#wow I had more to say abt this than i thought lol
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rereading Fairest bc I have my own copy now (yay $2.50 at a used bookstore!) and so far it's as lovely as I remember
but anyway I do like how Aza's "ugliness" is characterized by people actually treating her badly because of it. People talk about the stereotype of YA protagonists being like "oh poor me I'm so ugly" in an attempt to make them relatable but the narrative actually treats them like they are gorgeous and every character that isn't a villain finds them attractive.
Vs. here it's like. yeah her self perception is all tied up in cultural ideas of beauty and she's definitely not objective either, and a lot of what she thinks is inherent to her ugliness is all wrapped up her related social anxiety, etc.
but! It's very refreshing to see a book that deals so much with beauty standards actually commit to it! It's not like she's just vain and obsessed with looks! You can tell she wants to be beautiful because she wants to be treated like a person! The way it is just that blatant! Most people are rude to her or ignore her! And she makes it worse in her head and compounds the problem by letting her own insecurity draw attention to herself, but at the end of the day, she's right! People would treat her better if she looked different!
The details that we get about her appearance are not even "ugly" traits, either! Like we get the pale skin, black hair, red lips combo pulled directly from the traditional Snow White fairy tale, where those traits are supposed to be beautiful and desirable! But in this culture, apparently those traits are a part of her ugliness, which just perfectly highlights how the beauty standards are inherently arbitrary! And yet! They affect her life in real ways! It doesn't matter much how we, the reader, picture her; we believe that she is ugly because people treat her like she is!
Anyway I especially love how her insecurity regarding her size is portrayed. The combo of feeling small and meek and timid on the outside but being large and imposing on the outside. She feels like she takes up too much space. She doesn't want to wear anything at all attention grabbing. She doesn't know what to do with her limbs. Her biggest fear about demonstrating her magical singing trick is that she would have to show people how she moves her stomach (the horror!)
anyway everyone ever should read Fairest. I could write 12.5 dissertations on it. fantasy books for 12-year-old girls are the most serious fiction in the world actually
#gail carson levine#fairest#daisyreads#anyway what I'm saying is there's a reason why I kept coming back to this book as a very shy girl with a large frame#ough the way her sister is like ''and your eyes are gorgeous''#the kind of conditional compliments. and they way people including her family that loves her acknowledge the pragmatic aspects#like yeah let's have you avoid the customer facing tasks. you could get famous with your singing if you were better looking#anyway. like being told irl when trying on clothes ''well what matters is if you feel confident''#thanks! that's what you say to ugly people!#(for the record I do not think I'm particularly ugly. I am pretty average imo)#but I do think that I would be perceived differently in a lot of ways if I were prettier! (and smaller! oof)#and it's nice to have that acknowledged as a real thing in fiction#instead of assuring us that the protag isn't perfect looking but giving her all the pretty privileges anyway#wow I had more to say abt this than i thought lol
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Somebody Tied You to an Ant Pile — miguel o’hara
ミ★ a Bullet fic on being in Highschool with a Miguel O’HottieHara
ミCONTENT: miguel o’hara x afab! reader. childhood friends to lovers. nerd/popular trope. messing around (r16). Inspired by blueastriz’s work on TT.
read this as if i was a friend barging in ur inbox for a fic idea lmao. don’t take the formatting too srsly!
The cicadas rang their symphony in the hot summer air. It was time to part ways.
“You’ll text right?” An 11-year old Miguel O’Hara pouts, beside you on the swing. The sun was setting. A chapter was now closing.
You laugh, excited about the new adventure that came with moving homes, but you give him your biggest comforting smile. “Of course! You’re my best friend Miggy, we’ll even talk all night if you want to!”
He pushes his glasses up his nose, pout still evident.
You outstretch your hand, and he hands his over, interlacing each other. Stubby and sweaty children hands.
You gave his soft palms a gentle squeeze. “I promise. Nothing’s going to get in between us.” Your eyes beamed with hope.
Miguel gave a small smile and nods. “I’ll ask mama to buy me a phone.”
- But that was 5 years ago and well, times have changed.
- But now you’re in Highschool as a popular kid!!
- Mostly because you hung out with the mean girls
- names? Stacy and Jane lmao
- You though? you’re Nice, buuuutt you were also a bystander. Kid getting bullied? Not exactly your problem.
- But when it mattered you spoke your mind and had a rbf so everyone stays away from your clique
- You and Miguel go waaaayy back
- Before you moved you were neighbors!
- You and Miguel are childhood best friends
- First grade at ur old school some bullies tied you and Miguel to an antpile
- You two were bonded ever since over red ant bites and swollen faces
- Playing games together with the O’Hara brothers
- Pulling stunts on his younger brother Gabri
- Making messes everywhere
- And blaming Gabri lol
- U guys were together EVERYDAY practically inseparable by the 6th grade. Never one without the other
- Then you moved u tried keeping contact but life kept u both busy, u guys just eventually stopped talking
- Cue 10th grade! There is a new transfer student
- U usually dont care, so u went a while without noticing this transferee
- Then you saw someone getting picked on at lunch
- U were studying the kid from afar - Jane saw u staring and teased u for it
- Said his name was Miguel O’Hara. The newbie
- “He’ll adapt soon enough.”
- DUH u remembered Miguel. He was ur grade school crush. And with his dorky glasses and thin frame, you STILL thought he was cute
- U wait for him out of his AP Science class
- U creep behind him as he rummages through his locker and u shove him to get his attention
- He was annoyed doe, “Ay mierda, you piece of shits took all my lunch money, I have nothing more-“
- You grab hold of his shoulders and turn him around with the biggest grin on ur face lol
- He is light as a feather and u were the same height lmao
- He squints at you. “y/n?”
- “Hola Miggy.” You laugh.
- He is Shookt!! U went HERE?!?!
- U guys catch up going home, it was getting dark! U tease him abt the glasses, he teases u that ur a popular girl now
- He is surprised,, to see u have such a big house now WOW ok
- Ur family moved because ur dad got a better job offer and made much much more in the business
- U invite him in, he says his bro is waiting for him. U miss Gabri!!
- He is shookt when u say u have a pool PLS. U promise to invite him over next time
- Gabri teases him ALL NIGHT LONG abt u, ur Miguel’s his gradeschool crush too, now he’s just happy to get back his friend
- The next time someone bullies Miguel in front of u, its a jock who likes u, and u dont say much, so people are surprised u defend this nerdy new guy
- “Pick on someone your own size Archie. You get off hurting people smaller than you?” You call out from your seat on the table.
- Stacy backs you up. “Maybe he’s compensating for something.” She snickers. You make a puking sound. Everyone laughs.
- Archie is embarrassed and leaves.
- You flash Miguel a wink. He has to laugh. You stood up for him.
- Honestly, you guys don’t really interact at school. It was like teenage pride abt different social statuses and whatnot. You knew it would be bad for you and Miguel if you guys were seen together.
- but u always wait for him on the days he has AP classes.
- In return he walks you home.
- You both catch up.
- Remember times like when you were both in grade-school, like the time his pants fell down while he was on the jungle gym. Or how you made a stupid amount of pastillas with him and had a sugar rush for days.
- How your parents were now getting a divorce, and how yesterday he caught Gabri smoking Camels
- Your girl friends have caught on. They wanna know the guy you were seeing.
- You had a stupid smile on your face all the time, of course it was a boy.
- You couldn’t tell them of course, its social suicide
- Once he came out of the AP Class early, you were confused
- He said classes were cancelled
- It was too early to go home, but it was too late to stay in school
- He mentions that Gabri was at a friends house and that the house was empty
- “Let’s get home before your mom does, yeah?” You say shakily, with a grin - You both obviously knew where this was going.
- You both rushed to his house, nervous and clammy
- “Is this your first time?” You ask with a nervous bite on your lips. “Yeah, yours?” He says, awkward fitting jeans doing nothing to hide pre-pubescent down there emotions.
- “Mine too.” You mention nervously. “You’re shitting me.”
- “Don’t laugh!” You squeal throwing a pillow at him.
- You didn’t know much about your body yet, and neither did Miguel, but his brown eyes were so captivating as he shuffled on top of you, sans glasses
- It’s a normal thing now lol
- Miguel actually ditches AP classes to mess around wit u
- Esp with Gabri being out all the time
- down bad fr
- But it sort of goes like u need help also with homework after,,
- So u learn??? because Miggy is such a smart cookie
- U ACTUALLY LEARN
- U learn each others bodies too atp so thats cute!!
- It shows in ur grades lol
- By then he is literally the only one ur messing around with
- But this one time: you both fall asleep after particularly tiring time alone
- Sleep UNTIL DARK
- Conchata’s knock wakes u both tf UP
- It’s impossible to hide u so u both settle for messily dressed and “We’re doing homework.”
- She doesn’t remember u at Miguel’s insistence lol
- You awkwardly leave the house because she is NOT happy her son is bringing a girl home behind her back. Under the roof she pays for?!?!
- “Do you even use protection mijo?” “…” “AY POR DIOS MIGUEL”
- And well, now he gotta text his mom when u come over and Gabri gotta be there too
- Gabri loves having u around, he geeks out with ur secret obsessions of comic books! It’s not really popular among your friend group, but you got really into it last year
- Conchata doesn’t really approve of her son hanging out with a girl but “Ma I’m tutoring her.” And she rolls her eyes
- You see it’s tense between mother and eldest son
- You put a hand over Miguel’s after a harsh fight. “But you still love your mom don’t you?”
- His eyes soften.
- You have definitely pulled Miguel under the bleachers to make out once or twice
- And you definitely have dragged him to empty supply closets lol
- He’s down bad and a pretty girl just asked to blow him so is his 16 year old self gonna say no?
- Fuck no.
- You can’t keep ur hands to yourself lol
- Plus you can see Miguel is slowly but sure changing. You gotta tiptoe now to kiss him WHAT
- He also stares a LOT it gets you self conscious but he assures you your the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. Followed by cupping your breasts and going “Have they always been this big?” Followed by you elbowing him
- And who says sex ruins friendships?? It doesn’t! You and Miguel are closer than ever because of it
- You know what does though?
- Love.
- And you found that out when you cried yourself to sleep when Miguel said he was asked out by a girl to hang out in his AP Class
- He said yes to her and he’ll hang out with you soon
- But it’s always the same girl with him
- Talking to him in class, during lunch, before, during and after AP Classes
- Eventually he was halving his time with you and with her
- They match well together, him and Xina Kwan. She was crazy smart and the same social status as him too.
- She was sweet and smart and you have been avoiding Miguel like the plague in hopes it won’t wake up the vicious green monster
- DAMN you were crying, mascara all over your face.
- It was the last day of school too urgh poor u. You wipe your tears as you wash you face on the school bathroom sink
- Miguel had enough of u ignoring him tho so he walks up to you
- While you were with ALL your popular friends around ur locker
- And he asks if you wanted to walk home together
- He wasn’t really thinking, he just didn’t want u to avoid him anymore
- You gave him a horrified look and ran away
- And everyone laughed at poor heartbroken Miguel O’Hara
If this works out I’ll put out a fic for it. Hmu with thoughts!!
again, read this as if i was a friend barging in ur inbox for a fic idea lmao
#miguel o'hara#miguel o'hara x reader#miguel o'hara fluff#atsv#atsv miguel#spiderman 2099: atsv#spiderman 2099#+MYWORK+#miguel spiderverse#miguel ohara#spiderverse x reader#miguel o'hara x y/n#miguel o hara#spiderverse x y/n
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anon here who feels a great kindred spirit with you, maybe one day i'll have the guts to message not anonymously but frankly i really admire you and also struggle with the mortification of putting myself out there directly it may be one day but not today. ANYways. just saw your post re: the knee-jerk reaction of ppl to say something like "no! everyone is special (or beautiful/smart/talented/etc.) in their own way!" when you or i tries to acknowledge something that is real to us and that affects our day to day life. ive touched on stupidity before bcuz that is something that you've articulated better than i ever could but you were talking in that post a little more specifically abt physical beauty and i do think theres something to be said there for usamerican individualism. bcuz ive heard a lot that other countries/cultures find our particular brand of individualism to be weird to say the least. and i have, for most of my life (and this is true now), had a body that has been perceived as very desirable (eg. skinny, but still have tits and an ass, proportionally "good", etc.) but my face i have always known does not live up to beauty standards. bcuz of this, ppl closer have had a hard time understanding why i struggle so much with self esteem related to my looks and have often jumped to "but youre so pretty!" when i try to talk abt it. the outside of this is that i look like a child in the face and am often mistaken for a child even at 28. when i was an actual child, read: 18 and under, i received a LOT of attention from men, often men who were old enough to be my father. now that i am not a child that attention has waned, even though i've put on a little weight and my body is frankly more rocking than ever. BUT my face stays unchanged and i think i have so of an uncanny valley effect on ppl now. im bringing all this up bcuz this is another piece of kinship i feel with you: even before i started really paying attention to your posts discussing things, i really admired your selfies bcuz you and i actually look pretty similar, we have the same texture of hair and a similar face. but i have always felt that, from your pictures, you seem much more "in control" of your look than i do. i love your sense of style and i love how you do your brows so dark and dramatic but also seem to wear (as far as i can tell; im not much for makeup so correct me if im wrong) relatively little makeup otherwise. regardless of how you look, you project an image (as always, i know i can only know you parasocially so take this as much or as little as you want to) of someone who knows how they look and how they want to present themselves. i personally keep my head buzzed most of the time, and when i first started doing it, i did it bcuz it meant that no one had any excuse anymore. they had to look at my face and acknowledge my whole bare face with no distractions. it was a way of directing how i was perceived. now i dont know if thats what your brows are to you but ive always thought "wow, the dramatic brow is such a masterful use of makeup and direction". ive always seen the way you present yourself as seeming thoughtfully and well curated, and ive hoped for myself that i could someday present that way. as you can tell, i really admire you lol. hope im not being weird. im not really sure what my point is here but once again you articulated something well that i only have ruminated on abstractly.
i've also been thinking of you bcuz recently i ran up against the old "im too stupid to do this normal thing and now it may badly affect my life" situation: tried to put my tabs on my car and bcuz they were taped to the paper, they just broke into pieces on the tape when i tried to peel them away. so i just panicked and badly pieced them onto my license plate in a way im sure will seem infinitely more suspicious should a cop notice and decide to pull me over. my husband tells me tabs are supposed to do this as an anti theft measure, this is information i somehow missed in my 28 years of life and 12 years of being a legal driver. and if i get pulled over im not honestly sure i know where all my necessary paperwork is and will undoubtedly start shaking from anxiety which also looks suspicious when i try to hand a cop my id and my hand is shaking like a leaf. and i havent been pulled over yet but now every time i drive my car im going to be thinking abt it. god willing the distraction of fear of the unknown wont lead me to crashing my car but thatd be just the thing id do too. just wanted to share bcuz i think youre probably the only person who understands how it feels and bcuz hey, i want you to know youre not the only one out there muddling through life as a series of actions and unforeseen consequences, no matter how foreseen those consequences "shouldve been".
sorry for this long and rambling message. i have no two-ipas excuse this time as its morning here and im stone cold sober (the ipas were the voodoo juice ranger by the way) but you just make me think a lot, and again, i admire you very much. thanks as always and i hope that today is, if not easier on you, at least tolerable in terms of its challenges.
Dearest field correspondent, I wish I had a more thoughtful, interesting response to your kind message, but unfortunately you may receive instead le big rant. I am very low self-control lately and you're all going to have to pay for it! I'm thinking about my 85 year old father-in-law who is still razor sharp and full of energy, and so he is vividly aware of the nearness of death and very anxious about it. At his birthday dinner he started preaching to my husband and me about how you just have to live every minute you've been given to its fullest, and I often think about how he's right and he's wrong at the same time. Like it's patently correct that you should treasure whatever life you're allowed, but I think it would take a mental giant to really do that unless you're just basically a terrific person with few problems. If your personal chemistry makes you feel bad all the time due to circumstances or past trauma or plain old bad wiring, it's really hard to just consciously choose to feel good and be filled with gratitude and slurp all the delicious marrow out of your day. And what if your days don't have that much marrow to begin with? Of course if the Christmas ghosts came and snatched you up and confronted you with the preciousness of the life you are squandering, that you can still redeem if you try, that would change your tune, but it's hard to get that same kind of life-changing effect by just intellectually acknowledging the value of yourself and your time on earth.
(I'm gonna put a break here so I don't eat up everybody's dash, brb)
I was thinking about this, in a way, because somebody just asked me for a head shot for this project I'm on, so I was going through selfies to see if I had anything appropriate, and man was that depressing. Of course Tumblr was serving a jumble of new and old pictures, but some of them looked really good, even recent ones. And I know I wasn't enjoying myself at the time that I took them, any of them. I was just struggling to feel good about myself out of some perverse sense of obligation. I've always had the urge to express something with my appearance, to build up some kind of power and efficacy around what I could do with it, but I never felt anything like that happening. I mean for every selfie that was good enough to post, there are at least 100 I had to throw out that were ugly and embarrassing and more like "the real me". And I know just from living my life that I'm not attractive, my entire social experience does not reflect that of an attractive woman; even among the guys I dated, it's hard to weigh the two who actually liked me against the majority who were just indiscriminately looking for some pathetic specimen to torture and humiliate in order to feel good about themselves.
(And I guess this is TMI but who really cares, I'm sure no one is even reading this, but the irony is that I'm really great in bed. It's a fact. I just love sex and I'm not at all embarrassed about it and I have a knack for getting people comfortable really letting loose and getting to do what they truly want. I know this for sure not only from being in the room, but from detailed postscript testimonials from partners--even the ones who secretly hated me. And naturally that makes me feel pretty good, but it feels incomplete somehow, without the sense of control of my own appearance, without a satisfying relationship to my own body which disgusts me and is constantly causing me unmanageable problems both aesthetic and medical. Like I really want to just crumple it up and throw it in the trash, who fucking cares)
But I see some of those (highly staged, illusory, pain-in-the-ass to shoot) selfies and for a second I'm forced to wonder why that person had to feel so bad about and not have any fun at all, every single day. And now it's extra hard because as I might have said, I've had rosacea for around 15 years, and most of the time it was just a fairly manageable if embarrassing redness, but ever since I took the asthma medication Symbicort for a month this summer, the condition has been progressively deforming. I don't even look the same as I did this fall, and I have no reason to believe things will get better or even level out. Like, this is it. I feel like I don't even have the same skull shape as the girl in these cute pictures from September. I'm stressing myself out wondering about all kinds of procedures I can barely pay for, that could potentially make it worse actually. I'm wondering if I need to quit my public-facing volunteer gig, one of the only things that gives my life meaning, because I'm sick of how red and bloated and wet I look in every single livestream, and I don't like it when I'm occasionally accused of being drunk or I'm randomly told to "calm down" because I looked like I'm panicking even when I'm not. I don't know what to do. I wish I didn't care. But it's tough to look back at old pictures, even just from six months ago, and think Damn I didn't know how much worse things were about to get, I should have live-laugh-loved through every grueling moment of my luxurious mediocrity while I still had it to enjoy!
--On that note there's a certain curse of women who are like, not ugly enough for it to feel like a hopeless case, but who also don't actually have much potential to do anything satisfying with themselves. If you absolutely know that beauty isn't an open road for you, you can choose not to waste energy on that and you can focus on any number of other things that can make your life happy and meaningful; but if you have that nagging suspicion that maybe you COULD be finding exciting ways to express yourself through your looks, then you're dogged by this feeling of dissatisfaction and constantly wondering if it would be better if you just threw in the towel and called yourself ugly so you could stop thinking about it, or if that would be wasteful because maybe something nice would happen if you just made more of an effort, maybe there's still time, maybe you need the right haircut, maybe you need to shake up your wardrobe, maybe you need to learn that advanced hygiene routine that you always found too confusing to master, maybe you just need to get in shape, maybe et al ad nauseum. It would be better not to have to wonder about it all. And of course there's social pressure to maintain ambiguity, especially for women: You're supposed to work really hard to be hot, but you're supposed to act like it's all effortless and also like you have no idea how attractive you are. But you can't be unrealistically humble or people will hate you for that, too--they'll hate you for being dishonest, or they'll give you shit about your apparent self-esteem issues, because somehow that is always everybody's business. You can't win!
You're right that I don't wear much makeup, I really never learned; I never had a mom who was interested in me or the kinds of female friends who help you learn all the pageantry. I wore some makeup for a little while at the end of my 20s because I had to go to my fancy brother's wedding and I was embarrassed about looking raw and dowdy forever in his fancy wedding photos, so I forced myself to learn a few things. But basically I don't want to be bothered, and I enjoy the Joan Crawford brow I do, but that's utilitarian also--if I'm not paying attention I'll rip all the eyebrow hairs out of my face, which is extra embarrassing if it happens in the middle of a work day or something. So now the pencil is essential! And since my face started turning red I usually use some primer and foundation that I really like, although there is very little that keeps my head from looking like a big swollen clown nose, from now on. (All of my minimal supplies are from Make Up For Ever btw, expensive but long-lasting and reliable)
Unrelated but I'm really pissed off that I can't drink anymore, because now it brings on this violent painful flushing, and every time that happens it causes progressive destruction and like, basically every day is worse than the last--which is true anyway about aging, but it's escalated for me. But like, I have severe depression and anxiety and I can't be on any mood medications because they make my tinnitus intolerable, so the only thing I could reliably do for myself was have a little alcohol. Like just half a can of beer would get me through so many tough chores and bouts of mindless fear. And I love wine, I love amari, I love whiskeys, I love esoteric cocktail nonsense, I have a ton of friends from the craft beer world, and now basically there are entire art forms that I can't enjoy anymore, like ever again. And you can bet this is going to affect my relationships. I know people will want to say that's bullshit, quitting drinking is practically always a good thing and your "real friends" will stick with you sober...but that's all pretty hyperbolic. I don't want my life to be winnowed down to only the purest stuff. I don't want this cornerstone of my social and cultural life to be ripped out from under me. I never even developed any bad behaviors to deserve this! And god knows I don't want to have absolutely zero options for calming my nerves. Therapy and yoga and meditation have done nothing for me psychiatrically. I'm just fucked, really, in the dreariest most mundane way possible.
I wouldn't be so hung up on getting drunk and looking pretty if I had some other source of meaning, but it's hard to find that essential driving force when you can't even get through the day's chores like a normal person. I'm on like day 5 of trying to fold my clothes or even just shove them into bags, and I live in terror of the avalanche that is going to happen when one of us needs to get out the bed sheets that I "put away" dangerously in the closet, despite multiple attempts to do it right. I don't drive so you're ahead of me on some level! But I'm 100% positive I wouldn't have understood all that stuff about the tabs, haha. This week I'm seeing my GP and I'm going to ask for a psych referral for evaluations for autism and ADHD. I'm scared that I'm opening myself up to being officially diagnosed as just lazy and negative and then everyone will get to tell me I Told You So about how my only issue is my poor attitude, but I'm sure there's something going on with me, and if it's ADD and god forbid I can get a little medication of some kind that allows me to like wash dishes and do laundry like a normal person without making everything exponentially worse...then, you know, that would be a really big deal. It seems to me that a lot of people are depressed because of some unfulfilled dream they had of being really sexy and cool and talented, or some other superlative--and we usamericans do experience a lot of irrational cultural pressure to be Awesome at something, I'm not looking down on people who suffer from this--but all I want is to like, get on the bus successfully. To not humiliate myself every single time I go to ship a package because I just can't figure out what's going on, yet again. To not be having constant wardrobe malfunctions. To vacuum my house without just mysteriously pushing dirt and hair around into different configurations. To cook a nice simple meal I don't destroy. To have a job again. These are my most treasured fantasies. Maybe if we both put pressure on "the Universe" to "manifest" our dreams this year, then we can have a great 2024!
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I thought x and pearl looked stupid so I refused to watch them but up until now ive no excuse as to why I hate them and as a big horror buff I felt like I had to but now that someone with good taste saw them and hated them I can now refuse to watch them with a clean conscience so thank you for your sacrifice o7 (<- lil guy saluting)
i want to be mean abt the movies but theres like 0 to say abt X other than mia goth is sexy and its boring and the twist doesnt make it worth it. x? more like z. ZZZ.
pearl i think could have been a better movie if thrat had been any character development or really anything period in the first hour… when people enjoy the movie, i get the feeling they’re letting their experiences inform who the character of Pearl is to them and theyre like Wow this character is so good. but tbh shes like kinda empty and a missed opportunity, and not in the intentional way irt the plot, just she had this big moment at the end and i could understand her motivations and saw why it was going how it did, and i think it could have been a much better movie, but it was so lacking in the first hour that it took away some of the meaningfulness of the finale. i understood why she was doing what she did, and i understood why she felt how she did— they definitely communicated that, but it was all kinda meaningless because it was an idea more than a person, and i think basically if anything had happened in the first hour itd maybe be better. bc as is pearl is more of an idea than a character to me… does that make sense. also it was doomed from the start bc ti west, maker of THE SACRAMENT, a found footage horror film about JONESTOWN with jumpscares and references the real audio recordings and it’s extremely disrespectful!
anyway its all “elevated horror” but it isnt actually especially good. i think we are forgoing plot and good writing sometimes in favor of being elevated. kinda tired of elevated horror. a24 snubbed barbarian (which i really enjoyed) but produce shit like this. and the movie men. lol. to be clear i dont hate all a24 movies or anything , i think im just sick of this trend
thank u for trusting me. o7
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also what would be the song titles of the other songs on the album 🤨 i am very curious abt make believe celebrity world
other than galatea, we know of two other songs in the text, circe circus and sunburnt. the first one is apparently an overly grand love song, and sunburnt a summer-y thing. those two titles were chosen specifically because of what i assume are the general Themes of the album, or at least the song titles, ie. greek myth-inspired and galatea, take one text-inspired.
circe circus is mostly because i liked the alliteration, but also because i think it could be a very tongue-in-cheek song about the artifices and masquerade of love (which i think is why matty would see it as this mockery of love songs instead of genuineness). circus is generally considered a grand farce, and circe is an enchantress who would seduce men and then turn them into pigs.
i picked sunburnt because of how, in the ice cream scene, she covers her blush and therefore her growing attraction/feelings with the lie that she must be getting sunburnt. i assume that would have been the subject of the song, though she also describes her fans as sunburnt, so maybe it’s an ode to them instead.
following those two ideas, i can absolutely see her covering the myth of medea (my fav greek myth Yay). if you’re not familiar, medea marries jason and commits several war crimes and vile, insurmontable acts for him, and then he abandons her and their children for a princess. scorned and betrayed and Unhinged, she ends up killing the princess, the king, and then her children (with regrets<3). anyway i think it would absolutely be a piece she delves into when she realizes that matty is Not gonna leave delilah for her, and she starts relating to the betrayal and pain of medea. definitely a female rage anthem.
(side note pls read medea by euripide it’s such a good play and it talks with so much empathy and understanding about objectively a Bad woman and a Bad mother in ways that had not been done before, especially not in ancient greece. the phrase ‘what other creatures are bred so exquisitely and purposefully for mistreatment as women are?’ makes me go feral the whole monologue is insane and you’re telling me ancient greek man WROTE THIS?? what 20 years old teenage girl possessed him wtf)
i could also see a song touching on beauty with a title about aphrodite. she does say that her ex-boyfriend didn’t, from her understanding, find her beautiful, but instead raw and unfinished and he aimed to complete her. i think that must fuck with her vision of her and her beauty, and she would write a song unpacking it. or maybe talking about the running youth and beauty and if she is not pretty and young, if she cannot be a muse anymore, what will she be. once again touching on her qualms about musedom.
the second category is, again, words or sentences from prose /i/ would pick from the writing to represent her own emotions. i guess it’s quite meta lol, though i assume if i wrote it she could have thought it. there probably would have been something called too sweet about her just being too nice for her own good, which would be a very biased and unreliable song (she is, once again, deceiving and hurting a very kind woman. not too sweet not to fuck her man!).
i think something about coffee too since it’s a running theme to represent the failings of love (meeting her ex in a coffee shop, the espresso martini matty makes her tasting like a ‘mature café day in new york, but coffee just the same’, kissing him and she’s glad it doesn’t taste like coffee, etc etc). uncertainty and doomed fate and patterns and Loss of love would be its subject.
there is, on top of that, an unnamed break up song about her ex. i think that one would go more in the second category, maybe something like watercolors since she quite literally says ‘fuck watercolors’ about her ex and his treatment of her.
i did not know i had this much to say on the subject wow. this was so fun to think about Thank you!
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hi sooo....
O______O wow...
U DID IT AGAINNNNNNN, im so.. im so shocked reading the new moc chapter and must i say i love ur interim chapters i think theyre so !!!!!!!!!! chefs kiss truly
okokok so im speechless.. but im thinking abt it now and ... (maybe this is also bc i recently jus binged like all of moc in like 3 days so its still fresh on my brain but) the very first chapters when mc was alr on the ship and and there was that one bit with san and they spent the night together and were talking and it was when she still was carrying around the pardon papers and they had like a heart to heart to be there for each other and the cheek kiss !!!!!! if im remembering right.. i remember sans reaction being written kinda awkward initially (ill have to eventually go back and find it) so it- it makes me wonder how fast hongjoong tried to come up w a plan to manipulate mc... also... my heartbroke even reading the prev chapter when mc was crying and telling san "why did u have to make me doubt ur feelings?" and then reading this chapter- i have hope for them i really do but i fear.. whats gonna happen once she finds the truth out bc... ik she will </3 and i fear its gonna be hongjoong.. But also..??? WAIT NO BC IM THINKING 80 MILLION THINGS RN.
THE DIALOGUE W MINGI........ MINGI AND MINHO..... minho being shocked that his intelligence is more than he lets on.... ITS MAKING ME WONDER LIKE... theyve all kinda treated mingi like Oh he's helpless or struggling rather, we need to care for him diligently-which is true, bro got demons fr but... then im wondering how much mingi really knows bc...?? i remember mingi saying smth to mc too about like "ask urself why it is that ur even trying to disobey in the first place?" or like idk they had that deep ass talk and.... idk.. im thinking abt it now though... what does mingi know.......
im also wondering... 1) if joong has a conscious LOL 2) no i definitely think he does after this but,,,,,,,,, we still dunno WHY he's become this way- why his demons are like this/why theyre presented this way bc in a way (LOL ME TRYNNA PSYCHOANALYZE HIM)... it seems like he keeps everyone at an arms length... except seonghwa i feel like.. at least for now.. but i saw that because he keeps to himself a lot even amongst the ship- so it seems... but he definitely changes the way he wants to come across people... 3) idk if i wanna hug him and tell him its gonna be alright or if i wanna box him LMFAOOO he is so damn crazy... and then jus the way minho described the way they played chess... everyone else doing his dealing... actually now that im thinking about it.. he's been called out quite easily before... so maybe he isnt as hard to read as he thought... in fact ik mc has been the one to call him out hella on his shit so.. i wonder if thats why he's so adamant on keeping her in shape.... oh joong ... babes what did u go thru 🤣🤣🤣🙁🙁🙁 u lil control freak u~~
anywho.. im also confused.... bc i can see that mc does wanna be approved and accepted (?) by joong yet also cant stand the authority he gives so its quite the paradox.........
rn im jus ranting sm... its like everythings clicking..
but also.. im curious.. hongjoong has only lost chess to yeosang among all the members... yet.. seonghwa is the lit. which ofc im gonna assume its also him being a siren that like he said "the closer he is to me the better".. but then if yeosang thought most like joong... why is yeosang just a pawn in joongs eyes ...? yeosang losing the wooyoung </3 lordddd i dont even wanna start... then minho saying he's excited to see how another crew member plays.. joong immediately thinking seonghwa... but interestingly enough im guessing its either san or yunho.. but my best bet is san given he's like another right hand man kinda guy to joong...
ill conclude on that note since its 3am rn... but wow U DID IT AGAINNNNN i love ur writing so much seriously <33333 thank u thank u thank u and im excited for more x
hi hehe :3 i'm so thrilled that you enjoy the interims that's such a relief and so nice to hear ;-;;
you're in the perfect position bc you remember what happened early on and can pick up on the crumbs i was dropping to make it alllll come full circle! what goes around comes around! not only are hongjoong's plans important to consider (ie when he implemented them, when he put them into action) but also both how san carried out his initial duty and when san started to slip away from that duty into something genuine! both those things will be explored and opened up in san's upcoming interim, that will help pull all the pieces together i hope so!!
that scene with mc crying to san,,, i cried writing it and i know it made a lot of people doubt san and his feelings but!! please have hope!! there are SOOO many possibilities!! will hongjoong really leave san to lie in the grave he dug for himself or will he dig it deeper or try to help him out…? all remains to be seen :3
mingi is truly truly such a fun and fascinating character to both write and unveil to you guys ;-; he's exceptionally intelligent beyond the scope of understanding emotions period but he gets treated like he's dumber because he doesn't understand emotions bc in the others' eyes emotions are just simple and easy to understand. mingi def possesses a different kind of intelligence but that kind of intelligence is on the same level of yeosang iw ould say! so it's easiest to think of it as mingi has a different kind of smartness compared to someone like say,,,,jongho or san who both have very good and high emotional intelligence!
1) DOES the man have a conscience? this interim is very telling in that regard and his thought process and the what some would call "intrusive thoughts" really showcase who he is as a person!
2) there are so many layers to him and you really get it bc he does keep everyone at arms length, even seonghwa to some degree bc the whole reason him and seonghwa aren't together is bc hongjoong shut him down the moment seonghwa started expressing his feelings towards hongjoong, he likes to keep to himself and doesn't like to leave his space for many reasons but we now know that one of those reasons is the past feelings of failure and loss coming back to haunt him, and bingo right on the money, he changes the way he wants to come across to people. prime example in yunho at the end of the interim, i think that scene is the absolute best showcase of hongjoong's character and who he is and how he operates.
3) he is DAMN CRAZY!!! i feel like i haven't so much shown that to the degrees that his character really is batshit insane so we're tiptoeing into those waters more now. you do have to think though, with the notion that he changes the way he wants to come across to people, when he's being "called out", is it accurate? or is it what hongjoong is presenting so they think they know what kind of person he is? when mc calls him out on his shit, it's often a two way punch where it as much about her as it is about him so much to think about! he's far far beyond a control freak tehe :3
the fun paradox in mc is that dynamic of wanting to be approved and accepted by him but also having this point blank issue with authority and also how hongjoong excises his authority. and that's been a big point of confusion too i think so im trying to delve more into it and expose more of it so that it makes more sense but there is meant to be a contradiction in her actions for sure
yeosang has been the only one to beat hj at chess, and he is not the lieutenant. we know that hongjoong personally selected seonghwa before yeosang joined the crew and that the position has never swayed, and we also know that yeosang is the master strategist on the crew, which is something a lieutenant would usually take care of so it lends to some questions about how hongjoong views authority in his crew? as far as the chess game goes, his queen was indeed seonghwa, the main bishop he used to both attack and sabotage his own pieces was san, he himself was king, then though not as heavily touched on, the other pieces i had in mind were: mingi and jongho were both knights, yeosang was the other bishop, then mc, wooyoung, and yunho were pawns. who minho was really referring to ;) is quite the twist but a fun one :3
bless you for sending me such a long ask at such a late hour you're so sweet ;-; it made my day i was so happy and excited seeing it thank you for letting me ramble right back at you :3 <3
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ITADORI YUJI MYSTERIES AS OF NOW
number 1: why is he so crazy even BEFORE becoming a jujutsu sorcerer
it seems like he had a normal and happy upbringing, he never even met his real parents or had any contact w the sorcery world before the events in the series (his own birth doesnt count) so WHY IS HE LIKE THIS T-T
im so serious. he is UNHINGED. its like his survival instinct kicks in a million years later than normal. stubborn and sturdy almost to a fault, both physically and mentally, always running towards danger unprepared, getting seriously hurt, and getting back up again. like yea ok todo picked him up during his fight w mahito but, dude, itadori has died TWICE in the series till now n hes still going, his will stronger than ever before (ya know wat they say tho, 3rd times the charm am i right hahah*WRECKS THE ROOM*)
i mean even gojo says hes not ok in the head in like chapter 5 (FIVE!!!!!!!!!)
tbh this is the question that bothers me the most but its also prob the one that will never be answered...man..
number 2: did he fucking eat his sibilings.....(spoilers: wrong question)
......who are not rly people i guess..or human.... they are curse/human hybrids which were never truly "born" so they are uh...wombs..or fetuses or smt like dat...mmh yeah knowing this doesnt make it sound less horrifying..
at first i thought he had eaten sukunas last "missing" finger cos he looked so disgusted while saying so (yay sukuita hatred is mutual💕👰🤵)..also hes eaten like 15 of those things till now, so yanno its our daily bread for him..
but then hes talking 2 choso abt this n its like..dude...... dude what do you mean living as a part of you..
long story short: YES HE DID HE ATE THESE FREAKIGN THINGS:
& obviously since hes itadori yuji they didnt take over n instead he got their powers and techniques. i think thats where he got his cool new armor that kinda looks like tough flesh.
and apparently he can manipulate his own blood also, which again i think its the result of eating the death paintings. he made it explode in sukunas face lol but idk if he can do other things w it maybe i missed smt.
he learned to use the technique super fast too BUT thats probably due to the "cheating" yuta metions when sukuna asks how the fuck did they power up so fast. i saw a yt video theorizing this was maybe due to training done in a simple domain that compresses time (like when maki trained w the sumo guy)...idk dude..
(btw i think so, so often abt how gojo theorized that itadori maybe could use sukunas technique/s since itadori was borrowing his cursed power….i wonder if he never could do it cos sukuna was so freaking uncooperative until the bitter end aka their soul divorce lol.. bc clearly itadori is capable of learning techniques that are not his own..idk idkkkk just sayin….wondering…)
OH YEA i almost 4got cos i just made another post abt it but he can also use the fucking reverse curse technique as well. bro even gojo had trouble mastering that..like again yea they "cheated" but still wow.
number 3: this freaking dude can touch souls now
ok we kinda knew this already from mahito and itadori's 1st fight but..this scene:
they switched bodies!!!!!!!......????? i think???!! and i cant think of other reason except an "exchange of souls" bc in jjks world sukunas soul habiting itadoris or megumis body, or the death paintings taking over human bodies are possible ways in which a soul can get inside another body. whats more, mahitos or nobaras techniques can directly affect the soul so this shud totally be possible.
& it looks like itadori in particular can affect others' soul with precision.
the question is How the hell..... bc as far as we know no one else has this power amongst the surviving sorcerers (i want her (nobara) back so bad rn....)
IT COULD BE that book choso got from yuki that contained all of her research abt the soul..still, itadori is the only one whos shown to be able to actually be able to do this so accurately. sukuna is the one who confirms it:
yea idk dude itadori yuji is an absolute beast..im so weirded out when i see ppl underestimate him n caling him an npc, dumb, etc, lol ToT he is such a good character it drives me insanies ..i didnt even touch on his thematic weight in the series (bc OF COURSE, as the main character, he is key in this. his beliefs are core to his character and directly opposes sukunas, in spite of the asshole always laughing in his face about ..just kidding its obviously BECAUSE he is so different from itadori that he just doesnt get it n simply disregards him as a powerless idiot..i mean we r talking abt the guy who valued power so much he casted away everything else, even his own humanityaaaAAAH ok ill shut up nowwww)
#i got TIRED of writing aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA#whatever im off to read fanfics now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk manga spoilers#di4ry
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hii and welcome to another episode of nik and rei’s talk shows….anyways
DUDE my boy heeseung is BOLD AFFF right from the start when he put his hand on her kneecap like …. last chapter it was heejeong and now my boy heeseung here is the one getting bold af and advancing with his moves hmmm mkay
“What do you want? Baby….sis?” that pause between baby and sis BRUV I KNEW IT bet he wanted to take off that sis in his sentence sooo bad I swear
“Night sweet thing.” HEE YOU BETTER STOP IT WITH THESE GODDAMN NICKNAMES-
also can I just say the way you described what we were wearing for the wedding oml 😌 got me feelin like a princess and shi 🤭 ANW
that inserted pic of heejeong with his handsome ass blonde hair and heeseung with mfing black hair TF REI DO YOU WANT ME TO HYPERVENTILATE?? GODDDD
“You would look so pretty in a wedding dress.” …..mhm okay respectfully back off 😊✋ propose first will ya? we’re five chapters in and heebros are already thinking abt marrying us REIII BIATCHH
also…KURT ahhh my mannn he seems like a sweet and cute boy good job reina
“are you two dating?” to which you nodded. WHOAA OKAY WE’RE MOVING FAAAASSSSTTTT
“Hi there, I’m Kurt.” oh shit bro 😭😭😭
I can feel the intense tension and heat in that scene oh my days sorry kurt
“Wow, twins huh? My cousin just gave birth to twins.” our innocent kurt…prayin for you 🙏🏻🙏🏻
also UHM FIRST KISS IN THE CAR SHIITT WE GETTIN SOME ACTION 😮💨😮💨
reina this end part…..
HOLYYY GODDAMNN SHIT THAT ENDING PART HEESEUNG YOU ARE FUCKINNN BOLDDDDD AFFFFFFFFF
five chapters in and heeseung has already had enough oh my, poor bae
BUT LITERALLY THO HELP WHAT THE HELL 🔥🔥🔥
THIS IS SO MFING HOT IM SORRY I CAN FEEL THE HEAT EMITTING FROM THE SCREEN WHOOOOO IM SWEATING
“Let me fix it." oh we’re fuuuuuucked.
and that cliffhanger rei the loml SERIOUSLY WHY YOU GOTTA DO THIS TO ME 😭😭🫵🫵
dude this might be my favorite chapter out of the five my gosh the writing in this 🤌🏻🤌🏻
this is a long reaction sorry bb 🥲
LOOOVVVVEEEEDDDD ITTTTTT
mwa mwa 💕
I LOVE THIS!!!!!! lol!!!
yeah heebros aren't happy with mah girl y/n, so...yeah....heeseung gets first dibs i guess lol. but man..you right, he's bold af....."let me fix it"
"let me beat and say sorry to it with my tongue." ?????? whooooooooooooooooa! man is hot for her..like he's down bad. golly!
i bet i can tell which part was your favorite ;) lol. and you know just how much i love cliffhangers, but dont worry....bc i'm going to more than make up for it next chapter....oh good lord girl...you thought this was fire.....guess again. yo...even chapter 7......oh good god....you gonna be in for it. dude i can't get over the last quote for heeseung, i actually read it somewhere before a long time ago...or it was something similar to it and i just remembered it last minute and was like "yeah...that's going to fit in nicely" .....i underestimated that damn saying bc that shit brought out Lulu....now we all delulu. (someone put lulu back in her cage...NOW) but you know mah girl y/n...she's caving in. she wants it just as bad, she just in denial, but heeseung right there about to "fix it" .....and trust me....he fixes her good.
#heeseung smut#enha x reader#heeseung x reader#heeseung scenarios#heeseung fanfic#enhypen yandere#yandere enhypen#yandere heeseung#heeseung yandere
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"oh shit someones already figured it out" hehe i saw right through ur tricks LMAO just thought that gloomy yandere shoko would b Very hot (oh pretty neurotic woman w eyebags... u have captivated me). that was my argument. that one meme that says "my pussy has led me to places i wouldnt even go with a gun" HAHAHA
and abt final girl thoughts... squeezes ur gojo in my hand.... hes so dear to me, in all of his charming asshole and eldritch horror glamour. no cuz the way he chuckles and grins while demeaning reader !! he is not driven by pure love but by deeply rooted obsession, and its only suguru whos at its core- not reader. i love how neither gojo or reader respected each other despite their interactions taking place in the "gojo route". sure it is an otome route but you get no sweet lovin at all! you get literallyreduced to shreds, dissolved into particles scattered across the universe instead! sighs dreamily. anti-otome final girl fanfiction written by banjjakz youre so dear to me........
btw the gojo dsm comment took me out LMAO kinda unrelated but i know psychologists would NOT b welcomed in the jjk world lmao. the stigma around mental health matters between non-sorcerers pales in comparison to how a mental health professional would b treated by a higher-up, for instance. supposing ur goal is to have young sorcerers manage their negative emotions so that they dont go mental and die before they turn 18 then youre unfortunately getting executed for sabotage at best... i remember reading a yuuta fic in which it was mentioned that he had seen a psychologist after the rika incident. makes me wonder if thatd mean hes learnt (within that au) lets say breathing exercises and if he practises them whenever he gets anxious. every other sorcerer watching him like: https://www.tiktok.com/@androidg1rl/video/7291743972991503649
anyways sorry 4 rambling lolll thanks 4 writing final girlll loved it smmm and will be waiting for the secret endings eagerly :> !
no truly like serial bereavement was written for yuuta fans sure whatever but the actual intended audience is the #real sick and twisted individuals with a penchant for off-putting women who lowkey look like they'd be into consensual vivisection
"anti-otome" why am i obsessed with this label LOL wow this is really high praise anon like thank you???? crying.... we are inventing new genres of fiction over here..... just another day on banjjakz.tumblr.com
as for gojo's route, yeah, to be quite honest i can't in good faith imagine him in any lifetime or in any universe with anyone other than suguru. not even in a sappy stsg otp way, but like, just going off of my own personal notes of his characterization.... to me, pairing him with someone else -- even a self-indulgent MC -- would be egregiously out-of-character LOL. this was actually a point of writer's block for me as i was drafting final girl. like, i knew i wanted to tackle satoru. but i also knew there was no way i could convincingly or ethically produce a route where you were the object of his affections. had to take the cowards way out and have him kill you, lol, but at least we get lore? (more will be revealed in the final updates... i promise...)
KJHKSJDK mental healthcare in the sorcery world is actually insane like let's focus on physical healthcare and increasing the life expectancy first maybe
also if you'd like to slide the link to this therapized!yuuta fic.... [eyes emoji]
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Your comment about Gamora's death in comparison to Natasha has been on my mind lately too. I wasn't in love with how they initially handled it with Natasha, but I think eventually she got more closure than Gamora received in vol 3.
I don't know what direction they were going for but how do you have a prominent character in a team film die and only two other characters speak about it, worry over it and have any grief displayed. That's ludicrous to me. Even if you set the film a couple years later you can still have one or two emotional team conversations about it. You could have at least one more person struggling in a different way. The guardians being depicted as a family only makes the problem more obvious. Either everyone but Peter and Nebula are the worst family members ever or the writing sucks. When Gamora shows back up you would think there would be emotional fallout even years later. Only Peter seems to be aware or have any response besides Nebula who has been interacting with Gamora and maintaining their relationship. You would think this was a common every day occurrence for most of them.
The same issue effects Gamora's characterization and arc. Endgame showed her to be exactly like the Gamora from the first guardians movie if memory serves me right. We see she can be tough and harsh at times. But she can also show empathy, vulnerability and the will to do the right thing. Vol 3 acts as if none of this is part of her character anymore at first just because of living with the ravagers. I would buy that if not for the fact that there's no way everything that's made her who she is from years before would suddenly be gone and we already know from Kraglin and Yondu that ravagers don't lack the ability to care. You're telling me Gamora went from emotional and in tears about Thanos winning in the future during Endgame and wanting to stop him, to not wanting to even remotely help with the High Evolutionary at first in vol 3. That's so inconsistent it's like they forgot her characterization. Also Nebula was getting on Gamora for some of her actions as if she has room to talk. She wanted to blow up all of Zandar in the first movie and she was ready to leave people behind in vol 2. Did they forgot how Nebula behaved in previous films because pot meet kettle.
I haven't seen any of James Gunn's other films so I don't want to judge him too harshly but either he doesn't know how to write women in complex traumatic situations or he thought what he did was enough which is sad. He showed an afterlife in the film so couldn't he show Gamora at peace or have the Gamora who came to the future explore her feelings around it and bring closure that way.
i totally feel you anon. i've been a hater of natasha's ending this whole time as well, but now seeing how gamora's ending has been depicted (or rly a lack thereof lol) it's weirdly making me feel almost at peace with nat's death. bc it's like oh wow it could've been handled so much worse lol.
with nat my biggest problems were the fridging, her arc ending before she got to do more/have her own story, and her not getting a funeral with tony...truly just minor inconveniences now in comparison to what's happening over in gamora land lmfao
and yeah, i was honestly pretty surprised how much rougher around the edges this gamora seemed. like yeah the ravagers are pretty rough and tumble themselves but it caught me off-guard how much colder it seemed to make gamora, for lack of a better word i guess?? i don't doubt her being really harsh and terrifying in the past under thanos like nebula was saying, but yeah 2014!gamora is still the gamora who was like on the brink of betraying thanos. like even if this gamora hadn't gone through most of vol 1, she's still the gamora who already had one foot out the door so she could stop thanos bc she cared abt innocent lives, so it was a tad surprising to see her act so coldly toward the rest of the gotg or even rocket who was actively dying and would clearly be sorely missed by the others. like not super surprising or even super ooc to me, but just kinda surprising considering her appearance in endgame
like her cold shoulder toward peter i can get, bc it's clear that his baggage with original gamora is hurtful to her and i think that's more than fair. but since the narrative also establishes that peter is seemingly the only gotg character to even have this baggage at all, since the others don't even so much as mention missing or grieving original gamora, idk if she'd need to be such a hater toward them too lol.
and honestly i think her characterization would've made a lot more sense if the narrative had actually included the rest of the gotg's grief for original gamora and sorrow that this gamora isn't her. like, if not being the gamora this world expects her to be has been weighing down on gamora for years, i could see her rly becoming like this, cuz that's a whole lotta pressure she's never gonna live up to! that would be a great character conflict for her. but by erasing original gamora from the narrative outside of peter's grief, we can't even rly justify this gamora's behavior through this issue either
the only other gunn project i've watched is the suicide squad and i don't remember much of my thoughts on it besides generally enjoying it. but i think callie @starmora put it best yesterday when they said that gunn's always had favorites and gamora's never rly been one of them, especially compared to rocket, who gunn has been outspoken about seeing himself in most and being the hidden protagonist of sorts throughout the gotg franchise (to the point that even in the movie, lylla straight up tells rocket, "this story has been yours all along"), so it's unfortunately not surprising that gamora's arc has been...whatever this is. and like, idc that gunn's favorite is rocket bc that's fine and rocket's had a pretty solid story/arc (though i feel like there's something missing between iw when he lied abt being captain of the ship to impress thor to vol 3 where peter decides to make him captain, especially after rocket spent the entire film incapacitated), but it just sucks that it meant there wasn't much wiggle room to deal with the gamora situation
and also i 1000% agree - WE SHOULD'VE GOTTEN AN ORIGINAL GAMORA POST-END CREDIT SCENE!!!! i would've loved to see her like watching everyone dance to dog days are over or something from the afterlife and just kinda feeling satisfied with everything, despite the way things ended for her
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Have you watched this?
https://youtu.be/AF8KGdV92ag?si=ccE042UR1LbURuZV
youtube
no i have not... but i did just for you anon. usually i avoid will stetson vids cuz his translyrics often piss me off LOL. im aware the translyrics from this vid are written by breadbox rather than him, but his remind blue vid w translyrics by breadbox also pissed me off so....
also u didnt ask for my opinions but i love to blabber so im putting down my opinions 😋 it also ended up long af woops so sticking it under a read more
first off, wow will stetson has rly improved his vocals. ive listened to a few of his recent covers and hes way better nowadays than in this one. the high notes are kinda kicking his ass here, but thats fair. LTM is not an easy song to sing.
that aside this concept is very interesting.. since the lyrics are by breadbox, its very illuminating to see how he interprets the manga and ayano's character in general. which is important to me bc i am aware that he's like the only? kagepro youtuber out there i think.. or at least the most popular. meaning his content and interpretations have shaped recent english-speaking public opinion of kgpr's narrative whether for better or worse. and i care abt that kind of shit
OK ENOUGH NITPICKING THE CREATORS LOL um my thoughts on this entire video: most of it is very standard bread and butter ayano interpretation (sacrificing herself for her everyone etc etc), but its pretty interesting to me that they chose to expand on route m konoha's and ayano's relationship, which was something that was very, very barely touched on in the manga. like konoha gets fucking possessed and ayano doesnt say a word abt that like LOL this manga is.... yeah. its interesting that they wrote their relationship as konoha worrying about ayano, but ayano feeling like he is unable to relate to her. i dont necessarily agree or disagree with that interpretation cuz its something i hvnt really thought about, but i find that to be an interesting interpretive choice.
also the second verse + chorus is pretty confusing bc the verse references konoha and ayano, but then the chorus jumps back to ayano from two years ago cuz the chorus is "Girl, 16" (ayano is 18 in the present day of route m). tho i guess the manga never really specifies how long konoha and ayano had known each other??? so maybe they met when ayano was 16??? god this vid is making me very confused abt the manga LOLLL
i will say tho that the last chorus was very confusing to me. bc it showed LTM ayano, i was under the impression that it was about a route 1 ayano? but i was confused, cuz the lyrics were "Girl, 18", and no route 1 ayano ever makes it to 18 (also when i say route 1 ayano i just mean any ayano whose part of the yuukei quartet + jumps off the roof etc etc). but after a few rewatchs, im pretty sure the last chorus is about yakitsu. i really wish they didnt use a pic of LTM ayano then, theres plenty of good pics of yakitsu from the last chapter of the manga they couldve used instead.
i get why they would believe that LTM ayano is yakitsu tho. thats cuz this is something that still isnt fully agreed on among fans, cuz even after 10 fucking years no one actually understands what LTM's mv is about LMAO. personally i think white dress ayano = yakitsu. and i think the ayano in LTM is just.... ayano from that route, not from route m. why she disappears tho.. um... hm......
but yeah interesting video, gave me much to think about... a bit too much to think about. cuz now im thinking about LTM and how that like.... makes no sense....... kinda..
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Ok. Wow. Boys Planet. ZB1. Many thoughts.
Very happy for our 9 shiny boys! Unfortunately there was no 12 member lineup twist, I knew it wouldn’t happen but part of me thought just maybe it could lol.
Before I discuss the lineup I just wanna say it was so nice to see all the eliminated trainees. WOONGKI BOY!! Haruto!! Seunghwan (and the banner of his own face that he brought lol)!! ollie wonka with two functioning arms!! Wang Zihao!!WUMUTI TI TI TI!! The NINE.i boys!! Chen Kuan Rui, esp his reaction to Hao’s ranking!! And everyone else as well. Boys planet truly would not have been the same magical experience without all of them, even if they weren’t performing on the final stage.
Im so sad for Keita, Jay and Park Hanbin especially. I really hope they get scooped up by wealthy, well connected companies and continue on having successful careers in the kpop industry. I’d def be there to support them! pH-1 is already joking abt working with Keita on Instagram and even tho that’s obviously not a concrete promise of anything I’d love to see something happen between Keita and H1ghr Music lol.
I’m gonna go thru member by member now, in an attempt to organize my thoughts.
1. Zhang Hao
Holy shit !? Hao P1 !? Absolute slayage. I was so surprised. Tbh, this week I was stressing about how his rank might drop because of losing filler votes, but here he is ranked #1 :D congrats to him for making history as the first foreign center in produce/planet history!
2. Sung Hanbin <3
Mother is debuting!!! Not in P1, which was a twist, but still with a very high rank. This man has a really bright future ahead of him and I’m so happy that I get to support him along the way!
3. Seok Matthew
I was genuinely concerned as to whether or not he would debut, Matthew p03 had me gagged fr I was so happy for him. He’s such a ray of sunshine and has great chemistry with literally everyone he interacts with.
4. Ricky
The SCREAM that was SCRUMPT. Would not be surprised if my neighbors had called 911 honestly. So happy for him!! Honestly, it’s between him and Zhang Hao for my bias in the group. Ricky has grown on me immensely since I started watching the show, also I think he has the best fan edits in the whole fandom like not even just ZB1, of Boys Planet contestants in general. For some reason I feel like the group name really suits him? Like if u showed me a picture of Ricky and said “he’s in a group called ZB1” that would make sense.
5. Gunwook
yet ANOTHER pleasant surprise! I obviously knew he was in the conversation but I was expecting him to be up for like 8th or 9th, esp after he dropped in the 3rd ranking. He started the show with such a tough guy image, but he’s really such a softie and I love it.
6. Kim Taerae
Main vocal slay :) can’t wait to hear more of his high notes and see his big smile onstage. Also I feel like the new dark hair really brings an edge to his image that we haven’t seen before. He might be a reverse Gunwook, seeming very soft and cute at first but actually being tougher than anticipated lol. I was nervous for him after seeing he was 11th in the interim, but clearly the voters pulled thru.
7. Kim Gyuvin
I have not been the biggest Gyuvin fan in the past, but I gotta say he’s really growing on me. He’s like a big goofy puppy dog that can dance really well. His reactions to seeing the other trainees winning (especially Yujin) were so endearing! The other day I watched his en garde fancam on loop aksjfgh he does have a very interesting captivating energy and I appreciate that.
8. Kim Jiwoong
Our hyung <3 so happy for him, he’s been through so much with his previous debut but now he’s finally done it. It’s also nice to see someone who is so clearly openly supportive of the queer community in the final lineup. Not to say that the other trainees aren’t ofc, I think they r all allies (if not queer themselves), but like, jiwoong acting in BL and being friends with Holland, the literal only out k-pop idol, is a different kind of support that I’m happy to see. Most idols tiptoe a bit more, but jiwoong actually does things that r clearly in support of us yknow.
9. Han Yujin
Our maknae :) seeing him drop so much was really surprising, for a moment I thought he wouldn’t make it tbh. I’m fairly neutral on him, I think he’s an amazing dancer and has so much potential, but if I’m being honest he wasn’t necessarily one of my picks. I’m not mad that he’s here by any means tho. I know ZB1 hasn’t even debuted yet so it’s kinda silly to be theorizing about what he’ll do after, but hes young, talented and popular enough that I think once they reach the end of the 2.5 year contract he’s gonna redebut and reach success all over again.
So, that’s it! Boys Planet is over! The lineup is announced! Zhang Hao, Sung Hanbin, Seok Matthew, Ricky, Gunwook, Taerae, Gyuvin, Jiwoong and Taerae. Our Bep1er- now officially known as ZEROBASEONE :D it feels so surreal, but I’m so excited to stan these boys.
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I was the person who asked you to tell us random things about yourself. I just checked the post and omg wow, you really seem so cool! I had a bad day but now when I read this it felt so heartwarming and sweet.
Btw I've also read the little prince and I loved it a lottt, you should watch the movie adaptation, it's a little bit different than the book but it's still a pretty good movie tho in my opinion.
And lol I didn't know countries have a rule for the maximum number of adopted cats.
Oh and you said you like ghibli studio movies, what's your favorite one? I've only watched when marnie was there, howl's moving castle and spirited away, and I loved them so much. (I actually thought that marnie and anna are in love with each other but it turned out marnie was her grandma so I was pretty disappointed lmao, but it was my favorite movie between those 3 that I already mentioned before). Do you have any recommendations for me? And also do you watch other anime?
Oh yea I wanna ask you how old are you? I think you're 15, correct me if I'm wrong.
I also wanted to ask you if you could share with us some of ur art, even if you don't think they're good enough, they would be beautiful.
Lastly I wanna say that you really remind me of Francis, a character in Radio Silence, a book by Alice Oseman.
Sorry it's a pretty long message but there is so much to ask lol. And thank you for answering my last anon message<3
TY OMG AH AH AH I AM SO HAPPY
<3 I'm glad I made your day better, cause you made my day 10000000000000× better <3
I have watched the movie adaptation, and it is awesome :3
And abt the cat rule ITS SO STUPID OMG I WANT TO HAVE FURRY FRIENDS 😭
My favourite guibli movie is definitely Totoro or Howls moving castle, and I have seen Ariety too so those are like my best recommendations for you. I saw when Marnie was there too and IT WOULD BE SUCH A GOOD LOVE STORY OMG.
And I watch Komi can't communicate and Kakekuri, even tho I haven't watched them in a while with school and all of that stuff
I'm 14:), but that was rlly close wow
And I do plan on sharing some art actually, I have a poll abt like if ppl want me too and its at like 90 percent positive so I am just waiting for it to end bcs yn formalities and all that!
I READ THAT BOOK OMG I LOVE HER. And yes, I rlly relate to her a lot omg that's very accurate :0
Tysm for doing this. This absolutely makes my day, I love you sm anon my god ty <33333
I rlly hope to one day meet more people like you, or even you idk, I mean, you make me so so happy tysm <33
#guess-ill-dye#tysm anon!#anon ask#anon <3#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah#:d#asks#tysm omg#that made my day#<3#me#thats litterally me#ty for the question omg#I am so so so so so happy#and grateful#my goddess#my godddd#:3#i cant stop smiling#omg ty rlly your so nice :d
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Hey, you absolutely do not have to respond to this if you don't wanna, I just wanted to tell you about an option that might help with your PTSD. I have severe C-PTSD that debilitates me and has caused me to be severely suicidal for most of my life. Therapy and meds helped a little but were ultimately useless, until on a last ditch effort, I decided to try psilocybin therapy. I cultivated them myself and took a small amount every month, and I went from insanely suicidal to actually having a will to live and happiness again. I still have a lot of issues, but taking a gram of mushrooms once a month has genuinely saved my life. I don't usually recommend it bc nobody reacts the same way, but I just thought I'd tell you so that you could research it. I learned how to grow them via r/unclebens. Like I said, you don't have to acknowledge this, I just figured I'd pass it along. I hope that either way, things get better for you.
Before I say anything else, I want to say that I am so, so, so sorry that you have to deal with c-ptsd as well. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to talk to me, a complete stranger, to offer some kindness and empathy; I appreciate you sending this to me and being so open. I sometimes feel like my own c-ptsd is very "stupid" because I have a long, LONG list of triggers that aren't "normal" like colors, clothes, phrases... I guess that's why they're triggers, they're not supposed to "make sense" but still. Exactly like you said, it debilitates your life. I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with this too. It's terrifying to live with. I've had both ptsd and c-ptsd in my life and... like, they're both incredibly challenging, I'm not downplaying ptsd at all in comparison to c-ptsd -- that being said -- holy fuck c-ptsd is a whole new ballgame. When I went thru the worst of my ptsd years ago I was like "wow nothing could be harder than this" and now the c-ptsd is happening and I'm like "oh I was wrong, this is so much worse actually" at least for me in my personal experiences
Mentally I am holding your hand and I see you and I hear you and I am so proud of you for continuing to live when it has been so fucking hard. I am so glad you're here. Thank you for being here and for continuing to fight when it's so damn hard. Look at you go. You're crushing it. I see you striving.
This is something (well, not the exercise specifically, but uhhhh, the shrooms I guess) that was recommended to me by a support group for my ptsd years and years and years ago; I brought it up with a few doctors but I was strongly advised not to try it bc they said it would make my anxiety/depression far worse. I'm not sure if the answer would change now since I'm older and I'd be asking different doctors lol... this is actually my first time hearing about therapy for it, however. I think that's very interesting. I've always been very nervous around drugs and have never considered smoking anything bc my anxiety around it is so bad, but sometimes the flashbacks are so awful and the nightmares have been HORRIFIC and nonstop for 14 months now, i'm willing to sell my soul to the devil just to get rid of them at this point 😭 i had one of my worst breakdowns ever last night and all i did was accidentally stumble upon (1) single photo of a trigger, and it set me off for hours, getting physically sick and unable to do literally anything except Be Sick On The Floor. but I will definitely think it through more and ask some professionals abt this specific kind of therapy; when I was younger I used to have some slight heart problems so I'd probably have to ask what's the best approach for me first... I'll try to do some further internet research on it too
Only once a month huh... Whether or not if it's something I'd even be able to try, I'm SO glad it helps you, man. I'm so glad you could have some peace and relief that you didn't have before. Thank you for your well wishes, I extend the same to you ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
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one piece liveblog 807-810
yayyy
807!!
them just cutting to a feast and still not telling us what happened to sanji 👀👀 like I know what happened to sanji but its still juicy af
BROOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok brook legit has one of the best character designs in one piece (and that's saying a lot w/the competition), simply can't be beat
still w/the sanji remarks...the drama!!!!!!!!!!
everyone is accounted for EXCEPT sanji
HAHAHA the super foreboding 'corpse' wanda mentioned was just brook lmfao
hahahaha and the dog minks love brook, of course. and zoro is just like Tell Me Less Please.
law just fucking off to the forest lmao mood
oooohohh the offscreen explanation oooohhhh
goddd I love that nami recognizes how bad the situation is - how this is actually WORSE than if sanji had Actually been physically kidnapped
but okay pretending idk where sanji went the tension is insaaaane and The Plot Thickens when u hear sanji left a note and left on purpose HMMMM so juicy
ITS ONLY BEEN 11 DAYS.....JEEEEESUS LOL
didn't dressrosa take like 5 years irl lmfao
flashback babeyyyyy
ooooh I love big moms flagship. so creepy. I love the whole 'evil-er willy wonka/disney' schtick she has going on
omfg I forgot abt caesar, just like luffy did
yeessssss I love seeing the crew fight together sooo much I wish it happened more instead of individual fights. It should be like DND where they take turns lol
namiiiii I love her and her weather powers sm
HAHAHAHA nami acting all humble but saying 'I admit, the credit's all mine' I love her SO MUCHHHH lmao
also I LOVE the rest of the straw hats hyping them up :')
chopper getting to do Dr stuff yayayayayay
nami and wanda gay asf js
OUGHGHGHGH LAW REUNITING W/HIS CREW OUGHHHHHH
also I was CONVINCED that law was doomed to die sometime after dressrosa (for multiple reasons, one being that his power is so OP lmao) so seeing this I was like OH NO HE DOESN'T HAVE LONG LEFT...lmao
I thot he'd die in wano but now that he didn't I'm like okay he's fine actually lol
oooh it's crazy to get to see all this wano-related stuff now that wano is like. actually over lol
and we still don't see what happened to sanji yet lol
chapter 808!!!
KAYA AND THE KIDS W USOPPS POSTER WWWWWWWWWWWWWW
oh shittttt jack
wow they have a lot of themes going on huh. you have the cards thing, and the mythical/prehistoric animals thing, and the 'calamities' thing. extraaa
this man is named sheepshead....that's a fish bro
gin-rummy...more card game names lol
apparently sheepshead is also a game but idk I think everyone's first thought would be Fish (
them arguing over terminology w/samurai vs ninja lmfao not the time dudes
oh shit fuck it up minks
luffy not reading the room at all and being excited that there's a mammoth hvhbajdfvshjbfbajdsdf I love him sm did u know
I love usopp and luffy's relationship sm ooooobh
HAHAHA NOOOO LUFFY JUST BLOWING BY ALL THE SUBTLTY
classic
everyone just whaling on luffy hvbjadkfbskjdfn
inuarashi!!! I was actually so confused by the english translation names lmao
caesar just fucking things up lmao
chapter 809!!
omfg inuarashi wanting to chew on brook too bc he's a dog mink lmaoooooo
'not later either!!' LMFAOOOOOOO
luffy going CAESAAAAAAAR is giving me jojo part 2 flashbacks
omg they met shanks :D
luffys like OH SHHIT MY DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
inuarashi falling asleep mid convo lmao
luffy like prying his jaw open while chopper tries to stop him. classic
omg fellow nocturnals<3
flashbackkkkkk!
ooooh musketeers
inuarashi badass moments
jack's the first person we hear about w/a billion+ bounty, right??
nekomamushi fuuuuck yea
i love one piece fights ngl
chapter 810!!!
ooooh we see the baratie w/sanji's new 'only alive' wanted poster!! 'lots of questions' indeed...
jack kinda looks like axe hand morgan w/that jaw hvjddhskbjlf
oomg bepo and the heart pirates fighting for zou 😭😭😭 wuv them
damnnn they fought for 5 days
luffy just sitting on inuarashi lmao
luv that luffy is Just A Little Guy and its more and more obvious as the series progresses bc everyone starts getting larger like the story is advancing along some sort of megafauna gradient
damnnnn they're out here breaking the geneva convention
nekomamushi cursing jack as he 'dies' is dope as fuck
this is starting to feel like a christian creation myth lol. 'and on the sixth day, the devil left our lands...'
inuarashi saying that doflamingo and jack 'must be bound by some deep connection' makes it sound like they're gay married lmfao
awww luffy defeating doflamingo indirectly made jack leave and stop murdering everyone on zou, nice
OH SHIT FLASHBACK!!!! sanjis there 👀
that shot w/brook chopper nami sanji momo and caesar like lmao caesar rlly thinks he's on the team....
caesar saying 'you will rue the day!'....neville icarly moment
brook's outfits are always cool as fuuuuck
nami immediately jumping into action to help the squirrel girl <333
and telling brook to fight the guy chasing her and brook is like sure thing <3333 ilove them
brook is so fucking cool I wish he got more to do in the story. I'm glad he gets to be dope in wci
oh hi pedro! everyone looks like they've seen better days huh
damn especially inuarashi and nekomamushi...I forgot the had limbs chopped off 😬 ouch
exciting flashback developments!!!!! more to come 👀
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hello! I'm just writing to say, in the best possible way: reading your fics, I've never thought so much about hair! See, my hair's been of the same, middling shoulder-ish length all my life, mostly because I’ve just never thought of changing it. and in your writing - there is hair in change, and change in hair, and change towards self rather than away from self, and i've never thought about it that way, and suddenly I’m thinking, and that’s so cool.
but what really drives me nuts is how in your fics, bea's hair changes in different ways. i know it’s often in the background but: she cuts it short and shaves the sides. She highlights it. She lets it down and loosens it. She lets it grow and flow. sometimes her hair doesn’t change per se, but she does, and she allows things like her hair to become a part of her. Even in the same fic sometimes, it changes. it drives me nuts because maybe it’s just unintentional on your part! Each time, it’s the same base character, but she grows in all the same ways and yet in all different ways. And I think it’s so cool you have space to explore the full range of hair and personhood, and how hair can make you feel like who you are, if that’s a way to put it.
and what I guess I’m trying to say is, beyond the intellectualising/character analysis of it all, reading about butch bea gently touching her scalp makes a small soft voice in my head go “oh, wow”, and reading about bea running, long hair flying, tied up but not no longer *tied up*, makes my heart skip and swell — and you write so well, each time it reveals a different facet of her character, and it makes me think a different way. I’m so glad your different fics / different universes have it all ❤️. maybe one day i will do something with my hair.
yah i think hair is such a big part of gender expression, especially for dfab masc people! i've felt stressed out for the majority of my life about hair & have rly gone thru some PHASES lol & so i think like.. it's a rly powerful character device, honestly, especially thinking about like. freedom & sexuality & expression — & stepping away from trauma, a new start blah blah. i feel similarly about food — what brings pleasure? how do you let yourself feel unadulterated home in ur body? etc — & so i rly like to use them if i can. i also think that like... sight is such a boring sense when ur writing, so like changing ur hair or eating smth u normally wouldn't allow yourself rly opens up all the other senses (touch, smell, taste, etc) in ways that don't seem particularly obvious or like they're trying too hard, & i would always rather have a character DO something instead of just saying how they feel interiorly (e.g. ‘i want to cut my hair’ vs ‘i’m exploring my own relationship w the feminine & masculine in a way that doesn’t completely make sense to me yet but hopefully this helps’ lol it’s just much better more compelling writing)
& for me like... i have hated haircuts lol. i've gotten bored w haircuts. i've grown out my hair rly long & then had a full meltdown in an airport lol like. queer self-expression, especially after denying that for years, is so tied up in small things. honestly getting bored of short hair, letting ur hair down, being 🙄🫠 abt a haircut is just such a part of being a person lol.
& w queer expression especially hair is like... ephemeral but not. it's way more fleeting than, for example, gender affirming surgery, but it's much less fleeting than clothes. everything together, ofc, forms a character (& a person, irl, ofc), so i just feel like i like to use all the tools that make sense. & cutting ur hair short is this like v historical rejection of a particular expectation of femininity (which i've sought out before multiple times, & it can still be rly cathartic to think about); i also feel like, eventually, everyone hopefully kinda settles into a self-expression that makes sense to them (e.g., i love mens clothes but like yknow loose expensive light fabrics. do not make me ever wear a single button down or tuck ANYTHING in i Will refuse lol) & rn i have a cool yet deeply impractical day to day masc bob that is v Chic & cool yet always in my face unless i have a hat on lmao & it feels, at least atm, like a rly comprehensible androgynous in between for me in the same way my clothes do, in the same way that gender affirming surgery has for me. w bea i think there’s so many ways for all of her pieces to fit, so it’s nice to get them to line up eventually in the context of the particular story
so yah i mean... honestly hair is such an excellent characterization device, idk why more ppl don't use it lol but i will continue to when the moment calls i suppose :)
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