#this is from interviews for 2 and 3 so idk how much this applies but man is it funny | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

levmada · 3 months

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Problem with the AOT fandom and a lot of other shonen animes is that it’s full of a lot of well…men. Emotionally unintelligent men. That make zero efforts in trying to understand complex characters. Not all but…too many.

oh. then to answer your last ask? i think? it’s weird over anon lol

isayama has said (and i’ll dig up the interview if someone asks) that if it weren’t for the survey corps after isabel and farlan died, levi would be “a very irresponsible person” lol.

i imagine with no goal or desire to do anything besides survive, without knowing what freedom there is outside the walls, he would coast along making enough money (by illegal means) to survive while avoiding getting arrested, and he’d do that until he gets tired of it. you probably know what i mean.

in that same vein, i just can’t imagine a scenario where levi would choose to leave the survey corps; fighting for freedom and humanity becomes the reason he lives and fights.

but if he did leave, the only thing next to do is leave the walls and abandon everyone, or decide he’s tired if you know what i mean.

so u see why it takes a special sort of brain dead-ness to say levi doesn’t have feelings, or levi doesn’t care about his friends. it just doesn’t make the most bare minimum sense for his character.

before i get into the men thing, it’s also extremely important to remember that the sheer size of any fandom WILL negatively affect its perception due to the number of fans. there will ALWAYS be a vocal crazy person, and a small subset of non-vocal crazy people, but this is EXTREMELY heightened by the size of the aot fandom in this case. it’s a landmark in animation in general and a cultural phenomenon, that can’t be argued.

but, what exacerbates that inevitable issue is

1 isayama very very rarely tells us the audience that ‘x is this way because of y’. it’s shocking how much of aot in every way is up to interpretation, and what’s more can fit multiple interpretations. it’s obvious how this popularizes discourse.

but, because of that, in general, shippers (for example) will take all the crumbs that suggests their ship is canon as they can get, and so they feel validated. they want to shout it from the rooftops. this type of shipper pisses off another shipper, which pisses off another type of shipper, and so it’s a mess constantly.

this mainly happens with the popular ships - so all of the levi ships lol.

2 popularity opens up the doors for children/minors to get involved in the fandom and wreak havoc with what amounts to their immaturity (especially morally), and tendency to feel indignant for no good reason.

this is different from bad takes in general, because you really can’t teach them any better when they don’t have the processing power to understand what you’re saying. (that sounds condescending, but think about yourself at 12 years old compared to now yk?)

so it’s frustrating. and that’s putting aside minors invading adult spaces.

3 the politics that do and don’t apply to aot. that’s a major one. (that’s way too broad to get into in this post.)

4 finally the role (western) (white) men play. i’ve stewed on this before on this blog, but i won’t get into the weeds.

idk about you, but western white men is the image that pops into my mind when i think of emotionally unintelligent men with toxic masculinity making dim-witted opinions of aot.

it’s a culture that goes wayyy beyond anything that you can quite comprehend bc of how ingrained it is in america in particular.

but so then, when the issue is popularity, what attracts these types of men? well… eren’s actions do. there’s really no question about it.

what these men seem to think - generally - is that eren should’ve done and was validated in committing genocide because of the way marley oppressed his friends, family, and paradis.

…not to get psychological but that’s literally how tweens aged 11-16 comprehend morality, the entire story considered… and the probable demographic for these men has to be late teens to young adults. (but again, i’m generalizing based on my experiences.)

it’s immature, short-sighted, sadistic, and frankly moronic. i think the major deal here is 1 the culture issue, 2 immaturity, and 3 eren’s genocide is about a power fantasy for these guys.

(i’m really not prepared to get into the weeds on this, but hopefully you know what i mean.)

this type of man goes on to affect the popular perception of women like mikasa, who’s strong, a woman, very loyal, and morally nuanced.

the popular perception of erwin, who’s extremely complex as a character. imo he’s the hardest to understand next to eren. but he’s reduced to this unfeeling sociopathic tyrant. it’s absurd.

and levi, of course. because levi is the strongest, and a man, as a hero there’s the expectation that he also doesn’t have feelings, that he has to be aggressive or dominant, that he needs a female love interest in the end, and so on.

but of course, those expectations aren’t true.

it’s the media illiteracy, on top of the unwillingness to understand any other perspective, on top of harmful biases they possessed already.

sometimes… it is partly the anime/manga’s fault for perpetuating harmful things, or bad writing. but in the case of aot, isayama plays such a minuscule role - if any - that it shouldn’t account for the controversy at all.

#opinion #aot #snk

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rassicas · 2 years

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when it actually happens, how long do you think your first splatoon 3 video will be (as in video length)? i imagine it'll be a massive undertaking!!

i plan on recording my entire playthough of return of the mammalians, so a highlight reel of that is my first planned splatoon video. how long will be that be? no idea if youre referring to an analysis video?? i REALLY have no fucking idea... -when it will happen -what the topic will be -how long itll be etc etc we dont know ANYTHING so i cant make any guesses. for all i know it could be months before i can do some proper splatoon 3-exclusive post-launch analysis! Much of my channel revolves around translating japanese only materials and dispelling misconceptions (sometimes caused by the localization), pulling from sources that ive had years to collect, translate, and analyze. applying that to splatoon 3, sometimes it can take a while for these misconceptions to form, and things that can answer said misconceptions, like interviews and artbooks, can take several months to come out! ... plus i have to translate it as well. also im gonna be going to an intense language school in japan for the next 2 years, so i have no idea how much of a wrench thats gonna throw into my video making once we start getting s3 developer interviews and the third artbook then things are gonna get REALLY fun because all the good lore gets hidden in there. But before then, if theres aspects of the story mode that leave some questions, unless theres a past source to pull an answer from or the answer is in the jp version where the localization fucked up, everyone is gonna be pretty equally in the dark.

i have several video ideas ive been sitting on in hopes that splatoon 3 will clear some things up or add information, so ill likely get to those first while waiting for these fabled splatoon 3 dev interviews. or shit, if there is something in the story that is answered through past materials maybe ill talk about that. idk idk

tl;dr i think a lot of people are expecting that im gonna make some big arching splatoon 3 analysis soon after launch and im here to say: dont get your hopes up

#asks #this turned into a write up on the very nature/ potential future of my youtube channel whoopsies<3

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eleni-cherie · 10 months

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ok nobody's gonna see or care this but I'm gonna rant bc I am sick of my life and maybe someone can relate: so long story short, I'm a 27 year old graphic designer who was working 2 years at a big e-commerce shop until the new asshole supervisor didn't want to continue my contract that expired bc of his hurt ego bc I (along w pretty much everyone else bc he liked to pick fights w ppl from all departments bc he got into everyone's business) dared to argue w him BC HE KEPT CHANGING HIS MIND EVERY TWO MINS AND KEPT CONTRADICTING HIMSELF ALL THE TIME. so I lost my job last October and ever since I'm unemployed. I live in germany (Berlin) so I get unemployment money, but it only lasts for a year and it's already the end of July and I still can't manage finding a job although I've probably applied to 90 jobs by now of which only about 10-15 turned into job interviews - or the new trend "getting to know you meetings". of which only 1 invited me for a 2nd interview. now I get there's sadly so many designers, the job market is kinda oversaturated and for one job probably 20-30 ppl apply. but then sometimes this isn't even the problem. I had an interview for what seemed to be my dream job so I was super excited for this but then when I met the two guys doing it, they were very underwhelming. I mean little to no reaction to what I was telling them about myself and at the end they only asked 3 quite superficial questions. that's it. meanwhile others for companies I'm less suitable for, ask me like 20. then there's this other case, where they give you tasks and I don't mind tasks but one time I'd have needed the whole creative suit for them and like - hello? I'm unemployed and don't have the extra money to spend 60 euros every month on Adobe? I only an old Photoshop Version and that's it. then another time they gave me tasks that were only 40% graphic design related (but very vague descriptions/no real info) and 60% marketing/copyright related and like sorry, but I only have basic marketing knowledge and I'm not a fcking ad writer? there's this trend nowadays, they say they want a graphic designer but what they really want is a graphic designer / marketing expert / social media manager / copywriter / photographer / editor / etc. but still w only a graphic designer salary, so they don't have to pay five different ppl. like FCK YOU!

and thing is, in my desperation I even applied to random jobs (which said "No experience needed" in the description) like vendor or barrista. even in a copyshop where I thought I should fit in bc of my knowledge of print products, but either no response at all or I "lacked sale experience". bc Idk how it's in other countries but here you need a certificate for anything. even for a shop vendor you need a 3 year long apprenticeship. for a moment I contemplated going freelance or self-employed but a) I got no fcking clue how and what I have to do and b) taxes and insurance system in Germany is insane, I read an article and was overwhelmed.

So yeah, I'm getting fed up and sad and mad mostly also very anxious about my fcking future bc it honestly seems like I'll end up just moving back to my parents at this point. idk what to do anymore. I try and try and try, but nothing happens and I'm just done. the pressure is overwhelming and the sad thing is, I purposely decided not to visit my relatives/my grandparents this summer (the live in greece) thinking I "might find a job" and even if not, I don't have the extra money for plane tickets! they're extremely overpriced. and it's sad bc whenever I talk to my grandparents they say they miss me and how they're worried about me being unemployed. and my grandparents aren't the youngest anymore either (83 and 89) and I haven't seen then in a year, so that only saddens me more on top of feeling like an overall loser.

#young adult #adult life #real life #work life #personal rant #feeling lost #feeling depressed #Greek #i need a job and money #jobsearch #job seekers #the universe hates me #self pity

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paladin-n-cleric · 2 years

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I had a somewhat terrifying realisation: is it possible that people outside of fandom spaces use the word "canon" and shipnames even when referring to friendships? Without any romantic implications whatsoever? Like, do they pick the shipnames up from lurking online and seeing what we're talking about and then slap them on any post that has those two characters, without taking into account why the shipname exists in the first place? Cause I'm pretty much on the "byler is endgame" train at this point, but all this media attention is really throwing me off a bit. Like, the post that netflixgeeked has made? Yeah, I don't know how to react to it. I'm choosing to read some romantic undertones in the way they framed every little important detail, but... Idk. It's probably my fear of getting queerbaited (IN FUCKING 2022) talking here lmao

Also, and I hate bringing this up, I've just watched that interview where Finn says he had to say "I love you" to a box (so a stand-in for a character that was later added with CGI, I guess). It was obviously used as a way to prove that he will say those 3 magic words to el. How can we apply this to will, I wonder?

unless they explicitly stated that a relationship is canonically platonic, i doubt that people would use the term canon out of context like that. if they know the term, they'll probably use it correctly. as for ship names, it's possible that people outside of fandom spaces use them whenever referring to a duo or group. that's why i wouldn't get too worked up about netflixgeeked tagging byler. they mentioned jargyle too, so i'm not going to bother contemplating their use of ship names. i'm remaining relatively objective about netflixgeeked's possible queer baiting until volume 2.

as for finns comment regarding saying "i love you" to a box, i'm really confused on that one. it seems obvious that mike would be saying i love you to a person, so why would they need a box as a placeholder when they could just use the actor? it seems as though his speaking to someone/something that has to be portrayed through CGI. so i have no idea what that's about, but i'm intrigued!

#asks #stranger things 4 #byler

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cinematicnomad · 9 months

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hi! i hope this is okay to ask, but i was just wondering if you could tell me/us a bit more about how you landed your job (which seems SO cool)? like, is this something you were always interested in? did you have to go to school for it? i'd love to work on the comm/marketing team for a university in my country--because i really miss the feeling of being on a busy, bustling campus--but idk if there's a better way of going about it than just cold-calling or emailing the hr dept about vacancies...

(2/2 uni job anon) comm/marketing and recruitment (which is what you do, i think?) are quite different ofc--i just think that these particular universities could really use a hand with their various english-language dispatches and know i could really help them out if i found a way onto their staff roster...

hey anon! i'm definitely happy to answer any questions. i can't comment on how your countries university's handle hiring. in the states, universities tend to list all of their open administrator/staff positions online. you can literally google a university name + jobs and you'll find a link. once on it, you can usually narrow you're search—so in your case, you could potentially narrow it down to positions with the words 'marketing' 'communications' 'social media' etc etc. then find the position that fits your interest and fill out the application and submit it. then you just have to...wait. which for universities (at least in the states) can take some time.

i put my personal journey in my work below the cut if anyone's interested:

i didn't originally go to school with the intention of working in higher ed. i got my bachelors in english lit with a minor in history. i thought i might become a writer or go into publishing or something. i v much did not know what i wanted to do by the time i finished undergrad. i traveled some the summer after college and didn't really seriously thinking about my post-school plans until late july. i didn't have a drivers license (let alone a car or easy access to public transportation) and i was living in suburbia with my parents so my options were really limited—but i lucked out in that we lived about a 15 minute walk from a large public university so i just kind of...applied to everything? i didn't have much by the way of experience—at this point my resume amounted to 3 summers working as a clerk in a doctor's office, a summer as a day camp counselor, a summer working as a sales associate at homegoods, and an internship at a british private publishing company. basically i had customer service skills and i knew how to function in an office and i could string coherent sentences together. the one guiding point i had when applying to jobs was that...i'd grown up traveling around the world and so i was intrigued by the jobs i saw that had to do with international admissions/students/etc. i prioritized those applications, but honestly i would have taken anything.

i luckily got an interview and an eventual offer for a part-time assistant job in the office of international admissions. and my career kind of just...evolved from there? about 6 months later my supervisor moved into a new position and i was asked to apply for his job so i did. it wasn't exactly what i wanted to be doing—i spent my days sitting in an office reviewing international transcripts to determine a) if the school was recognized/accredited; b) the US degree equivalency; and c) the student's equivalent US gpa AND i was given the task of processing and issuing immigration documents for incoming int'l students. these are two incredibly niche, vital processes for international admissions and having that baseline expertise was good for me. i stayed at that university for a total of 4 years before accepting a position at a smaller private university in DC—by this point i had a license and a car and could afford to move closer to public transportation. career-wise it was lateral move—i didn't get a title bump, but i did get a decent salary increase AND the job was more generalized. which was good for me! all of my work up until that point had been SO specialized and isolated that i spent a lot of time on my own cooped up in an office doing work alone—and bc my job was so isolated and no one could cover for me, and it was so reliant on being in the office, i was never given the opportunity to travel. which sucked. my new job let me experience different facets of admissions with a team of people and also allowed me the chance to get some experience recruiting domestically.

after i'd been there for a while i took advantage of one of the common benefits of working in higher ed in the US—tuition benefits. i applied for and was admitted into a master's program int'l education and my job covered 90% of the tuition. whenever i had a performance review or check in with my supervisor i let her know i was interested in recruiting internationally for the office. halfway through the program my boss offered me the chance to apply for a new position in my office with the understanding that it would come with a pay increase, a title bump, and FINALLY: int'l recruiting. i applied, got the job, renewed my passport so i could be ready to travel...and then COVID hit.

that derailed plans a little but i stayed in my job and kept working. i finally got to start recruiting internationally for my job last fall and around november i had another conversation with my boss about a new position—this one would be focused on recruiting internationally and on developing partnerships with other universities and designing joint programs. so that's what i'm doing now! and that's how i got here.

not sure if anyone is actually here still reading this! but if you are, i am happy to answer any questions you might have about preparing for interviews, what to expect, other nitty-gritty details, etc.

#ask #anonymous #this was long #i don't even know if it is of interest to anyone #but pls let me know!

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whoiskt · 1 year

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2022 draws to a close... it is time now... the questions...

1: What did you do in 2022 that you’d never done before?

WENT TO THE OCEAN!!! BABEY WE FINALLY MADE IT!

Also wrote a TV pilot script which has altered the course of my future in ways that are yet to be determined....

I did some other things, of course, but nothing as big as those. Like, I went to the renaissance faire, and tried hot pot, poisoned myself with mold. Just a tastes of some firsts.

2: Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I made... so many. It was too much.

Read 10 books--- Yeah, I technically have started and failed to complete many books. This does include Dracula -_- I’m so bad at finishing things. I’m trying to finish one before New Years.

Go to an event I wouldn’t normally attend--- I mean, I did go to the ren faire... so I want to count this.

Run a mile in less than 12 minutes outdoors--- I didn’t try lmao once it was warm enough to run outdoors I had completely forgotten.

Apply for at least 4 jobs a week----

I was trying to film a second a day too and that ended in... February.

Yeah, anyways, I don’t know. I got to be more reasonable.

3: Did anyone close to you give birth?

Nay! Least you count all the girlies at work.

4: Did anyone close to you die?

Nay!

5: What countries did you visit?

I’m still working on that ok?

6: What would you like to have in 2023 that you lacked in 2022?

Watch as KT chooses “career” for the fourth year in a row... Honestly, no. I’m going to say a feeling of community. That’s what I really want.

7: What dates from 2022 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

I will probably forget everything. I still remember the queen died on the 8th of September. I don’t know why I remember that but I doubt it will last.

8: What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Writing the script. I mean, it has changed a bit, and will continue to, but it was a big step in this journey I’m on. And as you know, I rarely finish things I start, so this was a big deal. Even if it never sees the light of day.

I read it to my family at Christmas and my oldest bro-in-law told me to keep making it because he likes it.... HUGE compliment coming from him.

I have also written the outlines for several other episodes for this not-real TV show of mine. I think I’m up to 5 outlines, in addition to the script. So, yeah. Even if it never gets to TV I might make it into a webcomic. Like, I'll make a pact that if I haven't gotten it made by the time I'm 30, I'll start making it into a webcomic instead.

Plus, I’ve been working a lot on my portfolio. I need to finish that up in January and then I’ll be applying for grad school! Scary but exciting.

9: What was your biggest failure?

My biggest failure of the year was probably whenever I applied and interviewed for that broadcasting job. I was really bummed that I didn’t get the job because of the following reasons:

1) It was “the perfect” job for me, I was perfectly qualified and it was in the perfect place, as close as I could get to my “dream job” without leaving the state.

2) There was three (3!) openings. The odds should have been in my favor

3) I knew someone who was already working there. Just embarrassing to me like, ok, so he knows I didn’t get the position. We went to school together our resumes were VERY similar ya know? How did I not get it?

But my biggest failure did lead me to self-reflect. The job search the last few years has been so hard. Getting this rejection was a very big “I can’t do this anymore” moment, so I was thinking, what has brought me satisfaction in all this? The answer was the TV show I write in my notes app.

And because I believe in that enough, I guess I’m going to go do that now instead. Either way, it’s been really fucking nice since then to have just completely given up on the job search. Just so nice.

10: Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yes, first I was sick... idk some time in Spring. Then I drank mold and became poisoned that way, so that was fun. And this last week I’ve had a stomach bug so wooo! I look forward to being well again.

11: What was the best thing you bought?

I bought the new tablet. It is really nice. But it would really only be useable thanks to Will, letting me borrow his computer all the time these days.

12: Whose behavior merited celebration?

I respect all my friends for their behavior and growth or dealing with challenges. It was tough ages 18-24 dealing with losing friends, but now the people I choose to surround myself never worry me, or shock me, or even come close to disgusting me. That’s not something I could have said when I was younger (sadly). But now all my friends are super solid and I am proud to know them.

13: Whose behavior made you appalled?

I don’t know... sometimes my coworkers do stuff but I wouldn’t call it outright appalling? At worst it’s petty drama or bootlicking. But I’m very good at leaving things at work so I don’t care.

14: Where did most of your money go?

They keep increasing the gd rent grrrrr

15: What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The ocean and the beach and the accompanying aura was really cool. I was so excited in general for summer and warm weather, which I think I’m just thinking about because I want it really bad right now.

Chainsaw Man anime! It’s been great showing it to Will, now he knows who tf I’m talking about.

16: What song will always remind you of 2022?

I really don’t listen to pop songs anymore but on our drive to the east coast we discovered Brick + Motar which has become a staple in our home, so pretty much all their songs.

17: Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? Richer or poorer?

I’m probably in all ways about the same. This is what I talk about when I say all the last few years have been a blur because things really don’t get better or worse they just stay the same.

18: What do you wish you’d done more of?

Focusing on finishing things I started. Running theme here, I know, lmao

19: What do you wish you’d done less of?

Play stupid little games on my phone. I seriously get addicted to these things.

20: How did you spend Christmas?

Went home. It was really brief this year. I'll make sure my visit next year is an extended stay.

21: Did you fall in love in 2022?

Never stopped.

22: What was your favorite TV program?

Some things I enjoyed this year: Severance, What We Do in the Shadows, Arcane, Chainsaw Man, Spy x Family, Jojo Part 6, Bee and Puppycat: Lazy in Space, Fringe, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Gravity Falls, and many docs.

23: Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Nah.

24: What was the best book you read?

I have been and should be finished reading “The Song of Achilles” soon. I enjoy it because before I played Hades, and as a former greek mythology kid, I hadn’t heard of Patroclus, and I enjoy learning more about him..

25: What was your greatest musical discovery?

I did a lot of musical discovery this year. Like, more than usual, probably not a lot compared to most people. First off, I discovered Of Montreal (not from Montreal sus) TV on the Radio, and of course my Spotify top song of the year: “Heart It Races” by Architecture in Helsinki (I have yet to listen to a single other song of theirs because I just know nothing can top this).

Will discovered Brick + Mortar, and Fish in a Birdcage, which I have coveted.

I have also enjoyed That Handsome Devil and Spoon. Although there is more diving to do with them.

26: What did you want and get?

New drawing tablet.

27: What did you want and not get?

New laptop. My tastes are just too expensive and so I ended up using the money for other things.

28: What was your favorite film of this year?

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE!

29: What one thing that made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Writing things for myself and then reading them off to Will. Oh, yeah, my TV show has a fan! Just greenlight me baby!

30: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2022?

Visions from higher powers. But mostly I don’t wear pants at home. I’m not wearing pants as I write this.

31: What kept you sane?

Socializing. Going outside. Going for walks. Music. My notes app.

32: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I don’t care about celebrities but I do care about Aki Hayakawa.

33: What political issue stirred you the most?

I lost rights this year so..... oof.

34: Who did you miss?

My kitty cat.

35: Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2022.

I learned not to compromise on quality of life? Life is filled with dreams. You gotta follow the string of satisfaction.

It’s easy to get caught up in a stream of “well I have to do this, and then that, and then I’ll be happy.” Which is pretty much how I have lived my life up to this point. I went to college because I thought it was a step to happiness. I wasn’t happy while doing it. I should have done something else, I think. It was unhappy times.

Like, I don’t really like my job, it’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life, or even a year more, but it’s something I can do now, while pursuing other things that DO satisfy me... and THAT’S the satisfaction I have in my life. Before, it was just a step while I waited for something better. But I realize that’s not a good way to live life.

36: Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

#lifeblogging #Tl;dr of this is that I wrote a script and didn't read any books lmaooo #year in review

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spookclimber · 1 year

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okay rant/mini(large words of) mental breakdown below

i walked to my car for a lunch break i didn’t want to take and discovered i have a parking citation, because my plates are expired, which i fucking forgot to do a few months ago because my life was falling apart and now it lowkey feels the same. i have rent, other monthly bills and now this that i have to fucjing deal with and also not park anywhere that could be bad until i get my plates renewed, which idk how long that’ll be.

on top of that my new job that i was fairly excited for is fine, i guess, but it’s it and pays not nearly what my college degree says i’m worth. i cannot handle sitting at a desk doing actually nothing until someone asks a question like this one i saw today, “should i click this ‘you have 3 new viruses’ popup.”

i feel like i used to be able to do things, and now i’m always exhausted and this stress is piling up again cause i need to do things and i CANT and i need to buy i really can’t which makes me feel like shit and worse and it’s a circular system.

especially when i haven’t been able to fall asleep normally until it’s past 2 am or something at the earliest, which just leaves me even more tired. on friday i was sick for my second day at the job and once i called it in i proceeded to then sleep, after my night sleepof like 12-7:30 am, from 9am to 11 fucking 30 pm, then was up for a couple hours before sleeping until 5 pm on saturday. this isn’t sustainable and it’s terrible and because of that i struggle even more when i need to try to work towards the financial issues but I CANT and i’m almost crying at work right now ranting this out because i have to get some words out and try to articulate what i feel.

the. another smaller thing but it still weighs on me is i’m like the only person wearing a mask at my work and yeah it’s it and cubicles and shit but covid still is going strong and people don’t seem to give a damn

i used to be able to do things i applied for and worked in two great internships in college why now am i having a meltdown over an objectively easier job that pays less well maybe that’s a part of it but god fucking dammit am i so stressed and, i don’t know, fucking out of it all the time in ways that don’t help me fix the problem at all.

oh another thing that isn’t fun is i was enjoying being nonbinary with my friends and all but i’m terrified to idk be that publiclally so once more i’m cosplaying my worksona except i flinch every time i see my dead name all around me and people call me by it so like why do i do this for a job that will barely make me rent and will bore me out of my mind? oh wait it’s cause i literally was unable to get any other position and i even almost got scammed in this process by someone who posed as a hr hiring person and put me through a written interview and all that jazz and got me hyped up before eventually i concluded with help it was a scam. applying for jobs fucking sucks but i guess i need to do it again between trying to make money outside of work and also at work which i’m not sure i’ll be able to juggle everything in addition to trying to get enough sleep and at least some time for me to decompress (but i’ve been needing more and more of that recently to work out and it’s related to previously stated issues) so i’m just losing it.

ido honestly believe i’ve been making strides in regards to my mental health and identity but es problema es capital as they say but i’m having such issues of motivation and getting things done that it’s a huge problem and my apartment is too much rent because i couldn’t move out when i lost my roommate because i definitely wasn’t capable of it and that roommate taught me i will literally die if i live with basically anyone that isn’t a very small specific group but because of that i’m stuck with an apartment with no food, a broken dishwasher that i’m too scared to call the landlord to fix, double rent and such.

like i knew i had some issues but my cascade of emotions once i saw the ticket on my break that id been forced to take i guess shows me that i’m really not doing well with the massive stress just hanging over my head

well i guess that’s all the words i have now. if you read all that i’m impressed and sorry i guess, but maybe i’ll find a way to dig myself out of this hole. maybe

#emotional rant #too many words #don’t feel the need to read i just needed to throw words out there #i truly think i need a week to a month with zero financials nor deadlines bearing down on me to try to fix my life but that won’t happen for #a while if ever #and i’m recently gluten intolerant so quick easy tasty fast food for a treat or pizza or such literally poisons me so that’s not an option

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sand-lily · 1 month

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where are all these jobs coming from out of nowhere?

jobs that ghosted me in 2021 are like "heeeeeeeyyyy remember us?"

no bitch, i dont

i didn't reapply for any of these, so why have 4 different companies contacting me all of a sudden? and i mean LAST NIGHT/ THIS MORNING sudden

2 of them didn't even give me an interview

SOMETHING must be happening in Japan and their ALTs must be quitting, so theyre looking for last second replacements, i wonder how fuckin far into their archives they had to go to pull me up

ik gifu cut off all tourist, even japanese ones, and thats a big tourist place, and a lot of other places are denying non-japanese tourists specifically, so maybe people are going home because they arnt really wanted around that much anymore...idk

im gunna start looking at the news more to figure this out

but i don't think i should apply for a job that wants to hire somebody they haven't interviewed in 3 years (if at all) maybe 2WEEKS before the school year starts (if that)

and i MOST CERTAINLY won't be applying for the job that lied to me by saying they weren't using their exemption to bring over ANYONE while the borders were closed and had me on a 2 year wait list that i was "first priority" on,

but somehow there were videos and tweets and posts not even a full 3 months later of younger white people with unrelated degrees (like art and theater) saying that the same company brought them over with an exemption :|

cant believe they woke me up with these bullshit ass emails, im going back to bed

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trashfontcesttrash · 7 months

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So I'm from Washington DC, the countries capital of all places, yay me I guess?

But my family moved out to West Virginia right before I started high school (one I had to apply to and interview for an got in but that's another story)

So we would go and visit family from time to time, and I kind of got to peak in to all the renovations they're doing to the city.

And

Okay, there a couple of points

1. They were going to install one of those trolley buses to go around town, had the things built into the ground and everything for it.

They've been testing it for like 5 years no one believes they're actually ever going to start being available lmao

DC has a metro system though. It needs a lot of work but it's there.

2. I appreciate the building of new homes, you know. A lot of old apartments and houses were really run down. But like most houses built in the US you can tell they used materials not meant to last? I can think back to a post about Germans being confused about Americans talking about punching a hole through the walls thinking it was a figure of speech because what kind of steroids would you have to be on to punch a hole through the wall, and then it'd shown that our homes are built with plaster and prayers.

3. They have these electric scooters and bikes everywhere, which is a great first step. Could be better through.

4. Going through downtown is a claustrophobics nightmare oh my god I wanted to scream. Ban cars from the busiest streets actually. DC CAN be walkable. It's pretty walkable as is, but there's so much room to make it even more so. Idk how to say it, it's like they built all these new buildings without thinking about how it looks from the perspective of someone walking down the street or in their car. Also it looks very generic. Sterile, almost. A lot of new stuff being built around the country all looks the same and I hate it so much

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dmcoffee · 1 year

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Journal is packed away but I need brain clarity.

I think I am sitting pretty between panic and disassociation, so here's me whinging about the chaos to get it of my brain because I cannot find my journal atm.

So! RV's got hiccups. Some of this I expected. My range of solutions and subsequent picking of more mechanically minded individuals brains has netted me bumpkis atm. (Pretty sure there's an electrical issue. Alternator is my guess.) My tools are limited. My funds are limited at this precise moment. (And I have to make sure I'm careful about keeping gas money available so I can work.)

And I haven't been able to really get in there and so any work sealing up holes, because current elevation and lack of a ladder prevents me from monkeying all over it. Still missing two massive windows, rendering it unsafe to use for sleeping atm. And I cannot move it to work on it. I did run some primer on the inside and treated some of the wood pieces (I think I can get by on 1-2 small spackle cans here, the damage there is minor.)

Packing is slow and overwhelming. I think its emotional, but I'll bear it in mind next time I have to go see the doctor. Considering how much my other siblings are getting fascinating diagnosis's recently, there's a chance I too may be not as balanced as I could be with medication or some other accommodation.

Right now however, it's like pulling teeth. And I'm physically exhausted. Pretty sure I've managed to remember all the meals I need to eat. Have more going now because I felt hungry, so I'm trusting that. Also good way to get rid of perishables.

Technically I should be out tomorrow. IDK how the hell that's gonna look. There is still so. much. stuff. And only the van to put what I'm keeping into it.

This place needs to be cleaned too. I'm not sure I can let myself be petty enough to leave it as this guy's problem, even if he is a shit landlord.

I also think I might be getting sick. I'm hoping that this fatigue and that feeling in the back of my throat are all just from stress and allergies. I can't afford to get sick. (I'm an American, duh.)

The really crappy part is I might have to ask to stay at someone's for a while. With my cat...

I do not want to do that. Logically I know that even with it being a temporary thing, it's a big ask. And my friends have said that's a better alternative to me sleeping out of my car...I just feel incredibly frustrated and ashamed to have to reach out.

I've reviewed everything I know about what's happened, and aside from some minor tweaks, I don't think I could've avoided this outcome though...

The mental health had to be addressed. The meds were from my doctor. The side effects weren't caused by anything I did. And I physically could not keep up. My job hunt was long and difficult. I interviewed for the same position at the same store 3 times! And they're still "hiring.". (How???? The place was always packed with eager applicants too.) I wasn't being picky, I just picked whatever I could do that would cover my rent. Not enough.

I had 6 months put back for emergencies like this. It wasn't enough.

I partially paid the landlord and kept him in the loop. (Something he didn't do for me, I might add.)

And then when I looked into what to do once he gave me my two weeks, I lucked into the RV deal. Because rent's too high or with unknown roommates. (Bonus points for them being college guys. I'm don't want to room with guys I don't know. Did ask 1 person I knew, but we couldn't make that happen.)

All in all? It all makes sense. It all sucks. And at most I could've...applied more than just 10 apps per day? That's it, I think...

Yet I still feel guilty, like I didn't do enough, because that's how I was taught you're supposed to think of people. If you can't see them burning themselves out first, then they clearly aren't trying, and are probably just mooches and manipulators. (Ironically, I can't hold this opinion of others, but I sure as hell apply it to myself.)

Even though a few steps here and there might've forestalled worse consequences. (I guess I could've asked for help to pay rent until I found a job, but...I hate that. Intensely.)

So I'm starting to fizzle a bit and I'm going to have to ask, and I hate that. So I'm mad with my situation. Frustrated that I'm not an island and the cool self-sufficient adult I've heard about in grown-ups myths. Mostly I just feel like a very sad houseplant. IDK....

#I'm still looking forward to getting the RV into shape #but there's the here and now to think about too #and it's a littttttle grim at the moment #food and sleep will help #right?#right.#delete later

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azuresparkz · 1 year

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☆guess who's back!☆

IDK if I still have any mutuals on here after how long I've been away, but I'm back and excited to start posting again! I have a lot of fun written, musical and artistic content that I'm excited to share on here again. I've missed the text-based blog format and I'm ready to return! Without further ado, here are some of the projects I'll be working on this year.

My original musical "On Replay" is getting professional workshops done with the full length draft of the script and song demos THIS MAY! I have 3 weeks to finish my script and another 2 on top of that for my demos to be ready for audition weekend in march. I'm incredibly excited as this is my biggest and most long term passion project from when I did my first short-form workshops in August last year. I cannot wait to see where this goes.

I'm playing Dogberry in TAPAC's season of Much Ado About Nothing! The performance will be the weekend before I've set auditions for On Replay to be which will be tight but means I've finished the show before sorting auditions for another.

I'm going to start being active on my Youtube Channel "MeKaiElla" again! I'm going to be posting regular covers as of this weekend every 2 weeks, hopefully working on some more general youtube content as well if I can get a good video camera

I'll be posting regular content reviews of shows, movies, music and other art that I get to enjoy on here, hopefully at least weekly or two times a week

I'll be tabling at a LOT of conventions and markets this year, as many as I can get my hands on reserving to up my con-game and selling game this year. I haven't secured a table for Overload as of yet but I will be putting aside cash for when I get the email that a table is ready for me and whoever I plan to split it with!

Speaking of my art, I'm going to be investing a lot more time in making art more regularly, I've missed it and have been finding my joy in it again recently without pressure, but I want to improve my skills and build my graphic design and illustration brand if I can so I'll be posting more regularly, making and hopefully reaching feasible growth goals and hopefully be able to cultivate a supportive and large enough audience that I can open my very own Patreon.

My partner and best friend are working on a podcast! It'll either be called the "Three Braincell Podcast" or "The Chodecast" depending on what we decide, once my friend moves into her new place we're gonna get started on planning our format and getting some test streams and episodes out there.

I plan to work on more cosplay content as I am now an exec member of my university's cosplay association, I will be bringing monthly content both on here and at @azuresparkz.cos on instagram. I MAY be returning to tiktok creation at some point, but I'm still on the fence. It's been 3 years since I made Beetlejuice content on there and I havent redownloaded tiktok since may of last year, so we'll just have to see what happens.

I'm actively studying theatre and acting at university, so i want to put some of my time into writing skits and working more on my scripts and putting them to the performance test on both larger and smaller scales such as on youtube, reels and tiktok. I also

I've been applying for a TONNE of jobs, currently employed as a freelance graphic designer currently hired on a monthly basis by a Training Company and also working at a vineyard close to my parent's house. I've got 3 more jobs in the works, a cafe near my flat that's wanting me for casual work, a Theatre in the city looking for FOH and the University Magazine! I'm looking at the Cafe's contract today and am waiting on interview dates for both the magazine and the theatre this week, but all opportunities are very exciting! Hopefully I'll be able to organise myself and these jobs so I can prevent myself from overstretching with my studies, work and projects and not burn out like last year

My band "Kaloula" is going to be doing tonnes of gigs this year so I'll be posting bits and pieces about our gigs, recordings we do, and such and the like so if you're in the Auckland NZ area you should come check us out at the Portland Public House every other week @ 10pm! (once we get our dates for this year teehee)

I plan to also develop and produce a solo EP this year, ready for full release by the end of this year, with solos dropping throughout the year. I'll be talking more about this after my focus on my musical and it's concept album are complete.

So! A lot of plans, a lot to work on and a lot of opportunities and projects to be excited about. I can't wait to share all of this on here and connect more with an audience for all my exciting projects!

Much love, Em☆

#slice of life #daily blog #blog #day in the life #digital diary #life plans #artists on tumblr #life goals #reviewblog #writing inspo #yt likes #life update #personal post

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glitterglockz · 2 years

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okay so i just don’t know anymore. need therapy and been just thinking. rn im 21 and just graduated from college. tough four years. but im struggling to adjust to not being in school and feel like im not thinking big enough. little ambition but idk i have plans in the fall and I’ll be busy w a new opportunity. i just wanna keep winning like yumeko. or idk if i should take this time to focus on other things like improving my health, having fun and relaxing. in my ideal world id wanna work 2 jobs ideally one being Sephora and the other bartending but i would equally benefit from working from another makeup store or a nice clothing store like Nordstrom or urban outfitters two of which i applied to. i also hit up my old job target which reminded me of my old ting 😭. but idk i feel so far from control and things are not working out in my favor but i could be wrong and maybe these rejections will prove to offer future benefits such as me working at a better store or getting more money or a better opportunity. i love makeup. it’s self expression, a complement to an outfit, beauty. i made an ig page solely dedicated to makeup. i plan out looks and take pictures and videos. this week imma do a rainbow under eye and then cheetah/leopard print and pink zebra maybe green and then but for makeup my goal is to get more traction on my page, set trends, capitalize off it through brand deals and sponsors, get free makeup and learn how to do makeup professionally, do peoples makeup and serve looks. okay so that involves me doing my makeup more, posting consistently, researching techniques, trying diff products and applying to jobs with makeup. i can also start blogging about makeup too. I’m also thinking about getting my bartenders license during this gap of time. Im horny asl and i can’t wait to get some rump. i love missionary and freaky shit. love getting my pussy ate and trying new shit. im getting back to my thickness. trying to be a curvy bitch in a body car ( g wagon). but yeah i wanna be a bad bitch 😍 serve looks and always be on point. be iced out and fly and an it girl. but yeah ik this nigga w good dick and he’s an aquarius and a lil disrespectful so idk if i should i think one last time and then that’s it. he’s said he’s sorry and all but idk if im being fooled out the pussy. but does it matter if we fuck and most likely how would that make me feel? why am i so intent on leveling up everything in my life but not in my sex or romantic life. dealing w the same bs, im not having it ! it’s also me too, i be acting crazy and not standing up. not respecting myself and shit so am i getting what im putting out ? let’s think more about our dream nigga or gf and think of ways i want to prepare to receive them. anyway. health i need to get better at that too. i want to eat a better diet, walk everyday and maybe smoke less but it’s always tricky i feel like smoking does wanders for my mental health. writing too and maybe it’s about rewards and courage. limiting smoking to 3-4 times a week instead of everyday. but let’s see drinking more water and im invited to interview at club Pilates which would also be a good opportunity for me. maybe Pilates will help me find peace and myself. or is that me expecting too much out of a job ? ive been getting so irritated lately. little things are pissing me off. but let’s see trading rn is going well but I’m still practicing and need to develop a better strategy and research more. need 4-5 streams of income to pay off my credit cards and live my soft life. but i like learning new things and being in certain spaces that promote growth:

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