#working on my own body positivity

[briarrolfe]

Another sleepy morning waiting for my coffee to brew and wondering how we will ever rescue queer bodies and queer stories from being turned into products for heterosexual audiences

#I’m always thinking these days of the Straight Gaze. Queer bodies that are represented and fetishised in ways that disempower us #there’s been a dramatic uptick in making bottoms transmasc in fanfic. it’s about as elegantly handled as you’d imagine #I think that there’s a problem in fandom where people know about being sex positive and not to kink shame and have decided like #oh so when people criticise my work as fetishistic they’re trying to stamp out my special sparkle #anyway. time to eat breakfast (gnaws off my own leg)

[scamera-writes]

Her. An Essay.

The spring air lies heavy in your lungs as you breathe in deeply, the bright smells assault your nose and waves of nostalgia roll off the hills. You know this is her favorite season so you’ve dressed prepared for the chill in the air.

It's a long walk to the meadow with a shovel in hand and wheelbarrow pushed in front of you, but you do it. When you get there, a girl smiles up at you from where she is playing in the grass.

You know her age, but do not say it. You know her name, but do not say it. You know her, but do not say it.

She says hello in that sweet mellow tone that sounds so foreign yet so similar and tastes like syrup on your tongue. Her eyes are wide and shining, but blissfully not tear stained- like your own- and her cheeks are round with a warm flush as her smile softens.

You do not meet her eyes, those same beautifully colored eyes that match yours, searching for a hint as to what you’re doing here. You gaze across the meadow instead but still catch a glimpse of her blue denim overalls and green shirt.

They match your own in a way.

You finally say hi back and take the shovel to the dirt under a beautifully perfect sycamore tree that arches into the sky; it rises before the two of you, right in the middle of the meadow. The dirt stains your clothes as you drop to your knees, using your hands more than the shovel to dig at the layered earth.

You hear soft footsteps behind you but don’t look up from your work. To your side you see the girl walk up to you again and she places a small flower behind your ear before grinning and moving to lay in the sun near you.

You pluck the flower out from behind your ear to examine it. A white petunia. A wistful familiarity to the flower washes over you and you tuck it back behind your ear before moving back to the freshly unearthed dirt.

You can feel her watching as you dig this pit, you hate the feeling of dirt under your fingernails. The mud cakes on your hands and crackles with every movement; it makes your skin crawl but you don’t give up now. After a small hole is dug, you grab the large stone and tools brought in the wheelbarrow and begin to carve. She sits next to you now, her smaller hands grip a rock in her own palms and she plays with it gently.

You carve a name you didn’t think you’d ever write again into the rock and place it at the top of the pit. She recognizes the name, tips her head smiling gently, and in an understanding manner she stands up.

And walks away. Around the back of the sycamore tree she disappears and then reappears.

She plucks a sycamore leaf off the ground when she´s visible again and looks up as you smile at her. She drops the leaf into the hole you've dug, then helps you repack the layers of sediment that you both know you’ll unearth again, in the future, to be intertwined together in the end.

But not now. Now, the earth is resealed and she smiles sweetly, laying a makeshift bouquet of petunias and poppies with a gentle hand.

You get up and hold a hand out for her, she doesn't look away from the earth you've both just moved and instead runs her hands over the top of the rocks again before sighing with a big smile. She gets up and grabs your hand, it's so much smaller and softer than yours yet you can still feel the dirt on both of your hands.

She grips your hand a little tighter, following your lead as you walk towards home, flower still tucked behind your ear you notice a matching flower behind her own. And you smile.

When you get closer to the house, her eyes are wide with soft recognition, a place so familiar to the both of you yet it feels cold and empty at the same time. You invite her inside again, it's been so long for you both, still the house is like an old friend, in a way. You hold open the door and she steps through.

She walks over to the dinner table and sits down at the far side, gesturing for you to sit on the other but you shake your head politely.

You aren't ready yet.

You ask if she’d like a drink, and she nods. You already know what she would like so you don’t have to wait for her to tell you. Passing over the tall glass with ice clinking in it feels like a ritual. You don't want to let go. You do. You sit down across from her.

You know what's coming next and it's hard. You know you have to accept it. Losing her again won't be easy but you know it's not permanent this time.

She takes small sips of her drink, smiling over to you but neither of you attempt to make small talk anymore, you both know how the interaction will end.

And it's not bittersweet. Neither of you are upset. She is content in a way you don’t think you quite understand yet. But you think you feel complete, whole and peaceful for possibly the first time in your life.

It's enjoyable to watch her glowing eyes look at you with respect and admiration, to be able to grow into what you did makes her heart beat with something adjacent to love.

And as you leave the house, knowing you will be reunited in the end, to be buried in love & hate, happiness & anger, and warmth & heartache. You know it's love. It's always been love.

For her.

-Her. An Essay. (By me)

Happy trans visibility day. This is an ode to the girl I was. We will be buried together in the end. I love you, take care.

#scamera writes #scamera poems #original poem #trans day of visibility #transgender #lgbtq #tdov #wanted to post this one eventually and figured today wasnt a terrible day to do it #anyways. idk if it comes across properly but this is about being and not being the girl i was #and how she was herself and in order to be me i had to dig her grave and by god she helped #but we will be intertwined again in the end #(idk if That makes sense ! guys my brain works weird) #also yeah. this one is a long one <3 i do call it an essay dont i #and idk how happy i am with this (i cant tell if it Seems positive but its supposed to be kinda) #it still feels much too story based for what i want but im okay enough with it that i will post it (im not Overly happy with it) #i dont think it needs any tags? just in case though #ask to tag #okay #i love you all & happy tdov #your body is your own and you are lovely

[meet-the-misfits]

R0X1 HERE!! I DREW THE MANE 6 AS HUMANZ CUZ I FELT LIKE IT LULZ. I THINK THEYRE KEWT!

(Plain Text: Roxi here! I drew the Mane Six as humans 'cause I felt like it, lol. I think they're cute!)

(OOC: I'm very fond of my human MLP headcanons, so I drew them... in Roxi's art style, for some reason. Hope you like 'em!)

#roxi's art #fat art #fat positive #body positive #my little pony #MLP FIM #my little pony friendship is magic #Pinkie Pie MLP #Rainbow Dash MLP #Rarity MLP #Fluttershy MLP #Twilight Sparkle MLP #Applejack MLP #MLP humanized #human MLP headcanons #they're all in their twenties in my hc. I HATE that Equestria girls made them teens for some reason #Twi/Theresa runs the local library. AJ works on the family farm. Pinkie/Pippa works at the bakery. #Rarity/Riri runs her own damn business she is a SELF MADE ICON #RD/Raina is an athlete and Flutters/Florence runs like. an animal rescue I guess.

[idliketobeatree]

so tired of romanticising being pale. i think we'd all benefit from stepping away from that

"oh their alabaster skin/white like a victorian ghost/just blinding in the sun" type of thing? good for you if it resembles a porcelain doll, but i have skin conditions and the line between it looking okay, maybe kind of cool to sickly is as thin as the violet-blue veins on my thighs. cannot stress this enough, it's a raw chicken situation when you don't put the balm on. the strawberry legs after shaving are just there, being strawberry. the discoloration alone can take you seeing all the colors like green, yellow, violet, pink etc hues. get yourself a nice sunburn from half an hour of direct sunlight for the whole packet. every bigger bruise looks like the whole limb needs amputating? and all of these are neutral bodily things! i just wish i saw normal pale skin that doesn't look like fine china around more

#body acceptance #body positivity #body neutrality #skincare #if this reads self-deprecating it really isn't!! i've mostly accepted that's the way my skin works #and laughing about it helps take it less seriously #not even going deeper into the racism assiociations of being “proud to be pale"?? because. what the hell #inb4 white girl problems #reading some fiction rn and if i see one more time the absolutely high fantasy way of depicting skin. i may lose it #i don't need your skincare routine girl i need you to be more real with the genetic lottery #maybe push the limits of what you're exposed to and challenge those beliefs a lil?? #i know i have to create my own better representation etc etc but still #marcela talks #personal

[running-in-the-dark]

I don't want to be someone who always just complains (about my body, my brain, my marriage, my family, everything) but I just. can't change the things that bother me. it doesn't get better because I can't make it better no matter how much I tell myself to, I just can't

#I CAN'T just convince myself to not be tired/fatigued at all times #I can't somehow make it so my brain and body are able to work a fucking full time job #I can't. I literally genuinely cannot do it #I can't live on my own I can't go somewhere else I can't have the life and friends and hobbies that I want #I. can't. #and it feels fucking horrible to say that. that's not how it's supposed to be! you're supposed to be motivated and positive and not give up #and believe you can do anything you want #but how. how? #the problems I have are what is stopping me from fixing them. I can't talk myself out of that #yeah if someone gave me a bunch of money or a house or all the support I need I would probably be better! I would be able to do things that #I'm not able to now! #but that's not how it is #no I can't do the laundry and cook and clean and keep the house nice and tidy. I can't even do that. I have no children - no 'excuse' to #stay home and not work #I'm not disabled. there's no illness or anything that would prove or justify that I really can't do it #I'm just broken in a million tiny ways that no one takes seriously at all. I'm just bad. #I should be fine. there is nothing wrong with me that anyone is able to find #so there is nothing wrong #I should just get over it and be strong and motivated and just fucking DO IT #even when it's hard #but it's not hard it's. impossible. #man im so tired

[sodrippy]

way too old and over it to still be annoyed by this but man it pisses me off that my parents straight up dont believe that my working out has had any impact simply bc i dont lose weight when i exercise like boy cant wait to see them again and immediately be told how fat i look 👍

#its so annoyinggggg i know i should just get over it but it feeds so badly into my body image issues and its like #it makes me frustrated w myself bc like why am i discounting all the benefits and positive change i live w daily just bc of them #like im iconic for breaking the weight obsessed cultural trappings on my own. even if some days it still gets to me vshfbr #its so annoying god the impact of working out is so tangible in so many ways i dont even care abt weight genuinely #its just this gnawing thought of like. but everyone in your family absolutely thinks less of you bc you arent skinny. #anyway whatever like do you want me to kms over it? too bad #having to sign off the rakshabandhan cards w my family name spun me out a bit i think sbfjencm oops

[small-witch-big-hat]

Hi, I’m sure you didn’t mean any harm but I wanted to let you know that it was really sad and upsetting to see your comments about longing to be smaller under art celebrating fat bodies. I don’t want you to be unhappy but also it sucks that you felt the need to derail a piece of fat positivity with your negative emotions.

I hope this doesn’t seem mean, more than that, I hope - more than you know - that you learn to find peace with your body as it is now. Whether or not you ever lose weight (or gain weight, or fluctuate for the rest of your life) you deserve to be happy in the flesh you inhabit, right now. Today. Not when you’re skinny. Not when you look right. Immediately, and with no conditions, you deserve to be happy. No weight loss will ever feel as good as happiness that isn’t tied to external expectations of your body.

If that isn’t possible for you yet (which is fine), then I at least hope that you be a little more considerate about when and where you share your negativity, and that you choose not to broadcast them in a way that undermines the work of those people who don’t share your current views towards their fleshbags.

I don't recall which post I responded to that spurred this ask, but I am sorry that I caused someone else pain here. I try not to vent on other people's posts, and I broke my own rule.

A lot of the fat positivity stuff I see around here makes me feel really uncomfortable. It reminds me of my own body, with which I am not really on speaking terms. It reminds me of the frustration that being heavy causes me, of the health problems it's exacerbating, of how much trouble I have managing my eating in a healthy way. It reminds me of the things I want to do that my weight prevents.

It's also complicated by my gender dysphoria, which only makes me feel even MORE trapped in a body that fits wrong.

It makes me feel like trying to change is futile, that I'm doomed here. I don't WANT to "find peace" with my body as it is now. To be honest, having you wish me that makes me feel sick and angry, and I'm not entirely sure why. It feels like you're asking me to ignore things about myself.

#body image #venting #ask #i can mute fat positivity tags but people don't always tag things #I fucking hate being biological #I hate that we know so fucking little about medicine #I hate that we can't fix ourselves when we break #I hate that we die #I try not to bring negativity on Tumblr but heaven knows I often fail #sure I deserve to be happy #but I want to be happy in a body that fits better #a body where my feet don't hurt #a body where clothes fit #a body where I don't feel like I'm taking up too much space and where my pants aren't always either too tight or too loose #I fucking hate being fat #and most of all I hate that I haven't been able to stop being fat #that I can't control my own actions long enough to just eat less and exercise more #guess this is self loathing but it's loathing for a very specific part of how my brain works

[ace-and-ranty]

I. Badly need new clothes.

#a combination of pandemic + me being super stingy about buying new clothes + entering my thirties + gaining weight #means all my clothes are old and ill-fitting. #this is early 20s Laura's Wardrobe. #IT DOES NOT DO ANYMORE. #We need a wardrobe for early 30s Laura!!! #who is fat and has (some) money to buy clothes!!! #I am saving money though #and soon this will be rectified. #time to plan a shopping trip #(SHIVERS) god I hate buying clothes. #nothing undoes the work of body positivity more than goddamn changing rooms. #but I will brave the mortifying ordeal of trying on clothes #for the reward of owning pretty clothes.

[kindnessoverperfection]

upset about the fact that people think it's cute and trendy to talk about ppl with EDs as if they're just like "haha im ugly lol i'm shallow and vain and fatphobic <3"

like please do 2 seconds of research on EDs and stop spitting vitriol at ppl with a life-threatening illness who hate themselves deeply and have a 10% death rate thanks

#ed discussion / #like yeah there are people who act cruelly to others and take their own stuff out on other people. it's like that with every mental illness #there's a whole range of experiences with eds that i just can not cover in the tags of a post #and one of my loved ones has an ed and internalized fatphobia from many years of deep trauma. and they DO struggle w/seeing other people #in certain ways & will occasionally make a judgmental comment #but it's something they're holding themself accountable for and feel guilty about and actively working on and addressing and challenging. #and they're really supportive of body positivity and are trying to get better. but when you grow up like that it doesn't happen overnight #and as for me i've never seen other people like that. it's not like that for me. i think fatphobia is stupid as fuck and know all the #reasons why it is. i think society and beauty standards are complete BS. at its core it isn't about the food or weight #it's about trying to avoid mistreatment & false associations with oppressive/capitalist beauty standards=love & #coping mechanisms & addiction & isolation & attempting to exert control over traumatic situations through self-destruction #it's not ''lol im stupid and shallow and vain'' for anyone and i wish people would stop talking about it like it is. #had someone talk about how their friend's mom LITERALLY starved her and now she makes self-deprecating comments about her own #body (but says nice things about other people). then they IMMEDIATELY went on to talk very angrily about that friend for doing that. #and i was like?????? oh my GOD??? #like if it's triggering to hear those comments that's totally understandable and please let her know. those comments can be triggering for #me too. but why do people treat people with EDs so horribly #it's terrible

[nightcord-luka-official]

hello mod

i have come to your askbox to wish you a wonderful day and a happy mood

-mystery anon

WAHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH?!?_;+"1!$(#;*

IM IN A VERY HAPPY MOOD NOW (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

and i wish you and everyone else who reads this a wonderful day too!!!!

#ask luka #even tho this was for me not luka #not luka talk #??? #idk how my own tags work #im just like exploding (positive) (too much happy for tiny body(

[somethingaboutvampires]

If your neck doesn't hurt after a concert/rave then are you even doing it right?

#de rambles #de music #okay so I was being a bit of a hypocrite w my tags and the pos expectations experiment #so i had a great time at the concert and yes ppl noticed us bc we were dancing in an asile and def dancing bigger than anyone around us #i heard some disapproving groans when he backed into me grinding but i didn't really know if it was that or what #and only after the show he told me a lot of women were specifically glaring at me and jealous. i didn't catch any of that #i did see the whoo girl whip around. make eye contact w me and yell at me that i was too loud and my bf agreed my whoos are very loud #so i didn't feel judged while there. i just know we've caught attention from how we dance bc we use our whole bodies like i fold in half at #beat drops and miss the pyrotechnics bc im in my own zone. so it just gets attention bc anyone moving is getting attention #yea #working on positive thinking and reclaiming my outlook but also aware we're in a videotaping strangers outbreak so being realistic that we #might once be taped bc ppl are making fun of us #idk #anyway

[monstermonstre]

getting an anxiety attack from being in too much physical pain ✔️

#it's just a trapped nerve but after struggling to find a position that will give me any relief i started to panic #had this claustrophobic feeling from my own body #hopefully the pain killer will work and soon

[hearthandhomewitchery]

Absolutely love this picture husband took of me while doing latest video

#cottagecore #fairycore #body positive #cottagecore plus size #plus size fashion #own work #my own stuff #own stuff

[littlegoldfinchh]

Everytime i see my own ass in the mirror im like

#dunno the last time i felt positive about my own body but im gonna ride this wave while it lasts<3 and my diet is working so im extra happy #like girl your ass is fat!!! and it's a compliment #rambling

[welpnotagain]

tried to write a post about a thought I have been having lately about the different body movements like positivity/neutrality/whatever the fuck the incels on 4chan and Twitter are on. I rambled on to myself not quite being able to put it into words and just basically writing a poorly conceived college essay.

But the essence is:

[needs ID]

This is very much just something I've been mulling over in my head. It's probably just another flavour of nihilism to some extent and massively flawed.

#i dont even know if this makes sense this way #or in any way for that matter #its like the headline of an article and like half of the first paragraph #but i dont think i even brought up why body neutrality and body positivity dont work as well as id like for me personally #problem with body positivity: you can say 50 million insincere or fuck it sincere compliments about my appearance I won't believe you. #problem with body neutrality: excludes extremes. which has its own added value for oneself but for me personally fails to mitigate #receiving worse treatment because of 'ugly' appearance. concept of beauty will stick around. but looks shouldn't influence prospects #man idfk

[smithsparker]

,

#the harder i swim the faster i fucking sink #i actually tried my best to like. do something today. went to my sport practice that ive been skipping for weeks #and it sucked and i didnt like it and the girls there all ignored me (obviously because im never fucking there) #and i had to train with this tiny fucking annoying kid who kept walking away and leaving me alone #so i couldnt fucking do anything #and now im home and my entire body hurts and my mum told me to go away and im just. fuck !! #i KNOW its late and im just tired but dude im tired of my entire fucking life #i tried to pick out nice clothes today to help me feel better (bc i had been scrolling pinterest and was feeling so inspired) #but that just made me miserable <3 because im not a fucking pinterest girl and my closet is just random shit #not some fucking. aesthetic . and i never own the clothes that i wanna wear at that moment but i also can never find things i love in stores #and i cant believe im complaining about something as mundane as this i just. feel like shit rn #tried to do some painting and it didnt work bc i had zero inspiration and everything i made looked ugly as hell! so that was fun #i fucking. need to change something up. cut my hair weed out my closet change my room. because i am feeling sooo stuck in this life #first tho. i will go to bed #because of course i have fucking work tomorrow. i cant WAIT until april when i can finally stop at this fucking job #(well i say can. they fired me <3 but who cares i wanted to quit anyway) #this has been. a long rant. oops #i just hate that so often when i try to make a positive change it just . fucking sucks #but what can i do about it. not much! #goodnight anyone who read all this i'm sorry #sas.txt