#who says i wont like it better there but also what if i like it WORSE there but also it'll save me time and money to be able to get both

[stelladess]

On power creep, card games (mostly as an example) and gacha. Also how to prioritize what characters/cards to try and get. Kinda felt the discussion around power creep in the context of gacha is often kind of... incendiary and not very helpful, we are all here to have a good time.

So, this was mostly some stuff I have been thinking about in relation to Arknights, because I do not play Star Rail as seriously and play no other gachas then those two. I have played the yu-gi-oh card game since I was a little kid (some of my earliest memories is learning the game from my brothers or playing Kaiba the revenge on PC) so I am coming at this from a primarily TCG perspective and with the prior background of "has played game which has been made unrecognizable by power creep, and still loved playing it." So obviously, this already predisposes me to not see power creep as the biggest deal.

So... first of all, the incentives that causes power creep! Well this is pretty straightforward, the way a trading card game or a gacha makes money is by making you want to spend money on new cards/characters. You also need to have a solid team or deck as a whole, usually you cannot just brute force your way on a single powerful card or character. As a result to prevent players from just getting one strong team/deck and then never updating again is why we end up with power creep, since the option of just outright banning cards tends to piss people off even more and is straight up not a thing they do in gacha games. As a result, since players will usually not want to spend money/pulls on a character who will not improve their team/deck, especially when its so often chance based what you even get, it means that to make people keep pulling packs you gotta upgrade the power over time of new units. Generally the developers want to keep this at a slower pace, since it feels bad if someone gets a great character/card and then one month later they are weak, and if people feel like what they put in do not pay off they will not keep playing. But occasionally there are bigger bursts of power creep to kind of bring the state of the game to a new level, often brought on by accidentally making something too strong, at least that is how I think this goes from my experience. But for example, if when Typhon came out her damage was worse or just on par with Rosa, how many would have pulled for her? Sure you´d get some who would because they like her story, personality, design, etc. But not that many would have if we are being completely honest here.

This is not to say that power creep cannot be a problem, especially if too severe, as already touched on earlier it feels really bad when your favorites no longer hold up. I just want to highlight that it is an inherent part of the game that cannot really be avoided. It can also add a big pressure to feel like you have to keep up by getting all the new characters or cards, which can cause a lot of stress due to the random nature of who you get. Which is where the other thing I wanted to talk about comes in....

You do not need every strong or limited character. And in fact you wont use most of them because you have finite team space. In a trading card game you focus in on a playstyle you like, or a few if its affordable enough, and then focus on building and enhancing those instead of getting every good card in the game. I think this is the healthiest way to view it in a gacha too. Prioritize who suits your playstyle and your team, or to fill weak spots you got (or you just like as a character of course). You do not need all the top tier characters in the game. You can skip multiple top tier characters in fact and still do just fine, these games are not balanced around the assumption you have *every* single one of the best characters or cards. And in fact, having to slowly make adjustments to better suit your needs is, to me at least, one of the most fun parts. And a lot of the strategy and fun of these kinds of games disappear if you have access to all the strongest options and can just brute force things. It is not healthy for your mental state to fret over having to have all the best options and it makes the game less fun, to me at least. These games assume you only have maybe half of the top tier options, and you can beat pretty much everything with that if you put some effort into strategizing, which is fun~!

#arknights #i think tagging it as arknights is appropriate here at least? #my “gambling preys on people in bad ways” vs how the limitations caused by the randomness adds a fun level of strategy for me opinions clas

[heartorbit]

i wanna make a prsk major arcana...

#[knows i wont fucking do that so i post the 1 rough i have instead] all in a days work #project sekai #pjsk #prsk #mizuki akiyama #i posted alternate palettes for this on twitter and i like one of theme way better but im too lazy to get it rn. Lol #i would like to do skecthes for them all but im like .. #um. i dont know snything about tarot so people who DO will see my card assignments and go wtf are they feeding this guy #hermit is easy. pjsk gave that right to me. justice meiko too. #ive decided to pull a revstar and do the 25 card visconti with kagamines in one card. so now i have to reassign with hope charity and faith #boohoo. however the sun emu and the moon mafuyu are staying i know what im about. also kohane with death and an with the lovers #those make me feel like a genius. the rest ill stay shy about. if i say all my assignments ill never feel the urge to draw them #sorry for scheduling these to post at 8am #proseka tarot

[inkskinned]

hey it's nanowrimo. i have tips bc i've done it about 34 times.

Don't edit. Ever. Stop it. If you just decide to start a new project half thru this one with all new characters, no problem. pick up and keep writing as if you'd already written the first half of that.

"but i spelled it wrong" whatever. "but the grammar" whatever. make it exist first. no time for sense. think like you're working on a typewriter. no backspace. only forward go.

Don't re-read further than a paragraph or two backwards. "did i mention the gun before?" listen - it doesn't matter. if you need there to be a gun there, the gun is there. put it back in once you finish the book.

"i forgot the specifics of X thing i already wrote" whatever. change it, make a note/comment to figure it out later, and just write what makes sense for the moment. "no raquel it's legit the characters name and origin" idc that character is now reborn as Claudius from Elsewhere. it's fine.

only you see your mistakes. nobody else knows. one of the ways writing and dance overlap - only you know the choreography. nobody else will know if you miss a step, so just keep dancing and pretend you meant to do it like that.

it's an illusion that you need to write linearly - from point A to point B to point C. Nah; that's just timeline propaganda. I've written a LOT of books out of order and just reordered them once i've finished. if you have a scene you'd LOVE to write but can't get there yet because of plot, just fuckin write the scene. I've always found its easier to establish "point F" "point J" and "Point A" and then wiggle my way between those scenes.

write what you WANT to write. 230 pages of smut? of well-researched discussion on bread? whatever. the point is to strengthen muscles however you can.

if you miss a day, a week, whatever. not the end of the world. we all have dry days. also time is a myth so u can do this challenge whenever u want.

as soon as you try to write for a specific audience, you kill your voice. you are writing for yourself. stop thinking about how people will take ur book. it don't matter. what matter is u, enjoying writing. i luv u.

play to your strengths. i have characters talk so much because i don't know how to write a plot if it kills me but i'm really good at dialogue so.

i love a flight of fancy. write a poem in there. shift tactics and write in code. keep it fun for yourself.

see what happens if you shift something major about ur main characters - gender, wealth, superpowers. or if you change point-of-view. or if you kill everyone in a big explosion. do NOT edit anything before this or after it. often these little weird one-off exercises teach me what interests me about what i'm working on. it is never what i thought. plus it is a fun way to add like 1k words.

stretch.

it's for fun and for practice. stop doing that project if it's giving you anxiety. once my nano was literally 50k words of half-started stories. just things i tried and tried and tried and wasn't able to flesh out. oops. but i am now 50k words of a better writer.

add dragons?

read books/listen to books on tape/etc. people often make the mistake of "buckling down" to just write. you need inspiration. you need to like. fill up on words. you need to remember how it feels to lose yourself in a story.

i don't have the time or space to really talk about this in this post but a lot of creative people turn to drugs/alcohol because it can help you be more creative. this is harmful, and walking a blade that only cuts deep. if you notice you and your loved ones are turning more to substances, please know i love you and i hope you are able to get help soon. i feel like this almost never gets mentioned because it's kind of a hazy underbelly to art. you are always more important than the work.

on that note. drink your fukin. water.

don't talk about a story until you've finished it. once you tell the story, it exists already, and isn't about discovery. i usually have a very canned "haha we'll see" response.

grapes :) tasty snack.

i love you be free.

#edit: the command not to talk about it is from personal experience! #i have heard Otherwise in the tags so i will edit to say: #if you've noticed that you tend to like Talk A Lot about ur piece but never WRITE it - #consider voice-to-text #also #u might be like me and ... need to figure it out on the PAGE and not OUT LOUD #i am often an auditory processor so i wont tell people specifics but i'll be like #huh. so i have a character who is in love .... and they don't know it #and my friend will be like ''oh they should kiss' and meanwhile #somehow #saying it out loud im like #yeah thank u ur right the dress SHOULD be purple that's what the problem has been <3 #idk!!! it's up to you!!! my suggestion is to say LESS until you know for a FACT that saying MORE works better for you #-- always better to slowly unspool in ur exploration of that #than to accidentally talk too much and get Bored Of Project #idk idk idk #i have adhd so every book surprises me bc im like #wait where did any of this even COME FROM #and whatever little gremlin in my brain that writes is like :) #''heyyy girlie.......'' #WHICH IS A LONG WAY TO SAY: #i didn't know about Not Talking About It as an option until i'd ruined a few projects!! #but there are people who need to do the other thing!!! and i love us both!!!! #wow brains are so funny!!!!

[psihawaii]

it is... a bit upsetting that there aren't a lot more people aren't talking about grian's episode (or at least, in the way they probably should be lol). to be clear, i'm glad he changed the title, i'm glad he's made an attempt to correct himself instead of doubling down but... i mean what use is changing the title when you say the phrase 'Manifest Destiny' so many times in the video itself. why would the painting you commission be so similar to The most famous depiction of it. i wanna take this in as good faith as possible and believe that he really did just not know what the phrase meant, and, again, i'm glad that he's made any kind of effort but... eugh. idk you'd think more people would be talking about it.

edit: apparently he's now edited himself saying the phrase out of the video. which i'm thankful for.

#psi speaks #ask to tag #and also... because i saw it sort of infrequently in the tag... grians is a 30yr old man i Swear To God he does not need you defending him- #or calling out the Mean Tumblr Users who DARE to speak up abt this (there are not a lot lol). #and i do just feel... again even though hes apologized n correct himself (kind of.) he shouldve known better #im willing to believe that he rlly did mean Manifest Mending throughout the whole video but like... why not just say that instead of. yknow #not trying to 'cancel' him either i dont even like mcyt anymore i could Not care less what grian does in his spare time. clearly. #and i feel like. in general you should probably be more comfortable with 'calling out' bigger content creators like this- #-even if it is supposedly just a mistake on their part. i promise u wont hurt their feelings if u do.

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 730: “Handicap”

Pag 1

1: I saw Imaizumi-san and Sugimoto-san, a third years pair!!

2: They're currently the fastest, now starting the 20th lap!!

3: Amazing!!

Woah

Already... 100km!?

Pag 2

1: A buddies battle, huh....

2: They thought about it too

Hahaha

Chasing them there's the pair of Onoda-san and Naruko-san!

3: They had an handicap for the first 40km but are gradually catching up

Amazing!

We're just watching them but it's so exciting!!

Oi, you two, don't take a rest and run too!!

Ye-yes, Gorizou-senpai!!

4:  Last year, Teshima he broke up the “team of two” for himself

And he also separated Danchiku and Kaburagi, who were first years

5: He wanted to increase individual power

Pag 3

1: This year, on the comtrary, you paired them up and made them run together

2: Can't you raise your pace more, Nogaki!

I'm doing my best!

3: If we overdo it from the beginning, then we'll have nothing left

But if they open a gap then we won't be able to cover the distance

4: Two people having to run as a pair means that when there are different opinions the'll of course end up arguing

5: You won't know until they try finishing the whole 1000km, but-

Hahaha

Naruko, Onoda, Imaizumi.... this training camp is the answer that you learned through participating twice in the Inter High

That's right

6: You can overcome troubles and difficulties through cooperation and reach a successful conclusion....

Pag 4

1: The “buddies”

Pag 5

1: Are the smallest unit of “team Sohoku that supports each other”!!

Pag 7

1: We're goin ahead, Hotshot, kakaka

2: Ah... sorry I was late today, Imaizumi-kun

It's nothing, don't worry about it

3: There was a guy along the way.....

4: He brings it up every time he passes us, but- “a guy”, I couldn't hear, what guy

5: Those two have passed us many times since earlier...!!

There's a 40km margin, so of course they haven't closed it all

Pag 8

1: It's probably the time to start worrying about them!!

Imaizumi!!

2: From now on we need some kind of plan.... those two are fast!!

Will it be okay if we don't come up with a plan!?

3: Yeah, don't worry, we have a margin

They won't surpass us if we keep going at this pace

Ye... ah, you're so calm, as expected of you, Imaizumi

4: With those two, Onoda pulls them on the climbs, and Naruko pulls on the flats...

5: They're the most efficient pair!!

6: We entered the climb, so I'm going ahead, Naruko-kun!!

Yeah!!

Pag 9

1: Oruaaaagh!!

2: “Efficient”....?

3: That's how you see it? Sugimoto

5: You say they work well perfectly well together

7: Hahaha, more.... more, Onoda-kun!! Raise it...!! The climbing pace!!

Pag 10

1: If you think so, then your eyes are bad

3: Alright, let's raise the pace of another 10%!!

Oruaaaaagh

Waaaa, they're so fast!

Pag 11

1: It's the complete opposite of what you said

It's a shame

2: Onoda raises his paces on climbs, and Naruko manages to cling to him

Oruaaaagh

4: Then, it's the opposite on the flats

5: The climb is finally over, so I'm going ahead, Onoda-kun

6: Once, during training camp we were blocked with an “equipment handicap”

7: Now

8: They're carrying each other like that burden

Onoda on the flats.... and Naruko on the climbs!! Now....

Pag 12

1: It's a “human handicap”!!

Fly and follow me, Onoda-kun!!

O... okay!!

2: So fast... as expected, Naruko-kun is so fast!!

3: Come on, you're dropping your pace!!

5: Yeah

Pag 13

1: Let's keep going like this!!

Kakaka

2: So there's this kind of use too, in this buddies system!!

3: “Human handicap”....!!

5: To “become stronger”.....!!

Those two are still trying to become stronger

Before the training camp, I also tried to prepare in my own way, but

Pag 14

1: Maybe I've been too complacent.....!!

3: I- Imaizumi!!

Sorry, the things you're saying now, I'm only noticing them now, and now!!

4: What are you even doing Sugimoto Terufumi!! You know it, this training camp has been to get stronger since the beginning!!

5: My eyes really are bad!!

7: I'm not on you guys' level so there are many things I don't notice

I'm still not satisfied!!

Pag 15

1: Oh, he realized it

2: If it were the you from some time ago, you would have made up some excuses

I- I noticed, I'm an experienced cyclist, so of course I don't have bad eyes

3: So, please, tell me, Imaizumi!!

Everything about what I'm lacking, for the whole time!! For these whole four days!!

I think I've prepared enough for this training camp

4: I've already thrown away my pride a long time ago!!

Pag 16

1: That's why the “Sohoku jersey” that you gave me, I left it at home!!

3: The next time I'll put on that jersey it will be as a regular!! When I will become the sixth member and run in the Inter High with you, Imaizumi!!

5: I see. Then it's going to be a challenging four days

Yeah, exactly!!

Pag 17

1: Let's go, Sugimoto!!

Yeah!!

2: I'll also become stronger in this training camp!! Imaizumi, no matter what kind of opponent will come at me, I will!!

3: So that I'll be able to run om that stage with you!!

5: Sugimoto.... in my cold way of speaking, I... think you're powerless

6: I also have to get stronger during these four days

I have a margin that Onoda and Naruko can't close, and I plan on reaching the goal faster than anyone else

7:  Eventually, you'll fall behind

Pag 18

1: I'll take the “powerless you” and run 1000km!! That's the “human handicap” I chose for myself!!

Pag 19

1: End of the first day of training camp

Ahhh I'm so tired!

Ah, my legs, my legs hurt....

Ahh, I can't walk

2: The senpai are walking so quickly!

Incredible!

4: Teeeh....

Guaa....

5: As expected... training camp is so hard...

Waaaa, the world is spinning...

And tomorrow.... too? Kinaka-kun

Yeah!! Rokudai

Ughh...

Distance covered on the first day: Imaizumi and Sugimoto, 250km

Pag 20

1: Kaburagi and Danchiku, respectively 250km and 240km

Sugimoto Sadatoki, Gorizou, Sawada, and the third year Kawada, all retired

3: Onoda and Naruko, 225km and 250km

4: My back....

My neck....

My legs....

It hurts

The first years

5: Rokudai and Kinaka, 180km

Several other people reached the goal sefely

#yowamushi pedal #yowapeda #yowamushi pedal manga #yowapeda manga #yowamushi pedal translations #yowamushi pedal spoilers #ride 730 #this chap is so interesting???? #at this point im not sure what onoda and naruko's strategy is??? #but also naruko isnt all that bad on climbing and we saw that already since he turned into an all rounder #and im guessing this is his way of getting even better at that #and also #its time for onoda to get better on flats lmao #then... sugimoto #on one hand reading him saying all those thing about getting stronger and all made me think that hell prolly go to the ih #but then imaizumi...... the way he thinks about it its like he knows already that sugimoto wont make it #(which tbh bitch behaviour lmao classic imaizumi #imaizumi be like: i love sugimoto with all my heart but he kinda sucks at cycling and im not gonna lie about it) #so hmmmmmm #and then theres the first years who are so behind everyone else..... #tbh im like 99%sure at least roku-chan will make the team #this whole training camp arc is so stressing what is watanabe doing to uuuuuus #(on another note tho i laughed so hard at kawada dropping off already aasdsadfdsgdf)

[welcometoteyvat]

jing yuan and yanqing are giving zhongli and xiao if the latter’s canon relationship was Actually fanon’s made up father figure/adopted child dynamic

#idkkkkkkkkkkkkk who looks at zx and is like 'you know what. this is a healthy parent child relationship' #like girl by fitting them into father son boxes you are actively making their relationship imbalance Worse #if you do that and dont shy away from it i respect that but if you say dad/son makes their relationship more wholesome or whatever like WHY #now i wont deny shippers might do that too but i see the dad son version so much i think im just averse to it by default #also because i think father son makes people actively Try to make their relationship something that its not and it erases a bunch of subtlet #subtleties in it. it's the nuanced r/ship -> entirely unproblematic and flavorless r/ship that i hate #also the number of people who'll block if you ship zx. like damn thats crazy you guys really think theyre father son (fake)??? #at their peak they're like. 4000 year old guys who have too much history and repression and some weird entanglement of 'nah im bothering him #too much' and 'gotta protect him w my life' complexes. and then this devolves into theyre never gonna kiss until 3000 more years have passed #listen they just Contain Multitudes idc if you dont ship it just dont make it into dad and son and we will be so gucci #jing.yuan and yanqing are like different i think mostly bc yanqing is actually like a minor and jing yuan is also a normal ish person #plus the light cone and the abouts?? yeah this is an actual like adopted parent/child thing #also good or bad news i caved and am now playing hsr. the plan is to pull yanqing and then go on infinite hiatus in the game 👍 #JWKFLJWEK i dont think theres really any draws for me besides him. personally neutral on turn based combat and the open world isn't giving #the only saving grace i have rn is 1) ive gotten to the part where bron.seele is real and man theyre gay 2) trailblazer trio 3) tall female #mc 4) everyone has way better emoting abilities than genshin 5) su.shang's really cute <3 #the story doesnt really interest me though its like cool but not mindgrippingly interesting #tbf i think genshin is the same way storyline wise (at the beginning) but the difference is that turn based combat isnt really my thing LMAO #ramblings! #zhongxiao #if you want to filter it out ??

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[gamethecry]

#jeez. i wont say much there's a lot of emotions behind this for me for numerous numerous reasons that i won't get into too too much #so i put it in the tags how i feel in this moment of clarity yet also somber #i am going to miss matpat in ways i do not believe i can express in words and i know that sounds like a lot to put into some guy #some guy on youtube no less; but he has helped with through so so much turmoil and sadness that would not have been pushed through #had it not been for him and the way he is genuine and kind to his fanbase #im sad ill never have met him in person; he is by far one of my favorite creators from my wee ages to now and a huge inspo to me to do what #i love and not want works; but to strive to be a better person and to make a difference where i stand. #this blog means a lot to me and is in my own way my little child that i was sad to part with time and time again #i think this is my sign to mayhaps retire this blog fully; but who knows! i wanted to post something funny and acknowledge this was happeni #because it honestly hit really hard all of a sudden #sorry for rambling and thank you if you read all of this! #▇ 🌟┊🎮 ❝ isucc ❞ 🎮┊🌟 ▇ (isaac murmurs) #▇ 🌟┊🎮 ❝ just an adoring fan ❞ 🎮┊🌟 ▇ (ooc tag)

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF PRIORITY: THE CITADEL (PART 1)

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Lt. James Vega, EDI, and Thane Krios With: Flight Lt. Jeff "Joker" Moreau, Councilor Rannadril Bibsos Tembin Lesti Bensin Valern, Cmdr. Armando-Owen Bailey, and Kai Leng Kalahira, this one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention. Guide this one to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve. Guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

#mira makes gifs ✨ #sophie shepard #james vega #EDI #thane krios #jeff joker moreau #mass effect #mass effect 3 #me3 #mass effect legendary edition #dailygaming #priority citadel is one of my favorite priority missions in the game so it’s a fun one to gif! #i absolutely love how much thane content you get in the front end of the mission since thane is one of my favorites! #and bailey is one of my favorite npcs in the game so i adore that he gets a bit of a spotlight role in a bigger mission too! #but i will say that i do think priority citadel has some.. writing issues? to put it mildly? #i think my biggest problem is that i feel like everything with udina feels like it kinda just comes out of left field #like it feels like there’s VERY little build up for what happens with udina being a cerberus plant #the idea is interesting!! but i wish there was much more build up for it? it’s sort of just- there for me and it just comes at you so fast #like udina had always been sort of portrayed as a kind of shifty/power hungry character (don’t get me wrong) #but the cerberus plot line seemed VERY hastily thrown in and i wish there was a bit more subtle nodding to it throughout earlier missions #and i could write essays about how i wish kai leng was written better #but people who write much more eloquently than i do can put it in much better words than i can what problems there are with his writing #i think he had potential to be a super interesting character if he was introduced earlier and was much less stereotypical in form #also i’m sorry mr. leng but miranda wears the armor better (I SAID IT AND I WONT APOLOGIZE FOR IT) #the fight between kai leng and thane is *chef’s kiss* 👌 tho (i adore the cinematography of the shots as a video editing bitch) #ME3 has very nice fight choreography in some of the cutscenes (especially the ones with kai leng and the phantoms) #thane krios will always be my beloved and in canon he and soph develop a mutual respect over their hand to hand combat skills :) #also i forgot to say joker looking so absolutely done with everything in that first gif is me irl ✨

[bittwitchy]

see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place

#what i need is smthn for my anxiety and PROBABLY the obviously worsening ocd #but anxiety meds and antidepressants dont mix well #just like adhd meds and anything else dont mix well #which is why i just have a redbull if i need to focus bx it works for a few hours and then i pass out #which isnt healthy but its better than going through the diagnosis process AGAIN bc they dont have my info anymore #its early sad times rn w brina who hasnt gotten an ounce of treatment at all hi #see the other thing is #if i talk about my mental health at all #people will either hate me for being annoying which is what my brain will pinpoint #or feel sorry for me which i also dont want #all i rly wanna do is vent but thats never really an option at all #like yes i know its not normal to want to have a breakdown and cry bc your fucking pillow isnt the correct fluff and wont dluff #i know its not normal to feel like you should die because something wasnt in fhe spot you put it in and was moved slightly #im aware. and the reality is nobody who can do anything about it cares #i have to get an authorization to see a therapist or get meds at all even tho the card claims i dont have to #and the doc tbey gave me wont give me one #they dont allow email so i cant leave a paper trail when bitching at them and my calls go ignored #im losing my mind steadily #and thats not even onto the physical problems #but also the sheer fucking audacity of the website being all ‘oh just go to ERs and UC snd we’ll cover it’ vs hospitals specifically saying #‘we will refuse you if you have Gov Ins unless you have the money to pay out of pocket #if youre on gov insurance you dont have fucking money thats the entire fucking point. you creedy fucknuts go shove tour nepotism in your #fucking eyes and die if anyone doesnt deserve to fuck its you fuckfaces #sometimes i just want to scream esp when this doesnt seem to be most other ppls issues #but then i talk to other women and it is #it just doesnt make sense and i hate it #but i never rly got help on private insurance either so #tbd #depression cw

[bonesrbleaching]

had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what

#lolaa.txt #what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!' #'i wouldnt lie to you!' #okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time. #its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa #also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!' #yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up. #i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men #and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man #so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up. #and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face #that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense. #shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin #you dont have to worry about anyone else. #im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to #never really have #im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are #if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box #then when would you have any space for self discovery #youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats #and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that. #and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names #and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy #and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares. #and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look? #then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness. #SORRY RANT OVER. #im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric. #tw homophobia #tw transphobes

[geroya]

hold on hold on im

#☼.txt #ocs #immaterial tag #like #cause the whole xaris carmiya conflict is partially based around xaris not knowing WHY she wanted him #why she's training him. what FOR what is it ALL for. & why shut his parents out? #its why he wants to leave. #so then taking that & shifting it to an ACTUAL master/padawan relationship between the two of them #in an ACTUAL temple scene #where carmiya's hand is officially forced to let him graduate bc um. babes he has BEEN ready for knighthood #you cant keep him a child at your side forever you cant do this to him. #& then when he's finally given that . idk freedom of knighthood to go on his own missions to BE free of his RESTRICTING master #they drop a padawan in his lap #i do think (?) he would have to be open to lissa or smthn but i do think xaris WOULD be extremely annoyed about it #xaris IS an overachiever. heWANTS to be better than everyone (HE IS) but he'll do anything to step on someones toes about it too #so if THIS gets him the opportunity to :) then he'll do it. he wont be HAPPY about it #i AM rambling #but all this to say i ABSOLUTELY agree with the idea that he & lissa's relationship would start out standoffish (mainly from xaris's end) #but i ALSO think lissa would not make it any better bc she KNOWS when she's not wanted & she's not necessarily someone #who will try to make you like her or want her. she's not a pleaser. she will simply be. she will stare at you until uncomfortable as u are #back down. she is her father's daughter PLEASE.

[florida3exclamationpoints]

Obligatory 9am work rant

#manager is not here rn which is great but someone said he might come in at 11 which is bad #the assistant manager is usually the one who comes in later which would also be bad but not as bad #i saw that a new baker was hired at the same store the only other baker works at so thats good #at least she wont be alone when i leave #my ingredients?????? STILL not here????????? #i got molasses last week but i need rye flour!!!!!! what the heck!!!!! i cant make cokies!!!!!!!! #i can make cakes so ig its .... ok..... enough. ...... what the heck #had a lil note left on my table with things to do from the manager which is pretty normal #said do this. make cakes. do that. remember to greet every customer you can do it :) #lol bro. god #it really annoys me that they keep saying EVERY CUSTOMER bc im honestly trying to a few a day #better than nothing and better on my anxiety #and i think that's kinda??? obvious???? like if they really cared about 'helping me manage my anxiety' it makes sense to start slow #but every time its. each customer every customer every person. i say its hard they say uwu you can do it #hello??????? #well. im gonna think and pray about it all day and probably quit tomorrow lol #let's hope no one comes in at 11 that would be bad 😭 can i have some peace #she was a baker girl

[psalmsofpsychosis]

one thing about me is, i'll always always always value creativity and experimental ideas and stories and new structure-breaking narratives above established "commonly valued" creations, even if the creative idea's execution is less than ideal, even if the established story is "perfect and spotless". Like, i literally dont care, unconventional and paculiar and unexpected works of art are infinitely more valuable to me whether in subpar execution state or in perfect structure. If you did it differently and did it your way your creation will always be more important to me than any predictable and "proper" narrative made in complete and utter obedience of well reinforced explicit and implicit rules. "this is very well made in all the technicalities look at all these clean details—" catch me give a fuck. It's cliche, repetitive, it's boring, i dont care. We live in a time where obedience of known metrics seemingly ranks higher than any form of outside-the-box creativity and i'm done with it. Say something new, say something personal, say something earnest and paculiar and weird or i'm out of this theater.

#in semi continuous of the same notes; if you look up in the dictionary the definition of madness is me asking for feedback on my writing #from people who are knee deep in traditional structures and have not tried a single new imagery in their entire life #like babygirl they wont love you!!!! by definition they're looking at you from a place of dismay because you're going #against their ingrained value; you're undermining the predictable known forms they love so dearly!!!! #there's no way someone like that can offer any kind of coherent and geniune feedback on your work because –hear me out– #THEY DONT FUCKING VALUE WHAT YOU DO #like their baseline attitude is ''i couldn't care less if what you created didn't exist it's irrelevant to me'' THAT'S NOT A PERSON #WHO'S GONNA HELP YOU HONE YOUR CRAFT THEY DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR CRAFT #''i dont like poetry but–'' ''i dont write in this style but–'' ''i dont read these kinda stuff but–'' the conversation is over. #there's no buts. by the principle of being outside the framework you do not have the level of appreciation expertise and nuance it takes #to offer valuable and applicable feedback and your take may be fun but it's irrelevant ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #also another form of the barely disguised disdain is ''your creation will only be valuable if it's executed to utter perfection'' and no. #everyday i wake up and see mediocre people #celebrating utterly bland and boring mediocre writing like it's the last day of their fucking lives. #i'll not be held to standards of ''perfect performance'' just because you dont have the balls #to say that you dont enjoy and have no appreciation for creativity and experimental efforts #''it needs to be better'' is just a polite way of saying #''i dont love this but i feel bad about it so i'll trick you and myself into thinking i'll love it if it's done faultless'' #there's no stage in which an effort in creativity will be faultless to you because the fault #to you #IS the creativity and deviation from the norms. #¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #anyway good morning in this house we have absolutely zero value for bland cliche stereotypical generic things 🌸✨️ #on art #on writing

[minarcana]

#ok guess what fuckers youre going to be on another tag ramble adventure with me #ive been afflicted with the same images in my brain tumbling around and the only way to free my brain is to write them out #and anyways i have been contemplating wol au uri for a bit due to various reasons (he came up and then i got this image and couldnt be free #shb with uri as the wol is. after killing vauthry. he is SO fucked up that raha STILL wont just let him die #he was supposed to have raha send him to the rift with the light and let him die there but now that he cant stop him rahas taking it himsel #and theres the whole. 'no we really cannot have the wol die.' thing. #that makes it infinitely worse to uri. him just yelling through blood to let him die! let him have his turn! he WANTS to die! #the idea of bring told that the wol CANT die makes it so much more unfair to him #'you wouldnt know what to do if i died? i didnt know what to do for years after louisoux died! i still dont know what to do without moenbry #da! papalymo can sacrifice himself and everyone adapts! shtola has thrown herself to the lifestream twice! minfilia died! i had to stay sil #ent and let ryne choose her own path if she died or not! i cant tell people that i would be lost yet everyone gets to tell ME that? #do you think i am better than them do you think them worth less why do they have the right to die and i do not!' #he is SO SO SO much worse as a wol and it falls out in one outburst after hes quizzed as to why he thought he could sacrifice himself #but he also realizes that its really fucked up to say that aloud so yknow. yknow what. yknow. #hell bottle up all his feelings and then one day hell either die or start crying and it looks like he aint allowed to die! #he still takes the aid from ardbert at amaurot with the statement that #'if i dont try and save who i might then ill never be able to face moenbryda' #anyways cannot stop thinking about me giving uri the echo like 'this will be funny!' and hes just 'my life has become infinitely worse' #HEAD IN MY HANDS

[caruliaa]

got a sudden urge to listen to the twisted soundtrack and now i am. i should rewatch it

#i might tmrw but i prob wont 😭😭 wanted to rewatch pibtlw today then i decided to intead draw and watch cunk on earth #bc from what iv seen that is rly good but then i didnt do that either 😭😭😭😭 SAD !! #also i remember twisted being rly rly rly good but also in hindsight having a lot of issues #esp w alladin j bc they v much ended up going a weird like. route w him like #im listening to i steal everything rn and um. ykw theres an implication when ur taking a cahracters whos whole main thing (at the beginning #anyway) is that they cant afford to eat so they have to steal and u make them an antagonist and you can choose to play into tht or not #and well. they certainly did play into huh •__• !! #also like. i appreciate the making him a perv as a better angle from which to make aladdin a villian but i also remember that like. #reaching the point of feeling overly gross but maybe that pov will change watching it again idk #also sorry to say but no one remembers achmed isnt that funny imo like. its fine but everyone treated it like the height of humor #and its rly not. there r funnier moment within the show #but like. other than aladdin i remember everything else being rly rly good. and can confirm the songs r rly good #listening to a thousand and one nights rn and !! TT__TT !! #i never cared for stories until u entered mine... TT__TT /lyrics #flappy rambles