#you honestly made my day every time

[significant-ace-nnoyance]

How do you feel about Leah Sava Jeffries as Annabeth Chase, and why should we throw Leah a huge parte for being the annie we always deserve but never got much of

HELL YEAH ARE YOU KIDDING ME LEAHBETH IS THE BEST THING THATS EVER HAPPENED TO ME THIS ENTIRE YEAR OH MY GODS AND GODDESSES im fully self aware that "i look like i would have been an annabeth kid" and its because i FOR SURE WAS WHY WOULDNT ANYONE BE she is The Character the MOMENt the ICON of the AGES and leah is adapting her energy to screen so ???? perfectly ?????? like did rick just shake the book and she fell out ??????? what sorcery is this?? ??????

no but in all seriousness leah is killing it as annabeth and its super clear that she did her research and understands the character (in interviews she talks about how she read annabeth povs in later books and did research on greek mythology and athena so she could understand the lightning thief not just from percys pov but from annabeth 🥺🥺 she so annabeth coded irl i adore her) and it genuinely shows like ive microanalyzed all her expressions because her facial acting has so much DEPTH and LAYERS and OH MY GODS leah deserves all the parties and we are so privileged to have her as our annabeth chase <3 imagine being that talented at like 13

im super excited to see what additions she makes to the character in this adaptation!!! already i think she's really highlighting annabeth's battle strategy smarts over just booksmarts which EVERYONE ALWAYS FORGETS ABOUT SHES NOT JUST A BOOK NERD SHES A FUCKING GENERAL HEAD OF THE ATHENA CABIN MOST FORMIDABLE DEMIGOD AT CAMP AS A 12 YEAR OLD the duality is giving me LIFE and i love how she gets to boss around percy and grover (leah also talked about loving to get to be in charge and competitive as annabeth which shes SO REAL FOR THAT shes such an annabeth type) BUT ALSO YOU ALREADY GET TO SEE HER VULNERABILITIES AND INSECURITIES AND THE WAY SHE CARRIES HERSELF THAT MAKES HER SIMULTANEOUSLY COOL BUT ALSO IS A REFLECTION OF TRAUMA AND POOR EMOTIONAL COPING yeah basically shes not just giving us annabeth shes giving us annabeth but MORE and its making me understand her character BETTER and in a NEW way (and if you have anything to say about her portrayal in the show i will genuinely pull up with a full ass powerpoint slideshow because IF YOU MEDIA COMPREHEND FOR TWO SECONDS AND KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER CHARACTER IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE AND ITS SO JUICY AND JALKDJFKBL)

i think about that shot of her looking at percy using medusas head through the screen porch ALL THE TIME. and her delivery of "grover can you tell your friend to pull himself together" LIKE THATS WHEN SHE TURNS TO HER PROTECTOR FOR HELP AND IT HAS A LITTLE BIT OF A SASSY IM-BETTER-THAN-YOU-PERCY VIBE TO IT BECAUSE SHES HIDING THE FACT THAT SHES SCARED AND UNCOMFORTABLE TO TALK ABOUT HER RELATIONSHIP WITH HER UNAVAILABLE MOM (and percy sees right through that just as she sees right through percy and oh my gods if i get started on percabeth ill never shut up)

anyways thanks for giving me an opportunity to go on a mini rant about leahbeth i could say so much more because when i say ive analyzed every frame my girl is in i am NOT joking

but ill just end by saying that anyone who is upset by show annabeth being black literally did not understand her as a character or the percy jackson books in general so they can stfu and get their little butthurt wrong opinions out the door bc they dont belong here anyway <3 rick and becky also talked about how they hired black sensitivity readers to help write annabeth's blackness more authentically into her character in the show so very much hoping that they do that well! and im overall just super excited to see what changes they make to adapt my favorite character to a new era, a new medium, and a new audience!

go treat yourself to some leah interviews because i actually adore her and will protect her and annabeth (though arguably theyre one and the same) with my life <3

#god i coudl talk for hours but ill stop #sorry for hte long ass post but honestly whats the point of tumblr if not for me to be autistic on main about annabeth chase #omg i still remember the moment they announced annabeth and grovers casting #i litearlly slapped and hand over my face and was like no way no way no way THEY FUCKIGN DID IT OH MY GODS #ltierally thank the gods every day that we got the perfect trio based on actual voice and personality <333333333 #anyways bestie i will talk leahbeth w you anytime we should throw her a party because she is actually eating up this role #the sass #the emotiosn #the Generaling #will never get over her in her armor THAT IS MY QUEEN RIGHT THERE THAT IS THE ICON I REMEMBER FROM MY CHILDHOOD #they ltierally just stole annabeth from the books but made her better #and by that i mean like rick has a chance to rewrite her for the modern era and make her characterization cleaner and tighter #esp becuase APPARENTLY people missed the point the first time #annabeth haters actually make me so fucking mad if think about it too long ill explode #BUT WE DONT HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THEM BC WeRE GETTING A TRUTHFUL ADAPTATION OF ANNABETH AND THE TRIO AND THEY CAN CRY ABOUT IT #YIPPPEEEEEEE #time to rewatch episode three #im not going to survive the tunnel of love #or the discussion in the vegas truck if we get that #leah sava jeffries #SHES TRENDING!!! #leahbeth #annabeth chase #leah jeffries #annabeth #percabeth #percy jackon and the olympians #i love the mispelled tag #pjo <3

[nemmet]

question: how did you discover/get into scooby doo?

this is something i'm always so interested to hear, being that there are few people who don't have at least some small tie to the franchise. whether you would consider it one of your biggest current interests or it's just something nostalgic from your childhood, i'd love to know how you found scooby and what it means to you!

#for me it was my dad! he grew up with the original show and wanted to introduce it to me #so one day when i was maybe? seven?? he came home with the winter wonderdog dvd and we watched it that night #from there we watched every single scooby doo movie that had ever been made #and got the new ones as they came out in subsequent years! #watching a new scooby movie with my dad every weekend are honestly some of my favourite childhood memories #also what's new scooby doo had also started airing on one of the main cartoon channels here in the uk around 2010 #so that's the show i watched the most consistently as a kid #velma was my original favourite of the gang because i looked a lot like her (big glasses/same haircut/etc.) #people would always compare me to her and it genuinely gave me a lot of confidence in my appearance that stays with me to this day #but fred was always my firm second favourite - he made me laugh the most of any character #and took on a deeper meaning to me in my adolescence when i realised i was autistic and strongly identified with his portrayals as such #the characters are probably what's kept me coming back all this time - they've been with me forever #and i love them individually + as a team who support each other with their unique skills and love for one another #but also the wacky adventures and general aesthetic #many people joke about the basic plot being the same every time but it makes my autistic brain happy #i love permanence and consistency baby!!!!! #and the different variations on that same formula always keep things fresh and fun #anyway ramble over #looking forward to hearing you guys' responses! :D #scooby doo #nem misc posts :]

[statementlou]

Hello, do you think is possible that we will get a FITF live album? Louis and the band sound so good on tour.

they doooo! I love Steve's arrangements and additions to the songs so much! Honestly I have no idea; on the one hand it seems like Louis might be more focused on moving towards new stuff, like we are still in FITF mode but by the time it came out he had had it forever and now he's well into LT3 and probably feeling more excited about those new songs and sounds; on the other hand he is very good at working the industry stuff and all the angles and it's basically free money, right? He has said FITF was a further step towards the sound he wants most rather than the finish line, so it's possible that as happened with Walls as he works more on the new one he is getting less enthused about sharing the old stuff; but I think adding Steve's arrangements and just moving away from some of the songs seems to have lessened that this time around, so maybe that isn't a factor. Here's the thing though: the only way it would happen or make sense I think would be if it was recorded pretty recently, like one of the UK shows; the show was still being tweaked and gelled and cooking until then. But if they wanted to make vinyl (and surely they would? fancy double vinyl of live albums is SUCH a thing), that is very very long process of waiting around these days. First you have to get lacquers made (this is the physical thing that the recording is cut into that all the records are duplicates of- if you want quality it has to be more or less handmade by an artisan) but one of the two places left in the world that made those burnt to the ground in 2020 so there's a super long wait time on that. Then it just has to get made; but there are basically ten large scale factories left (again, in the WORLD) that press records so that also has a very long wait time... so it would take forever and the thing is I think we're getting LT3 in the late fall/ early winter (I bet he's using this month to finish it up so it can begin this lengthy process). So I kind of don't think so, like I guess they could do a CD/ cassette/ digital only in late spring and make so much money, and it would be fun, but who knows. Either way, I just hope Louis has Steve do some production work on LT3, I like his sounds and ideas a lot, and that he keeps him around to do his tours forever!

#could I have just said it takes a while to make records I GUESS #but maybe people are interested! #IN MY DAY *totters up on a creaky walker* you could just be like I wanna make a record of my band #and send off $500 and a mastered recording and 6 weeks later get a couple boxes of 7's in the mail #SIGHHHH #this planning a year in advance is such a bummer I bet Louis would much rather get to write the songs and share them #and by a year later be onto whole new ones #it's no wonder he doesn't remember the lyrics by the time it's time to tour them he's ages past those ones #fitf live #vinyl pressing #steve durham #is the drummer but also the tour musical director #I've always had an embarrassing thing for drummers and I genuinely do not have a thing for steve because I am past that tyvm #but every time I rave about him I do side eye myself like is this correct or are you just in drummer groupie mode #anyway he looks just like- I kid you not- a drummer I have uh #what #had a Thing With let us say #once upon a time #but honestly I really do just like his arrangements musically I think he seems kind of annoying personally #and that tattoo artist was his friend and that guy seemed like a DOUCHE which made me even more skeptical #anyway enjoy the personal TMI corner GOTTA GO BYE

[steakout-05]

*clenched fists, head on the table, white knuckled, seething, hyperventilating, visible veins showing, sweating, about to burst into tears, shaking violently, going to explode*

it's.... spelled........ JON.............. arbuckle........

#how i actually feel when i see someone spell jon arbuckle's name as ''john'' for the 574867347th time /j #jon arbuckle #garfield #shitpost #i find it interesting how many people spell his name with a H though #like i get that john is the more common spelling but also it was never written or spelled that way in any garf media #it's more common with people who haven't read garfield which is understandable actually #this post is a joke i don't actually get mad when people spell his name with a H #it's just like... you know that feeling you get when you really REALLY want to correct someone on a piece of info you know they got wrong? #yeah it's that #i'm very passionate about garfield if you couldn't tell lol #i guess there's just so much misinfo about garfield that it gets kinda exhausting #like i've heard a couple people say that garfield was made during WW2??? #and when i first heard that i was like ''????? literally no it wasn't???'' #like i mean this in the most polite way but What The Actual Fuck Are You Talking About #omg that's like that andrew garfield tweet i hate so much. you know the one that says that garfield was created by his granddad- #-about his cat who was named 'lasagna'? i hate that tweet with every fiber of my being there's SO MUCH wrong about it it's not even funny #i think that tweet is actually satire though but honestly it's so hard to tell what's satire and what isn't anymore #anyway. jon is spelled jon not john have a good day :)

[spacedlexi]

sooo glad we live in the universe where twdgs4 was rewritten to be about saving the school instead of the original lis2-esque on the road each-episode-is-a-new-location plot. really dodged a bullet there

dont know if it was due to the cuts and collapsing work environment (no budget for all the assets needed) or what but the school plot is just like the perfect setting for her to end her story. and we really almost got a plot about her.... just trying to make it back to her original house? oof

#my biggest problem with lis2 is that being on the road made a lot of your choices essentially meaningless #like wheres the threat of consequence when you know youll be gone by the next episode anyway? #the kids were originally gonna kick them out permanently.......Nightmare Scenario #the plot of her trying to get back 'home' is so silly honestly like its Just nostalgia/fan bait. convince me otherwise you cant #it makes no sense....she lived right outside a major city... that place is Not safe anymore #it wasnt even safe when she left it 8 years ago girl why would you go back #her finding a place to MAKE a new home and having to fight for it? with a community of her peers who love and respect her? so much better #shes a community leader now :) of a bunch of kids living secretly in the woods just trying to make a safe home for themselves #in a hostile world that wants them dead #love that for her #shes been managing adults since she was 11 and even before that tried to be a voice of reason. at 8 years old. community leader makes sense #s4 is just so narratively sound to me for clems character that i cant believe there was ever any other direction they wanted to go in #every time im thinking about how good s4 is i remember what it almost was......... and i am so grateful we got what we did #not only do we live in the universe where s4 is about the school but we Also live in the universe where s4 was un-cancelled :) yay #shit makes me so happy man. i remember clem is living happily at ericsons and my day is Immediately improved #these little fictional bitches in my head giving me free serotonin on command #it speaks #twdg

[lisxdumbr]

The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah

#who wants to hesr the story of how I lost my irl friends recently (you will I'm spitting everything right now) #anyway so last year one day one of my friends decided to randomly backstab me and she started talking behind my back #and yeah this all made me mad because?? what the fuck #she started talking and revealing stuff that i had confide to her to other people and they slowly started drifting from me #BUt the thing here is that she was manipulating the story. she changed it every time she told stuff to people to make me look bad #i heard one of the things she said about me once and i was like ?? she even make me dislike me in her version which like woa #anyway I didn't understand why she did that because it was ? so random? and then she started ignoring me and has not talked to me ever since #the thing is. she apparently didn't have enough with just doing that. she slowly started to rot my other friends' brains too? #in the sense that. suddenly the rest of my group was ignoring me too. they never said anything to me. or stated that they had a problem #they just ignored me in my face? and yeah that. hurt #recently i found thanks to a third party that one of them decided to stop talking to me because apparently i had hurt her uncountable times #and she was just soo sick and tired of me doing that. which. honestly made me mad because she did not ever express that to me?? so #what was i supposed to do. if she never said anything. #anyway one of my friends confronted her about the treatment they were giving to me. the whole exclusion thing. and her answer was- #”well it's not my fault that she doesn't have more friends and doesn't talk to people” #and i was like. woah. what a poor reply. is that really it.. also apparently they all had agree to stop talking to me as a group- #-and they never informed me so. thank you? #and I'm still here asking what i did to that ex friend of mine. later on i found out she had hooked up with the guy i used to like btw #and she kept it secret. oh and then i started dating my current partner ! person she also felt attracted to. and that's my only explanation. #she started gossiping after what happened with the first guy. so that's really everything that comes to mind as a reason #ANYWAY now that i was at the hospital i didn't receive a single text from any of them. so i guess that was it. people who don't care- #-like that are not friends. those people are not my friends. people who ignore me on purpose and gossip like that are not. my friends #so yeah that's why I've been feeling down lately but ! here I am i ended up ranting so. much #rant #vent #? #woah i actually feel so much better after spitting it all #I'm also following that sour grape advice btw I'm not giving them the privilege of cutting me out. I'M the one who dislikes them now

[devilsskettle]

i feel like i’ve been WAITING for the other shoe to drop wrt people’s opinions about watcher for this very reason. not that i think the reaction is completely not understandable but the greater the parasocial relationship, the greater the fallout as soon as public opinion shifts. you don’t have a relationship with these people they’re just content creators, chill

#ready to see all the people coming out of the woodwork to say how they’ve never liked watcher/unsolved/etc #and act like it’s ‘cringe’ now that their fanbase feels ‘betrayed’ #it’s great to have a fanbase but parasocial relationships will bite you in the ass every single time #it’s interesting too though because i’ve seen watcher have a LOT of support as they’ve tried to build something separate from buzzfeed #so this is the first time they’re getting real pushback about a decision they’ve made wrt shifting their platform/expanding their brand #so ig we’ll have to see how they react moving forward #but it’s soooo interesting to see how enthusiastically people dump on buzzfeed #AND how many people dump on youtube and how over the years so much of its functionality has been stripped away #how many ads you have to sit through. how much sponsored content there is now. etc #but when they try to do the same thing with youtube that they did with buzzfeed it’s like how dare you not lick their boots #because if you lick their boots and we lick their boots we can watch stuff for free #anyway. #even if you don’t any to say it’s a bad business decision. it’s not like there’s not precedent for it #1) the move away from buzzfeed was successful and 2) what about the dnd shows or whatever #don’t you guys watch those dnd shows that are ‘behind a paywall’ #don’t you guys have netflix hulu disney hbo amazon etc ad nauseum that are actually owned by billion dollar corporations #don’t you guys get on your high horses about supporting independent artists all the time #it’s interesting that people will profess to be such big fans!!! and feel like they’re friends!!!! #but how dare they think their work might be worth paying for #idk. idk. it’s entitlement though #sorry for the rant i’m ALSO not trying to blindly defend a bunch of people i don’t know #but you guys are being soooo fucking annoying about it lol #anyway i’m still waiting to see what their response is going to be from here before jumping to conclusions #also to be fair i am biased to be lenient about decisions made by independent filmmakers vs big studios etc #like everybody freaking out about the ai art used in late night with the devil. who cares honestly #‘they should’ve paid a real artist!!’ idk maybe their budget didn’t cover that #i don’t want it to become the industry norm but at the end of the day i would rather see indie shit getting made then only seeing #the big studios (who don’t have equitable practices anyway!!) making shit #but that’s another conversation. just to be transparent about my viewpoint on this kind of thing #maybe controversial but also can’t we have nuance. for once.

[arcxnumvitae]

Luna has been mentioned in a D.isco chat which means I am contractually obligated to post York.

#honestly that's a damn lie because I regularly update Steph on Luna's daily doings #but I figure I /probably/ shouldn't post pictures of her here every single day #if you make eye contact with Luna for even .1 seconds she'll trot off and grab a toy to go 'playtime???' #may even gruff and bark a little at you to get your attention #or drop it on your feet in case you somehow missed it #:outofcash #Luna and her toys have a very special relationship #and she has a very special process for a new toy #first she runs around the house with it seeing if anyone will chase her (her second-favorite game) #then she'll sit down and TEAR! OUT! THAT! SQUEAKER! #like a woman possessed she will not rest until she's torn out that toy's heart (squeaker) #she's gotten scarily impressive at it and has greatly improved her time score #(we monitor her and grab the squeaker once it's out so we don't risk her eating any plastic) #then-- the guts (stuffing) #targeting the hole she made she methodically pulls out the cotton bit by bit #if she's lucky we'll engage her in a game of tug of war (her first favorite game) #all in all Luna loves tearing up toys and feels great enjoyment from her new toy routine and can tell when she's getting a new one #she once got excited at my friend's baby once because she thought the bundle we were holding just /had/ to be a toy for her... #anyways! enough Luna posting #sigh I miss my little Y.orkie 😂

[ride-a-dromedary]

.

#i am still extremely frustrated about that impending ultimatum exchange #not only just how it does a massive character disservice to both individuals involved #but honestly because this *should not be* a character based ultimatum - it was fans who requested this be possible #and pushed and pushed and pushed until l*rian relented #but then it reframes it as a 'one of these individuals is being unreasonable out of the blue' so it makes them look like a bad guy #instead of an even keeled conversation where then the player's choice seems like *they* made the choice to keep one or the other #which it *should* be solely the player making that choice and any blame be put on them #idk if i'm getting at what i want to be getting at but i am legitimately wary every time a new patch is released now #anyway m has been in the game since day one idk how ya'll are getting so mad at h for 'taking away development time' #if they didn't spend time developing her when they had her since the beginning i think you should be mad at l*rian for fumbling the bag #jibber jabber blabber bluff #l*rian continuing to prove they cannot adequately put their foot down and then people complaining that the implementation #of a feature that *wasn't meant to be there in the first place* #is buggy and half assed my beloathed #also @ the people i continuously see like fuck man don't recruit him ya'll acting like he holds a gun to your head and demands to go with u

[apple-os]

ppl who like making friends solely with one-note cardboard boxes who will hang out with them when it's convenient and never open up about who they are as people and what their lives are like dni

#the salt just caught up with me and now im pissed #hi welcome to what i like to call a friendly reminder that hanging out with someone just because its convenient is kind of shitty #and a less friendly reminder that talking about yourself to connect with people is an autistic trait #and an even less friendly reminder that not telling someone if theyve done you wrong and then proceeding to blow up on them is ALSO SHITTY #ESPECIALLY. WHEN. THEY THINK. YOU'RE ON GOOD TERMS. BECAUSE YOU ACTED LIKE IT AND THEY CAN'T READ YOU. #IM REALLY FUCKING MAD #I THINK I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE. #the people who actually somewhat knew me and hung out with me and were on good terms with me think the same #so like BLEH MYEH :PPPPPPPPP #like okay youre entitled to your opinions but sometimes you need to keep those to yourself #did u see me insulting u to ur face #nope i have not done even once #and thats on getting better communication skills instead of lashing out at someone for trying to fit in with your own vibes #like yeah oversharing is my deal. anybody who sees me here knows that #i bond by being open with people about who i am and what i like in the hopes that theyll do the same #if u think im just around for gaming and making silly jokes u would be wrong. #but of course nobody told me people weren't there to bond like that which in my opinion shouldnt be on me #and once again i am outcasted over something honestly kind of fucking stupid #some of the jokes i made were stupid yes but thats solely because i severely misjudged the vibes #and checks notes oh yeah nobody pulled me up for it even once. #okay so let me get this straight you barely know me and have been making assumptions about me since day one #pretty much let me believe you liked me for two whole weeks instead of asking me about things or cutting me off #and im the one who gets treated like im in the wrong? okay #this miscommunication was not my fault in the slightest and i KNOW that #if you hadve just talked to me things would be fine but theyre NOT. #if you hadve just looked at my gosh darn profile and seen im the queerest fucker around making gay and homophobic type jokes maybe you woul #have had half the mind to ask me if i could stop making those jokes!!!!!!!!! #i am not transphobic!!!!!!! I AM TRANS!! I WAS MAKING A MOCKERY OF SOME TRANSPHOBIC CULTURE I HATE!!!! #i mightve vented on main ONE TIME under the guise of a silly joke but oh my god guess what?? that was an attempt to see if anybody related. #you never liked me in the first place dont lie to yourself

[taeyungie]

hi ♡ i guess i'm back? 🥹

here's a little life update! i think you guys deserve it after my absence that lasted longer than even i expected it to last ;( i am very sorry about that. i miss everyone here and bangtan so much, you have no idea. the reason for all that is that for the past months i have been going through a lot of things and changes in my life. there were good and bad things happening, time flies extra fast, days melt into one and i didn't even notice the past half a year pass. although i think my absence was unavoidable in these circumstances i just thought that you guys deserve to know what's been up with me for the past months haha i have received a lot messages and reminders that people remember about me and that they miss me and i just want to send all of you my biggest apologies for leaving you for so long with no response, as well as all my love and gratitude! 🥺 i think i've been always fairly transparent on here so if anyone wanted to know more I'll leave some more details in the tags but basically I just hope that soon i will be able to become more active again and respond to messages ❤️❤️❤️ i hope everyone is doing great 🥰

#honestly... it was yoongi's comeback that made it happen. that made me have motivation to come back. i didnt expect it but here we are LOL #because for the past months i have been struggling a lot and i almost lost all the connections with my friends family and bangtan #i lost all my feelings and thoughts #i didnt miss anyone i didnt want to do anything i didnt want to be anywhere. i was completely submerged into my own head #i still am. it didnt exactly get better but.. its just yoongis impact jasbhdjdjd he made me remeber a lot #in october last year i developed a very agressive eating disorder and its gotten a lot worse at the begging of this year #and it has taken everything from me. it sucked me dry and still continues to do so. it made my mental health so much worse on every level #but im still here and thats what matters in the end right ❤️ #from the good things - after long unfortunate and very stressful job hunting i finally got a stable job 🥰 and i continue my uni so far #that's why i was absent here most of the time. i decided to focus on my life and on trying to change something and to fight a little more #after jin's enlistment announcement... it was a wake up call for me #and maybe soon i will be back on track but im taking things slow. especially that its not easy for me at all #but i just wanted you to know that theres been a lot happening here so ❤️ im not just getting bored of tumblr and bts haha #i never stopped following the fandom i never turned off my notifications from media i never stopped looking up what they're up to each day #i just didnt have time and motivation to be active. because of my health i wanted to be quiet and away from eveyone and everything :/ #even from my comfort people and activities #that sounds sad but. it's alright so please don't worry about me ❤️ I'm holding on just fine. got used to some things ❤️ trying to heal #so yeah i think thats that haha i think its enough and all basically #it may seem like very little but my life has always been very slow when it comes to big actions haha #anyway. love you all so much ❤️ thank you for not forgetting about me ❤️ #soon i will try to answer some mesdages from my inbox. please wait for me just a little bit more ❤️ im very overworked right now #but im so sorry that you have to wait so long ❤️

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

trick to fun dialogue is just to make it a little hard to understand. maybe thats a cheap trick but i dont care

#or not even that hard necessarily just like it takes like 2 listens. it takes attention #and what 'harder' is is subjective depends on the type of dialogue you hear a lot and your vocabulary level #watching the nevers right #and im watching this scene and theres this character who exactly hits this spot for me #like 5........wait 5 years ago is not as far as i think it is.........7 years ago (ugh) i woudlnt have understood what she was saying #like i'd know all the words separately but iwouldnt have understood what she was saying at all #but rn im like oooh this is the exact balance between obscuring your meaning and substance #i think oftne in my writing i obscure more than there is substance #there usually /is/. /some/ substance #theres usually substance. just theres more complication than there is substance. here the balance is better #bc someone needs to say these words hfkghgj #the other day while reading scripts im making myself rewrite i was like 'i coudltn do this in a fic. iwouldnt get away with this' #lines that work in a script (bc they'll be acted) fall flat in fic bc we dont have the luxury (or limitation) of actors #but it really made me think abt like..what you need to do in a script for television vs in a fic based on that television you knwo what i #mean? different things you need to work for. WE need to work for that the characters sound like Them. that we can Hear them #tv gets that almost free. the words will be in the right voice in the right body that gets you like 60-70% of the way #less sometimes depending on the specificity of the character&circumstances i was mostly thinking abt the doctor who maybe has more leeway #and tv has the limitations of 1) needs to be sayable. but also 2) needs to be flatter i think #you cant put 5 meanings in every line bc theres plot that needs to keep going and sentences need to stay short #so you get a lot of character work for free i think but in return you need to rein yourself in in that way #anyway idk these observations were just based on like me rewriting the 14 specials and going 'this line fucking sucks in fic' fhgkjhgkjgh #not that it was a bad line! just. boring .meaningless. doesnt add. filler noise. i dont have TIME for that in fic. i lose people #idc if i lose readers i dont know abt that but i lose myself honestly very short attention span keep every word interesting #scripts are fluffy and repetitious. repetitive. but repetitious sounds funner #anyway its fun trying to match that tv need with my own lines that i add in #not too obscure. needs to be sayable. but with my own 'half the spices cabinet in my single cup of hot choccy' approach to writing #(and hot choccy)

[lith-myathar]

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#i joke about it and all but like. i cannot emphasize enough what an impact it had on me to be uhhhhhb #micro-institutionalized in the way that i was for the first 14 years if my life #and i am honestly going to count the time i soent in ''elementary'' school bc it wasn't a normal school. it was a charter school #that began as a parent organized alternative and swiftly devolved into an authoritarian nightmare #a bunch of people who were simply not ready to educate children let alone ''problem'' children #of which there were MANY because that school got all the kids who had been turned out of public school for behavioral issues #there were hardline rules about literally everything. normal childhood behavior was pathologized and punished and as a kid #you had no way to understand WHY #and so many of your peers were having problems because ofc those ''problem'' kids were typically severely traumatized #or were actively being abused #so even if it wasn't happening TO you you were being exposed to it in a hundred little ways every day #so i was confused and miserable all the time AND was struggling academically bc i had undiagnosed adhd #(or possibly just trauma?? i honestly neither know nor care which came first at this point) #so my mom pulled me and my brother out. him at 11 and me at 6 and said ''i'll just do it myself'' and #raised us in a way that wasn't religious but resembled evangelical or lds stuff #i couldn't watch commercial tv or listen to popular music bc my parents didn't want me exposed to what they considered inappropriate #and while i still had extracurriculars i was always the odd one out bc i had no exposure to pop culture or normal socialization #for my age group #it resulted in me always feeling alone and like i didn't belong. and since most of my social life was my parents and their friends #that was the perfect soup for adultification #i was fine with adults. put me with my peers and i was a mess #it made the transition to high school incredibly difficult but i DID make it #but that was only 4 years still in an institution. everything began to unravel once i tried to move into anything resembling ''real life'' #and then my dad's suicide which was a major trauma in early adulthood which only made my mom's grip on us tighten #i did get to START life until 26. not really. and it's just been a game of catch up for the last 5 years #and im so *angry* at the unfairness of it all. at the time and experience and milestones that were taken from me. at how i blamed myself #for it for so many years and the problems i developed because of it all. dissociation and substance abuse and suicidality #the fear that still has a death grip on me #the courage required to just exist #it's *exhausting*

[kittlyns]

I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day

#what made it worse was the client I spent most of my day with was a brand new client. and she booked super last minute #so I wasnt mentally prepared for doing a 5 hour color. and her natural hair was already pretty light so I had to foil foil foil. go back. #pull out first couple foils. foil foil foil. go back. pull out the next few. #over and over and over. #and her hair was so fucking long. and so fucking thick. #and after the first hour she wouldn't talk. like I like my silence so I don't fight it much #but every now and then I would try to engage with her. I'd say something and she would straight up ignore me. no acknowledgment. #which makes me feel anxious cuz it's like jesus... does she hate me?? did I piss her off somehow? #even when I finished her hair (it looked fucking amazing no lie. one of my best highlights yet.) she had next to no reaction to it #she was like 'it looks fine. I mean good. it's good.' completely deadpan #I laughed it off and was like yeah it's been a long day girl! but it looks amazinggg on you!! #no response. deep inhale. alright. #whatever tho. #when I did finally get off work I stopped @ bojangles cuz I was lightheaded and hadn't eaten since morning #and when I tell you I almost broke down into tears cuz there were so many people crowding the goddamn pickup area. #and so many bizarre conversations going on. genuinely felt like I was in some form of hell #like my feet hurt. my back hurts. I'm tired. I didn't get the validation I like to have over a 5 hour transformative color. #I'm hungry and there are two elderly women blocking the pickup counter. one is hard of hearing so she keeps yelling HUH??? #and the other only speaks in soft baby whispers. that goes as well as you can imagine. #there's a man behind me grilling an employee abt whether or not he goes to church. he starts witnessing to him #and the employee says 'I've never thought about it like that before' no less than 4 times. #there's a child in front of me playing tiktoks @ full volume. and this is all happening simultaneously. #I really considered just leaving without my food but I knew I needed to eat and didnt have anything at home so I stuck it out #was it worth it? no. bojangles honestly sucks these days but what's a girl gonna do. #got home and tried to pass out but nope. tossed and turned all night. #put on hot n cold patches to try to soothe the pain a little. didn't work cuz one pain would be eased a bit and another pain would take over #blahhhhhh #and now. I get to do it all over again! yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

[youremyonlyhope]

why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up

#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director #and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production #and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out #but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again #i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately #so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me #i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me #i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added #and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad #anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much. #but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great #but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else #but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing #and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us #and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing #and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more #especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this. #and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not. #and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING #and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine. #but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad. #because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented #if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that. #but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent. #and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt #i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried. #and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over. #i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help #and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh #brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.

[milo-is-rambling]

I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?

#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like. #what? am I missing something here? #my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day #but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both #gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a #bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of #being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even #with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like #go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m #afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make #this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s #so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room #and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until #my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and #that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad #anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know. #honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down