#well you see his story used to be very different. but then i read Misery and wanted to amputate some limbs

[honestlyvan]

CONTROL ANNOTATED: DIDN’T WE JUST DO THIS?

(Also available on Dreamwidth!)

Hi! It’s me and @drdarling again! We wrote the Alan Wake 2 annotation for Ahti’s dialogue! I’m aware there’s been guides like this out for like three years but also I wanted to do it myself in the style of the previous guide, mostly out of curiosity to see how the style of his dialogue has changed because it’s… definitely different :’D

Once again thanks to Saikku and RH for the help with the translations, and once again Finnish is very regional and my translations are just one Finnish reading on what the fuck he is saying. The point here is to demonstrate that Ahti isn’t cryptic, he’s quite comprehensible but he’s also definitely just saying shit to mess with people.

Spoilers for all of Control past this point.

Ahti intro, points Jesse to the elevator:

There you are! You are here about the job. Janitor’s assistant. You need to go to the interview. Go that way to the elevator. Very good. I’m Ahti, the janitor, by the way. You’ll work for me. You can say I sent you. If they don’t hire you, niin johan on helvetti. There be work for the axe, take them behind the sauna, jumalauta.

“niin johan on helvetti” – cursing. “it (sure is/will be) hell” translates broadly to “there will be hell to pay”

“There be work for the axe” – “olla kirveelle töitä”, open-ended threat; something needs rectifying, with force if necessary

“take them behind the sauna” – “viedä saunan taakse”, “put someone out of their misery”, to execute someone. Saunas are usually built away from the house, so anything happening behind them would not be visible to the main house and yard.

Jesse: Ahti the janitor is a friendly face in my book.

Better than somebody with no face at all. Think about it, no face.

Jesse makes her way down to Ahti’s office in Maintenance:

Well done. You got the job. It’s place for congratulations. Jippii, saatana. (note from Autumn: Very deadpan delivery on this one that makes me lose it every time.) It happened in the last drop. I truly need an assistant.

“Jippii, saatana.” – “Yippee, (saatana)”, loanword from English.

“in the last drop” – “viime tipassa”, common idiom, “in the nick of time”

Jesse asks for help getting to the override to get the lockdown lifted:

Yes, yes. Easy peasy. It’s just around the corner. But first we need to get you working! Very small couple of hours job.

“just around the corner” – interesting case of Ahti using the correct English idiom rather than saying “behind the corner” as we’d say in Finnish.

“Very small couple of hours job.” – not an idiom, but a very common part of ESL English from a Finnish speaker, dropping verbs and particles.

Jesse inner monologues, “Something tells me it’s gonna be more than that.”:

Jahaa, jaa-a, you think there’s a dog buried in this? I can tell you are not a yesterday’s grouse’s son. That’s why you’ll make a great assistant. Very well, I’ll hit the facts on the table. Mä kyllä sanon perkele suoraan että this house has a vermin problem, a bad one. They’ve already messed up the cooling pumps and the power generators of power plant, perkele. And the pensioner inside is starting to feel the band around his head tighten. The situation needs to be fixed before the plant blows up and we all disappear like a fart in Sahara, perkele. But don’t you worry, I’ve left you clear instructions. You’ll catch the end of the thread before I go to my vacation. The works on the task board here you can do later when you have time.

“there’s a dog buried in this” – “koira haudattuna”, common idiom meaning that the situation is not what it seems, or there is a hidden (negative) side to the story being told.

“a yesterday’s grouse’s son” – “eilisen teeren poika”, common idiom, “born yesterday”

“Mä kyllä sanon perkele suoraan että” – “Perkele, I’ll say it (straight, directly), that”

“feel the band around his head tighten” – “vanne pään ympärillä kiristyy”, growing more agitated as the situation gets more serious. Sometimes you also hear “feel the band around the barrel tighten”, about situations that get more stressful before they resolve.

“like a fart in Sahara” – “kuin pieru Saharaan”, common turn of phrase, “into thin air”

“catch the end of the thread” – “langan päästä kiinni”, common saying, understanding the situation, “getting up to speed”

Jesse inner monologues, “Vacation? Right.”:

Yes. No-one's gonna cancel my holiday, or sheaths gonna rattle. But don’t worry at all. You’ll take care of it, and soon this crisis gonna be last winter’s snow. You better go now so you don’t have to run with your head as your third leg. The door in the back leads to the plant.

“sheaths gonna rattle” – “tulee tupenrapinat”, common idiom meaning that there’s going to be an argument or a fight. “The knives will be drawn”.

“last winter’s snow” – “menneen talven lumia”, water under the bridge.

“run with your head as your third leg” – “juosta pää kolmantena jalkana”, common idiom, to be in a rush.

Incidental dialogue hanging around in Ahti’s office throughout:

It’s time for a coffee break soon. Aah, kaffea.

“kaffe” – “coffee”, a Swedicism

Pensioner, yes. Northmoor, mister director. Starting to climb on the walls in his bachelor pad.

“to climb on the walls” – “kiipeillä seinille”, idiom, to act nervous and jumpy, “going spare”

Tango is a window into a Finn’s soul. It came from Suomi Finland. Anyone who says anything else is a lying goat. Perkele.

“a lying goat.” – “valepukki”, idiomatic. What it says on the tin.

(Translator’s note: Ahti is 100% lying when he says this. Autumn confirmed that this is a reference to the Finnish director Aki Kaurismäki talking about Finns inventing tango and sailors taking it to Argentina with them, but unlike Ahti we know he was joking.)

The Bureau is trying to dig a hole in their own cellar, looking for gold. Greedy will have a shitty end.

“dig a hole in their own cellar, looking for gold” – “kaivaa kultaa omasta kellarista”. As far as we can tell, this is not a saying anywhere in Finland, but as always this means it might just be an obscure one.

“Greedy will have a shitty end.” – “Ahneella on paskainen loppu”, a common saying. Exactly what it says on the tin.

Where did I leave my mop again? Pirulauta. Burnout, cosmonaut. I really need a holiday.

“Pirulauta” – “Devil, help me”, more commonly in the form “jumalauta” (god help me). The “devil” referenced in this is not a capital-letter Devil, but rather a folk devil/evil spirit.

“Burnout, cosmonaut” – Not directly a saying in Finnish. “Kosmonautti” gets used the same way “space case” does in English, he is berating himself for his attention slipping.                                             

The Containment Sector has blown to pussy’s splinters. The work won’t end even if you keep doing it.

“pussy’s splinters” – “vitun päreiksi.” “Vittu” is more properly translated as “cunt”, it’s the most common swear in modern Finnish. (Note from Saikku: In Ostrobothnia folks also say "pillun päreiksi", with "pillu" translating literally to "pussy".)

When the time comes, I’m gonna go on my vacation, like dad went into mom.

“like dad went into mom” – “kuin isä äitiin.” Exactly what it says on the tin. (Also not a saying, Ahti is just making a dirty joke.)

You know what’s the worst thing about this vermin? Saatana! The noise! They don’t appreciate good music. And that’s the reason they can go as far as pepper grows.

“go as far as pepper grows.” – “mennä niin kauas kuin pippuri kasvaa”, a common idiom. In essence, “fuck all the way off.”

The first thing I’m gonna do when I get to my vacation is to get drunk. Anyone who doesn’t respect that can go to hell’s spruce tree. Sausages on eyes. A drop won’t kill you and you can’t drown in a bucket.

“hell’s spruce tree” – “helvetin kuuseen”. This is a mistranslation from Ahti, since the more appropriate translation would be “to the backforests of hell”. Also, in essence, “fuck all the way off”.

“Sausages on eyes.” – “nakit silmillä”, common idiom, “extremely drunk”

“A drop won’t kill you and you can’t drown in a bucket.” – “Ei tippa tapa ja ämpäriin ei huku”, a reference to a pop song by Irwin Goodman of the same name about drinking lots of booze.

The Research Sector is the worst. The doctors don’t know how to clean after themselves. That Arish fellow is not a useless guy. Respects his elders. Makes good coffee. Yep yep. The janitor is the one who makes everything running and under control.

What A Mess: Burn The Trash dialogue:

Yep. Burn the trash. Throw it in the fire. Burn it all. Burn it into a reindeer, not into a moose.

“Burn it into a reindeer, not into a moose.” – (Translator’s note: *drags hands over face*) The word for ashes/cinders, “poro”, is a homonym with the word for reindeer, also “poro”. It’s a play on words.

Ahti dialogue on The Clog:

My old enemy, the Clog, is blocking the pipes. You need to deal with that shit. He’s my very old enemy, the clog, Paska.

“Paska” = shit

He’s very clever, he’s trying to sneak in. We got him caught with his hand in the fish trap. Get rid of him.

“caught with his hand in the fish trap” – “jäädä rysän päältä kiinni”, a common idiom. “Get caught with your pants down”.

It’s back. What would kill a bad thing? Paska mikä paska.

“What would kill a bad thing?” – “Mikä pahan tappaisi”, a common turn of phrase. What it says on the tin.

“Paska mikä paska” – “The shit is what it is.”

Ahti dialogue while fixing the power plant:

Broke. Gone to shit. Fix it fast. If the plant goes boom, we can throw the spoon in the corner.

“Gone to shit.” – “mennyt paskaksi”, translates directly.

“throw the spoon in the corner” – “heittää lusikka nurkkaan”, idiomatic, “buy the farm.” (This is a slightly odd translation to me, as it is being used more in the same sense as “throw in the towel”, creating the implication that dying in huge explosions is voluntary.)

It’s fried up. You need to fix it before the old twig-pants inside the plant has a shit-fit.

“the old twig-pants” – “vanha vihtahousu”, idiomatic. Broadly “that old devil”, in Finnish it’s common to have many names for evil or just strong spirits, because calling them by their proper name invites them to come bother you. (“Vihtahousu” gets translated in AW2 as “Ol’ Scratch”)

“shit-fit” – “paskahalvaus”, interesting case of a missed opportunity for a funny Finnicism in the form of “shit-stroke/shit-arrest”

Ahti dialogue while clearing darkness:

Darkness everywhere. New day, same old bloody shit, said the old lady. Like tar, but good for nothing. Get rid of it!

“New day, same old bloody shit, said the old lady.” – “Uusi päivä, samaa vanhaa paskaa, sanoi vanha täti.” This is not an idiom, but the “x, said y” format is a common one for proverbs, and a common way for people to quote wisdom from their family.

Ah, tar. Sauna, tar and booze, they’ll get you through anything! Like the winters in Finland. Long dark winters. As dark as in a sack, perkele.

“Sauna, tar and booze, they’ll get you through anything!” – this is a paraphrase of a saying that goes “if sauna, tar and booze doesn’t cure it, the disease is lethal”.

“As dark as in a sack” – “pimeää kuin säkissä”, common turn of phrase, what it says on the tin.

Ahti dialogue while cleaning up Mold:

The air in here is getting bad. The vents, they are full of mold-shit. It’s no good for you! Headache, nausea, mold-lung... Depression, but how can you tell when you’re a Finn? Helvetin home, eikö siitä nyt saatana pääse eroon.

“Helvetin home, eikö siitä nyt saatana pääse eroon.” – “(Helvetin) mold, is there really no way to get rid of it, (saatana)!” The sentence is in passive voice (“Can it not be gotten rid of”) which gets used in Finnish a lot to refer to ongoing problems.

You need to scrub that clean or there goes my reputation and honor. And then the good won’t swing.

“reputation and honor” – “maine ja kunnia”, common turn of phrase. The “honour” here does not mean personal honour, but rather community reputation.

“the good won’t swing” – “ei hyvät heilu”, common turn of phrase, usually used to threaten someone akin to “you’ll be sorry.”

More of it! This thing is completely leaving from the mitten. Perkele, saatana, helvetin helvetti. Loma tulossa ja tällästä paskaa.

“leaving from the mitten” – “lähteä lapasesta”, common idiom, “get out of hand”.

“Loma tulossa ja tällästä paskaa.” – “The holidays are coming and (we have to deal with) this kind of shit.”

Ahti dialogue while taking care of the plants:

They are very good listeners, you can tell them anything. Or you can sing to them. They like that.

For the plants in Investigations:

The plants in here have died standing up. Piruparat. Lighten them up!

“died standing up” – “kuolleet pystyyn”, common turn of phrase that gets used about neglected plants a lot.

“piruparat” – “poor devils”, again with the small first letter, referencing folk devils and evil spirits.

Ahti tells Jesse to take a break:

Hurry is not good for you. And the contract says you can take a break. Ten points and a parrot patch. Now you know what this job is all about. Could be worse. There are good benefits.

“Ten points and a parrot patch” – “kymmenen pistettä ja papukaijamerkki”, common turn of phrase, “ten points and a gold star”. Comes from an old children’s show called “Sirkus Papukaija” (“Circus Parrot”)

When you’re done with all the tasks:

Tattis! A crazy person works hard, and a wise person gets away with less. Happy vacation to me!

“Tattis” – “thank you”, a Swedicism

“A crazy person works hard, and a wise person gets away with less.” – “hullu huhkii, viisas pääsee vähemmällä”, a proverb about working smarter, not harder.

Here, have a little knick-knack as a thanks from me. Not too owly at all!

“Not too owly at all!” – “ei pöllömpi”, idiomatic, here meaning “impressive” or “well done”.

Ahti goes on vacation:

Now this boy left, said the son of Annikki Tähti. My assistant will keep work in the glove and the house standing. Lomille lomps, holiday homps.

“Now this boy left, said the son of Annikki Tähti.” – (Translator’s notes: *long pained groan*) This is a strange half-pun, half reference. The phrase usually shows up in Finnish as “nyt meikä lähti, sanoi Annikki Tähti” (“I’m leaving now, said Annikki Tähti”, a famous Finnish iskelmä singer who is not relevant to the phrase other than to create alliteration). Ahti is doubling up on the alliteration and saying complete nonsense as a result.

“keep work in the glove and the house standing” – “homma hanskassa ja tupa pystyssä”, common idiom, what it says on the tin.

“Lomille lomps, holiday homps.” – “Lomille lomps/lompsis” is a persistent popculture reference that lives on among Finnish conscripts and the rest of the culture. Ahti’s translation is quite accurate, although “lomps/lompsis” can be used as an onomatopoeia for stepping into a puddle/swamp, while “homps” means nothing. Alliterative jokes like this are common in Finnish.

Dialogue during Finnish Tango when you first enter the Ashtray Maze:

Broke. There is no way through. Badly made. Wolf shit. Somebody cut costs in the wrong place. Contact the janitor if you need to get through.

“Wolf shit” – “susipaska”. The word for wolf, “susi” is idiomatically used to mean broken, flawed or unusable, and is here a modifier for “paska” rather meaning the droppings of the animal.

Jesse contacts Ahti in The Foundation:

Aah. Aijai. Vikingit saatana. Ei kestänyt ruottalaisen veljekset kunnon löylyjä.

“Aijai” – Filler phrase. Literally means “ouch/ouchie”, but can be used to signal appreciation.

“Vikingit saatana. Ei kestänyt ruottalaisen veljekset kunnon löylyjä.” – “(Saatana), them vikings. The Swedish brothers couldn’t stand a proper löyly.” “Löyly” is both the steam from throwing water on the stove in a sauna, and the humid warmth that follows from “throwing löyly”. Ahti is making fun of the Andersons for not tolerating a hot sauna. It’s a very common shot across the border for Finns to say Swedes don’t tolerate “real” löyly. (Translator’s note: Ahti is using “ruottalaisen” rather than “ruotsalaiset”, as is typical of the Ostrobothnian dialect)

Hey, girl. For a Finn, holiday is holy, perkele.

“holiday is holy” – The word for any nationally mandated day off (+ Sundays) is “pyhäpäivä”, literally “holy day”. Extended national holidays, such as the three days around Christmas, and even long weekends can be called “pyhät”, the holies.

Did you miss me? Did you have piss in your sock? Yes. Now now now now. Bark don’t make a wound. You did good. Take my cassette player. You can borrow it. The song is a present from my friends to you. It will get you through the maze so you can do your job.

“piss in your sock” – “kusi sukassa”, common idiom, meaning “frozen with fear”

“Bark don’t make a wound.” – “ei haukku haavaa tee”, common proverb, “sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me”

Ahti in Jesse’s Hiss nightmare:

Are you sure you are not lost? Maybe you can find yourself in the Director’s Office. You should keep trying. You are getting closer. Welcome back. I knew I chose a good assistant.

Closing notes: Despite Ahti having significantly less dialogue in Control than he does in AW2, this document ended up nearly as long as the other one. All the way through working on this I’ve been commenting on how his English is both weirdly better and worse in AW2, like, his use of English overall is a lot less stumbling and his vocabulary seems larger, but at the same time he uses less English, relies on just directly saying in Finnish what he’s thinking, using a lot more filler Finnish… It’s an interesting choice overall.

I’m not sure it’s relevant to the character, but having seen it I’m now gonna be very interested to hear what he sounds like if he shows up in Control 2 or other relevant RCU projects :3c Hope you had fun, and maybe learned something new.

#Control #Control game #Control (Remedy) #Control (2019) #Remedy Entertainment #Ahti the Janitor

[phoeebsbuffay]

Imagine you were a slave in Tatooine, where you’d been acquainted with Anakin Skywalker. In fact, you were very close to him. However, you didn’t have the Force and somehow the Jedis couldn’t take you with them so you had to endure your condition for a long while whereas Anakin was destiny to another path. Nonetheless, years later you meet in different positions.

Warnings: unburnt Vader, alternative universe, drama, smut, fluff.

Warnings 2: “We Found Love”, by Rihanna; “Laughter Lines” by Bastille. “Everybody Wants To Rule the World”, by Lorde.

Warnings 3: no Padmé in this world.

Minors, don’t read.

***

•Intro•

Anakin’s POV.

He hated sand. All the more the dust that came with the flying ships he was forced to face in the markets. In fact, there was absolutely nothing he’d not hate in Tatooine.

“My son, grumpiness will not easy things for you.” His mother often told him. Her gentleness and warm heart were the only reward of that misery Anakin called life.

He tried not to complain so much, accostumed to spend time alone. Or building droids, fixing ships, studying mechanics with other fellow slaves. It was when he came to meet you.

You were selling a piece at the market that Anakin required to complete the droid he named as C3-P0. He came after you, finding strange why a girl with two brown-ish braids and a chubby face should be selling a valuable object such as the one you were holding.

“Hey”, he said. “Are you the one responsible for selling this?”

Anakin could tell you were as unhappy as he was; the way you were staring into the nothing not only showed you were bored, but exposed your state of melancholy—again, both states he’d been familiar with. Anakin felt compassionate to you.

You looked up at this boy with sandy hair and blue eyes, serious and cocky in manners. For some reason, though, it was enough to inspire you kindness. Often used to be ignored by most people who came to the tent your masters were selling things, you were surprised that boy noticed you.

“Are you talking to me?” You had to be sure.

Anakin rolled his eyes.

“Yes, who else would I speak to?”

“No one speaks to me”, you shrugged your shoulders. “It’s a rare occasion. Hence why I asked.”

“That seems harsh”, Anakin pitied you.

“That’s okay. I’m used to it.” You offered him a smile. “So do you want to buy this piece, eh?”

“Yeah. How did you find it?”

“I didn’t. My masters did…” And you ended up telling him all about this finding, a topic that impressed Anakin very much.

“Your memory is very good.” He said, amazed. “How should I name you?”

“Y/N”, you introduced yourself. You smiled because it seemed that you were making a new friend.

This perspective was thrilling for Anakin too. He was often surrounded by adults, ignored by them as well.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Anakin Skywalker.”

Though he did buy the piece that was missing, Anakin managed to convince his master to acquire you. You were eventually sold so not only you were useful for his master but also Anakin had you closer to him.

In these days where neither had tasks waiting to be done, Anakin would drag you to the roof. There, the two of you would lie down and watch the stars together.

“What do you think that lies beyond, Y/N?” Anakin asked you. Your quick wit was a trait he mostly appreciated in you.

“I have read books telling the stories of planets.” You confided him. “There are plenty out there. Some are peaceful, others not so much. Different lives, where slavery is not a part of their cultures.”

Anakin watched you mesmerized.

“How’d you know that?”

“Because I’ve heard my former master discussing with his buyers that the Senate is voting to stop slavery throughout galaxy.” You then hesitate. “Can I tell you a secret, Ani?”

For some reason he liked how you called him. Unconsciously he took your hand and you held it tight.

“Yes, Y/N. Of course.”

“I have a dream. I want to be free.” You whispered. “I want to see these planets. I want to meet the universe. Silly me, right?”

He paused. A dream he could identify himself too.

“No.” Anakin said slowly. Sadness began to crawl upon your hearts. “It’s something I’d like to live too, Y/N. I hate Tatooine.”

“I hate sand.”

You both laughed. That night, you were each other’s only best friends.

*

Anakin would never forget how paled you looked when Master Qin-Gon Jinn and his Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi lamented profoundly for being unable to take you with them.

“Taking you is a risk. Unfortunately, it is not possible to bring Y/N with us.” Master Qin-Gon said.

Anakin was not pleased. He knew you would cry. He stepped forward and said:

“I promise Y/N. I promise I’ll come back to you.”

But he never really did. Until the day your name comes back to his mind only to poison his heart.

***

Nowadays.

Your POV.

Your braided brown-ish hair with shades in silver and dark blue falls over your shoulder. In your lips, a red lipstick paints them full. But other than that, no sign of make up. Small earrings decorate your ears. Vanity only rose when you came to the point where you could purchase it.

Looking at yourself in the mirror, you like your reflection. A white blouse is slightly covered by the black jacket you wear, which matches the black leather pants you dress. To complete, a pair of black’n’white boots reinforce your style.

The room you are finishing to dress is not yours. You’ve only recently rented it from a tavern lady in the underworld of Corascunt. Ever since you left Tatooine, all you’ve done was getting yourself somewhat richer… and free.

Your adolescence was not easier. It was difficult as Tatooine was plagued with the clone wars. Part of you resented Anakin for never filling his promise. You’ve never came to meet him—before he came to rescue his mother, you’d already been sent to another man and managed to escape his possession.

Was it wrong of me to blame the Jedis for taking my best friend away? Was I this insecure to the point of believe he was part of me?

You never understood very well these sentiments. But from the moment you stopped accepting the condition of slave and purchased—whether legally or not—your liberty, you were out of control.

It came with good and bad parts. Right before the rise of Empire, for example, you were found at the Clone bar. You got yourself a one night stand with, what was his name again, oh yes, Fives. Whatever happened to him, you’d not know. Neither did you care.

As usual, you learned to live by yourself. You earned enough credits for your reputation to grow in the empire. Enough to begin to attract a perhaps not so desirable attention.

You could not care less about Jedis and Siths. Fuck them. As long as you remain free and untouched, all is well. You stay out of trouble and they seem to willingly ignore you.

But this day is going to be different and you cannot figure out why. As you put a blaster in your right thigh, you sense this day is not going to be like the other ones.

Weird.

It is as if there’s a pair of eyes following you even though you make sure twice, thrice that you are not being followed.

Whatever.

It’s when the Empire soldier identifies you. Two of them comes after you as you leave the tavern. You have no time to curse. You steal somebody’s ship and prepare to pilot away. You’d not be caught. Your heart races as a chasing begins.

What is the reason for the Empire to chase after you? You don’t understand. You’re not even a fucking rebel. And as far as you know, what crime did you commit that the Empire has not done following the appearances of the law? Oh the hypocrisy.

You fly fast, but not, as you angrily remember, as Anakin would have done. You do recall that he had his tricks. What were those again? Think fast, think fast.

Though you strange the fact you have not been under attack yet, you remain suspicious. For now, when remembering the old tricks Anakin taught you, you manage to overpass the enemies. But not long enough.

Before you know a dark bigger ship captures you.

***

Vader’s POV.

He watches as your ship is captured. A small smirk twitches in the corner of his lips when detecting the old tricks he’d taught you when both of you were infants.

Despite the darkness that involves him, reinforced by his presence in dark cape, whose hood eclipses his frame from public eyes, thus inspiring an aura of fear, Lord Vader is relieved to find you. Well and alive.

It’s been two or three weeks since the thought of you came back unwelcomingly so. For some reason, he’d been haunted ever since he’s last been in Tatooine for never being able to reach out for you. So many events happened ever since, but you never left his thought.

He is anxious to see you. However masked these feelings are, he cannot run from them. He wishes to know you. Your reputation reached his ears and Vader isn’t sure how he feels about it. But he needs to know if you are…well.

The door is abruptly open and without even turning, Vader hears you trying to fight your captors. He feels your anger, your trauma—the very same that used to plague him, perhaps contributing to his association to Palpatine. He never appreciated being chained. Neither did you.

“Let her go.” Lord Vader commands.

The door closes. He turns and waits. He watches you. The helmet you wore had been removed from you; so your braid is messy. There’s sweat in your forehead, your eyes glinting with panic—he could tell by your chest going up and down that you are having a panic attack. You bury your fingers into the palm of your hands.

In spite of the evident fear, you don’t seem overwhelmed by it. Vader sees the woman you’ve become: cheeky, aggressive��but also lonely and sad. A sensual woman so full of herself, but one just as hurt as he is.

“Y/N…” He breaks the silence before you do. “It’s been so long.”

“I-I-I don’t know you.” Your eyes are blurry with tears. Vader knows your pride. But he wonders where that sweet girl has gone. “Who are you? Kill me! I would rather die than give myself to you!”

You are paralyzed though. Vader knows you have a plan, but fear freezes you. It’s when he stops right before you. It’s when his hood drops, exposing his identity.

“Anakin?!” You exclaim, perplexed. “A-Anakin Skywalker? You… You’ve become Darth Vader?”

Vader does not say a word for a moment. He watches as you begin to cry. At first he is led to believe that you weep because of who he was and what has he become. But you surprise Vader by slapping his face.

“How could you?! How could you do this to me?” You throw your resentments at him. “How could you leave me there?”

Vader lifts his hand. There’s little point to say. He means to choke you. Perhaps putting an end to your life, but then… the sadness that defies him reminds him the older days. That very same sadness that made Anakin turn into Vader.

So he lets go of you.

Vader knows he should leave, but he watches you catch your breath and weep nervously. There’s anger in you, he knows it.

“Y/N…”, he softens and you are forced to look at him. “I’ve never meant to forsake you. I shouldn’t have.”

How ironic it is that your darkness brings the light out of him. You see that, and it moves your heart. Carefully, you stand. Vader is anxious again to know how you feel.

In other circumstances, he wouldn’t be as merciful. Or kind. Nor even generous. When looking at you, however, he’s remembered of liberty. Of the desire the two of you once aimed to break through all these chains. He comes to see that he’s never stopped obeying others, taking orders.

Vader comes to see he’s been manipulated all along.

“I don’t know why I should care”, you say when finally finding your voice and interrupting the chaos that is Vader’s mind. Your eyes linger at his golden curls and his yellow eyes. You don’t fear him. “I’m trapped either way, aren’t I? By the maker, what have we done to ourselves?”

He raises his hand but, to your surprise, he gently caress your cheek. His hand is gloved but you suspect his touch his warm. You cannot drift away.

“I’ve never stopped thinking about you.” He says. “I know I was meant to protect you. I promised you I’d take you to stars and beyond. It shouldn’t have gone the way it was.”

“Life happened.” It’s all you come to say. “But are you free, Ani? Are you living the life you’ve always wanted?”

A question dangerously posed. It makes Vader remove his hand and you shiver at the cold that comes with the void he leaves. The two of you stare. Vader knows you see right through him.

“Yes. I am what I was born to be. Soon, you will too.”

And just like that he leaves you there.

***

Your POV.

You feel the cold in your new surroundings. Nothing ever is as it should be. Left alone in a strange environment, you begin to wonder whether you are a prisioner or not.

Typical.

Chains would never leave you, would they?

You turn around to leave then. Your tears are dried and you feel empty inside. Some trooper leads you to a chamber where you are expected to stay. You don’t care how this sounds to your ears. You need a shower.

As you untangle your hair and remove your clothes, your mind is blank. There’s little to think about until you enter the shower and let the hot water burn your skin.

Yet, when you close your eyes, you see the handsome features of Anakin. As much as you try, you cannot associate him to being Vader. Curiously, you don’t find obstacles to accept him the way he presents now.

I suppose this Vader was always there. I remember how often Anakin was angry as a boy. Can’t blame him to see him now.

The weight of the past burns your shoulders. Suddenly it’s not about him anymore or his wounds. But yours.

The scars slavery left physically and psychologically on you. The stories of abuse and wars that turned your skin into ivory, into stone. These yellow eyes you stare, they stare right back at you. And you cry.

You cry because you are scared. Not of death, but loneliness. To be alone in this world plagued by vicious wars is so ravishing. What happened to the dreams you used to have?

You turn off the shower, completely numb. You need something to drown your sorrow, but you are so tired that you drop in bed, wrapped around the towel. You don’t even register his presence in your quarters.

How on earth he was there, quietly and unseen? When he comes to your side, you sense it. But you are so tired, so exhausted.

“I’m here, my queen.” His voice is husky. Somehow your emotional breaking down sensibilizes a man who for the past few years cared very little to other people’s pain. “I’m not going to leave you ever again. I promise you.”

He slips right to your side of bed. You smell his perfume, but you don’t move. Your eyes are closed and you feel him snaking his arms around you, pulling you close. It feels good, it feels like home. He provides you the solace to your open wounds. That is how you fall asleep, sleeping well for the first time in a long time.

When you wake up, though, he is not there. To your disappointment, he’s vanished, faded away. Perhaps you fell under the trick of illusion? You could not say. But you swear to yourself that how he embraced you—in spite of you being still wrapped in the towel, oh Maker!—it felt too warm and nice.

You blush. Nonsense. It’s time to dress and so you do. You brush your long hair before braiding it again. You are hungry and anxious about this new day. What’s going to be?

You barely open the door and some man dressed in grey clothes looks at you in a nonchalant matter.

“Lord Vader awaits you in his privy chambers.”

You nod. How come he affects you so? You take a deep breath, struggling with yourself. It’s a childish memory, you think, as you follow the lead of this soldier. Just that. You have missed him as a child, read his regret and there you are!

But once doors are open, your emotions seem to deny your reason. When you see him alone with no hood but dressed in black robes, you almost smile. What a handsome sight to behold.

A thought he captures because Vader says:

“You look well this morning too, Y/N. Come and sit with me.”

You do so, taking a seat across the table so he reads in the color of your eyes the mix of feelings that have been battling inside you.

“Did you rest well?” Vader inquires, watching you as you eagerly eat the fruits, breads and serving yourself some juice. How long had you not eaten well? He’s baffled.

“I did, yes. Though I believe I’ve been under some enchantment”, you say so naturally as if the two of you were the same friends of Tatooine, where you and him were allowed to be yourselves.

You swear you could see a smile on Vader’s lips but you don’t want to investigate that because, damn, you find out you’ve been starving.

“Why’s that?” He puts an effort in not sounding very amused.

“Because I swear you were there by my side when I dropped in bed.” You raise your eyes only to meet those yellow ones staring into yours. But you don’t discourage him to part the gaze. “Well?”

“I’ll leave that to your thoughts. I hope the food fits your tastes.”

You don’t like the answer, but you don’t think you are in a position to question him. So you permit yourself to be distracted.

“It does, thank you.” You hesitate at how you should address him. “I don’t think I’ve eaten this well in ages.”

You see there’s sadness in his eyes when you say that, a reminder of the days spent in Tatooine. Vader does still feel guilty for leaving you there. For never trying to reach it out for you.

“Hey”, you can read his thoughts. “It’s all right.”

“It shouldn’t be.” Vader clenches his jaw. “You were taken away from me, Y/N! You suffered long years… Speaking of which, how did you free yourself?”

Uncomfortable topic, Vader could tell. But you trust him. For you, he’s the same boy you’ve once known.

“I killed my master.” You tell him as you take the coffee to your mouth. Black coffee. So good. “He’s bought me for my intelligence…”

“A trait so remarkable on you”, he tells you, pleased to make you blush.

“…well, yes. But he was unkind. I was so exhausted of that life style. I… I just exploded.” You have always ran from this moment of survival. To look back at it now feels strange. Distant even.

“I understand you more than you think. The moment’s over. We are free to be ourselves now.”

You don’t answer him, letting the silence hang between the two of you. You don’t need to know his past. He appreciates it.

When he extends his hand out for you, you take it. And both of you smile at each other. You are finally reunited. Free as you should be.

***

Vader’s POV.

His sense of possessiveness towards you increases as the days pass. The more he sees you, the more he wants you. There’s neither good or bad whenever the two of you gather together.

Without your awareness, you teach him what freedom really is. Vader realizes he’s been but a puppet to the Emperor. It angers him to be forced to acknowledge it. All the losses he went through… for what?

Uninvited, he meets Palpatine. An inevitable battle is fought. Accusations of weaknesses are heard. He doesn’t need to use words to overpower his master. He needs little to do so.

A victory to Vader when Sidious eventually falls dead.

“I am free, you son of a bitch. You control me no more.”

Now self proclaimed Emperor, he, however, holds little interest to none in the title. In fact, it’s insignificant when he meets you later that day, seeing that you are training in the blue room with some troopers.

Vader sends all of them away, enjoying how powerful he is. How feared he is to all. But you.

“Anakin”, It’s how you address him when the two of you are alone. “What brings you here?”

“Do I need a reason to see you?”

Vader enjoys the view he has of you. How the heat paints your cheeks a deep shade of pink. It makes him smirk.

“You should build more confidence in yourself.” He walks around you and stops right behind you, resting his hands on your waist. “There’s power in you, if only you knew.”

“I don’t have the Force”, he detects resentment in your voice. “A reason why you left me, in the first place.”

Vader frowns. He turns you at him.

“I won’t leave you, Y/N. Ever again.” His eyes linger at the color of your skin, at the color of your eyes, his hands going up and down your shoulders. There’s a hint of desperation in his voice. He won’t lose you. Not again, not this time.

You soften when realizing that. The fear in his voice betrays the mask he’s been wearing ever since he’d been corrupted by the dark forces.

“Stay with me. It’s all I ask.” You say spontaneously.

There is more to be said, he knows it. As he leans his forehead against yours, your hands holding his, he’s brought back to the days where there were just the two of you. No Jedis, no Siths. Just two children wishing to be free of such a miserable condition imposed on them.

Now you both know liberty, though, there are other chains tying you into something bigger. How to break through that?

Fuck it. He’d leave everything to be with you. Anywhere, everywhere.

“I don’t know what I would do if I was forced to let go of you. I hate the thought of losing you.”

“Then don’t.”

You pursue his lips intently. He gives in, kissing you just as fervently. It matters little to where this is going. Vader dominates you, pressing your body against the wall all the while his kisses burn you.

His hands run over the sides of your body, removing your clothes and tossing them away. You gasp at his bold moves, enjoying however the desire that burns like gasoline in you two. You too make sure to toss away his cape, his robes, your hands all too eager to have a hold onto his skin.

His eyes pursue yours all the while there’s no clothes to stand in between the consummation of your love. His smirk is malicious just as yours is. So little need there is to speak.

He pins you against the wall, lifting your legs as his hands run over your thighs before inserting two fingers right in there. His eyes all the while scan your body, admiring your curves, your hardening nipples, the flames that burn in your eyes.

It does arouse him to read your thoughts, your sentiments. He appreciates to see he is admired by you, your fingers digging into his skin, leaving marks as he overstimulates you in an almost perverted manner.

So indecent. So indecorous is how Vader reclaims you. How he holds a hand around your neck and makes you choke just…a little… bit.

It is enough to make him feel the juices running in his hand. As he removes his fingers, he licks it before kissing you hotly, his hands now running free to your sides before cupping your breasts.

“Fuck, Anakin!” You moan is crushed by his lips. It feels so good to hear the name he cut off years ago. But he feels like his old self when he’s with you.

Vader senses your hands pulling his hair, messing with his curls as he bites your neck, your shoulder, your breast. Your breath hitches, his arousal is unbearable.

Before you are even aware, Vader holds your legs tight against him and he thrusts right into you. His eyes raise to meet yours as he leaves traces of bruises in your skin. He’s marked you. You are his.

“Y/N…” he calls you by your name as he moves inside you.

“I’m yours.” Whatever pride you held yourself onto is no more. He sees love in your eyes. Damn it, Vader feels it too.

“My Queen. My Empress.”

He feels you are about come undone. Vader speeds his moves, buckling his hips against yours. He uses the force to lock your hands above your head, leaving you free to be dominated by him. Which is what you want.

“My Emperor”, you cry out. “King of my heart. Oh Ani!”

The two of you stay like this even after you come undone. Bodies locked into each other. He smirks down at you. You too smirk at him, though rather shyly. He pecks your lips, giving you a soft, slow kiss. You are now allowed to hold him. It’s an endearment gesture, filled with tenderness.

“I love you”, you are the first to say.

“I love you too.” Vader smiles.

***

Your POV.

You refuse maids to tie your hair in a regal manner. You need no one to make this moment yours and yours alone. Locking each to your side of head seems to reinforce your new status.

The gown that now slides in your body is dark as galaxy, dark as the force that has crowned you by the side of the man you love. Eagerly, possessively.

The sleeves are long, but they show your shoulders and a bit of your collarbone. There are details in the gown in blue and white, embroidering the galaxy you ought to rule.

The red lipstick is there in your full lips. There’s little other than the jewelry adorning your skin and the gown you dress that show some difference in you. You throw a vine cape over your shoulders and a hood finally eclipses your features.

The door is open. A long line of troopers awaits you. You lead them as you head to the quarters where Vader waits. To hold power like this is tempting, feels so alluring.

Darth Vader awaits his empress. There he stands until you are led to what you now recognize as the throne room. The view of many planets behind him is amazing. He did take you to see the stars.

“Empress Y/N. Come to me.”

You join him. You hold your head high and move to where he is. A smirk is almost imperceptible to your lips when you see many of the men there present bow before you.

Who could have seen that coming? Ah, if only the Jedi who left you behind could see where you are now…

You take his hand and move to his side. But there’s no evil, nothing dark in you when you look up at him and say:

“My love.”

Neither there is in his when he takes your hand to his lips and there presses a kiss.

“My darling. My empress. Together, we will rule at long last.”

“Indeed. You did bring me to the stars.”

His smile is seen. Only to you, of course.

“I did. I promised you I’d go back to you and here we are. The universe now bows to us.”

Revenge has never been so sweet…

#star wars #star wars imagine #Anakin Skywalker #darth vader #Darth vader x you #Darth vader smut #Darth Vader x Y/N #Darth Vader x reader #Anakin Skywalker x you #Anakin Skywalker x y/n #Anakin Skywalker x reader #Anakin Skywalker smut

[ishcliff]

canto V spoilers, talking about the dynamic between ishmael and heathcliff during the events of part 1.

it was a very intriguing decision to have heathcliff of all people scorn ishmael for the way she's stuck in her own misery at the expense of others. like... the entirety of wuthering heights is right there, man, you aren't fooling anyone. but jokes aside, he has said it himself that the two of them aren't any different from each other. it shows me that while heathcliff can and has read ishmael like a book, she has earned his ire to the point where he uses the way he understands her against her. he's spiteful and thinks she's beneath him. to him? even if he's just as driven by the same emotions, at least he's not bogged down by neuroses and making it everyone else's problem. his well of compassion appears to be empty for her.

i think what stands out to me the most currently are the ways heathcliff and ishmael aren't interacting. things between them are still incredibly heated yet ice cold. like how ishmael's absence was felt in the mini-event stories prior to canto V, the absence of their banter is extremely apparent now. there is no break to the tension with quips; ishmael is on a fast track to ahab-ification, and there is nothing heathcliff can do about it even if he gets in her way.

but, heathcliff has some opinions on what ishmael is doing to herself. the threat of vergilius, however, is enough for him to keep his mouth shut...but only mostly.

i think this could be a way of exploring who heathcliff considers to be an innocent bystander. as far as he's concerned, the sinners haven't done anything to rightfully earn her ire. that includes himself; the reason for their argument that started this coldness was because heathcliff wanted ishmael to stop being so in her head. while there was self-interest here, the fact that heathcliff was so drastically affected by ishmael's mental state to argue with her to begin with is something i consider important for their dynamic.

something of note, too: a lot of ishmael's unreasonable decisions right now – such as murdering the first pirate – are just her having the same ideas as heathcliff and acting on them without considering the other sinners. to me, heathcliff's lack of comment here is also extremely felt. i don't know how i feel about that when it's just such an obvious thing To Me Personally In My Opinion, but i am making a point to keep my eyes open and interest piqued as the canto continues.

my theory/hope is that there's going to be a breaking point where the two of them hash it out one last time. i feel like the way heathcliff expresses what appears to be unselfish concern over dante's wellbeing after she accidentally stabs them is an important moment. it sets him up to be a grounding presence with concern and care for the people he's been growing closer with for a few months now. i think that'll make any sort of resolution in this canto "earned". and i think ishmael will in turn return the favor during heathcliff's canto.

alternatively, perhaps things remain icy between her and heathcliff for the duration of canto V, and it's only during the events of canto VI where they can actually reconcile their mutual head-up-own-ass syndrome and become friends. i can see it happening either way!

#limbus company speculation #canto v spoilers #lcb ishmael #lcb heathcliff #ishcliff #heathmael

[greenbergsays]

Ked's right, I do have book recs that you can find under this tag and also some on my writing blog here. I also have a page here where you can see what's on my bookshelf, but you can't filter it because Tumblr doesn't allow Java anymore >__>

I wouldn't call that page a rec list, though, it's just an inventory of what I own or what's on my list to own. Some of those books are objectively terrible and I will freely admit that, but there was something about them compelling enough that I read them more than once.

I didn't mean for the below to turn into me just reccing you authors but it kind of turned into that, so here are authors I would recommend:

Onley James - I love her so much that I support her Patreon. All of her stuff is good (and loosely connected) but my favorites are, of course, the Necessary Evils series. It has two spin-off series which I also very much enjoy: Jericho's Boys & The Watch. All three series surround the psychopaths in love trope, however Jericho's Boys and the first book in the Watch series do not feature it as a main trope because neither of the main characters fit the bill. Most of them do feature some level of kink, though.

Kiki Clark - Her main series is werewolves (but no Omegaverse) and it's called the Kincaid Pack. The first book is my favorite, but I own them all. It's finished and she's starting a new series in that 'verse, the prequel to which I think is The Mobster's Mate, which is so up my alley it's like someone was spying on me. She also has a MC/kink series called Leather & Chrome that's good, but it's not my favorite kink series. (Kiki also have other contemporary books that I love, I just don't want this to get too long)

SPEAKING of kink. Robin (RJ) Moray - She has a series called His Boy Next Door that gay-awakening, age gap, and BDSM-related. It has a spin-off series about two other characters called A Collar For His Brat, both are excellent. The only thing is in HBND, the main character's name is Channon and that took some getting used to. Robin also has other books which I highly recommend--including a space Omegaverse story called Changed: Mated to the Alien Alpha, which is very good--she is probably my Top 3 favorite authors and the fact that more of her stuff isn't available in paperback is a source of constant misery for me.

Eliot Grayson -- The only person I can think of off the top of my head that writes well-written first person POV. The Mismatched Mates series is her main title iirc. It's a soul-bonding / "mate or die" situation at first and segues eventually into "mating for convenience." Some stories are related and some aren't.

Stella Starling -- if you like high fluff and low angst, this is the author for you. All of her stuff is contemporary and very cute. My favorite series is the Semper Fi one but I like & own them all.

Sam Burns (and Sam Burns w/ W.M. Fawkes) - They do anything fantasy/magic-related. Werewolves, urban fantasy, there's a series about the Greek Gods, etc. I haven't read ALL of their works, but the stuff I have read, I like. My favorites / the ones I own: Wolves of Kismet (Omegaverse), the Star-Marked Warrior series (sci-fi/aliens), & Wolf Moon Rising (Omegaverse).

Ella Frank (and Ella Frank w/ Brooke Blaine) - Contemporary writer(s) that specialize in writing multiple books for the same couple. There's a lot of gay/bi-awakening. The Temptation series is a fantastic audiobook journey that I cannot recommend enough, that narrator was amazing. I also really liked the first three Fallen Angel books are about the same couple and I love them, the fourth FA book is about a different couple and I DNFed it. Couldn't say why, it just didn't hold my interest.

...I have more, but I should probably work at some point this morning. So if you want more / want a specific rec for a specific trope or genre, lemme know!

#themoonlooksdown #greenberg replies #book recs #author recs

[yellowocaballero]

I love how your Bruce is traditional but it is also like a mix of different types of traditional. Like he comes across as both "Rich white old money type" traditional AND "member of a marginalized minority group who take great pride in their identity to cope with years of ostracization and going "the world wanted me dead for my culture and religion so i might as well die loud and proud instead of conforming to their unachievable ideals" " traditional

Thank you for this ask, I really love it! I have a shitton to say on this topic, including a lot of worldbuilding decisions on Gotham cultures, immigrant spaces, segregation, how it ended up like 1920s-1930s NYC/Chicago mixed with my own city, Jason "Foil" Todd's Inferiority Complex, but that would make this depressingly long. Long time readers would know that I have, like, really complex and discrete religion headcanons for everybody I write. It's important.

Any decent Batman Story (TM) is about Gotham. It has to be a huge presence. It's like writing Dick Tracy without Chicago, or Cheers without Boston. When he's written well, Batman is a reflection of Gotham, and they metaphorically represent each other.

Most Batman writers get this, so there's always a lot of historical worldbuilding and everything. But I'm a community health person, and I grew up in the inner area of my own very large city, and creating a Gotham that feels real and rich is more complicated than the Court of Owls stuff. For me, cities are the intersection of culture, community, history, oppression/SES/war etc, and the modern day to day lives of people. When I want to make a rich city that was relevant and important to the story, I wanted to focus on immigrants and cultural minorities. You know - the people who create the cities lol. I decided on a history that involved the idea that Jewish families were the oldest in Gotham, and that they were one of the people to help create it and influence its culture.

I read a Daniel Handler quote just now that said "there is something naturally Jewish about unending misery". What is more Batman, Bruce, and Gotham than that, lol. The Jewish diaspora experience - the traditional history just as you outlined it in your ask - is baked into Gotham, it's the foundation. Gotham is a city of unending misery, but it's a city that stands tall. It takes a thousand hits and always gets back up again. People within it experience unending poverty and suffering, but they stand together. Just fucking refuse to die, as a whole. What's more Jewish than that! What is more Batman than that! Gotham should always be allegorical for Batman and Bruce, and through Gotham existing in that traditional Jewish experience, I think that's where you got the impression of Bruce as very traditional too.

Tim and the Drakes are the modern reflection of this. I was extremely explicit that Tim is alone in the world because of the Holocaust. I talk a lot in the story about how war and violence destroy children's lives, and that stretches back to the 1940s. About how war and violence creates violent children, which is what Tim became. His acting out was from the trauma of seeing his family slaughtered in front of him, and like a lot of people he used his religion to justify it.

There's a reason why the very first moment when Tim and Bruce actually connect as a family is when they find kinship and understanding through their shared backgrounds and values. They both saw their families slaughtered, they're both alone in the world - but they found each other, and they'll keep living.

OK BELIEVE IT OR NOT THAT'S THE SHORT VERSION. Seriously, though, I'm not. Uh. Actually fucking Jewish. This is like the fourth time I've talked out of my ass about this. I'm actually really interested in reading about the actual Jewish themes in Batman, because from what little I know they HAVE to be there. Any smart people out there who know about it, or who can link something written about it?

#tw holocaust #my asks #my writing #fwiw I think of Bruce as an atheist and Tim as pretty religious #I always write Bruce as really alienated from his Jewish heritage/culture #and his relationship with Tim (or jason in rr) reconnecting him with that #in nw that generational trauma is also why tim's parents weren't great parents. #heartbreaking! 25 years ago your mom was a survivor! #sucks. #i think i accidentally started thinking of tim as religious #because of that one time i wrote him as having come back from the dead after killing himself #and like anybody would get into god after that. and it stuck a bit for me #new story covid puppy Tim makes like an extremely smug point to call judaism dumb #kid has stuff going on. #hm I think I may have very persistent themes of returning to religion and religious heritage as a method of healing #not gonna psychoanalyze that! bye! #i feel like a fucking fanfic writer conservative for all i talk about masculinity and jesus

[gayboss-too-close-to-the-sun]

In defense of trashy ya dystopias

Okay, I’ll admit it: Hunger Games is an excellent book. It is powerful and well crafted, and deserves to be an eternal classic. I’m not sure any of the ya dystopias that followed it were quite so good, and I understand why they get mocked so often. Still, I think they deserve a better rep than they get.

Now, I understand that some ya dystopias are really, really bad. The only literary criticism that would call them good art would be a reader response based method that just says “well, some people like them so they must be good!” I don’t think that’s exactly how art works, but to an extent, that’s true. If a book inspired someone, encouraged them to read, and broadened their view of the world, who are we to say that it’s not worth reading? No matter how terrible a book is, it can at least make someone a bit more passionate about reading, and that’s value enough.*

First, I have to talk about Divergent. It makes me sad how many people hate that series. There are some valid criticisms, but most of it doesn’t make sense to me. People accuse Tris of being flat and basic, saying she’s an overpowered Mary Sue of a blank slate. That in particular confuses me. Tris isn’t dull and underdeveloped, she’s depressed. She’s reactive because she doesn’t care enough to be proactive. She’s numb, which comes across as her being unemotional. Now, we can debate whether that makes her a bad choice as a main character, but I won’t stand for her being painted as a bad character.

I was horribly depressed when I read Divergent. Watching Tris made all the difference in my life. I related to her when she threw a chair from the roof and watched it shatter on the concrete below, wishing she could follow it. I would have followed her to her death when she convinced herself that dying for her friends was noble sacrifice, not suicide, not the easy way out. I nearly cried when she realized at the last moment that she didn’t want to die, that she had to choose to keep going. I watched her build her life back up, even through the misery, pain and loss. I watched her find happiness, and I broke down when she gave it all up to protect someone else, someone who was trying to throw away his life out of guilt and grief. She sacrificed everything she had to give him a chance to fight through it and become someone better. She would have done the same for me. I needed to keep going, to honor that sacrifice and follow in her lead. Tris taught me to fight, and I am so grateful.

The Maze Runner was one of my favorite series. My longest completed story I’ve written was a trilogy of (unfortunately very straight) TMR fanfiction. I know it’s pretty garden variety dystopia, but it was very meaningful to me.

I think part of what made it special was having a male protagonist. Most ya dystopias are centered on teen girls, the intended audience, and while TMR could have used more diversity of gender in the cast, it was nice to see myself in the main character (although I like to believe I’m not that stupid). Thomas is also a very competent MC, which is always appreciated, and it feels earned more than Gary Stu-ed.

TMR has, despite not having any canonical evidence, a lot of gay ships in the fandom, probably because the boys all have a ton of chemistry and there are no girls (pretty much). I was deep in denial (see my straight fanfic), but TMR still gave my budding queerness a place to grow. While insisting that being gay was wrong and my homosexual crushes were Not Gay, I still managed to have very strong feelings on which Maze Runner ships are correct (Newt X Alby and Thomas X Minho, Newtmas shippers fight me). Being represented, even if I didn’t know it at the time, was so important to me.

Lastly, TMR taught me bravery. It taught me that even if things are just going to get worse, you have to try and make it out. I look at the world around me, and it’s not hard to imagine the Flare, or WICKED gaining power. Us kids have been handed the burden of fixing the world, and I need all the courage I can get. Like I say in my fanfic (the AWWWB series on Wattpad, first book called Good Grief), “Maybe the universe is just cruel. But… if we don’t know what’s outside of the Maze, then we’d better hold on to the fact that it’s just as likely to be a good place as a bad one.” We have to keep hoping that something better is coming eventually, even if it never does. We have to keep fighting.

I don’t have any others in mind right now, but I want to hear about other books (dystopian or not) that made more of a difference than they’re given credit for. Seriously, I want y’all to defend Twilight, to champion the Matched series. Tell me how they changed your life.

*note: books that spread harmful messages are different than poorly written books, but that’s a whole conversation by itself, so we’re going to be idealists in this post and pretend that’s not an element while acknowledging that in the real world it’s a true and harmful thing

#dystopia #ya books #divergent #veronica roth #the maze runner #tmr #james dashner #thg #the hunger games

[optiwashere]

Do you have a ko-fi or anything similar? I've adored your work for months now and would LOVE to show my appreciation.

I'm the other half of That One Couple That Reads Your Fics that has commented on things in the past and truly just can't thank you enough for writing such beautiful work that hits so many notes that are so rarely seen. Specifically, thank you for the Karlach/Shadowheart series, as a trans gal who has had hormones hit me pretty hard in various ways, seeing a character like Shadowheart and her particular body behavior is extremely important go me and something I never see. You're doing great work, and you've got two lesbian readers who will read just about anything you do. (Minthara/Orin is a little too Oops all toxic fucked up misery for me, my partner loves it though!)

Heya anon! It's a pleasure to hear from the other half!!! I hope you two have been doing well since your partner's message, and that your journey on hormones has been a freeing one 💜

I just wanna say your words really touched me. I always get a lump in my throat when other trans women enjoy what I write. It's very special to me for obvious reasons.

I'm so happy that you found this in my lil stories and that you find them beautiful for this. Fanfiction desperately needs more stories of us in all forms, in all the ways our bodies as trans women can be different. That comes out in the ways that I write these characters. I couldn't be happier you feel this way. Fiction doesn't always have to be validating, but it's a unique feeling when it is.

Especially when it's a character like Shadowheart that I write specifically to be very different from myself when I do write her as trans. Despite that, it's almost euphoric when I see you and others feel themselves in her. Or really any of the characters.

(And don't worry about the Orinthara haha. I know not everything I write is for everyone, but I'm glad your partner enjoys them lol)

As for ko-fi or similar, (EDIT) see this response. But you can show your appreciation by reading, sharing wonderful messages like this with me, and saying hi every once in a while 💜

#hey you can ask me things! #trans stuff in fic #not me smiling while responding to this with watery eyes couldn't be me........ #your partner's message went into my “read these comments when you're feeling down” folder #and so will this one

[kakiastro]

Fame in Astrology Series part 5

Topic: Writers

Disclaimer: this just for entertainment and learning purposes, also, please don’t copy my work. Thank you!

Hey y’all I’m back with another part to my fame series! Last time we talked about chefs and what type of cook you are

Here is a link to that post:

Now originally I was going to do politician but I changed my mind after a suggestion was made and decided to look into writers instead. Now whether you’re a book lover or a writer yourself, we’re going to talk about what you can look at in your birth chart that’s connected to writing!

We’re going to use Stephen King for examples because he’s my favorite author 😅

Okay let’s get started

1. First thing we’re going to look at is Mercury and his rulers Gemini and Virgo.

Mercury rules over writing and communication. Gemini rules overall writing and Virgo rules over the details in writing.

Ex. Stephen has Mercury Libra conj Neptune & Venus 4h. Sun Virgo 3h and Gemini 12h

Sun Virgo 3h and he’s a well known(Sun) author, he’s specifically known for how detailed(Virgo) his books are. So with Mercury Libra, he has an easy flowing style that’s pleasing to read, he has the ability to write stories from different character point of view within the same story.

Neptune rules over fantasy and imagination so with it conj his mercury he can create some great stories. Also Neptune rules over movies and most of his work has been turned into live action movies and tv shows. With Venus conj a Venus rules mercury, you can say his stories will be beloved. Him having a 4h stellium because I remember him saying a lot of his writing inspiration come from early childhood fears. 4h rules over our early childhood memories(good or bad). I’ve also notice how women, mothers or family plays a huge role in his stories(Misery, Cujo,The Shining ect) Gemini 12h, he has a great imagination, inspiration may come from his subconscious from pass lives(if you believe in reincarnation)

2. We’re going to look at the 5h next.

The 5h is the Leo house, it’s the house of expressed creativity, this is how people view our art.

Ex. Stephen has a 5h Scorpio conj Chiron and it’s no surprise that he’s known for his horror stories. He has the ability to write out his deepest fears in a story that makes people resonate. Scorpio rules our deepest fears

Chiron is known as the wounded healer and teacher. All of his stories has a deeper meaning and if I’m being honest, his writing may be a healing method for him, he’s healing his own dark fears through his art which is what Chiron and Scorpio 5h is about!

3. Next I want to talk about the moon.

Moon is very important in writing because this is how you emotionally connect to the characters, if you’re not emotionally connecting to what you’re writing or reading then you don’t have a story.

Ex. Stephen has Sagittarius moon 6h. Well this explains why a lot of his characters has big personalities lol Sagittarius ruled by Jupiter , fire sign, most of his characters has intense emotions, there’s also always some sort of spiritual element going on in his writings.

4. Let’s talk about your Mc and 11h

Mc rules over career and public image

11h is how society sees and remembers you.

Ex. Stephen has Mc Aries and Taurus 11h

Aries represent leader or first of something. Now he’s not the first author but he is a prolific figure in the writing community in recent times which is very Aries. Also his Mc ruler (mars) is in Cancer 1h. This goes back to my point how his writings deals with women, family and early childhood fears, hes very open about them. He’s known for speaking his mind but here’s the thing; majority of the public(11h) loves him for it😅(Taurus) he has North Node in 11h as well so he’s mean to talk in public.

Writing Asteroids: asteroid are more prominent if it aspects your personal planets (Sun, Moon, Ascendant, Mercury, Mars, Venus, Jupiter and Saturn)

Talent (33154)- what topics you’re gifted at writing in

Apollo ( 1862) - God of music and arts(for songwriters)

Sappho (1864) -the way we express ourselves with words

C(K)alliope (22)- muse of poetry

Euripides ( 2930) -playwriting

Orpheus (3361)- writing plays

some well known writers asteroids

Shakespear (2985)

Poe (17427)

Dahl (6223)

Tolkien (2675)

Cslewis (7644)

Thank you all for supporting this series, I’ve been having fun creating it! Next up is politician, for real this time 😅

Until then

#astrology community #knowledge #astrology #love astrology #astro observations #celebritybirthchart #fame in astrology #fame astrology

[voxofthevoid]

Hi Vox! I saw your post mentioning your sickness and I hope you're feeling better! If it’s any consolation, I've been sick as hell too. Misery loves company right? This is werewolf anon, BTW.

So now that I'm more on top of the JJK story, I read another JJK fic of yours. It's the one where Gojo gets released from the prison realm into the future but a 1000 years in. I must admit I saw the tags/summary and thought "Ahhh yeahhhh all 20 fingers assembled!". And I was getting ready for some filthy imaginative smut by you...and it DEFINITELY had that...BUT I WASN'T READY FOR THE FEELS???

Because I legitimately cried!!! You left the ending open enough that it could go a few different routes but you just captured the utter bleak loneliness that Yuuji had been enduring and what a monumental shift it was for Gojo to show up. I finished the fic and had to hug my pillow because it got me so emotional. So yeah, thanks again for destroying me lol!

I'm glad my silly Yuuji meme edit gave you a laugh!

Also now that I know Steve is your fav, I see your Stucky fics in a whole new light. Not in a bad way! Just more like "Ah ha! I totally get why these lines of Bucky talking about Steve hits so hard." I'm so sorry that Endgame did us dirty and it undermined your fandom. My personal fav is Bucky and I basically live in my La La Land where "canon" can kiss my ass. Especially because the MCU seems determined to keep character assassinating Steve and derailing Bucky.

For JJK, I still like Gojo the best so the manga events are DEVASTATING. But I've gotten pretty good at ignoring canon (No thanks to Marvel) so I'm gonna keep trucking on loving Gojo.

Also fucking random question but you're the only one I talk about JJK...do you think I should spell their names Yuji/Yuuji or Gojo/Gojou?

Stay hydrated!

Werewolf anon! I didn't see this ask until now. Didn't check my notifs for a day or so while sick, and the app is glitchy as hell with numbers. Opened the desktop and saw that shiny "1." As always, it's good to hear from you!

A sad high five for the sickness 😔 I hope you're feeling better now though.

And won't lie, I'm slightly evilly gleeful that serpent tongue got you in the feels. It was my first JJK fic—don't ask me why I chose that mindfuck of a premise to figure out the characters and dynamics—and I did intend for it to pretty much just filthy imaginative smut (thank you btw 💗) with a four-armed Yuuji, but well, you saw what the bulk of the story became. As far as first fics in a fandom go, it's one I'm very happy with, especially the ending. It's very, very gratifying to hear that it affected you enough to make you cry.

(If it's any consolation, this fic is the "kinder" continuation of it, now with 200% more porn. They're not in a series because they're both standalone works, and the second fic is one of two possible spiritual sequels, but still, it's overall less bleak compared to the first fic.)

Haha, that's very interesting to me tbh. I'm not subtle about my favoritism, though the way it manifests varies (the only constant is that they get hole lmao), and I'm always curious how readers—especially those with differing but complementary tastes—perceive it.

And you have very good taste! I adore both Bucky and Gojou too, and they're a hell of a lot of fun as characters. Props to you for the enviable ability to tell canon to suck it and keep going 💪 Stay strong.

As for the names, Yuuji/Yuji/Yūji and Gojou/Gojo/Gojō are all accepted romanizations, so pick your favorite. Personally, I prefer Yuuji and Gojo, but I am anal about internal consistency, so I use Yuuji and Gojou—plus Getou, Yuuta, Shouko, etc. The only exceptions I make are for Chōsō and Tōdō because Chousou and Toudou make my eyes bleed.

#anon #i love my anons #werewolf anon #jjk

[look-at-the-soul]

900 followers short celebration 🎉 (Part 2)

I want to thank each one of you for following, for leaving ♥️, for sharing your thoughts and reblogs! It means absolutely everything to me ✨this is crazy, I never imagined I would get more than five, let alone this many.

But beyond the number, I’m very grateful for the beautiful and kind people I’ve been able to meet here. Really lovely mutuals sharing incredible stories that make my day go a million times better and take my mind off of worries, stress, etc. So thank you for the chats, for the laughs, for the learning, for sharing bits of your day to day with me, for listening to my non-sense as well. 🥰 You’re a shining light ⭐️

I still have some requests in my to-write list, so this celebration will be sharing some fics recommendations of mind-blowing stories written by the best fandom. (There are so many great stories so I will keep it down to one per writer) and I highly encourage you to stop by and read them if you haven’t -leaving the proper tip (also know as your thoughts, comments, reblog) it’s highly appreciated.

This is my master list in case you want to take a look around, who knows? Maybe you’ll find a story you haven’t read yet 🥰 I write for Tommy Shelby (Peaky Blinders), Cillian Murphy and some of his characters like Robert Fischer (Inception), Scarecrow (Batman), Lenny Miller (Anna movie), Emmett (A quiet place), etc

Last but not least, my recommendations to read (in no particular order)

Story share - proposed by @zablife (on going) each chapter is written by a different writer and trust me, you will want to get some snacks to enjoy the show 😉

Midnights -by @madame-wilsonn This series is just starting, I’m curious to see where this is going, join Tommy through the memories from the war, see by yourself the struggles he has to deal with.

All apologies - by @gypsy-girl-08 One mistake broke apart Tommy’s family, a thousand apologies won’t be enough to get back what he lost. The perfect mix of everything smut, angst, love…

Tachipen - by @zablife (series on going) This story will take us along reader when she moves to the Shelby house because her father lost a flip coin against Tommy and she starts to take care of the Shelby kids.

Betrayal - by @cillmequick (on going) You’ll find the perfect amount of angst, the war between the Shelby’s and the Changretta’s is about to get ugly.

Birmingham - by @runnning-outof-time get to see as reader escapes from her family gang and ends up in Small Heath with no other than the Shelby family, there will be angst and mystery.

The boy in the window - by @notyour-valentine (series) I’m fascinated by this story and how little Emma takes us by the hand to meet Charlie Shelby, the boy who her mum thought was an imaginary friend.

Misery loves company - by @shelbydelrey Tommy is sleeping with Arthur’s wife, follow their forbidden relationship and get ready to gasp constantly as you read!

Getting away with murder - by @theshelbyclan Join Teddy in one of her adventures, she will find out becoming a stylist isn’t the best idea, but at least Tommy wasn’t her target.

Dear Sister - by @l1-l4 Intriguing story about Grace’s sister, who happens to marry Tommy… loving it from the start!

A kind heart by @forgottenpeakywriter The relationship between Charlie and his sister will melt your heart, fluffy Tommy included.

Family ties - by @peakyscillian follow reader and Tommy’s story, they met at a gentlemen’s strip club, Tommy wants to help her out…

Birdcage - by @raincoffeeandfandoms Corrupt a wish stories will never be the same after you read this. (I don’t want to spoil anything, just read it!)

Prima ballerina - by @padfootdaredmetoo Loved the whole ballet idea, and the story is amazing!

Destiné à Être by @the-forest-witchh Remus Lupin story, if you’re a Harry Potter fan this is your story

The library - by @evita-shelby Tommy realizes the only way to shut you up is… 🤫 💋

Men with blue eyes and dark hair by @dandelionprints Tommy jealous of his brother for being close to Y/N, will he ruin the only chance to share his real feelings?

Christmas traditions - by @midnightmagpiemama get festive with Charlie and Tommy while decorating for the Christmas festivities! Lovely details. A lot of fluffy content!

Plus two recommendations @heidimoreton shared with me and I loved it!

Freedom / Poison

Tagging some lovely mutuals I adore 🥰 @lyarr24 @ange-thoughts @imichelle-l-rigby @heidimoreton @thesoldiersminute @theshelbyslimited @peakyv @prettylittlehoneyeyesxoxo @allie131313 @lovemissyhoneybee @kittycatcait219 @already-broken144 @babaohhhriley @cillixn @sloanexx @kittycatcait219 @lespendy @moral-terpitude @theshelbyslimited @rangerelik

[ror-apollo]

Apollo if you see this please answer cause like I have a problem as a writer

Like why am I so hungry for murder?

When I read fanfics like for example enemies to lovers I just

Feel so disappointed

Like sir? I don't give a damn about your back story (the clique ones like family neglect or being outcasted for being different)

Miss I did not pick up this book for your girl failure (typically the MC's are portrayed as badass but when she meets the guy she suddenly becomes weak)

I want violence

I want tension

I want hurt!

I need fists getting thrown!

Creative insults!

Blood shed!

I need vengeance!

I need to see character development!

I wanna see enemies be enemies! And be forced to work together!

I want to see tears!

Heart ache!

BUT NO! ALL I SEE IS THE SAME TJING!

The girl becomes a mother in the end! But oh wait! She loses her badass personality to become one!

And the guy!? The guy is still the one in power!

The one that gets all the riches!

The one that gets to love his dream!

But what about the girl huh!?!?

What were HER DREAMS!?

What were HER GOALS!?

WHY DOES SHE BECOMES A MOTHER BUT LOSES HER PERSONALITY THAT MADE THE GUY FALL FOR HER?

Why does the MAN become a father but still got to keep his interests!?

Why does HE get to the company that SHE help build!? WHY does HE get to be HAPPy with a PERFECT Little family that HE DREAMED OFF!?

WHAT ABOUT THE GIRL!? WHAT WERE HER DREAMS!? WHY DID SHE LET IT ALL GO FOR A MAN THAT MIGHT LEAVE HER IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE OH WAIT!

BECAUSE YOUR ENEMY WANTED HIM SO SHE LIED THAT THE BABY WASN'T HIS AND NOW BOOM! DIVORCE!

what were dreams!? Why did she abandon them just for a man!? Why did you lose your power just for some guy!? Why not keep it and stand equal by his side!?

WHY DID YOU LEAVE YOUR DREAMS FOR A MAN!?

WHY DID YOU LEAVE YOUR DREAMS FOR HIS!?

*Que angry scream*

"Okay Okay, settle down now"

Apollo chuckled a bit before humming in thought.

"Answering your first question; it might be for a bunch of reasons. People tend to like reading about other's suffering, trials of pain and misery, that struggle to climb the mountain of success only to fail and end up with their ass on the ground back at start zero, whether it be because for sadistic pleasures or not. Some people just like a good tale where the MC has to work towards their goal through hardships. Some people just likes to see a villan actually act like a villan-or see the hero break a moral code for the sake of good or evil. I understand your frustration, your point is actually why I personally do not fancy Enemies to Lovers. If you're going to use a very very common troupe at least do it well, it is quite disappointing to read a story that uses the Enemies to Lovers troupe only for them to not really act like enemies at all. Frenemies at best. As for the "Girl becomes a mother and loses her badassery" I also completely agree. It's a misogynistic troupe that just ruins a story."

#record of ragnarok roleplay #record of ragnarok rp #ror apollo #ror roleplay #record of ragnarok apollo #record of ragnarok

[daydreaming-in-letters]

In a week

Prologue

07/14/2022

Pairing: Andrew (Hozier) x Clara (OFC)

Word Count: 1,957

Warnings: rpf, au, language, alcohol, infidelity, drunk sex, one night stand, no explicit mention of protection, poor try at using Irish slang words

Summary: Unsuccessful musician Andrew is heartbroken after finding out that his girlfriend is cheating on him. At the pub, he has a chance encounter with a mysterious stranger who seems to share his fate.

Masterpost

A/N: Ok, this one is important to me for so many different reasons and that's basically why I decided to share it here even though no one might be interested on this. The idea had been sitting in my notes for years and I'm being literal here. I just couldn't figure out what I wanted the main male character to be like and along came Andrew, slithering into my imagination as if this story had always been meant for him. His music, the poetry in his lyrics and him being such a sweet person in general were just perfect for this. I hope some of you will enjoy it. And if you happen to know a few of Hozier's songs, you might find a line or two that sound vaguely familiar.

Picture by andrew welch via Unsplash (cropped and text added)

If you like my story, you are very welcome to like, comment or reblog. No permission is given to copy, repost or share my work on other platforms.

Hozier - Like Real People Do

Andrew’s notebook

God, what a night. To be fair, it’s what’s to be expected of a Friday night, but this…this was…different. Somehow surreal, like the day that had preceded it. But let me start at the beginning.

I entered the “Shrike & Thorn” already half fluthered and almost an hour late. And even though Fred has gotten quite used to my moderate tardiness over the last years, I could see that he wasn’t the most amused about it this time. Still, he didn’t say a word, probably expecting what had finally happened after things hadn’t exactly been the smoothest between Catherine and myself lately. Little did he know what I had found out mere hours ago, reading that effing text of hers that definitely hadn’t been intended to end up on my phone. She had been quick to delete it, but what had once been seen couldn’t be unseen anymore. Calling her and setting her straight would have been the reasonable thing to do, I guess, but, well, I’ve never been good at acting reasonably when somebody had crushed my heart. The bottle of usque at hand, it had been much easier to drown my anger anyway. Somewhere between self-pity and despair, I must have passed out. It was only when the muffled voices from the pub downstairs slowly began to seep through the thick carpet my cheek rested against that I woke from the dead again. 

So, there I was, guitar in hand, wondering how I even managed to hit the right notes as the music kept on flowing straight from my miserable heart, sad love song after sad love song, until Fred lifted a pint of the black stuff to indicate it was time for a break. I knew it was his way of complimenting me off stage, but there was enough ethanol running through my veins to overlook this scandalous affront. The pint of gat might have helped smooth my ruffled feathers as well, and so I took the hint and made myself comfortable at the bar for a while.

My sense of time long lost to the sweet intoxication, I had no idea how much of it had already passed when our eyes first met. Foc, she was a fine thing, dark blonde hair veiling her shoulders, falling all the way down to her ample breasts. Even without lipstick, her lips shone as red as cherry wine and I could have sworn I had never seen eyes like hers before, grey with a tinge of green, sprinkled with tiny flecks of gold. 

But the darkness they held, I knew only too well. There was no need to ask what had brought her to this place, and I’m sure she could also see the inner demons I was so desperately trying to rinse down my throat with every gulp of the black liquid in my hands. There was something bewitching about her state of misery, like some dark magic that pulls you in and chains you to your sorrow until it has consumed you wholly. It had befallen me as well the moment those few words had flashed up on my display and the dark claw of desolation had wrapped around my heart in an iron grip. It wouldn’t leave us be, not tonight, but I felt less alone knowing we shared the same fate. 

“Fred,” I slurred, but I felt too cozy in my inebriation to care about the loss of reins, “one of the usual for me and one of whatever she is having.” I pointed towards the heap of shot glasses lined up in front of the sweet one. For a second I thought he might dismiss my order, but then he bit his tongue and did as I had asked of him, setting one glass down in front of me before he lined up the other one with the empty glasses in front of her. 

It would have been fine by me to raise my glass with her from afar, but she obviously had other plans and who was I to object when she rounded the counter, gravitating towards me until the distance between us was nothing but a mere memory anymore. 

“What shall we drink to?” Her voice was as warm as the colour of her eyes, and still I shuddered as the bitterness of her tone invaded my ears above the noise of the other guests. Maybe it was that very bitterness that coaxed the rancorous answer from my mouth.

“To love.”

“Yeah, to love.” Her glass hit mine with determination. “May it fuck off and never dare show its fallacious face again.”

With a final glance, an exchange of bitter smiles, my head tilted back and downed the oily liquid. It burned more than it usually did, but the warmth it spread soothed my soul instantly. Or was it the shortest glimpse of her throat I caught, milky skin left unguarded like a pristine blanket of the first winter snow? 

With a harsh clank her glass hit the wooden surface of the counter and pulled me back to the impossible grey of her eyes. 

“God, I needed that.”

Her fingers dove into her hair and pulled it back from her forehead, my gaze captured by the four letters that were inked into her wrist in elaborate flourishes. 

“So that didn’t work out too well for you, did it?” I teased with a sheepish grin on my lips.

She glanced down onto the word my fingers pointed at.

“No, not today.”

I could practically watch the spirits leave her body that the shot had seemed to have so wonderfully revived, and the acrimony they left on her face made me regret my foolish remark immediately.

“Well, technically, today isn’t over yet.”

I had no idea where that moronic annotation had come from, and even less what it was supposed to mean. Apparently she didn’t know what to do with it either, thoughts racing behind her dulled eyes. But then they illuminated with a thrill, sparking the same excitement in the pit of my stomach as her fingers weaved through mine.

“Let’s get out of here.”

In a last second of sanity, I looked back at my guitar that stood abandoned on the empty stage, then to Fred behind the counter who smiled knowingly upon my dumbfounded face, seeing me off with a wink and a wave while she dragged me towards the door.

Outside, the fresh night air hit me like a wrecking ball. I stumbled, my eyes closing as the world spun before them. Prepared for the harsh impact that was inevitable, I didn’t even flinch as my back hit the cold stone. It was only when her heated body pressed into mine that I checked my surroundings. Instead of the pavement, my back had made contact with the bricks that covered the house wall behind me, her fingers tightly clutching the collar of my leather jacket. 

“Don’t you dare black out on me, bard, not before…”

“Before what?” I barely managed to force out while her sweet breath invaded the almost non-existent space between us.

With a wild grin she pushed herself up on her tiptoes, pulling me down by my collar the rest of the way to answer my question. Her lips were even softer than they looked, and even though they held the fading bitterness of her strong medicine, they pulled me from the deep hollow of self-pity I had buried myself in. Life returned to my parched veins in a rush, restoring the power it took to meet her passion with the same urgency. 

She moaned against my lips when I pulled her closer, her mouth falling open to welcome me inside and I could feel the familiar fire awaken when our tongues met for a sinful dance. The meaning of time long lost to desire, she broke away with a gasp and the storm behind her bewitching orbs of grey left me with a shudder.

“Take me to your place or take me right here. I don’t care. Just do something about this.”

Her hand left my collar to wrap around mine and guide it right to the centre of scorching heat at the apex of her thighs. We moaned in unison as my fingers drew along her mound, hers ending in a needy plea not even the most pious of man could have resisted. 

As if it bent to our will, the world seemed to stop for a moment, only to accelerate beyond the sensible, and all I am left with are snippets of the fevered frenzy that ensued. Clothes paving the way from front door to bedroom, greedy fingers familiarising with my naked flesh, touching, probing, seeking to map out the spots that left me at her mercy, until I was nothing but a lump of clay she could shape and form to sate her desire. 

Heated lips followed in the wake of her hands, leaving trails of scorching flames wherever they went, set on consuming the last remains of doubt or decency, if ever such feelings had reigned me to begin with. And the second we became one, my mind refused to believe there would ever be any other way of existing but within her. Like a queen taking her rightful place on the throne for the first time, she claimed me, ruled me, completed me with her saturnalian ascendancy. I didn’t dare touch her, afraid to distract her on her way to salvation as much as in awe of her raw ferocity. 

It was only when she came, violent like a force of nature, shaking and trembling in the shocks of sweet redemption, that I snapped out of my trance and yielded to the avid voice inside my head, telling me to seize the night and chase my own desires. I’ll never forget the glow of her eyes in the low lamp light, her body buried underneath mine, hands pinned above her head while I filled every last bit of her. No words were spoken, all that was needed was the silent challenge in her smile and I was free. 

There was no gentleness in the delirium that befell me, my passion was boundless, rough and fast, fuelled by her soft whimpers and pleading eyes, begging me to take her, to use her until my hunger was sated. And I did. 

In the afterglow, we just lay in silence, side by side, in awe of the satiation our selfish transgression had granted us, pacifying our agony, if only for a blink of time until guilt would creep up on us. There is one thought I remember as clear as anything and even though it was born from the heat of the moment, it has stuck with me ever since. If this was what the original sin had felt like, who were we to condemn Adam and Eve for their inequity?

This morning, she was gone, leaving me with nothing but her sweet scent on my skin to prove that she had been more than a mere fever dream. And I fear even that will fade soon, so I needed to write this down, to conserve at least this tiny piece of us. Because as much as my conscience tells me to loathe our sinful deeds, I can’t bring myself to regret a single second of last night. Not even the massive hangover it left me with. I think I will actually enjoy the dull hammering until it slowly fades, like the only evidence of her. There’s not even a name I have to remember her by, my sweet one. Well, I guess there we have it, the one thing I do regret after all. 

Chapter 1

#hozier x reader #hozier x ofc #hozier fanfiction #hozier #andrew hozier byrne #hozier fic #hozier fanfic #hozier imagine #in a week

[aetherarf]

Dude, I love love love what you did for the ask about puppet joint Scaramouche. Utterly beautiful in all the right places and more. You captured it perfectly as I imagined and I thank you for that.

I have another request if you’re willing to take it, it’s about the interlude quest regarding Scara and changing his name to the player’s wishes. And I was just hoping you could capture his reaction to us wanting to call him Babygirl. I see that everyone is call him that as a joke and wanted to see his reaction to that myself. And when he obviously refuses that name, how about the consideration of Mochi instead since he has squishy mochi cheeks that we want to bite out of cuteness. I think about this a lot. Thank you for all your efforts in your work!

this one genuinely stumped me for months on end

because in a realistic way? I don't think it'd end well. I don't think it'd end well at all. Crack is a different story, but... I don't write crack. Not much, anyway, so I didn't take it that route.

He'd be hurt, he knows he owes you this, but you remembered him, even when he didn't remember himself.

His heart is raw and bare, he lived through five hundred years of misery within a few moments, and he's still reeling. He's vulnerable.

He's baring whatever lingers where his heart was meant to go, giving you the choice, the privilege to name him. To decide his future for him.

And to call him... Babygirl... is a very ... rough way of not reading the room, and he would- okay, he could... accept a joke. it's a joke. It has to be a joke. So, he would of course refuse-

And being called Mochi, a name many people name their pets back in Inazuma, he doesn't think it's cute or silly, even if the reason is explained.

He's hurt.

He feels you're treating him like something that belongs to you- a pet, nay, just a toy to do what you want with now that he's not a blatant threat.

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

It hurts so much he's not sure what to do with himself, other than to just laugh, tense and strained, "You're not taking this seriously. Fine- I'll do it myself."

He does not accept Mochi. He does not consider any other names. Either by then, he goes by Wanderer. Just Wanderer.

He does not trust you to name him.

He did, and you crushed it with mirth and amusement in his eyes, when he was still so weak and wounded and defeated.

You made him into a joke.

He would not accept anything from you he didn't have to for Buer.

#bark rambles #ladyqinn #ask #wanderer #wanderer x reader #//yeah sorry i know this is def not what you wanted #// but i CANNOT imagine it going any other way #// also this is not an attack or anything at all!!

[emberkeelty]

I started writing this as part of the Hunter background-Chorus path-Stone Sea post I've been trying to make for a while, but I think it stands on its own as more general Scarlet Chorus meta, so I'm putting it up as Part 1, to be followed with a Part 2 that gets more into the Stonestalkers and the Hunter Fatebinder.

Misery is the Chorus contact in the Stone Sea, and her story is an interesting one, though told in a rather oblique way. Like many Chorus members, Misery murdered her own family. Unlike most of them, it wasn't something she was forced to do as part of her initiation, but something she was "entrusted" with well after joining. What does that mean? One clue is that she willingly joined the Chorus just to "ditch home". Another is hidden away in a different conversation you get if you meet her on a non-Chorus path:

Screenshot from TheGreatEvilKing's LP. TGEK interprets this as "confirmation that the motivation of the Kyrosians is entirely personal power," and he's not wrong. But I also see something just a little bit sympathetic in that mention of "slaughter[ing] those who plague my dreams," when I put it together with what she says on the Chorus path.

(And, hey, doesn't the Fatebinder always have at least one person who plagues their dreams? A person who calls himself their family? A person who they end up killing in more than 75% of all possible worlds, including any world where they side with the Chorus? Then again, he's also the guy who runs Chorus-style death games in the Court. Kind of funny how he turns around and sneers at the Fatebinder for taking this path.)

Misery might be somewhat atypical, but she's far from unique. Back in the Blade Grave, we met Pyre.

If Pyre ended up having to kill her family to prove herself, do you think she felt particularly bad about it? I sure wouldn't blame her if she didn't.

And, of course, there's what Sirin did to her father. Sirin is not a member of the Chorus and acts insulted by any suggestion to the contrary, but there's no doubt she played into their game with that one. TGEK argues that Nerat lied to her about her father's role in her abduction, but I honestly have no idea where he's getting that, other than perhaps a misguided conviction that parents are good by default. The official short story confirms it, and even if you question the canon status of anything outside the text of the game, Sirin's father was already pretty horrible and mercenary toward her all through her early childhood. And then there's the fact that she used his memories of what he did to her and her mother to kill him. She already had her helmet limiting her at the time, which means that she couldn't have controlled him so successfully if she'd had a completely inaccurate read on him.

The Scarlet Chorus is a machine for exploiting trauma. Much of that trauma it inflicts itself, but not all of it. Some people have families and neighbors who frankly aren't worth very much. Some people have very good reasons for wanting to discard their mother-given names and forge new identities for themselves. Some people are actually pretty justified in wanting to commit the sort of violent transgressions that will bind them to the Chorus.

That doesn't make the binding itself any less of a bad idea.

#tyranny

[acourtofthought]

I’m tempted to block everything about Gwyn + Azriel lately. It hasn’t even happened yet - we literally have no confirmation that it will happen and people have ruined it for me. I’ve seen people literally saying “my favorite part of their love story”… what story? The one that hasn’t even been written yet? I fear it’s becoming one of those horribly overhyped ships and if SJM decides to go a different way, Gwynriels are gonna turn into Elriels 2.0. I’m literally praying for Elucien’s book to be next because I already feel like I’ve read 10 books about Gwynriel. And I’m sort of starting to get sick of the warrior x warrior pairs. Authors, not just SJM, need to start shaking things up and think of something different.

I think it's very normal to experience shippers fatigue when a pairing is not your favorite because no matter how much people might be alright with your personal ship, there will be times when the discussion surrounding their favorite will (even unintentionally) make yours seem less important.

While I do think we're all guilty of imagining how good both Gwynriel and Elucien could be together (and will hopefully be), I agree that neither couple is currently in love. Someday if they end up there, maybe we can look back and say, "they were barely friends at that point but based on what the characters told us in their book, they sensed that the other was going to be someone important to them" and that technically will become part of their love story. But at this point I agree that we can't know for sure exactly where it will have begun for them. Because a love story that started when Az was canonically still in love with Mor and fixated on Elain for the wrong reasons is not a very good love story. Just like I wouldn't want Elucien to be falling for one another while she was still in love with Graysen.

While I do think Gwynriel will end up together and well matched, I agree that every female becoming a warrior is getting a little redundant at this point (especially within the same series). Which is why I am also really looking forward to Elain and Lucien's book. I want to see more of the politics side of things from them, more of their intelligence shining through in how they interact with other Courts, and less training, less "the Illyrians are brutes", less IC drama that has been the focus for so many books now. Elucien would be a nice break from all that.

I think my most controversial take on Gwynriel is not so much how a shipper imagines their story to go or headcannons because those are the things that keep us alive while we wait for the next book. My biggest issue is that just because Az and Gwyn were more heavily featured in SF, people have taken up the stance that Elucien is irrelevant so Gwynriel MUST be the focus of the next book.

Gwynriel was in SF, sure. But you know whose unresolved story was in ACOMAF? ACOWAR? ACOFAS? ACOSF? Elucien. It doesn't matter how often Az's name was in SF or that Gwyn had more development than Elain because Gwyn was there for Nesta (and Az is Cassian's best friend). I don't disagree that SJM is hinting at Gwynriel but the main point of Gwyn in SF was to be Nesta's found family which means she had to strongly feature in the book and Nesta needed to know who Gwyn was in order for their relationship to develop. However, when you consider how Elain's story has been building from book 2 and Lucien's from book 1, it's not about most mentions in a book (especially a book about Nesta and Cassian). It feels a little like "can't you wait your turn?" considering Gwynriel was just introduced. Eluciens deserve to be put out of their misery 😂. And yes, Chaol and Yrene got together in a single book but it wasn't at the expense of who Aelin was going to end up with after her romantic arc had been building for multiple books.

It wouldn't make any sense for Elain or Lucien to heavily feature in a Nessian's book when Lucien is not actually part of the IC (though SJM still found a way to make him relevant and set his future journey up) and Nesta and Elain are not meant to become extremely close. The point of Nesta's journey was learning to find a life outside of being Elain's protector and learning to let go of Elain. It was also a continuation of the narrative that Elain doesn't belong in the NC so she had to remain somewhat irrelevant to the IC in general.

Sure, we know Gwyn is going to have unknown powers, needs to discover her heritage, she may have a mating bond and we know she's going to need to decide what she wants to do about being a priestess and leaving the library but SJM literally told us, "Elain doesn't belong in the NC and has unknown powers, Elain will go to Spring and then the continent, Lucien is also going to be in Spring (Spring which the IC keeps mentioning they need up and running) and the continent, Lucien is displaying the markers of a High Lord, still doesn't know about his father, Koschei is about to call Vassa back and she's connected to Lucien and Vassa, and Elain and Lucien still need to decide what they'll do about their actual confirmed mating bond which has been an ongoing issue for multiple books. Everything with Elain and Lucien was laid out with actual locations. Not to mention the final page of the book has Nesta placing the wooden carving made for Elain (a carving which was repeatedly mentioned in SF) on their fathers gravestone as a "marker of the beauty and good he tried to bring into the world" and that (to me) is clearly symbolic of Elain and how she'll soon go on her journey.

That doesn't mean the Gwynriel book can't happen next, it absolutely can. But I do get somewhat frustrated by Gwynriel's who really don't think there is just as much suggesting Elucien could also be next. They're forgetting how long Elain and Lucien's journey's has been building and that it actually made sense for Elain not to heavily feature in the books if SJM is trying to sell the narrative that no one really knows her and her not belonging in the NC.

#pro elucien #elucien #pro elain archeron #pro lucien vanserra

[taegularities]

! Brief trigger: this is not exactly a rant, it’s a story time but a very long one, pls bear with me 🥲 (also my first ask so there’s that)

Been following you for a while now Rid, I’ve mostly read your standalone fics like love me better, begin, silk & stones, stars behind waves & tale of broken hearts. I consider myself as the type who likes gut wrenching angst that ends in happy ending or at least a feeling of hope at the end. These ones like you had promised, were definitely angst heavy (esp the vmin fics). I prefer not to touch long series coz I fear I might lose interest midway thru & might end up thinking I wasted lots of time reading it since it often happens that authors end up adding bunch of filler scenes in between & im one who doesn’t like that.

So for the longest time I actually ignored cmi, until the amc thing came up & the some of the questions relating to the character arcs were def intriguing for me, & I thought ‘why not just give this one a go?’ The word count for cmi looked quite scary😶 so I took inspiration from seven & tried finishing from start till the recent update within seven days (…peak stupidity LoL) & GOD THE ANGST. I couldn’t help but take a blanket over my head to tear down through the rough patches that followed in midway through the fic…literally every scene was so detailed, it almost felt like I was looking at two people I closely knew & felt sorry for to suffer the miseries of being apart because of the conflicts they’d been facing.

Even if I actually succeeded in completing the 200k wc (the fastest & longest record for me) I was able to enjoy the fic. Maybe coz you actually understand the pacing of the slow burn and wrote their arcs so carefully which allowed the reader to slowly unveil their personalities, their flaws, their growth throughout the fic. I kinda skipped the drabbles in between (i did skim through but didn’t actually focus on them alot) coz the goal was to first read through the main storyline then take my time to unwind & re-read the drabbles after. Honestly this work might be my fav one from you, or any Jungkook fic I’ve read in the entirety of this website. Just wanted to say thanks for crafting such a wonderful piece of literature for us, im thrilled to read further what lays in store for jk & oc after they talked through their differences & patched up. And after reading so much pining that went behind in the past 9(?) parts, I’d actually love only fluff and warmth for this couple (me as angst enthusiast saying this✋🙂). And yes, I’m waiting for the cmi drabble (seven mv jk cross over with cmi jk is an unimaginable menace 🫠) and future parts to be posted sooner too! This couple has my heart💛

this was your first ask?! to lil ole me? 😭 omg hope you still see this one!! i wasn't around much when you sent it, then it got buried – but today i remembered it again and wanted to say hi 🥺

first of all, tysm for reading so many of my fics, and such long ones, too!! like, lmb is a huge ass piece, so im really happy you gave it a shot and enjoyed it, too 🥺 and like, same goes for cmi. it's also so lovely to know that people try out stuff on my page that they usually wouldn't – so it melts my heart that you gave cmi a chance and grew to love it as well!! angst, ikr? me too, i could live off of it :') LOL NOT THE SEVEN DAY CHALLENGE. that's actually so amusing and sweet 🤣 i know the word count is crazy and the chapters tend to get very long, but... i know i'm repeating myself, but i'm incredibly thankful that you tuned in. if you ever want, do read through the drabbles, too, since i think they give a deeper glimpse into the characters' flaws and personalities – no pressure tho!!

once again, thank you. it means the world to me to know you loved it so much. like, fav fic? please i'll sob :'') a lot of fluff incoming (but angst too, so fret not), and i truly hope you enjoy the rest as well. drop by anytime, seriously, i'd love to talk about cmi or anything with you whenever you like!! 🥺🤍

#whenever yall say you could actually picture the scene and feel it all and liked the pacing >>>>>> #once again.. so sorry for the late reply </3 #notes for rid 🌹 #gukievity #fic: colour me in