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fitzrove · 11 days

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Ooh btw when I went out with my friends the other night we were waiting for a bus at one point. An extremely pretty girl was waiting for it a few metres away from us... I noticed her existing as you do pretty girls when you are a Homosexual (🫣) but was mostly focused on talking to my friends and stuff. Well suddenly she came up to us and I noticed she was actually kinda crying (!! 🥺) and asked if any of us had a tissue. I am always prepared esp fresh off my sneezy Vienna trip, so I gave her a plastic-wrapped pack, unopened and all... she was very grateful (asking if she could really keep it all - I said it was fine and even got to use the tdv sarah "you can have it, i've got two" line because I did have two hehehe success everyone inside my brain clapped) but she struggled to open it because long acrylic nails! So I offered to help again and she gave it back to me and our fingers brushed a bit and I tore the plastic cover open with my long short-nailed sexy lesbian fingers 😌 and gave it back hehe.

Anyway I feel like this all would've been a queercoded metaphor if it was fictional but because it's real life we went our separate ways never to meet again 😌 but I was still kind of thinking about her at the club 🥹 and when we were taking the train home with my friend at 5:50 am I was kind of talking about her JSKFLDLFLFL omg kinda creepy tbh esp since I wasn't even drunk 💀 Well my friend was drunk so maybe she already forgot about it. I hope that girl is less sad now and believes in the good in humanity 😌❤️

#🤣🤣🤣 this is what you hyperfixate on when you're too mentally ill to meet people for dates sjkdkdlflf #that and straight girls 💀 there is a cute straight girl in my programme that's very touchy (maybe because she's french) and this week #her cute straight friend (well she has a bf but i'm assuming straight lmao) was visiting her 😭😂😂😂#i talked to her for like an hour about castles and the cote d'azur 😌#also omg not to return to the tissues and this is tmi but my ex gf also gave me one of those plastic packs at least once 😭 akdkdlld #(i dont remember if it was because i was sick or if it was when we broke up and i was crying 💀 it was nice either way 🥺)#so um yeah i guess i was just paying forward good gay karma 😌😌#akdkdldllf idk being undercover gay is weird. i think its nice to be able to interact w girls and not have them assume ulterior motives #(which i dont really have... like if i'm white knighting i'm just doing it for my own satisfaction/enjoyment 💀😭😂)#but yeah i feel like straight girls you just met will interact w you in a girl talk way and then you're secretly a bit into them whoops 🤡🤣#personal #ramble

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foxgirlmoth · 9 months

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I don't talk about this stuff on here pretty much at all, but a past relationship really broke a ton of bits and pieces of my brain and heart in weird ways (I'm finally thinking about him almost never but the shit he pulled was abusive as hell and still affects me sometimes). Being in love with my current girlfriends for a while felt almost. Painful? Almost like I should be ashamed I can fall so deeply in love with people, and especially how quickly that can happen sometimes too. Thats how it kind of felt. I tend to get overwhelmed with emotions if I'm feeling them very strongly, and that has been extremely embarrassing and also felt almost like I was being a burden to those I love (which love is the main emotion that can 'get dialed up to 11' for me). It IS debilitating in some ways!!! It hasn't gotten bad enough I've been nonverbal in a really really long time but that happened this past week and it was wild to me.

Things are getting better now though! Therapy in the past has helped, and honestly having such patient and understanding partners has made a world of difference ;w;. my wife is someone who was one of my best friends and I had a huge crush on and now I can ask for cuddles and we can nap together and I've fallen so much in love. Her and her presence are literally heaven for me, I don't know if anything has ever made me happier than just laying next to her and feeling her warmth.

Worries of course flare up and I feel like I need to lean on her a lot during those moments, but I don't feel like too much of a burden to her. I love seeing the posts that say stuff like 'Its okay to be a burden' or 'its okay to be annoying' because really truly I think I need to be those things to survive sometimes. I can be 'a lot' and I can be a little bit obsessive and those things aren't inherently bad or evil of me. I just make sure I'm feeling okay during and after and make sure I'm checking in on myself often. I'm a bit of a broken girl, but that doesn't mean I'm not extremely happy and living a life I love. I've written poems and everything about how it feels like it must hurt to love me and my broken jagged edges, but hey, even if it does a little bit, it doesn't mean someone like my girlfriend/wife won't go through a little bit of burden to love me, and I'm more than happy to return all of this and more for her as well if she's ever in need or feels broken ;^;

#Not to be too gay but I wanna build my life with my princess more and more #She's. So good to me and she's so pretty and she's so beautiful and attentive and she listens to me in ways I feel no one else has #She understands me so well!! And I hopefully make her feel the same #But yeah I've been a burden a lot to people due to autism (which I didn't know I had for fucking ages) adhd and physical disabilites #And she feels like she isn't taking care of me which is good because I'd honestly hate that #But she understands me and makes me a better person and that's exactly what I've wanted for forever.#And being demi/aspec is awesome with her since she's aspec too and there's no pressure for sex or sexy times but if we both want it #It can still be super fun!! We gotta figure more of that stuff out if we want but knowing each others kinks (and sharing a good bit) rocks #Idk its so so so so easy to love my wife Maxie #She's so dear to me and we've only been dating for 4 months but they've been 4 months I've felt the most alive and seen #Its so easy to be cringe but free with her too idk #She makes me better and I hope I do the same for her. I don't want either of us to stagnate yknow?#But anyways yeah this is just a big journal entry of some kind I might do these every once and a while #Not to like. Brag??? I guess. Or show my mental illness so much. Its just kind of nice if friends know where I'm at in my life I guess #And idk having outside input on thoughts can be good. If any friends see this and go 'Hey Runa this is real weird maybe tone it down'#I can look at that stuff a bit more #Gonna tag this in a way I can find it and others in the future too #Runa diary logs #But yeah you're not hearing this from me but I wanna be with Maxine for the foreseeable future more than anything.#Gotta get my degree and a good job too and she's ofc not the only person in my life (I have Sara who is so very dear to me too ;w;)#Nor is she the only 'goal' I have either. I wanna make games I wanna make art. I wanna make something that other trans people #And queer people and just minorities in general can look at or play or experience and just go. Life is worth living #I love my life right now and I'm so glad I've made it to my late 20's.#Its only uphill from here :3 #Wanna add on when I say she's not the only person in my life I mean that I have so many friends and people I love who love me too :3 #♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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patroclusdefencesquad · 2 years

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hey btw if you take a friendship between two men and then remove aspects of that friendship because you think it's "too gay" you automatically make it gayer that's just how it works

#i firmly believe that if geralt and jaskier's friendship had been like it is in the books #then i would not have shipped them like i do #instead they removed all the aspects of their relationship that made it GOOD until there was nothing left #so fans had to be like. ok well i guess we'll fix this #if you put two people together without actually showing us WHY they're together then obviously people are gonna take that #and do something with it #does this make sense like??#without the aspects of their friendship from the books #geralt and jaskier are just two guys travelling together for 20 years #one who seems to barely tolerate the other #if you don't let them Be Friends people are gonna be like. then why are they spending all of this time together??#idek what im saying im tired it's late but like #stop trying to detract from male friendship because you think it's too gay!!#stop trying to detract from male friendship because you think fans will make something more of it!!#let men be affectionate and kind and loving to each other #el randoms

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choropilled · 7 months

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comparing my selfships again but i think cychoro awre probably much more insatiable than zarahjiwoon... i dont know.. the dynamics are similar but simply as People cychoro are much less Fulfilled by wehat theyre doing in general. so on and so forth

#maybe insatiable isnt the right word. at the same time it is #definitely very unfulfilled as people . but also theyre probably more active in that sense as well as a result? cause they're just #technically . just normal people #and zarah +jiwoon are just both. extremely mentally ill for one.#theyre sated by being good at what they do and like. also killing people but we can ignore that for now #versus choro and cy #ososan verse zarah doesnt have the same like . Elevation per say i guess but she's still like #representation of what cypress is Supposed to be #and cy knows she really can't be the same #even if theyre very similar theyre still different people #...........theres also . the aspect of it beign far much harder for zarah to grow comfortable with jiwoon vs cypress and choro #..cy's proibably way more forward too #uhmmm wehatever. runs off to draw gay shit or whatever #txt

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maddy-ferguson · 8 months

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isn't it crazy how much discourse heartstopper generates when it's a show competing in the children's and family emmy awards

#i guess queer people on this side of the internet have always liked shows for kids so it isn't not really #noshade i have watched gravity falls multiple times. though tbf i was younger than mabel and dipper when it started airing. that's not the #point #i understand each and every discussion around the topic of sex or no sex and of sanitized queer relationships as much as someone who has #never seen an episode and who is never gonna watch an episode can. but when people are like um are you asking why hannah montana #doesnt depict teen sexuality accurately? i kind of get it too because well no. but also it's like isn't the thing about being queer that it #cant/shouldnt be made palatable. but also it's good to have queer shows for kids. actual kids not people who are like 17 and a half.#but then why are 25-year-olds watching and saying like see no one in this has sex or it's only slightly implied and very respectfully #this is how all queer media should be. you are a grown-up #i don't actually care because like i said i don't watch and i'm never going to watch but witnessing it is kind of fascinating. no it isn't #my mom watched it btw i think because she likes english people #and maybe also because she has a gay daughter now🙈🙉🙊#i told her i didn't watch it because i'm sure it's good but i'm not the target audience because i'm so old and mature🙏 and she was like #well i'm way older than you and i like it. and i was like you really are #and like i say: brf slt

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ducktracy · 2 years

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Idk how influential you are on the LT fandom on a Whole but you definitely inspired me to check out the originals, and especially appreciate Porky/Daffies more. It helps that my favorite short for years was Yankee Doodle Daffy!

AWWWWWWWWW THIS IS SO SWEET THAT IS 100% MY GOAL THANK YOU!! you don’t know HOW much this means to me!

i tend to stay away from fandom spaces/don’t consider myself a part of the fandom, so quite honestly your guess is as good as mine—i HOPE people think of me or associate me with these cartoons HAHAHAHA but 100%, my goal is to spread the joy of the originals and shed a light onto the people who made them and how their experiences and input inform the cartoons as a whole, and maybe how our perceptions of these shorts and characters have changed as time has gone on…

there’s no right or wrong way to enjoy the franchise, but i really do think it is a more fulfilling experience to Experience The Originals for yourself. i really enjoy talking about cartoons that are given less love from a mainstream angle and that 100% includes the Porkies and Daffies (and is also why i’m so adamant about spreading The Porky Gospel; he gets such a bad rap and is so underappreciated and every person i’ve spread my gospel about him to seems to really like or appreciate himself after HAHAHA. Daffy will always be my #1 favorite but he doesn’t really suffer from this, though i absolutely think his ‘40s persona gets a lot of misunderstanding as well)

THIS REALLY MEANS A LOT TO ME GENUINELY. making the plunge and checking out the cartoons is the best decision i’ve ever made. there’s a lot of rightful hesitancy to be had since there are SO many cartoons and it’s hard to find a starting point (and not to mention the many, many, many, many aspects that have aged poorly and/or were poor to begin with), but i can’t begin to tell you how fulfilling this experience has been.

so, if anyone who’s following me is cautious about making the plunge, i encourage you to give the originals a chance, ESPECIALLY if you’re into more modern LT media to familiarize yourself with the source material. you absolutely do not have to be a nut like me and watch every single in chronological order, but these cartoons are so ingrained and formative in the animation landscape today that i think anyone with an interest in animation should definitely give them a chance. and, if you’re a bit of a history nut like me, it’s very fun to see the evolution of culture as a whole as the years go on… radios evolve into TVs, the rambunctious attitudes of the shorts during the war years take a more domestic turn after the war, celebrity references depend on the decade, even the stylings of music, and of course the art styles of the shorts themselves… it’s so fascinating from a multitude of reasons. i really can’t tell you how happy i am to hear this (and Yankee Doodle Daffy is a GREAT favorite to have!)

#i’ve never fit particularly well with fandom spaces because i’m a bit of a contrarian and very stubborn/dedicated to my points of view and #often times they’re viewpoints or interests not largely reciprocated by other people and so i just really enjoy marching to the beat of my #own drum. i don’t go in tags or look up fanart or anything like that #not that that’s a good or bad thing but i feel the originals as a whole are undercirculated in fandom spaces or misinterpreted/viewed with a #very fandom centric point of mind if that makes sense. and while there isn’t anything wrong with that i personally encourage people to seek #out the real thing and frame their experiences from and opinions from that because sometimes a game of telephone happens if you know what i #mean. like i’ve seen people say Bugs Bunny was 100% intended as a gay icon in good faith and that’s just blatantly false. i WISH the #intentions were in good faith and he 100% is a gay icon but… these cartoons were made by people who made fairy jokes and described their #units as being filled with ‘drunks and queers’. i’m 100% for reclamation but i think it’s ignorant to assume they weren’t laughing AT us #while making those jokes… and i guess that’s just my issue with fandom as a whole with that sort of misinterpretation.#not at all trying to be like ‘i’m better than you because i watch the originals’ FAR FROM IT i don’t think i’m better than anyone at all but #i do tend to wish people would watch the originals more and familiarize themselves with them because i feel so much more fulfilled as a #result and i want others to experience that same joy #AHHHHHH i’m sorry i hope this doesn’t sound preachy or egotistical i’m in too deep i don’t wanna come off as the fun police or like I Am A #Genius You Are Doing It Wrong way. i’m digging myself in a hole here and gotta stop but basically thank you #anonymous #asks #long post

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kindledrose · 9 months

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just watched nimona feeling FANTASTIC

#hi friend who watched it with me if you see this <3333 i had a wonderful time i hope u did too #i am not good at articulating my thoughts in the moment but my brain was going BOING BOING BOING the whole time because THE SYMBOLISM....#(spoilers below be warned)#but the metaphors man. it's all about the metaphors #the colors and the dichotomy gahhhh (the black + white + pinkish-orange)#the blend of traditional medieval and modern in the setting because It Is A Changing Era #the fact that every one of nimona's forms was part of her identity! every time she was shown on screen it was very clearly her!#except in those last few scenes where she had Very Clearly Became What People Wanted To See !!!#and not one individual form could encompass her at all!#the mix of Individual People vs The System driving the story #the whole !!! the whole history being based on something inaccurate and one-sided and the walls literally breaking down.#(the fact that i didn't even notice when the director died lmao. i had to think back just now like 'wait what happened to her again')#the queer solidarity though auhhhh #the whole time at the beginning i was like 'OH IT'S BALLISTER ALMOST BEGINNING TO BE ACCEPTED... BUT NIMONA IS STILL TOO MUCH HMM?'#canonically gay & trans characters but they are a representation as well...#anyways. one of The Movies Ever i think #i am so so happy that it did get made!! and screw di sney for that i guess!!!#yeah. watch nimona i guess #i'm sad i didn't get to watch it through netflix though (my family lost the password). but when i can i just kind of want to loop it #so they know yknow #terra is rambling

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orcelito · 1 year

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OK listen I'm still not quite sold on them being a pairing But

Kisara and Dohalim r killing me anytime they r next to each other. Making me feel very bisexual

#speculation nation #yes i put kisara in the angel getup look it just fits #plus the dark armor. oughhh #and of course i put dohalim in his dark outfit too. it just looks too good #LIKE in an ideal world they would be. a lesbian and a gay man. they just have those vibes.#but also i am not immune to Dohalim borderline confession poetry #and also the fact that they r both Incredibly beautiful people. and side by side... oughhhhhh #we'll see if the game manages to convince me. im still on the fence. but a lot of ppl seem to ship them So . we'll see #either way they r definitely not straight and i will uphold that to the end of the earth #they could be bi4bi tho. i could accept that.#alphen and shionne r basically canon lol and i couldnt stop it even if i wanted to #law and rinwell r cute and also so fucking oblivious. theyre both so clueless. it's adorable.#they obviously have crushes on each other but they dont even recognize it themselves #too busy relentlessly teasing each other. and ykno what good for them #they'll figure it out eventually.#shoutout to a game that can get me to appreciate straight pairings lmao like Sure i guess i'll join this boat if it's well written #ive been busy working on side quests now that i can finally access the rest of the world again #land of water shit was BRUTAL.........#but im killing giant monsters left and right so let's goooooo #tho theres a handful where i start the fight and im like Nope nope nope nope nope #the weird earth wind and water appearances... huh...#LAW WANTING SO BAD TO FIND THE FANCY FLOWER FOR RINWELL but im sorry that deer is too scary. we'll get it eventually.#enjoying this game. and enjoying the chance to properly level up. Oh yea

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exopelagic · 5 months

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I have the curse of so much to say all the time I should rlly get a diary

#anyway. I’m just trying to get to know the guy but there’s That sitting there bc he’s cute #it makes me feel so weird abt everything bc it doesn’t feel like I should be Feeling That idk how much other people have this #added weirdness coming with being gay #anyway I’m so lucky that the one person who knows me well enough to be able to See Things is completely oblivious bc goddamn #I run the full length of the rink to catch up with Big Luke after he leaves bc there was a glove left on the bench where we were #and I thought it might’ve been his (it wasn’t)#i didn’t realise that when I feel things I feel them Big #partly bc I spent a long time not letting myself but I think this whole thing comes with the territory of repression #but yeah if you hadn’t guessed the Guys thing is one of the things The Wanting is shifting towards #I know that I absolutely cannot until may bc I don’t have time. it would almost definitely mess with me too much even if it’s good #once again feeling dumb for Having Feelings Abt Things but I think that too is normal #okay. I don’t have much time to do essay now but I can look through it and set it on the process of maturing in my head #bc I never get anything substantial done on the first day of working on smth anyway. it needs time to arrange itself in my head #and then I can cook with whatever I’ve got bc I think I have enough to make a decent curry even if I’m missing some vegetables I’d like #and tomorrow I can set my alarm properly and have a quiet day where I try to get my essay done and have a night to myself #I should email some supervisors but I’ll do that tomorrow they won’t read the emails until Monday anyway #okay?#oh yeah I also have the sun lamp now I’ll turn that on that will really help #okay I’m gonna go do that. <33 #luke.txt

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marriedtobigfoot · 8 months

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Steve ends up heartbroken, lonely and depressed after season 2. Nancy called him bullshit, even after he ditched all his old friends for her. Billy Hargrove took his spot at the top of the food chain. He can have it, Steve doesn't really want it anymore. But Steve does want to find some sort of connection. Someone to have in his life who isn't an 11 year old kid he barely knows. He tries to go on a date one night, take a nice-seeming girl to a party. He wants to find connection, to kill the loneliness that's been building for months, but just as he's feeling kind of good about things, his date ditches him.

So. He decides to drink his feelings. He gets majorly fucked up, and ends up laying on the ground in the backyard, contemplating how much life seems to hate him.

Only to literally get tripped over by Eddie Munson, who was at this party selling pot and is very confused as to why Steve Harrington is alone on the ground with a bottle of vodka clenched in one hand.

Eddie ends up chatting a little with Steve, nothing substantial, but enough to know that Steve is very very drunk, and also very very sad.

He asks if Steve wants to go back to the party, and Steve staunchly refuses. He doesn't want to be around a bunch of annoyingly happy people.

He asks if Steve needs a ride home, and Steve just kind of shrugs. His parents just left for another trip, so home is kind of depressing right now too. But he doesn't exactly have any other friends he can stay with so. Home it'll have to be.

Only Eddie can *tell* he doesn't really want to go home, though he has no idea why Steve wouldn't want to return to his veritable mansion after a shitty night. The reason doesn't matter much. He offers to let Steve crash at his place. Steve can take the couch, or hell he can stay in Eddie's room if he doesn't mind sharing, that way he wouldn't risk being woken up when Wayne comes home that morning.

And well, Steve agrees. Can't think of any reason not too. Munson has been nice so far, he's got a good easy-going energy that Steve likes. Why not stay the night.

By the time they get to Eddie's, Steve is *slightly* more sober. Not much, but he's slurring his words a little less, and he can walk with only a little help.

Eddie grabs them each a little plate of leftovers, because he has no idea if Steve's eaten at all. It's quiet while they eat, Eddie doesn't push Steve to talk, and Steve isn't sure what to say. Eventually Eddie sets the plates aside and give Steve an easy grin.

"So, do you want the couch, or are you crashing with me?"

Steve thinks about it for a while. He hasn't shared a bed with a guy-friend since he was a kid, and he's heard rumors about Eddie, whispers in the hall about the way he looks at other guys. But...Steve can't really bring himself to care. He's tired, and he really doesn't want to be alone.

"I don't mind sharing."

Eddie sets them both up in his room, letting Steve choose which side of the bed he wants, and they both settle in. There's a respectable distance between the two of them, and Eddie says a quick goodnight to Steve, figures they won't talk and just go right to bed.

Except Steve isn't sober, and he really isn't in a good headspace, so he can't stop himself from blurting things out into the quiet of the dark room.

"Are you really gay?"

Eddie stiffens next to him, he can feel it, he can hear the way that the other boys breath cuts off and he seems to stop breathing all-together.

"It's okay if you are, I'm not going to be an asshole about it, I'm trying not to be that guy anymore. I guess I was just curious."

It's quiet for another beat before Eddie seems to loosen just a little. He starts breathing again at least.

"Yeah I uh- I am. Gay. And if that's weird the couch is still open, I can-"

"It's not weird."

"Okay."

Steve let's himself mull over this confirmation, and then his mouth starts moving again, without his permission.

"Is it lonely? Cause I mean, it's got to be hard to date in Hawkins. People here are shitty. Unless you've got like, a secret boyfriend or something."

"No...no secret boyfriend. It does get a little lonely sometimes. I'm lucky though, I've got my uncle, and my friends are pretty great. That's enough most days."

"What do you do when it's not enough?"

"Hmmm?"

"When your uncle and friends aren't enough, what do you do? To try and...make it better?"

Eddie is quiet again for a long stretch before he shrugs.

"I try to focus on something else. I'll play my guitar or work on a new campaign, read a book. Something to take my mind off it."

"Oh."

Now Steve is the one who seems tense, his jaw is tight and he's got his arms wrapped around himself. His next words come out as a whisper, but Eddie manages to catch them.

"I don't know how to do any of that."

He sounds almost choked, and Eddie is caught off guard. He's never seen Steve Harrington as anything other than solid, as happy. He's the king, after all. He's supposed to be all smiles and great hair. Only...Eddie's noticed that he hasn't hung out with his old friends lately, that he's eaten alone at lunch too many times to be anything other than strange.

"Steve...are you lonely?"

Eddie expects a denial, for Steve to laugh it off and tell Eddie that he's perfectly fine and fulfilled. Or maybe he expects a shrug, a non-answer. What he doesn't expect is the gut-wrenching sob that seems to tear past the other boys lips.

He doesn't expect to turn and see Steve Harrington's face, a scant foot from his, shining with tears.

He panics a little at the sight.

"Fuck- I'm so sorry-"

"Don't be." Steve tries to wipe his eyes, to hide the tremble in his voice. "Not your fault there's something wrong with me."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like I'm broken man, like nobody can stand to be around me. Tommy and Carol hate me now, Nancy- hell even my own parents hate being at home with me for more than a week. It's like I'm repellent or something. Couldn't even get a date to stick around for a whole night."

And Eddie's pretty sure *he* might start crying now. He'd never have expected this much from Steve, all that sadness to come pouring out. It wouldn't have happened if Steve was completely sober. Without thinking, he reaches out.

Eddie puts a hand on Steve's shoulder and waits to see if the touch gets rejected, but Steve seems to lean into him, so he lets his hand linger.

"This probably won't help, but I don't think you're repellent. And that's coming from somebody who your whole group used to torture. I don't know much about you, but I kind of liked having you around tonight."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Steve gives him a tiny smile. His eyes are still wet with tears, and the smile doesn't come close to reaching them. He seems impossibly small here in Eddie's bed.

"I don't know man. I just wish-"

He cuts himself off, apparently deciding his words are too far, but Eddie urges him to keep talking.

"What do you wish Steve?"

"I just wish that... there was somebody out there I could have a future with. Somebody who actually loved me, you know?"

It might be the saddest thing Eddie's ever heard, and he blames that fact for what he does next.

He takes his hand off Steve's shoulders and instead hauls Steve closer to him, fitting the other boy against his chest and wrapping his arms around him. It's a move that might get him decked, but he doesn't think it will. And he'll be damned if he doesn't hug Steve right that second.

He doesn't get hit. Steve tenses for a second, but it's just that one instant before he's melting into the embrace.

Eddie feels more tears falling against his shirt, and he couldn't care less. He keeps Steve close, let's him cry into his chest, runs a hand through that famous mop of hair.

He isn't sure how long it takes for Steve to calm down, but eventually he does. His breathing evens out, and he shivers a little before speaking.

"Thanks man."

And Eddie takes another leap of faith.

"I could be that person, you know."

"What?"

"I mean. You know Im... not straight. It may not be exactly what you're wanting but. I think I could picture a future with you. If you want to, just for tonight...I could be that someone who loves you."

Steve looks at Eddie, like he's a puzzle that he needs to solve, before a other shiver seems to wrack his body.

"Just for tonight?"

It comes out as a whisper, but Eddie hears it all the same.

"Yeah. For tonight Steve."

"I think...I think I'd like that."

Eddie gives him the sweetest smile he can muster, and nods.

"Alright sweetheart."

Eddie isn't exactly sure what it means, to love Steve for the night. After all, Steve is straight. He figures it doesn't matter much though, it's only for a night.

He keeps a hold on Steve, let's him get comfortable tucked against Eddie, and he does what feels natural. He runs a hand up and down Steve's spine, traces shapes into the soft fabric of his shirt. He tangles their legs together, and in a moment of insane bravery he presses a kiss to the top of Steve's head.

He's met with a sigh, full of relief, and figures he's on the right track.

"Just close your eyes Stevie, I've got you."

"Can you tell me about it?"

"Hmmm?"

"The future. You said you could see one. Can you tell me?"

And he asks so carefully, he sounds almost afraid, Eddie can't say no to that.

"Do you want the fantasy future, or the realistic future?"

"The real one."

"Alright then. Well, if I'm not going to be a rich and famous rockstar...I'll probably graduate and get a job somewhere in town. A real job, maybe working on cars or something. I'm good with cars. You'd come over all the time, have dinners with me and with Wayne. You'd have to meet Wayne. And we'd have more nights like this, sleeping close."

Steve let's out a pleased sounding hum, and shifts his face so it's buried even closer in Eddie's neck. He can feel Steve's breath on him.

"We could save up money and get a little place together, somewhere outside Hawkins. I have to stay kind of close, for my uncle, but maybe Indy?"

Steve nods, mutters something about staying close 'just in case'. He sounds like he might fall asleep, so Eddie keeps going.

"We could get an apartment, nothing too fancy. We would get two rooms, so nobody gets suspicious, but we would share a bed most nights. I'd play with my band on weekends, just for fun, and you'd join some little local sports team. I'd make sure to schedule DND nights so that I never miss a single game, even though I don't understand a damn thing about sports. We would come home for holidays, but most of the time it would just be us. I'd take good care of you, make sure you never go more than a few hours without me telling you I love you. I'll show up wherever you're working just to give you a hug and a kiss, and make sure you don't forget it. And I'll annoy the hell out of, but you won't mind too much, because I'll make you happy too."

Eddie can think of more. He can think about so many things. How he could give Steve one of his rings, even if they couldn't legally get married, even if Steve would never want that. Just as another reminder that he's loved. They could take trips together and go out to parties where Steve will never have to worry about getting ditched. Eddie doesn't do things halfway, and he has a hell of an imagination. He could picture them growing old together, if he tried, if he let himself. But this is just for tonight, so he doesn't. Instead he runs a hand through Steve's hair again, and listens to his quiet breathing. He thinks he may have fallen asleep, but he's wrong.

"That sounds nice."

It comes out muffled, spoken into Eddie's neck, but he manages to make it out, and he let's the vibration of it sink into his skin.

*It's only for tonight.*

He has to remind himself, because Steve is just feeling lonely. He doesn't want that future with Eddie, he just wants to feel loved.

But even if it's just pretend, just to help Steve for a few hours, he's okay with that.

Steve may think he's broken, but Eddie thinks he would be easy to love for a long time. Loving him for one night is nothing. He doesn't even have to try.

Tomorrow Steve will wake up sober, and he'll thank Eddie for letting him stay over, and they won't talk about it. Eddie will drive Steve back to his car in silence, and they'll say their goodbyes. They may not talk ever again, they never had before.

But for tonight? Eddie Munson will love Steve Harrington, and Steve? He'll let himself be loved, let himself beleive it. And he'll love Eddie right back.

Just for one night.

And if Steve ever needs it again? Eddie will love him for another night. And Steve will give that love right back. He's got plenty to spare, after all. And there's far worse people he could share it with.

#steddie #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve harrington whump #steve is sad #eddie helps #pre-season 4 #this takes place between seasons 2 and 3 #I wrote this in a fit of insanity while I was supposed to be working #hope yall like it

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duchessonfire · 2 years

Text

I have been reading a bit on the OTW elections and the whole Tiffany G thing, but most of all, I've been reading comments from people supporting Tiffany saying that she just wants to clear AO3 from all the CSAM (child sexual abuse material) content and I don't know who needs to hear this but:

If someone comes to a predominantly QUEER space (like AO3) and tells you that censorship is necessary to eradicate CSAM... it's not actually CSAM they want to eradicate...

I've seen this type of discourse about Pride and about queer literature and queer movies and queer communities. It's a tried and true technique of the right and conservative movements.

First, they say there is a DANGER to the community through CSAM and they conflate the actual threat of CSAM in the community (we all know someone who thinks that writing a love story between two characters who are 16 is CSAM...), and make you believe that censorship is the only way to PROTECT THE CHILDREN. And since most people are (rightly) mind-bogled at having to explain that of course they don't support CSAM content, they bow down and accept the censorship for the greater good, without anyone actually trying to have a conversation about what qualifies as CSAM (which needs to, you know, actually involve real children and not fictional characters who are 17 and losing their virginity with their crush in a Mature-rated story about high school football and first love based on the author's own experience of losing their virginity at 17 to their crush in high school).

Then, they tell you that there are other forms of DISTURBING CONTENT, and what they really mean is porn that THEY find disturbing, for ex, (and I kid you not, I have seen comments like that) porn featuring disabled characters, which they consider to encourage the exploitation of vulnerable individuals, or BDSM porn (which supposedly encourages violence and lack of consent), or rough porn, or any kind of porn that isn't two (preferably white and skinny) able-bodied people doing it missionary style while lovingly gazing in each other's eyes. SO TO PROTECT VIEWERS, that needs to be banned as well.

And then, they tell you that even that sanitized version of porn is still porn and that people under 18 or under 21 or under whatever age they consider too young to view anything sexual regardless of the fact that not all countries have the same law about the age of maturity, should be free to surf the site without having to *gasp* filter out properly tagged works. So TO PROTECT THE CHILDREN, every explicit content is censored.

And then finally, when all that is left is a sanitized, white-washed, ableist, puritan type of content featuring General-Audience approved gay works of two nice men or two nice women holding hands and chastely kissing each other on the lips... Well guess what? :) CHILDREN SHOULD NOT BE EXPOSED TO QUEER CONTENT SO WE NEED TO BAN THAT AS WELL, and since we've basically done purge after purge before and there are still a handful of people on the website, well surely they won't mind/care anymore, will they?

It's not just a slippery slope, it's something that has been done time and again, and that is why censorship on AO3 will never, never have a positive outcome.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

#otw elections #ao3 #sorry for the rant #but i'm tired of seeing the same BS again and again #tw cp mention #censorship

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drchucktingle · 22 days

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Hello Dr Tingle! I wanted to ask you about that re: your post about how all your books are serious literature (hell yeah Love is real). How do you personally deal with the whole traditional publishing institution? It attracts a whole different level of coverage and it seems that they're very quick to try and box you and like turn you into a brand. Is it stiffling? Is it freeing? Does the attention help more people understand your trot? I don't know I've never been published but since you have experience in both traditional and self publishing I'm interested in knowing how that's feeling for you

well this is a pretty complex question with lots of different trots but i will try my best to answer. lets start with WHO I AM as buckaroo name of chuck

what i create has a very strong voice and my way is pretty recognizable. while buckaroos do not know what most authors look like, i REALLY stand out in a dang crowd with a big pink bag on my head. if you see 50 random author photos and mine is mixed in and then you ask 'which photo do you remember the most?' it is probably gonna be chuck. i also have a VERY UNIQUE STORY with what i create and my artistic sensibilities, not a lot of buds are out there making trans mothman erotica along with their big five traditional publishing bestsellers (SIDENOTE preorder BURY YOUR GAYS)

now if you were going to take 'CHUCK TINGLE' to a marketing department they would FALL OVER BACKWARDS IN THEIR DANG CHAIR with excitement. it is hard to think of an author with a stronger BRAND than i already have in the sense of 'instantly recognizable trot and specific unique style'. even in answering this you can tell that i dont even TALK like other dang authors.

what i am getting at is this: i am VERY VERY LUCKY because my existence just so happens to equate to what a company would see as GOOD BRANDING. it is not intentional on my part, it is just the hand of fate i guess. im out here expressing myself in a FULL ON WAY that is PRETTY DANG STRANGE TO SOME and it just so happens to work as mainstream branding too

on paper you might think 'what the heck no way chuck tingle will fly as a mainstream trot' but honestly the main thread of this timeline can be surprising sometimes. ive been saying the key ingredient for years and i will say it again: LOVE AND SINCERITY RESONATE. when you make art with this fuel, the timeline will feel it. when you stand up tall and shout with your whole chest THIS IS MY WAY AND I LOVE MYSELF. I AM THE WORLDS GREATEST AUTHOR TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, the timeline will listen

so all that said, i do not mind the idea of myself as 'brand' because i am not CHANGING myself to create this effect. what some might see as 'brand' i just see as another part of my art. i have always believed that art is THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE not just the painting but what is outside of the frame. WHO I AM is just as important as the books i write, and interacting with my way is a whole MULTIMEDIA experience that INCLUDES YOU TOO. it is the feeling when your friend shows you your first tingler cover, or the feeling when you realize that i am not playing a character. this is ALL a part of the tingleverse and it is all a part of my honest raw expression as a queer and neurodivergent buckaroo.

YOU ARE PART OF THIS ART TOO

it is my nature of have a PUNK ROCK trot. always has been. but to me that does not mean just angrily going against everything for the sake of going against everything. for me, this punk rock trot means fighting to EXPRESS MYSELF IN THE MOST HONEST AND PURE FORM POSSIBLE and to create the art that i want to make without any boundaries

somehow i have threaded the needle in this really interesting once-in-a-dang-lifetime kind of way. my pure punk rock self as an OUTERSIDER ARTIST just so happens to resonate with this larger system of brand and traditional publishing and popular culture. i COULD reject this, but rejecting it would be LESS HONEST.

this is just who i am. i LIKE pop culture. i LIKE joy. i LIKE dressing in all pink and wearing my custom suits. I LIKE PROVING LOVE IS REAL WHAT THE HECK ELSE EVEN IS THERE? i love being a queer outsider artist and using my small voice to shout at the big bad devils and i like that every time i shout a few more of you buckaroos join the chorus and together we are just getting louder and louder and louder and WHO KNOWS what comes next for us all trotting together.

when i post something like 'WHAT A GREAT DAY TO PROVE LOVE' it is not me sitting here in a bad mood thinkin 'well i gotta make todays post to keep up with my brand'. i am ACTUALLY FEELING THAT FEELING and i actually believe it with every fiber of my being. honestly, half the time i post about the beauty of this timeline i am probably over here literally crying tears of joy (chuck is an emotional bud i get riled over the joy of existence A LOT)

and heres the best part of this trot: because i really have this punk rock way it makes me very powerful. others can pretend not to care about success and brand and all that but I REALLY DO NO CARE. i would write tinglers whether buds were reading them or not, this is just my natural state, and that makes me incredibly strong. if some big corporation says 'YOU MUST DO THIS' and i dont want to do it i just say 'no thanks'. it is not some big debate about my career or anything like that because I REALLY DO NOT CARE IN THE SLIGHTEST. i care about the art

because of this, my relationship with my GIANT TRADITIONAL PUBLISHING MACHINE is great. we trot like equals and we get along really well. i tell them exactly what i want to do and they let me do it. i really do not have to answer to anyone and they deserve a huge amount of credit for respecting me in this way.

and heres the thing, THEY ALSO HAVE SOME GREAT IDEAS

SPECIFICALLY my imprint of NIGHTFIRE is very dang cool. yes, they are the head of a giant hydra of a BIG FIVE PUBLISHER, but nightfire is SO DANG ART-FOCUSED

there is no right or wrong way to be an artist, and my path is not the only one, but i can tell you what WORKS FOR ME. this is the advice i would give myself, and buckaroos can take it or leave it

here it is: never beg the big book publisher, or record label, or movie studio to pay attention to you

do not let it become a lotto ticket in your brain. do not think that you are some weak little creature and maybe if you trot just right they will scoop you up and take care of you. do not go to their door begging to be let in

LET THEM COME TO YOUR DOOR

create something so incredible and beautiful and honest and powerful and unique and important that they would be foolish to miss out. create a community or a system or a timeline or a world of imagination that thrives on its own and THEY SHOULD BE SO LUCKY TO BE A PART OF IT

then when you sit down at that board meeting it is not 'please brand me, ill do whatever you want'. instead, it is 'lets make a deal and see how much love we can prove together.'

now lets trot buckaroos

#buckaroo lifestyle #chuck tingle #tingleverse

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neil-gaiman · 7 months

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Probably won't ever read this, but I felt like adding to the stack of 'thank you's piled up a mile high in your asks.

When I was younger my mom did everything in her power to keep us from seeing queer people represented positively, and honestly anything to keep us from seeing them exist at all. Would turn off any show if it started acting a little gay, get angry about 'woke' productions, all that jazz. She was strict on internet censorship too. As a teen in the rural south, I wasn't certain adults even COULD be queer; she thought if I wasn't exposed to it, then I'd turn out straight.

Well I was at her house over the summer and she has Prime (I do not I am poor). Her first question when she walked in on me watching Good Omens was, "are they gay?" I wasn't really sure what to say (God I hope so was my first thought) so I just said "maybe?"

She ended up watching most of it with me. I'm not sure what the moral is there, or if she even ended up liking the show, but if she had thoughts she at least kept them to herself. And look at me, I'm a queer adult (spoiler alert, nothing changed when I turned 20). So I guess this is just a thanks. I know I'm late to the Good Omens game, but I still lived at home when season one was released so I think that's forgivable.

I'm proud of you.

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brooooswriting · 3 months

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hiii it’s my first time making a request and I saw that you were looking for Leighton Murray x reader requests.

So I was thinking about Leighton x reader, where reader knows Leightons dad and he tries to match them up. And she’s like the whole package, she plays soccer with Whitney, is an Lgbt advocate and also joins Leighton’s advanced math class. Leighton feels threatened so it’s like academic enemies to lovers.

You're better than me

“Hello,” you greeted Leighton and the other two people in the room as she walked into her advanced math class. She was new in there after her family forced her to take harder classes. The other two greeted you happily while Leighton only rolled her eyes. You had to hold in a scoff, even if she wasn't the biggest fan of you, was it so hard to say hello?

While Leighton wished that this was the only time that she had to see you, it wasn't. You were also on the football team with Whitney and you often visited the women's center. So, she wasn't safe anywhere cause Whitney liked to bring you into their dorm to study since you were pretty good in all your classes.

This was precisely why Leighton could not be more excited for the family weekend, which was crazy because her family was exhausting. But at least you would be busy too, or at least she guessed that you would be.

“Hey Dad,” she said as her father got out of the car. He immediately walked up to hug her, holding her too close for her to get any air.

“Hello, how are you? How is Essex treating you?” he asked, not really hearing the answer as she had to mumble into his chest. “I can't wait for dinner tonight, I want you to meet somebody” he added as he finally let her go.

“Meet somebody? Please tell me you don't have a side chick.” She frowned looking at him.

“Leighton! No, of course not. Now, let's go. I believe we have a packed schedule.” She nodded and followed him into the building, constantly thinking about who she might have to meet. The blonde had to say that the day went quite well, it mostly did when she was alone with her dad. They talked about college, her mum and Nico, about what she might do after her years at Essex and how his job was going.

After some long hours, it was finally time to go eat and she would finally see who he would want her to meet. As they walked into the restaurant her heart stopped when she was to whom her father was walking. There you sat in a women's suit, with some makeup and heels. God, she hated the fact that she was attracted to you right now.

“Y/n, it's so lovely of you to meet us here,” her dad said as he hugged you, making her nearly gasp. You gave him a smile as you hugged him back.

“No problem, Henry!” you told him and again the blonde nearly gasped. You turned toward her and sent her a big smile. “Hey Leighton, it's nice to see you,” you said as you pulled out the chair for her. Henry did not tell you that he would bring Leighton tonight which made the whole thing kinda awkward. You actually liked her but she seemed to hate you.

She sent you a tight-lipped smile and sat down, you and Henry then joining. “So, it seems like you two already know each other,” Henry said, giving you both a big smile while his daughter rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, we do. But, just out of interest, how do YOU TWO know each other?” the girl who hated you asked, aggressively pointing between you and him.

“Oh well, after you came out your dad wanted to know what to do, and how to act. You know it can be hard for parents of gay kids, even when they accept their children for it. They never know what is too much and what is not enough” you started to explain but didn't get far.

“Can you maybe skip all this shit and just answer my question?” she snapped making her father furrow his brows.

“Yeah, of course. Since I am an LGBT advocate your dad asked me for help” You gave her a short nod when you finished your explanation.

“Why would you ask her dad? And why would you want me to meet her?” It wasn't hard to see that she was annoyed, by you, her dad and just life in general you guessed.

“Well, she's a great woman Leighton. She plays football, has a scholarship for it, she is great at math, she is part of the lgbtq and she is exactly your type” You wanted to disappear so bad right now and it seems like Leighton wanted the same thing. For you to disappear. Her eyes were wide and her brows raised as she stared at him with disbelief.

“Dad! I told you we’re not gonna talk about my dating life. Not ever. Got it? And especially her” well, that hurt. Henry gave her an unhappy look before giving you a sorry one. You only gave him a short nod to signal that it was alright.

“Leighton that’s enough! I’ll go to the restrooms real quick before we eat” he stood up and walked away. As soon as his back was turned towards you the blonde was on her phone.

“Look,” you started and pushed her phone down so she could look at you “I know that you hate me for some weird reason but your dad was really nice and asked me to come so I said yes. I didn’t know that you were coming alright? So how about you use some manners and act like you can at least stand being in a room with me huh?” She only picked up her phone again making you sigh. “I don’t get why they talked about you so nice in the women center” you mumbled out making her look up from her phone.

“What did you just say?” She couldn’t believe your audacity. Who did you think you are that you go and talk to her and about her like that? Especially mentioning her ex. God, she hated you. You were so annoying and she didn’t even know why.

“I said that I do not understand why they said that you were nice and shit. I was really happy when I heard that you were in my advanced math class, but you only acted like a bitch the whole damn time. You even do it when I visit Whit, and the only thing I ever said to you there was ‘hi’” you ranted, happy to finally say what you’ve been thinking of for so long. Luckily for you, Henry came back before the blonde could say anything else.

“So, did you guys decide what you want to eat?” He asked as he sat down.

That was one of the most exhausting dinners you ever had. And after hours, Leighton still kinda ignored you and Henry ordering his drink extremely weird you were finally out. “Are you sure you don’t want us to drive you back to college? It’s quite far” the man asked again making you chuckle.

“Yes Henry, thank you tho. I’ll walk, need a bit of fresh air and exercise” it was a lie. You didn’t really feel like walking but the thought of sitting in a car with Leighton was not even close to what you dreamed of, so walking seemed like the best idea.

And after a really long discussion with Henry, he finally let you go. “Wait, I think I will walk with her dad. Then you can make your way back home, it’s late already and I could use the fresh air too” you sighed internally but didn’t want to make this awkward in front of the older Murray.

You waited for them to say goodbye before making your way back to college. “Why?” You just asked after a few moments of walking as you just couldn’t keep your curiosity at bay anymore.

“Didn’t wanna discuss this whole thing with him” you chuckled at her answer, it was clear that she didn’t wanna talk so you just shut up and kept walking. At some point you looked over to see the blonde hugging herself, goosebumps covering her arms. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath before deciding what to do. Right now, you hated her as much as she hated you. Why did she have to be so endearing and cute while being a goddamn asshole at the same time?

“Here” you mumbled as you draped your jacket over her shoulders, making sure that it would stay.

“What the fuck? What the fuck am I supposed to do with your cheap ass jacket?” She asked, but her voice wasn’t as harsh as it usually was as she noticed the goosebumps now covering your arms.

“Get warm. Just accept it, it doesn’t mean that you have to like me or anything. Look, I’ll even fall back ok? You can walk in front of me so nobody realizes that we were somewhere together” you immediately slowed down and let her walk to get some distance but she stopped too.

“This is a bit much don’t you think? It will be even weirder when we do it like that”

“Why do you hate me? I’ve been nice to you, you hate me. I ignore you, you still hate me and try to bully me. Why? What did I do to you? I was really excited to meet you” you looked her straight in the eyes, this time you weren’t going to break it first.

“No particular reason” she shrugged but it was a lie, this time it was obvious. So you just kept staring at her, challenging her to go with her lie. “Fine, I just feel like you may be smarter and a bit more academically advanced than me which made me… I don’t know. I just don’t like it, and then you also have to be hot and trained, I mean even now I can see your damn abs” you couldn’t help but grin as you finally knew why she hated you.

“You know, if you really feel like I am smarter than you, then I can’t say anything else other than would happily tutor you” you joked, breaking out in laughter while Leighton hit your shoulder, an unamused look on her face. “Alright, I’m sorry. But I think the same thing about you, you’re extremely smart. Way smarter than people think you are and as if that wasn’t hot enough, you also look hot. Like damn. But I was so excited to meet you because I’ve been crushing on you since you came to one of our games” you smiled, this time it was a real smile.

“And… even after I treated you like shit, would you still be open to… you know?” She asked, her voice unsure.

“Otherwise you wouldn’t have my jacket right now. So, do you wanna go on a date?”

“You really still wanna go?”

“Yeah, I do”

“Then I would love to”

“Finally” you mumbled as you walked closer to her, one hand slowly going towards her waist. You moved slow enough for her to move away, but were more than happy when she stepped closer too. After she didn’t make any sign of discomfort you leaned in and pressed your lips to hers, kissing her softly.

“I should have stopped being a bitch way earlier” she mumbled before kissing you again, the kiss getting more passionate.

You walked her home, your hands brushing against each other every now and then making a warm feeling spread in both of your stomachs. “Alright, so we will go out tomorrow after math?” You confirmed, smiling when she gave you a nod. This time she leaned in first, kissing you again before giving you your jacket.

“I cannot believe you beat me by one point in this damn math game” Leighton complained on the way to the restaurant you were taking her. You chuckled as this had been going on for about 15 minutes.

“Well you said it yourself, i am smarter than you” you joked, petting her back to assure her that you were joking. By the time the blonde finally shut up about this game you had arrived.

“Go y/n, go Whitney” Leighton screamed as she stood up while watching you and her roommate play, her body clad in your soccer jacket. The sight making you smile every time. After the game was won you quickly ran to Leighton pressing a kiss to her lips. “You did So well” she praised.

Her roommates watched from the other side as you and her smiled at each other, a similar happiness adorning your faces. A happiness no ex of Leighton had ever put on her face.

You couldn’t wait to see Where this relationship would lead.

#reader insert #brooooswriting #leighton murray x reader #tslocg x reader #renee rapp x reader

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