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rainbowwing251 · 4 months

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The Other Chris (Wild Kratts Tickle Fic)

A/N: I can’t. Believe. I’m doing this.

Seriously, I can’t believe I’m doing this. I should not be doing this, but I’m doing it anyway.

So uh… yeah, this is… a thing! It’s a tickle fic for the PBS Kids series Wild Kratts!

I know I said I didn’t want to make tickle content for the show, but truth be told… I really wanted to for… almost as long as I’ve been into the show. The only reason why I decided against it was because I was afraid. Afraid of how the Wild Kratts fandom would see me for making this kind of content. Afraid that the tickling community wouldn’t care about tickle content for this show. Afraid that somehow, someway, the Kratt Brothers themselves would find my content.

But recently, two out of my three fears have been proven false. It turns out that there IS a tickling community for Wild Kratts and that the tickling community as a whole does enjoy the limited amount of tickle content there is for it. I’m still concerned about whether or not the brothers themselves will find it, but I guess I shouldn’t worry about that for now…

This is a long author’s note, and I apologize for that, but before I get onto this fic, I would like to mention that this fic is a collab! This is a collab between myself and @kittyfluffies on Tumblr, whom I may have accidentally dragged into the Wild Kratts fandom with me… oops.

Well, let’s see how this goes! Real quick, this fic takes place shortly after the events of the episode “The Other Martins”!

P.S. Interpret this as Krattcest and I’ll get the sniper rifle. That shit is DISGUSTING.

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Today was a horrible day to be Chris Kratt.

Everything that could go wrong today did go wrong, except for the appearance of one or more of the villains. But would that have been any worse than falling into a pile of rotten apples, nearly being dive bombed by a Purple Martin (multiple times in fact), finding an American Pine Marten, having an American Red Squirrel steal your Creature Power Suit, getting tickled by said squirrel and your brother at the same time, and falling into a body of water, in that order, all on the same day? All while your brother teases you relentlessly the whole time? Chris would argue that this is worse than anything the villains could throw at him and the rest of the Tortuga crew.

He tried to combat his bad luck by calling it a day early to try and think of animals that shared his name, but there was one problem with this plan: he can’t think of a single animal that has “Chris” in its name. Not a single one.

“Come on, there’s gotta be one animal out there with the name Chris that isn’t me…! There has to be…!” he thought as he laid in a bed in the basement of the Tortuga. He had intended to lie in one of the hammocks that was in the central room of the ship, but remembered that none of those were his. They belonged, from top to bottom, to Aviva, Koki, and Jimmy Z, and as much as he would have liked to be in a hammock right now, he didn’t want to risk being scolded for taking a hammock that wasn’t his. That, and he was already feeling irritated by the events of the day and didn’t want to be angered any further, so he chose to isolate himself to try and calm down.

This worked for some time, but eventually, the peace was disturbed by the appearance of someone else.

The moment he heard those footsteps, he knew who it was. And he groaned.

“Oh no…” He should have known that there was no way he would be able to go the rest of the day without seeing the one who was responsible for half of the troubles he faced today, and yet somehow, he thought he would be left alone.

The door to the basement opened, and in came the reason he was even lying here in the first place: his older, mischievous, and sometimes annoying brother, Martin Kratt.

“Hey bro!” he greeted before noticing the look on Chris’s face. He’s seen him direct that face at the villains and sometimes him a couple of times, but something about that expression in this moment seemed… off.

“What? Aren’t you happy to see me?”

“After everything you put me through today? No, absolutely not.”

That upsetted Martin a little bit, but he did understand why he’d feel that way. It didn’t stop him from teasing him a little bit more, however.

“Awww, come on, Chris! You got to see animals that share a name with your bro! Does that not make you happy? Not even a little bit?” he teased, putting his hand on his shoulder and leaning towards his face.

Chris rolled his eyes at his brother’s actions, “Remember when I said that purple martins didn’t annoy me anymore, but this one-” Chris put a finger on Martin’s chest, “-not so much? I meant it.”

“Awww, you’re no fun, bro. I was just messing with you! I wanted you to enjoy The Day of the Martins!”

“Your teasing didn’t help me get my Creature Power Suit back from that red squirrel.”

“But I still got it back!”

Chris sighed and poked his brother again, “You don’t get it, do you?” He was about to lecture his older brother before he heard what sounded like a mix of a giggle and a squeak, “You’re still laughing at my luck, aren’t you?”

“N-no, just watch where you’re poking me!” Martin explained, grabbing Chris’s wrist and pulling it away from him. Chris looked down to see where he had poked him, thinking he had poked him in the chest again, only to realize that he had accidentally poked his brother in the stomach.

Suddenly, he got an idea. An idea on how he could get back at his brother for his merciless teasing.

If he couldn’t think of any animals with Chris in their name, then he’ll have to invent one. One that can give him the power to take revenge on his brother.

“...Chris?” Martin’s concerned voice pulled him out of his thoughts, “You alright?”

A malicious grin formed on Chris’s face, “Chris isn’t here right now.”

Martin raised a brow at his younger brother’s statement, “Huh? What are you talking about, bro? You’re right here! What do you mean you aren’t-”

“Chris. Isn’t. Here. Right now.” The green brother grabbed Martin by his wrists and swiftly pinned him down onto the bed. “Only his alter-ego~”

Upon hearing that teasy tone in his voice, Martin immediately knew what was about to happen. “C-Chris? Can we talk about this…?!”

Chris let out a sinister-sounding chuckle, “I already told you, Chris isn’t here~ Only…” he brought his hands into Martin’s vision and wiggled his fingers.

“W-wait, nohoho! Don’t-!”

“The TICKLE MONSTER!” The younger brother drilled a finger into the other’s armpits, “But right now, you can call me the ‘Other Chris’~”

To Chris’s slight shock, Martin had already burst into a fit of giggles with a few laughs mixed in for good measure.

“Nohohohoho, Chrihihihihs! W-We can tahahahalk about thihihis!”

“Laughing already? And from a single finger in the armpits, no less~? This will be easy~”

The blue brother was already squirming under the ticklish touch, trying and failing to throw Chris off of him.

“Trying to throw me off, are we~? I think that warrants a punishment, wouldn’t you agree~?” Chris ignored the unintentional rhyme and snuck a second wiggling finger into Martin’s armpits, causing his giggles to rise in volume and his squirming to become a little more violent.

“C-Chrihihis nohohohoho! That t-tihihihihihickles!” Martin cried out, his arms coming down in an attempt to protect his armpits, but unfortunately for him, that only served to trap his brother’s fingers in there.

“I told you, I’m not Chris! I am the Other Chris!” The “Other Chris” protested as he broke through the blue Kratt’s defenses to slip a third finger under his arms.

“Chrihihihihis, I knohohohow you’re in thehehehehre!”

“Nope, Chris is nowhere to be found right now, but I promise, he’ll come back once I give him what he wants~”

“Whahahahahahat? What d-dohohohoes he wahahahant?”

Chris gave him the most evil smirk he could muster. “Revenge~” With that, he skipped the fourth step and slipped the last two fingers under Martin’s arms. With all ten fingers tickling him, Martin went from squirming to thrashing uncontrollably, nearly throwing Chris off of him a few times. He’d also started kicking his legs, desperately trying to distract himself from the tingly sensation under his arms.

“NOHOHOHOHO, BROHOHOHOHOHO! C-CUT IT OHOHOHOHOUT!” Martin seemed to nearly scream out as he kept kicking and thrashing for a few more seconds, only stopping when he felt a hand on his ankle.

“Are you trying to kick me~? How rude~!” Chris teased. He was about to stick a hand back under his brother’s arm before he was hit with another idea. Martin, who had squeezed his eyes shut during his laughing fit, opened them and giggled in anticipation. “C-Chrihihihihs?”

The evil grin his brother had on his face nearly made him burst into laughter again.

“You know, Martin… I’m pretty sure it’s not a good idea to kick another person, and yet you tried to kick me anyway. I think it’s time for me to switch spots and teach you another lesson~”

“Whahahahat?” Martin questioned through his giggles before he felt his shoelaces coming undone. “Whahahaha- hehehehehey! Don’t remove my shoes, plehehehehehese! Chrihihihihis!”

“It’s too late to beg for mercy now, Martin~” Chris slowly pulled both shoes off before slipping a finger into the blue brother’s socks.

“Nononononono dohohohohohon’t! Dohohohon’t do ihihihihit!”

“Do what~?” Chris asked him, pulling one sock off of his foot, “Take your shoes and socks off? Well too bad, I will not stop until you apologize to me… and to Chris~”

“But yohohohou are Chrihihih- NOHOHOHOHOHOHO!” Martin burst into laughter upon feeling a hand on his bare left foot.

“Laughing already~? This will be easy~” With that, Chris dug in, scribbling his fingers all over the other’s feet. Martin absolutely lost it in response.

“NOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO, CHRIHIHIHIHIHIHIS! S-STAHAHAHAHAHP!”

“Begging for mercy again are we~? I don’t remember you giving Chris mercy when he told you to stop, so why should I~?” Chris ribbed, leaning in closer to Martin’s face in an attempt to make the teasing worse for his older brother. Needless to say, it worked like a charm.

“PLEAHAHAHAHAHAHASE STAHAHAHAHAHAP TEHEHEHEASING MEHEHEHE!”

“And why should I do that~?” the younger brother asked, focusing the tickling on Martin’s arches, a spot he knew was unbearably sensitive to any kind of touch, “Does it tickle more when I tease you~? Does it make you lose all of your strength so you can’t fight back~? Tell me, Martin, does teasing make you weak to tickles~? Even more so than you already are~?”

Martin’s only response was to throw his head back in uncontrollable laughter before immediately rushing to cover his face with a pillow to muffle himself.

“That was not a response, but I’ll take it anyway~” Chris reacted with a giggle, far too amused by how much his brother was laughing. “Besides, now that you’re covering your face, you won’t be able to see what I’m doing~”

To prove his point, the younger Kratt suddenly switched from scribbling Martin’s arches to scratching under his toes. Just as he predicted, Martin’s laughter increased in both pitch and volume, though it was muffled a little by the pillow.

“CRIHIHIHIHS NOHOHO-MMMPH!” The older Kratt had lifted the pillow a little to plead for Chris to have mercy on him, but he had to cut himself off by pulling the pillow back over his face because he was afraid his laughter would alert someone upstairs.

“You brought this on yourself, Martin~ All you had to do was get Chris’s vest back without tickling him, but nope, you couldn’t resist~”

Chris looked down to return his focus to Martin’s feet when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a bright green disc in one of Martin’s shoes. For the third time that day, he was hit with an evil idea. He slowed the tickling under Martin’s toes to a stop and waited for him to catch his breath.

“Hey Martin~”

“A-are you fihihihinally going to have mercy on mehehehe…?” Martin let out his after-giggles and slowly lifted the pillow off of his face. Chris grinned a little at seeing the bright pink blush on his brother’s face, a clear indication that this was a job well done so far. He nearly laughed when he saw his eyes widen in horror.

“T-that’s…!”

Chris let out the most malicious laugh he could muster. “The Pine Marten Power Disc~” He then leaned in towards Martin again. “I think you know what I’m going to do with this, but first, I need to find a pine marten~”

The other Martin tried to snatch the Power Disc out of his brother’s hands, but Chris just dodged each attempt effortlessly.

“Now… how am I going to keep you from escaping…?” Chris pondered, realizing that he had not considered the possibility of using an animal’s Creature Powers to tickle Martin. At that moment, both brothers heard the door to the basement open.

“What’s going on down here? I thought I heard someone laughing…” Aviva walked into the room and spotted the brothers. Martin’s blush deepened into a dark shade of red while Chris’s face turned a bright pink, just like his brother’s face was a few seconds ago. The blush quickly faded from the green brother’s face when he realized that the answer to his question had just caught them in the act.

“Aviva, keep him pinned down for me, will you?”

“Huh…?” Aviva was very confused, but upon seeing the tears of mirth in the corners of Martin’s eyes combined with the blush and residual giggles, she quickly caught on to what was going on, “Ohhh, I see~ Sure thing, Chris~”

“I’m not Chris, I’m the Other Chris!”

Aviva couldn’t help but roll her eyes at that, “Whatever you say, ‘Other Chris’~”

Chris elected to ignore the sudden embarrassment that welled up within him upon hearing Aviva’s teasing words and walked out of the basement to go find his “partner” in crime. As soon as he left, Aviva turned to face the flustered mess of a Kratt brother on the bed.

“Hehehehey Avivahahaha…!”

She couldn’t help but giggle at him, “Chris got you good, didn’t he~?”

“Yeahahaha, and he’s not even dohohohne yet!” Martin answered as the remaining after giggles slowly subsided. “You’ll get me out of here, rihihight…?”

“Hmm…” The inventor pretended to ponder his question before she pinned him down, just as Chris asked her to, “Nope~ Don’t want to get on Chris’s- sorry, ‘Other Chris’s’- bad side~”

Martin’s giggles quickly returned as he realized there was no hope of escape, “Nohohohoho! I mehehehehehean, I geheheht it, but nohohohoho!”

“No what, Martin~? Do you want me to get on your brother’s bad side~? On ‘Other Chris’s’ bad side~? After everything he did to you~?” Aviva smirked at the blue Kratt’s sudden laughing fit, “No way~! If you can’t handle his tickle skills, how do you expect me to handle them~?”

Before Martin could respond (if he would’ve been able to answer at all given how hard he was laughing), both he and Aviva heard the sound of a Creature Power Suit being activated upstairs, followed by the sound of quiet footsteps approaching the door to the basement.

Aviva couldn’t help but let out an evil chuckle as she saw her pinned victim’s eyes widen in horror, “Looks like your time is running out, Martin~”

“NOHOHOHOHO!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The whole time Aviva was teasing his brother, Chris had entered the main room of the Tortuga to find a pine marten. As soon as the door opened and he stepped inside, he finally allowed himself to break character.

“Phew… keeping up a fake persona is tiring… but oh is it worth it~” Chris thought to himself, “Let’s see… is there a pine marten in here…?”

Chris looked around the room and noticed that two certain crew members were nowhere to be found. “Koki and Jimmy aren’t here…? That’s a little odd…”

Before he could further question their whereabouts, his eyes landed on a pine marten that was sitting in Aviva’s desk chair. Chris grinned, “But right now, I need the help of my ‘partner’ in crime~”

He made sure to carefully approach the pine marten so as not to scare it away before he put on his Creature Power Suit and took Martin’s Pine Marten Power Disc out of his left pocket.

“Hey there! Li’l Marty, was it?” Chris asked the little creature as it turned to look at him, “Well I’ll need your help to get revenge on Big Marty~”

He put his gloves on. He was finally ready to enact the last part of his plan.

“Insert Pine Marten Power Disc!”

He put one gloved finger on the pine marten.

“Touch pine marten!”

He pressed the central button on his vest, and…

“Activate pine marten powers!"

The suit activated, and within seconds, he had become a pine marten.

“Haha, I finally got the chance to use pine marten powers! But I’ll have to test out the pine marten’s hunting tricks some other time. I have a more important prey to devour downstairs~”

Chris ran out the door and down the steps to the basement.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He made it to the bottom of the stairs, but waited a moment before entering the basement to listen to the pure terror that found its way into Martin’s laughter.

“Did he hear me activate my Creature Power Suit?” Chris wondered before smirking, “Good.”

He finally entered the room to see Aviva holding down a hysterical Martin, but while they did hear the sound of the door opening and looked to see if he was there, they failed to look down towards the floor, where he actually was.

“Look down here~”

Aviva looked down and giggled upon both seeing him and hearing Martin shriek out a “AVIHIHIHIVA, LET ME GOHOHOHOHO!” She just ignored him and greeted Chris.

“There you are Ch- Other Chris!” she corrected herself.

“You see what my plan is now, Aviva~?”

“Sure do~ Want me to stay here, or do you want me to leave you to it?”

Chris tried to think about his response, but couldn’t hear his own thoughts over the sound of his brother’s uncontrollable laughter. Out of playful spite, he decided, “Leave him to me~”

Aviva nodded, “Okay then~ Sorry Martin, but it looks like you’ll be stuck with him for a bit longer~ See you later… if you’re still alive that is~” She released said Kratt from her grasp before walking out of the door and heading back upstairs. The whole time she was walking away, Martin was pleading for her to reconsider and help him escape, but it was futile. She and Chris had already made their decisions.

Martin’s laughter had subsided a little after the inventor left, but he still had a hard time controlling himself, especially when he looked at his younger brother sitting on the floor. Watching. Waiting there. Menacingly.

“C-Chrihihihihihs? Hellohohohoho?”

Chris leered at him, “Are you ready for the grand finale, Martin~?”

“Nohohohohoho, nohohot at ahahahahahahall!”

“Well too bad~”

The green pine marten ran over to one of the legs near the foot of the bed, climbed up it, and ran across Martin’s body to get to his neck. The whole time he ran across his brother’s torso and ribs, he dragged his tail behind him, intentionally tickling him and sending him into another fit of laughter.

“H-hehehehehehey, wahahahahahatch the taihihihihihil!”

“What do you mean? I was watching my tail!” Chris snuck up to Martin’s ear before he spoke again, “I was watching it tickle you~”

He could feel Martin shiver as he brought his now-free hands up to his ears to cover them up. Unfortunately for him, the ears were the last spot his brother had in mind.

While his hands were up and covering his ears, Chris made his way to his neck and stood dangerously close to the collar of his shirt.

He could practically feel the heat radiating off his brother’s skin as he took note of the blush that had managed to spread from Martin’s face to his neck. He saw the tips of his ears through his fingers and noticed that they even had a tinge of red on them. He didn’t know his older brother could get this flustered!

“You ready~?” He asked teasingly, knowing full well what Martin’s answer was going to be.

“N-nohohohoho! Chrihihihis, d-dohohohon’t do ihihit!”

Chris couldn’t help the smug grin that made its way onto his face, though he didn’t turn to show it to his brother, “Too bad~ Here we go~!”

He stuck his head into the collar of Martin’s shirt, slowly inching his way in. He was only a few inches in when he suddenly pulled himself out and began sniffing at the blue Kratt’s neck. Martin was in no way prepared for this sudden change and nearly let out a squeal as he desperately tried to move his head from side to side to get his brother’s face away from his neck.

“H-hehehehehehey, don’t sniff my nehehehehck!” I-I dohohohon’t smehehehell!”

“That’s not what I’m going for, Martin~ I’m just here to make you laugh, and unless you apologize for what you did to Chris today…” Chris moved down to where Martin’s blush ended on his neck and went right back to sniffing, “You better prepare yourself~”

“I-I cahahahahahahn’t!”

“You can’t apologize? And here I thought you knew basic manners~”

The green pine marten stayed at Martin’s neck for a few more seconds before the sniffing came to an end. However, while his brother had his guard down, Chris quickly zipped into his shirt and ran across his stomach over and over again.

Martin’s only response to the sneak attack was a squeal so loud that it nearly stunned Chris. While he knew that the walls of the Tortuga are rather thick, he highly doubted that Aviva, Koki, and Jimmy were unable to hear that squeal, even if they were outside of the ship.

“CHRIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIS, NOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! I-I CAN’T- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“Huh? What was that, Martin~? I can’t understand you, you’re laughing too hard~” Chris taunted as he kept up the pace and continued to race around on his brother’s torso. He dragged his tail behind him once again, swishing it back and forth to make it tickle even more, and even stopped running a few times to pretend to use it like a paintbrush on Martin’s navel, which nearly resulted in him getting pushed out of his shirt by his hands. It didn’t take long for Chris to notice that Martin’s squirming and pushing was gradually fading, a tell-tale sign that he was nearly at his limit.

“Ready to say sorry yet~?”

“Y-YEHEHEHEHES! YEHEHEHEHEEHS! I’M SOHOHOHOHOHORY! CHRIHIHIHIHIS, PLEAHAHAHAHAHAHASE!”

The moment Martin said sorry, Chris brought the tickles to a halt and carefully climbed out of his sibling’s shirt, doing his best to not make any of his steps tickle him any further.

“Now that wasn’t so hard, was it~?” Chris teased him one last time before he hopped off of him and onto the floor, waiting for his giggly mess of a brother to catch his breath and calm down.

“T-thahahahaht… that wahahahahs evihihihihil…!”

“Good~ That’s what I was going for~ So next time, when you try to bully your brother for an entire day, remember… I will be here to tickle you until you apologize to him for your behavior~” With that, Chris stood up, said, “Deactivate!” and reverted back to his normal appearance and personality.

“You okay, bro?” he asked and held out his hand, worried that he might have taken his tickly punishment a bit too far.

“Y-yeah…” Martin breathed out, taking his younger brother’s hand and letting himself be pulled up into a sitting position. “Just give me a few more seconds to breathe…”

After two deep breaths, he got up off of the bed and stood next to his brother, “Do you think the crew heard me squeal…?”

“Only one way to find out! Come on, let’s see if they’re upstairs!”

A light pink blush returned to Martin’s face, but nonetheless, he went upstairs with Chris into the main room of the Tortuga. When the door opened, they were greeted with the sight of Aviva waiting in front of the big computer, while Koki and Jimmy were at their desks, having turned to face the brothers.

“So…” Aviva started with a smirk, “Who’s going to explain that loud squeal we heard downstairs~?”

Martin’s blush turned a dark red, while Chris just stood there, trying to look as though he had no idea what she was talking about.

“I’m not an expert on human noises, but I don’t think that squeal belonged to any of us.”

“Certainly didn’t come from me! I’d know my own squeals anywhere!” Jimmy responded to Koki’s comment, completely unaware of the engineer creeping up behind him until he heard a, “Boo!”

“AAAAAAH!” Jimmy didn’t squeal, but he did indeed scream and bolted behind Koki and her chair. Everyone couldn’t help but laugh at his panicked reaction.

“Hehehe, I think that’s enough to prove that it wasn’t him~” She then turned her attention back to the brothers, “Sooooooo~?”

The light pink blush Martin had the entire time turned a dark red again as his embarrassment grew, and even Chris couldn’t fight the faint pink blush on his cheeks as he tried his best to play it cool and pretend that he didn’t understand her.

No one said anything for a few seconds, then the blue Kratt finally spoke up, “I-It was me… and I’ve got to admit, Chris is a surprisingly good tickler if he got me to squeal that loud!” Martin quickly regained his usual energy and peered at his brother, who just looked at him with a confused expression.

“Huh? What are you talking about, bro? I didn’t tickle you!”

Martin gave him a “you’re really doing this?” look and decided to play along, “No, that was totally you, Chris, I swear!”

“No way! I’m not as good at tickling people as you are!”

“I think I remember hearing your voice teasing me into oblivion! I’d know your voice anywhere, bro!”

“I’m not good at teasing, either! Martin, I swear, you’re confusing me with someone else!”

For a moment, Koki and Jimmy thought that they were having a genuine argument over a supposed tickle attack, but when Aviva gave them a knowing grin, they immediately caught on to what was really happening.

“Nope, that was totally you! And you know what~?” Martin’s voice turned teasy out of nowhere as he brought his hands up into Chris’s view, wiggling his fingers, “I was lying when I said I was sorry~”

“Huh? Wha-” The younger brother was initially confused before spotting the wiggly fingers that were slowing approaching him, “W-wait, Martin noooOOOOHOHOHOHO DOHHOHOHOHON’T!” He immediately cracked when he felt his older brother’s fingers on his sides, ribs, and belly. It didn’t take for him to try to fall to the floor to escape the ticklish hell that was unleashed upon him, but unfortunately, Martin had followed him down, never stopping his assault.

“Haha, revenge sure is sweet!” Martin cheered, “Okay, I was sort of lying when I said I wasn’t sorry, I did feel bad for you, but right now, I care more about getting my revenge~”

Chris could only laugh and try to curl up as he felt Martin’s hand close in on the center of his stomach, but he managed to trap his hands there instead, sealing his tickly fate.

Aviva, Koki, and Jimmy couldn’t help but laugh along as they watched the chaos unfold in front of them.

“Hehe, these boys will never change, will they~?”

#tickling #wild kratts #Giggle Rats #lee!Martin #ler!Chris #with a little bit of lee!Chris and ler!Martin at the end #featuring a very teasy Aviva #I still can't believe I did this #But I AM CRINGE AND I AM FREE #fun fact: I typed up the last 430 words of this fic on December 22nd (the day before I posted this)#and I'm posting this on December 23rd which just so happens to be Martin Kratt's birthday #Happy Birthday Martin Kratt! What's your gift? your tickle monster of a brother apparently #one more thing: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!#this is probably going to be my only fic for 2023 #unless I finally finish that Splatoon 3 fic I was working on prior to this one #but if I don't you can expect to see that fic in 2024!#…oh shit I completely forgot that this was a collab fic #sorry fluffykitties!#If you want to see cute headcanons for games like Mr. Love or anime like Boueibu go check her out!#HELP THIS FIC WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE A TITLE #It’s The Other Chris if you want to know!

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pinesource · 7 months

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We've seen the versatile and charming Chris Pine take on a litany of roles over his career that have stretched him both emotionally and physically. He has been the suave space pioneer Captain James T. Kirk in the Star Trek movie franchise, the sophisticated CIA special ops man in Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, the charismatic and rakish swindler Frank in Don't Worry Darling, and most recently, the down-his-luck scoundrel in Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves. He has handled each of these characters with just the right amount of deft, nuance, and effusive energy. But the role that is without a doubt his most layered and measured is as Toby Hooper in the Taylor Sheridan-written neo-Western Hell or High Water.

While it might surprise some to learn that Pine has never even been nominated for an Academy Award, there is one singular part we think deserved not only a nomination but a straight-up Best Actor in a Motion Picture Oscar, all thanks to his elegantly rugged portrayal of Hooper. By now, he should have a little golden statuette on his mantle as we speak, and the fact that he wasn't even nominated needs to be re-examined as there are a handful of "Oscar moments" for Pine in the film.

Chris Pine has been called on to play all sorts of characters in his still very young career, but his role in the Taylor Sheridan neo-noir Western is by far his best. In Hell or High Water, Sheridan writes a part for him that really pulls out all the actor's talents as a modern-day Frank James to his brother Tanner’s wild-ass Jesse James. After a series of ham and egg bank robberies, the two main characters settle into place. Tanner is brash, irreverent, and seems okay with giving the whole world the middle finger. For Pine's Toby, it's not quite so easy. He has to be the brains and measured temperament of the outfit as they are on a mission to steal enough money to pay off the bank lien on their family ranch that sits amid the sprawling West Texas plains. Sheridan wastes little time giving Pine the emotional anchor of the misanthropic antiheroes and asks him to deliver a sympathetic felon who you somehow want to see succeed no matter how many laws he's broken or people he's harmed. It takes serious dramatic savvy to do that and be convincing to a smart audience.

As the Hooper brothers are on the run from the law played by the equally dyspeptic tandem of sheriffs named Marcus Hamilton and Alberto Parker (Jeff Bridges and Gil Birmingham, respectively), they stop at a remote convenience store in the middle of nowhere. When two punks pull up next to Tanner waiting at the gas pump in a bright neon green muscle car and start to give Tanner shit, Toby comes out of the store and sees what he perceives to be a threat to his kin (the driver brandishes a gun), and doesn't hesitate for a second. It's Chris Pine's second "Oscar moment" in Hell or High Water as he single-handedly delivers an epic beating of the driver. By the time he makes his way to the passenger side of the car, he is met with a stunned and frightened kid who doesn't want any part of the ass whipping he just witnessed. The beautiful part of the scene is watching Toby proceed calmly and get into the car and the two share a laugh as they drive away from the scene arguing the merits of Dr. Pepper verus Mr. Pibb. Pine can deliver the brawny goods if he needs to and the size and physicality combined with a protective brother bear instincts make for a stark and utterly believable outward expression of the lengths he'll go to protect who and what he loves.

We've mentioned "Oscar moments" throughout this article and there is complete validity that in order to win the little golden man, you need to have at least one remarkable and memorable moment that gives us goosebumps, warm fuzzies, sadness, fear, or any other manner of emotions. But aside from these isolated turns, there is an overall tone and mood that the character must create that permeates and sets the tone for the entire film. In Hell or High Water, Chris Pine has an unmatched reserved urgency about him that both slows down and speeds up the measured pace of the movie. There are a handful of tender moments between father and son, and the two brothers as well. He doesn't have a lot of dialogue, and that's the way we like our leading men in Westerns. In fact, Pine spends most of the film with his chin planted firmly in his upper chest peering up at his counterparts. At the same time, there is a restlessness about him that is difficult to pinpoint, but impossible not to feel — all the way to the front of your cinematic cerebral cortex in a weighty performance that is criminally unrecognized.

#chris pine #hell or high water

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seungkwan-s · 6 months

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this man. who is he. is he married. does he have kids. am i hotter than his wife. give me the lore.

PUTTING THIS UNDER A READ MORE

AAAA i get to talk about dougie, ok here we go

so that's dougie poynter, he's 35 (36 on nov 30th) and is the bassist (HE DOES SING AS WELL THO - ANGELIC VOICE FR) for my absolute favourite band of the last 19 years - mcfly <3 he doesn't have a wife or kids but apparently he is in a relationship?? ur hotter than everyone

he's literally my absolute favourite person, he's a weirdo, he's chaotic af but he's my chaotic weirdo. he once got us to chant PENIS! at a gig 9 years ago :')

he also has a looooot of ink.

mcfly do have three other members - danny, harry + tom. the whole band are gorgeous and hella hella talented af. i've seen them 33 times but who's counting 😭

THEY WERE ALSO IN A MOVIE WITH LINDSAY LOHAN AND CHRIS PINE, IT'S CALLED JUST MY LUCK 💕

dougie was also in a tv series called i'm a celebrity get me out of here AND HE WON AS HE SHOULD HAVE HE WAS PERFECT.

i would say try not to fall in love with him but it seems like you already have so good luck to you <333

if you wanna listen to them, here's some song recs:

5 colours in her hair (their debut song!!) happiness (this song is everything 2 me, they are my happiness) red (amazing amazing AMAZINGGGG, so much fun to dance to at gigs) where did all the guitars go (this is from their recent album, and is suuuper rocky) route 55 (my fav song from the new album) god of rock & roll (also from their recent album) all about you (one of their best songs, it's always on their setlist) star girl (also a song always on their setlists) growing up (it's got MARK HOPPUS ON IT) that's the truth (makes me cry every time) everybody knows (ICONIC) party girl (they went for a kinda poppier sound but it WORKS WITH THEM) do watcha (this is by FAR one of my top 3 favourite songs, i love the sound so much, dougie sings in this one too, he doesn't sing the second verse) with consent i would do whatever i want to him hahahaha friday night (one of my absolute fav songs, they played it last night and i almost lost my shit even tho i already knew they were playing it) love is on the radio (i LOOOOOVE this song and the mv) forever's not enough (i jumped so much to this last night, i pissed off the girl behind me oops - we were standing I WANTED TO DANCE)

okay lmk how you get on <3

p.s. if you ever get a chance to see them live, GO, genuinely the best live concert i've ever been to, they always make sure fans have fun at their gigs and go home with a smile on their faces :)

#lia 🌺#moots ♡#( mail 💌 )#HOPE THIS IS ENOUGH <3333 #i know way too much about this band i could name every one of tom's cats by the sound of their meows #their fandom is so nice as well :) i mean u get arseholes in every fandom but the fans r sweet #the fans are called galaxy defenders bc in one of the songs they sing - galaxy defenders stay forever <3 #their shows always sell out so fast #they are such a hilarious band as well they are so so funny i can't pick a funniest member tho #i could sit for HOURS watching their funny moments

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colorisbyshe · 2 years

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Why are you following a twitter called Yaoi Polls??? 💀💀💀 lmao anyway, I get archive panic rather easily, so I don't really get into media unless it's a short canon or I rode the wave as it was starting. Like, those book series with 9 novels and counting? Or manga/anime like One Piece and the 16358 volumes/episodes? I just can't. I get too overwhelmed by that. However, I am intrigued by Star Trek. I want to join the Spirk navy lmao but I don't know where to start? There's too much canon. Help.

I'm following yaoi polls because I am a pacifist and hate war but crave violence. And because it gives me a chance to talk about my ships. But mostly it's for the violence.

Also, okay, there is too much Star Trek canon. And I am perhaps either a very wrong person to ask or perhaps a very right person to ask because I have.... dodged a lot of the Star Trek cnaon?

Like, if you like Trek, you're a real Trekkie, but if it was possible to be a fake fan... I would... dangle perilously close?

So, instead of giving you advice, I'm gonna tell you how I did it withotu being overwhelmed.

First, I got into star trek by watching hte "AOS" films, which are the three star trek films starring Chris Pine as Captain Kirk that came out starting in 2009. Three easy films to kind of dip you into the worldbuilding. These all feature characters (versions of characters) from The Original Series. They're "modernized" versions, so not necessarily the truest versions of themselves, but it's sort of like an intro course where you learn the basics and then if you go deeper, things get corrected or given nuance later on.

I decided, "I like these dudes, and I especially like Spock, I'm going to create a SCU--Spock Cinematic Universe."

So, I had tried watching the original series before and I'll admit, parts of it... aren't great? Some of it is problematic, some of it is just weird, and some of it is straight up boring.

TO kind of... help myself along, since I wasn't terribly invested in TOS yet, I looked up a few guides of "MUST WATCH TOS episodes" and a few "HEre's episodes you can skip." I compared notes, made my own ranking system sort of culminating htem all together (if one guide says definitely skip but another one says it's kinda fun, I know to give it a shot but not feel terrible if I zone out). TOS is VERY episodic, so going, "Huh, thi sisn't doing it for me," won't fuck you over MOST Of the time. But the guides help you figure out if actually you're gonna miss a huge moment of lore or spirk or whatever.

Most lists included which episodes of the animated series (based on TOS) you should bother with, that list is very sparse.

And then at this point, if you enjoyed it, youc an look into watching shit you missed out on or delving into novels (which I don't think are canon) or comics.

DO watch all of the subsequent movies, the first one is boring as fuck for a long while, but some of the ones after are AMAZING.

For a long while, this is where I put down Star Trek.

But then Discovery was introduced with a NEW Spock sibling and then SPock himself is in it. So I wathced the first two seasons (and intend on watching the rest) and then Strange New Worlds has ONE season... with Spock in it. So... I watched that.

And that's how I took a huge fucking canon and went "I want the parts with HIM in it" and ignored hte rest. Technically, I know Spock makes appearances in other series but like... none as Spock-centric as these.

I do intend on watching more Trek with time (TNG intrigues me, Deep Space Nine intrigues me) but like... I think Star Trek is very much what you want it ot be.

Sometimes, you're gonna be left clueless abotu references to past baddies or aliens or whatever (or sometimes FUTURE baddies or aliens) but like... it's fine? From what I've seen, ST canon can contradict itself or sort of... not mean anything sometimes, so like, take what you want, leave the rest. It'll be fine.

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sexycraisinthanos · 3 years

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I’m gonna infodump about my favorite movie

Rise of the Guardians

It’ll be under the readmore, but TL;DR: Watch Rise of the Guardians and read the books

Rise of the Guardians is a 2012 animated film released by Dreamworks. The story is childhood figures (Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, Sandman, and Jack Frost) trying to defend the children of earth against Pitch Black, (The Boogeyman)

It’s based on a book series called Guardians of Childhood, written by William Joyce. Who, if you don’t know, writes children’s book. Guardians of Childhood is more of a “Young Adult” series compared to his other Guardians books (The Man in the Moon, Sandman: The Story of Sanderson Mansnoozie, and Jack Frost are all part of the series, but they are picture books.)

He’s also written other books you may be familiar with.

The Leaf Men and the Brave Good Bugs and A Day with Wilbur Robinson

Sound familiar?

Maybe you’d recognize them as their movie counterparts, Epic (animated by Blue Sky Studios) and Meet the Robinsons (animated of course by Disney)

Also Rolie Polie Olie, which was a favorite Disney Jr cartoon growing up for me, and was also a book series.

I could honestly go on and on about William Joyce, his work was a part of my childhood a LOT (even credited for working on some of my favorite films like Buddy, Robots, Toy Story, and A Bug’s Life) and that’s probably why I love ROTG so much.

I read all of the Guardians books and own all of them save for Jack Frost and The Art of Rise of the Guardians and the books are not cheap, but what books are? I have HARD COVER BITCHES. Half of them were gifts and I also own the ROTG DVD.

The art in the books (all drawn by William Joyce himself) is really good (this is my favorite art from the books)

And the animation in the movie, as expected from Dreamworks, is beautiful.

You get to see all their unique homes and they’re such varying types of environments. Of course, you have the North Pole, where it’s chaotic and wonderful. Just look at this concept art

And then you have the Tooth Palace, where the Tooth Fairy does her work

It’s very obvious that there are some Indian inspirations in the design because Tooth herself is actually Middle-Eastern (in the books it’s explained in depth more and one of my complaints about the movie is that they whitewashed her even though her concept art in the ending credits shows her with brown skin)

The Warren, where the Easter Bunny paints his eggs

Which is something you never really think about because people only focus on the North pole so seeing so much thought put into it is really nice

We never see where Sandy works/lives (in the MOVIE. But the GAME on the other hand lets you explore EVERYONE’S homes and that’s a whole nother story)

We DO however see Pitch’s lair and

it’s rightfully spooky. When you actually see the scene play out in the lair, you get all confused and don’t know which way is which and it always unsettles me which is GOOD because that’s what it’s SUPPOSED to do

What’s really unique about ROTG is that there’s a source material (and as of now there are eight books (five novels, three picture books) and the series isn’t DONE yet) and instead of turning the books into a movie even though the plot is literally RIGHT THERE, they took the source material and turned it into a prologue. The movie takes place about 300 years after the books do and since the books are supposedly still ongoing, and William Joyce was CONTINUING to write the series while the movie was in production. (Three books have come out since the movie came out.)

I love how challenging that must have been for William to try to include stuff from his previous books in the movie AND to try and link the movie to his newer books despite some continuity errors (also worth noting that he has written a book about Santa and his wife, but Mrs. Claus is YET to be seen or even mentioned in the movie) but I appreciate the effort he put into it and I can’t wait to see what else he’ll come up with.

The characters look a BIT different from their book counterparts

Jack is voiced by Chris Pine and his voice is WAY TOO DEEP and the creators can’t agree on an age for him (book age is 14, but he can age himself up and down to a certain point and some producers said they imagined him 17 or 18) and (imo) I think Jack’s design was pretty lazy (a blue jacket with brown pants) compared to everyone else’s. I mean you have North, who is

BIG

His design is based more on the worldly Father Christmas than the Saint Nick/Santa that we know.

When he’s not in the Pole he’s wearing his big red fur coat and a cossack hat

Because he’s Russian

I’m pretty sure he canonically was raised by bears but that may have just been me imagining it. His book appearance is way different because when we meet him, he’s not Santa yet. So he’s still young

Of course, as the books go on, he looks like Santa

Bunny has the most drastic character change from his book design, as depicted by this fanart (which i couldn’t find a credit for that wasn’t pinterest so if anyone knows please tell me)

And there’s a CANONICAL reason why he looks so different (two actually)

Once they put Hugh Jackman in the role, they wanted a more dry Australian ranger-type design for him, and then the robes got in the way because of how he was moving, even when they changed him to just a lab coat, so they decided to forgo clothes altogether

Fun fact about Bunny. He’s a Pooka, a shapeshifting folklore creature that can turn into either a rabbit, goat, cat, dog, or horse. (or even a human with animal like features) Which actually gives a lot of people the headcanon that Pitch uses the souls of all Bunny’s dead people (yep he’s a sole survivor) as Nightmares

But he’s a different kind of Pooka. He’s an alien technically. And this breed of Pooka CANNOT eat chocolate because it does things to their body. Like giving him six arms. Or making his ears into helicopter propellers.

This is relevant because he uses chocolate in battle multiple times. So the canonical explanation for why Bunny looks so different is that he ate too much chocolate and it permanently changed his body.

Which I love. I could go on about him but all the characters are interesting

Tooth has probably the second most confusing design

She’s based off a hummingbird with dragonfly wings, which aesthetically makes so much sense, but in the books she has regular feather wings. I also don’t like how weird her proportions are. Her feet are tiny nubs, her head is too big for her body (her body is actually pretty nicely designed it’s just every other part of it that bothers me) and I already mentioned the whitewashing

PITCH on the other hand had the biggest glow down compared to the books

He’s just wearing a black robe and, apparently, he doesn’t even have sleeves, which you can’t even really tell because it’s just all smudgy and shit

I mean I guess that’s the point, that he looks like he’s clothed in shadow, but it’s frustrating to look at especially compared to his book design where he’s wearing a FABULOUS coat

Meanwhile Sandy has the PERFECT character design

He’s just ROUND and wears a bathrobe made of sand. Like it’s not even that different from his book design (his hair has more frills than the book version) because it’s such a perfect design and I love how he’s animated. You can’t see it that well because the gif quality, but the sand also sparkles and it just makes it so fun to watch on screen

The movie itself has its share of flaws. (the movie likes to pick and choose the rules it wants to follow about its universe, a huge plothole, and some cheaply constructed arguments between characters that really just make me annoyed because I don’t want to see the easter bunny making a child cry I want to see him get into a fist fight with Santa it’s like you don’t even KNOW your demographic) But I love it and there’s SO MUCH I could talk about. There are characters in the books that weren’t in the movie and there were characters in the movie that weren’t in the books (because they weren’t born yet but IRRELEVANT)

It was a HUGE flop despite critics praising it. Like 8,000 people lost their jobs over it that’s how big a flop it was. But it’s such a dear movie to me and it’s clear that William Joyce holds this series close to his heart (dedicating it and the movie to his late daughter) which makes sense because it’s based on stories he told her when she was young and I’m so honored that he chose to share these stories with us. I just love the series and I should do a re-read at some point

#long post #SUPER long post #i spent like four hours writing this

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losille2000 · 4 years

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Hoot and Howl, Chapter 1

TITLE: Hoot and Howl CHAPTER NUMBER: 1/? AUTHOR: Losille2000 CHARACTERS: Actor!Chris Evans/OFC GENRE: Paranormal Romance (more on the magical realism side?) FIC SUMMARY: Chris goes on a camping trip to calm the noisy anxiety in his head, but it ends up leading him into his own messed up version of a Disney movie. When he said he wanted to be a Disney prince as a boy, this was absolutely not what he meant. Especially considering that the princess is also, well... about that... RATING: M (sex, language) WARNINGS: Nothing. AUTHORS NOTES: This is the second story in the Seasons of Magic series, so the same “world” as Home is set in. I will continue Home, but this needed to get out. Also, it has obviously been a very long time since I’ve updated and/or written anything of great substance, so please be kind. That said, I do appreciate any concrit if you have it. You do NOT need to read Home to understand this story.

Also a quick message to my readers who are coming back: welcome back! I appreciate you all so much. I know it's been a long, long time since I've updated. A lot has happened in 2 years (for one, I am now teaching full time, and teaching eats all of your extra time). A lot is still happening. But this unprecedented time at home has given me an opportunity to try to write again. Enjoy!

Previous Chapter - Also available on Archive of Our Own!

Chapter 1

The speeding truck, rusted out and sputtering, navigated over a narrow gravel driveway and through dense pine forest for a quarter mile off the main highway until the path opened into a clearing. Inside the clearing was a simple country farmhouse with hunter green shutters and aged white siding, sedate and quiet, but for faint white smoke curling out of a tall stone chimney. A vibrant forest behind the house was aflame in brilliant autumnal colors, cloaking the mountain in shades of kingly red and gold as it reached into a stormy sky.

Chris only wished he could truly appreciate nature’s beauty, rhapsodize on it, photograph it, consider how, even when it seemed like the world was going to shit, there was still… this. But he couldn’t; rather, he kept his eyes keenly affixed on the narrow drive to assure that he and his passenger reached their destination in relative safety.

Relative, being the operative word.

As though to test him, the truck bounced over a particularly uneven patch of gravel. The rear swerved and his heart jumped to his throat, but he was able to right the vehicle with a steady shift of the steering wheel and a determined clamp of teeth on his lower lip. Only belatedly did he remind himself to breathe, to calm the heart once again beating a heavy tattoo in his chest.

Chris inhaled deeply, twice, and instantly regretted it. The cabin reeked of wet dog and man, mud, and the metallic tang of blood. His stomach clenched. Giving in, he took his eyes off the road for just a moment to glance at his companion, who had curled up on the truck’s bench seat beside him. The red and blue plaid flannel he used to wrap Dodger’s mangled paw had soaked through and now just looked dark brown.

“Just a few more seconds, buddy,” he murmured, more to hear himself speak, to reassure himself, to connect again with the world instead of spiraling into another panic attack. He’d been doing so well avoiding them recently, too. “We’re almost there.”

Chris hadn’t seen it happen, really, the incident that led them to this enchanting farmhouse with the green shutters. They’d been out on the river, he and Dodger, two days into a two-week solo camping sabbatical. Dodger skipped between stones and barked at random creatures scurrying around the banks of the river while Chris adjusted the nylon fishing line on his pole, attempting to catch dinner. Then he heard a yelp and a splash; when his eyes darted in the direction of the sound, Dodger was already struggling to swim in the swift river current.

Chris jumped into the icy river immediately, without considering the toll it could take on his unprepared body—the river was just a few feet deep, but it was certainly deep enough and cold enough to freeze every vital organ for a split second and prolong the rescue of his precious friend.

Fortunately, he’d plucked the pup out of the rushing water by the collar just before Dodger was out of reach, and then trudged slowly back to the embankment through thick muddy riverbed, thinking all was fine now and Dodger simply needed to dry off. Other than struggling in the current, it wasn’t a rare occurrence that Dodger’s natural mischief led him to fall in a body of water—be it natural or manmade, like the swimming pool back in LA. Dodger would fall in, get out, Chris would dry him off and then the dog would go lay down, the natural consequence having fully chastised him for being silly.

But this wasn’t like that at all. Only when they made it back to dry land did Chris notice the blood dripping freely from the canine’s front paw, made all the worse from the water saturating his fur. Somehow, Chris had kept it together long enough to rip a piece of his flannel shirt off and tightly tourniquet Dodger’s leg; never mind that he had a stack of towels and blankets in a duffel bag a few feet away, which might have been useful—also—to warm a shivering, scared animal.

Then the anxiety hit him, literally knocked him on his own ass, as he scrambled through his fishing tackle box for the emergency burner phone. The one that could dial out for emergency services and receive calls from his mom, because his mom was the only one with the number.

The phone still had a charge and the old crappy mobile internet had come through for him when he searched for the closest veterinarian, even all the way out in the middle of the Massachusetts wilderness. He’d practically thrown Dodger into the truck and sped away from the campsite, with the fishing line still dangling in the river.

Now that he thought about it, or at least, now that the adrenaline had subsided a bit, he realized the mistake he made. If he even made it back to camp tonight, that pole would probably be long gone. And so was any chance of eating because it would be too dark to do any fishing with the other poles he brought with him. The energy bars and backup rations he packed would only go so far to fill his man-sized stomach—and they were supposed to be provisions to last two weeks. He didn’t want to go back into civilization for at least that long.

Chris grumbled. This was why he didn’t have kids—he could barely handle his dog’s injuries, let alone anything worse. How would he ever react with an actual human child? Leave another fishing pole in the river? Or, if they were at home, leave the stove on and burn an entire house down?

The thought was absurd!

Him having children of his own was a ridiculous idea. He absolutely was not qualified. The fact that his girlfriend was pressuring him to commit to that—to finally settle down—only made matters worse. There was nothing he wanted more in the world than to settle down to have a family, but the other person in the relationship had to understand the difference between wanting something and knowing one’s personal limitations. His level of anxiety, despite all the work he had done learning to manage it over the years, was not at the point where he could contemplate children.

This trauma was a perfect example. Fuck. He probably wasn’t even qualified to have a fur child, now that he thought about. He certainly didn’t feel like he was worthy of the companionship of this perfect spirit lying beside him and whimpering in pain because he hadn’t been paying attention.

He glanced at Dodger again, but the dog didn’t even pick his head up this time, so he reached out to place a reassuring hand on his back. They’d get to the vet, and everything would be fine. It had to be. He couldn’t lose him.

A few seconds later, Chris pulled into a parking spot alongside a tiny Toyota Prius, which he found completely incongruous to the rustic storybook farmhouse sitting before it. These places were made for old beaters like his, or something with a little more substance—even if he did appreciate the owner’s care for the environment.

His old truck creaked to a stop, the noisy clunking machine rattling until it finally fell silent a few seconds later. Dodger whined again and tried to stand on his bad paw, only to slide back down the vinyl seat with the wet shirt rag. He scooped the dog into his arms and pressed his lips to the dog’s head—a completely illogical thing to do at a time like this because it clearly wasn’t going to make Dodger’s paw heal instantly, but it made Chris feel better—and bound up the three front steps toward the second door on the other end of the large porch with the small plaque that read “Dr. Bird, DVM.”

Grateful the door had been left partially ajar, he nudged his shoulder against it and stepped into a room that looked like any other doctor’s waiting room—human or animal—except for the fact that he was the only person staring at a space he wished were filled with a reception desk with a receptionist. Someone… anyone… who could help Dodger. Immediately. All he found were worn vinyl-cushioned benches, magazines piled on an end table, and lamps glowing soft yellow light into the four corners of wood-paneled walls.

There was also another door, this one presumably leading further into the house, but it remained firmly shut.

His anxiety clawed back up his throat and began to strangle him—should he have instead gone to the other vet in the other direction, though another half hour away? Had Dodger lost too much blood? The dog seemed limp in his arms. Was it… was it too late? Should he just barge in through the other door to look for help?

Chris opened his mouth to yell, but his entreaty died on his lips when the closed door creaked open. A massive cat with a fluffy white coat loped into the room, clearly unphased with the seriousness of the situation. He frowned at the odd creature as it stopped just in front of him, looked up and slowly blinked large jade-green eyes. The proximity of the feline made him uneasy; not only was Dodger uncaring of an animal that he would have otherwise had a real problem with staring up at them, but Chris felt the cat was assessing them frankly, and not in any typical cat-like way.

The cat made a soft chittering sound, as though trying to communicate with him. Chris’ frown deepened. This was getting them nowhere, fast. And this cat gave off some really fucking weird vibes. And if he weren’t mistaken, it felt like the animal was rolling its eyes in disgust that he, a human, had not been able to understand Cat.

Was this a dream? Was he hallucinating this? More importantly, what kind of medical professional allowed a cat to be the welcome committee to a place of business, never mind that it was a veterinarian’s office?

The cat “receptionist” blinked again and sat down heavily, flicking its long tail before emitting a rumbling and, if Chris were being honest, perturbed meow. It echoed in the barren room, but the sound was finally enough to pique Dodger’s interest. The dog turned his head quizzically with perked ears.

Dodger yipped twice at the animal but didn’t struggle like he wanted to get down and chase the cat. In response, as though they—the dog and the cat—had somehow communicated the problem to each other, the cat stood back up and trotted back to the door and disappeared.

Chris tried to speak again; a blur of feathers stopped him this time as a large grey bird soared into the room and landed on a perch affixed to the opposite wall. He’d not noticed the protrusion there, as it was made of the same wood as the paneling and blended in with the walls.

The grey parrot with crimson tail feathers turned to look at him, clucking a few times then saying in a strange parrot voice, “Just a minute! Just a minute!”

Chris considered turning around and leaving. This was too strange, and his canine companion was too precious to be dealing with a doctor who didn’t have a proper staff and left the care up to a weird fluffball cat and a parrot. When he turned toward the door, the bird suddenly sounded like a Star Wars droid, booping and beeping and trilling like R2D2, then changed to words. “Don’t go! Don’t g—”

“I’m so sorry!” A new voice—a feminine one, smooth and alto—broke into his periphery. “I was in the middle of something that couldn’t be put down.”

He whipped around to come face-to-face with a blessedly human figure standing before him, all wind-tousled jet hair and large obsidian eyes. Concern etched an otherwise blemish-free face of smooth tawny skin. She was probably the most beautiful woman he’d ever beheld, but that notion, too, was immediately forgotten like the beauty of the landscape outside, in favor of the creature in his arms.

“My dog, he—” Chris began, snapping out of his momentary trance.

She swooped into action, flicking her eyes down to Dodger. She hummed and reached for him. “Let me take him back and have a look.”

“Can’t I go back?” he asked, reluctantly handing Dodger over.

She cradled the dog to her chest; Dodger didn’t struggle as she spoke softly. “It’ll be okay, Dodger.”

“You look as white as a ghost,” she said then, her voice now firm. “You need to sit down and calm down. You’re not going to be any help to your dog or to me if you’re freaking us both out during an exam. Let me look at the injury and stop any active bleeding. Then we’ll talk.”

And with that, she was gone so quickly he could have sworn she had kicked up a cloud of dust in her wake. However, he did what she’d instructed and collapsed onto one of the old benches, then covered his face with his hands and prayed. He didn’t do a lot of it these days, preferring other forms of soul searching, but he did say a few silent words. Dodger needed to be okay. He couldn’t lose this one constant in his hectic, always changing life. At least not until the dog had lived a long, fulfilled life at his side.

If only his anxiety would let him think positively.

#chris evans #chris evans fan fiction #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fanfic #chris evans fan fic #ofc #hoot and howl #rpf

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i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend · 5 years

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Sexiled (Part 13/23) ~ Steve Rogers x Reader College!AU

A/N: HI lovelies! So since Endgame has come I thought I’d post some fluff. So here it is. I hope you enjoy. Half of this can literally be blamed on the video of Chris Evans partying which I cannot locate at the moment.

Summary: More party shenanigans. Bucky and the readers are BFFS.

Rating: T

Warnings: Language, underage drinking, angst? not really,

Word Count: 1894

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

The dance floor grew crowded and when Steve excused himself to use the bathroom, you slipped out onto the deck. You weren’t surprised when the door opened a few seconds later.

“You okay, doll?”

“Yeah, just needed some air.” You told him honestly.

“You having fun?”

“Yeah. I am. Are you?”

“I am. Thanks to you. And two day shipping,” Bucky smirked as he leaned on the railing next to you.

“Steve said he wouldn’t tell,” you whined, already planning on giving Steve a piece of your mind.

“He didn’t. Order slip was in the box.”

“Dammit.”

He chuckled. But when he spoke his voice was serious.

“I appreciate it, doll. More than I can say.”

You looked up at him, smiling softly.

“You’re one of my best friends, Buck. I’d do anything for you.”

“I know. And the feeling’s mutual.”

He slung his arm over your shoulder noticing when you shivered.

“Do you want to go back inside?”

“Let’s just hang out for a minute. I like a good party as much as anyone, but it can be a bit overwhelming.”

“Did you want me to leave you alone?” he asked, suddenly realizing that maybe you wanted to be alone and he was intruding.

You wrapped your arm around his waist before he could get too far.

“Nah. You don’t count as people,” you shrugged.

“I’m taking that as a compliment.”

“You should.”

You both jumped when the door slammed open.

“So is she the reason you haven’t been answering my texts?”

“I told you to lose my number, Dot. And I meant it,” Bucky responded calmly, surprising you somewhat. “But since I didn’t think you would, I blocked you.”

“We had a good thing going. I know you miss me.”

“Actually, I don’t.”

“You don’t have to pretend. It’s just you and me.”

You made a face at her but didn’t comment.

“Dot, we’re done. Leave me alone.”

You felt a rush of pride as you watched Bucky handle himself.

“You’re going to come crawling back to me once you get tired of her. I don’t expect it to take long. She’s not even half the woman I am. You’ll get bored. Like Steve did. He and Sharon are real cute dancing together in there,” she gestured over her shoulder.

You rolled your eyes. You knew she’d say anything to hurt you.

“You didn’t know they were together did you? You were so pathetic pining after him. Glad you finally got some. Even if it was with my man.”

“That’s enough, Dot. Leave y/n out of it.”

“So how’d it happen? You two healing each other’s broken hearts? Does it make you feel good to be the rebound girl? Huh? Does it feel good to know he’s thinking about me when he’s sleeping with you?”

You scoffed at the remark.

“Come on, doll. Let’s just go back inside.”

“Oh so she’s your doll now?”

“I’ve always called her that,” he reminded her in a bored tone. “I call most girls that.”

“So I wasn’t special to you?”

She was baiting him but Bucky wasn’t having it.

“This is pointless. Let’s go.”

You held onto his hand as you started to move past her. You purposely kept yourself between the two of them which visibly infuriated her.

“You’ll be back. You’re nothing without me.”

That was the last straw. You spun back around to face her.

“Alright, enough. You don’t get to say that to him. In fact you shouldn’t be saying anything to him.”

“You know, Bucky really doesn’t like the girls he’s seeing to boss him around outside of the bedroom.”

“Get it through your head. Bucky and I are friends. Nothing more, but sure as hell nothing less. Friends are people who care about you for something other than your body in case you were wondering. We’re not together. But if we were,” you continued loudly, stepping in front of Bucky so you were toe to toe with Dot. The blood was pounding so loudly in your ears that you didn’t hear the door open. “I wouldn’t be stupid enough to let him go, because Bucky is a great guy. He’s not some guy you string along for two months and then treat like shit. He is sweet and thoughtful and the best friend anyone could ask for. And I’m sure it would make you feel better if you could look at me and find all my faults and say he’ll come crawling back, but he won’t. Because Bucky didn’t drop you for me or some other girl. He dropped you because you weren’t what he wanted. Which is putting it nicely. Because the truth is you’re not even close to what he deserves. And Bucky is smart enough and confident enough to listen to his heart when he knows something is wrong. Something I’m guessing you haven’t learned yet because Brock was fucking another girl earlier. Despite your cute couple costume,” you added smugly.

“You little bitch,” she snarled before launching at you with a feral scream.

Thor caught her by the back of her shirt before she got near you.

“Alright. Time for you to go,” Thor growled.

“You can’t kick me out.”

“It’s my house.”

Thor marched her away, while you stood there stunned. Steve hurried to your side, cupping your cheek to get your attention.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine. She didn’t even touch me.”

You covered his hand with your own, smiling reassuringly.

“Sorry I wasn’t here sooner. Sharon is really drunk and like threw herself at me. I had to get Maria to take her home,” he huffed.

You nodded, trying to repress an eye roll.

“You okay, Buck?”

He blew out a rough breath staring up at the sky, but he smiled nonetheless.

“Actually yeah. I’m way more over her than I thought. I didn’t want anything to do with her.”

“Good for you, man.”

Steve reached out and clapped him on the shoulder and his eyes traveled downwards, landing on you.

“That was a hell of a speech, doll.”

“Sorry. I know you had it handled. But she just made me so mad. I wanted to stand up for you. I’m sorry if I overstepped.”

“You didn’t, y/n. Come here.”

Bucky opened his arms and you wrapped your arms around his waist, under his cape while his settled around your shoulder.

“You deserve better, Buck. So much better.”

“I know that, doll. Thank you.”

“I love you, Buck.”

“I love you too.”

You held onto him for a moment longer before reaching out for Steve finding comfort in both of them.

The three of you stayed outside for another few minutes, trying to process the encounter. But the moment you stepped back through the door Thor harangued you into the flip cup tournament you’d promised to participate in.

“Okay, let’s get started. Carol and Steve are captains. Rock, paper, scissors to see who picks first,” Thor ordered.

Carol won best two out of three and got to pick first.

“Brunhilde,” she spoke a moment after she smashed Steve’s scissors for the second time.

“Bucky,” he announced confidently.

You shot him a playful glare for not picking you first, but you knew you’d be next on his list.

“Y/n,” Carol called.

Your eyes widened slightly but she winked and gestured for you to join her.

Steve looked scandalized as Thor joined him with a shrug.

“Really wasn’t expecting to be picked last at my own party,” he laughed loudly, clearly amused.

“You know I only pick winners,” Carol smirked.

“You might have made a mistake,” you mumbled.

“I doubt that. Have a little faith. You’ll go first and then if we have to Brunhilde and I will catch up.”

“Don’t worry, I’m a pro,” Brunhilde assured you, slinging an arm around your shoulder. “Let’s show these boys how it’s done.”

Their confidence was infectious and you soon were nodding excitedly.

“Let’s do this.”

Your confidence was not enough to win the first round.

You’d struggled on your first cup and lost time. Brunhilde didn’t even get to start her second cup before Thor flipped their last one neatly onto the table.

“Damn. Sorry, ladies.”

“It’s cool, y/n. No worries,” Brunhilde smiled at you and chugged the cup anyways.

The boys were still celebrating their win. You glared as Steve did a victory dance on the other side of the table. It annoyed you more that you found his sudden bro behavior oddly attractive.

“It’s not over yet,” Carol promised.

“Not by a long shot,” you agreed.

You mimicked Steve’s victory dance when Carol’s cup landed on the table flat while Bucky knocked back his drink. Steve quirked an eyebrow and his tongue poked at his cheek in annoyance, making you giggle.

“You can give up now you know,” you teased.

“You wish, sweetness,” he cooed with a wink.

Ultimately it came down to you and Steve. You were behind, but he failed once and you caught up and then you both failed. Finally, your cup landed upside down while his landed, teetered, and then fell to the floor.

You cheered high-fiving your teammates.

“I see you haven’t forgotten everything I taught you.”

You whirled at the familiar but nearly forgotten voice.

“OH MY GOD, SKYE!” You squealed rushing over to hug her.

“OoF,” she chuckled as you slammed into her. “It’s good to see you, y/n.”

“It’s good to see you too! What are you doing here? Wait do you go here? How have I never seen you?”

“Yes,” she chuckled at the rate the words spilled out of your mouth. “I go here. I’m friends with Sif,” she pointed out the girl you always saw hanging out with Thor. She was a javelin thrower on the track team you thought. “As for not seeing me, I do spend most of my days in the computer lab.”

“This is so exciting. Oh my god,” you were still clinging to each other.

You noticed Steve and Bucky looking your way. You didn’t miss the way Bucky’s gaze was fixed on Skye.

“There’s some people I want you to meet.”

She followed your gaze to the two superheroes and smirked.

“Are all your friends so attractive?”

“Honestly, kinda,” you giggled as you thought about it. “But those two are the best there are.”

“You don’t say. I’m assuming the blonde one who’s been watching you with puppy dog eyes is your boyfriend.”

“Yes, but we haven’t told our friends. We’re seeing how long it takes them to figure it out,” you whispered.

“Got it. My lips are sealed. I can’t wait to meet him. Lead the way.”

You let go of her, but looped your arm through hers. When they saw you heading over they met you halfway.

“Hey, boys.”

“Hi, sweetness,” Steve greeted you, reaching for your hand reflexively. “Is this the Skye from your stories?”

“You kind of screamed her name across the room, doll,” Bucky spoke when you looked confused how he’d known her name.

“Oh, right. Yes, the very same. Skye, this is Steve and his best friend Bucky.”

“Nice to meet you both,” she smiled and shook hands.

“Pleasure’s all mine,” Bucky assured her, ducking his head slightly and offering his most charming smile.

You and Steve shared a brief look, smirking at the sight. This was going to be interesting.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed! I’m falling asleep so I’ll tag in the morning!

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #Sexiled #Part 13

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cromulentbookreview · 5 years

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The Oddmire, a Review in People Words

“As it turns out, intelligent beings are still fairly rubbish when left unsupervised.”

True story.

And by that, I mean: The Oddmire: Changeling by William Ritter!

The Oddmire: Changeling is the story of two brothers: Tinn and Cole Burton, who live with their mom, Annie Burton in the little town of Endsborough. Endsborough is surrounded by a forest called the Wild Wood because all sorts of weird magical things live there. However, thirteen years before this story begins, magic seems to be leaving the Wild Wood. To help keep the magic from fading away entirely, a goblin named Kull decides to perform an ancient ritual involving a changeling and a human baby. So Kull sneaks out of the woods with a newborn changeling to switch it out for Annie Burton’s newborn son. Only there was a slight problem. See, Kull got distracted by a cat (a problem to which I can definitely relate) and when he took his eyes off the baby and the changeling together in the crib for that split second...well, the changeling morphed to look exactly like the baby and Kull couldn’t tell which was the baby and which was the changeling.

Cats, man.

And, a side note: you ever work with documents and set the original next to the copy then you turn away for a minute then look back around and realize, shit, which one is the copy? The original absolutely must go to the Capitol, but....which one is it?! I’ve wasted hours of my life scanning pieces of paper looking for tell-tale signs of a photocopy. It’s no joke, man.

Back to the point:

Poor Kull, in a hurry and definitely not wanting to get caught, hesitates too long. Both babies start crying, and Annie is on her way in...Without much choice, Kull runs away, leaving the changeling and the baby behind.

Annie, upon seeing that she now has two babies when she definitely only gave birth to one, just goes “welp, guess I have two kids now.” Everyone in town is like “uh, one is definitely a goblin,” but Annie, because she is a fundamentally decent human is just: “well, I can’t tell which is which so they’re both mine, end of story.” Besides, there isn’t much difference between two young boys and goblins anyway.

Annie’s husband, however, disagrees and vanishes just a few days after her one son became two. Annie is certain that he’s dead, but since this is the first in a series, you can bet the dad will show up eventually.

I imagine it will be exactly like that.

Time goes by and Tinn and Cole are now nearly thirteen. They go around making mischief in what can only be described as a very late-19th, early 20th century manner. The boys both know of the goblin story, but Tinn is all “I really hope I’m not the goblin, but one of us has to be and I’d rather it be me than Cole” and Cole is all “I really hope I’m not the goblin, but one of us has to be, and I’d rather it be me than Tinn.” Because Cole and Tinn are brothers, damn it, and they care about each other and they love their mom, and it’s super adorable and I love it. Anyway, one day, while playing in their climbing tree, Tinn and Cole find a note left for them by Kull: the changeling must return to the Wild Wood, or it, and all the magic in the Wild Wood will die.

There is no reason for the above gif, but whenever there’s magical woods, I have to feature this gif of Chris Pine ripping his shirt from Into the Woods. Because it’s just so...hypnotic...and pleasant to see...

Ahem.

Since they have no idea which one of them is the changeling, Tinn and Cole take off into the Wild Wood together, where they encounter witches, hinkypunks, and tart-stealing bears. They must also cross the treacherous Oddmire, a giant swamp in the middle of the woods. Meanwhile, there’s a Thing that lives deep in the heart of the woods. The Thing is evil, and it’s hungry. It hasn’t had anything good to eat for a long time...but then it senses a changeling in the woods...

(An accurate visual representation of The Thing in the Wild Wood. Seriously, the way Ritter describes it, it sounds like a ringwraith, minus the horse).

Yes, I know The Oddmire is a middle grade book. Yes, I know I’m technically an adult, but...eh, I’ll read whatever I want, and I loved The Oddmire. It’s written by William Ritter, a local author (woo, Portland writers!) who also wrote the fantastic Jackaby series - and, fun fact, if you’re a Jackaby fan, The Oddmire takes place in the same universe as Jackaby - in fact, when Annie Burton suddenly obtains a second child, the people of Endsborough ask for advice from an expert in New Fiddleham, and I swear to God that expert had better be Jackaby or else I will be pissed. I have my fingers and toes crossed for a crossover.

So, if you’re a Jackaby fan, you won’t be surprised to learn that the writing in The Oddmire is extremely clever and a ton of fun to read. Tinn and Cole are great protagonists - they’re mischievous, but they both genuinely love their mom and care a lot about one another that makes my poor, dead heart feel all warm and fuzzy. I loved the character of Annie Burton, too - she loves both boys equally and genuinely doesn’t give a shit if one of them is a goblin or not, they’re both her boys, end of story, and anyone who says otherwise gets a punch in the face. So many fantasy stories feature horrible parents - it’s nice to read one where the protagonists have such an awesome mom who cares about them so much.

As for their dad...well, he’s not really in this book, but it’s the first in a series so...who knows.

The only part of the story that could have used a bit more development was the Wild Wood and its various magical inhabitants. We don’t learn a whole ton about the creatures that live in the Wild Wood. I also wish we could’ve seen more of Kull and the Goblin Hoard, but, again, this is the first book in a series and the main focus is on Tinn and Cole.

What is it with me a serieses? It’s always hard to review the first book in a planned series because you have no idea where the subsequent books will go. I sometimes like to wait until all the books of a series are out before binge-reading them all because, well, waiting for sequels is difficult. I’m waiting for so many sequels right now, it’s the worst. Dear Brian McClellan, Scott Lynch, C.L. Polk, Amie Kaufman, Jay Kristoff, Maya Motayne, among many, many, many others: I’M WAITING. Ugh. I mean, I know writing is hard, I mean, it’s why I failed (and am still failing) at being a writer myself but waiting is just so hard.

Either way: The Oddmire is a great middle grade action/adventure/fantasy all about two identical twin brothers and their mom - all of whom absolutely love and care about one another, whether or not one of them is a goblin changeling. Again, this story made me feel all the feels right in my cold, dead, cynical Millennial heart. I’m a sucker for sibling stories because, well, I have siblings that I both love and, on occasion, despise. But still, they’re your family. I mean, it’s not like my siblings used to tell me that I was adopted or secretly a Russian sleeper agent or anything when I was a kid...I mean, I figured that was bullshit pretty quick because my siblings and I all look a lot like each other and we all look like our parents so...

RECOMMENDED FOR: Any fans of middle grade fantasy, fans of the Jackaby series, anyone who has ever grown up with a sibling, especially anyone who has a twin, identical or otherwise.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Non middle grade fans, people who can’t stand it when family members in fiction actually like each other.

RATING: 4.5/5

RELEASE DATE: July 16, 2019

RINGWRAITH:

#the oddmire #william ritter #jackaby #middle grade #middle grade fantasy #mg fantasy #changeling #twins in fiction #magical forest #goblins

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table-top-romulan-playing-games · 5 years

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Movies I have seen so far in 2018

A few of these arent new movies, just ones ive watched for the first time in 2018. I felt like doing this cuz I really love watching movies and felt that it might be a good version of those "good things" jars, but instead it's movies I saw. Some reviews are short, mostly cuz I didnt really have much in the way of opinions, but I did have something to say.

Just incase you havent seen them. I have tried to keep them spoiler free, but if you dont want even vague non spoiler spoilers, the list of movies is as follows;

The Grand Budapest; The greatest showman; Jumanji: out of the jungle, King Arthur: legend of the sword, The Black Panther, Shape of water, Thor Ragnarok, the Emoji Movie, the Good Dinosaur, Jurassic world, Incredibles 2, Hotel Transylvania 3, Ant-man, A Wrinkle in Time, Lara croft: tomb raider, Guardians of the Galaxy volume 2, Spider-man homecoming, Ant-Man and the Wasp, Avengers age of ultron (semi live blogged), Captain America civil war, Avengers Infinty War, Deadpool 2016, King Arthur the one with kiera knightly, Deadpool 2, The Nutcracker, four realms, Venom, Love, Simon, Ready player one, Aquaman, Solo, a star wars story, Ghost stories (2018), Wreck it Ralph, Ralph breaks the internet, Goosebumps 2, Hidden figures, The meg, Pacific Rim, Pacific rim uprising, Wrath of the Titans, Mission impossible: fallout,Oceans 8, The Breadwinner, Mune, Operation Finale, The House With A Clock In Its Walls, Bad times at the El Royale, Outlaw king, Gnome alone, Journey to the center of the earth, Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy, Vvitch, Ex machina, To all the boys ive loved before, Extraordinary Tales, The Golden Compass, Erramentari, the blacksmith and the devil, Dragon heart, The black klansman, Robin Hood 2018, The Princess of Thieves, First Man, Bohemian Rhapsody, What we do in the Shadows, Overlord, For the Love of Spock, Next Gen, Small Foot, The Spy who Dumped Me, The Nun, Kin, Crazy Rich Asians, Spider-Man, Into the Spiderverse, A simple favor, Predator 2018, Rampage, 47 meters down, 2036 Origin Unknown, 2001 A Space Oddessey, The Martian

The grand Budapest hotel - good, great visuals. I enjoyed it.

The greatest showman - wonderful music, actual circus parts were good, the rest was boring. Its really short, and I felt it focused to much on the drama in pt barnums life, too much focus on a silly fuax love triangle, not enough on the acts themselves. I went in hoping to see the acts interact and actually be presented as the forefront. The beginning showed this magnificent scene with the acts, with this wonderful musical number that made me tear up. But then, it was just about Barnum and his kids being boring most of the time. The songs and musical scenes though? Absolutely wonderful, magnificent, stunning, and entertaining. Zendayas and Zac efrons characters duets? Beautiful, I loved the song and choreography. I just feel like the emphasis should have been on the circus itself. Hugh jackman. Needs. To. Do. More. Musicals.

Jumanji: out of the jungle - hilarious omg I laughed my ass off!

King Arthur: legend of the sword: wtf was this movie bro? I mean. I have a new song in my cars playlist, but wtf.

The Black Panther - IT WAS SO COOL! I loved the visuals and the storyline. Shuri is my favorite genius and I can’t wait for more Black Panther

Shape of water: absolutely beautiful omg

Thor Ragnarok: you mean that was the actual movie, that tumblr wasn’t just fuckin with me, like, those were real ass scenes that were filmed?

the Emoji Movie: bad, forgettable, literally did not remember watching it till a friend asked me.

the Good Dinosaur: literally a children's movie, idek why I watched it tbh

Jurassic world: THE HUBRIS OF MAN! THE INDO RAPTOR! BLUE! They made... An indoraptor. Not just any raptor, oh no, that's not enough for the hubris of man, its an indoraptor. What's an indoraptor you may ask? Well it's when you mix a raptor, with the indominous rex DNA. But Cotie, didn't the indominous rex already have raptor DNA? Wasnt that the whole thing that it was a t-rex with raptor DNA? Yes, yes it was. But this one is different, it's smaller, it's smarter, it made to obey commands like a war machine, it's the I N D O R A P T O R! So it's just a super powered velociraptor? Yes, yes it is. So what makes it special? THE HUBRIS BEHIND IT!

Incredibles 2: awesome! I loved it! Those flashing scenes really were no joke though. I don't have epilepsy, but damn those scenes were hard to look at. But I absolutely love the fact that edna babysat jack jack for a night, and gave him a super babysuit. I hope we get to see more of the other superheroes helping out the incredibles!

Hotel Transylvania 3: it was a good movie. Its the only Adam Sandler movie series I can stand, but it was a decent movie. I like the introduction of the van helsing family, and the whole premise. Plus I love the message that its possible to fall in love again.

Ant-man: "in like the Flynn" niiiiiiiiice Tangled ref! "ANT-THONY!!!!" Ok that was a fun and hilarious movie. I fucking love the three wombats, especially Luis omg. Also I love Scott lang relationship with his daughter and that he was the driving force behind his motivation. Also not gonna lie, I kinda watched this one so I could go see Ant-man and the Wasp, but I liked this one too.

A Wrinkle in Time: FUCK ITUNES NOT WANTING TO WORK DURING THIS MOVIE! ok but Chris Pine as a Dad? Awesome. "Happy anniversary, if only you'd dissapear too" wow, these high school preps are viscous. Also I love the little kid calling out grown ups for being pieces of shits. Also this movie was adorable and heart felt and I loved the mix of fantasy and science that made it a science fantasy movie omg.

Lara croft: tomb raider: ok but the girl who kicked Lara crofts butt in the beginning has me gay as Fuck man. "OPEN IT! OPEN IT! OPEN IT!" OK calm down Nicolas cage.

Guardians of the Galaxy volume 2: omg that was indeed another real marvel movie I had just seen. I can't believe the stooges are a space family that just, does stupid things. I love them all.

We gonna start some parralels; a wrinkle in time - a movie about two siblings trying to find their dad who has been lost for 4 years. They get him back through the power of love; Lara Croft: Tomb Raider - a daughter finds some adverturing stuff to lead her to her father who had been missing for 7 years. Tries to get him back by killing men. Doesn't, and then kills more men; Gaurdians of the Galaxy volume 2: a boy finds his father after 34 years, but turns out he is a huge fucking jerk, also finds that Mary poppins was his dad after all, but then both Mary poppins and jerk dad died, with varying degrees of mourning from Boy.

Spider-man homecoming: omg so many second hand embarrassment scenes but it was so good! I laughed my ass off at the ending omg tony no. But also, that awkward moment when ur dates dad threatens your life and he actually meant it...

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Dude. Duuuuuuude that end credit scene. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude. That movie was just as hilarious as the first ant-man movie omg! It was fun and incredibal and I'm so happy the 3 combats were there. I was losing my shit over the baba yaga stuff!

Avengers age of ultron (semi live blogged): god, I'm 9 minutes in and I hate this movie... 13 minutes in an ur telling me this could've been avoided if marvel hadnt turned two Romani (from what I remember of mutant canon) characters into, not only human expirements instead of mutants, but voluntary hydra agents. -sighhhh-... 20 minutes in and why, why Tony, just... Tell the team, why do we gotta have lazy 'i dont wanna communicate' writing bullshit...Jarrrrrviiiiissssss my boy T.T... Did they really just try to make dissimising female characters and using their achievements as a sort of 'my horse is bigger than yours' as quality character writing? God this Bruce/Nat romance is so forced... Oh no, Ultron fucking appeared, why does he sound like a bad Tony stark impression? Ultron is fucking annoying... Fuck man, the plot with the twins have arrived, and I hate it... -mentions Wakanda- thanks for reminding of a better movie I could be watching... God, the acting is either way too dry, or way too ham... Wow... Clint is... The most mature person in the movie... Wow, the scene where Nat reveals she is infertile, is worse than I thought it would be, and I knew it would be awful... Hour and a half in, still bad... Though ultron is now acting like a c h i l d... Oh no, now we creating Ultron 2.0 this time its Jarvis... Please discuss it with the team, pleeeease... Annnnnnnd U didn't... Fuck... I'm so tired, 1 hour and 31 minutes and the team is fighting... Thor coming in for the jarvis Saaaave! Yassss vision with the worthy of the hammer! Okay the battle scene with ultron was pretty cool. Still dont like the movie over all.

Captain America civil war: not as much fighting as advertised. Too much 'we arent going to sit down and communicate' trope. Honestly I was too bored and tired to really actually pay attention to closely... All I got from it is the russos need to learn what a get along shirt is and be better film makers.

Avengers Infinty War: wtf, what the fuck, was that. That was some fuck right there. You are telling me thanos was really able to get the soul stone like That? And the mind stone like That? And all that other bull shit? Y'all Russo better be ready to have thanos ass kick in the next avengers movie. But damn that was some shit that happened.

Deadpool 2016: I loved every bit of the movie omg, it was everything I hoped for out of a deadpool movie.

King Arthur the one with kiera knightly: That uh, sure was a King Arthur movie? Way less weird than King Arthur Legend of the sword. Merlin didnt cast magic, and arthur was a Roman, but guinevere is a kick ass archer, soooo acceptable...

Deadpool 2: THAT WAS FUCKIN HILARIOUS I LOVE DEADPOOL SO MUCH! god I love this movie, I would die for dominoe.

The Nutcracker, four realms: such a cute af movie omggggggggggggg. I loved Captain Phillip the nutcracker soldier and the gold highlight they put on his lips 💓

Venom: listen. I did no t see this film for quality. I saw it for the symbi ote ok. Ok. I lov it. But blease for the love of god.... Y.... Did...... The......... Symbiote........ Take the shape of a sexy comic book lady..... When........ The same sexyness could have been achieved by letting the symbiote be big beefy orc like lady....

Love, Simon: I'm not one for these films... I dont like these films... They are teary eyed wholesome cake frosting that make my cold gay heart sick... That being said... I relate, I relate so much... Also... If I was in simons shoes and the blackmailing weasle Martin outed me? They would still be scraping him off the pavement... That is all.

Ready player one: it wasn’t as bad as some of the things i heard about it on tumblr, but its not one I will watch again.

Aquaman: "show off, heh, I could've just pee'd on it" is the exact quality line I want out of my films. Also that was soooooooo awesome! I loved it! More Aquaman!

Solo, a star wars story: Not bad, but not great, it kept on plot really well, not memorable but I won’t knock it. I still say the actor playing Han Solo looks photoshopped and not real.

Ghost stories (2018): awful... It was slow and boring, and I didnt like it... I rented it through itunes and it glitched part of the way through and I stopped being able to see the picture. Even after I got it working again I still didnt like it... Though I did like the message of "dont be a bystander", but the whole this was boriiiiiinnnnnnnggggggggggg.

Wreck it Ralph: okay, technically I caught the beginning like 4 or 5 years ago, but I finally actually watched it and it wasnt bad. Will go see the sequel.

Ralph breaks the internet: WAYYYYYY better than the emoji movie, also, I really loved the princesses scene, the bright colors, and following Venelope through the internet... Also.... Ralph........ WTF..................... Also............................. that Stan Lee cameo.................................... Heartbreaking............

Goosebumps 2: Mr. Chu and his Halloween obsession is me... Stones appearence had me dying omg... Also where tf r ppl getting these awesome super cool Halloween stuffs!

Hidden figures: IM NOT CRYING UR CRYING! omg such a great movie i fucking loved it. Couldnt understand a WORD of math that went on, but damn girls, calculate that shit.

The meg: listen... Listen... The trailer looked stupid... And ridiculous... I just... Wanted to know how bad... And it was bad... But it was incredibally enjoyable omg... I loved it... In all seriousness, it was actually a pretty beautiful movie when it came to marine life and the wonder behind it, and it was anti shark culling for fins, and it was very clearly "not all sharks are bad, they do as they do, but megalodon is about to fuck our shit up."... It was also fucking hilarious... My favorite character was meiying, the little 8 year old in the movie... The love plot wasnt forced and they way they did it the two leads were not having it and had actual chemistry... Just... Also the dog... The dog does not die... Pippin lives... The wedding is not ruined... Also the shark ate a billionaire soooooooo... We good meg... We good...

Pacific Rim: yes I know, I took a long ass time to watch this movie... But Listen... Explody robots and monsters... Hannibal chau... Look... I just... Sometimes take a long time to watch movies... You wanna know how long it took me to watch Merlin BBC? I watched every episode as it came out and then put off the last episode for 5 years... Listen...

Pacific rim uprising: ok I watched the first one so I could watch the one with my boi John Boyega in it.

Wrath of the Titans: wtf kind of movie... Like really what the f... Since when is zues ever responsible and wise.

Mission impossible, fallout: I liked it. It's an action movie. Saw it for my birthday, kinda interested in the other mission impossible movies now. I appreciate the advance tech and the obviously stupid impossible shit.

Oceans 8: Listen, i have never been interested in the Oceans franchise, i dont want to see crusty men steal things, but lads, im gay. Extremely gay, just, shamelessly gay.

The Breadwinner: holy shit that was a good movie.

Secret of the Kells: eh, it was a good movie. Not my favorite, but it was good. I mostly just like the animation.

Mune: Guardian of the Moon: dat was a cute movie, and also i loved Munes Design, he is a little fawn

Operation Finale: Wow, that was an amazing film, absolutely superb. Not at all like the trailers. Seriously, what is it and trailers where everything has to either be an high stakes action movie or a romantic comedy? but this film, spectacular.

The House With A Clock In Its Walls: A Neat little movie. Corny, but i liked it. like, its a kids movie in the same way A Wrinkle In Time is, but this one was little less disney-fied in the way that they needed to have this overarching lesson of empowerment, and more “this is a kids movie to enjoy, like Halloweentown”

Bad times at the El Royale: neat movie, somewhat engaging, kept losing focus at the slow parts... Liked the Chapter title cards... Can't remember who that "important person" was supposed to be.... I think I may have missed it...

Outlaw king: I liked it! Way better than Braveheart! Also.... Cpine was not that naked.... Butt....

Gnome alone: weird, didn't like it, like a bad combo of Mean Girls and Coraline?

Journey to the center of the earth: I said old movies were gonna be on this list now didnt I? Also this movie was awesome and I wish the book was real too.

Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy: Nice!!! I had been meaning to read the book before I watched the movie, but I've packed my book away soooo, MOVIE. Also out of all thw sci fi movies that have destroyed planets, this is by far the only good one.

Vvitch: it was okay... By the middle I was kinda wishing it would go faster. But it was okay.

Ex machina: I'm not done with the movie yet but it's so fucking creepy holy shit... Also "its kinda non-autistic" in relation to "aware of her own mind and mine"???? Wtffffffff.uggggghhhhhhhhhh ewwwweeweeewewweeeewwwwwww the talk about giving the robot a sexuality is so grooooooooooooosssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss he gave her a working vag and hearing him talk about fucking the robot was baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. Mmmmmmmm no, did not like.

To all the boys ive loved before: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... Also that sibling relationship was..... Relatable.

Extraordinary Tales: tales based on Edgar Allen Poe and holy sweet Jesus I loved it, it has multiple different art styles per story and I loved them soooooo much!

The Golden Compass: okay but how could you end on that cliffhanger and not at least put out another movie????

Erramentari, the blacksmith and the devil: based on Basque folklore which I know nothing of, but it looked neat. It's also originally in basque but netflix has the English dub over. AND HOLY SWEET JESUS I KNOW THIS MOVIE IS SUPPOSED TO BE SCARY BUT THE VOICE OVERS ARE SO FUCKING FUNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

Dragon heart: I didnt like it, there were better movies I could have seen, I'm not gonna reach for this one again...

The Black Klansman: Damn, I might very well be speechless. That was a Fantastic Movie, came at you like a bag of Bricks, and the ending when it went straight from a cross burning to the 2017 neo nazi rallies, to trumps “good people on both sides” speech, to everything that happened in 2017. The movie did NOT fuck around with anything. God Bless.

Robin Hood, 2018: Antifa film of the YEAR! Yeah Robin, Be a Class Traitor to the ruling class, Spread Wealth, Down with the 1%!

The Princess of Thieves: OMG Kiera Knightly as the daughter of robin and also a kick ass archer that causes trouble!!!! Loved it!

First Man: dude that movie was incredible, it read like you were seeing snapshots of his life, not completely invested, but as though you were a spirit looking at memories. I kinda liked it. I loved the silent scenes that filled the viewer with anxiety, like a realization of the gravity of what was happening. Omg. Good film A+

Bohemian Rhapsody: OMG I LOVED IT SO MUCH OMGOMGOMGOMG MY QUEER HEART IS RESTORED AND THEY SAID BISEXUAL!!!!!

What we do in the Shadows: that was an enjoyable movie. I didn't quite like the reality show format but it was funny!

Overlord: That was a great movie! it had decently fast pacing, which is good that it was only an hour and forty-eight minutes long... They Plot-Ex-Machina’d alot of the movie, like the wounded soldier feeling fine for the main firefight, then remembering he was supposed to be wounded all of a sudden. I watched it with a friend who saw one character, turned to me and said “He’s cute, i hope he doesnt die” one (1) second before a landmine went off. Also, Ghouls created by science rather by supernatural means.

For the Love of Spock: -cries like a big baby-

Next Gen: screams of anti-tech ideals... Also.... Damn...... They are channeling the "addiction to iPhones" angle man, like, villianous angle...

Small Foot: Not bad, At least it was a Short movie, or at least it didnt feel like it was dragging on. The Songs were great though, I actually liked them and at least they were written for the movie and not like, a song that already existed...

The Spy who Dumped Me: I rented it through iTunes and it gave some Ukrainian nuts swangin in my face...

The Nun: it was okay, but let maurice theirult be a lesson; u see some creepy haunted shit, you grab a cross and you walk away. You dont go back to play hero, cuz then you get possessed.

Kin: there is a line in the movie that says "you got a decade of bad decisions under your belt" and I feel like that sums of this movies plot points...

Crazy Rich Asians: that was so gooooood! I don't normally go for romcoms, but ppl had been praising the film, and I actually liked it. I'm glad I saw the majong scene explain before I actually watched the scene, because it felt a shit ton more powerful.

Spider-Man, Into the Spiderverse: AMAZING! INCREDIBLE! the animation was TOP NOTCH, like, omg!

A simple favor: I didnt like it... It tried to be both a thriller and what seemed like a parody of a thriller.

Predator, 2018: I kinda liked it, it was a mindless action movie, and the ending left it open for a badass sequal. I havent seen the other predator movies so I have no idea if this is in faith for the series, but im guessing yes.

The Martian: It was cool and chill, I liked it, also Mark Watney cussing out a government agency via a hundred thousand dollar communications outlet is.... Mood.

47 meters down: 2hrs of one woman having an absolute panic attack and being right to worry about sketchy diving boats.

2036 Origin Unknown: kinda what I feel like 2001 a space Oddessey wouldve been like if I had actually watched that movie... Oh shit the Borg!

2001 A Space Oddessey: Have I ever told y'all that I dont like Kubrick or his movies? His movies are the epitome of that pretentious art school boi style that just does too much and tries to pretend it's more than it is and sweet merciful god why is this one 2 and a half hours long! I'm 40 minutes in and I have a head ache from the over ise of classical music and boring slow pace of the movie. 2001 a space Oddessey is 2 and a half hours long and only has 1 hr of actual relevant film... The other 1 1/2 is just unending, weirdly colored space shots, two color inversion shots of planets and eyes, theremin and flute noises, and classical music set to nothingness

RAMPAGE: a 30ft alligator showed up about an hour and 10minutes into the movie and the first reaction was "well that sucks" and it killed me on sight. The movie is awesome! In am so glad I picked this as my last movie of 2018.

#Year of Movies #Movie List #Movie List 2018 #New Years

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minaminokyoko · 7 years

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Wonder Woman (2017): A Spoilertastic Review

*slowly puts on armor from head to toe*

So.

Wonder Woman.

Get ready to hate me, unfollow me, or whatever you have to do, because I think it’s…

Mediocre.

Adequate.

Fine.

Just fine.

No more, no less.

And having been a fan of Wonder Woman since I was a kid, this is almost as bad as if the movie had been as terrible as BvS or Suicide Squad.

However, before you foam at the mouth and start lighting your torches, hear me out.

For the sake of argument, let’s say you went to a restaurant and ordered a four course meal. The appetizer wasn’t good, but it was okay. The salad was godawful and the entrée was even worse. Then, someone hands you a slice of cake. You’ve just eaten shit, so the cake tastes delicious. However, is the cake good because it’s the normal levels of enjoyable that a cake should be, or is it good because you just finished eating shit? That’s my central issue here. I think that Wonder Woman is an okay film that came after three unsatisfactory films in the DCEU, and so now everyone’s turned a blind eye to its problems. This is not to say that Wonder Woman doesn’t have good qualities, because it does, and I will highlight them. But I have to say that I can’t applaud this film because Wonder Woman is one of the most iconic heroes of all time, and I’m pained to have to say that I think they didn’t do her justice. Let me argue the case for you below.

Overall Grade: C

Pros:

-From the moment she was cast, I’ve been dreading seeing Gal Gadot as Diana. Not because she isn’t a good actress—I haven’t seen her in anything, so I can’t judge her talent—but because to me she doesn’t feel like Wonder Woman. I can’t explain it to you. It’s a gut feeling. I look at her and I just see an actress in a costume. It’s not like other heroes where they fit into the role seamlessly. For all his faults, Henry Cavill fits as Clark Kent. Chris Evans fits as Captain America. Scarlett Johansson fits as Black Widow. Christian Bale fit as Batman. To me, Gal doesn’t fit, she was just cast. Now, that being said, she does a better job than I thought she would portraying the lighter, more naive side of Diana. She was able to sell certain parts of the character quite well, especially the righteous outrage and the emotion of failing the people in the village. I still have actors I would have preferred in the role, but she did fine, which is much more than I can say for other people. (*cough* Ben Affleck *cough*)

-Disclaimer: If you feel compelled, you can troll my Tumblr and see that I have been a Chris Pine fan since 2009 and I fully admit that what I’m going to say is quite biased, but I’m going to be honest anyway: I think Steve Trevor was the best part of this movie. Yeah, yeah, throw the rotten fruit at me, but I mean it. I think Chris Pine lent so much charm and heart to the film that while Gal was trying her best, I think the movie wouldn’t have been as good without him. Steve is able to ground the characters around him and bring a vital sense of connection between them all. It’s not that Diana wasn’t enough. It’s that she is a goddess and so it’s difficult for us as mere mortals to bond with her, and so seeing her through Steve’s eyes really breaks it down to a level that we can understand. He is the most sympathetic and possibly the most layered character, since the film oddly enough doesn’t spend quite enough time with Diana’s traits for us to get a feel for who she is. I have him figured out moreso than her, and so I’m more connected to him than to her by the end, but we’ll get a little deeper into what I mean in just a moment.

-There’s plenty of action. They don’t skimp on Diana fucking dudes up, and that’s what we need. Man of Steel had a ton of faults, but they got the action right. It’s nice to be in an age where it’s possible to believably have us see Diana’s strength and invulnerability.

-Finally, finally, fucking finally, someone in the goddamn DCEU got a clue and realized, “Hey, maybe Diana shouldn’t be a homicidal maniac or a depressed alien raised by a cynic! Maybe she should be hopeful!” For once, we don’t have to deal with this depressing bullshit that David Goyer and Zack Snyder think we want. Diana is idealistic. Even though she is brought down to our level later on, she isn’t a dark cloud who stomps around being a hypocrite like Crazy Steve aka BatAffleck (I am not calling that maniac Batman no matter what you say) and Superman in this ‘verse. Thank you. Thank the gods that they adopted her hope and light into the story and didn’t try for a “gritty realistic” angle like they did with BatAffleck and Superbrood.

-The chemistry between Gal Gadot and Chris Pine is one of the better parts of the film as well. They feel much more natural than anything else. It’s not a romantic plot tumor and it doesn’t tear the whole film down at all. They also rely on each other in a way that’s well done. Their partnership makes sense and again, it isn’t forced, which can happen when screenwriters don’t know what they’re doing.

Cons:

-So as a woman, I am in no way unused to seeing characters Stuffed into the Fridge. Sadly, it happens about twice as much to women characters as it does to men, so I always groan when it still happens in modern day fiction. This movie is an example. I am really, really cheesed off that they killed Steve Trevor in the first Wonder Woman movie. That…fucking…sucks. There is so much more character to unpack both for him and Diana, so killing him off in a sacrifice makes me furious. Do you know why? Because you can go back through the comics and the animated series and the animated films and find some really good character development for Diana as she has to come to terms with being borderline immortal and seeing her loved ones die. Do you know why we all cried our fucking eyes out when Peggy Carter died in Civil War? That’s why. Steve had to watch the love of his life die slowly in a hospital bed, having missed most of her lifespan asleep in the ice. That’s powerful. We can connect to that. All of us fans have lost someone in life and we know how it feels to be helpless. They should NOT have killed Steve just to make Diana go Super Saiyan. You just cheated her years and years of character development. She earned that relationship through blood, sweat, and tears, but no, let’s take the easy way out and just stuff him in the fridge so she can angst about it before beating Ares. Kiss my ass.

-The movie takes too many goddamn shortcuts. I’m not talking about the pacing. I’m talking about important character beats that we should have seen, but for some reason, didn’t. I hate it when films do this. Let me give you some examples. First, they skip from Diana as a preteen to Diana as an adult. No. Stop doing this, movies! Fucking stop it! One of the easiest times to emotionally connect with your characters is through adolescence. This is how we find out hopes, desires, and personality traits. Don’t skip it. I can only give you a handful of Diana’s traits because they did a time skip back then and it’s not fair to her to rush through what should be an important section in setting up who she is, why she is, and what’s important to her. Second, they miss out on a fantastic opportunity for Steve and Diana to bond on the boat. Sure, it was funny, but both of them should have like 39043506945657056 questions for each other, but all they do is quip about sex. That is an utter disappointment to me. Yes, Steve and Diana bond later, but it’s too brief. Characters’ introductions are vital to emotional connection and to getting us to root for them on a real level, not just a superficial one. This should have been a longer scene with more details about the two of them and where they came from. Third, and most infuriating for me personally, they skipped the goddamn sex scene. What. Is. Wrong. With. You. This is the second most annoying thing about the movie to me. We’ve just seen Steve and Diana travel together and fight together and then bond a little over a dance. Why in perfect blue fucking hell would you skip over the sex scene? It’s baffling. There is no reason why you skipped it, and I’ll tell you why. On a superficial level, it would actually be a Call Back to Diana’s quip about men being necessary for procreation but not pleasure. Well, why don’t we have Steve change her mind? I’m sure that would have been delightful, and you wouldn’t need to be graphic about it. Cut to the aftermath, where Diana’s trying to catch her breath and Steve’s leaning over her, grinning his ass off, saying, “What was that about men not being necessary for pleasure?” That’s funny and charming and it’s pay off for a previous scene. Not to mention it’s implied that Diana is a virgin, so it adds to the weight of her trusting Steve enough to be intimate with him. Additionally, considering how Steve gets Fridged at the end, this would make it hurt us even more when he dies if we saw him and Diana making passionate love to each other and shedding the walls they’ve built up as soldiers and warriors. Again, you don’t have to be graphic. With a PG-13 rating, you can have a love scene without full nudity. Last, fanservice! For God’s sake! You have two insanely gorgeous people at your fingertips and you just fucking skip it?! (No pun intended.) What the hell is the matter with you? Sure, I got Wondy running around in a metal miniskirt and Chris Pine’s gorgeous body except for his little Trevor exposed, but for Zeus’ sake, throw me a fucking bone here! Literally! Look, I say all that to say this: the movie skims through moments that are incredibly important and that transform a film from being okay to great. Great films hit those beats. Great films make sure we love the characters and understand who they are, what they want, and how they are impactful to each other by the end. Wonder Woman just checks one or two boxes and keeps on trucking. If Wonder Woman was a D-list superhero, then I wouldn’t bitch about it as much, but this is fucking Wonder Woman. She is the cream of the crop. She is the most recognizable female superhero in existence. You owe it to her to give your best writing, and you just gave her the bare minimum. No, sir. That is not okay with me.

-Coinciding with the shortcuts in character are shortcuts in logic and story. I almost peeled my face off several times because there are a lot of plotholes that the movie just breezes past like it’s nothing. It’s weird that DC has contracted the Marvel disease of under-developing the villains. By far the most egregious story gaps are who the fuck Danny Huston’s character is and how did he get that way and WHY did he get that way? Fuck, man, it drives me crazy when superhero films are so concerned with having a twist at the end that they just completely gloss over any basic knowledge. We need proper set ups and explanations so that we know the stakes and know the limitations of our characters. We are told nothing about Danny Huston’s character and so we don’t get if he was even capable of beating Diana at all. Plus, any seasoned moviegoer knows that he’s not Ares, just a Red Herring, but the movie could have at least tried to sell it to us. I was just checking my watch by the time Diana confronted him because we know old chubby Danny Huston is not going to have a final showdown with the fit and trim Gal Gadot. Furthermore, the plotholes extend over the period of time that I mentioned above, which is Diana growing up. Um. So we see her bracelets repel a blow from a sword. And we never see Diana experiment with this, or ask questions, or do anything at all to investigate. Therefore…how does she know she can do all the amazing shit she does later? Not deflecting bullets. I’m talking about being invulnerable and jumping super high and then the serious Deus Ex Machina with her conducting the lightning through her bracelets. How the fuck did she know she could do that? One scene after she deflects the sword and there was a huge shockwave would have been an excellent place for her to try out her new powers. Why doesn’t Diana ask a single question about what happened? Why does Hippolyta think not preparing Diana for war, like every single other fucking person on the island, is going to do her any good? We see that Ares didn’t come looking for her, so what’s the problem? It’s not like her powers gave off some kind of beacon. Oh, and speaking of plotholes, Zeus, why the hell did you just make the island invisible? Why isn’t it some kind of forcefield to keep mankind out? They literally just sailed into it, bro. You suck. You’re really bad at protecting people. The least the movie could do is have the island be surrounded by a hurricane or a magic storm like the Bermuda Triangle or some shit instead of just being invisible. I just have too many plot related questions that movie glosses over, like Diana walking barebacked into a goddamn house full of rich people with an obvious sword in her dress and no one says a fucking thing to her. And that’s the tip of the iceberg. I can think of 3404354 more questions the movie just didn’t address. This is what makes a movie not stick with me. You can’t just gloss over things like that because as much as I try to enjoy the movie, there’s a little frustrated voice in my head asking all these questions and distracting me.

-Nitpick: The side characters are forgettable and I wouldn’t notice if you took them out completely.

-Nitpick: Etta Candy deserved more screentime and could’ve been a good supporting character to help characterize what we didn’t know about Steve.

-Nitpick: All…the goddamn…fucking…slow motion. This movie has Zack Snyder’s grubby fingerprints all over it. Slow-mo should be used sparingly, but it’s in every last fight scene and I want to pull my hair out since it’s so cliché. It’s not a dealbreaker, but it irked me a lot. There was so much slow-mo that it felt like a parody.

In the end, I know it doesn’t matter to other people what I think. I know we’re in an age where people think less and less and accept what’s in front of them. “It’s just a movie. Stop being so critical.” Well, I’m sorry. I won’t do that. I love Diana. I have loved her since I was a kid and I have always looked up to her strength and passion and kindness. This movie is just okay. It does what it needs to do. I know it’ll make money. I know people will tie a blindfold on and ignore the flaws because they just need so badly for it to be flawless. That’s fine. I just think Wonder Woman deserves to have a phenomenal film because she is a phenomenal woman. She inspires me. So don’t think that I’m tearing her down when I say that the movie is mediocre. I just think this interpretation of her has been weighed and measured and has been found wanting.

Kyo out.

#Wonder Woman #Wonder Woman (2017)#movie review #film review #YMMV #spoilers #spoiler alert #unpopular opinion

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justanothercinemaniac · 7 years

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Epic Movie (Re)Watch #159 - Star Trek (2009)

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: Yes.

Was it a movie I saw since August 22nd, 2009: No.

Format: Blu-ray

1) This was my first encounter with Star Trek. Ever. There may be a chance I saw The Motion Picture before this but I didn’t remember it. At all. This was it for me. And I have to say I’m grateful for that because it really pulled me into this world which I now thoroughly enjoy.

2) Our very first experience with this film are the soft notes of Michael Giacchino’s theme for the rebooted universe. I think Giacchino is the finest modern day composer around and I think Star Trek is his finest piece of franchise fare (while the score for Up might be his best work ever). Giacchino’s more fits like a glove with this world. It is new yet feels familiar, relating to the feelings of hope, adventure, and danger which is such a trademark of the series. Like all great scores, it helps hold up the film and I love it for that.

3) The attack on Kelvin is a gripping and excellent way to open the film. It features tense action and opens on a note of darkness and unexpectedness which will come to define the dangers of the film.

Captain Robau: “You’re captain now, Mr. Kirk.”

(GIF originally posted by @kamala-khan)

Chris Hemsworth features in a noteworthy pre-Thor role in this film. The referring to him as Mr. Kirk almost plays against expectations, because one might observe that he looks more like William Shatner in this film than Chris Pine does. In his short time in the film, Hemsworth’s George Kirk is able to do some incredible things. He is more a plot device than a character, establishing Kirk’s loss as well as the enemy this film will feature, but that doesn’t mean you don’t become invested in his character. That doesn’t mean his death doesn’t have impact. I think it’s a testament to Hemsworth’s performance, as well as the writings & directing of this film, that he leaves such an impact on the audience.

5) Fans of “Once Upon a Time” (among others) will recognize Winona Kirk:

6) The goodbye between George and Winona is heartbreaking.

In a scene which is elevated by pacing, the performances from both Hemsworth and Morrison, as well as Giacchino’s touching score, this scene breaks my heart a lot more seven years later than it did in 2009. Granted I’ve dealt with more loss (some of it pretty recent), so maybe that’s why I teared up. As an adult the scene strikes a deeper chord with me. It sets up the loss Kirk has to live with and the sacrifice of his father which will weigh on his shoulders for the first three of these films. It is an excellent introductory scene into the film and - in one specific line - even shows just the love and respect this film pays to the original.

George [after Winona suggests naming him after his dad]: “Tiberius, are you kidding me? No that’s the worst. Let’s name him after your dad. Let’s call him Jim.”

7) JJ Abrams has a lucky charm in actor Greg Grunberg, who makes an auditory cameo in this film as Kirk’s stepdad via radio. Abrams includes Grunberg in almost all his films (he is notably absent in Star Trek into Darkness) and the pair have known each other since Kindergarden.

8) Young Kirk and Spock.

The initial scene with an adolescent James T. Kirk shows off his conflict quite well. He’s a rebel. Much more than Shatner’s Kirk-Prime and that is saying something. Closer to Han Solo than a Starfleet captain, he is dealing with the pain in his life and the constant lowered dismissal of others. No one expects anything of him yet as the film goes on he grows more and more confident in himself and trying to do what’s right. It’s a wonderful conflict and journey we get to go on with this character.

Much like Kirk, Spock’s initial conflict is introduced brilliantly in his initial scene. There is a dissonance between his human half and his Vulcan half I have not seen in any of the media before (I’ve never watched The Original Series, so maybe it’s in there). But the deep examination of these two halves and the conflict it brings about in Spock is a wonderful arc for the character to go on throughout the film, helping to lend it its epic feel.

10) I don’t understand Vulcan bullies. What part of bullying is logical? Assholes.

11) This line from Spock’s father is very illuminating of the Vulcan culture, in a way which surprises and delights me.

Sarek: “Emotions run deep in our race. In many ways more deeply than in humans.”

12) Winona Ryder as Spock’s Mom.

If you’re wondering why someone as young as Winona Ryder is aged up and playing Spock’s mother, there is actually a reason for it. There’s a deleted scene in the film featuring her giving birth to Spock where she is not aged up at all.

From the very start of Ryder’s brief appearance in the film we understand their relationship. We see just how deeply the pair are connected and how much Spock loves his mom. It lends to the humble pride he takes in his human half as well as the sorrow which is to come.

13) Vulcan’s are supposed to be purely logical creature, so why the hell are they so freaking racist?

Vulcan Council President: “It is truly remarkable, Spock, that you have achieved so much despite your disadvantage. All rise.”

Spock: “If you would clarify, Minister: to what disadvantage are you referring?”

Vulcan Council President: “Your human mother.”

Although I must say that Spock sass is the best.

Spock: “Council... Ministers, I must decline.”

Vulcan Council President: “No Vulcan has ever declined admission to this academy!”

Spock: “Then, as I am half-human, your record remains untarnished.”

14) Zachary Quinto as Spock.

It is incredibly hard to fill the shoes of any of these characters, but Spock was probably the most difficult to cast. Leonard Nimoy’s portrayal is iconic not just in the realms of sci-fi but across cinema in total. Yet Quinto does a fantastic job in the film. He is able to create a Spock which is unique unto itself, taking the opportunity given by Spock’s identity conflict in the writing and take it to its full potential. We see Spock’s sorrow, his pain, his intellect, his logic, his emotion, all of it is present throughout the film in a wonderful balance orchestrated by Quinto’s performance. The audience is never distracted by the fact that this isn’t Leonard Nimoy, even when Nimoy himself shows up later in the film. This is Spock. New, fresh, unique Spock.

15) Chris Pine as Kirk.

Pine’s performance - in lesser hands - could have just been a really bad William Shatner impression (which he showed off on “SNL” a few weeks ago). But like Quinto, Pine is able to take the new conflict featured in the script and make Kirk his own. He makes the character much more roguish, taking him a different direction that Shatner and creating a future-captain who feels knew and fresh. This is still a portrayal which is worthy of the name James T. Kirk: he cares about his crew, he pushes things to their limits in an effort to save the day, he’s a fundamentally good man. But add to that a heavier amount of pain from the death of his father as well as an inclination to rebel and you have a career making performance from Pine.

16) Zoë Saldana as Uhura.

Having my experience with Uhura only be the films and not the original series, I actually really prefer Zoë Saldana’s Uhura to Nichelle Nichols’. Not based on their performances, I think Nichols made Uhura iconic. But because I think the writers make Uhura much more active in the rebooted timeline than she was in the original films. She’s a bit sassier, a bit more of a fighter, and much more inclined to call people out on their shit. Saldana is a gem in any and all movies she is featured in (See: Avatar, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, Guardians of the Galaxy, The Book of Life, The Terminal) and her role as Uhura is no exception. I fell in love with her as an actress because of this film and I am forever grateful for that.

17) Kirk is also someone who actively seeks out fight more than Shatner’s Kirk did, I feel.

Starfleet Cadet [after Kirk is being a pill to them]: “There are four of us and one of you!”

Kirk: “Then get some more guys and it’ll be an even fight.”

[Kirk gives the cadet a pat on the cheek before getting his ass kicked.]

18) Having watched all of the films with the original cast now, I see much more of the respect and love the filmmakers have for them than I did back in 2009.

Captain Pike: “Something I admired about your dad: he didn’t believe in a no-win-scenario.”

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

19) Kirk is also someone who enjoys defying the expectations others set for him, even if it is more for his benefit than their’s.

Kirk [after Pike says he can have his own ship after 4 years Starfleet]: “Four years? I’ll do it in three.”

20) Karl Urban as Bones.

I remember reading (but can’t find) that Leonard Nimoy found Urban’s performance as Bones so spot on similar to the late DeForrest Kelly that it brought him to tears. That right there tells you a lot about the portrayal. Urban is in my not-so-humble opinion the finest character actor in cinema right now, and even though he plays Bones closer to what he has always been (compared to the rest of the cast) that is never distracting. Kelley’s performance is a clear influence on Urban but he is still a character, not a caricature. He is able to both keep Bones the same character he’s always been without it being distracting and I love him for that. There are so many actors who I now love in film after I first saw them in this.

21) Eric Bana as Nero.

I might not be able to say this objectively, as this was my first experience with Star Trek, but I think Nero is an incredible villain and that Eric Bana is transformative in the part. Nero is not like the villains we’ve had in the past. He is not genetically engineered or trained for tactically superiority. He’s a miner from the future. He’s a blue collar worker with no military experience, driven mad by an incredible grief at the loss of those he loves (something both Kirk and Spock deal with in this film). Bana is able to portray this madness, this vengeance with incredible devotion. You don’t see Bana, you only see Nero.

22) Ah, the test...

Bones: “Jim it’s the Kobayashi-Maru. No one passes the test!”

Using the concept of “show don’t tell” to it’s full advantage, taking what was only mentioned in Wrath of Khan and showing just exactly how Kirk cheated on the (in)famous test. Although in that film he said he, “Got a commendation for original thinking,” whereas here he is given academic probation and held before a council hearing (which seems a bit extreme to me but whatever). Also, according to IMDb:

In the scene where Kirk is taking the Kobayashi Maru test, he is eating an apple, which is also what he is eating while recounting his tale of taking the Kobayashi Maru test in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982). (According to director J.J. Abrams in the DVD audio commentary, this was not intended to be a reference to The Wrath of Khan. At one point, he was simply told that lead actors seem cocky eating apples.)

23) This was Tyler Perry’s first movie role outside of his own projects (according to IMDb). That’s all. Moving on.

24) There is this incredible and deep conflict between Kirk and Spock which I love to see turn from adversary to friendly.

These two are famously best friends and I don’t know that we’ve ever seen them so at odds with each other. They freaking hate each other. They disagree with each other and each other’s methods on EVERYTHING. It is only through this conflict, through pushing each other, and through the trials the movie puts on them that they are able to respect and admire one another. I freaking love enemies-to-friends in movies and I’m so grateful they did that for this one.

25) John Cho as Sulu.

To start with, the fact that we are re-introduced to one of the most experienced pilots in science-fiction by having him make a mistake is a strong way of differentiating Cho’s Sulu from Takei’s Sulu. It helps to remind us just how green the crew of the Enterprise is in this movie and sets up the journey to come. I really like Cho as Sulu and I think he’s great in this film. You see him as someone who’s a little more unsure of himself early on and grow into the assurance that Takei had. But I also think he has some great moments to shine in Star Trek into Darkness and Star Trek Beyond, maybe more so than the rest of the crew, so this is not the last you will be reading of Sulu.

26) Anton Yelchin as Chekov.

I will talk about Yelchin’s unfortunate passing last year when I write my recap for Star Trek Beyond soon, but I will say that I miss his presence in film. Yelchin is able to make Chekov such a youthful and fun character. He’s only 17 and is eager/excited to be on this ship. He’s smart, enthusiastic, optimistic, and able to serve to the fullest of his capabilities. In some ways more so than the rest of the cast (and I know this is blasphemy to old school Trek fans) Yelchin will always be Chekov to me (more so than even Walter Koening). I’m gonna miss him in future films.

27) The scene where Kirk is running around the Enterprise is great for me.

Not only is there some intense physical humor with the continuing set of symptoms Kirk is going through and the constant amount of shots Bones gives him...

Bones: “You got numb tongue?”

Kirk [with his mouth full]: “Numb tongue!?”

Bones: “I can fix that!”

But it also shows off Kirk’s intelligence. When he puts aside the bullshitting and the need to rebel he is the captain we all know him to be. He KNOWS they’re heading into a trap and it’s not just a bullshit feeling. Even though Spock and Captain Pike all write him off at first Kirk FIGHT to be heard and he is. He is confident and demands to be listened to, earning the respect, trust, and belief of the crew (even if temporarily). He trusts Uhura’s skills in xeno-linguistics, he read Captain Pike’s paper on his father’s death, he even gets Spock to agree that his logic is sound. It is this moment when he starts on his journey to becoming captain of the Enterprise.

28) This is an interesting parallel with Spock and Kirk’s father.

Captain Pike [after Spock wonders if making Kirk first officer is a prank]: “It’s not a prank, Spock. And I’m not the captain, you are.”

The obvious choice would be to have Captain Pike utter these words to Kirk but his using them with Spock is a nice deviation from expectation.

29) Olson is wearing a red shirt/suit.

In the original series, a “red shirt” was a character who’s role was primarily (often exclusively) to die horribly to show just how real the danger was.

30) I think the fight Kirk and Sulu have on top of Nero’s drill is not only a great action scene, but helps build the relationship between the two in a not so obvious way. When Sulu falls off the drill Kirk jumps after him without hesitation and then it is Chekov who pulls their ass out of the fire. It is a moment of deep trust between the Kirk and Sulu (and even Chekov) which will help the pilot get behind Kirk as captain later in the film.

31) Under the trivia for Galaxy Quest (the 1999 Tim Allen film) on IMDb:

In the Audio Commentary for Star Trek (2009), Director J.J. Abrams says, "By the way, I think we've all gone on record as saying one of our favorite 'Trek' films is 'Galaxy Quest'. And this sequence [where Kirk and Sulu are falling toward Vulcan without a parachute] is clearly an homage to Tony Shalhoub's great save in that film."

32) Spock’s struggle with the destruction of Vulcan and the loss of his mother ties directly into his conflict of identity. The universe needs him to be a Vulcan much more than it needs him to be a human now as he is now a member of an endangered species (and even identifies himself as such). And Vulcan’s try to outweigh emotion with logic, meaning that he is burying the grief he feels over his mother’s death in a way which is totally unhealthy.

33) I might be in the minority, but I like the Spock + Uhura relationship.

In some ways I wish it were developed more in future films, but I like how it is a quiet part of their relationships. You can tell it is based on deep compassion they have for each other as well as a total trust. They respect each other fully and never underestimate they other. There is no deception in their relationship, it’s just them. And I think Quinto and Saldana portray this wonderfully.

34) This version of Spock does not make a good captain. It is probably because he is trying to bury his emotion with an overcompensation of logic, but logic is only the beginning of wisdom and just because something is logical does not mean it is right. A lesson he has yet to learn.

35) And THIS is why this reboot works as well as it does.

Uhura [after Spock explains what the ramifications of Nero’s time travel means for them]: “An alternate reality.”

Spock: “Precisely.”

By creating an alternate reality which exists separately from the original timeline you are able to have more freedoms with your story. It is not a full on prequel or reboot. It very much respects what has come before it while clearing the way for something new to come. THAT is why - in my personal opinion - this is the best reboot of a series ever. And a method that X-Men and Terminator have tried to duplicate with varying degrees of success (X-Men doing it well, Terminator not so much).

36) Leonard Nimoy as Spock-Prime.

Now that I have seen the original Star Trek films with Nimoy his appearance in this movie carries a lot more weight for me. When I saw this in theaters the audience freaking cheered when Spock showed up as it was almost a total surprise, meanwhile I had to double check with my father that he was who I thought he was.

Spock: “I have been and always shall be your friend....I am Spock.”

[Beat.]

Kirk: “Bullshit.”

(Kirk’s bullshit made me laugh so freaking hard the first time I saw this.)

Nimoy is great in this film and passes the torch in an incredibly respectful and heartfelt way. It is a nice juxtaposition to see this wiser Spock with Quinto’s greener one and Nimoy is at his best in the part. According to IMDb:

Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman and J.J. Abrams personally called upon Leonard Nimoy's home to request for his role in the film. According to Orci, the actor gave a "Who are you guys and what are you up to?" manner before being told how important he was to them. He was silent, and Nimoy's wife Susan Bay told the creative team that after their conversation he had remained in his chair, emotionally overwhelmed by his decision to return as Spock after turning down many opportunities to revisit the role. He decided to act in this film as he was turned on by the script's scope and its detailing of the characters' histories: "We have dealt with Spock being half-human/half-Vulcan, but never with quite the overview that this script has of the character's entire history, his character growth, his beginnings and his arrival into the Enterprise crew."

It is also through Kirk’s brief time with Spock-Prime that he learns truly who Spock is. He sees him at his most vulnerable, at his most trusting of Kirk since to him they are old friends. And he knows that’s in Quinto’s Spock and he respects him a bit more for it, even if that respect is not apparent upon their initial reunion.

37) Simon Pegg as Scotty.

(GIF originally posted by @stnetwork)

I like how Scotty is included in the plot. It feels more organic and makes him a bit different. He’s not like the rest of the crew who we met in the academy and on the Enterprise. He shows up when he’s needed and Simon Pegg is great in the role. A major fanboy, Pegg is absolutely hysterical in the part. You can clearly see the James Doohan influences in the role but Pegg - like the rest of the cast - is able to make the part his own and fit in with the rest of the crew perfectly.

38) I freaking love this.

(GIFs originally posted by @zacharysquinto)

39) Beaming Scotty and Kirk on the Enterprise only for Scotty to end up in the water tube illustrates a simple rule in storytelling: always have things go wrong. It’s more interesting that way.

40) Kirk pushing Spock is incredibly powerful for me, because Kirk does not enjoy doing this. He does not want to do this. Despite what animosity they may have towards each other, Kirk is only doing what is right. What Spock-Prime told him. He is doing what he has always done: what is best for the crew of the Enterprise. But that doesn’t mean he’s so sure of himself.

Uhura [after Kirk takes the captain’s chair]: “I sure hope you know what you’re doing, captain.”

Kirk: “So do I.”

41) And then the crew starts to take their places. They come together to go against Nero in a way that is reminiscent of the original series.

This image also reminded me of Kirk’s costume: he is the only one not in uniform until the VERY end of the film. He’s the black sheep of the crew who grows into his role.

42) There are a few small moments in the scenes to come which show how Kirk is already filling his duties as Captain. Namely: his telling Sulu to fire on Nero��s ship even if he and Spock are still on it/his covering Spock on Nero’s ship without hesitation (despite the conflict they’ve had up until this point).

43) Remember how I said you should have things go wrong whenever possible?

Scotty: “If there’s any common sense to the design of the enemy ship I should be putting you somewhere in the cargo bay, shouldn't be a soul in site.”

[Kirk and Spock are beamed onto the enemy ship in plain sight of the crew and are immediately attacked.]

44) Similar to Khan (since, for better or worse, Khan will be the villain all other Trek villains are compared to), Nero let’s his need vengeance leave him open to vulnerability.

Romulan Crew Member [after Nero has ordered them to fire on Spock’s ship]: “Sir, if you ignite the red matter -”

Nero: “I WANT SPOCK DEAD NOW!”

45) This was always my dad’s favorite line in the film.

Ayel [Nero’s secondhand]: “Your species is even weaker than I expected. You can’t even speak. [Kirk, who is being choked by Ayel, chokes something. Ayel pulls him closer] What is it?”

Kirk: “I got your gun!”

[Kirk grabs Ayel’s gun from his belt and shoots him.]

46) And Spock makes peace with his human side.

Kirk [after offering to rescue Nero, the man who killed Spock’s mom]: “It’s logic Spock, I thought you’d like that.”

Spock: “Not really. Not this time.”

47) The entire final escape from the black hole ties in not only to the idea of making things go wrong whenever you can, but also an idea found in many Hitchcock films: it’s never over when you think it is.

48) Spock & Spock-Prime.

The only scene the pair share in the film, it is also an incredibly impactful one. A true passing of the torch, Spock Prime is able to share more than logic with Spock. He is able to share his wisdom and help guide Spock down a path as fruitful as his was. It’s a wonderful moment that the film truly needed and that I am forever grateful for.

Spock Prime: “As my customary farewell would seem oddly self serving, I shall simply say good luck.”

49) The end of this film could easily have been just that: the end. The series could have stopped here and it would have been a wildly satisfying ending. Leaving the future open for hope and opportunity, but also getting these characters in the places we are familiar with. Leonard Nimoy does the iconic monologue for the film, and Michael Giacchino incorporates in his ending score his own theme as well as Jerry Goldsmith’s theme from Star Trek: The Motion Picture and the original television show theme. It is just a wonderful ending.

Star Trek is epic. It analyzes the characters and their relationships with a depth not yet explored in the series, specifically with Kirk and Spock. Abrams directing yields some beautiful imagery and the acting is absolutely phenomenal. At its core this film is a big fat love letter to the original series and the hope it brings, paying that hope forward to a new generation who (like me) find these characters through this film. I love it, with all my heart I love it.

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