#today just sucks a lot ok

[retr0flesh]

it just occurred to me that my neighbor has propositioned me for sexual favors more times in one interaction than both of my bfs have combined over the course of almost a year and a half. I no longer feel bad for like literally running back to my car and hiding to avoid a social interaction w him this morning

#locspeak #locomplaints #today just sucks a lot ok #im gonna nap and play splat

[autogeneity]

getting increasingly annoyed about instructor saying I shouldn't compete in sparring

#it's so frustrating!! to go to a competition do a pattern and then sit there for 6 hours while everyone else does things #and like #it would be maybe okay if he gave me like a threshold of some kind #like ok in this much time or when you have done/are able to do X or when you are at X belt or whatever #just something! you know? #ntch #m #whining #tbc I still suck I would absolutely get wrecked #well today I would've been against a friend from our own school if I'd taken part and he probably wouldn't kill me but generally #he's brilliant and still went through it lol so I would probably be pretty fucked #however I still want to. #I mean I'd do badly but I don't actually think the risk of being like. maimed. is as high as instructor seems to think #and like there is another guy would fare similarly to me so it's very bullshit that I get treated differently imo #I think my bones are fine. probably. #I lift a lot I've been on T for almost 2 years I think it is fine. #a year ago I understood but the more time passes the more it becomes unfair

[disengaged]

toronto ….. :-)

#went to a baseball game for the first time in my life yesterday and it was actually really fun #saw cool plants at the conservatory #ate some very good vegan food #energy and overall wellbeing was in the absolute shitter today which was upsetting. bc i want to enjoy trip + spend time w family. but. ok #i guess it’s highlighting that i just have a lot to figure out in terms of … pacing? nutrition? discussing my ability levels w others? #i told my parents abt my health being increasingly poor etc (omitting the su*c*dality part) #but i don’t think they understand it at all #and it’s difficult to explain that i cannot do all the things i used to do #and that i’ve spent the past month basically bed-bound other than going to the gym and grocery store #pegasus speaks #idk i’m just sad about it #and achey and sick and i’m so bloated i look 6 months pregnant lol #i don’t want to be dealing with this and it sucks that i have to. that’s all #my face

[lion-buddy]

hehe

#WIP #idk if ill finish this so. here u go :]] #n e way hiii whats up #classes started for me today and all that focusing made me want to draw #idk what is it abt drawing but like. i can only do it if im trying to avoid something. or as an alternative to doing something else #like. youd think id be more productive during the summer where theres less to do but. no. i just Cant for some reason #i have no incentive to i guess. i still Think abt it a lot but i just dontttt feel like it. i get very lethargic sdfgh it sucks <3 #i could never be a professional artist lol id get nothing done ever #ok enough rambling i just miss posting so. byeee

[todayisafridaynight]

my dads never beating the masumi arakawa kin allegations why the fuck did he say to me 'i was like both your mother and father when you were growing up' ???????????

#snap chats #this coupled with my dad just offhandedly being like 'i used to want to be a girl growing up' .... bonkers #he's not wrong tho like before my mom drove him off like an evil witch he really did everything for us #i regularly say i dont have a mom so i mean. my dads free to take the title too ig LOL #hes goofy as hell tho he also has a chronic condition of loving my mom so much. excpet my mom sucks a lot unlike akane #i dont even know why he does .. we regularly talk bout how cringe she is/was but he'll always be lke She Wasn't Always Like That #WELL SHE IS NOW OLD MAN you already blocked her number JLAKRWJFLAKJ #he makes me sad whenever we talk bout her cause he just has so much love for people when he shouldnt 💀 #oh but yeah. in case it wasnt obvious i hung out with my dad today :]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] best day EVER I GOT JOLLIBEES #AND MY DAD GOT ME A CUTE LIL GIRAFFE BRACELET VLAEKJVLEKJVLEKJ i cant escape kirins #he keeps giving me bracelets i sound lke a maraca when i shake peoples hands now #ok bye maybe ill doodle something #jk im making tea. again. i had tea.

[hawkeyes-boy]

mash (s4e24) really said people are dying and america is dancing. There's not enough blood for all the bleeding and america is celebrating. there's a war and america is laughing. And now its 50 years later and they're still right.

#it just got to me alright. #that scene at the end where hawk and bj just look so tired and broken #whilst they listen to the announcement the 4077 js getting a commendation #and you can just see on their faces that theyre thinking about the kids they just spent hours doing meatball surgery on #and how a lot of those kids died #but its ok bcos americas giving them a commendation #it sucks watching sometbing from long ago and it not be any better today. #every scene with radar this ep made me want to sob #hes trying so hard to be positive but hes just a kid in a warzone with broken glasses #deluge #squid watches mash

[twilightarcade]

I think most of this [gesturing at me as a person] was my middle school english teacher's fault really

#wordstag #like ok... middle school was a While ago so I absolutely can't blame all of it oh him but man..... #all his fault really #a lot of people HATED him like. Vicious hatred. Never understood why #he knows damn well he wasn't teaching us the required english curriculum. But man. #i didn't do good enough in that class. Because I used to suck back then. At Everything. Grades sucked. #but well. If I could do it all over again I would try my hardest. Just 4 him. I will get an A #(her ass will never get an A 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣) #but seriously that was the only class where like. I grew as a person or whatever. #like sure grammar is and was important but like.... character growth and shit #still think of that class a lot today. And not just in an academic setting (tm) #social studies teacher tried Really hard to get us to like grow as people (presenting and such) but it never really did it for me #that said i am horrid with presenting so i'm an outlier and should not be counted. #my social skills haven't improved much even now .social studies teacher had literally no chance

[ppinheadd]

strange little CREATURE spotted in the trash zone

#deltarune #spamton #spamton g spamton #ok sorry the background sucks actually i did not spend a lot of time on it #also sorry i dont post ever i just have not had motivation recently until like earlier today for whatever reason sooo #my art

[wutheringmights]

.

#my digestive issues are literally under the most control they have ever been in my life and they are still ruining my life #woke up fine today. went to a coffee shop. had to leave after an hour #i had so many plans for today and now i'm stuck at home because i can't be too far away from a bathroom #i didn't eat anything that would trigger this. my gut just hates me i guess #earlier this month i have a risk food but i thought i took enough precautions to be safe and it fucked me up for like #2 weeks straight #i wonder what its like for people to not have to wonder about bathroom access every time they leave the house #i wonder what its like to eat normal foods without calculating how sick its going to make you #i wonder what its like to not have entire plans tossed out the window for reasons beyond your control #fucking sucks man #i hate ibs #in exchange for my terrible gut i do have a fantastic immune system somehow but weirdly that means i never take time off work? #ok so i am so good at just managing my issues that i just power through whenever im sick. #it's not like i can afford to take time off whenever i feel sick anyway and besides once you have to take multiple AP tests in high school #while in the middle of an episode you grow a lot of tolerance for being functional while sick #but then. i just i could have excuses to take days off because i have a cold or something. get a rest every now and then #but what illnesses i get beyond digestion issues are so slight that i can just. power through. i am never ill enough to take time off #and i get so worried that one day I will need that PTO that I can't convince myself to use it for like mental health days and ugh #this is more of a personal problem than anything but still. i wish i got sick like a normal person

[solvicrafts]

One of these days when I'm in the right mental space for it I really, really want to post about how incredibly isolating it feels to be neuro-divergent in the pagan community and, at the same time, more or less following a near-reconstructionist path despite how extraordinarily difficult it is because my brain just wired differently so I basically have to fight own instincts and inherent nature in order to practice my religion but at the same time I fight entirely of my own accord because it falls in line with my personal principles and--

#solvi's personal ramblings #it's late for me so today probably will not be that day #but I've been wanting to write a series of posts on this topic and others #because there's an immense feeling of isolation that I deal with in the pagan community that I don't talk about #and weirdly enough I feel like my non-pagan followers on here would understand it a lot more than the broader pagan community likely would #especially my abbilen in the Legend of Drizzt community #but like to put it simply for now I genuinely feel like Kimmuriel and maybe a bit like Drizzt sometimes #especially in my offline social circles #because certain people in my personal life who have grown progressively anti-theist over the years #will actively shit on anyone who believes in or worship anything because in their mind it's all Christianity #and all of Christianity is the Westboro Baptist Church #and on those rare occasions where I do manage to slightly challenge them they give me the Drizzt treatment #'man drow suck they're awful they're just the worst I can't wait to kill them... oh well except you 'cause you're OK I guess' #like because my brain just doesn't work the way other peoples' brains do there are aspects of religion and spirituality I struggle with #so I don't really fit in with the crystal woo crowd but I also don't fit in with most other recon-leaning polytheists #and then I get really actively shat on by anti-theists I know because they can't separate modern ex-Christian baggage #from literally everything else #like it does not compute in their mind that extreme American Christian beliefs =/= ALL RELIGION or ALL CHRISTIANS #and nothing seems to get it through to them and they take everything in bad faith #so I feel very isolated at times because I don't seem to really have a place really anywhere #because my interpretation of religion and spirituality and my ability to practice it will always be different due to my inherent nature #so I'll basically never 'belong' anywhere #I'm gonna join Kimmuriel in the 'I shoulda been born an illithid' thing except I don't know what I should've been born as #I just know that the person I was born as just doesn't seem to fit in anywhere or have a place in the world

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

I whine a lot about latin and being graded on it sucks and grammar is hard and annoying BUT i just saw someone be a dickhead about learning latin so GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKER i'm gonna list everything i love about it.

even before we could translate shit and just wrangled dry grammar and vocab i have such fond memories (well credit goes to our teacher there)

like the entire class just marching around the classroom all chanting "is ea id! eius eius eius! ei ei ei!" etc it was so much fun

stopping the time to see who can decline a noun the fastest! to this day if i get stuck i just mentally chant "imperator-imperatoris-imperatore-" suuuuuper fast

also so many words just make sense! like some vocab is literally just like in my native language or in english. and other have helped me so much while learning french and some spanish! it's all! the same! roots! and for my language-loving ass this is actually paradise!!

one we *were* able to translate shit we got to translate actual. texts.

caesar!! an annoying bastard with six-line run-on sentences where nothing makes sense but we literally read THE ORIGINAL CAESAR BOOKS. in their original language. the way he wrote them. that is SO COOL and impressive!!!

the same applies to cicero! and catull! they are so well-known and i read their original texts without error of translation or nuance lost to language differences

i read about the eruption of mt vesuvius in the original, ORIGINAL actual source used by historians to learn about this!! i literally read the original wording of pliny's letters *AND I UNDERSTOOD* (mostly)

martial was a funny motherfucker and i analyzed his poems in their original language! i could see (if not necessarily understand) ever linguistic twist and joke he wrote into them! the ones that can't be translated! i read those!!

almost every time i see latin out in the wild i can just. understand shit?? there's some weird stuff above the door of that super old interesting church how about i translate that and know what teh fuck it says i can literally do that

like FUCK people who think otherwise! it can suck in class but latin is an amazing language to learn! yeah it's dead, but GUESS WHAT it influences so many things still! it's so important still! and interesting! and if you think something sucks just bc it's old and no longer directly present, well, rip to you and also dinosaurs. LEARNING LATIN ABSOLUTELY RULES. I HAVE LOST SO MUCH SLEEP AND SWEAT AND TEARS TO THIS LANGUAGE BUT I AM SO GLAD I GOT TO LEARN IT FOR FOUR YEARS REGARDLESS. I HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH. THIS WILL ALWAYS BE USEFUL IN SOME WAY

#yes the exams suck #(point in question: today [tho i did ok i think]) #BUZ #B U T #*point to post above* #just. im also excited that that post got me fiercely defensive and i argued myself back into loving it #i mean im done after this year (getting my certificate thingy hopefully) but damn #what a time #it *was* worth it #also another shout-out to my first latin teacher. she was amazing. we all loved latin back then and the entire class had As and Bs #and we were so motivated #without her i would not have gotten to the still somewhat decent grades i have today lmao #without her a lot of other stuff would be missing as well but lets not get into that rn #latin #languages #a biscuit's rambles

[spinetacks]

zzz

#did the big scary breakup today. it was ok but also horrible #I’m proud of myself for saying no to trying again (again) but I’ve always been the needier of the two of us so it felt weird #being the one to say no it’s done #mannn I really wish it didn’t have to end. even now I kinda wish I could just take it back #:’) but I know that’s because it was only me that was hurting. so I’m dismissing it and feeling bad for upsetting them #gotta be brave..eurgh #we said we’d go back to being friends and I really genuinely hope we can #ik it often doesn’t work #but we were so good as friends and we still care for each other a lot. I just don’t think we can be happy with the pressure of a r/s #I’m relieved to not have the weight and worry of our patterns and routines anymore..but it’s gonna suck for a while huh #here’s to my longest relationship and all I learned from it. and hopefully happier times ahead #blahblah

[leecherish]

.

#today is sucking a lot so far but its ok bc i expected that much #dad died 11 years ago and the anniversary days are always.... difficult #trying to just sleep a lot and get over it... #at least a food he liked will be for dinner so there is some sort of. 'memorial' for him #for the first time #up until now me n my mom would just. not bring it up #and it was bad #it means a lot we will ackowledge it today at least #but still sucks. #txt

[ruffgem]

#my lil bro said he was 'just like me fr' because he listened to this song today in art class apparently #tbh this song dropped when i was his age and i was definitely listening to it in the same exact art class with the same exact teacher so #wtf bro ermmmm try being original....... #jk jk i know my swag at age 15 was incalculable. u can copy it #wait ok jokes aside and irt music im trying to help him not fall into the trap of cynicism that i got stuck in at his age #(which my dad bestowed to me!!! my dads chronic hipsterism made me afraid that everything i liked secretly sucked) #so i try to put as many genres as possible on the music playlist that he asked me to make for him #and he likes a lot of it!! he already has soooo much more swag than i did at his age. i was such a hater. but like out of fear of being #made fun of. but still a hater #anyway thats awesome. im excited that he is finally enthusiastic about music!!! he just had to go to a couple concerts teehee #NEXT GOAL is make him learn an instrument #he insists he cant do it... im in my head screaming OMG U ARE LITERALLY A BABY u have so many job free years to learn it......... #its okay its okay. i can convince him

[todayisafridaynight]

sat here thinking of the ichigang playing mario party and i was like 'i should make a tierlist of how rgg characters play mario party' but wouldnt you know it my brain is huge

#snap chats #ive been watching my favorite guys play mario party while i work on comm stuff so thats why i was thinkin LMAO #i was also thinkin of one of my fave hcs wherein despite ichi being a true lover of videogames hes not super good at them #like hes GOOD but not AS good as you might think- true casual behavior he's just here for a good time #esp not after not bein able to play anything for like... two decades.. #anyway maybe i should update the mario party list.... no i think im still solid on this analysis #i miss playing mario party with my sibs.. #we played 4 a lot growin up and APPARENTLY 6 also but when i was Too Young To Remember #apparently i got so mad losing a minigame i accidentally pulled the controller and the gamecube off the table #and that damaged the disk enough to make it unreadable. LMAO baby rage real #ok bye i should finish at least one comm today i have a lot to catch up on #also can i remind everyone tumblr tag system still sucks cause i KNEW i made the mario party post before #but of course trying to look for it tumblr was gaslighting me into thinking it didnt exist like OK. Asshole #luckily i had the og png portraits so i just checked the file date on those and went to look for the ask #ok im gone now bye

[wormsdyke]

if i drop out of college i may lose the opportunity to make friends with other people in similar age and interest groups VS i'm already not making friends in college so it's not like i'm missing out on much. FIGHT

#goddddd i am so miserable. things will be ok eventually but right now god they suck #i made it to class today and im so dissapointed in myself bc ive been here for 4 years so ive seen a lot of the same people and i still don #know them and they dont know me. i wish i knew how to make and maintain friendships better #also i know that friendships don't stop when college stops its just the fear talking #but i sure am afraid! #today is the first time ive left my apartment in like 1.5 weeks ive been so fatigued. i dont know how im supposed to do this #but i also dont know how im supposed to tell my mom i might drop out :( #anyways anyways anyways #i have a meeting with a coach from my uni disability services later and i might ask about it then. i feel like theyre gonna discourage me #which is fair but like im not looking for encouragement so much as resources #like if i DO drop what should i do next #orating!