Every time someone says "Poor Azriel has never been chosen in his life, he deserves to be chosen by Elain!" I throw up a little bit in my mouth.
That BAT literally has a loving family in the Inner Circle. Lucien has been kicked out of two courts, is an outsider in another, is literally living with a group called THE BAND OF EXILES, had his lover murdered in front of his eyes, and his own mate is avoiding him. STOP TRYING TO UWUIFY AZRIEL OH MY FUCKING GOD!
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“She was nothing like Jesminda.”
People are always up lucien’s ass for this line and for comparing elain to jesminda but like…no shit he’s gonna be comparing them 😭—the female he thought was his mate and his actual mate.Lucien genuinely believed him and jesminda were mates and she died with him thinking that.It’s only natural now that he’s found his real mate his mind would wander back to jesminda and he’d subconsciously compare the two.Lucien did not think anything negative about elain he was merely making an observation on how different she is than who he’d expected to be his mate(jesminda).
“Elain had been … thrown at him.”
People also twist this line in a million different ways.Lucien was thinking back on how him and jesminda had this epic love story where she had seduced him and teased him and chosen him in every way there was.He had then spent centuries believing his “mate” was dead so elain had been thrown at him.Thrown at him as in he never expected to find his mate because he thought his mate was DEAD.The mating bond snapping was just as shocking for lucien as it was for elain.So just like elain,lucien is allowed to be confused and uncertain about their mating bond especially in this scene where he was literally meeting her for the first time.This is not proof lucien doesn’t want elain or that he resents the mating bond,it’s literally just him thinking and making keen observations regarding their situation.Stop twisting my man’s words 🗣️.
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[ COMFORT ] 🪷 Elain 🪷
Lucien could not take it anymore. Bottling up all of his problems inside was killing him. He hated himself, he hated his life, he hated his fucking job. He hated that no matter what he did, Tamlin seemed to be so far out of his reach. The last time they'd spoken, Tamlin had given him a black eye. Cauldron boil him, he'd tried not to retaliate, but...something in him had just snapped. Everything that had happened to him over the past several months had just spilled over, and he'd set a driving punch straight into Tamlin's abdomen. Then he tunneled so deep down into that rage that he hadn't even noticed his fire swirling around him as he absolutely pummeled Tamlin. He had burned most of Tamlin's clothes off, and little burn marks peppered his skin. His own clothes, woven with magic fire-resistant cloth from Autumn, remained intact.
Lucien had known that whatever progress he might have made with Tamlin was undone the moment he had punched back. So frustrating-so unbelievably frustrating to have to deal with a broken High Lord and his court, yet no one cared. Feyre hadn't even asked about his eye. Not like Lucien had offered the information; he didn't trust Feyre or the Inner Circle as far as he could throw them. With information, he had no choice. But his feelings? He could keep them to himself and spare himself the hurt.
When he was in his small house in Velaris safely in bed, he let himself cry. Why had his life come to this? What had he done in a previous life to deserve this? Who was he kidding, playing emissary to the Night Court? He didn't belong here any more than he belonged in Spring. Gods, he missed Autumn. He didn't think that was something he'd ever say, but at least Beron had mostly left him alone. He was free to pursue his education, free to make friends amongst the gentry, free to practice his sword and read books and whatever else he was interested in. He loved being busy and visiting other courts, but considering a big part of his work was babysitting a miserable man who had in the latter stages of their relationship become abusive towards him, it was safe to say he'd much rather being doing anything else.
Sigh. He could probably do a ten times better job of ruling than any of these fools, but alas, he was stuck in this weak role of emissary, disrespected by all who associated with him. Not even his mate cared for him.
By the Cauldron, he missed Jesminda. The only person who had ever cared for him, chosen him.
At some point while crying, he fell asleep. Something tugged in his gut, and he found himself watching himself sitting beside a pond, bare feet dipped in the water, and next to him sat a stunningly beautiful brunette. Elain. His Elain. His mate who did not want him-
Lucien, she whispered quietly. This is just a dream, Lucien told himself, but it did not feel that way. No, that tug on his gut was very real.
She was wearing a long ruffled lavender dress with a pretty straw hat on her head. She held a matching basket, but when Lucien looked inside, there were only worms. Lucien jumped back.
"The Night Court gardens' soil is very poor, so I bred some ground worms to help replenish the nutrients," Elain said matter-of-factly, like she hadn't just said the most shocking thing ever. Lucien gaped at her. "You actually bred...?"
"Yes!" Elain said brightly. Then she gently put a hand on his shoulder, her big eyes full of concern. "You seem upset. Is there something wrong?"
Lucien snorted, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest. "As if you care if something is wrong."
"Of course I care," Elain said insistently. "You are my mate."
"Do not condescend to me," Lucien replied sharply. "I know such things mean nothing to humans."
"But I am no human anymore," Elain said, trying to reach for Lucien's body again. He pulled away again, and he almost regret it looking at the hurt that formed in her doe-brown eyes. But she avoided him like the plague in daylight; was he wrong to return the favor?
"But you still adhere to the human culture and rules," Lucien pointed out.
"It doesn't matter what I adhere to!" Elain shouted exasperatedly. "It doesn't matter how much I tell myself the mating bond means nothing, when I cannot breathe every time you are near. It doesn't matter how much I resent it, how much I feel is the bond and how much is me, when all I can think of when you are close to me are thoughts improper for a lady."
Lucien blinked, heat creeping up in his face as he recalled the absolutely filthy thoughts in her mind as he'd tugged on the bond that one afternoon.
"Fine," Lucien muttered. "It was Tamlin. He's being grumpy and uncooperative. I know he's hurting, but goddamnit, he has hurt me. And Spring has to be up and running soon, else the land is ripe for the taking."
Elain tilted her head curiously. "Is that really all?" Lucien sighed, shaking his head. "No, that was just a culmination of all my frustrations thus far."
"I thought so," Elain answered quietly. "You bottle up your feelings when you are hurt. Throw yourself into your tasks instead rather than wallow about it or engage in self-destructive behavior."
Lucien blinked at her in surprise. "You have been watching me."
"Of course I've been watching you," Elain said as if it were obvious. "How could I not? But also...I understand. You and I are the same in that right, I suppose."
Lucien didn't know what possessed him to do such a thing, but he crawled forward and laid his head on Elain's lap. She looked down at him and smiled serenely, stroking his hair, his cheek, his chin. Then she bent down and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
"Rest darling," Elain said sweetly. "No one can hurt you here." She continued to stroke him gently as his eyes drifted off, and the rest of his sleep was deep and pleasant.
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Will never get over the fact that Elain was told that she would marry for love and beauty and her mate:
Loved Jesminda so much that he was willing to drop his title, his court, everything for her, without knowing if there was a mating bond or not
Survived his brothers' murder attempts on him and even killed one in the aftermath of her death
Is literally the hottest looking guy in Prythian. EVERYONE thinks he's hot
Yeah, she'll marry for love and beauty. But she'll also get so much more <3
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one of my biggest qualms with Nesta (there aren’t many) in ACOSF is how much of a loser her bf is.
I’ll never understand why SJM is forcing Cassian into the role of courtier but it’s so awful to read about. Even worse when he & Nesta do it together and it’s literally as horrible as it can get. Like yeah, go ahead and TELL Eris you’re fucking him over, you fools 😭
“Did I do well? 🥺👉👈” NO, NO YOU DIDNT!!! In fact, you just exposed everything to him, dumb asses (i say this as a term of endearment to Nesta)😭.
We already have two sexy male courtiers, we do NOT need a third.
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