shit that just happens when youre an evil little man
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hey! the following has themes of derealization and dissociation!! read safely!!
isaloops! hi!
You and Loop have been sitting in silence for a while now. You were trying to come up with something to ask them, but you guess you got a bit distracted. Augh! You need a clear head! You breathe deep, in and out. Things feel a bit less hazy, but the pit in your chest still lingers.
"Hm. It's my turn to ask a question now, actually!" Loop asserts, straightening up.
You jump. "Oh!"
"Okay." They start, "So. Maybe it's a bit presumptuous of me to comment on, but!~ I've noticed you've been touching your friends less. Why?"
… Oh.
You like touch. You like to physically hold onto people. That kind of closeness is important to you. Wrapping someone into a tight hug, squeezing their hand, holding their face gently, it all means the world to you. So you touch your friends all the time!
Except.
Except you don't anymore, do you? You used to. Any chance you got! But now? Now you find yourself flinching away. Why?
Because — because none of it feels real anymore. It's all stuff that's happened before! Every time you touch it's something you've already done! And everyone says the same things and does the same things they always do! Like nothing matters!
You feel like you're fake. like a mannequin, stiff and cold and stagnant.
Everything feels fake. When you've done it all before, all the words lose meaning! All the touch loses meaning! You just want to feel real again! You just…
"Fighter."
Ah.
Your gaze snaps up to Loop. They look back at you, eyes wide and pupils small. Their hands hover around their chest, balled into fists.
"Fighter — I… Sunlight. You're here." They stare at you. It takes a minute to realize they want you to breathe. you try your best.
Slowly, carefully… they reach a hand out. They place it atop one of yours and very gently squeeze. There's pressure and warmth. It creeps up your arm and into your chest.
...
They called you Sunlight.
You twist your hand under theirs so your palms face. After a bit of hesitation, you squeeze back. They stiffen, but don't pull away.
"Thank you, Loop." You tell them quietly.
You still don't think they believe you.
They open their mouth to respond, but you beat them to the punch. "You're here, too."
Loop freezes. Something you can't quite discern flashes in their eyes before they steady themself. Like an actor on a stage. You think they'd hate that metaphor.
"Hah…" it's less of a laugh and more of a breath. "I… I suppose I am."
You're still holding hands. You hope they let you stay like this for a while. Maybe… maybe they need it, too.
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senshi's "let's make one! I'll make you one" is making me so emotional. it's like that story about a girl whose dad drove all night to bring her plums after a suicide attempt. like. something about how he has been so inclusive of the team in cooking up until know but he says "I'll make you one" like it goes back to his quote earlier of like "I've failed- I have to feed the young ones" like. he has assigned himself as marcille's dad and then earlier seeing a doppelganger of her dead dad tell them all about her childhood as they made her a nostalgic meal like. im.......
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