#why cant she stop yelling

[imthatwannabeauthor]

.

#is that so evil? that i want to go home #is that so bad? #whhy #why did it have to be like this #why cant she just be happy #why cant she stop screaming #why cant she stop yelling #i didnt do anything #i didnt do anything at all #i just wanted a waterbottle #i don't know #i wanna go home #i wanna go home i wanna go home i wanna go home #please #i just wanna go home

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

#my characters #waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit #deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee #and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name #deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c #man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while #he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair #ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so #its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons #but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me #and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not #fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew #and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable #while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts #and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed #so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en #so you know maybe its that idk #and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now #and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it #and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad #that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal #and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it #the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer #anyway story time in the tags again #im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note #its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him #he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times #and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea #and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you

[lesbiradshaw]

just started thinking about bradley as a teenager struggling with his emotions both pre and post his mother’s death/fall out with maverick but not wanting to reach out for help because a history of mental health problems can get you disqualified from enlisting in the service. happy saturday guys.

#that boy should have been in therapy from ages 2 on up like. #i def hc that carole took him to someone when he was younger but bradley probably stopped going once he was older and was given the choice #but like. idk. picturing carole trying to bring up him going back after she gets sick because she KNOWS he needs to talk to someone #and maverick cant be there all the time. but bradley says no because hes a teenager and hes started thinking about how to make himself + #appealing to the navy and that opens a whole other can of worms where carole sees that but doesnt want to deny him #because she can see hes already having a hard time with things as they are. #mav trying to convince him to go and bradley pointing out it’s hypocritical because maverick doesnt like talking about his feelings either #i just think people ignore his trauma So Much. they only pay attention to the maverick and goose bits #but they fail to consider how even before the maverick stuff happened bradley had a lot to deal with from a very young age #he spent most of his life on his own! he lost the people he loved most OVER and OVER… #the amount of trauma that must have come flooding back when phoenix (&bob but phoenix is clearly bradleys closest friend) had to eject #i think thats why people painting him as angry & agressive because of the scene where he yells at mav never sits right w me #that moment is so incredibly raw for both of them. bradley lashing out when hes just been triggered is not that surprising???? #anyways. #carolcore #bradley rooster bradshaw

[milf-harrington]

where im at mentally these days: my mum hugged me and said im doing a good job and i burst into tears <3

#i mean it was a little more fleshed out than that #i asked for a hug and she asked if i was okay and i didnt say anything so she said something about me feeling like #untethered. just kind of floating through life. and i said yeah. and she told me im doing a good job like. getting through the day basically #and i cried about it because i dont even know why its so hard #and i feel so shitty all the time because i just feel like a shit person like i dont try hard enough with my nephew #and hes so little and so smart and im so awful and every day im worried hes going to stop liking me bc im still learning how to be. gentle. #because i grew up with yelling and a locked pantry and an older sister who had to raise me #so i dont know how to not yell and not escape into my own world when i cant be bothered #and i have really good days and really terrible days and hes not a Job hes my nephew and i want to treat him like my nephew #and it feels so selfish to say im tired and that its hard and stressful and i dont know what im doing #bc my sister has to do it too and she doesnt get breaks like i do #she doesnt get to just decide to leave for the night - and i mean i dont do that but i have the option #and everyone keeps. like. telling me im doing good and im helpful and my sister especially tells me often shes grateful for me #and it makes me feel Awful bc i feel like i dont do enough and that the stuff i DO isnt good enough and just argh #anyway #vent over i need to go to bed its 1am and i have to get up in 5 hours #captain speaks

[homingpigecns]

this is like a sadgirl pathetic post but this guy i met recently at work was like, very direct and polite in being interested in me and i've been feeling him out bc i literally do not know him well enough to have an opinion but i can't like. he is so normal and nice. hes like a nice normal guy. every time i text him he doesn't say anything weird and he's extremely nice. what the hell. he's literally so nice. WHY. does he like. me???? like what's wrong with him that he specifically is interested in me????

#this is not even a low self esteem thing but shdhsbdhsdh every girl in the world is so pretty . me??? why????? #literally the day i met him & he asked me out i barely spoke to him was mind numbingly stupid and crawled on the floor on multiple occasion #i cant text this guy bc every time i have to answer im like. this guy is so fucking normal. me??? hes interested in me???? WHY???? #everyome i try to convey this to is like :// aww he thinks ur cute. stop overthinking. WHATS WRONG WITH HIM #he specifically asked me out by asking the relief nurse what my name was and she offered to give him my number if i was ok w it #I WAS AT WORK..... I JUST SAID YES...... and i was like ok this probably will not go anywhere. he probably wont even text me #he texted me while i was commuting home literally he was still doing cases........ #did i mention i was digging through garbage. literally he was like sorry the surgeon yelled at u she gets so flustered and ir was like no #she yelled at me bc im stupid. did u not notice that im stupid. this guy -- NORMAL -- literally saw me at my lowest and asked me out...... #brandon oscillates #brandon what abt the guy at work u had a thing for I KNOW. im so torn however sjsbdbdhdbbx we are like actually coworkers #this guy if i see him every now and then in passing occasionally in the same room. that guy is my coworker for real #it cant happen. also dbxshsdhshdhe he has a 9 yr old hes too old for me. idk his relationship status but i dont think hes married. #also hes out of my league. also my other coworker told me he thinks hes gay but that hes closeted but that coworker is filipino so #mildly homophobic. i also told him to never tell anyone else that. i dont think hes gay. whatever. #i will miss my impossible crush as my hobby but this guy is nice and ahdhs its psychopathic to give him my number and then reject his date #can u imagine #whatever. im doing high school now i guess. the relief nurse is sooo proud of herself #shdbbd literally when i came back from lunch that day my scrub was like THE DOCTOR LIKES U!!! #and i was lkke omg really??? she doesnt think im stupid???? but it was this guy. and she did still think i was stupid #u know i have concert tickets for next thursday but shdhsd i literally have had too many experiences this year #i am trying to sell tgem #personal

[chaos-storm]

Few things piss me off more than people who cannot comprehend that just because they told a joke, does not mean I have to think it's funny

#and this is coming from the guy who laughs at everything I think is funny #i just remembered the argument I had last year with my family memberd where my dad said a joka #i told him I didnt like it #my sister yelled at me to stop being so sensitive #i had to leave the room cause I got so angry at their reactions #my dad came out to yell at me for all kinds of things he dislikes about me #then later when I tried to explain myself to my mother she said ''Well #you have to understand that it was just a joke'x #joke''* #and I had to explain to her that just because my dad tells a joke does not mean I have to like it or find it funny #and I cant remember if I explained this but ffs if someone tells a joke and the respose is ''that made me uncomfortable'' #then the reaction should be ''oh I'm sorry I'll be more mindful of that in the future'' #not fucking ''Jesus christ you need to learn to take a joke you're so fucking sensitive'' #WHICH IS WHAT MY ABUSER WOULD ALWAYS SAY #like ffs why cant my family understand that I never contact them because I dont like talking to them #cause talking to them puts me at risk of situations like these!!! #negative

[twilightarcade]

I loooove when people respond to you being mad by being mean to you. Like yeah thanks that's really improving my mood

#wordstag #IM NOT EVEN DOING SHIT TO THEM I AM DOING THE BARE MINIMUM TO MAKE THIS A FUNCTIONAL INTERACTION #I am not yelling at you. I'm not saying anything mean to you. Why do you keep bothering me about being mad #THEN THEY KEEP GETTING ALL OFFENDED !!!!! LIKE YOURE GOING TO POINT OUT HOW I SEEM TO WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE #THEN MAKE IT ABOUT YOU. OUHHH WHY DONT I WANT TO BE WITH YOU? WHY AM I GIVING YOU THE COLD SHOULDER ? ☹️ #like. Cod. Maybe stop being mean to me and I'll want to be with you again. But it's literally not ABOUT you #but for real I announced my intention on making a cake because like. I do that for fun. It brings me joy. Gives me stuff to do #and they would NOT stop bullying me over it yesterdat for some reason ????????? #because I was supposed to make it yesterday. Then didn't. And it turned into a game of #'Ohhhhh I wonder when Neptune's gonna make the cake ☹️☹️☹️ when are you gonna make the cake neptune? ☹️☹️ #you know I would have cake right now if neptune had made the cake but she didn't isn't she so terrible and lazy ☹️☹️☹️☹️' #like bro. You're lucky I like baking and cant eat a whole cake myself or I would personally ensure that you never saw a cake again. #vent #I guess. Hate to put a personal post in a commonly used tag but don't have a vent tag over here because I DONT !!!! #like cod whatever. I think we just need to sit in the dark for an hour or whatever. #eat some grapes.

[bmpmp3]

some day i will actually finish all my half finished cover projects instead of getting distracted and starting a new one., some day .

(propose by naisho no pierced, svp made from the midi they provided lol)

#vocal synth wip #synthv #genbu lite #sorry i like. inexplicably fell head over heels for genbu both his fucked up lite and his actual bank #how do i explain that i love genbu Because i think he kinda sucks without pissing off both genbu fans and genbu haters #actually thats not fair his full bank seems decent and out of the volor voices hes not That Bad #he sounds a little worse quality than eleanor (who is personally not my taste but shes solid despite that) #but hes not quite renri level or anything (and i say that will all the love in my heart for synthv renri <3 <3 <3) #(although shes free so i cant get too mad either way LOL) #(but genbu was also the first male bank we got for synthv so i cant get too mad at him either <3 hes an old man) #but like. he sounds like a decent but slightly glitchy utau bank. and his lite sounds like a REALLY glitchy utau bank HJKDSHKds #listen. i havent been able to use utau in forever because i had gotten a new computer a few years back #and i didnt wanna break anything by switching locales so i havent been able to install it orz #and im still struggling to wrap my head around openutau.....i'll get there. i'll get there someday #but genbu and especially his fucked up lite is kinda scratching that itch you know #like his lite is apparently based off his higher range and not his mid range? so thats why hes always fucking YELLING #thats so so funny to me i love that he sounds so odd. fucked up little robot man who screams and whispers randomly #lemme tell u working with his lite specifically. i imagine this isnt a problem on his full because u have all the ranges #but the lite since its one range you have to FIGHT HIM to get him to either stop yelling or speak up HGKDHJds #its wonderful. i love a project

[kidfoundonstreets]

mom may possibly take technology away again so watch out for that.

#she can do that. itll suck so much but ill still be alive at the end #but if it is to roi then im scared. its all my fault because i talk too much. #im so sorry roi im the worst brother ever #its all moms fault #i cant stop thinking about stabbing a knife into her nefk #but i have to appeal to the sympathy still left in her so her twisted logic is softer #'im sad because i love you' 'im taking t away because its the problem of everything if i could disconnect everything i would' #'i dont believe in privacy. i wish you wouldnt always act like I'm invading.' #'i wish you wouldnt isolate yourselves so much.' 'when you're older and im dead you'll wish you talked to me more.' #'im already talking to your dad about taking away your stuff. even if you don't talk to me and hate me for it #you'll be alone and not talking to strangers on the internet. i cant believe you trust them more than your #own family.' years of us shutting you out huh. years of you judging us for everything we do huh. years of yelling huh. years of forcing cha #s to be read and scrolling scrolling through everything even when we sobbed and told you not to huh. wondering why we don't trust you. #every lie i say makes me sick to my stomach. i hate you mother #negative

[minarcana]

#ok guess what fuckers youre going to be on another tag ramble adventure with me #ive been afflicted with the same images in my brain tumbling around and the only way to free my brain is to write them out #and anyways i have been contemplating wol au uri for a bit due to various reasons (he came up and then i got this image and couldnt be free #shb with uri as the wol is. after killing vauthry. he is SO fucked up that raha STILL wont just let him die #he was supposed to have raha send him to the rift with the light and let him die there but now that he cant stop him rahas taking it himsel #and theres the whole. 'no we really cannot have the wol die.' thing. #that makes it infinitely worse to uri. him just yelling through blood to let him die! let him have his turn! he WANTS to die! #the idea of bring told that the wol CANT die makes it so much more unfair to him #'you wouldnt know what to do if i died? i didnt know what to do for years after louisoux died! i still dont know what to do without moenbry #da! papalymo can sacrifice himself and everyone adapts! shtola has thrown herself to the lifestream twice! minfilia died! i had to stay sil #ent and let ryne choose her own path if she died or not! i cant tell people that i would be lost yet everyone gets to tell ME that? #do you think i am better than them do you think them worth less why do they have the right to die and i do not!' #he is SO SO SO much worse as a wol and it falls out in one outburst after hes quizzed as to why he thought he could sacrifice himself #but he also realizes that its really fucked up to say that aloud so yknow. yknow what. yknow. #hell bottle up all his feelings and then one day hell either die or start crying and it looks like he aint allowed to die! #he still takes the aid from ardbert at amaurot with the statement that #'if i dont try and save who i might then ill never be able to face moenbryda' #anyways cannot stop thinking about me giving uri the echo like 'this will be funny!' and hes just 'my life has become infinitely worse' #HEAD IN MY HANDS

[theamazingannie]

Not my mom asking me what my brother’s email and password is and me knowing it lmao. Why does no one around here even acknowledge that I’m more of a parent to my brother than they are

#she’s mad that he listens to me better than he listens to her #not only do not constantly yell at him and not bother to work with him #but Im the one who wakes him up in the morning #Im the one that makes sure he showers and goes to bed at a decent time #Im the one who helps him with his homework #hell I’m the only one who bothers to make sure he does it BEFORE he gets the zero in the grade book #and he doesn’t even see me as an authority figure because they don’t respect me so why should he #if I try to punish him or reinforce his behavior in any way they always overrule me #and then give him a worse reinforcement tactic that clearly doesn’t work #like i really feel like we’d be better off if they just fucked off and left me completely in charge of him #they refuse to take any accountability yet blame me for anything he does wrong #they are literally such shit parents and it took them so long to realize it because my sister and I parented ourselves #but my brother was spoiled too much growing up so he never learned how and they never learned how to parent #and refuse to learn now #they get mad if I try to offer any tips despite being the only one who’s ever successful #they ignore the fact that I have a degree in psychology and took classes in childhood development because I don’t have the experience #but apprently they don’t have the experience either or else they’d be better at this! #Ugh it’s so annoying watching them do everything wrong and being comoelehlt powerless to do anything #i cant imagine how bad it would be if I wasn’t here #they’d probably beat him constantly since I’m the only one that can stop them #the only thing they really provide is transportation and money #and still they’re too lazy to drive us around anywhere half the time and are constantly blowing their money on frivolous things #so we don’t have enough sometimes to pay bills or have nice dinners #that *I* make btw cuz they’re too lazy to #which is fine cuz I don’t work but before I moved back in they were eating ramen noodles and mac and cheese every day #and have the audacity to say I don’t do shit around here #they would FLOUNDER without me #god i cant wait until I can get out of here but I literally don’t know if I ever will cuz ive not been well mentally #and theyre behavior isn’t helping

[zeussim]

I used to bar my door with a chair to prevent my mom barging in and yelling at me when I'd left dinner before I was allowed to (often because of an argument). And I was like 'this is normal. This is what parents are like.' No it's fucking not. Or at least they're not supposed to be like that.

#the chair would only make her angrier #and she would force me to come down and i would sit there stonefaced #because if I cried they would blame it on my sensitivity #it happened from I was 9-14 #she mellowed when she discovered I had depression and suicidal thoughts #if she had shown remorse of any kind i might've been able to forgive her #but instead as soon as she could she told everybody she knew I was depressed #so she could get their sympathy #if she has the opportunity she'll talk about how hard it was waiting for me while I was seeing a therapist #turning all attention to herself #yes I understand she partly does it because of the way my dad have treated her but it still doesn't excuse anything #all the times she would yell at me as a child #i remember being 5 and probs having a tantrum and I couldn't stop crying because she kept yelling at me #and she yelled STOP CRYING and I didn't know what to do because I couldn't so I stuttered that I couldn't stop crying #Ive always had to put her feelings before my own it's such an asymmetrical relationship #she can say what she likes I'm not allowed to be angry but I cant say anything or she will guilt or scold me #like just asking her to clean her knives properly and I get the BUT I'm a VICTIM speech #she always sees herself as a victim and even though I understand why it doesn't mean I have to forgive #nonsims #tw trauma #tw depression #im still undoing my parents' brainwashing tbh

[in-defense-of-loki]

That moment when you realize your parents are gaslighters, and they do it to you constantly, consistently. And there's not a damn thing you can do about it until you're on your own and don't depend on them any longer. Then they ask you why you don't keep in contact, or visit much. Clueless. Willful or not? Dunno. But they're utterly clueless on how much they try to remain blameless. You're the child, no matter the age, so it's always you at fault. Even after telling them they're the reason for moving out.

#literally got yelled at for getting onto kavik for his constant whining #him: he's not making noise #me: i can hear him #him: you're hearing something else cuz i dont hear him #me: brother literally just said he'd been whining since he got here #him: dont argue with me. stop getting onto kavik #fuck me i guess for having better hearing than you #the elderly guy who's been in the military and therefore has fucked hearing #like just yesterday i said something to my cat and YOU thought mom had said soemthing and asked her to clarify #then JOKED ABOUT IT after she said she didnt say anything and i said i was speaking to Mamba #but no. im the child. im at fault. always #this is why i dont socialize with you two #this is why i had always stayed in my room #this was one incident out of so fucking many i cant even count them #just because i dont give into the gaslighting

[snekdood]

ig my biggest issue with fandoms is the almost... false closeness thats there in them? ig since i was a kid and wasnt good at enforcing boundaries and was just excited to find ppl with the same interest I didn't really think about it but be real like, there was a vibe that it was "okay" and "fine" to expose a lot about ourselves to eachother that... i think if we knew eachother irl... we'd hafta be a lot closer than that to see or hear about that stuff...

#like ig am i the only one who thinks its kinda weird when ppl would pass fanfics around?? #ig its just kinda normal now or whatever but think about it. youd hafta be closer friends with someone- besides just sharing an interest- #to see their slash fics right?? doesnt it seem kinda weird that ppl used to be so willing to toss that out there #ig the level of anonymity helps but my point isnt rly about the fics so much as it is... sharing information thats personal to you #i definitely didnt know how to assert boundaries as a kid- like i just didnt know it was an option for me to be like 'no i dont want to do #that' -wow that sounds really fucked up outloud huh! #ig my autonomy was taken from me so much as a kid i kinda just assumed i wasnt the one who got a lot of choices #and no one really taught me enough about internet safety .-. my mom did once but... she didnt push very hard #and that ended me up in a lot of shitty situations- like on here. how i posted a pic of myself when i was a fuckin child #sexualizing myself and some adult commented something suggestive back to me and ig i just. thought i had to accept the situation #like i just. thought it was ok to happen. ig since i had so many ppl rob me of my bodily autonomy before that it just seemed normal #or at the very least it was something i couldnt change so i didnt try and at the time figured i had to accept as normal #and since no one intervened to tell me what any of those ppl did to me was wrong i just. didnt think about how it effected me or if that #even mattered #so why is my life so dark exactly whys it gotta be like this tho #ig its kinda hypocritical of me to post this. i mean i use my account as like a diary sometimes or that im just yelling into the void lol #but thats also kinda because of all of this honestly. i think i realized i didnt want it to be that way for a while and stopped #but after all the shit with my abuser on here its like.. i feel like i cant not be as open as i am? #idk its like... a testimony or something ig. idk how to describe it. ig i just feel like ill always hafta be defending myself online from #everything. and if i dont talk about every little thing that makes me fucked up then people wont leave me tf alone about shit i cant contro #or change. like i cant go back in the past and not do whatever. but also as far as any actual harm ive done there isnt really... much there #ive had shitty ideas normalized to me sure but i dont really feel like i passed those ideas on to anyone really

[iloveyoubecauseyouarelove]

Hearing my ma go off about betrayed trust like 💀

It's not that deep not everything some does or doesnt do that you Dont like is Not a dig at you

Like my sibling didnt mention they gave 20 dollars to a friend for a game. I dont think it's unreasonable for my ma to have want to know but also it's not unreasonable for my sibling to have just not said. My sibling has hundreds of dollars, im sure 20 seems inconsequential. Should they have lied and said 5 dollars when asked? No, especially not with how hypocritical my ma is about even the "smallest of lies". But should my ma have feelings of betrayal at not being told to begin with? Also no, my ma just likes to think every behavior she doesnt like is an intentional personal attack

Like 1 time i was punished and had to leave my smartphone at home and take a backup phone to school. Keyword: school. I have no reason to be on the phone that has no apps no web right? And my ma doesnt always text me during school. She also told me i dont need to keep the phone On. So i left it off the whole day except for when i check my phone at lunch, around the time she texts me yeah? I dont get any texts so i turn the phone back off until after school. Turns out my ma texted me a Little bit after i turned off the phone. But she starts berating me about not texting her as a way to get back at her for punishing me and taking away my phone. I was just so ??? Damn confused. I explained to her that i turned my phone on at lunch and then turned back off after and she didnt care? And then she was like why did you have the phone off anyways? I told her she said to leave it off. She said she meant the ringer and i didnt know how to do that but also she said i could turn the phone off. She didnt care, she thought she disproved me and i was just trying to make excuses for trying to get back at her. I Might have told her i was going to answer during class and i dont have time during passing cause my classes were so far. She still didnt care. She put it in her mind i was trying to punish her for punishing me and so that's it. I wouldnt be able to change her mind

#rey speaks #my ma is a frustrating woman #i hate living with her #and i cant even defend my siblings because she'll take that as a personal attack and. she gets scary :( #i cant handle being yelled at. like im 1 part desensitized 1 part really bummed #one time i tried to defend my brother who cried at the end of baby driver. he was like in kindergarten #and she was being insensitive and yelling at him because why is he crying at a not sad movie? #i had enough she was being a real bitch for that so i told her she was like my bros teacher who yells for no reason #and that yelling isnt going to make him stop crying it just worsens the pressure #the only good thing about sticking up for my brother? #is that my ma started yelling at Me. how DARE i compare my ma to such a bitch of a woman. she works hard to be a good mom #my ma feels bad about that night (good) but she never brings up what i told her (so she prob forgot) #my ma is extremely emotionally constipated and has severe trust issues :'( #i really hate living with her. but our relationship has gotten better #recently she told ne she was upset with me for how i treated my siblings when i was a teenager #(we butted heads because i was lazy unmotivated and not a good enough sister: because i was a witch mind you. not bitch) #i found it really hard to love my siblings when they didnt respect my personal space and my ma insisted they dont care #like i mean it. i was prepared to never be loved by my siblings if it meant i got the space i wanted and deserved as a person. #im so thankful i have a good relationship with my siblings. but i also would have been okay with that not being the case #there was a short time i hated my ma for how she Expected me to act. and for threatening to cart me off with my stranger perv of a biofathe #oop i derailed this post lmao rip #this is probably the sort of trauma only therapy can fix. or these v_nt posts :')

[more-complicated]

Sorry but it really does upset me sometimes seeing childrens/teens emotions just being boiled down to being a kid.

Like. For a lot of people the struggles theyre going through and even just emotional ones will effect them for the rest of their lives.

And at the same time I get it like theres stuff that seemed so important to me as a teen and that I grew out of and gained perspective on but also like... There was so much i was stuggling with that was very real and practical concerns and it just like all got dismissed.

And it just upsets me so much. Because I'm still carrying all that with me and its like I would watch people say well you'll grow out of it you'll get over it and I fucking havent that shit was real and just because i was a teenager doesnt mean I didnt know what I was feeling. And it hurts so bad too because so much of it I just didnt have the vocabulary/exprience/perspective to fully understand or explain what I was feeling but it didnt stop me from hurting. And that also gets dismissed.

#vent / #sorry :( #im always sorry. because im already guilty even if i didnt do anything. because im waiting for you to get angry at any moment. #so sorry i said sorry please dont be mad #i cant even articulate the ways my mother fucked me over and im still here and i still care about her and it wasnt even ''that bad'' enough #to justify why I'm so traumatized because i cant just explain it #i cant just make it make sense. #but the drop of a hat and im right back there. #and im still so fucking scared and i dont rhink i can do anything #you know im so scared pf nreaking dishes and glass #because she would scream at us as children if we did it #and i was really clumbsy #and it got the point where i would already break down sobbing if i broke anything #and so she stopped yelling #but im still scared. #i still try to catch them even if it means the shards are just gonna cut me #so where does that put us? #i cant even remember it all do you understand #i cant remember but im LIKE THIS #i almost posted to main then decided against it