#unsure of what to do with my life

[a2zillustration]

May i request either 4 or 18 for your tav?

18: What would your Tav be doing if they weren't kidnapped on the Nautiloid?

Another question from the original tav prompts list (feel free to ask more, if you'd like!)

[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]

[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]

#Croissant was at a sort of crossroads in their life and unsure what to pursue #They'd been living alone in the woods while trying to figure out what to do #As traumatic as it was the nautiloid acted as a catalyst #I promise you I did not steal Gale's storyline on purpose ngjkfdnsiunhdfh #Someone else asked for 4 so that one will be drawn too! I've just been really slow with these - weh #This sat in my inbox for so long I'm so sorry. But - thank you for asking! #ask croissant #croissant adventures #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #tav #croissant lore

[hecksupremechips]

Mizuki and Date though like. Imagine being 8 and your parents are filthy rich and going through a bad divorce. Your mom treats you like shit, lashing out at you, hitting you, saying she wishes you were never born all because you were behaving like a child. Your dad is more comforting, but he doesn’t do anything to stop the abuse and he spends his time invested in a completely different family, a girl who you love and look up to but he loves her more than you and it fucking shows. Then your dads new friend, some fucking bachelor in his late 20s, is just like "wow you guys are the worst fucking parents ive ever seen" and next thing you know your dad is sending you off to live with him. And it’s just a massive kick in the head cuz you go from a rich lifestyle to living in some really shitty tiny ass apartment with this guy who’s clearly never been around a child in his entire life and he doesn’t know how to behave and does a really bad job of censoring himself like he has a bunch of dirty magazines that he can’t hide very well cuz it’s literally a studio apartment and also he talks to himself sometimes, it’s really weird. He doesn’t even have the slightest clue what he’s doing

And he’s the best parent you’ve ever had

Because fuck, it all really hurts. You have to cope with having never received any love from anyone, and with the fact that your parents clearly don’t want you and can’t even be bothered to send you with anyone even kinda responsible. And this guy has a scary job with crazy hours and you don’t know anything about him and neither does he. But still, he never once hits you or tells you you’re not allowed to cry. He just gives you space and doesn’t push you to feel any sort of way about him. And sometimes, he’s even kind. He makes you some stew, even though it’s a bit chunky. He lets you sleep in the bed and takes the couch for himself, even though he complains about the massive back pain he’d never trade his spot for a second. He pays attention to events at your school and gives you your favorite stuffed animal when you make good grades, even though you called it ugly. He gets worried sick when you come home with bruises and puts on a goofy voice and trains you to defend yourself and you develop some highly deadly skills and even though it’s really abnormal, he buys you a bench press so you can get stronger. There’s this distance there, and you feel really weird caring about someone who you aren’t related to, but you find yourself wishing it was meant to be like this all along, that maybe, he’s secretly your real dad and he loves you like his real daughter

And when you say "I’m back" he says "welcome home"

#aitsf #ai the somnium files #kaname date #mizuki date #THE DATES THEY ARE MY EVERYTHING AAAAAAAAA #its so funny though like imagine being such a bad parent that some loner who jerks off all the time does a better job than you #and hes literally never interacted with children before and is later revealed to have actually been an assassin #renju and shoko really just suck huh #and i dont mean to reduce date to a porno loving loser cuz nah like hes actually got so much depth going on in this situation like he cant #remember a single thing about his past he has no frame of reference for what a family is or if hes ever had one himself #which we then learn he. kinda didnt he was an orphan with no friends no name no one who came looking for him it seems #yet he still finds himself loving and caring for this girl and would literally die over and over for her to live a happy life #hes so genuinely kind and caring and deeply lonely and unsure of himself if hes doing this right #and he feels agonizing pain when hes forced to remember that he isnt mizukis real dad and that. he has nothing #but despite that he doesnt force mizuki to return these feelings because its a lot to burden a child with and shes been through enough #its like. kaname date i love youuuu please just adopt her already 🥺

[juulz]

時光代理人[シルゴ]

#those who know. know #anyways i've finished the second season and am now unsure what to do with my life #link click #crossover #screencap redraw #preciousmetalshipping #rival silver #trainer gold

[jay-wasreblogging]

"What do Sherlock and John actually look like though?"

That's the beauty of audio dramas, the characters will look however you believe them to look!! Go wild. Go calm. Go imagine whatever.

Personally for me, novels and audio will always default to Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr.

#ppl unsure of the 'fandom canon' listennnn its whatever you thinking until they say something different but even then its what you think #not like its projecting images into your mind - it's your imagination doing it!! you envision bbc sherlock? granada sherlock? #its all valid i mean when you read novels or smt I'm pretty sure we all envision our own characters or real life attractive person or smt #my sherlock & co characters are a mix of bbc sherlock - rdj/jude law sherlock - Sharokku (japanese) sherlock - acd sherlock #sherlock & co #sherlock and co #john watson #sherlock #sherlock holmes #johnlock #goalhanger podcasts

[ashersanity]

hi sorry if this is cringe but ive seen you comment a bit self-deprecatingly on being new to writing and my therapist gave me homework of being open about my positive feelings. anyway.

you might be a beginner, but your writing is fantastic! i'm a literature student and obviously, yes, your dol hornyposting isn't exactly shakespearean yet- but it's very clear you're a talented writer.

your characterisation is on point- which is hard for a game like dol! your language is descriptive without being overly wordy or repetitve, which is a trap a lot of nsfw writers fall into in the beginning, but youre doing fantastic with it. and your work is just a joy to read (and very hot lmfao), which is something very hard to achieve. your writing is smooth and plays very well with the context, and there's a sense of prosaic continuity, where it's not too jumpy or choppy, even when you're posting somewhat disconnected paragraphs.

i know it can be hard to compare yourself to others and start out at new things- but trust me, you're doing great, and you're well on your way. sorry for the unasked for paragraphs lmfao but yeah <3

Staring at this knowing very well there are aspiring writers out there who deserve this compliment twice over meanwhile I’m just a guy with an obscenely amount of horny stuck in his system and writing porn for fun.

..This ask lowkey got me blushing n shit. Maybe even smiling, who knows. I’m not telling. (I don’t know how to handle compliments and froze up like an idiot.)

..May I respectfully hold your hand in mine.

#long tags ahead #I may have melted #with this exact pose #hand on face to hide the fluster #this is so fucking sweet. I’m unsure how to properly react #what would be the best answer here exactly? #I’m not all that confident in my writing since I’ve been used to hearing other things about stuff I do #namely drawing where I’ve been told my whole life I’m talented for that which made me seriously wanna do it #whereas writing is just something that happened on its own and I do it for fun #that’s why it never really crossed my mind to see it as something that’s good compared to everyone else #still. this had me blushing for whatever reason. I prefer compliments on my own skills the best so it this hit hard #for the characterization of dol. thanks. I try to keep it close as canon as possible since I’ve seen too many fuck up the characters #no. whitney wouldn’t do that and neither would kylar either #<3 anon #asher gets asks #that has him fumbling

[shakestheclown]

y'all who actually have partners,, what is a text ice breaker to start conversation? im really bad at it 😭

it feels important to note that when we do talk, the conversation flows great we have a nice rapport and complimentary senses of humors it's just starting the conversation that is the problem i think we are both just painfully shy 😔 (and maybe traumatized .)

#all my friends have offered is 'send a meme' which just gets me a heart react which is nice and all but i wanna SPEAK TO THEM. #and ive also done ~little random updates of my day~ which also works but on my days off i dont DO anything so i cant be like . #hey i rotted in bed all day what did you do #i feel like he's interested but shy ?? i guess ?? or maybe unsure if i feel the same way so he doesnt rly initiate #he did the other day just send me a photo of him working as a little life update which i took as a good sign :) and it sparked a short conv #i just dont know what to talk about or rather i wanna talk about literally everything but i dont wanna be annoyingggg #i dont know whats annoying and what isnt i guess is the main issue #he just got back from a 2 week work trip thing like working nonstop and normally we'd both be free tuesdays (tmrw) but since he JUST got #back today i figured it would be rude and/or seem desperate or clingy of me to ask if he wanted to hang this week #am i just crazy ?? oftentimes yes #it's also 10pm on a monday so i couldnt ask now anyway BUT I WOULD STILL LIKE TO JUST TALK #BUT I DONT WANNA BE ANNOYING all ive ever done in the past is annoy ppl or come off too 'weird' by just trying to get to know them #AND I DONT WANNA MESS UP THIS TIME CAUSE I THINK I DO GENUINELY LIKE THIS GUY IVE JUST NEVER BEEN IN THIS POSITIONNNNN #ITS NEVER FELT REAL #OK BYE

[eirian]

just wanted to share this vid again bc like. i am STILL obsessed w it to this day. i think about it so often

it was a speedpaint for a commission by the incredible @kiwi ... honestly my favorite commission ever. tbh. the way turnis and calabris are rendered is just. perfection, i cant stop looking. kiwi if u see this if i could commission u a thousand times over i would bc holy shit dude this brought me so much joy and continues to bring me joy even now

#i think i saw u make a post abt being unsure abt pursuing art anymore? and this post isnt meant to like #make u be like 'oh i change my mind bc one person likes my stuff' like nah im not tryna do that #u gotta do whats best for u of course #i just wanted to let u know that even if art isnt what u want to do anymore. u at least put a very bright and warm spot in my life w ur art #so be proud of what youve done up to now at the very least! and i hope u can be happy w what youve accomplished and created #again. if u dont wanna do art anymore then im still gonna support whatever u decide is better for u and makes u happy #bc youve at least given me something that makes me happy too :) and i want that for u as well #sorry for rambling at u in the tags even tho u might not see this LOL i just wanna show my love and support is all #love u kiwi #Youtube

[thatfaerieprincess]

Feel free to skip on past this, I’ve just gotta ramble for a minute bc i cant stop thinking about this kid from work last week. They were so much like me at that age (5-6th grade) that I didn’t know how to interact with them? I didn’t know what to say to them bc I don’t know what I needed to hear back then, what I would’ve WANTED to hear? What would I have even listened to? They were almost entirely silent and looked out at the world with a hesitant curiosity, but would pull back so fast as soon as you tried to interact w them. Little to no eye contact, face hidden in hair, always looking down, following others until they could strike off on their own and just quietly explore. Intently focusing on drawing any chance they got. We did an art project and they hunched over their piece the entire time and wouldn’t let any of us see it in progress, refusing to look up or acknowledge us if we asked to see it or to know what it was. Idk. I barely interacted w them while they were with us for those few days bc I didn’t know how? It almost hurt to try? It was like looking back into a time machine and i didn’t know how to tell them that it does get better,,, I still don’t even know if where I am is better, some days feel so unsure that I don’t think I’ve made any progress at all. But seeing that kid, idk. I’ve come pretty far. And it DOES get better. Maybe it’s not the best now, or even that great at all, but it’s better. I wish I could’ve told them but I don’t think they’d have wanted to hear it anyway

#im a rambling sam #I’m in a weird place again since getting here for this season of work #idk maybe I’ve been in a weird place all year probably #I don’t think I’m that far from where I was at that age but I know I am there’s just still so much further to go #one day I think it’ll feel easier but maybe not today #I do love working w kids but I’m considering going into horticulture instead of outdoor education bc I don’t know if I can handle this #I can #but god I don’t know #in my heart I’m still that exact kid and she’s still in there so damn anxious and unsure and needing to observe the world and everyone in it #just to get some sense of understanding of just what the fuck is going on around here #but by the time I’ve gotten a good handle on what is going on everything is already so set in place and my place is outside the system and I #I don’t know how to step into it #sorry sorry I’m still rambling I’m having a weird day I probably just haven’t eaten nearly enough in the last few days and I’m about to #start teaching on my own this week which is terrifying and I can’t stop thinking abt that damn kid I wish they stayed longer I think #we probably would’ve gotten along #but groups only come here for a couple days and then go home which is v weird after having the same kids for 3 weeks for summer camp #idk life gets better and it gets worse and sometimes u grow into the world a little more but there’s still a mute child in your ribcage #little hands pressed up against ur ribs like laying a palm against a bus window #I put my hand over my sternum as if we could press our hands together thru time #when I was that age I used to pretend to have someone around me like an imaginary friend but usually it was a book character that I liked #and I’d talk to myself in my head like having a conversation and giving myself motivation and assurances from someone else to me #and now I’m here and I still talk to myself like that but without the imagined friend as a buffer I just talk to myself in my head #now I’m the imaginary friend for the little Sam that lives in my chest #when I talk to myself I’m talking to her #I’m giving her the assurance she needed back then #the assurance I still need now #I am here for her so I am here for myself #this is getting poetically nonsensical maybe it’s time for bed

[hella1975]

choked up in my room rn bc i was sat in the car with my mum completely lost in thought and she out of nowhere went 'are you okay?' and i was like 'yeah? why?' bc i was totally fine i was literally just thinking and she let it go and then five entire minutes later she goes 'are you sure? have i done something?' and she sounded so genuinely anxious and i could tell she'd been thinking about it the entire 5 minutes while id been completely oblivious and i spent so many years as a child letting everything bottle up until it all burst out in a messy and ugly breakdown that took her down with me and despite that she never hated me she only ever blamed herself for not seeing the signs and she's never been able to see my signs because i keep everything to myself and it terrifies her that she might miss something and she handles things poorly when she's scared and she gets too angry but fundamentally she's trying her absolute hardest to be a good mother and it wasn't always enough and i know i have to hold her at least partially accountable but also she's my mum and im her daughter and she always just wants to know if im okay and most of the time im not and somehow that feels like ive betrayed her

#like my mum is such a loud powerful force of a woman that these little moments of vulnerability where she's just HONEST with me #and she shows me that she's worried or scared or unsure instead of just constantly putting up a strong front #always always bowl me over #like ive literally said to her time and time again that i'd find it easier to communicate with her if she wasn't so strong all the time #like of course i hate crying and being emotional in front of you when youve made it v clear my whole life that you hate doing that #when it's you that's the one being emotional like that's not fair #but also being strong all the time is literally a survival thing she had no choice but to implement bc her own life was so hard #so how can i just ask her to lower those walls for me? even if keeping them up is to both our detriment? #and like ive talked on here before how she's openly admitted to me that she finds my temper harder to handle than my sister's #even tho mine is quieter and significantly less messy. but she's also said to me that in general she finds my sister easier to deal with #bc my sister's so open and if she's angry she yells if she's sad she cries if she's happy she talks ur ear off etc etc #i just insist on handling everything myself and the worse i feel the more i deal on my own and it TERRIFIES my mum #BECAUSE it's led to mistakes in the past but also just bc i have never ever doubted that she has so much love for me in her heart #like even when our relationship was at its worst it was never ever a lack of love and she just does genuinely care and worry about me #it's just if she's scared she just gets ANGRY and her angry means her hurting my feelings and my feelings being hurt means i shut down MORE #and it's literally the worst combo but we love each other so much that we're both clawing through it anyway it makes me want to cry #and because she's always so strong i FORGET that there's just a scared vulnerable person behind those walls #that has no idea what she's doing bc her own mum never taught her anything good #and my mum blames herself so completely for every bad thing like she says things like 'i feel like ive failed' and idk how to tell her #that she IS messy and incredibly flawed and she HAS done things that have hurt me beyond comprehension #and there are bad parts of my personality that exist because of her and her alone #but ive also done terrible things to her too like not even considering the fact our responses arent compatible and that hurts her #i also did some DUMB shit when i first started tackling ye olde mental illness that had a HUGELY negative impact on everyone around me #but she is still my favourite person in the world and my best friend and i love her and i know she loves me and i just want to hold her #girls when their mum isnt an all powerful being but instead a flawed human trying their best: SKJDGHKDJSHGJKSDHGJKSH #hella goes home

[beautifel]

i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am

#ask 2 tag idk what to tag this but its negative. idk if i’m hormonal or whatever. it’s just that i’m so extremely emotional lately #like i always havebeen but it’s insane lately and i know some of the reasons but i have no idea what to do abt it. which is bad #i wish i knew how to confront …it all. im so avoidant it is genuinely pathetic #and even if i wanted to confront anything iwouldnt know how… n how to tell ppl around me #the pains ive taken to ignore my issues over the yrs n by that i mean suppress the knowledge that they even exist Lmao it is so pathetic #let alone the pains ive taken to hide from other ppl that which im suppressing. and to hide how badly i cope with anything #like any problem at all not just things that have anything to do with The Thing #i finally told my girlfriend about something i never thought id ever say out loud to anyone n it was so hard #the whole convo was so hard bc shes dealing with so much too and shes been getting help for 3 yrs n i know #with her baggage of trauma a relationship is one of the hardest things #n ive never ever regretted our relationship but with the things we are both dealing wtih. or rather not dealing with in my case #it is so . hard.. and i feel like ive been so unfair bc i havent been getting help even tho i need it. and she has. #the sheer irony of me refusing to get help or even admit 2 myself i need it even tho im literally about to be the person who helps others #this cannot go on lmao. the only thing im sure about is that i wanna spend my life with her but with everything tht we have on our plate #its so.. unsure i feel so powerless . i cannot change the past i cant change either of our previous experiences #its so unfair how we risk losing the best thing that ever happened bc of things out of our control #ive genuinely never been more scared of anything than i am of the idea of losing this relationship #we had such a deep conversation today and it was necessary and good but god we’re fucked up people #so i .contacted the uni psych today finally but im so fucking scared and idk what to even say when i get there #ive never until today said it out loud ive never even written it down anywhere

[isopode]

i keep chickening out of filling legal name & sex change documents idk whats wrong w me :(

#im too afraid i'll change my mind later in my life & regret any legal changes #still unsure if i've rlly picked the Perfect Right name for me #like im not ready to commit but at the same time whenever i need to fill in smth w my deadname in it im like blegh #yet when i look at it on official forms. i dont wanna let go of it #like i cant. idk why #so im like okay why dont i keep it as a middle name? #but then what if i later fucking hate having kept it & regret it #Do You See What The Problem Is. starts crying #as for the sex change it might become an issue for traveling later on or cause discrimination in work/housing?? idk :( #max.txt

[thecherrygod]

/

#my posts #you know how this usually goes #i make an amount of tags so that if you read this its bc you've clicked and its not bc i am just posting it like whatever lmao #... unsure if i should even post it tho but what else do i do just leave it in my brain? idk maybe its the same maybe its better #maybe its worse? .... why have i been feeling kind of like this and at this kind of intensity for like about 2 weeks or more #2 weeks is how long ive been properly aware so i think its more but like. man. #like maybe its been like a month and i just havent been keeping track of time bc january is way too long to even try lmao #. but. idk. i just wish i could be kinda.. stable. like i cant feel good lmao #like it truly doesn't matter nothing is good enough in general #what i do isnt good enough #what goes on around me doesnt help trying to ignore the constant.. dread? #and like all things considered i should be doing good currently #or at least not this bad #but here i am constantly trying to not let myself feel too bad until im alone bc man. #so... yeah it just doesnt feel like anything is truly worth it not me as a person nor the things i do nor the things i experience lmao #also lately ive been just feeling more..... disconnected to others... like i dont understand them and they dont understand me #but like.. more than usual #and i guess its me? that it's kind of a me problem #idk I'm just tired. i need to sleep. i want to let face down on some sort of big water body or do something that will make my life worse #or they i will regret lmao #i. wont do any of those #also when i mean face down in some sort of bldy of water or whatever i dont necessarily mean like die #not against it but its not the only option #just lay there and float..... also not against it #i just want something that i cant have i guess bc im not sure what it is #like i just know what i want is to not constantly feel like this but idk how lmao #... u would sleep if i can bc man also I'm so tired #.... adding tags its a bit worse than I assumed lmao im also thinking about wether i deserve stuff or not lmao #like it got windy and cooler and i was like 'a blanket by my legs would be nice' only to be like 'no you don't deserve that ' like ah yeah #its kinda worse than i thought lmao

[syncrovoid-presents]

Turns out I'm living in an All or Nothing style comedy because my roommate (and their best friend) are both bi and dealing with Bi Thoughts (their words)

I am as ace as possible

Truly is an All or Nothing sort of world we live in

#syncrovoid.txt #rambling #now if only i could get my roommate's friend to stop aggressively flirting with me that'd be great #this weekend i wanted to write and doodle and work on my own projects! #not.. be dragged into a galentines (i am not a gal? i am masc agender?) where their friend arrived hours early and had a bit of a breakdown #but also kept grinding agsinst me and flirting even though I've told them i am not interested and they are aware?? #they told my roommate that they could fix me. shame be upon them and their lack of modesty #(not to just but they changed pants in the middle of a room full of people they did not know. for why?? #we have other rooms? a bathroom? a hallway even??) #it was.. unpleasant #unsure how to mentally categorize these experiences other than “for what reason mist they have happened?” #anywho! long story short all my writing plans are now delayed because this person would not LEAVE our house? #i made them food because they're diabetic and had a crash but they also like. did not ask and said all our food was bad and wouldn't eat #so baffling and confusing? i do my best not to judge in life (for i find it meaningless) but in this situation it is hard to withhold #i do hope if they do come over again that they stop trying to “fix” me (idk if it's the agender aromantic or asexual they wish to fix??) #tw aphobia #aroace #i just try to exist #ALSO the vampire allegations are growing and not leaving??? for why??

[pinkspiraling]

i think i’m just sleep deprived cause i’m having a little mental breakdown over nothing like i’m just sad about my life and about how fucked up my brain feels and how far away i am from understanding myself and why i struggle so much

#i don’t understand why life is so hard for me to experience. i don’t know what it is. everything hurts me #i feel so afraid all the time and so unsure of what i’m supposed to be saying or doing #i just want to understand where this comes from. i don’t understand what it is. my brain is so different from other people. what is it #pink’s word vomiting

[hawnks]

in all ways except physically, i am here

#I FORGOT TIME EXISTS #I’ve been so busy lately that I FORGOT that my first official thesis appointment is coming up #I’ve got four days to write 25 pages and an outline for the rest of the novel AND they have to be good #so that my advisor doesn’t immediately regret taking me on NAJSJSJDJD #I’m just sooooooo unsure of what direction it should be going #becuase like it’s a coming of age novel primarily #but not for highschooler #like the second coming of age when you wake up and realize that your life is not what you expected it to be when you were ten and had #all those dreams and anything was possible and suddenly it just hits you that you will just have to #… go on living anyway #but that’s not the plot #the plot is a bunch of subterfuge and running from the past (literally) and figuring out why parents are the way they are #but idk idk #is it good enough? #am I doing the right thing? #can I commit to doing this for the rest of the year? #:< #I’ve had this line since the inception of these characters years ago and it’s like: #‘the van says hallelujah church of eskard on the side. at night they sleep in the back or at shitty roadside motels with vinyl headboards #and missing shower curtains #HELLO WAIT I FIGURED IT OUT #I UNDERSTAND NOW #A plot-> a bunch of hijinks that Agnes goes through in the hopes of regaining her sixth sense #B plot -> Agnes’ repressed misery about her fathers death has summoned a demon (bennet) who waits for her to decide #if she wants to make a deal with him/what that deal will be. eventually in a moment of weakness she asks him to love her in exchange for #her mortal body. thus begins a contentious friendship. he is inordinately kind to her. kinder than anyone has ever been. but at some #unspoken point in the future. he will consume her body. #C plot -> Bennet’s father (the devil) has begun the process of the apocalypse. he has to figure out where his allegiances lie and what #his feelings are towards his sister (Tilney) and his discarded mother are before it’s too late #DID IT FIGURED IT OUT