#this is so messy im gonna cry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-rogue-mockingjay · 9 months

Note

💗 slow kiss / gentle kiss / inevitable / soft

Hiya Middy! Long time no see!! I hope life has been kind to you 💜💜💜

lol we're thinking on the same wavelength today @coldshrugs 😂 :>

anyway. This was supposed to be a snippet. It...did not end up being a snippet omg, it really got away from me kdlfhgjkfdhgk. It's 3:40 in the morning and this is the first piece I've (more or less) finished in like 3 or 4 months. It's just under 1,300 words. Set a few weeks after the big Endwalker finale, so vague mentions of what happened there.

[prompt meme]

nascent hope & new beginnings

The uneven rhythm of O’ravi’s cane tapping on the cobblestone announces her presence before she emerges from the early morning fog that blankets Sharlayan, and Aymeric sets aside the report he was reading, its contents immediately forgotten.

She’s starting to look like herself again, a clarity in her eyes now that’s been absent since her return from Ultima Thule. The silver and teal shawl she’s wrapped around her shoulders clashes somewhat oddly with the dark red tunic dress she wears, which in turn contrasts with the royal blue ribbon that holds her hair in a loose ponytail. It’s a far cry from the well-coordinated outfits she wears for business and battle, but it suits her.

O’ravi smiles, a little lopsidedly, a little shyly, and waves. “Hey.”

“Good morning, Ravi.” He can’t help it—he runs to meet her, and offers his arm. “You’re up early.”

“The pain was too great to stay in bed. So I thought I might as well seek you out, enjoy the fresh air.” She moves to link her arm through his but pauses, a strange look on her face. Instead, she reaches up to grasp his collar and tugs.

Wordlessly, and with no small amount of confusion, he acquiesces to her wish and leans down.

And softly, sweetly, feather-lightly, she presses a kiss to his lips.

She withdraws before he realizes what happened, content. His heart lurches like a wounded animal within his chest, his breath suddenly shaky, and she winds her arm through his as if she didn’t just send him reeling.

He can’t bear to look at her, he can’t bear to look away. The kiss in Ala Mhigo, before she set out for Garlemald—when she’d kissed him like her survival depended on it only to flee for the airship. That was moons ago, and they’d not spoken of it yet. It was never the right time.

Now, this. Against all the odds she defeated Meteion and Zenos and made it home alive, and she could’ve gone to anyone—could’ve sought out anyone she wished—but she chose to be here. With him.

Halone have mercy.

They walk together down the garden path back to the pavilion. Her gait is unsteady and torpid, but between him and the cane she’s at no risk of falling. It frustrates and distresses her to be so robbed of strength, but he’s just glad to see her up and about and alive. Safe, and free.

There’s a chill on the breeze, carrying the promise of snow and the memory of home. The long walks they took through the Pillars on the eve of battles she didn’t believe she’d return from. He lays a hand over hers, letting her clammy hands soak up his warmth. Soon, they’d go home together, and never again would she need to leave fearing what fate awaited her in far-off lands. Not if he had anything to say about it.

They make their way to the bench where Aymeric left the report, and O’ravi attempts to fold her legs beneath her only to cringe and hiss when the motion aggravates some half-dozen different wounds.

“Careful,” Aymeric says, settling down beside her.

“It never gets easier.” She leans the handle of her cane into the corner of the pavilion wall, careful not to knock it over lest its clattering disrupt the morning quiet. Her tail swishes placidly as she shifts to close the distance between them, ensuring that her arm rests against his and her leg likewise touches his.

He raises his hand slightly in silent offering; without hesitation, she twines her fingers through his.

“Aymeric,” she says, so softly it’s almost a whisper, “what do you think happens now that the Final Days are over? No more Ascians, no more Garlean expansionism, no more Hydaelyn and Zodiark…”

“Years of rebuilding, to start with. No nation was spared the destruction the blasphemies and towers wrought—in every corner of the world, entire communities were wiped out, the population slaughtered or turned, to say nothing of the state of Garlemald. We must needs—”

O’ravi laughs. “No, no, no, I meant: duty and the wider world be damned, what do you want for your future?”

Ah.

He blinks stupidly, trying to cobble together an answer. “I’ve not put much thought into it, to tell you the truth.”

In truth, that is a flat-out lie. Of course he’s thought about it. But what he wants, what he longs for above all else—he cannot ask that of her. What if the request hurts her? And, perhaps it’s selfish, but what if her answer hurts him? Their friendship is too important to take the risk. No, he will hold his tongue.

“You don’t have to have it all figured out right now,” she says, and while her smile is tender there’s a knowing look in her eye that he can’t withstand. “Just think about it for a while.”

He never has been good at lying to her. His one consolation is that she’s just as bad at lying to him.

“What of you? The world is yours now, your life is your own again. What will you do with it?”

“Well.” She straightens her spine, ears twitching excitedly, and her smile takes on a mischievous edge. “After all I’ve done, I have more than earned the right to live as I see fit. I’ve earned the right to put duty and responsibility and reputation aside—and I know someone else who has earned the same.”

“We do owe much to your fellow Scions and Warriors of Light.”

“No, Aymeric, I mean you.” She takes his other hand in her own and squeezes. “The future is ours now. Ours to shape, ours to live. After all we’ve bled and suffered and sacrificed, we need to do something for ourselves. Just this much at least.” She leans towards him, and he has no choice but to meet her gaze. “You give and you give and you give of yourself until you have nothing left. The world takes and it never gives back, and before you know it you’ve lost yourself. I know this is happening to you because it happened to me, too. You have to draw a line in the sand somewhere and say, this is mine, this belongs to me, and the world can’t touch it. Aymeric, may I tell you what I want for the future?”

The light is glinting off the gold veins that mar her eyes. Her sincerity is painful to behold.

“Of course.”

“I want you to find yourself again. I want to find me again…and I want us to do it together. I want us to walk into the future together, hand in hand, side by side. Whatever paths we walk going forward, I want us to walk them together until the end of our days.”

“I…”

By the Fury, how is he supposed to answer that? How is he meant to—?

His heart is racing, and she’s watching him with such an innocence, a kindness that’s driving him mad.

Her wish answers the question he couldn’t voice. Yet it still leaves some things up in the air, namely: will they continue to keep a distance between them? Pretend Ala Mhigo never happened and remain friends and naught more?

A deeply foolish thought—he knows what the answer to that is, even if he won’t admit it—but nonetheless…

O’ravi raises an inquisitive eyebrow. “What say you, my brilliant blue knight?” His thoughts are spinning too rapidly to be trusted now, so despite the fact he’ll likely regret it later, he follows the impulse of his heart and kisses the scar that cuts across the bridge of her nose. Let that be answer enough.

#i slammed this out in one night so it is nowhere near as polished as what i usually post #if i allowed myself to edit it it would never get posted SO #no editing we die like dragoons using elusive jump during the titan boss fight #well i mean. i'll probably edit it tomorrow afternoon but. for now we're not playing that game GKJHDFLGKJ #don't judge me don't look at me it's 3am and this held me hostage even as my brain's ability to words sputtered out T^T #we are NOT main tagging this it is TOO SILLY #i might be cringe but i am freeeeeee baybee #i will probably rewrite the end later but for now it is good enough #i decided not to let the perfectionism win and prevent me from writing + posting this so if it's messy that would be why lmao #i will fix it later for now we are floating in the goofy pool and crying into our hands !!!#o'ravi soltholia #rogue writes #o'ravmeric #OKAY BYE IM GONNA SLEEP NOW BEFORE THE ANXIETY CAN CATCH ME 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️#endwalker spoilers #really really vaguely??? idk but just to be safe #HELPPPPP #is this even coherent? idk but i had fun writing it. that's the important part #and considering the migraines and pain and brain fog I've been in lately im amazed i was able to write at all #so. even if this sucks i created something so MISSION ACCOMPLISHED #thank u for the asks besties 💕 it really did help clear the brain fog a lil #also for the record this is my first time writing shippy stuff that isn't pre relationship or It's Complicated so. yay!!!!!#the only other shippy stuff ive written was shepard and kaidan angsting about shepard's death so this is new territory for me 😂

5 notes · View notes

girlwithfish · 1 year

Text

pushing ppl away is not fun 😍

#now i have to lay in my beddd 🫂bc i got irrationally angry when my bf came into the bathroom where i was crying 😍nd then i had to cry #in bed instead #and im still angry or upset for some reason abt monday which i shouldnt be but i guess i havent really processed or even tho it was resolve #resolved i still have bad feelings abt it apparently and im just like lost i guess. idk what u do when u relapse i just ignore it after #I guess it doesnt rly feel like a big deal to me but the whole aftermath and conflict made me want to kms so thats mainly why i probably #wont do it again bc its too painful and messy and makes me suicidall lol #So whatever #But i guess i feel a little angry #Idk #I think itd be better to just ignore it #Anyway at least i made really good pesto eggon toast for myself and a coffee to cheer myself up #nd im probably a little irritable and insane rn bc i wait to eat until evening and then wonder why im like insane and evil. lol #Im just sad nd hate my body face existence i want to die i want to be held i want to disappear i dont want to do anything #feeling ok never lasts etc #Had a big cry for like three minutes now im normal again #need to take my exam soon so ig ill just be busy for 2hrs nd not worrying abt my stupid bullshit pathetic life bye #Then im gonna check my mail bc tab sent me smth <3

9 notes · View notes

glitzybunny · 1 year

Photo

Homework and design is hardddd :’((((

4 notes · View notes

hermywolf · 1 year

Note

So, what's going on with the Argentina match?

WE WOOOON THATS WHAT GOING ON WE WON. ALSO I WANT TO FUCK MESSI EVEN MORE NOW. SOMEHOW

#okay but real talk. argentina vs netherlands was today. it got pretty brutal. lots of yellow cards. referee was fucking shit #and clearly had a bias. messi was pissed. 2-2 so they got more time. still 2-2 so penaltys #argentina won!!!!!!!#also netherlands were being reaaally cocky about it and saying shit like 'we're gonna make messi cry' and acting like they already won #so im extra happy lmao #futbol #asks

6 notes · View notes

rindomness · 2 years

Text

im drawing spiritfarer art. next time i have free time. free time im not using to play spiritfarer

#IM. SOLIDLY MIDGAME RN I FOUND A CHILD AND I *LOVE HIM*#hes going to break my heart #tear it into shreds im already going 'i do not see it' at the requirement for him to be on my boat at all #i fished him out of the sea and grew him in my garden he is my son and he follows me around as i do my chores #ive spent a good chunk of this game after alice left going 'dont get too attached dont get too attached' and generally failing #because i get attached VERY easily and thats. sorta the point in this game.#but OH BOY DID I FAIL THE CHALLENGE HERE #i took One look at this guy and im so extremely attached #im going to full up sob when he leaves #my neighbors are going to ask me if im ok in the group chat #cause itll sound like im having a complete total messy breakdown #and im gonna have to explain about the child to people who are already extremely concerned #about my sleeping habits #to be fair: rightfully so but that isnt what we're talking about right now #RIGHT NOW we are talking about stanley and how much i LOVE HIM #and how hard im going to CRY WHEN HE LEAVES

2 notes · View notes

mejomonster · 2 years

Text

Dear Diary is SO good we slept on it. I regret ToT

It has a Xena reincarnation episode Wild Fucking Premise, played totally fucking straight (and you know how often comedy cdramas just go for ridiculous plots instead of realistic)

The comedy is that these 12 year old girls romance historical fantasy ocs are alive and in the real world doing magic, having the ptsd from dying in battle, the obsession with love only Romance Interest fictional characters have, but they're real. They're real and being told they're fake and dealing with the crisis of reality not matching their memories, but their magic evil villains are still chasing them. There's still henchmen and evil sorcorers and sorcoresses that act like Aphoridite. But these characters are also played SO genuine. Their lives are real to them, goals are real to them. And thus the contrast between their personalities and the real world causes comedy.

But the angst is heavy as fuck, the girl who made them is 24 now and hates the world, has alienated herself from her own happiness, and she's in a personal growth arc hellscape that this is only highlighting more. The people Based in reality are very relatably real, no sugar coating (also rare in your modern romance cdrama that's either too fluff unrealistic or too outlandish to be realistic). The drama lands in this Wonderfully genuine to reality place, with a huge grounded heart. The magic of childhood and the crushing reality of adulthood, and how that magic in childhood now might make us perhaps Ponder our own lives now and how to see the good in the mess (an apt metaphor for us now Watching a cdrama making us feel the same revelations as the heroine going through the same).

I absolutely adore it. Hikaru No Go/Qi Hun cdrama is maybe the closest in tone I can think to this show, with the mix of magical with very realistic peoples lives. But these lives in Dear Diary are messier, more adult, and that's not sugar costed. This drama is quenching a drought of trying to find comedy in a realistic setting, magical in mundane, the way Xena could be ridiculously slapstick played straight then make ur heart crush and as you cried.

Anyway back to lighter level commentary ToT

I'm in ep 6 and Murong went into the bathroom with his friend Wushan (both are fictional love interests come to life). Murong has been having flashbacks to war and dying in his story life (a cautionary tale that if your Romance OC ever comes to life they DO come with the ptsd the trauma their story had comes with), Wushan despite his calmness has also noticed unsettling things not adding up like knowing languages he shouldn't know (from his story life). So reasonably, they decide to get in a "hot spring" (bath) to see if it triggers another Murong memory flashback so tjey can figure out wtf is going on with them (Murong had a flash back earlier near another hot spring). Makes total sense with their characters, the impending horror of them finding out wtf they are, while also being about to be comedic gold BECAUSE

Dragon lady loves Murong (she's also from the story). The real guy who knew her from the story thinks she's hot so he's been helping her henchman style to keep her near in case he can shoot his shot (and cause he's the only real person who gives a shit if this Story Villain made real is actually okay and alive and not totally fucked over by the real world). And so he bought her an apartment to see Murong from. So she saw murong disappear into the bathroom with Wushan.

Wushan, being a teen girls Ideal Man, is seductive looking, sly and cunning, well dressed, and rich as fuck. So this real man sees Wushan going into the bathroom, Murongs story best friend? Real man says "oh man dragon lady I think you have more competition for Murong than just the girl"

Love the implication real guy (Deng Shui Lui) thinks a dream Romantic Lead is bi (he's right i can confirm djdj) and thinks Wushan is making a move (because it's in character and Deng Shui Lui knows the story) and it's a realistic assumption either IF they were real life normal men meeting secretly in a bathroom, OR if they were storybook best friends meeting secretly.

But what Den Shui Lui of course Fails to realize, is our Romantic Lead story men are both having some trauma and Oh God Existential what the FUCK things going on and need to secretly handle this shit because certainly bringing it up to others would make them seem Even Less Real.

Meanwhile Dragon Lady is still in single minded Romantic Villain mode so she just has to go make sure no one touches Murong her Crush to end all crushes

This set up is incredible impeccable and nicely balancing the horror of these 3 poor fuckers realizing they are figments of imagination who's traumatic lives were played over by God's who are now the messy cruel people they're interacting with, with the comedy of them all being so perfectly just Out of touch with how they appear and what they want versus how they think to get it that it's ridiculous to see

In other news. Thanks Dragon Lady for stopping the impending ptsd flashback, and Wushan can Get it

Sjdjjd earlier in the ep. Wushan convinced his real Woman counterpart to bang in a ball pit. Incredible.

#dear diary #lb #anyway WATCH oh my god im gonna cry #this plot takes the wild stuff ONLY 12 year old indulgence goes for #and smacks it into realistic grounded messy slice of life drama seamlessly #i absolutely love it #and im so impressed????

2 notes · View notes

toestalucia · 2 years

Text

im a broken record for the x year in a row but i ! dont think grans dad is a bad person! he watched true kings soldiers kill moms parents! kidnap her little sister! went on a trip to save her that obviously didnt work out knowing aunts still with true king! obviously had some reason for leaving, telling zinkenstill not to tell gran the truth because he didnt want them to go save aunt like that, for sure felt gran was at the egdelands since rosetta noticed him too (edgelands time fuckery<3333), i love edgelands, we know he Literally was face to face with bahamut too......for what reason who knows with their slowest msq speed ever<333 ofc he was related to bahamut before too but<333 reptis recalling of it seemed intense

and....................gran also knows all this now. taps the board its grans admiration for their dad and loneliness and anger at not being told anything and insecurity over him not returning and love for the father they hardly knew. its the complitated i love my dad but i cant come to terms with what he did cuz it kinda fucked me up a bit and everyone seems to know him but me and feeling left out cuz thats supposed to be UR dad and then ‘oh ur dad didnt want another singularity’ and ‘oh ur dad took care of seox’ and ‘oh yeah ur dad told shitori & mika a lot of stories’ and ‘actually the singularity is the cornerstone of the world rn so dont die pal’ and treasuring the old letter he sent u because u!!!! love ur dad!!!! him being a skyfarer and gran wanting to follow in his footsteps and im HHAAUUGGHHH DO U GET ME

#stardust speaking !#gbf spoilers//#death//#those chs & then having eternals anni did a number on me #HELP WHY R WE STILL NOT DONE WITH ACT3 CYGAMES I AM COMING FOR U #HOW R U GONNA RELEASE RELINK NLIKE THIS HURRY UP WITH THE STAR COFFER LORE #WHERE is mom #theres no way shes dead #but we also know gran has little to no memory of her so SOMETHING caused her to not be around #WHATS THE WALFRIED AND MOM BEEF I AM ON MY KNEES the way he spoke about her....#baby gran asking about their family eats my HAT #act3 might be messy but it was for me #im calm now #maybe #tldr gran & their dad makes me scream #if they delay the coming msq i will cry fr #this is terrifying terriotory we r entering #partly cuz timelines........me no likey

4 notes · View notes