#this made me so sad i had to tl it

[the-himawari-otome]

[Shuuen no Virche] Premier anniversaire - Lucas Proust

<Original post here>

･ﾟ･:,｡★ translation under the cut ★,｡･:･ﾟ

...To think I am able to spend this precious 1 year of my limited 23 with you, my beloved—why, I am a lucky man, am I not?

A sinner such as myself should never receive such happiness... I understand that.

...I understand that well.

...However, I must apologize.

...I want to....

...Be happy with you and Nadia.

For this one year... I’ve become unable to give up no matter what the cost.

Please, until this foolish wish of mine is severed by my lifespan, stay by my side as a part of our family—.

---

[DO NOT USE OR REPOST MY WORK W/O PERMISSION, THANK YOU]

#shuuen no virche #lucas proust #shuuen no virche translation #PAIN ONLY PAIN #CRYING THROUGH IT ALL #this made me so sad i had to tl it #((coping until the fd)) #((coping hard)) #please let lucas finally be happy please #🥹

[ballsballsbowls]

I lied and I'm making a new thread for this because I was going to keep it brief and I am not succeeding.

I think it's actually a sign that Katie was a fundamentally good person because she was not particularly good at harassing me (either that or I was simply not a very good mark. Or both.) The fact that I, again, knew we were not friends and knew there was no benign reason she was interacting with me probably did not make her life any easier.

The first one, she caught me in a big group of people before Choir class and said, loudly, "I just wanted to know if you're okay with me dating Matt. Since you're, you know, obsessed with him."

I wish I could say that I had a snappy comeback, but I was more confused than anything. I sputtered something once I realized what she was on about, but she got people talking about it, people outside of our class, and that was what mattered.

I suspect, for all her bluster, that she knew that I wasn't wrong about Matt, because she deliberately chose to approach me in a class that we didn't share with Matt and didn't include any of his immediate friends.

She did that one a few more times, asking me loudly how I felt about it in classes with bigger groups of students, and she would go stand and be so lovey-dovey (within the bounds of acceptable PDA) while standing in front of my locker, because Matt's locker was inexplicably 5 lockers down from mine for two consecutive years in spite of our names not being anywhere near each other alphabetically (I never did figure out how that happened).

The most memorable one, though, was she came into Honors English with a folded-up note and gave it to me, and she and two of her buds wanted me to read it while they sat and watched. I opened it up and glanced at it to see...a note allegedly from a secret admirer asking me to wait around after school so we could talk. I still can't tell you what the intention was if I stayed after school.

Now like...so even if this WAS real, I cannot overstate how incredibly burned out by school I was at this point. I think my first thought was, "if this IS real somehow, I cannot believe someone would think I would be impressed by a Secret Admirer right now. I HAVE a secret admirer and it's not really all that great. I desperately want someone who isn't afraid to loudly say that they want to be seen with me and like me for who I am. A Secret Admirer doesn't mean dick to me." And genuinely was like, disgusted by the cowardice this would have required. But I knew it wasn't real.

I glanced at it, looked back up at 3 sets of expectant eyes going, "WELL? What do you think? What are you going to say?"

I looked her dead in the eye and went, "...don't you think he's got awfully girly handwriting? Pretty weird, if you ask me."

This shut all of them pretty fast, and I'm, to this day, unsure how they thought someone in Honors classes with them would fall for something like that? I was a year younger than them but honestly?

I threw the note away immediately after class, which I sort of regret. Not because I thought it would bring back any good memories, but because I wish I could see it the way it actually looked, not the way I remember it my head from 2 decades out, a poor mental copy of a poor mental copy of a poor mental copy.

This was also extremely frustrating for me because there'd very much been a detente on people bullying me since 10th grade, because everyone who'd been a dick to me had either graduated, been expelled, or had Matt say or do SOMETHING to them that it stopped.

Matt's besties did see this happen, but I am unsure if he ever found out about it or if the three of them just chalked it up to Girls Being Girls.

So, I told you all of this to tell you about prom, which I'll do the next day or so.

#I think the major disconnect in high school was my classmates thought it was sad that I didn't date any of them #or have any close friends in my class #but I saw it as a numbers game and it wasn't 41 kids really #there were about 20 of us who had all of our classes together as honors students #and so there were 8-9 other girls out of that and I didn't like any of THEM so I felt it was a numbers game #so i just saw it as 'well none of these 8-10 girls are similar enough to me to hang out so we don't hang out' #and none of these 8-10 guys who were honors students were interesting or showed any interest but Matt #and Matt had gotten made fun of for interacting with me and I didn't like anyone else so of COURSE I wouldn't date them #tl;dr they though the problem was me and I was VERY sure the problem was them #stop b think of the children #please ask me to kill for you

[stonerzelda]

God damn it i slept in until just now WHY!!! But i did have a kiefer centric dream even if it was incredibly stressful. Fine

#i dreamt my bfs dad was casually just best friends with him and he invited me on a tril tk Thailand to go habg out with him so #obviously i was like uh yeah lets go but when we gkt there we knky made it to visiting one market before an earthquake hit except #there wasn't one? just everybody acting like there was one. also thja group of women i think were trying tl steal from him or something and #tried to use me for information #anyway i ended up sheltering in a school for ehstever reason and got separated from everybody #and then there was a drug bust and i had a dimebag of weed on me. and i genuinely feel bad abt this part #i basically planted it on somebody who tripped and their pockets emptied to show they had a shit ton of meth on them #and my logic was well this will just be a minor offense compared to that. #and then i hid in like a custodial closet #and saw a giant lever on the wall labeled 'KIEFER MANHUNT' so ig everything was just to get him lolll #there was more but it got very mixed up and lost any continuity. like donald duck had the same soul as aang kinda shit #very very sad i didnt get much of a chance 2 hang out with him like cant i just have a normal sex dream or some shit LOL

[thecherrygod]

I dreamt i was in the subway with a girl and we were having a good time and kinda flirting but at some point i laid it on a bit thick and she looked unsure of weather she actually wanted this or not, but still kinda continued flirting so I'm guessing she was on the side of keeping at it

Then i was in "my house" with a dif girl. I mean "my house" bc it's not at all like my house but you know in dreams you know things beforehand. Anyways I'm there, we have at least a kitten sleeping somewhere. I offer her food but we don't really have anything, just some cookies with black sugar on top (the ones from argie brand don satur lmao i haven't had those in a long time)

I think it's implied that it's the middle of the night, maybe even 2/3 am, but my grandma appears, sits down, grabs some of those but all the sugar falls on the floor. I tell her that and she snaps at me (wow like in real life!) And we sorta argue about that (wow. Like in real life.) And everyone kinda wakes up and is like wtf is wrong with you which would happen if we argued in the middle of the night i guess, and then it was just people walking around us and either joining the argument or telling us to shut up, and then i woke up and there was actually someone arguing at home lmao

#my posts #my dreams #also i feel i need to say the second girl is from my hs #some years ago she did something that made me decide im tired of her bullshit and simply to never talk to her or basically anyone #from that specific group of classmates again. and i had already decided to not talk to the rest ever so lmao #can you tell I've been going through it? #anyways im tired im sad im gonna see if we gave tl #have* to go to the store or something and later today im making babel tower of pancakes pt 2 maybe who knows

[lafemmemacabre]

Goth 101

🦇 tl;dr version for those who prefer that format

Goth is a music-based subculture that started out in the UK in the late 70s/early 80s and spread internationally from there. It spawned from the UK Punk scene, keeping the DIY ethics but turning the music more melancholic, introspective and experimental.

The music genres that the subculture was built around are (dark) Post-Punk, Gothic Rock, Darkwave, Ethereal Wave and a few other smaller subgenres.

While the fashion and other non-musical aesthetics are very prominent and beloved by goths, they're non-essential to the subculture. What defines a goth is the music we listen to.

Our "big 4" bands are The Cure, Sisters of Mercy, Bauhaus and the Banshees. However, 3 out of 4 of those bands are Post-Punk acts (Sisters of Mercy being the exception Gothic Rock band), and while very influential to the rest of the goth music scene, they by no means are the end-all, be-all of what goth music sounds like. The genre has evolved through its over 40 years of existence, creating diverse sounds. Anyone darkly inclined can find something to love, even if it takes a bit of research.

The Dark & Gothic playlist on Spotify is a pretty decent way to get started into goth music. In my old blog I had entire tags dedicated to goth music as a whole, and separately to Post-Punk, Gothic Rock, Darkwave and Ethereal Wave too. I had a few playlists based on popular goth aesthetics here.

The longer description of goth music will include playlists for each bigger goth subgenre, but please keep in mind they're made by me in a way that appeals to my personal tastes for each subgenre. I don't know every band that exists and my personal taste is biased towards the 90s.

Now, to a more detailed introduction to the goth subculture...

🦇 Dark alternative vs Goth

What a lot of people need clarified is that the goth subculture doesn't have a monopoly on the dark alternative world, nor are we the home for everyone sad, spooky and weird who doesn't fit in and might listen to any sort of sad, spooky or weird alternative music.

There are SO many dark alternative music scenes that have nothing or very little to do with the goth subculture. We've influenced a lot of them fashion-wise, but just because they copied us we look alike doesn't mean we're interchangeable.

There's no scale that goes from Prep to Goth and measures how Valid™ your inner darkness is, in which if you're anything below goth then you're a poser and lame. It's perfectly fine and cool to be dark alternative without being a goth. Goth isn't a badge of legitimacy or honor, it's just one specific flavor of dark alternative among so many.

Goth is a very small and obscure subculture despite our superficial hypervisbility (our looks and infamy are hypervisible, what we're actually about is extremely buried underground), and most dark alternative people aren't goths.

🦇 What does it take to be a goth?

There's one rule, and one rule only: LISTEN TO THE MUSIC. You wouldn't call yourself a metalhead without being a fan of Metal music, would you? The same principle applies to goth.

There are many types of alternative subcultures; some examples are fashion-based subcultures, another are lifestyle-based subcultures. A third type of subculture that's very prominent (especially in the West) are music-based subcultures.

Goth is a music-based subculture, just like the metalhead, punk, emo, rivethead/Industrial, hip-hop, rave, K-Pop and grunge subcultures are.

This means that, while the music isn't THE ONLY aspect the subculture has, in order to be a goth you have to listen to goth music, and we have a specific set of music genres that our subculture was built around, so not just anything dark and melancholy will do, as we don't have a monopoly on that, but we do have something closer to a monopoly on a specific sound and musical legacy.

You don't have to listen to goth music EXCLUSIVELY to be a goth, that'd be insane. You don't even have to limit yourself to dark alternative music either. You just have to listen to goth music to a relevant degree and be passionate about it and you're in, the rest is up to you.

This means too that the way you dress has no impact on your validity as a goth, whether you don't have the gothic wardrobe of your dreams yet or you just don't want to dress goth at all. I'm TikTok mutuals with a girl who dresses exclusively in pink-white sweet lolita coords, but who's passionate about goth music. She's a goth, no questions about it. On the other hand, a lot of the influencers you'll see online who look like a lost Addams cousin aren't goths at all, and no house decor or outfit will make them gothier if they don't listen to the music.

🦇 What music counts as goth?

From the previous points I made you probably gathered that Industrial and Metal ⁠– both genres that outsiders usually associate with the goth subculture ⁠– aren't actually part of the goth genre. So, what is goth music?

Goth music developed initially in the UK in the late 70s/early 80s off of dark Post-Punk. Post-Punk itself developed from UK 70s Punk Rock, being also influenced by Glam Rock, experimental electronic music, and many other influences more specific to each band that took part in this musical development (Bauhaus were very influenced by Reggae!).

What characterizes the goth sound are elements such as; being bass-driven rather than guitar-driven (in almost every case), guitars playing more of a decorative or atmospheric role instead of being the main focus (which contrasts starkly against genres such as Metal), preference for voices with a lower vocal range (altos, this is your genre to shine in!), optional use of synthesizers, recurrent replacing of human drummers with drum machines, and common use of lots of reverb and delay effects everywhere for an extra sensation that you're listening to music recorded in a catacomb.

Dark Post-Punk was the starting point of the goth subculture, and from it, all other goth music subgenres developed. Depending on who you ask there's a billion goth micro-genres. In my opinion a lot of those subgenres are rather meaningless (a lot of them are just specific flavors of Post-Punk or Darkwave) but the main 4 subgenres of goth music are:

(Dark) Post-Punk

Gothic Rock

Darkwave

Ethereal Wave

POST-PUNK:

Post-Punk took the standard sound of Punk Rock and its DIY ethics and made the sound more melancholic, romantic, experimental, less angry, and more introspective. Dark Post-Punk in particular was influenced by gothic literature and old horror movies (including their soundtracks, the Banshees created their characteristic guitar sound after the violins in the Psycho soundtrack).

Besides the 3 Post-Punk bands I listed as part of the goth "big 4", there's bands such as Skeletal Family, Twin Tribes, Specimen, She Wants Revenge, Sex Gang Children, Xmal Deutschland, Lebanon Hanover, Cruex Lies, The Secret French Postcards and The Birthday Party.

GOTHIC ROCK:

When goth became slightly more established in sound, Gothic Rock is what happened. Less experimental than Post-Punk, a bit more Rock-based, more decidedly dark and miserable than Post-Punk necessarily is, and finally severed from goth's punk roots. Sisters of Mercy is THE most popular and influential Gothic Rock band; they popularized the use of extremely low baritone vocals and drum machines. Despite existing since the 80s, its popularity peak was in the 90s.

Goth as a whole has its "big 4", but the subgenre of Gothic Rock has its own "big 3", which are Sisters of Mercy, The Mission (UK), and Fields of the Nephilim. Other Gothic Rock bands are Rosetta Stone, Corpus Delicti, Inkubus Sukkubus, Mephisto Walz, Angels of Liberty, Two Witches, Nosferatu, Wisborg and Soror Dolorosa.

DARKWAVE:

Goth going electronic! There's basically two types of Darkwave; the one that's more a combination of Post-Punk + Synthpop (very popular in the past decade), and the one that's more a combination of Gothic Rock + electronic music in general (most popular in the 90s). EXTREMELY danceable, but then again goths can dance to literally anything. This genre has existed at the very least since the second half of the 80s and has never stopped being relevant in the goth scene, save maybe during the Deathrock revival phase.

Clan of Xymox might be the single most influential Darkwave band. There's also The Frozen Autumn, The Crüxshadows, Switchblade Symphony, Collide, Dark, Ghosting, London After Midnight, She Past Away, Drab Majesty and Boy Harsher.

ETHEREAL WAVE:

This genre is heavily linked to Dream Pop, Neoclassical Darkwave and Shoegaze. Like with Darkwave there's basically a few styles of Ethereal Wave, I can pinpoint three; the one that's like, regular Goth Rock/Post-Punk but with a lot of extra delay and reverb and other stylistic choices that make it sound, well, Ethereal, dream-like. There's the type that has lots of Folk influences (be it Medieval/Rennaisance-ish type of Folk or "ethnic" type of Folk), and there's one that's synth-based but, unlike Darkwave, sounds like what ketamine must feel like. This genre has existed since the mid 80s but its peak in popularity and relevancy in the scene was in the 90s.

Dead Can Dance is THE most influential Ethereal Wave band, but there's others such as Cocteau Twins (started as Post-Punk, ended up as Dream Pop and Ethereal Wave), Miranda Sex Garden, Faith and the Muse, Lycia, Claire Voyant, Hamsas XIII, Love is Colder than Death, SRSQ, Black Tape for a Blue Girl and Mors Syphilitica.

What about Deathrock, Gothic Metal and Industrial?

Deathrock is goth's American twin, basically. While in the early 80s in the UK morose ex-punks were playing Post-Punk, in the early 80s in the LA Punk scene morbid and brooding punk kids were playing Deathrock; it's closer to Punk Rock in sound than Post-Punk, being more about being spooky and brooding than about being eerie and romantic. Goth is to vampires and witches what Deathrock is to zombies and werewolves.

To summarize the consensus on Deathrock and its place within the goth subculture; it's rare to find a goth who's not also into at least some Deathrock, and even rarer to find a deathrocker who's not into goth. Personally, I think Deathrock is its own separate though very similar thing, but I don't mind Deathrock being lumped in with goth music.

I made a whole TikTok video on why Gothic Metal isn't a goth subgenre, but in summary; Gothic Metal is a Metal subgenre that was somewhat influenced by goth music in its earliest stage of development, but is for the most part a cross between Doom Metal and Death Metal with lyrics inspired by gothic literature. By adhering to a Metal sound it doesn't fit the type of sound goth music has. The goth influences in Gothic Metal were mostly only present in the earliest bands and a majority of the newer acts are completely disconnected from the goth scene.

As for goth's ties to the rivethead subculture (and thus, Industrial music): We've been sibling subcultures since at least the early 90s. Both very, very small and underground scenes that despite being different, had enough similarities in music, idiosyncrasy and aesthetic sensibilities to comfortably band together for the sake of scene viability. That's why you might hear people talking about the "gothic-industrial scene".

Keep in mind too that 80s and 90s Industrial music sounded very different from how it does now (compare your average Grendel or Combichrist song to your average Skinny Puppy or Die Form song). There was a lot less influence of raver music in the rivethead scene back then, and a lot more influence from 80s dark alternative music and New Wave, which are key influences for the goth scene as well.

As told by goth YouTuber Angela Benedict (goth since 1995), every goth back then listened to at least some Industrial, every rivethead listened to at least some goth music, and they all loved 80s New Wave, so DJs at shared club nights had a very easy time entertaining both audiences simultaneously.

🦇 Trivia & other things to know

The term "gothic Rock" was being used in music journalism as early as to describe releases by The Doors and The Velvet Underground, but the word "gothic" there wasn't so much used to point to a specific type of sound at that stage, it was used to imply the mood of the music and that's not where the subculture gets its name.

We don't know for sure why this subculture began to be referred to as "goth", initially the music was called either New Wave (just a darker and more underground variety of it) or Positive Punk. However, one of the potential roots of this name for our subculture is that it comes from an inside joke from members of Southern Death Cult/The Cult about Andi Sexgang (Sex Gang Children) about how he was a creepy little guy obsessed with the macabre and dark romanticism living at the Visigoth Towers, so they called him a "goth goblin" and if he was a goth, then his fans were goths too.

From the comments that the goth bloggers/vloggers I follow get, apparently it's common for baby bats and people interested in the subculture to think that they HAVE to find a goth "type" to lock themselves into, like "trad goth" or "romantic goth" or whatever else, and if they don't, they're a poser. This isn't true at all. Most goths wax and wane between fashion styles and goth music subgenres. These terms are far more useful to describe aesthetics rather than people or music.

If you ever hear people talk about "1st/2nd/3rd wave goth/Gothic Rock"; that's an (in my opinion) outdated and not too functional terminology to differentiate between "eras" of goth music, 1st wave being between 1975-1985, 2nd between 1985-1995, and 3rd between 1995-? That terminology was used widely when I was a baby bat but not so much anymore.

"Baby bat" is what a lot of more established goths call newbies! It's NOT meant as an insult nor to be condescending. It's a loving cutesy term and while of course most baby bats are very young, it's perfectly plausible to be a very grown adult and a baby bat if they just got into goth instead of getting into the subculture as a teen.

Most goth bands are easily found on Spotify except for more underground ones that haven't been active for a while (I have so many beloved bands and songs that just don't exist on Spotify), but the real goth jackpot is at Bandcamp.

Facebook is still useful for one (1) thing and it's for finding goth events; that's where I've found out about gothic fairs, goth nights and gigs; from the largely popular ones in my local scene to the very underground ones.

The song most of the subculture agrees is THE first official goth song is Bela Lugosi's Dead by Bauhaus, which was recorded as a singular take. It was the first track the band recorded together, too.

The Batcave is infamous nowadays as a huge goth night club in Soho (London) during the early 80s, owned by the band Specimen, BUT as told by the very people who used to frequent the nightclub, the whole thing has been a little overblown and its current reputation is more legend than fact. YouTuber Gothcast has a great video on the subject that was praised by members of Specimen itself!

Most of the most iconic pioneer goth musicians HATE being referred to as goths or to have their music referred to as such. When the term "goth" was first starting to be used to describe our music and scene it was a pejorative used by outsiders and/or mostly associated with the campier and more "low brow" bands (Specimen and Alien Sex Fiend come to mind). Andrew Eldritch from Sisters of Mercy especially hates it, to the point he refuses to even say the word and refers to it as "the G word". Which is hilarious since he sounded the most stereotypically gothy out of the big 4 and looked like this at the time he started to be a piss baby about it:

Goth isn't really a "youth" subculture anymore if you ask people within the scene. Unlike people from many other subcultures, goths have a tendency to stay goth far into adulthood (even if covertly). When you go to any events, besides teens and people in their early 20s, you're gonna see plenty of goths in their 40s and older, a few of them will bring their kids along if the event is family friendly.

Besides the obvious chance of many goths being professional creatives (musicians, writers, artists, etc), for some reason A LOT of goths work in tech and healthcare!

Metalheads headbang, they and punks also mosh. What do goths do to vibe to our music together? We dance! We don't dance the same as non-goths but we LOVE to dance to our music, together or solo. There's no established dance styles to adhere to; it's just letting your body flow to the music. Some goth dancing is very intricate, some of it is very simple, it depends on the goth in question. Just in case, this is NOT like the dance gifs of cybergoths/rivetheads under that damned bridge. Think less that and more Wednesday Addams dancing to The Cramps, or the girl from the Night of the Demons movie. Here's some videos about how goths dance:

We fucking love 80s New Wave. No, Depeche Mode isn't a goth band; yes, you'll have to dig deep to find a goth who doesn't ADORE them. The only one I've come across who disliked Depeche Mode liked Soft Cell instead.

Goth IS international! Not just in the sense that there's fans of goth music basically everywhere, but that there's local goth scenes with their own local goth bands everywhere. Outside of the US + Europe + Canada, there's huge goth scenes all over Latin América (our Deathrock and Post-Punk are at times even popular among 1st world goths), and there's also smaller but still present goth scenes in Africa, Asia and Oceania. She Past Away is very much one of THE most popular goth bands in recent years and they're from Turkey.

The goth scene has always been in friendly terms with the LGBT community. Not only are many of our biggest icons LGBT themselves (the whole band Specimen, AVC from Sopor Aeternus, both members of Diavol Strâin, the vocalist from Male Tears, Cinnamon Hadley, and many more) but plenty of cishet goths (especially the men) embrace gender non-conformity and/or androgyny. In most local scenes, goth club nights are held at gay bars/nightclubs, as they don't tend to have privately owned venues. And either way, at any goth night there'll be tons of gay and gender non-conforming goths no matter where they're held. To varying degrees depending on the locality of the scene, gay and bi people are completely normalized in the goth subculture, and gender non-conformity and androgyny aren't just encouraged, but praised and coveted.

There's goths of any religion you can think of, but Neo Pagans are somewhat over-represented in our community compared to the rest of larger society (for better or worse). Funnily enough, very few goths are actually Satanists of any sort. I'd say the numbers go more or less similar to our local non-goth peers. In the West and westernized countries I'd say it goes; majority culturally-Christian atheist or agnostic goths (usually not militant about it), a few practicing Christians of whichever denomination (usually whichever is dominant in the country they inhabit), the rare but entirely plausible Jewish, Muslim or Buddhist goth, and a bunch of Neo-Pagans. Probably one (1) or two (2) actual Satanist goths per state/province/etc, tops.

World Goth Day is celebrated every year on May 22nd.

"Mallgoth" isn't a type of goth in either a musical or fashion sense. I made another TikTok about it, but in summary; it was originally hurled as an insult towards a very specific type of poser; the American kids in the late 90s and early 00s who imitated how goths dressed and called themselves goths while only listening to Nu Metal and maybe the most mainstream Industrial Metal. They tended to congregate at malls and behave particularly obnoxious to everyone there, further ruining our already delicate image (especially at that time).

Cybergoths aren't really goths either. Their music scene is centered around EBM, which is basically slightly darker and slightly more aggressive raver music that may or may not have Industrial influences. And to be honest they behaved like a rapacious invasive species in goth club nights to the point that they almost decimated the actual goth scene and it took us a while to recover from that.

Goths are sometimes perceived as too self-serious but honestly? We love making fun of ourselves and we tend to have a very silly or dry sense of humor. We're just tired of the same cheap and inaccurate jokes made by people who don't know anything about us. The best jokes about goths will often come from goths ourselves; you can only properly make fun of something you understand well! The few times outsiders get it right though? (Sad to confirm that the South Park goth kids are hilarious and I wish they were in a better show) You'll see goths sharing the SHIT out of it, such as me being obsessed with the goths from Ridonculous Race, or the clip below:

#goth music #music #goth #gothic #gothgoth #goth subculture #trad goth #gothic rock #post punk #darkwave #ethereal wave #Spotify #goth 101

[thelordfool]

HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!

Long story short: I'm unemployed and will not, unlike what I originally thought, qualify for unemployment benefits.

Please read the readmore for additional context on why I'm unemployed. This post is basically a continuation/update/redo of this post. I'm suffering a sickness with no medicine the past week, applied for almost 100 jobs the last two weeks, am disabled/queer/nonbinary/tired of ebegging. I'm also in the negatives in my bank account because my car payment came out, so I need to get that covered.

pp/vm/ca

$250/$1151.51

i need at least $511.51 of this by the first. please spread if you're financially unable to help, every person this reaches helps! here's the breakdown of the costs: $640 - car payment + late fees $380 - rent $131.51 - negative amount in bank currently

Oh hey thanks for stopping by to read this annoying tale of woe and being angry at capitalism. Prepare for wall of text.

I once had two jobs. The first job, at a chain restaurant, was a bit of a clique-y experience where I was working my damndest to be the best bartender they ever had. I still have all the cocktails memorized. However, I continually faced discrimination in the form of severe misgendering, no matter how often I corrected them. I was also set up for failure. Usually, when someone gets hired for a position, there's some amount of training to be done, no matter how experienced they are, right? I was going in nearly entirely inexperienced into the role. I knew how to make cocktails, sure, and was and still am very good with people and selling. But I was trained for two days. Two. Then, on my first night alone (a Friday), I was watched by one of the bigwigs at corporate who saw every little flub and failure. This caused a demotion-ish. I was demoted to barback but was allowed the same privileges. Until their next visit. That upset the hell out of me - I was well trained by that point and could do it all, with one hand tied behind my back. I digress. It was about 2 months following my demotion when i finally walked out. A new bartender had been hired and she thought I was being a total creep by looking at a ticket that had just come in. She stormed off to report me to the manager who, even after hearing my side where I had asked her if there was anything on the ticket that I could grab, said that I "needed to communicate better," and "you should be learning from her," and "you're a grown man, you should know better." I don't think I need to explain why that was so upsetting.

But I didn't report them, because I just wanted to be done with it. I was also working another bartending job, and everythign was literally perfect other than the hours, honestly. I loved the product the distillery made, I loved the people I worked with, and most of all: I had my own regulars. Last month, they hired a new hospitality director, who announced there would be some restructuring, including getting rid of servers while also making a full dinner menu to serve alongside drinks. I said nothing of it, despite my disagreements, and she assured us all that no one would lose their jobs, but just moved into different roles. We all kinda grumbled about it, and I told her that under no circumstances would I work back of house. Easy peasy. Till it wasn't, and I came home to a voicemail while on break with my partner that I'd been let go due to the restructuring. So much for no one losing their jobs, right? I hadn't been the only victim of this. I have my suspicions as to why the new hospitality director did these things, but I've no energy to throw around conspiracies. All I know is that I was shafted by both of these places and I'm tired of being broke. I'm applying, still going to fight, and... sigh.

tl;dr (why did you click the readmore?): i left a job due to discrimination and lost another due to company restructuring and i'm tired and sad and aaaaa.

[onigiriico]

Mahiru audio drama (t2) - English TL

[ links: Spotify / Youtube ]

Another voice drama, another translation! 🎉 As always, if you’ve got any questions, find a mistranslated line, etc etc, feel free to head to my ask box (recommended) or my Twitter and I’ll do my best to get back to you! (Also definitely do listen to the drama if you get around to it because the VAs do an incredibly good job)

⬇️ translation under the cut ⬇️

(door opens)

E: …!

M: It’s been a while, Es-kun.

E: Mahiru…

M: I missed you…

E: …Are you okay?

M: Ah… yeah. I’m able to move around on my own as long as I have this wheelchair, so…

E: Shidou told me about your condition.

M: Ah… mh. Is that so…

E: I didn’t think you’d be in a state for me to interrogate you.

M: It’s all thanks to Shidou-san. Ah… I think I should thank Milgram as well. For supplying us with the medical tools and the wheelchair and all that. I wonder if you’re the right person to say this to?

E: …

M: Why do you look so sad…?

E: Because… you suffered such major injuries…

M: … Ah, but this is… I think Kotoko-chan is the one who did it, so… you know? It’s not like it’s your fault. Um, so…! I’m not holding a grudge towards Kotoko-chan either. I’m sure she just thought it couldn’t be helped…

E: That’s…

M: Ah, no, um… I do wish we could put an end to this though… ahaha… ack–

E: Mahiru–?

M: Sorry… for making you worry. I’m fine! It doesn’t hurt at all.

E: It’s a horrible injury. There’s no way it doesn’t hurt.

M: It doesn’t!

E: Don’t lie to me! Let’s call Shidou right now–

M: I mean it. It doesn’t hurt. Compared to the way I felt when you didn’t forgive me… Not at all.

E: …!

M: Not at all… Nothing. None of it hurts. It’s not… as big of a deal. Ever since, I’ve always been hearing… voices saying I couldn’t be forgiven. Yours? Whose? I don’t know… I don’t know, but… I heard them the whole time.

E: Mahiru, calm down…

M: Was what I did such a bad thing? I just… had a normal relationship like everyone else…! That’s all I did! Why can that not be forgiven? Hey, why? Why? Why?

E: Mahiru!

M: Stop it!

E: …!

M: … Ah– I– I—I’m sorry…! If– If you touch me so suddenly, it makes me remember… how it hurt… and I get scared…

E: It’s fine. If you don’t talk, that’s fine too. Let’s just take it slow.

M: …Yeah… S-sorry… It’s– it’s not that I hate you or anything, you know?

E: Take a deep breath. It’s okay.

M: Uh… (deep breaths) I’m fine already...

E: Mahiru…

M: Hey, Es-kun? I was wondering why you didn’t forgive me… I’d like to hear the reason… straight from you.

E: From me…?

M: Yeah. I already said this before, but all I did was love someone. I don’t know what kind of footage Milgram presented to you, but… did it not look like that to you? What did you see? What… did you feel?

E: What I saw was… just you having fun. I’m sure you were in love. Your feelings of bliss were conveyed to me as well.

M: Right? It was really fun. Did it make you want to fall in love?

E: No clue about that.

M: You’re so cold. – So, how… does that connect to me not being forgiven…?

E: It’s true that the footage looked happy. But by selecting [you], Milgram is telling me that you’re a murderer. I can’t just take things at face value. What Milgram shows to me is each person’s mental imagery. It’s not like it supplies me with certainty or objective facts.

M: Umm… 

E: What’s wrong?

M: I’m not that smart, so could you put it in a way that’s easier to understand…?

E: (deep breath) There’s the possibility that you’re just framing the truth in a way that’s convenient for yourself. Meaning that it was only a happy relationship… in your own mind.

M: …!

E: …So, that’s what I deduced. So…

M: That’s… Aha. That’s a shock… This means that… you think of me as a liar, doesn’t it…? Did I do anything that made you think that?

E: …I’m the Warden. I get that this is painful for you, but I’m telling you my own thoughts.

M: Yeah… let me hear them.

E: I said that your love has killed someone, right?

M: That’s true.

E: Actions taken out of one-sided love, such as stalking… Someone dying as a result of something like that is a possibility, too.

M: …! Haha… That’s horrible…

E: Yeah. It is.

M: It’s not like you saw what I actually did, right?

E: Yeah. Not straight-forward, anyway.

M: Right…

E: Anyway, Milgram follows a three-trial system. This isn’t the final result. It’s only what I’ve seen up until now.

M: Yeah. – Him and I… we loved each other. Properly as boyfriend and girlfriend. We met in college… It was the first time for me, so I don’t know if it was good or not, but… I think we were just normally going out together. I thought it was fate. He said it was, too.

E: Is that so…

M: I’m not… a stalker or anything like that. Although from your point of view, it might seem that way.

E: Yeah.

M: But I’ve made up my mind. I’ll properly convey my feelings too. He’s dead. It… it might have been because of my love.

E: Mahiru…

M: But… I just normally loved someone. I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. And besides, I… can’t live without love.

E: Why would you go that far…?

M: Because I know how precious it is to be in love. The moment you love someone, you realize the beauty of the world as it changes. To not forgive me means to take the act of loving away from me. That’s the same as not being alive. It’s the same as not being able to drink water or breathe. So… if this love isn’t allowed, then I don’t mind dying. Kotoko-chan’s acts aren’t a problem, either. I think she’s fighting for her own cause as well. So I don’t blame her. Because I also think that I… that my love isn’t wrong. I don’t want to be shamed for my love.

E: …

M: No matter what you think, it won’t change things for me. That’s what I’ve decided.

E: …I’m stunned.

M: Eh?

E: You’re impressive, you know. Without any flattery. I think you’re impressive.

M: Are you praising me?

E: I might be. To not resent anyone in this kind of situation, staying strong and even emphasizing with others… How can you do something like that?

M: Hehe… This is the power of… lo… ve…

E: Mahiru?!

M: I… I might’ve… gotten ahead of myself…

E: Your feelings have reached me, loud and clear. I’ll judge you in the second trial as well. 

M: That’s… good… (pained noises)

E: …I’m sorry. I’m responsible for the fact that you’ve ended up like this.

M: (coughing, heavy breathing)

E: It was my decision not to forgive you. I don’t intend to deny that. But… the fact that I couldn’t predict Kotoko’s actions was a failure on my end. 

M: (heavy breathing)

E: If I had known that it would turn out like this…

M: If you had known that it would turn out like this, you wouldn’t have forgiven Kotoko-chan?

(machinery whirrs, bell rings)

E: …Huh?

M: If you had known that Kotoko-chan would attack bad people, and you looked at her crime – would your willingness to forgive and your judgment have been changed?

E: …

M: This is the result of you doing what you believed in, isn’t it? The result of you working hard at your job?

E: Yeah.

M: Do you remember? Back in the first trial, I said I liked people who work hard.

E: Yeah… You did say that.

M: Because I told you that I like people who work hard… I’ll accept this pain, too.

E: …Ma–!

M: That’s why… no matter what the people around you might say, I think you should do what you want.

E: You’re– You’re the one… telling me that?

M: Yeah. Es-kun, you’re working so hard… You’re doing great.

E: …!

M: …Oh my… are you crying? Es-kun…

E: I’m not!

M: You’re putting up a tough front.

E: No way. – The talking ends here. Show me the continuation, Mahiru. In order for me to respond to your feelings, too.

M: Okay. It may be a bit late to say this, but… I’ll be in your care.

E: Prisoner no.6, Mahiru – sing your sins.

#milgram #milgram music videos #milgram es #milgram mahiru #mahiru shiina #translation #fan translation #audio drama #mappi's going through it & so are my feelings jfc man

[catcrumb]

some of your crumbs…are so sad… do you mean them to be sad…or do i need therapy? love your work love the cats in their arrayed emotions love you!

some of them intentionally have a melancholy to them, and some others have an ambiguity that can be read as melancholy to them. melancholy is an experience that can suggest an undefined past/causes/details/etc that easily provoke the viewer to imagine the unspoken backstory/future. i really like to use ambiguity in my art to spark questions and thoughts about the Lore of certain catcrumbs, because i think that element of disconnected storytelling (as opposed to connected storytelling, where im in the room with you telling a story, and you can ask me questions and we have a repartee) is really interesting. i like potentially creating and leaving questions for people to fill in answers and thoughts of interpretations of their own. i don't really ever answer questions about "what's going on" in certain catcrumbs (unless people are making it out to be something genuinely real-world evil) because i think that ambiguity is really cool! and it's a big part of what i like doing with my art. i like implying and insinuating, and people construe what they come up with, and thus i can help them delight themselves in the way that is most delightful to them! i think we all did that as kids with books and stories - i still remember how i visualized my favorite chapter books, the moods i had with picture books, the ones that made me wonder and think about what was going on - and i think it's a good experience to have throughout your entire life

im really inspired by this tove jansson quote:

“Every children’s book should have a path in it where the writer stops and the child goes. A threat or a delight that can never be explained. A face never completely revealed.”

tl;dr yes, often intentionally

#crumblings #sorry if this is slightly incoherence. im back on my concerta after being off it for two weeks and its making me scrambly

[quasarifxxy]

What primarily drew me to Kazurei as a pairing isn't the roommate trope, nor the golden retriever and brood cat trope, or the gay spy x family gag, but rather this scene from Episode 8 (that I'm somehow still not over.)

It's the mutual reluctance to love and let themselves heal, with the exception that Kazuki couldn't stand to see Rei in the same position as him, so he offers to take care of him anyway. Both, who had a rough relationship with love, let themselves confide in each other. Rei, who found comfort and experienced what it's like to be taken care of, and Kazuki, who can't help but to extend care because it's something that's just... natural to do in his position. Kazuki, who is hurted by love that is taken from him over and over again, offers what he'd regard as a bare minimum because deep down, he wants his remaining loved ones (and in this timeline just rei) to feel the love he always desired.

Though Kazuki is seemingly full of emotions every time (enough to almost repress his sadness), his actions are always so gentle and full of warmth.

What makes it more beautiful is how Rei adapts Kazuki concept's, or rather, way to express love to Miri (with the most apparent example being Episode 9) considering Kazuki was probably one of if not the first person he'd experienced and therefore actively saw it from. He initially wasn't able to comprehend how to love and be loved, and only through Kazuki's deeds did he learn how comforting and nice it is to be cared for, so he wanted to extend that to Miri after realizing how much his family meant to him.

Going back to the topic, I genuinely adore how Kazurei is a pairing consisting of two people who weren't given the opportunity to love, and during their time before Miri subconsciously fulfilled each other's emotional needs. Though initially distant, they immediately clicked because they fit together like puzzle pieces. Similar desires but difference in approach and seek what the other has.

While there is mutual understanding between them, being able to read each other, neither of the two had the will to step onto each others' boundaries and address it. It was satisfying to see them grow closer emotionally and form the courage to communicate, with great examples being the last few episodes of the series.

Tl;dr the soft aspect of Kazurei made me complerely fall in love with the pairing and I used to be neutral about it

#buddy daddies #kazuki kurusu #rei suwa #kazurei #i did not fuckinf mean to type a long post oh my GOD my apologies for being so obsessed with them #buddy daddies meta #if it even... counts??? #idk LMAO #we loving that dash of early codependency 😍 #and now they finally stand on equal footing if its to be miri's parents UGH #this probably doesnt make sense and has a lot of errors because im supposed to be doing smth else rn but #kazurei in the brain (they wont get out!!!) #can i be normal about this family for one fucking SECOND

[teriri-sayes]

Reactions to Young Master Shield's Chapter 207

TL;DR - Cale plans his revenge on HD for spreading the boom-boom word. Cale's parents worried about him. Cale feels awkward with their affection. Cale's parents plan to renovate and boost the black castle's defense. Cale has a talk with Lock. Cale's speech curse strikes again.

Cale's Head Goes Boom Boom This was a funny part. To explain, back when HD first mentioned about the possibility of Cale's head exploding when he opened the Bai Hui Point, HD actually used the word "boom-boom" to describe it. I only translated it as "explode" in my posts.

And then, everyone copied HD and used the boom-boom word too. 🤣🤣🤣

HD: Your head almost went boom-boom! Raon: M-My human's head almost went b-boom-boom?! Cale to Alberu: My head almost went boom-boom. Alberu to Cale's parents: Cale's head almost went boom-boom. Violan to Cale: I heard you nearly died because your head almost went boom-boom? Deruth to Cale: Cale, I-I heard from the crown prince that y-you almost we-went b-boom-boom... Cale: (That damn HD bastard! Why did he have to use the boom-boom word! I'll summon him in Aipotu and make him work hard!)

Worried Parents and Awkward Son There were some touching scenes of Deruth being worried about Cale. He wanted to stop Cale if Cale was going somewhere dangerous, but knew that his family were stubborn people.

As for Cale, after he accepted the Henituse as his family, and the more he spent time with them, he felt awkward at the love and care he received.

But it was nice to see Cale being honest with them about his plans, and his parents knowing him well. This part was funny though 😂:

Cale: The dragons will be going with me too. Cale: (If I say that, I'm sure they'll be relieved because the dragons are powerful) Violan: So you're going somewhere dangerous? Deruth: Is your enemy a dragon then? Cale: (How did these two notice?! Why are they not relieved?)

✨The Henituse Flex ✨ Cale brought up the topic of the black castle going to Aipotu, and his parents offered to renovate and boost the castle's defense with their money. But he underestimated his own parents. Cale thought that his stay in Roan was short, so the renovation would be minimal.

However, his parents thought differently. They were willing to open the safe and spend a lot in order to renovate the castle in a short amount of time. Repair old castle walls? Okay. Install magic cannons? No problem. Replace the moat with a sea of fire? Yes. Magic shield? Let's do it. Magic arrows against flying enemies? Consider it done.

Of course, Sheritt was pleased with the couple's help. And thus, a collection of state-of-the-art magic engineering devices was born in the history of the Roan Kingdom, no, the Eastern and Western continents... 😂 The black castle would also be known in the future as the pioneer and standard in magic engineering... Cale, I guess you really need to spend more time with your family because you still don't fully know them. 🤣🤣🤣

Lock's Career Counselling The author only mentioned in a sentence about Cale's career counselling with his younger siblings. Lock was given more focus today.

Cale praised Lock for having grown, and told him that it was okay to want to be acknowledged. Everyone had already acknowledged Lock's strength. So Cale said to Lock that Lock should acknowledge himself more than seek the acknowledgement of others.

This part was quite touching yet also sad. Cale taking care of the kids made me think about KRS himself. That if there was someone who took care of child KRS, he might have lived a better life. Then again, that someone would end up dead because of the effect of WS's curse on KRS. Ugh, KRS's life is really sad. 😭

KRS's Speech Curse Strikes Again?! The planted flag last chapter did not disappoint us. Alberu left a message that someone sent a warning to the academy, threatening to blow up the place if Cale gives his speech. Even adding that Cale's shield would not be enough to stop it.

And our Cale was dumbfounded to hear that. His speech curse is back? He might have to use his shield again to stop the explosion? Cale had a bad feeling about this.

I have some doubts about the sender of this threat though. Well, it could be a real terrorist or someone who hated Cale. But it could also be a Cale fan staging an explosion plot in order to see Cale's famous shield again. 😂 Or... it could be a continuation of Alberu's revenge to prevent Cale from ditching the speech because he knows Cale would want to protect the audience. 🤣🤣🤣

Ending Remarks It's just a speech, but why has this gone so complicated? 😂 Is the threat real or not? Will Caleism spread further? Just how much will Cale kill his slacker life dream? Monday, please come sooner~!

#tcf spoilers #trash of the count's family

[twig-tea]

Love For Love's Sake Marketing vs Reality

I cannot get over how misleading the description of this show was compared to its actual execution of the first two episodes. This will be pretty spoiler-free if you are reading to decide whether to give the show a try!

The summary: "Twenty-nine-year-old Tae Myung Ha experiences a bewildering twist of fate when suddenly finds himself transported into a fictional online game where he inhabits the body of a ninteen-year-old character. Soon, Tae Myung Ha embarks on a quest within the virtual world to bring happiness to a character named Cha Yeo Woon. Despite his humble upbringing, Cha Yeo Woon has managed to excel in the national track and field championships, maintaining a remarkable reputation among his peers due to his handsome looks and athletic physique."

What I had taken away from that description that had made me wary: The importance of the age gap; lying to a character to fake affection in order to win a game.

None of the original description is a lie, but the emphasis is all wrong and it excludes some key details that make this show so good.

First: The character MyungHa is tasked to make happy is not just any character; he's the character in a novel MyungHa has just read, and he's the character that he says he identified with most (and who he was rooting for and was annnoyed got a sad storyline and ending). So when he's going up to YeoWoon expressing affection, it's genuine. He really does already know and like this guy. That's a HUGE difference for me, and it changes his mission from a Big Lie into a personal mission. The thing I like most about this show is the heart. The fact that MyungHa genuinely wanting YeoWoon to be happy is (it seems) the triggering event that transports him into the game, not a bewildering twist of fate but a direct response to his articulated wish, is a key part of that heart!

Second: Myung Ha is not out here as a 19-year-old trying to seduce YeoWoon, he wants him to be happy because he sees in YeoWoon similarities to who he was in his teens. The thing that has MyungHa most excited about being 19 again is his grandmother still being alive. The age gap is only a thing in how MyungHa is treating YeoWoon like he's a little kid, which annoys the hell out of YeoWoon because his character is only 1 year older.

Finally: YeoWoon has no friends. It seems true that he's famous on campus and that he has fans (e.g. KyungHoon's sister) but they don't approach him and it doesn't prevent people from hating him. This description makes him sound like a popular guy.

The description on MDL also includes this paragraph: "Cheon Sang Won hails from an affluent family and becomes emotionally entangled with Tae Myung Ha. His involvement adds complexity to the developing relationship between Tae Myung Ha and Cha Yeo Woon. Ahn Kyung Hoon, introverted and reserved, supports and assists Tae Myung Ha on his mission within the virtual world."

We haven't enough of SangWon to draw conclusions yet, but based on the failures of the original description to capture any of the the things I love about the show while highlighting issues that don't (to date) actually exist in the show, I'm going to reserve judgment and assume this is also misleading. It would be pretty antithetical to the very heart of the show that's being set up if Myung Ha, through his actions, caused a different character (SangWon) to become the sad second lead. I'll be really interested to see how this goes and how/if this show will address this issue.

TL;DR: The marketing material: Age gap romance with a Big Lie The actual show: video game isekai granting an earnest protagonist a chance to create a fix-it AU for his favourite sad side character.

Anyway. Glad the show turned out to be so off from the marketing material because this is way better!

#love for love's sake #bl meta #typed so that i can stop thinking it #seriously though what show were they prepping us for because it wasn't what we got (thank goodness)

[lurkingshan]

I Feel You Linger in the Air: Novel vs Drama 

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Happy IFYL special day! While I wait (not so) patiently for the special episode to become available for international viewers, I thought I would stop being lazy and get around to writing up my thoughts on the adaptation choices of the drama now that I’ve finally had a chance to read the original novel. 

First, let me just say: the novel is so fun. I’m so glad folks like @clairedaring and @pharawee talked about it on here and @waitmyturtles read it first and told me to jump on it, because I’ve had a really hard time with poorly translated y novels before and was definitely skeptical. But the story was excellent and the English translation was really solid, so a great time was had by all and I wasn’t even salty about spending eighteen American dollars on it. I didn’t think the novel was perfect (turtles can attest I had a few LOUD complaints) but it was a very enjoyable read. Shoutout to @bengiyo, @neuroticbookworm, and @wen-kexing-apologist as well for listening to me rant about Tee’s choices as I made my way through the novel. Bonus: if you have the chance to read this novel while vacationing in Thailand surrounded by plumeria trees and romantic scenery, I highly recommend. 

So, with that established, let’s talk about the adaptation! Adapting novels to a visual medium always comes with a lot of choices, and it’s not easy to make everything translate effectively. On the other hand, a live action drama can make some of what’s on the page feel even more vivid and new elements can be introduced that add to the canon. I’m on the record as both loving this show and feeling like there were some significant missteps in the writing, so I really wanted to understand the source material and how some of those choices were made. So here’s your spoiler alert for IFYL’s adaptation: it’s a real mixed bag of choices from our dear frenemy Tee Bundit, and all in service of one clear goal. 

I Feel You Linger in the Air, but Make It Sadder!

I’m going to break down the details below, but this is the TL; DR right here. Every choice Tee made in this adaptation was in service of transforming a relatively light and often comedic time travel romp into a story of deep melancholy and a thorough examination of queer pain. This is Tee’s whole schtick, so we can hardly be surprised; and yet I was kind of taken aback by how stark the difference in these stories felt even as a lot of the plot stayed the same. During the drama’s airing @respectthepetty talked about how this show was just too damn sad for her, and I gotta say, she was definitely picking up what Tee was putting down. YMMV on how sad you like your romance, but Tee Bundit is a very sad boy indeed.

Jom

gif by @junghaesin

Let’s start here, because this is definitely my biggest grievance with Tee: he removed most of Jom’s personality from the book in order to give us a flatter, sadder version of him that fit better with a much more melancholy vision for this story. As it turns out, Jom was originally written to be smart, sassy, and very funny (h/t to @stuffnonsenseandotherthings whose post on this really got me interested in reading to see the difference). Novel Jom is a smartass who never misses the opportunity to work in a salty comment or express his frustration when things aren’t going his way, and he’s such an active character. He does not just sit back and let things happen to him; he thinks and he struggles and he tries. By comparison, show Jom just feels… vaguely confused, mildly depressed, and wildly passive most of the time. This is by no means a knock on Nonkul, who is a fantastic performer—these are clearly writing and directing choices and he is interpreting the character as instructed.

And it’s not just the removal of his core personality, either. Jom in the book has emotional intelligence and a stronger sense of connection to others. For one, he actually cares that Eung Phueng is his sister! Throughout the book, we see him dedicate time and energy to finding ways to care for his sister despite their different social stations; this dynamic is completely absent from the show, where Jom doesn’t even seem to remember Eung Phueng has his sister’s face most of the time. This was a major hole in the show and I still don’t really understand why Tee dropped the ball on it when there was so much material to drawn from in the book.

Winner: The novel, hands down. If you take nothing else away from this post, please take it as a recommendation to read the novel so you can experience Real Jom in all his sassy glory.

The Mythology 

gif by @chickenstrangers

Now, I can’t really claim that either the novel or the show does a fantastic job with the mythology, because there’s a lot of hand waving in either case and some definite plot holes. But I will give the book credit for being upfront from the start: it didn’t really intend to explain it beyond giving us a little preamble about wormholes (yes, wormholes!) and for having Jom actually notice and care (and get very amusingly frustrated) that he didn’t understand what the wormhole wanted him to do or how to control it. He actually tried quite a lot in the book to figure it out, rather than just sitting around gazing morosely into the distance. In the end, the book tells us that Yai vowed to love Jom at first sight in every lifetime, which is a vow he made after the wormhole brought Jom to him but somehow affects the times that had already happened from our perspective. It’s a paradox that doesn’t fully make sense, but it is at least an explanation.

The show, by contrast, intentionally added layers to this mystery that it had no intention of resolving. The drawings opening up connections to the present, the ghostly visages haunting the characters, the glimpses of Jom in the future doing things we never saw in the original timeline, Mustache Yai kissing Jom in the water—all show inventions, and all setting up an expectation that some sense would be made of these clues. Which of course, never happened. Instead, these things were used to contribute to the spooky scary vibe and make everything feel sadder, and the show offered no explanation at all for why any of this happened.

Winner: It’s a draw since neither really did it well, but I’m staying salty with Tee for fucking with me.

Family Drama 

gif by @thii-nii

Here is where we get into some of the stuff Tee added to the story that actually worked pretty well. One very smart adaptation choice: he made Yai and Eung Phueng siblings so that Yai would have a reason to be more involved in their household and able to interact much more with Jom in the early parts of the story; in the novel there is no connection between the households and Yai and Jom barely interact for the first several months after Jom arrives in the past. He also added a lot of family drama in the back half of the show: the struggles with Yai’s father, the shady uncle, the plot to force Yai to marry, and the big confrontation over Robert’s misdeeds are all show inventions, likely added both to pad out the story and make the relationship harder and sadder, and because he was looking for an alternate source of conflict since he was not doing Part 2 of the book (which takes place once Jom is yanked away again and shot back to the Commander Yai time period). 

Another major change from the novel to the show: in the novel, Yai’s plans to go study abroad were already set before Jom even got there, not something he won as a consolation in a negotiation over marriage. Which has some implications I’ll get into in the next section.

Winner: The drama, where the family dynamics were much more thoroughly explored. 

The Romance 

gif by @loveisactivated

As I mentioned above, Tee made a smart choice in bringing Yai more firmly into Jom’s orbit early in the story, but unfortunately, he didn’t do much with that advantage and actually failed to use some of what the novel gave him to work with. In the novel, Jom is much more aware of the attraction between him and Yai, very attuned to Yai’s flirting and their age gap, very aware of his own growing attachment to Yai, and thinking through the implications of all of it as it grows, which is a more natural and believable build up to their romance than in the show, where Jom seems distracted and unaware of Yai’s affections until they suddenly start jumping each other. That lack of romantic development in the show (which we discussed even as it was airing) was not because the material was not there for Tee to use in the book; he simply had other priorities and neglected to build it properly in show time.

That said, I have to give major credit to Tee for how he handled the romance once our leads were together and intimately involved. First, he really brought some of the scenes that were in the book to life in a way that still has me shook, like Yai’s drunken poetry recitation (credit must also be given to Bright for his eye work in that and many other scenes, what a stunner). And on top of that, the drama has some of the best physical intimacy scenes I have ever seen in any drama, full stop, and that is nearly all Tee and his creative team. He used elements from a few scenes in the book, but he remixed and amplified them to be a lot more powerful, and certainly much more artful and sensual than the sex scenes in the book. That olive oil masturbation scene? The show gets full credit, and the way the direction, editing, and performances so vividly painted their attraction to each other still gives me shivers when I think about it.

But anyway, back to bitching about Tee: one of the scenes that really stuck out for me like a sore thumb in the romance arc in the show was when Yai learns he will be going abroad and he and Jom discuss it in a curiously flat and emotionless way, with Yai acting like it’s no big deal for them to be separated for three years. I mentioned above that this was a change from the book: in the novel Yai was already set to go abroad before he ever met Jom, it was not a new surprise that came about after they were together. They discuss Yai’s impending departure twice in the book; once when Jom is still only Yai’s majordomo, and then once again when they are lovers. As you can imagine, the emotional tenor of these two scenes are quite different. And Tee used the wrong one for the show! I almost threw the book at the wall when I realized I was reading the verbatim dialogue from that scene in the show in the context of Yai and Jom hardly knowing each other yet, and then again when I got to the second conversation that was actually appropriate for two lovers who do not want to be parted. That has to be one of the most senseless adaptation mistakes I have ever seen. Tee Bundit, what is wrong with you!!

Lastly for this section, I will just note that the very long, drawn out goodbyes between Yai and Jom are also a show invention. In the book, Jom gets yanked to the next time period with no warning shortly after they get together and begins his next adventure with another Yai. Since Tee was ending the show here in this time period, he went in a different direction, having Jom and Yai much more aware of Jom fading and anticipating a separation so that he could (say it with me) make everything sadder. His choice to wallow for two entire episodes in sorrow and melancholy and to put much heavier focus on Yai’s despair was entirely his own, and so very on brand.  

Winner: It’s a draw. The book definitely writes the romantic arc more holistically and doesn’t have any of the missteps the drama does, but the show is so artful and the parts it gets right are so good I will remember them for the rest of my life. And I can’t pretend I’m not an angst monster at heart, so Tee’s sad af vision totally worked on me.

Sides and Queer Community

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Here is where Tee’s adaptation really shines, and I know others have discussed these changes before so I won’t go too deep on the details. But I absolutely have to give Tee props for taking tiny threads for these side characters in the books and building them into whole people that we actually care about. Especially in the case of Ming and Fong Kaew, Tee really made something of their extremely thin book stories to turn them into fan favorite characters with real growth arcs. I do think the book was better in the way it handled the fated connection between Fong Kaew and Khamsaen, but everything else about Fong Kaew’s story was deepened by the show. And Tee gets credit for adding so many meaningful stories for women characters in the first place, let alone developing a lesbian romance for Eung Pueng and Maey. He picked up on a tiny bit of subtext for underdeveloped characters in the book and ran with it, and it really enhanced the story. 

He also used side characters as a means to make this story feel all around more queer, not only by including additional queer romances but by building out a real sense of community and solidarity among the queer characters. Not only the addition of nods to real queer history, but the speakeasy, James’s explicit queerness, and Nuey the Green Queen are all Tee additions to the canon that really enhanced the story.

Winner: The drama and it’s not close. Well done, Tee!

That Ending

gif by @dragonsareawesome123

One of my biggest interests in reading the novel was seeing how the ending with modern Yai is explained in the original source material, because I found the drama version of that scene so lacking. Well, it turns out, the novel did pretty much the same thing! The ending sequence of the book is even shorter than the scene in the show and similarly offers zero explanation for this new version of Yai or how he knows Jom before they jump each other and the story concludes. The main narrative ends there and the book then tacks on an epilogue explaining who this new Yai is, and it reads like an afterthought. Honestly, it felt to me like the writer ran out of steam and just didn’t bother to finish the story, and Tee did exactly the same thing. Which is kind of infuriating, because being able to fix stuff like that is one of the best things about a good adaptation. 

Winner: Absolutely no one, my kingdom for a proper ending to this story.

gif by @pharawee

So, my conclusions? 1) Tee Bundit is the saddest creator in Thai bl, hands down; 2) It’s a draw between which version of this story is better. The novel and drama both have different strengths and significant flaws, but both versions are compelling and had me on the edge of my seat. I highly recommend the book to anyone who is missing the show and wants another chance to revisit these characters, plus the added bonus of seeing Jom wrangle Commander Yai, something we are unlikely to ever see on our screens (though hope springs eternal besties!). If you do decide to give it a read, come talk to me about it! 

#i feel you linger in the air #ifylita #shoutout also to all the excellent giffers for this show #the tumblr gif search is hopelessly broken but i wanted y’all’s beautiful work in this post anyway #thai bl #shan shouts into the void

[milaisreading]

🌱🩷: 9th story of the Christmas special... I was a little too silly goofy here...

Pairings: Oliver Aiku x Isagi's sister!Yn (Post-Blue Lock tl)

Warnings: Reader uses she/her. Angst...

⚽️Blue Lock belongs to Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura ⚽️

🎄Dec 18th🎄

'Finally back home.' Oliver smiled as he walked down the familiar streets of Tokyo, specifically one of the wards, Shinagawa. Oliver expected nothing less than a cold day, since it was December 20th already. He returned from Italy the night before, and after a good night of rest, the pro-player decided to explore the capital. Everything was in festive mood, and Oliver couldn't help but be in awe with the decorations. It was nearly as good as the ones he saw in Italy, but these ones had a more personal touch to them. During his walk, he did get recognized by some fans and took pictures with them.

Oliver chuckled as he remembered a few of the girls trying to flirt with him. While he did flirt back, he couldn't help but feel nothing while doing so.

"They seem... pretty happy." Oliver muttered and stopped when he noticed a couple a few meters away, laughing and carrying some presents. Oliver's smile turned into a frown as a familiar heartache hit him... for the 5th time that month.

'Is she single? Or did she find someone else?' Oliver gulped and shook his head when the last thought hit him. He doesn't expect (Y/n) to stay single forever, or wait for him... but her being with someone else did sadden him.

'I made my own bed. It's what I get for what I did all those years ago.' Oliver took a deep breath and went to look for a café, trying to forget about her.

'(Y/n)... I wonder how she is doing? Does she ever think of me.'

🎄☃️🎄☃️🎄☃️🎄☃️🎄☃️🎄☃️🎄☃️🎄☃️

Years prior...

"I hate you! I hate that I even trusted you!" (Y/n) sobbed as Oliver flinched at her sobs and tried to move closer to her, but she recoiled and glared at him.

"Is... is it so hard to just love me? And stay faithful?"

Oliver said nothing, too ashamed to really say anything.

'What am I supposed to even say? Sorry you found me kissing another girl?' Oliver flinched as he watched her wipe a few tears away. He really didn't mean any of this. He wanted to make her happy, unlike last time. But it looks like he made this worse than last time.

"Do... do you hate me so much that you can't break up properly?"

"I don't hate you!" Oliver yelled back, but the glare she sent him was enough to shut him up.

"Really? The first time you broke up with me was over text, in the most dry way possible. And now, now you do this! You could have just told me that you can't do long distance!"

"(Y/n), I really do love you! I am sorry, I was weak for a moment and I couldn't help it."

She rolled her eyes and went to pick up the suitcase that was left on the floor.

"Where are you going?" Oliver gulped, walking after her.

"Please-"

"I am over this. You are a unreliable jerk, who can't be loyal to someone for 4 months?! And as to where I am going, it's none of your business. I am not your worry anymore."

She glared at him and was about to leave the apartment, but Oliver grabbed her shoulder.

"Of course you are my worry. I love you and-"

"No, you don't!" (Y/n) yelled back, moving out of his grip. Oliver moved away, both afraid of her rage and sad by the disdain she held in her eyes.

'Last time we saw each other, it was love.' Oliver recalled. (Y/n) took a deep breath and spoke up again.

"You don't hurt the people you love. If you dare to even follow me, I will scream. Got it?"

Oliver gulped and nodded his head as she put on her shoes.

"Goodbye, Aiku. Feel free to have as much fun as possible." She huffed and left the apartment. Oliver watched her leave and slowly closed the door behind himself. He was fighting the urge to puke.

'Is it really over?'

☃️🎄☃️🎄☃️🎄☃️🎄☃️🎄☃️🎄☃️🎄☃️🎄

'I screwed up so bad... I wish I could go back in time.' Oliver sighed as he watched his cup of hot chocolate. Not even its sweetness could sheer him up anymore. He ignored the people in the the background and just went back to his phone. He smiled as he saw some new pictures of (Y/n) that were posted. For the first 4 months after the break up, Oliver didn't hear much about her. Just a few things from Barou or Aryu, if they felt like saying anything. After that, pictures of her modeling in Madrid, Barcelona, Milan, and Rome started slowly appearing on his social media. It surprised Oliver, since he knew (Y/n) as a more private person, who always tried to stay away from cameras. But, things seemed to have changed after the break-up, he guessed.

'Modeling does suit her, she looks beautiful-'

"Aiku? You are here, too?"

The pro-players heart stopped for a moment and he looked up to find (Y/n)'s shocked face.

'Beautiful.' He gulped and blinked a few times before getting up from his seat.

"(Y-Y/n)... you are here? In Japan?" Oliver asked, dumbfounded as the older Isagi slowly nodded her head, feeling a little awkward.

'Thank God there aren't many people here to cause a scene.' Oliver thought, looking at the half-empty café.

"Yeah...uhm.... I came here a few days ago. I am guessing they gave you in Ubers a week off too."

"They did. Oh! Sit down, please. Don't stand there." Oliver offered her the seat across from him.

"Thanks, but I will be going soon. We just came here to buy some pastries."

"Ahh~ Ok, I understand. Wait, we? Is your bro here too?"

(Y/n) blushed and shook her head, then pointed at a familiar redhead standing in front of the cashier.

"Sae? You... you and Sae are friends now?" Oliver blinked, trying to not show any distaste at the idea.

"We... uh, Sae and I are engaged, actually." (Y/n) answered silently, showing a ring that was on her left hand. Seeing the item, Oliver felt nausea come over him.

"T-that's great. I didn't know..." He trailed off. He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.

"Yeah, Sae and I wanted to keep this relationship out of public eye. But we plan on announcing the engagement in the next few days." (Y/n) smiled brightly. Oliver couldn't help but to notice that this smile was way... brighter than the once she gave him back in the day.

'It's like, she is completely herself with Sae.' He bit the inside of his cheek, then gave her a tight smile.

"Happy to hear that. I am... glad to see that you are doing well. Congratulations."

"Thank you. I haven't been this happy in a long while." (Y/n) admitted.

'Are you happier with him than with me?' Oliver wanted to ask, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything.

"Hope you are doing great, too. Yoichi told me Ubers did pretty well last season." (Y/n)'s words woke him up from his thoughts.

"Yeah. We have been doing good. I am, happy with my life so far."

'I really am not.' Was what Oliver wanted to say, but (Y/n) is no longer the one to who he can talk about those things. She wasn't responsible for it, anymore.

"(Y/n), let's go. We need to pick up Rin and Yoichi from the airport." Sae called out, causing (Y/n) to nod her head, then she turned to look back at Oliver.

"It was great meeting you again... and thank you for everything. The good and even the bad times, they really helped me grow." (Y/n) said softly as Oliver slowly nodded his head.

"Thank you for everything, too. Hope you have a good holiday with everyone."

The pro-player said, raising his hand for a fist-bumb. The girl smiled and nodded her head.

"Thanks. Have a great Christmas, too."

With a fist-bumb, (Y/n) left Oliver's side and walked over to where Sae was. The black-haired player fought back a few tears as he saw (Y/n) take Sae's hand and leave the café. It hurt more than when she had left 4 years ago.

"Damn it..." Oliver muttered as he sat down on his chair again and hid his face in his hands.

'It's another goodbye... How ironic that it happened again during this time of the year.'

#bllk #blue lock anime #blue lock manga #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #blue lock scenarios #isagi's sister #oliver aiku #blue lock oliver #bllk oliver #oliver aiku x reader #oliver aiku x you #angst #cheating

[andraxicated]

Predator/Prey with Itto?

tw: dom/sub, predator/prey, vibrator use, petnames

a/n: ahhhh I'm sorry for this late work T-T. it took me a long time to find inspo for this theme and then a perfect prompt magically popped up on my tl!

You hastily open the door with your lip bit to prevent any noise from escaping. Your hair is a mess from running like crazy, your heart beating a little too loud, and the surge of adrenaline was keeping you lightheaded. Despite the threat of him catching up, you note not to foolishly slam the door behind you, making sure it clicks as quiet as it can be before scurrying to the nearest closet.

You're shaking from the thrill of the chase, trying to calm yourself down but the object inside you won't let you rest. Itto had put a vibrator inside your underwear as a punishment for being a brat. But then...he suddenly let you go, offering the choice of freedom if you choose to play hide and seek with him.

"If I catch you, the punishment will be 10 times harsher, harder. So do your best to hide, kitten! I won't be so nice if I catch you."

You know how sick he is, how he's so mean at games. Itto will do anything just to win these stupid games, his list of dirty tricks runs long enough that it still manages to catch you by surprise.

"Hmmph!" For crying out loud, you almost let out a big yelp because of the sudden vibrations that made your pussy jump. The damned oni turned the vibrator on just as his time to search for you started.

Itto had a loud, booming voice. One that scared you and made your arousal drip at the same time. "Darling kitten where are youuu?" The last word was dragged to mimic an echo.

"I was kind enough to not turn this vibrator on while you're running. So come out now!" The sound of the door a few steps away bangs against the wall so hard that it left you squeezing yourself into the corner of the cabinet.

You could barely breathe with how tightly clasped your hands are. It's all to hold the moans in because you're genuinely scared of the punishment Itto has for you. After all, you've been quite mean to him in the streets, acting as if this dumb, pathetic oni isn't the one fucking you till you're cross-eyed.

The vibrator was even merciless as it kept on tuning to the highest setting and you could feel your high building. It didn't help that you're already thinking about seeing Itto's gigantic cock.

"Come out come out kitten" His voice draws closer, your breath hitching at the wrong time as the door of your room slams hard.

'He definitely heard that no no no no' You chant inside your head. Your cunt was ready to release but you kept it in for your sake, deferring your long-awaited arousal.

But whether he found you or not. Your poor cunny will get abused anyway.

The closet has a crack that you're too scared to fully peek through. With your minimal sight, you can see Itto pull out a chair from the far corner. He drags it noisily to terrifyingly sit in front of the closet you're currently hiding in. The sight of him sitting down made you recoil in fear.

It was a few waiting minutes before Itto got impatient and called out your pathetic excuse of a hiding spot.

"I know you're there, kitten. I can fucking smell you so come out now before I get really angry." He growls and you immediately bust the door open. Crawling towards him like the pathetic loser you are as you bury your face on his thighs.

"Master, I can't anymore! I'm going to cum, please stop!" You whine while having a death grip on your kimono as Itto watches your undoing, amused. Hearing you cry always made his sad, he didn't like the sound of you suffering. So he took matters into his own hands as he suddenly hoisted you to his lap like you weighed nothing. You sat frozen, shocked from seeing his smirking face up close.

"What's wrong kitten? Can't cum?" He asked, raising an eyebrow while cocking his head to the side. The vibrator was too good but something felt missing. You wanted his long, thick fingers inside you, or maybe his mouth or his cock if he's feeling nice.

"I need help hahhh!" You thought it was already set on the highest setting but the vibrations became even more strong, making your legs shake violently as you scream for your master to help you. "Master please! I-I'll take any punishment! Help me! Ahhh!!"

And Itto knew how much you're cockhungry for him. He'd have to prep you first though to make sure everything goes smoothly later.

Two of his fingers went down to your clit, rubbing fast, creating friction that added to the intensity your pussy was feeling. He lightly tried to squeeze in the tip of his finger but your cunt was too occupied with the vibrator that it made you sob in mixed discomfort and pleasure. You haven't even taken his cock yet you're already acting like you're filled up greatly. Itto laughed, kissing the side of your head and then whispering the magic words to end your suffering.

"Cum"

Your sticky juices went dripping down his fingers and your thighs, the embarrassment washing over you. You felt like you lost your sanity for a minute but as soon as he gave you the word to cum, some clarity returned to you at least.

"Good girl, my sweet girl. You hid so well." Itto muses even though the closet was the most obvious choice. He peppered kisses to calm you down after the intense orgasm. You're happy he's kind enough to let you and your pussy rest for a bit.

"Really? Did I?" You asked, fishing for some reassurance and sweet words before he once again changes to a mean front.

"Yes, you did. Very very good. That's why I'm going to lessen the level of punishment for you, but that doesn't mean it's going to be easy." Itto starts to stand up while you're cradled in his arms. He notices you're out of it so he lightly slaps your butt to catch your attention. "Do you understand kitten?"

"Yes master"

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x reader smut #genshin smut #itto x reader #itto x reader smut #itto smut #genshin x you #genshin headcanons #genshin impact smut #genshin x reader smut #genshin imagines #itto x you #itto x y/n #genshin x reader scenarios #genshin x y/n

[buttcheekr]

now that it's the morning after,

i went on a whole emotional rollercoaster with that stream. first i was laughing my ass off, then i was laughing slightly less because i was honestly still waiting for half life, then i was angry because i kept thinking "i would have watched this even if they had just advertised it as breaking bad. why did they have to get my hopes up by almost outright telling me it was going to be half life?"

but i was still watching the stream. and then i realized most of my anger came from feeling embarrassed that i was wrong, and also part of it was hurt from seeing people in the chat act like i was stupid for getting my hopes up. and even more of it was from completely unrelated personal issues that had nothing to do with the stream.

so by the end, when it turned into dragon ball, i was back to having a good time. the hl2vrai trailer was just icing on the cake, at that point.

looking at everyone's tumblr's afterwards, i realized that even though it felt mean at the time, nobody was doing this just to be mean. rtvs just wanted to make sure we tuned in to watch a cool thing they made. and if you could come to terms with the fact that it wasn't what you expected, you got to enjoy it.

the whole thing was kind of spiritual for me by the end, actually? maybe influenced by the fact that i was high as balls and the empty liminal gmod new mexico wasn't doing me any favors.

i do feel bad for people who were more hurt by the stream than me. we all process things differently and have different levels of emotional attachment and sensitivity, and there's nothing wrong with that. what sucks is seeing people shit on people who were sad about it, and also seeing people attack rtvs about it.

TL;DR. if you felt hurt by the stream you're valid. but we all have to learn to step back and let rtvs work their magic, because they always have something good to show us, and their content isn't just for us, it's for each other. we're not owed anything. even if it wasn't what you expected, sometimes what you got is worth it anyways. don't attack anyone about it; you're not entitled to anything from rtvs, but you are entitled to your own emotional experience.

#hlvrai #brbavrai #rtvs #buttcheeking

[justin-chapmanswers]

hi justin! im an older fan here, been watching since i wasssss..... 8? 9? old enough to see s2e8 come out, thats for sure! i fell behind with ii3 though, stopped keeping up past episode 4 due to... well, i dont remember, haha... anyways, i met a newer fan IRL today and they convinced me to get caught up! so i did. In one day. since its been a while, i forgot that doing that would be an emotional roller-coaster and it Was.

As im sending this im Fresh out of the experience so that being said this is gonna be so incomprehensible

balloon and nickel especially. i remember coming home from school excited to see "kick the bucket part 2" drop and i was DEVASTATED. i really loved suitcase, and the alliance, and balloon and dearly wished that they could all get along as a kid! seeing balloon and nickels relationship develop in ii3, especially now that im older and can understand things clearly, was refreshing and interesting to watch! but that suitcase appearance.... i dont even know what to say. It was executed so well, it was the perfect punch in the gut. Im excited to see where these two go from this point, especially with what bot told them. SPEAKING of which!

Bot. Bot bot bot. ohhhhh my gosh bot. im. AUGH. Ok sooo... paintbrush kinda was my nonbinary awakening! so seeing bots identity develop, seeing their relationship with test tube develop, with a queer-coded narrative unfolding, it had me screaming into my hands a lot!!! i literally screamed and pointed at their little drawing when i saw their pronouns! it was sad to see them go, but man, you guys manage to put me back together with just two words from test tube. "It's... you." oh, to say so much by saying so little! i hope to see more from the two of them in side content like the comics, and hopefully fan too!

tl;dr how does it feel knowing you made the most emotionally destructive episode an episode with a cartoony spring as a cereal mascot as the main antagonist. good job and thank you by the way

Thank you for the super super super sweet message!!!! So glad that you've been able to connect with PB and Bot, they mean a lot to me, as well! Good news is, I don't think we're done with any of the contestants 100% quite yet, more adventures to come! :D

And some of my favorite kinds of episodes are the ones that mesh hyper-silly and hyper-dramatic. Always so excited to see them come together in cases like these! Keep ooooon springin'!