#you won’t make me feel bad

[theworld-accordingtocasey]

…. 🙄

#oh ffs #just SAY IT #tap dancing for what purpose??? #I never say anything to the writers bc I got bigger hills but this drives me up a wall #I want to rant but I don’t even know where I’d start so I won’t #fanfiction problems #don’t bother moseying into my inbox to whine about this or rb-inf to give your $0.02 #it is a microblog and look at the title. that means debate is nonexistent and criticism is not accepted #keep it to yourself #the same way I keep my opinion on annoying «anything but calling something what it is by making a long drawn out loopdy-loop» #“well that makes you a–” 🤫 #AHT AHT AHT #it’s not up for discussion #I don’t like it #you won’t change my mind #you won’t make me feel bad #talk about YOUR negative feelings & pet peeves about my account on YOUR blog，not mine #convoluted #extra #annoying to see #turned off & no longer in the mood #skipped

[blue-mood-blue]

I can pinpoint the moment that destroyed my life today:

It’s been a handful of weeks since Murderbot came within inches of having a new, organic governor module implanted in its head via infection - do you think, maybe, that’s also been hiding behind the redacted? Not the way everything else is, just as a deep-seated reminder of what it can’t afford to lose?

What a way to be told “I love you” - to be told “I will not lose you, I will not let go, I will do the hard part of holding on even if you don’t want me to”

#the murderbot diaries #murderbot #murderbot spoilers #perihelion #I am not normal about this and I will continue to be not normal about this #I have feelings about how important they are to each other #how their relationship doesn’t fit into neat boxes and is still undeniable #I don’t think art loves quite like humans love but it DOES love and will all of that power behind it #that love is an overwhelming thing I think #not romantic but INTENSE the way it just… IS intense by nature #and like… I got to the part where mb was thinking about just walking away in the other direction like #’oh this is BAD bad’ #and this moment just……. #something about ‘you can’t go because I won’t let you’ #’I will make the hard choice for you even if you don’t like what I choose’ #not even in a possessive way just. just that mb is not ALLOWED to not exist #and I’ve got a lot of goddamn feelings about it #mb is a little bit in pieces and art is gonna forcibly hold those pieces together until it starts to heal #(but also. goddamn don’t even get me started on art having to hear that because. HHHHHH)

[turtleblogatlast]

Thinking about the Don Suave scene and what it means in terms of LGBTQ+ representation because my brain does nothing if not torment me with random topics to ramble about on the regular.

Anyway, I just wanted to ramble about why I like the scene but to get it out of the way - the scene can very easily be interpreted in so many different ways, and all of them are valid. I personally see it as Leo having at least some attraction to a man. And the following is an explanation of my own interpretation and thoughts on it and what it means especially for Leo’s portrayal in the grand scheme of things.

Long-winded interpretation under the cut!

Now, to start with, it’s important to me that in the scene Leo looks at Don Suave in the very beginning and then for the entirety of the rest of the time the man is on screen, Leo’s eyes are closed. Yet, in the end, he is still visibly enamored with Don Suave, happily cuddling up to him as he’s being carried away.

You can very easily interpret this as Leo being spellbound and that’s honestly super valid and I believe he likely was at least somewhat in the beginning, but considering how fast he looked away and how he never looked again, I personally think it makes more sense to read it as Leo just finding the man attractive, at least somewhat. (For the record, I personally headcanon Rise Leo as bisexual with a heavy preference for men, but I want to be blunt when I say that any interpretation is valid. Literally any. Ace, pan, gay, bi, none of the above or a mixture of something new literally all of it is more than okay and fair. Hell you could even interpret this entire scene as more romantic attraction than physical and it would still work. Anything goes!! Don’t bother people, guys, really.)

The main reason I take this scene to be at the very least LGBTQ+ adjacent isn’t just because of how it’s portrayed, but because of who Leonardo is. Not in terms of Rise of the TMNT, but in terms of the entire Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles™️ franchise.

Leo’s a character who, while changing with each iteration, has still at his core been around for decades upon decades as “the blue one”. One fourth of the team. He’s the one most are going to look at as the Leader, and oftentimes he is the one closest to having the title of Main Character. Not to say the others aren’t just as important, but Leo’s presence in the A plots of basically all TMNT media is often something very main character-esque.

And that’s very, very important to note. Here we have a Main Character of a prolific and decades long-running franchise distributed by a children’s television network. You can play around with his and his brothers’ characters all you like, but there is always going to be challenges to dodge around, especially since this was still in 2018-2019.

For example, you can play around with their designs so long as they’re color coded turtles, but their sexualities? Now that’s tricky.

“But what about Hypno and Warren?” Not main characters and also they’re Rise originals. They have a lot more room to play around with than a character like Leo does. But even talking about main characters in the franchise, you could arguably have an easier time playing around with Donnie or Mikey’s sexualities than Leo or even Raph, as (unfortunately) the former two tend to get more B plots, so they’d likely have had a little more leeway (still not a lot though.)

So, where does this leave us?

It leaves us in a place where outright stating and/or showing undeniable proof of Leo’s attraction to men is very, very difficult. So, workarounds!

Workarounds like the entire Don Suave situation.

To be honest, as left up to interpretation and lowkey and deniable as it is, this whole scene means a lot to me because of who Leo is as a character. It’s just nice when we get so see even the bare bones of representation with characters that have been such a large part of pop culture for decades, y’know? Even if more would be so much nicer, this is better than I thought we’d ever get for these boys.

And, again, literally nothing I’ve said is the only way to interpret it, I’m more than happy when people interpret media on their own honestly, it’s just something I’ve been thinking of lately and I was wondering if others felt the same way.

Whatever you think when you interpret this scene or Rise Leo as a whole, I just thought this would be interesting to think about, even if it was ramble-y, haha.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt headcanons #rottmnt leo #rise leo #rise don suave #rottmnt don suave #I lied I’m back to ramble because I’m just #so bad at keeping my mouth shut #or uh #not typing word vomit #anyway- yeah this is my personal interpretation #I believe Leo was legitimately mesmerized by Don Suave’s powers…in the beginning #but even the series’ creator says it was ‘at least PART of what was going on with Leo’ so #idk it’s something that’s been on my mind and I was wondering if anyone else felt the same?? #may delete this later who knowssss #pleaaaase feel free to disagree I just like to talk lol #but yeah sometimes I look around at how much media has LGBTQ+ rep in it now and it honestly makes me emotional?? #(we always always ALWAYS could use more but) #we did not have even a crumb of this as kids #but also like most of that rep is new properties #and I just was thinking about what that could mean #idk man idk #once again please don’t take this as facts it is VERY MUCH NOT #man I was looking around for good images to use and found jack all #anyway tho did you know Donnie often has bi colors around him and Leo is often dressed in the colors of the trans flag- #okay anyway back to the caves I go this comic won’t draw itself #I gotta spray myself with water any time I go to type long winded essays because they’re not great for the mental health fr

[quietwingsinthesky]

we’ve all said it before but ill say it again, sam should have gotten lucifer pregnant and that should have been the jack origin. if she was jessifer at the time, even better <3

#lucifer mommy truthing again hi hii he needs this #it won’t fix him it will make him worse but it’ll be hot to see sam tormented by the pregnant devil #☺️ sam going to attack jessifer and she goes ‘don’t you care about our baby Sam? don’t you want to meet him?’ #gets sam to touch her belly and talk to the baby and that’s when Jack does the whole ‘I’m The Perfect Paradise Baby Love Me 🥺🥺’ thing on sam #and now sam can’t kill her or their baby. he can’t. he loves jack too much. perhaps has also been hit with so many nephil happiness rays #that he looks up at lucifer and is like Oh. overwhelmed with sudden love for her. and his heads all mixed up. it’s like the vision where she #made him feel calm x1000 and. and. he loves her? he loves her doesn’t he? he gave her a baby and he loves her? #they’re going to raise their son together? and lucifer is so very pleased as sam presses his ear to her belly to hear jack’s heartbeat. #sam has quite literally been baby trapped. as in that baby set the trap and caught him in it before it was even sentient. mind control baby. #cue the rest of the pregnancy with lovestruck sam doing everything in his power to protect lucifer & jack #he’s like. fully aware he was scared of lucifer. that Lucifer is Bad this baby is Dangerous. but also. he loves them so much. #nothing else seems to matter when he loves them so much. #<3 I think Sam deserves to be mindfucked into being Lucifer’s little househusband for a bit. #oh. there are places this could go after Jack is born uhm uh. i uhm. that’s not the point I won’t say that. #the point is sam getting brainwashed to be happier and protective of pregnant!lucifer. and he IS happier. he’s just also high on good vibes. #😳 lucifer riding sam with his hand on her belly 😳😳😳😳 #tw pregnancy #anyway. thoughts. #samifer #lucifer spn #Jess!lucifer #Jack kline #sam winchester

[napping-sapphic]

I’m not cut out for even slightly more intense health issues than my usual stuff yall so here’s my will for when i die of feel too bad disorder: i’d like to dedicate my few life achievements to all the sapphics out there and also they can have all my stuff i guess

#i did not go to a doctor yet because i was better yesterday #and it is now worse again!! rude!! #now i have to consider going today🙃 #i do have a few general health issues but i don’t ever get sick or anything #so now im an absolute WIMP when it comes to feeling bad #im ready to fight whoever invented feeling bad cause it is not fun!! #also ready to pass away so pls enjoy my objects i love them a lot #you guys don’t get to have my books though please bury them with me as my final request #you can however keep my degree which is useful as tinder or perhaps a part of a decorative stack of useless papers #this is a joke and im over exaggerating and probably fine btw #just some things acting up probably not anything bad or serious #however the only thing im yearning for rn is for this to go away #so probably won’t have enough yearning for women to make many posts #unless i find some in my drafts or some such #idk #but i wanted to post about it since i know sometimes radio silence gets yall worried #so!! im good just going through it lol

[rackartyg]

in therapy today i just talked about the dark urge and astarion and my therapist was elated about it. it was fantastic. “wow you’ve really been using this story and those characters to process things. that’s amazing!”

the era of being ashamed of my interests is over. it’s apparently Cool and Healthy to use fiction to cope. i wish i could tell fifteen year old me about this it would blow her mind

#she speaks #arctic plays bg3 #bad brains blogging #you’re gonna have to pry SFF from my cold dead hands because ‘this creature is not human but nonetheless a person’ is THE most #important thing ever actually #i love taking my feelings and experiences and externalising and concretising them through metaphor #my favourite thing about astarion is how he both has literal cptsd AND metaphorically through his vampirism #that fucking rules #also shoutout to another thing therapist said today: #she was originally sceptical of my potentially having autism #then she was like ‘ok you have some traits but you’re probably not diagnosable’ #then today she was like ‘you make so much sense when one thinks of you through the lense of autism’ #amen sister i’ve been right there with you #but now i’m getting my second assessment soon! which won’t change anything about me i am and will be ‘tism-y regardless #but it’s going to be interesting to see what happens #also i told her about my WISC scores and she was like ‘jesus christ tell them to evaluate you for adhd too’ so uhhh #they already screened me for that and i believe i tested negative but let’s see #the WISC score was why i was even referred for an assessment so

[deus-ex-mona]

ok but. looking at yujiro’s nonexistent a(.)b(.)s(ecret), i think i could take him on 1v1 ezpz

#never have i ever felt such a strong urge to throw a fictional guy across the room #i haven’t trained in over a year but i think i still got it!!!!!! meet me outside yujiro i can show you ✨the world✨ #i’ll whip you over my shoulder so quick you won’t be able to even get to the ‘c’ of your abcs #but hm. this kinda makes me feel better about my own growing muscles. i think my biceps are getting kinda fire ngl #guess carrying 18 litre tins of solvents at work makes for a good workout after all~~~~~~ yeayyyyyyyyt #ok but. while i’m blabbing on about absolute nonsense… my (a.b.)secret is… that i’ve never been a fan of techno im sorryyyyyy #y’seeeee it all started with my father’s cd filled with nothing but track remixes of this song called 老鼠爱大米… #and track 5 of said remix collection was a techno version of that song. it made my head pound so bad i got nauseous i think #so that’s what techno reminds me of ngl… sadge. sorry a.b.s. i gotta add you to the lxl dni tracklist along with nonfan :( #anyways live love laugh maNIFEST MEOTO MV PSPSPSPSPSPSPSPP L S #染BODY ONCE TOLD ME—

[foofygoldfish]

hi this is idk me being vulnerable or whatever

but uh if anyone ever wants to chat or like… discord or whatever? I’d like that?

#mariahs rambles #I’m lonely as shit #I don’t want to talk about bg3 I think that game is shit for reasons I won’t get into lmao #but like. I’m still here. just at the “rewatch the entirety of greys anatomy” level of white girl depressdd #my contact stuff is all in my pinned post #I just can’t come back here it’s still the bad place #too many shitty toxic people #but idk how to make friends anymore so #idk #if someone wants to pity me #I know this will get ignored like always but #yeah #idk why I’m making this oh my god #fuck I’d even take a ‘here’s why everyone started ignoring you’ at this point #because I really do feel like I pissed someone off #…. this went for way longer than I thought it would apologies #tldr lonely as shit feel like I pissed someone off idk what’s going on

[stealingyourbones]

The want and urge to animate an eldritch horror Danny Phantom is so strong and yet I don’t have the artistic skill or knowledge of particular types of animation to fully do the idea in my mind justice

#bones speaks #you know that one arg channel? _Boisvert #that one #the angel from that #that’s the best way to describe what’s going on in my head #I feel the need to animate and not draw it bc drawing it won’t show the extent of the *wrongness* ya know #angels say ‘be not afraid’ for a damn reason when first meeting people and I need Danny to have the same vibe #sorta holy or divine and visually goes beyond human comprehension so much so that we can only see what our brain can best process #which is to say: some creepy ass bullshit of an amalgam horror creature of colossal size and power #When I look at Eldritch Horror Danny it needs to be so much overstimulation of shit going on that I instantly start dissociating #it needs to be so much at the same time that it genuinely makes you mentally break #if you check out that ARG channel: be warned that it’s main theme is depression and hopelessness. it may send you into a depressive spiral. #it has frightening and VERY unnerving imagery along with religious themes and gore and a LOT of staring #just so y’all know and I don’t accidentally make y’all dissociate or anythin cause that shit nearly instantly makes me lose touch w reality #like I should enjoy watching it bc it genuinely makes me feel bad and yet the curiosity of such an interesting take of the medium an just- #it’s just so cool ya know? stuff Beyond Comprehension and exsistential dread is just FASCINATING. #like Everywhere at the End of Time #that shit? instantly makes me have an anxiety attack and makes me off the rest of the day. #do I find it incredibly intriguing and on the occasion listen to it again knowing damn well that I’m setting myself up for a shitty day? yes #it’s just sO COOL #audio format of dementia is beautifully haunting. I worked for a time volunteering helping dimentia patients. some of them… #they were hollow. empty shells of a person that when I saw them all I could visualize was that awful static from the album just going on and #on forever. there was nothing left. that shit and morality scares the SHIT out of me and equally entices me #tw dissociation #tw memory loss #tw dementia

[daydadahlias]

why are you friends with them if they’re aro/acephobic?

oo what a lovely question that for some reason places blame entirely on me for experiencing acephobia! I’m joking mostly but this does put me in the position to need to defend both my friends and my already very small and unrecognized identity.

So, real talk, pretty much everyone who isn’t ace is on some level acephobic or will say something acephobic at some point without necessarily meaning to. And that’s not because they’re assholes or they’re terrible people and need to change but rather everything to do with their own perceptions of the world and relationships that have been beaten into them since birth through our society. Like, not trying to be a ~pick me~ but I’m the odd one out here and I always have been and I always will be! How many aroace people have you ever met in your real life outside of the internet? I’m guessing the number’s pretty small because I’ve never met any.

I’m in college right now and most of my friends are also college students. All of my friends are dating and having sex and exploring themselves. And that’s fantastic for them!! I love being privileged enough to watch them discover themselves. But they’re all confused as to why I’m not doing it too. Why I’m not dating or having sex or even attempting to explore this other part of life!! And it’s not coming from a place of hatred or cruelty against me and entirely from a place of cultural confusion. Like people just don’t… Get where I’m coming from. And frankly that’s okay. I don’t expect them to considering how every single person on the planet has been socialized since birth. It’s hard to see perspectives other than your own especially when this perspective is held by less than 1% of the global population. And doesn’t show up really anywhere in any of our media. No one really thinks it’s normal to be like this. But why would they? When everyone is always telling them it’s not?

So, if I stopped being friends with everyone who said something that came across to me as acephobic or that made me feel ostracized or weird for how I feel, I simply wouldn’t have very many friends! And I can point out those moments to people and explain how it made me feel but often times it’s simply not worth it and, ultimately, I’m the odd one out and sometimes I just have to take that as it is.

#yeah so #being ace in college is really hard #and being aroace is really hard #and I don’t fault my friends for being like ‘why don’t you have a boyfriend 😩’ bc that’s not their problem #but society’s problem 💙 #and I can explain the issue to them until I’m blue in the face #it won’t really make a difference #so sometimes I just feel bad abt who I am ☺️ and that’s how the cookie crumbles #pigeon #anon #but thank you for somehow making this… my problem for remaining friends with them #and not a larger societal issue that impacts everyone #including me #sorry abt the jessay bestie

[chaosinstigator]

might just dip until quali on saturday

#literally this is where I come to get some serotonin but 80% of my feed is just - #some people need to touch some grass and some need to seriously breathe and take a step back bc oh my god #anyways yeah if you see this ily disregard the prev tags #(im just too tired to keep blocking people atm) #but I already have a migraine and a full schedule I won’t have my free time taken away by dumb shit or people trying to make me feel bad ffs #imma let the queue run for a bit #joey rambles

[thebestusernamepossible]

Listen, I love the LGBTQ+ community as much as any other queer person. But we have got to stop ostracizing people in our community to fit in with cishetallo people.

Some of y’all really do go ‘these are the acceptable boxes for queer people and their definitions, anyone outside of these is actually not queer and making us look bad’ and act like that’s ok. Now that being queer is generally acceptable in online/progressive areas (as long as you are one of the ‘well known’ orientations), a big part of the community has started regulating what’s ‘acceptable’ of a queer person and how we should fit into society.

I’ll see people hating on trans people who don’t fit into the ‘normal’ expectation of ‘Trans girl, Trans boy, or Non-binary’ or use Neo pronouns because that’s how they feel the most comfortable. I’ll see people hating on queer people who don’t like labels ( or try to assign people one even if they don’t want it). Or people who use a label in a way they don’t like (bi people who mostly date the opposite sex, lesbians who use pronouns other than just she/her, gender non-conforming people who don’t identify as trans, obscure micro-labels, etc.)

And it’s so frustrating because we as LGBTQ+ are supposed to be better!!! We are supposed to empathize with the feeling of not fitting in with regular society and help others like us! But the community has become part of the oppressive ‘societal standard’ for some people.

Some people just can’t be put into a perfect little label box and a lot of y’all aren’t cool about that. And I can’t believe I have to tell my fellow queers this, but there is nothing wrong with denying societal standards in order to live in the way that is genuine to you and makes you happy. End of story. If you disagree with that, look inward at your internal biases and try and fix that. Get rid of the cop in your brain telling you that you have to police others self-expression.

#look man I am just TIRED of having to pick from a bunch of different boxes to feel like I’m REALLY LGBTQ+ #as far as I care I’m queer #and if that label changes as I grow? #good for me #That’s something y’all need to get cool with too #labels changing over time #I just don’t feel like most big labels really fit me and I don’t really want to use micro labels #not a micro-label hate post btw #love y’all and glad you’re happy- it’s just not for me #like you could probably find some obscure aspects label to describe me #but is that anyones business other than maybe my future partner if I get one? #I don’t OWE people an explanation to me and how I experience attraction #I’m also tired of seeing people shoved into being LGBTQ+ just for going beyond gender norms #like y’all will say ‘yeah I’m normal about feminine men’ but won’t believe that a feminine man is cishetallo #which in turn is why a lot of cishetallo men don’t feel comfortable being feminine #I have a lot of feelings about this #but anyway you don’t owe society anything and you shouldn’t have to change how you present yourself to make them happy #unless you are actively harming someone by being yourself then I don’t care and I support you #actively harming in a ‘purposefuly harming someone’ way -not in a ‘you make other queer people look bad by not conforming to the norm’ way #I love the queer community if you can’t tell tho #I just think we can do better #cw queer #I like the label and I use it #but I get why some of y’all might not #gay #LGBT #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #queer

[gregmarriage]

i may know it’s healthy to interact with people and be social, but that doesn’t mean i find it easy in any way

#like i don’t actually mean to isolate myself i just get lost in doing my own thing #which isn’t bad in itself #but then i find myself feeling sad and idk why #bruh you haven’t spoken to your friends in quite a while #if i was a sim my social bar would be red #but i still don’t wanna talk to people sometimes #like i have to physically force myself just to say ‘hey! #everyone pray for gwen’s social life bc it sucks and isn’t really getting any better even tho i’m trying my hardest #i do wanna push myself more and talk to ppl i’ve always wanted to talk to #but my stupid brain won’t let me #i’m trying to push past it though #it would be nice to make new friends that i then neglect bc i’m bad at friendship #idk maybe that isn’t fair #but i still wouldn’t say i’m great at it #idk i just feel dumb for begging people to talk to me #or even just sending messages to new people #or even my friends who i know won’t judge me but still #idk i’m still sensitive after my episode and i just feel embarrassing and annoying and like i’m bugging people #and i believe them when they say i’m not but it doesn’t stop completely me from feeling that way #literally ‘hey’ feels like i just pissed on the floor in front of them #like god! way to be annoying gwen!! #yes i know it’s my brain talking but literally i use up so much energy trying not to feel it #and so much letting myself feel it #and i only have so much energy as it is #not that it matters #bc most ppl don’t care as long as i check in sometimes #but again i repeat my earlier statement #don’t wanna check in i feel cringe #need friends and communication but cannot maintain them #like the 100th post i’ve made but it’s what my thoughts are currently

[godblooded]

honestly controversial opinion but i think more radical not giving a shit and less self admonishing.

#ooc. o kaptain. #[like i get the mentality that it’s difficult to succeed or you feel like a failure but… being defeatist about it in your own thinking #doesn’t help anything. like lately? i hate every single thing i write. i feel so demoralized and i genuinely feel like im hurling things #into nowhere for no one. but I’m trying because i know it just takes finding that thing that’ll click?? and it won’t get me anywhere to just #keep thinking about how shitty i feel about what i write or how i write it. it won’t make it BETTER if I just obsess about how bad it is. #less oh but I can’t or oh but I won’t or I’m sorry that I can’t because and more I don’t give a fuck and putting out there whatever you want #or feel like. I feel like shit but what I’m trying to say is just!! try!! it sucks but DO IT FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT IS NOT A LIE. SOMETIMES #YOU FIND OUT YOU WERENT FAKING IT AT ALL.]

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

THE ADVIL HAS KICKED IN TIME TO WRITE

#I had a Headache so I literally did not do what I said I would do #JEREMIAH TIMEEEE #god any time I get a headache I think of that 7k stretch of 24k Harrison where Harrison won’t #shut the fuck up abt having a headache #and is like being so whiny to Jeremiah like ‘HEY YOU HAVE TYLENOL?? WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GET TYLENOL??? #CAN YOU GET ME A TYLENOL???? WHERE IS THE TYLENOL??? #anyway it makes them more bearable HAHAHAHA #also I am a bad person and might edit hallowed bodies instead I’m up and feeling mystified by Lonan Clark #<<< Harrison ghostwrote

[arthur-r]

testosterone meeting complete?!?!?!?!???!!!

#it went well the doctor was so much better than any doctor i’ve met ever in my life #treated me like a human being?? was familiar with my pre-existing conditions?? #saw autism on my chart and just acknowledged it and moved on?? no ‘‘are you sure you’re trans you’re just a confused autistic kid’’ ??!! #i have an informed consent paper to look at now but it’s all stuff i’ve already researched #i have officially decided that T is more important to me than biological children so we got this #(i was already basically there but i had an anxiety spiral a couple months ago about freezing my eggs which i’ve confirmed was just anxiety #‘​‘just anxiety’’ i sound like a fucking evil doctor but like. intrusive-thoughts-anxiety vs thing-i-should-listen-to. i don’t want bio kids #the one thing i’m nervous about is my singing voice i wanna make sure i get some recordings in before my voice changes #cause my voice isn’t mine but i’ve sure worked hard on it shdhdf and it has a high pitched anxious quality to it that you can’t often find #shdhdhf i just feel like the voice i have now is more unique than wherever i’m gonna end up. and i really want to sound like my favorite cis #men musicians but i feel like my anxious songs just won’t hit the same if it sounds like some guy is singing them #so i’m gonna make some recordings within the next month to put out pre-T demo versions of my songs (real demos not what i’m always posting) #and then i’ll be ready. cause i want to sound like some weird shitty man SO BAD. please just let me be some off-key guy with voice cracks #TO BE CLEAR i would sure like to be a talented singer on testosterone. which has happened for one of my dearest friends and can probably #also happen for me. if i keep working on my voice all the time. BUT i would rather have a shitty low voice than a beautiful high one #which i did a lot of thinking about and grappling with since i’m a vocalist and it’s kind of really important to me #but half the male musicians i listen to can’t even hold a tune. so I CAN HANDLE IT #anyway!! i’m going to latin now!! and then i have work and then asexual club and then heading home and maybe laundry #i hope everybody has a good day and i love you dearly #me. my post. mine. #delete later #medical cw #(? ask to tag)