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terresdebrume · 6 years

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Spin Control reread: 2. Arena Talk With Flickerman

Aaand we’re back for chapter two! I’ve slept four hours ish last night (and it’s now half past 9pm) so please forgive any typo or weirdness the spellchecker doesn’t take care of ^^’ @trovia, @princess-nell, this is your call before we start :3

Also, the way I did this chapter is a little different from the others. For the prologue and chapter 1, I wrote my comments down as I read through the story but in this case I read the full chapter first and I’m going back on it now, for the simple reason that I was as confused as Finnick about the turn of events.

See, this chapter starts on the evening of Haymitch’s very public overdose, as Finnick gets ‘invited’ to participate in a talk show where Haymitch and his alcoholism are very obviously going to be the center of attention. Finnick is kind of confused as to why he’d be invited except for looking pretty ‘while other people [use] the big words’. It took me until the end of the chapter to realize it but actually, yeah, I’m pretty sure being pretty is exactly what Finnick was called for.

Because the other guests on that talk show?

Mags, an eighty-ish years old woman whose refusal to upgrade her prosthetics is already making it harder for people to understand her.

Chaff, a nearing-fifty alcoholic with a stump and a rather caustic attitude

Terence from District 6 who looks closer to Mag’s age than his actual sixty years and has a morphling addiction problem.

In other words, Caesar Flickerman now has to host a program with three walking reminders that life doesn’t stay pretty forever or for everyone (after all, you can make an argument that Mags is just old, but there’s no way you can pretend like Chaff and Terence’s lack of compliance with Capitol beauty standards aren’t linked to their games, even if most of your population is eager to pretend it is). That’s already three reminders too many for a government trying to normalize and glamourize the Hunger Games until its victims have to say thanks for being sent to the slaughterhouse and punished for it afterward. So what do you do? You throw your local sex-on-legs eye-candy in there so people have something nice to look at while other people discuss the utter mess that is Haymitch’s life. It’s brutal packaging is what it is, down to Finnick’s clothes actually:

After a remake session with Cherry, his stylist, and her team, [Finnick] was trying to get comfortable in his chair despite the excuse for a pair of pants he wore, while the studio lights burned down on him and Flickerman discussed Haymitch Abernathy’s alcoholism, which was still a disease.

Also I have to say I like that this sentence starts with Finnick’s discomfort with an outfit clearly meant for the audience more than for him, and ends with a reminder to himself that Haymitch isn’t completely lost yet. It’s like he glances at his own predicament and trauma then subconsciously steers himself back to the more pressing issue. It’s both a touching sow of solidarity and care toward Haymitch and a heartbreaking dismissal of himself...which, in turn, is an excellent and subtle reminder that it isn’t like Finnick lives in a world that will ever allow him to heal anyway.

Oh, and:

Finnick tried to avoid looking at Terence’s long sleeves, such an uncommon styling choice in a boiling hot television studio, covering up puncture wounds of Morphling needles. Before the show, Finnick had walked in on him shooting himself up in the men’s room. As far as he knew, Terence had never once sobered up since he’d won the 26th Games with a knife and a garrote.

Just in case there was any doubt left that the Capitol (specifically president Snow, but also many people who do not use their brains so they don’t have to come to accurate conclusions) cares more about the Victors’ use as narrative devices than as persons. Not that the people reading SC would have any doubt about that (or at least, they wouldn’t survive very long) but it’s still a good reminder to get. And boy do we get some more.

Chaff took control of the conversation without prompting and did what needed doing on the victors’ end to keep Haymitch alive, swiftly building on the news coverage by weaving a story of loneliness and fame and social responsibility, a term Finnick hadn’t been aware the Capitol actually ever used for anything.

You know, I said in my prologue post that Haymitch’s friends didn’t fully realize what situation he was in and I stand by that, but just because they didn’t realize doesn’t mean they didn’t care. Chaff is putting himself on the line here, subtle as it may be. Also the fic may be in Finnick’s pov, which means one of the more perceptive Victors is our guide here, but that doesn’t take away from the others’ ability to observe and/or toe the line when needed I mean:

“Well yeah, all the signs were there for me to see though and I didn’t, right?” Chaff replied. “All the signs were there, but I didn’t want to see. I didn’t realize how hard it must be for Haymitch, only victor of Twelve and all and always the only mentor for the two tributes, too. He never gets to sleep properly during the Games until they’re both out, did you know that? Probably used the alcohol to stay awake.”

After delivering that last statement with a sorrowful face as if it actually had made any sense, he paused.

Of course Chaff’s statement doesn’t make any sense: it starts with the truth and ends with a Capitol-PR-ready, ‘but of course he was only trying to serve you’ when Haymitch’s entire life at this point is basically the most long-term suicide attempt ever seen. It’s lucky Chaff isn’t the only one who cares and the others pick up the thread before it can start to unravel:

“The public often underestimates how stressful the life of a victor can become,” [Mags] said […]. “It is especially hard for victors if they are supposed to be performing as mentor but failing. It is a great honor to be a mentor, victors are always anxious to succeed. It can be too much, honestly. I have seen this playing out many times. We put ourselves under pressure. One can get overwhelmed.”

“That’s what it was like for me, too,” Terence agreed with his grainy old voice, having aged prematurely. He could as well have been Mags’ age instead of only sixty. “The responsibility was weighing down on me. Not just to the Capitol, who I owed so much, but also to my tributes.”

“We all want to be at our best during the Games,” Chaff concluded.

“What do you think, Finnick?” Flickerman addressed him with a face of rapt interest. He usually adopted that same expression when he told Finnick to get on his knees and suck him off in his dressing room, as if it was a great adventure they were undertaking together.

Okay, sorry to ruin the beautiful moment of solidarity (because even with their limited means, everyone on this side of the talk show is doing what they can to help Haymitch out) with Flickerman being a creepy douche, but considering it’s been established that the topic of Finnick using drugs was supposed to be off-limits (implicitly, but still) I can’t help but wonder if this is Flickerman deciding to toe the line just so he can have Finnick under his thumb again, and that only make him even more gross.

“I am worried about Mr. Abernathy, I am. This is going to be a difficult case,” the doctor told the camera. “As therapists, we see this every day. Yes, we can help this patient to detoxify and send him on his way. Will he have lost his attitude problem? No. He will drink again, and we cannot blame him for that. It will be almost impossible for him to not drink without undergoing extensive therapy first. It would even be so if he was a Capitol citizen, held to our higher standards of restraint. In my professional opinion, Mr. Abernathy is not fit to fulfill his duties by himself and he will not be for a long time to come. You cannot expect this man to act as the sole mentor for his district any longer.”

Okay, first of all, this doctor may have understandable reasons somewhere but he’s still participating in the vile hostage-holding of Haymitch by helping to lay out the bricks for a Capitol-issued miracle narrative, but also the sheer hypocrisy in the bolded part is astounding, even though I knew it was coming. The levels of willful blindness you have to maintain for this sentence to be even remotely acceptable are staggering, even higher than Effie’s disdain of the District Twelve tributes who didn’t know how to eat with forks and knives. It’s even worse to read after having seen the actual canon party where people puke just so they can eat again. And then they have the gall to talk about the Capitol’s higher standards of restraint. Ugh.

“So there is the pressing matter of District Twelve’s participation in this 72nd Hunger Games,” Flickerman continued when the feed was cut off […]. “There are two young tributes at the Training Center now, anxiously waiting for a mentor to prepare them for the Games as we speak. It doesn’t seem like it will be Haymitch. Furthermore, there is the matter of Haymitch handling mentorship in the future. Mags.”

“Well, there is precedence, of course,” Mags said. While she answered promptly, Finnick could see that a guarded expression had crossed her face. She wasn’t clear on what angle on this topic would most likely help the victors and Haymitch. Haymitch, who would have to step in front of a camera once the hospital released him, working with what they delivered right now and telling the public whatever Snow expected. Haymitch, who wouldn’t retire because none of them were allowed to retire. “District Twelve is special even now, it’s the only district with only one mentor. I remember a time when there would always be a district or two that would not be able to provide their own mentors at all. District Twelve was the most recent district without a district victor as mentor, actually, before Haymitch himself won the second Quarter Quell. Four years before, Twelve’s first victor, Swagger – he had died in a terrible accident, I remember…”

Oh my, I remember reading that part and taking so long to process the actual meaning of it with regards to Haymitch’s situation because I was too busy thinking ‘OKAY THIS IS IT FINNICK IS MOVING’. Which is entirely not supposed to be the only point of the scene (and it definitely isn’t as soon as you spare even a second to remove the shipping goggles) but well. It’s be untruthful to pretend like that didn’t happen ^^’

“Oh, of course.” Flickerman shook his head sadly. “He fell and broke his neck, I believe…”

“Yes,” Mags agreed with a nod of gratitude, although the way Finnick had been told the story, Shane “Swagger” March had fallen and broken his neck only insofar that he had kicked away the chair he had been standing on, a noose wrapped around said neck. “Swagger had died, so Lyra Ingram from District Two moved to Twelve as substitute…”

Okay I’d quote the entire exchange about past Victors who mentored for Twelve in a more or less temporary fashion but that would make for waaaay too big a quote-block. That being said, having Finnick’s fact-checking commentary to rely on is both painful and invaluable. It’s a much more knowledgeable pov than Katniss’ because contrary to her, Finnick has insider knowledge. He’s been doing this long enough to have learned the truth, a bullet which Katniss dodged in canon. It also works to make the reader dislike (ha) the Capitol on a much wider level than Katniss’ pov initially does. A lot of the deaths she acknowledges (or speculates about, though with very little risk of error) are abstracts at first. In her first game, Rue is the only kid Katniss really cares about aside from Peeta. Later, we start with Seneca Crane, then the old man from Eleven, and then the deaths get progressively closer to home.

But here with Finnick, they already are hitting home. Not just because every Victor who died knew Mags and/or him directly, but because every instance of this is a reminder that Finnick is only one displeased president away from being the next on the list of suicides and/or suspicious accidents.

“So was there a call for mentors and they volunteered?” It took Finnick a second to recognize his own voice, because he hadn’t known he would open his mouth before he heard himself say the words. This wasn’t really supposed to be his show. Uneasily, he sat up in his chair, the cameras all on him now, while he spoke on, the words still just tumbling out of his mouth. “How did it work? Were they just chosen?” In the corner of his eye, he could see the other victors’ eyes turning towards him briefly when they wondered about his angle.

“Now Finnick, that would be quite cruel,” Flickerman laughed. “Forcing a victor to move to another district and leave their loved ones behind just like that.”

Finnick forced an unconcerned smile on his face, shrugging it off. “Seems to me like it would be a great honor,” he replied, half automatically, following the victors’ cardinal rule – when in doubt, call it an honor. “I’m sure a lot of victors would be greedy for the opportunity.”

Look at the gears already turning in Finnick’s head! Of course he’s good at split second decisions and rapid thinking under pressure. Even Annie, who Katniss describes as having only won her games through luck (which is only true insofar as any Victor only gets there thanks to a number of favorable conditions) wouldn’t have survived the flooding of her arena if she hadn’t been able to make good decisions while swimming, and Finnick made a lot of these good decisions at fourteen, there’s no reason to think he’d have lost the ability now at twenty-one.

It hurt Finnick to see, knowing [Mags] was trying to help him out before he could do something stupid. But he didn’t want to be stopped. He suddenly really didn’t want to be stopped.

Honestly it kind of hurts to picture what could be going through Mags’ head at this moment, too. She’s got a wife and children with her in Four. She managed to build herself a family that, presumably, helped her to keep going. Most likely, several other Victors have found similar solace in their families. It makes sense for them to think Finnick’s family would have the same sort of positive impact on him, but that’s not where Finnick is coming from. And since he never told people about his problems with being in Four (and can’t very well explain it now) it makes sense that they’d be scared shitless for him when the previous victors’ moving could only have been punishments.

(Because of course it is. No one moves out of their district unless specifically instructed to, and Snow simply doesn’t do gifts, let alone gifts that would potentially allow people to form unmonitored inter-districts connections when his whole system relies heavily on keeping each district in the dark as to what its neighbors do.)

Oh course, Finnick plays the audience like a fiddle. Even in canon, if you think about it, his particularly infamous reputation as a heartthrob is already evidence that he knows how to maintain his image, and the later revelation that he ‘gets paid’ in secrets is also indicative of his knowing exactly how important presentation is...so really, it’s not that surprising, even if it takes him a couple minutes to get the audience around to his point of view.

What I am a little more surprised by is this:

Because any victor, given the chance, would have taken the opportunity to run away.

I don’t know if this is me misreading things but it sounds to me like that isn’t quite as absolutely true as Finnick makes it sound. Certainly he would take any opportunity to run away that didn’t get his family killed, but I’m not sure everyone else would, not when there’s already of history of what happens if you fail as a guest mentor—as well as what happens if you succeed too much, as well.

It was only in moments like this anymore that he felt like his body was his own, starkly aware of how it still was such a powerful weapon, how he could still use it to kill if need be even seven years after he’d won.

Very consciously, he drew a breath and released it again like he would before he attacked.

Chaff was throwing him a sharp look, his face guarded now – the expression of a tribute suspecting that his alliance was falling apart.

Oh yeah. You know how Katniss and Finnick took one look at the Capitol streets in Mockingjay and declared the 76th Hunger Games open? Yeah. This is an extension of that, in that the games never really end for anyone (in some ways, they never really start, either, you just go from a nameless pawn in Snow’s machinery to a named, visible and important piece).

It’s also the first hint we get of Finnick, in some respect, regretting his days in the arena, which doesn’t make sense until you realize Finnick (or Victors in general) never had as much control on his own fate as he did during the Games. Back then, it was up to him to figure out how to survive, to be quick enough to kill before he got killed. It’s tragic and horrible to think, but Finnick was empowered in the arena in a way that he isn’t here, because he can’t do anything without having to worry about a heap of very literally life-or-death problems.

Like I said, this is the first hint of that, and I didn’t pick up on it until later but honestly when I did it made so much sense to me, and it’s a pleasure to see the seeds of that particular thread sowed this early in the story.

“Finnick,” Mags said softly, reaching up to take his face into both of her hands. “Finnick, lad, what did you just do?”

Instead of replying, Finnick closed his eyes and turned his head away.

Never again, he thought. Mags, his parents, Keanu and Perri – his older brothers who both looked at him as if he’d gone Capitol – Coral, his kid sister who was of Reaping age now and slowly figuring out what exactly it meant when he was shown with all those movie stars and politicians on the television. All these people who meant so much to him that it hurt to think about. Soon, he would never have to look at any of them ever again. So he had become … he’d become that man, so what… at least his family wouldn’t have to see it.

They’d never learn his secrets, how fucked up he’d become. The things he thought about when he was alone at night, waking up from those dreams he’d never told anybody about.

Oh, Finnick. He’s so ashamed of his own trauma and the way it presents itself, and I mean it’s not like it’s all that surprising because trauma is an ugly beast at the best of time, filled to the brim with things that don’t make sense and illogical reactions all around...having to live with it under scrutiny, surrounded by people who don’t get it (at best) or judge you for it (at worst, though I don’t remember Finnick’s family being confirmed to go one way or the other) and don’t really have the means to help even if they want to, honestly just makes tings worse. I suppose it’s time I brought my ‘blanket burrito’ moments count up to two.

“No,” Mags replied sadly behind him. “I wish you had been allowed to be, though.”

Thanks for breaking my heart, Mags. And then, of course:

President Snow wanted a word.

#My Posts #Hunger Games #Spin Control #princess nell #trovia #Matt reads #LR: Spin Control

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jcmorgenstern · 6 years

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Tagged by @miazeklos!

Total word count: 63242 yiikes lmao

Fandoms written in: Shadowhunters

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? a looooooot less

What’s your own favorite story of the year? Honestly…not super proud of any of these but I’d say I really enjoyed creance (sebvictor)

Did you take any writing risks this year? Oh god well. Other than writing abo and starting the world’s tiniest ship (sebvictor, again).....not really?

Do you have any fanfic or profit goals for the new year? Actually writing comes to mind...

Best story of the year? I’m in a bad mood so I’ll say none of them

Most popular story of the year? probably the arrows beyond you or honeypot

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Creance, probably, but I didn’t expect a huge turnout considering...it was the first fic in the tag and is the absolute definition of “niche”

Most fun story to write: definitely heatstroke because of all the dumb jokes I got to make

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: before creance I hadn’t written Victor, so probably that. Though it wasn’t until I started writing a sequel from Jonathan’s POV that I realized how narcissistic I had made him. Like his ego could probably power a small city. Then again, can you really blame him?

Most unintentionally telling story: errrr....probably one i haven’t written yet but....in terms of things I hate about my style....probably revenant

Biggest disappointment: I wrote very little and haven’t really made much progress on any of my WIPs, instead starting more and more new ones until I’m drowning in them.

Biggest surprise: kind of shocked anyone liked most of them tbh

tagging: @dnteverdoubtme @kimmycup @takaraphoenix and like....anyone who wants to do it

#sorry im sort of in a dour mood idk why #well i know why but let's Not #anyway!!! thank you for tagging me!!

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vocaotome · 7 years

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A META ON THE CRAZINESS THAT IS KATSUKI YUURI AND HIS STUBBORN ASS SET ON RETIRING

I’ve seen a lot of people write metas on wtf actually happened during the last 2 episodes of Yuri!!! on ICE and Yuuri’s frustrating decision to retire, but so far I haven’t managed to 100% agree with any of them so I wrote my own!

In this meta I’ll try to answer the following questions (and no, “anxiety made him do it!!!” isn’t a magic answer), discussing almost everything solely from Yuuri’s POV:

-When exactly did Yuuri start seriously considering retirement? And why? Why didn’t he consider the option of working under another coach?

-Why did he decide to tell Victor only the day before the final, even though Victor deserved to know it much earlier as his coach and boyfriend?

-Why did he buy pair rings and exchange them in a location that clearly expressed his romantic intentions towards Victor when on the next day he was planning to ask Victor to go back to Russia, ending their professional relationship and severely straining the personal one?

Okay, so you guys remember the first episode?

Yuuri is NOT a quitter. Boy is actually competitive as fuck, and he actually gets annoyed when people automatically assume that he’s weak enough to freak out and retire over one failure. He isn't thinking of retirement here yet, but still he’s grieving for Vicchan and is highly upset over his performance. At this point he didn’t have any solid plans about the exact path to take., and after he fucks up and fails to qualify for worlds, he severs his bonds with Celestino but he still doesn’t completely given up.

For the next few months Yuuri is frustrated intensely by the fact that he finally got be on the same playing field as his idol and made a complete mess of that chance, and it’s not possible for him to think of stopping at such a low point. He fights his depressed feelings by skating Stammi Viccino with a thought process that was probably something like “if I can skate Victor’s routine I probably still am worth something, right?” When he skates the routine in front of Yuko he still is trying to be positive, and if left alone he probably would’ve chosen to continue skating even without any outside intervention, though it would’ve taken him some time to finish his soul-searching. We’ll never know, because soon after that Victor appears, dick out in the onsen and all, and offers to be his coach and he's like fkhdgsfkdfj!!!

Before I continue further let me classify three facets of Victor that we see in this show:

Victor the skater, Victor the coach, and Victor the person.

When Yuuri interacts with Victor in ep2 he’s mostly treating Victor as the first one, the idol he has always looked up to, and his initial reaction is glee and joy because Victor! Freaking! Nikiforov! says I inspired him! He's so close to me!!! I get to see him skate at my childhood rink!!! What a time to be alive!

But with Victor here, new problems arise. Yuuri actually has to pick concrete, timed goals now instead of just “someday”, and as one of my friends at the yoi discord server pointed out, Yuuri tends to get nervous when shit gets real, and having your lifelong idol as your coach is as real as things get. To make things worse, Victor starts to appear inconsistent in his offer to help. Mid ep2 he proposes the Onsen on Ice event that would decide which Yuri’s request he prioritizes. Considering how Yuuri treated him kinda distantly after he dropped everything to answer Yuuri's request to coach him, this might be him trying to see if Yuuri really wants him here (something like “Was he not serious when he asked me to be his coach? I’m not forcing into his life without his consent, am I?”), and/or him being salty, and/or him trying to rouse Yuuri’s competitive spirit. But let’s ignore that since Victor isn’t the focus here.

Look at Yuuri’s face when Victor says “Sure” to Yurio’s declaration about what he wants if he wins (Victor going back to Russia with him and becoming his coach). Him agreeing to return to Russia if Yurio wins really shook Yuuri up, I think. Making Yuuri compete for Victor even though Victor had declared that he's gonna be Yuuri’s coach just in the last episode made Victor appear to be an amazingly flighty guy who changes his mind very easily, from Yuuri’s perspective. (I thought the same back then, ngl. I know he had faith that Yuuri would win and the Nishigoris’ comments had also convinced him that using Yuuri’s competitiveness is a good idea, but why even put that up to chance??? Can you imagine the mess it would’ve turned into if Yurio won?)

It made him think that amazing as Victor may be, he can disappear at any point if Yuuri makes a mistake (way to convince the poor guy of your sincerity, Victor =.=), and he shouldn’t expect Victor to stay here any longer than absolutely necessary- which, he assumes, would be the Grand Prix Final.

The earliest he mentions retirement is mid ep2, then he confirms it again in ep3 at the end of Onsen on Ice (thoroughly confusing because dude you just won??? why???), and towards the end of ep4 he talks about this season being his last again. He's still bitter over Sochi, he desperately wants to properly utilize the short time Victor will be by his side to redeem himself this season since our boy is hella competitive. He refuses to go down as the skater who qualified for the final only once and retired after fucking up. He doesn’t begrudge Victor for not promising a long-term commitment because Victor’s the living legend, of course he needs to go back eventually. But while he’s here Yuuri wants to learn all he can from Victor, and express that through his own skating, so that he can both regain his own pride and prove to the world that Victor's precious time wasn’t wasted.

Now one may ask, why not continue even longer then??? He’s 23 at this point and doesn’t have any injuries holding him back, so he can still go for several years.

Because continuing means there's another chance of messing up. He might be able to do well this season, he knows that it’s very unlikely to do as bad as Sochi. But if he continues for a longer time without Victor by his side he might do worse than this season and he doesn't want that. He wants to leave on a high note. He tries to convince himself winning a gold with Victor's help is the most he can do, setting a bigger goal is like setting himself up for failure, LET'S PLAY IT SAFE.

A part of him probably must be pissed by this because Yuuri hates compromises, just look at his face in the above pic when he’s told to downgrade his free skate, no wonder he doesn’t obey Victor in the end. But his low self-esteem and anxiety manage to convince him somehow that no matter how much he hones his skills, there’s no telling when his nerves will betray him, so he shouldn’t bite off more than he can chew.

Over the course of the series his confidence grows and he begins to regain his love for skating, but it's still not enough to make him rethink his plans to retire. He now views Victor with an exasperated fondness as the latter takes baby steps towards being a good coach and they manage to be a good team, and he no longer thinks Victor is flighty enough to randomly leave (as proven in his “I know!” during the garage scene when Victor tries to convince that he wasn’t serious in his threat to resign), but they never had a proper conversation about their future plans after the GPF and he has no reason to think Victor, the living legend, will completely give up his chance to go back to skating.

(This pic is here simply because it’s too pure for this world and needs to be included in every meta post.)

Yuuri also gets to know Victor as a person during this period and after the cup of China their relationship takes a more intimate turn, but while that bolsters his confidence in some ways, it also gives him a new reason to panic. He had always been ready to let go of Victor the coach at the end of GPF, but when the Makkachin thing happens and they're forced to stay apart, he's hit full force by the extent of his yearning for Victor and and is torn by the idea of losing both Victor the coach and Victor the person in near future.

When they were reuniting in ep9, Yuuri’s request to take care of him until he retires kinda confused me tbh because Yuuri knows that Victor definitely is staying until GPF at least??? I saw the scene as him being kinda desperate and not thinking very clearly at that moment. I think he was actually planning to explain his reasoning for retirement and then ask Victor to be his coach until he retired, but he ended up doing the second part first, resulting in a case of word vomit that from Victor’s POV sounds very much like a request "please say that you want to stay forever" (and is probably the true wish in Yuuri’s heart that he will not allow himself to want). He doesn’t backtrack on his words, which probably is because he probably thinks that Victor also expects him to retire at the end of this season (after worlds), Chris did say there were rumors of Yuuri’s retirement circling around. Otherwise this seems like an overly aggressive demand like "please give up your skating career for mine", since he hasn't told Victor about how soon he plans to retire yet? I don’t think Yuuri would do that on purpose, and probably doesn’t realize how Victor took his words until the next moment.

Note that when Victor wishes that Yuuri never retires before Yuuri has a chance to bring up his plans of early retirement and makes him lose the chance to explain himself by showing giddiness at the prospect of being able to coach him indefinitely, Yuuri gets teary. This is him realizing that yes, Victor is indeed willing to give up his career for Yuuri ("killing" Victor the skater), Victor is willing to make such a sacrifice because of the personal connection they've developed. That's why he's so bold and downright cheeky in ep10, because he's convinced that Victor the person is willing to be by side for a long time.

But he also doesn't want Victor to do it like that, Victor the skater was the one who brought them together in the first place and Yuuri loves him. Yuuri is also unaware of Victor's internal troubles, lack of L&L and everything, and has no idea just how much Victor has been enjoying teaching him compared to the time he was competing. A selfish part of Yuuri simply wants to see Victor on the ice regardless of all circumstances, so I think he might have tried to convince Victor even if he did know. (I personally don’t think his decision to let Victor go is influenced by outside influences, as it’s been proven in ep6 Yuuri can be selfish in a good way and he doesn’t give a shit about unrelated people’s opinion at all. Yuuri himself wants to see Victor skate again, and he’s under the belief that Victor wants the same but is making an emotional decision to do otherwise.)

Yuuri also suffers from imposter syndrome often, and it’s possible that he is convinced that retiring for the sake of "someone like Yuuri" is a massive sacrifice Victor would regret later, and he doesn't want to fuck up their personal relationship if Victor looks back at this decision in the future and feels that Yuuri forced him to retire. So Yuuri cuts off the possibility of that happening by finalizing (almost) his decision to retire, despite how much he still wants to skate and wants to do it by Victor's side. This way even if Victor decides to retire for some reason (Yuuri probably can’t imagine any except age), at least it won’t be Yuuri’s fault.

I was confused why he went for "Victor should stop coaching me and go back to skating, I'm gonna retire" instead of "Victor should stop coaching me and go back to skating, I'm gonna continue with a different coach since I don't wanna hold you back". After some brainstorming, I think letting Victor go and continuing under another coach is a very unappealing option to him for multiple reasons: he’s simply too attached to Victor the coach, even with his flawed ways Victor was still the best thing specifically for Yuuri. Both of them have a co-dependency problem, and Yuuri is aware of his own issues though doesn’t realize how it’s equally bad for both him and Victor. Russia cup proved to him that he can still survive without Victor and isn’t helpless, but he still isn’t confident that he won’t do worse in the next season if he becomes cut off from Victor’s constant, intimate support. Competing under a different coach would definitely do that, with the only possible exception being maybe Yakov...But that’s still too much of a long shot and depends on a bunch of different things (Will Yakov accept a skater from a rival country? Will Victor be allowed to be with Yuuri to give him mental support when he has no official reason to?). If you accept my theory that he wants to go out with a bang, continuing for another season under such unsure and less ideal environment than his current one is too big of a risk for Yuuri without enough reward. EDIT: This meta offers one other plausible reason, which is the possible financial issues Yuuri would have to face if he doesn’t do well enough during his post-Victor years and ends up only damaging his image and losing sponsors. It makes sense considering Yuuri’s tendency to not realize his own potential, it’s possible that sponsors are more than ready to look past his previous season’s failure and totally want to support Japan’s Ace who represented Japan in the GPF two years in a row, but Yuuri would fail to realize that and be much more nervous about being dropped.

Let’s mess up the ep order for a bit to talk about Yuuri and his standards. These are his thoughts during his FS on ep9.

Since he doesn’t believe in himself enough to think he has that much more to offer, he just wants to reach the highest possible goal he thinks is possible for him and stop. This is kinda hilarious yet sad, because Yuuri’s true aim is actually much, much higher. Throughout the whole series it’s clear that ever since the time he used to copy routines together with Yuko, his standards for skating have all been based on Victor. Yuuri has always wanted to be on the same level as Victor, and it doesn’t even end at that.

He wanted to surpass Victor, and even last year (when Victor was still competing!) he had actually aimed for the gold even though he never declared it. But it truly is such a high goal that he can’t say that to anyone, and is mocked by Nishigori when it slips out. This probably why Yuuri admires Yurio, who is a tiny bean but has the guts to declare what Yuuri can’t bring himself to.

There’s one thing that my thoughts are still unclear about. Yuuri’s original goal wasn’t actually just the gold medal itself (the physical item and the status that comes with it), but the idea of facing Victor, his inspiration, as a true equal. When Yuuri said that he wanted to have Victor step down as a coach in ep9, I first thought that he wanted it because he wanted to go against Victor next season, and was surprised when it turned out to not be the case. This skating season will always be lowkey unsatisfying for Yuuri because Victor is not in it, despite how much he respects his other competitors. In Yuuri’s mind Victor >>>>everyone, so I would expect him to be super frustrated if he retires right before Victor returns, allowing the opportunity to face Victor again slip away. The only reason I can think is deep rooted Sochi trauma that whispers to him that he won’t ever be able to surpass Victor no matter how much struggles for it, and this season is the only time he’ll be able to get the gold. (EDIT: as mentioned above, financial uncertainty might also play a role.)

The two dominating traits that make up Yuuri are so strangely contradictory, but they work together to mess him up: his pride as a hard worker makes him aim for the very best and refuse to do anything half-assedly, and his low self-esteem punishes him if he slips even just a little bit from the extremely high standards he has set for himself. Yuuri has too many conflicting desires as well-he loves Victor the person, Victor the coach, and Victor the skater. He needs all of them but he knows he can't (he's not Victor level extra™ yet), so he chooses to let go of Victor the coach which he thinks will distress Victor the least. (ding ding! WRONG CHOICE)

Before he does this, he gets the rings which confused me at first because dude, you're planning to practically FIRE Victor tomorrow, is this the right time??? Then I realized that it's possible that the rings both serve their original purpose of being good luck charms and also a statement to Victor that although Yuuri is breaking off their professional relationship, he doesn't want to let go of Victor completely, they are connected by more than just their bond as a coach and a skater. If we look at it like that this was the perfect time to make the statement Yuuri did, nothing softens the blow of huge decision bombs more than trading wedding rings in front of a chapel with a choir singing in the background. XD Also it might not be very clear at first glance, but Yuuri is SHIT at being empathetic. He definitely doesn’t realize how distressing it would be for Victor to be suddenly told “go back to Russia and compete” and the amount of emotional pain he’d experience from being forced into a long-distance relationship without prior notice. Yuuri becomes so caught up in his head that he often fails (remember poor Minami in ep5?) to realize how his decisions can impact others. He’s just satisfied that he has made his intentions clear, and is being lowkey arrogant (even though he doesn’t mean to) that he knows what Victor wants. He probably does know that it would at least ruin the lovey-dovey atmosphere they have going at this moment, so he delays delivering the bad news as much as he can.

However, I think the revelation that he had gotten drunk and danced in the Sochi banquet might have had something to do with his performance the next day. Victor had told him to “Skate the way you like best” just earlier, but instead of doing that he ended up being so obsessed with technical points that he lost points in presentation (just a touch down in the flip won’t lower his score that much). His anxiety might have made him interpret things badly, like “omg I thought Victor came to coach me because he found me inspiring, but in truth it was something else”. Depending on whether he saw all the pics or not/whether he learned about “Be my coach, Victor~”, the “something else” he suspects can be a bunch of things, like Victor found him comical/Victor just wanted sex etc. Anyhow, it might be possible that at the start of ep11 he is afraid that Victor doesn’t think of him seriously as a skater despite Victor’s fondness for him as an individual. Being a skater is a part of Yuuri’s identity that won’t go away even if he retires, his efforts and his accomplishments are a reflection of the person he has been until this point, of his hard-working personality and his dedication. The idea of just being regarded as the funny drunk who made Victor curious would crush him. (This whole paragraph is just my speculation though, I don’t have any evidence for this part.)

I don't think his failure in his SP did much in regards to his plan to retire, the only thing it did was make him more upset than normal because he knows that this is his very last chance to redeem himself and any small mistake is unrecoverable. There’s no “next time”.

However, a bunch of other things did happen to convince him that sending Victor back to the ice was the right choice. Victor kept observing the skaters with far more interest than we’ve ever seen him do, and Yuuri interprets that as Victor longing to go back to competing himself. This is a hasty judgement on Yuuri’s part because Victor never said anything about that. Even after the anime has ended we don’t really know what he was truly thinking then. Even the story writer Kubo has mentioned that she hadn’t decided on what Victor’s thoughts really were, but from the way it was presented (look at his smile! wide, bright eyes!), personally I felt like Victor was less jealous of the other skaters and more appreciative of their unique strengths, the way a coach would be. I do think Victor is being innocently insensitive here, because he really should’ve realized that his gushing might be interpreted differently by Yuuri (even Sara, who was sitting beside them, stared at Victor at this).

I'm kinda glad JJ fucked up his SP (sorry JJ! You're still the king!) because that actually helped Yuuri regain his self-esteem a bit, he couldn't look down on himself from past year without also looking down on JJ, and Yuuri has always been kinder to others than he has been on himself.

But that still doesn't change his plans to retire, rather it makes him sort of complacent. "I've done well enough, this is as far as I can go, I'll do my best tomorrow and hopefully get the gold now that JJ is a lesser threat, so that I can redeem myself and prove to everyone that Victor didn't waste his time on me". The part of him that hates to compromise must be screaming but the stress from the competition and his anxiety is working together to push it down.

He shares his plans with Victor that night and is confused at Victor being upset enough to cry, because isn't this the best choice? Doesn’t Victor also want the same thing?? Because of his imposter syndrome issue and his blindness to his own potential he doesn't understand why Victor feels Yuuri quitting is such a shame.

Like I mentioned before, Yuuri is convinced that Victor was originally planning to stay only until the end of GPF and later changed his mind to stay longer for emotional reasons that Yuuri doesn’t support. Victor is right when he says Yuuri is selfish, he never took Victor’s perspective into account when making his decisions, his focus was on doing what he needed to do to protect his own glass heart. (I find it fascinating how Yuuri doesn't MEAN to be mean -pun, haha- but he ends up doing just that very often because he doesn't have the mental space to care about other people's feelings. Also if my hypothesis on Yuuri taking the Sochi banquet revelation as a negative thing is true, he probably feels like that Victor doesn’t really respect Yuuri’s abilities as a skater as much Yuuri would like him to despite how close they are personally, so he might be lowkey bitter.“You came to Hasetsu to date me and you still can do that, y u so mad”. Also if he knows about the ‘be my coach Victor’ thing, he probably thinks that his drunken appeal was the main reason behind Victor’s decision, not his talent like he had hoped.)

I do think Victor is also to blame for the fact that Yuuri was able to hide his intentions for this long. If Victor was planning to stay with Yuuri for a long time, he should’ve sat together with Yuuri and discussed their plans for the next season waaay before this. Too bad we don’t see the details of their argument afterwards.

Right before his FS Victor tries to be nice and supportive despite how frustrated he is (bless you Victor baby you’re so in love), and Yuuri calls him out on it. He knows Victor is not a conventional coach. He’s savage in his taunts but overly adoring in his praise, and the safe, predictable encouragement he first tried didn’t feel genuine enough to Yuuri, so he complains.

I don’t want to discuss Victor’s POV because that’s not this post’s focus, but I believe Victor was trying to play it safe until this moment because he didn’t want a repeat of China cup and freak Yuuri out. Here Victor is starting to realize that when Yuuri says he wants Victor to be himself, he wants the whole package deal- Victor the person, Victor the coach, and Victor the skater.

Remember this scene from ep10? See the similarity? Here Yuuri is being all “let me have my dorky boyfriend, you don’t need to act professional just because you’re also my coach”.

Similarly, in ep12, I think the message he’s trying to give is, “Victor the coach has crazy-ass standards because Victor the skater is OP as fuck, don’t stop being your unreasonable self just on my account, I’m not that weak”. Let’s go back to ep5 for a bit to see just how unreasonable Victor really is.

(I’ll let you know that the subs missed the word “at least”. Victor wanted Yuuri to “score in the hundreds at least”. CRAZY MAN.)

Back to ep12. Here Victor sees that Yuuri is actually ready for criticism, that he’s feeling lonely and out of his element because of Victor’s gentleness instead of seeking comfort in it. Yuuri hates being seen as weak (as evidenced in his refusal to heed Victor’s advice to downgrade his jumps in ep5), and Victor decides to take a leap of faith and give Yuuri exactly what Yuuri wanted- a friendly taunt accompanied by positive reinforcement (win and I’ll kiss your gold medal) instead of negative like his failed attempt in china (fail and I’ll resign). It was his way of showing Yuuri the believes in Yuuri even more than Yuuri believes in himself, just how Yuuri asked him to back in ep7.

He uses the word “break”, hinting to Yuuri that he might return (thus giving Yuuri a hint that regardless of how he does in the FS, he won’t need to feel responsible for Victor’s decision), and also the phrase “warm-up mode” (implying that he still believes that everything Yuuri has done so far still isn’t his best, and he can do more). His tone throughout the speech is teasing, not like “why do you suck so bad”, rather “I can’t believe someone so damn good that I, THE LIVING LEGEND, chose him hasn’t won yet, this is ridiculous, give me your 100%”. Yuuri notices that and cracks up, look at him so happy. ;;

“Oh my god my boyfriend/coach/idol is so ridiculous in his demands, I love this man”

And Yuuri goes and skates a flawless program, and gives Victor that 100% he had asked for. There are a couple things to note in his monologue during his routine, many of which are the basis for the earlier parts of this post. Although he tweaked his routine for a higher difficulty, he doesn’t obsess over the points this time, he just clears his mind and focuses on presenting his tribute to all the love in his life, Victor being featured in a considerable portion of it.

During this last chance, he finally once again chases the goal he had given up since Sochi, to be on equal standing as Victor. He also admits that he doesn’t truly want to stop, and wants to continue skating with Victor and his loving support.

But he can’t keep Victor the coach without killing Victor the skater, so he chooses to let the former go.

However, he does greatly love and appreciate Victor the coach, so he’s determined to display the results of Victor’s efforts through his skating, to all the people who have kept mocking Victor about him not being serious enough.

Once his performance is over, Yuuri is glad that he managed to give his 100% and didn’t let his nerves get the better of him, but it distraught because this is the end. (Still no explanation why he has to retire himself, though)

Or so he thinks. Yuuri is forced to rethink his life choices when he ends up breaking Victor’s world record.

Look at his expression here. Like “HOLY SHIT, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I GIVE MY 100%?!” Even Yuuri, with his massive self-esteem issues, can’t help but see his own potential at this point. Undermining himself after he has broken Victor’s world record is basically undermining Victor himself, and Yuuri would rather jump off a cliff before that. The only thing that could make him happier was being able to truly be on the same playing field as Victor which becomes a possibility when Victor hints to a desire to return to skating competitively.

Victor’s body language in these frames is so important here. I think Victor has realized by this point that unless he gets the chance to face Victor as an equal, Yuuri will never get complete closure and get past his perceived failure from the previous year. Victor doesn’t just glomp Yuuri, he first shakes Yuuri's hand and then pulls him into a one-armed hug. Yuuri’s being shown that he’s being taken seriously as a fellow skater, congratulated with a formal handshake by Victor the skater, not just his coach+ boyfriend. Even when he does hug Yuuri, he’s still holding onto Yuuri’s hand. Look how ecstatic Yuuri is when Victor claims that Yuuri breaking his record was "ultimate diss as a competitor". Just look at that smile. "I MANAGED TO GET VICTOR TO CONSIDER RETURNING" is so much more important to him than "I MIGHT GET A GPF GOLD". My guess is that until now he simply didn't think he could accomplish anything special by continuing, but not only does he feel more hopeful about what he can do, but Victor appreciates him as a competitor! Hurrah! Since he’s Katsuki Yuuri the king of lowkey assholes, I wouldn’t be surprised if he thought something like “Victor is feeling frustrated because of me! I want to frustrate him more by breaking his world record again if he manages to take it back!”

Note how Yuuri doesn't worry about the score of the skaters who skated after him at all, no "oh crap if skater X gets more than this specific number of points I won't get the gold medal" which is odd since the gold medal was a real possibility at that moment, normally people would worry (like how JJ did about Otabek). It was like the gold medal itself mattered less to Yuuri than being on the same level as Victor. He managed to successfully skate a flawless program on the same difficulty level as Victor with a perfect quad flip as the cherry on top, and that was enough to calm him down for the moment.

The happenings of ep12 chip at his plan to retire bit by bit. Recognition from Victor as a worthy competitor convinces him that there might be worth in returning after all. Seeing abandoned Makkachin tissue box hits him with the reality that Victor won't be his coach anymore, it simultaneously breaks his heart and reminds him that he can make his dream to skate against again Victor a reality if he just fights against his self-deprecating notions a bit harder.

And of course Yurio's performance-during the later half of which we didn’t get Yuuri POV so I can't say exactly how, but it inspired him enough even before the results got announced. Each of the pics above have Yuuri's eyes sparkling indicating strong emotions (though you can't tell from the still screenshots).

I think the main two things Yurio manages to do are this:

1. Yuuri put his 100% into Yuri on ICE, but Yurio put his 120% in the way he added an extra quad and did many jumps with his hands raised. Remember, Yurio’s stamina is pretty meh, boy almost broke down after he was done. He shows Yuuri that his “I can’t do any better than this” thinking is BS, and Yuuri becomes curious what he himself can do if he continues and puts his 120% next time.

2. Yurio also showed to Yuuri in a shounen manga style that there are still many worthy opponents™ for him on the ice and he couldn’t afford to become complacent just because he had established a world record. Also Yurio changing up his jumps and overexerting himself to match Yuuri’s FS also shows him that he is also being regarded as a worthy opponent™ in Yurio’s eyes and gives him even more of a confidence boost. EDIT: This point is covered in more detail in this lovely meta also about Yuuri’s motivation behind not retiring!

2. Yurio gets the gold, and the loss of the gold medal by such a small margin simply lights a fire on Yuuri’s ass. XD 0.10 point is such a cursed amount, it’s so small that Yuuri can’t hate on himself for not performing well enough, but still it made him lose the gold. Though during the opening ceremony Yuuri looks more or less satisfied, the way he had been soooo close must have been vexing.

TBH Yuuri’s main problem (at least imo) still hasn’t been solved at this point. If he continues, he will have to take on the challenge of competing without Victor’s constant support. But for the first time in a long time, he’s feeling confident enough to do it, and trying to at least do his part to lessen the co-dependency thing he and Victor have going on.

I’ve seen people interpret this as Yuuri asking Victor to be his coach for one more year and I’m super confused, is it a dubbing issue? Because the sub shows it clearly that he asked Victor to continue skating, not coaching Yuuri. The Japanese sentence he says is “僕と一緒にあと一年競技生活続けてください=Please continue skating competitively (overly literal translation-‘competitive life’) together with me for one more year”.

(Look at my baby. So confident. So beautiful. T^T)

He’s literally issuing Victor a challenge here, from one skater to another. Yuuri does still plan to let go of Victor the coach, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love him, and plans to use what he learned from him to beat Victor the skater! Ironic and hilarious =D Victor is like YES GOOD I’m proud of you! Then he drops the bomb:

Yuuri is shook because this is more than he ever expected. Until now he was only confident about their personal relationship which was bound to become a least a bit strained when Victor returned to Russia, but now he’s getting everything he wants. Normally people would be worried that that’s too much for a person, but I guess Yuuri has such a high opinion of Victor that he immediately accepts that Victor can pull it off. This is one case where Yuuri’s hero-worshipping and lack of ability to see things from other people’s perspective is useful, lol. One other reason he isn’t blaming himself is that this is totally coming from Victor. Unlike last time where Victor agreed to drop his career in favor of Yuuri’s thanks to Yuuri’s poorly timed request, here Victor is taking on the extra load purely out of his own will. Competing separately would’ve definitely been better than just Yuuri retiring and Victor continuing, but the amount of time they could spend together on a personal level would’ve decreased either way ( depending on what Yuuri would’ve done after retiring/how his new coach would’ve managed his time). Victor is being selfish here, refusing to give up his pupil to another coach and not willing to end up in a long distance relationship with his boyfriend.

Victor makes it even easier for him by issuing his own challenge: I’ll work hard to keep your request but get me 5 gold medals from Worlds in return! While utterly ridiculous and halfway likely to not come true (there are so many possible unknowns-injuries,illnesses,family issues), the demand shows Yuuri the level of faith Victor has in him, and he agrees.

With that, Yuuri finally is assured that he will be able to physically stay by the side of his idol/coach/boyfriend for a long, long time, which is something they BOTH want, and that’s why he’s so calm and happy when they’re being lovey-dovey on the ice later at the exhibition. “Stay close to me”, indeed!

And with that I’m officially out of juice, phew. I’ll see if I can edit this later to make it more compact and improve the flow, I think I stated many points more than once because I tried to stay mostly chronological.

ALL HAIL VICTUURI!!!

#yuri on ice #yoi #yuri!!! on ice #yoi meta #meta #Katsuki Yuuri

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ellayuki · 7 years

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25.02.’17

family trips, kimonos and kitten children who love their dads

yuri!!! on ice, yuuri pov, (implied) victuri, (maybe vaguely hinted at) otayuri

victor orders some custom made kimono, victuri are basically yuri’s dads and yuri is so their child and doesn’t even bother denying it if asked, there’s a two-week vacation in hasetsu where even otabek is invited, a festival and lots of family fluff.

(i literally wrote the last last part of this chapter while listening to the duet on repeat. as one does.)

part 2 (part 1 here), (ao3)

the next day, yuri is loud and excited.

he goes through the photos from the previous day with yuuko's triplets, an enormous smile on his face, and showing off the goldfish he caught. yuuri wonders what his face will do when he sees today's outfit. he has to bite his lip to keep from laughing.

the day passes by pretty fast, between boisterous children (and “children”) who want to post every little thing to social media, some skating (because it’s them and they can’t help themselves) at the ice castle where yuuri and victor manage to rope yuri and otabek into trying some lifts and spins with them, and a nice, long, relaxing soak in the onsen.

before any of them know it, it’s almost evening, and yuuri can honestly say that he’d be okay with it if they were to decide not to go to the festival, because the day has been wonderful enough so far.

but then victor comes back from where he’d went to his room, this time still dressed comfortably in his usual green jinbei (because it’s too early yet) and carrying four packages.

yuuri sits up straighter. even axel, lutz and loop quiet down, curious, but with their cameras at the ready. yuri looks like he’s trying really hard not to show his curiosity.

victor puts all four on the table, spreading them out carefully, like they’re precious cargo (and they are), before picking one up and setting it down in front of yuuri.

yuuri pulls it close but doesn't open it yet. he knows what's inside, has a decent idea of what it looks like, though not an exact one, and he'd rather first pay attention to the others. victor seems to understand, because he doesn't urge him to open it, just picks up two of the remaining three and drops them in yuri and otabek's laps.

yuuri hopes the triplets caught their startled faces properly.

'n-now what? what's this? wha-' yuri stutters, clearly not having expected anything more after yesterday. his fingers fumble over the ties, hurrying to unwrap, disbelief and wonder and eager anticipation clear in his every movement.

the reds and blacks of the kimono and the dark green of the obi look refined, gorgeous, and yuri's lower lips trembles before he bites down on it.

'do you like it?' yuuri asks, and yuri nods almost numbly, unable to say a word. he can’t stop looking at it, he can’t stop touching it.

they turn to otabek then, who has kept quiet so far, his earlier surprise replaced by a soft, fond look directed at yuri. his hand on the younger boy's shoulder is gentle, but tethering like an anchor.

he's not quite as shocked as yuri, but he is surprised, the bashful smile on his face, the mindful way he handles the material, and the soft, grateful 'thank you.' as he looks it over speaking volumes of how much he had not expected to be included in this, and how touched he is by the gesture.

before any of them know what's happening, yuri pushes his bundle into otabek's arms with a ‘beka, hold my kimono’ and stands up, stomping his way to the side of the low table where yuuri and victor are sitting together.

‘yurio?’ yuuri barely has time to say, only just managing to catch a glimpse of teary eyes and red cheeks, before yuri swoops down and furiously hugs him and victor. both at the same time and hard enough to bruise.

it’s over in a matter of moments, and then he’s gone, back by otabek’s side.

the room is left in stunned silence. only loop’s camera shutter can be heard. if yuuri’s shoulder didn’t ache from the harsh embrace, he’d think he’d imagined the whole thing.

before anyone can say a word, yuri’s a flurry of movement again. he’s picked up his bundle from otabek’s arms and he’s dragging yuuri by the arm, shouting over his shoulder.

‘come on, katsudon, help me get dressed.’ and then, louder, ‘yuuko, i’m going to need your help with my hair when i’m done.’

yuuko smiles at him, though he can’t see it, and agrees. then she corrals her daughters, keeping them from sneaking after them. the internet does not need half naked photos of yuri plisetsky. yuuri, as always, is thankful for his friend’s amazing everything.

he almost falls over when yuri abruptly stops, steps back into the room and yells for otabek.

‘oi, otabek, you better come, too. victor’s probably shit at tying these things, you might as well have katsudon do it.’

yuuri can’t help laughing a bit at his fiancé’s affronted ‘hey!’ as he is once again dragged along.

the kimonos are even more exquisite than the sketches made them seem and a lot softer to the touch.

yuuri’s and victor’s have gold threads that give them a glimmering look in the flickering lights of the festival.

that aside, victor’s burgundy one is rather simple, lighter around his shoulders, becoming shades deeper, darker further down his body, becoming almost black near the bottom hem. the golden obi makes the simple yet elegant ensemble look regal, and yuuri can’t help thinking it’s only fitting.

yuuri’s own is dark indigo, the colorful, sequined design on the back of his costume carefully, if more elaborately stitched on the back. yuuri thinks he’s never worn something so precious (in every sense of the word) in his entire life. he makes a mental note to thank victor properly after they come back to the inn.

the second evening of festivities is no less fun than the first.

yuri challenges each of them to whatever games catch his eyes and interest, for once more carefree than yuuri has ever seen him, even after he’d one his grand prix finals’ gold. he doesn’t know more than a couple of words in japanese (not that anyone expects him to), so where he can’t get by on his english, he asks yuuri for help (actually asks, not demands passive-aggressively).

otabek is more relaxed than yuuri thought he’d be, clearly enjoying himself, and not getting overwhelmed. when yuuri asks, he tells him that it’s actually not the first such festival he attends, having visited japan a couple of times before.

they talk for a while, about their experience training in countries other than their own, as they walk behind victor and yuri who bicker in rapid-fire russian about something or other.

at one point, yuri decides he’s had enough of walking with the “gross lovebirds” and drags otabek away, going in the direction of a booth that yuuri remembers had a tiger almost as big as yuri as prize for some game.

‘it’s good that he finally has someone he’s willing to call a friend, don’t you think?’ victor asks from beside him, voice fond, eyes fonder, and yuuri leans his head against his shoulder, still looking towards the teenagers walking unhurriedly and talking happily.

‘yes.’ he agrees, because it is.

the blues and whites of otabek’s kimono paint a nice contrast to the reds and blacks of yuri’s, and yuuri privately thinks that they’d look like a couple if he didn’t know any better (wonders if victor made them to match on purpose).

he does know better, though, because yuri’s too focused on his career right now, and maybe a bit too young and too full of himself to think of such things, especially when he wants to take the world by storm, and besides, a first, real connection with someone doesn’t always end up in such relationships.

still, they look cute, they seem to understand each other, and they’re supportive of each other. if they have that, if they respect each other, no matter what their relationship’s like, then it’s okay. they’re still growing and they have all the time in the world.

by the end of evening, they’re all sitting together on a grassy hill, surrounded by people and waiting for the fireworks to start.

yuuri is leaning against victor’s chest, holding a cup of still warm tea in one hand and petting makkachin with the other, listening to his fiancé reminiscing about a festival he went to once, as a young teenager.

next to them, yuri is sitting with the stuffed tiger otabek won for him in his lap, hugging it to his chest like it’s the most precious thing he owns, talking excitedly with his friend. otabek, for his part, while he looks as subdued as he always does, also looks like he’s right where he wants to be, smiling gently at yuri’s exuberance.

the grin on yuri’s face is too adorable for a usually moody sixteen year old, yuuri can’t help thinking. it seems being able to unwind, to have fun and be around people he cares about (whether he admits to it or not), away from the pressure of skating and training and having to win, is good for him.

yuuri wonders if they could make this sort of holiday a regular thing. he’ll have to talk to victor about it sometime, though he’s sure he will agree. it’s the kind of thing victor would love.

when the fireworks finally start, yuuri looks around at his small group, each one enjoying the beautiful, colorful display, and feels like his heart is going to burst with warmth.

it feels so much like family, like a family he’s made for himself, and the happiness the thought brings him has him glowing inside.

he revises his earlier mental note. he has to properly thank victor later, not only for the wonderful kimonos, but for being him, for taking yuuri’s drunken ramblings to heart and deciding to become his coach, and for not letting yuuri go when yuuri was being anxious and self-doubting and stupid.

yuuri has never been so content, so happy in his life than in this moment, and he can’t help looking forward to whatever the future holds.

he buries himself deeper in victor’s embrace and fiddles with the ring on his finger, watching the fireworks light up the night sky. he smiles quietly to himself, one thought crossing his mind.

‘well now, there’s just one more thing that needs to be done.’

#yuri on ice #yuri!!! on ice #victuri #otayuri #katsuki yuuri #victor nikiforov #Yuri Plisetsky #otabek altin #by moi #fic #my fic #ellatriestowritedaily #yoific

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