed to be. That’s what they’re designed to be.

Let me repeat: being fat isn’t bad for you, unhealthy food is. You can acumulate fat, and still be healthy. Fat doesn’t NOT mean unhealthy, under any circumstances. And in fact, fat people often go on to lead normal, productive lives. My teacher, for instance, is fat. But she’s also a math genius that use to work for the National Nuclear Security Administration as an Engineer until she came back to teach in her hometown. And she was fat.

To be honest, weight has zero to do with what you can accomplish. Nutrition, sleep, water, and a healthy mindset that comes from good coping mechanisms and therapy does. And the fact that poor people don’t have access to.. most of these? Is the cherry on the cake. Making us unable to think is the first step in us being complacent. The government not providing proper mental and physical care, and also not providing good and healthy food/supplements, combined with the negative stigma around being overweight, is a system designed not to hurt just the fat: but to hurt the poor.

#shut up bubbz #please reblog you can't tag posts with links #they don't show up in the tags #ill tag anyways #fat shaming #fat positivity #fat #overweight #obesity #health #anorexia blogs don't fucking touch my post or bastardize it for your needs

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claihn · 5 years

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Character Info: A’kini Khotan

Full Name: A’kini Khotan

Pronunciation: Ah-kin-ee Ko-tan Nicknames: Kini, Little Bur

Height: 4′8″ Age: 21 Zodiac: Pisces, Thaliak Languages: Common

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

Hair Colour: Light blonde with strawberry hues towards the tips. Eye Colour: N/A due to her injury Skin Tone: A healthy pale Body Type: Petite, slim Accent: She has a noticeable accent associated with Seeker tones, but without the hissing. Dominant Hand: Left hand. Posture: Extremely poised and attentive in the presence of those who are commanding, although when she is in a more relaxed state she tends to let her shoulders drop and wiggles quite a bit. It’s not uncommon for her head to be canted a little towards her left for better hearing. While her left ear is usually more angled towards noise, her right ear often displays or gives inklings to her feelings in combination with her tail. Scars: A long vertical scar over her right eye which is thin but noticeable and a short, horizontal scar that is deeper and a little jagged near her right cheek. She has a few tiny scars around her ankles too. Tattoos: None

CHILDHOOD.

Place of Birth: An island near the Rothlyt Sound, east of the Black Shroud Hometown: Same as place of birth, which was a small tribal community. Birth Weight / Height: 5 pz 2 oz & 16 im Manner of Birth: Short but intensive with magical assistance. First Words: “Yes!” Siblings: Older brother, A’khato Tia Parents: Father, A’khotan Nuhn - Alive, Mother, A’Ishka Kihta Parental Involvement: The small tribe together considers everyone part of the family and therefore most of Kini’s upbringing was from her mother and those within the tribe. She had minimal contact with her father and most of her time was spent being taught how to best support her brother, A’khato. Due to her lack of strength and weaknesses, she was pushed to serve and work hard to make up for the time spent making her useful. Most of her later life was spent with A’khato.

ADULT LIFE

Occupation: Unemployed / Working whatever jobs she can at the moment. Considers herself “support” or a “helper” if anyone asks what she does the most, while being a bit clueless to the wider variances of Eorzean culture. Current Residence: She is currently staying in room provided by a friend’s organization in Shirogane. Close Friends: Due to Kini’s inexperience and bad past experiences, she is reluctant to truly consider anyone a close friend. Although deep down, she earnestly wants to trust and make close connections. Relationship Status: Single Financial Status: Dirt poor and oblivious. Driver’s License: Kini would have problems seeing over the wheel. Vices: Biscotti, helping anyone with anything, collecting ribbons, doing what her brother says

SEX & ROMANCE.

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Romantic Orientation: Biromantic Preferred Emotional Role: submissive | dominant | switch | unsure Preferred Sexual Role: submissive | dominant | switch | sex repulsed Libido: Moderate, although she’s not very in tune with her personal wants or desires. She prefers to reciprocate whatever she believes or reads that her partner wants instead. Turn Ons: Strength, confidence, intelligence, cunning eyes, decisive, intensity, kindness, compassion (she likes these things but doesn’t really realize it since the later have been hammered as more important.) Turn Offs: Weak, cowardly, too “soft” (as her brother would put it,) bad breath, pranks Love Language: Devotion (sometimes in an unhealthy way) Relationship Tendencies: Kini works hard, perhaps too hard, to please others and thrives when she feels she’s fulfilling a need of any sort. She enjoys following direction and pleasing her partner, because it gives her a focus. She has been trained to suppress her own wants and such history can make unraveling her needs a bit of a personal puzzle and possibly frustrating for those less inclined to bathe in her attentions.

MISCELLANEOUS.

Hobbies to Pass the Time: Practicing her magic, helping/meeting new people, collecting and enchanting ribbons, doing odd jobs for gil, humming music Mental Disorders: Dependent Personality Disorder (to some degree) Physical Illnesses/Disabilities: Deafness in right ear, Blind Left or Right Brained: Right brained Fears: Being useless, A’khato deeming her “trash”, being alone, getting lost for too long Self Confidence Level: She is confident in what she knows she’s good at it (supporting magic, following directions, etc) but otherwise does not have the best confidence in other facets. She accepts her weaknesses and strengths in a very matter-of-fact way. Vulnerabilities: Her brother is someone she is both terrified of and idolizes and any connections or dealings towards him can send her reeling. Kini is both gullible but also to some degree simply uncaring of possible consequences when it comes to assisting others. She is easily swayed and thrives off of praise, discipline or acceptance. Kini’s bangle around her ankle with a tiny bell attached is an extremely sensitive topic to her and she feels very distressed if anyone attempts to remove or fiddle with it. She is also lacking broader knowledge of the outside world at this time and is apt to simply believe what others tell her at face value until she learns otherwise. There are more, but these help paint the best picture.

[[ Other Characters: Kincaid’s Info || Mana’s Info ]]

#kini #drabble #a'kini khotan #candlelight #this was fun to do for her too!#huzzah for misguided characters

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demonicfrustration · 5 years

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Both! 🙊⧱🤳🙈🍰😰💚🚫🛌✍️🎒🙅‍♂️👾🙉 // it's just all of them fshdjfsd I,, curious

what would my muse say their biggest flaw is

Vee: Probably his physical limitations. He's very critical of himself in that regard and will try to hold himself to a higher physical standard than he can actually achieve. He comes from a family full of strong, powerful men and he looks at himself and sees failure whether it's his fault or not.

Nero: His impulsive behavior. Nero is an act first think later kind of guy and it gets him in to trouble often. He knows it, but he's pretty bad at keeping it under control.

what really is my muse’s biggest flaw

Vee: His pride! Like I mentioned, he holds himself to impossible standards. Not only that, but he can be arrogant and self involved because of it.

Nero: Honestly? I think he's right on the nose. His impulsivity and anger management are his biggest flaws.

name three physical imperfections my muse has (birthmarks, gray hairs, muscular definition, etc)

Vee: Full body arthritis? Prematurely grey. Underweight.

Nero: Missing limb. Prematurely grey. Heavy scarring along his arm and other scars along his body from getting into fights.

what’s my muse’s biggest blind spot?

I think I understand this question but I'm not too sure. I'll do my best!

Vee: He talks to strangers often like he's above them and will take things they say as a lesser opinion.

Nero: He approaches conversations like it might escalate to a disagreement or conflict, so he's constantly getting himself ready to fight.

what’s my muse’s guilty pleasure?

Vee: Trashy romance novels. Like the really badly written erotica for middle aged moms??? But specifically the science fiction/supernatural kind. Like big buff monster boyfriends GBXHCZdvxhvhj

Nero: RomComs! He'll complain up and down if you want to watch anything but action or stupid comedies, but he really really likes RomComs. The Proposal? 50 First Dates? He'll get more into it than hid partner.

when my muse is stressed, how do they act out?

Vee: Isolation or irritation. He'll either close himself off and try to drown himself in work until he's sick or he'll get sharp and snippy. The best thing to do when he's stressed is to give him moderate, supervised space. If you keep an eye on him and make sure he's getting what he needs, he'll shake himself out of it.

Nero: Getting real mad. He knows he has anger issues and he'll do his best to not take it out on people, but sometimes he slips. He'll yell or stomp or break *his* own things. Best thing for him is to send him to the gym for a few hours to work it out.

what does my muse get envious over?

Vee: A lot, there's a reason I like putting him in green and gold. If he was a deadly sin he'd be envy. Usually he's envious over attention because of the way he grew up. He wants to be loved and he wants it to be unconditional.

Nero: Nero isn't too envious of a guy! Sometimes he'll see kids with good parental relationships and feel a little bitter, but honestly he's pretty content with what he has.

what is one thing my muse wouldn’t want someone else to know about them?

Vee: His mental instability and traumas. He doesn't share that sort of thing with people unless he trusts them completely. And because it's such a big part of him, he only has a few people he's very close to. He's very solitary because of it.

Nero: Anything about his biological father, honestly. He won't tell them anything about Vergil unless it's absolutely necessary.

my muse’s biggest nightmare

Vee: An early, young death and leaving behind no legacy at all.

Nero: Losing his family! He's a very very family oriented man. Not being able to protect them would rip his heart out.

does my muse have a learning disability?

Vee: Nope.

Nero: ADHD. He had straight C's through high school.

what was my muse’s worst subject in school?

Vee: Mathematics, any kind. He and numbers do not get along very well and it's an insecurity of his. He breezed through nearly everything else and to be bad at that makes him feel like he's failed.

Nero: History! He's just not that interested in it. He used to fall asleep frequently in his government class and managed a few detentions because of it

what does my muse feel insecure about?

Vee: His physical limitations.

Nero: Since getting his arm amputated, he's developed dysmorphia over his body. It's not something he'd do anything about, but he just.. feels incomplete.

what was my muse’s childhood bogeyman?

Vee: He didn't really have one! He was the kid who was ready to fight the monsters under his bed with his bare hands. If anything, he was more afraid of his father than any bogeyman.

Nero: It wasn't really specific! Like normal kids he was wary of the dark and had a nightlight for a little while.

what are two things that make my muse uncomfortable in conversation

Vee: Critique? Any sort of mention of what he wants for the future.

Nero: Flirting! Unless he likes you romantically and even then he'll get EXTREMELY flustered. Also just sex in general, he is NOT the friend you talk about your sex life with.

#about: nero #about: v #they!!!!

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sophygurl · 5 years

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WisCon 43 panel Mental Illness in SFF

Speculative fiction is fruitful grounds for stereotypes and tropes related to mental illness. We have mad scientists on the one hand and mad gods on the other. We have robots representing one kind of neurodivergency in the science realm and the fae or fae-touched doing similar in fantasy worlds. We have creatures that feed on sanity and medications that cure mental illnesses, and the drugs or plants that cause them. What's going on with mental illness in SFF genres? When are these depictions and metaphors helpful and which ones are just plain harmful?

Moderator: Jason Finn. Panelists: Ira Alexandre, Kristy Eagar, Clara Cecilia Abnet Holden, Kiersty Lemon-Rogers. [also Autumn was added to the panel - I didn’t catch if she wanted to be known beyond her first name however] [additionally, a member of the audience named Cassie eventually joined the panel as well, but I wasn’t able to catch anything beyond her first name]

Disclaimers: These are only the notes I was personally able to jot down on paper during the panel. I absolutely did not get everything, and may even have some things wrong. Corrections by panelists or other audience members always welcome. I name the mod and panelists because they are publicly listed, but will remove/change names if asked. I do not name audience members unless specifically asked by them to be named. If I mix up a pronouns or name spelling or anything else, please tell me and I’ll fix it!

Notes:

Kristy introduced herself by saying “I like to say I’m seven kinds of crazy” - she has a wide array of mental illnesses/neurodivergency.

Ira said they are “also seven kinds of crazy”, specifically mentioned Bipolar II, autism, and ADHD.

Kiersty said she’s liking the term “mentally weird” for herself, that not everything is officially diagnosed “for reasons”, and that she likes to see people like herself in fiction.

Clara said she also likes the “seven kinds of crazy” and mentioned OCD, GAD, autism, and severe depression. She gets excited to see characters even close to being like her.

Autumn said she finished her master’s degree in counseling and also holds multiple diagnoses. She writes “queer mental illness trash romance”, and has created the games Player 2 and Self Interview.

Autumn also said she wanted to hold space for people who don’t like the word crazy, for whom it’s not something they’re reclaiming.

Jason said he has a family history of mental illness. He started the panelists off asking about representation that they have feelings about.

Ira said they wrote about the Vorkosigan Saga with a focus on Miles, who is more known for his physical differences but who is also neurodivergent. Miles is also a vet with PTSD - which is not handled very well in the story. There is another character who has PTSD who gets the help that he needs, however.

Ira also likes Murderbot (I’m guessing by a quick search this means The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells), as well as Chidi from The Good Place. The fork in the garbage disposal line really speaks to them.

Kristy also loves and relates to Chidi. She noted that there is no therapeutic help available in the afterlife. She also talked about the show Monk - the detective with OCD. Monk often described his OCD as being both a blessing and a curse. Monk made her feel seen, however she felt depressed at the end of each episode. She noted that his OCD gave him a sort of superpower where hers did not. Instead of framing it in terms of blessing and curse, and feeling like she only has the curse, she likes to think of it as neither - it just is.

Clara talked about characters like Monk where the superpower is just that the see the world differently.

Kristy also talked about how most of us don’t have a personal assistance to come around and help us interface with the world.

Clara added that other shows do this, as well - Sherlock, House, The Good Doctor. There is an exceptional cis white male with an ability that is valued enough that his inability to interface with the world on his own is seen as okay.

Autumn said she is sensitive to characters being read as autistic but the story doesn’t tell us that they are. Example was a Canadian show, Strange Empire.

Autumn also talked about Jacqueline Koyanagi’s Ascension - the main character is both physically and mentally disabled. Strong rec. [I agree!!]

Kiersty mentioned Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson series as being decent rep for someone with ADHD as a sort of superpower. Also An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon reads as neurodivergent.

Kiersty added an example that was not well done, which I didn’t catch the name of. She loves the work but the representation was bad. Another work I didn’t catch the name of [ugh my handwriting] has tokenization. The queer mentally ill character has psychopathy and is treated unkindly within the story. This was the focus of Kiersty’s graduate work - it can be hard for her to analyze critically because she loves and respects the author overall, but there are serious issues here.

Ira went back to the idea of the helper character (like for Monk, Sherlock, etc.) - there are labor issues here as well. These helpers are paid for their work to make the character more palatable to the world. Sometimes the exceptional genius character gets taught how to treat others kindly along the way.

Kristy said this is a classic trope in the detective genre - the neurodivergent genuis detective and the person who explains what they mean to the rest of the world. Nero Wolf is another example of this - being a massive genius somehow entitles these men to treat others poorly.

Kristy talked about The Good Doctor as a combination of good and bad representation. Often, another doctor or nurse or even patient will explain things to or for the main character, which can lead to the idea that he is unable to learn these things on his own. One episode had the example of “I can’t be racist, I’m disabled!” which is a very bad take.

Kristy noted that the interfacer is also the one who is seen as having the “burden” of being in relationship with the person with the mental illness.

Ira talked about Murderbot - the first book at least was a positive example - that it’s okay to interact with people differently instead of trying to correct how you naturally relate to people. It’s a more adaptive relationship,

Kiersty talked about Data in Star Trek and the whole “I just want to be human” trope. When that type of character is coded as neuroatypical, it can be problematic. Kiersty will fight anyone who questions Data’s personhood. She relates to him very strongly.

Kiersty also talked about Deanna and how she would tell Data that he does have emotions - he just expresses them differently. He didn’t need to have an emotion chip or whatever. He already had connections and relationships with others, even if they looked different.

Autumn talked about Kingpin in Daredevil as a possibly divisive example because he’s a villain. But his villainy was not related to his autism. They both just existed. This is also an example where the translator character is a man and also paid for his services, so it is not unpaid labor. And Kingpin’s romantic interest, Vanessa, accepts him as he is.

Clara added “Kingpin is definitely not a good person, but I love him.” She also agreed his character was handled well and is over the common trope of mental illness being the reason for the villainy.

Clara talked about how so many villains are characters with anti-social personality disorders - the all villains are psychopaths trope. Then there is Sherlock who said in the first episode that he was a sociopath but no, he wasn’t, and portraying him that way is a problem. Rec’s the book and film I Am Not a Serial Killer - good depiction of someone with anti-social PD who is not a villain and not violent and who gets a diagnosis and therapy.

Ira said, in regards to villains, mental illness as a driving force for the plot becomes the reason for their villainy. There is a fascination in pop culture for the display of a villain’s psyche’s in a way that there isn’t for other types of characters.

Kristy talked about the debates between psychopathy and sociopathy. With the Sherlock thing that Clara mentioned - Kristy thought it was plausible because of the spectrum of disconnect in emotions involved. There is a problem in portraying all psychopaths as serial killers - many are CEO’s, accountants, soccer mom’s, etc. There are positives - the emotional disconnect can make someone with psychopathy good at hiring and firing people, for example.

Clara said that she likes depictions where anti-social characters can be helpful and useful.

Autumn spent the past year working with people with anti-social PD - people who require full time care. Incarcerated people tend to have it as a diagnosis but it’s not always a good diagnosis because part of the diagnostic criteria includes “criminal behavior.” The context of criminal behavior is not always taken into consideration.

Autumn said that the people she worked with had empathy but their feelings of guilt were so overwhelming that they melted down when they tried to tune into them. The problem is that this disconnect becomes habituated - it becomes a refusal to take responsibility for their actions at all because they can’t let the feelings in.

Jason asked the panelists to talk about depictions of therapy. This was Deanna’s whole job. He is unhappy with Barclay’s treatment in the series a lot of the time.

Ira commented that there are too few space therapists. In fantasy - therapists usually have another role in addition to the therapy.

Autumn talked more about Deanna as a professional empath. In seasons 6 and 7, the show started portraying therapy more realistically - the way therapy actually happened during the time the series originally aired. Autumn also added that Dax was unqualified for the role as councilor on DS9.

Kristy talked about therapy in speculative fiction sometimes being specifically therapy. Then there is Guinan in The Next Generation who did a lot of unpaid labor as a therapist for everybody, exemplifying the magical black woman trope as well. There are a couple of episodes focused on her character and her feelings, but not a lot.

Kristy is also interested in the idea of the holodeck being used as therapy. Also, in fantasy novels, the priest often plays the role of therapist. It’s worth asking who is doing the labor and who is getting paid for the labor and who is benefiting from the labor, especially through lenses of race and gender.

Ira talked some about the movement of getting therapy from your own demographic (for example, black and queer therapists treating their own people), and how that could be an interesting concept to explore in spec. fic.

An audience member talked about the white cis male frame that mental illness is often looked at through in fiction. As a counter example, brought up Nnedi Okorafor’s Binti and Akata Witch, as well as Andrea Hairston’s Will Do Magic for Small Change - which delve into black and brown ideas of not being allowed to feel and the harm that therapy can do. Horror, as a genre, looks at this sometimes, too.

Autumn said the issue is complex - the thing about therapy with someone who shares your demographic can work because the most important thing in success of therapy is a shared rapport, and often that can be found with people you share things with.

Autumn also shared that in real life, schizophrenia cuts equally across the population, but diagnostically that doesn’t show. Black and brown people have more distrust of authority for obvious reasons, and that can be viewed as mental illness. Similarly, Russia used anti-psychotics on people who didn’t trust the state - but they had good reason not to have that trust.

Kristy noted that the panel is all white and that this is a problem. An audience member began asking the panelists questions in regards to race, and was asked if she wanted to join the panel to speak on that and she did (everyone applauded - this felt very needed, although the panelists were doing their best to address the issues).

The audience member introduced herself as Cassie, and this was her first WisCon - she said this kind of thing happens to her a lot because being at cons sparks her hypomania.

Cassie talked about the TV show Insecure where one of the black main characters is seen in therapy with a black therapist and how amazing that is.

She also talked about the issue of black people being scared of being shot at by police and that getting a diagnosis of delusion slapped on them, but this is a very realistic fear. Also - black expression of depression is often anger.

As far as people with anti-social PD, the white ones tend to end up as CEO’s, the black ones end up in prison.

Cassie rec’d Binti as well and talked about the depiction of PTSD, isolation from one’s own community. The character does see a therapist, but there is so much misunderstanding due to cultural differences. There are access issues around therapy - both in real life and in SFF.

Clara talked about strict and narrow depictions of “otherness” in fiction and how we can only have one margliazation in a character. As if it’s unrealistic for someone to be both black and mentally ill.

An audience member commented - “I guess cishet white men have no trouble empathizing with others.”

Kristy talked about Shonda Rhimes shows, specifically How To Get Away With Murder has a bisexual black woman with mental illness as a main character.

Kristy also mentioned Hannibal - “I love relationships where the therapist ends up eating their patient, or vice versa.”

“If you love cannibalism and mental illness....”

Jason - and we’re out of time and have to end it there. [lol]

[So. This was a really good and really interesting panel for a lot of reasons, but I’m left feeling a little frustrated about the focus of it, only because well - I wrote this one up too and was thinking about it specifically touching on ways that SF and fantasy use the tropes of their genres to portray mental illness and when those are used well or poorly. The panel did a little bit of that, but it feels like it veered off a lot into other genres, discussing mental illnesses in general, and even when focused on SFF - it was more listing off works and what they did vs. exploring the idea of SFF tropes specifically in regards to mental illness. But perhaps I need to narrow the focus of the panel description more if that’s the panel I want to see? IDK. It really was interesting and I liked how they just invited the audience member to the panel mid-way through to gain her perspective. Also some cool recs!]

#wiscon #wiscon 43 #mental illness in sff #mental illness #mental illness representation

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painandinjury · 3 years

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The 30 Day Pain Relief Challenge Kick Off

It’s 2021 and time to kick off the 30 Day Pain Relief Challenge!

But first I want to acknowledge what’s on everyone’s mind.

2020 began with an unexpected crisis, the COVID-19 pandemic. A new corona virus strain emerged; highly contagious and deadly for certain individuals, and for which there was no vaccine. As of this writing, over 85 million people worldwide have contracted the virus, with 1.85 million dying from it. The United States is being hit the hardest, with 20.8 million cases and 352,000 dead. The numbers are expected to spike following the holiday season, thanks to many people choosing to get together in large groups and ignoring the risk. So please, remain extra vigilant the next two weeks because chances are, there are more viruses around you than there were a month ago, ready to find a new host.

As we navigate through COVID-19 in 2021, life must still go on. I know many have been hurt economically, and their number-one priority is to find a way to get back on their feet. It is not an easy thing to do, especially if you lost your job and the life skills you possess are in an industry that has been permanently impacted by the pandemic. If this describes your situation, I sincerely hope you find a way to re-position or re-invent yourself, to get back to earning a living.

While COVID-19 dominates the news and peoples’ attention, we must not lose focus on the many other challenges life presents that also need our attention. How would you rate your health at the start of the new year? How about your energy levels and endurance?

Quarantining and social distancing have a way of discouraging exercising and promoting over-eating, a terrible combination to health. When one is restricted from going outside and going to a gym (although a gym is not necessary for staying fit, but I digress…) and constantly bombarded by news of doom and gloom, the tendency is to stay home, surf the web, and eat, more than you typically do (what else is there to do in such a scenario?). And for many, the choice is high-calorie comfort food. This can lead to unwanted weight gain, muscle atrophy, joint pain, and so on.

If you are not feeling 100%, then I encourage you to open all the emails I’ll be sending over the next 30 days—the 30 Day Pain Relief Challenge is about to kick off, and email is how it will be executed.

And what exactly is the challenge? It’s about challenging yourself to get out of your comfort zone and do all the things I will suggest in the coming days so that you can get out of pain, or significantly knock it down to levels you haven’t experienced in a long time.

The other reward may be that you will lose 10 pounds or more; will have more energy, and will notice that your mind/ thinking is clearer. This is because the methods I’ll go over target your body and all its systems; not just the area of pain. It is wholistic.

But first let me explain how you will be measuring your results. After all, pain is subjective. You need some kind of tool to quantify your improvement, so read on.

Pain, aches, discomfort or whatever you want to call it affects your health. There is mental health and physical health; both important to happiness in different ways. Your physical and mental health are impacted, even just a little and perhaps unnoticeable to you, if you have chronic pain/aches/discomfort. Less-than-optimal physical and mental health impacts quality of life. Quality of life in this sense refers to your ability to physically do what you need or want to do; whether it be your job; recreational activity such as playing golf or swimming; or activities of daily living; i.e. taking care of yourself and your personal needs.

Why You Might Have a Disability if You Have Pain

If you live with chronic pain, you likely have some degree of disability.

“Me disabled?” you might be thinking. “No way!”

The word “disability” is often misconstrued. Disability doesn’t necessarily mean “disabled” and in a wheel chair. It simply means not being able to perform a certain task without some degree of difficulty or impediment; or not being able to do it at all.

Doctors (medical examiners) who issue disability certificates or write medical-legal reports are tasked to determine the degree to which someone is disabled. Their findings determine the patient’s disability compensation from the insurance company or government agency. They use observation, physical exam procedures, diagnostic tests like X-rays and nerve conduction; and instruments to measure strength, pain perception, reflexes, coordination, and range of motion. Any deficiency is expressed as a percent disabled, and there are laws that define levels of disability.

For example, in the insurance industry, the loss of both eyes, or the loss of two limbs equates to “100% disability.” Not being able to maintain a tight grip could be rated as 20% disability if the person’s occupation requires power gripping machinery.

Disability can also be subjectively quantified using Disability questionnaires where the patient rates his/ her ability to perform certain tasks on a scale of zero to some number; and the level of pain. In some questionnaires, the zero rating means you have zero difficulty doing the task (best score), while in others the zero rating means you cannot do the task at all (worst score).

For example, the following is one section of the Oswestry Low Back Pain Disability Questionnaire. Imagine having low back pain and rating yourself (0 to 5) on your ability to lift things:

LIFTING:

0 – I can lift heavy weights without extra pain

1 – I can lift heavy weights but it gives extra pain

2 – Pain prevents me from lifting heavy weights off the floor, but I can manage if they are conveniently positioned, i.e. on a table

3 – Pain prevents me from lifting heavy weights, but I can manage light to medium weights if they are conveniently positioned

4 – I can lift very light weights

5 – I cannot lift or carry anything at all

When rating yourself, you must try to be as objective as possible—don’t over rate your ability; nor under rate it. Give each question some thought.

Then, you add up the numbers, divide it by the total number of points and multiply by 100 to get a percentage score.

If the zero rating is assigned to “full ability to do the task” (like the Oswestry above), then the score is interpreted as “percent disabled.” So, an individual with no low back disability whatsoever will score zero out of 50 and his rating will therefore be zero percent disabled; i.e. 100% functional. If his score is 30, then 30/50 x (100) = 60% disabled.

Below is an example of an Oswestry Low Back Pain Disability Questionnaire completely filled out:

In the above example, the total points out of all ten questions is 19, which is considered a Moderate disability, out of No, Mild, Moderate, Severe and Total Disability. In this case, 19/50 x 100 = 38% disabled due to low back pain. Now this person has a baseline for his condition, and can set goals to lower it each time; perhaps to 20% after a month, then 10% after three months of therapy.

If the zero rating is instead assigned to “no ability to do the task,” the score is interpreted as “percent functional.” This is how the Upper and Lower Extremity Disability questionnaires are designed. So a score of zero in this case means zero percent functional (totally disabled), and 30% means you are 30% functional (you lost 70% function in that limb).

Please note that Disability questionnaires are used as tools to quantify and set baselines for pain and functional capacity; your scores do not officially establish any disability you may have, they simply provide a more tangible interpretation of pain.

Quantifying pain/disability, even if subjective, gives you a sense of how significant it is; i.e. how much it affects your life. Secondly, it can be used as a tool to measure your improvement over time, after doing some therapy and/or rehabilitation (strength and coordination exercises). This lets you know if what you did works for your condition, and therefore, whether to continue or discontinue it.

For example, if your baseline Oswestry score was 60%, and you were prescribed some McKenzie exercises for one week and a follow- up score was 40%, it suggests that those exercises improved your condition and you should continue or progress to the next level. If it was 60% or higher, you should discontinue the exercises and try another approach.

You don’t have to see a doctor to use Disability questionnaires to subjectively assess your disability. They are fairly straightforward to use and you can download the forms from the internet (see below; I’ve done it for you).

Determine Your Pain/Disability Baseline

If you have low back pain, neck pain, shoulder pain, or lower or upper limb pain then I suggest monitoring your condition using the appropriate disability questionnaire. If you are getting therapy, your doctor should be having you fill these forms (or something similar) out each visit and going over the results with you. It’s substandard care if you don’t know if the therapy you are getting or exercises you are doing is helping; these questionnaires will prompt you to think about the change or lack of change in your functional capacity, and will help you assess your care so that you can take appropriate action.

Below you will find forms to assess any musculoskeletal pain you are having. If you wish to participate in the 30 Day Pain Relief Challenge, print out the appropriate disability questionnaire; rate your abilities as objectively as you can and calculate your score; set it aside, and be ready to fill out a new questionnaire after 30 days of diligently doing the things I will cover over the next 30 days.

My goal is for participants to experience at least a 50% improvement in their pain/ disability scores. If you have any friends who might be interested in participating, please refer them to my site, https://PainandInjuryDoctor.com and have them enter their email in the opt in form.

#Musculoskeletal disorders #Musculoskeletal pain #PainandInjuryDoctor #Low Back Pain #Muscle Pain

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itsjustwhatfeelsrightmobile · 6 years

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Rules

HEAD’S UP:

To all of my “loyal followers”: I know you may feel familiar with my rules, but please skim them on every blog you follow. In particular, you will need to scroll down and read everything below the “Guilt-Free Icons” section as they change for each blog. Everything else, yes, will stay the same. Thank you for your time and thank you for following so many of my blogs!

LAST RULE UPDATE: July 16, 2018

Mun

General

My name is Kymani, but most people call me “Kaichu”, “Kai”, or “Ky”. Go with whichever you like! Please note, however, that I will only sign my blogs and asks with "Ky" or the occasional "Kaichu" so as not to be confused with the many 'Kai' users in the world. So if you ever see someone claim to be me while using that spelling... they a lie, fam.

I use she/her pronouns and am a cis female so feel free to correct me if I make any -phobic booboos.

Mun is over 25. I’m happy to share my real age, but not so much to update this with every birthday.

My discord is (not very) selectively available to mutuals. If you choose not to exchange this with me, this is more than fine; please just be aware that I blog hop very inconsistently so I may be hard to reach.

Mun faceclaims are Raichu, Marina (Splatoon 2), Iridessa, and occasionally Kagome Higurashi.

You can find links to all of my other active characters on my mun page.

Health

I have several physical and mental disabilities. These include, but are not limited to, Sickle Cell Anemia, Asthma, Depression, Anxiety, and moderate OCD.

Note that there are some things that will trigger my OCD and therefore I will often choose not to follow you for or unfollow for. They include but are not limited to: uncut posts; icons that aren’t circles or squares (circles/squares with excessive decoration is FINE); using full-sized reaction images; and/or a general lack of organization on the blog. Most of these can be addressed, but I will never pressure a mun to change their style or format for me.

I will generally make or have someone make update posts informing you of my hospitalizations. Sometimes I forget, though. In any case, if I’ve made it clear that I am feeling unwell, do NOT hassle me for replies or an explanation of my situation. I will block people for this.

Be aware: I am a chronically ill person with many characters whose writing schedule is dictated by both her health and muse. I will forget things and disappear/reappear for weeks to even a month at a time from my blogs. As well, I may be very obviously selective/biased, so if this will upset you, my blogs are not for you.

Also note: it is not uncommon for me to unfollow and refollow people but this is not intentional. As I manage tens of blogs, it is easy to forget which blog people will follow me on. If you notice me doing this, feel free to message me and/or block that account.

Lastly, it is incredibly important to understand that due to the fact that I have been on opioids since I was a child, I have impaired memory. I can and will forget things we’ve discussed/written and I just ask for your patience and understanding on this.

I am open to answering questions regarding my health, but I expect you to both know the basics about the diseases and have read THIS PAGE before you approach me.

Last on this point but HUGELY important: please do not approach me with questions or jokes about how many muses I write. It's officially at the point where it's only okay or funny if I do it. Cause the thing is I know you mean it as a complement. I know you do. But the answer, for the record, to that question is this: "The cold hard fact is that I'm no longer healthy enough to attend school or work. So I am at home all day every day with the time (if I am well) to run as many muses as I please and it may be the only thing keeping me sane." So please, just don't make the joke. I'll joke along with you, I'll try not to make you as sad as you just made me, but it makes me really sad to think about and I have to stop pretending it doesn't.

Personals

Do:

Go ahead and follow! I don’t mind as long as you follow the rules. (Breaking them consistently enough to notice will lead to a block though.)

Like RPs if you like them. (But try to make sure my partner’s okay with that, too!)

Send in memes and questions; just don’t expect them to turn into a thread or anything.

Tell me if you’re following on behalf of a side RP blog cause I won’t check/know otherwise! (Only matters if you follow first.)

Don’t:

Reblog my promos.

Reblog my OOC posts.

Reblog my roleplays.

Following

This is a selective and private blog. This means I don’t follow everyone and I only RP with mutuals.

Please do not message me asking for an RP if we are not mutuals. I understand that you’re just reaching out, but it really makes me anxious and I will feel extremely guilty. Therefore, all messages of this kind will be deleted. Repeated attempts will lead to a block.

I will not follow blogs without a rules page. Very very rare exceptions are made for blogs that I know for fact are mobile-only. I am slightly more lenient when it comes to about pages, but only if there is significant writing on the blog for me to read through instead.

I am OC and selectively crossover friendly.

I’m cool with multimuse blogs as long as your muses each have an about page for me to read over. I won’t be making exceptions here simply because I find it impractical to go through the blog and look for writing for each specific muse I want to interact with.

I may several weeks to follow back. This may be due to illness or just not noticing because of how many blogs I run.

I eventually unfollow mutual-only blogs who have not followed me back. This is simply because I like to know I can RP with those on my dash and nothing more.

I do not follow blogs that exclusively use real-life faceclaims (rlfc). I will also not RP with rlfc, so if you have a verse that only uses a rlfc, I won’t RP with it. Please note that this applies to people roleplaying live-action characters, as well. Thanks for understanding.

Interaction & Replies

I am EXTREMELY selective about roleplaying with muns under the age of eighteen. Trying to deceive me about your age will lead to a BLOCK.

I am open to using messaging for OOC interaction at all times. IC interactions must be agreed upon beforehand.

All of my open starters and starter calls are for mutuals only unless otherwise stated. Repeated offenses for non-mutuals liking my starter calls will lead to a block.

I go through my thread tracker whenever my total thread count across all accounts exceeds 11O. I will try to message my partners about threads I drop but understand that I may not always have the energy to do so. You are always welcome to ask about the status of our threads so long as you remain polite and tactful.

Shipping

My blogs will always be multiship.

With that said, I’m almost always a ship-exclusive kind of girl. That means I’ll ship with one version of each character.

I like my ships to develop naturally, so even if it seems like I prioritize friends, know that you can always shoot me an ask and as long as it’s not a notp I’m always open to tossing the characters at each other and giving it a shot.

There are two exceptions to ship exclusivity for me: 1) i’ve decided to do one ship per verse and therefore duplicates are fine or 2) i’m playing a character with a canon ship.

Tags & Triggers

My blogs are never spoiler-free. For TV-show based blogs, the most recent episode aired in its native language will be tagged as a spoiler until the next episode airs. For games, I tag and try to readmore spoilers for a few months. Threads themselves may or may not be tagged if the line is sort of blurry. Always, therefore, read with caution.

I am blocking the tag #Ky Don’t Look/#Ky Dont Look for phobias related to penises, water, and a few other things. It is imperative that you read over my BLOCKED TAGS AND TRIGGERS for full details.

These triggers are often related to trauma and can give me panic attacks and/or depressive episodes. I will gently remind you a few times, but if it becomes a repeated issue, I will unfollow.

If you need anything special tagged or I’ve forgotten something, please let me know! I won’t bite.

NSFW & Smut

Many of my blogs will contain nsfw themes including but not limited to: themes of depression, violence, bullying, etc. These are rarely (if ever) tagged but can be by request.

Themes that are considered to be “trigger-heavy” will always have their own disclaimer.

Regarding smut: sometimes it’s difficult for me, sometimes it’s not. I can be extremely squeamish regarding the topic, so I’m very fickle when it comes to these threads. I ask, very simply, that partners who engage in these types of threads with me understand that I likely won’t finish these threads and that they do not push for replies on these. (Like, ever.) It will make me more self-conscious and, if I’m already panicking about a reply, it will only make it worse.

With that said, I would appreciate it if you didn’t baby me by disallowing me to write these threads. If it makes you personally uncomfortable to write them with me, that’s fine. But it has been deemed a safe and valuable practice by my counselor for me to continue to explore this subject so that, hopefully, I will become more and more comfortable with it. So when I’m interested in writing sexual nsfw, please don’t feel as though you need to shy away from me!

Aside from all of that, general rules apply: I won’t write sexual nsfw with anyone under the age of eighteen. (Although with that said, given my age, I tend to prefer my smut partners to be twenty-one and older. This is a soft rule, though, as my comfort with the partner outweighs a numerical value.) I also will not write any other kind of nsfw with anyone under the age of sixteen.

PS: when it comes to aged up characters, aged up x aged up is okay. aged up x canon adult is not. I am not the kind of person who will get all judgemental if you do it with other people, but I won’t personally engage in it. Understand though that I only consider it to be aging-up if the mun is aging their character beyond the natural progression of time. (So if Character A was 10 when they debuted but would have been 15 by the time they met Character B anyway I don't consider it to be aging-up.) For more of my opinion of the topic, please click here.

Activism & “Drama”

In this house, discussion about x-isms, x-phobias, and injustices as it relates to the roleplay community and/or the pokemon community is NOT considered drama and therefore it will NOT be tagged as such. HOWEVER:

While most of my blogs will NOT have a tag for it at all, should it come up, I will create an #activism tag for the blog. So yes, you will have a tag to block if you are genuinely discomforted by the conversation, but no, I will not conflate it with “drama”.

If you’re reading this on writtenbykaichu or a blog that features a dark-skinned person of color, please be aware that issues such as these are much more likely to be discussed.

Guilt-Free Icons

Yes, I am a mod at guiltfreeicons–Jerry Mod, to be exact.

I will, on very rare occasions, make posts regarding taking requests. Those posts are considered active for 48 hours after the ORIGINAL post was made.

If you need to ask a question about GFI, first read the rules. Then, try contacting us here. If that doesn’t work, contact us here. Most importantly:

Never ever I mean NEVER message me or any of the other mods regarding guiltfreeicons (or making icons for you on the side) on any of our personal or roleplay blogs. We WILL auto-block over this.

Miscellaneous

IMPORTANT: I am currently beta testing for rpthreadtracker.com. Because the beta website could be altered or lost at any time, I will try to backup my threads on the current version of the website. With that said, I will be focusing on using the Beta versions, so please click the [BETA] links first and alert me immediately if they give you any sort of trouble so I can update the trackermod. Thanks guys!

This blog will not RP with male gemsonas--no exceptions.

As a general rule, I am okay with gemlings as long as they are not directly related to Amethyst (daughter, sister, etc.)

I consider Amethyst's canon character development to be incredibly rushed, so on this blog you may feel as though I've knocked her back a few steps. This is so that I may work on her development at a fairer pace. (And yes, if you know me, it is also for the angst.)

Always always always plot out fight threads with me. We don't have to come up with things step-by-step ahead of time, but I expect to stay in contact with you throughout so that we can be on the same terms with where we're going and who's doing what.

Credits

Many of my Raichu base icons were gifted to me by thunderstonereject. If you would like access to these icons, you will need to ask them for their permission. Any public-use icons I have can be found at guiltfreeicons. All edits were made by me and are for my own personal use.

All Marina icons were made by me and are available to the public on guiltfreeicons. Edits, of course, are for and by me and not for public use.

All Iridessa icons were made by myself and Pebbles Mod and are available to the public on guiltfreeicons. All edits were made by me and are for my own personal use.

Credits for Kagome Higurashi base icons can be found here. All edits were made by me and are for my own personal use.

Amethyst Art & Icon credits can be found here.

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perfectirishgifts · 3 years

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5 Surprising Facts Employers Need To Know About Depression, Disability, And Finding A Robot Therapist

New Post has been published on https://perfectirishgifts.com/5-surprising-facts-employers-need-to-know-about-depression-disability-and-finding-a-robot-therapist/

5 Surprising Facts Employers Need To Know About Depression, Disability, And Finding A Robot Therapist

“It’s so good to hear your voice.” “I was worried about you.” An AI chatbot by California-based … [] startup Replika is designed to be a companion for people needing a connection during a sharp rise in pandemic-related isolation and anxiety.

Have you thought about asking people with lived experience what would make a substantial difference in their lives when they’re battling stress, anxiety, depression or pain? Would you guess that lack of personal time or lack of access to a therapist is most detrimental to your employees mental health? In the coming year, I predict those questions will be keeping employers up at night. If your demeanor is as dry-eyed as the depiction of royalty in The Crown this season, don’t worry. Workers don’t actually want their boss or employers’ advice. It’s quite the opposite. Here’s the truth, plus five mind-blowing statistics to share with colleagues.

1. Bots Over Bosses. In a Workplace Initiative study, 64% of people said when it comes to stress and anxiety, they’d choose a robot to talk to over their manager. It was no small study either. Oracle surveyed 12,000 employees at all levels across 11 countries to determine what role humans should play. Before you say, Here we go again, it’s technology that’s ruining our lives, I can put these findings in context. People prefer chatbots because they are a judgment-free zone, according to the study. What that says to me is that you may think you’re not judgmental or biased against people who show their feelings, but you probably are. That’s why thousands say they’d rather not talk to their boss, no matter how many well-intended they are.

Mind-blowing Statistic: A BlueSky California New State of Mind survey collected 65,000 tips on youth mental health via an online survey. The tips, including reaching out to online support groups at the top of the list, are geared toward youth looking for ways to lower pandemic stress. Aside from the volume of advice, the optimism shown in them is comforting, according to DoSomething.org, which partnered on the study.

2. Depression: A Formidable Enemy

Still, employers underestimate its devastating effect on this country’s workers and their families. According to Stanford Professor Robert Sapolsky, it is the most damaging disease a person can experience. How much do you know about how care is being dispersed to your employees and how effective it is? Probably not much. You might start with a meat-and-potatoes medical explanation of depression from a professor who has one of the most popular lectures on the topic on YouTube. Now that you understand how depression moves through your body, think in the same way about how it affects your workforce. When you develop a set of programs that are built on need, your business will thrive as will the people in it.

Mind-blowing Statistic “Depression is crippling. By 2024 it will be the second most dangerous disease worldwide, just behind diabetes-related disorders, he says in the video.

3. Don’t We All Have ADHD?

No, actually, we don’t all have ADHD. One in five adults has a learning or attention disability but the ones who have been diagnosed aren’t likely to be waving their LD flag for all to see on Zoom. In my experience as a woman diagnosed late in life with ADHD and other learning disabilities, I’ve observed that men may be diagnosed more often but seem less driven to find resources. For men with ADHD, there’s such shame that I recommend starting with a peer group. One such group is ADHD Mens Support Group, founded by Marc Almodovar. If you have a learning disability, his free men’s support group or others like it on social media is a solid option. He is one of many young, emerging mental health advocates who is proving that often it is peer-to-peer interaction that is most helpful for people with learning disabilities such as ADHD and dyslexia.

Mind-blowing Statistic: Bias is a bigger problem than you may have guessed. “We found that 50% stated they would be uncomfortable employing or line managing someone with at least one of the conditions,” according to an Institute of Leadership and Management study that asked pointedly if people would be comfortable employing staff who are neurodivergent (meaning autistic, dyslexic or ADHD workers). That 50% stat? It left me speechless and sad. I think neurodivergent pride, not a focus on inclusion, is the best rebuttal to such bias.

4. Caregiving Is A Mental Health Issue

Think of part of your managerial role as accepting that every day is a mental health awareness day, particularly for parents and caregivers. If your legal department pushes back on you offering more advice, push forward in small, impactful ways. During Safety Week at your plant, for example, ask your communications department to cover how stress and lack of sleep affect work. Get real with parents, grandparents and caregivers on your staff. Look both inside and out of the disability and mental health community for help. For parents, for example, there’s The Fifth Trimester, a movement to help parents and businesses revolutionize workplace culture together. Caregiving in a pandemic makes even the simplest daily tasks difficult for seniors and people with disabilities. AARP offers a guide for caregivers.

Mind-blowing Statistic: People desperately need help with the basics. A study of adults with a physical disability or a mental health condition found 70% are worried about trips to the supermarket and doing other errands than before the pandemic. One in three people reported being unable to buy groceries at some point in the pandemic.

5. Racial Tension Causes Stress For Black Employees

It’s often more productive for Black employees to digest information and make time for self-care outside of the workplace. If you are part of an HR or leadership team, you know the alarmingly high stress Black people are facing right now. Mental health issues are manifested into sleep disorders, chronic illnesses, ruminations, moderate-to-severe anxiety and persistent depression, according to a recent piece in HR Executive. Being tapped to work on a diversity and inclusion effort can be an additional stressor. For fearless conversations about race (the hosts’ description), Code Switch may be the podcast you’ve been waiting for. It was named Apple Podcast’s first Show of the Year. Their goal is to make all of us part of the conversation, something that’s not often possible within the confines of work.

Mind-blowing Statistic: The burden of mental disorders, especially depressive disorders, may be higher among U.S. Blacks than in U.S. whites, according to a recent study. Research also shows that even if employees are offered support through an EAP, the number of Black therapists is so small that it’s nearly impossible to find culturally appropriate care. One emerging option that is more affordable and accessible is an uptick in diverse coaching.

From Diversity & Inclusion in Perfectirishgifts

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joellbarham85 · 4 years

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PCP Addiction Delray - Delray Beach FL - Transformations Treatment Center

What Is Angel Dust The Drug

Table of Contents Angel Dust What It Does Clip Where Chris Rock Smokes Angel Dust In Friday What Do They Call Angel Dust In Florida What Are The Side Effects Of Angel Dust What Is Curious About The Psychotic Effects Of Phencyclidine (Angel Dust)? How Many Chapters Does Angel Dust Have When Did The Term "Angel Dust" Begin? How To Give Self Angel Dust

Today PCP is most typically discovered laced with other drugs particularly marijuana where the drug was found in 24% of street cannabis samples. The shortened term 'PCP' stems from the chemical namephencyclidine or, more particularly Phenylcylohexyl piperidine. It's been declared that the drug's street name "the peace tablet" also contributed to the abbreviation PCP.

At that time, the brand name for the drug was Sernyl, and in 1957 it was advised for and later used in medical trials on people. At first, PCP was used as a and later on began to be utilized by veterinarians as an. In the start, PCP was widely welcomed by the medical community due to the fact that the drug was able to offer reliable anesthesia without negative effects to the heart and lungs.

By 1967, and quickly gained popularity as an effective animal tranquilizer. PCP went into the street scene in the 1960s in Haight Ashbury, San Franciscoa district known for being central to the hippie motion, in addition to for its culture of psychedelic drug usage. PCP is used for its and can be snorted, swallowed, or smoked.

The sale of PCP became prohibited in the United States in 1978. Today, PCP in categorized as a; drugs under this category have an as well as the possibility that the user may become physically or mentally dependent. Street Names Angel dust. Amoeba. Amp. Animal trank. Belladonna. Peace pills.

What Is Pcp Angel Dust

Embalming fluid. Wet. Killer joint. Crystal supergrass. Fry. Elephant turning. Pikachu. Treatment Advisors Are On Call 24/7 Thinking Of Getting Rehab? According to the National Survey on Substance Abuse and Health, in the United States, ages 12+ reported life time use of PCP (DHHS, 2011)that's 2.4% of all individuals in this market.

There has been a substantial increase from an approximated 37,266 to in between 2008 and 2010 (DEA, 2013). The Substance Abuse Warning Network (DAWN) reported that PCP was most prevalent among African American males ages 21-24. PCP-related in between 2005 and 2011, with increases seen in both genders. In 2011, males accounted for 69% of PCP-related ER sees, with the largest age group being 24-35 (SAMHSA, 2013).

al, 2014) and inducing a, which can require: Sight and sound distortion. Detachment. Sedation. Amnesia. PCP effects are dose-dependent and also vary by administration route. When smoked, PCP produces effects within 2-5 minutes, and within 30-60 minutes when swallowed (pcp angel dust do you know what this does to kids trading spaces). Intoxication can last from 4-8 hours, with Low to moderate quantities (1-5 mg), PCP users experience: Feelings of detachment.

Feeling numb. Loss of coordination, paired with a sense of strength and invulnerability. In higher dosages, PCP produces: Hallucinations. Catatonic posturing. Physiologic impacts include: Increased blood pressure. Quick heart rate. Raised temperature level. Shallow breathing. Persistent PCP use can result in: Physical dependence. Cognitive and memory problems. Speech disability. Stress and anxiety. Anxiety, Suicidality.

Angel Dust What It Does

If you or somebody you enjoy is utilizing PCP, it is necessary to look for help right now. This effective drug can have significant, disastrous results. Call Who Responses? to speak with somebody who can assist you discover a treatment company. what does smoking angel dust do to your brain. PCP is a water- or alcohol-soluble when in its pure type.

It has been reported that the spike in PCP-related cases being reported do not involve pure PCP, but rather PCP combined with other substances ranging from tobacco, marijuana, and different miracle drugs including MDMA (Ecstasy). PCP has even been reported being offered consisting of the drugs LSD, meth, and even marijuana.

PCP is produced reasonably cheaply in private labs, primarily in Southern California. In addition, pharmaceutical-grade PCP is diverted to the illegal market, as the drug is still being manufactured and used in veterinary medicine. In 1978, PCP was by the DEA under the Controlled Substances Act. Schedule II drugs, that include drug and methamphetamine, are thought about to have a high capacity for abuse and might lead to dependence (NDIC, 2003).

If convicted in Federal court for belongings of 100-999 grams, an individual can be sentenced anywhere and might be fined as much as. If a criminal offense leads to death or serious injury, the sanction can be increased to. If founded guilty of a, sanctions might consist of a fine up to, or both.

Important Links For PCP Addiction in Delray Beach

https://goo.gl/maps/QSscgZFtwqi4NCYn8

https://goo.gl/maps/UiL2Wd1jRJmzdBpC6

https://goo.gl/maps/JFBuWcWx3mFWkHxX9

https://t.co/KXUk58QPcC?amp=1

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https://earth.google.com/web/data=Mj8KPQo7CiExa2pIbk5rZ2N1d1oxVDdPMHh4Ty1VOG1mVTBKMENrUVESFgoUMDBFRUU1Njg0NjE1Mzk4MEYxNkQ

Where Is The Drug Angel Dust Come From

Aside from the severe negative effects the user is most likely to experience, as well as the disconcerting threat of self-injury, high doses of PCP may really. The primary reason for PCP-related fatality was attributed to behavioral disruptions throughout intoxication that result in and impaired judgment, consisting of self-inflicted injury, extreme physical effort, or injuries sustained while withstanding physical restraints.

Severe kidney failure. Rhabdomyolysis (muscle cell death, with breakdown items released into blood stream). Disseminated intravascular coagulation (blood clotting proteins become overactive). Image Credit: Samhsa DAWN Report, 2013 PCP is one of the scariest and most unsafe illicit drugs. If you have a problem with PCP use, or have someone near to you who does, don't wait up until it's far too late to get aid.

Bey, T., & Patel, A. (2007 ). Phencyclidine Intoxication and Unfavorable Effects: A Medical and Pharmacological Evaluation of an Illicit Drug. The California Journal of Emergency Medicine, 8( 1 ), 914. California Narcotic Officers' Association (n.d.). THE PCP STORY. Retrieved September 9, 2015, from https://www.cnoa.org/documents/NPCP.pdf Phencyclidine (PCP). (2013, October 29). Obtained September 9, 2015, from http://www.cesar.umd.edu/cesar/drugs/pcp.asp Narconon News (2009 ).

PCP Quick Realities. Obtained from: http:// www.justice.gov/archive/ndic/pubs4/4440/http://www.justice. reddit what is angel dust like.gov/archive/ndic/pubs4/4440/ Brenner, S, Corden, T.E., Dribben, W.H., Windle, M.L., & Tucker, J.R.(2014). PCP Toxicity Department of Health & Person Solutions( The DAWN Report: Club Drugs, 2002 Update. U.S. Department of Health and Human Being Providers. July 2004. Available at http://dawninfo.samhsa.gov/old_dawn/pubs_94_02/shortreports/files/DAWN_tdr_club_drugs02.pdf. Department of Health & Human Being Solutions(2011). DHHS. Obtained from: http://archive.samhsa.gov/data/NSDUH/2k11Results/NSDUHresults2011.htm Drug Enforcement Agency (2013 ).

How Tall Is Angel Dust Hazbin Hotel

Phencyclidine. Drug Enforcement Administration Workplace of Diversion Control Drug & Chemical Examination Section. Recovered from: http://www.deadiversion.usdoj.gov/drug_chem_info/pcp.pdf England, D. (n.d.) PCP Possession and Penalties. Criminal Defense Attorney. NOLO. Obtained from: http://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/resources/pcp-possession-and-penalties.htm Medscape. Retrieved from: http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1010821-medication Drug Abuse and Mental Health Providers Administration, Center for Behavioral Health Stats and Quality. The DAWN Report: Emergency Department Visits Involving Phencyclidine(PCP). Rockville, MD. Retrieved from: http://www.samhsa.gov/data/sites/default/files/DAWN143/DAWN143/sr143-emergency-phencyclidine-2013.htm Last upgraded on June 11, 2019 2019-06-11T11:00:28 -07:00 Discovering the ideal treatment is only one phone call away!. Concentrations of PCP and its by-products vary significantly when it is sold on the street, as the drug is difficult to synthesize. Numerous illicit samples consist of PCC, its precursor, which is highly poisonous and launches dangerous cyanide. The precursors of PCP can cause more destructive impacts than the drug itself.

Department of Justice reported that 20.6 percent of high school senior citizens said they could quickly acquire PCP in 2008 compared to 83.9 percent who might access marijuana and 42.4 percent who might get cocaine. It's not as typically found as other controlled substances, however tens of countless individuals a year are exposed to this damaging substance for the first time.

Contributing to the risk is the fact any PCP sample can have unsure amounts of the drug, plus other unsafe substances. Educating people on the threats of PCP use is the very best way to deter them from taking it and going through its serious impacts and risks. More on Drug Negative Effects.

Phencyclidine, more commonly understood as PCP or "angel dust," is a mind-altering, illegal drug. PCP is known as a hallucinogenic drug, viewing as it triggers changes in understanding and auditory and visual hallucinations. When utilized recreationally, PCP is usually smoked, though it can be consumed in many methods it can also be taken orally, nasally, or injected intravenously.

How Do You Take Angel Dust

Sensations of invincibility and severe hostility typically trigger those on PCP to display violent habits. Lots of PCP users have actually significantly hurt themselves and others while high up on the drug. The drug was originally developed in the late 1950s, and it was initially utilized for medicinal purposes. Doctor used PCP as an anesthetic, however, medical professionals stopped utilizing the drug once its severe side effects ended up being clear.

PCP is now a Set up II drug, indicating that it is thought about very harmful and very habit-forming. If someone has actually developed a dependency on the drug, hospitalization will be required. So, why do individuals take this drug at all, considering all of its negative results? Those who take PCP initially take it to experience the extreme high that it offers.

When a specific uses PCP, neurotransmitters within the brain are affected and the reuptake of "feel good" chemicals like dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine are interrupted. This disconnection prevents the brain from processing things as they typically would. The impacts of the drug take over the brain and the body quickly, normally within 30 minutes of consumption (and quicker if the drug is smoked or injected).

However what does a PCP high seem like? In so many words, a PCP high feels like a total absence of control over your body and mind, which can be terrifying for some users particularly those who consume the drug accidentally, which may take place if another drug (like ecstasy or cannabis) is laced with PCP.

What Is The Drug Angel Dust Made Of

A great deal of the time, these habits are violent. There have actually been numerous crimes including murders carried about by people who were on the drug. Those on PCP can not justify with themselves. They can't think, "This is a bad idea, I probably should not do this." They act upon drug-fueled impulse and frequently end up behind bars due to the fact that of it.

Those dealing with a PCP dependency should seek medical assistance immediately trying to detox alone can be hazardous, and due to the fact that mental cravings are so extreme, PCP abusers will usually return to using before the withdrawal procedure is complete. At Garden State Treatment Center, we concentrate on dealing with males and women who are fighting with PCP abuse and dependency.

If you have actually been battling with an addiction to PCP or any other psychedelic drug, give us a call today. We're here to assist.

As a dissociative drug, phencyclidine (PCP or "angel dust") triggers hallucinations and feelings of dissociation. Right after the medical field established PCP, it stopped the drug since of its ability to trigger aggressive behavior and psychosis. However, some people abuse angel dust for recreational functions. Because of its results on the brain, PCP can end up being addictive.

What Is Angel Dust Drug Made Of

PCP effects much of the brain's neurotransmitters chemicals responsible for sending out signals. Neurotransmitters permit the various parts of the brain to communicate with each other and influence a vast array of functions. Angel dust impacts neurotransmitters connected to reward and mood, consisting of dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine. It also obstructs NMDA receptors that impact knowing, feelings, memory and feelings of pain.

Angel dust users can cause damage to themselves or others since of these habits. These indications might show that you or somebody you understand has a dependency to PCP: Carrying out "runs" involving binge usage of PCP for days at a timeIgnoring relationships, commitments or pastimes to use PCPHaving unmanageable prompts to utilize PCPSpending big amounts of time and money on using and getting PCPShowing a decline in self-care and basic wellnessIt can end up being difficult to inform when you have a PCP addiction because of the manner in which dependency develops.

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Videos:

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Further Information:

https://transformationstreatment1.blogspot.com/2020/08/pcp-addiction-delray-delray-beach-fl.html

from https://transformationstreatment1.blogspot.com/2020/08/pcp-addiction-delray-delray-beach-fl.html

from Transformations Treatment Center - Blog https://transformationstreatment.weebly.com/blog/pcp-addiction-delray-delray-beach-fl-transformations-treatment-center

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lost-boys-exploring · 4 years

Text

Entry 1

Mod Map Goblin

Date of Entry: 2/10/2020

Date of Event: 2/5/2020

Location: Dejarnette Sanitarium

Coordinates: 38.1315, -79.0444

Address: 1290 Richmond Ave, Staunton, Virginia, 24401, United States

Website/Links: https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/abandoned-dejarnette-sanitarium

Short History: Founded 1932 by Joseph Dejarnette, a leading doctor among Virginia’s white elites and an expert in the supposed idea of “eugenics” that was circulating at the time. Eugenics was defined as the science of improving the human population by controlled breeding and was favored by the Nazi movement. Dejarnette favored the forced sterilization of the mentally ill and inept as well as anyone else he deemed “defective”. Virginia passed sterilization laws during that period and that legislature became the model for the 12 other states that passed similar laws. The “unfit” included alcoholics, schizophrenics, people with mental disabilities and the “promiscuous”. Eugenics eventually fell out of popularity and practice and in 1975, the hospital came under the state’s control and became a children’s hospital, renamed the Dejarnette Center for Human Development. It was permanently closed in 1996.

Equipment Used: Gloves, flashlights, knives, crowbar, respirators with asbestos filters, backpacks, snacks, water, black tourmaline to repel negative energy, etc.

Observations:

The gang (all four moderators) parked at the Lowe’s across the street, which sat on top of a hill. It was a dull and drizzly day and we arrived at approximately 4:45 pm. After short preparation and “gearing up”, we worked our way down the slick hill that Lowe’s sat on and walked along the road, keeping the target to our left. We passed the gated road that connected the main road to the sanitarium’s driveway, noting the “no trespassing” sign and keeping an eye out for authorities. We walked about halfway down the length of the property, still on the right side of the road before crossing the street and slipping into the trees that lined the other side, using them for cover. Once we were a decent distance from the road, we took out our respirators, which were large and obvious (since they were bright pink) and put them on in preparation. Moderator Sigil Lady had a DSLR camera on her for pictures and recording, but it seemed to die pretty fast once we got inside. It was 5 pm by this time and with the rain it was already starting to get dark.

We started at the smaller building towards the opposite end of the property, rumored to be a crematorium for dead bodies produced by the hospital. While we did find oven-like machinery inside, there was no evidence it ever served as such a thing. The building was easily accessible by the main door, which hung ajar with broken glass. There was another door located on a higher level of the building but it had long since been boarded up and forgotten. There wasn’t much to see inside the building except machinery and a cupboard like compartment filled with what appeared to be some sort of coal or other fuel used to burn things. There was a desk located towards the backside of the building and papers had been torn out of it and spread around on the floor; the papers seemed to be some sort of professional form labeled “Dejarnette Power Plant” but no further information could be found about such a thing. After that, we proceeded to the main building.

The entrance we planned to use wasn’t immediately visible and it was fairly easy to see us from the road while we searched for it, so instead of looking too hard for it we tried a different door that was under more cover ( it was a basement entrance, located behind a small hill, nearly subterranean). The door we found held fast but the window alongside it had been smashed in and there was an upturned bucket used to climb through it, so each member of the team carefully climbed through.

Overall, the floors looked generally the same. Many of the walls were covered in graffiti, typically rude words or jests at Joseph Dejarnette himself. The floor was covered in a thick layer of dust and dirt, and there were places where the floor was squishy or soft, as though covered in soil or some kind of mold. In general we were very thankful for our masks because when we took breaks for fresh air on the balcony or by windows we could tell how bad the building smelled. There were places where the rain leaked through the ceiling and dripped on the floors but overall the building seemed stable. There seemed to be two main stairwells, north and south, as well as at least two elevator shafts. One had fallen to the lowest floor and had the doors open; it was safe to climb into as it could go no lower. The other was at least one floor up, but both had graffitti inside so it was safe to say other people had risked it and had come out fine.

Besides the two main stairwells, there were at least two other stairwells that only spanned one floor on either side of the building. One of them we accessed from a higher floor to find the door at the bottom blocked and the other led to a previously unexplored area that we checked out. The floors were fairly uniform until the top floor of each side building; one had some standard attic rooms with rounded windows, including one that was open. This floor seemed to have been occupied fairly recently, as we found evidence of a sleeping bag and squatter trash such as chip bags and fast food wrappers. The other top floor came out into a covered attic that we deemed fairly unstable and proceeded through with caution. At the other end of this covered attic was an open window that lead out onto the roof proper.

All other moderators continued outside to look around while I stayed inside; I wasn’t confident I could get back into the window and I certainly couldn’t get over the wall that seperated the rest of the roof.

There were no signs of spiritual activity and overall the building felt very neutral, just physically dark. We did have a few issues with batteries-- my flashlight blinked once and moderator Sigil Lady’s camera seemed to die faster than it should have, but that could have been explained by the dead zone created by no phone service or internet. For the most part, the spirit of exploration with your best friends seemed to fuel us throughout the building.

With the lack of any real equipment to check out or anything to play around with or move, sweeping the building didn’t take very long. Points of interest included the hydrotherapy chamber where someone had strung up Christmas lights and the open balcony on the second or third floor on one end of the building. The balcony had, at one time, been completely gated with metal grates to prevent patients from jumping to their deaths, but by now one of the grates had been removed. Besides that, it was open air and we stopped here to take a break from our respirators. Another interesting place to see was the old cafeteria, which included several walk in freezers. One of the freezers included a chair and matteress, most likely put there by a squatter or by some jokester trying to frighten people. Most of the exits and the breezeway had been covered with mounds of soil to try and discourage urban explorers such as ourselves; however, this didn’t stop us.

Once we had seen everything, we exited the building the same way we’d gone in and kept close to the building even though it was dark by that time (around 7 pm or so). Instead of weaving through the trees and foilage by the roadside, we followed the curve of the building to the small access road and followed that back down to the main road until we were safely off the property. After that, we scaled the hillside back up to Lowe’s and decided the mission to be a success.

After we left the building, moderator Sigil Lady and I both appeared to have adverse reactions to the energy of the place. Even though we had felt fine inside, the both of us soon sank into a sober and dissociative mood. Moderator Sigil Lady described a deep melancholy and even got teary eyed without having a specific reason behind it; I felt mainly dark and depressive. We were both in a very weird headspace for a while and moderator Sigil Lady showed signs of unexplained aggression that she later was bewildered by. Despite the lack of paranormal activity inside the location, some of the negative energy still seemed to remain and have an effect.

Whatever the case, this destination was super fun for all four of us and a great starter for any beginner urban explorer!

Sources:

https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/abandoned-dejarnette-sanitarium

https://maps.roadtrippers.com/us/staunton-va/points-of-interest/dejarnette-childrens-asylum

https://opacity.us/site163_dejarnette_sanitarium.htm

https://www.piedmontforum.com/2016/04/05/ghosts-lost-secrets-lie-dejarnette-sanitarium/

http://www.theforgottenamerica.com/thehistoricandforgotten/2014/1/6/western-state-penitentiary-staunton-virginia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commonwealth_Center_for_Children_and_Adolescents

https://theabandonedsouth.tumblr.com/post/163107206357/dejarnette-sanitarium-staunton-virginia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_DeJarnette

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSZvkxqYHts

#urban explorer #urbanexporation #urban exploration #urbexworld #urbex #urbexblog

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a-woman-apart · 7 years

Text

Falling in Fall

The change of seasons can bring a number of challenges. Some of these can be psychological, and others, physical. For one thing, my nose has been running like an Olympic sprinter, and every so often my shallow breathing is interrupted by a “Dracula sneeze”. Allergies are just another energy drain on my already taxed faculties. My fatigue has risen to the point that I scheduled yet another appointment with my primary care physician to try to figure out whether there is a physical component to something that very well could be largely psychological.

I told my doctor about my depression- which she rated as “moderate to severe” based on a screening- and she said that it may indeed be causing my fatigue, but she wanted to rule something else out. She noted that I had complained of fatigue before, and that it may be caused partially by all of the psych drugs that I take, since all of my previous blood tests had come back normal (thyroid, iron levels, etc.). The only test that I had never received was one for vitamin D deficiency. She ordered that test for me, and told me to take vitamin D3 and B12, in addition to the multivitamin I told her I was already taking. Hopefully these will help alleviate some of my symptoms.

It is no secret that there is a big chance that I have simply run myself into the ground. I took four classes over the summer- two in summer I and summer II respectively- as well as working at a dollar store on the weekends. I also took voice lessons during summer I. During the 10 days in between the end of summer II and the beginning of fall semester, I was actually working three jobs. I had given notice at one job and I was in the middle of fulfilling the two weeks when I started the third one, a retail job. I had completed summer with four A’s and one B, and I had worked my tail off to achieve that.

Honestly, I do not know if I should be proud of what I accomplished, or whether I should kick myself for stretching myself so thin. I did what I had to do to survive. Now I receive SSDI, so I can just focus on my main job and on my classes; no more second job. The main problem now is my depression, which arose immediately when I started having to go back on campus again. Musically, I did not get to do most of the things that I wanted to do over the summer, and I have felt as though I am lagging behind my classmates, both in terms of creativity and enthusiasm. Maybe it isn’t fair to compare myself to them, because I was working a lot and I had CORE classes to be concerned with, but I still feel less and less like an “authentic” music student every day.

I was supposed to be graduating at the end of fall, but I ended up dropping Chorus, a classical voice ensemble that I needed to graduate. Two weekends had passed and I realized that each time I was too exhausted to focus on the material for Monday. Even though the nature of old spirituals is to deal with deep pain, I just couldn’t hear myself harmonizing to “Old Wayfaring Stranger” and crooning on about how lost I was. Despite this, I did enjoy a lot of things about singing with the group, but I just couldn’t picture myself on stage with them this year. This kind of music has to come from the heart, and my heart was not in it this time.

Ultimately, I really wrestled with the idea of just fulfilling my final ensemble requirement in the spring. Even if I had graduated in the fall, I wouldn’t be able to walk until after spring semester anyway. I have just been possessed by this terrible sense of urgency and desperation as my education is drawing to a close. I wanted so badly to be done, to be holding my degree in my hands, to realize that I had actually done it. Now two years stretch into three (or four, if you count my prereqs), and I still don’t know if I’m doing all of this correctly.

Even though I can hear my best friend saying in my head, “It’s a marathon, not a sprint” I can’t help but feel at least somewhat disappointed with how things have gone. When I talk to my caseworker about my depression these days, she asks “What do you think is causing this?” or “Why do you feel this way?” and I can only come up with vague generalities. “I just feel tired all the time” or “I don’t know, it just feels like everything is too hard” and “I just don’t have the energy to do the things that I used to do.” She suggests that maybe nothing has changed, that maybe I am creating difficulties for myself. She suggests affirmations. She reminds me of how much I already accomplished, and again, how nothing has really changed.

I cannot explain how things have changed, but they have. Depression has settled on me like a heavy cloak. I just feel weighted down; I just feel heavy. Moving my limbs takes more effort these days. I derive little to no pleasure from anything that I do. In fact, food might be one of the few things that I am still more-or-less able to enjoy, as strange as that may sound. The only other thing I can think of that really helps is listening to music. In general, though, it is a struggle to get out of bed every morning, not always because I feel depressed but more because of the physical exhaustion that can be associated with depression. A lot of the time, I just feel numb and empty, almost like I am only existing as a theoretical concept.

Even when I look back at everything that I “accomplished’ over the summer, it feels like those things happened to someone else. It all feels so distant and far away; it doesn’t feel like me. I can’t help but wonder if there was a brief wave of hypomania that propelled me through all of that, and this is the major “wipeout”. That was the crescendo and this is the diminuendo. Such is the bipolar tradition of dancing between two poles.

You know that depression is severe when you have to start letting things go, when suddenly you realize why mood disorders are accepted by the government as a disability. The weekend that I almost committed suicide was a weekend where I was expected to go to my retail job and participate in a massive inventory that might’ve lasted until 2 am. I had already given in my two weeks’ notice, but my time was not supposed to be up until the 17th of September and it was only September 8th. Based on how I had been feeling physically earlier that day, and emotionally even a week before that, I knew that I probably should not attempt it. Not to mention the fact that I had had school on Monday morning.

In the end, based on advice from concerned family, I dropped the job early, and I dropped that Monday morning class. I spent the weekend eating soup and drinking tea, and watching Hulu in my pajamas. Sure, I needed it. Sure, I had been doing too much, but even though I have less responsibilities now my recovery is moving at a snail pace. The problem is that I felt like I could do anything before, and suddenly that feeling was taken away from me. Maybe thinking that I could do it all was fairly erroneous. My point is, that depression has taken away my ability to do things, including some things that I really love. Sure, nobody wants to work a second job, but I had made a commitment and I was unable to follow through. Chorus was not my first choice in an ensemble, but my goal was to graduate in the fall and I did not meet that goal.

I’m sure you’re thinking “So what? Life goes on”. The truth is that I have always been afraid that life would go on without me. I spent almost five years in the tenacious grip of bipolar disorder. Hospitalizations for me were a yearly affair. I was on an off medication, and in and out of my mind. It was a dark period in my history, and towards the end of it I had already given up on having a life and a future. All of my college dreams, all of my goals for work and a social life, I had given up on all of it. I was just existing from day to day, too numb to even care that I had become completely broken.

Then a series of events happened that slowly changed my perspective and gave me hope. I moved out of my parents’ house. I started volunteering. I started working. I started going to school. Slowly the pieces of the puzzle started to come together. The more success I experienced, though, the more that I have been afraid that it will all be taken away from me. I have been afraid that this is all some big misunderstanding, that no, I am not capable of doing these things that I have been doing for almost five years now. One day, the “real me” will come back in and dash to pieces all of the beauty that I have been able to cultivate for all of this time.

Really, though, I have been more than fortunate, and I always used to attribute that good fortune to a higher power. Recently, though, as you all know, the foundations of my faith have been shaken. That is a struggle that is really meant to discussed in another post; actually, there are many posts on here regarding my deconversion. I don’t think, however, that I can ever totally discuss my mental health without including that component. Maybe, one day my apostasy will be matter-of-fact for me, but right now I am not there yet.

Despite everything that is happening on the inside, there are certain outward factors that have contributed to my depression. My dad is going through some serious challenges with his health. Again, this would be a good time to call on God, if I still believed in the existence of an all-powerful God. I do believe that there are some things that we cannot explain, and that it is possible for someone to make an incredible turnaround. Human beings are more resilient than we realize. There are documented instances of when someone has made a remarkable recovery by believing they had received a special medical treatment that they never actually received. In other words, I will never fully dismiss faith as important to someone’s recovery, but at this time I am very much preparing for the worst.

So, do I still have hope? Yes, and no. It is unmistakable that I have made some amazing strides in my life, and that I am likely to continue to experience some degree of success in the future. Even though I have had to drop things, “functioning” is not really the problem for me. I still eat, bathe, and sleep. I still get up and go to work and school. The problem is the feeling. Yes, I know that emotions aren’t everything, but anhedonia (lack of pleasure in things once enjoyed) is a very real and devastating symptom of depression. Also, the physical pain, the fatigue, and the daily struggle to just fucking move takes its toll as well. It is incredibly exhausting to fight symptoms all day long, and I am so tired of going from depression medicine to depression medicine trying to find something that really works. What it all boils down to is, “I was ‘fine’ at one point- why can’t I be ‘fine’ now?”

I’ll end with a Paramore lyric from the song “Hard Times” off the album “After Laughter”.

All that I want / Is to wake up fine / Tell me that I’m alright / That I ain’t gonna die / All that I want / Is a hole in the ground / Tell me when It’s alright / For me to come out

Hard times / Gonna make you wonder why you even try / Hard times / Gonna take you down and laugh when you cry / These lives / And I still don’t know how I even survived / Hard times (Hard times)

And I gotta get to rock bottom!

#i gotta get to rock bottom #paramore lyrics #hard times #depression #bipolar depression #schizoaffective #struggling student #senioritis #apostasy #faith #mental health #mental illness #physical health #fatigue #chronic fatigue

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phillyvoices-blog · 5 years

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The Whirlwind: In Conversation with Nico Meyering

“You don’t really have a choice about getting knocked down. You do have a choice between staying down or getting back up.”

The view from this height is breathtaking.

I’m meeting my interviewee for lunch at the University Club, a top-floor members-only restaurant and lounge for students, faculty, and staff of the University of Pennsylvania. I’m a PhD student there, enjoying the Club’s “first year of membership free” perk. And my interviewee is enjoying the large tables.

“Sorry bro, I like to spread out.” Nico Meyering grins sheepishly at me, running a hand through his blonde hair, a nervous habit he will repeat often during our time together. On the table are a spreadsheet, a notepad with some hasty scribbles, a smartphone he uses like a computer, a half-forgotten graphic novel, and a sparse lunch of sweet potato soup, two turkey burgers, and mixed vegetables that he keeps meaning to eat. The phone lights up with some sort of reply and Nico speaks into it, recommending a sleep study and a “trach downsize before decannulation” before adding that he isn’t a medical professional. I admit that I don’t know what any of those words mean.

Nico isn’t a medical professional but he IS a whirlwind.

I met Nico years ago when we were both graduate students at Binghamton University. I thought his energy and constant movement was just the result of too much coffee or the stress of final exams. But here, dressed semi-formally, he’s the same whirlwind from before. The first thing I learn about Nico is that he’s always moving. I’ll learn much more over our hour together.

Nico was born 31 years ago with a nervous system disorder called congenital central hypoventilation syndrome (CCHS). The most notable and life-threatening symptom is the body’s lack of an automatic impulse to breathe, which means people with CCHS need lifelong mechanical ventilation when they sleep. Some need around the clock venting. Other CCHS concerns may include eye/vision issues, speech delays, or digestion issues.

After Nico was born, his mother swung into action, finding other CCHS families and bringing them together to share stories, support one another, and eventually connect doctors to families. A few decades later, those ragtag families are now The CCHS Family Network, Inc., a federally-recognized nonprofit that funds research and raises tens of thousands of dollars for the roughly 1200 people worldwide living with this condition.

Nico has been ever-present; he shows me photos from each successive gathering. He rattles off his various duties: moderating the group’s Facebook presence, being a liaison between people with CCHS and their families, explaining CCHS to general audiences (his TED talk from December 2017, Dis-ABLE-d, has been viewed on YouTube over 500 times), and trying to mentor teens and preteens with the condition.

“We are ninety-nine percent just as healthy or normal as people who don’t have CCHS. We have hobbies and interests and pet peeves and everything. I keep telling people: CCHS is manageable when you stay on top of it. It’s not fatal. It’s not degenerative. We have equal or better life expectancy. We get married, we have jobs, we get stuck in traffic, everything.”

The second thing I learn about Nico is that he jokes as much as he moves: constantly. It’s possibly his humor that has kept him going; while CCHS isn’t fatal, it also isn’t trivial. Nico rattles off over a dozen names of friends he has lost to illnesses made worse by CCHS or to tragic mistakes like falling asleep off their vents. “It’s up to us, you know, to keep their names alive. We gotta keep telling their stories.” He says determinedly. Behind that determination, however, is a measure of sorrow: Nico has lost many friends and he admits that it’s difficult to find new ones. But when he feels like I’m asking too many questions about the sadness, anxiety, and risk of living with rare diseases, he noticeably steers the conversation to a happier topic.

“You don’t really have a choice about getting knocked down. You do have a choice between staying down or getting back up.” He points out, making rare eye contact with me.

At 31, most Americans are building resumes or families. Nico is helping to build a movement. His vision of the CCHS community is larger and more comprehensive than the original group that met once every few years.

“I think something every group needs to constantly work on is inclusion and evolution. Our group is no different. That’s why we had a paper newsletter for so many years and now we’re online. It’s why we were English-language only for a long time and now we have some volunteers who can translate for us. We began by talking mostly about physical health and medical issues, now we include mental health and social issues. Young adults with CCHS were the first people to begin discussing the emotional burden of life with a rare disorder.”

I ask him what else the CCHS Network needs to do.

“We need to keep raising money because that money goes right to funding CCHS research. We’re rare and we’re a small group, so nobody’s gonna save us. We save ourselves. We share research and medical articles on CCHS, but we also need to start dealing with practical questions. I mean, a young couple who find out their baby has this disability aren’t interested in medical articles right away. They need to know about trach care, venting options, and how to talk about CCHS with other people. Chances are that they’ll have to educate doctors and nurses about it all.”

Nico’s in-your-face advocacy didn’t come naturally. He wasn’t outspoken about disability issues and disability rights when I first knew him. He is an introvert and his family is private by nature; Nico thinks it took significant time for them to accept Nico speaking candidly about his disability. And while Binghamton-Nico is different from Philadelphia-Nico, the seeds of change were always there: his early championing of LGBT and mental health issues years ago influenced how he advocates for people with CCHS today. “Whether it’s gay rights or disability rights or any other issue, this is true: if you don’t talk about it there won’t be any progress. You make your own momentum.”

Part of Nico’s value as a patient advocate comes from the bonds he’s formed in progressive communities. He marched alongside Occupy Wall Street, handing out water bottles and band-aids to other protestors. He volunteered with a soup kitchen and still keeps in touch with the guests he served. When a local school district cut sex ed classes, Nico volunteered with a LGBT community center to talk about contraceptives and consent. He protested so much at city council meetings that he eventually got thrown out of Binghamton’s City Hall for promoting services for homeless people, something he still gets visibly annoyed about. Seven years later, though, the people that share his posts and donate to his CCHS fundraisers are those same people he spent so long helping. In the week since our interview I found myself back in Binghamton to see family, and almost everyone I talked to, from the city’s former Mayor Ryan to guests at Nico’s former soup kitchen, remember his name and deeds.

Nico cracks a grin when I mention my Binghamton visit. “The biggest thing I learned there is that you eventually need friends, allies, people in your corner. You can do a lot on your own, but you do more in a team. If we can work together to write a grant or help someone in need, then that’s what we’re gonna do. Eventually the CCHS Network will have to work with biotech or pharma companies to develop a cure, so it’s good practice.”

I ask him about partnerships the Network has formed already and he demurs, but he does offer some thoughts on rare disease partnerships in general: “I was at the Global Genes conference [for rare disease research] back in June, and I can tell you that most research hospitals and biotech companies recognize the need to work with patient advocacy groups. We are no longer ignored. There are maybe some researchers who think they can whip up a cure without patient involvement, but they’ll learn really fast that they need our input because without it they will go bankrupt.” He rubs his goatee briefly, “The market is real Darwinian like that.”

We pause so Nico can send an email to a CCHS family in Michigan. He signs off with an apology for replying so late. When I see his phone wallpaper it’s a woman with long black hair holding a long, black cat. He sees me looking and smiles. Nico is never short on words and each story is like a voyage.

He met Brittany online in April 2016. He noticed they were both AmeriCorps alumni and shared an interest in anime and Star Trek. At first he hesitated. He was unemployed and she mentioned wanting to eventually move to New York City. Nico was looking for a long-term relationship and she was only in the area to tend to an ill family member. But he took the time to send a few paragraphs and their first date was at a local Thai restaurant. The two now live together in Philadelphia, where she is a teacher and he is a financial administrator for a rare disease center. The couple got engaged in December and they share their apartment with three cats: Apollo, Hera, and Hermes.

“I dated some women for a year here and there, but we’d always break up whenever I finished school or moved states to take a new job. Brittany has really stuck with me.”

Nico claims to have been a nervous kid growing up, dealing with health concerns and wanting to fit in. Sometimes he’d descend into crying fits because he felt emotions too strongly, like a time when one or two misbehaving kids caused his entire class to miss recess.

“I think we get this message as kids, and this is especially true for boys I think, that emotions should be buried or that you handle difficult situations yourself. This is a bad message. It’s harmful. It took me a while to figure out that emotions and friends are strengths rather than weaknesses.”

I don’t see any trace of that nervous kid. Nico leans back in his chair, rubs his hand over stubble, peppers his sentences with “bro”, “dude”, and “man” regardless of gender, and fires off a quick message about different CCHS mutation types. To passerby, he is just a nerd reading a Spider-Man 2099 comic (he points out that it’s a different character than regular Spider-Man,) not one of the biggest names in a very small pond.

But why is he so busy? Why now? After living in a handful of different states and working tons of different jobs, Nico saw some patterns emerging for disabled youth. For one, he says, there’s a knowledge gap and a skills gap between the end of high school and becoming an established adult. The time you spend getting your health under control is time you can’t spend learning life skills. In fact, Nico reveals that he learned how to tie a tie and how to shave by watching YouTube videos.

“When I was on the job market, CCHS moms would always remind me ‘You need a job with good health insurance!’ They wouldn’t stop reminding me. I think they may believe it is easier to get a full-time job with benefits than it really is. Even if you have the schooling and the skills, it’s difficult. Even when you have insurance, it’s tough to understand it.”

So Nico made a checklist to help young adults and their families prepare for independent living. “It’s a conversation families need to have together. It’s not you versus your kid. It’s your whole family versus the problem.”

Other projects followed: a guide to seeking employment while disabled, a guide to CCHS care in schools, one-page factsheets about CCHS for families to give to doctors and nurses, a slew of public speaking appearances, mostly at comic conventions (his talk on disability representation in anime was rated the best panel at GeneriCon 2019, and he repeated the talk at Wizard World Philadelphia this summer.)

He talks animatedly about another idea: setting up a small fund to buy pulse oximeters and other vitals monitoring equipment. “Our bodies send signals that our brains don’t always catch, so we could be ill and not know it. If you have a machine that tells you your oxygen levels are low, that could be the difference between resting at home or exerting yourself and ending up hospitalized or worse. I haven’t fleshed this concept out yet though.”

He also wants to help people with CCHS explain the condition to others. “Stigma kills people and knowledge kills stigma. Our disability is nobody’s fault. It’s not contagious. We haven’t done anything wrong. It’s just the way it goes, dude.”

And he talks about money. Since being elected to the Board in 2015, Nico has worked hard to lead collaboratively and to consult others before taking action. It’s what led to his popular Dungeons and Dragons charity games, which raised several hundred dollars at the last CCHS conference. It’s what led to his “Faces of CCHS” project last November, which was shared on Facebook over one hundred times. His last fundraiser brought in several hundred more dollars.

“We need to make a difference AND get attention at the same time. Good cash flow lets charities steer their own ship; even $10 from a few people helps us go to rich people and say ‘Look, we have all these people participating. They believe in our cause. Will you believe too?”’ and then send them some cute baby photos. That’s a good pitch.” He smiles.

It’s clear Nico loves talking about CCHS and his work in disability issues, but getting to know the man behind the work is frustratingly difficult. I ask him about his hobbies like video games and hiking, but he says it’s difficult for him to find the time for those hobbies: “Sometimes I wish I could finally finish a game, but I don’t go ten minutes without needing to do something or reply to someone.” His lack of free time doesn’t seem to bother him. “Anyone can turn on a PS4. Anyone can read a good book. But not everyone can help a CCHS person or family in need. The work is the important thing here.”

Looking to the future, all Nico sees is hope, the word he has tattooed on his left arm. He plans on seeing a CCHS cure in his lifetime, he tells me. Until then, he’ll keep on making the CCHS journey easier for everyone.

“I think some parents are frightened when they realize their children are growing up in a very different world. And I think CCHS kids are scared by the responsibilities that come with being an independent CCHS adult. It’s less scary when you listen to each other and work together.”

#Nico Meyering #disability #cchs #congenital central hypoventilation syndrome #nonprofit #philadelphia

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