#work and life in general are depressing

[jjba-smash-or-pass]

#you know what it might not be because of a general feeling of depression #maybe it's just burnout from the blog idk #I've also had creative burnout recently and it's been hard to work on any writing or drawing #just a general feeling of being in a funk bc it's been too cold to go outside so I've just been indoors all day every day #in the two same rooms (my bedroom and the living room) #anyway. enough about my life. I can't explain it but smash why not #king crimson #golden wind #jojo's bizarre adventure

[fortyfive-forty]

not to be gross and emotional and sappy on main but every day i am in awe of the absolute miracle that is mental health recovery.

#literally all i do is sit in my apartment and do homework and watch sports and play video games and go to work and chill with friends #i have the most boring life imaginable and it is everything to me #the joy that you can experience #from the juxtaposition of severe life-threatening depression as a teenager #to general bland contentment as an adult #i am overwhelmed with it on a daily basis #'tis a blessed life i say #i feel very lucky

[you-can-be-what-you-want-to-be]

I think the reason trans girl mob goes off so hard is because… the show is inherently about a kid who’s an outcast learning to be his best most happy self. Like people always say be yourself yeah but that usually doesn’t actually mean anything.

Mob psychos thesis statement is you are NOT special, and that is beautiful because it means you can be anything. Just because you’re a good artist and a shit singer doesn’t mean you should do art instead of singing, you should do what makes you happy and strive to be as good at it as you can, because mediocre is an achievement when you aren’t special, it’s about self improvement, not being the best.

And then you get a kid, who’s constantly terrified of his own emotions and how they effect others and is seen as naive, who doesn’t fit the stereotypical masculine world well (weak as hell, cares a lot about emotions, pacifist) and doesn’t fit the stereotypical feminine world well either (reserved usually, in the body improvement club, horrible fashion, not able to read a room) and you say part of being the best, happiest possible version of yourself is realizing your gender, and it’s not a sad thing, and it’s not about anyone else, it’s about being the best you possible.

I don’t think mob in show is trans or would be any better or worse at being a girl than he is at being a boy, because it isn’t about that. It’s about the idea that when people do the things that are important to them without regard for what other people might think and only focus on being who they want to be (not who they think they should be, not on who they are, who they WANT to be, who would be both a good person and make them happy) that that is the best, happiest, most successful version of them. And I think that’s beautiful.

#trans girl mob #trans mob #Trans Sheigo Kageyama #mob psycho 100 #meta thoughts #trans #just thinking about if everyone’s not special then maybe you can be who you want to be again #and you’re the protagonist of your own life #might be because I saw the episode with the depressed room and the cultural fair again #and how they thought the one guys problem was being unable to grasp his own life #mob and serizawa both having breakdowns about possibly wasting their lives and mob deciding he doesn’t want his age #to be the only thing that changes #and how mob worked really really hard on the costumes and the result was no one said anything good but no one complained #and how he got 70 in the marathon which isn’t a lot but is over TWO HUNDRED places further than before #and body improvement club in general #the beauty in you don’t have to be special and aren’t and that’s fine because everything is still beautiful and impressive in its own way #like yeah I might be living in one room and sharing living space with people I don’t know #instead of my own apartment or house #but I’m still fucking doing it and I’m happy and it’s cheaper than my last place #it’s important to hold onto and chase what matters to you #without clinging to things just because you always have and it feels safe or like you want it bc it used to be important #and to not want soemthing so bad that what you have now doesn’t matter #but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still reach for something better #anyway I’m rambling if you haven’t watched mob psycho go do it it genuinely changed my life for the better

[stillcominback]

🎀 🎀 🎀

#hi friends! #local cryptid laurel making a quick little dash appearance just to check in tbh 💗💗💗 #miss you all and writing loads but life continues to be a lot lol 😮‍💨 #still job hunting which has been really rough in general but also mentally #then raising my daughter aka puppy who I love but takes a lot of my time and energy 🐶 #BUUUUUUT a couple things! #1 - i’m better at checking into discord these days so if you would like to plot/write there and/or make servers to do so I would LOVE THAT #2 - RE: depressing job search - I’m working on opening up my own small shop!! #I’ll be starting with a collection inspired by The Traitors aka one of my fave shows atm #but will be doing all kinds of designs going forward! #I’ll drop more info here once we officially ✨launch✨ #but I would love to get more followers on our IG page and just get some hype/interest going! #so if anyone wants to check us out to see what’s to come (soon)! the IG is sonichedesigns #(and the website is thatsoniche but it’s not fully opened yet!) #I’m nervous but excited because I’ve always wanted to do something like this but never really had the time or creative/mental energy #so maybe the stars are aligning who knows! #LOVE YOU ALL and hope to catch you on discord at least! #(again not abandoning tumblr or rp at all! just don’t have much time for it so my blogs are basically for aesthetic things and w/e I have #time for haha 🤪💗 but discord I would love to do more writing and stuff so hmu or ask for my handle! MWAH!) #💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

[brookheimer]

didn’t expect the anne carson post to get notes but now that it has i myself am the recipient of bad takes. horrible

#also 75% of the people reblogging it atp do not seem to understand my frustration w the comments #like i didn’t post this to be like look how ableist twt users are in denying the lived experience of depression for other ppl #i mean sure but that was not the point of the post #it’s about an inability to read poetry and a newfound insistence on everything including art having a Take i #it’s about a fundamental disconnect with literature and works in general that are not written for you specifically #relatability politics infiltrating literary discourse #like their criticism of the poem is the strangest i’ve ever seen bc it has nothing to do with the poem. people do not know how to read #anymore #they treat everything like it’s a tweet they either need to publicly agree with or publicly mock #but yeah like my point was not Look How Dismissive They Are Of Neurodivergent Experiences #it was Jesus Fucking Christ The Education System Is Failing Us And Critical Literacy Is At An All Time Low #i mean this isn’t supposed to be about depression. it’s about life and living it #and honestly people defending it from the depression/neurodivergenxe angle is just the flip side of the twitter hate — you like it because #you view it as representative of your specific lived experience and would likely not like it if it didn’t #it’s being wrapped up into identity politics #and that was sooooo not the point of the post like i am criticizing the relatability/identity politics mode of reading #it’s made us unable to look at things on their own terms let alone thru a legitimate critical lens! #i mean ofc you can like stuff bc it resonates w you i’m not criticizing That. but saying that that’s what gives a work of art value or #determines whether or not it’s ‘good’ is ridiculous and narcissistic and rooted in the tiktok brain fungus discouraging all nuance ever #sorry sorry i’ll shut up now

[deityofhearts]

the current (and consistent) mood is “my presence is unnecessary and contributes nothing”

#deity dialogue #so like on that note I just don’t know what to do #I feel like I need to be realistic about my place in peoples lives and just idk stop assuming people care #*shrug emoji* like I’m tired of being hurt by stupid shit that doesn’t matter #I just don’t feel like it matters whether or not I exist in anyone’s life or in general #I keep trying to tell myself that isn’t true or tell myself that it’s okay but nothing works #sometimes I do genuinely think maybe people do care and want me in their lives #then I realize I’m just bothering them and not like worth their time and it stings because I genuinely want to be wnated by people #anyways my head still hurts and i have a bday dinner to attend tomorrow so once again I’m taking sleep medicine #getting my fave depression snack tomorrow: tiramisu #perhaps I can opt out of dinner and get TWO tiramisu #but probably not I should probably eat actual food lest my irls get on my case about not eating

[utterxdesires]

Hello, hello! I'm around, I've just had a really tiring and rough week at work, and I've had no inspiration to write. I've gathered everything I owe in the drafts and i'll start catching up over the weekend. ♥

#is it winter depression or am i just miserable with work and life in general? #out of sara

[just-an-enby-lemon]

I get Jack you're repressed and depressed now quit your job and stop being a dick.

#sad repressed bi boy keeps being being mean to his pacients #renfield is my baby and any attack to him is personal #victorian prick #jack seward #he is my favorite characther? hell no #but I'm studying him like he does reinfield #because he is unwell and interesting as heck and also a disaster and is fun #except he is being an ableist dick and i'm a casual media analyst #dracula #also is amazing how seward almost almost gets to theorizing about sazonal depression a real thing that they didn't really knew at the time #he almost almost gets it and instead goes to magic sun and more ableistic bs #also jack is genuinally a good general practicioner and surgeon specially for his time #but instead he is fucking people up and honestly also ruining his own mental health at an asylum #he could be saving numerous lifes and instead he is making everyone's lifes around his work place including his worse #please seward just fucking quit #he is a shit neurologist a shittier psychiatrist and I don't even consider him a psychologist just quit man please go do surgeries and exams

[gattmammon]

So the molecule change is going badly

#i know this is the worst moment because im taking halved dosage of both meds #so my serotonin receptors are like. what exactly are we doing. and im hurting all over which is a sympthom of duloxetina withdrawal for me. #but fuck i had NOT realized how much the drug contributed to keeping my will to live up throughout the day #its kind of disappointing #this feels like way back in the days when i was just rawdogging life and its. uuuuh no good #both my general doctor and my job gave me shit about how many times ive been missing work #and like. i cannot say anything beyond im sorry #because depression is so hard to explain. people dont accept 'i just could not bring myself to be a human today' as a valid excuse #like literally i kept thinking. j need to do this and that. but my body was like. nah #and like this job is my pride and joy. i had a spotless fucking record. im so sad and angry at myself #i just hope that when i start taking full dosage of the new meds things will smooth themselves over

[gentlethorns]

okay i'm struggling again

#she bork #tbd #idk i'll be fine life is just very mean and unfair and worst of all ordinary and dull. i go to work i come home i do nothing worthwhile. #weekends are never long enough and i never get to cram enough into them to enjoy myself. if life was mean but also generous and glamorous i #could maybe put up w it bc for every low there would be a high but it's not. it's just mean and you hit that low and then instead of it #being followed by a high you just end up on a plateau and eventually you hit another low. god i just don't think i was supposed to live in #this ordinary boring tedious life like i'm not made for it. not in a pretentious arrogant way but in a way that's like i'm going fucking #crazy like i have cabin fever but w my life rather than my environment (which tbh maybe they come down to one and the same). idk sometimes i #want to just blow up my life and go somewhere else and do something else and have fun and not feel so weighted down by responsibilities and #bills and worry about money specifically. like i was miserable in high school but now i think i look back on it fondly bc 1. no true #responsibilities or high stakes and/but 2. the stakes always FELT high like i was CONSTANTLY up and down and euphoric and depressed. not #healthy at all but it always felt like something was HAPPENING and now it just doesn't. i have always though that bored was the worst thing #to be and now here i am all the time it feels like. bored. #and again at the root of everything is that life is mean. mean mean mean. sometimes shit just HAPPENS that's bad and fucks you over and #there's nothing you can do about it. and again if there was something guaranteed to make up for it that would be fine but there's not. you #just have to recover and let it go and move on. and i'm not good at that

[katya-goncharov]

maybe i SHOULD just try to get a different job that would be better suited to me

#only i'd feel bad after such a short time because they provided me with a uniform and everything and it's clear that they're short-staffed #at the moment and everyone WAS really nice. it was just that i somehow don't quite jel with the people. and also i don't know if i can #handle being around people for so long at a time. and having to be constantly working and using my initiative to try to find what needs #doing and generally activating the part of my brain that doesn't come naturally to me #and yeah i had another offer for a summer job that i could say yes to. but i think that would burn me out even more bc it's just as much of #being around people only SIX days a week full-time #i just don't know if i'm cut out for being employed in general. but as an adult you sort of have to be because you need money and also just #to do SOMETHING with your life. and i don't want to just become another depressing statistic about the amount of autistic people who don't #work. ugh anyway ignore me i'm just having an existential crisis i guess. maybe i'll feel better tomorrow #emma vents #they should invent jobs that are specifically neurodivergent friendly but i don't think such a thing exists

[femmeterypolka]

i don't think proseka is a very good game. It's definitely not a very good vocaloid game. but i'm addicted to the little pink diamond that says i did a good job playing and i'm normal about mizuki akiyama

#i'm generally not super intrigued by the project sekai characters. nightcord is the only group i really care about. #but even then. I don't care about the characters in the way the game wants me to. i relate to ena but i don't think they'll ever do anythin #interesting with her character. as is the business model of the game. you CAN'T have an ending to the story because then the content stops #as an neurodivergent person i relate a lot to kanade. but i don't find her all that interesting! #mafuyu has the same problem as ena. i want to like her but she can't know peace if the game wants to keep making money. and also #depression and burnout don't work like a story arc. they always come back. #i like mizuki because i think she's kind of aspirational for me. like out of all of them in the token sad group she actually has her life #together. she has a healthy relationship with her art and she's just herself. i tend to find a lot of transfem characters to be way more #relateable in terms of their relationship with gender expression. despite my agab. i want to be that cute prolific artist femme. #i wish the game would bite the bullet and actually confirm she's transfem. mostly because a lot of people would be happy about it but also #because i'm afraid if she's not transfem. her whole thing would be 'i was a tomboy who rediscovered my femininity' and i HATE that trope.

[tealfruit]

I think I surprised my new doctor a little yesterday when she found out that I have 1000 things going on in my life including the recent death of my dad and a hefty amount of mental health management and appointments and late night work shifts etc and yet was still cracking jokes and stuff. I said yeah I got a lot going on and she's like "yeah sounds like it! but you still keep a smile on!" I'm like yeah I'm a glass half full kinda guy ig

#nerd alert #people who knew me like 6 years ago know i have not always been this way #i struggled HARDCORE with depression and anxiety and general mental health stuff #especially when i was with my abusive ex #i started working at food lion a few months before i moved out of his house and dumped him #and after id been seeing june for a little but all of them talked about how drastically id changed #saying how before i always seemed tired and sad and didnt smile much and was just kinda blah #and now i seemed so much happier and more energetic #i think about that sometimes. i know i could tell the difference in my own quality of life #but it was wild to me how fucking obvious it was for everyone else as well

[stardust9905]

Stressed,

Depressed,

And need to fucking rest.

But if anyone asks, dOn't wORrY, i'M fiNE !

✨️😃😀🙂🥲😪😭😪🥲🙂😀😃✨️

#mental health #actually mentally ill #holy fuck #i'm fighting for my life here #all my energy is going into basic day-to-day tasks #i have nothing left #for my homework or housework or work in general #like sure i'm not REALLY depressed because i can get out of bed #or fucking shower #or eat #right? #because as long as i'm technically functioning and doing the basic tasks then it'S aLL fiNe #right. #shit is not great #could be better #could ✨️possibly✨️ be worse #at least i haven't relapsed back to self harm again 😀✨️ #life is hard #life is pain #anyway 😀 #send halp #please and thanks <3 #😀✨️