#you can't help me. it won't work

[squirmydonnie]

Vent:

Why didn't I make a sticky note?.

Everyone made a sticky note except me. Answering the questions. I should have wrote something. Now I'll get nothing again.

I'll get nothing. I was too scared. I didn't get any answers because I didn't ask.

I was sleepy so I didn't do anything. I didn't do it. I didn't write anything.

It could have been anonymous. I could have gotten an answer. Even if it was bad.

Now I'll get nothing

#cheeseburgerboy #i never get what i want #im too scared #i want to bite my chest and sink my teeth into my heart #i made a big deal out of it and asked a question #i think they'll know its me if i add it now #stop.asking if im okay #i s #i dislike it #you can't help me. it won't work

[goldensunset]

i really do think terra would be the final boss for therapists. yeah i know everyone in kh has low self esteem and scrambled memories and repressed ptsd and guilt etc etc don't get me wrong they all need serious help. but there's that and then there's getting your very being split into three parts remaining separate for over a decade. mere fragments of his being trying to hold onto themselves. he was torn apart mind body and soul. and this is BEFORE you factor in the problems he already had and the strong anger and grief etc etc. he walks into the therapist's office and they're completely baffled within the first five minutes of listening to him talk because literally what is he even saying? how do you even begin to dissect that

#it is genuinely incredible to me that he exists to this day as himself #xion is the other one where it's like wow i can't believe anyone found a way to bring you back #but such is the power of the heart! #terra it's like ok so yeah we gathered up all the pieces they were all right there close-ish to each other #but like i can't believe you could really just slap them back together and have it work out cleanly #there's no way he doesn't have severe and lasting mental damage from all that #:( #get that man some help. nomura please expand upon the lasting trauma everyone has #(i know he won't but like) #(it would be the perfect time for the other characters who aren't currently doing anything in the story) #kingdom hearts #terra #kh terra #kh #mine: kh

[blueskittlesart]

do u have any navi thoughts from your oot replay

i've been waiting to answer this until I actually beat the game in my current playthrough because navi is another one of those characters that i think of in like a "set" with several other characters who serve relatively the same thematic purpose; in this case that purpose being the "mother" character, and i wanted to have all the characters in that set fresh in my mind. it's notable that while oot shows us very clear and consistent instances of the ways in which the adults of hyrule fail to protect their children, there ARE several adults who DO go out of their way to both oppose ganondorf and protect and nurture the children under their care. All of these characters are adult women, and all of them explicitly help the children out of some sort of parental responsibility or sense of duty towards them. in this group I include link's late mother, impa, nabooru, and navi.

all 4 mother characters, despite being adults or adult-coded, reject the inaction mentality which characterizes other adults in the game. they become either direct supports or shields to their children from the conflict the world has to offer them, and they are always explicitly punished for their interference--link's mother is killed trying to protect her son, impa's village is burned, nabooru is brainwashed. The mother's fatal flaw is that she will protect her child above all else, even in a world in which children cannot truly be protected. however, with the exception of link's mother, these characters manage to persist even in the face of her punishment, and this is where I think navi becomes the exemplary character.

Navi, after a lifetime of being link's only support system, the only adult in his life he could truly, consistently count on, receives her punishment at the hands of ganondorf--in the final battle, she is pushed out. she is unable to reach her child. she cannot protect him. However, BECAUSE link has grown up with her at his side, he is strong enough to take ganondorf down. and when ganon rises again, navi is there to support link, promising not to leave his side, and the intuitive targeting of that battle (a mechanic which navi is inherently tied to!!) makes it a cinch to win. Navi, and the other mothers we meet, are a reminder to the player that the world doesn't HAVE to be the way it is. Their persistence when punished, their insistence that their children ought to be protected, is a reminder that good adults do exist, and that good adults raise good children. link and zelda are able to win in spite of the adults who refused to help them, but also BECAUSE of the adults who DID. It's a reinforcement of the core theme of oot--that childlike idea that the world SHOULD be good and fair and if it isn't, it should be changed until it is. The mothers of oot are examples of what the world COULD be, reminders that it is possible to grow up without losing hope or growing bitter, and they are examples of the next step for the children they've raised to change the word--to continue fighting even in the face of punishment, to refuse inaction, and to foster that same hope and persistence in the generations to come.

#one thing i've really been noticing this time around is the specific way in which navi's targeting works #because even though other 3d games have that targeting mechanic navi's targeting is noticeably different #in two ways. the first being that she specifically targets weak spots in enemies almost as if she is pointing them out to link #and the second being that she is capable of targeting things link himself doesn't see #whether it be invisible enemies or triggers that are out of his reach or scarecrow points or whatever #it's really reminiscent to me of the way you teach problem solving skills to a kid. you see them struggling with something and beginning to #get frustrated and you say 'hey let's look around. do you see any solutions?' and if they can't see the solution themself you might point #and say 'hey what's that?' just to get their attention on it and help facilitate that train of thought for them #because like in most other games targeting is sort of assumed to be link's own intuition in battle #and therefore it will usually allow you to focus on one enemy within a swarm of them but it won't explicitly light up the weak spot for you #navi does that for link because she's essentially the mother teaching her kid how to problem-solve. #and when she's taken away in the final battle link is able to fight anyway BECAUSE she put so much time and effort into raising him #that he no longer needs her to facilitate that problem-solving process. he already knows how to beat ganondorf #because he's done it with her before. and that's exactly the mother's role in her child's life #protect him and raise him as best you can so that when you can no longer be by his side he isn't afraid. #foster that sense of justice and encourage him to keep fighting to change the world even when it seems unchangeable. #god. ocarina of fucking time #zelda analysis #asks

[clown-owo]

imagine if it turns out the friendship scheme was all for nothing

#I don't hate Damian or anything I just think Anya is entirely justified in not wanting anything to do with him. he's kind of a dick to her #i get it he's a sad little boy with daddy issues. i hope that gets resolved. he's a kid he has a whole life ahead of him he can get nicer. #that's not anya's job though #she'd wanna help though i think shes that kind of person. #but the idea of her finding out the friendship scheme won't work (like even he can't really get an audience with his father anyway) #and her just. leaving. goodbye. guess this was a waste of my time #“i thought you had a crush on me????” “i punched you on the first day i don't know what you expected” #og post #my art #Anya Forger #Damian Desmond #Becky Blackbell #Spy x Family #Loid Forger #Agent Twilight #sxf

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

if dorian didn't show up, do you think louis would have shot minnie?

I do. I know some people think either he wouldn't have or he would've missed so that's why the writers had him shoot Dorian instead, but mmmmmm no, I don't personally think so. I like to think that if he had taken the shot, his shaky hands would've caused him to shoot her fatally.

Mostly because I'm already so normal about the fact that of the Ericson crew, Marlon and Louis are the only ones with a body count. Well, that we know of, but shown to us in the game, at least. Plus, we know it's Louis' first kill.

Like yeah, Clementine and AJ become part of the crew and they have bigger body counts, and if we're counting indirect kills caused by actions, then Tenn has a count... and I guess everyone has blood on their hands for blowing up the boat... but I'm talking about killed directly with a weapon like....... I lied, I'm not normal about that at all, Louis and Marlon are the ones who have killed someone in Louis' route. I'm also not normal about the fact that Louis kills Dorian and then even as he's clearly in shock, he tries to go with Clementine to get AJ, and then later on when they talk about it, he says it feels like bile but not quite and he's glad he has it in him to do it.... listen, listen, listen... I'm obsessed with that.

Anyway, so if Louis shot Minerva, I think he would've accidentally killed her and can you imagine? He's already enough of a mess after killing the woman who pinned him down and tried to cut his finger off [or succeeded] but he knew Minerva, they were friends before the twins were taken. Even Violet couldn't kill her even though that would've been the smarter thing to do, and we know thanks to meta knowledge that killing her would've saved lives, but Violet couldn't, and I don't think Louis would intentionally either.

Speaking of Violet, if Louis killed Minerva, I hate to think about what that would've done to Vi. I think she might've actually left at that point, like what was planned before it got changed to her being burned. I don't think she would've attacked Louis over it, though, like yeah she attacked Clementine in the cell but Louis? I don't know, but I don't think so just because it's Louis and he'd be a mess about it anyway.

Though if he did kill her, it would be a neat parallel to draw... y'know, because Louis forgave AJ for killing Marlon even though he was pissed and heartbroken, and Violet was annoyed with him the entire time... but could she ever forgive Louis for killing Minerva? Y'know? We already have a similar parallel with AJ shooting Tenn, but still.

If Clementine killed Minerva in that moment, though, then I could see Violet attacking her since in her eyes, Clem proved her right.

So yeah, I get why they added the Dorian kill to his route. It adds another compelling element to Louis as a character, but we also need Minerva alive for episode 4; Louis can't kill her, he can't miss, and he's not going to stay with her because we need Violet to stay on the boat and him to be on shore for all routes.

#asks #twdg louis #twdg minerva #twdg clementine #twdg violet #twdg marlon #twdg tenn #honestly whenever i see someone say louis is the boring option i'm just like '.......that's your opinion but also how can you say that??' #then again i'm sure other people look at me saying violentine just isn't for me and they say the same thing so y'know... i can't talk haha #also time is such a weird thing because i look at the entire cell scene in louis' route and like... i'm not even mad about violet anymore #like yeah i still don't believe she was brainwashed like i'm sorry y'all only believe that because kent said something about it #not because there's all this evidence toward it in game like vi being pissed at clementine makes sense she doesn't need to be brainwashed #for it to work like her being vulnerable and easily manipulated into submission makes perfect sense especially with minerva there #it's like everyone was pissed that she attacked clementine and people needed a way to excuse it so it's not violet's fault when like... #that's literally what makes it interesting like calm down it's okay if violet is pissed and scared and behaves accordingly #also my controversial opinion of the day that i'll hide here in the tags so maybe people won't find it sksksk but #I personally find the concept of vinerva and the doomed tragedy of it more compelling than anything violentine did #like i'll defend violentine and i do believe it's an important and good ship it's just not my personal favorite #anyway but then the whole thing with lilly and minerva is so good and louis screaming FUCK YOU at minerva?? amazing love it so good #i love when the soft character who never chooses violence is so pissed off that all that anger they have boils to the surface and it's raw #like... he's SO mad he's SO furious he's SOOO UPSET like he wasn't even like this when marlon died or anything like he hit his limit #and then shooting dorian through the mouth while an accident is just well done i love it and i love his reaction of mortification #and apologizing and YET he still tries to go with clementine he's trembling and can barely string together a sentence but he wants to go #he wants to help her he wants to save aj THAT is the gut reaction he has after everything that just went down #'louis isn't loyal or good for clem because of the vote' babe tell me you don't understand any nuance of louis' character without telling m #it's fine IT'S FINE you don't have to agree and i just have to remind myself that it's fine not everyone likes louis we're okay #this drives me crazy in the best way like y'know what? i love the cells scene in louis' route all of it even the stuff i used to rant about #even the stuff that used to piss me off now i'm just like 'no wait past cj was dumb she wasn't looking at it this way aaaaaaaa' sksksks #that was my tag ted talk about the cell scene thank you

[cerise-on-top]

Hi love bug! It’s me for the 4766463 time😝 can I request a farah with reader who it vary vary forgiving like no matter what someone does to them they are quick to forgive which often gets them hurt 🫶🏻🫶🏻

(Sorry if this doesn’t make sense btw😭😭)

Welcome back! Sure you can, I hope what I wrote is alright! She definitely won't be gentle with you forever on this one, though, since you do need to learn to take care of yourself as well!

Farah with a Forgiving!Reader

Depending on how someone has wronged you, Farah might get very pissed about you being very forgiving. You’re a goddamn treasure, act like it. If it’s just something small, such as someone simply bumping into you, then she won’t get mad, it can happen to anyone. If someone had to postpone your meeting because something came in between, then she won’t get mad either. But if someone seriously hurts you, then she’ll be pissed about it to no end. She’s not afraid to snap at the person hurting you, she’ll give them a piece of her mind in a very vulgar and honest way. You deserve far better than that. You’re lovely, you really shouldn’t be treated like trash. But Farah definitely won’t stand by idly as you’re being walked all over for no other reason than you being too forgiving. She’ll pull you aside and give you a piece of her mind as well. Although it may seem harsh since she won’t be sugarcoating her words this time, she means well. Realize your worth, she already has a long time ago. If she has to intervene between you and someone taking advantage of your forgiving nature, then she will, but she won’t let it slide forever. She will make you be vengeful eventually, even if it goes against your nature. Farah will convince you that you don’t have to be nice to everyone around you all the time, you really won’t get too far in life like that. That’s something she had to learn the hard way, and she’ll teach you such in a slightly more gentle way than how she had to learn it. People will compensate you for causing you trouble. While she may seem relentless about it, which she is, she just wants you to not be a doormat for everyone. Because even if you lie down on the ground for people to walk all over you, they’ll still complain that you’re not flat enough. You will hold grudges, you won’t forgive as quickly at some point, she’ll make sure of that, because not forgiving some people is a form of self care in and of itself. You’ll come to realize that eventually. But until you get there, Farah will be there for you and speak up for you if you need it.

#cod #cod x reader #farah karim #farah karim x reader #I'm also a very forgiving person but I'm really working on that one since I hate people taking advantage of me #it's been working out well for me and I've become more confident since #it's still a long ways ahead but I'll get there eventually #being forgiving is nice sometimes but it won't get you everywhere I learned that the hard way unfortunately #while Farah would be supportive of you still she won't let you be this way forever #it would annoy her to no end that you keep getting hurt and she will prevent that from happening to the best of her ability #however you do need to work on yourself as well. she can't do all the work on this one #but she will do what she can to have you be less forgiving. one day you will only forgive the people who deserve it and no one else #one day you will realize that you deserve better. that's her goal #she knows getting there is rough but she'll help you along the way. you will get there #either on your own or with her. but you mean too much to her to just be used to like that

[the-autumn-apple-artworks]

University ever pushes you so low you have to go buy a couple of beers? /srs/neg

I'm gonna vent in the tags for a moment humor me for once /gen

#No but I'm serious this place is a nightmare /neg #Venting in the tags #humor me for a second. you go to this uni and they promise you a place that will teach you how to become an artist #on both like. morality and skill level. they feed you with bullshit for MONTHS. “oh mistakes are fine! they make you grow!” #or “oh this is a community we work all together there are no discriminations this is a safe place to learn and improve” #and we like. work on this projects - THAT WE ARE NOT PAID TO WORK FOR SO *WE* GET TO PAY FOR ALL THE MATERIALS AND SHIT FOR THEM. #to like “help the community” or whatevrr because “artists are born to inspire others and bring joy” and blah blah blah. BUT. LIKE. THE THING #THE THING IS. NONE OF THESE PROJECTS WILL END UP ON OUR CURRICULUMS. WHAT WE WORK 6-7 YEARS FOR ARE NOT SEEN AS REAL EXPERIENCES. #AS IF WE'VE DONE LITERALLY NOTHING FOR 6-7 YEARS. AND LIKE. THE PROFESSORS ARE SO RACIST AND DISCRIMINATORY AS WELL. #If they don't like you they WON'T EVEN GIVE YOU THE EXAM. BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY TO DEMONSTRATE IF YOU WORKED OR NOT. IT'S UP TO THEM. #THEY DECIDE EVERYTHING FOR EVERYONE AS IF WE ARE SOME SORT OF FUCKING COMMUNIST KINDA BULLSHIT WORKERS. #Someone fucks up? *WE* FUCK UP AND EVERYONE PAYS. Someone succeeds? *WE* SUCCEED AND EVERYONE GETS THE CREDITS. #THIS IS ALSO WHY NONE OF THE WORKS WE DO END UP IN OUT CURRICULUM BECAUSE ITS MADE SO THAT *THE UNIVERSITY COURSE* DID IT AND NOT *US*. #IT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT AND I CAN'T EVEN GET OUT OF THERE BECAUSE IF I DO MY PARENTS WILL KICK ME OUT CUZ THEY DON'T WANT ME TO BE AN ARTIST #So I'm trying to STUDY for the exams and the “professors” are getting mad at me that I'm not staying 10 HOURS IN THAT MOTHERFUCKING ART LAB. #WORKING AT THEIR NONSENSE PROJECTS THAT WILL NOT END UP IN MY CURRICULUM. #“Oh if you're not willing to put all your efforts for the course this is not the place for you” BITCH I *AM* PUTTING ALL MY EFFORTS! #THIS EXAM IS *LITERALLY* PART OF THE COURSE!! WHAT KIND OF FUCKING BULLSHIT ARGUMENT IS THAT!!!!! #Istg I'm gonna cry I want to kms /NOT SERIOUS #I'm gonna cook dinner. chug my lemon beer. and try to study like a normal person and beg this shit will end soon #Don't worry I'm not going to become an alcoholic I just need something. anything and I'm ABSOLUTELY not gonna start smoking I hate it /srs #tw alchohol mention #alcohol mention #tw smoking mention #smoking mention #vent #tw vent #// mike speaks

[sevarix-blogs]

whoops random tumblr post unlocked horrible past memories about my college experience! 1000 points of damage!

#fr tho i had such a bad time in college #it was the most stressful time of my life #idk if this is a stem thing in particular but like #they CONSTANTLY make you feel inferior and stupid #like 'you should already know this' kind of vibes #like excuse me you did not teach me how to code!!!!! #so no i don't know how to code!!!!!! #i didn't know how to code until i worked my first professional job!!!!! #bc they didn't teach us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #they just expected us to know how to code complicated algorithms!!!!!!! #like how can i have time to teach myself coding when i am so busy with stupid homework assignments on topics that won't help me later!!!! #i used to google solutions for coding projects bc i literally had no idea how to code at all #i changed a few things here and there to make it Less Good #so i wouldn't be considered a 'cheater' #why teach us complicated algorithms when we can't even code fr #sorry for the vent

[sapphicteaparty]

i don't know who at bandai's marketing department was responsible but they could maybe watch their own anime before they make embarrassing statements about it because there's nothing "up for interpretation" in there. they deserve all the backlash they're getting for this.

you'd literally have to be homophobic or completely media illiterate to think that sulemio's relationship is ambiguous or somehow up for interpretation. 🤡

#g witch #i dont think the marketing department gets what g witch was about #or why it was successful #it's like that one time when one of the LIS devs validated a homophobic LIS fan #who asked if max could be straight #and they were like “it's up for interpretation!” #and that was the last straw for me & i quit the LIS fandom #(for what it's worth i've forgiven dont nod bc they're at least trying to improve) #i want cishet ppl to understand that this is not something you can be neutral about #when your work is queer or queercoded and homophobes are asking for validation there's only one right answer #the secret is this: you can't make everyone happy!! #not taking a side is being homophobic in this situation i hope that helps #the bandai situation is funnier bc they can't do anything about the canon #the text is so unambiguously gay and they can't erase it 😎 enjoy your PR fuck up bandai i'm sure it won't be the last #mp

[apoloniaspiegelgold]

All my life I've been told by all kinds of people that they can never really tell what I'm feeling or what's going through my mind because apparently I'm always just hiding everything behind a smile so that I've become rather unreadable. And then he just. Takes one look at me and goes 'Yeah. I know that face, oh here we go again, she's about to unleash her thoughts. She's gonna bash that theory I just showed her so hard. Where's my popcorn?' I hadn't even said anything yet and he was already laughing.

And to be honest. It's quite nice to be known, actually.

#i only went to his office to ask if he wants to join me for lunch he didn't have time and yet i still somehow ended up staying for 1.5 hours #'thanks for the conversation' he said when i left. 'and thanks for keeping me from my work' #as if HE hadn't kept me from lunch when he kept our conversation going on and on with his 'wait i still wanted to show you this' #talking to him always feels like wellness for my brain somehow. like. we're different people but we think the same way. #i don't have to translate my thoughts to be understood he already gets my point before i've even finished my train of thought #every time work tires me out so much that it feels like i can't think straight anymore then i talk to him and suddenly my brain works again #and i like how he calls me out on my nonsense when i lose myself in a contradiction or don't say what i want to say or say what i don't mea #and he lets me go on extensive rants about statistics despite not knowing anything about it and doesn't even complain #he just always says 'i'll pretend i know what that means' and says i should learn it well so he can ask me for my help with it later #recently he came to me right after teaching saying 'you won't believe how much i just messed up. let me show you how i failed' #and then proceeded to recreate the entire situation and his thought process at that moment and i just #there is a very big word running around in my mind that i dare not speak of but maybe one day #i don't even know if he even sees me as much as a friend maybe i'm just some co-worker he likes talking to occasionally you know #what does it mean what does it all mean #ramblings

[lilywhisperer]

So fucking pissed at people who say that hyperspecific labels “make the queer community look bad” or “is just pure attention seeking”, NO MF I JUST LIKE HAVING A NAME FOR THINGS I FEEL.

Like, my situation with gender is so fucking complicated that having a person coin something such as “dazegender” was so good to me, and I still have a complicated relationship with gender !! I’m so glad for whoever coined the term “Omnisexual/romantic” because it would've been a living nightmare to do mental gymnastics to feel like I fitted pan or bi.

“But those are spectrums” do people treat them as such ? Do they really ? Plus it's just difficult to my head to grasp the concept of “spectrum” it either is or is not, that's how my brain works personally. (My brain needs to be able to name things, basically. And also to know exactly what to do, if we're talking about chores, per say).

In today's generation so many people (me included) just find it SO HARD to put their feelings into words that it is genuinely a blessing to have labels that can label what we feel so precisely (to us, at least), “but you're overcomplicating something that should be simple” feelings are so far from being simple, honestly, and what is simple to you may not be to me, and that's okay, just don't call me attention seeking or whatever.

Also, also !! Hyperspecific labels/flags just make me (at least) feel more validated, since it makes it clear to me that I'm not alone in the way I feel and it kinda validates me (in a good way) :] And it's the Queer Community after all, so I think it's past the time we start actually acting like that.

#★﹐echos lost into the vastness of space #tldr ; just let people do whatever they want as long as they aren't creating labels such as “MAP” or “animesexual” istg #this post was brought to you by #A Random Video I Saw Talking About How Cupiosexual People Are Not Valid ! #not going to tag this because i just won't. know. how to deal with people wanting to fight #i will hear your arguments against this tho #(if you have any) #doesn't mean i will agree #but that's ok. you don't have to agree with me either ! just. be kind. please. #this is kinda vent-ish but it's just something I've been dealing with for a really long time #my brain likes having names to thing such as feelings. attraction. gender. aesthetics. personality traits. etc #i know people are really against this thing of hyperspecific labels (or even aesthetics. i see a lot of discourse on that) #but some people are. just. Like That™ #and while i do agree humanity can't be properly labelled #i enjoy having labels ! helps me to not feel insane and actually feel normal and comfortable with myself #also if i can't name a feeling. thing or if i don't have clear instructions on something i'll simply not work #anyways #thanks for coming to my tedtalk #and also happy pride for both people with simple labels and people with hyperspecific labels !! all valid ! :] 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[drysauce]

my laptop broke down and so did all my autocad files i had there. im gonna kill myself

#i don't have enough time to redo anything #yesterday night i wanted to open ky laptop to compress the final file for printing and finish another project to also compress it #and that's when i noticed that my laptop broke down #literally at the finish line #whole semester of working so damn hard to have everything perfect and on time #and now i have to fail those two subjects because i can't submit the project #and i don't have a spare laptop with that program to redo it #though even if i did there's not enough time #my friends of course won't help because they have their own things #no one remembers the file for soil mechanics that i spend tons of hours doing but they just swapped the data and had the project complete i #half an hour. no one remembers and no one cares. and i didn't even get a single thank you #now im left without a computer to work on and without anyone who can help me #really loving it here #it's always moments like this that remind me that my friends don't give a shit about me like at all #i don't even have anyone i can hug to feel better

[xhanisai]

I do kind of feel a bit spoilt with how the fandom pre-pandemic would share my work easily (fics getting hundreds and even thousands of notes on tumblr and on AO3 immediately and arts getting thousands of notes too). Back then, my work was so eUGH compared to the work I create now which is so much more polished and well thought out.

And now? It’s such a struggle for my art to reach even a hundred notes on this app alone and my fics take a long time to accumulate some attention on ao3. At first I thought it was because my creations have gotten WORSE lol but then I realised it’s been happening to all my friends too online.

Kinda sad tbh.

#delete later #i know that X amount of likes or notes on work doesn't necessarily mean that it's great quality #but i like seeing and knowing that people out there on the internet are enjoying what i put out #and i want more people to see what i can do if that makes sense? #my mentality is a little fucked right now because in the past i created mainly for me and i enjoyed what i did to an extent #but now i'm at that stupid stage where i hate everything i draw and get bored of my own writing and i don't like that #so validation online sort of helps with that mentality to go away #i can't keep up with internet art trends to get the attention on my work that i want that is not a realistic and healthy way of life #and i refuse to touch any salt or negativity in the ml fandom just to get the hivemind to find my work #my most popular work on ao3 is only popular because of lila karma and that makes me so mad because i write 100000x better than that LMAO #but people just wanna see a 14 yr old italian nightmare girl get expelled from school over and over again and i'm just tired af of it #as for art with twitter it's a bit of a russian roulette #you don't know what will be a banger and what won't unless you pay special attention or have a decent following or are always grinding #i don't think my art is for tumblr #i do appreciate the few people who always love and reblog it but i've always known from the start that my art isn't what would be popular #on this hellsite #oh well it is what it is #also don't worry i'm never gonna stop drawing nor am i ever gonna stop writing those two are literally my only outlets of my life #and the only way i can get emotions and feelings out of my body without exploding #and i am still madly in love with ML and will always be obsessed with it #i just miss how the prepandemic fandom would interact with my work and let me know what they thought and all the asks they sent about the #aus i created #it was a good period on this hellsite for me

[anaalnathrakhs]

people won't fucking FORGET me i can't handle this anymore there's always a friend who wants to go someplace a friend who needs someone to go to the store with a friend who hasn't seen me in a while who wants to hangout, and i can't let those friendships decay i just can't i can't be this kind of asshole again, but it feels so shit it feels like i can't fucking relax cuz there's always something tomorrow something next week and something to do at school between classes and holy SHIT leave me ALONE please fucking stop talking to me i just want to relax and do things i enjoy.

#part of that is of course that ''going home'' isn't relaxing it's just waiting around for the next big anxiety-inducing event #and weekends aren't relaxing either because it's just more parent time #i do think my social battery would increase a little if i ever fucking get to live alone finally #but in the meantime i'm stuck doing community service because if i don't then nobody will #i can't refuse to do something helpful or nice for people when the alternative is going to binge and hate myself in my room #i just want to be far far away so badly #then i'll have an excuse #im well and truly stuck. either i go and i have a dreadful time before during and after. #or i don't and im missing out and im an awful friend. #before you hit me w the ''you're allowed to skip on an event your friends won't hate you!!!!'' #i want to skip ALL OF THEM #and friendships are watered like plants okay my friends are legitimate not being friends w somebody who never hangs out #jesus christ i want a pause button i want to be stuck in a time loop for a little while #thinking about tomorrow makes me want to rope #i can go to school 9am to 3pm. but technically there's no class. #then my friend wants to go to the night museums for her birthday #which leaves like. five hours at least in the middle. in which we'll have to hang out. #and she wants to get food. #if at any point of that i go home it's the day my mom doesn't work so. i have to spend some more incredibly unsatisfactory time with her. #god it's making me want to rope even more than usual #vent #broadcasting my misery

[fruitsyrups]

Random yes but thank u for making that frusan art awhile ago it's adorable and i love seeing more art of this underappreciated ship :D!!!

ahhh thank you!!! frusan is so underrated FOR REAL, i guess it's probably because after Islands they all but disappeared (like i think they were only shown twice after that and that's including in Fionna & Cake (which i actually missed when i watched it bc its such a brief glimpse)) but like. still. I actually have a little idea for another frusan drawing (frieda and susan talking on a roof grown-up edition) but I have to break up the dialogue into parts & think of more Susan Reactions so it's not just Frieda monologuing at her lol

#frieda is such a compelling character to me augh because seriously living on the islands sounds like. idk. scary in an existential way #like if I lived on that tiny(?) island always with the same people and didn't have hope that I would maybe someday get to explore someplace #new and meet new people. i would explode i think. #and frieda HAS hope & the drive to follow through with it #but then susan goes robo-mode and like surely any hope is just GONE after that #thats such a crazy interesting dynamic can't believe everyone else on earth isn't also insane about this #obviously it's not susan's fault that she went robo-mode but it's still recieved as a betrayal yk. so sad :( #and then susan went after finn & they probably all assumed she was dead #AHHH??? i can't even imagine how that would have felt for frieda?? like imagine you're trying to get off the islands and your favourite #person won't go with you but she helps you. but then she betrays you (not her fault but yk) and then (i'm assuming its not even that long #after) she's sent off the islands and she goes willingly #like wowww way to rub salt in the wound susan omg (i love susan this is not susan negativity) #my little angsty hc about that is like. frieda still holds a little bit of resentment towards her for what happened but she knows she #shouldn't because what if susan was right? what if she left the islands and it wasn't safe and she DIED? #but then also what if she isn't? what if she just left and it wasn't worth coming back? what if frieda wasn't worth coming back for? yanno #stuff like that. AGHHH hhh i love frieda #and then they go adventuring together and work it out and kiss on the mouth #uhhh i'll stop myself there before i write a whole essay in the tags (or maybe i already have ahahah...) but yeah. i love frusan :3

[eggmeralda]

do you ever feel casually suicidal? like you're not depressed or anything you're doing fine but also it feels like a convenient option

#if you can't make connections with people or be seen by anyone then like. at least you can feel like you're helping a better cause #to like charities and gfms and anyone else #but you have to tone that down bc you're slowly losing money bc you still can't get a job #and bc you don't have a job it means you're just stuck in the house all day. which gives Way Too Much opportunity to Think about everything #and also so like. i still share a room with my sister but it was fine bc she'd stay at her bf's a few nights a week #but he's got a job that's a bit further away and basically she can't go round his as much. so now it's maybe like once a week #the room is getting messier so it gives me less energy to do anything #you can get really into an unhealthy weight loss obsession bc at least it feels like you're getting towards something #but idek is set weight theory real? bc once i get down to a certain point it suddenly resets #like honestly counting calories and donating money to every gfm i saw and writing a film script was what kept me going #but first one isn't working and second i need some sort of income and third is finished and i have no way of actually creating it #and then there's the whole lack of stable hyperfixation and ability to find new music i enjoy #and realistically what would fix me is having a good job that i enjoy and somewhere to live on my own #but until i get a job that's currently impossible. and even then it probably won't feel like enough #my entire life is lived on my phone i need more physical objects but i don't have enough space #bc i share a room with my sister. it's like all my problems are connected #and i have enough optimism that i still think it'll get better in the next few weeks. maybe i'll be able to get a job and that'll #get everything going again #but at the same time i could easily just die #I've graduated from uni. I've seen the who live 3 times. I've crashed my car twice. I've watched 30 years of corrie. I've met various dogs #what else is there to do with my life honestly #(<- joking) #but yeah like. in summer 2021 i almost got suicidal (it was just letting the occasional thought linger in my mind etc) #but that was bc i was so depressed #but now it feels like i could just kill myself. but more just out of convenience #idek. i'm not gonna kill myself. bc i have a job interview on tuesday. and just in general i won't #but there is this casual feeling of like. well i might as well. i can't describe it #ramble #suicide tw #weight loss mention