#yes i love kanaya really much how can u tell

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

walks into ur inbox and sets up a big conspiracy board. hi mac :3 do u wanna hear about the hs epilogues and hs2??? well i'm gonna learn u a thing about homed stuck post canon!!!! here we fucking go

ok so idk how much of the epilogues u have read, but basically to sum it up: it was made as a way to make the fans of canon hs angry. like that's kinda the whole point. and it worked because honestly!! they are quite terrible!!! and i do like them a lot but there are a lot of things that were done in bad faith with very little care to original canon, such as: raging misogyny in the form of making jane a hashtag girlboss who sexually abused jake, jade who has no concept of sexual boundaries and was literally framed to be the girl who got in between the gay couple, and like. a lot more. so it's. very far from perfect. honestly a lot of the character writing isn't even that good

but something to keep in mind is that while yes, part of the reason a lot of it is written that way is because hussie just wanted to piss people off, there is kind of a canon reason for it??? dirk went kind of off the rails and absorbed the knowledge of all of his splinters and alternate timeline selves (which for a person who hates himself that much!!! not great!!! would drive a guy a little nuts!!!) and he got a little. bro strider-ish. very manipulative and Not Nice. and he also grabbed control over the entire narrative in the meat timeline so!!! he was just messing with people and trying to convince himself he didn't feel bad about it. sad!

and the candy timeline is controlled by alt!calliope who wanted to make the entire timeline nice and perfect and domestic, a war broke out between trolls and humans, shit hit the fan pretty bad, but the narrative only focuses on the romantic and family drama which says sooooooo much about how alt!callie views the world and these characters. she grew up obsessing over them and now can't process that these are real people who are friends with the alpha timeline version of herself and it drives me bonkers and fucking yonkers GIRL YOU ARE MESSING WITH PEOPLE YOU ARE NO DIFFERENT THAN YOUR BROTHER!!!! since ultimate!dirk absorbed the knowledge and memories of lord english through his absorption of arquiussprite he is basically lord fucking english so him and alt!calliope arguing over the timelines is literally just. two siblings who never grew up pulling their toys/friends back and forth and being upset because they can't get their own way IT'S INSANE

also the prose slaps sometimes. meat page 39 is an especially good example, like the way it capture's ult!dirk's character voice is. AAAAAAUGHJGHGH. god. the feelings of that part. the way he's clearly trying so hard not to care..... but he DOES. and you can TELL. honestly it really captures the tragedy of dirkjake so well. also candy page 14 is just. woagh. idk if you read that part but dirk dies in candy and it's just.... holyyyyy shit dude. it's a bit gorey and it is a suicide so maybe not the best part to read if you're in a bad state of mind but GOD. it just. there's something about it that somehow manages to capture dirk so well in a way. like of course his death would be self inflicted while feeling like he's doing something "right." jesus christ. i can give u links to my favourite pages if u wanna read any of em

ummm ANYWAY. hs2 is a continuation of BOTH timelines. john died in the meat timeline (sad) and got incredibly depressed in the candy timeline (also sad) but also he had a son with roxy in candy!!! his name is harry anderson and lemme tell u i love all of the kids in candy. there's harry, there's vrissy (an ecto clone of vriska adopted by rose and kanaya), tavros crocker-english (jane and jake's kid, the most tragic little guy ever tbh) and um. yiffy. yiffany longstocking lalonde-harley who was born when jade wanted a kid. i'm not gonna get into the whole ordeal of yiffy rn it was so balls to the wall insane if i explained everything i would be here all day. but also VRISKA IS THERE 🎉🎉🎉 and she is the highlight of the candy timeline lemme tell u. she's gonna end the troll/human war maybe. or maybe she'll just fuck around. who knows!!! it's vriska!!! i love her silly unpredictable swag :3

the meat timeline is where i go especially crazy because there is soooo much to analyze here in terms of prose and imagery and just. stuff in general. basically dirk and rose blasted off into space to go create a new intelligent species and introduce them to sburb and make their universe "relevant" again because something just feels Off about their current story, and they can't quite tell what it is so they're fixing it any way they can think of. also terezi tagged along because she was there when john died and she still hasn't found vriska and so she is also depressed so hey why not tag along on this death trip to the stars!!! also a bunch of others are trying to chase them down in their own spaceship, including: dave and karkat, jade, callie, and roxy (who is transmasc in the meat timeline!!!) also davekat is canon in the meat timeline and they have some lovely existential discussions about dave's immortality and karkat's mortality

anyway thats all i got for now. i feel insane about these guys and i'm hoping the new writers for hs2 can maybe improve the story a bit AND THEY ALREADY KIND OF HAVE!!! they brought sollux back, they made jake less of a punching bag and more of a character, they have vriska shenanigans, and jane is less of an Evil Girlboss and actually more of a homestuck villain if that makes sense!! AND THE ART STYLE IS BETTER TOO the hs2 style kind of devolved a bit and looked a bit terrible after a while (they might have just had new artists on at the time) but now they've got different artists!! and the guy heading it now worked on some of the original homestuck stuff!! so they're trying to slowly fix some of hussie's bad writing choices and expanding on the cool stuff that was already there!! i love hs2 it is my deeply flawed very fucked up baby :3 sorry this was so long. the demons got me u understand <3

I UNDERSTAND I UNDERSTAND. OMG THANK YOU. i actually did start reading candy/meat when they first came out (<< 17 yr old who was so so so excited for new homestuck content) and ended up. giving up on them REALLY quick. i actually got to the part where dirk died in candy and that was what made me put them down entirely bc i was SO upset . also like u said yes the way jade was characterized was so so so uncomfy for me. so those r like the two main factors that made me totally give up on meat and candy. and i kind of openly was super super mad about the epilogues for a while after that and then i realized. oh no. im a fool. im exactly the kind of person they were written to make angry HHFDBSJS. so i backed down and learned to appreciate them for what they were from a distance <3

i appreciate u SO MUCH for the deep dive bc holy shit. every once in a while i have the internal struggle of "god i miss homestuck. maybe i should go back and read the epilogues" and then i Dont hFBFSJDK . i actually do not know SHIT about hs2 in general !! i know there is. ult dirk who looks like an anime villain and i think thats great for him. aaaaand. the davekat laundry room scene which i have only seen panels for and not dialogue and i love them so much forever. and thats about the extent of my knowledge.

#IM GLAD U ENJOY THEM BC I ALSO LIKE TO KNOW EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. i am avsorbing your knowledge #i think i would like to go back and read meat and candy again some day and give them another chance #((mainly so i can then read hs2 bc thats what i care about)) #but i think i need to be in the correct headspace to do that and it has never really felt like the right time i guess #unfortunately the first time i consumed them i was a super super hyper depressed lonely college freshman #and they kind of scarred me a little hBFHDJSKS #I APPRECIATE THEM NOW THOUGH. #THANKNU THANK U THANK U i love whiskey inbox time #friends!!! #asks #anachronistic-falsehood

[dav3katz]

Hello ! Nice to see a new homestuck blog. This fandom dead as shit lol. Do you have any just general hcs for what it’s like to date dave or dirk?

Dave relationship hcs

- Dave is pretty new to relationships, but he tries to be as cliche and romantic as he is able without letting his cool guy act be sabotaged.

- but at the same time .. he is like.. a huge fuckin dork lmao like overly sappy and just .. my god this boy is actually a mess

- he makes raps for you, yeah how original OP. Listen..!!! I know.

- but seriously yeah makes you raps and then wants your opinion.. he’s dying inside waiting for your reaction to it, but he’s happy when you say you like them :))

- he craves validation, especially for his raps tho.

- but sometimes he gets up in his feelings and wants you to validate him as a whole

- which he will deny getting up in said feelings

- teases you a lot

- he’s also always blushy around you .. blushy boy ..

- so like any affection he gives .. big blush on his face

- likes holding your hand a lot (and kissing them)

- likes sitting in your lap as well, doesn’t matter if he’s bigger than you or not

- goes “mwah mwah mwah” everytime he kisses you

- draws dicks on you while you’re minding your own business . He does it to karkat too tho

- doesn’t matter if he’s taller, when you kiss he wraps his arms around your neck, with your hands on his waist

- he likes his hair being played with but he won’t tell you that ;p

- likes you wearing his shades btw . He thinks it’s cute he dies inside whenever you do

- rambles to you a lot.. big surprise .. but he will ramble to you about anything and everything and appreciates you listening to him

- he rambles about you to rose a lot, well just anyone really? But mostly does it to rose, John, karkat, and kanaya.

- are you actually strong enough to carry him? Or is he just floating? The world may never know..

- he’s clingy and is always with you. On the off chance he isn’t you’re send a million “mwah” “love u or whatever” “<3”

- he can only keep the cool guy act for so long okay .. but he can be lame and sappy… just for you..

- but at first he’s awkward about his feelings he has so much he wants to let out but he’s trying so hard not to be a complete dorky loser in front of you so he’s so weird at first about affection and just.. a lot of things.. when he finally lets loose he’s fine

- he’s annoying and likes annoying you >=)

- “babebabebabebabebabebabebabebabe” “WHAT” “hi”

- the only reason he confessed is rose ? Like tbh . I think he would repress his feelings for the rest of his goddamn life . Especially if you’re a dude cuz holy shit

- but yea he spends so much time trying to not let his whole heart out, he can’t help but wanna express himself with you (when he’s more comfortable).

- kanaya and rose find it funny to just make you nice outfits so that Dave has like a heart attack <33

- “Dave look at this new outfit kanaya made me!” “Dave your face is redder than usual are you ok” “yes just having a heart attack is all.”

- the first time you you kissed him, he’s red in the face and just starts randomly beatboxing bc he cannot handle how cute you are and how great that was

- likes just chillin and listening to music with you

- loves cuddling you to sleep!! Usually likes being the big spoon . He likes the idea that you’re safe in his arms

- but like? Also likes being the smaller one when he’s just tired and sad and just .. needs to feel safe for once

- but if you try to enforce being the big spoon it takes some getting used to but he likes it so =)

- you guys got your own language at this point, communicating random shit with your hands.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY SAYING NOW. IS THAT HUMAN SIGN LANGAUGE?” “Definitely not.” “Yes I’m Not Sure What They’re Saying Either” “oh! They’re saying how karkat is really fuckin stupid! Haha!” “John why do you even know that” “WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT. WHAT.”

- carries you bridal style while he’s like flying.. just like.. looking down at nice views with him and shit.. so long as you trust him enough for that lmao

- he’s a dork and gets you flowers when you go on dates =) he refused to when you started dating so now he uses every opportunity he can

- also he’s very chill, like goes wherever you want to and it’s very hard for you to upset him

- likes neck kisses of any kind . Receiving or giving

- just stares at you .. a lot .. usually you can’t tell because of the shades but if you pay attention to the way he smiles you would be able to.. he gets this warm smile when he looks at you

- he just loves looking at you.. all the time… in a non creepy way ..

- he does worry a lot, so he does get a bit protective at times. Given everything he’s gone through, naturally he fears something could happen to you.

- he wants to be able to keep you safe and he fears he can’t do that. + he just fears the day you’ll die . He’s just . Rlly scared for all of that and thinks about it a lot and sometimes just needs some reassurance

Dirk relationship hcs

- oh boy

- well, he’s extremely grateful you’re dating him, he’s pretty self aware that he’s not dating material. Or at least, thinks he isn’t.

- of course, there will be some problems to work through in your relationship, he needs somebody who can get him to open up and talk about his emotions. It’s hard but he can succeed if he tries at it.

- he would hesitate for a long time to tell you how he felt about you, but I think his friends would be really encouraging about it.

- plus yknow… Hal … would probably do something

- speaking of, Hal does a lot of things to embarrass dirk and expose him for his affections to you, even while you’re dating.

- “he totally lovesssss you” “no I don’t” “he wants to kisssss youuu” “shut up”

- it takes awhile for him to be affectionate, and to truly express emotions very freely. However, when he does, he does.

- he won’t get too sappy on you, but he’s a lot better at expressing himself than at the beginning of your relationship. If you say “I love you” he says it back, and may even say it first on days he’s feeling particularly softer than usual

- he typically likes buying you things, it’s mainly how he shows affection

- he gets awkward at first with physical affections, but he grows to love it. Never initiates it though, even though he wants to.

- just kinda acts all tsundere abt it tbh

- but he loves it :)

- usually the most cuddly when you’re both sleepy and tired

- he likes being picked up, wrapping his legs around your waist and his arms around your neck :D

- that goes for while kissing too

- likes touching your face

- speaking of touching loves being touched now and is low key clingy af he just doesn’t wanna show it. Cant blame him tho he hasn’t been touched like almost his entire life

- he also teases you a lot, more than dave would though

- it’s how he shows affection <3

- you play with this hair and he goes >:( he takes too long to do it everyday ok . Don’t play with his hair unless he’s gonna sleep

- usually likes control in what you guys do for dates, but doesn’t care if you come up with plans sometimes

- he likes watching anime with you

- he gets kinda blushy and flustered.. quite a bit.. especially when you’re being touchy

- likes wearing your clothes, or you wearing his but it usually leads to more NSFW thoughts so I will not go too into that LOL

- big on cuddles, number one way to get him to be very touchy with you and affectionate

- likes putting his face in your neck when you cuddle, or when he’s feeling cuddly and affectionate in general

- when you cuddle he clings onto you like some koala

- when cuddling he tends to be more open and vulnerable so sometimes just vents about shit

- or like mumbles in your neck about how much he loves you and he’s sorry he doesn’t tell you it enough

- when you text him he gets all giddy and shit . All excited like “Omg haha what do they want”

- likes just listening to music with you and vibing

- cursed hc but he listens to blink-182 with you

- also . Yes bad at expressing himself at times but do not doubt his affections for you . You are quite literally his world and he will defend you through thick and thin

- touch is his love language now BTW . Kinda your fault tho :)

- tends to pay close attention to you, just little things he notices about you that even you don’t notice about yourself

- he’s not trying to be creepy promise he just likes looking at you

- which means though that he noticed your behaviors and habits

- and tends to copy them without meaning to

- like if you tend to say “like” a lot, guess what he says it a lot now.

- do you make specific hand movements when you talk? Well .. so does he now

- roxy is your guys number 1 shipper btw . They think you guys are just the cutest

- but absolutely teases tf out of dirk

- also Jane is the fucking “lesbian bullies gay man” meme but with you she’s like “hello sweetie honey baby Angel”

- Jake loves you guys too =)) he always asks dirk how you’re doin

- imagine a double date with John and Roxy. “I’m cold” “here you go Roxy! :)” “I’m cold too.” “Well damn y/n I can’t control the weather.”

- he is a good bf tho . Promise .

#dirk x reader #Dave x reader #dave strider x reader #dirk strider x reader #hs x reader #homestuck x reader #homestuck Dave x reader #homestuck dirk x reader

[mirthfulmoirail]

Coffee Shop Shenanigans

Written for Rosemary Month. Day 5: Coffee Shop

Warnings: None

Word Count: ~750

The door makes its usual mildly irritating chiming sound as Rose enters the coffee shop. She pauses for a second to savor the smell of coffee and pastries, as is tradition. Then she makes her way to the line-less counter, needing no time to peruse the menu. She’s a frequent customer at this particular establishment, and not just for the coffee.

“Hello, are you ready to order?” The barista asks, mouth stretched in a somewhat unnerving customer service smile.

“Yes. I’d like the Apprentice Wizard’s Delight cappuccino, please. Hot.” She answers in a clearly practiced fashion. She’s used to the quirky drink names and besides, she orders this every time so she’s long gotten over the embarrassment. This is the only drink that’s able to support her through her long studying sessions.

“Of course. For here or to go?”

“For here,” Rose replies.

“Alright, that’ll be $5.97.”

Rose pays and then goes to her usual booth in the corner to arrange her laptop and study materials. She’s recently decided to continue her education, but catching up has been a long and arduous process exacerbated by the reverence of this earth’s locals and her own lack of social skills. Coffee has been one of her most consistent supporters in achieving this goal. And speaking of…

The barista approaches her table with a large cup and gently sets it down, notably away from her laptop. Rose nods in appreciation at that.

“One Apprentice Wizard’s Delight. Is there anything else I can help you with?” she asks.

“Well, there is one thing…,” Rose trails off meaningfully, looking up at the other woman.

“Check your cup,” she replies with a wink. Then she gracefully spins and strides off to the employee area.

Rose grins to herself and slides her cup closer to examine it. A quick turn reveals writing in beautiful cursive penmanship.

It reads: “1-800-are-u-gay”

She laughs. She can’t help it. Kanaya really is getting better at this.

In the beginning, she would just get flustered with her public flirting, something about their cross-quadrant relationship being indecent in front of others. After several years, however, Kanaya relaxed and felt comfortable enough to enjoy antics like this.

Rose comes to this coffee shop in particular because her girlfriend works here part-time. She wanted to assimilate to earth culture and “not stay confined to the caverns.” That’s right, her other job was looking after the wrigglers. She had recruited and trained others so that she didn’t have to be there every waking moment, but she did make sure to check in and make sure the wrigglers were receiving the care that they needed. Rose is so proud of her…and admittedly relieved that they found a solution to that conundrum.

With all that said, Rose has another tradition when she comes here: to pretend as if she is asking Kanaya out for the very first time. She doesn’t remember how it started, but they have fun with it. It reminds her how much she loves her girlfriend (and her sense of humor).

She doesn’t come here just to flirt though. Returning to her senses and wiping her lovestruck grin off her face, she opens up her latest assignment and gets to work. As much as she was looking forward to her coffee, she inevitably forgets about it, and it’s long gone cold by the time she remembers. As she’s pouting, she receives a text.

gA: Do You Want Me To Reheat It For You?

TT: If you would be so kind <3

gA: Of Course. <3

Kanaya comes to get her cup and returns soon after with a hot cup of coffee.

“Careful, it’s—“ Kanaya sighs as Rose impatiently takes a gulp of her long-awaited-but-unfortunately-forgotten drink and scalds her tongue.

“Fuck,” she hisses.

Her girlfriend closes her eyes, exasperated. “I tried to tell you.”

Rose frowns and says, “That was a private moment between me and my new girlfriend, this coffee.”

“Well, seeing as your new girlfriend has already hurt you, I can’t say I support this relationship…unless you need an auspistice,” Kanaya says with a blank face.

Their expressions crumble and they both laugh. The door chimes as a couple of customers enter the shop. Quickly, Kanaya leans forward and pecks Rose before backing away.

“My break is at 3:45. I’ll see you then.” And with that she’s gone, off to take more orders.

Rose feels her face blush and smiles softly. She loves that woman so much. She can’t wait until three forty-five.

#rosemarymonth2021 #rosemary #rose lalonde #kanaya maryam #homestuck #homestuck fanfic #my writing

[thewebcomicsreview]

Homestuck 2 has updated! Christmas is ruined!

Previously, on Homestuck 2: Literally nothing happened, and a non-trivial portion of the patreon supporters gave up and quit. Can this update pull a Christmas miracle and right the sinking ship of Homestuck 2? Probably not, but let’s find out! 

We’re back in Candyland, having completely skipped over Karkat and John talking about Dave’s apparent death, because this comic is only interested in long conversations when they’re boring and not about anything at all. That’s alright, I got the gist of it.

When Karkat is finally gone, John still doesn’t move. It isn’t as though he has nowhere else to go, since there are quite a few places he might attempt to make himself useful, for better or for worse.

So, it appears to be morning now, meaning that John’s son has been missing in a war zone for almost 24 hours and I guess John literally forgot Harry existed?

Prediction: This conversation is going to end in some variant of “Where is our son?” “Oh shit!”

ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid

ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid

ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?

What.

So, I went back and checked, and apparently nowhere is it explicitly said that Harry Anderson was also looking for the Vriskas, so I guess he....stayed home? Which makes sense, I suppose, but maybe a “Stay here I’ll go look for them” would’ve helped. I wasn’t the only one who thought Harry was out looking for Vriska too. 

ROXY: sup

ROXY: follow me

ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way

JOHN: haha ok.

John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?

Is Roxy....horny? Is the solid she’s looking for John’s dick? I mean, that’d make her saying Harry wasn’t available kind of weird, but I think this framing is a fake-out.

...

What the fuck is that lamp, Jesus Christ it’s awful. Just a cat’s asshole, facing the door.

ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert

JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding.

JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.

ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting

Oh hey, it was a fakeout. Good job, Homestuck 2. You successfully implied something just through the art. Art which, by the way, looks a lot better than the last chapter. There are backgrounds and everything. I wonder if Chapter 15 was rushed out due to Hiveswap and that’s why it was so weak?

He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?

I’m not the biggest fan of the way the narration is going JOHN IS AFRAID OF SEX WITH ROXY LIKE HE’S A TEENAGE VIRGIN AGAIN (LIKE IN HS1!) AND IT DOESN’T REALLY MAKE SENSE PLEASE REMEMBER THIS IT’LL BE IMPORTANT LATER, but okay, noted.

ROXY: u said ur house is gone??

JOHN: yep.

JOHN: completely.

ROXY: jeez

Heh. I like Roxy, still. 

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

If this comic actually uses the phrase “home” and “stuck” in the same sentence I’m turning this blog around and we’ll go right back to Winnipeg.

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

I feel unqualified to talk about how hard Roxy is pushing the June Egbert thing.

....Is that the fucking portal from Hiveswap under a tarp? Also hi Candy Callie, appearing in HS2 for the first time. One of the Calliope’s is nonbinary, I think, but I honestly can’t remember and I think it’s Meat Calliope? 

JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is?

ROXY: hmmmmmm no

JOHN: oh ok.

JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room.

JOHN: space.

JOHN: wherever we are.

ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now

ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi

ROXY: and by that i mean

ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn

JOHN: right, sorry.

JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain.

ROXY: u catch on fast egbert

Oh thing HS2 has not been great at is that it has a lot of plot mysteries that are supposed to keep us enticed but they don’t really get implanted into the audience’s head (Remember Vrissy mysteriously collapsing that one time? Probably not, she did it off screen and the boys kind of laughed it off). This one’s hard to miss.

JOHN: so... this is all downstairs?

JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done.

ROXY: well no not x actly

ROXY: were in the old meteor

It’s kind of weird how this meteor keeps popping up like this. 

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

This is an unexpected but not unwelcome direction for Callie to have gone.

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes?

Oh, wow, we’re going right there, then. This does seem like a bit of a reaction to complaints HS2 wasn’t shmoovin’ enough, but maybe I’m reading too much into it.

CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole.

JOHN: ok.

A’ight, that got a laugh out of me

JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it!

JOHN: i'm so sorry.

JOHN: i'm so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ):

I like this conversation a lot. 

ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you

JOHN: listen.

JOHN: i simply don't think you all appreciated the gift you were given.

Quite a bit, in fact.

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

Roxy and John have a good dynamic. 

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

JOHN: ...right.

John’s phone has very good coverage, since he was able to talk to Terezi in the epilogues, as we’re being subtly reminded of here with that ... before the “right”. I wonder if it still works after alt-Calliope left.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

Okay, so we are now being explicitly told that living in the black hole is fucking with the characters and is part of the reason they make such baffling decisions, like Rose not telling Kanaya about Yiffy, or naming her daughter “Yiffy” in the first place.

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

So, the plan is literally for Vriska to be such a Huge 8itch that the black hole itself gets sick of her and yeets Earth C out of its own event horizon to freedom.

This is actually a great plan. 

And that’s Hamsteak. This definitely feels like a bit of a reaction to complaints about HS2, but hey, I dig it, I guess? Definite improvement over the last chapter.

#homestuck #homestuck 2 liveblog

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-04-02

Alright I’ll fix the broken images later right now lets goooooo read the updaaaate I’ve been only spoiled on the chapter title

I don’t even wanna guess.  Jake?  This makes me think of Jake for some reason, even though that doesn’t make much se-- oh right the Vriskas are locked in a school closet with a dead clown.

> CHAPTER 7. Distress Call From the Closet

Yep.

Also, this is how a car design looks when it was invented to have its first appearance be it flying with a human named Tavros looking out from an open side door.

(I’m not ENTIRELY against designing something for its immediate-art-use-purpose first and functional or historical-origination thought later, but usually when you make it that obvious that that’s what your doing it’s best to make that fact funny.  Like the Conveniently Shaped Lamp.)

Also I appreciate this using of Candy as kind of more lighthearted breaks in the action?

> (==>)

I thoguht that protruding fang (?) was drool for a second and wondered what the fuck they were up to in this closet all of a sudden.

Vriska, thriving on it, has not felt so decadently alive in a very long time. Tavros has never in his tragic existence felt so close to death, which is surprising to him.

Vrissy is trying her best not to grapple with any cosmic truths at the moment, since she’s getting a phone call in the middle of hiding for her life.

Vrissy’s implied to be somewhere in-between all that by this joke.  I bet she’ll be comparing herself to Vriska and Tavros alike throughout this mess, wondering where on the spectrum she lands and being ashamed of it AND both of them regardless.  Vriska Original had a ghost version who went on a fair bit of a Page dress-up thing and personality shift, so maybe we could expect Vrissy to struggle with being caught in the middle of the scales... or does that qualify as overthinking it classpectways?

VRISSY: Yeah Harry I would say we are Extremely Aware of the Situ8ion. VRISSY: As it Unfolded the fuck all around us.

Good Christ, Vrissy’s selectively-capitalized Kanaya-isms continue to be cute.

Oh, he’s on speakerphone.

> (==>)

Yep, telling Rose and Kanaya would be the smart thing to do, but it isn’t the Them thing to do.

--ROXY’S PLACE?!??  Hoo boy.  On the other hand, though, we get more Roxy, so it evens out.

Also, I like how Harry Anderson has to spell out Harry Anderson’s entire name for his Harry Anderson chat tag every single time.  Harry Anderson.

> (==>)

Part of the reason, Tavros thinks, that he’s been so game to continue on with the worst plan anyone has ever concocted, is that the more bullshit they endure, the longer they can put off actually doing anything that matters.

If he’s getting sprayed with a sprinkler and getting clown feet in his face, it’s a farce. It can’t hurt him. But if they get to the part where he’s shoving the uncooperative weight of his uncle’s corpse in an incinerator, he will stop floating in protective semi-consciousness above his body and it will all be real.

Ouch.

Can’t one of you assholes just captchalogue him?  Or did you leave all the appropriate-strength moduses at home?  Even you Vriska??

Oh, right.  Everyone knows and you can just leave him here.  Good call.  I mean you don’t really have to worry about forensic evidence with the pictures circulating.

> (==>)

VRISKA: 8ye 8itch.

Oooh!  That feels satisfying!  Yeah, tell off Gamzee’s corpse!

...Wait.

If they just leave Gamzee there, Jane can revive him, can’t she.

Fuck.  Maybe it’s up to Jake to try and stop that.

> (==>)

Karkat and Meenah resistance-time, then, with them presumably hearing about this development on the internet.  Wow, Meenah’s horns are getting long fast.  Plus a hint more of her grown-up self’s height.  I didn’t think she’d keep maturing so fast with her absurd lifespan ahead of her.

Oh shit, I didn’t see at first--

Right, Candy might still be lighthearted compared to the broader plot just due to lowered stakes, but it’s still the Carpet-Bombing-and-War-Filled Shituniverse.

Trolls are made for the battlefield.

From the moment a troll oozes out of the mother grub’s pulsating sphincter, through the trials of the brooding caverns, across the brutal day to day slog of Alternian society, all the way to their Ordeals, to the sucking void of space. They are bred for nothing but endless war.

But Commander Vantas...Commander Vantas is different.

Is... is Meenah narrating right now?  Because fuck.

Or so all the pamphlets say.

The actual Commander Vantas has blisters on his heel and has been taking pot-shots at scouting drones for the last six hours. He could use a bath, honestly.

Or is this one of the trolls on the side narrating who’s kind of internalized the stories of trolls’ prior warlike nature?

> (==>)

MEENAH: yo nubs is that u MEENAH: pretty rank KARKAT: OH MY GOD. KARKAT: I FLATLY REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN SMELL MY NATURAL MUSK OVER THE STENCH OF BLOOD AND BURNING FLESH.

I guess it probably was Meenah narrating, then.  Unless it’s a really biased alt!Callie doing the talking.

MEENAH: didnt i warn u bout thinking tho? KARKAT: GOD DAMMIT MEENAH, DON’T MEME AT ME.

I don’t know what meme this is and I really don’t want to know.

They have had this argument more than once. In fact, both of them could play either side of it. Karkat has done his time in the field, of course, leading small guerilla operations to free prisoners and sabotage Crocker’s supply chains, but Meenah and the rest of the council is right. Which is why he’s here, instead of at the front lines with his rebels, where he belongs.

His true value is his face. His symbology. At the end of the day, he is a fucking ad campaign.

...is KARKAT narrating here???

SWIFER: boss check the news!

Oh shit, right, Swifer is in the resistance in Candy instead of just a breeding assistant in Meat as the bonuses remind us.

KARKAT: OH FUCK. MEENAH: what KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST. MEENAH: nubs i swear 2 god KARKAT: IT’S GAMZEE. KARKAT: HE’S DEAD. MEENAH: oh MEENAH: well shit KARKAT: I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS. MEENAH: u okay KARKAT: NO!

Huh.  Them’s some complicated feelings that could fall in basically all directions at once.

Also, I can’t believe Karkat has hung around humans enough to fully internalize the full-throated exclamation “JESUS CHRIST”, which wouldn’t even really be a thing on Earth C with people who aren’t from Earths B or A.

MEENAH: u outlawed fishpuns i gotta make my own fun

How could you, Karkat.

KARKAT: AND I GUESS IF YOU CALL AN OBSCENELY PUBLIC PALE ACT, PERFORMED IN A FUGUE OF DESPERATE PANIC INTENDED TO PREVENT HIM FROM MURDERING ALL OF MY FRIENDS INSTEAD OF JUST HALF OF THEM “A THING”. KARKAT: THEN YES, I GUESS WE HAD A THING. KARKAT: BUT IF YOU’RE ASKING ME IF I’M SAD THAT HE’S DEAD? KARKAT: ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT.

Okay, I’d hoped not, good...

KARKAT: THAT’S NOT WHY I’M SAYING FUCK A BUNCH OF TIMES. MEENAH: u need a reason to say fuck a buncha times KARKAT: SHUT UP. KARKAT: LOOK AT THE PICTURE.

--Right!  That’s a good reason to not be okay.

KARKAT: I DON’T THINK SO? I CAN’T SEE HER EYES IN THIS PICTURE, BUT SHE’S COVERED IN BLOOD, AND SHE’S CARRYING GAMZEE, SO SHE’S CORPOREAL AT LEAST.

I love this form of analysis somehow.

KARKAT: OKAY...HERE. OH. OF COURSE. CROCKER IS CLAIMING HER SON WAS KIDNAPPED AND FORCED TO PARTICIPATE. KARKAT: AND THEY’VE NAMED ME AS THE MASTERMIND. MEENAH: well we woulda taken credit for it anyway so this saves us the time MEENAH: thanks jane owe u one

Meenah isn’t the “concerned” type.  Lemonade out of lemons.

> (==>)

That middle tweet is my favorite.

Oh dear, “#GamzeeAnon”...

KARKAT: SHIT. OF COURSE THIS WOULD HAVE TO DO WITH FUCKING SERKET. KARKAT: LITERAL MONTHS OF PLANNING, HOURS AND HOURS OF LOGISTICS, AND ALL OF IT GOES UP IN SMOKE BECAUSE OF ONE SPIDERY ASSHOLE. KARKAT: SHE *WOULD* FIND SOME WAY TO WRECK MY SHIT FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE.

indisputable

KARKAT: NOW? KARKAT: NOW WE PIVOT FROM THE SUBLIME TO THE RIDICULOUS.

Um...

What does that mean?

I’m having a lot of trouble not only understanding the basic meaning of what he’s saying, here, but understanding why KARKAT of all people would employ it.

......it’s a meme, isn’t it.  Gotta be.

> (==>)

(Ooh, an eyepatch designed to invoke a Strider-shade.  Nice.)

KARKAT: I NEED TO TALK TO EGBERT.

But....... why??

> (==>)

Oh right, cause his son’s girlfriend is involved.

> (==>)

Oh my goooood what a pair of John and Roxy caaaars! :D

He is too busy with these mental gymnastics to notice his father’s car parked outside.

Ah right.  John’s... not on the best terms with him, I recall that.

> (==>)

Ohhhh myyyy goooood what an image!!!

John, Roxy, and Harry Anderson proceed to have the tail end of a conversation they had before, in another medium.

What the fuck!?  Harry had that conversation WHILE this dead body situation was going on?!  Let me reread that linked bit...

(And she has such a somber smile on her face, but given the conversation content it’s not surprising.)

Harry Anderson looks at the two of them all teary and laughing and hikes his bag higher on his shoulder, shifting his weight. Roxy sees a muscle tighten in his jaw. Her beautiful, smart boy. She wants to run over and hug him, to protect him from the possibility of pain at talking to his father, but she doesn’t. She knows how much he’s wanted this, no matter how much he jokes about it.

She looks back at John, and sees her own awe mirrored in his face. She wills him not to cry, not to fall back on his self-imposed suffering and blame loop. Something about the last hour must have done the trick, though. John stands up, brushes his hands on his jeans, and walks, back straight, toward his son.

JOHN: hey harry anderson. JOHN: it’s really, really good to see you. JOHN: do you wanna go for a drive?

The muscle in Harry Anderson’s jaw clenches a few more times, but when he smiles, it is genuine.

HARRY ANDERSON: yeah, dad. HARRY ANDERSON: that could be cool.

Oh son of a bitch.  Well isn’t that entertaining.  Harry you’re just going to ditch your friends for I’m kidding, this is life fulfillment you’re aiming for, of COURSE you’re going to agree.  (Too bad bringing the current situation in is gonna throw a wrench in things.)

> (==>)

Oh right, that means more of THIS Vriska and THIS John.  They’ve had a good start talking already, I wonder what more they can learn from each other.

HARRY ANDERSON: but no worries, i asked my mom to pick me up some snacks so she’ll leave to go to the store in a sec. HARRY ANDERSON: just sneak in after she leaves and hide in my room, and i’ll be back in a bit.

Harry you enormous shortsighted asshole.  And John’s about to learn all this from Karkat over the phone to blow his cover.

> (==>)

aaaaa roxy art i cannot :D

Wonder if her stealthiness attunement is gonna catch them in the act?

> (==>)

From this jealousy bit, I wonder to what degree Earth C humans are used to Troll quadrants and their various interplay mores.

> (Room: Examine yourself.)

Oh, a proper room introduction for Harry Anderson!  Very fashion-focused, very liking the spotlight--

Oh wait, shit.  This is traditionally where classpect associations are hinted more obviously than anywhere else.  Time to stop holding back on the classpect stuff and take in every fucking word with capital-C Classpect fully in mind.

A bedroom stands empty. There is no boy standing in this bedroom, or indeed anyone else. However, if the boy whose bedroom it was were here, one might remark that his name was HARRY ANDERSON.

And FUCK, one might say, does he like MUSICAL THEATER.

Spotlight, definitely.  But is it for the attention? The possibilities? The acting?

He has been in his fair share of school plays, but he has LOFTY ASPIRATIONS to STAR in bigger and better productions. He especially appreciates modern MUSICAL REMAKES of classic OLD EARTH MOVIES. It's a craze that not everyone is happy about, but in the absent boy they have found a DEVOTED FAN. There is also just enough overlap between his taste and his father’s to allow for SOMEWHAT STILTED CONVERSATIONAL BONDING from time to time.

Hmmmm.  Is it about the majesty of important works of media (I see “Pokémon” and “Alien vs Predator” up there...), or is it about the fact that they’re remakes of past works?  Those are a lot of awards and stage lights now that I zoom in to look... and hats... hats could be important......

The boy who is not yet here has also been known to dabble in ACCESSORIZATION. He could be described as a COBBLER ASPIRANT, a NEOPHYTE MILLINER, or even a BIT OF A WHIZZ WITH A NEEDLE AND THREAD.

Oh, interesting!  Not just putting out different outfits, but making them?  And Milliner is hat-specific creation...

His mother got him his first SEWING MACHINE when he was 10, to keep him from using hers all the time. His looks are HAND-CRAFTED, often IMITATED, but never DUPLICATED.

Space is obviously possible from sewing, but-- A focus on uniqueness!!!  The broader theme is getting VERY specific.  You might feel where I’m leaning already.

His COSTUMES appear in various AMATEUR PRODUCTIONS, the devising of which takes up most of his FREE TIME. His friends are usually LESS APPRECIATIVE of his attempts to dress them up than he would like, though.

Holy fucking shit.  He dresses up and makes unique HATS for his friends and others.  Specifically so they can use them as COSTUMES to act parts!!!!

And the other unique thing mentioned about him here took the time aside to note how he appreciated the intersection in personal interests between him and his father for it.

So you all know what I’m thinking, right?  HATS???  It’s got to be Heart, isn’t it.  Maybe even a Page of Heart, with his long-off aspirations and talent for arming others with it.  Any other additive/giving class might do the trick, too, like Sylph or possibly Maid.  Knight could technically still fit pretty well, but I feel Page is better given what little we know so far, what with so much outward focus bleeding out.

(You can comb through the saga on my infamous hats tag or the summary on the Aspect Duality post, but the gist is that hats (and others’ clothes, but especially the hats. even shoes -- SO many shoes in that picture!) represent the gist of an expressed identity, personal uniqueness whether innate or affected ala a costume.  Nepeta, Dirk, Terezi, and even Stitch have given us examples, some of them deeper than we realized, MOST of them probably overthought bullshit like I thought when I first created the hats tag and started tracking the wonderful importance of hats. ¬_¬)

I’d like to see anyone else’s interpretation. (EDIT: One more potential Nep-allusion in this room.)

> (==>)

Oh nooooooo!!!!  Tavros’s sprite is the saddest looking thing I’ve ever seen!! D:  Like a mix of Jane and Jake that thoroughly regrets his entire existence!  Which he practically does!  D:  Why the Caliborn-like clothes though?

(Some hint at “how different alt!Callie’s Caliborn must have been” like the commentary suggested exploring in fanfiction?  Was the suggestion meant to divert attention from the idea that it’d be addressed in the plot?  Andrew pulled that trick a time or two, why not these authors?)

Also:

Pffff.  Vriska just accessorizing immediately--  Oh, wait.  That might just be a bandana she had at some point coated in Gamzee’s blood. 

Tavros is looking at the news on a borrowed phone -- nice call on disabling the tracking on yours, Tavros.

> (==>)

TAVROS: It’s getting a bit surreal to see my, uh,, frozen mask of horror on every news site,, TAVROS: It’s a good shot of you,,, though, Vrissy, VRISSY: It really is Shockingly well composed.

Heheheh.  It’s fun that Tavros knows exactly what Vrissy/ka would care about.

And yes, Vriska is over there trying out ALL the bandanas.

> (==>)

VRISSY: Oh, is trying on all my 8oyfriend’s accessories not passing the time well enough for you? VRISKA: Desper8 times call for desper8 measures, Vrissy. VRISKA: And this is some dire shit.

They stare each other down. Did she mean the fugitive situation, or Harry Anderson’s fashion choices? Vrissy feels silly wondering this, but despite the situation they’re in, she can’t help but feel more acutely anxious about Vriska’s presence.

She likes her life, and she trusts her own choices. But now, looking at everything from Vriska’s vantage point, it all feels silly. Unimportant. Childish.

She can’t tell if she wants Vriska to rip in to Harry Anderson or if she wants her to stay silent. To put off the moment where she has to defend him or join in.

Real interesting.  Like she’s caught between these worlds after all.

> (==>)

They say it was a long drive, but...?

...WOW.  What a chill, disinterested-looking affect his sprite makes for.  Huh.

He kisses Vrissy’s temple and she leans in to the warmth of him.

HARRY ANDERSON: aren’t you a sight for sore eyes. HARRY ANDERSON: so sorry it took so long. HARRY ANDERSON: can’t rush a heart to heart, you know how it is.

Stop making me deliberate whether you’re trying to drop teasing Heart-aspect hints.  You already know I’m going to be obsessively scrutinizing every word of dialogue around Harry to see if it fits, story. No need to rub it in.

VRISSY: You actually had a Heart to Heart with your dad? How many times did he Cry?

I DIDN’T EVEN READ THE NEXT LINE QUIT SAYING HEART TO HEART YOU EVEN GAVE IT PROPER CAPS THAT TIME

HARRY ANDERSON: but god, it was a mess. i had to keep talking to keep him from looking at his phone or turning on the radio. HARRY ANDERSON: i may have told him more about my deep passions and emotions in the last hour than the whole rest of my life combined, just to keep him from hearing the fucking news.

Holy shit.  You exploited conversation about your deep passions and interests for a separate goal???

Aaargh!  Classpect everywhere!  I’ve relapsed!!!  D:

> (==>)

JOHN IS SO HAPPY

John Egbert has not had a day like this in a very long time. He can barely keep track of this series of epiphanies he’s having. He stretches out on his couch to relax and process the gifts of advice and connection his friends and family and ex-family have just given him.

OH RIGHT TIME TO RUIN IT WITH MAXIMUM SHENANIGANS

JOHN: hey karkat! great timing! JOHN: so much just happened and im kind of reeling about it. KARKAT: YEAH NO SHIT.

Ohhhh.  Much of the time I hate dramatic irony, but those moments before someone is about to be let in on the discrepancy... oh man I love that.

JOHN: is something going on? i just spent the afternoon with my son, and i think he would have told me if something was up with his friends? KARKAT: OH MY LUSCIOUS SHITTING CHRIST JOHN LISTEN TO ME. JOHN: listening!

"Luscious”??  Did they try to type “Lusus” and get autocorrected?

Who’s writing Homestuck on their phone???

> (==>)

J...John?? Are you okay?? XD

This picture.  These two paragraphs.  I fucking love them.

(Wow, being closer to the “canon” story due to ridiculous shenanigans right after his back-to-back self-insights and outlook changes have really been healthy for him huh.  He can probably sense HS^2 reaching him out here.  And you can see the helpless comedian his probably-still-depressed ass became on Earth B in his reaction here. EDIT: Also, how appropriate that even by DYING, the Bard of Rage managed to fulfill his role and shatter the last vestiges of John's narrow-outlooked despair?)

John can’t answer. He can’t speak. His body has given itself over to the long-lost feeling of manic euphoria. It had felt like Harry Anderson was holding something back on the drive earlier, but he had already told John so much. He hadn’t wanted to press for more.

Yeah... after what John’s gone through across his life and session, finding out Harry managed to hide THIS for a whole car-ride is the best sort of punch-line for him.

John can’t breathe. Something is happening. Something is finally fucking happening, and he’s finally awake enough to appreciate it.

--yep.  I was just guessing earlier, but this kind of confirms it’s in part a closer-to-relevance, closer-to-canon feeling bleeding in.  Something is happening that’s important enough to SHOW onscreen and not skip over.  I guess he really does like being anchored in Light after all.

> (==>)

John wheezes himself into relative calm. He has to get Karkat to understand. He clears his throat and breathes.

JOHN: karkat, this can be how we win. JOHN: i know what we need to do.

...holy SHIT.

Karkat, how did you know calling JOHN about this would work out this well??

John actually taking confident action to solve a problem, in a way that isn’t going to end up depressing like his attempt to provide Tavros escape in the Epilogues... this should be interesting.

See you next time.  (I had to image-fix some stupid linked hat posts for this blogpost and I’m out of energy, so I’ll fix the other old post I promised that asker to fix in like, a day or two; I’ll post when I do.)

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #bladekindeyewear #blastyoboots #hats #Heart and Mind #Harry Anderson

[blaperile]

Homestuck^2 - Chapter 15: “Ok So There's This Flower" - Reaction

Heh, okay, that title sounds like it's something Meat Dave would say, telling the story Kanaya told him about (which he already told Karkat about) which Rose used to tell the little ones.

Who could Dave be explaining it to this time? Roxy? :P

Alternatively, it would be funny if it's Karkat telling it to someone. That means the story would have gone now from Rose to Kanaya to Dave to Karkat to whoever he'd be telling it to now.

I also wonder when we're going to see Meat Jade re-integrating with the group, after she broke free from Calliope.

Let's see.

Page 376:

PFFFFFF, WAIT WHAT.

That's a meta reference to how the Patreon count (unfortunately) dropped beneath 2000.

I didn't expect them to address THAT in the actual story, haha.

Kind of reminds me of the "End of Year" panels in the original Homestuck.

But yes, looks like we're indeed headed back to the Meat crew.

Page 377:

Oh boy, "gathered u all". As in, everyone's gathered? As in, does Calliope come out again now that her other self has disappeared again, and is Jade there too?

Or is it just the rest of the crew (...which is just Karkat, Dave and Kanaya I think?). Would be hilarious if it's just them, and now Karkat will be rant how it's actually not all off them.

I wonder what Roxy wants to talk about? Probably something silly.

Page 378:

PFFFFFF, OH MY GOD EVEN BETTER. IT'S JUST DAVE.

And woohoo, Jade's actually returned and they know it. Good to have that confirmed!

I'm happy for Dave that he's at least regained one of his friends now.

Page 379 - 380:

Oh my fricking god, Dave you adorable douchebag.

See, this is what Candy is missing out on. xD

Page 381:

Pfff, Jade's just over there. Looks like Dave was exaggerating just how far away she was.

So, is she just so caught up in whatever she's doing that she's not hearing them? Or just ignoring them?

Page 382:

Pfff, Dave, Roxy, seems like you've got a new challenger for coolkid status on this ship, hahaha.

Page 383:

Hah, looks like Roxy needs to act like Dave's parent and tell him to clean up his room (or uh, ship).

Page 384:

PFFFFFFFF

Right, when Dave and Karkat were busy making out, Dave had just emptied the washing machine, right?

Looks like he totally forgot about the clothes afterwards, ahahaha.

Page 385:

Haha, okay, so it wasn't necessarily that exact moment, but just some other time Roxy also wanted to do his laundy.

Yeah, I can see Roxy wouldn't like that very much to see them acting like that in public quarters, all the time.

Page 387:

Ahahaha, I love these two together.

The thing of "god of rhymes" vs "god of times" reminds me of the argument Dave and Kanaya had in an old chat about his class:

TG: i command her alright i am like the pimpmaster hustledaddy of all snippy bookshrews GA: Thats An Exotic Title GA: I Thought You Were The Knight TG: wrong what do you want

So if it was up to Dave, he'd be the Pimpaster Hustledaddy of All Snippy Bookshrews and Rhymes. :P

And ha, I like how apparently both Meat Dave and Davebot like slicing fruit with their swords.

Page 388:

VOLDEMORT. HELL YES. xD

But yeah... what DO they want to do with Dirk?

I think they're probably going to try to convince him verbally first (which obviously won't work), but if necessary they'd probably do whatever it takes to get Rose back.

Though uh, obviously they don't know yet Rose is now a robot. :(

Page 389:

Haha, Roxy already knew about the story of the flower.

I love how this references Rose and Dave's argument about arcs.

Page 390:

WELP, Roxy's not getting an answer yet.

Goddammit Karkat, what are you doing? xD

Page 391:

Pffff, Dave are you sure you're not thinking of Gamzee occupying the vents on the meteor?

And wait, didn't he also theorize at some point Terezi was in the vents on this ship or something?

So uh, according to Roxy Calliope's opening up a bit again now that Jade's normal again, pretty much what I expected, but looks like she might not be entirely normal again?

What's going on with her?

Judging from the next command, looks like we might find out immediately (I love how for the first time in forever it's addressing the MSPA Reader directly again, even now that we're technically not on the original MSPA website anymore and it's already long since been renamed to Homestuck.com).

Page 392:

WELP.

Poor Karkat.

The meat is even covered in Sopor Slime. Even if Calliope did intend the meat to be a "gift" to Karkat, uh, the fact that the meat is covered in Sopor Slime is NOT good.

We all know what it does to a Troll when they eat Sopor Slime, and I'd expect Calliope to know that as well.

Page 393:

OH GOD CALLIOPE NO.

I hope in a next update we get to see what's going through her head.

Or maybe she's really just that innocent thinking it's a good gift? I mean, this IS the same girl who thought the Trickster Lolliop was a good gift for her friends. xD

#Homestuck #Homestuck^2 #update #upd8 #reaction #Roxy Lalonde #Dave Strider #Jade Harley #Karkat Vantas #Calliope

[theorynexus]

68 will be my second post, this morning. I wonder if it will start section 8 of the Meat Epilogue.

Oh darn it. I forgot to make a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy/Meaning of Life reference on Meat 42. At least we’re back to a 43, and things might therefore be luckier. Maybe.    (I am very silly when it comes to superstitions regarding numbers, sometimes, even though I don’t really believe them.)

MY TIMING SENSES WERE TINGLING!!!

Hmm. Well, strategy meetings and investigations are important.  (Also:  I am again reminded of the dreadful likelihood that Terezi went with Dirk, which continues to be a disturbing thought.)

Hmm.  For some reason, I have the impression that he does indeed have a vague idea where he’s going, but he may not actually know where/how to find it, yet. That seems pretty likely.  Thus, Roxy would be partially correct. (On that note: Interesting that Jake didn’t actually come with. I thought for sure he’d have snuck aboard at the last moment, or something, as a stow-away.)

Eh, I’d say it goes a little beyond “prove a point,” but it’s also probably incomprehensible to you, right now.  I guess we’ll all have to be patient before we can more thoroughly sort through his insanity in that regard. As for Jane...   I don’t know. It might be more trouble than it’s worth to contact her.  The fact that Dirk has her as a seemingly important part of his plans suggest that it could essentially be springing a trap on yourself. I wonder how she’ll react to finding out that Dirk’s been mind controlling people and that that probably invalidates the actual results of her election, in the sense that it dramatically undermined the democratic process. (That is a really complicated issue that is somewhat entangled with real life politics, though, so I don’t want to get into a deep and proper discussion of what determines electoral legitimacy on a philosophical or political level here.)

It is a very interesting choice on Alt!Calliope’s call to focus on incestuous questions and Dave being awkward, rather than to follow tat important call.

Dirk is so twisted at this point that I’d almost not put it past him, but at the same time, why, Dave, do you have to assume that the motivations are sexual in nature?   (I mean, honestly, it could be the fact that Dirk was trying to force him to have sex with Karkat that gave him the impression that Dirk was [and he is, but maybe not to that extent] way too carnally-minded and motivated.)   Honestly, Dirk’s head is way too concerned with philosophical matters, and if anything he’s probably going to make a clone of himself to have sex with or something stupid like that, if he REALLY has to engage in some sort of tension-releasing copulation that isn’t masturbatory in the way that having sex with someone you’ve brainwashed and twisted into being your personal object of amusement is.   Therefore, I juuust can’t quite see Dirk having sex with Rose/her new robot body.  (Gosh, I hate that I feel compelled to address this.)

I honestly quite agree with Karkat, and now understand a little bit more about why our focus strayed where it did--- though it would have been nice to receive some sort of narration to indicate that.  And yes, it’s sad that Kanaya’s being put on hold, I guess. A little bit.  (Not really. I understand politicians in places of power can get quite busy, and it may not even be Jane’s decision to have her on hold... though if it is, I can most certainly affirm that that is quite rude.)

I mean... to be fair, Karkat, it’s rooted in biology.  Humans not having a Mother Grub means that the don’t have a natural means to reduce the genetic load that would be caused by related populations interbreeding and therefore dangerously duplicating genes.  Thus, it is not actually arbitrary, which I am sure you would know if you had spent a bit more time acting like the “geneticist” your troll handle suggests you happen to be (yes, I know it means to refer to his ectobiological frog wrangling/recombination; even so, the point stands).

I take it that Karkat’s dejection about the election has kept him a bit preoccupied and out of the loop, lately.

This is horrible (Karkat’s part, I mean).    Roxy’s new new outfit sounds like something I would be very interested in seeing fan art of.   A pink-looking slightly more effeminate Dave look sounds aesthetically striking (and I’m not even a fan of pink). But yeah, good on her for not giving up in frustration for people confusing them, I guess.   ***shrug***

And we return to this awkward and slightly funny subject. Considering it was not resolved last time, I guess that’s reasonable.   (Some day, maybe I’ll write a post analyzing Roxy’s trans-iness and/or how they/he seems to have been affected by those around he/them in his/their path to figuring it all out.  This sort of issue is always a bit difficult to properly tackle without raising some people’s hackles, so to speak, though, so I am not sure if I’ll end up doing it.  Regardless, it’ll have to be quite some time in the future, should I do so, after I’m at least done reading both sides of the epilogues. I’m sure Roxy’s interactions with John will have some important light to shed on the matter.)   It’s sortof nice that Dave and Roxy can joke about this without it becoming too uncomfortable (apparently) for either of them.

...   Is revealing this something they’ve discussed before now?  I mean, doing this in front of friends and family could be sortof... bad for things between them, if Karkat’s still trying to figure out how he feels about it and whether he wants to press on vs throttle back?  I mean, just calling each other boyfriends is not something either of them were comfortable with, and just because Dave is now doesn’t mean Karkat necessarily will be.   I dunno.  I feel conflicted on the matter, despite the fact that it is on the border of being cute.

Yeah, see, this is what I meant:  Awwwwkwaaard.

Yeah, it definitely did serve as a good distraction, at the very least. ~~~ Jane either not knowing or not being willing to tell (we’ll have to wait for a perspective shift to her to be certain) is no surprise.

Gah. FINALLY.  If Roxy weren’t such a Void-y ball of fun, everyone would have known this for some time, by now.  (Also: This is another reason why I am quite certain that Dirk was responsible for at least the way that John died. He didn’t want him to be a threat to him.  [I wonder, though: will Candy John potentially pose that problem, in the future, given the fact that he will likely be able to traverse the two different timelines, should he become aware of them?   Heck, this could be the reason why one had to die in the first place. Or one reason.])

This is what you get when you    A S S   U   M E. Also, Terezi would really be useful due to her Seer powers in particular.

Well. That is a useful compromise. Good on you for finally figuring something out to bridge the gap between your morals and Dirk’s amorality.  (Also, that presents interesting potential conflict in the future, insofar as there might be a point where Calliope has to decide whether to allow them to take Jade with or not.)

Has little Timmy fallen down a well?   O: <

This is funny because it’s like that one time where Jade was sleeping and Dave couldn’t get in touch with her. That time his weird fursona came up. Tightest butt in the jungle, or some stupid nonsense like that.

Dave is smarter than Dirk would give him credit for, calling him the dumbest of the Stralondes, by the way.

Not only do they need one of his ships, but it is quite reasonable to assume that they might be able to entice him to follow with them to where Dirk is going.  This is a potentially dangerous gambit, like bringing Gamzee along anywhere, but I think it could pay off in the end.  I think that, as I suggested earlier, Jake’s probably going to be the one to end up killing Dirk, in spite of all the underestimation that and horrific invective that had been directed his way.   In all honesty, this would really seem to be the direction that Jake’s been being pushed in all along, considering all the failed opportunities to interject him into a place of importance in the story.  

Considering his level of devotion and love for Dirk, now, he very strongly reminds me of that one old clown story that AH wrote... the one where the clown was never able to pull himself away from the service of his abusive, evil master. I bring that up specifically to suggest that Jake WILL succeed, however.  I believe that, counter to the example that I just cited, and contrary to all of the deterministic forces that Homestuck has seen in play, the power of Hope will be what is necessary to do the impossible.  A Page has a long, pain-filled story arc, but when it finally blossoms into the great behemoth that its seed of potential suggested it was from the very beginning, amazing things can happen. A Page of Hope is perhaps one of the most potent Classpect-endowed figures that Paradox Space could conjure up.  I have come now to see that this turn on Dirk’s part was probably planned from the beginning, as was the fact that Dirk’s abandonment of him was likely meant to be the catalyst for the eventual realization of Jake’s full potential. Obviously, this will not likely happen in the near future, much to our short-term misfortune. Dirk, if you ever see this, know your folly:  Jake English is just the force you would need to break free of the shackles of the reality you live in---   if only you believed in the him that believes in you.   Instead, your Rage will consume you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love this dramatic comedy.

Honestly... this is great. From a writing stand-point, this is excellent. The decision to have Dirk drag Terezi along brings more significant stakes to things and drama for the future, especially with the fact that we DO know that he can be brought back to life, now, despite Dirk’s statement to the contrary. Despite all of my pathos earlier, the way this story (the story of Homestuck) is ending is actually getting me excited and washing away the scars that came from the darkest hour of the path previous.     I really like the mechanic of Dirk having reality warping powers and Alt!Calliope being able to counter them, but only in close proximity. With the speed of his ship being a factor, especially, this sets up for some really interesting potential action in the further development of the story, as well.                    That Hussie was able to so masterfully navigate these emotional waters and string me along to this point was brilliant too.    In sum:  WOW, GUYS, I’M PUMPED!!! ... But... while this would actually serve as an excellent, fully complete and enticing epilogue in and of itself, the fact remains... there is yet more. Not only in the Postscript, but in Candy.      This throws many spanners into the works, and I honestly don’t know how to feel about all that!     If this weren’t Andrew Hussie we were talking about, I would be incredibly afraid that what is to come would throw everything off and make the eventual follow-up in Homestuck^2 (which I know he’s at least directing, though he’s not quite as involved in the story as he was in Homestuck, apparently?!) potentially quite messy and of a much lesser quality than I might expect. Given this IS Andrew Hussie we are talking about, however, I actually am quite confident that eventually, it will work out splendidly, and raise his literary accomplishments to even greater heights. Though... I am filled with a bit of trepidation. That “eventually” will be so far in the future. ***laughs awkwardly*** ... Buuuuutttt there’s still more left, even on this page, so I had better get to that. ...

It is very interesting that she’s been enveloped in that blanket of space so thickly and constantly that she’s come to find it comforting. That said:  How is it possible for her to withdraw and still let narration continue, supposedly without source or accountability, as she states?   Is this meant to suggest that the passive forces of Paradox Space will naturally fill in the gap if there is no one manning the ship, so to speak?   This feels a bit unlikely, considering the lack of content for years of the characters’ lives, and Dirk’s suggestion that “God had abandoned them,” or however the heck he put it. This is all veerrry curious, indeed.  (I do like her commentary on narration. A lot.) ~~~ Woooooo!!!~    It’s really nice to finish this at--   Dangit, time, why do you have to keep ticking into the future?!       Well, even though it’s not 3:14, anymore, it’s still very nice to finish the Meat Epilogue on 02/02/2020.   :’)

#Meat Epilogue #Homestuck Epilogue #Homestuck Spoilers #Homestuck Liveblog #To Be Continued #Homestuck^2 #Author Intent #Planning #Andrew Hussie #Excellent Writing #Skill #Wonder #Hope Aspect #Jake English #Dirk Strider #Alt!Calliope #Alternate Calliope #Page of Hope #Destiny #Choice #References #Themes #02/02/2020

[abundantchewtoys]

Homestuck^2 re: Chapter 3 “How Are Your Feelings” p96-118

So, the next chapter appears to be about an attempted feelings jam.

I think it might be too early yet for the pursuing crew, so maybe we'll have a look at Karkat and Meenah?

Though if there's ever a way for the pursuing crew or Dirk's crew to meet up with the new teens, I'm fully expecting Vrissy to have a "mom?" moment re: Kanaya or Rosebot.

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Page 96

OOoooh!! Okay, so I was wrong.

Hah, that does look like something Jake would do - build a fleet of wildy different space ships.

Plus, it's an emerald pirate ship... In pursuit of a great white whale- I mean shark. Hah!

So yeah... It's been three years since Rose and Kanaya were together. :/

I suspect the crew is made up out of Dave, Karkat, Jade (perhaps possessed) and Roxy. But that'd mean Jane had the run of Earth C for all this time, and Calliope is back there in a worsening political climate.

Hmmm... Maybe Roxy would have chosen to bring their partner along though. Even though Callie is upset by the presence of her other self. In any case, I wonder what they look like! Whether they're still a deadringer for Dave.

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Page 97

Pfff, what an exhaust pipe. I love the visual pun.

---

Page 98

Woooww, this reminds me of Problem Sleuth / Midnight Crew visuals! So purple though. Whose room is this, Roxy's? (It might be closer to violet than purple.)

Ooh boy, Calliope's about to take over the narrative. So she hasn't let poor Jade out of her grasp, or at least not definitely.

---

Page 99

D'aaaaahh, she's a frickin devil now. PFfffffffff, this is Dave and Karkat's room! Glad to see Davekat's still canon.

I bet this might be a recurring occurence, Jade/Calliope coming in at the most impossible hours bearing ominous tidings.

Hihih, so she's taken over the command box only for now. I suppose it's a clever way to show she could still take over the narrative is she was so inclined.

---

Page 100

Dave is more upset with Karkat than Jade, pffff.

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Page 101

Ooooh, new outfits! Wait, Calliope made herself a new outfit. :/ She's getting comfortable in that new body.

Karkat has a Time shirt for a pyjama, hahah. I'm pretty sure he fell on his sweater, which probably still bears the Cancer sign.

Cool to have a squinting version of Dave's sprite. Now all we still need is one with his eyes wide open, but this is a start.

I'd start wondering if Calliope's starting to be a bit lonely, reaching out to Karkat and Dave like this with her message. And yup, she does it all the time. Dave's blasé about it.

---

Page 102

Welp! Jade's doing the Possesion 180-degree turn of the head now.

Return of the gross, oil-slick coffee machine from the meteor, maybe? :P

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Page 103

Oh cool, at first glance Roxy's appearance is that jarring. Maybe her coup is a little shorter than before, but not as short as she wore it during the Meat epilogues, near the end. Guess she might be working through some of the same things as Candy Roxy and understanding she doesn't have to go all non-binary if that isn't where her heart is up at in.

Also, cool shades! Though, of course, a Heart is a bit of a faux pas perhaps, giving who they're chasing. :P

So Jade at least spent the first part of the voyage more silent. But as her powers grow, she has more control over Jade's body. :/

Cool, Dave has Karkat's shirt as part of his jammies. Roxy just went with a full on hoodie. At least I think it's her jammies, she's reading at the kitchen table but it's probably still night.

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Page 104

Pfff. Welp. Yes Roxy, mirroring what you think your ancestors were doing ends up looking dumber when you actually meet them in person.

---

Page 105

ooooh, okay, so her hair is back to mirroring Dave's coupe. Roxy's hair is a bird pass it on. I love the sprite art, also of the kitchen itself.

Cool to have a comparison is size between meteor and this ship. Though with even less to explore, I can see how things might have grown dull around here. Also confirmation of Roxy's pronoun change, still a thing.

And I have a feeling Dave and Kanaya are in for a feelings jam.

Blaperile has a point, maybe Calliope commands the attention of the narrative, but she commands the narrative itself, so she can make the story follow Dave instead, as he goes to find Kanaya.

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Page 106

Cool, even the inside looks like a pirate ship. Jake's quite taken with matters of appearances, practicalities be damned! :P

I suppose alchemizing a spaceship and a sailing boat would result in still a viable means to cross the void, the physics behind alchemization would ensure it.

---

Page 107

That appears to be a different hairstyle or hood. ... Is she wearing a grieving gown?

Maybe she's contemplating how she's ended up here, having to deal with another clown coming between her and her loved ones. I wonder how much harm she's wishing to heap onto Dirk, I mean.

---

Page 108

Aww, that rose in her hood.

And yup, Dave has it pinned down: they keep finding themselves either literally or figuratively chasing through the void, with no idea what's coming. You know, remembering how Dave saw the meteor as his first real home, I get the idea he might be the most in his element here. But he knows it's not a healthy pastime.

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Page 109

She's wearing a ribbon much like Rose used to wear.

What story could Rose have reserved for reading to grubs, and what are the odds Vrissy knows the story as well, having been raised by Rose?

---

Page 110

It is on point for both Kanaya to read too much into Rose's story, as well as Rose putting all that symbolism in it on purpose.

... Aww, she's really hurting. But through the hurt she's started to wonder, perhaps in an attempt to limit her pain, whether she isn't being manipulated into feeling like this. At this point, it could really be either.

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Page 111

Wow. Okay, Dave's really opening up here to Kanaya. It was actually a relationship I didn't really see evolving due to both of their inherent awkwardness.

But that's Dave for you. If you find a place in his heart, he'll die before he lets you go into harm's way alone.

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Page 113

Turntable gesture! And okay, yes, via Dave it's shown Roxy's back to identifying male after the past few years.

Yes, his and Karkat shit has definitely changed, for one, Karkat almost unabashedly acknowledges they're matesprits back there in the kitchen.

And it's Kanaya who does the title drop after all, not Dave like I was starting to think.

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Page 114

Awww, yeah, Dave is really the only one left of the old B1 crew in a normal state of mind. Here's to hoping his brush with Davebot doesn't leave him in a state like Callie.

And yes, Dirk has shown his true colours, and Dave is feeling like a runt for ever thinking he could be different from his Bro. :/ Poor guy, I feel for him.

Meanwhile, he innocently hopes that Dirk's influence was the only thing causing Jane and Jake not being good leaders for Earth. Too bad we know the alternative is far from good.

Though he's also oversimplifying, since he himself said that Earth C society wasn't sustainable in the long run, they just sped things up.

Aww, he admits to feeling more in his element out here. Yeah, I very much understand that. It's easier to deal with fewer people in your social circles, a lot of the time.

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Page 116

Ah, the other side of the coin. Dave and Kanaya are bonding over Rose. Karkat and Roxy are kind of related as well through Dave.

Oooooh, so Calliope DID come along. Brave of her, with how "Jade" unnerves her so.

Karkat's right, the people that left weren't really so close to him as to others, he mostly here to support Dave! But of course we know he really would be good at leading at least a rebellion. Though it wouldn't really feel fulfilling either.

I wonder what's in store for Karkat, in fact, if it isn't to be a leader.

"KARKAT: I LITERALLY FOUGHT PEOPLE FOR CONTROL OF THE TEAM, AND WHAT ENDED UP HAPPENING WAS LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS BESIDES KANAYA DIED. KARKAT: ACTUALLY, SHE DID DIE! KARKAT: FUCK! KARKAT: I’M ZERO FOR ZERO! ROXY: ur kinda an intense dude anybody ever tell u that KARKAT: NO."

Best interaction. Is Roxy really going to help Karkat deal with something here? :P

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Page 117

Hah! Yes, well, I guess Karkat already has his win state the way he wants it! Though he's still feeling conflicted about it on some level, but that's just the type of person he is.

Roxy's REALLY gunning to make pancakes, hahah. Guess a part of her really is good at the whole caring thing.

---

I definitely like the pacing of the chapters so far. Good combo of visuals and conversation.

#homestuck #homestuck^2 #reaction #homestuck^2 chapter 3 #roxy lalonde #dave strider #kanaya maryam #karkat vantas #alternate calliope #liveblogging homestuck

[journeysintowebcomics]

Homestuck Liveblog #186

UPDATE 186: Political Assassination

Last time John finally got that tooth off his chest, and Jake agreed to give his endorsement to Karkaroni. Now what will happen? Let’s see.

Has it been days since Jade has been sitting on that couch, levitating and with her eyes completely black? Given everything that has happened in the meantime it sure feels like it has. Roxy’s getting worried, she tried to call Rose but she didn’t respond, so instead he goes for the next option she has: Dave. Who immediately brags about working to stop Jane from screwing up everything. The words ‘neoliberal austerity measures’ are unsaid but they’re like an echo when Dave talks about the presidential campaign, I bet. He’s busy handling Jake’s endorsement speech.

ROXY: i guess in the grand scheme of things

ROXY: shes just takin a sort of nap

ROXY: but its one HELL of a nap bro

‘one hell of a nap, davey, shes been blacked out for, like, a week’

It seems the troll candidate is more popular with the trolls and the carapacians than with the humans and consorts. How don’t they have more consort supporters? Hopefully Jake’s endorsement will change that.

ROXY: lmao dirk just texted me about this

ROXY: somehow he found out about jade did u tell him

DAVE: uh no

ROXY: he just said make sure she gets lotsa daylight

ROXY: that itll help with the “exorcism she needs”.....

ROXY: and also to say hi to calliope for some fuckin reason??

DAVE: thats weird

Well that makes clear what the best course of action is: don’t open the windows nor place her anywhere in the daylight. If Dirk’s advice will help with the exorcism she needs – to get Dead Calliope out – then it’s a bad idea. I’m enjoying this epilogue much more with Dead Calliope controlling the narrative, thanks.

It’s alarming Kanaya isn’t picking up either. Could Dirk have gotten rid of her? I sure hope not! Kanaya has done nothing wrong and deserves to stay alive, what with being the professional when it’s about troll reproduction. She better still be fine and kicking!

DAVE: i gotta give karkat some emotional support

DAVE: since gettin jake on our side was a pretty huge fucking bonanza for us

DAVE: which has almost equal probability of winning us the election as it does blowing up in our faces depending on this speech he gives

DAVE: so we gotta like

DAVE: concentrate here?????

DAVE: instead of jerking each other off all god damned day for the rest of our lives

DAVE: (im just joking we dont actually do that)

ROXY: oh

They don’t do that, much to Jade’s disappointment, I bet. Either way, it’s speech time!

The struggle to take control of the narrative is a petty squabble, says Dirk, taking the high ground by offering Dead Calliope a way out. Buddy, pal, friend, you can’t take the high ground and then insinuate Calliope is ugly as sin. That is petty.

Apparently everybody thinks Dave loves Karkaroni, and although I believe that too, it’s fine if Dave never comes to terms to that. The guy marches at the beat of his own drum, he’ll be fine. This kind of thing can’t be forced on him. Speaking of things that can’t be forced, Roxy wants to know how Dave came out to everyone else as not straight. Oh dear, Roxy, I don’t think Dave ever did that. You’re asking the wrong person – unless you want the answer to be ‘deny it for like eight years now’.

He’s not really denying it right now, though. Maybe he did come out to the others and I didn’t find out until now. He’s not comfortable enough with rapping about ‘boning dudes’ in middle of a stadium where so many people can see him, but he’s not running away from the question. Way to go, Dave! I approve character growth!

Somehow Dave has this entire spiel about all the steps of admitting not being straight. On what phase are you, Dave? Inquiring minds want to know. I’d paste the entire thing here, because it’s pretty good stuff, but it’d feel like I’m applying filler for the sake of applying filler, so I won’t.

Dirk really doesn’t want a conversation about gender. Personally I have to agree because, even though this is great for development and I appreciate all of Dave’s steps, this is kind of a random place to shove this in. Pretty bad place, really. It’d have been great at a different moment.

Horrendously invasive of Roxy’s deepest personal thoughts.

...uh, Dirk, you know what else is horrendously invasive? Taking over the narration and manipulating people around. Also the assimilation plan, that’s more than horrendously invasive.

Okay, this is going for long enough.

DIRK: Do you even know where I am right now?

DIRK: Do you have the slightest idea what I’m up to?

the prince is laboring under the delusion that he has been the least bit subtle in his intentions. he currently stands beneath the carapacian bell tower, poised to climb to the top. he holds the long, red sniper rifle that once belonged to roxy, brandishing it openly and boldly. he seems mysteriously oblivious to the fact that holding a long rifle in broad daylight somewhat tips one to the fact that he soon intends to shoot someone from a great distance. he also seems unaware of the fact that i know perfectly well that the top of this tower has a clear, long-range view of the stadium, allowing any competent sniper a clear shot of whoever happens to be standing at the podium as they give a speech. as jake english is about to do.

he also doesn’t seem to realize i have anticipated his attempt to assassinate his own friend in order to advance his political goals, and that i am prepared to take measures which make this impossible.

It really sounds like Dirk’s getting ready to shoot, he’s up at the right place and has a view of the stadium where Jake will be, but...I don’t know, ever since Roxy said Dirk messaged her about keeping Jade in the sunlight for ‘an exorcism’ I have been feeling uneasy, and now that this all was said just now, well, I kind of suspect Dirk may try to shoot and kill Jade. It sure would free her of Dead Calliope’s control and possibly give him back the control of the narrative. It’s a possibility, no?

Somehow the next few paragraphs resembles a schoolyard roleplaying fight. ‘You can’t reach the top of the stairs because...your feet feel really heavy’ ‘really? Then I can fly’ ‘and then the bell came crashing down on you!’ ‘I cut that stupid bell with my sword!’ ‘not fair!’ ‘yes fair!’.  It’s endearing in its own way.

DIRK: He wonders out loud, “what is this, amateur hour”?

DIRK: The Dead Cherub then humorlessly narrates, “why, yes. yes mr. strider, it IS amateur hour. and i’m the amateur here, for throwing a huge bell at you. i would like to humbly apologize for my amateurism.”

no i don’t.

DIRK: Sure you do.

I’m having fun with this part, guys, I really am! This is great.

This is over when Dead Calliope, trying to stop the focus on Dirk and his increasingly petty narration, turns the attention back to Dave who must still be explaining to Roxy the intricacies of coming out to their friends. I see keeping a show in a standstill is a Strider family trait.

DAVE: well lets just say internalized whatevers are kind of like an onion

DAVE: theres lots of layers

DAVE: they suck on pizza

DAVE: and trolls have to get their stomach pumped if they eat them

That has got to be the most contrived simile Dave has said in recent history.

Dirk continues saying very clearly he’s about to shoot Jake, and the more he states that so bluntly the more I suspect there’s something else going on.

‘Xenophobe’ and related words are starting to stop looking like a real word. It just has been said so many times.

Everything is making Dave feel like something’s wrong – undoubtedly Dead Calliope’s influence – so he gets in the path of any potential bullets, protecting Jake with his own body.

and despite dave’s quick and well-justified action, what is also unbeknownst to him is that the sniper no longer poses a threat of pulling that trigger. because everyone knows that for all of the prince’s shortcomings, he would never expose his beloved brother and son to the risk of a heroic death.

DIRK: You’re absolutely right.

DIRK: I would never do that.

DIRK: I’d never kill Dave, no matter what I felt the stakes were. I’d never hurt him either.

I’m pretty willing to bet taking over Dave’s self doesn’t count as killing or hurting him, therefore it’s fair game. Dave would be pretty unhappy to know what Dirk’s doing, anyway. The narrative reveals what’s in the sniper rifle are not bullets, they’re tranquilizers. It’d be a non-fatal way of keeping someone out of the way for a while. The second thing Dead Calliope got wrong, though...

DIRK: Yes. You’re right about the tranquilizer.

DIRK: But there’s one more fact you’re not aware of.

DIRK: Which is that I never intended to aim for Jake at all.

Well then! Turns out I may have been right about that he intends to shoot Jade. He must feel really confident about it if he can announce it aloud after aaaall the charades he did to fool Dead Calliope. Is it Jade, Dirk? Will you tranquilize Jade and pretty much put her to sleep – non-fatally?

Dirk spins in what must be the tiniest bell tower ever, given he only has to spin to change direction and be able to aim somewhere else, and gets ready to shoot. All Dead Calliope can do is freeze Dirk’s finger on the trigger, but he thought ahead and made the rifle to be voice-operated. All he has to do is say ‘fire’. Which he does! Game over for Dead Calliope?

Pretty good aim, hitting a vein from all this distance. Jade indeed has gotten tranquilized, and I’m pretty sure given this isn’t the first time Dirk uses tranquilizers – he uses them in TV – it shouldn’t be too hard for anyone to realize this is Dirk’s orangey shady hand making the moves.

The insult against Jade is uncalled for, Dirk. But yeah, the result of all this is that Dirk is once again back in control of the narrative, which makes me sigh with exasperation. I really liked Dead Calliope’s narration more than Dirk’s, so I’m not looking forward to this change.

Roxy drops to her knees by the couch, pulls the dart out of Jade’s neck, and tries to shake her awake. But it’s no use. That’s a heavy dose I gave her. Could be out for weeks. Maybe months? Can’t have any cherubs messing with my business on this planet. At least not until I’ve taken my leave. But Jade’s gonna be fine. Don’t worry about that.

So...she’s pretty much in a coma. Could be worse, could be worse. She could be dead. This is barely better.

Cherubs are fuckin’ weird, I’ll totally concede. Still not sure what makes them tick. What they idealize, what they really want. It all comes across to me as a little cloying. Perfection to them is a sweetness beyond comprehension. Sugar so potent it’s poison to us. To our bodies, to our souls. Like the place she was operating from was a realm of self-construction. A bubble of pure, phantasmal confection.

Well, I for one have had enough of that goddamn toothache. I’m back in the protein saddle, motherfuckers. I’m clacking my tongs, and the charcoal is hot.

Now who’s hungry for meat?

Does that mean the candy epilogue is all Dead Calliope’s influence seeping through instead of Dirk’s? It could be interesting to see what kind of thing she does to the world. Although...given the effects of the trickster lollipop and how ‘sweetness beyond comprehension’ is perfection to them, it’s bound to be nightmarish. I’m actually looking forward to that!

Speaking of meat, holy shit. You just look more fucked up every time we come back to you, don’t you, John?

You’re a disgraceful mess right now. Covered in blood, mysteriously sticky, bruised all over your arms, legs, and neck. Terezi practically raked rows into your back. You catch sight of yourself in the rearview mirror. You’re kind of embarrassed by what a postcoital train wreck you look like when all she’s got is mussed hair. And you should be embarrassed. Seriously, it’s like you were mauled by a wild animal. Jesus, don’t either of you have any shame?

Ah. Okay then, good for them, although I’m pretty concerned. Such a physically intensive activity can’t be good for the guy with a gaping hole in the chest and the troll who still must be half-starved. I won’t be surprised if these two just pass out and die anytime soon. I’m not entirely sure, but it seems things are awkward now between these two. Maybe it was all a spur-of-the-moment move.

You sit together on the hatch, like when you first met up days ago. Terezi crawls into your arms, and nuzzles right up against your chest so you have no choice but to hold on to her. You would have done it anyway if she asked, because you’re a total sap. The kind of guy who no doubt thinks banging a girl in a car is some deep, soul-shattering experience that bonds you for life. Yeah, John, you do think that. You think that you and Terezi are basically married now.

I can’t tell if he really thinks that or if Dirk’s funneling those thoughts into him. The line between what the character feels and what Dirk wants them to feel is pretty blurry by now.

After all this, Terezi gives up on looking for Vriska, so this is a prime moment for her to fly by and find them. She doesn’t, though, and John proposes Terezi to go home with him. Can they even go home? John is so tired it’s possible they can’t – which he really should have thought about before doing said physically intensive activity. Nobody to blame but yourself, John. Seriously, you have an open wound and bled like four liters of blood. You’re as good as dead.

He feels the urge to lie down and sleep, which is a pretty bad idea given the situation. Terezi rouses him up, so instead he decides to give this a try and zap back home. Hmmmm...if he’s so tired right now, it’s possible the act of zapping home will drain whatever energy he has left, so I’m not...very optimistic about John’s chances of survival. Would this count as a heroic death? Can you die from a heroic death if you die like two weeks after the offending injury is made? If he dies from exertion after having sex with Terezi that doesn’t count as a death because having sex with Terezi is neither heroic nor just, no? Oh well.

Back in the stadium, the inexistent assassination attempt may have given Karkaroni a push in the polls, and Dirk spends quite a while brandishing Jake like a piece of meat. Really, can he be treated as more than a flat character whose only non-flat trait is his posterior? Jake’s nervous and fidgets around, so much Dave and Karkaroni show concern and offer to cancel the speech and/or the campaign. It seems our favorite presidential troll still doesn’t like the idea of having leadership, he’s ready to throw the towel anytime. Jake insists he can do it, so he starts!

I don’t remember Dirk being so outright antagonistic in Homestuck. It’s making me pretty uncomfortable, I have to admit. It feels kind of out of nowhere, just like Jane’s sudden xenophobic inclinations are. What was Hussie thinking when he wrote all this? What was his intention?

Jake’s getting pretty nervous and I can’t tell if he’s getting stage fright or if Dirk’s influencing him to be nervous. The latter is a possibility, no? Wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what’s going on.

Why don’t you have a good, long think about that, Jake.

Is this really the time for a good, long think? Jake muses to himself, actually putting a finger to his chin like some public domain clip art picture of a befuddled guy. If the crowd is confused by his rapid-cycle mood changes, they don’t show it. Jake’s got a bit of a day-drinking problem, which has been slavishly documented in the global tabloids. That’s how you avoid responsibility, isn’t it, Jake? You can fool your fans, but not yourself. The truth is that there’s a canniness to the act. It’s partially cultivated. You’re stupid, but you’re not nearly as stupid as you pretend to be.

JAKE: What in the devil was i thinking coming here?

JAKE: Why did I...?

JAKE: I came here to...

... slide the biggest knife any motherfucker ever wielded directly into your friend Jane Crocker’s back?

She loves you, Jake, more than anything, and you toyed with her heart. And you would have guiltlessly toyed with her “kettle drums” too had it not been for a bit of divine intervention, let’s decide to call it.

Sigh. That’s...that’s all I can do with all this. Sigh and keep reading. Third time I’m scrolling through the epilogue a tad faster than I should. It’s pretty much an entire page of gaslighting. Nothing really worth delving into, mainly because it’s pretty uncomfortable to read such a thing. Dirk’s being the abusive ex, pretty much. Nothing really worthwhile.

JAKE: I love dirk!

JAKE: IM IN *LOVE* WITH DIRK!!!

 And to love Dirk is to obey him.

You know, there are a few reasons why I’m thinking of liveblogging these epilogues. I’ll explain them later, but right now I may as well say a word of two: the epilogue is competently written. The events in it are interesting, and the interactions are raw and full of emotion. It’s all pretty unpleasant to read, which makes it a bit novel, like swallowing bitter medicine. It’s pretty good, in a technical way.

But it simply doesn’t work with Homestuck characters. It just doesn’t.

Anyway, let’s continue scrolling down to the end of the page and go to the next.

I was right in that zapping back to Earth C would take what was left of John’s energy. He barely can give three steps before he falls down, so it’s all up to Terezi now. She wants to bring John to Jane, so she can revive him. I don’t think she has revived him before, so it should be a good idea. It’d be better to bring Jane to John, though.

It doesn’t matter. This isn’t a wound you can recover from. It’s Game Over this time: no healing, no afterlife, no cosmic clock proclaiming your sacrifice as Heroic. The poison needling through you is antithetical to narrative relevance. You’re not dying, John. You’re being erased. Cherubs don’t fuck around. We’ve both been learning that the hard way.

Oh, nevermind, it’s something not even Jane with her life powers can fix. I wonder if, once John is erased, nobody will remember him. That’s what happens when there’s no place for you in a narrative, no? Hmmm...

John already know he’s irreversibly going to die, and tells Terezi not to waste her time, that he was dead the moment Lord English bit him. Which is true, given this poison. Then he says he was dead the moment he woke up that morning, which...I suppose is the depression talking.

You died the moment you made the decision to go meet your destiny. You would have lived if you made the other decision, under a certain definition of the word “living.” You might have even lived until the end of your immortal life span, as shitty as that sounds.

So he’d have lived for the rest of his life if he had decided to do nothing. Makes sense. This may have been for the better, given Lord English needed to be defeated, so it’s time well-spent. It’s rather unfortunate it involves John’s death, but...in a way I saw this coming. Pretty tragic outcome, and given this epilogue has been chock-filled with a lot of tragedy and pessimistic scenarios, it only made sense this would happen.

It’s dying words time! Terezi is really affected because she really cares for John, and also they had a ‘emotionally significant sexual encounter’, so she’s even willing to listen to all the sappy stuff John will say in his deathbed. This is bound to be rather emotional! And the fact he can’t even think of something appropriate to say in his final moments is what makes it emotional because this isn’t how he imagined this would go. He can’t even think of quotes from his movies. Terezi offers to tell everyone John Egbert said some cool stuff in his final moments and make everybody believe it somehow, so instead John goes straight towards the sappy and tragic. There he goes!

JOHN: i think... i really lo—

TEREZI: DONT YOU D4R3

JOHN: i... r-really lov—

TEREZI: DONT YOU D4R3 FUCK1NG D13 ON M3 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF 4 LOV3 CONF3SS1ON!

TEREZI: 1 FORB1D 1T!!!

JOHN: but... i...

JOHN: i...

Then John dies in the middle of a love confession.

Love confession on the deathbed! It’s like this truly came from a movie, haha. Terezi is devastated, so much she can’t even bring herself to cry properly. Once she confirms he’s dead, she ponders what she should do now, alone in the world John wanted to bring her to. She doesn’t have anything else to do, so after a moment – and at Dirk’s behest – she takes John’s corpse in Dad Egbert’s wallet and starts walking.

It has been a month already. Jane won the election after what I figure was Jake’s endorsement speech for her, so that’s that. Terezi has been rather lost this whole month, and nobody has seen John Egbert – instead of saying he’s dead -- so I suppose she hasn’t told anyone he’s dead. Rose has been missing the entire time and Kanaya has been pushed around by Dirk’s machinations to keep him distracted while he keeps Rose locked away somewhere, both mentally and physically, I figure. All in all, it’s a pretty grim outlook for everybody in Homestuck. Also, Jade is still in coma. Terezi goes to visit her, perhaps to tell her what happened to John?

Dirk continues being so salty Roxy’s experimenting with her gender, apparently. Aren’t there a million other things to deal with, pal?

Roxy is very glad to see Terezi, and she takes Terezi thinking she’s Dave as a compliment. She also compliments Terezi, giving her some heartache because it makes her remember the time she spent with John. It may have been a few hours, apparently. Time works in mysterious ways up there in paradox space!

The reason Terezi is here is because she feels John would come here, and she’s right, I bet. John would want to check on Jade as much as he can, so now that she’s carrying John’s cadaver around, she feels she should handle this all herself. It’s also confirmed she hasn’t told anyone John is dead.

ROXY: back when jade first got all effed up callie saw somethin and it made them freak out

ROXY: it took me weeks to convince them that it was safe to come home

ROXY: but now we got the opposite problem and they arent leavin the house at all

ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls

TEREZI: WH4T?

ROXY: its not as bad as it sounds i promise

ROXY: some of it is like

ROXY: weird and violent??

ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um

ROXY: nudity????

TEREZI: >:?

ROXY: yeah yikes

ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit

ROXY: anyway thats kept callie kinda busy

ROXY: so it was hard as hell to convince them to let me come see jade at all

ROXY: its like theyre traumatized

ROXY: and they think ill drag whatever possessed jade back into our home with me

So the end result for Calliope is that she’s traumatized. Seeing a dead version of herself possessing Jade must have really rattled her. As I said, this is all pretty grim for everyone in Homestuck, goodness. Although...part of me wonders if her current state is partly because of Dirk’s influence. He’s petty enough to mess with the living Calliope’s head as a ‘take that’ for Dead Calliope.

Someone tries to contact Terezi through her phone, she’s not sure who it’d be. Perhaps Dirk? He did show a preference to sending messages to his former friends and acquaintances. As if things weren’t awkward enough for Terezi, she’s asked if she knows what happened to John. Terezi, you can’t keep this under wraps forever. Sooner or later you have to tell everyone John died because of injuries in Lord English’s fight.

It seems Terezi can hear Dirk perfectly even when he’s talking in the narration, I suppose it’s because of her aspect. Oh, be careful with the stuff you say, Dirk! She’s also willing to whisper stuff to address Dirk, even if it gets odd looks from other people. On the other hand, this kind of leaves her more vulnerable to Dirk’s machinations, no? Part of manipulating people is responding to what they say, so with some luck this won’t go belly-up.

Once the conversation is over Roxy leaves and Dirk exposits Terezi still feels guilty about hiding John’s death from everyone, and she can’t even confide in Dave because of mistakes she did as a teenager in another timeline. It’s the curse of having the Mind aspect, isn’t it? Knowing what the choices cause. All of Dirk’s exposition bothers Terezi enough for her to tell him to scram, and he refuses to do so.

Come on, Terezi. You don’t belong here. You know you don’t belong here.

Do you feel threatened by Terezi, Dirk? Is that why you’re trying to push her away? I don’t think Terezi has anything that could be particularly useful against Dirk’s plans, so I’m not sure why he’s bothering to mess with her like this. She even points out they barely have crossed words.

Okay, I believe he feels threatened by her in some manner because he tries to convince her to join him in...some place. More like he wants her out of Earth C. He even offers to let her take John with her, which is why I’m sure he made her pick up the corpse, so he could manipulate her by using John. He finally leaves her alone with her thoughts, sure he managed to convince her enough. We’ll see.

Stopping for now!

Next time: next update

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #webcomics #liveblog #webcomic liveblog

[solarianradiance]

Jellyatinous Rose

Calliope: Welcome lovelies, to oUr little get together for an adventure throUgh the Use of a Role-Playing Game system called DUngeons & Dragons! Tonight we have a new player joining in oUr dUngeon delving, oUr lovely friend, Roxy.

Roxy: hey erebody, its ur gurl roxy!

Dave: hey rox

Rose: Welcome to the game Roxy, nice to see you came tonight~

Kanaya: Pleasure To Have You Dear Roxy!

Jade: nice to see you again!

John: glad you could make it tonight!

Roxy: tnx 4 the warm welcum gaiz, makes me feel good bout this venture here

Roxy: so, when do we start playin?

Calliope: Shortlym bUtt first, we shall introdUce oUr varioUs party members for the road ahead, so that we may give oUr newest addition a chance to Understand her new chUms? Jade, why dont we start with yoU?

Jade: ok!

Jade: im a level 5 chaotic good gnoll ranger called groche’a, and i was ousted from my tribe for not wanting to plunder tombs for bones because i was scared of waking the dead and having them get revenge on us... which they did! im the only survivor!

Roxy: wats a goll? Roxy: *gnoll

Jade: a gnoll is a dog person

Jade: like this!

Roxy: oh so ur a hyna furry basically then?

Jade: well no, im more like a malamute husky, i actually based my character off of bec and what jake told me about my scratched other self

Roxy: yeah, ur gilf self was pretty smokin for an old lady, so i can c y u chose her

Jade: ...what?

Calliope: Lets keep this train of introdUctions going, Dave YoU’re Up love!

Dave: im dave, and im a barbarian. im a level 4 chaotic good guy i guess, gettin my rage on with my magic shit talking sword and doin all kinds of awesome shit!

Roxy: u men like connan the barbarian?

Dave: no, not liek conan Dave: *like Dave: fuck

Roxy: wats ur backstory?

Dave: im a kickass barbarian, i showed up one day and started kicking ass, what more backstory do you need?

Roxy: that sunds lame

Dave: youre lame

Calliope: Moving on, John, how aboUt we introdUce yoUr character?

John: im Salamon of the Hearthlands, a level 4 neutral good halfling jester!

Roxy: wats a halflin?

John: they’re pretty much just hobbits but a bit more... “earthly” i think would be a good word to describe them? they’re sort more vice than virtue and do things like eat a lot of food, take whats not theirs and breed like rabbits.

Roxy: le gasp, ur a bunny boy! that sounds adorable!

John: heh, no, im not a bunny, but i guess i am bunny-like in that sense

Jade: you know, that would actually be a good fursona for you

John: eh, nah, its not really my thing, besides im more like a tiger

Jade: hahahaha! no you’re not!

John: in fact i think would be more like tigra from thundercats

Jade: i said no. you’re fucking. not.

John: uuuuh!!!

Roxy: calli!

Calliope: Yes Roxy, what is it?

Roxy: can u make jon into a bunny boy?

Calliope: I... can, bUt I need a good reason like a magical invocation or something like that, I cannot simply do as I wish with the players whenever I wish.

Calliope: Besides, the game has not started. Rose, why dont yoU go next?

Rose: 𝐼 𝒶𝓂 𝒶 𝒩𝑒𝓊𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓁 𝐸𝓋𝒾𝓁 𝒟𝓇𝑜𝓌 𝒩𝑒𝒸𝓇𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒𝓇, 𝒞𝓎𝒶𝒾𝓃𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝐻𝑜𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝒢𝓊𝓁’𝒢𝒶𝓃. 𝑀𝓎 𝑀𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇, 𝓌𝒽𝑜 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝒾𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒𝒸𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝒶 𝒫𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝐿𝑜𝓁𝓉𝒽, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈, 𝐼 𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓎𝑒𝒹 𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓊𝓈𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝓎 𝒩𝑒𝒸𝓇𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃𝒸𝓎 𝓉𝑜 𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓊𝓇𝓇𝑒𝒸𝓉 𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓈 𝓂𝓎 𝓅𝓊𝓅𝓅𝑒𝓉, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒶𝓁𝒶𝓈, 𝓂𝓎 𝓅𝓁𝑜𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓉𝓇𝑜𝓁 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝐻𝑜𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝒻𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒶𝓈 𝐼 𝓂𝒶𝒹𝑒 𝒶 𝓂𝒾𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒾𝓃 𝒸𝒶𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓂𝓎 𝓈𝓅𝑒𝓁𝓁 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓀𝑒𝑒𝓅𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓇𝑜𝓉𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜𝑜 𝓆𝓊𝒾𝒸𝓀𝓁𝓎, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓈𝑒𝓃𝓈𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝒾𝓃 𝑒𝓍𝒾𝓁𝑒 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓂𝓎 𝒽𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒟𝒶𝓇𝓀 𝐸𝓁𝒻 𝒞𝒾𝓉𝓎, 𝑀𝑒𝓃𝓏𝑜𝒷𝑒𝓇𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓏𝒶𝓃, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓅𝓁𝑜𝓉 𝓂𝓎 𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓋𝒾𝓉𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝓉𝓊𝓇𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝓇𝑒𝒸𝓁𝒶𝒾𝓂 𝓂𝓎 𝒷𝒾𝓇𝓉𝒽𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝒶𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝓊𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓂𝑒 𝓇𝓊𝓁𝑒𝓇 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝐻𝑜𝓊𝓈𝑒, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓅𝑜𝓈𝓈𝒾𝒷𝓁𝓎 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝑜𝒻 𝒟𝓇𝑜𝓌𝒹𝑜𝓂~ 

Roxy: ur kinda given me the willies theres rosie

Rose: Hah! Thank you! I try to accentuate the nature of the Dark Elves as much as possible~ I am a Level 5 Necromancer by the way, just so we are clear.

Calliope: That was a nice sUrprise, always good to see dear ole Rose to give Us a performance and bring a little life throUgh characterization. Now, for oUr last member, Kanaya!

Kanaya: Salutations, I Am Mildred Of Baldurs Gate! A Neutral Good Human Cleric Of Lathander. I Am Level Three And I Am Looking Forward To Keeping You Out Of Trouble, As I Am The Primary Healer Of The Group. Though I Can Take A Swing With My Shredder Axe If I Wish, I Can Be More Than Helpful In Most Situations! 

Roxy: i dunno boit that but i think ill be hpy 2 have u round when the magical shit hits the fan! Roxy: *about

Calliope: Well, now that we have oUr standing party’s introdUctions oUt of the way, how aboUt we have Roxy introdUce Us to oUr newest member?!

Roxy: what bout u calli, whats ur character?

Calliope: I am the DUngeon Master, I recant the tale to the party based on the actions and decisions they make. Technically, I am all of the characters that are not part of the party! BUt I do have a rather sUltry lass that i have been meaning to play for a while. When my tenUre as DUngeon Master is Up, I shall pass the responsibility of rUnning the game onto others and break her oUt!

Roxy: rly? what is she? tell me!

Calliope: She isn’t finalized, but shes a YUan-Ti Magician, specifically an assistant. Haven’t qUite figUred oUt if shes a fUll-blood or a half-blood.

Roxy: a yankee?

Calliope: A YUan-Ti is more or less a snake person, mUch like myself I sUppose. I’ll admit shes a bit of a self-insert, bUt I made her for immersion for flarping. John helped me in crafting her!

Roxy: oh... he did now, did he?

John: yeah! it was actually pretty fun! learning about the lore of the snake people was kinda neat!

Calliope: Indeed! And in retUrn, helped John create another character to pair alongside with her! He is also a Magician, and she acts as his assistant!

Roxy: assistant huh? does that mean you can make his magic wand

Roxy: disappear?!~♥

John: whoa! roxy!

Calliope: Making a Magicians Magic Wand disappear is childs play.

John: uh calli, thats not what she mea-

Calliope: BUt making his wand spit magical glowing seed, now thats the magic~

Calliope: Mwah!~♥

Dave: whoa-ho, damn!

Rose: Ooo, how racey~

Kanaya: I Must Admit, That Got Quite Raunchy Awfully Quickly!

Jade: you can do that?!

John: ok! moving on! time for your introduction rox, before this turns into a smut campaign.

Roxy: how do u know that it wont turn into 1 when i do get my intro on? ;)

John: rox!

Roxy: relax! im jus teasin y Roxy: *u

Roxy: ok, my character is xerox gundalf the pink! shes a level 1 chotic good gun wizard!

John: gun wizard?! that actually sounds cool!

Jade: that actually sound cool, maybe ill roll one next campaign!

Dave: gotta admit, that does sound pretty bitchin rp as

Rose: Um, Roxy, as creative as that is, “Gun Wizard” isnt a valid class within the ruleset of DnD.

Roxy: wat? naaah, its fine! got xeroxs character shit filled out and everything! even drew her!

Roxy: c? kickass sex witch! put a spell on u make u her enchanted slav! put a magic bullet in ur butt and set her enemies on fire! abraka-sexbang!!

Rose: But we already have a Wizardess! Why don’t you be another class, a legal one such as a Rogue or a Thief?

Roxy: those dont sound legal 2 me sister, sides im a rogue in real life! i dont wanna play a rogue i wanna b a badass gun wizard! calli help me out here

Calliope: Mmmmm, well, while technically “GUn Wizards” are not what they are called, “GUn Mages” are in fact an actUal class! So I sUppose thats no significant issUe

Roxy: gasp YAYS!

Rose: Wait, “Gun Mage” is an actual class?

Calliope: Why yes, it is! QUite the interesting one too, might even roll a character to play as one myself at some point!

Rose: Well, anyways, as I said, we already have a Wizardess, which is myself. So how about you roll Up a Rogue? John can moonlight as one, but he isnt able to specialize as one. Here, lemme just get you started and roll you a character right now!

Roxy: uh, no, imma play a wizard!

Rose: We’ll make her Neutral Good, for maximum opportunity while still being approachable. Some good Dexterity for all of that lockpicking you’ll be doing.

Roxy: rose, water u doin?

Rose: Dump all the skill points into stealth, traps, and lockpicking!

Roxy: ross! Roxy:*rose

John: you know i could just spec into those skills myself, i was planning on doing it anyways!

Rose: We can make her pink, with some blue trimmings~

Roxy: stahp!

*Roxy latches onto Rose’s pen hand, preventing her from drawing further. The two devolve into a bit of a struggle*

Rose: Stop... getting... in the... way, Roxy!

Jade: you do know you can multi-class in this game, right? as in you both can have both.

Roxy: well i don.. wann play... fuckin rogue, i wan be... a wizard of bullets!

Rose: We need a Rogue to-*is bitten*-FUCK! ROXY!

Kanaya: What Is Happening?

*Roxy and Rose devolve to a mother/daughter/sister squabble between petty bitches who both want the same thing, but are unwilling to share, complete with hair pulling, bites, scratches, clothes ripping and an assortment of name calling.*

*Its a good ole fashioned cat fight yy’all!*

Jade: shouldnt someone stop this? like kanaya, isnt this your thing?

Kanaya: ...I... Want To, But I Think I Am Enjoying The Sight Of This Conflict? Should I Do So Anyways?

Dave: with them? nah man itll sort itself out eventually. just let em get tuckered out.

John: ... roll for initiative?

Calliope: Haa! Hahahaha!

#homestuck #jade harley #kanaya maryam #rose lalonde #roxy lalonde #john egbert #dave strider #the barbarian #calliope #long post

[transbcyfriend]

For the homestuck asky, EVERY question 🔫

CARL I OWE U MY MCFUCKIN LIFE

1. Do you have a chum handle? What does it mean?

i don’t! i mean i used to have pesterchum installed on my computer when i was like, 13, but i don’t remember SHIT of what it was. probably something embarrassing.

2. Is your username homestuck related/have you had one hs related?

my current one isn’t, but i used to have one w/ dirk in the title

3. Do you call your s/o a matesprit?

i … i haven’t heard of anyone doing this since middle school. nah

4. Do you call your best friend your moirail?

see answer to 3

5. Are you “kin” with any characters or commonly called a character?

answered!

6. God Tier?

knight of heart!

7. Do you make HS fanart?

i haven’t in a rlly long time, but i rlly want to! i’m thinking i’ll end up doing some soon for a late 4/13 pic

8. Do you make hs fanfiction?

don’t remind me i was just a kid

9. Do you roleplay homestuck? where and how often?

i used to! i rlly wanna do it again, but everyone i know who wants to rp hs just wanna do it for the smut :/

if i could get an rp partner who just wanted to for fun tho, i’d b down to try my hand at it again!

10. Do you cosplay homestuck characters? Who and where?

GOD DON’T REMIND ME

when i was but a wee lad i cosplayed as dave bc he was my fav, but that was it

i’d lov to cosplay the signless at some point tho, i like his design

11. Are you apart of ask blogs?

nope! i debated it, but i was never confident enough in my skills as rping a certain character outside of private rp

12. Are you in any homestuck groups?

nope!

13. Favorite character?

tbh i’d probably say dave, since he’s … the most relatable to me personally? that and i love his rambles when he just spouts some random shit and goes off on a billion tangents at once. i also rlly like karkat, roxy, kanaya, and mituna!

14. Least favorite character?

caliborn.

i can appreciate him as a character, but he’s…yeah. y’already know.

15. OTP?

i lov rosemary a hella lot, but i also like davekat!

16. NOTP?

…y’know that’s a good question. i don’t rlly think abt ships a lot, just homestuck as a story itself, so. never rlly thought abt it. i’m gonna have to mull that over.

17. BROTP?

nepeta/equius, hands down.

18. Do you want homestuck to just die already?

nah – it’s a rlly good story, tbh. sure it’s confusing if you don’t keep tabs on things and engross yourself in it, but it’s really well done.

19. Are you following up with hiveswap? Do you play? Watch YT videos?

i am! i mean i haven’t seen anything going on except for the troll reveals, but ye – i need to catch up on the playthrough i’m watching (jack’s). i’d play it myself, but i’m staying on a budget.

20. Tell us how homestuck has effected you in real life?

it’s made me really rewire how i go about telling my own stories, tbh – that and it made me rethink comics and how interesting they could be without being just “sunday funnies.” i grew up with shit like archie comics, nothing that really strung together (not to mention something as long as homestuck is), but it made me change my view on how good and serious one could be.

21. Have you met anyone through homestuck?

i have! i don’t know ‘em anymore, but they were a chill group.

22. Have you left the fandom before?

nah – i’m just kinda off to the side of the fandom in my own little bubble, i don’t really get too involved in discourse or w/e to rlly feel the need to leave

that and it’s had my interest for too long for me to leave

23. How many times have you read through it?

5! 3 times on my own, and 2 times reading it to other people.

24. Did you ever skip intermissions/dialog/animations?

god fuck no that’s extra content i could scarf down r u kidding

25. Opinions on the fandom?

i haven’t really mingled much with the fandom to really have an opinion on it – i remember when i was a kid it was really wild and people feared having the homestucks show up, but the people in the fandom seem to have calmed down, and i can fuck with that, so i tease the idea of mingling in. i probably won’t tho, i’ll prolly just stay on the fringes of it hangin in my own space.

26. Opinions on the comic?

get ready

the comic … is honestly, i mean considering it literature, the best piece i’ve ever read? the characters are all really diverse in their views and thoughts, every one of them have different aspects to them that make them unique (john being very aloof when he wants to be, dave’s rambles, rose’s entire personality aside from her interest in psychology, etc.), and they’re memorable in whatever they do. they have their own quirks, their interests, their morals and – i really like how the characters are into genuinely bad things. it’s not like “oh yeah this character likes x and x,” and the things they’re into are neutral or good in nature, it’ll be like, “oh yeah this character actually loves horrendously terrible movies,” and i can appreciate that.

that, and i like how they’re unaffected by “purity culture” – in a lot of media i see today, all of the characters are usually mad acceptable, but homestuck doesn’t really do that. like fuck, take caliborn and doc scratch, they’re hella problematic but i like that – having characters that aren’t acceptable, whose actions are…disgusting, really, but still portray them without having to spoonfeed the reader that they’re not okay. i think a lotta shit i see nowadays misses out by not having characters that have gross views and actions like those two.

i also really like how complex it is. like you get media that shows video games like sao (which don’t even get me started), and they’re…lacking, they’re not like how a real life game would be with all the little events within its code and all the sidequests and yada yada yada. they feel bland. but with homestuck, it’s rich, it’s interesting, there’s always something going on (and it’s limited in time). that and it’s concepts – the way it does its own version of rpg classes, its perma-death aspect, how the players can vastly change things with small actions in a butterfly effect, things like that.

i could go on, but i just really like the worldbuilding, characters, and story, it’s rlly good

27. Do you favor the trolls, humans, or carapaces?

i think i like the trolls the most, but the humans are a close second!

28. Favorite moment of all of homestuck?

either the penis ouija scene, [s] collide, or [s] game over

29. Least favorite moment of all of homestuck?

whenever there was a hiatus

but beside that, tbh there’s rlly no moment in the comic that i disliked!

30. Tell us a homestuck based story.

one time, i tried doing a fanventure.

i’m gonna stop that story there because it was embarrassing and i was an overexcited 15 year old.

31. How homestuck related is your blog?

not really? i reblog quite a bit of hs related content, but otherwise it’s just kinda here and there y’know

#sanswers;; #carlthetitan

[ectoflowermaid]

Homestuck Beach Headcanons

John: hot sand hot sand hot sand *makes it to the water* cold water cold water cold water (this goes on for like an hour before he settles finally). Brought one of those fake shark fins and straps it to the top of his head. He fools no one. Brought approximately 53 kites and loses All of them because Dave said “hey I bet your kites can’t hold up against your windy thing”. He was right. Tells Karkat that the ocean speaks to ppl through conch shells, he holds one up to his ear, nods, “sorry Karkat, the ocean says you’re an idiot”. Karkat is horrified and John is dying trying to keep a straight face.

Dave: has a SBAHJ swimsuit and a SBAHJ surfboard. Challenges Jade to a surf-off. “Are you sure, Dave? I’ve had a lot of practice and it’s not as easy as it looks! I’ve got it, Dave reassures her. How difficult can it be. She warned u, bro. She warned u about the surf. He does not get back in the water. Fills a bucket with crabs of various shapes and sizes throughout the day, at the end he calls Karkat over to where he’s standing by the waters edge. Hey. Hey Karkat. Look what I found. He pours the crabs out at Karkat’s feet. Karkat looks unsettled. Dave. Where did you even find all these crabs Dave. They’re your children Karkat. I did this for you.

Jade: spends the whole day in the water and also she is a surf goddess did I mention that? Doesn’t put any sunscreen in and everyone is concerned but she barely even tans. After getting out of the water she does the Wet Doggo Shake™ Jade can u pls just warn us before u do that pls you’re getting us all soaking wet. Smells suspiciously like wet dog but everyone is too polite to point it out. Helps Dave collect his crabs bc she has an uncanny knack for finding them (she’s sniffing them out with her doggy nose but doesn’t tell Dave bc she wants to show off).

Rose: builds sand castles with Kanaya bc Kanaya is deadass terrified of the ocean. They surpass sandcastle tbh it’s more like a sand palace. Rose found a bunch of nice purpley shells to decorate with and also some rocks that look suspiciously arcane and vaguely powerful. High tide somehow wipes out the group’s chairs but doesn’t touch the sandcastle. Hm. Chastises Dave for building dicks out of the sand. Is there something you’d like to tell us, Dave? *Dave sweating* what’s a penis I don’t even know anyone named Karkat. Rose smiles innocently. Of course not. Throughout the day, Rose brings water for Kanaya to drink and also to dump on her so she can regulate her body temperature. Since she’s a cold-blood her body temp is lower so she overheats v easily.

Kanaya: is deadass terrified of the ocean. Does the detail work on the castle she and Rose are making, carves out little stairs and turrets and makes flags out of spare ribbon she keeps in her bag. It’s beautiful. She cries at the end of the day when they have to leave it even though they’ve taken lots of pictures. . Karkat comes up to her with a conch shell and holds it out to Kanaya, “john told me the ocean said I was an idiot Kanaya what is it saying I can’t hear anything” She takes the conch shell and listens. Mmhm. Yes. Oh My. “What did it say???” It Was Really Quite Rude, I Shouldn’t Repeat It. Karkat is about to cry. Kanaya and Rose secretly fist bump.

Karkat: oh boy this has really been A Day for him. He’s nervous around the ocean already but apparently it thinks he’s an idiot??? He loves the crabs they remind him of his lusus, it was slightly horrifying that Dave put a bunch of them in a bucket for obvious reasons. Wants to be buried in the sand, Jake helps him dig a big hole and he and Dave and Dirk all work together to make it big enough and fill it in afterwards. Dave writes “im gay” underneath Karkat’s head poking out and Karkat yells at him for taking pictures. Sollux falls asleep on his towel and Karkat writes “beefucker” on his forehead.

Terezi: before they got there everyone told Terezi not to lick the sand. Guess what she did. Also, accidentally popped the beach ball with her teeth because she was licking it. There’s a theme here can u find it. Is in the water a lot because Vriska is desperately trying to regulate her body temperature and has v little energy to say mean things which everyone is grateful for. To make her feel better, Terezi engages in wildly uncreative insults that Vriska can easily latch onto without having to put much energy in. “Hey Terezi is the water cold?” I don’t know john, is your FACE cold? “Terezi that doesn’t even make any sense”, your face doesn’t make any sense! She cackles as if this is some High Brow Humor every single time.

Jake: has an irrational fear of seagulls, they keep coming for his food and that makes him nervous because the monsters on his island were one thing but this? This sly and wily creature? Dirk is like,,,buddy,,,it’s just a seagull? It’s just a bird? “They’re eating my fries, Dirk, I won’t stand for it!” Jake has a little ukulele that he knows like five songs on, he sits outside by the boardwalk and just strums it sometimes after dark. One night, two little kids come by and give him 6 dollars in crumpled singles for his playing and he started crying he was so touched.

Jane: is having the TIME of her life, and is also the Mom friend. She’s simultaneously kicking ass at beach volleyball and reminding everyone to put on their sunscreen and reapply every two hours please! She’s also having a good time experimenting with cooking seafood some nights, though once she made the mistake of bringing in crab and Karkat did Not take it well. It took an hour to calm him down. Jane felt awful and made it up to him by buying him a nice hoodie w a happy crab on it. Bought a cute little blue boogie board and hangs out with Jade and Roxy in the water, she’s not very good at it but she likes swimming around a little.

Dirk: he’s that one friend that goes way too hard in casual games tbh. Like, they’re just playing a friendly game of volleyball Dirk can you please stop spiking it every five seconds. The grind never stops, Roxy, don’t hate the player hate the grind. Jane looked at him w so much disappointment in her eyes after he said it that he felt the force of her stare physically and had to take a step back. Tries to show Jake that seagulls aren’t scary by feeding them, but they start attacking him for his fries which does not help prove his point at all.

Roxy: “the babe” Lalonde has been ready for a beach trip her entire life. She is checking out the lifeguards, she’s checking out the other gals and dudes strolling about the beach, she’s got her best friends with her, what more could she want??? She buys a cutesy pink surfboard and Dave makes fun of her for it and she smiles sweetly. Oh sorry Dave? I forgot you were so good at surfing?? No one knows how or when Roxy learned to hang ten but THERE SHE GOES. She finds a lot of pretty shells and rocks and sand dollars and is just enthusiastic about everything tbh. She brightens everyone’s mood always.

Calliope: cherubs can’t float so Roxy’s overprotective ass won’t let her near the water unless someone is with her and making sure she’s safe. This is Fine with calliope bc that means that she’s never alone and therefore she’s never lonely and really that’s all she’s ever wanted so!! She’s v content to watch Jade and Roxy surf, she will sit w Jane sometimes when she isn’t in the water. She also likes digging for sand crabs with Karkat bc she likes their little legs. She wants to dig deep enough to find a lobster and no one has the heart to tell her that’s not how it works.

Sollux: this idiot. This boy. My sweet sweet son. Makes the horrible mistake of falling asleep on his towel. He was underneath the big umbrella when he started, but as the sun moves and he’s not putting on more sunscreen?? John, Dave, and Karkat take it upon themselves to not only write “beefucker” on his forehead, but also draw dicks on his whole body in sunscreen so he burns (trolls turn a darker shade of their blood color) and ends up with these pale gray dicks surrounded by a horrible dark, mustardy burn.

#homestuck #john egbert #dave strider #rose lalonde #jade harley #johnkat #johndave #johnrezi #davekat #davejade #rosemary #kanrose #kanaya maryam #karkat vantas #terezi pyrope #vriska serket #vrisrezi #roxy lalonde #jane crocker #dirk strider #jake english #dirkjake #janeroxy #callieroxy #sollux captor #solkat #strilondes #homestuck headcanon #beach au #my writing

[royalrastafariannaynays]

for the short fic thing: au where rose runs a paranormal investigation company, if you don't mind? it can be as silly or serious as you want. btw your davekat and rosemary fantasy aus are enchantingly lovely! you have this writing style that's just really, idk, decadent? like every new chapter of gardenia is like opening a box of chocolates except instead of a box of chocolates it's That Gay Shit and this metaphor escaped me but I LOVE YOUR WRITING

((

------------------------------------------------------

Misadventures of the Ghastly Variety

It started on a rainy day. Just another day of waking up, Dave telling you that you had no real job, and that your job was essentially just hype. Over coffee, of course, as is his ritual. Not like his job was any more “real” than yours, seeing as he was a desk jockey for the front lobby of the local Recreation Center. 

Being a glorified identification checker is a real job, there’s no doubt about that. But Dave had this habit of getting bored with something after a couple of months, and then moving on. This one is lasting awhile, though. Maybe it’s the cute kickboxing instructor. Tall, “thicc”, dark hair, dense olive skin. Eyebrows so bushy a family of squirrels could nest in them. Auburn eyes. 

It’s a description you’ve heard nearly every other day, in passing, as he’s toasting his morning Everything bagel. In varying designs and circumstances, stories of how aggravatingly delicious this guy is, in between spells of dreaminess at being chewed out for not having the right schedules on the wall by said paramour. 

But enough about Dave’s silly crush on the instructor, or even Dave, your perpetual freeloader in your apartment. 

No. This story is about the night you met Her. 

The ghost from your dreams. 

Now, it started on a rainy day. Dave, with his usual thing. You, with your fourth cup of (decaffeinated) coffee, which was mostly liquid black as tar, and entirely too much sugar to be healthy. 

That night, you were scheduled to check out a local “haunted” church for your popular TV show, “Misadventures of the Ghastly Variety.” You’re not quite a celebrity, but you do live in a decent condo in upstate New York, and spend entirely too much money on your cat, Paws the Third. Helpfully named by Dave, who bottle-fed the young thing for you after rescuing it off the street three days after the death of your last feline friend. 

It gave him great joy to nurture and be a helicopter cat parent, even if the little rascal ended up not quite liking him once it reached adulthood. 

After giving the cat a kiss on the forehead, and Dave a kiss on his as well, despite his protests that you only did it for the ironic value, you set out. 

And oh, it was a rainy day. 

It would take you half the day to set up at the old (but small) cathedral, even with your set up crew. And it would take the other half of the day to make some of those rather corny clips describing the background of the place, and then talking to the owners of the venue. After a short nap, you would record some footage for several hours inside the church. And then, once done with that, you would do some smudging, and a small ritual to cleanse the spirits of their anger. 

It’s kind of your thing. The little ritual is your special... quirk. Adding witchcraft to the paranormal investigator thing is kind of why you’re so popular. And it gets you some interesting footage. 

It’s all white magic. 

Mostly. 

Don’t worry about it. 

After setup, and your crew was recording and taking notes on sounds and things, you headed into the depths of the place. You spent maybe an hour in the main chapel, and nothing happened. 

And then you spent an hour walking past a few rooms, several of whom housed crypts. There were some odd noises, but nothing too incredible. You made a reaction to something minor, made some hollow commentary about the coldness of these rooms. Your EMF reader buzzed a few times. That much was typical for an old church building with rusty pipes. There was some more activity, another draft, in one of the crypts. It was a priest. You crossed yourself, and the draft stopped. 

More commentary. 

Maybe your job was fake. It paid the bills, though. 

So you walked through the first floor one more time. You stood in the pulpit, and made sure to shine your camera light at just the right angle. And you held your crystal in front of it. Your dousing crystal. 

It should have just... 

It should have just been the light from the night vision camera. It would make the prism in the crystal light up oh so perfectly. But. 

The crystal suddenly felt warm in your hand. 

A tiny voice spoke up from your ear. Ah yes. The speaker. Your crew. 

“You’ve been silent for fifteen minutes, Rose.” 

Fifteen? 

How did. 

Nevermind, you remember thinking.

Once you moved from the pulpit, the crystal dimmed, and felt cold once more. 

You spoke a bit about it, for the audience. But not much. 

And then, the little speaker in your ear signaled that it was time to move downstairs. So you shook your head, clearing your thoughts. It was an unusual circumstance. And if it was really a spirit, they meant no harm. 

You would know it if they did. 

As you passed through the stone steps to reach the basement, you remember everything went cold. 

You don’t remember saying anything, although the recordings show you filling the air with more typical, aimless nonsense that connected the history of the location with paranormal sightings. 

The majority of them were in the basement, you had said. 

That wasn’t the information you’d been given by the groundskeeper. 

You remember that everything got colder, colder. And then suddenly, it was all bright. A hand was reaching out to you. 

It was soft-looking, delicate. Beckoning through the bright light that was making your camera fuzz out. The little viewfinder in the film would be nearly blank, later, from the ground. All of the other cameras in the basement would report that they had just. Skipped a moment in time. 

The hand was pale, paler than any skin you had seen. 

You remember reaching out, and taking it. 

You remember being pulled in, so close. And everything was warm once more. You could see her, clearly, in this bright light. A technician in your crew was nearly shouting in your ear, asking what was going on. 

The most beautiful and terrifying chords played simultaneously on loop in the front of your eyes, and the most blissful colors were music in your ears. And her lips were so soft. So soft as she held you there. 

Her body contoured to yours, her breasts soft despite the burning icy cold of her mouth. And hair, short and cropped under the habit on her head. A thousand wings and a million eyes all staring at you from a void of nothingness and everythingness.

The air got blistering hot, and her fingers were freezing cold. 

And with the touch of her lips you were everywhere and nowhere at once. 

It was all too much. 

Copper taste in the back of your mouth, and warmth dripping from your nose and ears, and. 

You woke up in the hospital. 

“Was it good footage?” you asked, when you woke. 

“Yeah. Yeah it was,” Dave said, after he finished crying. 

“I think I saw an angel,” you whisper, hoarse. It feels like you’ve been screaming. The footage you see later will confirm that. 

When you pick up your hands, there’s something burned into the skin just below your wrist. It’s tiny. It looks almost like... words? ‘Kanaya.’ 

What in the name of dark beings does that mean? 

“You’re full of shit, Rose,” Dave tells you. Hes using your hospital gown to blow his nose. Probably because he knows you’ll hate it. 

“I guess so,” you reply. Staring at that burn on your wrist. 

Did you? 

Was she an angel? 

#rosemary. homestuck #fanfiction #short fic #my fics that i write #here u go!!!!! #Anonymous

[dottenator]

@hussie

Respectfully....

WHAT THE FUCK

One little note before I begin my serious thoughts: Hussie how could you kill the Mayor? It absolutely pales in comparison to everyting else, but come on dude.

I'm gonna try to work out my frustrations in the order I read these, meat and then candy, so....

Meat

How dare you do this to Dirk.

That's the thing which keeps sticking to me, honestly. They won! The game is over, Dirk has friends who love him, why this?? Why is Dirk destined to go completely nuts and do such horrible and awful things, ciolating the mental autonomy of everyone he supposedly cares about? Jake and Jane's feelings in the earlier parts of the epilogue, before the meddling becomes so overt, are significantly more creepy and invasive once it becomes clear that Dirk is making them think like this. The way they break down with his influence removed is horrifying. Dirk is such a fantastic character and I'm supposed to accept that he never grows out of thinking he can control everyone? That I'm not allowed an epilogue in which he calms the fuck down and lets himself not be in charge? I don't care at this point of that's considered wish fulfillment, give him a HAPPY ENDING for once. Not this bullshit. I'm not even gonna call that ~~Ultimate Self~~ thing by the name of the character I love. He doesn't deserve this.

Rose and Kanaya were our one good thing, and then this?? Dirk fucks with Rose's autonomy and fragile mental state to trick her away from her wife forever? The Rosemary wedding was the best thing about the original snapchat epilogue. The two of them are perfect for each other, they were happy god damn it, and I don't like any brand of storytelling that decides to split up the immortal god lesbians for pointless egotistical drama. Kanaya's fury and grief when she's allowed control over her own thoughts again is the most terrifying thing, because it really shows just how far from their understood, canon selves they really were in this epilogue. (The use of the word canon is really touchy to me after All This, but atm it's the best way to describe "the characterization we all know and love from previously established sources")

Everyone died beating English. Sure, why not. All the ghosts, Vriska, the teen kids, John everyone. It makes me unbelievably sad to imagine any of them dying (maybe not the ghosts), but with all the rest of this steaming pile of bullshit characterization I'm almost numb to it. Terezi is refreshingly real, still herself and completely believable, but when she gets back to Earth C she just. Doesn't talk to anyone? Doesn't get in touch with John or Karkat, doesn't tell anyone at all that John is dead? Why??? I'm baffled here. There's no closure to anything about Terezi here, except her personal emotions on Vriska, and who knows how valid that catharsis is with the fucking mind control narrative device everywhere. Also, fuck Hussie for making me read anyone claiming that John isn't important, or relevant, or an incredible and unique character. Was the Candy postscript supposed to imply she ended up with Dirk and Rose?? Why??? What the fuck is even going on here?????

Dave and Karkat were usually a balm to the whole bullshit, but like everything else they too are tainted by the overwhelming lack of consent in this whole epilogue. Do I think Dave and Karkat are a cute couple who should be together? Yeah. Do I think it should happen like that? Fuck no!!! They're both clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation, it all feels like an incredible violation of privacy and consent, and then right at the end it implies that Karkat isn't comfortable with how it happened and is oushing Dave away because of it! Like, fuck!!! This isn't what anyone wanted to happen! Let them figure themselves out on their own terms, with no weird narrative devices pushing them into it. Who cares how long it takes, they're all immortal!!!!!

Roxy is a cornerstone honestly. The narrative can't touch him, and I love him for it. Good for him. I really don't have anything to say on Roxy in meat, he's just fine, due largely to his immunity to the narrative bullshit.

Jane.......... I'm not sure. The bits from her point of view (though it's really unclear how much is her and how much is the narrative's influence) paint her as having some kind of reason for her troll-related policies, but really? There's no excuse for them. What the FUCK, Jane. Why does her entire future have to be molded by the influence of Condy? Can't we have a future without uncomfortable Trump parallels and the assertation that a beloved character is an asshole who wants to quash the rights of an entire species? Please Hussie I'm so tired.

Jake just makes me sad tbh. Don't have a lot to say on him. The narrative has been abusing him since Act 6 started, and the new narrative doesn't let up. Give this boy a break, I'm begging you.

In conclusion on Meat:

The parts where the muse is in charge, or where the narrative steps back and allows the characters to be themselves, are amazing. Fuck everything else, and fuck Hussie for making me read it. I'm too mad to think straight.

Candy

How dare you do this, to any of them?

The first heartbreak of Candy is Roxy/Calliope. John/Roxy is a sweet enough ship, but at what cost? They were so happy together, amd even John repeatedly points out in his internal monologue that it doesn't feel right to break them up. His conversation with Dave about sexuality and love is incredible, and up to chapter 14 the Roxy and Callir issue seemed to be the only sticking point in a much happier version

Then Dirk dies, and really? Really??? Fuck you. Fuck you for making me read that Dirk Strider would choose to end his own life when he realizes that he can no longer <i>control the minds of his friends and family</i>. That's fucked up in a million different directions. Fuck you.

Every songle thing Gamzee does makes me feel physically unclean. Is this supposed ti be a parody of poorly written fix-it fanfiction? A deconstruction of redemption arcs as a concept? It wasn't needed! Homestuck has redemption arcs already, Vriska and (Vriska) in particular bandied the idea around and deconstructed it fairly well, all of John's retcon powers were a fix-it fic, was ANY OF THIS BULLSHIT necessary??? It's a disgrace to the person Gamzee was before he went insane, and to everyone forced to read through his awful, awful dialogue.

Roxy was difficult to read in this epilogue, coming straight out of meat where Roxy was confident in himself and hid place in the world, then on to this Roxy who felt subtly wrong right up until her final conversation with John when we get her point of view on everything that's happened. Still mad about the Straight Married Babies Ever After, but Roxy at least is still #real, and I can respect her and her choices. (Except the ones involving Gamzee and funerals. I acknowledge that being weird about funerals is a known Roxy trait, but come on. Really??)

John feels like the point of view character again in Candy. He's the only one who seems to notice that something isn't quite right, his conversations with Terezi are incredible when they aren't slapping me in the face with the not-so-subtle wrongness of this universe, and his reconciliations with Roxy and Jake at the end are beautiful. I love that he at least tried to help little Tavros, no matter how it turned out, because he's a good fucking person!

Jake is a mixed bag. Am I happy with how he's treated in the first three quarters of the epilogue? Oh FUCK no. An I happy that he finally gets to be free by the end and be his own fucking person for once in his life? Absolutely. Give the boy some agency, and some GOD DAMN PANTS.

Jade honestly doesn't..... Do much? Either plot-wose or for me emotionally. She isn't in the epilogue much except as an obstacle for Davekat, which is really rude to everyone involved. I barely remember a time when I shipped DaveJade, and I don't think I ever shipped JadeKat, but after Meat I'd really hoped that that triad could work itself out. They had the potential to really be happy. Then it didn't, and she's never going to know why her husband didn't come back from investigating that strange building, unless she followed and found his corpse, dead for no apparent reason and not capable of being revived. I'm not sure which is worse. At least one of those has some kind of closure.

Karkat I actually really like in Candy. He stands up for himself, apparently finds love with Meenah, founds a moderately successful rebellion. Good For Him.

Dave is a clusterfuck of emotions, as always. Am I happy about his relationship with Jade? Not really, it seems by the end like he forced himself into it, thinking it was the right thing to do more than actually wanting it. Am I happy he got to meet and talk to Obama? Absolutely, though there is then the whole can of worms which is the canon Condy backstory. Not even touching that. After the speculation in Meat I'm thrilled to find out Obama did in fact god tier and escape the destruction of the universe. Dave is gay, he loves/loved Karkat, he's off to be the ~~Ultimate~~ version of himself and save the multiverse in the Meat postscript. Good For Him. (Also I can't be the only one who thinks Obama meant he and Dirk Fucked. Did that really happen? Did I dream that up??)

Rose and Kanaya were good too. Am I thrilled they found and raised Vriska 2.0? No. Am I happy they got to grow older together, immortal lesbian gods who are deeply in love? 10 million percent yes. Rose thanking John for the happy times with her family moved me. It didn't make it all worth it, but it helped soothe the burn this epilogue left on my soul.

Aside: I'm glad all the dead trolls are here? They're not double dead, this universe is somehow inside the black hole I guess (?), the generic dead (and Meenah and (Vriska)) get to do other shit too. Meenah/Karkat is sweet, Vriska got to kill Gamzee once and for all, I'm okay with that sequence of events.

Aradia and Sollux showing up made my day, I'm not gonna lie. They're great and hilarious. Alt!Callie's explanation of how a narrator's motives can shape a story helped me come to terms with Meat, as well as being just a fantastic bit of meta discussion.

That really just leaves Jane........

I'm not happy. Sweet baker girl is a tyrannical and genocidal despot?? No thanks. Abusive, xenophobic, asshole Jane, basically new Condy with a twist, is not something I'n gonna accept. The only time I sympathized with her at all was when her father died, and that was more for his sake than anything else. (Side note: where the fuck was he in Meat??)

In conclusion on Candy:

I don't know how anything could be as bad as Meat, but this is. Somehow. The light parts were lighter, but everything had a fundamental wrongness to it, and I couldn't be satisfied with any of it. At least Callie said none of it is canon, and she only stuck around to kill English once and for all and fix the narrative of Meat.

In Conclusion

Hussie, come out and fight me you COWARD.

#upd8 #hs #homestuck #epilogues #hs epilogues #homestuck epilogues #meat #candy #seriously though what the fuck #how do you read more on mobile

[bladekindeyewear]

Boots reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 8 - Meat Page 41

==>

Okay, Dirk’s gonna monologue about, like... acknowledging his villainy without realizing it I guess?

And if I didn’t bother pursuing those goals, and thereby tacitly accepting the untold suffering that resulted from my inaction, wouldn’t that make me a bad person? If I try and succeed, I’m a hero, right? And if I try and fail, at least I made things interesting on my way to the grave. There would be a tragic nobility in that. And the way I see it, settling for anything less from my arc would be, frankly, pathetic.

So yeah, of course I know I “have to be stopped.” It’s part of the contract. What you sign up for when you assume the burdens of this sort of power. Where there is that which must be subdued and suborned for the greater good, there is that which will instinctively resist. That which intuits that whatever’s going on here is “wrong.” Otherwise, intervention wouldn’t even be necessary, would it?

Yeah, the Heroic and Just death parameters I outlined in the Ultimate Riddle post pretty clearly line up here that he’s fucking shit over in a way he refuses to truly believe is going to end up in his Just demise even if he knows it on some level.  Fucking over everyone’s wills like that?  Fuck you.

Only worthless people permit themselves the great luxury of a valorous sacrifice. 

JUST.  FUCKING.  DEATH.

Mhmm, he knows he’s going to get fucking owned.  Just a little sooner than he thought, I’d reckon.

...geez, I’m going to forget to fucking EAT again today if this epilogue goes on much longer.  Maybe I’ll have to blog the Candy part, like, tomorrow or something.  If I can convince myself to SLEEP instead of reading more, that is.

==>

Thank God all the manipulation is reversing itself.  Keep playing into it and letting it happen you pompous ass, Dirk, it was inevitable.

Couldn’t pay me to be in that room right now. Not for all the agency in the world.

Yeah, agency is the word.  Dirk is aiming for infinite agency at the expense of everyone else’s.  His God-Tier powers crush others’ individuality and let him puppeteer them instead, and it’s what he’s been using all along to manipulate the situation in this story.

they will know what to do, when they are ready.

On the one hand, thanks alt!Callie.  On the other, seriously fuck you alt!Callie for taking Jade out of the story AAAAGAAAAAIN.  D:<

neither she nor her friends will have to worry about him anymore, so long as they remain on this planet and under my protection.

Um, that was phrased ominously potentially.

huddled on the floor, she repeats this pledge to herself. theoretically, he could be stopped before he leaves, if they hurried. they would need to know what to do, where to go, and to have the motivation to do it, but time is short. i could push them to, with a certain degree of intervention, but i will not. my unwillingness to do so is what separates me from him. and what corporeal life needs now is someone presiding over them who is nothing like him at all.

FUCK YES, PRESERVE THE WILL OF THE CHARACTERS INSTEAD OF TURNING IT ALL INTO YOUR OWN FANFIC YOU BEAUTIFUL CHERUB

Also, thought that occurred to me at the end of this page... did Dirk potentially arrange John’s death here to keep his retcon powers from being able to stop him?

==>

Epilogue Eight

Okay I’m churning through this all pretty quickly now that there isn’t a bunch of hyperdense prose in the way.  Excellent conversation between characters, furthering the plot along while engaging in very understandable hilarity.

KARKAT: TELL HER TO REGISTER MY HEAVING BULGE AS A PRIORITY!!!!!

Wonk

I don’t THINK I’m reading this any faster than usual, but it FEELS like I am? Maybe because of the format, or maybe I really AM reading it faster to get to Dirk’s fucking comeuppance as fast as goddamn possible.

Pfff, cosplaying as Dave.

KARKAT: WOW! THE WOKEMASTER IS ON FUCKING FIRE FOLKS! HE’LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT!!!

I love this whole conversation

ROXY: awwwwwww ROXY: u boys cute :)

<3

Alright, Jane doesn’t kno-- wait, you’re not looping her in on this?  I thought she’d join in and get, like, a redemptive character arc.  Oh well, lesstimespentonthatthebetterhurryupandkickDirk’sass

Wait, so Roxy didn’t know John wasn’t coming back?  Calliope did though???

Is the only reason Dirk took Terezi along to keep her from giving them info, or... no, he said MORE of them would eventually come, what the fuck is he even planning?

they will believe they are on a quest to retrieve a wife and rescue a friend. but they will discover their true mission is of much greater cosmic significance than they imagined. the seer is firmly in the thrall of the prince and will not easily be pried away. and as regards the heir, though resuscitation remains a theoretical possibility for those still striving for it, the truth of his role is it has reached a greater sense of narrative finality than any of his allies will bring themselves to admit. his influence over canon has come to an end, as has this particular story. his ultimate sacrifice was made to put the missing keystone in place and avert the supreme dissipation of all that shall be considered to hold truth, relevance, and essentiality.

...Huh.

Okay, so they MIGHT have to accidentally create Paradox Space, and regardless by stopping Dirk they’ll be guaranteeing agency as a right to those who live both within and without the confines of... whatever existence even is anymore.

......This ship chase through Paradox Space of cosmic significance sounds disturbingly familiar to old pictures I used to verbally paint about the endgame, and I refuse to think about that idea further.

And we’re returning to black text, from the sound of what alt!Callie is saying.  Let’s do that.

==>

POSTSCRIPT?!?????

POSTSCRIPT?  P O S T S C R I P T?!??!?!??!?!??

IS THIS FUCKING OVER OR SOMETHING? IS THIS NOT GETTING RESOLVED WHAT THE FLYING FUCK AAA OKAY CALM DOWN CALM DOWN BOOTS AND READ

fuck my stomach’s clenching up again oh god

artillery what the fuck

aradia okay

WWWWHAT THE FUCK SIXTEEN YEAR OLD JADE WHAT

JADE FROM THE BLACK HOLE GOT SPIT OUT HERE OR

OKAY WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN GOING ON HERE BLACK EYES AND SHE’S A MURDER MACHINE OKAY WHAT

WHAT IS ALL THIS BULLSHIT WHY IS AN ANGSTY DARKJADE WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE ALTCALLIE CONTROLLED DOING FLASHY BULLSHIT

“no being has ever commanded before” WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEA-- OH SHIT IS IT LIKE BLACK HOLE ABILITIES

LIKE, FUCKING, BLACK HOLE INSTEAD OF THE GREEN SUN ABILITIES NOW TIED TO HER AND SHES BEEN CONTROLLED BY ALT!CALLIE LONG ENOUGH TO GET HERE OR WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO JADE YOU FUCKING STORY GET OUT OF HERE

davebot.  why a davebot?  davebot.

I’m feeling fucking sick.  Okay what’s about to happen.

Okay so this Dave is like from some other timeline split and got botsaved or something sure whatever

okay some of the others are going off into this... “OTHER UNIVERSE???” too???? or other paradox space or some fucking bullshit???

also scrolling up i missed “Jade was sixteen years old when she showed up, and she doesn’t look a day older now, though many hundreds of days have passed” o kay are these ghosts???

Oh FUCK I CAN BREATHE

i can breathe again

fuck, these are like

im guessing these are... other ghosts or former-ghosts or basically everyone that huddled into the black hole, and aradias there because of course or something, this isnt dirk having won and reached his place or whatever

this is the jade alt who fell into the black hole and must have died hence her perpetually-young look, and now that shes in the black hole she has access to black hole powers

REAL JADE is FUCKING FINE

breathe boots breathe god damnit

okay reading, uh

a-all the action that matters f fuck i dsee the end of the page what thej fuck s how oculd it enduhyere kanaya has an enddless chase for her ff-fucking wife or while she’s being mind-raped by dirk orasdf jklfdk adn dshes gonan be in a stupdi metal body or

im really

really gonna need that candy after this

reading that last few paragraphs SHIT

yeah aradias going to go where all the exciting shit is happening in this new... black... hole... adox space or whatever, or wherever this is or

Where the hole gaped just moments ago, there now exists an imaginary line.

Above this line resides all that matters. Below exists all else. Never again the twain shall meet.

And... that’s the final line between Canon and Non-Canon.  Or whatever terms.

Andrew’s done.  The story’s done.  Everything else about their journey is for the imagination alone.  Did they save Rose from Dirk taking her through a portal or whatever to whichever Dirkverse he was conjuring up or whatever theory bullshit i REALLY DONT WANT TO THINK OF OR THEORIZE ABOUT EVEN EVER about what the fuck dirk was trying to pull with all this SHHHHITT!!!!!!!??//?

I... christ.  I need that Candy section.  And I need a drink.  Fuck this I was gonna break for dinner but I’m continuing once I get a beer.  I’m sweating and unhappy.  Like I should be after eating this many pages of raw meat, shouldn’t I?

Next post will be Candy 1 once I confirm that there’s nothing else I’m missing, no other part of this portion to save me from wanting to vomit in an entirely anxious and non-beer-related way.

Fuck.

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[blaperile]

Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 1 & 2

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