#where the person was disappointed that their family wasn’t really celebratory or proud of them for finishing their phd program

[artificialllovers]

I think some people tightly cling to the idea that it’s normal for people to not care about your interests or accomplishments and to not be happy/celebratory for you because otherwise they would have to confront some unfortunate and disappointing truths about their interpersonal relationships, especially with their own parents.

#i saw a tweet where ppl were mocking a reddit post #where the person was disappointed that their family wasn’t really celebratory or proud of them for finishing their phd program #not even getting into the issue where ppl were mocking this individual by assuming they had some ‘made up’ degree #despite that a) not mattering and b) not even being mentioned in the original post #it’s like… is that normal and just the way the world works? #or did your family never support your interest and achievements or only did so selectively? #and you’re convincing yourself that this is fine/acceptable #because otherwise you might have to content with the idea that they failed you in a significant way 🤨 #*contend not content #💚

[antebunny]

never fear, your fairy godmother is here!

(It's Wei Wuxian. He's the fairy godmother)

Wei Wuxian is riding high off a difficult case finally closed when the next call comes through. He’s staring aimlessly into the beautiful delta waters of Lotus Pier with Jiang Cheng when the tingling begins, a familiar sensation somewhere in his chest that tells him that somewhere is a worthy human in need of a guide for their happy ever after.

“–So then I thought, well what am I supposed to do? She doesn’t want a lover or a partner, but her future isn’t fame or riches either.”

Wei Wuxian isn’t sure that Jiang Cheng is actually listening to him, but he’s very proud of himself, so Jiang Cheng can suck it up. He’s used to finding his new charges in difficult and tragic circumstances, but he’s rarely found someone in quite such a sticky situation as poor Qin Su.

“And she insists that she doesn’t have someone in mind,” Wei Wuxian continues. “So you know what I did?”

“Uh-huh,” Jiang Cheng says vaguely, because he’s not listening at all. “Very cool.” He’s not a very good brother, Jiang Cheng. Well, they’re not related, but they also weren’t really born, they just kind of exist, so Wei Wuxian doesn’t worry too much about it.

“I found her a whole team!” Wei Wuxian finishes proudly. “I got a doctor from Qishan, who was looking to get away from her family, and her little brother, and a top disciple from Lanling, and boom! Team of four! That’s a family right there. They’re going to be friends for life.”

“Do you ever consider not boasting about yourself?” Jiang Cheng wonders out loud.

“Hey,” Wei Wuxian objects. “I’ll have you know I’m the number one fairy godmother!”

Jiang Cheng merely rolls his eyes. “As you haven’t stopped saying for the past hundred years.”

“Well, it’s–” Wei Wuxian stops mid-sentence and puts one hand behind him on the wooden planks of the boardwalk so he doesn’t collapse when his stomach rolls.

“Another one?” Jiang Cheng demands. “So soon?”

“I’m in high demand,” Wei Wuxian says weakly.

“But jiejie and I have spent all day making a celebratory dinner,” Jiang Cheng says, dismayed. Then he corrects himself. “I mean, jiejie’s spent all day making dinner for us! Do you want to disappoint her? Do you?!”

Wei Wuxian stands up. If he wasn’t still flushed with success, if only he’d listened to the odd, twisting sensation that said this was not a normal case of a damsel in need of true love, perhaps he would’ve stayed. Perhaps none of what followed would have happened. But perhaps it was always destined to happen.

“I’ll be back before dinner,” Wei Wuxian declares foolishly, and vanishes.

He appears in a thematically dark and twisted forest near sundown. The wind is whispering ominously through the leaves. Wei Wuxian pushes aside a branch in order to enter the clearing from which an ugly sobbing sound is coming from. It must be his new client.

By the light of the dying sun, Wei Wuxian can make out a hunched form dressed in fine white robes. The crying is quiet, but the person’s back shudders. They seem to be holding something. Wei Wuxian takes a moment to adjust. A great pair of black and red butterfly wings appear on his back. Humans more readily accept that he’s capable of inhuman feats if there’s something inhuman (but non threatening) about him. He usually goes for crow or raven wings, but he thinks the current setting might be a little inappropriate for that. Many of Wei Wuxian’s fellow fairy godmothers also opt for fancy robes, but Wei Wuxian’s never really felt comfortable with them.

Wei Wuxian clears his throat. “Hello,” he calls.

The man–because it is a man, Wei Wuxian quickly realizes, with a beauty he’s come to expect from his clients, and a cultivator’s sword–whirls around. He hasn’t got a very expressive face, but Wei Wuxian has spent hundreds of years around people. His client’s eyes are wild, disbelieving. He’s got a Lan ribbon on his forehead, one of the inner clan, if Wei Wuxian isn’t mistaken, and he never is. There are two tear tracks running down his cheeks, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

Wei Wuxian steps closer. His new client staggers to his feet and looks away, but whatever he was holding or looking at is gone. When he looks back at Wei Wuxian, there’s an awestruck look of recognition on his face. Wei Wuxian grins, pleased to see that his influence has reached the ears of humans.

The man takes one shaky step forward. He seems to be trying to drink in Wei Wuxian’s presence, soak him in just by looking at him. Wei Wuxian can’t blame him. He is very impressive.

On that thought, Wei Wuxian spreads his arms wide. “Never fear, mortal! Your hour of distress has come to an end!” Above their heads, a cloud drifts away and allows the moon to beam through, bathing Wei Wuxian with soft light. “It is I, Wei Wuxian, your fairy godmother!”

Now his client is just staring at him blankly. Wei Wuxian’s grin falters. He lowers his arms and clears his throat. “Perhaps you didn’t h–”

“What’s a fairy godmother?” The client interrupts.

Really?

Wei Wuxian sighs. “I am in charge of finding you a happy ending, in whatever form that may take,” he answers.

He waits another beat. This is usually where his clients start thanking him.

The man does not look very impressed. “How does that involve butterfly wings?”

“I–!” Wei Wuxian starts, very offended and very taken aback. “I…thought they would be less threatening than crow wings?”

The man stares at him. Wei Wuxian vanishes the wings with a thought.

“Well, if you have a preference, just let me know,” Wei Wuxian grumbles sulkily. “I am at your service, after all.”

“That is unnecessary,” the man says flatly. The tears haven’t dried but he’s composed himself. He turns away from Wei Wuxian deliberately.

“What do you mean?” Wei Wuxian asks, chasing his client through the clearing when the cultivator starts to walk away.

“I am not in need of your help,” the ungrateful bastard says.

“Wh–! Yes, you are!” Wei Wuxian argues. “I wouldn’t be here if there weren’t a worthy damsel in distress in need of my services.”

At that term damsel in distress the man turns and gives him a withering, wintry glare. It’s under-cut by a deep well of loss, pain, and sadness that Wei Wuxian is convinced he can see on his client’s face. And to the rejection of damsel of distress, he can only shrug. It’s true.

“I’ll have you know I am the top fairy godmother,” Wei Wuxian says, in reply to the glare, as pretentiously as he can. “For the past hundred years. I have never failed a client. Whatever it is you want, true love, honor, treasure, a kingdom, I can find it for you. I promise you I have seen it all before.”

His client finally stops running away from him. Wei Wuxian saunters up to him. “If it’s love you’re worrying about, people are less narrow-minded than you think. There’s bound to be someone out there who’s exactly who you’re looking for. Well, most of them. Actually, my clients are sometimes a little narrow-minded. One of them specifically requested that I find a true love for him that had never been turned into an animal. A little narrow-minded, don’t you think?”

At this point, Wei Wuxian is up in his face, and his client is starting to look a little overwhelmed. Wei Wuxian backs up, gives him a little space. The Lan cultivator turns to look at the spot in the clearing where he’d been kneeling before Wei Wuxian showed up.

“Can you bring back the dead?” His client asks abruptly.

Wei Wuxian falters. “That’s–ehhh, that’s a, uh, gray area. Kind of depends. I’m going to lean towards no. Yeah, feels like a no. No necromancy here. I have definitely never done that before.”

The righteous Lan cultivator actually has the nerve to look disappointed in him. “Then I have no use for you,” he says stiffly, and starts to walk away again.

“Okay, hold up!” Wei Wuxian splutters, hurrying after him. The man does not hold up, forcing Wei Wuxian to keep pace through the dark forest. It’s no problem for Wei Wuxian, but rather rude, all things considered. “How rude! Here I am offering to solve your life’s problems and you question my abilities–you know I once created a whole celestial mountain for one of my clients–hey! Think of my reputation,” he begs, when his rude client continues to walk away. “I have never, ever failed a client before. Think of how it would look if one of my clients just walked away! Just give me a chance. Please. Please?”

His runaway client finally stops running away, right in a thicket of trees. Wei Wuxian almost bumps into him.

“This is important to you?” His client asks finally, without looking back.

“Oh yes, very,” Wei Wuxian knows immediately, because that’s the thing about his clients. They’re all good people, whether they’d like to admit it or not. The only people who like to help more than them are the fairy godmothers. “It would make me very happy to make you happy.”

The man’s shoulders relax ever-so slightly. “Very well.”

“Yes!” Wei Wuxian fist-pumps. He glances up at the moon, reminding himself that humans have to do things like eat and sleep. “Okay, first things first, I’ll get you home,” he decides. “Tomorrow we can–”

“I have no home,” his new client interrupts in a dispassionate tone that suggests this subject has one too many emotions for him to handle.

Wei Wuxian raises an eyebrow internally and thinks of his Lan clan ribbon, but says nothing. He merely mentally files this client into the hundreds of lost-their-home clients that have come before him. There’s no telling why his new client lost his home. Usually they tell Wei Wuxian about their woes willingly, without Wei Wuxian having to beg them to burden him with their problems. But there’s a whole host of solutions to the no-home problem, exactly none of which Wei Wuxian can think of when the man reaches up and pulls his forehead ribbon off with trembling fingers.

“Um,” Wei Wuxian warbles. He averts his eyes from the now bare forehead. Later he’ll chalk it up to the difficulty in acquiring this client and the subsequent need to prove his powers that leads him to suggest: “W-what about my house?”

His client turns to face him. He looks a little shocked, but mostly confused.

“I live in the heavenly Lotus Pier,” Wei Wuxian says grandly. Well, he tries to say it grandly, but it comes out matter-of-fact. “I’ve got plenty of room. And you needn’t worry about politics up there.”

Slowly, his client nods, his face unreadable.

“Great,” Wei Wuxian says brightly. He reaches for his client’s hand, ignores the scandalized look he receives, and vanishes both of them to Lotus Pier.

They appear in a pavilion at the end of one of the many boardwalks. Enormous pastel lotus flowers dot the still waters. In the distance, the still waters cascade into a roaring waterfall that pours off the edge of the heavens. Above them, the sun is setting. Wei Wuxian’s client is winded from the sudden travel, so Wei Wuxian doesn’t let go of his hand. The scent of fresh water and spice sets in.

When the client steadies himself, Wei Wuxian tugs him out of the pavilion. The human’s eyes widen as the halls of Lotus Pier come into view, and Wei Wuxian smirks to himself. That’s the only reason why he’s sad that humans don’t come to Lotus Pier. He’d love a chance to show off his home more.

His client is still trying to take in the magnificent sloping roofs, the purple clouds and the dusk orange sky, when Wei Wuxian urges him into a walk.

“Come on,” Wei Wuxian says, still smiling widely. “We’ll be late for dinner.”

#mdzs #the untamed #wangxian #who let me write fic at midnight again #this seems like a terrible idea #my writing #greetings tumblr void #still pushing my damsel lwj agenda #ficlet

[ollyarchive]

Olly Alexander: ‘I want to make the community proud. I don’t know if I've always got it right’

By

David Levesley

As Ritchie Tozer in Russell T Davies’ devastating 1980s-set drama It's A Sin, Olly Alexander told a story from a tragically formative decade in gay history. As himself and as frontman of synthpop trio Years & Years, he contributes to a new narrative. But, as he reveals here, the insecurities and anxieties written into minority identities are not just a personal challenge: they can shape stories told by, for and about all his peers

It is the afternoon before It’s A Sin is broadcast to the nation and its star, 30-year-old musician and actor Olly Alexander, is buying a cat cushion. “It’s for a friend!” he says, mortified to be caught in the act of buying a plush feline.

Where once being the star of a primetime Channel 4 drama might mean greenrooms, watch parties and a celebratory afters, this is January 2021, so a flame-haired Alexander is sitting in his kitchen, drinking a smoothie the exact same lilac as his top.

“I’ve had a lot of restless energy,” he says, having binge-watched The Real Housewives Of New York City in between doing lots of squats and “watching homoerotic YouTube workout videos”. It’s not quite the normal build-up to a game-changing drama, but is there a better way to remember peacetime than watching a show filled with period pieces such as “friends drink indoors” or “strangers have guiltless sex at a house party”? It’s A Sin is both a masterpiece and a reminder that someday we will, once again, be able to be eaten out by hot men. “You’re so welcome,” Alexander says, laughing. “If I can bring anything to the British public, it’s a lesson in anal hygiene.”

Anal hygiene are two words we have probably never published together in GQ, but, more importantly, are probably not the subject of many – if any! – scenes in a piece of media not uploaded to OnlyFans. They are, however, the subject of a crucial scene in the first episode of It’s A Sin, in which Alexander’s character – an 18-year-old fledgling queer from the Isle Of Wight called Ritchie Tozer – gets rimmed by his campus crush, Ash Mukherjee (Nathaniel Curtis). No gay men watching came out of that scene not feeling seen and, like all the other sex scenes in It’s A Sin, it feels deeply realistic and fantastically homosexual.

“I can tell you I’ll never forget being practically butt-naked with my arse in the air in front of colleagues,” says Alexander, laughing. But by that point, he says, he had done so many sex scenes that it felt somewhat rote. “‘Ritchie’s got a dirty bum! Stick that arse in the air and look disappointed!’” What was interesting, he says, was the dynamic of trying to produce the most authentically gay experiences possible on camera.

‘WE UNDERSTOOD THESE CHARACTERS WITH A KIND OF SHORTHAND THAT GAY PEOPLE UNDERSTAND’

They were working with Ita O’Brien – a movement director and arguably the OG intimacy coordinator – but, for her sins, not a gay man. So while everyone would have an input in how a sex scene would be best shot, “There came a point when they would say, ‘Please tell us, because we’re not gay men.’” So then the writer, the performers, the director and O’Brien’s team would come to a consensus on how to make a threesome look like three men shagging, yet also make it look the best it could on camera and make sure “you never touch each other’s genitals, basically”.

Alexander says O’Brien’s input was a “lifesaver” for him on set. Although by the end he felt comfortable, he was at first intimidated by just how exposing this would be. “I had a bit of a hysterical breakdown. I was really worried I couldn’t do it. I just didn’t feel safe.” This was interesting to hear from Alexander, the proudly queer frontman of the band Years & Years, who “spent four years on the road performing and finding this character that I do feel sexy in”. It was then that O’Brien and the team asked him to bring whatever made him feel comfortable on stage into the room before the cameras rolled. “So I would sing before the takes, be a little bit of Olly on stage,” he says, laughing. “That was my way of tricking my brain and thinking it was a character. Which, of course, it was.”

Before he was Olly Alexander, consummate gamine artiste, Olly Alexander Thornton was a singled-out kid at a primary school in Gloucestershire (where his mother ran a music festival). He was, like many other gay kids growing up, bullied and harassed for being something “other”, which everyone is able to see long before you can define it yourself. “I remember being in primary school and I had long hair and people would call me a girl,” he says, and the wound still feels raw when he recounts it.

“I knew that was bad for boys. I didn’t like the things that other boys liked: I just wanted to play with the girls and watch Disney movies. Which obviously straight boys do as well,” he mentions, always making sure to provide caveats to include all facets of the human experience. Although the bullying began to subside by secondary school in Monmouthshire, he still stood out: he had big curly hair – “I was trying to hide my ears” – and would wear make-up or a choker sometimes on nonuniform days. “I think I was trying to figure out who I was,” he says. “Imagine getting to discover your own sexuality without any preconceived ideas! I mean, maybe that’s impossible. But it would be nice, right? Why should people bullying you be your first brush with your own sexuality?”

Like Ritchie Tozer, Alexander moved to London at 18 to pursue acting, but he also had designs on becoming a musician. “Because when you’re writing a song, you’re the director, the star, the producer, the writer. I wanted all of that! I needed that to be able to express myself,” he proclaims with faux hysteria. For years he found success as an actor in a diverse selection of roles: he appeared in Gaspar Noé’s Enter The Void, costarred with seemingly every other white British actor in The Riot Club and also in God Help The Girl, a musical film written by Belle And Sebastian’s Stuart Murdoch. “Then Years & Years just got to a place where it was going to take over and needed my full time,” Alexander says. So his focus moved to the music.

‘IMAGINE DISCOVERING YOUR SEXUALITY WITHOUT ANY PRECONCEIVED IDEAS!’

It was on their third single, “Real” – released in 2014 – that Alexander first felt his art and his sexuality really intermingle. “It was the first time I put in a male pronoun – I say ‘Do it, boy’ – and it’s quite subtle, but it was a big deal for me at the time.” This was when Years & Years were trying to get signed to a major label, so doing something so consciously queer felt like a risk (the band went on to sign with Polydor later that year).

While pop music has long had an element of queerness about it – you need only look at the artists featured in It’s A Sin to see how gay 1980s pop was – Alexander has long been frank that sexuality and success are not always seen as natural bedfellows. At a Stonewall event in 2018 he recounted being told during his media training, “Maybe it’s better not to say anything about your sexuality at all.” In the same year, he told NME there had been progress, but that “I just know there are people who are hiding their sexuality, so it’s still not gone completely”.

Alexander doubled down on it with the music video – featuring his Bright Star costar Ben Whishaw – where he “purposefully made it gay. There’s a cruising element to the very beginning. It’s slightly ambiguous, though, because back then I wasn’t quite ready to launch into being the gay crusader I think I am now.” In 2015 the band won the BBC’s Sound Of 2015 poll, releasing their first album, Communion, the same year. It became 2015’s fastest-selling debut album from a UK-signed band.

‘I JUST WATCHED LIAM PAYNE TAKE HIS TOP OFF, BUT NOW I’M NOT ALLOWED TO?’

But despite the success, and the realisation that audiences were either supportive of – or simply unfazed by – the queerness of Years & Years’ music, there is always an anxiety for Alexander about just how accepting people are willing to be. “I’ll tell you for real,” says Alexander, “I go out on stage – even if it’s for our own audience – and I’m like, ‘What if some of them don’t like me? What if some of them have an issue with me today?’ I always feel like I’m going to try a bit harder next time, try to do a bit more.”

While the character of “Olly Alexander, Years & Years frontman” is one that bespangles its performer with confidence, being queer in the music industry isn’t always an easy thing to navigate. He remembers seeing a tweet from someone who said Alexander’s sexuality was a ruse to try to attract the pink pound – a term for the spending power of gay men – “And it had an impact on me, because I’ve consciously tried to [be openly gay] in a lot of circumstances where I wouldn’t normally. And then for someone...” He tries to think of how to put it and comes up short. “It can chip away at you.”

He wouldn’t change a thing about his success, he says, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t times when it isn’t hard to be out and proud while also getting your foot in the door. “When we’re playing a pop music festival, I’m looking at the other acts in the lineup and there aren’t that many gay people on them,” he says. “You see how quickly your show isn’t family friendly any more because I want to take my top off and I’m like, ‘Well, I just watched Jason Derulo and Liam Payne take their tops off and have all these women in underwear, but now I’m not allowed?’ What do you do with that?”

It’s A Sin marks a return to acting but, also, a chance to refresh Alexander’s musical batteries too. Following Years & Years’ second album – 2018’s Palo Santo – the third album was proving hard to pin down. “I’ve been trying to make this album for about 18 months at this point, stopping and starting, listening to all the songs and... it’s just not feeling relevant any more.” Alexander had always loved Russell T Davies’ work, so when he heard Davies was making a new TV show he “had to be in it. I would just jump at the chance to work with him. And that was before I read the script.” Years & Years had just finished touring Palo Santo and, to Alexander, it felt like the stars had aligned.

While the anxiety of performing queer sex scenes might have been particularly exposing for a gay man like Alexander, there were huge benefits for him being in a cast and crew that were predominantly LGBTQ+. “It was a revelation. I’ve never been on a set with so many queer people. I’ve never even worked with a gay director, so it was a completely new experience.” Plus, being asked to play part of a group of gay best friends, portrayed predominantly by gay actors, meant the chemistry came very quickly: “We understood these characters [with a] kind of shorthand that gay people understand.”

An inclusive, comfortable environment was beneficial for more than just sex scenes and simulating a decade of friendship. It’s A Sin also required its cast to grapple with the issue of HIV and aids, not just as a part of the furniture – as we do in the 21st century, with our knowledge of viral loads, sleeping with undetectable partners and new medications such as Prep – but really putting a forgotten part of British queer history under the lens, who it affected and how it changed the LGBTQ+ community irrevocably. “It’s an issue that is deeply surrounded by stigma and there’s a lot of trauma there and a lot of fear,” Alexander explains. “I know, personally, it was an area that I was scared to really engage with.”

He mentions that just before filming he made friends with an older gay couple at his gym and in talking about the show with them he was offered a rare opportunity to hear about personal experiences of the aids crisis. “It can be so difficult as a gay person to feel like you have intergenerational support,” says Alexander. “Elders are so important in our community. You can get so much from the people who have gone through so much before and fought that fight.”

For Alexander and the cast, It’s A Sin was a rare opportunity: a chance to be brought together with a whole group of men and women who were there at the time and who were willing to share their experiences with them. “I feel so lucky that I got to engage with that and keep learning. I was just scratching the surface and there are so many stories you can tell from this period. It’s impacted us all the way until now and it will in the future.”

Starring in It’s A Sin has also changed what Years & Years’ third album is going to sound like. After the initial writer’s block, Alexander says, he focused instead on the music of the show (Bronski Beat, Kelly Marie, the titular song by Pet Shop Boys) “and it really took my mind back to the club” – especially in the midst of a pandemic, when the queer nightlife venues that are the backbone of our community are so desperately missed.

“All the music I wanted to listen to in lockdown was high energy. It was dance floor. It was club music.” This was the music that had played such a huge role in his early life in London, had inspired the first Years & Years album and a genre that owes a great debt to the LGBTQ+ community. “I think at their heart, lots of these songs are about joy despite crushing pain. I just thought, ‘God, imagine hearing “I Feel Love” on the dance floor for the first time.’ What a transcendent experience that would be.”

‘ELDERS ARE SO IMPORTANT IN OUR COMMUNITY. YOU CAN GET SO MUCH FROM THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE FOUGHT THAT FIGHT’

And so Alexander went into the studio – as soon as it was safe to do so – and created a bunch of new songs. Is it easy to find collaborators behind the scenes who get it when he says, “I want it to feel like Britney meets Rihanna meets Hot Chip via New Order”?

“It can be a challenge to find someone that really understands,” admits Alexander. He recalled being sent round the songwriters and producers in Los Angeles that all artists are sent round at a certain point, “And some of those people are amazing – some amazing queer people as well – but predominantly... You know, they’re straight, so it can be quite challenging.”

Feeling safe with his collaborators hasn’t been an easy journey, but now he’s in a good place for it. He also pointed out that it’s not just queers who can understand his vision: his bandmates are straight, he points out – “I really believe in working with straight people! Some of my best friends are straight!” – and his frequent collaborator, the producer Mark Ralph, “is a real ally to us gays”, who was always willing to vibe along to Paris Hilton singles with him.

A new sound – a queerer sound – isn’t just a risk in a world where Alexander’s performances are held to double standards and the linchpins of queer culture can still be seen as synonymous with perversion. The impossible standards queer work is held to don’t just come from the straight world: gay men can be terrible recipients of work designed for them too.

Russell T Davies has dealt with it his entire career: “There’s the problem of lack of representation, but there’s the problem that when you are represented, it’s just not seen,” he explained when I spoke to him recently. “You just learn to cope. I worry about it. I probably worry about it more than I say here, but at the end of the day it’s never stopped me writing the next thing.” But he gets it because he, too, is a gay man who consumes art and he sees the same biases coming out when he watches other queer-centric work.

Yet he was amazed that artists younger than him are still dealing with the same crises: “It’s what comes with being a minority. It’s what comes of oppression and you kind of expect this to pass. But then you talk to young people like Olly, who’s a different generation from me, and you find them thinking the same things,” Davies said. “I was lucky to have my training during an age when you’d be lucky to get one review in the Times. Now you live in a world of reviewers.”

When I ask Alexander if he worries how gay men will respond to a gay artist’s work, it is no easier for him to respond than it was for Davies. “Oh, God, you’re making my heart race now,” he says, breathless. “I should be careful, because I don’t want to demonise anybody. But I tried to really unpack this myself and... I’ll just sort of say it.” It is clear that this is intense for him: his eyes are looking watery as he tries to phrase it delicately.

“I have this – I think irrational – anxiety about gay men tearing me down. And I tried to interrogate that within myself and I think it’s complicated, because a lot of it has to do with internalised phobias and shame, about how I see myself versus how other people see me.” He begins to cry. “What I do know is that I want them to not hate me. And I want to make the community proud. It’s been at the heart of pretty much every decision I’ve ever made. And I don’t know if I’ve always got it right.”

‘I HAVE THIS – I THINK IRRATIONAL – ANXIETY ABOUT GAY MEN TEARING ME DOWN’

It’s tough being an actor asked to shed light and humanity on a complex phase in British LGBTQ+ history; it’s just as tough to be a gay man trying to make pop music that speaks to the queer experience. But Alexander is doing both and, what’s more, he’s being unapologetically queer in the public eye. There aren’t many LGBTQ+ people in the position Alexander is in and it must be exhausting, I suggest, to be expected to speak for the needs and fears of an entire spectrum of sexual and gender identities. After all, he’s just one man who wants to be proud of who he is. “Sometimes, when I feel the most anxious, I have a voice in my head that goes, ‘Oh, Olly, why on earth did you put yourself in this position? You really are not the strong person people think you are.’” But, he says, he is learning he can’t speak for everyone, even if people expect it of him.

Instead, he’s focusing on being proud of what he’s done – the visibility, the audacity, the bravery – rather than the critique of his anxieties or Twitter trolls. “I’m always thinking about me as a teenager and how I’m creating the person I wanted to be in the world. I’m actually doing it! Holy fuck!”

#olly alexander #years & years #yearsandyears #years and years #gq #interviews #fashion #magazines #acting #its a sin #boys #articles #queer #lgbtq #lgbtq+ #issues #aids #hiv #music

[oghoneytryst]

fame.

request: harry is friends with y/n, a 17-year-old singer/musician who he can’t help but act like an older brother to and protect

or

where harry knows the industry more than y/n does

a/n: such an original title, I know. anyways, I got carried away with this, I thought it was very cute and I'm very tempted to make a second part. Harry and y/n are only friends in this!! There will be no type of romantic relationship whatsoever :) 

also I start school tomorrow, rip...

“Here are the nominees for Best New Artist...”

Harry’s voice resonates throughout the venue, colossal screens beginning to merge into a colorful montage of talented musicians. With his hands properly folded behind his back, he manages to catch a glimpse of y/n, who lets out a nervous sigh before slinking further down into her seat.

“Don’t worry,” her publicist says from behind her, giving her shoulders a comforting squeeze. “You’ve got this.”

Y/n nods, but senses a slight shiver ripple through her body when her music video appears on the screens. It is comforting to know that her fans are supporting her in the audience tonight when cheers begin to roar across the sea of people. She even spots some of her life-long idols applauding for her music, which also includes her friend standing in front of the mic stand with an enclosed card caressed in his hands.

It’s surreal to know that the Harry Styles has become one of her most trusted friends since breaking into the crazy industry. In her bedroom at 13 years of age, she used to sing One Direction songs into her hairbrush while her mother was out grocery shopping. Tonight, four years later, her favorite member is sending her a reassuring smile despite the large crowd that stands between them.

She’s worked endlessly to be where she is tonight, sitting alongside the biggest names in the industry, nominated for this year’s Best New Artist at the VMA’s. Y/n has earned a name for herself in the past couple of years, but she believes tonight will determine whether or not she is on the right path to global success.

“And the VMA goes to...” The venue fills with a suspenseful silence as Harry attempts to rip through the enclosed card containing the winner.

People from the audience begin to shout out different nominees, and when a majority of them end up being y/n’s name, she senses a chill in her bones. She doesn’t want the whole nation to see her fail. She doesn’t want her family, friends, and fans to be disappointed in her.

Despite her self-doubt, the cheeky grin that Harry sends in her direction after reading the card lets her know that she has done something right.

“Y/n Y/l/n!” 

Piercing screams and ear-shattering applause drowns the entire venue when y/n’s name is announced. Her hit single begins to blast through the speakers and even then, she cannot seem to believe that any of this is real. Raising slowly from her seat in shock, her accompanying family congratulates her with tight embraces and glistening eyes. 

Don’t trip, don’t trip, don’t trip, y/n thinks to herself as she makes her way over to the stage. She touches hands with the fans reaching out to her from the sides, grabbing onto Harry’s outstretched hand when she makes it to the top of the stairs.

The audience goes into a little frenzy when the two embrace, Harry handing over the iconic Moon Man award given to him by one of the stagehands and shouting to her, “Congratulations, darling. I knew you’d win it!”

This feels like a dream. Y/n is at a loss for words and it takes Harry gently guiding her over to the mic stand for her to come to terms with the reality of her situation.

“Wow,” she breathes out, cradling the heavy award in her arms. “I can’t believe any of this is happening. First of all, thank you, Harry. I am so honored to be receiving this award from someone that I am lucky enough to call a friend...”

Harry chuckles at her shaking figure, nodding in appreciation while she rambles on with her speech. She goes on to thank every person from her team that comes to mind, apologizing in advance if she forgets to mention anybody. She expresses gratitude for her family that is supporting her tonight from the audience and at home. Of course, she does not forget to thank her fans over and over again, dedicating the award to them because, “without you, I am nothing.”

Her speech wraps up just as the music plays overhead, indicating that she is going over time. She waves a final goodbye to the audience, tangling her arm with Harry’s as they shuffle off to the backstage.

“Oh my god,” she groans, slapping her forehead with her empty hand. “That was so embarrassing. Why can’t I ever shut up?”

Harry laughs at her, wrapping his arms around her as they lean from side to side.

“It wasn’t that bad,” he tells her, placing his hands on her shoulder. “Lots of people take ages to wrap up their speech. At least yours was entertaining.”

“I doubt it.”

“Oh, c’mon, y/n. Stop being so hard on yourself. You’re the Best New Artist, you need to celebrate!”

In an immediate second, y/n’s entire face lights up when she is reminded of her accomplishment. She raises the Moon Man in her hand, cradling it like a baby and even going as far as to kiss the silver coating.

“I’m the Best New Artist!” she jumps from one leg to the other, earning chuckles from the people backstage. “Ugh, I can’t wait for the after party. I’m going to have so much fun!”

Harry’s smile diminishes at her words. “Wait, after party? What are you talking about?”

“You know...” y/n trails off, playfully shoving his shoulder. “The one at Taylor’s penthouse that everyone’s going to.”

“Taylor?” Harry repeats, eyebrows skyrocketing. “Swift?” 

“Duh, what other Taylor is there?”

“W-What about your family? Are they also going to this after party?”

“They’re still tired from their flight here this morning,” y/n says with a wave of her hand. “They said they were going back to the hotel room after this.”

Harry looks down at her, puckering his lips in a pensive manner. “Mmm ... no,” he says with a shake of his head, “You’re not going.”

Y/n is busy inspecting her award when she hears Harry’s declaration. “Excuse me?”

“You’re not going to Taylor’s penthouse.”

“Says who?” 

“Says me,” he childishly retaliates. “Y/n, you’re 17. You never know what goes on at parties like that.”

Y/n eyes him up and down. “Hmm, you would know,” she mumbles.

“S’cuse me. Are you ... taking a slag at me?” Harry asks, narrowing his eyes.

“I don’t know, Harry, who is Perfect about, huh?”

The older man sighs, pinching his nose in a way that y/n would say is very dramatic of him.

“You’re right,” he says, nodding his head. “I would know, which is why you should listen to me and learn from my mistakes.”

“But Harry—”

“Harry! Y/n! Let’s get a picture!”

Their conversation is interrupted by the photographers hired backstage, cameras at the ready while the two have no choice but to pose with each other. Flashes invade y/n’s eyes and though she tries very hard to keep them open, she can’t help but squint and hide herself behind her empty hand.

“Alright, I think that’s enough,” Harry politely suggests, nodding a quick thank you to the photographers before going back to his conversation. “Are you alright?”

Y/n blinks away the polychromatic dots stuck in her vision and eventually nods with reassurance. When she can finally see clearly once again, she catches Harry’s concerned expression and sighs.

“Fine,” she gives in, stubbornly hugging her award. “I won’t go to the after parties, but I still want to celebrate.”

“We can go to dinner then,” Harry suggests, smiling with self-gratification. “My treat. Does that sound about right?”

“Only if there’s karaoke involved. I have a legacy to live up to now, Styles!”

Y/n has to hand it to her publicist.

Her schedule is completely booked by the week following her big win at the VMA’s. She finds herself in the following months traveling all across the globe, featuring in dozens of magazines and having quick chats with late night talk show hosts. In the midst of all of this chaos, y/n has taken her free time to write some new material for her new album. It has been a hectic rollercoaster ride, but months later, she has finally found a place to rest. 

When her friend Harry mentions to her that he is also visiting the wonderful state of New York, the two waste no time in making quick plans with each other. The last time y/n had seen Harry was the night he took her out to a celebratory dinner with their mutual friends, which also happened to be the last time she had the chance to let loose and relax.

While the past couple of months have been fun, they have also been extremely draining from the constant work that y/n has to put into her career now. She’s thankful for this opportunity, but she is a teenager after all, and she can’t be more relieved to have a short break before returning back to the chaos.

“Harry!” y/n shouts, running into her friend’s hotel suite and nearly knocking him off his feet from her sudden embrace. “It’s so good to see you!”

“You too, darling.” Harry laughs, scuffing his hand over her head of hair.

“Hey, hey, watch the hair!” she exclaims, pushing his tall figure away before fixing what he messed up.

“Oh, ‘m so sorry, miss diva, shall we call your stylist? Are you parched? Would you like a drink? Non-alcoholic, the drinking age is 21 here.” 

Y/n glares at him, shaking her head at his cheeky smirk. “Ha-ha. Always the comedian, Styles.”

“I’m only jokin’.” Harry pauses, his expression suddenly turning very sincere. “I’m actually very proud of ya, y/n. I saw ya on Corden the other night. Before that, I could’ve sworn your face was plastered all over Times Square. You’re really taking the world by storm, as they say.”

Y/n feels her face heat up. She can’t help but suddenly turn shy at his kind words. She’s considered Harry as a sort of mentor for all of this fame that has been thrown her way, considering the two had met at the start of her career. To know that Harry is proud of her and all of her accomplishments is quite literally an accomplishment in itself.

“Wow. Thanks, Harry. That ... really means a lot.” 

“I’m glad.” He nods, then claps his hands together. “Alright, so are we planning to go to the shops or what?”

“Of course. I’ve been dying to see how much self-control you lose when in the Gucci store.” 

Y/n doesn’t know why it is surprising to her when she sees paparazzi swarming right outside the hotel entrance. It’s not as if she’d been incognito on her way up to Harry’s suite. It’s quite obvious that she had been spotted, and someone then tipped off the paps, but perhaps it is the large quantity of them that makes her a bit uneasy.

“Y/n, y/n! Over here!”

“Harry, when is the band getting back together?”

“Hey, y/n! How’s it going? Going out for a nice date with your boyfriend Harry?”

Amid the blinding flashes of cameras invading her personal space, y/n finds herself doing a double take at the pesky reporter’s question.

“Excuse me?” she questions, her bodyguard attempting to guide her and Harry to the remaining few feet to the car.

“Just keep walking, y/n,” Harry whispers, softly pulling on her arm in a desperate attempt to get away from the press.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” y/n laughs, finding it quite humorous that the media seems to think her friendship is anything more than amiable. Of course, she’s seen the fans speculating on social media, but she hopes her declaration is enough to leave the situation alone.

 “Oh, right, weren’t you going out with Wes Anderson the other week?” 

The shutters of cameras only seem to get more intense with that question. “What?” y/n scoffs, tilting her head at the ridiculous accusation.

“You were leaving his place, right? Late at night? Did you have fun?”

Y/n suddenly feels like she can’t breathe. She had been at Wes Anderson’s place, but she’d been having dinner with his family while the two discussed having her write a song for his new movie. She didn’t know the cameras had been watching her that day, and it makes her skin crawl to know that the media thinks she’s having an affair with someone almost three times her age.

“S’cuse me, do you have something better to do than harass a 17-year-old?” Harry speaks up, not even bothering to hear the pap’s excuse before leading y/n into the car.

He makes sure that she gets in before following after her, never feeling more relieved to shut the door on those pestering cameras. He knows he’s going to get media attention for his remark. 

“Y/n,” he says, frowning at her shocked expression. “Are you alright?”

Y/n doesn’t speak. She’s replaying the question over and over again in her head. She can already imagine the nasty messages people must be leaving for her on social media. The thought disgusts her and suddenly the pressure building up inside of her in the last couple of months finally releases. 

“Y/n,” Harry repeats, wanting to comfort her but also wanting to make sure she has some space to cool down. “Y/n, look at me. Listen to me, at least.”

The younger girl swallows harshly, blinking away the few tears that are threatening to fall. She scolds herself for being so ridiculous over a silly comment, but she’s noticed that silly comments seem to have large effects on careers like hers.

Harry sighs, pondering of what he can possibly say to her in this moment to make everything okay again.

“Being in this industry for quite some time now, I’ve learned that ... not everyone is as nice as you hope. These people with cameras, invading your privacy, they’re not all nice people. Sure, some of them are just trying to do their jobs, and some of them can be very respectful. But a lot of them will say just about anything to get a rise out of you.”

Y/n raises her head at this point, fiddling with her hands as she lets Harry continue with his rant.

“Take me for an example. Do you really think I’m some kind of ... womanizer?”

“No,” she immediately croaks out. She’s always hated that people have given Harry that disgusting label. “You’re not.”

“And you’re not whatever vile things they make up about you. I know that, your friends know that, your family, your fans ... anyone that’s lucky enough to know you know that that isn’t you. But at the end of the day, all that matters is that you know that too.” 

Y/n forces a smile, feeling a weight lift off her chest from Harry’s reasonable words. “Thanks,” she mutters, unable to resist giving her friend a kind hug of appreciation. “It’s just hard to ignore them, you know?”

“I know,” Harry agrees, patting her back softly. “Trust me, it won’t get any easier, but you’ll eventually learn that silence is key, especially if you want them to take a really nice candid of you.” 

“Can’t I just give them the middle finger and call it a day?”

“Oh yeah, ‘m sure TMZ will love that.”

Y/n chuckles, pulling away from her friend and bucking her seatbelt. While the situation still has her a little on the edge, she feels alleviated from Harry’s pep talk. It is true that the world she has been thrown in at such a young age is quite intense, but she’s grateful that she has someone like Harry to protect her from it all.

#honeytryst

[roundtheworldrambles]

Wanaka, Lake Hawea and the West Coast, New Zealand

Day 119 – Queenstown, Wanaka and Lake Hawea

Packing up my campsite in the morning, I befriended some of my fellow campers – Spaniards, Brits and Germans, parked near to me. We chatted over breakfast, swapping travel tips for the South Island. Many of them had been travelling around New Zealand for much longer than me, and were happy to share their recommendations. 

View from Queenstown Hill

Driving along the shores of Lake Wakatipu, I arrived in Queenstown and began to drive up the steep neighbourhood hills, arriving at the trailhead for Queenstown Hill Loop. Paragliders swooped overhead, having just taken off from the nearby Bob’s peak. I recall being particularly proud of my parking job that day – not only did I parallel park on the “wrong” side of the road, but I also did so on a steep hill (its all about the little things when travelling!). 

Lake Wakatipu

I began the 500 metre uphill climb to the summit of Te Tapu-nui (Maori for the “Mountain of Intense Sacredness”). My hike took me through a grove of massive, ancient pine trees, the strong smell of evergreen filling the air. Ascending through a break in the trees, I caught sight Lake Wakatipu, stretching out into the distance. As I gained elevation, the surrounding views became even more rewarding – golden hills framing the brilliant waters of the lake, and a 360-degree view of the surrounding mountains – including the Remarkables and Coronet Peak ski areas. Pink lupins were scattered around the hilltop, swaying in the breeze. Queenstown Hill is also directly above the airport in Frankton, and I was able to see several planes land and take off from a bird’s eye view – and could really get a sense of the impressive manoeuvring it took to fly in and out of the mountainous area! 

Cardrona

I enjoyed a picnic lunch at the summit, and met a group of Americans and Canadians who were living and working in Queenstown on temporary work visas. It was fascinating chatting with them about their experiences, and hearing their stories made me fall in love with New Zealand even more. In the short time I had been in NZ, I quickly began to feel like I could live there. Of all the countries I have been fortunate enough to visit, NZ definitely felt the most like a “home away from home”. 

Descending back into town, I fuelled up my campervan and hit the road, heading north to Wanaka! Located about 1 hour North of Queenstown, Wanaka is often described as a “mini Queenstown”, with many similar outdoor adventures in the vicinity, but without the same crowds and tourism. On my route to Wanaka, my campervan chugged up a series of steep switchbacks, leading to a high-elevation highway that traversed the Crown Mountain Range. I stopped in the small resort town of Cardrona for a coffee midway, a scenic township surrounded by the popular ski fields of Treble Cone and Cardrona. 

“That Wanaka Tree”

Descending into Wanaka, I was greeted by another spectacular turquoise lake, backed by yellow hills and snowy mountains in the distance. My campsite for the evening was at Wanaka Lake Holiday Park – which was a nice change from the DOC campsites as there were showers! I was pretty tired from the activities of recent days by the time I arrived, and spent most of the remaining day relaxing, with a stroll along the scenic waterfront to pick up some food for dinner. Arriving at the waterfront, I immediately sighted “that Wanaka tree”. An iconic landmark of the town, this semi-submerged willow tree is tilted on its side, casting a perfect reflection in the lake when the waters are still. I ate my dinner along the waterfront, admiring the striking landscape around me. 

Day 120 – Wanaka

Waking up to rainy weather, I used this day as a rest day to relax in town, as I had many activities booked for the following few days. I was feeling fairly lonely at this point on my trip – as wonderful as solo travel is, sometimes it gets to you! Because travelling in New Zealand requires a camper or car, hostel stays are not as common, and I was finding it a little more challenging to meet people naturally. That said – in true extrovert fashion, I still went out of my way to find ways to connect with other travellers and locals!  

I had the good fortune of meeting a friendly local guy (also named Guy) when I was in town later that afternoon. He worked as an operations manager for a luxury lodge out of Te Anau, where the lodge flies people into remote wildness camps by helicopter. The lodge is a jumping off point for hunting, fishing, skiing and hiking – and was pretty sweet job in my books! Since it was a rainy afternoon, Guy invited me up to his place in Lake Hawea, a nearby town, to hangout over beer and pizza. It was very welcome company! He also gave me tons of tips for my following weeks of travel around New Zealand – and was definitely the right person to give me the inside scoop on outdoor adventures in the country. 

As the weather cleared up in the afternoon, we grabbed our bathing suits and headed down to the waterfront for a swim in Lake Hawea. The water was cold and crystal clear, and incredibly refreshing after a week of sleeping in a campervan!  It was a wonderful, unexpected day and looking back, I smile when I think of Guy and how friendly and hospitable he was to me – a perfect stranger!  Moments and connections like these are one of my favourite parts of travelling.

Day 121 – Roy’s Peak, Wanaka

Roy’s Peak

I woke early in the morning to a sunny, warm day. I drove a short distance out of town to the trailhead for Roy’s Peak, the 16-km hike I was set to do that day.  With the town of Wanaka as my backdrop, I began to ascend a series of step switchbacks, winding up the alpine meadows and tussocks from the lake. Early into my hike (or “tramp”, as Kiwis like to call it!) I met three fellow hikers – Van and Anita, dentists from the Gold Coast, and Stephanie, a backpacker from Lake Tahoe. We chatted and kept each other company, which was good motivation to push through this challenging, uphill trek!

As we gained elevation, we began to see the distant bays and inlets of Lake Wanaka, framed by hills and alpine meadows. Further in the distance, the horizon was lined by the Southern Alps, with Mount Aspiring just visible amongst the far-off peaks. 

Two and a half hours into our hike, we finally arrived at Roy’s Peak, a windblown, grassy knoll with sweeping views of the surrounding region. There were very few trees and the top, and the wind whipped through our hair as we ate our picnic lunches and admired the breathtaking scenery. 

After taking what must have been hundreds of photos, and cheering on a pair of fellow hikers who got engaged at the peak, our group of four began our descent down the slopes. Hundreds of sheep grazed along the nearby hills, bells ringing as they trotted along the narrow footpaths. 

Rippon Vineyard

6 hours after beginning our hike, we finally arrived back at the parking lot. Stephanie and I decided to reward ourselves for our hard work by stopping into Rippon Vineyard, a family-run winery along the shores of Lake Wanaka. We arrived just on time for a wine tasting, which was the perfect reward after a day of hard physical work! In the evening our hiking group grabbed a celebratory dinner together in town before parting ways. 

I ended my day parked in my campervan along the waterfront, relaxing in the back with the doors open and my feet up. I enjoyed a glass of wine while watching the end of a Redbull-sponsored sailing race, dozens of small boats speeding along the windy waters. I admired the sundown over Lake Wanaka before returning to my campsite for the night – heading to bed early before my long drive to the West Coast the following day. 

Day 12 – The West Coast and Franz Josef Glacier

I woke up at 6am and headed west out of Wanaka, embarking on a 4-hour drive to Franz Josef Glacier, my destination for the rest of the day. I was beyond excited for my day of adventures – as I had splurged on a Helicopter ride over the famous Franz Josef Glacier! As part of this glacier tour, we would be dropped on the ice to do some guided glacier walking and traversing. The photos I had seen of Franz Josef depicted a landscape that was simply otherworldly, and I was both apprehensive and exhilarated, as glaciers can be dangerous, unpredictable places. The wet, stormy weather of the West Coast can whip up unexpected rain and snowstorms in the mountains, and the helicopter rides heading to the icefield can be cancelled on an hour-by-hour basis for safety reasons. 

My drive left Wanaka as the sun was still rising, winding up the shoreline of Lake Wanaka and Hawea as I headed into Mount Aspiring National Park. As was the norm by this time on my roadtrip, thousands of sheep flocked along nearby fields as I headed west.  As I approached the wet, blustery coast, the vegetation around me became progressively more rainforest-like, with waterfalls and lush greenery lining my route. 

As I neared the West Coast, I could see the pounding grey surf in the distance, long lines of white wash forming far offshore. At this point in my drive, I was in such a remote part of New Zealand that I did not have cell phone service for hours. Not that this mattered – as the sights transfixed me along my way! I arrived in the tiny town of Franz Josef around 10:30am, and headed to my check-in point. The weather had been starting to look gloomy for a few hours, but since my departure wasn’t until 12:30am, I had my fingers crossed! When checking in, I was advised that was likely that my departure would be cancelled for that day due to inclement weather, but was told to touch base with them again in a few hours. I was well aware that this would be possibility, given the unpredictable mountain and glacial conditions, but I was disappointed nonetheless. I killed some time in town at a local café, grabbing a coffee and a bite to eat to recharge after my long drive. Checking back in with the glacier tour a few hours later, I was told what I had already feared – that my helicopter tour had been cancelled for the day due to dangerous alpine weather. Unfortunately, since I was on such a tight schedule in New Zealand, I would not be able to stay another day and try again the following day. 

Determined to make the most out of my remaining day, I relaxed in the hot springs in town, before retracing my route from this morning back towards the East. Since I now had more time for my return trip than expected, I spent my time stopping at a variety of lookouts along the West Coast, and in Mount Aspiring National Park, including a hike along the Blue Pools track. This short, one-hour hike took me over a swing bridge and through a native beech forest, before arriving at a series of azure-blue pools in a small gorge. A bridge spanned over the pools, with people diving and flipping into the turquoise water below. It was a perfect place to stretch my legs after a long day of driving.

Blue Pools

As the afternoon waned, I kept driving into the night, with my goal to get as close to Lake Tekapo as possible, my destination for the following day. In retrospect, this probably wasn’t the best decision, as this also meant that I would be crossing Lindis pass at night, a steep mountain road crossing the saddle between the Lindis and Ahuriri valleys. The fact that I was ascending a high-altitude pass didn’t hit me until I was already mid-way up the mountain in the dark, with bright lights from oncoming cars and trucks passing me closely on the narrow alpine roads. Needless to saw, it was a more harrowing drive than I anticipated – especially after a full day on the road! I was thrilled when I finally pulled into my riverside campsite in Omarama in the pitch darkness, and promptly fell dead asleep.

#newzealand

[jedichick04]

Rachel’s Rambles - 5x21 Honor Thy Fathers

I wasn’t overly eager about tonight. I figured it would be a “filler” episode, moving towards the last two episodes which I’m greatly anticipating, and I’d figured it’d be a bit light on Olicity after that glorious episode last week. The summary didn’t really impress me. I mean, a giant cement block shows up for Oliver. Woohoo. Let’s get to the end of season showdown stuff.

Boy, was I ever wrong about this episode. And oh, did I ever enjoy it.

The Good

I can’t believe how many little Easter eggs were in this episode! You can really feel the drive to tie the end of Season 5 to the beginning of Season 1, both in the flashbacks and the present day. I really enjoyed the flashbacks tonight. Maybe it’s because I love getting the background on things, but something about Oliver wandering around the island and reminiscing with Anatoly just got me in a warm fuzzy nostalgic place. We finally got the answers to: why was Slade’s mask on the beach like it was; when Oliver learned to fly (and I am a sucker for more information on Oliver and Robert’s relationship); how that fishing boat “happened by” Oliver and Lian Yu; Stephen’s grand plan to get Oliver’s hair and beard to how they were in the pilot. I teared up when Anatoly and Oliver said goodbye. I’m not gonna lie.

The callbacks to Season 1 in the present day were something I didn’t know I needed. Circling back to the fact that Oliver started the crusade because of his father, and now is confronting just what sorts of things his father did in the past--there was something that just really struck me of how Oliver is finally coming to terms with all of that. I loved that he rewatched the video from his father. And finally--FINALLY--Thea got that last message from her father. As irritating as it is for Oliver to have kept it from her, I can’t help but feel that she got it at the exact right time in her life.

Speaking of Oliver and his father’s video...I just about died when Oliver was watching the video, Felicity came up, asked about the video, and then Olicity had their heart to heart. In a lot of ways, this episode felt like a “finale” -- Felicity giving Oliver a hero talk, then Oliver taking that and going and “defeating” the villain. And of course, it’s meant to feel like a finale...but the truth is, Prometheus still has a few more checks left in his chess game before checkmate.

I could gush for paragraphs about Olicity. THEY ARE BACK Y’ALL. Felicity is rocking the red dress and lips and Oliver immediately got back in her personal space. THERE WAS A SHOULDER TOUCH AND A HEY. And that was just in their first scene together ;) But in all seriousness, it felt so good to have them back in sync and confiding in each other. They are back as a team, stronger than ever, and when they finally do pull the trigger on being together all the way...oh, I am so looking forward to them being the power couple of the show next year. :) 

Oliver put the Green Arrow hood back on because of what Felicity talked to him about, and he acknowledged it to Diggle and the team. He faced down Chase with humor and a steely resolve and a knowledge that he was going to win. He spoke to Thea and admitted her was wrong to keep the video from her, then encouraged her to live her own life just as Felicity encouraged Oliver to live his own life. I can’t even express how much I enjoyed that. But you get the idea ;)

I have missed Thea badly, and Queen sibling interactions even more. I really enjoyed all their moments together, though at one point I was yelling at the screen, “Ask Thea back to the bunker, you idiot! Don’t just make her feel left out by sitting in your chair by herself!” I’m disappointed that the writers flat out debunked my theory of where Thea has been (come on, can’t you let Theroy be happy even if it’s just offscreen????) but they earned some of my forgiveness by letting Thea go on her own emotional journey tonight and not regress into the child that wanted nothing to do with her father and her family’s lies.

Rene and Lance were awesome this episode. I continue to like seeing the two of them on my screen. My heart sank when Rene didn’t show up and I was expecting him to bust in the door at the last second, but the preview mentioning that Rene is “missing” made me feel a little better. But dang it he better get a second chance post end of the season crisis!

I love Dinah. I don’t think there’s much I can say to expand on that, except I’m really happy she’s here to stay for next season. I think they finally achieved what they’ve been after for the Black Canary, and it’s enjoyable to see on screen.

Curtis and Felicity geeking out over Witness and their love of movies made me extremely happy. Their shock at Dinah not knowing that movie makes me think Team Arrow Movie Nights will be a thing this summer.

Diggle is the best for buying the first round of celebratory drinks for Team Arrow. And being snarky with Oliver in the cement room. And giving his best “WTF” face when Felicity started babbling science. Actually, Diggle is just the best ;)

The Bad

How did Oliver believe that Chase was just “giving up”? Felicity’s proud comments about Chase just dropping like a marionette at Oliver’s words were fun, but seriously, Oliver. The man had his grand chess game all planned out and if you thought it was unlikely he’d have it end with the cement room, why would you think he’d end up with a surrender? UGH. I know I know. We need drama for the last two episodes and hey, it means we’re going to finally get a lighthearted team party on Arrow next week. BUT STILL. BE SMARTER OLIVER.

Rene’s daughter’s face broke my heart. That was horrible. STUPID PROMETHEUS AND HIS EVIL PLANS.

How dare Arrow leaves us last week with Chase absconding with William and this week we don’t get to see his face to know he’s still alive. I’m just saying. I get Chase has his evil endgame plans but let us know the kid is alive at least!

The Ugly

I will not be sad to see Oliver’s flashback hair go. It looked particularly limp tonight.

I...am not that interested in how undead evil Russian guy got on the island and is intent on beating up Oliver. I wanted more Anatoly and Oliver tour Lian Yu and Talk About Things.

The ARGUS yellow jump suit is its own form of torture for prisoners. Gross.

Next Up and Last Thoughts

I notice that the preview for next week did not include any “Happy birthdays” for Oliver and instead focused on the actual “missing” people. Pfft. Just because the episode is called Missing doesn’t mean we don’t want the fun stuff in the promo too ;)

But in all seriousness..I’m rubbing my hands together in evil anticipation of next week. It looks awesome.

Who do you think Chase’s “friends” are that are helping with the kidnapping? Talia and her cohorts, perhaps? Does Felicity get to at least wish Oliver a happy birthday first? Does Chase know to save OTA for last with the kidnapping? Will ARGUS run out of products for his hair? All good questions that may be answered next week!

I LOVED Felicity’s dress tonight. She looked gorgeous. And I loved seeing all of Team Arrow’s strengths on my screen. It was a fast paced episode that allowed for a few introspective moments. I really think these last few episodes have 1000% been hitting their stride.

What was your favorite moment of the night? What do you think will happen next? On a scale from 1 to 10, how awful are the ARGUS yellow jumpsuits?

#arrow spoilers #i'm with arrow #5x21 honor thy fathers #rachel's rambles #my reviews #my speculation #arrow speculation #olicity #oliver queen #felicity smoak #thea queen #rene ramirez #john diggle #ota #original team arrow #quentin lance #dinah drake #curtis holt #team arrow #prometheus #adrian chase #robert queen #queen siblings

[thesundanceghost]

Give A Little Love

For Ely-- happy birthday darling!  You are such a beautiful beautiful person, and you deserve all the love in the world <3 

(This is basically a love letter to Jonathan Byers and I don’t regret it at all, especially considering the stunt I pulled for Death Day.) Title comes from the Noah & The Whale song of the same title: “And my love is my whole being, and I’ve shared what I could.  But if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own.”

“Steve Harrington, if you steal one more of my french fries, I’m going to shoot you.” Nancy glared at Steve over her drink.  Steve chuckled and flopped back onto the grass, chewing happily.

“Why do I get the feeling you’ve threatened me with that before?” he responded cheekily, and Nancy threw a fry at him petulantly.  It landed in his hair, and Steve didn’t hesitate before snatching it and popping it into his mouth, looking smug.  Nancy made a noise of disgust before leaning back against Jonathan.

It was finally getting warmer in Hawkins, and they were taking full advantage of it, lounging around in the more secluded parts of the neighborhood park.  People tended not to bother them back here, which was how they liked it.

“Can’t it just be spring break already?” Steve complained as he stared up at the sky.  “I hate that they always give us these projects and tests right before break.”

“Well they have to make sure kids like you still show up to class,” Jonathan said with a teasing smile.

“What does it matter anyway?  We’re seniors.  As of now, nothing we do has any impact over our future.”

Jonathan wasn’t sure if that was meant to be a comforting thought or not.  As they were nearing the end of the semester, Jonathan began to feel less and less hopeful about his future.

He’d gotten into NYU, by some miracle.  He could barely believe his eyes when he’d gotten the letter.  He’d stared at it for ten minutes, hands shaking.  His mom had been at work, and his brother had gone at the zoo with the Sinclairs, so he’d called Nancy first, stammering a string of words out until she’d gotten the message.  She and Steve showed up ten minutes later with celebratory milkshakes.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t sure if it meant anything.  Getting in had been one thing-- being able to go was a whole other.  There was no way he could afford to go there on his own.  He’d applied to tons of scholarships with a variety of values, but there was still no telling.  It’d take a miracle to get him there.

But he didn’t need to worry about it now.

“Yeah well, you’ve got two days until break.  I think you can make it.” Jonathan said, nudging Steve’s shoulder with his foot.  Steve smiled at him and Jonathan returned it softly before lowering his eyes.

“You doing anything fun over break?” Nancy asked, turning her head to look at Jonathan.

He shrugged, shaking his head.  “Not really.  I’m working Monday through Thursday again.  Not much of a break.”

Nancy made a face. “That sucks.  You’ll have some time off though, right?”

Jonathan nodded.  He bit his lip, words at the tip of his tongue.  He knew he should just come out and say it-- now was as good a time as any.

“Next Friday’s my birthday,” he blurted out finally, not looking at them.  They didn’t say anything right away, so he kept talking.  “It’s not really a big deal or anything, I mean, usually I just have dinner with my family and stuff, but since it falls on break, maybe we could, you know, hang out or something?”

He finally looked up at the other two, trying to keep from looking overly hopeful or expectant.  He wasn’t sure if this was weird or not, inviting people to keep you company on your birthday.  He’d never had anyone he’d wanted to share it with before.

Steve and Nancy traded a glance, and something about it made Jonathan frown.  Steve turned to him, looking sad, and it made Jonathan’s heart sink.  “I’m gonna be out of town.  Spring break, and all.  We’re going to South Carolina to meet up with family.”

Jonathan tried to keep his disappointment from showing.  “Oh.  I didn’t know.”

Steve grimaced.  “I’m really sorry.  I’ll make it up to you though, I promise!” he added eagerly, sitting up.

Jonathan shook his head and shrugged.  “No, it’s fine, you don’t have to… I mean, it was just a spur of the moment thing anyway.  It’s not your fault you had plans.  It’s not a big deal anyway.”

He meant every word he said, but he couldn’t help the pang of disappointment that still resonated in his chest.  He’d never cared much for his birthday.  He enjoyed having dinner with his family, but that wasn’t really anything new for him.  His birthday always had a tendency to fall on spring break, which he’d never really cared about.  It just meant more people forgot about it, though that really only mattered in elementary school when everyone was “friends” with everyone else.  But this year, he was turning eighteen, a legal adult, and it was the closest he’d ever been to feeling excited about the day. Just his luck it would fall on break, when Steve would be out of town.

He frowned at his own negativity just as Nancy spoke up.  “I’ll be here, though!” she reassured him with an infectious smile, crawling into his lap so he had to look up at her.  “We can spend the day together, it’ll be fun.”

He gave a small smile, still feeling a bit hesitant.  “I mean, only if you want to--”

She cut him off with a kiss and he smiled against her lips, feeling his negativity wash away with every slide of her lips against his.   They stayed like that for several minutes until Nancy had to break around and yell at Steve for finishing her fries.

******

Jonathan woke up on March 16th at 9:18.  He was exhausted, and could have slept in for another hour, but he promised Nancy they’d go out at 10, so after allowing himself 10 minutes of snoozing, he pushed himself out of bed and trudged towards the kitchen.

There was a yellow envelope on the table with his name scribbled on it, and he smiled as he opened it.

Dear Jonathan,

Happy birthday, darling!  I can’t believe you’re an actual adult now.  That will take some time to get used to.  I’m so so proud of you and everything you’ve accomplished these past eighteen years.  You are what every mother wants to see in her son.  I know our lives haven’t always been the smoothest or the easiest, but you have handled everything so beautifully, Jon.  I know you’re going to do amazing things with your life.  Know that I will always be here whenever you need me.  I love you so much sweetheart.

P.S. I’m sorry I had to run to work so early this morning. There’s fruit and orange juice in the fridge, and some eggs on the stove.  Have a wonderful day with Nancy!  I’ll see you tonight.

Jonathan read the letter over again but put it down when he felt his eyes begin to burn slightly with tears.  Some of the ink was blurred slightly, and Jonathan could tell that his mother had been emotional when writing it.  Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he fished out some food from the fridge and uncovered the eggs from the stove.

Will came out of his room at 9:40 and immediately ran to hug his brother.  “Happy birthday Jonathan!”

Jonathan laughed and hugged his brother back tightly, feeling his heart swell with affection.  “Thanks, Will.”

They ate breakfast quickly, chatting about their plans for the day before Will ran off the grab his stuff that he was taking over to Mike’s.  

He went through the mail before leaving, finding an envelope with his name scrawled haphazardly on the front.  He scowled at the return address but ripped it open anyway.

He pulled out a ten dollar bill and eight ones, a post-it-note taped on the front.

Congrats on adulthood. -Dad

Jonathan stared at the letter for longer than he needed to, and Will finally called his name from where he was waiting by the car.  Jonathan crumpled the paper in his hand and threw it into the glove box once he was in the car.

“Hey, why don’t you split this with your friends today?” Jonathan asked, giving Will the money.  

“Whoa, seriously?” Will asked.

“Yeah, sure,” Jonathan asked.  “There’s six of you anyway, it divides evenly.”

“Thanks Jonathan!” Will exclaimed, tucking the bills into his pocket carefully.

They made it to the Wheeler’s in no time at all.  Will gave him one last hug before darting inside and before he knew it Nancy was walking towards him, shutting the door behind her.  She grinned at him and hugged him tightly.

“Happy birthday, Jonathan.” She kissed him on the cheek lightly, making him blush, before crossing to the passenger’s seat excitedly.

“Let’s go!  We’ve got a lot to do,” she exclaimed, and he rolled his eyes at her before turning the key in the ignition and backing out of the driveway.  She refused to tell him where they were going, instead giving him one direction at a time as he drove.  On the way hey passed Steve’s house, and Jonathan frowned slightly.  Steve hadn’t called him since he’d left for South Carolina on Wednesday, and he wondered what the other boy was up to.

“Turn left at the stop sign,” Nancy directed, and Jonathan rolled his eyes at her again, but did as she said.

******

“Where are we going next?” Jonathan asked as they climbed into his car.  It was almost five o’clock, but already Jonathan had had one of the busiest days of his life.  They’d gone rollerskating first, which Jonathan pretended to hate, but had been more fun than he’d expected, followed by lunch and ice cream.  After that, Nancy had directed him to the movies, surprising him with tickets for a film he’d been waiting eagerly to see.

“You’ll see,” Nancy said vaguely.  She was enjoying this power dynamic way too much.

She directed him one step at a time, like before, but after a bit, Jonathan began to put the pieces together, though it still didn’t make much sense.  By the time they pulled up to Jonathan’s driveway, he was frowning.

“What are we doing here?” he asked unsurely as he put the car in park.  She didn’t reply as she unbuckled her seatbelt, and Jonathan did the same, climbing out of the car.

“Come on,” was all she said when she walked around to his side of the car and grabbed his hand.  He let her pull him towards the door, waiting patiently as he fished out his keys and unlocked the door before pushing it open.

“SURPRISE!”

The lights flicked on all at once, illuminating the scene before him. Jonathan felt like his heart had stopped.

He couldn’t remember the last time his living room had had so many people inside.  It was decked out with balloons and streamers, and a beautifully decorated poster that Jonathan just knew his brother was responsible for.  Everyone was there-- his mother, the Wheelers, all of Will’s friends, and--

Jonathan’s eyes froze on Steve, who was smirking at him happily, a stupid party hat placed precariously on top of his hair like it had been placed there last minute.  Jonathan let out a long breath, shaking his head as he began to smile.

There was a chorus of happy birthdays shouted around him as everyone grinned at him.  Jonathan knew he was staring dumbly into space, and he could hear Will giggling at him, but he couldn’t stop.  They’d all done this… for him?  The idea seemed ridiculous, but here he was.  He couldn’t help the wide grin he broke out into, running a hand through his hand as he stared out in disbelief.

“You guys--” he started dumbly, unable to even begin to express his thoughts.  Luckily he didn’t have to, as everyone began to pull him into hugs.  The stereo in the corner switched on, and before he knew it everyone was talking happily amongst themselves.

After a while, Jonathan made his way over to Steve, who was watching him expectantly, a small smile playing on his lips.  He shook his head, still in disbelief.

“I thought, you said you were��” Jonathan, at a loss for words, gave up and punched Steve in the arm, still smiling.  “You asshole.”

“I got back yesterday.  Come on, you didn’t really think I’d miss your 18th birthday, did you?” Steve asked with a laugh, rubbing at the spot where Jonathan hit him.  He reached out and pulled Jonathan into a tight embrace.  “Happy birthday, Byers.”

Jonathan hugged him back tightly.  He pulled back after a second, smiling at Steve and Nancy, who were both grinning at him in pure joy.  He’d never wanted to kiss them more, but he could wait a bit longer.

“I can’t believe you guys did this for me.”  It was all he could say.

“The party was Nancy’s idea,” Steve admitted.

“Yeah, but the surprise part was all Steve, obviously,” Nancy said fondly.  “He’s all about the dramatics.”

Jonathan couldn’t stop smiling, and he felt like an idiot just standing there.  After a second, he looked around at the room.

“You really shouldn’t have,” he began weakly, looking around at everyone.

“Every person here wanted to be here.  Seriously.” Nancy insisted, looking at him directly, something intense and genuine in her eyes.  “They wanted to do this for you.”

Jonathan ducked his head, letting out a small laugh as Steve ruffled his hair playfully.

“Well come on, this is a party isn’t it?” Nancy spoke up eagerly, tugging at his hand and dragging him to the backyard.

********

After they’d all eaten their hamburgers and goofed around in the yard for a bit, Jonathan got herded into the living room by Steve.  He really needed to stop letting his partners drag him all over the place… but he didn’t really mind.

“Presents!” Steve explained, sitting him down in a chair as everyone gathered around.

Jonathan blinked in amazement at all of the gifts in front of him.  He hadn’t expected any of this, and it looked like the surprise was never going to end.

Will was the first one to jump to give Jonathan his present, and he opened it carefully, peeling back the wrapping paper without ripping it, much to the kids’ (and Steve’s) exasperation.  He didn’t care, just smiling as he continued to open it slowly.

He blinked down at the present once he’s set the paper aside.  It was a photo album with his initials emblazoned on the front.

“The book’s actually from mom,” Will explained.  “But the picture’s from me.”

Jonathan frowned in confusion, flicking the book open to the first page and freezing when he saw the drawing placed there.  It was a gorgeous portrait of everyone in Jonathan’s life, all the people he loved, and Jonathan was astounded by it.

“Will, this is amazing,” he stammered, completely honest.  Each face was an amazing likeness of the real person, and he couldn’t believe how talented his brother was.

Will brightened even more under the praise, giving him a tight hug before Jonathan continued to flip through the book.  A lot of his old photos were inside, ones that he was the most proud of.  However, the majority of the book was empty, and he cast a curious glance to his mother.

“You’re going to need somewhere to put all your future photos,” she explained with a smile, and he bit his lip to hold back his grin.

Eleven went next, gifting him with a camera bag that she’d decorated with patches and embroidery.  It was beautiful, miles above the fraying and torn one he was using now, and he couldn’t wait to use.

Jonathan was pleasantly surprised by Max’s gift, a nice pair of warm black gloves.  He was also impressed with wrapping job-- a plain brown bag, covered in artful sketches and a black border drawn around the edges.  The girl seemed incredibly proud, although she did make a small suggestion that he waits until he’s out of Hawkins to wear the gloves

“Just in case”, she added, her eyes flickering to Steve, who was trying not to laugh.  Jonathan got the feeling he was missing something, and he made a note to ask Steve about it later.

The Wheeler’s gave him a beautiful book about photography that he couldn’t wait to read. Hopper gave him a coat that resembled one of his own that Jonathan had commented on a while ago.  He gave it to him along with a firm embrace, and Jonathan felt a wave of emotion wash over him, remembering back to the half-assed letter he’d gotten that morning from his actual father.

He was a bit overwhelmed by Lucas, Mike, and Dustin’s joint present of a Clash CD and a bag filled to the brim with candy, but grateful all the same.  He promised to share the candy with them, which they seemed pretty excited about.  

Steve and Nancy went last, grinning at him from where they sat pressed against each other on the couch.

“Continuing our tradition of joint presents…” Steve explained, handing over a small box wrapped in shiny paper.

Mike rolled his eyes at his sister and Steve.  “You two are so married,” he commented, disgust in his voice.  Nancy just laughed, leaning into Steve’s side as they watched Jonathan open the present.

Jonathan blinked down at the present.  It was an analog watch, with a black face and leather strap, with gold outlining the clock.  It was beautiful, and most likely expensive.  He looked up at them, blinking.

“We both pitched in,” Steve explained.

“We thought it’d come in handy in school next year.  You’ll be on time for all your classes,” Nancy continued with a smile.

“And for our weekly phone calls,” Steve tacked on.

“I love it,” Jonathan answered back honestly.  “Thank you guys.”

He got up to hug them both, tightly in thanks, and Steve took the opportunity to whisper in his ear.  “We’ve also got more presents for you later,” he taunted suggestively, and Jonathan was glad his face was tucked into Nancy’s neck to the rest of his family couldn’t see his blush.

He sat back down, looking around at everyone.  “Thank you all, so much, this is all so amazing,” he rambled, but it all paled in comparison of what he actually was feeling.

“There’s actually one more thing,” Joyce spoke up, and the noise around the room quieted.  Jonathan frowned at his mother.  There was more?

His mom smiled at him, an incredibly affectionate look in her eyes as she grabbed something small off the table and handed it to him.

“Who’s it from?” Jonathan asked as he reached for it.

“You’ll see,” his mother said.  He looked down at the object in his hands: a white envelope.  He looked at the address it had been sent from and his eyes widened as he recognized it as the foundations from one of the scholarships he’d applied for.  One of the major scholarships.

Without hesitating any longer, he opened it and pulled the letter that had been folded inside.  His eyes raced over the words.

Dear Mr. Byers, We are excited to inform you that you have been accepted to receive…

He read it again and again and again, unable to believe his eyes.  His hands trembled as he looked up at his mom.  She was staring back at him with a wide smile and tears in her eyes.  “Is this real?” He asked once he found his voice.

His mom just continued to smile.  “You got the scholarship, Jonathan.  You’re going to NYU.”

He knew everyone was staring at him, waiting for a reaction, but he could do was stare down at the paper in his hands.

“Jonathan?” Nancy asked quietly after a moment, sounding worried.

He finally broke, letting out a watery laugh as he looked up at the people around him.  At the sound, Steve let out a loud whoop, and everyone joined in and applauded.  Jonathan got to his feet and wrapped his mother up in a large hug, and both of them laughed, even though they were crying.

It wouldn’t be perfect.  The scholarship wouldn’t cover everything, and he knew he’d still have to pile on hours at work for the rest of the summer, and work part-time during the school year.  He doubted he’d be able to fly home for Thanksgiving and Spring Break, and he’d miss his family like hell.  He didn’t even know if he’d be able to keep up with the curriculum at NYU.  It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough.

He hugged his mom for what felt like ten minutes, eventually breaking off to hug the other people around him.

The celebrations started up again quickly after that as everyone went back for seconds on the cake.  Jonathan had to take a bit of time to compose himself, still dazed with the information he’d just received.

He walked out to the backyard, grinning when he saw Steve running around with Holly on his back, while the older kids were laughing in the background

“Hey.”  Nancy’s voice knocked him out of his reverie, and he threw her a small smile as she walked up to stand next to him.  She looked out towards the yard, laughing when she saw Steve.  “Oh god, he’s such an idiot.”

Jonathan laughed, looking back at Steve, who caught his gaze and grinned enthusiastically before turning back to the kids.  “Yeah.”

Nancy leaned against his side until he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.  “Did you have a good day?” She asked, blinking up at him.

He stared at her, trying to figure out if she was serious.  “Nancy, this was the best birthday ever.  This was the best day ever.  I don’t deserve any of this.”

“Bullshit,” she answered lightly, like it wasn’t even a question.  “Everyone here loves you, Jonathan.  We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t.”

Jonathan bit his lip, holding back any self-deprecating comments he wanted to reply with.  He still might not believe it, but he trusted her enough to try.

Steve broke away from the kids after a bit and made his way over to them, smiling happily, even though he seemed exhausted.

“Have a fun day?” he asked Jonathan, sounding like an echo of his girlfriend.  This time Jonathan just smiled and nodded, hoping Steve understood how much he meant it.

“This time next year, we’ll be at college.  Can you believe that?”  Steve asked with a grin, knocking his shoulder against Jonathan’s.

“Well, technically, you’ll probably be here.  Spring break and all that,” Nancy pointed out.  Jonathan saw the smile on her lips that showed she was just trying to be difficult.

“Hell no,” Steve shot back.  “Spring break, I’m driving to pick you up at whatever fancy school you choose, and then we’re driving to New York and crashing in Jonathan’s dorm for the week.  I’ve already planned it out.”

Jonathan couldn’t help but feel a spike of joy at the mention of New York, and he ducked his head to hide his smile.  Judging by the way Nancy leaned into him a bit harder, she noticed.  He squeezed her back tightly.

They stood for a moment, leaning against the railing and watching the kids run around.  They were all lost in their own thoughts, but they were still undeniably together.

It had been a good day.

******

hope you guys enjoyed it!  Inspo comes (obviously) from this video

#jonathan byers #stoncy #steve harrington #nancy wheeler #emma writes #fluff