#I lied I’m back to ramble because I’m just

[bitchinbarzal]

Red, White & Blue | M Barzal

part three of blue, white & orange

-

Mat was miserable and it showed. It fed over into practices and his on ice performance.

The islanders bailed out in the second round, no thanks to Mat’s horrible playing.

He spent the off season at home, not his usual extravagant plans with you by his side. He only flew back to BC for a few weeks before he got home and back to work. He needed to get his mind off you.

You’d blocked him and seemingly moved as he dropped by your apartment only to meet a nice Swedish man named Jakob living there now.

Your jacket and jersey still hung over his dining room chair where he dropped them that night he got home. The jersey was still dirty from the floor and the jacket still smelled of her perfume.

When the season rolled back around in August Mat was all eyes forward. He still hadn’t heard from you and he was slowly but surely getting better.

The season opener was in Madison Square Garden, facing off against the rangers. He wasn’t worried, he just wanted the game to be done with. This team brought him nothing but horrible memories and feelings.

The game started strong, the islanders were on a positive beginning. They were leading by three going into the third. Mat was confident.

That was until he saw you on the jumbotron.

His breath caught in his throat when he saw your face, the smile he missed and loved so much. You were sat there wearing the thing that started all of this, that stupid jersey. The red, white and blue made Mat feel sick.

That threw him off. They lost. He just wanted to go home.

While heading back to the bus he heard someone shouting his name, turning to see Alexis calling for him.

He scowled “What do you want?”

Alexis rolled his eyes “Don’t forget she was my fiancé first… anyway, here” he thrusts a post it note into Mat’s hand

“What’s this?”

“That’s her new address” he explains and notices Mat’s confused expression “She still loves you Mat and all I ever wanted was for her to be happy if it was with me or you”

Mat took the post it with a shaky hand a soft smile “Thanks man…”

He gripped it tightly on the way back to UBS. Staring at it, as if trying to memorise it.

When he got back to his car it was the first thing he did, punch that address into his GPS.

When he arrived he sat in his car staring at the window of the apartment he had figured out was yours. It took him an hour before he finally had the nerve to go into the building and knock on your door.

He heard you call out “coming!” Before opening the door. You looked shocked to see him, suddenly aware of what you were wearing.

The blue burned Mat’s eyes. He wishes he could rip It off but he knew better.

“Mat-“

“I love you. I love you in this jersey, in my jersey - I mostly prefer you without anything to be honest!” He rambled, his hands flapping around

“You gave her my jacket” you mumble, curling back into yourself.

He shakes his head, scrunching his eyes closed “I- I didn’t give her it! Please just- she took it! She was cold and I turned my back for like a second. I had the jacket because I was coming to find you, to make up for what was happening between us”

You bit your lip “How do I know that?”

He shrugs “I can’t make you trust me but you know how much I love you, that’s never been in question. We fought, we were each jealous because we love each other so much so please don’t stay away from me any longer I can’t take it”

Your bottom lip quivered “How do you know we’re not bad for each other Mat?”

“Even if we are… I’m willing to take the risk”

You let out a shaky breath “Come here”

He immediately steps into the apartment and kisses you, both of you stumbling back a few steps. You feel him lifting up your jersey to reveal nothing underneath

“Mat!”

“I lied, I don’t love you in this jersey please get it off”

#mat barzal x reader #mat barzal imagine #nhl imagine

[turtleblogatlast]

Thinking about the Don Suave scene and what it means in terms of LGBTQ+ representation because my brain does nothing if not torment me with random topics to ramble about on the regular.

Anyway, I just wanted to ramble about why I like the scene but to get it out of the way - the scene can very easily be interpreted in so many different ways, and all of them are valid. I personally see it as Leo having at least some attraction to a man. And the following is an explanation of my own interpretation and thoughts on it and what it means especially for Leo’s portrayal in the grand scheme of things.

Long-winded interpretation under the cut!

Now, to start with, it’s important to me that in the scene Leo looks at Don Suave in the very beginning and then for the entirety of the rest of the time the man is on screen, Leo’s eyes are closed. Yet, in the end, he is still visibly enamored with Don Suave, happily cuddling up to him as he’s being carried away.

You can very easily interpret this as Leo being spellbound and that’s honestly super valid and I believe he likely was at least somewhat in the beginning, but considering how fast he looked away and how he never looked again, I personally think it makes more sense to read it as Leo just finding the man attractive, at least somewhat. (For the record, I personally headcanon Rise Leo as bisexual with a heavy preference for men, but I want to be blunt when I say that any interpretation is valid. Literally any. Ace, pan, gay, bi, none of the above or a mixture of something new literally all of it is more than okay and fair. Hell you could even interpret this entire scene as more romantic attraction than physical and it would still work. Anything goes!! Don’t bother people, guys, really.)

The main reason I take this scene to be at the very least LGBTQ+ adjacent isn’t just because of how it’s portrayed, but because of who Leonardo is. Not in terms of Rise of the TMNT, but in terms of the entire Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles™️ franchise.

Leo’s a character who, while changing with each iteration, has still at his core been around for decades upon decades as “the blue one”. One fourth of the team. He’s the one most are going to look at as the Leader, and oftentimes he is the one closest to having the title of Main Character. Not to say the others aren’t just as important, but Leo’s presence in the A plots of basically all TMNT media is often something very main character-esque.

And that’s very, very important to note. Here we have a Main Character of a prolific and decades long-running franchise distributed by a children’s television network. You can play around with his and his brothers’ characters all you like, but there is always going to be challenges to dodge around, especially since this was still in 2018-2019.

For example, you can play around with their designs so long as they’re color coded turtles, but their sexualities? Now that’s tricky.

“But what about Hypno and Warren?” Not main characters and also they’re Rise originals. They have a lot more room to play around with than a character like Leo does. But even talking about main characters in the franchise, you could arguably have an easier time playing around with Donnie or Mikey’s sexualities than Leo or even Raph, as (unfortunately) the former two tend to get more B plots, so they’d likely have had a little more leeway (still not a lot though.)

So, where does this leave us?

It leaves us in a place where outright stating and/or showing undeniable proof of Leo’s attraction to men is very, very difficult. So, workarounds!

Workarounds like the entire Don Suave situation.

To be honest, as left up to interpretation and lowkey and deniable as it is, this whole scene means a lot to me because of who Leo is as a character. It’s just nice when we get so see even the bare bones of representation with characters that have been such a large part of pop culture for decades, y’know? Even if more would be so much nicer, this is better than I thought we’d ever get for these boys.

And, again, literally nothing I’ve said is the only way to interpret it, I’m more than happy when people interpret media on their own honestly, it’s just something I’ve been thinking of lately and I was wondering if others felt the same way.

Whatever you think when you interpret this scene or Rise Leo as a whole, I just thought this would be interesting to think about, even if it was ramble-y, haha.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt headcanons #rottmnt leo #rise leo #rise don suave #rottmnt don suave #I lied I’m back to ramble because I’m just #so bad at keeping my mouth shut #or uh #not typing word vomit #anyway- yeah this is my personal interpretation #I believe Leo was legitimately mesmerized by Don Suave’s powers…in the beginning #but even the series’ creator says it was ‘at least PART of what was going on with Leo’ so #idk it’s something that’s been on my mind and I was wondering if anyone else felt the same?? #may delete this later who knowssss #pleaaaase feel free to disagree I just like to talk lol #but yeah sometimes I look around at how much media has LGBTQ+ rep in it now and it honestly makes me emotional?? #(we always always ALWAYS could use more but) #we did not have even a crumb of this as kids #but also like most of that rep is new properties #and I just was thinking about what that could mean #idk man idk #once again please don’t take this as facts it is VERY MUCH NOT #man I was looking around for good images to use and found jack all #anyway tho did you know Donnie often has bi colors around him and Leo is often dressed in the colors of the trans flag- #okay anyway back to the caves I go this comic won’t draw itself #I gotta spray myself with water any time I go to type long winded essays because they’re not great for the mental health fr

[tariah23]

Also, those birds in the wall are so loud tonight lol.

#whoever else moves into this house after us is gonna be pissed #our landlord is ass and acted like it wasn’t a big deal when we first told them about this issue #I remember even showing her and the handyman she always sends out who’s just some guy she pays to do work whenever we call because she’s too #cheap to call actual professionals ☠️………….. then gets mad when she has to send the handyman out to the house multiple times just because he #didn’t know what he was doing and she wasted her money instead of ya know sending out a professional what a Buffoon #anyway I showed them the hole and when we brought it up again she acted like we never told her lmfao #now the birds are loud as shit and no one is gonna want to move into this house like that #there’s still huge opening outside of our house where the birds can fly into lmfao #they were too lazy to even patch the hole up and she sent the handyman to clear out the bird mite infestation (she gave him the wrong shit #that you use for like ants and stuff ☠️… so of course the mites were never Removed #) #rambling #they were also supposed to paint our kitchen last summer but ghosted us… #then the landlord lied about sending the handyman out to paint and said that he was knocking on our door for 15 minutes which was obviously #a lie because the handyman is a chill dude and he’s usually ready to leave after knocking once and as soon as we open the door he’s always #like ‘I was about to leave! I thought y’all was sleep-‘ even know this negro would ring the bell like once and we’d open the door almost #immediately lmfao like so I knew the landlord was lying about him standing outside our house knocking for 15 min like he’d be ready to leave #in 20 seconds ☠️ #then I remember my mom mentioning her taking her time trying to repair stuff around the house etc and the landlord pulled a “’I have a #feeling you don’t think that I’m doing my best 🥺… I gave you your security back-‘ #and that sounded like a threat to me like do you want us to move lol? very weird just because my mom was telling her that she basically #doesn’t do her job in a nice way #she was probably still mad that she had to give me some money as payback because of the mites getting into my hair that I had just gotten #done #because it was their fault that the mites problem even got to the point that it did lol like I don’t care Idk if you’re upset #should’ve fixed the hole when we first told you about it #we should report her to the city after we move tbh fuck landlords #this was the first house that I’d ever lived in and it’s a decent size too but my fam and I are tired of this place like our landlord sucks #and she gets an attitude whenever we call them about a problem in the house like isn’t it your job to repair shit in the first place or #should we call the city on you 😐? I have a feeling that she wouldn’t like that lol

[aidenknow]

At least people now know that the victim’s testamony isnt a lie

#Aiden Rambles #Drama #To the victim I must apologize that I fumbled in handling the info regarding about your testamony #Which is awful to my part on the unprofessionalism I did #Also I’m going to say again #I’m not doing this to save face and trying to get back to my ‘good graces’ #I’m doing this because of the people Fortress hurt #But I get why people get skeptical and untrustworthy with me on how I handle it #I just feel like I had enough with Fortress’ lies and manipulations to me and other people #And I blame the people who believe in Fortress’ exaggerated and out of context accusations

[atyourmerci]

Softdom!abby X plus sized insecure reader ♡

Abby painting all the things she loves about your body

CW: smut, MDNI, softdom!abby, sub!reader, plussized!reader, reader is anxious, me making up shit ab artistry, face sitting, fingering, mult orgasms

♡ ♡

In your sun kissed painting room, abby lies against your velvet couch, her blonde hair glowing against her pale flesh. She often modeled for all of your class assignments so she was used to her spotlight.

She loved watching you at work, so concentrated as you perfected your craft. She would do anything for you, she just wanted to help her beautiful girl.

As your eyes are trained on the majority of a blank canvas you zone in on creating your base, knowing your girlfriend would stay still so you can get your perfect shot.

“Why don’t you ever let me pain you?” Is heard from behind the white canvas propped up on your easel.

It caught you so off guard your head peaks around the board to look at your girlfriend. hmmm? Comes out as an honest confusion.

She giggles to herself at how locked in you truly were, “why don’t I ever paint you?” She reiterates.

You giggle back at her question, “because you can’t paint for shit,” you toy with her playfully.

“And what if I wanted to try huh, maybe I’m not using the right medium perhaps,” she comes back with a sophisticated air to her tone.

“Yeah yeah okay, just sit and look pretty,” you say getting back to your work when you hear a rustling, seeing her get up from the couch to approach you, “don’t move! That was a perfect-,” before you could finish her hands are wrapped around your stomach as she kisses the side of your face.

You can’t seem to protest with the naked woman behind you, touches of her sun soaked skin drenching you. You lean into it, letting her do as she pleased.

“I want to paint you,” she says in between peppering kisses down your neck. You giggle at her insistence, “baby I think we’ve been over th-,”

“No, no I want you paint on you,” she whispers into your ear as her hand cups your jaw gently.

“N-now? Right now?” You turn to face her, she had to be joking, right? Abby watches you with doe eyes, nodding back at you.

“But it’s bright in here,” you say averting your glance, the pit in your stomach growing with anxiety of the thought. Your nervous tick of flexing your fingers beginning, and abby notices.

Taking your palms into her own and rubbing circles with her thumbs on top of your hands in order to soothe you.

“I know. I want to admire every part of you. I want you to see what I see baby. Is that okay?”

A white tapestry lies beneath your barren body, stripped of all the confines and masks you build up to protect perception.

There’s no real reason to hide from abby. She adored every inch of you. Every marking on your body was akin to threads of gold to her.

Now tracing them with your paintbrushes, creating flowers from the stretch marks on your stomach, one of the biggest insecurities you had.

You once tried to hide them, turning around to change, avoiding mirrors that may give away your secrets. She’d trace them in the safety in the darkness, admiring your body for taking care of you, protecting you when she couldn’t.

As she aimlessly paints away at your flesh she admires her artwork, not the paint itself, but her own human body sculpted for her eyes. She rambles on about how you represent the body of a Greek goddess, full and radiant.

Her light touches, soft words, and longing glances sending you into the deepest form of arousal you’d ever known.

To be loved is to be seen

Beginning to form dainty flowers amongst the stretch marks in your inner thighs you couldn’t take it anymore, breath getting heavier, her mouth beginning to gape at your dripping arousal…so close to her touch.

“Please sit on my face,” she sounded depraved, as if she’d die without it.

“B-but the paint,” you breathe out, not giving a shit, but knowing there would be a mess.

“I don’t fucking care, please baby,” she pleas, gripping into the flesh of your thighs.

You’d never done this, allowed yourself that vulnerability. You’d berate your thoughts, always worrying you’d be too heavy. What if she thought you were too much, too heavy for her? Would it change her mind about you?

She guides you above your mouth, paint smearing across her cheeks. You begin at a hover, attempting to make yourself lighter, more palatable.

“Baby all of you, please I need you,” you hear from her, tugging on your thighs to sit comfortably on top of her.

A sigh of relief floods you, releasing the tension and submitting to her completely.

If she could have eaten you whole, she would have. Sloppily licking down your cunt, pressing down your thighs to get as close as she could.

She made you whine and shake till your tired limbs gave out, falling down onto her, letting your body rest completely. Planting kisses on your forehead while she runs her fingertips through your hair.

“Let me do the work this time, just lay there and look pretty,” she says gazing down at you with a grin, knowing she’s stealing your line.

Your body sprawled out on the cloth, completely revealed to her open-mouthed gaze, sun kissing your sweaty flesh.

Driving her fingers into you she can’t help but stare at your pretty mess, paint covered, soaking cunt all of her. “Look so fucking pretty like this,” she coos, sending your head back in pleasure.

The feeling of full liberation, complete autonomy over your body, at the hands of her.

‘mine mine my girl my fucking pretty girl’ she can’t stop herself from babbling, watching as her piece of art comes to life.

Even after you finish from her fingers she can’t stop looking, obsessed, utterly enthralled at the thought of getting the honor of fucking a goddess.

Dried paint chips away at your bodies as the sun goes down. Bare bodies lying there for hours. Maybe you’d never leave this moment.

#abby anderson #the last of us #abby anderson smut #abby x reader #abby tlou #abby anderson tlou2 #abby angst #abby the last of us #abby x fem!reader #abby anderson x reader #abby tlou x reader #abby x you #dom abby anderson #abby anderson x f!reader #abby anderson x you #abby anderson x female reader #abby anderson fanfiction #abby anderson fanfic #plus size reader

[thebirdsandthebats]

Okay @s-p-r-i-n-g-t-i-m-e I’m sure you know plenty BUT I’m going to use your wonderful and hilarious comment on this as an excuse to talk about Bernard, bc I realized recently that there are plenty of ppl who haven’t read most of the comics he’s been in. So get ready for my long overdue:

UNPACKING BERNARD DOWD + HIS TRAUMA (for those who cannot keep up with comics but want to get to know him)

So to start, Tim met Bernard years ago ofc, when they were in high school. It’s established pretty quick that Bernard is an extremely Unserious guy LMAO, the first thing he does is literally circle Tim and try to feel him out socially, see what kind of guy he is. He’s the kind of guy who gets himself in trouble with his big mouth, and seems to enjoy poking at Tim and testing his patience. By the time we meet Bernard again in the recent years, he’s grown a lot, but at his core he’s still the light-hearted, fun, goofy guy with very strong opinions. Just less stand-offish, maybe

Throughout the time Tim spends at this school though, Bernard does experience some wild shit. He lost Darla (somebody he really cared about), he experienced a shooting at his school, and then Darla came back from the dead, kind of scared the hell out of him, and used him to contact Tim again. It was kind of played for laughs, but like. That’s gotta fuck you up. (Robin #140)

Obviously this is the kind of thing that maybeee has a lasting effect on you. And BECAUSE Tim Drake: Robin got cut so short and the writer had to rush to wrap up the series, we’re left to fill in a lot of gaps and draw conclusions about the years we didn’t see Bernard ourselves. But we absolutely get some insight as to his life after Tim left that school and we stopped seeing him in the comics. Spoiler alert: it was hard.

In TDR, Bernard discusses the the cult that he’d been in that Tim saved him from in Urban Legends. He says that “he’d accepted himself”, but others hadn’t. Obviously there’s the natural reading that he means his queerness (which has me chewing through drywall), but I think that he’s speaking very broadly too. Bernard is a very odd example of a civilian, because he’s always getting dragged into things much bigger than him. And even before that, he had his big ideas, his conspiracies, his loud personality. He tended to rub people the wrong way in high school. Then in issue #7 of TDR (the Bernard pov issue my most beloved, weird pacing aside) Bernard refers to this “oozy, sticky feeling” that he ALWAYS feels when Tim isn’t around. He says when he’s alone it’s harder to put one foot in front of the other. To keep GOING. To wake up every day.

I think that Bernard has always felt like an outcast. (Robin #121, he doesn’t fit into any clique). He wasn’t as okay with it as he acted. And I think he wasn’t getting any attention from his parents. (Batman: Urban Legends #5, Bernard’s parents nonchalance to the days leading up to his kidnapping)

So just like Bernard explained to Tim, that feeling got bad. and he wanted to let go. The chaos monsters, the cult, all of it was a means to an end. But then Tim agreed to see him again, and I think that sparked something in him. Because he started learning to fight. When he was tied down to that alter and Tim was saving him, I think it fully sank in to Bernard that he didn’t want to die. Reconnecting with Tim gave him hope and made him really feel something good for the first time in ages.

So now that they’re dating after the cult fiasco, we get to know this current Bernard. A less goading, maybe calmer Bernard. But he’s still himself, of course, rambling about his ideas and making bad jokes and sticking to his guns (he has NEVER been a pushover, no idea where people get that idea?). I think a lot of people complained that Bernard mellowed out too much in terms of attitude, but I think if he seems “nicer” it’s because 1) he’s grown now. It’s been a while since we last saw him, and he’s clearly changed a lot. And 2) because he’s dating Tim now. He likes him a lot, and he’s an affectionate partner. He wants to lift Tim up.

But the fact that he was pulled into a cult still remains. And as lighthearted as Bernard tries to be, that traumatic experience still happened. It said in Urban Legends #5 while Tim was searching for him that Bernard had welts on his arms and legs and had been acting different, so it’s not like he was just snatched up on a whim. He’d spent significant time there. For those who haven’t read much abt the ways cult trauma specifically can fuck you up, I recommend doing a search if you’re in a good headspace for that and want to understand him more. because it’s pretty bad.

And then! yeah. you guessed it. Bernard gets kidnapped again. Chained up next to a BOMB that’s counting down. RIGHT WHEN HE’S WORKING ON HEALING FROM ALMOST BEING SACRIFICED BY A CULT.

And surely this can’t get crazier. He’s almost died twice in the past 6 months. except, remember his parents? In TD:R #7, we really see a little more of his relationship with his parents. He doesn’t live up to their standards, and his dad specifically seems to just want to argue with him. The restaurant they’re at is attacked, and everything goes to shit, and. you know, I think these panels really speak for themselves.

And for the record, when it’s revealed that everyone is seeing their worst fears, Bernard’s parents fears are not about him.

So now Bernard has to deal with that. And we start to see that Bernard is really not as okay as he’s tried to be. He keeps a baseball bat by his door because he’s been kidnapped twice now. And just when he’d likely thought things couldn’t get worse, he heard the Chaos Monsters were back. I can’t imagine he feels safe. He lashes out for the first time since all this has happened and yells at Kate and Tim, because while they’re doing what they feel is necessary to save more people (AND I DONT BLAME THEM AT ALL), Bernard can’t talk about it.

And I will forever be sad and insist that TD:R got cancelled too soon, just before we could get into the really juicy stuff, because things had to be wrapped up pretty quick and this was the only comic Bernard was consistently appearing in. But when Tim is giving himself up to the chaos monsters, Bernard goes out and rallies anyone he knows can help. Things were rushed because there was no more time to flesh out the story the way it could have been, but I’m including these panels just because I love Bernard Audacity Dowd using a fucking flashlight and shadow puppet to call Batman. geeking out for a minute. And then leading the battalion to save Tim with a SLEDGEHAMMER. gay people rule.

So yeah! While I see the vision of how a lot of Bernard’s trauma was meant to be semi-resolved and let him come to peace after saving Tim back, we just didn’t have the time for him to heal properly. I’d give anything to get inside his brain again. UHH IF YOU READ THIS I HOPE YOU LOVE BERNARD NOW and don’t come at me if I left something out, some of my comics aren’t with me rn. Bonus TimBer for the road:

#WHEW IT TOOK A WHILE TO ORGANIZE THESE PANELS #Hes NOT BORING he is SO FASCINATING TO ME #i think his character is just not being utilized the way it could be #I didnt source every panel so just ask if you want to know where something is from! #bernard dowd #batfamily #dc comics #tim drake #timber #timbern

[urdepressedslut]

You’re Mine, Sunshine ❝part three❞

♡ Pairing: Grumpy!Bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x Sunshine!Fem!Reader

♡ Summary: Bucky has a surprise meeting with Pierce, getting informed about your secret admire. Meanwhile, Bucky tries to keep things professional, he’s hesitant to cross the line when you need him.

♡ Warnings: language, fluff, angst, death threats, stalking, daddy issues, hints to anxiety, mentions of alcohol

Part 4

Trope ⇢ Grumpy x Sunshine | Mob!Au Bodyguard!Au

It was the next day, early in the morning. You were still asleep while Bucky was downstairs moving in his stuff, with Steve’s help of course.

Steve was in charge of the perimeter guard team around your house, and found some free time to help his pal Bucky move in. He also was curious about you, never having met you face to face. But the stories he had heard from your Father— scared him.

Steve plopped down a bag at the front door, wiping some sweat off his brow.

“So Buck, what do you think so far?” Steve asked him, both of them chilling by the doorway.

Bucky shrugged, leaning himself against the frame.

“It’s fine. I’ve done this before an—”

“I meant, what do you think about her so far?” Steve corrected himself, and Bucky bit his lip— deep in thought.

“Shes fine.” Bucky answered shortly, and he could tell by Steve’s brows raising— that he wasn’t satisfied with his answer.

“C’mon Buck, give me more than that! Is she as bad as Pierce makes her out to be? Or worse?” Steve rambled on, while a bucky was getting annoyed.

“Ya know— she’s actually not bad at all. She’s pretty quiet, keeps to herself— extremely polite.” Bucky told him defensively, he didn’t know why but he felt the need to stick up for you.

He felt awful that you were made out to be this— monster. When you were far from it.

Steve gave him a ‘really?’ look and still wasn’t buying it.

“You’re not messing with me? The whole perimeter team is afraid of her because of bosses stories.” Steve pointed out.

Bucky huffed, clearly annoyed with Steve’s rambling.

“I’m serious.”

“Huh. Wonder why Pierce gives her one hell of a warning. Think she’s just pretending?” Steve persisted, causing Bucky to roll his eyes.

“Seriously Steve, I don’t have time to talk about her all day. I have a job to do.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll let ya be. Just let me know if there’s anything interesting that goes on.” Steve told him, making Bucky chuckle.

“Sure thing.” He responded sarcastically.

“Is she pretty?” Steve asked one last time, pausing his step to leave.

“Fucking hell— seriously?” Bucky scoffed, watching Steve walk down the stairs laughing.

He was glad he was walking away, that way he couldn’t see the blush that had dusted his cheeks at the thought of you. Well yeah— you were attractive. But it was strictly professional, and he’d never see you anything more than his mission. But with Steve’s words, he couldn’t help but think otherwise for a slight moment.

He closed the door, sliding all the locks in place— making sure it was safe and secure. As he was leaning down to grab his bag, he heard the tiny echoes of footsteps approaching.

“Good morning Mr. Barnes!”

Bucky turned to glance up the stairs, at the top was you— still in your pajamas. He hated to admit it to himself, but even just minutes after you’d woken up— your hair evidence. He still thought you looked pretty.

“Morning (Y/n).” He breathed out, hoping that his cheeks were back to a neutral color.

You smiled wider, loving it when he said your name. You wondered for a second why, but perhaps it was because you were so forgotten on a daily basis— no one ever seeking you out— speaking to you. It felt nice to be called, even if it was something as simple as ‘good morning’. You felt appreciated.

“Did you sleep okay?” You asked him, walking down the stairs to meet him.

He shrugged, not sure if he should tell you the truth. That he didn’t even sleep in the bed at all, instead making a makeshift bed on the floor.

“It was fine.” He lied.

You gave him a tight lipped smile, a knowing look that alerted him that you knew something.

“Really? I peeked into your room, looking for you and I saw blankets and a pillow on the floor. The bed didn’t look like it had been touched.” You said softly, being careful to not make him feel embarrassed.

His jaw was clenching, the thought of you going into his room looking for him. He wasn’t sure if the feeling was a bad one or good.

“Yes really, I slept fine.” He repeated, hoping that you’d be convinced somehow.

You giggled, making to the second to last step.

“Okay, whatever you say. You can always wake me up if you ever can’t sleep. Sometimes it’s good to talk to someone about what’s on your mind, so you can go to bed with a clear head.” You suggested.

He fought the smile down harder this time, your sweet demeanor almost infectious. Every time he saw you smile, it caused the corners of his mouth to twitch.

He nodded at your suggestion, deciding not to respond verbally.

“I’m going to make breakfast, would you like a plate? I’m assuming you haven’t eaten yet.” You asked him, fully down the stairs now standing in front of him.

It was only now that he could see the height difference, he was towering over you. You looked so tiny from his view— you looked adorable.

As he was about to decline your offer, his stomach growled— echoing through the main entrance. You laughed, clutching your own stomach. The tune of your laughter had his chest warm again. He forgot a time in his time where he was around so much laughter. He had missed it.

“I’ll go ahead and make you a plate and leave it in the fridge. You can decide if you want it now or later.” You told him, turning to walk away— towards the kitchen.

He felt very welcomed here. You were so inviting and sweet, he couldn’t help but want to break down his walls a bit.

“Thanks (Y/n).” He spoke out, causing you to turn.

“No need Mr. Barnes, I’d be happy to do it.” You assured him.

Bucky bit his lip for a moment before speaking out again.

“James.” He spoke out, watching your expression grow confused for a moment. “You can call me James.”

You sent him a smile, your own cheeks dusting pink.

“Okay James.” You tested out, and you couldn’t help the way it felt rolling off your tongue.

Bucky on the other hand, didn’t know he would like hearing you say his name so much. It was a name he didn’t let people use too often, but for some reason he allowed you to.

You turned and headed towards the kitchen, leaving Bucky alone with his thoughts. You were slowly wrapping him around your little finger. He hated it.

~

Later that day, Pierce had sent one of his men to your home. Informing Bucky that Pierce wanted to meet with him. He was still unsure why, but knew not to question the boss.

That’s where he found himself standing in Pierce’s office again, while you waited outside the office patiently. Bucky couldn’t help but feel bad when Pierce asked you to wait outside, not even sparing you a warm greeting or hug. It wasn’t very Fatherly of him.

“Mr. Barnes I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve called you in today,” Pierce started, walking around his desk, “We’ve received some… interesting photos recently. Thought you should take a look.”

Bucky furrowed his brows, grabbing the folder in Pierces outstretched hand— opening the file up to see many pictures of you. They were all from a far away perspective, all photos you were unaware were taken.

It seemed you had an admirer— more like stalker.

He pushed around the pictures, his eyes focusing on one photo in particular. You were sitting on a bench reading a book, with the words ‘she’d look so much prettier dead’ written in red across the image.

The message had Bucky’s stomach flipping, the looming threat that now rested over his head, over yours. It definitely wasn’t an admirer, more like someone trying to mess with you— to get to your Father.

“These were just dropped off here?” Bucky asked on edge.

“No, they were found by one of the perimeter guards near her house. I’m just glad we found it before she did.” He explained, rubbing his temples in stress.

“Are you going to tell her?” Bucky wondered.

“Hell no— her knowing would only make her a paranoid mess. For your sanity— it’s best she’s kept in the dark.” Pierce suggested, while Bucky wasn’t so sure that’d end well.

Bucky wanted to say something but chose otherwise, Pierce seemed to notice the judgement on his face.

“Listen, my men are handling this situation as best as they can. All I’m asking is for you to continue to do your job, and keep your mouth shut about this.” Pierce made himself clear, not giving Bucky a chance to speak— walking back around his desk to sit.

“Yes sir.” Bucky nodded, though he felt indifferent about the whole situation.

You were clearly in danger, and Bucky of course wasn’t doubting his ability to protect you— but he was more concerned about the lack of concern Pierce had for his daughter.

“That will be all.” Pierce dismissed him, sliding his glasses back on.

Bucky turned to walk out, and when the door opened, he wasn’t expecting you to barge in. His hands hovered over your arms, wondering if he even had the right to stop you from coming in.

“Hi Dad, I was wondering if we could talk.” You tried, shifting nervously on your feet in dread of his answer.

Bucky watched uncomfortably from the doorway, unsure if he should leave or not. Hesitantly, he stayed.

Pierce ripped off his glasses, rubbing his eyes in frustration.

“Who let you in?” He asked calmly, though he was far from it.

You took a deep breath, trying not to let your hurt show. You hadn’t even been in the room for a minute and he was already sick of you.

“I- I did.” You uttered out.

Bucky couldn’t help but notice how small you were trying to make yourself, how you were nervously fidgeting with the hem of your shirt.

Pierce scoffed, trying to focus on his papers— pretend that you weren’t there.

“Dad, I was wondering if you wanted to get dinner with me tonight? We could go to Sarah’s restaurant.” You asked him, biting your lip anxiously— waiting for his response.

Pierce glanced up, looking you over for a moment trying to come up with an answer.

“I have a lot of work that needs to be done (Y/n).” He breathed out, massaging his temples.

“It doesn’t have to be for long!” You argued, your heart beating faster— knowing deep down what his answer would be.

“I just can’t. Please understand that?” He pushed, his tone growing more aggravated.

You glanced behind you, sneaking a look at Bucky. He stood silently, pretending he wasn’t listening and merely watching over you— as it’s his job. But, he had heard everything and was quite invested into this conversation. On the other hand, you felt embarrassed that he was witnessing your Father letting you down.

Facing your Father again, you sent him a pleading look.

“Dad please… I miss you.” You whispered, hoping Bucky wouldn’t hear your pathetic voice.

He did.

Pierce looked at you, almost right through you. It was clear that your begging did nothing to convince him— that you solemn state didn’t concern him. He ran a hand through his gray hair, closing his eyes in thought.

“I’m sorry peanut, maybe another time.” He said so softly.

The words did nothing to comfort you, instead filling your body with frustration. It was funny that the only time he ever used that tone, or that nickname that you used to love— was when he was sending you away.

It almost felt like he was teasing you, jabbing at your inner child. Like things were supposed to be better, that letting you down wasn’t supposed to hurt as much because he was using the nickname. If anything, it only reopened the wound. The sweet tone like salt sinking into the wound. It forced you to remember a time where he had loved you. Past tense.

Blinking back the tears you felt approaching, you took a deep breath, giving him a fake smile.

“It’s okay, you’re right maybe some other time.” You lied to yourself, you knew this was an empty promise.

Pierce sent you a pitied look, and in a second focused back on his papers. Going back to ignoring your presence.

You couldn’t hold the tears back for much longer, and decided to leave the room calmly. Your goal to make it out of the building before the tears could fall.

You passed by Bucky without a word, not that he needed to ask where you were going— knowing he’d follow you. He watched as you pressed the elevator button, your leg bouncing in impatience. Your hurried movements were causing Bucky to frown in concern.

“(Y/n), are you alright?” He asked quietly, not trying to bring any attention on you.

You looked his way and nodded your head without a word— which was unlike you.

Before he could ask again, the door opened and you stepped in. Bucky stepped in behind you, pressing the ground floor. The elevator ride was filled with thick tension, an uncomfortable energy flowing throughout the small space.

Thankfully, the room dinged, and the doors opened for them to exit. Bucky was leading you to the car that was waiting for you by the curb. He hurried and opened the door for you, watching you slide in quickly.

He could sense your discomfort even as he shut the door and glanced at your figure through the tinted glass. He figured he’d get you home as quickly as he could, seeing as that’s what you wanted. Not a word had been spoken between the two of you, but it was almost like you knew the routine already.

Sliding into the drivers seat, he risked a glance in the rear view mirror— his heart aching at your dull expression. You were staring mindlessly at the headrest in front of you— lost in your thoughts.

He focused back in front of him, shifting the clutch until he was accelerating forward, heading home.

He wasn’t going to glance back again, that was until he heard a sniffle. Glancing up, he quickly regretted it. He frowned at the sight of your wet cheeks, watching you attempt to wipe them dry— but the tears kept coming.

He suddenly felt anger towards Pierce, the way he dismissed you like you weren’t his daughter— someone of importance. It saddened Bucky, your kindness doing you no favors.

He didn’t realize he was staring, until he felt your eyes on his. He focused through the mirror, holding your bloodshot eyes with pity.

You were looking at him with longing— for comfort that had always been pushed away from you. You didn’t know why you searched for it suddenly from him, maybe you were desperate. Yeah, that’s it.

“Just relax, I’ll let you know when we’re home.” Bucky said the only thing that came to mind, although there were thousands of things he probably, should’ve said.

You gave him a weak smile, one that had Bucky internally wincing. Hating the way it didn’t reach your eyes. Suddenly he missed your smile, your true smile.

With a nod, you rested your cheek against your hand against the window— letting the rumble of the car lull you to sleep. Bucky watched your eyes shut, and ever so slowly your expression shifted to something peaceful.

~

Bucky let his mind wander on the drive home, and he couldn't help his mind from wandering to you.

A part of him still didn't understand why you were so opposite from how Pierce described you. He had yet to make sense of it all. He was starting to come to terms with the idea that Pierce was just mean. Maybe he didn't give you enough time, maybe you had yet to show your true colors.

Arriving home, it wasn’t dark yet— but the sky had started to dim. He checked the mirror, not surprised to see you still asleep. He got out of the car, walked around to open your door. Thankfully, you had moved off the window during your slumber.

“(Y/n), we’re home.” He whispered, watching you mumble something, but otherwise stayed asleep.

He gently shook your arm, rocking your body just slightly in attempt to wake you.

“(Y/n)?” He tried again, this time louder.

You nodded your head like you had heard him, but still— your eyes remained closed. Bucky couldn’t help but shake his head with a light chuckle.

He wasn’t sure what had come over him. He blamed it on the fact that he felt bad, witnessing you getting turned down by your Father. But as he scooped you up in a bridle position, he couldn’t ignore the warmth spreading throughout him. You snuggled your face into his chest, letting his scent lull you into a deeper sleep. Bucky couldn’t fight down the butterflies that your gesture had caused.

He continued into the house, locking the door all with one hand before heading upstairs to your room. He should’ve been surprised at the elegancy of your room, but it seemed so you. He smirked at the space, all the little things scattered around the room that made it you.

Reminding himself he could ogle at your room another time, he set you down on the bed, his hand gently cradling the back of your head until it met the pillow. Instinctively, he got to work and started untying the laces on your shoes. Slipping them both off gently, before picking up your legs and placing them on the bed.

He lifted your body for a moment, pulling back the cover so you couldn’t slide under. Soon, you were snug and tucked under the blankets. Bucky gave you one last look— be told himself it was strictly for his job. But he found himself just wanting to look at you for a moment.

Letting his eyes fall from your face, he started to turn to leave. That was until your hand grabbed his, stopping him.

“James?” You mumbled sleepily.

He turned and looked at you, glancing at your hand holding his for a second.

“You’re okay, just carried you to bed.” He told you quietly, watching your eyes droop.

You let your mind brew a crazy idea. Stay with me. You wanted to tell him, you wanted to whisper those words so badly. He was the closest thing to comfort you had in so long, and you clung to it— to him so desperately. You didn’t want to scare him away, you couldn’t help yourself from coming on too strong. Besides, you thought it felt wrong to ask your bodyguard such a thing.

Instead of whispering the words that itched to come out, you released his hand— and let your eyes shut completely. Falling into a deep sleep, hoping that your dreams could be filled with comfort.

Bucky watched you let go, and melt back into the pillow. He waited as it looked like you had something to say. He wasn’t shocked when you fell back asleep, but he was more shocked at his sadness at your lack of words.

Without giving you another glance, he headed out of your room. Shutting the door softly, until he heard the click. He wasn’t sure what was up with him today, he blamed it on his pitied brain. He needed to remind himself that he was working, and he had no time to slack off. Rubbing a hand down his face, he exhaled loudly— heading downstairs in search of alcohol.

He hoped that he could drown out his distracting thoughts, needing a clear mind by tomorrow. He needed to stop his walls from crumbling around you.

TAGLIST: @winters1917 @unaxv @sebastianstansqueen @casa-boiardi @sonatabee @nytzirhk @almosttoopizza @erinallene @daddy-dotcom @h0nestly-though @beautiful-loserr @gloriouspurpose01 @lesleurs @justherefortheficandsmut @floralwsloki @dottirose @madi-be-buggin @navs-bhat @happinessinthebeing @ximi1315 @buggy14 @dancer3205 @neeezza101 @rovckwells @loki-is-loved @yujyujj @wolfstarrrr @distinguishedbluebirdtriumph @tatianah26 @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @lethallyprotected @sadboiabby @ziatracy @doveromanoff @whattheduckisupkyle @buckysgirl85 @etherealdisneyvillainness @doctorlilo @torntaltos @raging-panda @livingoffsavvyillusions @lmao-liz @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @toriluvsfics @baconeggndcheez @nialiuwanderlust @nabiiturner @nickangel13 @queerqueenlynn @memyselfandi19 @mentalidrainedfangirl @wattpaduser200 @obsessedbutnotblessed @iris-shihabi @thecubanator2 @chloe-skywalker @oatballsoffury

#bucky barnes #the winter soldier #marvel cinematic universe #sebastian stan #reader insert #buckybarnes #fluff #bodyguard!bucky barnes x reader #bodyguard bucky barnes #bodyguard au #mob au #light angst #grumpy x sunshine #grumpy bucky barnes x sunshine reader #female reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fic #protective bucky barnes #daddy issues #grumpy x sunshine trope #beefy bucky barnes #the falcon and the winter soldier #james buchanan barnes #mcu fic #steve rogers

[beforeimdeceased]

CRYBABY - (E.W) PT5

pairing: mean/cruel ellie x sensitive/emotional reader.

synopsis: who the fuck is abby?

a/n: noo don’t do this ellie look at me :( this isn’t you 🥺 LMAO! what do you guys think is going to happened next omg…

if i told you that i hated you, would you go away?

masterlist.

you ubered yourself to another hotel and payed to stay there for the night. letting jesse and dina know, but ofcourse, not awarding ellie with that information. in truth, she was fucking sweating bullets. could barely sleep last night with you on her mind.

she’s mean, you know that. everybody does. she can be intense, brass, and brutally honest. but, the brutality had gone from drunk cursing out strangers to using you as a punching bag. you were far too sensitive for any of that shit. you overthink too much, cry too often. if she wasn’t going to change then this was your last straw.

as you wake up and ready yourself to gather your things, you notice a string of texts from ellie. all desperate and eager. nothing along the lines of “i’m sorry”. nothing close to an apology. she begged to see you before their last show in the state, knowing you’d be going back home after. and staying there.

you’d calmed down enough to know you could face her. collecting the things you’d brought with you and hyping yourself up in the mirror before leaving. “you got this. you’re not gonna cry today.”

when you arrived at your hotel room, the door was cracked open. you’d caught wind that dina and jesse had gone out for breakfast so it was just you and ellie.

sadly enough, when you opened the door, ellie looked like a wounded puppy. eyes glossy while her face is twisted into a frown. you cross your arms. “morning.”

she looks excited to see you, getting up from her seat on the couch to greet you. “morning, can we talk?”

your heart is pinging. you feel so many emotions for her, some you cannot name. you nod your head and walk over to where she’d been sitting, and take a seat. she trails behind you, placing herself just inches away.

“i’m sorry.” she starts, eyes sympathetically looking into your very own. when your gaze starts to falter she reaches out to hold your hands and catch your attention. “really truly. i’m sorry for everything. for the song, for calling you up onstage, for all the shitty things i do to you and say about you. for pissing you off so bad that you felt like punching me, because i know you’re nowhere near violent.” she takes a breath. “i’m really sorry.”

you sit with her apology, soaking it all in. you can tell it’s genuine because, as far as you’re concerned, she’s never apologized for anything and seriously meant it. but she means it now, with every beat of her heart.

“i hate that i ruined this trip for you. are you still coming to our last show? i’ll apologize publicly in front of all the cameras. i’ll tell them i lied about the song.”

“it’s okay ellie. calm down.” you’d never seen her this frantic. this weak. “i’m still coming to the show. thank you for apologizing.”

she takes a deep breath and leans back into the couch. “okay good. that’s great. again, i’m sorry.”

you nod along and stand up to grab some things from the bags you’d left. “i’ve gotta go meet dina and jesse for something, but i’ll see you there, okay?”

when you turn to look at her she’s blushing. what the hell is she doing blushing? when she see’s you notice it, she turns her head. “yeah yeah. you guys have fun. see you later.”

“she’s bringing abby! i’ve always wanted her to come to a show, i didn’t even know she was in the state.” dina rambles on at rehearsal.

“she drove up last night because she’s taking her home, remember?” jesse chimes up.

ellie’s heard the name abby a record 20 times in the last 5 minutes and it’s starting to play on loop in her head like a mantra. she didn’t care to find out who it was though, they had a show to rehearse for. and she was even more nervous about the public apology. what if you didn’t actually show? what if she really fucked up this time?

“alright guys enough chatter. let’s go over the chorus of ‘what you know’ one more time—“

but she’s stopped by dina whispering to jesse. “i think she might ask her out tonight.”

and jesse asks, “who?” and dina says your name and ellie feels like she’s about to fucking collapse. that all her limbs are going to fall off right then and there. that her head will pop off and roll offstage and onto to the ground. who the fuck is abby? who the fuck is abby? who the fuck is abby?

ellie finds out in the dressing room before the show. “abby! it’s so great to see you.” dina rushes over to give her a hug. jesse settles for a high five and ellie takes a handshake. “so you’re abby?”

“yeah, nice to meet you. i’ve heard so much about you.” abby smiles.

ellie’s cursing herself for any and everything she’s ever done in this moment. the blonde stood in front of her is buff as hell, something she can tell through the hoodie and sweats she was wearing. both being seattle revival merch.

“i can’t wait to see you guys perform.”

ellie ignores her. “where’s…?” she trails. searching behind the girl to see if you’d been hiding behind her big figure. “oh, she’s on her way. had to stop to use the bathroom.” abby responds, sensing you were who she’d been searching for.

ellie wondered if you and abby had started dating yet? who asked out who? how much did abby know about the two of you? was that any of her business? why did she show up now? why hadn’t she heard about her before? maybe she did and wasn’t paying attention? she never really listened to you anyway. not until recently. not until she’d made you cry. made you punch her in the fucking face.

ellie’s thoughts are cut loose when abby taps her on the shoulder. “can we talk?”

ellie nods, eager to do whatever this was going to be in private. “yo, i’ll be right back.” she calls to jesse and dina.

ellie leads her out of the dressing room and into a small area in the hallway that’s getting the least traffic. the second they get there, abby slaps ellie across the face. “don’t you ever fucking talk to her again.”

“who—“ ellie rubs the sore area turning red.

“oh don’t play stupid you know who—“

“no. who the fuck are you to tell me what i can and can’t do? you fucking bitch.”

and a fight ensues. an actual brawl in the hallway. ellie’s on top for a while getting some punches in until abby grabs at her shirt and pulls her to the ground. jabbing her in the stomach. ellie kicks her in the face. it’s almost cartoonish, how wrapped up and wound they are as they lay into each other. someone rushes to grab security but you make it there first. eyes widening as you approach. you call for jesse and dina, and when they recognize your voice it makes them both stop to look up. bloody. scratched up. with tomato red faces.

“what the fuck?”

#bunnie can speak? ☆ #ellie williams #・❥・ bun’s sweet ellie #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams headcanons #abby anderson #bun’s precious abby ✧.* #ellie williams imagine #ellie williams x you #ellie fanfic #ellie x you #ellie williams fanfiction #williams ellie #ellie williams tlou #mean!ellie #ellie x reader #tlou headcanons #tlou fanfic #modern ellie #rockstar!ellie #beforeimdeceased #© abbysvictim

[slippingkim]

🪽

i cant stop thinking about perv!jungwon who touches himself while on a call with you

u and jungwon are close friends who facetime or call each other everyday. but what u didn’t know was that a lot of those phone calls jungwon was jerk off to the sound of ur voice. u would be talking about ur day or vent about something that has been bothering u, and jungwon would get turned on just by ur voice alone. he would cover his mouth tightly to conceal his whimpers while on the call with u, jerking his dick at a fast pace. his dick twitching in his hand when he cums, and u continue to talk, not knowing that he just came all over himself, simply because ur voice was so hot.

- 📞 -

nsfw | mdni ….🥟

A/n: again sorry this took so long I’m sure you guys know how busy I am nowadays 🫠

warnings - 18+, smut, phone sex (kinda), smut with little to no plot, cursing, perv!won

pairings - obliviousfemreader☠️ x dom!won

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

It’s your weekly catch up call with your best friend Jungwon, chatting away about the contents of your week and upcoming weekend plans. Planning get togethers and fun activities but, little did you know your best friend of four years has an undying desire for you. As you spoke in your sweet honey tone his hard rose slowly, at first he didn’t notice until his eyes met the bulge in his pants. “..I was thinking we could go up to ####’s house next month?” your voice chimed back in after a long time of staring at his painful dilemma. Jungwon approved in a soft voice praising you for your good idea, as you rambled on about this small trip that you two would have next month his hand slowly crept into his sweatpants and on to grasp his erection. A guilty expression tugging at his lips as he started to slowly jerk himself, he set the phone on his clavicle for a more comfortable position pulling down his sweats further revealing his hard into the open air “..shit” he gritted breathlessly while he focused on his tip squeezing it in the palm of his hand gently pretending it was the pulse of your pussy. You spoke and spoke not spearing any details about the trip “we should totally stop at #### since we’ll be heading that way…” you said in a confident manner “..uhuh” Jungwon sputtered as his hand rose to cover his mouth from pouring with whimpers and purrs. His hand jerked faster and making sure to apply the perfect amount of pressure to his throbbing shaft. Leaving no trace of skin untouched, your voice acting like a battery for his hand that acted like a vibrator. Jungwons eyes clamped shut along with a muffled groan his hand giving one last squeeze before

“right won?” “…jungwon” “….hello?”

He looked down and his hand and stomach was covered with his white substance a bit more trickled out for a few seconds before he came out of his episode. Breathing heavily trying to frantically clean up as well as answering you at the same time. “right! I must’ve zoned out for a moment..” he lied with a sigh of relief.

#eva’s anon 🪽~ #engene #enhypen #enhypen fic #enha fanfic #enhypen engene #enhypen ships #enhypen smut #enhypen hard hours #jungwon x you #jungwon fic #jungwon headcanons #jungwon imagines #jungwon x reader #jungwon scenarios #jungwon smut #jungwon

[adastra121]

You know what. I’m gonna ramble about the Touchstarved LIs favourite places to kiss (based on the polls from @cacaobean760) — the most popular results — because I have thoughts!

Leander’s is the hands, because. He likes to be the special person, the only one who can actually touch MC’s hands without being affected, kissing them on the hand is a possessive thing. But also, even without the curse, he strikes me as someone who likes to kiss people on the hand in that classic romantic, gentlemanly fashion. He’s a performer, of course he’d go for that classic romantic gesture, raising your hand to his lips and kissing the knuckles. Kissing the inside of your wrist, your pulse point, he likes the amount of trust you place in him. And apparently he’s ticklish, so. Tickling under his jaw, he laughs and then he holds your hand there, and kisses your palm.

Ais likes the forehead or anywhere on the head, because he likes your mind the most, having lived in the Groupmind for so long, I don’t think he wants you to lose it and everything that makes you you. He strikes me as someone who really likes people’s minds, judging from the way he likes to listen to Kuras ramble about alchemy, judging from the questions he asks MC in the demo. He just seems the type to be genuinely curious and interested in what’s going on in your head. Kissing you on the forehead or temple whenever you’re lost in thought in those comfortable, quiet moments with him just to bring you back like: “Where’d you fly off to just now, sparrow?” Also he’s tall, so he can reach your forehead more easily.

Vere likes the intimacy, sensuality and power behind neck kisses. He likes the warmth, how your scent is stronger there. He likes how he can hear and feel your pulse under his lips. Gently tracing his sharp teeth along your pulse point, your carotid artery. With just enough pressure to make you hyper aware of his every movement. It would just take one bite. One quick slice of his fang, a spray of red and you’d bleed out in his arms. He thinks you’d taste heavenly. It doesn’t mean that he wants to kill you, he just likes that he can, he likes the amount of power he has over you — and maybe that you trusted him enough to give that to him.

#touchstarved #touchstarved game #touchstarved leander #touchstarved ais #touchstarved vere #touchstarved headcanons #headcanon #leander x reader #ais x reader #vere x reader #Leander gave us a bouquet of flowers when we met I think he’d love all the classic romantic tropes #vere’s description is the edgiest but it boils down to ‘I can kill you and you know this’ #’but you still offer me this power over you like you actually trust me and I appreciate it.’ #’also I like the reminder that you’re alive and you smell nice.’ #sorry I turn everything into fluff

[achelouise]

Lies, mysteries, and tricks

Fandom: Honkai Starail

Pairing: Sunday/Gen!reader, MENTIONED Gallagher/reader

Warnings: Spoilers for 2.1! Very toxic, from both sides, I think? Maybe OOC Sunday.

Summary: You learn about Robin's death, and rush to console Sunday. He isn't the thing you should be worrying about, though.

A/N: It's been a while! Came back to write this, because I couldn't stop thinking about this idea. It's rushed, and it's not really well-written, and it's short. Please forgive me~ (I am obsessed with Gallagher rn, so if anyone has any ideas I would love to hear and write about them :D (I still don't know how to properly use tumblr btw))

“Sunday? Are you in there?”

No answer. You drum your fingers against your sides nervously.

“Sunday, can we talk? Please?”

Still no answer. Your heart beats widely in your chest.

You ignore your thunderous heart as you slowly push the doors of the mansion open. The creaking doors echo and bounce along the empty halls, revealing a giant room, devoid of any light. A luxurious bed, dorned with lights and gems and painted with beautiful colors, is tucked away at the very side of the room. Sunday’s bedroom.

The factions had established that, other than the man himself, Sunday’s blood-related family, along with his spouse, would have access to it. Sunday himself had no permission to grant access to anyone, so you are surprised when the bellhop simply glanced at you and let you in without protest.

You could only guess it was because you two were close friends, and they were used to seeing you enter the Pavilion as children. Still, to enter his bedroom must be a breach in security…

But he wasn’t in any other room you could find. Time was slipping, lives were being lost, and you needed to find him. Fast.

You’re not exactly in the know. Most things you know, only Gallagher has told you. But you know full well that Sunday needs support.

“Sunday, please. I know I haven’t visited in… a while. I know what happened, and I’m sorry. Let’s work this out together. Don’t run away. Please?”

Only your echoes answer.

You were rambling to yourself at this point, desperation climbing further and further up to your chest. You have seen what Sunday does when he loses those he loves- and you want to help him. You don’t ever want to see him like that again. Never again.

You glance at the papers scattered on his desk. Maybe they have some information on where he went. He likes to rant in diaries.

You close your eyes, and pray to whatever Aeon you follow.

Forgive my sins for ever trespassing privacy to this extent. 

You don’t exactly have a clear mind when you start to rummage through the papers that endured wear and tear. You start to read some.

How could she do this?

It’s fine. It’s fine. Itsfineitsfineitsfineitsfineitsfine

Robin. Dear Aeons, Robin. 

When I find the traitor I will make them pay in blo o d 

Please don’t leave me please

Please please please please pleasepleas  e 

Your stomach drops. Poor Sunday.

Something else catches your eye, though. A soft reflection of a photo, pinned at the corner of the widespread desk. You lean over to take a good look at it.

You bite your lip so hard it nearly breaks skin. But even that dulls in comparison to the piles and piles of photos- all of them just you and Gallagher.

There are a wide range of those photos; from you two sitting across each other in the Dreamjolt Hostelry, to your hands linked together, faces flushed and smiles bright. All of them, with Gallagher’s face crossed out with glaring, red circles.

How dare he HOW DARE HE HOW DARE HE

HE DID IT  HE KILLED HER   HE TOOK HER   I WILL MAKE HIM PAY

The words are jagged and rough, as if he had barely managed to carve it out with his bare hands. It is a gigantic contrast to the sweet and elegant cursives he writes in his letters to you. It almost made you believe it wasn’t even Sunday who wrote this.

But you’re not stupid. You swallow the bile down your throat as your stomach churns with heightened fear and uncertainty. Sunday is a clever man, which makes him infinitely more dangerous.

Admittedly, he is far more unhinged than the public understands. You’ve never had a problem with it- only crazy can recognize crazy, and that was probably how he uncovered the plan of that gambler.

This doesn’t work in your favor, though. You don’t want to know what it means when he directs this insanity towards you.

You turn to leave.

“Ah, you found me.”

A hand shoots out to grip your arm, and you have no time to react. Shock, as quick as it comes, is slow to settle down. You try to scream.

“Oh Triple-Faced Soul, please seal this traitor's tongue and palms with a hot iron, so that the traitor will not be able to fabricate lies and make false vows.”

No.

Your whole body goes cold. You feel it- the soft waves of Harmony pulsing in your head, trapping your tongue and seeing through your eyes. You had seen its effect- seen how it slaughters and breaks those who disobey. But to receive this kind of treatment yourself…

You finally process the dangerous situation you’re in, and wrench free from his grasp. You regain your stance as you stumble backwards, a question on the tip of your tongue. “Why?”

Sunday looks… off. His clothes are askew, his eyebags more apparent without the illusion of Harmony, and a smile, out of place and out of his mind. He chuckles, far too gentle, so much so that it sends shivers down your spine.

“You know how this goes, don’t you?” he coos, berating and condescending. “Answer my questions truthfully, or suffer the rejection of the Harmony.”

“Why would I ever lie to you?” you ask, “What is there even to ask?”

His eye twitches. His voice drops an octave, laced with poison and jealousy. “You know perfectly well what I mean.”

He breathes in, regaining his footing as the questions begin. “Are you interested in Gallagher? Is he interested in you?”

You think of him. A few hours ago, he insisted he came along to find Sunday with you. You’re starting to regret that decision. “Yes- and, I… I think so.”

Sunday tsks. “Do you know what he is? What it is?”

You cross your arms. “No. He is not human, but I am not exactly a young damsel in distress myself.”

“Do you not understand? That that man is nothing but a memetic entity, with thousands of truths woven together as a lie? Do you not know that the man you hold hands with killed Robin in cold blood? Why would you want to be with a foul beast like him?”

You are taken aback at the venom in Sunday’s tone. He isn’t even hiding it anymore. His breathing is ragged, and his eyes are blown wide.

“I… didn’t.” you admit, far too overwhelmed by his genuine frustration to confirm the validity in his claims.

Sunday suddenly withdrawals, as if sensing he has taken you off guard. He draws himself to his full height, casting a shadow with the light outside in the halls. The pulses in your head die out, as if they were never there.

“You are being tricked, dearest. He is not the man you think he is. He is a monster, a murderer, that serves under a shameful stain. Join me, in the pursuit of the Watchmaker. We can make all of them pay in blood.”

He rants, and you feel your heart sink. He is unstable because of this recent loss, but he has clearly not lost his mind. There is still rhyme and reason to what he does.

“My past? Hah, let’s not get into that just yet. I’ll tell you- someday.”

You glance down at the hand he offers you. His gaze is tender, but far too fragile. His lips are quivering, a silent plea.

You want to reject him. You want to scream at him, punch him, and run away, as far as possible. Gallagher had promised he would explain himself one day, and you had not mentally prepared yourself to know.

But given the unstable state he was in, it is unwise to simply respond with violence.

You reach out for his hand- only for a blade, dark and violet laced with gold, piercing from his stomach. Blue liquid pours from his gut, and this time, you truly do scream.

You don’t hear anything. The withdrawal of the blade is defeated by the look of despair and shock in Sunday’s eyes. He reaches for your hand, in a blind desperation- only to dissipate at the softest graze into a sea of bubbles.

Your heart thunders in your ribcage. A silent dread washes over you, and you hear your breaths grow shorter.

A lighter goes out.

Strong, warm arms envelop you. 

A voice, low and gruff, tells you that it’s going to be okay. The voice hovers over your ear, gentle and sweet, almost fabricated to ghost over your ear in a way you can’t refuse. You don’t respond, though, as you feel a sharp cut to your neck, and you’re out like a light.

#honkai star rail #hsr #hsr gallagher #hsr sunday #sunday x reader #sunday x you #gallagher x reader #gallagher x you #hsr gallagher x reader

[ohbo-ohno]

you said ghost lives to serve and i screamed at the top of my lungs how dare you. he never sits still in your shared home. constantly cleaning and upgrading and fixing so you don’t have to. it’s in his blood and his bones to serve in any way he can and now i’m sad🧸

wait i lied im not leaving i love this

ghost only knows how to serve - it's all he did in the military, and it's all he has left now. he genuinely doesn't know how to not serve someone. you're like a beam of light when he finds you - someone good and sweet and soft who he can help. he can offer to fix your ovens, he can help you by bussing tables when you're too busy.

you mention that a bird pooped on your windshield and when you leave the bakery at the end of the day your car is squeaky clean

you lament that your favorite shade of lipstick is about to stop production and ghost drives to every makeup store nearby and buys them out of their stock, offering them as a tip the next morning

you mention needing to find a plumber because there's a leak in the kitchen sink and he almost looks offended, leaves with his tea and come back five minutes later with a toolbox and gets to work

you complain about being stuck on the side of the road for hours waiting for roadside assistance after getting a flat tire, and he gives you his number, tells you you call me next time something like that happens, i'll take care of it for you. (catches himself just in time to not say i'll take care of you)

he comes to your house for the first time when you mention your broken doorbell. fixes it right up for you

he weeds your garden for you while you plant flowers - he's still only comfortable destroying, not growing. you bring him inside for a warm drink and tell him thank you, ramble on about how important weeding is for a garden, and you don't even realize how much it means to him

(also this ghost worships you in bed)

#asks and answers #ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #🧸 anon #staying here in this spot forever #favorites #bo writes

[dark-fics-4-you]

I have a request!! Rafe whining about reader breaking up with him so when he got to her to sleep with him, he traps her by impregnating her 🤭

Desperate Measures

Warnings: dubcon, smut, toxic relationship, intoxication, drugs, forced pregnancy, unprotected sex

Dark!Rafe Cameron x Reader

Everyone had told you that he was bad news, but it took him threatening to slash all of your tires for simply talking to a male friend for you to finally come to terms with the fact that that relationship just was not going to work.

Rafe Cameron had given you the world, in the beginning. Spoiling you with gifts and expensive dates was the norm. He was a man obsessed, taking up all of your free time. At first, you thought it was cute, after all it was nice to feel fawned over, especially by someone as handsome as Rafe.

You loved the way he would look at you, like he was holding himself back from pulling off all of your clothes, even when you were in public. The clench of his jaw and the way his eyes would darken when you looked up at him from under your lashes excited you.

The honeymoon phase only lasted so long before Rafe’s true colors began to show. He was incredibly jealous and controlling to the point that you had felt suffocated. Not to mention the drug use.

In the beginning, you really had fooled yourself into thinking that he would change for you. That lasted for about 2 days, before it was back to lies and you knowing what the glazed look in his eyes meant, even though Rafe denied it and called you crazy.

It was hard to accept that he would always love drugs more than you. You really didn’t want to believe it, but time and time again, he proved to you that you would always be his second priority.

The break up went about as well as you expected it to, which was awful.

Rafe argued back at every reason you gave, but you both knew that you were in the right.

Rafe’s lip curled, cold eyes narrowing as he hurled insults at you, words that at that point were not unfamiliar to you. ‘Bitch!’ ‘Slut!’ ‘Cunt!’ You were so used to those words coming from him that they no longer had power over you. Still, you couldn’t get out of there fast enough, eventually just standing and turning to leave, cutting him off mid sentence.

You gasped when you felt his fingers digging into your forearm, jerking you back against him.

“Y/N, don’t fucking walk away from me when I’m talking to you, alright?” Rafe snarled in anger, and you snapped your gaze from where he was gripping you to his eyes, fear emanating from your panicked expression.

“Rafe,” you began shakily, “let go. Just let me go.”

He didn’t say anything, just glaring at you and breathing heavy. Slowly, he released his hold on your arm, never breaking eye contact. His stare was blank, but you could see his upper lip twitching slightly in anger.

“You’re going to regret this, Y/N. You don’t even know how much you’re going to regret this.” His even tone gave you chills, and you quickly rushed out of the Cameron house, nervously glancing behind yourself to make sure he wasn’t following.

You drove a good distance away from his house before you pulled over to the side of the road to cry. You thought that breaking up with Rafe might have gotten him to leave you alone, but you should have known better.

Rafe was not the type to give up easily, and he was used to getting everything he wanted.

You just knew that you needed to stay away from him, because you really didn’t have any idea what he was capable of.

__________________

Rafe was fucking pissed.

He had been furious the last five days. That was how long it had been since you had told him you couldn’t be with him anymore.

He knew that he had made mistakes, but doesn’t everyone? Rafe had only tried to make you his only priority, and that made him the asshole?

No goddamn way.

Topper nodded along as Rafe rambled in a coked out haze. You had come up in every conversation he had had since the breakup. Topper was starting to get tired of it already.

“You know what you should do, Rafe?”

“What?” Rafe, surprised to hear Topper’s response, looked at his friend with an eyebrow cocked in curiosity.

“You should remind her how good she had it when you were together,” Topper said with a sly smirk and a snicker. “That’s what I do when Sarah starts getting snippy with me.”

“I don’t even know how or when I’m going to see Y/N next, how the fuck am I going to pull that off?” Rafe rolled his eyes before he leaned over the table to snort another line.

“I mean, she’s still friends with Sarah, right?” Topper looked at Rafe with a raised eyebrow. “She might be going to her birthday party.”

“Birthday?” Rafe asked, perking up.

“Dude, how do you not know Sarah’s birthday? She’s probably throwing the party at your house.” This jogged Rafe’s memory and he recalled Sarah had set up plans to have Ward and Rose out of Tannyhill all weekend.

He gave a mindless response, but his thoughts were racing. Rafe was supposed to be going to that party with you. But instead you’d be by Sarah’s side, or maybe even, unthinkably, on the arm of some other guy. The very thought made him seethe with rage. Rafe knew there was no way he would be able to hold himself back from punching anyone who tried to get in between you and him.

But how could he make you realize that you belonged with him? Rafe couldn’t imagine that you would willingly stay with him, you had made that clear when you ran away from him after breaking his heart.

Rafe was sure you weren’t thinking straight. You didn’t give him the chance to prove to you that he could change. He wasn’t allowed to show you how much better he could be.

There had to be some way he could prove to you that he was all in.

_______________

You swayed your hips in time with the music, somehow capturing Rafe’s attention in a sea of moving bodies. He could tell you were a few drinks in, the flush in your cheeks was obvious to him.

Rafe’s tongue darted out to wet his lips at the sight of your low cut top and short skirt. You looked so good, and Rafe couldn’t help but think about the last time he had seen you wearing that skirt, and how quickly he had gotten you out of it.

The blond leaned over the crowded countertop in front of him, bringing a rolled up dollar bill to his nose before snorting the neat line of coke in front of him.

Even though it was Sarah’s party, it was a Kooks only event, and Rafe made sure of that. He would throw out anyone who didn’t belong.

You had spent most of the night with Sarah and your other mutual friends. Rafe had been silently watching you, just to make sure no guys came up to you. He considered himself lucky for that, because he didn’t really want to cause a scene by breaking someone’s nose at his sister’s birthday party, although he definitely would have if he needed to.

Rafe couldn’t understand why you didn’t see how much he cared for you, how much he could give you.

Eyeing the way the fabric of your outfit clung to your skin, which was now glistening with a thin layer of sweat and various sparkles that had rubbed off on you from people’s clothes, Rafe couldn’t stop himself from wandering how it would feel to kiss your neck and smell your perfume. The almost sheer fabric covering your chest was perfectly accentuating your figure, and the memory of your tits bouncing as Rafe fucked you hard into the mattress flashed through his mind.

It was too much to handle, and Rafe pulled his gaze away from you, taking a large swig of the drink in his hand.

He couldn’t lose you to someone else. He wouldn’t let that happen.

_____________

Despite what you had said to reassure Sarah that you would be fine, you couldn’t lie to yourself and say that being in the Cameron house again wasn’t weird as hell to you.

You had spent many nights just upstairs, usually in Rafe’s room. Being back in the lavish mansion had brought up a lot of memories and feeling in you.

As much as you tried to just lose yourself in the music and have fun, it wasn’t working that way. So you decided the best solution to this would be to get drunk.

Topper had kept your cup full all night, popping back in and out to check on you and Sarah, refilling your drink even when you insisted you wanted to slow down. The fruity drinks Sarah had made proved to be much more alcoholic than you thought they were.

You knew that you could only hold off your bladder for so long, eventually yelling into Sarah’s ear that you were going to go to one of the upstairs bathrooms, knowing you could get a little bit of quiet up there too.

You pushed your way through the large crowd, unknowingly catching the eye of your ex-boyfriend. As you slipped around the corner to get to the double staircase, Rafe pulled away from the countertop he was leering over to quietly follow you up the stairs.

You pulled the bathroom door shut, clicking the lock behind you before you used the restroom. You washed your hands, looking into the mirror, and noticing how glazed your eyes looked and how unsteady on your feet you felt. You hadn’t seen Rafe all night, which you were very happy about, but his absence was still weighing heavily on you.

You didn’t like not knowing where he was. It made you nervous.

You dried your hands off with a towel and opened the door to come face to face with Rafe.

Startled, you shrunk away from him instinctively, your shock at seeing him had you unable to speak.

He stared down at you, eyes revealing nothing as he drank you in. Rafe was thrilled to be so close to you again. Close enough he could see the rising and falling of your chest as you anxiously looked down the hall past him.

His voice was barely audible, whispering, “I miss you.”

Your heart stung, the feelings still deep in your heart stirring again. You knew that he had hurt you so much, you knew that nothing good ever came from being with him.

You met his eyes, and you knew in the pit of your gut that you were going to end up in his arms that night.

This didn’t stop you from letting him put his hands all over you, pulling you from the doorway into his room and pushing your back towards the bed.

You sighed into his mouth as he climbed on top of you, tugging at your shirt and lightly pulling your hair.

Rafe breathed in your scent, never wanting you to leave his arms again. He kissed you hard, tilting your head back to deepen it when you allowed his tongue to probe into your mouth.

Your legs were wrapped around his waist, slowly rolling your hips against him, the layers of clothes covering you both frustratingly getting in the way. You felt him getting harder as you pressed to him, and you felt nervously excited to be with Rafe again, the familiar spark in between your thighs reminded you of how much your body missed him.

Rafe removed his shirt, and yours was close to follow, along with your bra. He peppered kisses all over your tits, cupping them and looking into your eyes as his tongue flicked against a hardened bud. You felt like you were melting into his touch. He traced his fingers to your hips, curling one finger around the material covering you before he pulled your panties down, tossing them somewhere in his room.

Rafe pulled away to pull off his shorts and boxers, making himself bare to you. The strong blond pinned your wrists down with one hand and bringing the other to your entrance.

You hissed out a breath when you felt Rafe push one finger into you, arching your back and rolling your hips against his touch.

Rafe groaned at the sight, barely able to hold himself back from just fucking you already. But he needed to stretch you out first.

You whined as Rafe added a second finger, his thumb also now drawing circles on your clit, making your brain short circuit. You bit your lip to quiet yourself, hooded eyes meeting Rafe’s for a moment before his gaze turned back to watching himself fuck you slowly with his fingers. You were so wet, clinging to him and making a mess on his fingers.

Rafe knew how much he needed you. He didn’t think there was any other way to prove how much he needed you.

Your gasps and moans were pushing Rafe on. He knew that what was coming next was going to be so worth it, on every level. He was going to feel you clenching on every single inch of his cock, squeezing him in a way you never had before.

“Rafe, please,” you begged breathlessly. “Please just fuck me. I need it.”

Rafe was more than happy to oblige, pressing his mouth to yours as he pulled his fingers out of you to stroke his cock.

You gasped loudly against his mouth when he pushed the tip into you. Rafe pulled one of your legs to rest on his shoulder as he sunk into you slowly. Your head lolled back against the pillow when he bottomed out, and you tried to catch your breath before he began to slowly rock his hips.

His eyes never left yours, relishing the way they rolled back when he thrust into you harder, or how you looked at him with surprise when his cock brushed a spot that had you seeing stars.

You had never thought you would find yourself in this position again, but there you were, drunk off your ass and in bed with the ex you knew would never change. And the worst thing was that you loved it. You loved the way he fucked you, how he made you feel when he whispered how good you felt, the way he could make you cum around his cock even when you were pissed off at him.

Rafe couldn’t believe how tight you felt around him, fucking you raw was so addictive he was afraid he would never be able to stop. One of his hands found your throat, and when you looked up at him from under your lashes, he squeezed harder, and the moan that left your lips had Rafe almost ready to marry you on the spot.

You were so overstimulated and you couldn’t hold yourself back from being flung over the edge, closing your eyes and whining as Rafe fucked you through your orgasm. You were milking his cock, walls pulsing around him as he spilled his seed deep in you.

You were breathing heavy, and the overstimulation of him continuing to slowly snap his hips against yours made you come a second time. He could feel you clenching harder around him.

“Fuuuck, Y/N. Just keep taking my cum, pretty girl. You look so hot with it leaking out of you.”

You lazily blinked your eyes, his words not registering at first as you met his gaze with a questioning look.

“Rafe..?”

He was still between your legs, his hard cock buried deep in you.

“R-Rafe?” You suddenly remembered the unused condom in your purse, and a wave of terror and nausea washed over you.

Rafe smirked at the panicked look on your face, “shhh, don’t worry, Y/N. I’ve planned it all out.”

“What do you mea-”

He pressed a kiss to your lips, holding you down as you struggled against him. His cock twitched inside you as you fought back, and he pushed you back down by your shoulders and held you in place.

“Don’t you get it?” You hated how Rafe sounded so pleased with himself, thrilled that his plan worked. “We get to pick up right where we left off. And this time, there’s no way I’m letting you go.”

#rafe cameron #outer banks #obx #dark!rafe cameron #rafe cameron dubcon #dark rafe cameron #rafe cameron smut #desperate measures

[onlyhere-onlynow]

So we need to ponder on pointers. I think I get intellectually but not like know know it. Some pointers are hard to understand so idk. But when I see a pointer I go like “Hmmmm shit so nothings real 🤔🤔🤔” or sm like that. I try to go within but then I get back to the starting point.

So let me see if I get it, the human I think myself to be and all its memories aren’t real it is just “that” or an experience. The past and memories are just thoughts just as the future and thoughts are all the same illusion, so is “ “ (or wtv that is called) the present moment? I try to not be that engaged in the characters life but I tend to get lost and overthink, i know thats the character but I don’t know what to do. So even if Im spiraling and confused Im still “that”? Like I’m “that” every single moment, but I don’t want to experience this character anymore, I just want to be completely disengaged from it. I can’t be indifferent to it because someway or another I end up reacting to the character and its thoughts. I’m confused. I feel stuck inside this body.

Also I don’t really don’t understand the concept of imagination being as real as the “real life”. When I think of imagination (or what I call imagination) is a like thoughts and little images playing inside my head. Like I daydream and that’s seemingly happening inside the characters head. But if imagination is just as real as the real life, then if I imagine an apple (seemingly inside my head) is real? I really don’t know what to do w this information.

Do you recommend doing meditations? If you do, Can you recommend me some? Because I really need to get my mind to shut tf up. The voices are getting louder.

Sorry 4 all this rambling. I really like your blog and its spiderman theme !! (I 🩷 spiderman too). Don’t listen to the haters, spiderman is very cool. I want to start reading the comics. Do you have any recommendations?

Hello! :) (long posts are not my thing because imo words can turn redundant, but I want to make an exception to go through every part).

“I think I get it intellectually, but not like know know it.”

Pointers can use a lot of words and say a lot of things, but what are they when you don’t notice what they’re actually pointing at? I could try to explain how a color is, but you won’t really KNOW how it is unless you see it yourself (this is just an analogy as an example!).

“Some pointers are hard to understand…”

Hard for who? Who is this person that has to understand? Is there even a person at all? Isn’t “this is hard” a thought? Aren’t thoughts illusionary? The point here is to notice what all these pointers are pointing to (that’s why’s the name), and after that drop them. Notice your own nature, that’s what all these words are telling you to “do.”

“I try to go within, but then I get back to the starting point.”

Who’s the one that tries? If you’re awareness, aren’t you just aware of “trying”? Is there even a “starting point” in this when there’s no process at all? This is simple, nothing to force and nobody here trying too hard! You just “have” to directly experience your own nature (it’s what you’re “always” doing), notice it! It’s right here, right now.

“The past and memories are just thoughts just as the future and thoughts are all the same illusion, so is " " (or wtv that is called) the present moment?”

It’s simpler than that. Is there a person here that has a past, that has memories? Is there even a future when there’s no time? This seeming everything is all just " " in seeming different appearances, but all is an illusion, it’s not what it seems like. Experience is only in this present moment, what you’re aware of. Aren’t you aware of this words? Experiencing them? “This moment” is all there is.

“I try to not be that engaged in the characters life but I tend to get lost and overthink, i know thats the character but I don't know what to do.”

Who’s the one that overthinks? Who’s the one that “gets lost”? Is there a person here? When it’s all an illusion? Aren’t you just aware of this seeming feeling of “getting lost” and these thoughts? If so, what is beyond that? What is witnessing all of this? You say you don’t know what to do, but if everything is an illusion is there someone here that “does” or something happening at all?

“So even if Im spiraling and confused Im still "that"? Like I'm "that" every single moment,…”

Everything is an illusion. Doesn’t matter what it seems to be happening, it’s not real and you remain unaffected by it. Nothing is happening, actually! You are ALWAYS “ ”, no exceptions.

“I don't want to experience this character anymore, I just want to be completely disengaged from it.”

If everything is an illusion, this “character” isn’t part of it? You take this person and it’s seeming circumstances to be real, but isn’t everything an illusion? Your true nature, the real you, doesn’t matter what it seems to happen, remains unaffected. It may SEEM real, but nothing is happening at all.

“I can't be indifferent to it because someway or another I end up reacting to the character and its thoughts. I'm confused. I feel stuck inside this body.”

Who thinks they “can’t” be indifferent? Who’s the one that “reacts”? Who’s confused? Who feels stuck inside this body? To who all these thoughts belong to? Nobody. You are AWARE of all these thoughts, but still nothing is happening! You’re not this person, there’s no person to begin with.

“I don't really understand the concept of imagination being as real as the "real life". When I think of imagination (or what | call imagination) is a like thoughts and little images playing inside my head. Like I daydream and that's seemingly happening inside the characters head.”

Who is the one that has to understand? And understand what, when this is about noticing and it’s nothing new for you (not this person you think you are, but the REAL you)? How is this “inside your head” when there’s no head, therefore no person? You just label one more real than the other, but what is real?

Imagination = “Real life” = Daydreaming = Dreaming = Illusion = “ “.

They’re just concepts. You just experience as none is more real than the other. All illusionary, all “ ”. If you remove those labels, what is there left?

“But if imagination is just as real as the real life, then if l imagine an apple (seemingly inside my head) is real? I really don't know what to do w this information.”

What is there that is present in both ‘imagination’ and ‘real life’, or in whatever that seemingly happens? What is there beyond all these labels? Just how it was said, you take one to be more “real” than the other when it’s all equally illusionary, all “ ”. “ ” experiencing “ ”. If nothing is happening, who’s the one that “does” anything at all? The point is not to collect more and more information, more and more words, but to actually notice what they’re pointing at. You don’t have to do anything at all, you’re not even the one that “does” anything!

“Do you recommend doing meditations? If you do, Can you recommend me some? Because I really need to get my mind to shut tf up. The voices are getting louder.”

What mind? Meditation for who? Silence what mind? Who’s need? Meditation is fun and you’re free to do them (or whatever you want), but you keep looking for this need to run away from something nonexistent, when this is all you in seeming different appearances. No steps needed to notice it, just question it all.

＞＞ I want you to notice something. See how all these questions and, when you ponder on them, you end up with “ ”? How they all point towards this nothingness that can seemingly “appear” as everything, but at the end is nothing at all? This is you! This inexplicable something that’s beyond all, but nothing new because it’s always been present, what you’ve always been experiencing. Notice “yourself” yourself!

#asks #consciousness #advaita vedanta #awareness #non dualism #non duality #realisation #nothingness #beingness #nondualism

[euseokz]

@ eunseok — you should still only have eyes for me, not anyone else . . cws : cheating . toxic relationship (jealousy mentions) . semi-public sex . degradation . use of nicknames (whore, slut) . oral (f) . unprotected sex . cheerleader! reader . college! au . wc : 1.8k+ . genre : smut

a/n : i blame my 🐾 anon and ads ( @bbina ) for this . . . a bit different than my usual style i think but i do still really like this tbh !!

BASKETBALL PLAYER! EUNSEOK who, even if you broke up because he wanted to, still feels some sort of twisted sense of possessiveness over you.

it had been a few weeks already, and after your big fight that led to you separating you hadn’t shared anymore than annoyed glances with each other. you obviously couldn’t completely avoid him — you went to college in the same place, shared some classes, and worst of all you were a cheerleader while he was a basketball player, so at least during practice and games you were forced to be in the same space. at first the tension between you two was palpable, but now it had eased down a bit. people knew not to mention the other to either of you, and although no one truly knew why you broke up — the whole problem having been, ironically, eunseok’s jealousy issues — they knew it was bad.

you had moved on though, and you were glad that eunseok didn’t pester you anymore, that you didn’t think of him anymore… you were finally happy — until he decided to come back.

you had been going out with sungchan for a while, you met him shortly after breaking up with eunseok and you two just connected easily and fast, your relationship recent but probably already more sincere than the one you shared with eunseok for all those years. sungchan was nice, caring, loving, and best of all, didn’t flip if you ever even looked at another guy. he was everything eunseok tried but couldn’t be, and that was enough for you, what you needed in that moment if you did jump into a new relationship.

with all of that in mind, and with that thought process circling your brain in a loop, you wondered why you were in that exact second still listening to eunseok’s angry rambling.

“it was fucking distracting, no one was paying attention and our strategy went down the drain”

“so i can’t support my boyfriend now?”

“you’re dating him!? the new guy of all people? i thought you’d be better than that”

“and i thought even your jealousy had an end, but apparently not” you argued back, tired of eunseok’s rambling “i wasn’t distracting everyone, i was distracting you, and you played a shit game because you can’t bear the thought of me being with someone else even now!”

he finally seemed to shut up after that, his expression surprised, taking him a few seconds to mutter out a low “you don’t know what you’re talking about”, that somehow only proving your point even more.

you groaned eunseok’s name, pinching the bridge of your nose with your fingers, annoyed you had even allowed yourself to be in that situation — arguing with your ex-boyfriend in an empty locker room, everybody else outside, ready to leave for the night. “let’s just leave it at this, i’m tired of your bullshit” and with that you started turning around, ready to also leave, before he spoke up again.

“does he fuck you better than i do? is that it?” eunseok asked, his cocky smile suddenly curling his lips upwards as you started to turn around, looking at him with a frown, eyebrows furrowed together, and lips ever so slightly parted in pure shock at his rapid turn of emotions.

“that’d be impossible, only i know your body well enough, only i can fuck as many orgasms out of you as i want”

“shut up eunseok, seriously. you’re crossing the li-”

“i bet he can’t even make you cum, that’s why you’re all pissed off with me”

you sighed, finally turning around to leave definitely before eunseok grabbed your wrist.

“i can make you remember what you’re missing, maybe that will make you finally open your eyes” he continued, a sly smirk still resting on his expression, his eyes glistening with lust as he looked you up and down.

“you’re insane”

“maybe, but you still haven’t left so how different from me can you truly be”

“i’m with sungchan now, move on” you said through your teeth, almost as a threat, finally pushing your wrist out of eunseok’s grip.

“being with someone else has never stopped anyone from finally having a good fuck”

“i’m not a cheater”

“no, you’re only looking somewhere else for what your goody-two-shoes boyfriend can’t give you”

you sighed once more, asking yourself for the nth time why you couldn’t just leave, why you were still there, why eunseok still had such an effect on you.

“just be honest with yourself, he can’t fuck you like i do, no one can”

“i never said that”

“but you also didn’t deny it”

eunseok took a step closer, suddenly all too close to you, his breath fanning against your face. “let me remind you of how good we can be together, angel” he whispered, only for you, eyes locking with yours as you bit your lip in indecision, the old nickname he used on you all throughout your relationship only affecting you even more.

you were sure you had moved on, so why was eunseok’s proposal so tempting? why did you feel so inclined to accept it? why did you kiss him back when his lips pressed against yours? why couldn’t you just leave? all questions you couldn’t answer, allowing him to push you into the nearest shower stall and lock the door behind you two, the space tight but enclosed enough, eunseok’s kisses fervent throughout the whole process.

“are you gonna let me fuck you? uh? gonna act like my little whore again?” he asked breathlessly, eyes focused on yours as he fiddled with the button on your jeans, undoing it and pushing the heavy fabric down, dropping it to your feet.

“we have to be quick” you reminded, just as out of breath, trying to repress your guilt by not doing anything to help eunseok, letting him handle everything, take off your clothes the way he wanted and twist you around whichever way he pleased — as if that made you any less blameworthy.

eunseok kneeled down, face near your crotch, breath fanning over your exposed cunt and making you inhale a deep breath. “i’ve missed her, you know? no one’s like her” he commented, talking about your pussy, completely taking off one of the legs of your pants so he could move you more freely, propping your leg over his shoulder so he could get a better angle. eunseok peeked his tongue out, lapping up your cunt in a quick swipe, feeling how you tasted and humming pleased against your folds, closing his eyes momentarily before looking up at you. “still tastes just as good as i remember”. you moaned softly, forcing yourself to keep your whines in when eunseok started properly flicking the tip of his tongue against your clit, sucking on the sensitive bud attentively, leaving you soaking wet, your hole clenching around nothing.

you had forgotten how good he made you feel, this a mere sample of the things he had done to you while you were still together. as much a you’d like to not have to admit it, he was better than sungchan, and you blamed that knowledge as the sole factor that allowed you to let him keep going, to let him suck and lick at your cunt so messily, dragging an orgasm out of you more easily than anyone ever had, all because he did know what buttons to push to make you come undone for him. that was eunseok’s problem, he knew you too well, he knew that didn’t matter how much you resented him you’d never be able to tell him no — even if you had convinced yourself you could — and things were the same for him, he’d never deny you anything, even after you had been broken up.

“i wanna fuck you properly” eunseok announced, your slick mixed with his saliva glistening on his lips and chin as he came up, leaning in for another kiss, hands cupping your cheeks and keeping you in place as he sucked on your bottom lip, tongue flicking over it and pushing into your mouth, pressing against yours.

and of course, you let him do whatever he wanted, even if you knew it was wrong, allowing yourself to be turned around so you’d face the wall and have your entire front pressed against the cold tile, your arms being held behind your back by eunseok’s hand as he pulled his hard cock out of his pants, his pink tip dripping with pre-cum. he pressed himself against you, wasting no time in pushing his entire length into you, both of you moaning in unison as he started fucking you as roughly and mercilessly as usual, pistoning his hips against yours, stretching you out better than anyone ever could, better than sungchan could. eunseok knew what angles to hit to make you see stars, what sweet spots you had, what felt the best for you. he was harsh, fucking you in a seemingly selfish manner, as if all he seeked was his own pleasure, but in reality he wanted to give you yours most of all, being rough but in a loving way almost.

“wonder if your boyfriend knows what a little slut you can be, letting me fuck you in a stall as if he isn’t probably waiting for you somewhere else”

“‘seok…” you moaned, squirming in his grip but not able to move away, only closing your eyes and immersing yourself more in the pleasure, letting him clasp one hand over your mouth and push your head back, making it easier for him to whisper into your ear his next words.

“you’re still my whore, you’ll always be, don’t you dare forget that”

and as he said that, you came, clenching around eunseok’s cock as a mix of arousal and guilt flooded you. you were still, deep down, his, and if it took him fucking you again for you to realize that, you wondered just what else you had managed to hide from yourself.

“such a good slut, cumming all over my cock… that’s it angel, always so good for me” eunseok said, his words tainted with both filth and praise, before pressing a chaste kiss to the top of your head, his thrusts slowing down until he was completely pulling out, stroking his cock a few times before spilling his seed all over your ass — that apparently still being his favorite place to cum on — while groaning against your neck, resting his forehead against you for a second, both of you catching your breaths.

once you had finally collected yourselves, eunseok helped you get cleaned up and dressed, acting like he did back then, destroying you just so he could help put you back together again. just as you were about to leave, both of you still very clearly flustered but at least looking somewhat collected now, someone walked in, one look up making you stare at sungchan, his appearance frantic as his eyes drifted between both of you before finally stopping on your frame, going to you and holding your hands gently.

“i’ve been looking for you everywhere, did you two fight again?” he asked, voice sweet and worried.

“yeah, something like that” eunseok replied, giving your boyfriend a tap on the shoulder before leaving as if nothing had happened.

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[nycbaby21]

Young and Stupid

prompt: sharing a bed with your best friend's older brother

word count: 4,600

“I’m really sorry,” I hear my best friend’s voice rush over the phone. “Wow no hello, no how are you, no I miss you. You must be really sorry,” I laugh closing my book standing up and stretching. I had been sitting at my desk for the past three hours studying for my last final in an hour. “So I know the plan was for me to drive up and grab you and then head home,” Liana started and her voice trailed off. I groan already knowing I’m gonna hate what leaves her mouth next. 

“So funny story, you know that really cute guy I was telling you about,” she continued. “Yes, I remember the very cute blonde with super blue eyes,” I say grabbing everything I needed and heading out of my dorm. I began walking to my last class and stayed on the phone with her the whole way. “Okay so come to find out he lives like an hour away from my parent's house. So he is gonna give me a ride home,” I stop in my tracks.

“Li, what are you saying,” I ask having a feeling where this is going. “I already talked to my parents and they are super excited to meet him. I can really see this going somewhere,” I can hear the smile in her voice. “Okay,” I say stopping at the stairs of my lecture hall. “You aren’t mad,” she asks, concern in her voice. “No, I’m not mad. I’ll just have to find a ride after I finish this test,” I say. “Don’t worry I already have one for you,” she says. “Liana Barzal what did you do,” I ask with a whine in my voice.

“Love you! Talk later, good luck with your test. You are gonna kick ass,” she rambles and then hangs up on me. I can’t let myself think about it and walk into the room focusing on the test at hand. After an hour, I walk out of the building and head back to my dorm. I tried to call Liana several times, but she never answered me. When I walked into my dorm, I could see why.

“Mat, what are you doing here,” I ask seeing her older brother lying down on my bed reading a book. “Geez about time you got back. I was so bored I started reading your stupid little book,” he says in a teasing tone. I snatched the book from his hands and put it on my desk. “Let’s try this again. “What are you doing here Mathew Barzal,” I ask with an attitude. I loved the whole Barzal family, they have become like a family to me over the years. Our parents were friends and then they had Liana and I at the same time. But Mat was a whole different story.

Ever since I could remember he would tease me. Little things never anything terrible or purposefully malicious. He would pull my hair out of the ponytail, always call me stupid nicknames, and my personal favorite pretend he didn’t know who I was almost all of high school. I had always hoped it was the classic, oh he likes you because he teases you kind of thing. Those dreams were shattered when I was around and his friends asked who I was, and he just replied just some girl my sister is friends with no one important. It was not like I had known him my whole life or anything.

“Oh, you used my full name. I’m so scared,” he laughed sitting up and staring down at me. My bed was raised so I could reach to slap the back of his head so I smacked his calf. He laughed at me and I just kept hitting him. Not hard enough for it to hurt, but it did feel good to let out some of my frustration. I had been so stressed with finals, maintaining my grades, and stupid boy problems.

“What the hell are you doing,” my roommate Maddie asks walking in with her girlfriend right behind her. “Aw Y/n, good for you. I’m glad you moved on from that loser. Also, this one is so much hotter,” Olivia says sitting down on the bed. My entire face burns red and I stop hitting Mat. “No no no. This is Mat,” I rush taking a few steps away from him. He quirks an eyebrow at me. “Oh shit my bad. I thought. You know what never mind what I thought. I’m just gonna sit here and look pretty,” she jokes with me. “You think he’s hot,” Maddie ask looking from Mat to Olivia. “I don’t know for a guy yeah. I mean I would never ever never. But I could see the appeal,” she shrugs explaining to her girlfriend.

“I don’t know. How you treat people is way more important than looks,” Maddie rolls her eyes continuing to pack her bag. The whole time I refused to make eye contact with him. “You know who I am,” he asks hopping down off the bed and leaning back against it. “You talk about me Y/n,” his voice comes off condescending. I huff and let out a groan and Olivia throws a pillow at me. I whack him in the face with it. He grabs my wrist and makes me freeze. Noticing the tension Maddie saves the day.

 “I know a lot about you Barzal. Your sister is amazing by the way,” Maddie smirks, knowing she is riling him up. “You think Y/n/n talks about you. Please, you have no idea how many people try to get info on you from her. She has never once indulged them,” Olivia says thinking she is being helpful. I cut her a look and she stops talking. He looks down at me and his face softens. “What is she talking about,” he asked me. “Well, we should get on the road. Long drive down to Tennessee. Love you Y/n,” Olivia says grabbing Maddie’s stuff and heading for the door.

Maddie comes and wraps me up in a hug. “Call me okay. I love you and have a great break,” she smiles. “I love you and you guys too. Also Mads you got this. Any parent should be thrilled for their daughter to bring you home,” I give her arm a comforting squeeze. She nods and walks towards the door. “Barzal, if I hear one word about you hurting my girl you better be ready,” she threatens and closes the door. The air was thick in tension as soon as it was just the two of us.

Mat turns and opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off before he can. “Okay well, she should probably get on the road too,” I say grabbing my duffle bag and throwing it over my shoulder, and grabbing the suitcase with my free arm. I feel myself being pulled back and the weight on my left arm is now gone. Mat now had my pink duffle bag over his shoulder. He sent me a small smile and headed towards the door. This is gonna be a long trip.

I slowly walked behind him following him to his car in the parking lot. I let out a laugh and tried to cover it with a cough. His head snapped back to me and he smiled. “Yeah yeah, laugh it up,” he says putting my stuff in the back with his. “No I’m not laughing at you or the car I swear,” I laugh and he cuts me a look. “It’s just you’ve been in the NHL how long? They have to be paying you enough for a luxury car,” I say getting in the passenger door as he shuts it behind me. “Not that I need to explain myself to you, but there is no point in all of that. I mean this is a great little car, trustworthy, and dependable,” he says leaning over and looking backward to reverse the car. I hated to admit it to myself but he looked way too good doing that.

“No, you don’t have to explain anything to me. I just figured you would be all flashy and get a car to impress some girl,” I shrug looking outside my window and not at him. “Maybe the Mat you used to know would have done that. But I’m not that guy anymore,” he says glancing over at me. His stare makes me feel like the same little girl who had a monster crush on her best friend’s older brother. “Maybe,” I ask in a teasing tone getting a laugh out of him, like a real genuine smile. Happy with how the conversation was going and in fear of messing it up, I reached over and flipped through the stations trying to find a station.

“Here, just play something on here. The static is driving me crazy,” Mat says handing his phone over to me. I held it like it was a bomb, scared if I moved it would go off. “What,” he laughs eyes straight ahead. “I don’t know. It’s just no guy has ever just openly handed me his phone to go through,” I say opening his phone, he didn’t even have a password on it. His background makes me stop. It was a picture of Liana, him, my little sister, and me from one summer when we were kids on my dad’s boat. “Well you have been around the wrong guys,” he says snapping me out of my trance.

I didn’t even know that picture existed, let alone why Mat had it as his home screen. “Yeah well, you could say that again,” I laugh dryly and scroll through his playlist trying to find one. “Oh my gosh. You do not still have this,” I say shocked pulling up a playlist I made him one summer when he said I had terrible music taste and wanted to prove him wrong. I click play and the catchy beat of some random boyband I was obsessed with fills the car. He smiles and starts singing along with the song. “What? Don’t go feeling all special or whatever, it just has some good songs on it,” he says trying not to smile.

The next two hours are filled with us screaming the lyrics of the playlist and dancing around in the car. I had actually never had this much fun with Mat ever. He always treated me like his sister’s annoying friend. Right now it felt like he was treating me like a friend. The snow started to pick up more and more. We had turned down the music to almost nothing and I was helping him watch the road. “I saw a sign for a motel like half a mile back. I know it isn’t ideal but I can’t risk having you on the road in this weather,” he says slowing down even more and turning into the motel.

“Risk having me on the road? What about you,” I ask as he puts the car in park. “Liana and my parents would have my ass if anything happened to you,” he said looking over at me. I deflated a little bit, cursing myself for actually thinking maybe it was because he cared about me. I just nod my head and open the door grabbing my bags and heading for the door. “Hey wait slow down. What just happened back there,” he asks rushing forward and opening the door for me.

The lobby was filled with the same chill as outside. I shook off some of the snow that had gathered up on my clothes and hair. “I have no idea what you are talking about Barzal,” I say walking further inside towards the front desk. “Y/n you just completely shut down on me,” he says grabbing my forearm and pulling me back. I roll my eyes and look up at him. “I have no idea what you are talking about Mat. Look I’m tired and cold I just want to take a hot shower and sleep okay?” 

I hear someone clear their throat and we both look towards the guy behind the desk. He has an annoyed expression on his face. I pull my arm away from Mat and walk towards the desk. “How can I help you tonight sweetheart,” his voice sends chills down my spine. He looked me up and down like he was a wild animal stalking his prey. “Uhm.. a room please,” I stutter out completely creeped out by this guy. My eyes shift over to Mat and then back to the guy. “Okay, so two rooms. That will be,” the guy is cut off by Mat. “One room actually,” Mat wore a smug look on his face. His arm slipped around me, and this time I leaned in and didn’t brush him off.

“Yeah sure okay,” he grumbles out typing away. Mat gave my side a squeeze and his thumb rubbed back and forth under my jacket. I tried to ignore the feelings that came with being this close to him. He was just trying to help like a big brother would. He didn’t see me as anything else. “Right this way,” he said and we followed him down a long hallway and to the last room in the hall. He opens the door and we both can see the room only has one bed in it. I try to control my face, but it must have slipped because the guy smirks down at me. “One bed alright with the happy couple,” he said emphasizing the word couple. 

“Perfect with us. Right baby,” Mat leans down and looks at me. I nod my head, not trusting my voice in that moment. Fear overwhelmed my system, I just couldn’t tell if it was from the looks the clerk was giving me or the fact I had to share a bed with Mat tonight. “Well, I’ll leave you both to it. Come find me if you need anything okay,” he says directly at me slipping a wink in before walking away. Mat all picked me up and carried me into the room away from that guy. 

He slams the door closed and I jump at the sudden loud noise. He turns around and looks at me. I have never been able to read Mat well, he always held his emotions close to himself. But in this moment I was grateful I couldn’t. He was seething with anger. He paced around the room rambling about how no man had any right to talk to a woman like that. I sat on the bed and watched him continue to walk around. “Mat, please. You are making me dizzy,” I groan falling back onto the bed with my legs still hanging off. I hear a deep sigh and feel the bed dip down next to me. “You okay,” I ask looking into his eyes.

“That doesn’t matter right now. Are you okay,” he asked voice soft. I nod feeling very vulnerable under his gaze. I open my mouth to ask him more about what the hell just happened but my phone ringing cut me off. “Y/n, finally you answer me. I got an alert that you and Mat both stopped and neither one of you picked up. I was scared to death something happened to you both,” Liana rushes out. “Li slow down okay. I am perfectly fine okay. The roads just got really bad and Mat pulled over and we found a motel to stay at. We are gonna get back on the road first thing in the morning,” I explain calmly trying to help ease her worry.

“Hey you know I wouldn’t ever let anything happen to her right,” Mat says to his sister looking straight at me. “Yeah, I know. Sorry, it’s just you guys are two of my favorite people, and if I lost you both,” her voice cracked and we heard a hushed voice comforting her. Mat raised his eyebrows and I smiled. “You can’t get rid of us that easy. We are gonna be annoying you for the foreseeable future,” I laugh telling her and trying to get off the phone before Mat realized who she was talking to. “Okay I love you guys,” she says before hanging up. 

“Who was that,” he asked looking back to me. I laugh and shake my head jumping up. He quickly followed suit and stood after I did. “I am gonna go get that shower,” I say walking backward towards the bathroom. “Y/n tell me who she was talking to,” he says walking closer to me. I keep backing up until my back hits a wall. Mat is right in front of me looking down at me. “A friend,” I say in a hushed tone due to our closeness. “Uh-huh. A friend. Who is this friend,” he asks maintaining our current distance. “Maybe a friend who wants to be more than a friend,” I shrug and laugh at the face he makes. “Oh my god. She is a little rat,” he said backing up some. 

“Why is she a little rat,” I ask finally getting to take a full breath. “She totally used me asking to bring you home as a way to hang out with a boy,” he says looking back to me, and then his eyes get big. “What did you just say,” I ask stepping closer to him. “I have no idea what you are talking about,” he says trying to keep distance between us and trips over my bag falling down. “I’m okay,” he says looking up at me and then laughing. “Are you sure,” I ask laughing back at him. “Positive. Now go get a shower, you kind of stink,” he jokes and I kick his shin lightly.

When I was in the shower my mind drifted back to the car ride here. It was so different than any other time I had spent with him. Maybe he was right, he wasn’t the same Mat I knew growing up. I was more confused now than I was before. I shake off all of the feelings coming back from my teenage years and get out of the shower. I go to change into some clothes and realize I didn’t grab a shirt. “Hey, Mat. Can you pass me a shirt? I forgot to grab one,” I yell hoping he can hear me over the sound of the TV he had going. I hear a muffled sound and then a quick knock on the door. I open it and come face to face with him. 

His eyes drifted down and back up very quickly, he was hoping I hadn’t noticed. It was just the same as him seeing me in a swimsuit in the summer, which he had seen several times. Something different was floating around his mind, but I just couldn’t tell what. He cleared his throat and handed me the shirt. “Thanks,” I say softly and step back into the bathroom slipping the shirt over my head. I noticed how much bigger it was than normal and finally looked at myself in the mirror. He had given me one of his Islanders training shirts. I try not to think too much about it, but the small part of me who still believes in fairytale endings drifts.

I walk out turning the lights off in the bathroom and turning to face him. His shirt was so long it covered the shorts I had on. He looked up at me and his jaw tightened slightly. The air was weird between us again like it was earlier. “What are you watching,” I ask looking over at him when he doesn’t answer me. I call his name again and he looks over at me. “Oh uhm I don’t know some random comedy I found,” he says sitting up straighter in the bed. I nod my head at him and walk around the side of the bed opposite him. I pull back the blankets and carefully slip into the bed being very cautious of our personal space.

“Are you cold,” he asks looking over only being able to see me when the TV flashed a bright color. “No, I’m good I promise,” I say back lying to him. “Y/n/n, I can feel you shivering over there,” he says looking over at me. I feel his hand touch mine under the covers and he winces. “Your hands are freezing,” he says. He scoots closer and pulls me towards him. “Mat, I’m fine really,” I try and push him off. He ignores me and pulls me into his chest. I immediately feel warmer, either from his body heat or my face flushing. 

We both stay still as a board, both afraid of moving too much and scaring the other. I could feel his breath and hear his heartbeat. That was the only thing comforting me because he was as fast as mine. “Hey can I ask you a question,” he asks running his hand up and down my arm. “Yeah, you can ask me anything,” I say looking up at him. “Earlier when your roommate and her girlfriend were talking they said you never talk about me even when people ask. Does that happen a lot? People asking you about me,” he asks his hand stopping and resting on my upper arm. “Yeah, I guess it does. I mean people know me from Li’s Instagram and figure I am close with you or whatever. So girls try to be friends with me to get closer to you. Or guys only ask me out thinking I will introduce them to you,” I say scared of how he will act.

“I am really sorry that happened to you Y/n,” he says looking down at me. I look up at him and smile. “It’s okay Mat. Not anything I’m not used to,” I replied. “Has this always happened,” his question made me sigh. I just nod against his chest. “How long,” his voice breaks. “I don’t know, freshman year. It wasn’t because you were mister hot-shot hockey back then. It was because you were this hot older guy every girl our age was crazy about. So that’s why Li and I have always been really selective of our friends,” I answer back. We stay quiet for a minute and then I feel his chest vibrate some. “What,” I ask looking up at him and seeing a smile on his face. “Every girl your age thought I was hot, eh,” he asks in a teasing tone, but not the same one from childhood.

“Wow out of all of that, you wanna know if I thought you were hot,” I roll my eyes and push away from him. His grip tightens on me and I laugh with him. “Why does it matter what I thought of you way back then,” I ask. “I don’t know,” he shrugs. “Can I ask you a question now,” I counter and he nods. “What did I do to you growing up,” his eyebrows furrow at my question. “I mean it was like you had it out for me. Anything I did, you had a teasing comeback for it. And then in high school you just ignored me. So I’m asking you if I did something,” I ask waiting for a response. 

“You didn’t do anything, I swear. Well not intentionally anyway. You couldn’t help me having feelings for you. I don’t know as kids I thought of you just like Li and your sister. And then one day you weren’t the same anymore. I noticed how my feelings were changing with you. And I was stupid and young and had no clue what I was doing so I was just mean.” I stayed quiet just listening to him. “Then high school came around and some of the jerks I called friends started asking questions about you. Like who you were and some other stuff I’m not gonna repeat. So I just thought if you weren’t an active part of my life maybe guys like that would leave you alone. You were way too good for them,” he finished and stared ahead. “Mat, will you please look at me,” I ask, his eyes drifting across my face and landing on my eyes. He nods and I look at him,” Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Like I said, I was a young stupid kid. I was scared of you. You were my sister’s best friend, our parents are super close, and I just knew that I would screw something up. And it wouldn’t just be us it would be us I messed up, but everyone else would suffer,” he said. “Well are you still,” I ask, taking a leap of faith. “Still what,” his voice is filled with confusion. “Are you still young and stupid,” I whisper back to him. “Up until yesterday. Yeah, I was,” he replied. “What changed today,” I question leaning in closer to him. “I finally quit trying too hard around you. I was just Mat with you today. And it felt really nice,” he smiled leaning down our lips almost touching. “Tell me to stop and I will. We can pretend this never happened and go back to whatever we were. Even though that might actually kill me, I’ll do it if that’s what you want,” he says his breath fanning my face.

I close the distance between us by grabbing his cheeks with my hands pulling him closer. It didn’t even take him a second to fall into rhythm with me. All those years of secretly pining and hidden feelings were finally being released. I kissed him until I physically couldn’t anymore needing to breathe. “Holy shit,” I say resting our foreheads together.” If I had known that was what I was missing I would have said something sooner,” he laughed making me smile. “Well, we have about ten years to catch up on,” I smile at him reconnecting our lips.

The next morning I woke up all tangled up in Mat’s embrace. I nuzzled into his chest harder, waking him in the process. “Please tell me last night wasn’t some dream,” he says not opening his eyes yet. “No, you dork. It wasn’t a dream,” I laugh kissing the space between his shoulder and neck. “I don’t really wanna leave the motel, is that bad,” he asks running his hand in my hair. “No, it isn’t that bad,” I smile. “Good because I’m pretty sure Li may just kick my ass,” he laughs. “Am I worth it,” I ask looking up at him. “Worth every second of ass-kicking,” he says kissing my nose. I kiss his lips again and my phone ringing interrupted us. “Oh god, it’s her, isn’t it? She is already cockblocking me and she doesn’t even know yet,” he groans throwing his head back.

“Are you both still alive,” she jokes. “Yes we are both still alive,” Mat groans into the phone before moving us to where he could rest his face on my neck. My hands go to his hair and start running my fingers through it. “Well, I’m sorry for asking. Geez Y/n maybe you should have given him some and he wouldn’t be acting like an ass this morning,” she laughs and stops when she realizes neither one of us answers. “Oh my god. You did not,” she screams.

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