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j0kers-light · 2 months

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what if reader was a pop star?...... maybe they meet because j was planning on terrorizing one of her concerts, but maybe j is captivated by her so he scraps his plans that night. and maybe he would start stalking her socials / start showing at any shows or interviews she has? maybe this is ooc but i was kinda imagining a little but of a obsessed/stalker j. but you can write whatever, i'll like it no matter what 😌 and i hope you have a great day/night!

His Lighthouse: Judge the Cover (LedgerJoker x f!reader)

Judge the Cover- Oneshot

KEEP IN MIND THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER UPDATE!

Hey hi anon!!! I gotta admit, I love a stalker!Joker concept! This is the first out of three stalker asks that I have in the inbox! I didn't see Joker being obsessed with a pop icon so I did change your request around to fit the narrative! I hope you enjoy anon, if not let me know and I'll try again!

Just pretend that I'm not on break.... here's a oneshot! Now I'm seriously off and taking a break (narrator: Chaos is lying) from writing and giving myself some detox me time! Love you all and enjoy the story! Watch someone asks for a part two 🥴🤭🏃🏾‍♀️

taglist:

@blackreaderatrisk @twinkledinkle @clemdango04 @l3ejm @tears-of-amber @what-an-angel @darthjokerisyourfather @thatsnoteii @dollster @cheetahspy @kaidennnnn @urdariingdoll @motivation-idontknowher @ins0mniac-whack @spaghettificationandpretzels @reneisance @alittlesmartcookie @ninacutebee16 @carydorse @jaysmentalspace

Let me know if you wish to be added to the official His Lighthouse taglist! Be alerted with any oneshots and the main story updates! 🖤✨

You took the world by storm overnight. A video of you singing a song you wrote went viral and it subsequently launched your music career. People were amazed at the vocals you possessed, and they couldn’t get enough.

They also fell in love with the whole teenage pop star image you had going on. It had been decades since the industry had a star of your magnitude, so naturally the press went wild. Your sweet almost angelic demeanor played a huge part feeding their appetite.

It was the reason why Joker (at first), despised you. He hated people like you and what you represented.

So naïve, all smiles and sunshine ignoring the cruel reality of the world.

Your PR coverage was over the top and Joker was forced to see you everywhere. From launching your new album, to being the face of a popular makeup brand, the same that carried his favorite lipstick mind you! You even cameoed in various tv commercials and attended award shows to gain publicity.

At this rate you were in the running to win Best New Artist of the Year.

Hearing your name was unavoidable yet oddly enough, Joker had yet to hear your music in its entirety. He couldn’t stand another second of you to bother finding it on his own.

For all intent purposes you made yourself an easy target with the thousands of fans you had attracted. It was almost concerning just how many you accumulated in such a short amount of time. It didn’t matter; the more the merrier.

Joker immediately set his sights on sabotaging your biggest show happening right here in Gotham City.

He tuned in to watch your interview where you promoted your upcoming tour. As always, you were adorned in white, like an angel and smiling wide.

“Yeah! I’m like super excited! Honestly, it really doesn’t matter how old you are. I just want everyone to come out and enjoy themselves in the music, and.. yeah!”

Joker wanted to kill himself after hearing you babble on and on. Did you even answer the interviewer’s question?

In Joker’s eyes, you were just a dumb teen desperately wanting to be famous. From your bimbo demeanor to the crisp white you always wore, you were asking for this to happen. Joker would have fun watching the horror he planned to create, drive you insane.

You waved (with both hands like some idiot) at the camera as the tv reporter wrapped up the segment.

“Well, you heard it here first! Y/n will be kicking off her world tour starting here in Gotham City. Tickets are on sale now!”

They played a snippet of one of your songs as your album cover appeared on screen. Joker missed it when he turned around to address his goons, although he heard the cringe worthy sound that you called music.

It sounded like something retail stores played on repeat. Good thing he never listened to your garbage.

“Is everything ready for our own uh per-form-ance?” Joker asked. He eyed the other three men at the table.

One looked positively bored, while the other two kept themselves busy on their phones.

“Yeah, but are you sure you wanna target a concert? It's not really your style.” Mac mentioned while texting their explosives handler for the goods.

If Joker wanted to blow up a stadium, they needed a big shipment of TNT.

Neo looked up from his own device, “I agree with pretty boy here. S’not much mayhem to cause at a concert, Boss.”

He chuckled hearing Mac’s grumbled ‘F__k you.’ No doubt they would’ve bantered back and forth if Frost didn’t intervene. He hit both men upside their heads before speaking up.

“If J wants to go then we’re going. Mac, have the explosives ready and you,” he pointed at Neo. “Score us some tickets.”

“How the f__k you think I’m getting us four tickets?!” Neo shouted. Couldn’t they just sneak in for free?

Mac cut him off with a wave. “Just smash the ticket manager or something like you normally do. Ooh I want backstage passes!! I heard Y/n’s groupies get perks if you know what I mean.”

The two of them were at it again but Joker paid them little mind. His focus was on perfecting the chaos he would bring to your show.

The time had come to kick off your world tour. You were super excited having completed promo after promo in person and even more online. It was time for your hard work to be recognized.

You wanted each concert to be over the top and nearly identical to your music videos. Your team worked tirelessly to craft the perfect show that would showcase it all.

From small props to special effects, just about anything was at your disposal to make this tour legendary and for a good reason. This was your first album, Judge the Cover, and you had high expectations to exceed.

You weren’t some one hit wonder. You were ready to stamp your mark on the music industry.

You wasted enough time shaking off your pre-show jitters. You nodded at your crew. It was showtime.

The entire stadium was pitch black; it was a miracle everyone found their designated area without injury. Neo pulled through and got Frost, Mac, and Joker perfect advantage seating within the crowd. If everything went according to plan, there would be no need for backstage passes.

The stadium would be reduced to rubble in the next hour.

Joker and his crew communicated through earpieces and waited for the show to begin and ultimately, end in disaster.

Suddenly a lone spotlight cut through the darkness and shined down on you. You were walking in wearing a custom white number that revealed your legs and the sky-high heels that you wore. Joker didn’t understand how you walked so casually in the tall platforms, but you perfected the skill and made it look easy.

You stopped mid stage and the spotlight caught on your diamond stockings, making them sparkle. You were lost in the moment, humming to yourself and pretending that there weren’t thousands of people watching your every move.

The soft hums sounded like an angel on earth and the crazy part, you weren’t even trying to sound good. For all Joker knew, you were just warming up. It didn’t make any sense to him how angelic your voice sounded.

Apparently, the humming meant something because the crowd went wild in anticipation. A backup dancer appeared out of nowhere and offered you a hand-held mirror.

“Thank you!” You said in a dramatic falsetto.

You admired yourself in the mirror, turning it this way and that, as if this was the first time you saw yourself.

Joker however wanted to kill himself. Was his plan worth all the hassle if he had to sit through this crap? He wanted to skip the annoying music part and start murdering people! Was that too much to ask for?

Frost and the others had already blocked the exits; they were just waiting for Joker’s signal. They had to be out of there before J hit the detonator. Finally, you gasped at your reflection and started singing. It was gonna be a long concert just by hearing the intro.

“There’s no sweeter feeling than the one you gave me last night.”

It was classic pop music. Fun and catchy but it didn’t leave a lasting impression on the listener. Nonetheless you continued.

“I’m openly believin’ that you’ll love me just right.” You posed for the crowd at the exact moment all the sound in the stadium ceased.

Joker was confused since the crowd went deathly quiet too. What was going on?

He was even more puzzled when you resumed singing acapella. He could tell something was off here. You sounded completely different.

Now that he thought about it, he’d never heard your music before; just the snippets played from your promo interviews, and it was always this lovey dovey crap that made him turn it off.

He was in for a surprise.

“All is well in love n’ sex but babyyyy I wanna tear apart your flesh!” You screamed out the lyrics and smashed the handheld mirror.

The glass breaking was the cue for heavy drums and guitars to back up your vocals as you performed your opening song with haunting clarity. He was not expecting that. What happened to your catchy pop music? Did he crash the wrong show?

He didn’t take his eyes off you as he spoke into the earpiece, “Uhhh, are we at the errr right Y/n concert?”

Mac was the one who answered. “Yeah? There’s only one Y/n I know of with those sets of pipes.”

Joker was then reminded of your album’s title, Judge the Cover. It all made sense now. Wow he was an idiot.

He was in utter disbelief. He completely misjudged your character.

You weren’t a teen idol for wannabe it girls. You were a fallen angel singing ballads of carnage and depravity. He was taken back by your dark lyrics, but he slowly became utterly obsessed.

You paired your ethereal voice with chilling lyrics all to create an outlet for wayward souls to woo their forlorn lovers with.

Joker wasn’t in shock; he was mesmerized, and he wasn’t alone.

You captivated your audience with each bell ringing note and you used the stage like a personal runway. Your dress billowed behind you like pseudo wings and sold the pure image you carefully crafted. Never judge a book by its cover. Good girls are into dark things too.

Sometime during the performance, a dancer passed you a bejeweled mic and you wielded it like the powerful sword it was.

The white stage lights turned bright red while fog and sparklers erupted in tune to your song selection. It was a complete 180 from your PG intro.

Joker honestly forgot he was here to cause mayhem. You caused enough all on your own.

He tuned out Frost yelling in his ear about the missed signal to watch you crawl on your hands and knees further down the stage. Your voice took on a desperate wail as you reached out to your fans in the front row, “Baby don’t fall for meeeeeeee!”

They screamed along to your song and freaked out at the mere brush of your hand against theirs.

Only your whisper-like voice was heard in the stadium. “I’ll breathe in your love; I’ll cherish it so! I’ll make d__n sure you’ll go out slooooow....” You hushed to the crowd.

Your fans were screaming their hearts out when they saw your lead guitarist emerge from the dense fog. Everyone waited with bated breath for the upcoming guitar solo. The rent was due and they knew Jason would deliver.

Joker was not jealous of the chemistry you had with your guitarist, but when you singled out a fan in the crowd and devoted your attention on him, Joker was seething.

Your mic picked up his heavy breathing with how close you were, and the fan looked ready to pass out when you caressed his cheek.

“You know who I am! You know how this goes, you know you want this, trust me, I know you know you know! Soooo!!! Give in.... give innn... baby pleaseeee. C’mon accept it n’ give in! Give in! Give in!”

Jason played the most sickest guitar solo that Joker ever heard as you sang in the background— your voice literally sounded like a whistle; it was so high.

You were letting the audience’s energy feed your live vocals and it was the perfect blend of sultry and divine. Avid fans fell in love with this live version over the studio’s, it sounded so good!

The haunted ballad faded into a transitional mashup of your songs and you pushed your fan away as if you didn’t make him cum in his pants. His favorite artist serenaded and practically begged him to give into temptation! The poor guy fainted into his friend’s arms, but you were already halfway across the stage to care.

More controlled fireworks went off as you and your dancers moved into position.

“F__k the censorship ban! Gotham City make some noise!!” You said to hype up your fans.

All it took was the first notes of the song to play and everyone went wild. Joker was shocked when you giggled into the mic, “He’s every woman’s man!”

The lights flickered dramatically as a woman moaning played through the speakers. You were heavy on visuals and die-hard fans went insane, knowing what song was queuing up.

Your dancers moved in a circle around you to cover up the quick dress change you were undergoing.

Scenes from your music video played on the big screens to distract the audience. When you emerged, Joker’s eyes widened at your outfit.

Your corset dress was cinched tight, and you looked every bit like a Barbie doll just wrapped up in crime scene tape. How you were able to breathe was a sheer miracle. “Back by popular demand! Use... me.... up!”

A few dancers felt you up as the stage was set ablaze to your most controversial song. It was the first time many in the crowd heard the track after it was banned and taken off the air for its highly inappropriate lyrics.

It didn’t bother Joker; he simply couldn’t look away from you. Screw bombing the arena. He didn’t care that you changed his plans. You were a sweet vixen; a walking contradiction that he needed to understand.

He had to spare you and see what else you could bring to the table.

And so, his obsession began.

A week after your kickoff concert, you were interviewed by a popular radio host. Gone was your dark angel alter-ego. You were back to your bubbly self, sucking on a lollipop.

“Welcome to Metropolis, Y/n! I wanna jump right in. There are reports that there were bombs! Live explosives at your concert the other day in Gotham. Did you know anything about that?”

Joker was already tuned in and listening, but he leaned in further to gauge your reaction. He took up watch every interview you had (past and current) to learn more about you. He was dying to know which version of you was the real one.

He followed all your socials and even bought fan merch while at your concert, much to Frost’s dismay.

They had one job: blowing up the stadium! Not becoming captivated by your performance and sparing the lives inside. And Frost didn’t expect his Boss to follow you across the country on tour either.

Joker said he was checking up on his strongholds in other cities but it was all an excuse to see you perform. He had yet to miss a tour stop.

You brought out something unhealthy in the clown.

Joker found himself changing all of his plans after watching you sing. He needed to seemore of you. Thankfully, you were big on sharing way too much information online.

Joker found out that you were older than he originally thought. You had been singing since you were little, and Judge the Cover was your first professional album, but you had more singles/EPs sprinkled throughout the years that led up to your fame.

He fell in love with your album cover. It was heavily inspired by The Two Cherubs at the bottom of the art piece, Sistine Madonna. Your hands were coated in blood as you stared up into the clouds. It was an ingenious double meaning.

Joker thought you were a visionary, a master in your prime. He had to meet you and pick apart your brain.

Either willingly or by force with fatal consequences.

You finally answered the host’s question with a squeal, “Omg no! That was so not planned! But it’s a bummer really. We were all having fun, blissfully unaware death could’ve taken us any minute. Now I kinda wish they did go off.”

You smiled wide, scaring the interviewer who wisely moved onto the next question.

Joker was enthralled that you liked his botched explosion plot.

You wished that the bombs went off! Just when he thought you couldn’t be more perfect, you go and flatter his work! Now that he knew you possessed a dark mind, he began to ponder other alternatives rather than murdering you.

Maybe he could sabotage your next show for real this time. Or maybe sneak backstage and surprise you in person? He was dying to see you face to face. You had the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen and the kindest eyes.

Joker felt the need to protect you. Like for starters, from this radio show host.

“Some might say your entire album is controversial. After all, most of the songs are heavily censored with more beeps heard than actual music. Does that impact your ability to perform in anyway?” He asked.

You didn’t like the question and for a while, you just stared at the host in silence. He was about to repeat the question when you removed your sucker and sighed.

“Honestly, it doesn’t make any sense to me. Other artists can sing about sex and twerk on stage but when I do it! Fully clothed, mind you, it’s a problem! But whatever. Do you think I should be censored, Zack?”

Your tongue swirled around your cherry sucker and the reporter cleared his throat, watching you intensely.

He tried to reply but your actions were making that feat impossible. To make matters worse, you batted your lashes before you sucked the lollipop back into your mouth. It was a display of innocent seduction.

Joker and the host were hypnotized. “I uh.. ahem. But your lyrics aren’t about se..” Zack uttered.

You cut him off with an eye roll, “Ugh if it’s a problem, I’ll pay any fine sent my way! I won’t let some dumb censorship stop me from performing my passion. Like, my fans have no problem with my lyrics!”

You unintentionally leaned forward to scratch your ankle, but it gave Zack and the audience full access to your cleavage.

“I don’t get how I’m the bad guy. I mean, look at me!” You pouted.

“Oh I’m lookin’…” Zack mumbled. He cleared his throat and focused the rest of the interview promoting your tour with its upcoming show here in Metropolis and your remaining stops.

All in all, it was a successful interview that showcased your sweet (and unpredictable) personality. You were blowing kisses at the camera as the radio played your stark contrasting music.

You were a completely different person than from a few nights ago. Joker was one hundred percent enamored. Your stage presence was a force to be reckoned with and it was locked away behind a sugary sweet demeanor.

You had to be a paradox or at least a rare case of a split personality disorder. He loved every bit of you regardless.

Joker was curious about this censored music of yours and searched for your official website. He had to sign in to confirm his age to access it. He used Neo’s login, and it welcomed J back to the home page. It seemed like everyone was secretly a fan of yours.

Joker clicked on your album’s play now button. He was shocked to see your talents went far beyond just singing.

You were an excellent director with your music videos being visual masterpieces. He got around to the censored content and arched an eyebrow at the lyrics common folk couldn’t seem to appreciate.

Okay... most of it was dark but nothing to freak out over.

Your tastes were alternative, but it wasn’t worth the huge censor advisory and media bans you were subjected to. He should pay a visit to the record label and have a little talk..

Joker didn’t see the issue until halfway through the video you were seen writhing on a bed in pleasure. Now that was unexpected.

Even if it was fake, (it wasn’t) you looked gorgeous on your back. You sang to the camera while an actor proceeded to thrust into you.

‘Ha ha ha! Jokes on you! I want him badly and secretly so do you!’

The lyrics wouldn’t have caught Joker’s attention if not for the fact that the actor had green hair (the same shade as his), and the way you sang “Ha ha ha” was identical to his own laugh.

It couldn’t be a coincidence. Suddenly, Joker’s obsession with you was justified. You had a crush on him.

Interesting.

The rest of the song played on as background noise as Joker’s phone went off. It was a notification from your social media page that he subscribed to.

You made a new post.

‘Blah blah blah legal tape blah! Good news, I can sing Love Thine Villains on tour now!! We already have the choreography somewhat worked out. Any suggestions? Halp!’

Two seconds later, you posted a video. Joker never clicked on a link so fast. He was an addict when it came to you, he had no shame about it.

You were shown at rehearsal with your band mates. Joker smirked at the casual attire you wore. It was still your signature all white, but the cropped graphic tee and yoga pants served you well. However, he noticed that you were rather short without your heels on.

You and some back up dancers were gathered around trying to work out a dance routine for the newly added song.

“I was thinking a step step turn, and.... bend.”

One of your dancers did just that and it allowed for a male dancer to come up behind her, holding tightly onto her hips. Her hands were flat against the floor, and it made quite the suggestive sight.

Another dancer nodded and did the exact same dance routine with her partner, but you weren’t fairing so well. “Ugh! I can’t sing in this position...” You groaned.

Everyone in the room laughed hearing you wheeze into the mic until the camera violently spun towards your lead guitarist, Jason.

“You didn’t have a problem crying out last night, Y/n. Need some help baby?” He came over to offer you a hand.

More laughter was heard when you refused his help and fell. “Shut up Jason!”

Joker’s right eye was twitching by the end of the video. Was it said in a joking manner or were you actually in a romantic relationship with your guitarist?

Joker had no problem killing the guy but then your tour would be ruined, and he didn’t want to upset you. He had to find out before he started killing your band mates left and right.

Within seconds Joker was on social media, hunting for evidence.

You and Jason were inseparable and took photos frequently while on tour, but Joker dug a bit deeper and found a private post of the guitarist sucking faces with some blonde that dated back a few months ago.

In a sea of comments, he found yours. ‘Eww like too much PDA bro.’

Some fans also put Joker’s suspicions to rest with side comments if their own.

‘Y/n is so tired of Jason’s foolery so tiied’

‘Sibling love at its best <;3’

It was the green light for Joker to spare the musician’s life and focus his sights back on you. You were heading to Star City in two weeks and what better time to stop by and say hello than your last stateside concert?

Mac sighed into the comms, “Soooo we’re not blowing up the arena... right? We can enjoy the show?”

The four men were again at your concert only this time not with the intention of sabotaging it. Frost wished to be anywhere but here, yet he used the opportunity to bring his daughter Genesis since she was a huge fan of yours.

They settled in comfortably in the front row.

Mac was totally confused on the night’s agenda and roamed the sections to spend his time. Neo was last seen flirting with one of your dancers near backstage.

And speaking of, The Clown Prince had already snuck through and flooded your dressing room with good luck flowers. J hoped you had time to see them.

There was so much commotion going on backstage, he doubted you had the time. Something was going on that caused the show to be delayed but you couldn’t tell from the lively atmosphere in the crowd.

After a while, the spotlights followed you walking on stage and much to Joker’s delight, you were carrying a large bouquet of roses with you.

The crowd burst into cheers at the sight.

“Nahhhhh but like?” You held up the roses for the arena’s drone camera to capture. “They’re so pretty! I love roses but I think everyone knows that already.. If you can’t already tell, I’m distracting y’all with a lil chitty chat. Yeah. Imma keep it real. We’re having technical issues because Star City’s electrical grid is s__t!”

It didn’t matter that they were waiting for over forty-five minutes. Everyone respected you as a person and your honesty regarding the situation.

You shifted the roses over onto your hip and walked further down the stage.

“Like? We did a final sound test last night but ugh! I dunno if there’s a bad fuse or maybe the Karens who banned my music is out to get me..”

You rolled your eyes, and someone whistled in the crowd.

“Y’all saw the post! They don’t want me to perform this new set! F__k that! We got a fire lineup for y’all once when get straightened out. Gonna spice it up to make up for the wait ya feel me? Jason’s gonna be shirtless.. I’m singing better than everrrrrrr and... ow.”

You yelped and Joker’s heart sank to his stomach at the sound. Were you okay? Did someone hurt you when he wasn’t looking?

Someone close to the stage shouted and got your attention. The bouquet of roses still had thorns on them and it tore through your dress, slashing your stomach.

The stage lights highlighted the rapidly spreading blood being soaked up by your white attire. It looked worse than it really was.

“Oh that’s so metal! My roses cut me!” You laughed and waved off medical that was rushing to your aid.

“I swear whoever left these in my room is mad romantic! That letter? The level of passion? I gotta a secret admirer y’all and he’s so sweet! OOH! I know how we can kill some time!”

Joker was trying to calm his racing heart. You read his letter? You.. you thought he of all people was sweet? Was this a dream?

You called for your band mate to come on stage. “Hey Jason! Get you’re a** out here! I wanna sing something off the dome.”

Nope, this was a nightmare. Joker hated your guitarist with a passion. The guy was too flirtatious with you to be just friends.

Your fans instantly burst into hysterics as your friend emerged, (as promised) shirtless with his guitar. Jason kissed your cheek and spoke into your mic. “Your bleeding babe.”

You scoffed and noticed his chest was oily. “Bruh what is this? Baby oil? Boy if you don’t get yo… just gimme a chord. I wanna sing something while tech gets us back online.”

He flashed you a cocky smirk. “You know like it, angel.” He fiddled with his guitar strings.

Joker hated when he called you angel even though it was your moniker. It was an honorific not something to be said so casually! You were an angel in Joker’s eyes, and you deserved more respect!

You and Jason locked eyes and started nodding at the same time when he strummed out a moody RnB beat. “This good?” Jason asked you.

You nodded, “Yeah, like that.” You hummed along to find a good key. It was the only warning your fans received before an impromptu concert began.

“Hm.. ayyy okay. Roses and thorns hurt the hardest when they’re given unofficially. I wish the lover I have locked away so privily, would just come forward and give what I crave so unabashedly... or unequivocally, baby please. Huh. I wish I had his love.”

You let the word love float throughout the stadium, straight into Joker’s ears. He froze like a statue in the balcony section as Mac and Neo hooped and hollered in his ear.

“Ahh!! She got the hots for ya boss!!”

“D__n, she can sing! Bag her boss! Immediately!”

Frost put an end to their rowdy chatter. “Shut up! She ain’t done.”

By then, your drummer and bassist joined in on the jam session.

Your fans were in awe of the raw talent and waved their lit cell phones in a sea of lights. Who needed all the bells and whistles of a concert when this makeshift tiny desk show was everything and more?

Someone had a hold on you and those unrequited feelings were crawling out of your chest. As luck would have it, your admirer was present and avidly watching this all unfold.

Your bouquet of roses was squeezed tighter to your side, aggravating your wound and more blood seeped into your dress.

You came back on the mic with a guttural groan felt by all.

“Cuz I can’t feel no pain when our lovin’ ain’t front page! Don’tcha see? You mean the world to me, but you remain hidden and tucked away in exclusively. I ain’t right to hide this spark of electricity— so I plead. Please come forward. I promise baby I won’t scorn ya.. I don’t care bout the scars that adorn ya.. but ya gotta come on forward. I swear to do us right after we’re in the light.... but baby I plead.”

Tears were running down your cheek as you lifted the bundle of roses towards the spotlight overhead.

Little did you know, you were locking eyes with Joker hidden in the shadows. His eyes were wide like saucers.

“These roses and thorns hurt the hardest when you don’t conform, to the promises you wrote to me in the dark, yeah, you’ll see. Can I plead? Baby, take these thorns away from me! Baby take the pain you wrought on meeeee and we’ll be..”

Just then, you heard the set manager give the all clear through your earpiece. The show was back on.

“Aight that’s it, that’s it.” You waved off the hype from the crowd.

Jason nodded to the others to wrap up the impromptu beat. With a final solemn note, the song was over.

The crowd lost their minds and rightfully so. How did you do that on the spot?! You came out of your fog, breathless and smiling wide.

“Oh I hope someone was recording, that kinda went hard, lol.” You wiped away your remaining tears and hugged Jason for a job well done—ever mindful of the roses still in your hand.

You took a deep breath and addressed your fans. “Y’all ready to start this concert or what?!”

The lights came on blood red as the special effects finally went off on cue. Your fans screamed back their answer as your dancers flooded the stage and launched right into the proper opening song.

It was as if you didn’t confess to an unknown lover and make a new single on the fly. Your talent was unmatched, yet it wasn’t an act.

It was real emotions being sung tonight. A conversation spoken between two fools secretly in love.

Joker went out on a limb and confessed his feelings through a letter— and you reciprocated that feeling back tenfold.

You, who were cherished and loved by many, accepted Joker and his flaws, all without meeting him. He didn’t deserve an angel like you. If he came forward as your lover, he would only tarnish your success.

Joker would rather admire you from afar than ruin you up close.

He was okay with being your stalker forever in the shadows, but that was unacceptable to you. It didn’t matter that you never met Joker, you felt his presence at every show and wanted his toxic brand of love all for yourself.

The bombs were his morbid way of getting your attention. The anonymous online user who threatened all of your naysayers was his way of protecting you and tonight, the sea of roses (that smelled faintly of gasoline), was his way of showing that he cared.

How could you say no to a man like him? Your secret admirer was a better suitor than all the shallow men in the music industry who only wanted to date you for publicity.

It was lonely being famous; no one warned you about that and Joker’s heartfelt letter and the thousands of roses was the first act of love you received in years.

You didn’t care that he was a stranger. You could overlook him stalking you. It was kinda hot the level of passion that he held for you. Something about this guy drawn you in like a moth to a flame.

You liked playing with fire, and so you took a chance.

You wrapped up your concert with a final statement, “And to my stalker bae! You know where to find me. That is.. if you want me. Goodnight Star City! Your grid is still trash!”

Your security team would have a heart attack fighting back your crazied fans, but Joker was up for the challenge. He studied their pattern and knew how to get around your security.

When you were his, Joker would assign his loyal goons to keep you safe. Joker would protect his angel with his dying breath.

He knew exactly where you would be tonight, and he wanted you badly. Tonight, he would finally come forward and meet his angel.

#thanks anon!#thanks for the ask!#ledger joker x reader #ledger!joker x black!reader #ledger joker #heath joker #joker x y/n #joker x black!reader #popstar!reader #joker x reader #singer!reader #reader insert #black!fem!reader #dark knight joker #romance #cross posted on ao3 #cross posted on wattpad #Stalker!Joker #his lighthouse

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horansqueen · 5 years

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AM Conversations : chapter 24

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- of course i wasnt going to make you wait for them to get friends again. it had to be done quickly. but it was needed for Niall to realize that he cant be without her, you know? also, there will be more drama in the next chapters i believe.

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 24 : His chapter

NIALL

I never thought i'd ever have to get over my best friend. I never thought i'd ever lose her at all. But I had to be honest with myself. She was gone, and she had been gone for a while now. A day had turned into a week and a week into 5 more, and there was only one way I found to take my mind off of Liv, at least for a couple hours a day. It was Maya. I asked her on a few dates and after a while, I had no choice but to accept being official. We didn't announce it but we had been seen together and every time a new picture of us appeared online, I couldn't help but wonder if Olivia had seen it and if that made her even angrier at me.

She was not dating Harry or at least, if she was, they had been very discreet about it. They were seen together but never hand in hand or showing affection. They were probably keeping that private and I couldn't lie and pretend it didn't twist my stomach. I felt like they were best friends now and although I knew it sounded juvenile, I couldn't help but be slightly jealous.

I wanted to call her, text her or even go see her more than anything but I didn't. I was trying to respect that she needed time away from me even if it was killing me. Meanwhile, I was trying to keep myself busy and I couldn't pretend Maya wasn't helping. I had been writing a lot, too, throwing my feelings into songs. I had never been the best when it came to expressing my emotions and the only way i could really do it was through music.

"Still writing?"

I suddenly got out of my thoughts and looked up, meeting the eyes of my girlfriend who sat in front of me at the kitchen's table. She bent closer, trying to read what I was writing but I quickly closed my notebook and sent her a small smile.

"Sorry, not really in the mood to share." I explained, shaking my pen between two of my fingers.

Her smile faded and she shrugged. With time, I had learned to decipher most of her body language and expression and I knew that she was hurt and a bit jealous. It was tough with Maya, she was not straightforward the way Olivia was and most of the time I had to guess what she wanted and how she felt. I had to admit it made the relationship harder to deal with and way more exhausting than it should be.

We remained in silence for a few minutes as I tried to decide if I wanted to ask her what was wrong, or if I just wanted to let go and pretend nothing was happening. It's not that I didn't feel anything for Maya. In fact, I had affection for her and I cared about her, but at the same time, there was something missing. It was not her, she was not the problem. The problem was me and how I couldn't seem to be totally happy without my best friend.

"Can I ask you something?"

I stopped breathing but dared looking up at Maya who had tilted her head and was now playing with her fingers. I knew that whatever that question was about, it would bring a painful conversation and I really was not in the mood. Still, I nodded gently.

"Do you love me, Niall?"

Of all the questions I thought she could ask, this would never have crossed my mind. My lips parted and my eyebrows raised as I tried to find a nice way to answer her.

"Maya, we've been dating for less than a month, I mean, I just don't catch feelings like that, you know? Love is a big deal."

"Fine." she replied a little roughly. "Then just tell me this, do you think you'll ever be able to love me as much as you love her?"

She had put emphasis and maybe a bit of disgust on the last word and although I knew exactly who she was talking about, I simply frowned and leaned against my chair, pretending not to understand.

"Don't act like you don't know who i'm talking about, Niall." she pointed out, her facial expression turning into an angry one. "Just answer me and be honest."

I sighed a bit louder than intended and crossed my arms on my chest. I knew it would be painful and i was right.

"I don't know okay?" i let out meanly, shaking my head and bringing one of my hands on my face. "I've known her since we were kids, she's my best friend, she was always there for me and me for her, we did almost everything together. I've never been away from her except when i was on tour and it sucked so much that I invited her on the last one. What are you asking me, Maya? You want me to compare my relationship with you to the one I have with her? Do you really want that?"

Silence. A heavy silence that weighed on both of us until she just shook her head.

"No." she let out firmly before getting up. "I don't really want that."

I remained sitting while she grabbed her stuff and waited until I heard the front door open and close to rub my eyes and groan low. Was it always going to be like that when i'd date a girl? Was I cursed to live this conversation over and over again? What will happen when it comes to someone I really have feelings for? Would it be ruined because of my friendship with Olivia? I opened my eyes suddenly, realizing that maybe that was exactly why Liv was gone. Maybe our friendship was threatening what she was building with Harry and she decided to pick him over me. The thought made something boil inside me and I tried to calm myself. I was not even sure that it was the reason she left but it would be very bad if it was, especially after telling me the opposite before.

Quickly, I got up and walked to the living room, sitting down and grabbing my laptop. I felt my leg shake as I was waiting for it to open up and I didn't even have to type up the address : the page simply opened, telling me I hadn't closed it last night.

Since we stopped talking, I had read somewhere that Olivia started working again. Her dad had a web site and she wrote a few articles for him online, most of the being reviews of recent movies playing in theaters even if a few times, she had the chance to see them before. I had read every single critics she wrote and left a few comments but I had never heard from her. I also stared way too long at her picture in the small circle at the beginning of every article and it was a bit sad. I didn't know you could become obsessed with someone to the point of stalking them online.

I sighed, quickly typing a comment on her latest work and shook my head after clicking 'enter'.

'Can't believe you saw this movie without me 😝'

With an other sigh, I closed the top of my laptop and leaned against the couch, rubbing my eyes again. Every single day, I fought the need to call her and every single day, I stayed an hour just laying in bed, in the dark, wondering what we would talk about if she was here with me. A few times, I would feel Maya cuddle me but tonight, I would definitely be alone.

I had thought about asking Harry to talk to her for me but changed my mind quickly. I also thought about asking him how she was doing but I felt like she would be mad for intruding her life when she had clearly asked for a break, so I didn't do anything. In fact, I hadn't talked to Harry ever since that ridiculous double date and I was fine with it. I had no reason to be mad at him but I was and I resented him for somehow taking my best friend away from me, as if it was his fault.

I was thinking about taking a shower when my phone beeped. I groaned, thinking it was probably Maya who wanted to talk about what had happened between us and I almost didn't check but it beeped for a second time and I searched through my pants to find it.

'We can always go see it again together if you want to.' was the first message I saw, making me sit up better and blink a few times.

'I miss you Nee' was the second one I received and with this one, I swallowed hard.

I remained motionless, my fingers over the keyboard that appeared on my screen, trying to decide what to answer. I wanted to beg her to come back or ask her what took her so long to message me but instead, I licked my lips and typed down how I really felt.

'I fucking miss you too.'

I knew it was pathetic but I stayed there, staring at my phone, until she answered again. It's not like I could think about anyone or anything else anyway.

'A drink? My place?'

I felt my heart twist at the thought of getting my best friend back. I felt like we had so much to talk about even if we had been apart only a few weeks and I jumped off my couch, typing my answer.

'I'll be there in 10'

It took me exactly 8 minutes until I was ringing her doorbell and she quickly let me in. I literally ran up the stairs and knocked at the door which opened immediately. There she was, standing in front of me, looking exactly how I remembered, except maybe for a few small details I couldn't put my fingers on.

"Hey, you look amazing." I let out, panting slightly because of my quick ascent.

She chuckled and moved away to let me in, pushing on the door so it would close behind me. I felt like I hadn't stepped foot here in so long and it made me wonder why in hell I hadn't asked her to live with me yet. I was not going to propose her today but I tried to take a mental note to ask her soon.

"I look like crap, but thank you."

I followed her to the kitchen, leaving my jacket on the couch and I watched her open the fridge. I smiled and thanked her when she handed me a beer, noticing she trying to open her own by herself, when she normally asks for my help. I put my own beer down on the table and took a few steps closer, placing my hand on her bottle. My fingers brushed against her and I could swear her eyes became bigger.

"Let me help you." I proposed in a whisper before her fingers loosened from around her beer.

I hadn't been that close to her in a while and her perfume invaded my nose again, the mix of honey and vanilla making me slightly dizzy,

"You smell good." I breathed out after opening her beer.

I close my eyes tight at the stupidity of my words and I expected her to laugh but after a few seconds, I opened my eyes again only to see her staring at me. We were both still holding her drink but neither of us seemed to be able to move and I let my eyes roam on her face. There were so many things stuck in my throat but I just swallowed hard before talking.

"Please, say we can be friends and hang out again." I whispered, almost begging.

Her face softened and her parted lips curled into a fond smile. I don't know what suddenly came over me but I let go of her beer to cup her face and crash my lips against hers. It was a simple kiss, just a way to show her how happy I was that she was back in my life.

"Sorry." I apologized after pulling away slightly. "You know I suck with words."

My face was still close to her and my hands still pressed on her cheeks but she simply chuckled and nodded slowly, staring in my eyes.

"Y-Yeah." she whispered. "I'm not sure what that means either but... okay."

Her voice was soft and I wouldn't have heard her words if she was not so close to me. I smiled at her and shrugged with one shoulder.

"I don't know, just that I missed you."

I watched her lick her lips and put her hands over mine, bringing them down but she squeezed my fingers and I took a step back.

"How about we chat for a bit?" she proposed, raising her eyebrows. "We haven't talked in a while."

We ended up sitting together in the living room and since her couch was smaller than mine, I could feel her leg against mine as we remained silent, drinking our beer and enjoying the silence. It was not awkward, it never was between us, and I put my arm on the back of the couch, catching her attention as she turned to look at me.

"What happened to us, Niall?"

My eyes roamed on her face and I sighed, sitting better and moving closer to her at the same time. She looked sad, like something was hurting her, and I couldn't help but wonder what exactly made her so unhappy : the fact that we had been separated for weeks, or that we were together at this exact moment?

"I don't know, Liv." I started, looking down but not really seeing anything. "Something happened when we came back from the tour and I'm not sure what it is."

When I looked up, I noticed she was staring at me teary-eyed and I felt my heart twist in my chest. She licked her lips and it made me realize I could still taste her on mine. Could that platonic kiss be considered cheating if I liked it? Was it wrong if it tasted good and made me feel even better?

"Did you have time to think?" she asked again, nibbling on her bottom lip now. "Did you find out if it's me you want in your life or if i'm just filling an empty spot?"

I held my breath at how bad her words sounded and moved closer, taking her hands in mine with her face only a few inches away from hers.

"I still maintain what I said." I pointed out firmly. "It's you. I can't be without you."

She nodded and closed her eyes, leaning against the couch with a sigh. I didn't know if it was a sigh of despair or relief but I kept squeezing her fingers. As I looked at her, I thought about Maya's words and started questioning myself. Could it be true? Would my love and friendship with Liv ruin all the relationships i'd ever have? Would I always love her more than all the girls I could ever date? It made no sense to think a friendship could take so much space and I had no idea if it had always been this way or if it was recent.

"How are things going with Maya?" she asked reluctantly, as I remembered that she was gone.

"We had a... misunderstanding. She left."

"I thought you two were official now?"

I looked up in her eyes and sighed, wondering if I should tell her the truth or not but I decided that I would never hide her anything anymore. It brought too much shit into our life to simply lie about a sex story that I didn't want to risk it again.

"We were... are... I don't know. She asked me if I'd ever love her as much as I love you."

Olivia's eyes got bigger and I just shrugged, shaking my head. I didn't know what else to say but I knew she was expecting some explanations and I just let go of her hands to wipe mine on my pants. There was no reason for me to be so nervous but I was and I just inhaled deeply.

"I don't think you realize how jealous of you Maya is."

Olivia's lips were parted and she was looking at me a bit shocked by my revelation. If I wanted to be honest, I felt like Maya's jealousy was extremely obvious but at the same time, i could understand that Liv hadn't noticed it. In the past few weeks, I had realized just how insecure my best friend was and I knew it was partially my fault. She had told me about a few comments she read online, comments that I hadn't even noticed, but I could understand they had hurt her even if I honestly thought she should never give hate any kind of attention.

"What did you tell her."

I raised my eyebrows, surprised that my answer was all she cared about but also by the vulnerability in her voice. Were my words that important? Did it really matter to her that my love for her was stronger than my love for anyone else?

"I told her no to go there, that it wasn't to her advantage."

She stared at me a few more seconds, her eyes roaming on my face, and I was close to tell her how much I loved her when she threw herself in my arms. I held her close to me, pressing her body against mine although we were both sitting in weird position. The hug was a bit awkward but she squirmed closer to me and I buried my nose in her neck and closed my eyes, my arms completely wrapped around her. It felt good and it had been way too long since the last time I held her close to me like that. It made me want to never let go.

I felt my heart twist when she moved away but I let my eyes roam on her face for the hundredth time in the last hour, as if i hadn't seen it in forever, and it really felt like it.

"How are you and Harry?" I asked, almost scared of the answer.

"We're okay."

I knew our couples were not a good discussion to have if only for the fact that so many things happened when we were apart and we were not sure where we stood. We both didn't really agree with those relationships and it was tough to handle for both of us. If I wanted to be honest, I also felt guilty for telling her that I wouldn't date Maya and the doing then opposite but I was grateful she hadn't mentioned it.

"We're staying friends this time, right?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and waiting until her eyes met mine. "Please, Olivia."

She just remained motionless, looking at me with a sad expression, and there was nothing I wanted more than to make her smile. I sighed and without thinking more, I spat awfully in my hand, making her head move back slightly in surprise. Her eyes moved down to the hand I was showing her and then back in my eyes and she smiled. Fondly, this time.

"Best friends forever?"

She chuckled and shook her head before spitting in her hand too. We shook hands and the feeling of our spits spreading in my palm made me grimace in disgust. My face made her laugh loudly and I closed my eyes.

"Best friends forever."

When we took our hands back, we both laughed and just got up, rushing to the sink. We washed out hands together and I glanced at her, noticing that her smile was back. Her happiness had always been a priority for me but it was even more real now that I knew how much I had hurt her in the past.

"Hey, how about we go to the movies, you know? See that movie you watched without me?"

She looked up at she was wiping her hands on a towel and raised her eyebrows, a smile still gracing her lips... the lips I had just kissed a few minutes earlier. Why did I do that?

"Alright, let me get changed."

She rushed to her room and came back ten minutes later. I chuckled and shook my head when my eyes fell on her shirt and I looked up in her eyes again.

"You're not going to wear that, right?"

She grinned, totally amused and glad that it had the effect she most likely expected, and I looked down again only to see five familiar faces, including mine, printed on her shirt.

"A One Direction shirt?"

"Yea, and worn while hanging out with a One Direction boy. I think it fits." she explained, grabbing her purse before pushing her hand between the cushions of her couch, probably searching for something.

"We were like, 16 or something on that shirt!" I pointed out.

"No you were 18, it was not so long ago, remember?" she asked, putting on the cap she had just found in the couch.

"No!" I joked, making her laugh again.

Her eyes met mine and I suddenly felt better, like something had lighted up inside me. I put my hands in my pockets and she walked up to me, tilting her chin up to look at me.

"Are you okay walking around in public with me wearing this shirt?"

At this point, if I wanted to be honest with myself, I was ready to do anything she would ask me to do, if only to make sure I wouldn't lose her again. But I didn't tell her that, I couldn't tell her that.

"Will be tough but yes."

She chuckled, rolling her eyes, and just grabbed my arm, pulling me with her. We took her car and when she parked in front of the movie theater, I rushed out to open her door for her. She got out of the car and I pushed on the door to close it as she stared at me.

"Thank you," she let out, her eyebrows raised. "When did you get so gallant?"

I bent down with a smirk, my face now very close to hers.

"I always was."

I stopped breathing when I saw her eyes drop to my lips and I was wondering if she was thinking about the short and plain kiss I gave her in her kitchen, because I was, and it was annoying.

"Come on." I said after clearing my throat, moving back but wrapping on of my arms on her shoulders. "My treat."

"Thanks, i love your rich ass." she joked as I paid for the tickets.

I turned her way and bent slightly to grab her hand, pulling her inside me with after taking the tickets.

"Now, you're not aloud to laugh at the jokes before they happen, or talk over the characters." I point out, still holding her hand, both our arms stretched as she stood slightly away from me. "I know you. I watched 'Back to the Future' a millionth times with you, you're an ass and you literally tell the dialogues at the same time than the characters. Out loud."

"I'm not an ass!" she laughed, squeezing my fingers.

I pulled on her hand and made her twirl as she laughed more and finally took her closer into an other hug. Her laughter was light and happy and once again, it made my heart twist in my chest. I had missed her so much, way too much. And there was no way I was going to let her go again. I was going to make her my priority, no matter what shit it would get me into.

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan story #niall horan writing #harry styles #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles story #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fanfiction #my fanfics #i just want to start the next chapter rn lol #so sorry it took me so long guys!

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scummy-writes · 6 years

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This blog is only going to be used to post personal fic updates from a much more controlled environment, AO3, and nothing else.

This post has been set to queue post two more times for timezones and then no more after that.

Explanation under the readmore:

This is to the shock of absolutely no one, but I can’t do this anymore.

A lot of you guys have stuck here with me from the beginning, and, unfortunately, got to learn about personal stuff I never intended to share. Some of that came around in discussions, of some events that happened, or back towards the beginning of the year that severely impacted me and still does to this day.

Back before I made this blog, a few months before I had started playing MM. I loved it, thought it was great for an otome, and fell in love with all of the characters. Like a lot of people, I ran into the game when I wasn’t doing too well. Things at home were horrible, I had no job, I had recently gotten out of something life altering and was still struggling with myself. This game helped me out, sparked my creative flow again (I think the last time I had published something that wasn't for a friend was a good four years ago), and inspired me to write and share what I had written.

Then, when my stories got an incredibly large amount of hits, and I saw HC blogs circling around, I made one. This one.

I made it to share stories, ideas, and small headcanons- To share positivity, and maybe a bit of fictional angst. For a couple of months, things were going well. A got such sweet followers, I had great support- But then I brought back a fic people had wanted, originally taken down due to me unable to plan a decent plot, and harassment began.

And, well, a lot of you have been around for that whole debacle.

Then. Just more issues started coming up. Instead of this blog being fun, being something I was so glad that it was making people happy, things just went downhill. Constant negative messages/comments, constant drama- I just shrugged it off for the most part, but then I realized that most of this drama, most of what is starting to wear me down, is just because I didn’t write a character how one person wanted me to.

Just because I apparently wrote a character ooc, for two fics, apparently warranted harassment spanning over months– Like literally absolutely fucking months. Do you know when it started for me? March. February for others. But hey, everyone’s seen this, right? God knows I’ve reblogged it countless times hoping the fucking hateful anons would stop coming in. Except They. Kept Coming. Over and Over Again. I even took a fucking hiatus and stopped writing the fic this person couldn’t stop obsessively hate-reading only to immediately get shit on again.

I’ve had my mental Illness, PTSD, and overly traumatic and sexually abusive events in my life degraded, along with many of my friends and now victims of this who did absolutely nothing wrong, while friends and I were being told we weren’t ‘thinking of the abuse victims’ when being confronted about liking a FICTIONAL CHARACTER, Jumin, who was being deemed abusive by this ‘anon’ . My illnesses and abuse history that I had mentioned before and even directly to this person’s messages.

I’ve had the harassment that my friends and I have went through be deemed to be nothing because “Well this user always likes my posts”, “This user sends me a nice message sometimes”, while those same people ignored the posts of the user even completely opening up and admitting to what the fuck they’ve done.

You connect all this with some personal issues of mine- The issues surrounding my mother’s attempt, the strain with my family, and my own personal mental health namely- and, well. It’s hard to view this blog positively anymore.

I’m just not happy anymore. Namely, my current emotions are probably connected to another depressive episode, but even before today- It’s just been hard.

I made this blog to have fun- Because people enjoyed my stories, enjoyed my headcanons- And now due to all this drama and harrassment I just feel disgusting.

I don’t know where I’m going with this, honestly. I never made this blog to be constantly harassed because some dipshit couldn’t ignore my fanfic, couldn’t block my blog and ignore me, couldn’t just move the absolute fuck on with their life instead of spending nearly a whole year attempting to stalk me, attempting to harass me for every little asinine thing. Of course this had a strain on my writing- I after the haitus I just could barely put out HC’s anymore. I kept saving drafts, getting stressed to fuck and back because I didn’t know if a typo was going to cause me to be blasted with insults to my writing and life, I didn’t know if I expressed Zen having insecurities was going to send another flood of anons like I had received many times before. You think all the messages in the Call Out are bad? All the ones that weren’t in it and I didn’t link in this post? What about all the ones you all didn’t see because I deleted them before I even let myself think about them, because I had no energy just to put up bullshit because all I ever, ever, fucking did was write a Fictional Fucking Character a little fucking different from canon.

And that’s not all- There’s a support group in a discord server my friend set up because I’m not the only person this dipshit has gone after. There’s at least ten god damned people that we know of getting this same treatment- and there’s probably so so so SO many more that are probably feeling the same emotions I did. And FUCK, friends of us are even feeling drained because it’s absolutely sickening that we’re being harassed for liking a genuine love interest in a fucking mobile otome game. In a VIDEO GAME.

You know what I did? I went back into fucking therapy because of all this, because my major depression and anxiety kicked into full gear because I was sharing my writing, something that I made, something that meant so much to me because for once I wasn’t being mocked or laughed at when I wanted to be creative. The harassment got to me so fucking badly I had to go to therapy again.

I’m so blown away by how all this shit I’m dealing with is because someone just couldn’t ignore my blog/ao3 stories. That they think harassment is excusable because I won’t write or stop writing what they want me to.

So now, characters I used to help me cope with a very serious issue of mine, just make me feel empty. My coping mechanisms are failing, and running this blog isn’t becoming worth it anymore, not if I’m even going to be bitched at for trying to show lesser known artists to some newcomer in the fandom.

So. I don’t know. That’s why I hardly post anymore. I feel disgusting and empty, for a game that I used as a coping mechanism. Instead of it making me happy, all this drama and this god damned person just makes me regret even writing in the first place.

So no more hc posts. My writing has declined, we all know it, god knows it won’t stop being pointed out to me, and I shot myself in the foot doing character limits. My Hc posts went from getting so many sweet comments to one once in a blue moon, the majority of the comments I receive on here about my HC’s are just a constant stream of hatred, and I just cannot fucking do this.

I just wanted to have fun.

you guys can find me on my twitter (@Mm_Scummy) and my AO3 (Scummy). I’m not posting anything else to this blog unless it’s fic updates, and even that I’m debating on. I’m just keeping this blog up to keep what writings I did enjoy up, and just because I can’t bring myself to delete anything where I did get support.

If this post makes you angry, or makes you upset that it’s came done to this:

SUPPORT CONTENT CREATORS. Don’t sit around and let them be harassed!! I cannot even begin to tell you how amazing it felt when I would get a message from a random follower just seeing if I was okay. Just saying that they hoped I felt better, or just sending heart emojis. Every little bit of support means so, so, SO much to content creators after they’ve been outright harassed or taken advantage of, because it shows that you care.

REBLOG THESE POSTS:

- THIS one because the word needs to be spread that content creators do not owe you anything.

- And THIS one because the user that keeps harassing me and so many people, so many that we may never know who all they have harassed, uses the Anonymous tool on every single platform they can to hurt people, and she is NOT above making new accounts to continue her harassment over and over again. Because god knows we have blocked her account and have never, ever, fucking unblocked it and she STILL didn’t get the most obvious hint that what she is doing is absolutely, undeniably fucking disgusting and in no way excusable.

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confidenceatitsfinest · 7 years

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Jungkook Ship Fic Rec 2

Since so many of you asked me for another Kook ship fic rec, here I am! All smut will be bottom Jungkook as always. I’ve gotta admit, it’s really hard to find recently but I’ll pull up as many as I can because I know the feeling of wanting more bottom kook but finding none haha. These will be separated by ship! Oh my god it was so hard to find anything for jikook OTL well to be honest, I don’t know why it was so difficult to find fics this time.

Taekook

Resonance AO3, Oneshot, I already know it’s good because it’s by Rix. AND IT’S SOUL EATER AU. I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SEE THIS BUT YASSSS. This is actually one of the hottest things I’ve read in awhile. Like O_O wow.

I Just Had Sex (ft. Jungkook) AO3, Oneshot, first time bottoming and Tae is kind of angry because Kook almost missed his bday but things work out.

Sugar and Spice AO3, Oneshot, Daddy Kink but the love is sooooo real, soft affectionate Kook (I honestly can’t tell who actually has the power anymore between these two).

Night Winds AO3, Oneshot, Alpha Tae and Beta Kook, they could never work out but they did.

Suit and Tie AO3, Complete, I’m still not over how good this is, the power struggle of two hot CEO’s, and then the budding cuteness.

I Can Make You (Cry For Me) and Empty Spaces Don’t Talk About It AO3, Complete, Taekookseok with taekook end game, there’s junghope but it’s not as present as Taekook, the second part is ANGST GALORE but it ends well.

Fuck the Rules AFF, Oneshot, Taekook think the new PDA rules are stupid, it’s not exhibitionism in case you were wondering lol.

I’ll be a man (of you, you, you babe) AO3, Oneshot, Tae always bails Kook out of arranged dates.

After School AO3, Oneshot, canon compliant with Tae at the dorm and Kook at school, this is actually kinda cute at the end lol.

Topsy-Turvy AO3, Ongoing, hate to love, stepbrother au.

The Smell of Peaches AO3, Ongoing, THIS IS SO FREAKING GOOD, abo au, taekook are ex’s but Kook gets his heat and they become friends with benefits but with hidden feelings, and oh my god the angst and smut is A++++++. This is my current obsession lol.

Jikook

it must be fate (or you’re stalking me, who knows) AO3, Oneshot, this was actually quite cute, Jimin is the definition of cutie in the streets and senpai in the sheets (lol I love that tag)

Restrictions and Rewards AO3, Oneshot, Kookie needs the proper motivation.

See Through (If You Will) AO3, Complete, Mpreg Kook, hurt/comfort, I love the hurt.

Will You Stop Time AO3, Oneshot, Jungkook loved Jimin even if he pushed him away (but he always apologizes at night), the feels were real.

Bloom AO3, Oneshot, First Times, a little bit of angst.

No Strings Attached AO3, Complete, recently finished camboy Kook au and wow was it good, go read it you won’t regret it.

In Your Eyes (I’m the Best/I’m the Worst) AO3, Oneshot, fair warning this may or may not be your cup of tea, it’s humiliation kink well more like Jimin legit gets angry at Kook for being a brat all the time and insults him but Kook likes it (?), if you don’t like this kind of stuff, don’t read it.

power struggle AO3, Oneshot, Omega Kook and Alpha Jimin, i really really love the jealous hurt/comfort.

Becoming Bad AFF, Ongoing, Subscribers Only, Jimin the bad boy taints Innocent Jungkook.

Don’t Hesitate Any Longer AO3, Oneshot, Adult Ceremony dance practice into something more, hyung kink.

Every Morning (and Night) is Perfect With You That Christmas Evening Eros and Perfectly Imperfect AO3, Oneshot, yes shameless self-promotion but all of them are legit just bottom kook smut with feelings and tiny bit of plot.

Animal House AFF, Ongoing, Members-Only, Jungkook is the bunny cop that meets Fox Jimin, they room together and feelings develop but there’s something evil going on.

The Way You Move It (I Can’t Believe It) AO3, Oneshot, Jungkook is failing his Cha Cha class because his hips are stiff, Jimin shows him how to sway those hips and maybe more.

One Page Pornography Ch. 28 AO3, Oneshot, I was honestly craving hurt/comfort Jikook plus smut and dang did this provide. I loved the angst and it hurt so so good all the way up until Jimin comforted him and then the phone sex and actual sex was A+.

Kookiemonster

Golden Boy AO3, Complete, VOLLEYBALL AU, also angst and smut (hot smut) but angst, it’s a wild ride.

House Made of Cards AO3, Oneshot, you’d think it’s just smut but wow the underlying emotion is whew.

Got Me Baited and Bruised AO3, Oneshot, Awkward flirting guys lol.

Junghope

I’ll Give You Love (You Wanted Nothing) AO3, Oneshot, Junghope discuss marriage and I love the written dynamic here.

There and Back Again AO3, Oneshot, okay this is really cute, college au.

While You Were Sleeping AO3, Oneshot, Kook has a wet dream and Hobi takes care of it for him while he’s asleep, totally consensual, this it pretty hot.

Joke AO3, Oneshot, Kook is a complete brat to Hobi (because he’s an extreme tsundere) and Hobi shows him that he is very capable of fucking Jungkook up.

Sugakookie

Bittersweet AO3, Complete, this was a smut/angst ride too, darker themes but wow it’s good, mafia au.

Sweet Baby Boy AO3, Oneshot, yup just pure smut indulgence.

Tied Up AO3, Complete, I suggest you read the whole series by Rosiex.

White Lines, Pretty Baby AO3, Oneshot, Yoongi is Kook’s boss (well he’s a drug dealer) and they develop an unconventional relationship.

Good Boy, Baby Boy AO3, Oneshot, Daddy kink, lace panties, you get the idea.

Pretty Boy AO3, Oneshot, Daddy kink, crossdressing, Kook tries to prove that he’s not pretty using shock factor but it doesn’t really work out.

Whenever You Smile (I Smile) AO3, Oneshot, Hogwarts au, I love this, it was so cute and gahhhh it’s a great example of how fluffy sugakookie can be.

Mingling AO3, Complete, Werewolf Kookie meets ancient vampire Yoongi that’s actually a huge flirt.

The Assistant AO3, Complete, I honestly love this so much because it’s not just an interesting au with good smut, but the depth of the feelings. It’s a really healthy relationship between Sugakookie of course but also Kook and Jimin’s friendship.

Jinkook

You’re So Beautiful That I’m Scared AO3, Oneshot, indulgent smut with light dom/sub undertones, soft feelings.

So Nice and So Cool (So Good and So Hot) AO3, Oneshot, Seokjin the TA accidentally fucks one of his students

JungkookxEveryone

Pastel AO3, Ongoing, I think you all know this one by now but just in case you don’t, Kookie likes feeling pretty and he likes being taken care of, his hyungs find out one by one.

Vminkook

Crushed Lungs AO3, Ongoing, it’s kind of a love triangle but without the whole “i hate you” thing which I like.

Yoonkookseok

a sleepless night again today AO3, Ongoing, I love this ot3 and the relationships are developing right now but it already looks amazing.

Jihopekook

Accidentally Right There AO3, Ongoing, this does have jihope with bottom!Jimin but it explores Jungkook’s one-sided love (it really isn't that unrequited) and the hurt/comfort is great, Jungkookie is a sub and he wants to be loved, I just really love it okay?

Jikookiemonster

oh baby (what’re you doing to me?) AO3, Complete, there’s a big of angst because unrequited love and stuff but then Jimin and Joon take care of him and the FEELS.

Yoonjinkook

Loving You (Is Not a Mistake) AO3, Oneshot, this is really really good and what I’ve been craving, Valentine’s Day but it’s different, hurt/comfort and oh god the Yoonjinkook ot3ness was amazing.

I Play To Win AO3, Oneshot, Alpha!Yoongi/Omega!Seokjin/Alpha!Jungkook, they all play Overwatch and Kookie sets his eyes on Yoongi (who basically hates him at first lol). I love the clash between fiery explosive Yoongi and Tease of the Century Tsundere Jungkook but things work out because you have Seokjin the peacemaker. Basically Yoongi fucks the submission into Kook.

Yup, this is all I could find for now so happy reading? I’ll update this when there’s more fics. HERE is the first fic rec I did in case you missed some of these.

#jikook #taekook #sugakookie #junghope #kookiemonster #jinkook #vkook #hopekook #namkook #jungkookxeveryone #jikookiemonster #jihopekook #vminkook #yoonkookseok #fic rec #bottom jungkook

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dear-chaton · 7 years

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We Fly By Street Signs ~ III. And Most Things In Between;

Archive of Our Own Chapters; 1 2 3

This week wasn't really the best, on top of that I was asked to work more during a family tragedy and I'm all sorts of tired but this was a nice way of making light of a dark time so I hope this does the same for you.

Oh hey look I actually updated on time for once, woo go me.

Enjoy the third installment of WFBSS

Or the one where Adrien should have never introduced Nino and Alya, they were a force to be reckoned with

III. And Most Things In-Between; 2016

If you would have told Adrien that going to the party on Friday would lead to signing up for a race with Nino; one of the stupidest things he's ever done, he would have called you crazy.

And yet the next morning he found himself groaning into a table while said man bought frappes and scones.

❝Why does she hate me?❞ He murmured, hearing his friend's footsteps grow closer until a cool sensation touched his left hand.

❝Who?❞

❝Your friend from last night.❞ Nino slurped on his drink annoyingly loud, drawing the stares from a couple of girls from a few tables next to them. One of them giggled and pointed at Adrien, who in turn hid his face once more.

❝What Marinette? No, I don't think so.❞

❝I just,❞ He sighed and rubbed his temples. ❝Are you absolutely sure she's the same girl from the track?❞

❝My bro, my pal, have I ever steered you wrong?❞

❝… Don't pun at me, this is serious, she hates my guts. And I didn't even tell her who I was.❞

❝Didn't have to, she figured it out.❞Adrien groaned, banging his head on the coffee table. Nino chuckled, taking a bite of his scone and slapping a textbook down.

❝Hey, I don't pay you to complain about your rich boy problems. I pay you to teach me physics.❞

❝Your wish is my command.❞

❝Don't make it weird bro,❞ Adrien placed his hand on Nino's shoulder, struggling to hold in his laugh as he whispered,

❝Bro,❞ Nino squawked, face red and flailed as Adrien bent over the table laughing. People were definitely staring at them now but he couldn't have a care in the world.

❝If I didn't need to pass this test, mind you its 50% of my grade, I would have walked out by now Adrien.❞ His laughing subsided, raising his hands in surrender. The two of them got to work and made great progress by the time the afternoon rolled around. Save the number of times Nino would complain how hard it was while Adrien breezed through his study guide.

❝You are a god,❞ Nino repeated for what seemed like the tenth time that day. Adrien drank his new drink, watching his friend suffer.

❝Ready to admit defeat?❞

❝Shut up.❞ Adrien knew there was a glared being directed his way, so he simply flipped his the bird until he heard an undignified gasp.

❝I treat you to brunch and this is how you treat me?❞

❝Technically I paid for my tea.❞

❝Small details that no one needs to know my dear boy.❞

❝I'm older than you,❞

❝By what a month or something?❞

❝I'm 5 months older.❞ Nino pouted, even crossed his arms and turned away from him. It didn't last long though.

❝Hey! Subject change.❞ He wasn't allowed a word, Nino reached over the books and drinks to slap a hand over his mouth.

❝You should totally come to the race tonight. You know, cheer me on like the bro I know you are.❞

❝And risk my dad finding out, the media finding out and ultimately serving my head on a silver platter? No thank you, I like my head very much, Nino.❞ And then an odd look crossed his face, and Adrien knew nothing good could come out of it.

❝Who said anything about going as yourself?❞

It had happened so fast Adrien wasn't really sure how to react at first. One moment he was arguing about tagging along to the race and the next he was sitting in Alya's car, pouting.

❝Don't be a sourpuss, you've been wanting to come to one of these things since before you found Ladybug.❞ Alya teased as she drove them along.

❝Yeah well, that was back when I wanted to come on my own free will.❞ He looked down at what he had been bribed into wearing for the night. ❝What even is this?❞

❝There's a thing called secret identities around these parts Adrien, you just can't go waltzing around declaring you're the best racer. People could get seriously hurt.❞ Still, wearing all black where it was already pitch black was just asking to get run over at some point.

❝Even when you pout it's adorable,❞ Alya pulled a face as she stepped on the gas, causing the car to go a little too high over a speed bump for Adrien's stomach to handle.

❝Funny, because it is adorable you and your boyfriend dragged me along.❞

❝We're not dating.❞ Adrien stared at her, straining to hear the quiet, ❝Yet.❞ that closely followed the statement. He felt for her, reaching over the console to pat her arm. She looked like she wanted to say something and he was about to ask her if something was wrong when they stopped.

This was it, the current race site. And Adrien was terrified.

❝Please don't make me do this.❞

❝You're doing this, you're already here instead of holing yourself up in your apartment and watching my live stream.❞ When he didn't budge, Alya huffed and pulled him out of the car.

❝You'll get to see Ladybug live in action...❞ And if Adrien flushed red, Alya was his only witness. So he allowed himself to be dragged to center if he tried anything different he feared for his life.

Alya, the girl who he's known basically all of his life, was scary as hell when she wanted to be. But what he wasn't expecting was for the girl to bring him up to a table and sign in. Certainly didn't recall such a thing and leaned forward to sign in himself when he noticed his name was already there.

❝Alya...❞ The brunette giggled, but internally Adrien was freaking out. He did not sign up for this. He barely signed up to be here.

❝No.❞

As if she could read his mind, Alya spoke. ❝You haven't even tried it. You'll be fine if those racing games are anything to go by.❞

❝Alya,❞ He sighed and ran a hand down his face exasperated.

❝Alya that is virtual reality, I can and will die if I make one little mistake.❞

❝That didn't stop Nino model boy.❞ He looked at her in confusion, before something black and freezing was thrown at his face with no warning. First the outfit now this?

❝Um, what the hell was that?❞

❝Black face paint, duh. That girl has another thing coming if she thought she can get away with that little fiasco the other night.❞ Thoughts back with the spat came flooding into his mind, and Adrien honestly just wanted them gone. So he changes the subject.

❝You and Chloe are so alike it kills me.❞

❝Compare me to that bitch again and I will let slip who spent 2K on Camembert just for a stray.❞

❝Plagg wouldn't blackmail me like this.❞

She burst out laughing, clutching her stomach so suddenly her glasses almost flew off of her face. ❝You're kidding, right? Just the other day you said and I quote, 'This cat is so fucking lucky I am rich because he is the biggest little shit I have ever met. LOVE ME GOD DAMMIT!'❞

❝You have no proof of that happening.❞ He didn't expect her to calmly whip out her phone, scroll for a second or two before showing him a video of, indeed, chasing a little black cat around his apartment the week prior.

❝I rest my case.❞

❝Why did I give you a key?❞ She pushed him in the direction of her car, throwing an arm around his shoulders as they walked.

❝Because you love me. Now kick that chick's ass.❞

❝You say that like I actually have a chance to win.❞

❝You will don't worry. I'll be watching you and cheering you on.❞

❝This is betrayal at its finest.❞

❝Yeah yeah, whatever. Oh, don't forget you need a codename before you are announced. I was thinking Chat Noir.❞

❝What the actual fuck Alya?❞

❝You need a name and what's better than being named after your precious little kitty.❞

❝I hate you,❞ And with that Adrien stalks off, ignoring the cackles from Alya behind him.

He was going to win this race if its the last thing he did.

Adrien was glad Alya never bet on him because looking at the lineup and who he was up against, he was surely going to die.

Nino waved to him as he helped someone into their car, jogging over and giving him a hug.

❝Glad you could make it brother.❞

❝You are fucking evil, I can't race against her!❞ Adrien gestured vaguely to the girl whom he had been obsessed with since he saw her on Alya's first live stream. Ladybug.

❝Sure you can, there's nothing to it other than making four left turns.❞

❝This isn't Nascar Nino.❞

❝Don't have to rub it in,❞ Nino pouted but it was different from when they were teasing in the cafe. It almost looked sad and defeated. The look passed just as quickly as it came, and Nino was back to being his happy go lucky self. That Adrien very much wanted to murder.

❝You and Alya are so dead if I make it out of here, I don't even know how to race!❞

❝Just worry getting across the finish line Adrien, don't stress so much, its all for fun.❞ The blond ran a shaky hand through his hair, failing to notice a new face approaching them.

❝Nino I need help with my tires since someone took my car for a spin today.❞ That voice, he knew that voice.

Ladybug, in the flesh.

❝My bad, I was trying to show my buddy Adrien what it could do.❞ He tried to avoid eye contact, but it didn't seem like it mattered, with the black ensemble, he was practically invisible to her glare.

❝Right well, I think I need a tire change, I need your jack.❞ And what seemed like forever, her eyes landed on him. He froze, would she recognize him. Unfocused eyes said differently but still, he extended his hand to her.

❝The names' Chat Noir.❞

❝Ohhhhh, you're a racer tonight I see.❞ She smirked at him through her helmet visor. He could barely see her face, but she shook hands with him anyways.

❝Yeah, just trying it out seeing how I do.❞

❝Well, I guess I'm obligated to welcome you but I don't go easy on newbies Chat. Can I call you that?❞

❝You can call me whenever you want darling.❞ Her hand was ripped from his as Nino roared in laughter in the background. Once glance back towards her and she was already halfway to her car, and suddenly it dawned on his what he had done.

❝Oh shit.❞

❝Since when have you learned to flirt Agreste, and not like those shitty puns you keep telling me are fantastic like that was actually pretty decent and not at all like you were trying to get into her pants.❞

❝Shut up!❞ His voice cracked, and he could feel the tips of his ears burning up.

❝Just give me a run down on what I'm supposed to do.❞

❝Okay okay, but you gotta teach me your moves.❞

❝Nino! That was an accident.❞ Nino's eyebrows waggled suggestively, he just wanted this night to be over and done with.

And if Adrien died of embarrassment before the race, it was all Alya's fault.

#miraculous-ladybug #ml au #modern au #college au #marinette dupain cheng #nino lahiffe #alya cesaire #adrien agreste #fluff and angst #fic: we fly by street signs #fic: wfbss #kiwi talks shit #kiwi writes like shit #lol nah

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