#when does it stop feeling weird

[001139]

I’m a college junior now

#this feels weird #when does it stop feeling weird

[fisheito]

Me: Everything i make is garbage i shouldn't even bother

The eiden in my head:

Me: Sorry eiden you're right my efforts have value

#any time i feel down about the act of creation #actually. any time i feel this way about... saying words in public too #when i'm typing up a comment anywhere on this site and the internal narration is constantly trying to stop me #with LOUD whispers of No one cares!! or even worse... people actively do not want to know ur thoughts!!! zip them fingerlips!!!!!! #during moments of struggle like this #i summon eiden like the powerful support assist he is #into my battle against myself #hey if he can fix kuya he can definitely fix me 😂 #he is a stellar therapist for the clan. so strong. how does he do it #a new coping mechanism!! next time you feel down about your work #imagine you're one of eiden's clan members #exhibiting Mental Illness #and he just gives u that empathetic loving look. with some weird combo of words that makes u feel infinitely better #love u eiden u damaged sweetheart ty for the cbt #eiden

[nosfelixculpa]

You need to return to those who are waiting for you. Let's go, please. THE UNCANNY COUNTER S2: COUNTER PUNCH (2023)

#creations #gifs #kdrama #kdramas #the uncanny counter #the uncanny counter 2 #netflix #o mun #do hana #jo byeong gyu #kim sejeong #gumball oouugeee oowweeejjiejeii png meme #i got one more set for u clowns on this evening #then i will stop #or will i #its uncertain rly #am aware she does shout the caption but i dont like it when it has exclamations it feels weird dont ask me

[todayisafridaynight]

rate the outfit

#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku 2 #yakuza series #yakuza kiwami 2 #yakuza 2 #daigo dojima #snap sketches #see i did it i told you i'd do it #pov: you are at hot topic and trying to find something (he does not work there don't ask him) #segway section into something toally unrelated to people who do not frequent my blog :) #everyone else go away. unless you wanna keep reading 😳 #i watched Not Quite Dead Yet while i was finishing a comm and WHAT a movie #it made me want to call my dad so you know it was good 😭 #IT WAS CUTE THO FR i really loved how all th details of the movie tied in in the later sections #like the password being nanase's name but through the period table's numbers... stop that was cute #feels weird to say that as a highlight but i genuinely thought it was cute 😔 #im not gonna lie tho when nanase was lookin through her dad's phone brother was emo #i think a lot about what would happen when people i love die and i always think of doing that.. like still texting them.. and whatever.. #lemme move on from the somber moment thojVAERLKVA PLEASE when her dad was in the afterlife tho #HER MOM WAS SO CUTE both like. physically and just personality wise #we saw her for ten minutes and i have also fallen in love with her idc #they had to game end her cause they knew if we got to see any more scenes with her and kei i'd start crying i KNOW they'd be cute together #together more than what we got to see anyway... we know what i mean... #THE ENDING SHOT WAS ESP SO CUTE STOPPPP kinda creepy with her just. In Limbo but then she just. DEATH !! 👆 #nanase's song to her dad at the funeral had me :(( too im so weak for dads and their kids reconciling/having a nice relationship stop #big L for her not signing up for a record label tho idc like OK its sweet she's working with her dad BUT CMONNNNN #you can do both queen.... i would prefer you do it alone cause Kid Falls In Line always makes me want to chew glass #BUT i will excuse it this time.. i repeat for The End Shot that was cute and the rest of the movie was lovely so ill let it slide #final note before i use up all my tags again i loved her concert outfit 😔give me them bracelets girl i cant find any

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

#my characters #waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit #deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee #and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name #deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c #man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while #he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair #ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so #its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons #but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me #and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not #fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew #and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable #while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts #and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed #so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en #so you know maybe its that idk #and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now #and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it #and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad #that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal #and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it #the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer #anyway story time in the tags again #im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note #its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him #he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times #and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea #and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

#this poll brought to you by another day of: ugh here i am staring at this dumb thing all day again even though it only makes me feel bad!!!! #they really did a good job making these tiny miracle computers addictive as heck #but maybe other people are better at it than me??? #dollsome does polls #i just. i hate it so much but i can't stop staring at it. #even though i've read all the advice on how to try. #i think all the time about how free i was from the internet back in the day when all i had was my laptop #it would simply be weird to be looking at your laptop constantly in the car at the store out in public etc.

[snekdood]

bitches be like. i hate vegans so much that i’ve decided i like killing animals and its fine and i dont feel bad and animals dont have feelings and its fine and im cool subversive and different and edgy and like to post fucked up stuff to make vegans uncomfortable bc im just so cool

#you sound like every cishet republican man to me #you're not a Cool Subversive Leftist you're literally regressing by seeing animals as just objects of your pleasure and thats it lmao #im sorry but you dont just get to throw out all of veganism. it does infact have some roots in leftism. #you can sit there and cope with the fact you agree w some vegan talking point by calling it 'animal welfare' all you want #doesnt change the fact that a lot of those ideas in those circles were formed by vegans. #damn woooah vegans arent a monolith and dont all agree on the same shit woooahhh who knew #literally i have no idea how we even got to this point or how this would be surprising. #when i was on vegan twitter bitches were arguing all the fucking time within it. ur really gonna sit ther en tell me they're all secret #eco fash that hates native ppl and people who have to eat meat? ya sure??? #you would think the individuals on tumblr- of all places- would understand how frustrating it would be to be grouped in with the worst #members of their community as if you represent them and are the sole spokesperson #you'd think they'd hate when someone jumps to conclusions about them based on their lifestyle #but naur. i think yall take it too personally. as if a vegan just being in a room is somehow trying to force you to be vegan. #literally grow tf up. #if a vegan being in the same room with you triggers feelings in you that you Have to stop eating meat- i really think thats a you problem #bud. homeboy hasnt even spoke to you leta lone look at you and apparently you feel this weird pressure now #idk man dont you think that pressure might be coming within?? maybe.... you do infact feel things and feel a lil guilty abt eating meat? #not telling you to stop... i still eat meat here n there. but at least im honest with myself about how it makes me feel to do it. #its infact normal to take a second to think about the loss someone made in exploitation to provide you with whatever. #if you can let yourself feel a lil guilt about buying a fast fashion thing you can sure as fuck finally extend your fuckin empathy to #animals and stop treating them like objects or toys.

[corfisers]

i really need to finish this one day

#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully #anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason #incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up #you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot #he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him #in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened. #you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from #you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help? #doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance #proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long #yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him #yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that #and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do” #“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem” #(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.) #he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway #but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again. #something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh #for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been #which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad #but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence? #she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”. #wips tag

[gibbearish]

idk how to say this right but i feel like people going through aaron bushnell's reddit comment history to try and figure out how Morally Pure™ he was and therefore if you're allowed to support his actions or not are. missing the point. in a lot of ways

#and i do mean this in both directions bc I've seen. so many posts along these lines already #and it's like. whether he was in the acab subreddit or made lizard people jokes kind of pales in comparison to #Actively Being Part Of The Murder Machine and that was the entire point #if you're looking for his moral values i feel like it's weird to try and find secret truths buried in his comment history #rather than going off of him Choosing To Die In The Number One Worst Way To Help Stop To Genocide #why is The Most Final Thing You Can Do somehow less meaningful than a couple reddit comments #and in the other direction it's like. i gotta be real with you his opinions on fatphobia do not mean shit nor fuck to me #and that's coming from someone who mods on an anti fatphobia blog like. it does not seem remotely relevant #he died to draw eyes to Palestine and when people go looking for moral purity out of him like this it just feels like they're #just. trying their hardest not to look where he asked. #what is the point of bringing these things up? #like. ok he made some shitty jokes. well now he's dead so it's not like he can go anywhere with it. what is your ultimate goal #do you want to bring awareness to something or do you just want people to stop talking about him because of what his death meant #idk #origibberish

[existencebringsonlypain]

I go by she/her because that's what I'm used to, but gender isn't really something that important or meaningful to me personally. I use they/them when referring to myself, but I have no problem with others using any other pronouns (though I'm not used to neopronouns, so perhaps not those).

this could probably be referred to as agender.

which means...

I am a 𝗤𝗨𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗨𝗣𝗟𝗘 𝗔 𝗕𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗬

#aromantic asexual agender my name starts with A and so does my birth month #that was the whole joke but this turned out to be more introsepctive on my gender than anything #this has been my conclusion for a while. but i still call myself cis because i'm not trans‚ not really #i'm not enby. i may be agender(?) but despite that lack of gender-ment i still present and am fine with presenting as female #there's no dysphoria or euphoria #i'm firmly of the stance that the reason lots of people are transphobic is because they're on the agender spectrum #and as such gener doesn't really matter to them. and so when people make a big deal out of it it feels weird #also: bigotry #so #i suppose this counts as a coming out post #i still prefer she/her since it's easier to tell if people are referring to me in particular‚ but feel free to use they or he for me #he/him feels a tad weird but mostly because it's mostly assuming strangers on the youtube who will use that for me #but you can do whatever #existenceunrelateds #coming out post #??? #you already knew i was queer‚ it's not too shocking. and i'm still going with cis‚ don't think i'll stop doing that anytime soon #why am i being so introspective‚ this is a joke about calling me an AAAAA battery #𝗤𝗨𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗢𝗨𝗣𝗟𝗘 𝗔 𝗕𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗬

[c-kiddo]

I started listening to Mount Eerie thanks to your posting and, god, jesus. I just listened through A Crow Looked at Me and I'm making my way up through the albums after that, and then will go back to listen to the older stuff (and eventually branch off to the Microphones). It's immediately become one of the best things I've ever had enter my life. Incredible. Thank you, thank you

oh man, brutal heartbreaking painful place to start but also. .yea. its also a masterpiece i think . soria moria especially absolutely floors me every single time. hope you enjoy Now Only , i love that one a lot. i listen to it so so much. so much good stuff on there too, its sort of lighter and airier but still heartbreaking too (the second half of Earth comes to mind) , but ye . love that one and the long songs on it (Two Paintings By Nikolai Astrup especially i've listened to a lot) and tintin in tibet and all of them i guess. some rly nice stuff on Lost Wisdom pt.2 also :'''' ) i keep thinking about this bit from Real Lost Wisdom

actually all the lyrics from that song rly get me right in the chest.. i keep thinking about it + it keeps playing in my head on its own. i also really like When I walk out of the museum , and also Widows. his duet albums with julie doiron are just rly good. Lost Wisdom is amazing i love it sooo much. one of my faves of his , its an earlier mount eerie one so you'll get there soonish i think ?

but anyway , im so glad you listened to his music and connected with it and everything else :'' ) hope u enjoy the rest !!!

#asks #truly is going to be one of my lifelong favourites i think #alongside frightened rabbit #rest in peace scott hutchison and geneviève elverum<3 #a little bit fucked up and sad that two huge influences to me died in their mid thirties when they had so much cool stuff to make #i wish they were both still here . like not even so i could see their work. just so they could keep making their art and music #its so weird that when an artist dies then their work jsut stops. theres something about it. im not sure. like it feels like it should keep #on going . but then it just never does #like theres such a tangible space missing

[hanzajesthanza]

i'm just saying that somewhere out there, there is a bizarro regis that is a human guy that sits in caves in complete darkness alongside five vampires and communicates through telepathy with them. whose eyes have grown to the size of drachmas and twists his head and scampers in jarring ways. and he also drinks human blood. in human terms, this guy would be so fucked up.

we would be like, what the fuck. this guy is no longer human - he has ceased to be human, he has become a vampire. (though he would still be undeniably human, able to do human things if he hasn't forgotten them, and also unable to do many vampire things)

so i'm saying this to illustrate a point, to try and illustrate regis in vampire terms. to live in a house (or palace) in daylight with five humans and speak with spoken word. to walk on the ground and have facial expressions and nod your head and sew with your hands. and to not drink blood, of course. so what would other vampires think of him. yeah. that's right

#already talked about this AT LENGTH in my fic and in the comments (thank you btw) sorry i cannot stop THINKING about this #to us regis is just normal just kind of weird. to vampires regis is weird and only kind of normal (meaning: uncanny valley) #its not even a 'betrayal of his kind' or anything like that he's just a guy whose life has led him to this point #the elbow-high diaries #c: regis #any time you start to think regis is normal. remember the human that lives in a cave and uses telepathy and drinks blood #actually a brilliant idea for an OC lmao. a disgraced and insane sorcerer who does this shit #meanwhile there's a dryad that caught feelings when she became pregnant and was flooded with hormones #a cintrian knight that set free a nilfgaardian prince #(that one doesnt really work due to political reasons) #and uhhh hell idk. a noble girl that ... didn't get sold into slavery and become a bandit? so just a normal noble girl

[yoursonlucifer]

why does brennan keep foreclosing homosexual opportunities by calling the princesses sisters. like be forreal brennan. you know what we want

#like we can still ship them but it does make me feel weird #brennan stop #king of fixing problems with sapphic relationships should know better /j #dimension 20 #tag for when i write posts #neverafter

[davidjrpalos]

flinching at people when I am literally not in danger is so embarrassing like can my brain resolve that one already

#that and clenching my jaw really hard like I am not 7 anymore does my body know this bc…. #it’s so bad like no one is going to turn the corner and punch you anymore david #it’s so annoying bc tho unlearning negative thought patterns was hard it was still easier than trying to stop physically reacting like I’m #a kid again wtf!!!! #it’s so embarassing like I hate it I feel so like …. socially weird when it happens

[moeblob]

What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?

What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.

#my characters #this just in ! thats why all the deities in the plot have collars and a chain ! #its because THATS THEIR DESIGNATED I AM HERE TO HELP THIS WORLD SYMBOL #they cant remove their collars and thats fine by them - its a constant reminder that they exist to serve #deacon really shouldnt get as much crap as he gets in canon for being weird cause the deities are just a different brand of weird #like its not deacons fault that apparently you can say nice neck with no underlying desire #but he cant say hi would you please possess me i want to know what its like to have someone else in my body #like thats really not something you should pin on deacon YET EVERY deity is like wow what a lil weirdo #he also just really wants to please ymber so if ymber asked he would definitely do whatever #on the flip side i need to point out that deacon very specifically doesnt ask ymber for things nor does he pray for things #and it drives ymber up a wall because this is his favorite human who wont ask for anything and he isnt a psychic #he doesnt know what deacon wants or needs and its infuriating cause he exists to serve humanity #and yet this ONE GUY wont let him do things for him #this is very important and i cant believe i mentioned it like a month ago to someone and today #i received gift art of these two and i may never recover #its so perfect and its ymber just looming over deacon telling him that he can pray about anything to him #its also worth pointing out that when i was telling the person about the whole ymber begging for a prayer #its because he realizes that after all this time hes never had a single prayer from deacon - not before nor after the hire #so hes like oh well thats odd hmm #and then begins to talk to deacon like you know people pray to me for lots of things #and deacon looks at him unsure of what this is leading to - did someone offer a weird prayer? ask a weird thing? whatst? #and no - its just ymber saying that people will pray for wealth or an item #or they will express frustration if something is lost or broken despite it not being ymbers fault so deacon just stares #he has no idea what this is going to end on really so he points out 'well you do like to think you break people' #and ymber just ASDFASDFSADF STOP OK NEXT POINT people pray to me to bless relationships with happiness #and thats fascinating so deacon is like wow can you actually do that? #and ymber is so stressed as hes like i mean kinda i can simply amplify the positive emotions in gestures #like if someone gives an item out of love then its blessed #he also admits that he cant mask insincerity or malice so those feelings are not hidden nor amplified #and deacon just is impressed bc that is actually VERY cool

[skitskatdacat63]

I wish AI images didn't make me so intensely upset. Just the existence of them bothers me a lot, because it's just clutter without meaning or emotion or any genuineness. But recently something happened that made me very upset, and I feel so irrational saying this, but it really gave me this sick, heart-wrenching feeling, and I wish it would stop. My mom was looking through Facebook, and showed me this image of birds that to me was so obviously AI. But she wasn't 100% sure it was fake, only telling me after I had told her it was definitely AI, that she had been a bit unsure about it.

I hate how intense my feelings are about it, bcs it made me want to irrationally almost infantalize her without meaning to. It just made me overwhelmingly sad that this is state of things. That people are being fed this imitation, this trash, and aren't familiar enough to recognize it all the time. Every time I think about it, it hurts my chest.

#im in a unrelated hyper emotional state at the moment #so i think thats obviously a factor as to why this is getting to me so much #BUT IT REALLY DOES MAKE ME SO INTENSELY UPSET #and i feel bad bcs i was definitely infantalizing her without meaning to #i didnt want to make her feel bad but god it just makes me so upset #this is the future of things???? #she just wanted to see cute animals pics :( #and an account posing as a legitimate photography account posts that fucking trash #it makes me so upset #sorry im probably being really over dramatic and irrational about this #but ir really does make my chest hurt every time i think about it and i wish it would stop #it just makes me so depressed with the state of the internet #like when i try to look up simple reference pictures #and a lot of the search result is blatantly obvious AI trash #and it makes me intensely sad that there's people out there that cant tell the difference as well #and are being fed trash and lies. it hurts so bad to me #i wish this would pass soon #i mean im still going to be upset about the state of things. but I'd like to stop feeling this wounded #needed to write this and put it out there in hopes it will absolve the weird sick feeling i have about it #catie.rambling.txt