#yes im gonna give him a tag on this blog he deserves it
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ok... i just blocked anon at this point but heres what they said bc apparently i didn't read what i wrote myself(?!)
i would just leave it at that, but honestly? i do wanna address some things here not bc i feel the need to defend myself to anon, but bc i wanna make it clear to you ppl WHY all this stuff was written.... like im not gonna sugarcoat it, i DO enjoy writing this bc hi. huge whump lover here. making pretty people suffer is my favorite thing. but it's also so important to say that this is FICTION (this is historical rpf which is kinda funny but still, none of this actually happened). there is no real abuse going on so there is no need for any of this performative bullshit. anon is just wasting time bc it goes without saying but i would never ever condone or do this shit irl. idk how it works for other ppl but for me fiction does not affect reality, the only way it does is that it makes me happy precisely because i can do whatever i want and nobody gets hurt. and these mfs dont care, they're dead im sure they have better things to do. anyway i just wanna say:
all the details anon is giving me abt my story makes it sound like they read the whole story, both Dona Dona and the main chapters. that's almost 100k words. when they could have clicked off at any time. when the tags are so clearly right there. like... you did this for what 😭
i assume the gang rape anon is talking about is in the Tenth Hot Spring when Bentinck serviced a bunch of dudes to seal a deal for William. i would find it kind of difficult to describe it as that... but tbh, yeah, it would have been incredibly hard for him to say no. in any case, so sorry to tell you this anon but there are no perfect victims in this AU! he never sees it as rape because he thinks he deserves it, and because he does enjoy it at times. his whole image as an Ally under an Overlifer kind of relies on that. and while i'll tag it properly, i'm not going to sanitize or sugarcoat it as it's a huge part of his character arc. he doesn't think he's allowed to say no or have boundaries, so he won't! in this society i think it would be hard to find a "perfect victim." Bentinck doesn't cry about this because he thinks he's fulfilling his purpose.
Bentinck being described as a shotacon..... im so sorry that was so fucking funny to me LMFAO
i wouldn't say he enjoyed kissing William's father as a boy, he just thinks he did. obv we don't get to see much of it in Dona Dona bc it's from William's POV. but even then, as an adult, he stills sees it as an honor. AGAIN, part of his whole arc of how he views himself, the religion, and his role in it. that event is kind of the starting point of that, it was put there for a reason and not bc i actually think kids can consent/enjoy assault! in my experience, they can think they did. here again, the perfect victim narrative does not always reflect reality.
you're right, kids can't initiate that! like i said in my disclaimer, it's a result of grooming and how they've been raised. they think they are, but it's just making them easier to abuse. i never once believed they could consent.
im not a rapist period full stop. just not
yeah i romanticize abusive relationships. in FICTION. they're fun to write. jamesborough is a delightful ship and the succubus au has been so fun to work on. real life abusers can choke and i would encourage anyone in a relationship like the ones i write about to seek help immediately.
Anne called Marly a slut bc SHE is victim blaming. EVERYONE victim blames Marly in this story. it's part of HIS arc. i would not blame any victim of this sort of shit irl. and even then, in this universe "slut" doesn't have such a negative connotation as in our world. yes, it is still victim blaming, but how can you read the story and still have it completely fly by your head like that
im aromantic, which i dont know how you wouldnt have just picked up from idk... SCROLLING THRU MY BLOG LIKE ANON SO CLEARLY DID?? LOOKING AT MY ICON?? so no need to pray for those hypothetical partners, it's never happening.
#thanks for the read anon ig KFKDJKJKFDK#in case it was not obvious: little rant under cut#hopefully anon fucks off for good i just wanted to clear up some things#tw csa mention#tw sa mention#tw abuse mention
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I posted 17,813 times in 2022
That's 80 more posts than 2021!
151 posts created (1%)
17,662 posts reblogged (99%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@celeryw
@pishposhbagosh
@blas-ph-emy
@lemontongues
@ officialspec
I tagged 3,777 of my posts in 2022
#dc - 1,160 posts
#batfam - 683 posts
#just us - 204 posts
#csm - 180 posts
#sandman - 178 posts
#q - 143 posts
#batman - 132 posts
#timkon - 104 posts
#cute - 103 posts
#goncharov - 94 posts
Longest Tag: 118 characters
#burning the receipt so you can keep the kid you were handed for a weekend who is painfully cute and a cool little dude
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
who’s ready for
See the full post
68 notes - Posted December 6, 2022
#4
Hi! Any recs for timkon, or kon centric fics? It only tends to be in the background/implied in batfam centric fics that i read, but i keep seeing you post about timkon and 🥺🥰 I’m catching feelings about it
i’ll be real... im glad u asked bc i read So much timkon ♥ sorting by kudos for timkon is hard bc yeah... its so often background..... kon deserves better!!!!!! so here are some stories u should definitely read, by some lovely authors whose works i am absolutely normal about:
- everything by @batfam-chaos especially this one. kon is injured and tim panics my beloved... their stuff is *chefs kiss*
- everything by @lemontongues especially this one! slowburn in kansas.... their 2021 whumptober is very kon-centric as well!
- everything by @mindshelter, this one in particular makes me CRAAAZY
- composed of us by @starlikeknight which so far is tim centric BUT itll be eventual timkon and its already amazing so you know the timkon will be too
here are some others i like, found in my bookmarks:
- Gonna Be A Better One (A Thousand Miles To Your Door) by Traincat
- Leap, Fall, Fly by malcyon
- A Night In by Musafir
- Three Little Words by timkons
- please don't live in fear by murmurare
- time flies by by Laroyena
- shenanigans’ timkon my beloved
sadly, i read less kon-centric fic simply cause i am so obsessed with tim my little guy, my poor little meow meow, but again there is good stuff out there. u may have to search excluding timkon on ao3. REGARDLESS,
this is everything i can find off the top of my head, really. trust me theres so much more out there i adore (like the pretending to be a gold digger wip, or the catfishing fic, or the hannah montana-style identity shenanigans fic, or this one astolat fic, or the one where dick picks up kon as a cop and tim on the phone asks if he’s cute, or any of the countless other stories out there) so definitely go and have a search!! yeehaw!!!!! hope that helps!
96 notes - Posted January 22, 2022
#3
omg omg i just BLEW through your dc fics (showstopping. incredible. magnificent) and AH TIM and was wondering do you have any Tim-centric fic recs? with that GOOD angst? no pressure or anything, thanks for all your hard work 💕💕💕💕💕
omg anon 😳😳😳😳 thank you im so glad to hear it <3
also FYCK YES IM HERE TO GIVE OUT ANGSTY TIM FICS. first and foremost u should probably jsut go thru my entire bookmark tag with tim drake but i will pick and choose the best for u here, i hopeu enjoy.
also fair warning all these may include, to some degree, violence, torture, child abuse, implied or referenced non con, etc, due to the fact these are very angsty and filled with hurt and comfort and lots of whump, so pls read the tags!
A Meditation on Railroading by eggmacguffin
this one is the best. i love it. @eggmacguffin blew it out of the PARK with this once ive reread it an absurd amount of times. tim's dad leaves him in atlanta so he makes his own way home, runs into jason, and shit happens. also, read ALL their other tim fic ok. u wont regret.
buried birds by envysparkler
have i told you to read everything by envysparkler? read everything by envysparkler. her shit is the BEST. buried birds is one of my faves, as tim is buried alive in a coffin and jason rescues him. luv it
Grilled Cheese by crumpetz
hooooooo 8k of pure tear inducing deliciousness. i reread this constantly for the catharsis. makes me cry everytime. cw for graphic injury
Echoes of You by SilverSkiesAtMidnight
wherein tim dies, is resurrected, and jason is the one to find him fresh out the grave. trauma times two electric boogaloo! check out their current wip and recent works as well!
best laid plans by Valkirin
ra's steals tim away at the same time as jason, freshly unearthed from his grave. Shit Happens. LOVE valkirin’s stuff
The Return by lurkinglurkerwholurks
essential reading. what happens after batman's brought back out of time. read all their other tim fic if u havent yet
It's Not That Funny by Ionaperidot
tim becomes joker junior! uh oh! tim's brain is scrambled by the joker and ra's and he and jason maybe become serial killers and highly codependant but they slowly heal and rejoin the family. so good. cw for graphc violence and so much more, check the tags
On the Way Home by ignesfatuis
little wolf shifter tim is kidnapped, then rescued, and stays with the waynes to heal while he cant shift back. chicken soup for the soul
Fussing Over Scars by maychorian
platonic soulmate au! i cried. check out all of maychorians stuff for more tim angst!!
Dangerous and Noble Things by destiny919
tim is kidnapped by ra’s, and four years later the bats rescue him, and whaddaya know! he comes with a sister <3 love it. they have a bunch of other tim fic too!
more behind the cut!!
now theres a ghost in the back of this room by CosmoKid
tim helps an abused kid and comes to some Revelations of his own
whumptober 2021 by CosmoKid
just read all of it. chefs kiss. cosmokid has a lot of angsty tim fics and u should read them all
Bristol Kids by Anonymous
See the full post
109 notes - Posted January 30, 2022
#2
reminded seeing the collection of the batfam fic survey i voted in (which is fun and exciting, ill be checking some of those out later!!!!!) of some of the batshit collections people have requested my works be added to.
straight up some of you need to just use the bookmark function because it is beyond offensive to have your fic added to a collection titled “dumb bullshit to satiate my escapism”. like, really? obviously i rejected that one, and ive rejected a few others just because. that’s not what collections are for.
do people forget collections are public? do people forget that you see a list of collections a work is in directly under the tags? i’m honoured to accept my works into collections titled “fics i love”; “fics i’ll reread until the end of time”; “fics with good stephanie characterisation”—these are compliments, and things like “robin vs red hood” collect specific tropes and AUs together that ao3 may not have the tags for yet. they serve a function
i dunno, i think collection use has got a bit out of hand. im complaining on main because this keeps happening and at one extreme it’s offensive (dumb bullshit??) and at the other extreme there already exists a function for tracking it (“fics i have read”?)
respectfully, i think some people may benefit from bookmarks and bookmark tags. for one, you can tag nigh limitlessly, and search them on your bookmarks page using both the tags and the notes. also, most importantly, you can make them private. want to leave a note for yourself as to why you didn’t fully enjoy a fic? remind yourself of something that triggered you? want to simply keep track of a fic you didn’t enjoy as much as others? private bookmark, and the author never has to know.
this is a little bit of a rant but when i have rejected my works being added to collections multiple times it adds up, lol.
202 notes - Posted September 4, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
since i cannot find the masterpost i initially used to obtain all these extensions initially, here’s a list of privacy extensions i use in conjunction with firefox! i’ve included a link to each of them which is very easy if you use firefox. pls use firefox. brave is also good for privacy. there are others out there so do your research, and again, please for the love of god, switch from chrome if you can xx
–
Bypass Paywalls Clean - bypasses paywalls. v helpful. this one isn’t verified by firefox however
Decentraleyes - this helps to prevent websites from tracking you and blocks requests
Don’t track me google - stops google from lengthening urls theycan track you with. godsend
DuckDuckGo Privacy Essentials - blocks tracking, enables https where possible, overall a good and helpful extension
Facebook Container - isolates facebook in its own container so its much harder for them to track you. always a bonus
HTTPS Everywhere - does what it says!
Privacy Badger - blocks trackers, similar to some of the others listed. can never have too many
Shinigami eyes - if you dont have this enabled wyd? marks trans friendly accounts as green and transphobic ones as red, or other colours based on your preference. makes blocking very quick and easy! not verified by firefox, but just as essential as the rest
uBlock Origin - basically an ad blocker, the best of the bunch; also prevents a lot of tracking and coin miners too
–
if you have any privacy extensions you use or find useful, feel free to reblog with your own suggestions!
248 notes - Posted January 18, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#tumblr2022#year in review#my 2022 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#mostly reblogged from mutuals hiiii ❤️
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I posted 6,349 times in 2022
14 posts created (0%)
6,335 posts reblogged (100%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@peakyrogers
@aayla-securas
@babyrooster
@karihighman
@unicornships
I tagged 659 of my posts in 2022
#glen powell - 261 posts
#top gun maverick - 117 posts
#i love him your honor - 99 posts
#jake hangman seresin - 82 posts
#tom cruise - 70 posts
#chicago fire - 37 posts
#pete maverick mitchell - 37 posts
#miles teller - 36 posts
#criminal minds - 36 posts
#chenford - 33 posts
Longest Tag: 140 characters
#the hoco one was a little tricky since her last scene is the 'what the fuck' one but she's blurry af so i had to choose a different scene...
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
Okay so I’m a literal bag of emotions rn and tumblr is my unfortunate sounding board, so ima get all this out in one and then ima shut up & go back to just reblogging others until I can control myself again😂 okay? okay. Buckle up.
I know Fire can be heartbreaking & unexpected but that ending was just evil and purely-for-shock value-cruel. Like I know killing off characters for advancement is nothing new here but the way they did that was just so mean to me - I am literally still shaking about it.
And PD?! I cannot believe they think that episode (no matter how incredible the acting) comes anywhere close to the ending / write off that Jesse deserves after dedicating himself for the last 9 - ALMOST 10 - WHOLE SEASONS to this show! And as for that giving justice to his character, show me WHERE?! Because all I saw was so many ooc choices, all to get out of a shitty situation that inevitably led to a complete decimation of years of character development / growth & him being written out in the most confusing af way, as an attempt to keep it even loosely linked to the jay we know and love.
I don’t even know how to feel rn.
I am fuming. Like so, indescribably angry.
But i’m also so proud - of Jesse - of his acting & his hard work & how he’s handled this whole shit show of a situation.
(EDIT - also incredibly proud of hanako’s acting in tonight’s fire ep! If I didn’t already love both Evan & hawkami in general, so much, her performance alone would’ve broken my heart tonight anyway, because my god that girl was good🙌)
And I’m obviously gutted. So completely & utterly devastated.
Honestly do not know if the shows will even sit right with me after this let alone be watchable.
Ima need a minute.
45 notes - Posted October 6, 2022
#4
okay so I know we’re all feeling that chief hawkins is basically the CF writers attempt at a temporary roadblock on the road to getting violet & gallo back together (aka a repeat of granger & sydney on the road to brettsey) , but I’ve come to the annoyingly unsurprising conclusion that im basically in love with him and ngl ima probably throw a fit if they use him suggesting distance from violet as a way to write him out😒😂😩
48 notes - Posted January 13, 2022
#3
Jay running after Hailey running after the suspect?!
If that isn’t THE EPITOME of “I’m going where you go” & “I’d follow you anywhere”?!?!
CANNOT. DEAL.
49 notes - Posted February 24, 2022
#2
can we just talk about:
Hailey’s sheepish but knowing “Are we all checking on me now?”
And Jay & Kev’s exchange of looks before a simultaneous “Yes”
!!!!
Like, yes baby, that’s what happens when you scare the crap outta your unit (protective partner slash husband included) by jumping in the river after a car & then barely take a second to breathe or get checked out before you dive into investigating it.
Gonna give your team and the whole fandom a freaking heart attack😩😂
82 notes - Posted February 24, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
Is it just me, or does this particular chicago wednesday feel like an utter shit show and it’s not even over yet?!
Like i literally feel like I’m watching the entire one Chicago universe implode before my eyes and the writers expect us to be happy about it or at least just move past it & keep watching?!
From that unbearably cruel fire ending to seeing jay turn into the one thing he’s always hated & said he wouldn’t become right before they write him out - I literally cannot think straight besides the sheer heartbroken anger fuelling me rn.
My brain is freaking scrambled and I honestly cannot see how these decisions are gonna get them anything but a loss in fanbase?!
MAKE. IT. MAKE. SENSE.
128 notes - Posted October 6, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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I posted 498 times in 2022
That's 498 more posts than 2021!
94 posts created (19%)
404 posts reblogged (81%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@luymani
@pcktknife
@tizzymcwizzy
@belovedcherie (lol its me)
@buggachat
I tagged 497 of my posts in 2022
#art - 137 posts
#reblog - 128 posts
#fav!!! - 101 posts
#cherie's chats - 69 posts
#miraculous ladybug - 64 posts
#project sekai - 56 posts
#cherie watches stuff! - 30 posts
#cherie's aesthetic - 21 posts
#spy x family - 20 posts
#splatoon - 18 posts
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#if i had a penny for everytime we were worried bakugou died i'd have 2 pennies which isnt a lot but its concerning that it happened twice..
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
THAT TEASER IS GOING TO PUT ME IN A DAMN COMA
9 notes - Posted July 1, 2022
#4
thoughts on multiplication
bc i need to scream about this SOMEWHERE. LIKE WOW. OKAY.
obviously spoilers are under the cut !!
tld;r: yelling abt adrien and WHAT ARE EVERYONES INTENTIONS??
ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE
yes im gonna yell about this first because adrienette holds my HEART YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THEY R EVERYTHING TO ME </3
ive been waiting for adrien to pin for marinette in canon for so long and season 3 def delivered with the little stares he was giving her BUT NOW THAT ITS FRFR HAPPENING?? HIS BLUSH WHEN HE LOOKS AT HER IN THE MORNING? HIM IMMEDIATELY CALLING HER UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO TELL HER HOW SPECIAL SHE IS? SOBBING
okay but the fact that he probs tried to kiss her every. day. we only saw 3 sequences but if that montage happened over the span of several weeks..... i am swooning. i am in tears. shambles.
adrien had me KICKING MY FEET AND RUNNING LAPS OKAY I HAD TO PAUSE SO MANY TIMESSDHFK
that being said before i write an essay on light of my life adrien lets talk abt,,,
reverse love square??
i love the idea of reverse love square bc adrien being a lovesick fool for marinette is my aesthetic but iM JUST HJDGSFSGKF BC OF THE TIMINGG
i was kinda hoping for some sudden rapid development today but im not complaining at all dw 🙏🏾 simp-drien is enough
the ladynoir moments are real cute tho :( them playing cards im cryingsdjhs
im excited to see the ship dynamic in the future episodes heheheh
GABRIEL. AGRESTE.
this man becomes more of a loser every episode what else is there to say
him digitalizing adrien.... funny... not funny haha...funny weird....
i hate when this guy gets smarter cuz he always has some wack trick up his sleeve 😔 but i wanna know more abt those weird siri rings
ALSO HOW DOES TOMOE PLAY IN THIS?? i think she knows hes hawkmoth but why is she helping him?? ik they were leading up to their partnership before so i guess we'll finally see why they were so secretive in the past!!
lie-la
i was gonna talk abt her in the gabriel point but this girl is so annoying she deserves one for herself
SHE GETS ON MY LAST NERVEEE
the genuine irritation i feel whenever i see her character on screen is actually funny
"ladybugs just a kid we need to forgive her ;(" GIRL I HOPE PARIS CAN FORGIVE U FOR THE CRIMES YOU'VE COMMITTED??
im sorry theres nothing productive to say abt her other than the fact that it seems shes going to play a bigger role this season (sadly) (but also yay cuz she brings the spice)
okay last point is abt felix
HELP WHEN HE APPEARED AT THE END 💀💀 THIS GUY WAS HERE THE WHOLE TIME????
i hope and PRAY he treats dusuu well homegirls been going through it D:
WHAT. ARE. HIS. INTENTIONS.
See the full post
11 notes - Posted June 21, 2022
#3
i saw miraculous was trending and i was like OMG IS THERE FINALLY A NEW SEASON 5 EP?? but it was just beau 😭
12 notes - Posted August 30, 2022
#2
HI so um. back in 2020 kade made this meme thing and i dont think ive ever recovered from it bc I WAS SO TOUCHED LIKE 🙁 NOBODYS EVER MADE ME A MEME BEFORE
since we started talking again a month (+ a day bc i am late) ago i had the idea to make him one in return bc TALKING TO U MAKES ME SO HAPPY AND U DESERVE THE WORLD !!!
sooo here ya go @luymani ILYSM!! happy one month anniversary /p (that sounded way funnier in my head im so sorry LMAO)
13 notes - Posted August 9, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
thinking abt my son syaoran li ♡
See the full post
27 notes - Posted July 27, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#tumblr2022#year in review#my 2022 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#omg fun !!#i dont have much stuff cuz i started my blog in the summer but lets try to beat some of these stats next year :D#the bakugo thing being my longest tag LMAO#long post#cherie's chats
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Final thoughts on the manatreed thing
so my original outraged reaction post got notes despite me originally only tagging it with trigger warnings so i wanted to make a better one. I added some tags to that buuuuut it was just an overview of my thoughts on the situation coming from anger directly after reading dreams twtlonger
OK so my actual thoughts: i point blank refuse to read ANY doxxed info, so im not gonna go through and decide whether i think mana did it, to me its pointless to discuss it either way, if im reading dreams twtlonger correctly, i think that he may have done it. But to the people who were like nah nobody would just run away after being accused of that: i probably would, and ive never even talked to a cop in any official manner in my life. I also have anxiety, and wouldnt be able to handle kf trying to doxx me. So in the end, i still dont know whether he did it, and to be honest i dont care
lets say he did though, where does that bring us? if he did, he still didnt deserve to be doxxed, he still didnt deserve to have so many people coming at him all at once, nobody deserves that. doing a bad thing to a person who has done bad things doesnt make it right
the fan reaction to dream as well was disgusting. idk why people went only after dream and not sapnap, who would have also known, i havent gotten a straight answer from anyone. he is a victim of abuse himself, this is not something new we learnt, we knew this already. yes he fucked up with his response, no shit. But if a friend of mine was getting doxxed by kf of all places, i too would be so dissapointed in my fanbase if they took it as true (especially at first before i did any digging). his reaction was bad, he didnt deserve all the hate he got, these two statements can coexist.
in the end, i hope this fandom learns to give people time before demanding explanations, especailly with all the new info that was constantly coming out, and to take care of which sources they get their info from.
whether u were stressed or apathetic doesnt matter to me, the people getting angry at others for their responses to the situation (beyond the harassment of dream and mana) are the ones who are pissing me off. the people who are like unfollow me if u liveblogged the sapnap lore stream rn >:( are pissing me off. different people react to these things in different ways, and if liveblogging the lore stream or not caring until the final statement was given helped u cope? great for u im glad you kept yourself calm. beyond harassment, any of the reactions to the situation felt natural and normal to me, sometimes people react in different ways and we need to remember this and be considerate when we tell people how we feel about any given situation. the only real unacceptable reaction to all this was the harassment
If mana did do it, i hope he takes this time where he doesnt have to worry about rent to learn and grow and do some self reflection, this can be very hard to do when youre constantly stressed about living situations and everything. i hope he learns and can take te time he needs to become a better person, and have a better life in the future. it is possible for him to become a better person.
its also important that we remember that the victim wanted none of this, she wanted to be done with everything, and we dragged her back into this while creating a massive shitstorm for two other people. in the space of a couple days, one victim of abuse was harassed (dream) and two had information leaked (dream and mana’s victim). we need to be better with how we process stuff like this, with kf constantly going after dream something like this is bound to happen again, and we have to act better next time
overall this has really made me think about who i follow, i unfollowed a lotta dtblr today, the ones getting angry at the way others reacted. if you were stressed or anything please take a bit to urself, remember you can unfollow blogs that annoy you/make you more stressed and take time to do stuff thats not mcyt related (rewatch an old show u love, vc ur friends, go on a walk, etc) if u need someone to talk to my dms are open and ill get back to you as soon as i can
sending love and peaceful vibes <3
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GET TO KNOW ME TAG GAME
Before I start I would just like to say (tw alcohol for now and question 19) sorry for any spelling mistakes or if I ramble a little. To cut a long fuckin story short I mis read the measurements of my shot glasses and so instead of having two cocktails I’ve had the equivalent of four in the space of an hour and a half. Being british, im not gonna let a good drink go to waste either so im onto my third/sixth now.
Tagged by @clints-lucky-arrow (an actual goddess among us mortals)
1. Why did you choose your URL?
So this reason is two-fold. One, I didn’t watch star wars growing up because I was dumb and didn’t understand the politics (it wasn’t until my boyfriend sat me down and explained it literally in January of this year that I actually got it) but I loved Sci-fi and space so the next best thing was Treasure Planet (2003 film, Available on didney+) My favourite scene is the ending when Long John Silver (spoilers) is about leave before he can be arrested and Jim confronts him. Seeing how much his character has grown, Silver says to Jim, “Look at you, glowing like a silver fire. You’re something special, Jim. You’re gonna rattle the stars, you are.” It literally makes me tear up every single time I watch it and its one of my favourite lines of all time. Second, this was actually quoted in one of my favourite book series ‘Throne of glass’ by Sarah J Maas. I adore the character of Celeana and again one of my favourite quotes from TOG is when Queen Elena says to Celeana“ You could rattle the stars. You could do anything, if only you dared.” Every time I read that line I literally get chills and I actually have plans to get this tattooed on me lmao
2. Any side blogs?
Yes my fanfic blog @second-stars-totheright (I like puns and I used to love peter pan)
3. How long have you been on tumblr?
I joined when I was 13 for the fanfiction and lurked for a very long time, just reblogging and liking things until I deleted it when I was 17. Re downloaded the app and got my account back back around February of this year (when I was 19, now 20) and since then I’ve found it much friendlier and actually interacted with people this time around, and actually started posting my work on here!
4. Do you have a queueue tag?
No. This is my general postings blog so I just kind of stick anything funny or worth keeping here, but I probably should make one!
5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?
As I said to read fanfiction (anyone wondering it was 5 seconds of summer fanfiction. Anyone who judges me in the comments its fair game 🥺) but I re-downloaded it this year because I noticed with my work on Wattpad, while I had some do really well (one has gotten 130k+ views) its very difficult to actually interact with readers and get feedback. I’ve only accumulated that high of a number after 5 years of it being on there, and so tumblr is just so much more personal!
6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?
I did it this morning as I was getting tagged in this lmao. I wanted a cartoon girl who looked like me but because I had a specific colouring (ie my hair is black with a blonde streak at the front & my eyes have both blue and green segments because I have heterochromia) I couldn’t find any that looked like me so I recoloured a cartoon girl I found on pinterest.
7. Why did you choose you header?
The white clouds fit the stars theme and it looks pretty with the purple. ✨💜
8. Whats your post with the most notes?
“That girl is a problem | Javier Pena x Agent!Reader part 1” with 105 notes on my fanfic blog.
9. How many mutuals do you have?
I am still a little tumblr idiot when it comes to this so if someone could tell me how to find out I'll edit this
10. How many followers do you have?
72 on here, 107 on my fanfic blog (AND I LOVE ALL OF YOU ACROSS BOTH OF THEM MWAH, MWAH KISSES FOR YOU ALL 💜💜💜)
11. How many people do you follow?
165 (it was 700+ but the other day I unfollowed a bunch of accounts that haven’t been active since I followed them when I was 13. There were LOTS)
12. Have you ever made a shit post?
I mean all you have to do is look at the Nomad memes I make (UNAPOLOGETICALLY I might add 😤) for @clints-lucky-arrow to know I absolutely have. That series has a hold over me im telling you. I black out when I start reading and I awake with a bunch of meme editing apps open and my feelings tugged at from her amazing writing.
13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?
If I’m with my boyfriend which is like two days a week, rarely, but now I’ve finished uni, I’m on here all the god damn time. I feel so comfy and safe interacting with you all, not to mention some of you guys are funny as hell.
14. Did you have a fight with a blog once?
Not really on here, I haven’t received any hate luckily but I prefer not to spoil how comfy I am here with arguing.
15. How do you feel about ‘you need to re-blog this’ posts?
I’m a little confused by this I dunno whether I’ve just never come across any like this or if Stars is being a bimbo on the tl again. However, I only reblog things I’d like to keep for future reference or if something deserves to be shared to everyone else like a fic rec or a piece of art. (As Mack said, I’ve re-blogged so many in the past promising me money or luck and I am still broke as shit so what does that tell you).
16. Do you like tag games?
Yes!! I love reading everyone elses and getting to know my mutals better!
17. Do you like ask games?
Again yesss because it means I get to send love to my mutuals and get to know them better! I tend to not participate though just read their responses because I sometimes feel like I’m bugging people clogging their inboxes even though I know that’s the point idk I’m a hell of an over thinker sometimes 🥳
18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?
It’s been said before but @clints-lucky-arrow (wow you rlly owning this post bby girl) but I just remember lurking on Nomad early February and liking and reblogging her chapters so I could keep them to re-read cause that’s how much I instantly loved it and when she followed me I realised who she was and lowkey had a starstruck moment bcus id been ciaght up in her work for weeks and too nervous to make contact. Also @arduadastra, I saw her work all over the pedro tags for so long and now I’ve gotten to know her she is the sweetest girl!! We usually fan over Javier Pena gifs together, she’s solely responsible for ‘That girl is a problem’ bcus of her gif sending at 1am giving me Javi thots and now it’s my most successful one on my blog. And most recently @pedrosgirlx followed me this morning and her work is genuinely some of the best I've seen on here, as I said this morning it is the Sistine Chapel ceiling of Mando art it is actually jaw dropping!! I cant believe all these creators are rlly giving us this content for free and yet being so talented AND the nicest people I’ve ever met!!
19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?
No, although I hold a lot of them dearly as friends. 15/10 would treat you lovelies to a drink of your choice if we ever met (any of you from the uk who drink I’d get you a pitcher from Whetherspoons)
20. Absolutely no pressure tags:
anyone who wants to join! a lot of people I would have tagged have already posted theirs so go for it if you like the look of it!
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i’ve seen the discussion going back and forth on boundaries and sexual objectification, and i don’t have much to add to the conversation other than to say everyone is allowed to determine their OWN ‘lines’ and just because we don’t vocalize them doesn’t make them any less valid. but here’s the limits i set for my blog if anyone feels it is important for them to know (<3):
personally I consider ‘characters’ fair game for anything goes, with ‘public personas’ a little more iffy. ‘RPF’ isn’t new - it just takes on a new more accessible/visible form nowadays. i remember reading my first fic about a ‘real person’ back in my LOTR fandom days - it was a story in first person perspective about the main character meeting orlando bloom on a plane before he was ‘famous’. like a lot of these types of stories, it wasnt so much about the person as it was about the meet cute. the actor was just a convenient placeholder with a handsome face and some personality quirks thrown in to make the romance/dialogue more specific. i personally dont read much xReader fic nowadays, but mostly only cause i’m an old fart who can’t relate to the ‘you’ format. i miss the good old days when people actually created OC’s and then inserted them into things LOL. but also LOL if you think i’ve gone an entire year of quarantine without some imagined personal fantasies of joe mazzello (or steve aoki in the years before)(ramilicious can attest to this. she can also attest to most of these fantasies ending in friendship rather than anything explicit cause that’s just how i roll these days lol). the line i draw is i would never post these types of fics in a place where the subject could accidentally find them - you have to go looking for this stuff on tumblr, most fics are given explicit ratings and under read-mores. with the blacklist tags it’s pretty easy to filter things out. its even easier to add filters to ao3 searches. i am NOT going to do something like message steve aoki and say ‘yeah i watched that movie Ibiza like five times, here is my 1k fic where you’re the dj and i’m the one night stand’. but obviously people still enjoy imagining scenarios like these otherwise movies like Ibiza wouldn’t exist?
for art, i consider anything already on display up for grabs, we all know a certain person’s ass is all over the place...all you have to do is google ‘need for speed’ and rami’s name. HOWEVER, in the case of actors i personally would not draw anything more explicit than what’s already there. i’m not gonna draw full frontal nudity for rami (unless he gifts us with it in a movie, i suppose) or anyone. this is 100% a personal choice for me.
i was a sophomore or junior in college when i volunteered as a figure drawing monitor where i’d time the nude model’s poses and help them set up the stage and lighting and such. there was this one guy in his mid forties probably, a regular who came every week, and i always thought of him fondly till one day (the day after i ran into my Hot Programming TA during dinner and later sent him an email begging him to go on a date with me because i was desperate for kissing experience)(and Hot Programming TA emailed me back within minutes saying yes) this artist guy who i saw all the time and thought i knew fairly well, decided to draw me instead of the model. which would have been fine except he drew me naked. i was NOT naked at the time, i was wearing a shirt, and a bra, and a full prairie skirt with alternating calico and floral patterns. he drew what he imagined was underneath all that. he came up to me after the figure drawing session and showed me his drawings and told me i had been ‘glowing’ and my response was to laugh it off awkwardly and get the hell out of there as soon as i gave the model their pay check. but inwardly i was thinking a) i was NOT glowing for this creepy man twice my age and b) i did NOT give him consent to sexualize my body under my clothes and then SHOW me that objectification. i never said anything to him or anything else, i continued to be the monitor, and i continued to field off creepy advances from him including multiple job offers, but when i finally realized i could just...stop..and i passed the student volunteer monitor job on to my friend naeem, i also realized that what that older male artist did was NOT ok in my book. and it was probably not something he would do while naeem was monitoring.
nowadays im working in an industry that regularly objectifies female bodies. in the past year alone i have had to deal with requests to make breasts bigger, i have been given character rigs that in addition to the usual elbow, knee, and spine joints also have ‘nipple’ joints but ONLY for the women (to make them jiggle for animation), every time i send out a female pose i get it back with notes that push it further into the sexy type of body language reserved for women (twist the spine more! sway the back more! give it ‘energy!’), i have been told to erase wrinkles and fat and pores but ONLY for the women (men you ADD pores bc realism! and manliness!) and this is all me working for a company that is actually fairly progressive in terms of sexism compared to OTHER studios.
like it or not, sexual objectification is a huge part of specifically women’s lives and how we react to that is our business. for me, turning the tables and putting men on display feels like fair’s fair. i cant stop the men from doing it, so if i want to enjoy sexualizing male bodies, damn it im gonna! like dang it, boy do i want to send steve aoki a thank you note every time he posts a video of himself doing those ice baths during the sunset golden hour bc holy shit gorgeous or working out in his gym wearing VERY little clothes, but i dont because i know what its like when someone imposes their personal fantasies on the subject. or, god, there was that time i had to unfollow nicole’s insta for a while bc i had a very explicit dream about her and realized, shit, i need to take a break and get my emotions under control before i can refollow. and god some of the stuff i see dudes sending her during her live videos on mental illness/meditation is TOTALLY gross and not something they should be confronting her with. and she’s not even ‘famous’ famous. or how some fans send their idols explicit direct messages without consent. THAT feels inappropriate to me.
a part of me feels like i shouldn’t have to defend this. men don’t. they’re even encouraged in mass media to sexualize women. but i also recognize the importance of talking about consent. the importance of recognizing that a celebrity deserves to have their boundaries respected. these are my lines in fandom. other people have different lines they won’t cross, and that’s okay to me. i block or blacklist any blogs or tags i think go over the top.
heck, even in fandom-only spaces i still try to keep my own more sexual fantasies off this blog and only in private messages with my friends and mutuals, and i feel like that might come across as unintentionally prudish or judgmental sometimes. i’m not ‘horny on main’ very often. but like...every time i reblog that particular ‘washing machine’ gif of joe mazzello am i thinking about him naked and thinking about how he’s got very loooooong feet, and ‘gee i wonder if that means /other/ things are Too Big for my tastes’ but also ‘gosh wouldnt that make a pretty picture to draw’???? hell yeah.
i dont know who is gonna actually read this essay but yolo i guess :)
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Honey, Hold On For Me
Shifty Powers/Reader
Prompt “The way I feel when I’m with you...” requested by anon
A/N: i’m sorry this took so long but i finally beat writers block and this present to you all... THIS!
Synopsis: You and Shifty begin to talk about the future—what lies ahead on your journey together and what happens when the story ends.
Tags: @wexhappyxfew @junojelli @dumpofdumblings @bandofmarvels @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant @floydtab @tvserie-s-world @yeahcurrahee @gottapenny @dustyjjumpwings @those-dusty-jump-wings @meteora-fc @rayleighshughes @medievalfangirl @majwinters @not-john-watsons-blog @alienoresimagines @david-weepster @higgles123 @curraheev
It’d been a long day, warm and breezy, honey-slow for a change. He was lucky enough to snag a moment for himself after weeks of fighting along the frontlines, briefly forgetting the sound of death and instead, his day was filled with you, humming a tune as you laid just mere inches away from him.
It was familiar, but he can’t quite put his finger on it—he thinks it’s probably one of those Ella Fitzgerald songs he used to hear on the radio during those hot, summer nights back home at Clinchco. He rests against the trunk of the tree his body leans against, you’ve laid your head on his lap, eyes closed as his fingers became weaved within the strands of your hair—he thinks you look beautiful. The sun shines on your face so perfectly, it highlights your features so marvelously, the identity of the mystery tune no longer plagues his head but rather, replaced by another.
“I had a dream the other night.”
“Hm?” You glance up, unbothered.
Shifty fights the urge to shy away from the question. Instead, he rests his head against the tree his body leans against and brushes a stray hair from your face. “I had a dream...about us. We were married.”
You open your eyes, and the corners of your lips curved upwards. “We were?”
“Yeah,” he breathes. “We lived in a beautiful house back at Clinchco—two stories, nice, big ol’ living room, and a cute little pupper waiting for us in the front yard. Don’t think we named ‘im, but we were married, darlin’. Wedding bands and everythin’.” The rings were gold, he remembers. He’d run his thumb over the metal when he takes your hand into his over the kitchen counter, early morning I love yous exchanged over hot coffee. Having you be a part of his life in the years to come just felt like the right thing to happen. “I guess...I guess it was everything I could’ve ever wished for.”
“Everything you could’ve ever wished for?” you echo back, asking if you had heard him right and he nods.
“It was all so...perfect. It was the best dream I’ve had in a long time, and I still think about it, how...how wonderful everything was. And it just made sense, y’know, after all this war stuff, for me to go back home and settle down.” He looks down and hopes to see a look of agreement on your face, that maybe, you’d want to tag along with him in the end.
But of course, he doesn’t know what your post-war ambitions include. You’re young, you and Shifty both, at the ripe old age of twenty-one, he wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t feel like setting down just yet. If you wanted to travel the world, earn a university degree, reach for the highest stars in the sky, he’d promise that he’ll be by your side, even if it meant delaying his own plans until the time was right. Shifty doesn’t care where his future endeavors take him, he just knows that he’s meant to live them out with you.
“I think at this point, we both deserve that,” you say, rolling on your side and smiling at him. You’re glad you both grasped a moment for yourselves because if this was the last time you’d see each other, this is the way you would spend it—in his arms, at ease. “I’m hopin’ I get to live long enough to live that, you know? I don’t even know if I’ll be lucky enough to see your face tomorrow, I’m stuck here savoring this moment between us here, so that I’ll have something to hold on to if either of us don’t make it.”
He opens his mouth to speak, but the words come stuck at his throat. When you put it like that, Shifty becomes more aware of the circumstances that surround the universe at this very moment, and he’s almost found himself with a change of heart, a revelation. He pulls his hand away from your hair and traces the shape of your eyebrow with his thumb. He wished he would have appreciated this moment as much as you did. “I...I never thought of it like that before...suppose our days together are numbered, and we don’t know how long it’s gonna last.”
“Life without you, I don’t even wanna think what that would look like, Darrell. I never wanna think about a world where you’re not in it. Guess I love you a lot, but I just wanna believe that we’d be together until the end of time. Physically, emotionally, spiritually…”
“Maybe the best we could do is to hold onto each other for as long we can,” he says. He’s not so sure else to say. He didn’t expect for this conversation to ever happen, but he thinks it was bound to happen anyways—fighting on in a war next to the person he loves, it was a conversation he should have been ready for, but he never knew how heavy it would be.
It’s a solemn evening.
What began as a simple conversation of dreams and what ifs turned into a serious talk about life and death in a time where the next sunrise isn’t even guaranteed for every soul that long to see it. Shifty starts to think that maybe this conversation was meant to happen. He should have known that there might be a day where he would have to let go of you, go on with life as if you didn’t hold his heart with the gentlest hands—he realizes that he only wants to spend the rest of his own life with you. The first time he kissed you, behind the mess hall under the hot Georgia night, hair matted against your skin, he already knew there was no else he would rather spend life’s adventures with.
“I’ve been meanin’ to ask you,” he speaks again, “if you’d be okay livin’ the rest of forever with me. You don’t have to say yes.”
You furrow your eyebrows. “I don’t have to say yes?”
“Yeah. I don’t wanna force you into making a decision for me—I know Clinchco ain’t exactly a town with a whole lot of opportunities,” he said, fiddling with his fingers in his lap. “No matter what you say, I won’t love you any less. You could be halfway across the country doin’ ya own thing, and I’ll still be writing you love letters like I always do. Hopin’ they’ll nicer by then, but I can’t make a promises that they’ll be in any form extravagant.”
The speech smacks you across the face. You roll off his lap and plant your hand on the Earth to keep you steady. “Darrell...you really don’t have to—“
“But honey, I do mean it,” he interrupts. He bites his bottom lip and watches your expression, your eyebrows as they knit together in shock. “The way I feel when I’m with you...I just wanna feel it everyday, forever. I don’t care where in the world you take us, I just wanna be with you, Clinchco or not.”
“How come I don’t have to say yes?” you ask.
“‘Cause I know Clinchco ain’t the town for everyone, and I don’t know if you’d wanna settle down with some ol’ hillbilly like me. I know I can’t offer a whole lot to you. If you don’t wanna be seen with a fella like me, I understand, and I’ll still love you no matter what. And if you don’t wanna be with me no more, or if we can’t be together after this, just know that I would rather have you for the time we have right now than anyone else for the rest of my life.”
“Darrell…”
He gives you a sad smile. He means it.
You hold up a hand to his cheek and stroke the skin gently. “But I don’t know what I wanna do after all of this is over...we don’t even know when this is gonna end.”
“That’s alright, maybe we can think about it on the way…” He takes your hand and plants his lips on your palm. “I just needa know if you’re willing to spend the rest of eternity with...with me.”
For a fleeting moment, you’re motionless and Shifty’s smile starts to fade away with every passing second. He knows not to make a fuss about it, after all, he only wants what’s best for you, and he’ll be happy regardless of your decision.
“Yeah.” You sit back on your haunches and take his face into your hands. “I do wanna spend it all with you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” You pull him in for a kiss, his own hands resting on the curve of your back. He worries about his lips being chapped, but you’ve kissed him one too many times to even bother with that—it’s perfect every time.
He pulls away after a short moment. “I’m not guilting you, am I?”
“No.” You shake your head. “Never. I’m choosing to live it out with you, and wherever this world takes us—who knows? I’m not expecting anything lavish, dear. All I really want is to be by your side, and for you to be right by mine.”
He’s awestruck. “You really do mean it, do you?”
“I know this is where I’m supposed to be.” You sit yourself next to him with your back against the tree trunk and put your head on his shoulder. “This is where I’m meant to be…”
There’s only a few more hours left until the both of you are able to get some shut eye, the sun finally ends her descent below horizon to welcome the faint outline of the moon. Shifty thinks about his dream again, how it would be to sleep together in an actual bed, legs tangled beneath blankets, wedding bands resting on the nightstand nearby—he wonders if that’s exactly what the future has in store for him. In another world, he wouldn’t have to worry about making it out the war alive, rather, he’d just have to worry about how long you both can sleep in together until you feel the guilt seep in from your sides.
He wraps his arms around you and watches as the shadows on the ground slowly blend into nothing, daylight fading away into the solemn darkness of the night. He feels content with what he has now and kisses the top of your head. You smile and squeeze his thigh, all too focused on enjoying the moment as it is.
For now, he would have to hold on for a little while longer. For the both of you.
#shifty powers#band of brothers#hbo war#easy company#band of brothers fanfiction#band of brothers fanfic#band of brothers imagine#band of brothers imagines#band of brothers fic#shifty powers x reader#this one is the one of the longer ones#but most of my fics now are getting longer so#it really took me 3 weeks to write this
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Choked In Confusion
Tw: Self Harm Mention, Heavy Angst, Self Loathing. Hurt/Comfort
This was the first-ever sander sides fanfic I ever wrote.
Roman was a mess, he had bruises all over his arm from hitting himself and red eyes showing that he'd been crying for a while. The creative side sat on his desk, he knew he had to take off his mask and write his feelings down. Patton had broken his heart he didn't know what the moral side wanted from him anymore. Logan always hid his feelings too. So he decided to pull off his mask in a more creative way. A monologue, he knew that would suit him a least he thought it would.
Roman conjured his feather pen and began writing his emotions. He wrote like he was running out of time. All the emotions came, he knew the others would scold him for feeling that way but he didn't care anymore there was no point in being what people wanted him to be. Anger, Regret, Sadness, Confusion and Insecure. A knock broke him from reality, he knew it was Patton, probably wanting to scold him for laughing at Janus's name. He still kept his mask off as he knew it was time to give Patton and the others the wake-up call they needed. The King was everything they loved but then they split him and tried to create a creativity without flaws.
"Hey Kiddo, it's me, Patton can I come in?"
"Fine but not for long?!"
"Kiddo we-"
"I'm fine I have ways of getting my emotions, I honestly can't your first instinct is to come crawling back to me when you and I ignored every word Logan had to say."
"What doe-"
"He obviously feels unwanted and not listened to. Especially since he made his facts optionally. I mean I stood there and let you skip him. Me I'm probably the one out of all of us who drove him to hide and lie about his feelings."
"That's not we-"
"Right, you totally do, ever since the others started to desire being listened to you shut me and Logan out."
"That's not tru-"
"It is Thomas has the right to listen to all of us and not shun us. Go see Logan, please. Janus can apologize-"
"Roman you shouldn't have made fun of his name."
"I know! I'm an idiot I hate myself and screw up, when I make a mistake it's spat in my face but when you guys act rude nobody calls you out on your behaviour."
"Roman, kiddo aren't you over-"
"Overreacting! Patton, I have the write to express how I really feel and not have it brushed off, same for Logan."
"Alright, I'll go see Logan. I'll leave these cookies for you here but please understand we do love-"
Roman felt bad for rudely slamming the door in Patton's face but he didn't deserve comfort he just wanted to scream till he couldn't speak and then put on his crumbling mask as if everything was ok again. He thought by sending Patton to Logan he'd be doing something right for once. Roman nibbled one of the cookies and got back to writing his monologue.
After a few more minutes of writing down his feelings, Roman cleared his throat. This certainly was going to be a heartbreaking performance, deep down however he just wished someone would watch him and acknowledge his mental health struggles.
Lost I feel lost, from the day I was born I have felt nothing but lost. I feel like a statue that has to be perfect otherwise they're just filthy and an old rusting relic never meant to be touched. I am strangled by vines of expectations. Apparently, I was created to be flawless but im more than just a figment, im- actually I don't think I really know who I am anymore at all.
Anger!
My voice feels like a cold weapon wanting to lash out when everything feels too much and when everything gets other whelming. I fire away but I can't stop myself, I am a flame of passion desperate to not die out. Life feels like thunder I want to strike and harm someone to cope but it's wrong. Justice, I get karma but the others never get it whenever they insult people and act mean.
Regret!
I'm fighting the urge to cut my throat and slice it till I can no longer speak. I feel so vulnerable myself so of course, I'm stupid enough to mock someone else in a vulnerable moment. A name defines who are you and what you stand for. I feel like I should be nameless. I hate myself so illogically I project my feelings out to someone else via name-calling. Me, I try to get better but I only seem to get worse. If I could turn back time I would stay silent and bluntly accept the truth that the world isn't black and white. My only wish is to take all those cruel worse and project them onto myself.
Sadness and Betrayal!
I feel helpless like I should have never ever been creative. Am I really that pathetic that the storybook ended sadly? Am I a hero! No, I'm nobody's hero everyone I've ever cared about have been pushed away by stupid egotistical self. My darling brother isn't evil he's better than me! He deserves my seat at the table. Janus is correct I'm a piece of trash that can be replaced it's not like there's two creativity's after all. Nobody has ever been on my side.
Confusion!
When was the last time I had an idea that was actually helpful? Even Thomas's fans think I'm useless and annoying. Back in the courtroom, I was scolded by Virgil and Patton for siding with the bad guy, the snake. I wanted to understand De-Janus especially since the others pointed out that I never treated Virgil with kindness. But no I'm wrong for giving Janus a chance, have I ever been right? Patton always gets what he wants and giving up that call back felt like I was having my petals picked off. Then he decides to do a one-eighty and tells me I'm wrong for being the selfless Prince. Also, im supposed to trust the snake after being told he manipulated me and used me to get what I wanted. I was wrong to label the others dark. The truth im the bad guy, not the one who's being used as a puppet. Grey, I've never liked the colour but it appears I must get use to it.
Insecure!
I am the fanciful side, the ego, the passion, the good creativity. They we're wrong I'm a mirror cracked. I never ever should have been crowned the Prince. I'm not royalty I'm an earthquake bringing destruction everywhere I go.
Janus was right I should have been crowned the Duke! I'm rude, bratty and pathetic. My fist reels, desperate to punch every single mirror I come across. I am broken! Who am I?
I'm an idiot choking on the confusion I feel.
A loud applause made Roman flinch, his brother was sitting on his bed, full of tears. He never expected his brother to be here especially since Remus had been told he's just like his twin. Warm arms wrap around him pulling him into a tight hug. Roman did not expect this he really thought his brother hated him.
"Oh, Ro-Ro, fate time hasn't treated you kindly. Part of me wishes I didn't knock you out."
"You did right you gave Logan his time to shine."
"Ro, Janus was wrong and even if have to skin all of his scales off to make sure he apologizes to you. I'll do whatever it takes."
"Thanks, bro but that won't help, I honestly feel bad for you, now you're stuck with Orange and we know he isn't a nice side to hang out with."
"I don't care at least I'm not stuck with a bunch of losers who ignore every single time you try to say you need help. Janus is a jerk, heck they're all selfish jerks."
"Remus I know I was wrong for labelling you guys the dark sides and us the light sides. We're all flawed but it's just too hard to accept."
"You know what you need?"
"What?"
"I think you need a job where you're allowed to be yourself and not strangely by people's expectations.
Ever since they've wanted us to be black and white but we're not."
"Wait bro are you proposing that I take your place?!"
"Yes I'm proposing I take your job and you take mine. Join me I'm not gonna let them bruise my self-esteem and confidence as they have done yours. Join me, let's work together and show these sides that we will no longer be controlled by their words. So are you with me or are you gonna sit here and stay silent. All I know is that you shouldn't go speechless."
"Nice Disney reference and I accept Its about time I crumble my mask! Thank you, bro I'm glad someone loves me."
"You've always been my hero."
The twins held hands and a bright flash accrued. It was about time the brothers worked together and stick together. Nobody was ever gonna separate them again.
Tagged: @full-of-roman-angst-trash @romanangstismyfuel @sandersidesfics @sandersidesfanders @romanvirgil @roman-sanders-appreciation-blog @romanocheesy @princemesscharming @lowkey-logan @misconceivedcapricorn @pwinceyroman @royalprinceroman
#sander sides#roman sanders#ts roman#roman angst#roman sanders angst#sander sides au#sander sides fanfiction#fanfiction#ts remus#remus angst#remus sanders#creativitwins
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Soft in Love Part 5
A Gwilym Lee x Student!Reader Fic
Summary: Y/N is an acting student in her last semester of college. When a professor unexpectedly can’t make it for the senior capstone class, a very famous (and handsome) substitute is called in. When they connect, they face a few challenges.
Word Count: 2.8k
Tag List: @psychosupernatural, @someone-get-a-medic, @bensrhapsody, @deakyclicks, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession, @minigranger, @crazyweirdocalledfriday, @benders-diamond-earring, @im-an-adult-ish, @anincurablefangirl, @kiainspace, @lookuptotheskiesandsee, @god-save-the-deaks, @assembledherethevolunteers, @misslolasworld, @not-john-watsons-blog, @spacedustmazzello, @theindiealto, @riddikuluslypotter, @depressedbitchxox, @tenement-funstah, @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls, @sarablog10
If you’d like to be added, let me know!
A/N: OMG we’re halfway through the story! So glad y’all are enjoying this one :)
Warning(s): Fluff and angst. Lost of pining, once again. Are y’all regretting the slow burn vote yet? I SURE AM. lmao
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
Part 5 here we go!!!
Over the coming weeks, the show was really coming along. As Fall Break approached, Gwilym felt confident in the progress the class had made and he told Dr. Bennett so when he spoke to her over Skype. She was thrilled.
“I’m so glad you were able to do this,” she said. “How’s Y/N doing? I haven’t heard from her in a while.”
“She’s…” Gwilym trailed off.
He remembered the past weeks of being in class with you. How you always showed up early and that precious ten minute period of just the two of you. Talking together, laughing together, and sharing brief, fleeting touches. It meant more to him than he could really put to words.
“She’s perfect,” he said.
Dr. Bennett raised an eyebrow at him.
“Perfect?”
“Yeah,” he said, clearing his throat. “At her role.”
She still looked skeptical. She opened her mouth as if to push the issue further, but closed it again. It was probably better she didn’t know the answers to her questions.
“And Andrew and Sloan?” she went with instead.
“Also wonderful,” he told her. “Edith is hitting on me again, which is rather obnoxious, but I’m dealing with it.”
“How?” she asked.
“By ignoring her as much as possible,” he said.
She chuckled. “Good luck with all that.”
“How are you and the baby?”
“I’m hormonal as shit, and more tired than I can ever remember, but otherwise fantastic,” she said.
As if summoned by the mere mention of him, the baby wailed from somewhere off to the side. She sighed.
“Gotta go,” she said. “Time to feed him.”
“Good luck,” he returned.
They said goodbye and hung up. Then Gwilym’s own stomach growled. He closed his laptop and headed for the dining hall, not wanting to be cooped up in Dr. Bennett’s office any more. Sure, there were some things that needed grading, but they could wait.
He walked, mulling over once again what Dr. Bennett had said in that first phone call. Be careful there. He had a feeling he knew what she meant. He was full on crushing on you, which was not something he had felt since he was your age.
But that was just the thing. You were so much younger. And he was still your professor. Any relationship would have to wait. Even then, how accepted would you be? The age gap was still frowned upon, even after you no longer had the teacher/student dynamic. Not to mention that after the semester was over, Gwilym was going home to London, and you were hoping to be in Los Angeles.
As he made his way to the dining hall, he ran into Dr. Edy, one of the journalism professors at the school. She was very kind to Gwilym when he had gotten lost finding his office for the semester, and since then they had remained sort of friends. He greeted her warmly.
“Hi, Caroline,” he said. “How are you?”
“Great, Gwilym, how are you?” she returned with a smile.
Across the courtyard, you stood with Sloan and Andrew. You hadn’t noticed Gwilym right away, but when you did, your heart sunk. He was with Dr. Edy, and looked very happy to be there. She was touching his arm and beaming at him. She wasn’t quite as aggressive as Edith, but the intention was the same. She was attracted to Gwilym.
And how could she not be? He was so talented and kind and funny and handsome. It was all the same things you thought of him. You just couldn’t act on it because of some rules you now fully considered dumb and arbitrary. That was probably your frustration talking, but you were done ignoring it.
In the weeks since the party, you and Gwilym had become even closer. Those ten minutes before each class period were more sacred to you than any religious service you could remember. You never missed a class or your unspoken appointments.
Those minutes contained everything. Getting to know each other, joking around, little bits of private rehearsal. Each one brought you a step closer to Gwilym. Your feelings for him - which you had acknowledged only to yourself - were beyond friendship. Though you were content to keep it there for now and keep you both out of trouble. You couldn’t help but hope that maybe, after the semester was done, something more could come of it.
Now, as you watched him with another woman - one his age, who was available, and would not cost him his job - you were hit with such a pang of jealousy it nearly knocked you over. Your chest felt constricted as your eyes followed them into the dining hall. He had not even glanced your way. They disappeared through the door and your heart ached at what would happen after. They’d share a meal together. Like a date.
“Hello?” Sloan said, bringing you back to her. “Y/N, you in there?”
“What? Yeah. Sorry. What did you say?” you replied.
“My coworkers are throwing a party before Fall Break,” Andrew said. “You interested?”
“Oh,” you said. “No, not really.”
“It won’t be like last time,” he went on. “These people have morals.”
You laughed lightly.
“I know, but I’m just not that into parties,” you said. “I’d rather stay in. I’m reading this book Gwilym loaned me and I’d rather have that, with a glass of wine, in my own room.”
“God, you’re lame,” Sloan groaned.
Andrew frowned, as he always did whenever you talked about Gwilym. Or mentioned him in passing as you did now.
“Come on, Y/N, please?” he pressed. “It’ll help you get your mind off of -”
He stopped himself. You narrowed your eyes at him.
“Finish that sentence,” you said.
“It doesn’t matter,” he muttered, running a nervous hand through his hair.
“If you have something to say, Andrew, just say it,” you insisted. “I’m getting tired of your passive aggressive comments.”
“Fine,” he snipped. “I was going to say it’ll help get your mind off Gwilym. There. You happy?”
“Not even close,” you returned. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You know what it means, don’t play dumb,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “You’re obsessed with him.”
“Obsessed?!” you cried. “That’s a strong word, I think!”
“Do you?” he shot back. “Because Gwilym’s all you ever talk about anymore. ‘Gwilym loaned me this book,’ ‘Gwilym told me this joke,’ ‘Gwilym’s so great!’”
His tone was high-pitched and mocking, making your stomach turn with anger.
“Fuck you, Andrew,” you said. “You’re just jealous because you’re too much of a coward to tell me how you really feel. So you take it out on me when I get close to anyone else.”
Andrew sucked in a sharp breath and stormed off across the grass. Sloan’s mouth fell open as she looked between you and his slowly disappearing form.
“Well, that escalated quickly,” she said.
“I’m sick of him!” you cried. “He was a dick to Dan last year because we started dating, and now because I’m friends with Gwil, he’s being an ass about him too! If Andrew thinks he’s so perfect for me, why doesn’t he stop fucking around and make a move? And if he’s not willing to do that, I wish he’d just shut the hell up!”
Sloan’s expression was difficult to read. She was clearly torn.
“What?” you snapped. “Am I wrong?”
“No,” she said slowly. “But neither is Andrew. It’s hard to admit how you feel about someone, Y/N. And he’s been in love with you basically since you met.”
You blinked, your anger fading into shock.
“Andrew’s in love with me?” you questioned.
She sighed. “Yes. So could you please show a little more sympathy?”
“I’ll show him some sympathy when he deserves it,” you said, getting heated again. “But mocking me like that...that’s just disrespectful.”
“I’ll give you that,” she said. “But again, he’s not necessarily wrong.”
“You think Gwilym is all I talk about anymore?”
“Maybe not all you talk about, but he comes up more than should be expected, I think,” she said. “Look, I’m gonna go find Andrew. He’s probably upset.”
“So, what, you’re just gonna leave me on my own for lunch?” you questioned.
“Yeah, I’m sorry,” she said. “I just...I know he’s more upset than you right now. I live with him, I see it every day how much he...” she trailed off.
“Fine,” you said hotly. “Choose him. Whatever.”
“I’m not picking a side,” she said gently. “But Andrew isn’t as strong as you and he needs a friend right now.”
You softened. “Sorry, I don’t want to put you in the middle, it’s just…”
She put a hand on your shoulder. “I know. See you later, okay?”
“Later,” you replied.
You watched her fade into the crowd. With an irritated huff, you adjusted your backpack and walked into the dining hall. You weren’t hungry anymore, so you just got a coffee and went to find a table. There, you pulled out the book Gwilym gave you and began reading. It was difficult to focus on the words, since your mind was still reeling from your confrontation with Andrew. And what Sloan said.
You had never considered that Andrew’s feelings were strong enough to be love. A crush, infatuation, even lust maybe. But love? That seemed a bit much.
With a sigh, you closed the book, leaned on the table, and buried your face in your hands. Were you being too hard on him? Maybe you should open the door for him to talk about it and clear the air. Would that mean the end of the friendship, though?
“Y/N, are you alright?”
Your head snapped up as you heard the voice which had become the most beloved to you. Gwilym stood there, a concerned furrow to his brow and an inviting look in his eyes. Behind him, and slightly to the right, stood Dr. Edy.
“I’m okay,” you lied. “I think.”
Gwilym turned to Dr. Edy. “I’ll see you around, Caroline. Thanks for lunch.”
“Anytime,” she returned, slightly confused as her eyes flickered between you and your teacher. “Have a good day.”
Looking disappointed, she walked away. Gwilym took a seat beside you. The smell of him wafted over as he did. You had become familiar with the scent, as it still clung to the hoodie which remained in your possession. You wore it nightly, so it was faint, but still there.
“What’s going on?” he asked gently.
“Just my dumb friends,” you sighed. “Andrew has it pretty bad for me, and things sort of escalated. I feel bad.”
His smile faltered at the mention of Andrew’s feelings.
“Have you done something wrong?” he wondered.
“I don’t think so,” you said. “I think I was harsh, but I was honest. He acted like kind of an asshole, but...I suppose he was being harshly honest too.”
“You’ll work it out,” he said. “You’re good friends. And feelings like that can often make things...complicated. But that doesn’t mean you can’t stay close. If Andrew really cares about you and wants you in his life, your friendship will mean more to him than hurt pride.”
A beat passed.
“That is...unless you feel the same way about him?”
You shook your head. “No. I’ve never felt anything more than friendship for him.”
Gwilym inwardly cursed himself for feeling so relieved.
“Everything will work out,” he said. “I know everyone says that, but most of the time, it’s true.”
You chuckled. “Yeah, I hope so.”
“Now, how are you enjoying the book?” he asked.
“I’m loving it!” you said excitedly.
“I knew you would!” he replied. “I’m so glad!”
“Thanks so much for the recommendation,” you said. “Really captivating stuff. The way this author writes, the words she uses, I just...wow. It’s beautiful.”
“It really is,” he agreed. “The use of nature in her metaphors was a pattern I picked up on and really enjoyed.”
“Me too!” you gasped. “It’s really a wonderful story.”
“I’m thrilled you like it,” he said.
You chatted with Gwilym for another hour or so and then he brought up the break.
“So, will you be going home for Fall Break?” he asked.
“Nah,” you said, shaking your head. “I never go home for breaks if I can help it.”
“Why not?” he wondered.
“My relationship with my parents is complicated at best,” you said, unsure why this was coming so easily. You normally hated to talk about your family. “They don’t exactly approve of my career choice and it never fails to come up.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” he said. “Why don’t they want you to pursue acting? You’re amazing.”
You flushed. “Thank you. But, they just don’t think it’s stable enough. I told you they work in a restaurant, right?”
He nodded. “You did.”
“Well, because of that, money was always tight,” you said. “They’re afraid I won’t make it and end up like them.”
“That’s not really fair to you,” he said.
“It makes sense, though,” you replied. “My mom wanted to be a dancer, and started to go to school for that. She got injured and poof! The dream was gone. My dad wanted to sing, but got rejected again and again. So he gave up. They don’t have any faith that the arts is a place where someone like me can succeed.”
“You’ve already succeeded,” he pointed out. “You got yourself the scholarship. You’re starring in the show. You’re nearly graduated. Do they not see that as success?”
“No,” you said. “Without a dollar sign, they don’t.”
“Do they think you’re really not talented enough?” he wondered.
“They would have no way of knowing,” you told him. “They’ve never seen me perform.”
“Well, I think if they -”
“They can’t afford to come here,” you cut across him. “New York is expensive, and I don’t have space for them in my dorm.”
He opened his mouth and closed it again, stumped.
“I’m sorry,” he said again.
“It’s fine,” you said, and you both knew you were lying. “It is what it is.”
“If there’s anything I can do -”
You cut him off again. “Oh, no, I could never ask that of you.”
“I’m offering,” he insisted.
Your eyes welled up with tears at his willingness to help. He reached out and took your hand for the first time since he had rescued you from the party. And yet, it was as if he’d always done it. Like a habit. It was familiar to you both.
“You’re a smart, talented, wonderful girl,” he said as you met his eyes. Those eyes which had long ago won your heart. “If no one else believed in you, I would. I do.”
You took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in your throat.
“Thank you,” you said, barely audible, and you squeezed his hand. “Thank you so much.”
The next class was the day before break. You arrived early, excited to see Gwilym again after your talk the day before. Your heart lurched each time you thought about it. And you had gone to sleep that night, snuggled in his hoodie, and remembering that he believed in you.
“Hey, Y/N,” said Andrew.
He was standing outside the door, looking guilty and tired.
“Hey,” you said stiffly.
“Can we talk?” he asked.
“Sure,” you agreed. “Wanna go in?”
He nodded. You entered the auditorium and to your dismay, Gwilym wasn’t there. You held back a disappointed sigh and you and Andrew went to the front. You leaned against the stage, folding your arms over your chest, and looked at him expectantly.
“I’m sorry about yesterday,” he said. “I shouldn’t have mocked you like that, it was shitty. And I’m sorry for what I said.”
You nodded.
“I’m sorry too,” you said. “I shouldn’t have called you a coward. That was harsh.”
“It was,” he said with a chuckle. “But, the thing is, you were right, Y/N. I have been a coward.”
A jolt of nerves went through you. Was he about to confess?
“The truth is, I’ve fallen for you,” he said.
Shit, you thought.
“Hard. I think about you all the time. I want you like I’ve never wanted anyone before. I just - I see you, and everything stops. Your eyes, your smile, you voice. All of it makes me feel - like the movies and poets say - like you’re the only thing I am ever going to want.”
Your face froze as you watched him spilling his feelings. A wall went up around you because you couldn’t accept them. But the words he said had you scared stiff. It was the same way you felt about Gwilym.
“Andrew, I -”
He cut you off by pulling you close and crashing his lips onto yours. You let out a surprised yelp and then struggled against him, keeping your lips firmly closed. With a surge of strength you shoved him away, breathless and furious. You opened your mouth to begin telling him off, but a sound stopped you. The sound of the auditorium door closing. You turned your head and saw that Gwilym had just walked in.
#gwilym lee#gwilym lee x reader#gwilym lee imagine#gwilym lee x you#BoRhap#BoRhap cast#borhap boys#borhap imagine#borhap cast imagine#borhap cast x reader#borhap boys imagine#borhap boys x reader#bohemian rhapsody#bohemian rhapsody imagine#Queen#Brian May#brian may x reader#brian may imagine#brian may x you#soft in love series
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COOKIE RUN IS A KIDS VIDEO GAME. CHILL THE FUCK OUT OVER GENDERS.
Good fucking shit leave me the fuck alone over genders. I have got DEATH THREATS OVER THIS. It is a GAME!!!!!! Stop fucking attacking me.
If you hate the pronouns i use on these made up characters then BLOCK ME. Holy fuck. Now i get why people see this fandom as a toxic wreck. And it gets on my nerves to say that.
I wont tag this but holy fuck. Leave me the fuck alone. Im already in a bad place.
No more. Im gonna start going block crazy if this shit keeps up. Let people have their headcanons if they're not hurting anyone.
Calling out people for aging up characters to draw porn of them deserves called out. Going after people for not using pronouns you want on a game character is fucking harassment.
Ya boi is having a panic attack as it is. I don't need this shit YET AGAIN. And yes ive got bloody death threats in pms on here over cookie run genders. Not even homestuck was this wild. And i remember those days. Shipping was wild but we were pretty damn civil over it.
I don't give two shits over your headcanon if you're gonna shove it in my face. You just make the fandom haters prove their point. Because this is the issue every one of them brings up.
This is why we can't have nice things. I run 5 side blogs. 1 being made for a buddy of mine who loves whipped. But i make it a point to put my headcanons out there.
Im a trans man who needs he/him. These are fictional characters. Grow the fuck up.
- Lilac
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For Drabble Day maybe something like Hopper likes reader but she’s had a boyfriend for a while but he find out they’ve actually broken up and makes a move? I’m always a sucker for pining /jealousy
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Thank you so much, you absolute doll!! 💕💕💕
�� -
Hopper watches as you tip your head back, a loud, joyous laugh leaving you.
Exhaling a breath, he takes a long sip of his drink.
He hasn’t seen you laugh like that for a while. You’d probably just come from having sex with your boyfriend, what was his name, whatever, he didn’t give a shit.
He always made you smile, though. Your eyes always lit up when you saw him. And when you’d kiss him... your arms would wrap around his neck and you’d lean into him...
Hopper’s jaw moves as he lowers his drink, his eyes leaving you.
After a drink or two, he could admit to himself that he wanted that with you. He wants to wake up to you every morning, to be the first thing that he sees, and the last thing that he sees at night.
He wants to feel your body against his, clothed and naked, feel the way you move, the way you dance, the way you breathe. He wants to make you smile, make you laugh, make you look at him like he’s everything, like he’s the world.
‘cause, God, that’s how he looks at you.
Two years. Two God damn years he’d watched, waited, had to get used to it. One would think he’d have gotten over it in that time, but... Shit, how could he?
He’d seen you both having an argument once, such rage and indignation on your features as you’d yelled at him on the main street of town. He’d almost intercepted as what’s-his-name had stepped closer to you, his tone matching yours, when you’d shaken your head and walked away. He’d watch your supposed beloved boyfriend throw up his hands and mouth something, then follow after you, his tone significantly different, softer, gentler. He’d been forced to stop watching when you’d both turned a corner.
Taking another sip of his drink, he turned to Flo sat beside him, that God damn irritating, know-it-all look in her eye.
“Stop it, Flo, or I’ll have you barred from here.”
“You can’t do that.”
“Yes, I can, I can do anythin’ I want, I’m the Chief of police.”
“Mm-hm, you can’t bar me from this place, though, I’ve been goin’ here since before you were born.”
“Just shut up and let me drink.”
She smirked faintly. “Someone’s in a bad mood.”
“Drop it, Flo, I mean it,” he muttered, shifting in his seat.
“I guess you haven’t heard the news, then.”
Hopper released a long, weary sigh. “What news, Flo?”
“That young lady there broke up with her deadbeat boyfriend.”
Hopper froze, his gaze darting to her. “What did you just say?”
Flo was now widely smirking, looking very satisfied. “Yep. Last night. Marcy heard it from Jackie who heard it from Lou-Anne who works in the store with her. She kicked him out last night, threw all his things out onto the lawn and told him to never come back.”
Hopper’s mouth moves, his brow dipping. “Wait a second... why?”
Flo shrugs. “Guess she’d finally had enough. ‘bout damn time, too, Eric was an asshole.”
Eric that was it.
“But... she’s smilin’, and havin’ a good time.”
Flo shrugs again. “Guess she’s happy it’s over.”
Hopper looks to you, then to Flo, then back again.
Then, he pushes his chair back and gets to his feet.
You laugh harder as Sadie does, both of you practically cackling as you grip onto the bar counter to keep yourselves in your stools.
“Oh, shit...” Sadie exhales after a few moments, wiping her cheeks. “Oh my God, that never gets old...” She trails off as she looks over your shoulder. Her eyebrows raising, a wide smile stretches across her lips.
“What...?” Your brow dipping even as you smile, you twist in your stool, looking over your shoulder.
Your lips part.
“Either we’re about to be arrested or...” Sadie trails off again as Hopper approaches, clearing his throat.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” you and Sadie say in unison.
“You both havin’ a good night?”
“Yeah,” you both say in unison again.
His gaze darts between you both, finally lingering on you.
“I’m just gonna... go to the bathroom...” you hear Sadie say as she slips away, amusement evident in her tone.
Smiling at Hopper, you arch an eyebrow. “Can I help you, Chief?”
He clears his throat again, shifting his stance. “I, uh... I heard about you and Eric.”
Your smile falters, though only slightly. “Oh, yeah. I think the whole town has by now. It wasn’t exactly a quiet separation.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not,” you answer truthfully, shrugging a shoulder. “I should have done it a long time ago.”
Hopper nods a little, resting his hand on the back of the stool Sadie had sat on. “I, uhm...”
God, get yourself together, Hopper.
“I was wonderin’ if I could buy you a drink.”
Your eyebrows rise in surprise. “You want to buy me a drink?”
“Yeah.” A corner of Hopper’s mouth lifts. “I’d very much like to buy you a drink.”
A feeling, a little flutter, that you haven’t felt in a long time rises in your stomach. Your smile widening, you graze your teeth over your lower lip as you nod.
“All right, Hopper. You can buy me a drink.”
“All right, then.” Hopper’s gaze lingers on yours as he takes a seat in Sadie’s stool, his hand running down his beard to hide his smile.
“What can I get you, then, sweetheart?”
-
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Tagged: @persephone-divine, @billyrussosbutt, @davidkharboursex, @jobean12-blog, @warmbeardsandredwine, @mademoiselle-black, @scrunchinn, @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash, @divadinag, @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan, @deepsouth, @neganslittlebae, @ashphoenix105, @alahmorah, @daughterofthebrowncoats, @letsby, @tbkc, @kiwiphroot, @ashmely, @sistasarah-sallysaidso, @unicornsandgliiitter, @lucifer-in-leather, @i-was-pretamanger, @heyjudeinthesky, @sleepylunarwolf, @ambeazyyy, @countryfire22, @sithlordslut, @mondsafari, @thejealousorchard, @norcula, @earinafae, @beltzboys2015-blog, @jinxiejenna, @justsimplevicky, @hellosupernaturaldoctor, @ginasellsbooks, @dwarvenbunnyears, @vale0413, @mrslydiaholden, @kimberliinabox, @thoughtsmeander2tumblingblindly, @allylupin, @cant-shake-this-feeling-off, @the-bitch-gotham-deserves, @warriorqueen1991, @thesurestthing, @zuni21798, @quietlovelovely, @maddieisaboredable, @windinyoursnail, @happy-hopper, @yedi16, @negansdirtygirl22, @slipperywhenwetsstuff, @crushed-pink-petals, @madkskillz, @im-not-great-at-making-up-names, @sergeantangel, @bitchinsinclair
#stranger things#jim hopper#chief jim hopper#ask#im-not-great-at-making-up-names#jim hopper x reader#chief jim hopper x reader#david harbour#flamehairedwritings#my writing
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hey y’all so this is the fic I wrote for Saph’s contest!
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no such thing
words: 1500
warnings: angst, implied death, swearing
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Jack felt like he was doing well. Social outings were becoming more frequent, him even hosting more than a few of them. He was painting again, after such a lack of inspiration. He’d jumped into work more than before, busying himself with his job.
Distracting himself, Davey would correct him.
Distracting, okay, fine. But it was working. Things were better than they’d been before.
Jack had just come home from Race’s that night, tired from the night’s excitement but with a clear vision in his head he just had to get down on a canvas.
He was about to put his brush to it when he was interrupted.
“What are we painting this time, Jacky?”
The brush froze after it nearly dropped from his hand, Jack letting out a humorless laugh. “Jesus Christ, Dave. Don’t scare me like that.”
“Sorry,” Davey whispered his apology with a smile. “Habit.”
Jack only nodded, resisting the urge to turn around. His brush travelled in short lines up and across the bottom, a dulled aqua color as he tried to conjure what was in his head.
“You know,” Davey continued to speak, “we haven’t had a date night in a while.”
Jack hummed in agreement, eyes narrowed at the canvas now. The previous vision he had was fading, suddenly.
“We should plan one out, I think. I know we’re both busy, but we deserve a break. You deserve a break, honey.”
“Dave,” Jack did allow himself to turn towards his husband, who was perched on their armchair.
A mistake, really. Davey glowed tonight, his pale skin illuminated by the moon waiting over the railing of their fire escape. The slight breeze from the open terrace ruffled his chestnut hair, displacing it just right.
Jack snapped his gaze back to his canvas. “You’re distractin’ me, sweetheart, c’mon.”
“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” Davey sighed. “You’ve just been so tense lately. I thought that was my job.”
Jack chuckled, wincing internally. He had shoved himself under a lot lately; typical of Dave to see it before Jack said anything.
“It was. I wish it still was,” Jack joked, earning a small, tinkly laugh from Davey.
“It’s...hard.”
Davey nodded his agreement, but still looked ready to add something.
Jack relented in his concentration again, sliding his deadpanned gaze to Davey’s. “Say it, come on,” he sighed with a tired smile.
“It’s just that- well,” Davey immediately let the words fall out. “You should allow yourself a break if the tensity is weighing on you, right?”
“Right…” Jack raised an eyebrow, signaling for Davey to continue.
The brunette stood, coming up behind Jack and placing his hands on his shoulders. Jack couldn’t help leaning back into it, a little.
“Let me share the weight,” Davey murmured. “Please, baby. You're hurting.”
Davey’s arms came around Jack’s torso, his head placed in his shoulder, and Jack’s vision of the canvas vanished from his mind. He turned in Davey’s embrace, wrapping his arms around his neck and inhaling deeply as he tucked his head under Davey’s chin. Dave’s arms squeezed around Jack’s back, warm and waiting and everything he wanted. Jack let his eyes close, pictures of memories passing through his mind, sweet and smooth like honey. He didn’t want to be anywhere else but with Davey. Couldn’t imagine it.
Jack’s eyes opened.
Yes, he could imagine it. He didn’t even have to.
“Okay, Dave. Lemme go,” he asked.
“Nope,” Davey hummed. The embrace grew closer.
Was Davey even warm?
“Dave. Let go, come on.”
“I regret nothing,” Davey sang.
No, Jack didn’t think he was. He was cold, actually.
“Davey, I love you, but please. Don’t touch me,” Jack whispered.
Davey let out a long sigh, but did release Jack. “Don’t worry, that was just plan A anyway.”
Jack stepped further away from him at that. “Dave, what does—”
“I know you can’t really let me go, Jacky, that’s why I’m still here,” Davey said, in that knowing tone he used when Jack was wrong. His arms were crossed now, too, like a father about to lecture his son.
“No,” Jack said anyway, shaking his head. “You ain’t here, I let you go, I watched them—”
“—lower me into the ground, yes,” Davey sighed. “You know that doesn’t mean I’m gone to you, right?”
Jack averted his gaze. Of course he knew. He’d been seeing Davey for weeks, each time making his heart strings heavier and heavier. He physically ached for David some days, the days Dave didn’t appear. Jack was told those were actually his healthiest days, despite them feeling the worst.
Jack decided against replying, hunching himself on the couch as he sat down. “But why is my vision gone?” he murmured instead, partially to himself.
“Your what?”
“My...ah, my- what I was gonna paint,” Jack said, staring in disbelief at the small amount of blue on the canvas. It had been so clear in his head just minutes ago. “I can’t think of it anymore.”
A thought struck him as his head snapped back up to Davey. “You did that,” Jack said slowly, not wanting to admit it. “You yanked it right outta me, didn’t you. I needed that, I coulda made commission on that. Fucking- goddammit.”
Davey sighed, shrugging as he gave up on playing dumb. “Technically...you did that, Jack.” When Jack still glared, Davey continued. “What’s the only thing you can think about, right now?”
Jack leaned back on the couch, eyes narrowed not only at Davey but also in thought. He definitely couldn’t think of his previous artistic vision, thanks to Dave. Jack remembered when Davey used to give him little inklings all the time, in menial things he said, even in the lilt of his voice sometimes. Occasionally Davey would actually try and give Jack an idea, but when he did, they'd always be slightly off, not belonging on a page. There was one time when Davey was furious at Albert for something and Davey practically demanded Jack to paint—on the largest canvas he could find, too—the most realistic rendering of flipping the bird, and send it straight to Al’s door. Of course Jack did, gleefully did, and then—
Oh.
“You,” Jack said quietly. “Just you.” He sat forward and resumed his hunched position, placing his head in his hands as memories of Davey continued to station themselves in his head.
Jack felt the couch sink next to him, then Davey’s hand rubbing up and down his back.
“I’m not asking you to not think of me,” Davey said, matching Jack’s previous volume. “I just need you to let me go, every once and awhile, okay?”
“I can’t, Davey, I-I—” Fuck. Jack felt his throat close slightly and cursed himself for it. “I need you. I need you to do this with me, I can’t live like this anymore.”
“Honey...” Davey soothed, brows creased in concern. “Jack, you have been. You’ve been doing so well, I swear it. You just gotta go the extra step now, okay? Just one more for me.”
“But I won’t see you,” Jack whispered inwardly, fearfully almost. Davey felt like the last thin strand of sanity he was clinging to, if he snipped that… “I don’t know what to do without you, Dave.”
“You’ll never be without me, hun, really,” Davey added as Jack looked up. He let Davey swipe his thumb under his eye. “You can let go and still hold on.”
“How?” Jack asked hollowly. His eyes were wide, desperate. He hated how afraid he was, still, of losing Davey, even though he already had.
“Well,” Davey said, sitting up more in that way he used to when he was about to make a point, “when you think of me, let it make you happy instead of...despairing, shall we say. Let it remind you that you are capable of being happy again. Let my memory...let me make you happy again. Allow it, it’s alright.”
Jack stayed quiet for a long while, staring at Davey’s hands now laid over his own. He still couldn’t picture anyone else’s hands looking like that on his.
“You sound like you’re presenting a damn PowerPoint presentation,” Jack mumbled, the barest trace of a smile on his face.
“It’s what I do best,” Davey laughed, and Jack could see the tears in his eyes, too. “...Are you ready, honey?”
Jack let out a breath he’d been holding since the funeral.
“Yeah- oh, wait,” he smirked, cradling Davey’s face in his hands and softly pressing their lips together, one last time and impossibly close as usual, before pulling away slightly.
“Now I’m ready,” Jack managed to smile, leaning his cheek into Davey’s hand when he brought it up to cup Jack’s face.
“I’ll see you around, Jacky,” Davey whispered with a nod. “I love you. You can do this.”
Jack nodded back. “Love you too.”
The feel of Davey’s hand disappeared. Jack blinked, and Davey was gone.
A few minutes later, Jack let himself get up from the couch and back to his canvas. He paused, staring at the lonely blue again more intently.
....Wasn’t that the color of Davey’s button down he had just been wearing?
He gazed at it longer, before finally deciding to pick up his brush again. A pale yellowed pink, a chestnut brown, and a maple syrup color made their ways onto the canvas eventually. A portrait of Davey gazed back at Jack after a few hours of work, his knowing smile reaching Jack through the paint.
And Jack smiled back. After all, it made him happy.
————
so I wouldn’t say I’m back, but I’m happy I wrote this :)
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