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#voldy works retail
hufflepuffplums · 1 year
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I LOVE the hufflepuff theme with the langdon icon, it shouldn't fit but it does 🤣 I'm my mind he's rodolphus lestrange anyway, but then if rodolphus looked that pretty and bellatrix still preferred baldy barefoot no nose voldy then she really did deserve azkaban
I dont wanna go to work tonight I want micheal to swoop in with his adorable cloak and floofy hair, blow up all the delivery boxes and take me away like he got madison out of her retail hell (at least there's no customers at night so I can't exactly say its hell it's alright I'd just rather not lol)
Haha thanks for liking my weird theme!! And yeah if Rodolphus look half as good as Michael, TO AZKABAN WITH BELLATRIX if SHE STILL WANTS A BALD NO NOSED MAN LIKE VOLDY OVER HIM!!!!
I would also want Michael to take me away from my retail job like he did for Maddison.. the dream.. but you now having me think of a Harry Potter and American Horror Story cross over!!
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zukoandtheoc · 4 years
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to update yall on my quirrelmort sims game
they’re very close friendship wise, i’ve been having them flirt a lil bit but they haven’t gone on a date yet, they’re very much still in the mutual dumbass pining phase yknow
but uh. voldy and quirrell were dancing together and just chatting and i was trying to find some lowkey romantic interactions that they could do
when suddenly quirrell, all on his own mind you, decides to confess attraction
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all on his own!! without my input!! and i was like heck sure so i just let him do it
but it didn’t go over too well unfortunately
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oops
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so they were both a little embarrassed for a bit
but then okay. i had voldy take a nap on the couch because he was very tired, meanwhile i had quirrell fix the toilet upstairs, and then i was gonna have him go plant his bluebells but when i looked, voldy was already outside planting the bluebells. and i just thought that was really cute, like an unspoken apology
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anaismariarose19 · 3 years
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Marauders Era AU if Voldy didn’t exist
I always like to imagine how all the marauders era characters would turn out or become if there wasn’t the presence of Voldemort. 
For me; I do not see James as being a Auror in an AU world. I like to think that after Hogwarts James joining the Wimbourne Wasps Quidditch Team (they are the team local to Godric’s Hollow) as a Chaser for a few years gaining stardom.
Remus works here and there in casual retail and hospitality jobs in both the muggle world and wizarding world due to his condition affecting his employment opportunities. Peter gains employment at a little photography shop that creates moving images which he greatly enjoys and becomes highly proficient at. 
And Sirius spends the first few years post-Hogwarts running amuck, splurging his inheritance on nights out, making out with Veela and spending his time fixing vintage cars into magical objects developing quite the nice car collection. 
All their lives change when Rita Skeeter a young journalist early in her career uses her Animagus skills to discover a spicy secret about Quidditch Star James Potter -- that he and his mates are unregistered Animagus, frequently let loose their werewolf friend near parks and forests risking lives. naturally She delights in this and knows it will be just the story to transport her to the front page. 
The aftermath is quick and brutal; The marauders spend a 6 month sentence in Azkaban after James tries to use money and fame to lighten their sentence from the standard 3 year term. James is kicked off the Quidditch Team. 
The public interest in their case though turns out to be positive down the track as academics begin to research werewolves behaviours and mannerisms around other animals magical and non-magical during the full moon. This leads to a proposal to the Ministry of magic in the Department of the regulation and Control of Magical creatures to create a magical habitat blocked off to humans where magical animals run free and Werewolves on the ministry list are invited to experience their transformation in there and roam free as an cheaper alternative to the wolfsbane potion.
Once the marauders sentence in Azkaban ended they were released back a bit more mature and wizened then they were beforehand. One night whilst cuddling  his wife Lily at home, Lily introduced to him muggle TV and the Monty Pythons. James immediately fell in love and decided that the Wizarding world should have their own wizarding channel where shows similar to this can exist. James, Peter, Remus and Sirius come together to invent a wizarding channel that can be accessed on normal TVs UK wide -- Peter decides to be the camera man and Director, Remus writes and edits scripts/skits and Sirius uses his prowess at enchanting muggle objects to create the wizarding channel. All together they do their own marauder skits and film together. 
The Marauders quickly develop a cult audience of primarily muggleborns and half-bloods who are keen to see muggle and wizarding culture co-exist and enjoy the Marauders humour. 
A petition started by Lucius Malfoy attempts to get rid of this magical technology with suggestions that the Marauders are risking muggle exposure to the Wizarding World. This petition gains lots of popularity in more traditional circles and the Ministry slaps a huge fine on James. Albus Dumbledore however; persuades the Ministry that this is a wonderful development of modern magic and it rids of another barrier that prevents the magical world co-existing with muggles. 
The show’s skits grows in popularity in wizarding communities world wide and soon other wizards/witches eagerly ask to create their own shows on this channel. 
Whilst James and Sirius are drawing up a contract at Gringotts with UK Quidditch teams to have sporting shows on their channel -- Peter decides that his cut from this deal is far below what he expected and feels rightfully justified that his camerawork should earn him a larger sum. Upon receiving a owl with a latter from the Daily Prophet offering both a large sum for the rights to use their magical channel and a well-paying job for Peter should he choose to film the Daily New with The Prophet -- Peter decides to take the deal and leave the Marauders. 
This is seen as a massive betrayal to Sirius and James particularly and is the end of their relationship with Peter -- Though Remus attempts to try and fix things between the group. 
The expansion of the magical channel Sirius created that is unlocked via a tap of the wand on the remote and a password, “I solemnly swear I am up to no good” leads to news reports by Witch Weekly in the morning and the Daily Prophet at night, commentary and footage of Quidditch matches as well as the American sport of Quodpot. 
The marauder’s tv show helps Remus work whilst managing his lycanthropy as his mates give him a flexible schedule and magical folk watching him on screen overtime created more relaxed attitudes towards werewolves. 
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hypnagogue · 3 years
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first line tag game
rules: list the first line of your last 20 stories. see if there are any patterns, choose your favourite opening line, and then tag 20 of your favourite authors!
tagged by @duplicitywrites, @goldenzingy46butwriteblr, and @feyriddle--matur sembah thank you!
(tbh idk if i have that many stories even with wips counted so. let’s see.)
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1. And at night, the invisible worm flies | harry potter
‘To be completely honest, I did not expect you to call this year,’ says the man behind the door in lieu of a greeting.
2. Try the other one, it rings (if you type in the wrong PIN). | retail au | harry potter
'Mate? You—ngh, hah—still there?’
3. Bottoms Up, Top Down | same age au | harry potter
Tom has had everything planned ever since they boarded their train to Hogwarts for the first time.
4. Butterflies and needles (line my seamed-up join) | time travel au | harry potter
Harry wakes up to a clattering sound.
5. Talking Tom | pumpkin voldy au 
The first time he saw the living pumpkin had been an accident.
6. Sorry for ovary-acting | kid fic genderbend au | harry potter
Tom woke up feeling a tad woolly-headed.
7. send dun(c)es | same age AU | Harry Potter
Harry  
im cackling
rons flirting with a drag queen
19:54
8.   And so it is, | original work
The night was cold and unforgiving, and it had been far too long since he last saw his bed.
9.  Harry Potter and the Mysterious Brolly Man | potterbondlock au | harry potter, sherlock (tv), james bond (craig movies)
Harry woke up to someone steadying him to walk.
10.  Look (/feel) like death warmed up | roommate au | harry potter
Tom Marvolo Riddle was a simple man.
11. My fingers are dripping in mayo—oh no, what should I do? | mayo fic #1 | harry potter | unposted
The professors’ common room had been empty when Harry started doing the.. deed.
12. myriarty ft voldy (yes this is a placement title) | potterlock au | harry potter, sherlock (tv) | unposted
Mycroft opens the door to a whiff of overcooked beef patty and cheap cheddar cheese drenched in far too many ketchup.
13. Your toes look absolutely ravishing, may I slather them with mayo? | mayo fic #2 | harry potter | unposted
After five years’ worth of entirely awkward back-and-forth courting—Magic can and should sod off, seriously—rituals triggered by sheer dumb luck, slightly off wand movements, and just a small tinge of wrong intent (it wasn’t his fault; Voldemort, of all people, should know how unacceptable it is to be barefooted in a government office), Harry had expected Voldemort to haul him to the Riddle Manor in Little Hangleton (or maybe a wing in the Malfoy Manor?) and, as the man once said, consummate their marriage once the wedding ritual was completed.
14. nutella fic | muggle au | harry potter | unposted
Harry was lying in his bed when he heard the first crashing sound. 
15. Local Tourist Did His Skincare Routine in a Dunkin Donuts Joint—What Happened Next Would Surprise You! | coffee shop au | harry potter | unposted
‘I’m very sorry, but Narcissa’s relatives are visiting—family matters,’ Lucius had said as he opened the car door for Tom.
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yeah you can probably tell how obsessed i am with people waking up. and i may or may not cheated at number 7 but in my defence: it’s a texting au of some sort so putting literally one (1) line won’t make any sense. my fav line is,, honestly a tie between 11 and 12, which probably says something seeing as i have not picked up any of them in literal months. ha.
tagging: @fragilefangirl, @alfiisha, @itsevanffs, @thepinkjellyfish, @sakuraganesan, and anyone who wants to do this!
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silver-hibiscus · 2 years
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Against my will and sanity I went back to ff.net and looked up some hp fanfics—saw one that had riddle working in borgin and burke's before going full drama queen and all i could think was 'voldie worked retail??? man that'll turn anyone to the dark side'
and with that i turned away from the wasteland and looked back to the heavens (ao3) and sensible places (doctor who crackshipping)
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zrtranscripts · 7 years
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Season 6, Mission 7: Lessons in Love
Revenge of the Nerds
MAXINE MYERS: Wait, wait. So and Nadia's gone to work with Amelia because Amelia's taken over New Canton?
SAM YAO: Not so much taken over as, um... well, yeah. Taken over. But it's not like she's running things for them. She's got them mostly running things for her. She's just very... you know. Decisive.
PAULA COHEN: People do like a decisive leader. And I suppose they can't do much worse than they were before. Any word on the location of the babies?
SAM YAO: Mm, no. We're working on it. Even the Laundry can't find anything for us. You see, ideally, we need someone inside Sigrid's inner circle, but well, that's going to be hard to arrange. In the meantime, getting parts for this transmitter of Jody's is a good start.
MAXINE MYERS: So that's what we're heading to this comms station for. We've caught snatches of their transmissions. We know they are bound to have the cables that Jody needs. I, for one, am glad to be serving Abel.
PAULA COHEN: It didn't need to be us, though, did it? Tom was going to go, and you insisted we went instead. Five, has Maxine told you the real reason she wanted to go on this mission?
MAXINE MYERS: For Abel?
PAULA COHEN: It's because she hasn't been able to find any copies of Xena: Warrior Princess since the apocalypse, and that just happens to be what this place is broadcasting.
MAXINE MYERS: That's just a coincidence! Back me up, Sam.
SAM YAO: Oh whoa-ho-ho, no. No, no, no. You two can leave me out of this. Remember our co-parenting contract?
MAXINE MYERS: I don't think that really applies...
SAM YAO: Oh yes, it does. I can read you the exact clause. When we agreed to be co-parents, I got it from both of you, in writing, that I would never, ever be asked to adjudicate in a row.
PAULA COHEN: Fine. Five, listen to this: Max volunteered us for a mission, on date night - a date night where I was planning to make latkes - because she has a crush on Xena flipping Warrior whatever.
MAXINE MYERS: You've never seen Xena: Warrior Princess! [laugh] Right, we need to make that right immediately.
SAM YAO: Yeah. Guys, before you get Xena: Warrior Princess, you're going to have to make it through that playground full of child zombies. I think they must have been trapped in the school until the storm the other day.
MAXINE MYERS: Oh God! The kids are the worst! Run!
SAM YAO: Okay, I think you lost them. Hey, it's weird, though. That school playground's been safe for months. I've got the report here. We sent in runners to check it clear, room by room, last month.
PAULA COHEN: You think it could be a deliberate deployment, then? By the comms station?
SAM YAO: Mm, maybe. I mean, it's a bit weird for a comms station, to be honest. Not only are they broadcasting Xena, their building used to be a distribution center for Geek King. You know, you know, the online retailer.
MAXINE MYERS: Yep. Which is why they have access to Xena DVDs.
PAULA COHEN: I'm surprised it hasn't been cleared out before now. People always want DVDs and stuff.
SAM YAO: [imitates Boromir from the Lord of the Rings] "Ah, but one does not simply get DVDs during a zombie apocalypse."
MAXINE MYERS: There's a dumbass rumor that this warehouse is full of kind of extreme nerds. Dangerous. Murdery.
SAM YAO: The Winchers. Like, imagine nerds, but if they went feral. Took cosplays too far, reenacted all the goriest parts of the stuff they're into. The rumor is they used to be 4chan "alpha male" believers, and then the zombie apocalypse came, and they blamed the feminazis, and - [sighs] they just went down that rabbit hole and just kept on going.
MAXINE MYERS: They're broadcasting Xena. No one who broadcasts Xena could be an evil man.
SAM YAO: What, even if they're setting zombie traps around their perimeter?
MAXINE MYERS: Well, we don't know that was them. We'll probably find some people holed up in there, sending out Xena clips to make contact with other fans. We'll get the cables and come back later with everyone's orders for specific Blake's 7 episodes and plastic lightsabers. [laughs] It's going to be great. Come on!
[door creaks open and clangs shut]
SAM YAO: Are you in?
MAXINE MYERS: We're in. This place is huge! And... kind of spooky.
[zombie moans]
PAULA COHEN: Uh oh. Not all the warehouse pickers are gone. Some of them have turned zombie. Look, they're still at work trying to fill internet orders. See that one stacking Game of Thrones box sets?
SAM YAO: Ooh, ooh! Do they have the last season? Because I never -
MAXINE MYERS: No, Sam. We're just here for Xena. I mean, Xena and those cables. Anyway, we've got to move fast. I think that one of them spotted us.
MAXINE MYERS: Quick, into this storeroom.
[door creaks open and snaps shut]
PAULA COHEN: Wait, this is the transmission room. See? There's the broadcasting equipment.
MAXINE MYERS: Yes. These are the cables, and - !
PAULA COHEN: Oh, the DVDs. Xena: Warrior Princess. Let's see. You know you said I'm your Gabrielle, but looking at this, maybe you're the Gabrielle and I'm the Xena.
MAXINE MYERS: Honey, you have never seen the show. How can you possibly know who's the Xena?
PAULA COHEN: Uh, because she's the one who has Warrior Princess in her name? I know what you like.
SAM YAO: Okay, I've got the cams up. Uh, yup, it's clear for you to come out of there. Those zoms are trapped in an aisle of Funko figures. Oh my God!
MAXINE MYERS: What? What is it?
SAM YAO: Well, they've got an Ursula from The Little Mermaid! Do you have any idea how – well, dear God, don't eat it! Look, if you pass those Funkos on your way out – oh God! I need another camera. There's something coming, in the shadows. Someone. Guys, I think you should get out of there. Go, now!
SAM YAO: Yeah, okay. Guys, just really keep running. I've got more cams up, and [sighs] no, it doesn't look good.
PAULA COHEN: More zoms?
SAM YAO: I don't really know how to say this, guys. It appears to be Voldemort.
MAXINE MYERS: What? Voldemort is coming after us?
PAULA COHEN: Someone dressed as Voldemort.
SAM YAO: Well, I guess. It just looks so like him! Ugh, no! I just got a full face view. Actually no nose.
PAULA COHEN: Someone who has dressed up as Voldemort, and taken it so seriously, they've cut off their own nose?
SAM YAO: He's heading your way. And oh. Oh! He has a mob behind him.
MAXINE MYERS: Death Eaters?
SAM YAO: More like Ewoks, or um, Daleks? But sort of a costume mash-up? They're Darwoks? Ewoleks? Oh, that is so wrong.
PAULA COHEN: I can hear them. Oh God, they sound so weird!
MAXINE MYERS: It's not just weird, it's them. Winchers are very real. Okay, I can admit when I was wrong. They're not going to be our friends. We are not going to reenact Xena together. We've got our DVDs, we've got our cables. We need to get out of here.
SAM YAO: Uh, okay, okay. Yeah, uh, right, then left, then third right. Go. Run!
MOB: [chants in the background] Sacrifice! Sacrifice...
PAULA COHEN: Sam, this is a dead end. And it's dark.
SAM YAO: Yeah. They've turned off the lights. And I think they've cut access to half my cams!
MAXINE MYERS: Where are the Winchers?
SAM YAO: Uh... no, I can't see them on the cams.
PAULA COHEN: If we hide here for a while, maybe they'll lose interest and we'll get away.
[door opens, MOB chants in background]
WINCHER: Oh, I don't think you'll be getting away. Not now, or ever!
MAXINE MYERS: Oh God, it's Voldemort. Ugh, your nose! Did you do that to yourself?
WINCHER: Call me Harold! Harold Wincher. And I was Voldemort, but now I am – [chokes] Ah. Sorry. Uh, could somebody help me with my robe? It was meant to fall dramatically to the floor by itself, but it snagged on the Elder Wand.
MAXINE MYERS: Sam, get us out of here!
WINCHER: I am... Lord Summerisle! ... It's uh, it's from The Wicker Man. Look, I had to put it together very hastily when we saw you approaching, and he doesn't have the same striking look as our old Voldy. But you know, I've yet to actually master Avada Kedavra, but everyone loves a barbecue!
SAM YAO and MAXINE MYERS and PAULA COHEN: What?!
SAM YAO: The end of The Wicker Man! They burn Edward Woodward alive! I think the Winchers are going to reenact that. Guys!
MAXINE MYERS: The mob are going to burn us alive!
PAULA COHEN: This was meant to be a date night.
WINCHER: Ewoks! Daleks! Seize them! Bind them to the poles!
SAM YAO: Yeah, I've got a clear eye line on the mob now. Oh my God, this is so many kinds of horrible. Uh, they're all in costume, but that one is wearing a Sith Lord robe with a Time Lord headdress. How could you? Also, guys, most of their costumes are bloodstained. They're really for real.
PAULA COHEN: Maxie, if this is it, I'm sorry I was so whiny about coming here. I love spending time with you. I can't believe I was jealous of your stupid show. I love you, Max.
MAXINE MYERS: Paula, I know, love. I do. And we've been through too much for it to end up like this. Right? They are crazy fans. I am a crazy fan. I know how to get under their skin. Wincher. Harold Wincher.
WINCHER: How may I help you, heathen? A last request before you are condemned to the flames?
MAXINE MYERS: Yes. My request is: be better! [MOB quiets] Harold, this reenactment is terrible! You're just wearing an Aran jumper. Lord Summerisle had a tweed jacket. Your mob of supposedly bloodthirsty pagan villagers look like they've run naked through the merch hall of Comic-Con, covered in glue! [MOB grumbles] And we're meant to be burned in a wicker man, not tied to poles.
WINCHER: Okay, but the wicker man is a very big prop. We had no lead time, and – oh God, she's right. This is a mess! None of you are even standing like bloodthirsty pagan villagers! I – look, I'm sorry. This was a rush job, and it shows. All right, take five. Let them go.
PAULA COHEN: That was amazing, Max.
MAXINE MYERS: Not now, honey. Quick, before they change their minds. Run!
PAULA COHEN: Okay, I have to admit, that was a pretty good date night for someone who likes seeing her girlfriend save the day by being brilliant.
MAXINE MYERS: What can I say? I'm pretty motivated when I'm trying to get home so I can watch Xena with my hot girlfriend... maybe dress up in my old Xena outfit for my hot girlfriend... reenact a few Xena bathing scenes with my hot girlfriend.
PAULA COHEN: Xena outfit, you say? Like the one on the DVD box? Mm, I don't hate it.
MAXINE MYERS: Oh, mine is way better than that. I made it from scrap metal in my spare time. What? [laughs] Isn't that what anyone would do in their spare time? [laughs] [continue chatting in the background]
SAM YAO: Hey, Five, now you've got those cables, I think I've worked out an alternative route home for you. How about you and me take a little detour and leave the doctors to it, hmm?
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ravkasqueen · 7 years
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I am splitting this in parts because I am on mobile and the word limit is evil. 1. What exactly caused Voldy to lose his nose? The Goblet of Fire's reborn, or after creating horcruxes?
Okay, imma just gonna go through these :D
1. You know, maybe he was punched while working in retail? It’s a manic place to work, I swear. Or perhaps he took a look at a snake and thought that you know what, that snake is goals! Maybe it was Taylor Swift he looked at?? Jks, I’m a swiftie
In all seriousness, because of something Dumbledore said; I’ve always believed that when Tom Riddle went off to become Voldemort, he changed his appearance. Didn’t Dumbledore explain that while Tom Riddle was handsome, to become Voldemort he changed his appearance magically and therefore I think it was intentional that he made his nose flat like a snake. 
The reason why I think this change happened during/before the Horcruxes is because of how Fudge and everyone else at the Ministry etc. recognised Voldemort as having come back immediately - so he likely looked the same as when he did before the night in Godric’ s Hollow. :) x
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