#went to a baseball game for the first time in my life yesterday and it was actually really fun

[disengaged]

toronto ….. :-)

#went to a baseball game for the first time in my life yesterday and it was actually really fun #saw cool plants at the conservatory #ate some very good vegan food #energy and overall wellbeing was in the absolute shitter today which was upsetting. bc i want to enjoy trip + spend time w family. but. ok #i guess it’s highlighting that i just have a lot to figure out in terms of … pacing? nutrition? discussing my ability levels w others? #i told my parents abt my health being increasingly poor etc (omitting the su*c*dality part) #but i don’t think they understand it at all #and it’s difficult to explain that i cannot do all the things i used to do #and that i’ve spent the past month basically bed-bound other than going to the gym and grocery store #pegasus speaks #idk i’m just sad about it #and achey and sick and i’m so bloated i look 6 months pregnant lol #i don’t want to be dealing with this and it sucks that i have to. that’s all #my face

[hazelchooseme]

A mistake I don't regret | Hazel Callahan.

AU established in the modern world

I don't know what's happening to me but I can't seem to stop writing. So I wrote this 👍

English is not my first language.

Song recommendation: I Know Places by Taylor Swift

Enjoy 🧡

"I finished." You celebrated by throwing your arms up and your head back, you could already feel the end of the semester at the tips of your fingers, you just had to hand in a few assignments, pass a test and you would be completely free for 3 months. The best moment of your life is coming, the holidays.

"I'm going now." You turned to Hazel's voice coming out of the hallway, she was dressed in brown jeans and a green flannel, the gray shoes were the same color as the backpack that hung from one shoulder. She stopped behind you, resting her hands on your shoulders and leaning down to look at the computer screen. "Now that you're done, are you sure you don't want to go?"

"I need to turn my brain off with a low-budget movie with lousy audio, but thanks."

"Good luck finding one worse than the one we saw yesterday." She told you as she messed up your hair.

From what you understood, Josie had received a new video game so she wanted to have a sleepover to try it out, she invited all the girls to spend the night together but this week had consumed you so you had to decline, you knew that Annie would bring her brownies and not being able to try them broke your heart, luckily Hazel knew you well enough that she promised to bring you some, you didn't know what would happen to you without her.

Getting up from the chair you followed Hazel to the door to say goodbye, this had become a routine that you had developed in the 4 years you lived together, every time one went out the other would leave her at the door, they had been doing it for so long that you no longer remembered who had started it.

"Tell them I said hello." You said, leaning on the nearby wall with your arms crossed watching the blue-eyed girl put on her shoes.

"Okay, I'll remind them not to call you so they don't bother you."

"Also remind PJ not to drink so much, I won't be there to clean up the vomit."

"I know." Putting on a red baseball cap in front of the mirror you had in the hallway, she sighed with false sadness. "We will miss you very much."

"Asshole."

Listening to her laugh you were grateful for having crossed paths with her in your life, she was one of the kindest, sweetest, most attentive people you had ever met. You met about 6 years ago when you moved in the middle of your high school years, you connected almost immediately that when you managed to get into college moving in together was more than decided. Everything had been perfect until now, or at least it was until you developed a crush on her earlier this year. It had started when she excitedly told you how she had started talking to a new girl, in the past when she did it you were genuinely happy for her, after all she deserved the best and more, but at that moment you felt like you had been punched in the stomach and spit in your face, the jealousy didn't last that long since that relationship lasted about 3 months, but afterwards you still felt guilty for feeling that way with your best friend.

"Take." You handed her the keys to your car, it was a fairly old one but it kept running, which was the important thing.

"Are you sure? I can order an Uber."

"Take it, it's much safer this way."

"Thank you." She said taking the keys and putting them in her pocket.

She began to approach so you began to stretch your arms waiting to receive the usual hug, when suddenly Hazel's left hand traveled up to your cheek and her lips collided with yours. Although you had looked at her lips an embarrassing number of times you could never imagine how soft they would be, it was just a small pressure but you could still feel something exploding in your chest and your pulse was beating so fast that you could hear it in your ears. You stretched out your right arm catching her waist but as soon as it started it ended and she pulled away from you.

"Tomorrow I'll arrive early so we can have breakfast together." And with one last toss of your hair she walked out the door.

What the fuck just happened?

Hearing the commotion from outside Hazel entered the house without knocking, at this point those formalities were not necessary with the trust they already had. Humming a song, she entered the kitchen to leave some snacks and drinks that she had bought for the night. After having almost everything organized, she called Josie to help her carry everything to the room.

"Hello Haze, what's up?"

"Glasses please." She ordered as she opened a Coke. "And nothing very interesting, did they all arrive?"

"Sep, you're the last to arrive. How is Judas?" She asked, leaving the glasses on the table and eating some potatoes that were on a plate.

Mr G had once called you that after he caught you cheating on a test, they never let you forget it.

"Well, she just finished some work so she was going to rest."

"More food for us then."

"By the way, is there alcohol? She asked me to take care of—."

But before she could finish saying anything, an image came into her head. Your mouth, her mouth, together. Holy shit. Dropping the glass of drink she put both hands on her head as she cursed. No. No. No. It couldn't be, she couldn't have done what she was remembering that she had done, that she had done to you.

"Hazel what the fuck? What happened, are you okay?"

It had to be some trick of her mind, it just couldn't be real, but it was, what the fuck had she done?

"Hey, what's wrong? Are you having a heart attack?"

"What happened, why so much noise?" She could hear someone's voice in the background but she couldn't identify who.

"I think she's having a stroke."

"What?!"

Trying to control her breathing, she turned to see the two girls who were in the kitchen with her.

"I kissed her." She whispered, unable to say it out loud.

"What?"

"I kissed her." She managed to articulate more clearly.

"What? Who?" Making eye contact with Annie she didn't need to say anything else, they had understood.

"Holy shit." Josie said with wide eyes.

"Was it with tongue?" Sylvie asked as she had just entered the kitchen.

"I kissed her." She repeated to herself without being able to believe it.

Leaving the video game more than forgotten, everyone settled into Josie's room as best they could.

"Why the fuck do you kiss her if you're going to regret it later? What a pussy." PJ judged Hazel sitting upside down in a chair.

"I didn't realize what I was doing, don't judge me."

"We don't judge you, we make fun of you." Sylvie clarified.

"But seriously, how do you kiss someone by accident? Aren't you hiding something from us?"

Although Annie's question was not intended to upset or offend, Hazel couldn't help but feel a hint of discomfort upon hearing it. Sure, you were her best friend and she loved you very much but it's not like she had those kinds of feelings towards you, right?

"I don't, I don't know what you mean."

"Looks like." PJ stung with intention.

Well, maybe she thought about you more than she should or looked at you for long periods of time when you didn't realize it, thinking how beautiful you were, but you were best friends, that's what they do, they care about each other and think they are the most beautiful people they have ever seen. What they probably didn't do was kiss each other and not feel a bit of remorse, because yes, Hazel didn't regret having kissed you, in fact, she had enjoyed it and suddenly found herself wanting to leave everything here and go home to finish what she had started.

"Oh my god, you want to fuck her so bad." PJ exclaimed when she saw the blush appear on the blue-eyed girl's face.

"Don't talk about her like that." It was the only thing she could say before remaining silent again with her head racing.

Okay, she could admit to feeling a small attraction towards you, something insignificant, or was it something more than that?

Suddenly a conversation came to her mind, one that she had with her ex-girlfriend before breaking up a few months ago, one where she complained that Hazel spent too much time talking about you and that she should choose between her or you. Swallowing hard, she remembered how she chose you in a heartbeat, without any regrets afterwards, because maybe, and only maybe, it was always you.

"I'm so screwed." She admitted with his face in her hands.

"Think positive, I had started to think that you were the problem with all your relationships ending, and that was the case, so."

"How is that positive?"

"That I was right."

She silently thanked Brittany for hitting PJ on the head.

Exhaling she turned to Isabel. "So, what do I do now?"

"Amm, I can help too, you know." Josie said hurt.

"Shut up, no, you can't, in your first kiss with Isa you almost fainted." Sylvie reminded her.

"Did you tell them?" She asked, very offended.

"Not now, baby."

"Okay."

"Look, Hazel, we can give you a thousand tips but the only way to clarify everything is to talk to her."

"I don't know, I don't even know if she likes me." She suddenly remembered something that made her want to dig a hole in the ground and never get out of it. "Holy fuck! I kissed her without even asking her, I'm a disgusting person."

"Oh please, if she hadn't been dying for you to do it." Annie told her, looking at her as if she were stupid.

"What?"

"It's true, she was dying those months you were dating that girl at the beginning of the year." Brittany said after a silence. "It was too obvious, actually."

"No, that was for something else, she told me. Why would she lie to me?"

"Why are you so worried about the kiss you just gave her?"

Confused by Isabel's sudden question, She decided to just answer it. "Because I don't want to screw up our friendship obviously." The raised eyebrows of everyone in the room made her understand. "Ah."

"Yes, ah, so now get up and go eat her mouth, you both deserve it." In the middle of her realization, PJ had walked towards her to pull her by one arm out of the room to leave her outside the house and close the door in her face.

Without really understanding what was happening, she got into the car and began driving towards her house with the screams of her friends behind her.

"Yes, queen!"

"Go get some pussy!"

"Good luck."

"Don't be like Josie!"

"I was very brave when I kissed Isabel!"

Standing outside the apartment she couldn't have the strength to enter. Would you be sleeping or watching TV? Maybe you locked yourself in your room so you wouldn't see her, maybe you hated her. Pushing those thoughts out of her head, Hazel inserted the key into the lock and with a sigh she opened the door and entered the apartment.

Her first impression of the place is that it was exactly the same, your computer was still on the table next to an empty glass, both the hallway light and the kitchen light were on, the only thing different was the sound coming from the living room and the darkest sky. She took off her shoes, taking more time than necessary, to finally stand up and give herself a mental cheer, at the end of the day you had been the one who was kissed out of nowhere and you needed answers.

The first thing she saw was the movie you had put on, on the screen was a very 2000s looking movie that she didn't recognize, going a little further into the room she could finally see you, you were looking at the screen but it was very clear that your mind was somewhere else.

"I thought you were arriving tomorrow."

Hazel jumped a little in her place, she didn't expect you to have heard her coming.

She shifted in her position and with a hand on her neck she tried to find her voice. "I came earlier" How smart.

"Why?"

"Um, I have to talk to you, because of what... I did, because of what I did to you."

"What did you do to me?" This time you turned to see her. Hazel scared and worried eyes looked bright from the reflection of the TV, you could see how she couldn't sit still and her messy hair confirmed that she had passed her hands through it many times, a sign that she was anxious.

"Are you angry?"

"I'm confused." You responded.

Hazel nodded her head and moved a little closer to you but without sitting down.

"To be honest, I don't have a clear explanation for why I did what I did, I'm sorry if it inconveniences you and if you want me to leave I will do so immediately."

"You regret it." It wasn't a question, from the blue-eyed girl's reaction you were sure that she considered the kiss a mistake, but her response made you swallow your thoughts.

"Unless it made you uncomfortable, I would never regret it."

A little shaky, you slowly got up from the couch without breaking eye contact, you were tired of so many crossroads and unanswered questions.

"I liked you Hazel, I liked you so much that it hurts, and, and I didn't know what to do or say because-because losing you would be the worst thing that could happen to me, but, but then you kissed me and I went crazy and I realized that I don't like you. I love you Hazel. I can't live a life without telling you how I feel, 'cause some part of me hopes that you feel the same way."

Your hands itched to grab something to distract yourself but you refused to move, you wanted your words to reach her with nothing but pure sincerity.

"You love me? Me?" Hazel's voice came out shaky and her eyes grew brighter with tears.

Shit, had you been too direct? There was no longer an opportunity to retract it and you didn't want to, if this was the end you were going to repeat it as many times as necessary. "Yes Hazel, I love you."

In less than three seconds Hazel was all over you, the impact of the body almost threw you back but her arms around you stabilized you, her face was buried in your neck and one of her legs was between yours. Although it was a fairly tight and suffocating hug, you never felt lighter and calmer.

"I love you too, you have no idea how much I love you." She said making her breathing tickle you. So you laughed as you wrapped her in your arms too, your chin ended up on her head where you placed a kiss and heard several I love yous coming out of Hazel's mouth.

You hugged each other for what seemed like an eternity, both of you holding onto each other not wanting to let the other go. After another while Hazel raised her head and one of her hands went to your cheek, where she caressed your cheekbone with her thumb.

"I love you." She said again with a smile full of emotions. Love, calm but excitement, happiness.

"I love you." You repeated to her, feeling the same way.

A shaky sigh escaped her lips directing your attention to them, you had kissed those same lips a few hours ago.

"Can I kiss you?" You asked with as much self-control as you could muster.

She didn't even respond to you when her mouth collapsed on yours, the hallway kiss had been just a small bump, two lips together just sharing an innocent moment, but this kiss was the opposite. Her mouth moved desperately over yours, while one of her hands went to your neck where she began to play with your hair, the other remained firm on your hip, keeping you glued to her. Tasting your lower lip you opened your mouth allowing her entry to explore, your hands went under her shirt, you were grateful that it was a loose fabric as it gave you more freedom to touch everything you could. With a shudder she pushed you towards the couch where, changing position, she sat down and you fell on top of her. Her wet tongue began to run along your neck, her hands went to your hair, pulling your head back so she could explore everything about you, your hands went in the direction of her bra that you unclasped almost expertly. Her mouth returned to yours where she began to leave wetter but slower kisses, her two hands went to your lower back, pressing you closer to her, after a few seconds the kiss began to become a little calmer to end with her placing small kisses all over your face, laughing breathlessly you rested your head on her neck.

"Are we something now?" You asked stupidly, it was obvious that oxygen still wasn't reaching your brain.

"Shit I hope so because I need to kiss you like that again."

With a sigh of relief you moved away from her neck so you could look into her eyes.

"Hazel, I love you."

"And that's why I'm the luckiest girl in the world." Savoring the moment, and her lips, you decided this was the best moment of your life, screw the holidays.

#hazel callahan #ruby cruz #bottoms 2023 #bottoms movie #hazel callahan x reader #hazel callahan x you #hazel x reader #lesbian #sapphic #wlw

[dreadfulgentleman]

People keep mentioning interviews of Meet the Robinsons characters, but I have no idea where to find them. Do you know where I can find the interviews?

Without more info to go on, I can only assume what you're referring to, anon, so hopefully this answers your question. Feel free to message me again if this isn't what you're talking about. A few of the voice actors from Meet the Robinsons were given a fun task of answering interview questions while in character. There are interviews from Goob, Mr. Willerstein, Lewis, Wilbur, Mildred, Carl, Art/Gaston, Lazlo/Tallulah, and Franny. Some of these interviews were a mix between asking in-character questions while others were just casual questions for the actor. (For example, a lot of young Goob's first monologue in the opening of the film was taken from Director Stephen J. Anderson simply asking Matthew Josten how his real-life baseball activities were going. The resulting answer led to him saying, "We've lost every game. Yesterday, the score was 1-13... It's about having fun, really. I don't really care about winning... Well, like, now I do, 'cause, like, we've lost every game, I've gotten tired of it. Come on! Let's play some baseball, okay! Okay? Not the lazy game."**) **Despite the in-movie quote being taken from what Matthew Josten literally said, he still had to re-record the real lines later. At first, these interviews were just for fun. A way to get the actors in the groove and warm up. As time went on, some of these interviews were written on purpose to give the animators something to play with and a get a feel for the characters. It is possible that these could have become bonus content at some point, but they never went anywhere and so they remained shelved. The only time I've ever seen anything said online about this content was back when this blog used to be a Meet the Robinsons themed blog and I shared behind-the-scenes fun facts and trivia from the film. I believe I had once posted summarized text snippets from these interviews as part of the 10th anniversary celebration that the fandom was going through at the time. Since having changed my blog's theme since then, those old posts were deleted. As far as I'm aware, these interviews cannot be found online. But I haven't done an extensive search into what's available online these days with MTR content, so who knows!

#meet the robinsons #disney #stephen j anderson #a day with wilbur robinson #movie trivia #fun fact #interviews #mtr

[dc-polls]

"That Really Happened?!" DC Comics Tournament

The Bracket

Groupings

We had 48 entries, which does not split evenly into a geometric sequence (2, 4, 8, 16), but it does split nicely if we break it up into groups of three first. So instead of a bracket with a left and right side, we will have a three-way bracket, where the finalists from groups A, B and C will all go head to head with each other round-robin style.

Seeding

In the poll that went up yesterday, I asked for feedback on seeding preferences. Interestingly, most people voted for grouping similar content, followed closely by random. Some people favored traditional seeding, and very few wanted to see the most popular go head to head early on. Personally I'm not a fan of random since it really unbalances things, but boy would it have been easier than what I've been doing! So here's what I did for our current tournament.

I've hand paired all 48 entries to match similar ones, or ones that I felt had an interesting hook between them. Next I created three different full brackets using these initial pairings so I could compare them. One was completely hand seeded, further grouping sets of matches together. Another took all the initial pairings and put them in traditional sort order using number of notes to indicate popularity (slightly unbalanced bc posts vary in age). And for the last, I took the initial pairings and randomized them with a few manual tweaks to distribute the most popular. All three of these approaches have pros and cons, which made it a tough choice, and in the end we are going with the fully hand seeded bracket. Not every entry had an obvious match, but I hope this will make the tournament compelling!

Schedule

Since we have three arms of the bracket, expect three polls to go up every day until the round is over. Each poll will last for the full seven days. We may or may not take time between rounds. The first round starts tomorrow!

Bracket List

Ready to see the bracket? Click "Keep Reading" and view the list below, or visit the google sheet here! For fun, I've also put the brackets we didn't end up using into the sheet.

Group A

Islamophobia Run Amuck (Joker Becomes Iranian Ambassador)

Black Mask Wears…er….

The Flash Meets Fidel Castro

Superboy gets the personality of Hitler

Sexual Assault Is A Superpower, Apparently

Snowflame, The Supervillain Powered by Cocaine

Domestic Abuse Ghost Possession

Can the real pol manning please step up?

Subway Puritans

My Favorite Same-Sex Couple in DC Comics is Technically Bestiality and Metaphorically Incest

Batman gives a guy ALS

Batman's dad tries to ruin his life

The Earth-Saving Alien Dick

Mal Duncan gets punched in the dick by an Angel

Superman and Big Barda do a porno

Wet and Wild

Group B

Schrödinger's Pregnancy

Zachary Zatara Has Dead Twins

Superman's Sentient Excised Tumor with Daddy Issues

Black Manta kills Aquaman's biological son, Aquaman tries to kill his adopted son

Shvaughn/Sean

So I Married a Protean and No One Told Me

"Not Exactly Romeo": Gorilla Mommy Issues and Other Tales

Superboy Has Two Daddies

Catwoman and the Penguin Cure COVID And Run Away Together

Kon-El Got Enslaved By Furries (And It Led To Pearl Harbor 2!)

Supergirl gets romanced by her horse

This angel centaur is a genderfluid lesbian

Rock Turns Man Gay

Sentient Music Note Saves The Day With The Power of… Gay Love?

Jimmy Olsen Fucked Talia al Ghul

Superman marries Supergirl

Group C

Superboy-Prime Punches Time

3 Year Old Lian Harper Breaks Vandal Savage's Thumb

Alien Invasion and the Time-Travelling Boomerang

Baseball Game to Save Two Worlds

Submission Witheld Due to Copywrite

Lex Luthor Stole 40 Cakes (And That's Terrible)

Bob Haney Doesn't Know Who Wonder Girl Was Supposed to Be

Animal Man discovers the Fourth Wall

Green Arrow hunts humans for sport

What if Space Jam but instead of fun, it's with Batman and it's horribly depressing?

Jason Todd: Tentacle Monster (Tentatodd)

Halloween Costume… of Death!

Wally Mobius Manhattan West

Metron and Swamp Thing go for a ride

Justice League Doom Patrol Inflation Art

Hallucinagenic Party Balloons (for your own good)

As always you can find all posts related to the tournament using #dc-polls-trh

And you can view details about each entry in our Entry List

#dc-polls-trh #dc-polls-bts

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

April 13, 2024

I knowwwww I haven't been writing 🙃

Ok Thursday night: Sughedys straightened my hair for a good 90 minutes and then knotted it up in a hair net and bandana. I was under strict instructions to not get sweaty between 10 pm Thursday night and noon on Friday. Impossible? Really enjoyed sitting there while she played with my hair. Felt like a little girl.

Yesterday was one of my favorite birthdays Ive ever had and I think it was because I went into it with such low expectations. I received an insane amount of gifts from my family. A new necklace for the party, a pair of pants, a sun hat, a new bag (all which I now have to figure out how to pack). Dena came over bright and early with my favorite coconut water and chocolates 😊 I can't explain what it was like receiving so many cards, handmade bracelets, and little trinkets from trainees who were working with whatever they had. I feel so lucky that my birthday was during PST and I got to celebrate with everyone before shipping out. Caitlin gave me a book and a postcard from New Hampshire and that made me cry. So for the morning I didn't do much of anything (couldn't get sweaty). I bought a pineapple and shared it with some people on my porch. Then. At noon it was time to get beautiful. Elianis helped me do my makeup, sughedys took my hair out of it's holdings, and I changed into my new dress. It was CRAZY putting makeup on, also it was so hot so really only eye makeup and lipstick because I was sweating so much. Yesterday afternoon felt like getting ready for prom with Audrey and Caitlin. We were singing to music, taking pictures at each of our houses, and we think the women were more excited than we were. Once we were all done we walked into the center of town for the despedida. The despedida is just a farewell party for all the volunteers and their families. Not gonna lie, having a party throw on my birthday was kinda amazing. Everyone made it such a big deal and I was looking more fancy than most. The despedida was fun, albeit bittersweet. Caitlin, Audrey, Elianis, Crisyei, and I all did the macarena in front of everyone.

After the despedida we continued the birthday festivities at my house. Liv, Sam, Audrey, Caitlin, and Carlo all came over and we played old playlists from highschool while drinking gree apple vodka out of a water bottle. The running joke is that it was actually my 17th birthday because everything in the training community feels like being in highschool again. We danced and sang and all ate cake afterwards. My mom asked if I wanted to invite more trainees and when I said no she laughed really hard. Then I called Chloe which was a MISTAKE because then I got really sad that she wasn't there too. I was sitting with these 5 people who are so amazing and two months ago I didn't know them and now I couldn't picture my life without them but it still felt like chlo was missing from the equation.

All around, an incredible birthday, I feel so loved and it was fun to dress up even if it was a little ridiculous.

Today: championship baseball game!

Audrey, Caitlin, and I all went into Chorerra with our family to watch my brother, Elian, play at the championship baseball game. Its a new stadium for the major league but for the championship game they got to play there. He was SO excited when he found out we were coming. Olivia and Sam met us there. Elian is OBSESSED with Sam so you could just see him glowing that we all showed up with his whole family. We all got super into the game...for the first 2 hours and then we were wondering why the fuck the coach hadn't put Elian in once. Elian is so good at baseball he's been asked to play on an elite team during the season, and during today's game he was not put on the field once....I asked my family and they were livid. They've had issues with the director in the past and the vibe is he's resentful of Elian and the other player who have been asked to join this elite team. Obviously I don't know the whole story but he's a child and whatever your issue is, don't take it out on him. They brutally lost the game and when we got home elian was crying because he was so embarrassed that all of us came and he didn't play. I'm still so upset about it, not that I didn't see him play, I see him play everyday, but that he was caught in the crossfire's of adults.

After the game Liv, Caitlin, Sam, Audrey and I went out for birthday margs and lemme tell you, Passion fruit margs??? They go down real smooth, especially with some extra shots. So then Audrey and I went grocery shopping...bad idea. Put me in the American grocery store while drunk, yikes. I asked Audrey if I should get the peanut butter m&M's, the sour candy, the Milano dark chocolate cookies, or the extra cheddar goldfish and she said "it was your birthday yesterday....all of them?" So that was all the convincing I needed.

Then tonight was sam's mom's birthday so I went to her party because it's our last like real night here. After some more beer and wine I ended up on top of my usual hill looking at the stars.

Not sure if you've noticed but I use some combination of Audrey, Carlo, Caitlin, Liv, and Sam in every sentence. (I miss Ahmet daily, we facetimed him for my birthday party) I'm going to be gutted and I'm one of the lucky ones, I'm keeping two out of the 5 of them. After Wednesday, guaranteed no seeing them for 3 months. It's been the craziest codependency for the last 10 weeks, followed by isolation for the next 2 years. All five of them made yesterday one of the best birthdays Ive had and I'm just going to know them for the rest of my life.

Fittingly, on my last day in the states I was up until 3 am writing a blog post. Much like I am right now on my (2nd to) last night in Los Mortales. Tomorrow is packing and saying goodbye to everyone. Pictures to follow

[sagiow]

15 questions

tagged by @tough-n-dumb, thanks friend!

Were you named after anyone?

Not “after”, per se, but my dad “discovered” my name after making a new friend in the glorious Montreal Red Light Disco District... who turned out to be an Italian exotic male dancer (he never told my mom that’s where he got the inspiration from until 30-some years later)

My middle name is my mom’s because my frazzled, mid-20s, overwhelmed first-time parents hadn’t thought of one before he went to register my birth so he kinda blanked and went with hers and she was pissed off because she doesn’t  like her name.

0/2, Papa.

When was the last time you cried?

Some time in the last month.

Do you have kids?

Two, elementary school age, although the eldest is solidly in his tweens and giving me a fantastic preview of the fun years ahead.

Do you use sarcasm?

Just did, didn’t I?

Actually, much less than I used to when I was younger. Mostly for joking around  or ranting about our incompetent colleagues with my work wife.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Not to sound like a hippie on Main, but I’d say their energy? Their vibe? Some people come off as very warm, and others colder (and some, downright antipathic). Some have this bubbling, crackling energy to them, others are super chill and calm. Some have this spark of intelligence or quick wit about them, and others make you wonder if there’s anybody home. So a bit of all of that.

A smile, greeting and eye contact (can all be super quick, just acknowledge you see the other person) go a long way in giving off good vibes, so we’ll definitely start on the wrong foot if the other person doesn’t do any of those. Be polite.

What’s your eye color?

Brown

Scary movies or happy endings?

I don’t like scary / horror movies with gore and torture. I do enjoy a good ghost story (the Gothicker, the better) and some psychological horror.

Love happy endings although unhappy ones definitely inspire a lot more fanfic.

Any special talents?

I never look at the picture when doing jigsaw puzzles and WILL complete it before you do.

Where were you born?

Province of Québec, Canada

What are your hobbies?

Phew... there’s a few, and they tend to be seasonal. Summer is reading, hiking, baseball, gardening, camping. Other seasons have baking, crochet, watching TV, playing old-school computer games, and getting ready for whatever holiday or birthday is upcoming. Puzzles and writing year-round (if inspiration striked and fellow fans are around!)

Have any pets?

2 cats (and often at least another because we are a foster family to our local rescue), 2 rabbits and 4 3 chicken (found one dead yesterday after that major storm / tornado passed. Her ancient 3 year old heart couldn’t handle it. RIP Matante.)

What sports do/have you played?

Phew... there’s a few there too. I’m always down to play pretty much anything with a ball (beach volleyball! street ball hockey!), but on the other hand, will probably get my Canadian citizenship revoked at some point because I do no winter sport except for snowshoeing and some shitty skating.

I played provincial-level softball and badminton in school. I did recreational synchronized swimming, various styles of dance, varsity basketball. Now, I play softball, tennis (although my dad is aggressively trying to draft me into pickleball), try to get in a game of golf or two per summer (every addition to this sentence makes me feel 10 years older). In non-summer, I practice aikido, and love hiking, especially in the fall.

How tall are you?

5′7″, or 170cm

Favorite subject at school?

History and Drama in High School, Anthropology and some of my Forensics classes in University (”no applied science”, you ask? meh, not really. Science was me playing Life on Safe Mode).

Dream Job?

I would’ve loved to study Anthropology further and become an archeologist (although I did take one Biological / Genetic Anthro class that was absolutely fascinating and made me reconsider Things) but I’d had enough Academia back then. I wanted to get a job, stop being beyond broke, and travel.

Nowadays I get this massive urge to dump everything corporate and move someplace with shorter, kinder winters, ideally not too far from the sea, and get a bunch of goats and chicken, fruit trees and grapevines, grow a shitload of tomatoes and eggplant, bake bread daily, and write in the evenings. Just need to win the lottery first but then I’m makin’ it happen.

tagging (apologies for the double tags if you got them, I lost track) @jomiddlemarch, @tortoisesshells, @fericita-s, @combat-librarian, @divinecomedienne, @luarenah

#ask games

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty good day off. I felt happy because I got to be with James. And my lip is not swollen anymore! Still split open but not painful anymore. So I'm I feel a lot more positive about stuff.

I slept okay last night. I woke up before my alarm and felt a little weird but I was fine. I went to get dressed and found that James had opened our medical tape. And I went to find them and ask what was up. And they showed me that they did break their toe last night!! It was all purple!! I was so upset. Unacceptable!! Right before our trip! They are limping a bit but are mostly okay if I chose to believe them. I only mostly believe them.

After I got dressed I got myself together and worked on my embroidery for a while. Not to long because soon me and James were going out to do our errands.

And it would be fun. James forgot where we were going and started driving the wrong way but it was fine. We weren't in any rush. I was just happy to be out and about.

We went to lush first. I was hoping they would give us samples but not today. Ah well. I enjoyed smelling all the things. But I only got the two things I was a really there for. My shampoo bar and the argon oil bar. The cashier asked James if there was a baseball game today because of how they were dressed and it was very funny. No this is just how James lives their life.

We would get over to Canton crossing and I should have taken a picture but we saw the most ridiculous wrapped car with dragon ball z characters all over it. It even had a sticker that said you can take a picture. But I did not. James said it is a thing that needs to be found in the wild.

My foot split open again and James was limping so we made our slow walk to five below. We found a few things we needed. I carried around a plush slug but I did not buy it. Restraint. I did get gum and some candy for our trip. And after we dropped that off at the car we went to target.

I have a running commentary to James about things I saw. And we found almost everything else we had been looking for. I still can't find the travel size of the one I wanted but it's fine. It's like the smallest thing. I was still a little disappointed. But we both got new folding tooth brushes and James got a new body wash that smells so nice. And we just wandered around the store. It was fun.

I would end up trying on a dress that I thought was so pretty. James said I looked very pretty in it. It's funny though because it's much more lilac in person. But it makes me feel so good so the $20 as worth it.

We paid and left. Deciding to go to shake shack. Where we got sandwiches and fries to share. We also got a creamsicle flavored milkshake which was a little bitter but was fun to try. I was really enjoying James's company.

We went home after that. I got a little tired in the car and wanted to lay down.

I did not sleep right away. Mostly just hung out in bed. I would work on packing again. Got all my new toiletries in there. Labeled stuff. I put in the clothes James has washed yesterday. And I am still very not sure about shoes. But that's alright. I have time.

James went for a bike ride to see if their foot could handle it. And while they were gone I just rested. But I didn't sleep.

Once they got home I was very cold and they covered me up. And I was able to fall asleep.

While I was sleeping James worked on packing their own stuff. I wish I had been awake for that but I trust them. And we talked through anything I thought they might have forgotten. Like I'm not sure if we need bathing suits but I want to have them just in case?? And also pajamas.

We talked through a lot more things. And soon they were making us dinner. I had fake fish and broccoli and it was great. And I kept working on my embroidery commission.

I would spend most of the evening doing that. And it's almost done! There's a few places that I'll need to go over again because the threads are long. And then I'll have to trim the paper and wash the rest away. And then I'll add a backing of some kind to protect the work. I hope to have this done by Friday. And if my mental schedule goes well it will be and I'm thrilled.

James gave me a gift! They got me a new cheezer beanie which is such serendipity because me and Jess were just saying how I hadn't found one in so long. That I must have all of them on the east coast. I was thrilled to get a new one. James helped me move the collection to a new shelf and I made a little TikTok about them. Love my on cheezers and my husband.

James had an interview for their podcast. And it is always nice listening to them. Though at one point they were talking about "Manet's" but I thought it sounded like "mayonnaise" which I thought was very funny. Also fun to tease James about.

I would take a bath. And Sweetp came with me in the bathroom and would pat at me and was being real silly. And then I was getting ready for bed. I used my new face oil bar. And I moisturized my lips which are healing really well.

I hope I can sleep well tonight. Tomorrow I am working at camp on a program I've never done but I'm excited about! We are going to use dip nets to try and catch lizards and frogs? So cool. I hope we find stuff.

James is driving me there tomorrow because they are taking the car to Philly. So I will be at camp a long time. And after my program I'm going to set up for my Native American program on Thursday and then start organizing my art building. I hope it's a great day.

Sleep well everyone. Be safe. Take care of each other!!

[0613magazine]

210516 Rolling Stone - Jin

BTS’ Jin on ‘Rock-Style Songs,’ Life Off the Road, and Being Very Handsome

"When we couldn't go on tour, everybody felt really a sense of loss, a sense of powerlessness," Jin says

BTS’ main producer, Pdogg, is fond of pushing the group’s singers to the top of their range, and beyond. One of the most extreme, and impressive, examples is the howling series of beyond-falsetto notes Jin manages to reach on the track “Crystal Snow.” You’d never know it from that moment and many others, but Jin wasn’t a singer (or a dancer) at all when he first joined Big Hit Entertainment (now HYBE) as a trainee; he was studying acting instead. In the third of Rolling Stone‘s breakout interviews with each of BTS’ seven members, Jin explained how he cultivated his formidable skills, looked back at some of his best musical moments, and more. He sat in his label’s headquarters for the conversation, in a blue button-front shirt with a wide collar and a black baseball cap from the Japanese brand Mastermind, a gift from Suga.

I know you just woke up today. What was your day like yesterday? We went to shoot a variety show, a popular and famous show in Korea, and we haven’t done one of these in a while. I want to emphasize and make sure it’s pointed out for the record that everybody went berserk about how good-looking I was [laughs].

Even through the mask I can tell. So what have you learned about yourself in this year off the road? Especially when we were on tour, there wasn’t time to reflect on myself and figure out what gives me joy, what makes me relax. Being off the road for a year gave me a chance to really reflect on what I want and who I am, and sort of learn to love myself. I got a chance to sleep more, and that makes me a lot more satisfied. I tried exercising, and I realized that’s something that I like. And everyday things like playing games, watching movies, singing, those kinds of things.

At the same time, it feels like you felt the pain of not being on tour. Not just myself, but other members really felt that. When we couldn’t go on tour, everybody felt really a sense of loss, a sense of powerlessness, and we were all sad. And it actually took us a while to get over those feelings.

You wrote the song “Abyss” about some of those feelings, right? As the title suggests, I was feeling very down deep in the abyss when I was writing the lyrics. I was feeling very sad and down. But the process of actually singing the song and recording the song alleviated a lot of those emotions.

“Moon” is a great guitar-driven song. Is it true that you would like BTS to record more material that leans toward rock? I don’t think I’ll refuse any rock-style songs that come our way. It’d be good if we can do more of them, but they have to be feel appropriate and match the style of our team.

Since your background was in acting, you really had to learn to sing and dance from scratch as a trainee. What was that like? It was true then and it still is true now that it does take more effort for me to do the things that may come more naturally for the other members. I lack in many areas. For example, a lot of the other members will learn a dance once and they’ll be able to dance right away to the music. But I can’t do that, so I do try to work harder so I don’t hold the other members back or be a burden. So I would come to dance practice an hour early, or after the practice was over, I would stay behind another hour or so, and ask the teacher to go over the choreography one more time.

But you’ve become an amazing singer. What were some moments when you started to realize that you achieved some mastery of singing? I don’t think there really was a moment when I felt I had arrived as a singer. I haven’t mastered singing. But a singer has a duty and an obligation to bring joy to the audience. As we went on tour, I began to see the audience liking what I was doing. We were sharing the same emotions and what I was doing was resonating with them more and more. So whether it was my singing or my performance or whatever it might be, I began to realize that I am able to communicate with the audience.

Tell me about [HYBE founder] Mr. Bang. What is his particular genius? [Cheekily] A lot of it, I think, is luck. The realization of genius was his good fortune in meeting us. I don’t think he could have done it without us. I think in his good fortune lies his genius. … I think one thing that I can say about him is his ability to look into the future and read trends very early on. He’s able to see, “This is the kind of thing that we can be doing; this will be good for the future.” So I think that he’s very capable in that. Plus he’s very lucky.

You are, of course, the oldest member of the group. There’s a truism that people sort of freeze at the age they become famous, because that’s when ordinary life stops for them. So in your head, do you feel like someone who is almost 30, or do you feel younger? This is embarrassing for me to say because it’s sort of tooting our own horn, I guess. But at every moment where I felt that we were at the peak of our fame, after that we reached another peak, and another peak. And so as I continued to become older, and again, it’s kind of embarrassing to say this, we were able to hit more and more peaks. So I feel my age! I feel that I’m 29.

Would you like to try acting again at some point? Nothing’s carved in stone. I sort of like to go with the flow and do what I feel. Right now I really love music, so I think I’m obviously more oriented to doing music.

“Spring Day” is obviously a group effort, but I find your part on it particularly moving. What do you remember about recording that song? We wanted to create sort of a sweetly sentimental or melancholy feeling for that song. When we got the lyrics, we tried to set the theme and the tone for recording the music. I tried to recall a lot of my sweetly melancholy memories so that I could translate it into the overall feeling. For example, you’re thinking about a friend that you may have lost touch with, and drawing from that sadness.

How does all the complex vocal interplay on BTS’ songs come about — how do you all decide who sings what? So when a song is finished, we will all sing it. We will sing the entire song. And then we decide which lines really suit which person and their character. And we try to work that out.

And finally, in your trainee days, could you have ever imagined this level of success? I think at that time, I felt that if I could bring together an audience of 1,000 people, that’s what I wanted to do. That was my goal back in those days.

Source: Rolling Stone

#2021 #bts #jin #rolling stone

[garoumylove]

Golden Hour Part 12

My fluffy domestic ♥️GarouxReader♥️ (from Garou’s point of view). In this part he takes you to the sea :) You can also read it on AO3 here :)

"Uncle," Tareo says as he sits on the living room floor the next evening. Kid's been looking dazed and confused ever since he came inside. He's got the mouse on the string but he's not really paying attention and the cat grabs it and goes full throttle, strangling and biting and ripping into it, having the time of her life.

You know, maybe we are more alike than I thought. This really is my cat.

"What?" I say from my usual place on the couch as I watch the sun begin to go down. It still disappears early enough but not as early as when we first made each other's acquaintance, me and her. I'd let the memories of the last months get the better of me if I was alone, thinking of her and all those times…

The tree outside is starting to block the light, the new leaves appearing every day.

"Uncle," he says again, as if completely forgetting he'd just said that.

"What?" I repeat. I'm getting used to this kid. My patience ain't wearin' so thin anymore. I could do this all day.

He's a good kid. I ain’t got nothing against him.

"I went to her house," he says, almost whispering, in awe, as if still not believing this good fortune actually happened to him.

"Oh yeah?" I can't help but grin. I'm happy for him. At least one of us is gettin' somewhere.

I frown for a moment, remembering my own fucking lost opportunity. So close. So fucking close.

I’ve been replaying that moment in my goddamn head since yesterday. Over and fucking over. Part of me is sure it would've all gone how I wanted it to. That it would be the start of something…good. But then another part of me doubts. What if she'd turned around and gave me a good fucking slap? I can't discount that either. I was ready to take some very big liberties and I wouldn't fuckin' blame her. But nothing ventured, nothing gained, eh?

Anyway, back to the kid.

"How was it?" I say.

"Her house is nice," he says. "We played board games."

"Board games, eh?" I say, now there's a thought. I start thinking board games but then all my dirty little mind goes to is strip poker and then that image of her see-through shirt yesterday…and fucking heaven help me. No. Snap the fuck out. Back to this kid.

"Did you let her win?" I ask.

"No," he shakes his head seriously. "She's really good."

Yeah. That's the way. You don't let people win if you respect them. I'd fucking hate that.

I'm about to ask somethin' else, I don't remember what, when he just keeps going with growing exciting momentum now.

"And then her brother came and played too and it was really fun! He's so cool! He's the captain of the baseball team! And then we went to the park and he got us some candy and…"

And I ain't listening anymore. I'm fucking scowling, deep and mad. This fucking asshole again. Him and his fucking hair, and his fucking face, and-

"Uncle, someone's here!" Tareo says as the front door opens.

"Oh!" She breaks into an even bigger smile as she sees Tareo. "Hello!" She says as I quickly get up. "I just wanted to bring this back," she says, turning to me now, still with that bright smile, holding out my PE uniform, all washed and dry and folded neatly and smellin' so good. She shouldn'tve bothered. Ain't like I'll be ever using it again. I told her not to bother but she wouldn’t listen and just took it home with her anyway.

“Hey Delilah,” she says, getting down on the floor with Tareo, petting the cat while she purrs and meows. “You’re looking so good now!”

“She’s getting bigger!” Tareo says, his exciting story momentarily forgotten. Good. Because I don’t want to hear another fuckin’ thing about that baseball son of a bitch.

“Yes, she is,” she agrees, nodding. “She’s getting big and strong, because Garou takes such good care of her,” she says and looks up at me.

I feel…fuck. Why does she have to say things like that? It ain’t like I fuss over the cat or anything. I just feed it twice a day and…fuck. I’m just gonna go put this back in my room.

I head upstairs without replying. What is there to say? But the way she looks at me, like she knows she’s right, like she can see right through me…

Well, I have been trying to be good lately. Or a bit less fuckin’ bad I guess. I haven’t gone out skulking around at night nearly as much these last few weeks. I’m trying my best, I fuckin’ swear. Only when I really, really fuckin’ need it. And after last night, I feel like I’m really, really, really going to fucking need it tonight. This frustration is turning into a fucking monster that I can barely control anymore.

“Maybe I should learn karate,” Tareo looks up at me with this newfound determination when I come back into the living room.

I remember looking back at them, on the floor there, playing with the cat. And it hit me. Since when did my house become the fucking meetin’ place? Shit felt surreal. A few months back I would’ve been sittin’ here alone in the dark and the cold, happy with my own company, and now, the lights were on and they were here and I found it didn’t bother me. This fucking strange turn of events. Just crept up on me. And I found, to my infinite surprise, I wasn’t too fuckin’ bothered by it.

I don’t know what I was thinkin’ at the time. I was just trying to think of a place I might show her that she’d actually like. And that was hard because it seemed like our interests weren’t at all aligned. But then I remembered that little town and the house and it made me think of the museum and well… There it was. She told me later she was surprised at the time. In a good way. But also it made things harder because she was trying to not get too close. And then I went and did something personal like that, thought of her specifically. Said no one had done that for her for a while. If only she’d known the hours I’d spent with her on my mind. Life is ironic like that.

“Oh, what for?” Ahe asks, looking up from Delilah to him.

“Um…” he suddenly falters, his cheeks gettin’ red. “I…uh…there’s…”

I got you, boy. I got you.

“To be awesome, like me,” I say, grinning. “Ain’t no one going to mess with him then.”

“Well, it would be better if he could solve problems without resorting to that,” she says, raising an eyebrow at me but I ignore it.

“I like your initiative, kid,” I say. I won’t be the one to teach you but good on you.

“Really?” He looks up at me hopefully. “Do you think it’s a good idea?”

But I ain’t really listening anymore. He can do whatever he wants. What’s it to me?

Hmm…Initiative. Initiative…

This has got me thinking. Maybe that’s been the problem. Why none of this is goin’ nowhere. I haven’t particularly done nothing so why would she even suspect that I’ve been in this sorry longing state for so long?

Fuck me, she’s taken me places and always seems to be the one initiating.

Of course. Fuck. Why ain’t I thought of that? I ain’t ever asked her to do something or go anywhere. I remember that time, in the beginning where she said I’d made it clear I didn’t want to see her. Fuck. I ain’t exactly made a huge improvement since then.

And now I’m just deep in thought. I gotta think of something, somewhere…

Think. Think…

I’m thinkin’ so hard I don’t even really hear the rest of their conversation.

“We saw Uncle’s teacher before,” Tareo informs her proudly. “He said Uncle was the best student.”

“Is that right?” She says, mischievous smile directed at me but I’m too lost in concentration. I ain’t exactly an encyclopedia of romantic ideas here.

“I can imagine that,” she says as Delilah climbs onto her lap again. “He’s very strong and very smart.”

“But he said he wouldn’t teach me,” Tareo suddenly looks downcast.

“Just give him some time,” she says, smiling kindly at him and then turns to me. “You know, I’m getting really curious now. I want to see you doing some karate, wearing that white uniform you wear.”

“It ain’t karate,” I say, a bit too distracted, not really taking in their words. But fuck. It ain’t karate.

“Sorry, sorry,” she laughs. “Whatever it is, it sounds like you were very good at it. Very talented. I would have loved to have seen you with your teacher, seen your dojo. It sounds really exciting.”

“It ain’t nothing,” I say, hoping they’ll drop this thing already. “Nothin’ to see. Just an old building and an even older fuckin’ man.”

She can see I ain’t keen on talking about it and moves on carefully. I feel bad. I don’t mean to be fucking rude. But I’m still thinking when-

Fuck. Yeah. That might just work.

She hands the last wet plate to me after dinner, Tareo long gone and I dry it for her.

“Oi,” I say, putting it down on the bench, all casual like, “what are you doin’ this weekend?”

“Going on a hot date,” she says, wringing out the sponge and washing her hands. She says it so naturally and so seriously.

Suddenly everything is fucking deathly silent. I can hear the drip of the tap on the hard metal sink. Time feels…heavy. I’m vaguely aware of how dark it is outside.

I find I forget what I was going to fuckin’ say. I wasn’t expecting that. I-

She looks at me for a moment but it’s like I ain’t seeing anything in front of me.

“Oh my god,” she finally laughs. “What’s wrong with you? Look at your face!”

I snap out of it. I feel something extremely fuckin’ unpleasant in my chest.

“Is that so bad? Are you that surprised that someone might want to take me out? I’m not that old,” she laughs.

But I just keep starin’ back, as if turned to fuckin’ stone.

“I’m not going on a date,” she finally says, the laughter dying down. “Seriously, I was just joking,” she says. “You don’t need to look so horrified.”

I force my brain to start working again, to regain its usual composure. She thinks I’m surprised that someone wants her. And that ain’t it at all. I’m fucking seething, thinking I’ve missed my chance here. Fuckin’ kicking myself. What the fuck?

I feel this sudden relief when she says that last thing. The anger cooling.

“I ain’t horrified,” I say, just as nonchalant as her. I really gotta get my fuckin’ act together because this time she’s joking but next time, who fuckin’ knows.

Where’s that fuckin’ initiative?

“You want to go to the sea?” I ask, just like that. Ain’t making a big deal out of it. I mean, the sea is pretty fucking close here but that’s not what I mean and she gets it. I’m talking about the wild sea. Not the thing here with the shipping containers and the neon lights.

“Yeah!” She says, genuinely enthusiastic. “Like a little trip?”

“Yeah,” I say, thinking of the hour-long, or just a bit longer, journey.

“That sounds fun,” she says. “When do you want to go?”

It’s early Saturday morning. There ain’t that many people around at the train station. We gotta take the train down south about forty five minutes and then a bus. Well, if it was just me, I’d walk that last part. But I gotta be considerate of my lovely company here. It’s in the middle of nowhere and ain’t the easiest road to get there.

“You picked a good day,” she says, looking up at the sun breaking through the sky, shielding her eyes with her hand and then grins at me.

“Yeah, well, I’m a genius,” I say, shoving my hands in my pockets.

I’d gone out again that week. In the night. I tried to ignore it, to avoid it. I fucking tried but by Thursday, the memory had gotten the best of me. The memory of my dashed dreams.

I was careful though. No hits to the face. Nothin’ she’d be able to see, and I kept my mouth nice and shut about it.

I needed that. I needed to feel like I was in control of somethin’. Like I could still achieve somethin’. And then Tareo’s babbling story about that fucking baseball loser, well that was just fuel for the fire. It ain’t his fault. He doesn’t know but fuck. It all came together and when I got to my usual hunting grounds, there was just this one little group…and I just kept to myself, honest, but then they had to go and say some things my pride really didn’t agree with and well…You know how it is.

“Yes,” she laughs warmly, “yes, you are,” she says, taking a step closer to me as we wait for the train.

She doesn’t ask why. Why I had this idea, or why I was takin’ her somewhere. I get the feeling she sensed it would be better for me that she didn’t and she seemed happy to just be there by my side.

“It’s nice to get out of the city sometimes,” she says, tilting her head back a bit, letting the sunlight wash over her beautiful face, closing her eyes for a second and I take that opportunity to just stare. I don’t care who’s watching. It only lasts a moment. As usual, only the moment.

I think about her words. I guess that’s true. We used to go there in the summer. Every holiday. But to be honest, I hadn’t been to that place in years. Not since middle school. Or was it before that? I don’t remember. Some of those fucked up years just blend together. A fucking series of unfortunate events, gone by in a blur.

“What are you thinking about?” She says, catching me in the throes of unwelcome nostalgia. The way she says it, she knows somethin’s up but she’s too tactful to push any further.

“Nothin’,” I say, turning away to look down the tracks, just in time to see the train coming, feeling my fingers dig into my palms in my pockets for a moment longer before relaxing them.

“I think that’s us,” she says as the train approaches.

We sit by the window, facing each other across this flimsy little table.

Suddenly, she whips out a deck of cards from her jacket pocket.

No fucking way! Strip poker? Here? Well…I didn’t think she’d be that frisky but what the hell. If exhibitionism is her kink I’m all for it. I ain’t got nothin’ to hide.

“What? I mean…we’re going to be here for a little while. I thought it would be fun!” She says, shuffling the cards. “Want to play Idiot?”

What now?

“Eh…?” I narrow my eyes. Where the fuck is this coming from? “What did I do?” I say, unable to keep an even tone.

She snickers before the laughter takes over.

“It’s the name of the game,” she says, dealing the cards quickly, expertly. “Idiot.”

“I don’t fuckin’ believe you,” I say, folding my arms over my chest. “You’re just toying with me there. If you want to call me an idiot, just fuckin’ do it,” I growl, not convinced.

“No, I swear,” she says as she finishes. “It’s a Russian game. My grandpa taught it to me. We used to play all the time. He learned it from a friend when he was young. And then his friend moved away and he had no one to play it with, so he’d teach it to everyone he met. He loved that game. It’s not that hard. I’ll show you Idiot,” she laughs so pretty and kicks me under the table and I can’t stay mad.

And yeah, turns out she was telling the truth. It is a real fucking game.

Fucking Russians eh.

“You’re good!” She says as she beats me, just, for the second time as the scenery outside flashes by. Mostly green and blue. We’re out of the city limits and there ain’t nothing but trees and fields here. Occasionally, cows.

“Again,” I say, getting all tense. I gotta admit. I ain’t a good loser. I just ain’t. I ain’t gonna be happy until I get at least one round.

“Anything you want, Wolf Cub,” she winks and deals again.

I don’t think I have to explain the effect of her sayin’ something like that has on me anymore. You get the gist.

I pick up the cards and rearrange them in order. This is a good fucking hand.

“I ain’t going easy on you,” I say, remembering what I told Tareo. Don’t let people fucking win just to be nice. Also, I respect her too much to do that.

“I never expected you to,” she says and bites her lip seductively, jokingly, but inside I’m fucking aching. Don’t do me like that, my love. I’m already this fuckin’ close to-

“Fuck!” I say as I look at the first card she puts down. Anything but that.

“Go ahead, give me your best move, big boy,” she says, leaning back, holding her cards close to her face like a coy fan, watching me intently.

Looks like she takes this as seriously as I do. I like that.

“I don’t know,” I say, half pulling the card out of my hand, grinning at her over the rest of them, “do you think you can handle that?”

“You talk big,” she says, leaning in closer. “Show me what you’ve got,” she challenges.

If only. If only you really meant that. I would show you. I would show you anything and give you everything. Everythin’ I’ve got. It’s yours.

We step off the train onto a deserted platform, the only two visitors at this hour.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been here,” she says, looking around the trees, the grass, the barely paved road down there. “Lead the way.”

We walk down the road a bit to the bus stop.

“There’s no schedule,” she says curiously as she does a tour around the fading, rickety bus shelter.

“Nah,” I say, taking a seat, ready for it to fuckin’ collapse at any moment. “It just comes when it comes around here.”

“I can smell it,” she says as she takes a seat next to me, and now I’m ready to catch the both of us at any moment if it collapses.

“What? The bus?” I tease.

“Yes, Mr. Smartass. The bus,” she nudges me and rolls her eyes before returning to her usual gorgeous smile. “The sea. It smells different here. I know we’re close. Can’t see it yet but it’s close.”

These days I let her take whatever photos she wants of me. But I get to take them of her right back. Photo for photo. She said if we were going to be a thing I had to get a phone too because it was just easier and I wasn’t that keen on the idea because who the fuck do I have to call? But then turns out it has some uses. For example, I especially enjoy receiving her half-naked pictures at what might be considered inappropriate times. She knows I can’t resist having a look. Teases, torments me. But it always makes my day. And then I always have to respond in kind which ain’t always easy but I do love a challenge. The wonders of technology, eh?

Eventually, not too long later, it does arrive. It’s just us and a couple of old people.

“Come on,” she says, grabbing the edge of my sleeve and dragging me right to the back “That’s where the cool kids sit.”

“Oh yeah?” I say.

“Yeah,” she says, looking out the window, enjoying the countryside view. “I had to take the bus to school and it was always the cool kids down the back. And I always wanted to sit there, just once.”

“What? Are you telling me you weren’t cool?” I say, unable to keep the grin off my face. “I don’t believe that. You look like you’d fit right in here.”

She blinks at me for a moment.

“Me? Do you really think I had any hope of being cool? Me? Are you serious?” She laughs. “I was just happy to keep my head down and mouth shut.”

She says it like it’s a silly, fond memory now but I can tell it’s something she’s shut off. That she’s put distance between those years and now. A distance best kept up by humour and pretense.

“But I bet you were the coolest of them all,” she keeps teasing before turning back to the window.

I don’t fucking care. Who’s cool, who’s popular. All that fuckin’ shit. Just one more way to trample on others and make their lives fuckin’ miserable. I’d checked out of the social hierarchy long ago. It was never going to be on my fucking side anyway.

I glance at her again. Cool or not I don’t fucking care. I wonder how it would’ve been if we’d been in school at the same time. Would she have paid me any attention? Would she have joined in with the others who looked at me afraid or whispered as I walked by? I’d like to think not. I’ve experienced too much of her kindness to believe that. Or would she have just ignored me? Possibly. And the way she talks…sounds like there were people giving her a fuckin’ hard time too. Makes me wish I could’ve been there and taught them a little lesson, taught them to shut the fuck up and mind their own fuckin’ business. Or maybe she wouldn’tve appreciated that?

“The sheep are really cute,” she says, getting her phone out and snapping pictures of the lazy animals as we pass by. “Hey,” she suddenly turns to me, phone still in hand.

And before I can say ‘What?’ she’s already taken the picture. Fuck.

“Oi, delete that,” I say, none too pleased.

“Why?” She says. “You look good! See!” She turns the phone to me for a moment. I fuckin’ hate seeing pictures of myself. At least off-the-cuff ones like this.

“Delete it,” I say, turning away, a new self-consciousness growing in my mind.

“Fine,” she says, but it’s a bit too quiet and a bit too…disappointed. I watch her click her screen. “See? Gone,” she says, as if not minding one bit and yet…

I feel sort of bad and at the same time on edge. Did she really want to keep a photo of me? What for? Why? There’s this wild, rising hope in my chest. Why the fuck did I go and do that? I feel like I am indeed a fucking Idiot.

“Here,” I say as the bus rolls to a slow stop and it’s our turn to get off.

We stand in the middle of the deserted road. A black and white cat runs across, completely ignoring us.

“It’s so quiet,” she says as a warm breeze passes us and disappears into the newly green trees. “You can hear the birds.”

There’s just one main road and some smaller ones leading off every so often. The old houses are spaced out and most of them seem empty. Every once in a while they’re punctuated by a brand new one, sleek, all the glass glowing, reflecting the spring sun. The city encroaching even here.

“It’s busy in summer,” I say, remembering.

“So it’s like a little holiday village?” she asks.

“Yeah,” I say. I think the only people who live here all year round are pretty fuckin’ old. Or rich enough to not work judging by the new builds.

She closes her eyes.

“There it is,” she says, suddenly so relaxed, peaceful. “You can hear the waves.”

She’s right. You can. It’s just walking distance from here.

“So, where are we going?” she says, slowly opening her eyes again, turning to me.

“There,” I point up the road, up the hill covered in dense trees. You can’t see anything from here yet but that’s why I thought of this place. And to be honest, it feels excruciatingly pathetic now and I start to fucking regret all my decisions. I think back to the museum, the history, the fucking grandeur. What the fuck was I thinking. But we’re here now.

She looks like she wants to ask something but then changes her mind.

“Ok,” she says instead. “That’s going to be a trek. I want to get some water first,” she says as she spies the only store in this cobbled-together town.

We walk into the store. Its walls are made of wood and you gotta push open the door. To give you an idea of what we’re dealing with.

It’s the type of store that sells everything and nothing.

The old woman minds the ancient counter and seems so fucking happy to see us. We may be the first customers today, or since yesterday or even before that.

“Do you want anything?” She asks as she picks up a bottle of water.

“Nah,” I say.

“Oh, look!” She says. “They make bento!” She turns to the old lady. “We’ll be back for lunch too!” She says as she pays for the water and the woman is practically beaming.

“I could retire in a place like this,” she says as we walk past the last house and into the trees, the road turning into a narrow gravel path.

“I couldn’t,” I say.

“Why not?” she asks.

“What the fuck is there to do here every day?” I say. I’m bein’ honest. Yeah, this place is great for a couple of days but then what? What the fuck you gonna do? Count sheep?

“I don’t know? Go swimming? Garden? Just sit outside and enjoy the sun?” She suggests as we meander up the path in the cool, green shadows.

“My point exactly,” I say, not too impressed. Though who knows. Maybe when I’m as old as that old bastard in his dojo all I’ll want to do is sit around the garden all day. Who the fuck knows? Though I highly doubt it.

The elevation rises bit by bit as we keep walking. The path veers closer and closer to the edge of the cliff, the trees on our right thinning out until you can see the ocean.

She stops and I almost hit into her.

“It’s beautiful,” she says, staring at the horizon through the thin tree trunks, a light blue on top of a dark one, stretching out as if for infinity.

She’s got much more of an appreciation for nature than I do.

“This was a really good idea,” she says as we start walking again. “I haven’t done something like this in years.”

We stop again a few minutes later.

“Sorry,” she says, we’re getting quite high now, getting more of that view, of that endless horizon, the small leaves rustling above. “I’m not anywhere near as fit as you,” she jokes. “Give me a minute.”

“Want me to carry you?” I say, trying to make light of it but hoping she’ll say yes.

“What?” Her exasperation is palpable. “I’m not that terrible! Ugh…the humiliation. I can do it myself. What’s up there anyway?”

“A house,” I say. So fucking lame.

“Ok,” she says, as if that explains everything and we keep walking. It’s not far at all now.

“Wow!” She says as we turn the corner, the trees clear and the house appears. “Wow! Seriously! Imagine living here!” She says, looking out at the now unobstructed view. We’re high above the sea, the waves look so small and completely harmless from here as they roll in from miles in.

And then I think, wait, fuck. I only been here in summer before, and it was fuckin’ years ago. Will it even be open today? Shit.

She walks around to the front. There’s this old weathered information board explaining how this is a site of historical significance or whatever.

She stands there and reads through it and then turns to me, giving me this knowing smile.

“Yeah, I don’t think it’s fuckin’ open-” I start, feeling mighty awkward when the front door opens and this older man with glasses appears.

“Did you want to look inside?” He asks, smiling politely but also excited like the old woman in the store. Seems they ain’t had any visitors for a while.

“Absolutely!” She says, excitement growing and grabbing my arm, pulling me up the porch steps.

This is a big fucking house. Old, very old, but big. The artist guy who lived here must’ve been rich.

The man lets us in and takes us into the first room, all these paintings on the wall, mostly of the sea. He starts talkin’ explaining about who used to live here and their life story. I ain’t really interested to be honest but she seems mesmerised.

When he’s done he says we can wander around and have a look ourselves and to ask him anything.

“This is a little museum, a little art gallery,” she says looking up at me with big bright eyes as he leaves us to it.

“Yeah,” I say, feeling something warm and deep in my chest with the way she looks at me. Suddenly so innocently excited, happy to be here. Her delight…It makes me fall in love even more. And it’s fuckin’ painful.

She walks around the room, studying each painting carefully. The light fills the room, illuminating the seascapes. She looks at the art. I look at her.

We make our way around the house and she seems as interested in the house itself as she is in the painting.

“Can you imagine living in a house like this? A century ago?” She asks, her voice almost this hushed whisper. “I find these kinds of places really…not magical. What’s the word? I don’t know…but there’s something special about it. Something romantic. I start to wonder about all the people who lived here over the years. It’s like…filled with stories. Does that make sense?” She asks, her face full of this wonder. “It probably doesn’t,” she adds laughing.

I never thought about it like that. To me, buildings have purpose. Four walls and a roof. It ain’t an interest of mine who lived here before and who’ll live here after. She asks if I can imagine living in a house like this and I start to imagine it. What if it was just us? Away from the city, away from everyone. Just us here. Us and the ocean. Imagine fucking with that ocean view. Now that’s romance, eh?

“What are you thinking about?” She asks when I don’t respond.

“About living here,” I say, trying to tease but getting a bit too lost in the thought.

“Thought you said you’d hate living somewhere like this,” she teases back.

“Eh, I can think of a few advantages,” I say vaguely.

“I like how they’ve really done their best to preserve everything as it was,” she says as we walk into another room, all the original furniture still there. “It really gives you a sense of the time.”

I don’t know how long we wander around and I don’t really mind. She seems to be rapt with the place and I’m glad. Feel like I did something fuckin’ right for once.

“This was great,” she says as we walk outside again, brushing her fingertips against the violet flowers growing wildly by the porch. “Thank you for bringing me…”

I can tell there’s something else she wants to say but still won’t say it, or ask it.

“It ain’t the museum or the Renaissance or whatever,” I mutter, caught off guard by her gratitude.

“It doesn’t matter,” she says, soothing my doubts. “I loved it,” she smiles and then, with all the cheekiness in the world: “Better than any hot date.”

Well, suddenly my pride is fucking restored. With just a few simple words.

“Here, take a photo of me in front of the ocean,” she says happily, handing her phone to me and taking a few steps back. If I hadn’t been a fuckin’ clown she might’ve asked to take that photo with me. And I’ll never know now.

“So much easier going down hill,” she sighs happily, satisfied, as we make our way back down, the birds a bit louder now, sometimes fleeting in front of us, surprised by our presence.

“But where’s the fun in that?” I say.

“Look,” she says, “I know it’s nothing for you. I mean look at you! But I’m really going to feel this in my thighs tomorrow, and not in a good way, ok?”

I’d like to offer to look after and comfort her thighs tomorrow but it seems a little inappropriate.

“Hey, I said I could carry you,” I remind her. For a moment, or it might be my imagination, her cheeks turn that pretty rosy colour.

“And I said I didn’t want to be humiliated like that,” she reminds me. “I gotta work out more.”

The old woman back at the store gives us way too much food, way more than what we paid for and seems more than happy to do it.

“No, no! It’s fine! Please!” She says, trying to make her stop but the grandma won’t hear of it and just keeps going. Hey, I ain’t complaining. I’m starving.

Eventually we get away with way more food than intended and that’s fine by me.

“Let’s go to the beach,” she says, holding half of it in a plastic bag. “I assume there’s a beach somewhere here, right?”

“Yeah,” I say, pointing to one of the side roads. “Down that way.”

We sit on the sand, watching the water come in. High tide is just going out and each wave hits just a bit further back than the one before.

“This is so good,” she says, dipping her chopsticks into one of the open containers and then into the one I’m holding. There’s just too much here to divide like this is yours and this is mine. We just go at everything.

I agree but I got my mouth full so I ain’t saying anything. Just wolfing down as much of it as I can.

“And she probably made it all herself this morning,” she says, reaching over me for something else.

There are few things in life more satisfyin’ than a good meal. I can certainly tell you what they are but the point stands, there ain’t many.

She takes a sip of her water and holds the bottle out to me.

“It’s fine,” she says, sensing my hesitation. “It’s not poison, I promise.”

I take it. But it’s obviously not that bothering me. I feel every time we meet, we get closer. Ever fucking closer and yet never get there. This closeness, it just grows, despite everything. We get more and more comfortable around each other. We’ve seen each other almost naked, slept in the same bed, touched each other for one reason or other. She’s told me so many things about herself. Always closer but never meeting. And I don’t know how to close that distance and it’s fucking pulling me apart.

I still don’t know if I can experience happiness the same way she does. But I don’t give it too much thought anymore. I enjoy her company. Being around her does somethin’ good to me. Everything ain’t so dark and urgent and tense. I can just focus on the better things she gives me. On making her happy. She says I look happier these days. I don’t know how to take that. Maybe I’m just too used to my mind fucking with me and can’t see it myself and she knows better. Who knows. But life feels different. The world doesn’t seem like such a fucked up place most of the time. I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m fucking happy and ecstatic as my baseline, but I’m happy with her. When we’re having dinner, or just lying around on the couch, when she takes me to some new place she wants to go to or when we’re in bed and I hear her moan, call out my name, tangled in the sheets. That’s the happiest. And we’ve come back to this beach since, and made each other very fucking happy here too. That’s all I got to say about that.

We sit in comfortable silence, just the sound of the sea and the occasional seagull overhead. The breeze is somewhat less warm by the water but it ain’t too bad. The weather is on our side, the sun doing its best for this time of year.

Suddenly, she stands up and starts to take off her shoes, rolling her jeans up as far as she can above her ankles. I watch her.

“You goin’ swimming?” I say.

“Yeah man,” she says with a wicked grin right back at me. “We came all this way!” And she runs the short distance to the water, wading in, making this cute noise of surprise when the cold hits her.

“Fuck!” She jumps, turning to me, laughing her little heart out. “It’s freezing! Come! Get in here!”

“You ain’t making it sound too appealing,” I call back, grinning, just happy to watch her be happy. I don’t know if I can ever experience that myself but I enjoy watching her.

“What?” She looks at me very seriously, a challenge. “Are you chicken, Wolf Cub? Don’t tell me you’re afraid to get your feet wet.”

What?! Fuck no! I know she’s using that goddamn reverse psychology on me but fuck. That won’t stand.

I get up and do the same as her, striding into the water. And yeah, it’s fuckin’ cold.

“You’re so easy to get worked up,” she laughs, slapping me on the shoulder. “I love it.”

I guess she’s right. I ain’t exactly zen. Occasionally, I wonder how I would’ve been if this and that hadn’t happened but then I think, that’s a fuckin’ waste of time because I can’t change the past. I am what I am now.

“I bet this place is even nicer in summer,” she says, looking straight ahead, letting the cold water wash over her feet.

“Well, it definitely ain’t as cold,” I say.

There’s a pause, she takes her hands out of her jacket pockets, just lets them be by her sides, standing so close to me.

“How do you know this place?” She asks, the pause finally over. And I feel like that’s what she was wantin’ to know all along, but at the same time kind of knowing the answer and not feeling like she could ask me that, take me down that memory lane.

I think for a moment.

The waves keep coming in and then I feel the back of her hand, her fingers skim across mine. I don’t know if it’s on purpose or just the instability created by this unpredictable water but it’s there, her hand and mine.

“I used to come here when I was a kid,” I say, the brief feel of her skin in my mind.

She nods softly. Doesn’t press for more.

She knows me so we-

“You know,” she says, “it’s funny but,” she thinks of her words for a moment, still looking straight ahead, “I feel like I don’t really know you.”

I feel this unpleasant thing run through me, a fucking cold electric shock.

“I mean, of course I know you. I know you’re smart and kind, that you’ve got some things you need to work out,” she has this affectionate smile even though she’s not looking at me yet, “but I feel like I don’t really know much about you at all,” she says, finally turning to me. She doesn’t say it with resentment or accusation. Just this quiet curiosity.

I stand there, thinking and not thinking. Speechless for once. Processing this.

Is this it? Is this why I can never get any closer? I rage over it but in the end is it just my own fucking obliviousness? My refusal to have anything to do with the fucking world?

I don’t know what to say for once.

And then this rogue wave, bigger than the others comes at us and she yells and jumps out of the way, grabbing onto me, laughing, already moved on from her own words and my arms reflexively go around her waist.

We’re close. We’re so fucking close, standing in the cold salt water, pressing her inadvertently against my chest, knowing this moment will end very soon as she finds her balance again and pulls away.

And I think about all those times she asked me questions, tactfully, inconspicuously and I dodged and joked my way out of them. And here’s the result.

‘I don’t know you.’

Maybe it would be better if she never did?

And yet…

I keep a look out the window as the train takes us back. It’s not that late. The sun is still holding its own. She checks her phone, replying to a work email and I find myself getting restless. This wasn’t part of the plan, but with those ocean words ringing in my mind, I have to get over myself.

The announcement of the next stop comes over the speaker.

“Hey,” I say to her as she slips her phone back in her pocket. “We’ll get off here.”

She looks confused.

“What? Why? This isn’t our stop? We’re like two more stops away.”

Yeah, fuck that’s true. I don’t know how to explain.

“Just…come,” I say as the train stops and I start getting up.

She looks at me still confused but follows me out.

We’re in another part of town. A part very familiar to me.

“What’s up?” She says, sensing my agitation as I take us out of the station and proceed down the street.

“Nothin’,” I say. “It won’t take long.”

“Ok…?” She says and hurries to keep up with me. I don’t even notice how fast I’m walking. Part of me is telling me to turn right back around and go home but I’m fucking determined. I’ve listened to that part of my mind for years and now look the fucking mess it’s got me into. I gotta try a new approach.

We pass the houses and turn into a park. The sun begins to turn slightly orange.

“I think I’ve been to this park once before,” she says, looking around. “A long time ago.”

I say nothing. We’re almost there.

I take us off the main path, down a narrower one. It ain’t long now.

We stop.

“There,” I say, looking up at this place I thought I’d never see again.

“This is…” she trails off, quickly catching on, turning to me then back to the dojo, the white walls ablaze in the golden hour light.

She doesn’t ask but I say it anyway.

“You said you wanted to see it.”

This place. This fucking place. I remember. I remember all the fucking hours I spent here. Even when I wasn’t supposed to be there the old man let me stay. Let me watch all the other lessons that he thought were way too advanced for me. I remember prowling around here on the weekends when being at home was a fucking hell hole. I remember coming straight here after school, avoiding everyone and everything. Running sometimes. I scowl at the memory. I remember the old man, strict and yapping on about discipline. And I followed it all. Every rule. Every lesson. Putting my fucking all into it. And he never once, never fucking once noticed…

This fucking place…I fucking hate it. My home away from home. The place that kept me alive until I could stand on my own two fucking feet. And he never fucking noticed-

“Uncle!” I’m violently jerked out of my thoughts as the main door opens and Tareo appears on the steps in a white gi a size too big for him.

I’m as fucking stunned as can be.

First it’s him and then three or four other little brats run out right past him.

What the in the fuck…?

“Oh, it’s Tareo!” She says, waving to him as he waves back.

“Uncle! Are you coming back to train?” He says, jogging up to us.

“I-” I start, fists clenching despite myself when the old man appears, smiling like a saint down at us.

“I’m going to learn First of Flowing Water Crushed Rock like you!” Tareo babbles on, way too high on excitement.

The hell is this? I find myself glowering at the old bastard.

“This young man gave me an idea,” his mustache practically bristles with fucking delight as he nods at Tareo. “It’s good to have some new blood around here,” he says.

“We’re letting fu-...letting kids into the dojo now, eh?” I smirk.

I can feel her staring at me and I realise what the fuck I just said.

I’m not part of this anymore. Fuck. This has nothing to do with me.

This was a fucking mistake.

“Garou, I think Tareo is really happy to see you here,” she says gently, her hand softly on my arm, bringing me back.

I look from him to her.

“And so am I,” she says, the most tender smile.

This is it. I’ve done something right. Things are going well for once.

All these things flash through my mind. Her asleep on me, hugging me, the colour in her cheeks, wanting to take my photo…

This is fucking it.

Or so I thought.

Or so. I fucking. Thought.

#He just wants to be close to you #garou #garou one punch man #garou fanfiction #one punch man fanfiction #garou x reader #garouxreader #garou x y/n #x reader #one punch man #opm

[valerie]

TWITL - week 14 - after spring break

Tuesday - 02 April Yesterday was the first day of the 4th quarter and first day back from spring break. I had a lot of emails to go through! I didn't have a lot of voicemails, which was surprising. Or maybe not. I was glad for the end of the work day and after eating dinner, I ended up "resting my eyes" long enough to wake up and go to bed. Guess I was tired. Let's see how today goes. It's a minute until my usual time to start my routine of getting ready for work. Wish me luck! https://flic.kr/p/2pGWHz3 Thursday - 04 April I liked the way my post on Ireland worked out. Writing then later adding the pictures worked for me. Maybe I'll do that with my TWITL posts. Write (not everyday, apparently) then add random photos from that particular day. What do you think? Friday - 05 April Yes to Friday! I think I would have been tired this week even without having gone to Ireland but not this tired. I have felt so dragged at the end of every day this work week. I'm so glad it's Friday! The weather turned cold and gloomy and rainy yesterday and I think I loved it. It reminded me of Ireland! (Except it never hailed in Ireland while we were there.) I didn't mind the rain and having to walk through it for a couple of minutes yesterday. It wasn't a big deal. Gave me a good reason to wear a sweater yesterday. Workmates and I went out to lunch yesterday to celebrate a birthday. I ate all my food! I must have been hungry. CreAsian always hits a spot for me. https://flic.kr/p/2pHkCJY lunch https://flic.kr/p/2pHfGwm HBD CM! https://flic.kr/p/2pHpdz6 It's been awhile since I've really talked about baseball. Before I made this my blogging place, I used my other domain (moonlitjazz.com) as my blog and I used to talk baseball all the time. I'd post that day's game stats plus my thoughts on the game, if I happened to watch it or listen along. I've been a fan of the Oakland Athletics since I was a teenager and when Mark Mulder was traded to the St. Louis Cardinals, I became a Cardinals fan (much to the delight of the husband). I counted myself an A's fan first then Cardinals. If they ever matched up in the World Series, I was going to cheer for the A's, of course. https://flic.kr/p/avmwi3 2005 - now he's the manager of the A's! I was born in Oakland and spent the first few months of my life there before we moved to Alameda. When I was going to start second grade, we moved to San Leandro. My aunt used to watch baseball all the time and I scoffed a little about it because I was all about football and the Niners. But sometime in high school, I fell hard for baseball and the Oakland Athletics. It was the time of the Bash Brothers and the A's were exciting. My cousin, friends, and my sister and I would go to the games, just us, and we had a blast. I love baseball and I loved the A's because they were from my part of the Bay Area, the East Bay. (I was and still am mostly indifferent to the Giants and the best I can say about them is that I LOVE their stadium. I don't mind if they win, as long as it isn't against the A's or Cardinals.) The A's were my team and I loved their "small market" ways and when they were winning, it was so exhilarating. https://flic.kr/p/jB4vE from August 2006 We went to a lot of games over the years and I can even remember some of them but in the last decade, we've been lucky to go to one game a season. And I was fine with that. My love for baseball is constant but my attention not so much. And the A's couldn't seem to keep the players that caught my eye and it's been a constant turnaround with them. I never thought they'd really leave. When the talk about it started, I blamed the city of Oakland. But as I read more and watched more, I realized that it was the team owner making all the wrong moves. The team might be rooted in Oakland but the owner is rooted in the almighty dollar. I still blame Oakland (49%) for not doing more but the A's owner gets 51% of the blame. It's him for sure but does Oakland even deserve a team at this point? They lost the Raiders (not a big deal to me but...) and the Warriors. Now it's the A's departing. https://flic.kr/p/4Ky9kG 2008 This is the last season of Athletics baseball in Oakland. After this season, they'll be a Triple-A team in Sacramento. Wait, I mean they're going to be playing in a Triple-A facility. It'll be at least three years there. Maybe, if Las Vegas doesn't happen, Sacramento will become their new home. Maybe this is Sacramento's chance to say, "Hey, we can totally accommodate a Major League Baseball team. Come, make your baseball home here." Maybe I won't be so heartbroken if the A's end up in Sacramento permanently. At least they'd be in a place that's a drive away as opposed to a plane flight away. (And now I'm wondering what will happen if the A's somehow reach the post season and the World Series while calling Sacramento home. Will forces be at work to make sure that doesn't happen? Is that why the team sucks right now? Curious.) Right now, though, I am SO INFURIATED by the whole thing. It feels like an utter betrayal and my baseball heart is breaking. I don't blame the team, the players, the people who work for them. I blame the owner and Oakland. Maybe I'm angry at MLB too, for letting their greed dictate this move. I am sad for the team. I am sad for the players. And I am so sad for us, the fans. My love was constant even if my attention was not and now that love is being tested. https://flic.kr/p/2muJJ6y 2021 I love baseball. But do I still love the A's? Or will I focus all my baseball love on the St. Louis Cardinals? Stay tuned! Sunday - 07 April Here we are at Sunday already. We visited my parent yesterday and I was able to give them some stuff we picked up in Ireland. I used to complain about the weather in San Leandro and how cold it is in my parents' house but nowadays, I don't mind the bit of chill at all. The weather is going to change much too soon if the forecast is to be trusted. https://flic.kr/p/2pHU9Je The drive through Vasco was so green. The hills are still green, probably because of the chill and recent rain. I love seeing all that green. It reminds me of Ireland. It also makes me appreciate the natural beauty here. https://flic.kr/p/2pHSrje as seen on Vasco https://flic.kr/p/2pHUL1C burgers from In-N-Out - Bought tickets to see Tyler at the Hard Rock Sacramento in July. It feels like it's been so long since we've seen him. It'll be great to see him and catch up with some of the Rich's Bi$ches. ;) Hopefully we get to say hey to Tyler. - Sam Hunt has a new EP out, Locked Up. Listening to it right now. - We're going to the A's v Cardinals game the day after our anniversary (which is what led to me writing the baseball stuff earlier in this post). I thought about wearing my Cardinals jersey for the game but I'm going to wear my A's jersey. It could very well likely be our last time going to an Oakland Athletics game. We shall see... https://flic.kr/p/2pHUwKd me Read the full article

#a's #baseball #music #samhunt #tylerrich #TylerRich

[razzieswritingspace]

1st version of a prologue of a novel idea I am putting together

Please let me know what you think! I am open to constructive critisicm.

October 10th, 2000

Celine Dubois. She was a detective from France, and Mama's friend; she was 26 at the time. When she came to our town to hear about the disappearances, it was a wake up call to this place that this wasn’t an ordinary situation.

“Tell me about your little sister, Henry” She asked me softly, in a thick French accent. “What happened the night she disappeared?”

I looked at the grass, every memory, down to the scents of the fresh cut grass and the baseball field, came rushing back. “I was waiting my turn to pitch in the game,” I started, twiddling my fingers together. “I watched her playing near the woods. I took my eyes off her for one second… and she was gone. She wasn’t by Mama. Then I heard Mama scream Sally's name. Everyone stopped, and we all… just knew. Sally was taken into the woods.”

Celine gave me a sympathetic look. “I’m sure that is hard for you. You’re so young. How are you feeling?”

She was right. I was only 10 years old at the time. At the thought that Sally was missing, hurt or dead, made the tears from yesterday come back in an instant. I couldn’t hold them back.

Celine gave me a hug, and I only cried harder. I could feel her expensive French jacket absorb all the tears I let out. Soon enough I maintained the tears and sat upright again, adjusting my glasses. “I understand,” was all Celine said.

August 27th, 2006

School was awkward for the next 2 years. I was stared at by everyone as I walked down the hall. They treated me like I was Grandma’s vase, like if you poke me the wrong way, I’ll shatter. By the time I was 12, it was gonna make me break more than Sally’s disappearance at this point.

I had no friends until mid-high school, when finally Sally’s disappearance was declared a cold case. My sophomore year, I met Mudvirce. He was actually the daughter of Celine, but he was born and raised here in America. I learned that his name is actually Michael, but he went by Mudvirce because he hated his name; his hair was long, black, and silky, down to his lower back. He was a fellow outcast, along with his sister, Michelle. She had black wavy hair down to her shoulders, and dark brown eyes, just like her brother. She and Mudvirce played in a local metal band; they played in a few basements every weekend. Mudvirce was on bass, Michelle was on drums. I was the opposite of them. I was the art kid, the writer kid, the nerd. I liked to stay home and write and draw at my desk. My room and my clothes looked vintage-esque. But that didn’t stop me, Mudvirce and Michelle from being friends. “Weirdos of any kind need to stick together. We’re all what we really have,” was what Mudvirce told me.

I met Marcus that year as well. He was a very eccentric character: his hair was dyed bright pink and down to his shoulders; and all his shirts were explosions of neon colors on black; he was loud, but not obnoxious; he loved video games and music. He and I, despite not liking the genre, always go to Mudvirce and Michelle’s gigs.

With friends comes enemies as well. Stacienna McRowell was some girl Michelle secretly dated back in 8th grade. They broke up last year, and Stacienna swore to make Michelle’s life a living hell. She made enemies with my friend, she made enemies with me.

Staciella’s boyfriend, Jaxon, is a piece of work, too. He’s like a puppy dog, following Staciella around and doing everything she says. He never knew of his girlfriend’s and Michelle’s relationship, but she doesn’t like her, so neither does he. He’s a clear enabler of her actions and shows no sign of stopping.

This junior year will be the first year in 6 years that I start with new friends, fun experiences, and a secure sense of happiness, and there is nothing now that can take that away from me. Right?

#novel idea #novel writing #novel in progress #writerscommunity #writers on tumblr #writeblr #writing community #creative writing #murder mystery #suspense #mystery novel #mystery

[11lights]

August 17th, 2023

0525L

Temp 85°

Saddlebunch Keys, FL

Man oh man my fortunate that my parents basically forced me to play baseball. I mean when I was a kid I absolutely suck and that still kind of permeates. Its way to my skill now, especially with 10 years of no experience. But watching some of these other people and who have never touched the bat and glove outside of gym class makes me feel extremely fortunate that my parents at least attempted to force the traditions of my Latino blood inside of me.

Continued at 0606L

Well I didn't get home till 11ish last night because the game started at 9:00, so I definitely just fell asleep again. Now I'm voice to texting this on my commute to work. Had another visit with the chaplain yesterday to follow up on my initial visit after the crash. I told him I was feeling significantly better and then I had started writing things down here. I also let him know about the fast that I started. He like everyone else was initially worried because everyone gets worried when you say" I'm going to not eat for x amount of days". So I had to explain to him like I explain to everyone. This isn't my first time that my longest one has been 2 weeks now and this is only day one. I told him it's very good for my mental and for my spiritual health not just my physical weight. We then went over the results of this personality test that I initially thought was bullshit, but turned out to be a laser guided missile test of who I am. INFP, I still have to do more googling about it but he read off the results to me and it blew my mind how on the nose it was for the type of person I am. I told him I didn't want to take the test initially because I didn't want to be putting a box or maybe potentially answer incorrectly and skew the results. Nope. This shit got me to the T, I'll Google the results today to get more up to speed on INFP so I can write more about it tomorrow or maybe later but just know it's me. Anyway, he gave me this technique kind of to keep going on improving because I told him I'm doing everything I can right now. There's definitely more I could be doing but you know I'm doing more. He told me about this attitude of gratitude thing. Basically every day he takes a piece of paper, writes something that he's grateful for regardless of the day, regardless of how he feels and he puts it in a box every day. So in New Year's comes around he opens a box and he's got 365. Reasons to be thankful for his life. Ain't that a pretty fucking dope idea? So I'll be doing an attitude of gratitude, I may or may not share it on this since I'm already technically writing it down, but I could definitely use more positivity in my life. So easy to bring negativity as an air traffic controller or in the Navy or just as a human in general browsing social media. So why not produce a little bit of my own? And besides last New Year's sucked by myself on a couch watching the ball while my cousin slept and my roommate went and party downtown and just me and Nimitz, this New Year's can be awesome while I read, however, many days between yesterday and December 31st worth of reasons to be thankful.

Well just made it through the gate to work so I'm almost done. Don't remember if I mentioned this, but my Jim crush joined the softball team last night. Probably 20 minutes before the game after. I'd ask my Master Chief if she was on the team specifically and he told me no. That was nerve-wracking since I hadn't played baseball in years since Hawaii and because I still have a massive crush on her. Funny story is in the second inning she got a free nose job in the outfield and I had to replace her so she sat out the rest of the game. Now I'm almost in the parking lot at work and I can feel the soreness of my right arm/ shoulder that I thought was getting better yesterday prior to the game. Maybe I shouldn't have thrown balls at full speed. I'm flying today. I have to call Barbara to tell her why. I don't want to fly with one of their flight instructors anymore because I don't think he has respect for safety and I get to fly with my original instructor. Kai and probably actually learn how to land. Can't fly with that fool anymore because it was sucking the fun at a flying being worried about being safe and I wasn't looking forward to go do the thing that I'm spending 15,000 to do. I'm paying so I'm not going to waste my time. Anyway, walking through the doors at work. I'll keep you updated.

#x

[straycatboogie]

2023/07/11 English

BGM: Vangelis - Chariots Of Fire

Today I worked early. After that work, I went to the library. Although I thought I would borrow a Japanese poet Shuntaro Tanikawa's poem collection, but forgot that I had already reserved Haruki Murakami's book "What I Talk About When I Talk About Running". The librarian told me about that, and I felt ashamed... but this can happen in an autistic life often. I borrowed that Haruki's book and tried to enjoyed reading until the time we have the English conversation class at 7 pm (I usually enjoy reading by using this kind of "brank" time). It seems that this book is a memoir by Haruki Murakami, who is a person who has tried to train himself by running. He tries to look back at his past days, and also explains how he has built himself/his attitude until now. TBH I don't train my body physically every day. All I do is just to walk toward a convenience store, so the people who train themselves in such a severe way seem like the ones from another world/dimension. By reading that, I thought I could learn how he had spent his life by writing and running. He keeps on his stoic/positive attitude every day, and I am attracted by that positive vibe of him. Should I train myself physically? Yes, it seems I can't keep on longer, everyday...

Reading this essays/memoir, I notice that he has chosen keeping on writing in his pace, obeying his own rules not competing/battling with others. I am impressed by his strong will, tough style. He shows how uncool he is. For me, He is a great writer/critic with smart mind/brain too. But he keeps on his modest attitude and explains he has trained himself actually by touching various things. He has experienced a lot of things in his life, and trained himself steadily. Like the episode of the days he had worked as a "master" of a jazz bar (it sounds a legendary episode). When he was in his 20s, he was just an owner of a jazz cafe. But one day, when he was watching a baseball game, he thought of writing a novel by himself. That was his debut novel "Hear The Wind Sing". After finishing it, he sent that to a publisher. It was praised well and at last published... and that was the beginning of his career. Ah, when I read this episode I wished strongly that I wanted to live the day like him. Someday "the day" will come, and my dream will come true... I waited for the day so long with drinking heavily. But nothing changed. I spent my days in vain... Sorry, I already wrote this yesterday.

Indeed, I am just an uncool old dude. An indoor, introspective, introvert person who likes enjoying music and reading my favorite books in my bedroom. I never have any will, any diligent attitude like Haruki. We shouldn't expect that any masterpiece could be completed one day instantly, immediately (at least, it must never be able to happen in "my life"). I understand that my favorite writers have been trying to train themselves everyday seriously/steadily, waiting for "the day" will come. Yes, in their life "the day" comes, and their talents explode... But is it possible to happen in "my life"? Although I tried to write another sonnet like yesterday, but... after writing it I felt satisfied with that certainly. I even felt upper/happier... But, by reading it with calm mind again, I felt deeply ashamed because it was like "a love letter we write at midnight (next day's morning, we must feel ashamed by what we wrote)". Oh my, this must be crap... just a graffiti. However, I just started the trial of writing/creating poems. I should train my body physically even though I won't run. I walk for while? In a park with Vangelis's music... His great soundtrack as "Blade Runner".

And the evening I went to the English conversation class. There, we talked about the hobbies we have. What kind of hobbies do we have/enjoy? I confessed my hobby. Reading and listening to. When I was a high school student, I met Haruki Murakami's book for the first time. From that event, I have enjoyed his books at various chances in my life... and other people also explain their hobbies. "What kind of hobbies can we enjoy reasonably (without costing money)?", "Your hobbies affect/interfere your life?", and "What hobby is the most/least popular one in Japan"? We talked those topics too. I couldn't say that kind of opinion I have. Reading? It is not cool for us to accept as a hobby... I would even pretend to be a cool person. We had teenage students in the class. They said to me "I just know Haruki Murakami's name, never read his books. Is it good?". Ah, what a generation gap (but I won't diss them. When I was a teenager, how could I have learned the modern Japanese literature deeply?). Staying to be myself is cool. After the class, I slept soon because I was tired. When will this rainy season end? Is Kyusyu area alright?

Untitled (for a trial of studying... or "Serial Experiments Again")

Once I thought my death for resting That idea was like the songs of Sting But trust me, that wasn't cause I was arresting I just had believe that my life was a wasting

But now I'm feeling I'm getting strong ... NO! I'm still weak, I'm simply being wrong This poem is for me a kind of protest song For what? I don't know. I wanna ring a gong

A lot of "legendary bangars" in my mind, behind This poem is a trial of making mine, I've signed I wish you would get alive, and stay still kind

A sonnet is a style I've never enjoyed for a while Can I offer this for you to read? Your mind would drive? Yes, I'm naive. But I can't keep this within my file

#diary #english #journal #online diary #personal diary #tumblr diary #poetry

[bike42]

Tuesday July 4, 2023

Happy Fourth of July!  I’m delighted, for the 3rd time in my life, to be in a National Park on July 4th (2012 Glacier, 2014 Yellowstone, 2023 Glacier)!  For me, being immersed in a National Treasure like this is better than fireworks!

We had heavy rain last night after we’d returned to the tent, and awoke to an overcast moist morning.  Breakfast was a warm dish of rice with sugar, cinnamon and probably canned apples - it was warm and someone else planned and prepared it!

Apparently, the campsite Todd and the Rawhousers’ ended up with had a river run through it and they were drenched overnight.  Due to that, we had a later start (10:30a).  Jeff and I shook out our tent the best we could, but it felt 5 pounds heavier today!  We hung out at the food prep site and chatted with other hikers while we waited for the others to get packed up.

The weather cleared up, but forecast said storms after 3:30p so that kept us moving along today.  We followed the Belly River, stopping at a beautiful waterfall (Dawn Mist).  We took several “pack off” breaks including time for delayering.  My feet were just a bit damp when we started (same socks as yesterday) but they didn’t feel bad or cause any trouble.  I actually felt great all day and hiked close to Todd who is a nonstop wealth of information - plants, animals, park history, etc.  We sure hit the jackpot again with our guide!

We forded Mokawanis River, most of us walking barefoot using poles to steady ourselves.  The water was refreshingly cold, the bottom was flat pebbles, and the current was strong.  We ate a lunch of peanut butter on pita with dried bananas and enjoying the river, flowing out of Copsey Lake (named for the first Ranger at Glacier).  He named these other lakes as well:  Elizabeth, Sue, Helen and Margaret (not after daughters according to Todd).  While we were eating lunch another Glacier Guide came by with some of his group.  Apparently, some in his group struggled yesterday so he changed his permit to stay two nights to allow R&R for the group, and several of them were out just for a short day trip.  Both he and Todd had been baseball pitchers and got into a rock skipping duel, the likes of which I’d never seen!

We saw several other couples, but we’re off the CDT and Alternate CDT routes now for a couple of days.  We arrived at our camp at the foot of Glenn’s Lake (foot) a little after 3pm.  It was nice to get to camp and get everything dried out!  Also to have time to chill out. 

There is just one other couple at this camp, a really nice couple from Boulder.  They went out into the lake, which prompted Tam and I to try to take a quick dip.  The lake had a very long shallow portion, so by the time we’d walked out to the deeper water, we were already frozen!  We dipped up to our shoulders, which took all the bravery I could muster!  We walked out quickly and toweled off, feeling like pins and needles, yet very refreshing!!

We had an early dinner @ 5:30pm.  Afterwards, Jeff and I played a game of Cribbage but mosquitoes made us stop at one game (our box of cards was destroyed from being in the bottom of my pack, but Todd had a set of cards).  Tam and Dan were down at the lake in search of a moose and came back reporting beaver sighting!  We were just about to turn in, but we went to the lake with the others and we were entertained by a busy momma beaver (obvious teats) - eating willows along the shore just a little ways from us.  She seemed to know we were there, but ignored us.  After she swam away Todd walked through there and then she slapped her tail.

As we retired, the predicted rain hadn’t happened yet, just some rumblings in the distance.  I read for a bit, and at 9:30p - the storm came with gusto: thunder, lightning and heavy rain.  I put in my ear plugs, covered my eyes with my mask and snuggled into my sleeping bag (still a little chilled from my lake dip).

6.35 miles, 542 ft elevation gain, 4 hours

#GlacierGuides

[thorntonkrell-blog-blog]

I was born in the 20th century and spent at least 55 years there. I was young, enthusiastic and hopeful. By the end of the century I was at my peak professionally. My parents were alive and so was Mr. Baseball, Johnny Crown and Dan MacMurray. All five of them are gone now as well as many, many others.

If the twentieth century was my birthmother than I left claw marks on her uterus trying to stay where I was. The twenty first century was pushing but I resisted it for the first 22 years.

I didn't have a cell phone...didn't want one. I didn't wear a watch. Didn't need one. I had all the clocks that I needed and a wife to tell me what day it was if I needed a reminder.

I was living in my home town where I had spent my entire life. I had plenty of friends and was well regarded in my community. My computer skills were up to date. I could word process. I knew my way around photoshop. I loved my digital camera. I read books without a kindle. I went to the video shops every week.I listened to the Yankees on the radio or went to a Red Wings game at Red wing/Silver/stadium

Yeah, the weather was Rochester shitty, all gray and cloudy but I had become used to it. I could use the oppressive darkness as an excuse for my many moods. When I needed to get away, I had a cottage on Canandaigua Lake.

Change was on the horizon. I wasn't looking for a light at the end of the tunnel, yeah that light may have been a locomotive coming at me.

Gradually, I began to social network. I got a kindle and started building my library. I got prostate cancer . After undergoing radiation and profound fatigue, I "recovered". The Doctor advised us to head down South which we had been hankering to do anyways. We sold our share of the cottage, packed up our gear, sold our house and headed to North Carolina.

We had family near Charlotte who had made the move before us, so we wouldn't be strangers. When we got here, they helped us get settled.

I kept up with my Rochester friends on Facebook. I stashed my photos on Flickr. I'd gone about as far as I wanted to go with technology.

My exuberance had occasionally turned into exhaustion as we made our way through the first two decades of the twenty first century. Lynn does almost all of the driving. I concentrate on a 5 mile radius which is all I need. Within that five miles there's a hospital, a couple of grocery stores and my doctor's office.

Of course as a Boomer I could go on and on but I'm pretty sure that you've had enough setup by now and you get my drift. I remained anchored in the twentieth century until Christmas 2021.

Lynn bought me a cell phone for when we go the mall in case I get lost (or she loses me) which has happened already and I had to get a mall cop to find her.

8 months into it, I'm hooked on my phone. Can't figure out how I got along without it.

Last week, she bought me an Apple watch which keeps track of everything that I do and has introduced me to my new favorite form of exercise; "standing around". Yup, the watch actually sets a goal for time standing along with everything else including how much time I take to wash my hands. Plus, I'm told that I can talk into the goddamned thing like Dick Tracy did in the comics or like Don Adams did with his shoe in Get Smart.

Yesterday, she bought me some new sneaks, black Nike airs with white trim which I can use on our treadmill. I've never used the treadmill before and had contempt for it. Why the hell would anybody run in place when there was a great big beautiful world outside ready to be appreciated. Well, the current heat wave prohibits walking around outdoors which leads to standing around indoors or sitting down watching teevee or lying down on the couch reading/resting my eyes.

Plus we just joined a brand new rec center which caters to"senior" citizens. I didn't want to hang around with old people until I came to the realization that I was twenty years older than the most junior seniors. We use the indoor track and last week I was one of only two men taking chair yoga along with 38 women, most of them previous blondes. I even went so far as to say "namaste" at the end of the class.

Lynn has been telling our daughter Mary about all the changes that I've been going through and Mary is thrilled that I'm "finally in the 21rst century.

So there we were last night; me in my new Nikes with my phone in my pocket and my watch on my wrist. We cooked up some meatless burgers on our Weber grill and poured a couple of light beers.

I put some dressing on the top of my burger and reached for the ketchup. The 21rst century ketchup containers are stored upside down to eliminate shake and anticipation. So here I am, all modern getting ready to put the ketchup on my burger.

I flip back the top and start squeezing. Nothing is coming out. I tried to non-chalantly put the ketchup back before Lynn noticed my hapless struggle. Too late.

"What's the problem"

"The ketchup won't come out"

"You've got to be kidding me. Let me see it."

I hand her the ketchup. She rolls her eyes and says, "watch this".

She screws off the top of the container which reveals a protective adhesive lid. She peeled off the lid. She squirted some ketchup on her burger. She looked at me as if I was moron from another century.

I offered the usual weak excuse.

"This is why I don't like these modern ketchup containers. Back in my day, it was a whole lot easier. The ketchup bottles were right side up. You turned them upside down and shook the bottle until the ketchup came out."

She was ready for that one.

"When's the last time that you opened a bottle OR container of ketchup"

I honestly couldn't remember. They always seemed to be open

"For the last fifty years they've had a lid on top of the ketchup to prevent sickos from contaminating the ketchup."

All of a sudden, with my watch and Nikes and phone and light beer and electric grill, I stepped back into the twentieth century before sickos started dropping poison into ketchup containers.

What else could I do but laugh at my own anachronism, thankful for the twentieth century including some of the concerns that we have now that we didn't have then.

We had our meal and proceeded into the the twenty first century.

We turned on our cable, streaming teevee and learned that the home of a former president had been raided by the FBI and that thirty years from now the current heat wave will feel like an oasis as heat and flood will make large portions of the earth uninhabitable and subsequent flooding will destroy Oregon and California.

If we don't have a civil war in the meantime.

Let's hope we're all not looking at a locomotive but in the meantime, let's enjoy the tunnel. Let's believe in magic. Let's hold onto hope.

We can't get back in the womb.

[zackcollins]

speechless || bo bichette

masterlist

Author’s Note: Hello! Everyone gets a treat of a second fic today because I was in a mood to write. Hope that’s okay. Idk man. When you’re in the mood to write, you write. And sometimes, you just wanna post right away because you’re too impatient to wait. Ya know? Anyways. GIF credit to glasnow!

Warnings: An anxiety attack. That’s probably it??? I don’t think there’s anything else. Feel free to let me know otherwise and I’ll fix this warnings section for you.

Word Count: 1.9k+

Title: Speechless by Dan + Shay

Additional: The reader should be gender neutral again! I don’t think I used any identifying language or pronouns or anything. If I did, it was accidental because I was hella distracted watching my dog while my grandparents went grocery shopping. As always, let me know how I did because constructive criticism is always welcomed!

Tagging: @whimsical-daydreams​ @donttelltheelf-x​

You had suffered from severe anxiety; it had been a part of your life for as long as you could remember. At this point, it had totally consumed you. You could hardly do anything anymore without your anxiety trying to take over in some form or another. It was the worst feeling in the world.

That's why it was like all your prayers had been answered when Bo waltzed into your life. For the first time in your life, you were able to open up about your anxiety with someone. There was just something about Bo that made you feel safe, secure, and like nothing would ever hurt you again.

You had been dating for about two and a half years before your relationship changed. It changed on what had otherwise been a quiet day in the middle of February. Snow was falling outside of your house, blowing around peacefully in the evening breeze. You were sitting on the window seat of the living room window, staring out onto the street while idly sipping on a mug of hot chocolate.

Somewhere outside, you heard a dog distantly barking. You found it odd because to the best of your knowledge, nobody in the housing community you and Bo lived in had a dog. Most of them had cats because they were easier for their housekeepers to look after when they were away on business trips or vacation. You quickly shook it out of your mind, though, thinking it only to be a dog that had wandered in from somewhere nearby. It wasn't entirely unlikely for that to happen because some of the people in the housing communities on either side had been known to let their dogs roam freely from time to time.

A couple of minutes later, you heard the front door to the house open. That snapped you out of thinking about the barking dog because you needed to know who walked in. Turning around, you heaved a relieved sign when you saw Bo standing in the entryway. You felt a little anxious, however, when you saw that he had placed a rather large box at his feet. Placing your hot chocolate on the windowsill, you walked over to Bo.

"What's this, sweetie?" You asked, walking all the way around the box. You wanted to see if it had some sort of label or marking on it that would hint at what was inside; it did not. All it had was a pink ribbon embossed with white hearts tied around it.

Bo smiled as he was undressing from his winter apparel. He tossed his hat into the closet. He unzipped his coat and carefully placed it on one of the coat hooks beside the door. Lastly came his boots. He slipped out of those and tossed them haphazardly onto the plastic boot mat you had bought specifically for the winter so snow wouldn’t be tracked all over your house. He ended up bowling over your boots and a spare pair of boots you kept in case of emergencies. You glared at him, crossing your arms over your chest. Bo raised his arms in surrender as he stepped forward and gave you a quick kiss. You relaxed, kissing him back as you wrapped your arms around his back. When you pulled apart, Bo stepped aside and motioned to the box.

 "If you wanna know what’s inside,” Bo produced a pocket knife seemingly out of nowhere because you didn’t know him to carry one. He handed it to you and motioned to the box a second time. “All you have to do is open it.” 

You walked forward and leaned over, carefully cutting the ribbon a couple of times so that it was easier to untangle from the box. Once you had all of the ribbon untangled and balled up, you placed it along with the knife on the console table next to you. When you looked back at Bo, he gave you an encouraging nod and a soft smile. You bit your lip nervously as you carefully lifted the lid off of the box. What was inside made you blink in surprise. Staring back at you was a beagle puppy. You had to blink a couple of more times, just to make sure that truly weren't imagining this. When you surmised that this was, in fact, a real dog sitting in the box, you lifted them out, cradling them in your arms. They even kissed you on the chin a couple of times. That was also all it took for you to be absolutely smitten with this puppy.

Just as you went to put the puppy down, the light from the chandelier made something on their collar glisten. At first, you thought it was name tags or the city registration tags. But, when you examined it, you discovered that it was an engagement ring. You turned to ask Bo about it. Much to your surprise, he was down on one knee, holding his hands out. You handed him the dog (who you could now see was a boy), thinking that was what he wanted. Bo chuckled as he scritched the dog behind the ears. The dog sighed, jackrabbitting his back foot in satisfaction. You huffed an amused breath, rolling your eyes and chuckling.

Bo carefully put the dog down and took the ring off of his collar. He gave him a few more ear scritches which made the dog flop on the floor and curl in a ball. Bo rolled his eyes before he looked up at you, holding the ring in your direction.

"Since I know I'm the best thing to happen to you and you're the best thing to happen to me," Bo paused, wiping tears out of the corners of his eyes, "I was wondering if you'd marry me?"

You clammed up. You felt your anxiety wash over you like a giant wave crashing into the surf. You fell to the floor, chanting a bunch of incoherent nonsense as you curled into a ball and clutched your knees tightly to your chest. You rocked back and forth, tears streaming down your face as you continued to death-grip your knees. It was then that you felt Bo wrap you in his arms. He cradled you, rocking you in time with how you were rocking yourself. Only, he was doing it softer, gentler. He was also mumbling some of his stats from last season, the stats from the hockey game you watched yesterday. Hell, he even started mumbling what you needed to buy when you went grocery shopping the next time. Anything mundane and boring because he knew that was what generally helped you out of anxiety episodes. The more boring the better. It gave a sense of normalcy and order that helped your brain to focus on the everyday parts of life as opposed to the falsehoods of meaningless compliments that people only said to you when you were in the middle of an anxiety episode.

Hearing about baseball and hockey stats as well as what groceries you needed to buy helped remarkably well. You calmed down relatively quickly given how badly this attack had started. You tilted your head, looking Bo in the eyes. Your eyes were full of a question that didn’t need to be asked but probably should be anyways. Bo, knowing how to read you by now, simply nodded. He met you halfway as you connected your lips. You shared a brief, albeit meaningful kiss. 

When you broke your lips apart, you held your hand out. "Of course I'll marry you."

You smiled, though it was a little awkward because you were still recovering from your anxiety attack, as Bo placed the ring on your finger. You moved your hand around, looking at the ring from every angle. It was a gorgeous ring. It was also simple and not very flashy. Which is something you had told Bo you wanted when the time came for him to finally propose. You weren’t a flashy or extravagant person so there was no need to have a flashy or extravagant ring. The thought of having an expensive or flashy ring made you really anxious. You were afraid that somebody would break in and steal it from you. And you didn’t want to live the entire rest of your life in fear that someone was going to break into your house to steal something from you. You had told Bo that that was no way to live. That’s why you were content with a small, simple ring. You didn’t have to live in a constant state of anxiety that some schmuck off the street was going to get the wise idea to break in one night and rob you of it. And the ring Bo had picked was exactly the ring you had been eyeing the last time you were in a jewellery store. So, it worked out even better.

Bo snapped you out of your thought by grabbing you by the chin with his thumb and forefinger. He tilted your face up so that you were looking at each other directly. Bo’s eyes flitted down to your lips and then quickly back up to look at you. You nodded as best you could with Bo holding onto your chin, a soft smile breaking out across your lips. Bo smiled back, dropping his hand away from your chin. He, instead, grabbed your hand and interlaced your fingers. You huffed softly before you leaned forward and connected your lips with Bo’s. Bo smirked into the kiss, bringing his other hand up and resting it against your shoulder. The kiss was far more passionate than the first and you swore it could’ve gone on forever and ever. The only reason you stopped was because the puppy weaseled his way in between you and licked both of your noses. Bo laughed and booped the puppy on his nose. You made an amused noise and scritched the puppy's chest.

Bo turned back to you after you both spent a few moments playing with the puppy. "Sorry for surprising you. I know how you hate surprises."

"It's alright, Bo. It would've defeated the whole purpose if you told me," you responded, moving in closer to Bo.

At that moment, the puppy plopped himself down in between the two of you. You both scratched him behind either ear. He made a soft groan of appreciation, before falling fast asleep. He was snoring softly after a few moments which made both you and Bo chuckle bemusedly.

"What do we name him?" Bo asked, picking him up and placing him in your lap.

"Biscuit!" You replied with excitement. The dog responded to that, briefly opening his eyes and snuffling before he went back to sleep. "See! He likes that name." 

Your smile grew wider as your leaned down and gave Biscuit a kiss on the head. He snuffled again, his tail wagging against your knee. You lit up significantly, almost forgetting that you had had an anxiety attack a few minutes ago.

“Scratch that,” you said, a smile beaming on your face. “He loves that name.”

Bo just shook his head, chuckled, and waved a dismissive hand at you. "You're such a huge dork. You know that, right?"

"But I’m your huge dork," you replied, pointing to the ring on your finger as proof of that claim.

"Yes, yes you are."

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