#weve been doing this every night

[burying-brightness]

.

#i hate this i hate this i hate this i am spiraling #my mom is supposed to help me do my 2nd round of PT every night because my brother helps me do the first #weve been doing this every night #i texted her the same time i always do #she said she was asleep and to ask my little brother but he does too much he helps me every day and does a lot and helps me with showering #i told her to tell me when she gets home so i can do things earlier or just know so i dont wait til too late because i have no idea #she said she was home since 5 as if that was consistent? #as if i was supposed to somehow know when she didnt tell me and i didnt see or hear her at all? #she even stopped calling me on the way home from work so #how the fuck am i supposed to know #so she tells me to ask my little brother but i am not he does way to fucking much for me already #my mom tries to get out of doing everything if she fucking can that is how she has always been and will volunteer other people to do shit #so im doing what i can without anyones help #which is not smart but im here crying ont he verge of an anxiety attack because i hate that this is life right now #and that i cant do everything by myself and that i hate myself and i hate this #i want to fucking kms because i cannot handle being like this #and god am i so fucking tired of having suicidal thoughts but not acting on them because then i feel like a coward who cries wolf #fuck everything #i hate ffucking life

[b4kuch1n]

post-drive sketch commissions fulfilled so far! for Cookie Nomie, A. Peake, @azaelyas, viviiyon on twitter, bxby_ashhh on twitter, tsunesama, @trucbiduleschouettes, and Anna.

#commission art #e-sims for gaza #hello! its been a hot minute #I have been. cooking a Lot. such is the nature of lunar new year #but I have. also been racing to finish up some craft stuff due to sudden request from benefactor (mother) #and I was out of hanoi for uhhh two days in total. couldnt open my laptop during those #and also I've finally caught up on sherlock&co.... I. can see something approach in the near future. u must simply excuse me #hope everyones doing well hope theres been good eatin. hope weve been keepin up with helpin out where we can #news are turning in directions that make me hopeful. that have a familiar look I know from our own history #I will keep chippin away at the rest of the queue during the holiday. we gotta do what we can. I'm glad I can help at all #one more day til the year of the dragon. I'll show u guys the stuff I made for lunar new year tomorrow. for now I sleep #have a good night guys! every dragon was once a carp etc

[unopenablebox]

🌸 and i are perfect cooking symbiotes

#synchronized timing for one person to grocery shop and the other to do dishes #🌸 cuts onions which i am as discussed incredibly sensitive to ONLY IN BOSTON. #i contribute ''extreme sauteeing-related self confidence'' and ''appreciative chatter'' #we both know all our usual recipes by heart and just alternate prep and cooking roles as convenient thruout w/ minimal communication #for the rest of the time. and then agreeably reach a doneness conclusion at the end #sometimes 🌸 gets tired and we trade off kitchen and non-kitchen time #each person gets thanked 1-3 times for the majority of the aforementioned tasks even though weve both been doing them every night for 6 yrs #AND 🌸 is very very cute the whole time. and soft hair for patting #box opener #girlfriend tag #we're making bastardized vegetarian oyakodon which is one of our favorite items #it has onion and extremely many sauteeing steps. making the cooking experience salient

[carrotpiss]

🐰🧡🐻

#in stark contrast to most of my personal posts this is about me being happy and gay #because i need to just get it out my system bc otherwise i am just going to grab a friend by the shoulders and scream (in joy) in their face #i am dating someone and its really really nice and sweet and cute and like nothing ive ever experienced before #and instead its like every tiny little dream about this kind of thing ive managed to hold onto despite every experience otherwise and ahhhh #the lack of focus on just sex or sex appeal is so nice its like there but as a side thing so its nice and i dont feel like an object #i feel like a human person with thoughts and feelings and interests outside if that and feel safe in that and feel safe that everything wont #just be discarded if i dont want to do that like i feel like boundaries and stuff are an option! without jeopardising everything #and el likes me as much as i like them and wants and sees and communicates that they want something long term and ahhhhhhhh #i just want to cry like holy shit this is everything ive ever wondered about like i have spent so long wondering what this feeling would #actually feel like and its so good and so indescribable and ahhhhhhh #waking up on monday night and seeing them in my bed and cuddling me was just so nice i felt wanted i felt... loved #this all seems so out of left field still i still feel like i just never saw it coming but its so welxome and nice and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #my pessimism is still there but its less loud now its more learning to accept this may not be perfect forever but letting me enjoy the now #crouch speaks #it feels so nice to not be scared and to feel secure and ahhh #also it made me laugh El remembered me hitting on then at the Dgoals release show making them blush lol #i only remember the time i hit on them later at the groles show so its funny i pretty much used the same line twice and it still worked #i cant wait to see them again i cant wait to hold hands in public again i cant wait to be idiots who keep blushing too hard and accidentally #kissing eachother on the nose instead of the mouth because we are stupid and gay and pathetic about it hahaha #just ahhhh i could gush forever how perfect the 2!!! dates weve been on were and the fact they want more and more and ahhhhh #this is so lame i know i just haven't experienced anything remotely like this before and its just... wild #like wow holy shit what on earth i have been so increasingly miserablely depressed and insecure from the shea stuff last year and then this #just absolutely removed all of that i actually feel like a human person again with value

[symbiodyke]

....

#my 'ex' and i being on a break is. whew #they dressed up in an incredible outfit today and im just. so fucking lovesick #having to act like we're just friends is driving me insane on 12 different levels #i just. god i fucking hope we get back together. #they keep looking at me like they love me and it's unbearable #when they asked to take a break they said they werent sure if they were in love anymore #we're also still cuddling every night..... aaaaaaaaaaaa #it's the craziest 'so close yet so far' dilemma #idk this isnt coherent my head is swimming and im supposed to be working rn #it hasnt even been a full week yet so ive just gotta be strong. keep being respectful of their boundaries and hope/work for the best. #and they said they really want us to get back together but weve got work to do and we gotta be sure before we do #so im cautiously hopeful. #alright. that's enough for now #delete later

[arosebyan0thername]

Gosh how silly of me to assume that my mom could go one single holiday without getting mad at someone for no reason

#personal #its usually my step dad #and before that it was usually my dad #this time its bc tom *checks notes* makes friends and talks to people #he went out and bought fireworks #unfortunately #and someone from across the field came over with some of his own bc weve got a more open property so they were lighting them together #and then that guy's friend came by with a few more i guess idk for sure who the third guy was #and my mom started sending out psychic damage to everyone within a 20 ft radius of her #so i went back inside #and she followed me and passive aggressived at me about how hes 'such a social butterfly hes always stopping and talking to people 🙄🙄' #ma'am your own personal antisocialness is not something you get to be mad at other people for #you knew exactly what kind of person he was when you got together bc you met at the bar where he shot pool literally every single night #and you decided to marry him anyway #so him making friends is not something you get to be mad about #just take your angry ass inside #and i get it! im literally autistic i do not want strangers in or around my home!! #but i dont make that other people's problem! if im living with someone else and they have people over i simply leave the room! #and these guys didnt even come inside they were standing in the driveway for 20 minutes #and he wouldnt have been sitting with the family during that time anyway bc he was the one lighting the fireworks #literally nothing would have been different #but shes gonna start an argument about it anyway #sorry im just trying to not unload all of this on twitter all the time #its easier to ignore if i put it in the tags on here

[heriahluvsbuns]

Played your voice note to my girlfriend. We agreed to take you on a mutual date. Dinner where you feel young and out of place.

She sees you nervous and moves over to you, calms you down with compliments, her hand on your thigh pulling it to herself. Then she grabs your chin, pulls you to her and tells you to kiss her. Im just watching. I love it when my girl feels like weve found a pretty little cumdump we can have fun with.

After dinner theres dessert, and thats when the fun begins. Me and my girl start to discuss you and the things we want to do as if you dont exist or xant understand us. Every so often we look over to specify what and where on your body thogns are going to happen 🤭. Are you ready to come home with us? After hearing everything, all you could do was nod.

My girlfriend holds your hand and leads home. The moment we arrive back shr grabs me and starts making out with your hand still in hers. You look up and watch. This is the moment she let's out the secret we'd been hiding. 'Don't worry, your wrist won't get tired this time. We're here to truly test your limits', she smiles. She's almost the same height of you but you swear you have to look up at her. 'She's pretty when she's nervous, but you can see just how needy she already Is with her hip movement.'

Whilst my girlfriend still holds your hand you feel one of my hands in your free one, and you watch as the other slides between your legs and touches you. Without much effort, your panties get pulled to the side and my finger slides straight in. 'Oh really needy.'

'Show me,' I pull my finger out of you and straight into my girlfriends mouth. She smiles, 'together wete going to fuck you, play with you, tease you. Your job little one is to try to enjoy every minute. Our job is to find your limits and help you safely exceed them.

Oh what a fun time we'd have 🤭

omg, this would be a dream come true. i will do my best to please both you and your beautiful gf all through the night.

xo heriah 🎀

#heriahanswers #send anons #anon ask #thanks anon! #anonymous #mystery anon #anons welcome

[dyke-stuck]

i HATE you ive always hated you ive hated you for all the months weve known eachother every night i dream of killing you until youre nothing but blood and every time i wake up i daydream about it until my idiot fucking tummy makes a noise so i go get breakfast and imagine im feasting on your organs and rhen i go to send you anon hate every once in a while (like im doing right now) but the anonymous button ometimes glicthes for me so i can never tell if my ask is anonymous until ive sent it. anyway. i hate you so much. i hate your stupid drawinfs. i wish youd do my fucking transmasc davekat request already ive been waiting for so long god damn it. i hope you die.

Love, Anonymous

Are you fucking happy. Does this make you feel better. You bully. You scoundrel.

#this is a bit btw. cali is a friend of mine. just to make sure its clear. #dstext #i dont want to tag this? but i will. #davekat #dave strider #karkat vantas #transmasc dave strider #transmasc karkat vantas #not a daily #ask to tag i guess #dsart #I GUESS #dsdoodle

[eddiesghxst]

So i have a request & i know you will do it justice💗

Rockstar Eddie x girlfriend/ MUA reader

Eddie & reader have been dating for a while ; they actually met on the set of CC’s first music video (she was a makeup artist) everything after that has been history.

Now they find themselves at a red carpet event & lately Eddie has been feeling a bit insecure. While they are on the red carpet the interviewer throws some comments & flirts with reader (she is kind but pays him no attention) this makes Eddies grip on her waist tighten ok ok lets keep going lol.

So reader notices this & Eddie assures her its nothing ( she knows he is BS’ing but does not push it) what she doesnt know is that Eddie had rented out a honeymoon suite for them, he has been meaning to something big for her ( he normally does sweet things like buys flowers etc.) & their sex life is very much alive! Normally its filthy ,skin slapping , hot steamy sex but Eddie wants to change it up this night . He really wants to be in the moment to be intimate to feel every inch of her body.

So to not keep rambling she is surprised to the point of crying and they are intimate & she tells him she knows he has been feeling insecure so she reassures him that she belongs to him & him only ( mind you he is mid thrust) hair sticking to his face , panting , room filled with babbling from both of them i love yous & devotions are being said .

It can get a lil filthy at the end too if youd like but main thing is they are both craving this connection to feel their bodys connect & porcelain their love for one another love sick pussy drunk Eddie & madly in love & dickmatized reader they both really just were meant for each other gosh i love this soo much i know you can make it happen🥹💗

Also this was the song that just sent me spiraling & made me think of this request i just…cant explain it just listen to it BB💗🥹

EEEE HI STINK, THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY INBOX FOR A FEW DAYS NOW AND IK WEVE TALKED ABT IT PRIVATLEY BUT I HEART THEM VERY MUCH SO HERES A LITTLE SNEAKIE FOR THE GIRLS🤭🫣

#THEY ARE VERY PRECIOUS TO ME !! #and pof will be coming mayhaps this weekend BUT LOOOOKKKKK #THEYRE IN LOVE🥹🫵 #rachie’s moots 🫧 #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #rockstar!eddie munson #ask

[swervdcity-arc]

hi hii i love you all. just wanted to drop an activity/life update on the dash since ive been almost radio silent. by no means do you have to read all of it, but just know i might not be online for a bit until i get my shit together! if inactivity bothers u at all, feel free to hardblock me if you so desire. tw for drug abuse, substance abuse, self harm.

ive struggled with substance abuse problems for a big part of my life, almost ALWAYS exacerbated by anxiety and my chronic stomach problems. i was clean from painkillers for almost 8 months (give or take) and i relapsed this week. i talked with my partner about it and weve already discussed plans of action, but so far, ive been good for the past 4 days so thats a winnnn.

i can already feel a MASSIVE difference in my body since. i've been trying my best to keep myself healthy these past couple of days, and at the least feel like a living person, and its really fucking difficult. i dont have a lot going on for me rn, so theres not much i can do to distract myself. i did hang out with one of my long time besties last night and had a blast, so that was really really awesome.

i have a support system, i'm safe, and i know from here its back to the uphill battle. it can feel really really bleak, and its honestly been incredibly embarrassing to even acknowledge a relapse or that i had a problem in the first place. but im really grateful that i'm truly in a place and surrounded by people who care for me and want to see me get better.

if ive been super silent lately, this is why. i try to tend to me relationships the best i can, because i do care for them truly, and i love chatting with my tumblr besties. ive just been exhausted and havent had the capacity to even say "heyyy im going thru it im going dark for a bit." but please know im not ghosting you or anything, i just havent had the brain power to say whats going on.

i will be here though! soon! when i feel better and capable of doing so! i wont lie, i LOVE writing here even though it kicks my ass sometimes. its become such an important creative outlet for me, and despite the Problems, i feel safe and happy in my community. i love writing with yall, i love the people with make up and making them kiss, i love reading and writing lore. its really important to be as a hobby, so you definitely will see me back.

i might pop on the dash every now and then to say hi and yell about stuff, i might draft sum shit up soon, but im going to be prioritizing getting my shit together for the time being.

xoxo godsip girl

#tw: drug abuse #tw: drug mention #tw: substance abuse #if theres anything else i need to tag please let me know #ooc

[baby-yaga]

my dad died. march 17th, st patricks day.

i went to the hospital. i saw him, but hed already gone. my family was there, including my mom. she was working that night and stayed with my grammy and puca, uncles, aunt, and his ex-wife/current girlfriend.

weve been doing funeral arrangements. looking for pictures for the memorial. i picked out his coffin. he wanted to be cremated, and my brother and i wanted that as well, but his parents wanted a christian burial.

my mom and maternal grandparents made food to take to my other grandparents. i choose a flower arrangement.

i looked at pictures of him from before he and my mom divorced. i chose pictures where he looked handsome, or like he was having fun. i chose pictures where he was making silly faces and annoying my mother. or me.

i thought about how these photos are all i have of him now. i took every single one i could find, even if it just had his foot or hand in it.

i thought about how he was supposed to go through a parent dying before me. i thought about how he was supposed to show me what to do by example. my mom said, "theyre going through something i never have."

in a way, i feel like im planning a party. like a retirement, or a birthday, or an anniversary. ive cried dozens of times, for hours, but i still dont feel like hes gone. i keep wandering from place to place, because thats where im needed, and i keep making choices, because thats what im needed for, but i cant really feel like hes dead. i guess i dont know what thats like. ive never experienced a death of this magnitude before.

no one told me how to handle his death. everyone loved him. he was known for his intelligence, his sense of humor, his love of music and movies. he was adored by everyone who knew him, except for his 3 children. wed all more or less accepted that he was a shitty father years ago.

some people are born to be parents. i think my dad was born to be a fun uncle. my cousins apparently used to tell my brother he was so lucky to have him as a dad.

i loved him, and everything is different now.

i hated him, and nothing has changed.

im relieved. i dont regret a thing.

i feel like my hearts been carved out and i miss him.

ive always missed and not missed my dad. loved and hated him. accepted his absense in my life, and wished hed be my dad again.

i suspect my family will think i regret not seeing him more, or patching things up, but i dont. we had the relationship we agreed to have. but god, i wish it didnt have to be that way. i wish he wasnt dead. i dont want him to be. there were times where i thought it would be easier if he was. its not though. i wish he had agency in his absense from my life.

#death ? #idk. #dead dad saga

[our-t4t-experience]

WE ARE :D

okayokay and also a lot of it has to do w transness

i am a t4t gayboy and i met this other guy whos the coolest ever and hes also a gayboy (i dont think hes t4t but !!)

ESSENTIALLY, as is in true gay fashion, i became friends w him at the beginning of the school year, and weve gotten more and more close ever since.

i have my seminar with him, and every day during seminar we sit under the table and talk about life, and his favorite bands (which are now mine, because i like to steal the interests of the people i love) and its awesome. i love being around him, his presence is comforting.

on A days, i sit with him and a few friends at lunch, and the cafeteria is quite loud (and i have major overstimulation issues,) so sometimes ill get overwhelmed and he always notices and makes sure im okay, and sometimes when i don’t feel like i can do it, hell sit with me in the stairwell and let me talk about whats bothering me and he’ll just listen and give advice. On B days, during lunch, we just sit in a corner somewhere and talk. he’ll always listen and help me and ill so the same for him. if its not him comforting me, i get to talk to him and hear him ramble about his bands and his favorite things and i love the way he sounds when hes happy - i love the way his smile is so bright, and i love the way he looks when he gets embarrassed and realizes hes loud (i dont mind it - its not aggressive.)

every day after school, we hang out for anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour, just. coexisting. its awesome. i love him. and we spend this time working on hw together, and talking about the things we love.

i have a very all-over-the-place tumblr blog, which comes with a lot of yearning, because im lonely and in love. but this boy, my boy, my crush, follows me and we like constantly support each others blogs. so sometimes, ill post yearning posts and HE’LL REBLOG THEM 💞. maybe im overthinking it but like if were looking for the same things in a relationship.. i mean !! it cant mean nothing!! like the other day i reblogged a post that was like “all i need in life is a boy to lay on my lap and let me play with his hair” and he reblogged it with the tags “#all i need in life is a boy to let me lay on his lap and play with my hair” AND OMG??? LIKE MARRY ME UGH gosh this is so exhilirating.

also the other day i wrote him a long paragraph about how much i love him (we say “i love you�� to each other consistently, presumably in a platonic way, but its never been specified or indicated, sadly :() and it was like (ill include a little excerpt)

“[…]nothing can come close to [describing] the feeling i get when im with you, not by a long shot. its so much stronger in a way that youd think it would have its own word, like how "a lot" has "a myriad," and ones stronger, more intentful, more meaningful. if there was a word that was as to love as myriad is to lot, my love for you would still be stronger. i am more than eternally grateful for your presence and where you have brought me since ive met you. talking to you has been the actual light of my life lately.” AND SO SO MUCH MORE IT WAS LIKE 700 WORDS LONG - AND IT WAS ALL LIKE THAT YK

and the next day i get this:

“I love you a alot (name). […] I love you so so much. […] I want to give you all that you deserve. Because people don't remind you of your actual worth. And if I can be a start to help you to that path, I'd be so fucking happy. I, more than anything need you to know just how much of an amazing person you are. […] I promise to always listen to you. Always. It's the least I could do. You're an amazing person <3” WITH A LOT MORE BUT I CUT A LOT OF IT FOR WORDS SSKE BUT AAAAAA HE WROTE ME A PARAGRAPH!!!!!!

ALSO we call almost every night and i always text him good morning and hes the awesomest and i love spending time with him.

sometimes i also get text exchanges where i say “text me when you get home” and he says “im not home but i just couldnt wait <3” AAAAAAAAAAA

and “wish i had a boy to hold me n warm me up <//3” and he said “i volunteer as tribute!” AAAAAA

i think the point of this is i dont feel like he likes me back but im in love w the man dude like the other day he let me lay on his shoulder and he played w my hair and i nuzzled into his neck a bit and he giggled and i was like “hm?” and he said “youre adorable” AAAAAAAAAA SOBBFIANDBSJ and i just buried my red ass face in his neck and he giggled at me again and i said fuck you and UGH i love him so much and all i wanna do is just be his i just wanna be his boy and he can be mine and we can be boyfriends!!!

and also hes also so awesome because he makes me feel so validated and sometimes when i like my outfit ill send him pics of it and he’ll say “you look very boy / very cis” and ill be like “no” and sometimes hell tell me how i look cis and sometimes hell say he wishes i could see myself the way he sees me. i wish i could understand how he sees me. i wanna know how he thinks of me, i wanna know if hed ever love me the way i love him!! i love him. so much. id do anything for him.

thank u for letting me ramble, i needed to get it out of my system because i cant tell anyone else cause theyd tell him but god i love him. so much.

p.s. if you see this, i love you dude. youll know its you. if you dont love me back, just . idk . act like u never saw it ty <3

-🧷

send me an updated ask when u two get together

#gayboys and being oblivious smh 🙄 /lh #t4t #t4t mlm #gay t4t #tm4tm

[confusedryetoast]

have you ever cried so hard you stopped breathing and your chest hurt so bad that you thought you would feel better if maybe you did stop breathing?

im stupid.

an overthinker

insecure

and overall, a hopeless romantic.

my thoughts trap me inside my head, and i spent the whole day trying not to cry at a volleyball camp, thinking im not good enough after i was placed in the lowest group for gameplay.

im good,

arent i?

i always thought i was.

im supposed to be.

but i dont think i ever have been.

i look back and see failure after failure, placed in the lowest group each and every time. i thought i deserved better, i thought i was better.

but maybe i was wrong.

so here i am,

crying in my bed.

clutching the bee swarm simulator plushie my girlfriend bought me for christmas.

it came in a pretty little bag along with the order to not open until december 25th, a necklace matching her own, which i wear all the time, and a card.

i opened it a day early, and it saved my life. because the day before christmas i wanted so very badly to die. i was overthinking, like i always do.

what if instead of a present, it was a breakup letter? and she just wanted to let me down gently, or at least, not in person.

but no, it was a present that saved my life.

a bee swarm simulator plushie with an inside joke i named Zipper, that i squeeze when i feel alone and unloved.

a necklace i wear to think of her, which is constantly.

and a card, that in the moment said everything i needed it to.

but what got me to overthink it in the future was that, for her present i wrote the most heartfelt thing i could think of without flat-out telling her she saved my life. and she did tell me i changed her life (for the better) and she loved me "sososo much", but people can lie, cant they?

she almost never texts first, used to not tell me she loved me back. the last few times we called she said it first, but last night i told her i loved her before we hung up and had to go to bed. no response. just hanging up.

okay,

i mean, no problem really. i told myself i wouldnt overthink things again.

"On a balcony in Italy, I know I won't. But I might."

a line i wrote this Fall.

then today i get back from the volleyball camp, and in a groupchat with two other friends who are talking about their next year schedules.

she says she has summer homework for AISE english next year.

which is weird, because we picked our schedules together and we decided to take English 2 honors together. i checked the test schedule paper i was given, and sure enough. English 2 honors is printed on the paper.

i message my guidance counselor asking to change my schedule to match hers.

am i being annoying?

thats probably being really clingy?

maybe her parents wanted to change it and she just forgot to tell me?

she doesnt tell me many things about her life.

she doesnt love me anymore does she?

so here i am, spending the night listening to a playlist i made a while ago, one i named "Maybe I Should Try Harder" after the Beachbunny song Sports.

one i created because i felt like i was never good enough.

thinking about weve been together for almost a year, and my chest hurts. because maybe i want to grow old with her. and so what if im just a hopeless romantic. but what if she dosent think the same, hasnt thought about it at all, or even worse, just dosent care?

here i am hoping this post gets lost and never gets read by anyone i know, anyone at all.

or maybe im hoping the right person sees it and knows exactly what to do to help me.

i dont know what i want.

maybe i just want her to kiss me, kiss me and tell me she loves me more than i love her.

[h20]

my mousie passed away last night….weve had her since she was just a few days old, we found her while we were working at the kennels after a morning of power washing their cement runs. She was just lying there listless in the middle of the path I was walking, so out of place I thought “how did a cat toy get down here?” She wasn’t a toy, she was a baby!!!!

she imprinted on us very quickly as her eyes were only just opening at that point. I collaborated with online sources and experienced people to give her the nutrition she needed, and she really did thrive. her name was bo. we found her July 31, 2021….

just a few days ago she started to really rapidly decline….heavy breathing, less interest in food and water, we offered her water on the ends of qtips and smashed her favorite treats into an easier substance for her to east, she took her yogurt treats with such happiness even though she was struggling

the day before yesterday was the 11th anniversary from when my grandmother died, yesteday being her birthday. A big part of me wondered if bo was going to make an exit on the same day as my grandma did, but she waited until her birthday to do so….i hope in some cosmos, they and every other soul that’s been in our lives gets to all be together 🌈

RIP baby

#animal death tw // #sys.txt

[doomingthenarrative]

ive been watching him for my entire life. i hate the air he breathes his foolish decrees his words so contrived, and i hate the way the townspeople gather outside. they hang on every breath, cling to his chest, home to his heart full of pride,

the oracle told him beware the ides, and i’d be lying if i said i wasnt wishing for untimely death or demise, or am i just wishing i could be like you? that the people would see me too as a poet, and not just the muse.

well its not true. i dont wish harm upon you. from birth weve been like brothers of different mothers within the spirit of the same womb, may the gods strike me down if i forsake you. frater meus you're beautifully made, and to you im forever grateful.

ill never forget that you showed me to make art, and i know the love you showed me came, from a pure and noble heart. i love you, and if you want, ill call you king, but why do i lie awake each night thinking,

instead of you, it should be me?

something wicked this way comes and as I set to face it, im unsure should i embrace it should I run? what motivates me, hatred, is it love? whats more wrong, that i too wish to be great, or my mother wished shed had a son?

and even if i cant be the one, maybe i could at least help make way for him until the day that he comes,

maybe my name could also be known, that i helped return good to the people, and restored greatness to rome.

my name is brutus and my name means heavy, so with a heavy heart ill guide this dagger into the heart of my enemy, my whole life you were a teacher and friend to me, please know my actions are not motivated only by envy

i too have a destiny. this death will be art,

the people will speak of this day from near and afar, this event will be history, and ill be great too

i dont want what you had. i wanna be you

i always knew i could be the one, though i feel the endless pain of being and i am scorched by the sun of humble origins and born of the cursed sex,

my name is Brutus, but the people will call me Rex.

#saiph speaks #brutus by the buttress.::: im. aa

[bunzfluffle]

Sometimes i catch ourselves pretending to talk to our ex

We have a factive of our ex, but it aint them were talking to

Its usually late at night, and it usually feels very... Real, we do beleive were talking to them, atleast till we snap out of it

As if theyre sitting at the end of the , and were chatting away to them

Sometimes i want to pretend it is real. Sometimes i want to let us drift into whatever this is, whether it be delusion or daydream

But i also tend to know that that isnt healthy

Maybe ill just do it tonight though, let myself pretend theyre there, be held by them once more, like i have been every night, talk to the headmate of theirs i was dating

Its not like i can stop it, weve tried. It happems every night anyways, its becoming apart of the routine

Idk, idk what to do about it, but the more avoid it the worse our sleeping schedule gets

I wish i could do the same with our current partner, but i dont think its something i can control

Maybe this is a delusion of some form. I dont know.

Its not as if its all positive, sometimes i catch myself whisper yelling at them, crying, opposing them, if anything thats most common, us trying to get closure out of them, asking them for apologies telling them how much they hurt us, how they continue to hurt us, most of it is filled with hatred and spite, and rarely, sadness and fear, wed rather not be hurt by them again.

Some nights, we'll just sob endlessly over them, sob to them about how its unfair, how if they didnt drive us crazy we'd still be dating, how we could still date if it didnt hurt

Then we snap out of it, and we go to sleep and we forget about it and the next night we fall back into it

Its funny, they always did find a way to make us stay up all night

I really wish i knew what to do about it

I really do

#endo safe #plural system #pro endo #plural community #system #system stuff #system things #plural #plural systems #actually plural #Delusions #?