#who made her small? god

[edalynn]

She is small

#who made her small? god #taako talks #cats #cat blogging #calico #gunne #catblr

[nellasbookplanet]

Okay but a thought of mine given new rise by the animated intro after having it niggle at the back of my mind for months now are Ludinus and Otohan as villains and who’s going to be standing as the final big bad at the end of the campaign, the way Vecna and Lucien did for c1 and c2.

Because the obvious answer is Ludinus. He’s the instigator, the leader of the cult, a villain in the making for 2 whole campaigns and over a thousand years (not to mention the one who's actually interacted with the party outside of fights). But Otohan is the one standing center stage of the villain line-up in the opening. She’s the one shown actively fighting the party. And, more importantly (as narrative matters more than barely glimpsed easter eggs), she's the one tied to the history and setting of Marquet, who has actual stakes in the people there and has fought for (and against) them before in the Apex War (while the place Ludinus called home was torn down centuries ago, leaving him caring for seemingly nothing but his ultimate goal since). She’s the one who’s actually Ruidusborn, and she’s tied to the Luxon as well with her strange magic. And despite all this, she’s mostly passed under the radar so far, given very little developments or motives or history or even personality. She’s little more than a cool aesthetic and a handful of threats.

And here’s my thought: maybe that’s on purpose. Ludinus, in his great arrogance, has placed himself as the greatest threat, and he’s being treated as such by the Hells. But is he? He steals immortality, appropriates the very concept of being Ruidusborn while holding a secret resentment for lacking the very powers it grants. He barely knows what he’s doing, and certainly not what he's about to unleash. And is there anything more satisfying than seeing a deeply arrogant and hubristic villain taken down by his own folly in underestimating those around him? So what if, as the final fight edges closer, the person actually holding the powers Ludinus pretends to steps up out of the shadows she placed herself in, keeping her motives to herself, barely remarked upon by Ludinus or the Hells or the audience, and personally cuts him down and takes her place as THE exalted Ruidusborn?

#critical role #cr3 #ludinus da'leth #otohan thull #listen seeing arrogant villains who think themselves unbeatable taken down in great battles is cool and all #but there’s something deeply satisfying in seeing them made small by something utterly avoidable #ludinus thinks of the gods as his ultimate enemies #imagine the horror and confusion on his face if his right hand woman #(the one who’s place and powers and land he's brazenly laid claim to) #casually steps up and stabs him in the back #revealing that she’s been playing him since the start to grow her power while keeping her actual motives close to her chest #mr mercer i am begging you let us know more about otohan and the apex war. let her be more than a battle piece with a fancy backpack #not tagging this as spoilers bc it isn’t but I SURE HOPE IT WILL BE #nella talks cr

[billdenbrough]

i love starmora so much like their gradual shift across gotg vol. 3 absolutely decimated me lol

like. “you know, i’m still not who you want me to be” “oh, i know. but who you are ain’t so bad.” the way she smiles at him??????? followed by (once she’s stepped past him, a moment of hesitation, this inch of themselves they can let be real offerings without having to be completely bare) “i bet we were fun” and his little “like you wouldn’t believe” i am ruined!!!!!!!!

#gotg v3 #gotg3 #gotg vol 3 #gamora #peter quill #starmora #sorry for the endless tags i am just covering my bases so blacklists work #but GOD i am like. destroyed. lmao #genuinely think this is the most fascinating route they could have taken after endgame #instead of trying to return gamora to who she first was #this is a movie about finding yourself and finding your home and like #the thesis about guardians vol 2 was finding your family and finding it in each other #but homes are not families. your home shouldn’t be in someone else #and they’re never going to be the people they once were. quill can’t love himself bc of the way he was in her eyes anymore #now he has to find something else. the way she has. now he has to find HIMSELF #and the legendary star-lord will return. and maybe when he does‚ they’ll still surprise each other in the small soft ways like they did #in this film #every little time they defy each other’s worst or most exasperated expectations in this movie and trade small smiles it made me feral lmao

[little-pondhead]

Me, staring very deeply into the eyes of my two dogs: look at me. look at me. I know you can do this. you both are mutts with hunting dog blood in your veins. together, you two can catch the mouse that’s in the kitchen. it’s eating your food, do you see? your humans are too stupid to lay out mouse traps and not get caught in them, it’s all up to you guys.

My dogs:

The mouse:

#pondhead rambles #this is a call out to my sister #who got a glue trap stuck on her pants the other day #the whole town is overrun with mice and I made the mistake of provoking the nearest rat king with my foolish words #I said that we weren’t having much trouble except with the chicken feed out back #then god decided to let them into our house to shut me up #one dog is half blood hound #the other has some sort of burrow dog in her #the kind that digs and is small enough to flush out small rodents #together they can do this #I just need them to awaken their hunting instincts towards mice

[transxfiles]

one of my top 10 hobbies has to be getting added to a large group chat and then people forgetting i am there.

#my ex just admitted in front of everyone and the eyes of god that she has not gotten any since we broke up #in spite of trying really hard to get. anything. and talking about how she desperately needs to get dicked down. GIRL. what. #responded to the message with R I P in letter emojis uhm. i dont think anyone will even #notice tbh but its funny to me. personally. #funniest thing is i kinda knew that this was happening but im like well now i have confirmation from the source i guess lol #HONORABLE MENTION OF ANOTHER SITUATION IN THIS GENRE: my friend is a dancer #with a really competitive dance group and she's in a small group of like 13 people who she #interacts with every day and she had a sort of falling out with them thats too complicated to get into here. #but before the falling out they added her to a shared photo album. and right before she decided she was done with the whole thing #she woke up one morning to a notification saying that there were 50+ new photos added to the shared album #and thats how she found out they did a holiday party where they invited everyone but her... BATSHIT. and shes like holy shit #thats petty. and made a whole game of going through the photos with me and some other frieinds. #ballet drama is something else let me tell you holy shit #cricket.chatterbox

[sharkneto]

did you ever watch fargo? it has similar story beats to true detective, at least, season one (it’s another anthology type series, crime focused) there’s a dude in there who i think you’d get a kick out out of… very much quietly intensely batshit insane and Off™️ but somehow presents himself as the sanest one in the room. he’s rust cohle, in a way, but murderer, not detective

Thanks for the rec! Watched S1 over the past week or so. Was good but it frustrated me. Billy Bob Thornton Serial Killer was the highlight, you were right! He was very fun. What a weirdo.

I don't know if it was that I grew up in an area with accents like theirs so I was like, hyper aware They Are Doing An Accent, or that it was based on Coen Brother's work, but a lot of the characters felt... rather like caricatures? I don't know, something about it had a wall between me and it, where I wasn't immersed so they felt like We Are Actors On A Set Delivering Lines Really Well rather than I was in the moment, if that makes any sense. Maybe it was the monologues, Flannigan series can have the same affect to me.

Still, was a really good cast. I needed Martin Freeman to get his comeuppence like three episodes sooner, my god that man could just wiggle out of everything (SPOILER he sent his wife to get shot???? what the fuck is wrong with him. I was screaming SPOILER OVER). I always like it when Colin Hanks pops up in things. Allison Tolman and Billy Bob Thornton fucking carried the whole thing, they were the only two I didn't really get the I Am Delivering Lines With Emotion And This Thick Minnesotan Accent feeling.

Writing was generally tight, too. Good full circle moments and Chekov's guns, pieces came together in satisfying ways. Was fun to be rooting for Molly to catch her killers and for Billy Bob to fucking get Martin Freeman. I think it could have been one episode shorter, or skipped the time jump, to give the police a modicum more competence, they were killing me.

Idk if I'll watch the other seasons, I did enjoy it overall. Might check out the newest one because I'm a slut for Jon Hamm.

#i'm hit or miss on coen brothers so this feels fitting that i was both hit and miss on this #i wonder if i wasn't so familiar with the accent if i would have felt differently about the acting #because i think the accent pushed some slight overacting #and i just happen to be familiar with the subtleties and midwest niceness that lurks underneath those big nasally sounds #to feel like things weren't lining up quite right #that said i super enjoyed the accents lol #my wisconsin accent has calmed down over the years since i've been away but it's not *gone* #so i always enjoy a little dip back in - little wave back at my roots #anyway anon - thanks again for the rec! #sharkneto speaks #ask response #oh my god i almost forgot!! #the surprise kate walsh! #she came on and i was like ''i know you who are you'' #and then she gave a condescending laugh and it tripped my recognition for her ''you're kate walsh!!! :D'' she's always fun #i'm back to ramble more down here #i think my favorite Midwest Content is an episode of This American Life #where the entire episode is dedicated to the story of these two girls in tiny town wisconsin who got switched at birth #and on of the mothers knew and never said anything because she didn't want to Cause Problems or embarrass the doctor who made the mistake #i sent it to all my non-wisconsin friends like ''this right here is exactly what small town wisco is like this is what i grew up in'' lol

[hanakihan]

Me crying on floor like a little bitch because I made myself extremely sad by that same Kusuriya and Shiawase AU because like

By previous dynasty tradition new emperor shall be assisted by his mother and other female members of family in putting on all these layers of ceremonial robes and styling hair and mascara yada yada

And since Jinchul’s mother and grandmother as well as other girls of direct family were murdered

He just goes to all the important women in his life (Gunhee’s wife whom he for first time called ‘mother’, Park Kyung-Hye, who was his ‘third’ mother during his days as a servant to Sungs, Jinah, Haein, Esil, Joohee and others he considers his sisters) and bows to them and asks if they will show him honor of helping him—

_:(´口`」 ∠):

#solo leveling #woo jin chul #god this au will murder me #all the connections he made on his way #he keeps his deceased family in heart yet also opens it for new family #jinchul who knew hardships of people now becomes an emperor #this exact scene is PEAK of emotional drama #jinchul refused to call Gunhee and his wife ‘father and mother’ because to him it felt disrespectful #to both his actual parents and Gunhee with his wife #Haein actually has an old doll small jinchul gifted haein when she was born #he was delighted to learn that his family tree became bigger #and then said tree got burned to roots leaving him as a damaged branch #haein was spared because her family is a distant branch and they abandoned rights for throne #she’s still in constant danger

[ultramarine-spirit]

About your post about Athy's name in other languages ​​(which I loved) it reminded me that when I started reading the manhwa I always confused the name of Athanasia with Anastasia to the point that I went to find out if they were the same and found that both they have the same meaning and that they come from Greece but I did not find any page that will confirm that it is the same but different variants. I also couldn't help but notice how Athanasia's name resembles Anastacious (which is technically the male version of Anastasia) and yes, the fact that both names have the same meaning may be why these two names sound so similar but Aeternitas also means Immortality and it doesn't look alike beyond the fact that it starts with A.

I found it interesting how Athy's name and Anas are similar and it made me wonder if at some point Claude must have had a deja vu hearing Athy's name (not only does she look like the woman he loved but also her name sounds similar to of the brother who killed lol)

I also mixed up "Athanasia" with "Anastasia" the first time I read WMMAP, but now I do the opposite. I have to remind myself all the time that no, it's not Athanasia Nikolaevna-

Funny thing about Aety's name is that it's the name of a goddess, and it doesn't really have a male form. I guess finding so many different greek names that mean immortality was hard for Plutus(?

That's an interesting thought! Athy and Ana's names are really close, so indeed I think she must have reminded Claude of his brother. There's also the fact that only the current emperor can give an immortal name to their heir, which draws an immediate parallel between them. As a side note, Diana was very daring naming Athy, as Claude himself notes, not only because of the name itself but also because Athy is a girl. His wording implied women aren't usually rulers in Obelia ("and a girl at that"). This is curious to me, since Obelia's first monarch, back when it was a kingdom and not an empire, was queen Ambrose. But I digress.

Athy speculates that Claude must have some sort of complex over the immortal names. Since he wasn't the empress' son he could only take the throne by force, but "he would never be granted the name of an emperor", unlike Anastasius and Athy. And well, there's also the fact that Claude means "the one who limps", "limping" or "crippled" (from the Latin “claudus”). Which makes one wonder if Aevum hated Claude that much to name him as an insult or what. Note that this is just one of Claude's meanings, but it's explicitly the one that Plutus used, as Athy refers to this plot point in the novel. Myself and others have theorized that Plutus based Ana and Claude's characters on real Roman emperors, and emperor Claudius indeed suffered from a limp and deafness, being ostracized by his family as a child. WMMAP Claude wasn't sickly as far as we know, but the ostracized thing definitely rings a bell.

Now, as far as I remember, it was never confirmed that Claude indeed felt inferior because of his name compared to Ana's (and Athy's), but I can definitely see how he could have felt like that, at least in his youth when Ana was the crown prince and Claude was treated so badly.

One thing I find rather sweet is that Claude remembered the bond he used to have with Ana when he spent time with Athy. It's because Athy melted Claude's heart and gave him something dear to him again that he started to remember Ana and to question their turbulent relationship. I adore how Athy's love and kindness had that effect on him (even though it wasn't enough for Claude to not want to execute Ana but shhh he still saved his ass because Athy asked him to. Small steps, you know?).

#honestly its crazy how many parallels Athy has with other characters #there's the obvious one with Diana but also she is super similar to Claude and Lucas to an extent. Even with Ana and Felix #you can tell Plutus and Spoon put a lot of thought into her character #also god i love wmmap's worldbuilding even if small. no other manhwa's comes close to it #who made me a princess #i suddenly became a princess #suddenly became a princess one day #wmmap #sbapod #sbap #athanasia de alger obelia #athanasia #athy #claude de alger obelia #wmmap claude #claude wmmap #anastasius de alger obelia #wmmap meta

[spotsupstuff]

i ADORE yoyr skills in making characters with wildly complex personalities. how do you do it this well

THANK YOU!!! I HAVE NO FECKIN IDEA!!!

i usually just start with a concept (heehoo iterator who doesn't care for their puppet and the puppet has a blankie thrown over it and there's creepy peepy teefs under there) and then built off from that (the character now leads death itself to its family no matter how much it hurts and tears away at it because it recognizes this is ultimately the best thing that can happen to them and it Only wishes for the best for its family cuz it loves them a lot. no matter what it will take, its family will be alright.)- OH a VERY important thing for character making is interconnecting them with other characters!!! that is literally the Most important thing Ever imo. and then details. details are what build the complexity!

the more interactions with other characters and the world you put the peepo thru, the more shaped they will be, i suppose? while still keeping a core idea very clear

also taking inspirations from other characters and then remixing n combining these different inspirations is a valid thing to do. one of Notos' big inspirations is, for example, Wednesday Addams from that netflix show! sometimes the inspiration comes from a certain pack of feelings i get from a song/situation, like for example Zephyr and Johanka by Brotosauři/Joan of Arc in general. Johanka and where i first heard it, the way i first sung it, was already full of so many things that simply applying it to Zephyr gave her a complex personality

and as always -claps- don't forget to give your character low points and weaknesses. but ALSO don't forget to give them their shining moments and strengths

#Spot says stuff #i legit dont know how to explain my process- a lot of it legit comes from the feelings songs can make one feel #when i first sang Johanka....... it was also when i first heard it. my dad was playing it going for a solo cuz nobody else really knew the- #-song then. his voice carried a mix of softness and a fight. he sung the chorus once and on the second one i joined; feeling inspired by- #-the fight of it. the revolution the determination the... melancholic agony of Joans unjustly death #then i read her wikipage. n i read- at the end there when shes about to be burned she asked for a cross. she was accused of *so* much. #of being the messanger of the devil. of being so vile- and shes surrounded by these people that are supposed to think of her like that. #why ever would someone grant her last wish? give her a cross? let her love the God and angels that she says guided her? #a soldier took two sticks and tied them. he gave the makeshift cross to her. she smiled and gave it a kiss and hugged it close to her chest #just before being *burned alive* shes given such.. humane kindness from someone who should be her *enemy* #its so tiny. so small so remshackle so broken. its so little the eyes of royals but oh the world that it means to someone who Understands- #-the love it took to do something like that. such a little gesture... made out of humane kidness. so she doesnt have to be alone. #the Feelings of that. that means so much to me as a person and i want to put that into Zephyr out of love and appreciation

[hauntingblue]

NAMI NEEDS TO GO UP THERE AND FIGHT BIG MOM I AM SO SERIOUS!!! THIS IS A BATTLE FOR THE ROMANCE DOWN TRIO!! SANJI DO NOT DARE TAKE HER SPOT!!!

#big mom just giving birth here on the battlefield..... #do i comment on the incestuous relationship between clouds made of the same soul??? no?? okay... #oh jesus.... goodbye kid and killer.... nami needs to get up there and take control of zeus and i am so serious #HER SKILL IS SO POWERFUL AND SO PERFECT FOR THIS FIGHT AGAINST BIG MOM BUT BECAUSE SHE IS NOT PART OF THE STRONG TRIO SHE GETS STUCK WITH #THE B LIST VILLAINS!!!! LKKE WHY DOES SHE NEED TO FIGHT ULTI?? OKAY THAT WAS MEANINGFUL BUT THAT COULD END THERE!!!! #SANJI GO FIGHT PAGE ONE!!! SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF ULTI AND LET LUFFY ZORO AND NAMI TAKE CARE OF KAIDO AND BIG MOM!!! I AM SERIOUS!!! #big mom is inside the castle.... maybe i will get my wish granted (kinda...) #kid and nami against big mom.... maybe sanji can join... i can see it so clearly.... come on now..... #if namo knew armor haki she would have gone up there and taken zeus and dealt with prometheus and his sister wife. let the others w/ big mom #fucking hawkins... end him killer.... calling him domesticated lmao... end his pathetic ass #using conqueror's haki on the weapons..... also zoro having it too.... the flower petals symbolism..... OHHHHHHHHH #nani indeed...... BREAK THAT MACE!!!! YEAAHHH!!!! law is completely baffled #KAIDO GOT SENT BACK!!!! LETSGOOOOO AND THE OG INTRO MUSIC QUICKS IN!!!! law just saw god again.... #he said fuck off i got this.... omg.... he is either gonna nearly die and doesn't want them to follow or doesn't want to worry about them #while he fights and they try to defend him.... no other explaination (apart for 4 the plot reasons) #talking tag #watching one piece #episode 1028 #luffy king of everything that was such a slay #they changed luffy chiquito's design.... #i was gonna say luffy swimming...... but he can't yet akdhajsj #yasopp taking care of everyones children but his own...... i see how it is.... #WHY WOULD SHANKS STAY IN GOA IF NOT TO TALK WITH GARP WHO LIVES THERE!!! I AM TELLING YOU SHANKS IS IN KAHOOTS WITH THE MARINES!!!! #i was thinking about shanks scar... and thought it might be from buggy with his three knives in between his fingers you know #but it is too small... like the knives would take more space.... but maybei might be reaching and it is from buggy and not like a little paw #or little hand.... however much distrubing you want to paint it.... #shanks is testing little luffy's intelligence... he knows his weak spot already akdhjasj #uta calling herself a diva.... ajshaksn might this be the reason luffy was so inclined to having a musician since the start??? #episode 1029 #that was like a perfectly realistic relationship between an older smartass girl and a younger boy lmao it was spot on

[wayward-wren]

Classic Who explores ideas, New Who explores morals

classic who is like 'i see this trend, lets explore what might happen if that trend continues and let the audience figure out what it's talking about and come to their own conclusions.'

new who is like 'this trend is BAD and i'm going to PREACH A SPEECH about why it's going to RUIN EVERYTHING' and it's so much more exhausting

#wren rambles #doctor who #this brought on by me watching orphan 55 #which had SUCH a fun concept #and then absolutely FACEPLANTED with the doctor moralizing at the end #like yes doctor who has ALWAYS explored topical and political issues #but never is there a definitive I Am Telling You This Is Right message #whereas now I just had to sit here and watch 13 preaching at me? #ughghg #explore the idea but don't shove it down my throat #classic who had an episode (Ice Warriors) exploring climate change as one aspect of the story #talking about how all the plants were removed and that messed with the atmosphere etc. #but that was just a SMALL PART of the whole episode and it was never outright condemned (it was made clear it was BAD and the root problems #but that was never the BIG ISSUE the Doctor Lectured His Companions about) (not that victoria or jamie could do anything lol) #plus this feeds into my issues with 13's run (which started during 12's somewhat but less so) #where the Doctor is painted as the Narratively Right one #where when she says something that's what the narrative wants you to BELIEVE #which coming from Two and Three's run is WILD #because Two is chaotic and murderous when he thinks he's right #and he's manipulative and deceptive at times #and Three is selfish and pouty and rude #and don't get me wrong Thirteen has her issues and I lvoe them #HOWEVER. she's pretty much always RIGHT she's the Word Of God when it comes to moral things #and this more than anything is my biggest issues with Modern Who #mostly 12 and 13's eras #so i hope we move out of that somewhat in the new era but i'm not super holding up hopes (especially after star beast) #maybe one day i'll write a proper full article about it but GOSH #i don't watch this show to be preached at. I watch it for a fun/tragic scifi romp and also to see interesting ideas explored #and reflect the climate of the world and how society influences media #explore the idea of climate change turning the world into a post apocalypse! that's such a fun idea and topical!

[haunted-doodles]

not really the type who likes posting their ocs much but here's a Nim :}

#no tags because idk how to tag oc posts- also this account DO just be for saving my art in case my pc ever breaks. #but he's one of my favourite characters i have rn #and the junk hunters in general honestly their dynamic is my favourite. #two old gay men. One (Viktor) who lingers a little on the past but is happy and content as to where he is in the present #the other (Atlas) still mourning his dead mother and having left his abusive home. #A trans girl (Inky) who grew up in a perfectly normal household but became agoraphobic; before being ripped from her home and forced into #outside world #and Nim. someone who grew up in a trash zone with nothing to eat but garbage and is living her best life in the present. #they're literally blorbos from my brain ESPECIALLY the world they're apart of too because GOD i love it so much #What Nim's holding is called a Liabell; most if not all mosnter hunters have them for mobility. #the liabells dont work without a lullader (small-neon glowing stone looking spiders basically) inside. as it uses their incredibly tough we #to pull #but Nim's a cloven (deerways) so she's already got pretty good agility and uses their's for moreso rangling monsters. #i have SUCH a cool scene that I wanna draw (but doesn't fit my style- so i gotta commission it for sure) #where they're standing atop of an elk-like monster #and he's like- spun webs of the liabell around it's horns and its incredibly firey and its night and #GAHH #Nim's liabell isn't even like- purple- his lullader is- the liabell is clear glass with weathering copper when the lullader isnt in it. #I'm so normal about this world and all the races I've made for it. Because simply being a different race means they might use their #tools differently or not need specific ones #for example: I've got one character in my mind that's a possae (something inhabiting another thing basically) and they're a skeleton #with this massive glowing pulsating mass in it's ribcage and its all cowboy motif. (I'm thinking angel posessing it and handing out #their own retrobution in the West Zone) #and basically they use a Liabell similar to Nim but it's a lasso and they have several of them to help tie up more people.

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

oh. like, soulmates (as a metaphorical discussion and/or general theme), but for friends

#like I'm not talking literal soulmates or aus or whatnot I'm talking the general idea of like... people MADE to be friends #people who it's like... oh. oh yeah. that just makes sense. #i feel like I've stolen christian-latte-anon's Make Everything Platonic ray lately but HMMMM #friends MADE to be friends!!! everything about them and every choice they make leads to them being friends!!! #found family who were always meant to be family in whatever way that means!!! people created in some small ways for each other #existing in part FOR EACH OTHER #shaking sobbing frothing at the mouth God moves in mysterious ways etc etc etc #Lu rambles #is this what we call... spitballing?? #it's what i call ''bestie is asleep so all my random thoughts are going on the internet instead of directly to her brain'' shfksjfkd

[ex-vespidae]

the worst kind of gjinkas is when people take a fucking canonically ancient character and make them into the most bland looking anime teenager-looking person

hhh

#sage speaks #even worse when its an ANCIENT GOD #sorry i saw a Radi design which made her look like a teenager #which just feels horrible. like I. #did she really only guve you petty mean girl energy or something???? #no offence but if you saw Radi as a petty mean girl. I don't think you got her. at all. #Shes an ancient god of dreams that got forgotten about due to the influence of a new white guy #then she was basically only lost in dreams in small snippets of stories. she had no power #and was probably stuck for millennia stuck there #festering in loneliness and rage so when she got the time to strike back she did. #only to get imprisoned once again by the guy that forced her into that festering rage and loneliness in the first place #and yeah sure killing people is bad but i get why. pk kind of took everything from her so she did the same #and turning her into a stupid anime girl. feels like such an insult into an interesting character as it feels like its just #it feels almost infantalizing in a way? maybe ? it just makes her not seem like an ancient god like a at all who did rule the moths before #pk came along #uhhh this probably isnt worded well #but like yeah. hk is a very nuanced game where you can get where most characters are coming from but that doesn't justify their actions #uhhhhhhh yeah don't get into hk if you want simple characters with a simple bad guy #or at least thats my opinion #sorry if you read all these tags

[yardsards]

somewhat recently found out that my habit of clinging to a trusted extroverted/outgoing friend like an orphaned duckling in social situations is straightup a trait of autistic masking and stuff has been making A LOT of sense since then

#eliot posts #like??? #i can track all of my high school friends back to one girl that took me under her wing and i clung to and befriended her friends #all of my *close* online friends can be traced back to my one cousin who i have been good friends with since we were young #and sometimes i meet someone else to cling to from the original person #in high school the baton got passed from that girl to a guy i still consider to be one of my besties #and w my online friends i no longer cling to one person specifically but that's more just how online group chats are set up #but god like. i have NO close friends in college #i have acquaintances #and ppl have told me i seem friendly and kind and approachable and i have learned so many scripts for polite small talk #but i don't know what to do after that part! #and then like online i don't have close friends outside of one or two branching circles #i have some mutuals on here that i think we're maybe friends but i'm not sure and it doesn't feel like CLOSE close friendship? #like no one i feel comfortable approaching out of nowhere and talking about my day to #i don't understand how so many people talk about having made close friendships through fandom #it seems cool i just. ????????? #and on that note i have no clue when to consider people friends! if it's too soon i come off as clingy if it's too late i come off as mean #and what social actions are appropriate to initiate at what levels of friendship??? #why is socialization so fucking hard??? #it's SLIGHTLY easier w other autistics but even then it is fucking DIFFICULT #though that's all moot cuz i can barely convince my shitbrain to message the friends i DO have #but like ugh i wish i could make some irl friends SO BAD #to go out and do shit with #i mean i do a lot of typically 'social' activities alone and have a blast not having to deal with anyone else #but some shit you just kinda need someone else there to have fun