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lizbotw · 4 years

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HELPLESS | SUGAWARA

request: aaa for the character and song suga and helpless from hamilton please-? also I HIT THE UNFOLLOW BUTTON INSTEAD OF ASK IM SORRY HHHH I LOVE YOUR WORK

you have me in my hamilton feels now, good job. AND OMG IT’S OKAY LMAO tysm for the support omg ur so cute and sweet, ilysm wtf :( ♡ making me cry

“What do you think of him?”

You stopped dribbling the basketball and turned to face Kiyoko—her hair tied up into a ponytail, the school gym uniform on—confused.

You didn’t get what she meant (or rather you did, but...). “What?”

“What?” Her face was set dead serious.

You scowled. “What do you mean what? You’re the one who asked the question.”

There was a stare-off between you two before giggles erupted out of her and she hid them behind her hand, eyes squeezing closed. You huffed and turned your attention back to rolling the ball between your two palms, feeling the ridges of its outline. She was laughing at your expense but you couldn’t fault her because you had done the same to her countless times. You also knew that she was onto you, no matter how well you tried to hide it.

“You know who I mean.”

“No I don’t.”

“Suga.”

Your jaw clenched at the words, trying to maintain a hard exterior, but on the inside your heart was beating rapidly at the mere mention of his name. “I don’t know.”

Heads over heels in love is what you wanted to say.

Wanting the conversation to end, you readied the basketball in your hands, bent your knees and jumped a little to shoot for the net high up by the backboard.

Miss. The ball bounced on the rim and came to roll right by your feet. You planted one foot on top of it to stop the momentum and out of the corner of your eye saw Kiyoko looking at you. “I never said I was good.”

She was back to smiling and you knew you could never be mad at her. “You know that’s not what I’m thinking about.” You wished she was just talking about your sucky basketball skills and not the boy of your infatuations.

The coach’s whistle rang out through the area—gym class was over. You scoped up the ball from below your feet and followed behind Kiyoko to the exit of the gym to the connected locker room, eyes roaming over the space as you watched the other students abandon the activities they’d been doing as well.

“Whatever.”

“You forgot this.”

You jolted, accidentally kicking your desk and causing it to move with a screech that echoed through the classroom. Eyes wide, you turned to see who had snuck up on you. Brown eyes were the first thing you were drawn to, then the shock of silver hair, and finally the worried expression and the badly concealed smile that was slowly overtaking it.

“Did I startle you?” A small laugh spilled out of him. “Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, it’s just— that was cute.” You could tell he wasn’t sorry.

You tried to ignore the burn of his words in your chest and the flips your stomach was doing. “What are you even doing here?”

“Well...” He rubbed the back of his neck and that’s when you noticed two brown paper bags clutched in his hand. “You forgot your lunch in my class when you came to see Daichi this morning. Thought you might be looking for it.”

The lunch period had only just started, so you didn’t even have time to miss your lunch before Suga had brought it. He must’ve rushed over here to give it to you as soon as class was dismissed, although you chose not to point that out.

“Can I sit here?” He was pointing to the empty chair next to you where Kiyoko had just been sitting. Wait—where was Kiyoko? Knowing her she must’ve ran off as soon as she saw him coming in order to give you guys some “alone time.” You cursed her in your mind, although the reminder of his question and the way his gaze was so fully focused on you made you forgive her instantly.

You looked again at the two bags he held, recognizing yours where you’d scribbled your name on the front this morning, and understanding at once that the other was his—he’d planned this.

You smiled. “I’d like that.”

Time: 1:35 A.M.

From Suga: Are you up?

From (Y/N): No.

From Suga: Haha, very funny. Anyway look outside your window.

From (Y/N): So it was YOU who kept throwing rocks at it when I was trying to sleep. I can’t believe this.

From Suga: I confess to nothing. Now are you coming or not? These meat buns are going to get cold so maybe I should just eat them all myself—

From (Y/N): CLIMBING OUT THE WINDOW RN

“Where’d you get that?” Kiyoko thumbed the smooth pendent that hung from a silver chain around your neck. Your last initial and “S” were carved into it. It was painfully obvious what it stood for.

“Nowhere.” You didn’t look her in the eye, but she understood.

“When?”

“Saturday.”

Her lips curled up into a smile and you were thoroughly embarrassed. “I’m expecting to hear the whole story later.” How had you gotten so lucky to be best friends with someone who was willing to listen to your constant lovesick rants?

“And then he—”

You heard her out of breath, laughing on the other end of the phone. “Okay, okay, I get it,” she managed out, “he’s perfect and charming and—”

“No, no, he’s so much more than that, you see.” You were giddy with excitement, rolling around on your bed as you squealed over the phone with her, the grin stretching across your face starting to hurt your cheekbones, although you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

There was a hum of contemplation on the other side. “You know, I don’t think I quite see. Why don’t you explain it more to me?” Her teasing tone was like music to your ears and was one of the last things she managed to get in before you launched into another night-long tangent about him.

“You think this’ll work?”

“Of course it’ll work, this is what they do in movies all the time.”

Suga narrowed his eyes. “I’m serious, Daichi, I don’t want to mess this up.”

Daichi sighed, crossing his arms. “How many times have we had this conversation already?”

“Five times,” Asahi provided helpfully from next to him.

“Thank you, Asahi. And how many times have you almost said, ‘I love you,’ Suga?”

Suga looked away, lips pressed into a line. He knew Daichi was right. “More than five times,” he mumbled.

“Exactly. This is getting out of hand.” Noticing Suga’s worried expression though, he clapped a reassuring hand on his back. “You’ve never been worried about things like this before, get it together.” And with that, he turned to go, Asahi falling into step with him. “Go get ‘em, tiger,” Daichi called back, looking like he was enjoying this a little too much.

“We’ll be waiting on the bleachers if you need us,” Asahi reminded him.

And then he was alone.

Suga stared down at the box in his hand. This time it was a bracelet. Funny how you’d gotten matching necklaces on a whim before either of you had made it official—then again, you both knew what it was that you had. There was no one else he’d rather be stuck with at 2 A.M. on top of a hill, watching the quiet pull of the lake below, your words spilling out of you and filling the space and your laughter lighting up the night sky.

You still deserved for him to seal the deal though.

It was strange, but he found himself missing you even though it had only been a day. But right now he was alone and overthinking this whole thing—what if he had misunderstood how you felt?

Wait— no— not alone. The sound of footsteps nearby clued him in on someone’s arrival. You were here. You peeked your head around the corner before he had a chance to prepare himself and he quickly hid the box behind his back out of surprise.

“Suga?”

“You’re here.” He almost face palmed for stating the obvious, but was thankful when you didn’t point it out.

Instead you said, “You look like you saw a ghost.”

More like an angel. The fact that even those few words had his face burning with the desire to be closer to you reminded him how completely at your mercy he was.

Looking at the way your gaze softened and you stepped closer to him, he remembered how you’d done the same thing so many times before and now there was no question in his mind that you felt the same way—from the second you saw each other you were both helpless. Perhaps now it was time to completely surrender control.

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invelleity · 5 years

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psst. be honest. all of the questions. go.

i can’t believe jeanette is tryina kill me in public and i’m still love her??? | not accepting anymoooore | @ltbroccoli

cracks knuckles here we go ( odd numbers 1-9 are here )

2. Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why?

Not very. It’s fun and cute and all, but I care a whole lot more about “clicking” with people and having fun writing with them.

Exception: If someone’s aesthetic is so overblown that I can’t even find the pages on the blog or read the text, I.....won’t interact with that tbh.

4. How do you explain rp to someone in the real world?

(kicks down my roommate’s door at 10pm) “OK so I’m writing— stop screaming, it’s me,— I’m writing a character in Security and you’re like a double black belt or some shit, can you explain how—”

( My roommates all know it’s a thing I do but I’ve never sent them a link or shown them any of the actual writing. They’ve met a bunch of y’all over like Rabbit streams and @rumdaydreams irl though so like.... They Know. )

More under the cut

6. Do you prefer writing male muses or female more? Why?

Ehhh, depends on my mood. I lean towards female muses in general ( definitely got a bigger chunk of ladies on my list, for sure for sure ) but I love my boys.

8. Name any three things about the rpc that bother you.

Uhhhh A) We’re all such dumb socially awkward blobs so it’s often hard to get to know new people.

B) The feel that if you have a good relationship with one person who writes a canon muse, it’s some kind of lowkey betrayal to write with other people who write the same muse??

C) How much I, a certified card-carrying dumbass, stress myself out about posting on a “regular” schedule. Does that count? Like I want the blogs to look “presentable” lmao and me@me Calm The Fuck Down.

10. Have you ever had a bad experience with commissions? As either someone who makes them or as someone who buys them?

N / A

11. What do you know now about rp that you wish you knew when you first started?

Uhhhh, when I first started was long enough ago and the community was so different a lot of those lessons no longer apply. I wish when I finally jumped over to Tumblr I’d realized quicker how the new like....basic ways of meeting people and posting and all worked, which was mostly just a “calm down and go with the flow more, let go of your stupid rigid old habits” lmaooo.

12. Have you been involved in drama? Do you regret it?

yES. Yeah. Hahaha ha h.

But ummm, not usually. No. Most of my drama has been either A) me posting the very very softest, most diluted version of barely-touching on my politics and my real goddamn life and people being fuckin butthurt as hell about or B) cutting people who were toxic and draining out of my life. So.

13. Have you ever thought about leaving rp? What caused it? What changed your mind?

cw suicidal ideation ment

Yeah. Once I actually did — when I started college I just didn’t have the time, so I peaced from the larger community to just write with close friends for a while. I’ve also considered leaving the T.umblr RPC a few times, but really only because of long bad depressive episodes. Coming back and “not wanting to literally die irl ha Ha” and catching up with my drafts gets me back on track lmao.

14. Do you think rp has had a positive or negative affect on your life or you as a person?

Positive! Sometimes I worry that I spend too much time wrapped up in fiction and miss my real life, but I’ve learned to keep my time more separate so now it’s just good to have a healthy hobby that makes me happy. Also I’m definitely a much better writer for it, and there a lot of networking skills I think translate to real workplace skills so it’s 👌

15. How has rp changed you personally?

See above, tbh. And it gives me a lot of good outlets for writing ideas that would otherwise stew in my head until I hated myself for never ever writing any lmao. It’s good.

16. If you could change one thing about rp on tumblr, what would it be? Why?

Oh, I dunno. I wish I could post replies from mobile more easily, god. That’d keep me a lot more on top of my drafts lmao.

17. Have you ever sent a message to yourself on anon? Why?

Not on any of the rp blogs. ;^)

18. Have you ever sent hate to yourself on anon? Why?

No, wtf

19. Do you delete anon hate or post and address it? Why?

Depends on the hate — things I feel need to be addressed or I want to be clear about not tolerating I’ll post. Personal hate and mean shit I delete.

Or if it’s stupid and makes me laugh I will definitely post that shit.

20. Have you ever felt pressured to write something you weren’t comfortable with?

Sometimes. If a partner is actually pressuring me I’m real good at saying uhhh hey, fuck off about that? but sometimes partners will perfectly-innocently be enthusiastic about things I’m not super comfortable with and that’s harder to bring up. So it’s..... more like I pressure myself, whoops.

21. Have you ever followed someone because you felt like you had to, not because you wanted to?

Ehh. Not really. Sometimes I’ll follow a friend of a friend despite lack of interest just because, like.... My friends are smart and good, maybe I’m just not getting the right “vibe” from their blog as who really they are. Sometimes that just means we never click and I unfollow them later. Or sometimes @rumdaydreams drags me straight to mutual hell and we write 20,000 unfinished bullshit and meet irl and she actually talks me into wholeass new blogs and muses. So, you know. Mix bag.

22. What would make you block someone?

Red flags for manipulation and lowgrade emotional a.buse, especially ones I viscerally feel in my stomach from previous experiences. Obvious r.ight-leaning politics ( Weirdly, I’m not particularly comfortable around people who don’t think I or my friends deserve to be treated like human beings! A character quirk, haha! )

Also ngl sometimes I block people just to remind myself I’ve followed them before and I don’t wanna re-follow them six times and look like I’m trying to intentionally harass them. My memory is bad but the block button always knows, lmao. 😅

23. Have you ever stolen something from someone else?

Not intentionally — I try very hard not to steal hc from duplicates or take plots without asking. But, y’know, sometimes an idea sticks in your head and you eventually just forget where it originally came from.

24. Have you ever had something stolen from you? If so, how did you handle it?

Not that I’m aware of.

25. Are you open to duplicates? Why / why not?

Absolutely, for the most part! I like seeing other perspectives, and especially since @thewrongsorts is such a bigass multi it lowkey just makes my life easier.

There are a few exceptions — less because they’re duplicates and more because there are hc/fanon I just......dislike enough I don’t wanna write with them. Not a feeling that’s limited to duplicates tbh.

26. How do you feel about vague posting?

Ehhh. It’s like not a great thing, but I get the appeal. I tend to unfollow if someone posts a lot of it because then they’re just passive-aggressive as a person, but the occasional vagueblog I don’t mind. Sometimes you gotta get shit off your chest but you don’t wanna make it a wholeass call-out, I get it.

27. Do you follow people even if they don’t follow you back?

Generally I unfollow. I’m here to write, if we’re not interacting it’s clogging my dash. ( Honestly I unfollow mutuals eventually if we never write.... ) But very occasionally someone’s got such good #takes and hc that I stick around just bc I stan.

28. Do you read people’s rules before following or interacting?

A l w a y s.

29. What is your opinion on “reblog karma” and do you practice it?

It’s nice! Like.... I wouldn’t require anyone to do it, but it makes people feel better about their blogs, it’s polite. I know I’m happier getting memes as well as passing them along. You know, be social. Connect with people. I always try to practice it, yeah.

30. How have you responded to popular slang used on tumblr? Do you use it in every day life? Do you use it at all?

Uhhh, yeah. My irl social circles are a lot of dumb gay millennials, we use a lot of dumb internet slang.

31. Is there something you don’t know the meaning of but you haven’t asked anyone because you think it’s supposed to be general knowledge?

Oh yeah! Joined Tumblr rpc ten years late with Starbucks! But also like.... I’m a web developer. 90% of my irl workskills are being good at Googlin’ shit. So I’ve pretty much always found the answer on my own, at least. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

32. Was there ever something you had to ask someone to explain?

( See above. )

33. Have you ever experienced discrimination?

Here or irl or....? I mean yes in any case, but much less often in the rpc specifically. This blog is a lot less outspoken ( both about politics or about who I....am....generally ) than most of my others or me irl.

Shoutout to that time I complained one (1) time about how copacetic the H.arry P.otter rpc is and an actual irl n.eon.azi jumped in my inbox lmaooooooo.

34. How do you feel about personal blogs following your rp blog?

Uhhh, I don’t love it? But if they mostly chill and don’t fuck with my actual threads I usually ignore them. ¯\_( ‘ ‘ )_/¯

35. Have you ever cried while writing a reply?

No. I’m not like......good at crying. 😐

36. Do you read other people’s threads or do you only read your own?

Depends on the blog. Some multis I follow are in fandoms I just like don’t even understand, so I don’t read those. Sometimes I just don’t got the energy. But I read a lot of my friends’ other threads or threads on blogs I stan.

Good writing is good shit and I’m.....a big 👀 bitch. Tbh.

37. What’s one thing that other people seem to hate that doesn’t bother you?

Call-out posts, bringing real life politics into rp, generally acknowledging that we have lives outside of the fictional world that affect how we read and interact with fiction.

( 👏 The O.rder 👏👏 of the 👏 P.hoenix 👏👏 is A.ntif.a 👏👏👏 )

I don’t want to ever push that onto other people though, definitely. (Especially people affected by terrifying irl politics and coming here for escapism. )

38. How do you feel about tagging triggers? Do you tag them? How do you determine what is triggering content and what isn’t?

Always 👏👏 tag 👏👏 fucking 👏 triggers 👏👏👏

I tag things that are common or obviously upsetting, and if someone asks I add whatever tags they need to my list — the “list” is mostly a mental tally so I occasionally fuck up, but god I feel strongly about triggers.

Let 👏 people 👏 who are hurting 👏👏 live. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

39. What advice would you give to someone new to rp?

Poking around to see how other people seem to “operate” and scrolling through posts about how to get started is so so so fucking helpful! Don’t be afraid to do it!

Also reach out to people as much as you can work up the spoons to. If they’re rude back to you, like..... They were never worth your time anyhow. You dodged a bullet.

( Value yourself 2k19 )

#i clearly numbered something wrong in there but uhhhhh oh well.#jeanette tag #answered #ask games #mun stuff #rpc #lonnnnngass post #under the cut #long post for ts #oh jeannete i.....love you #icb i answered all of these #what a day to be alive #icb i ended up tagging kate in this TWICE #kate tag #ltbroccoli

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