#yw needs therapy too

[call-me-honkie]

Like Water

Like Water - AO3. Season of the Haunted spoilers!

The Guardian is more perturbed by the Nightmare of Uldren Sov than Crow initially thought.

You know… sometimes, if I curl my finger just so… I can feel the pressure of the trigger. Smell the gunpowder. Hear Cayde’s screams.

Uldren Sov’s ghastly voice sounded over the comms—through The Guardian’s comms.

I could’ve done it nice and quick. But… well, you know. Don’t you? The way he laid there, reached out for his Ghost and begged. Like those little shards were going to help him—

Eris interrupted, “Begone, you facile caricature! Your lies have no power here.”

The Guardian was silent on the comms. Stoic as usual. How Crow admired their ability to let words slide over them as easily as water.

*****

The H.E.L.M. was quiet after a long day of capturing Nightmares, more than Crow expected. Commander Zavala in particular had seemed like he was an inch away from fleeing the room as they discussed their next move with Eris Morn, and his blue complexion seemed ghostly. He seemed shaken. Exhausted. They all did. Well, except Eris, and—

The Guardian hadn’t uttered a word before, during, or after the mission. They were on the opposite side of the room, filling out an after-action report by hand. Their Ghost hung in the air over their shoulder, equally silent. Crow almost chuckled a little—they had gone out of their way to get a clipboard so they could remain standing, as if repelled by the concept of sitting down. A workaholic at heart, they were; yet he’d never seen Commander Zavala suggest they take a break. They had probably decided to stand so far away to give him some privacy after—

Perhaps they’ve properly learned to deal with stress, unlike you. Perhaps their performance does not cost lives the moment they are put under pressure.

Crow dared a glance over his shoulder, expecting the blood-red shadow of Uldren Sov there. But there was nothing. His thoughts, Uldren’s voice—his stomach churned, they were too similar.

He looked around frantically for a way to put himself to use. Eventually he approached The Guardian.

“Hey, Guardian.” Crow waved.

They jolted a little, as if snapped out of some kind of trance. He raised his hands. “Easy. Just me. I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”

That was odd. Crow didn’t think his footsteps were that quiet, and he’d approached from the front.

The Guardian didn’t offer so much as a nod. They hadn’t even taken off their helmet. They were never vocal, but, somehow, their usual quiet felt even quieter, if such a thing was possible.

Their Ghost’s eye was locked on The Guardian before he cleared his throat awkwardly and offered, “Nice to see you, Crow. We were just filling out some after-action reports while the, um,”—his shell tightened anxiously—“memory is still fresh.”

“Ah.” Crow cleared his throat. “Glint and I usually record them and send them to Zavala. If you want, I can take them to his office for you. One less trip.” He couldn’t shake the feeling he was interrupting something. A failure in every regard, it seemed, even when he was trying to help. Uldren had said as much. But he still had to try.

He glanced down at their clipboard. There was almost nothing written on it. The pencil in their hand trembled. Suddenly Crow realized that the final Nightmare of Uldren Sov didn’t belong to him.

He blushed in shame. Oh, he was so, so selfish to think that Uldren Sov was his Nightmare alone. He remembered their silence; he thought they were simply ignoring Uldren. His words were obvious lies, like Eris said. But they were too quiet, and their Ghost hadn’t said a word, either, and—Uldren’s taunts were only obviously untrue to Crow because he had his memories.

How many sleepless nights had they suffered because the ringing of Cayde’s screaming and begging were seared into their mind? Yet they had never once asked him about Uldren’s perspective. If they burned with questions about what happened to Cayde, they hid it too well behind their mask of stone. Why didn’t he think of this sooner?

“Guardian, I…” Crow swallowed. “Glint, could you put in an order for ramen?”

Glint materialized in a gentle swish of light. “Of course. What kind—”

“Just… surprise me.”

“I’ll go too,” The Guardian’s Ghost piped up, shell twirling from nerves. Crow didn’t know it was possible for Ghosts to look hurried as they transmatted out.

With eyes glued to their blank sheet of paperwork, they asked him what he wanted. Their voice cracked, heavy with exhaustion and sorrow.

Crow hated Uldren. He hated everything Uldren did. He hated how he was treated and how he treated others. He wished he could cut his memories out with a scalpel-sharp solar knife. He would rather rejoin Spider’s employ than be dragged through them again. But, maybe, for once in his Traveler-damned existence, maybe having Uldren’s memories could help someone.

“I just wanted you to know that…” He took a deep, shaking breath, dredging up Uldren’s blood-slicked memories. The scream of a hand cannon, a dark whisper in his ear, Cayde’s crackling coughs—“what Uldren said, on the Leviathan. He was lying.”

They looked up at him from their clipboard. Their expression was still concealed by their helmet, but at least they were looking at him.

What do you mean?

“Cayde never screamed. Or begged. He was… calm, not frightened.” Crow took another deep breath. “I remember, he cracked a joke at my—his—expense, I think. But Uldren—the Nightmare—was lying.” He averted his gaze and shuffled his feet. “I just… thought you should know.”

They stepped forward and he winced, expecting them to punch the Light out of him for being so presumptuous. But they threw their arms around him and sank their head into his shoulder.

They didn’t say a word, but they sighed, and he swore he heard a tremor of relief in it. He shut his eyes and squeezed them tighter. I’m here, Old Light. However many nights they spent agonizing over what happened to Cayde… he hoped they could lay those nightmares to rest now.

Uldren’s memories always seemed magnified when he closed his eyes. The scream of a hand cannon, a dark whisper in his ear, Cayde’s crackling coughs… But now they seemed a little more distant, a little more blurred, as if submerged. They did not slide past him as easily as water yet, but they slid past.

At least one thing went right for both of them today.

#destiny 2 #destiny 2 spoilers #season of the haunted #season of the haunted spoilers #guardian and crow #guardian x crow but only if you squint #guardian #young wolf #crow #ghost destiny #glint destiny #fanfiction #this season really took the fanfic writer deep inside me by the ear and dragged her outwhile she still had hot cheeto dust on her fingers #yw needs therapy too

[yanaequa]

Thanks for replying to me re: disability rights in SK. I learned a lot. I have a follow-up question: is it really true that there aren't therapists or doctors in SK who specialize in autism? I honestly can't believe there isn't even one (1) that can help YW. I'd love for YW to go to therapy in the 2nd season: on her own terms, to understand and help herself but also, towards gaining more independence.

There... is, there is. HOWEVER, they are not many in number, and I am not entirely sure if those would be actually helpful to autistics, especially for grown-up ones. Therapy for autistic individual are mostly focused on children, and I believe the it is more likely designed to make autistic people to be fit to social norm rather than helping the struggles of them. ABA is considered as something super innovative way of treating autistics. (I ofc firmly disagree with such notion. ABA sucks. Period.)

It sounds terrifying, but korean autistics are desperate for them. Our pain of not being able to be seen at all is greater than the pain of not being accepted and validated. At least, if I learn to speak their language, and speak in a way they understand, then they will be able to see SOME of me, at least. For that, we would try everything we could; we would be WILLING to take ABA, just to connect & communicate with others. We are THAT desperate. Think of it as drinking super dirty water that would definitely make one sick because that is literally ONLY drinkable liquid around.

Still though, I remember going for the therapy when I was young. Back in that day, autism being spectrum was yet to be perceived. It was a group therapy with other "Asperger's Syndrome" friends. (I was young and that was name of the diagnosis at that time!) We talked and communicated and did some quiz-like activity altogether including doctors and parents. Problem was: there were only four of us, and all the kids were boys, while I being the only girl. My mom was heard that is is less prevalent among girls. Now I know that autism is spectrum, I can confidently say that autistic women are less "visible". Anyways, my action & behavior was WAY different than others in there. I remember getting scared because one friend got agitated that his answer is different (I did the expression of "feeling sorry"; his answer was "feeling too bad") and started shouting. My mom and I stopped going to the therapy after a while, because she thought I was capable of being normal rather than belonging to such side. I agreed that what is being offered in therapy is not needed for me.

What my mom thought, in fact, is true. Unlike other autistics I met, I was CAPABLE of learning language that is prevalent in society. Because she thought that I was capable, I was able to study abroad. She said she wouldn't let me go if she thought I was autistic, and she still thinks that I am not, although she agrees that I am different from others.

Oh, the irony of NOT being thought as autistic actually being treated better than being perceived as autistic, because the stereotype of it is immensely flat and wrong on so many levels! The irony of the idea "disability is burden" being a PREMISE that nobody is even thinking of challenging it! One day, I commented in the online post, and explicitly said that "please AVOID commenting that the disability is burden" then people just casually replied that "I don't think disabled people is burden but isn't disability tho?" I was like HEY I DIDN'T EVEN INVALIDATE YOUR THOUGHTS AND EXPLICITLY ASKED TO DON'T WRITE IT IN SUCH WAY AND YOU JUST CASUALLY IGNORE IT BY WORDPLAYING? I DIDN'T EVEN DEMAND IT! I don't want to rant, but that's how the Korean society is; one consists of RIGID social norms that makes nobody (including NTs) happy.

So when I watched EAW and saw Young-Woo expressing herself with her own language, and people trying to understand and learn what her language would actually mean, (like the scene in ep.3 where Young-Woo's dad speak quoting a law so she would understand to make her stop crying), it really felt like something else. She looked like the parallel universe version of me, where my own language is accepted as valid ones. Because I didn't. My mom let me know how my language could be perceived by others (this thing was actually helpful for figuring out my own effective ways of communication!), then rather proposed express in a way I do not offend others. I now mask well, really well; thanks to my mother’s effort. In fact, I forgot how to express in my own language. I used to have something like the whale of WYW, but It’s lost and gone forever that I can’t even replicate it even if I wanted to. So lost and gone that I can’t really relate myself to other fellow autistics.

At least I thought so, until I started watching EAW.

After watching the show, I asked my friend who have been known me for long time if she sees me in WYW. She said I pretty much acted like her back then, so I asked if I had something like WYW’s whale. She told me that I was so fond of stars in night sky, that I kept telling her about constellations and stars.

I still like them. I LOVE making analogies of stars and nights to our life. I love the mythologies & stories related to constellations. I WANT to be the one like star in the night, and I really act like that.

Maybe it was not that lost after all.

I’ll probably write about stars and nights in another article.

#extraordinary attorney woo #actually autistic #actuallyautistic #kdrama #did I sidetrack #autism therapy #south korea #disability rights

[diana-3]

Beware: I got to thinking about missed storytelling opportunities with Destiny 2 and I go on a rant.

Tl;Dr: I'm just bitching because I'd went about it differently. I'm aware my version of things would tick off other players and Bungie needs to stretch the story to fill the rest of the seasons/expansions and that they want players reading the lore as much as playing the game.

Anyone else feel like Bungie totally ignores great story hooks or completely misses a mark storytelling wise?

I've felt this since Beyond Light came out. When Eruopa was introduced, we got Eramis as the main villain and since then not much to do with it.

CLOVIS BRAY AND BANSHEE LORE WAS RIGHT THERE.

Info about Exos, Clovis, Ana and Elsie's family, DER, the vex, The Whispers---all right there. But nah, let's bring back Variks and a one off villain to introduce darkness abilities, THROUGH THE GRANDDAUGHTER OF CLOVIS BRAY.

I feel like Europa was primed to be a huge lore dump about the Bray family, the Exos and the vex and they just...totally missed the broad side of the barn and hit the one tree in the field by introducing Eramis a little too soon.

Idk, I feel like the introduction of Europa could have felt more fulfilling if we'd centered on the exo/vex/Clovis lore and saved Eramis for later when she could have been built up better as a baddie and we knew what was hidden in Europa to begin with and then ending it with the Eramis arc, the darkness powers and the raid.

I also feel like they did it with this season and the Shadow keep expansion. The young wolf has been through so much shit--yet had absolutely no trauma to work through? REALLY? No nightmare to haunt them? We had just lost a good friend and gotten revenge for him by killing someone we'd known for years? We've seen guardians die, been too late to prevent disasters, the whole Gaul arc with losing our light and being vulnerable for the first time since our first rez?

And you really gonna tell me that the YW is just totally mentally healthy/stable/ a-oh-kay?

I call plot armor bullshit.

When Shadow keep came out, I was excited to see how they'd handle the young wolf, only to see the spotlight fully on Eris and her trauma over people I couldn't name aside from Toland. I felt very... disconnected from the story. Hell, I never even fully finished it because it just didn't call to me like others did.

I know I'd there'd been a common thread between Eris and the Young Wolf and the begining of truth shown about their trauma and what they'd been through, through the years--that I would have cared a bit more and finished it.

Also, I'm glad we got backstory on Caital and Zavala and that we got more Crow crumbs-- I devoured the season story in about 3 streams, about 4 hours each.

but Ikora's nightmare is cayde and it's just nodded to in lore tabs? We never actually get to see him haunting her in the tower or have a scene with her to help her heal like the others? To confront those still lingering feelings of regret, remorse, anger and sorrow? Nah, let's just have a few voice messages from Amanda Holiday dealin with it instead and act like the YW is just totally cool with everything going down around them.

The YW is just the driver and the one forcing everyone else to get fucking therapy while Eris is the witchy therapist 🤣

But seriously, we have the vanguard hunter stand in (Crow), vanguard leader (Zavala) and the Cabal Empress getting nightmare therapy but y'all just gonna leave ya girl hanging like that? Standin by herself at home? Being haunted by her lost friend / fire team member?

It's like they come up with all these amazing concepts and then only end up bouncing it off the backboard during the execution rather than a slam dunk by adjusting the main focus

Me lately:

#destiny 2 #diana the hunter #destiny the game #destiny 2 the game #im just ranting #been thinking a lot about the story lately

[entrancedsnow70]

Considering Crow’s recent behavior, I wonder how much of it is influenced by the YW?

Don’t get me wrong, Crow is having a Bad Time™ emotionally and should definitely see someone about his borderline suicidal behavior, and he definitely needs help reconciling that the “right thing” is not always a good thing, but with shutting down the machine and killing the Psion I wonder if it was partially influenced by the fact that the YW is the closest thing to an idol he has right now (considering he doesn’t really get along with Saladin and “Osiris” was literally Savathûn). The YW is in class of their own, limited only by their age and the lack of experience that came with it. At about 7 1/2 years old they beat Savathûn in a 1v1 and have killed several gods. At like a day old we killed an Archon. Crow currently has two firsthand memories of us kicking serious ass (the first being the Gatelord we killed at a week old after fighting through a small army of Cabal, the second being the entirety of Forsaken) on top of everything he’s seen since we met.

We are stupidly powerful, but we are also incredibly lucky and have always had another person with much more experience guiding/mentoring in some way. The only real exceptions have probably the Red War and, to a degree, Forsaken (an argument could be made for base game for D1). Crow however doesn’t see that. Most of Crows experience with us has been us being fairly independent from the Vanguard (see Forsaken) and everything going well for us. Since it’s canon that he really looks up to us and has even tried copying some of the things we do in fights, I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to think that, combined with his incredibly strong convictions on right and wrong, he didn’t really think about the consequences of what he was doing.

I don’t think Crow was wrong exactly for what he did, but he was incredibly reckless and needs to learn how to think things through. His life is no longer like being under Spider’s thumb, where consequences were immediate and obvious and he really needs help adjusting (and also a lot of therapy) and I’m not sure we’re the best influence to him past combat experience.

#destiny 2 spoilers #season of the risen spoilers #destiny 2

[andragoras-in-vanity]

i dont know who has been on the internet so long theyve got brainrot thinking that platonic love isnt as important as romantic love. like....you need both unless you dont experience romance. but if you do you need both.

but if you fucking go outside for once in your life and interact with other human beings instead of marvel movies (wtf), you'll see that NO ONE ON THIS PLANET actually treats friendships as lesser than romance. not a single damn person, in fact for most of us its been the opposite way around, struggling and crying because you do experience romantic love and you WANT it, you NEED it because youve never been that important to anyone or safe, and yws i adore my friends but theyre not fulfilling in the same way and theres no words for it. but everytime you try to say it some idiot tries to tell you bullshit like "you're whole without a relationship!!! you dont NEED a boyfriend to be happy!!!", and some posts on this infernal site are just as much of a dig.

like thats great for you!!! maybe you dont need to be in passionate love to feel complete, but some of us do and that doesnt mean theres something wrong with us, especially as people who have never had the luxury of dating, of even crushing or finding random strangers good looking. yes, ive tried, but if im not in love with you i cannot date you, which means trying to do typically romantic things with friends ...just feels gross.

and some people seem to have misconstrued romantic love with sexual love. not the same, often intertwined, but not the same. the same way you can be ace but want romantic affection, or aro and want sex. if you dont know the difference im begging you to pick up a fucking book.

not to mention the security and safety of a partnership that some of us seek, yes we can share a bed with friends, maybe cuddle them too, but maybe its just be being disabled but theres a level of reliability that even my friends who know the worst of me cant give. its a feeling in your heart and chest that feels light, but cool like the ocean just running through you and your body feels weightless when your In Love.

and if you dont experience romance then cool, thats your life, but dont be a fucking cunt about it like this guy:

who is just fucking wrong, and also should go die in a gas station fire 😊.

if you dont know what being IN love means, just say it. dont tell the rest of us we need therapy because we want to date someone whod be good to us and we can shower in devotion all day long, and you cant relate.

platonic love is necessary to get through life and everyone knows this, but romantic love is just as pure if not more raw, its harmful and especially homophobic to dismiss that some people need it.

#tw ableism #im giving these trigger warnings only because uhhhh thats some fucking bullshit that person wrote #i cut out their name but they either need to be bullied back into real life or pick up a book sometime #but yeah im fucking tired of seeing posts that just arent even positivity posts thwyre just straight up dismissive bullshit #like theres some kind of animosity that certain people have towards those of us who are stupidly sappy #and i dont get it #cause NORMAL people aka the vast majority dont have an issue with how everyone else lives their lives #but i sure am getting a bit spiteful having to hear this shit all the time from every direction #but god forbid you call anyone out on their ableism or you're being pHoBiC #which yes!! some people are and a lot of people have experienced exclusion #but is that a fucking excuse to say this like this when you DO NOT UNDERSTAND the world the way you think you do? #anyway theres a few people i think i need to unfollow or block cause ive seen ignorant ignorant takes lately #maybe not directly harmful or ecil but incredibly misguided and dismissive of people like me who are hurting #and feel unloved and unworthy and ugly in all aspects because we've had to watch everyone else be pursued #and then those same people turn around and tell us 'you dont need a man to be complete!!!' #okay hypocrite????? ive literally never seen you single while im only asking for ONE SINGLE PERSON im meant for but arite #its bad enough i have to be dismissed by friends and family for knowing ill be healthier and taking better care of myself if i were doing #it alongside and for the one im in love with. to impress them and to be good for them as they deserve #so dont let shit ideals like that and homophobia and ableism invade the queer community or spaces online #where a disabled person like myself really only has access too #i know the world is more forgiving and understanding than tumblr but unlike most of yall who choose to be stupid #i dont have the ability to go out or occupy my time otherwise im trapped her and i know this and i hate it #and i definitely wont magically be healed by a loving romantic relationship but it would make all this pain and loneliness bearable #i love my friends but its not the same and the loyalty is there but the devotion is not #and even then i dont have many of them #if it were as simple as dating the first person i saw i would but thats not how love especially true love works at all #so ill get off my soapbox now if you will yours but i think ive found another hill to die on

[samsflannel]

survey results are in!

sorry, this is gonna be a long post. yesterday i posted a survey with a list of polls regarding Supernatural, and it was SO much fun. I got over 300 responses, which was A LOT to sort through for the short responses, but I’ve gathered all the “data” and here it is! My responses to each poll will be under the screenshots (they are in groups of 2). I’m going to include the short answer responses in another post. ENJOY!

1. Starting off strong.

2. Pleased with this one as well.

3. Yep, I expected this response from most of us.

4. Sami, I made the wincest and destiel response just for you. YW.

5. CMON YOU GUYS......live a little!!! samjack sexy

6. I’m not really surprised that Playthings got the bulk of votes here, but I think my vote would have been 8x23.

7.  :)

8. i’m disappointed that more people didn’t choose the yellow one tbh

9. it is sexy. it is. wake up.

10. i love Dean, but he’s definitely an asshole. and that’s what makes him a great character!

11. hehe.....i understand why not a lot of people picked noncon bait....u r valid its ok im gross.

12. WHO THE FUCK PICKED NO......have you ever consumed media

13. WBK.

14. damn, Dean kinda got the short end here! a lot of samgirls took this survey

15. i get why you wouldn’t like Bugs bc it does have harmful stereotypes about native ppl but the rest of it is peak season 1 wdymmm

16. almost 50/50 here! old vs new fans we love to see it. I am definitely wincest old guard.

17. YEP. Eric Kripke needs shock therapy for that one

18. The fact that some people admitted to being dry.....tragic. I think Eileen is a great character but they are NOT endgame.

19. SO YOURE JUST GONNA SIT THERE AND ADMIT HOW WRONG YOU ARE??

20. ugh. yeah. same.

21. who tf picked blue. cmon. red meat incest agenda.

22. SAM MOMMY MILKERS!!!!! hucow sam <3

23. Mixed on this one! My response is obviously yellow :)

24. I do think Bobby favored Dean somewhat.

25. Johnzazel agenda so true

26. HIGHKEY CANON. AND SEXY

27. someone requested a combination of blue and yellow and you’re so right i apologize.

28. mixed on this one for top vs bottom fans! almost a 50/50 split

29. ANNA DID NOTHING WRONG

30. I can’t believe this one is almost 50/50. Ruby girlboss you guys are haters

31. again. admitting you’re dry. THEY FUCKED

32. yeah :(

33. Q-anon level conspiracy theory.

34. I actually fall into the blue. I do believe Cas was in love with Dean, but not the other way around. I think Cas loving Dean makes wincest so much more spicy

35. I love sam so much

36. those of you who answered yes........join my movement.

37. c’mon. even if you don’t ship wincest you need to admit this one.

38. sorry this one was self-indulgent.

39. JESS PEGGED SAM.

40. idk, i personally think Cassie deffo pegged Dean. She has top energy.

41. So all the people who answered no have definitely not read the fic (were too young to remember it) or are squicked by underage which is ok! its one of those fics i read back in 2010 so i have fond memories of it

42. hahahah you guys were mean on this one

43. it’s canon bro sorry

44. thank god this one was majority yellow

45. i give wincestiel a valid pass! dean has multiple holes

46. Jack is hole <3

47. I actually think both are great (and ppl were mad I didn’t have that option srry) but deanpussy is incredible and underrated.

48. SEXY>>>>>>

49. thank you for enabling me.

50. can you guess the redacted part? it was: insert various objects into himself :))))

51. ok heres the big question! i’m not surprised ilysmmbb won, but i personally vote for “yeah, there he is” !! i think its underrated and such a tender moment.

52. i’m in the blue. i like cas.

53. i actually am in the yellow on this one. i think its more realistic, although blue is hot forsure

54. top 3 cas moment right there.

55. objectively yes on this one. thank god for COVID- *gets shot at*

56. sorry this was shady i’m not really like this usually haha. i think death is my fave besides Rowena

57. obviously i’m in the red. i’m shocked that so many people said Yes.......

58. Clearly.

59. I enjoyed fan fiction! i love campy episodes as you all know (like Dog Dean afternoon and such) so i loved fan fiction. it was a nice nod to someone like me who has been watching for a long time.

60. HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU NOT KNOW WHO ANDY IS. i wish he would have been in the show longer........

61. uh....yeah.

62. Yeah c’mon. Dean would and you know it.

63. Thank god you guys didn’t fuck this up. I would agree, but Corbett is a close second for me.

64. IN THE RED BABY!!!!

65. we love a man bleeding out. we do.

66. i actually think misha is chill with J2 but.....you can’t deny J3 have more chemistry.

67. I uh......don’t think Dean would be a great father. is this me projecting my own issues with my father onto Dean? maybe,,,,

68. i’m surprised this was so negative! I think i would be interested

69. thanks for reading my shitty poetry!! i also had s4 dean in mind when writing this

70. CMON.....ITS KINDA SEXY CMON.......that spice of battered wife syndrome.......violent man in the house.......sam beaten down....im barking

71. haha yessss go yellow.

72. go yellow again.

73. I think I would actually vote yellow on this one. what a sweet and beautiful thing to say to someone, and its so very DEAN.

74. mhm. i think so. 

75. SEXY CONTROLLING OLDER BROTHER!!!!!

76. no idea why people answered yes to this one. that punch was fucked up. was it sexy? thats another story,,

77. WOKE. 

78. I do. I love pilot Dean.

79. Dean is a carfucker. any side of the fandom can recognize that

80. thank you GREEN!!!!!!

81. Sam is bi wtf! Sera Gamble erasure

82. Padackles commune <33333 they all fuck and they don’t know whose kid is whose!!!! (not really but this is sexy)

83.  THESE BROTHERS ARE WEIRD FOR SURE.

#wincest #supernatural #spn survey #Sam Winchester #dean winchester #samdean

[aviesnapkindoodles]

Heyo!!

Quick reminder to take care of yourself! Drink water, eat, move around a bit, take your meds if you need to, etc!

But also!!! Just wanted to say that you're frickin amazing. Like, I get really happy anytime we interact and you're very sweet and wonderful and ily /p

Also, you're such a hard worker. Idk if anyone's told you that but I think you should know that

It sucks that you're really stressed and have too many assignments, I hope you get a chance to relax sometime real soon!

hi hi !

yes i got some food, went on a walk and spent outside time yesterday, and i got some water flavorings (grape is my favorite) so im more motivated to drink water also i was finally able to up my adhd meds and its helped,,, so much,, like i did spent 2 hours fiddling with earrings but yeah

awww ;;-;; i know you say it a lot but its just really nice to hear, and yeah we should talk more ! i dont know why we dont (probs the anxiety for both of us ghdh)

aw thanks yeah i dont consider myself a hard worker that much bc my family is always going (my dad works 12 hour days teaching/at the hospital and has a demon boss and does business trips to get extra money for bills and is the stake executive secretary and does hunting and spends time with us and my mom is planning yw camp and takes care of 5 kids and cleans our house and meets with a bunch of people so comparatively i dont feel like i do a lot) 

but i work like,,, 10-15 hours a week, plus 3-15 hours of babysitting plus school plus yw plus planning plus church plus seminary plus chores plus art plus now studying for exams plus researching colleges lol <3 luckily school, seminary and exams will be over in less than a month !! so yeah by definition i am a hard worker i guess 

yeah hopefully !!! i might be going on a date thingy with two guys and my best friend this saturday and i have therapy today so i have some chill stuff coming up, and i played acnh for an hour and i felt really happy so yeah 

sorry this is so long ghdhd

#tw dating mention #tw church mention #tw religion mention #tw school metion #tw kids mention #tw therapy mention #personal #amber ! #adhd #tw medication #tw anxiety mention

[mysticscanlations]

That Summer Chapter 146 Translation!

Read the raws here: That Summer

YW: Hi.

YW: Have you been well?

YW: Looking at your face, it seems like you are.

YW: Whew~

YW: I had so much trouble getting here.

YW: Sorry, I'm gonna drink a little.

SFX: Gulp (x3)

YW: If you keep staring like you've seen a stalker, I'm gonna be sad...

YW: Don't misunderstand, I'm not here to catch you.

-I'm just stopping by while I'm on vacation.

HB: Va...cation?

YW: Yeah, I'm backpacking!

-Since it's summer break, I wanted to come to the US at least once before I got busy.

ST: Did you know? They let medical students get their passport even 3 weeks beforehand!

YW: For now, that's the reason... I wanted to come here as soon as possible.

-I had something to give you.

SFX: Tap

YW: Take it.

HB: What is this.

YW: The money I borrowed from your father.

YW: I used it for my mom's surgery,

YW: to move,

-and to pay for my tuition.

YW: I still have a lot to give back,

-but I'll start repaying it slowly from now on.

HB: Stop talking nonsense..

SFX: Shake (x2)

HB: Take it back.

HB: I don't know about that stuff.

-Congrats on getting into medical school, that was your dream.

SFX: Slide (x2)

YW: No.

YW: It was you.

YW: Aren't you the one who asked your father? To help me out.

YW: If it weren't for that, there would be no reason for you to be here.

YW: … Why did you do it?

-What do you gain from helping me out that much.

YW: Whether or not I take the CSAT for a 3rd time has nothing to do with you.

-Neither does my mom collapsing or us being out on the streets.

YW: It had nothing to do with you,

-and if things went as had, you would've taken the CSAT last year and gone to a college in Korea.

YW: Why did you needlessly interfere and end up here?

-Just what are you doing here?

YW: Seriously, why did you do it, you idiot?

HB: H... How's your mom?

HB: They say that you even need to pay attention to the after-effects when it comes to brain surgery.

-She needs to be healthy.

YW: .. My mom's okay.

-She's getting therapy for now.

YW: Thanks to you, a huge storm has passed.

YW: Ah~

HB: Good for you.

YW: I really can't understand you.

YW: I'm asking why you helped me...

-No,

-that's not what I wanted to say...

YW: Thanks.

YW: I don't know if you remember, but you once said this. That no matter what I thought, the feelings of you liking me during the time we went out were real.

YW: I'll apologize for internally laughing at you for that.

YW: The things you've done for me

-were things that couldn't be easily given or received.

YW: I'll remember

-meeting you.

YW: Because you were there,

-even when life sometimes felt exhausting,

YW: I was able to endure it.

YW: I'll never forget it.

HB: Hyung,

-don't be too sorry.

HB: This is just the path I chose.

Box: Ordered because he was hungry

YW: … Path, you say—

YW: For a long time, my dream was to be a doctor.

-A job where you can save other people's lives, make a difference, and make a lot of money so that you can live a stable life after retirement... There aren't many like that.

YW: Poverty and anxiety made it so that I couldn't think of any other path.

-... I thought that was the only path for me.

YW: But recently I've been thinking about something.

YW: Just why did I think I couldn't take another path?

YW: I want to change this world.

YW: To one where the younger version of me can think about other paths, too.

YW: Where people are less tired than they are now,

YW: can make more choices, and live with the dreams they have.

HB: Wow.

HB: At this rate, you might get into politics like my father, you know?

YW: May~be?

ST: Don't worry, I have no thoughts on working under your father

YW: I know it's difficult to do on my own.

YW: But I have a lot of good friends.

YW: If I don't let my pride get in the way, I'm sure they'll help when I need them.

YW: Since they've always been been there.

ST: Thanks for remembering me.

ST: I heard you're in Boston?

ST: Come visit me in Pennsylvania!

HB: That's the broadcasting club gang for you.

-They all like you, anyways.

ST: The power of alums

HB: If you asked for help, I'm sure they'd come running.

HB: … I'm going to be a reporter.

ST: Oh~

YW: Reporter?

ST: Shy

HB: It's not like I've been doing nothing while I've been here, either.

HB: When I thought about what I was good at,

-I realized I like to write, I'm good at cracking people down, and biting down and stretching things out is my specialty.

ST: Haha

YW: That's perfect for you.

-...Then I guess if we both work hard, we might meet again in the future.

HB: .. Don't think I'll help you like the others will.

YW: But Hee bum.

YW: Why aren't you mentioning Jumi?

1st rated comment: Don't forget Webfoot Octopus ㅠㅠ

2nd rated comment: Jumi ㅠㅠ

3rd rated comment: Yeah, Jumi Jumi!!!!!! Jumi!!!!!

#mysticscanlations #that summer #that summer webtoon

[kembungsusu]

Fermented Apple Water Bread. Kvass is a traditional fermented Slavic and Baltic beverage commonly made from rye bread, which is known in many Central and Eastern European and Asian countries as "black bread". Would you like to Master Sourdough Bread Baking at home? Then click the link below to get my FREE "Slice of Heaven" bread baking guide, walking you step by.

I just want to share these photos with you. I baked this bread a few weeks ago, soon after I made my AYW. The water was fresh, sweet, mild.

Hello everybody, hope you are having an incredible day today. Today, I'm gonna show you how to make a special dish, fermented apple water bread. It is one of my favorites. For mine, I'm gonna make it a little bit unique. This is gonna smell and look delicious.

Kvass is a traditional fermented Slavic and Baltic beverage commonly made from rye bread, which is known in many Central and Eastern European and Asian countries as "black bread". Would you like to Master Sourdough Bread Baking at home? Then click the link below to get my FREE "Slice of Heaven" bread baking guide, walking you step by.

Fermented Apple Water Bread is one of the most popular of recent trending meals in the world. It's appreciated by millions every day. It's easy, it's quick, it tastes yummy. Fermented Apple Water Bread is something which I've loved my whole life. They're fine and they look fantastic.

To get started with this recipe, we have to prepare a few ingredients. You can have fermented apple water bread using 7 ingredients and 8 steps. Here is how you cook it.

The ingredients needed to make Fermented Apple Water Bread:

{Take 1 of . 100 g day-6 fermented Apple water.

{Make ready 1 of . 100 g strong flour.

{Get 1 of . 5g honey.

{Take 2 of . 85g water.

{Get 2 of . 200g strong flour.

{Get 2 of . 7g salt.

{Get of 1. - prepared one night before. 2. - next day.

The formula was very simple, and the bread was delicious. I'm not sure I used YeastWater properly (all the liquid was YW. Learn how to make Fall's easiest ferment: spontaneously fermented sparkling apple cider! Real apple cider is made from freshly pressed (or juiced) apples and is not filtered.

Instructions to make Fermented Apple Water Bread:

Apple water fermentation process Day-5, my Apple water has been fermenting very well. A lot of bubbles and very active now. Then Day-6, the bobble activity has stopped. So time to bake a bread!!!!!.

1. - Mix the Apple water, flour and honey together, one night before..

Next morning, 8am, a lots of bubbles, which is very good fermented starter. 2. - Replace the bobbled starter to a bowl and add the flour and salt. Combine together. No kneaded. Then add the water. Put the dough into a container with the lid. Leave it at room temperature. Preferable in a warm place, if possible. But if not, no problem, it would be taking a bit longer time to ferment..

2:30pm, pre-shape the dough like a smooth ball..

5:30pm, shape the dough like No. 4. Cover the dough in a dusted kitchen towel in a bowl. Pre-heated the oven at highest temperature. Mine is 230C and reach the highest temp is taking 30 minutes..

6pm, place the dough in the dish, lid on. And put it into the oven and bake 20 minutes with lid and 10 minutes without lid. I recommend taking out the dough from the dish and bake it naked until browned. (maybe total 35 to 45 mts, depending on the size of the bread). No worry if you baked too much..

It sounds taking a long time to bake a bread. But the sourdough bread is so delicious compare to the yaested bread (my opinion). My sourdough breads - right, Apple water one and left, le vain one. Actually I left my le vain one in the oven too long, burnt on the top, but still taste soooo good!.

You can prepare the starter on Friday night and bake on Saturday. No problem that you leave the bread for a couple of days. Amazingly the taste is still good..

So, when you're fermenting your cider, you should see bits of brown sediment settling at the bottom of your jars or. The bread you bake with yeast water will be indistinguishable from the bread that you can make with packaged yeast or sourdough starter. All you have to do is mix your yeast water with equal amounts of flour and let the mixture ferment overnight. Our Fermented Rice water vinegar scalp & strand therapy is pH balanced. Fermented Rice Water-We have perfected our Fermented Rice Water to a Science for an exact period of time to get Maximum Benefits& pH Balance.

So that's going to wrap this up for this exceptional food fermented apple water bread recipe. Thanks so much for your time. I am confident that you can make this at home. There's gonna be more interesting food at home recipes coming up. Don't forget to save this page on your browser, and share it to your loved ones, friends and colleague. Thanks again for reading. Go on get cooking!

#recipesfood

[nerdygaymormon]

My Year in Review

I know it’s not quite the end of the year, but it’s getting close. Thought I’d list the major highlights from my life this year. * Became more active on Tumblr *  Took a niece and nephew to meet The Piano Guys, my niece gave them a gift of gator heads. They’d never received such a present before and really were very funny about it *  Got serious about weight loss and it’s been going very well! But I used food to feel comfort. Eating steamed broccoli just doesn’t satisfy that emotional need *  A blog post about meeting Elder Costa last year somehow went viral and suddenly I was out to everyone. A very good thing but unexpected. I read thousands of the comments, many were beautiful and had me in tears *  Finally, most of my family has individually acknowledged that I’m gay. Unfortunately some act like it’s a secret their kids should never know or said things that indicated their love & support was conditional *  I’m a few years shy of 50, a bit late in life for my dream to come true of having a family of my own, I was really sad about this realization *  Because of the viral blog post, I’ve been contacted by hundreds of people. Some of them have become friends…I finally have LDS LGBT friends!!! *  I’ve received and answered many questions, mostly about being Mormon and queer. Some are really tough or things I hadn’t thought about, or at least, not in a way where I had to have an answer I could share that would be clear enough to others to be understood. It’s made me examine what I think or feel about various things about the Church *  Youth Conference was amazing. I was a counselor and the DJ and I also made several videos for it. *  One of the videos I made for Youth Conference went viral, around 2 million views! *  I got a new nickname--Tony, as in Tony Stark. I have my own struggles but also tries to be a mentor to others (and I’m cool, haha). I try to identify Peter Parkers out there who could use a little encouragement, and help them to become strong and powerful in their own lives *  I attended my oldest nephew’s temple wedding, a happy event, but it dawned on me that as my nieces and nephews get older, I play a diminishing role in their lives. Meaning, the older I get the more alone I’ll be unless I make changes *  Also at the wedding, as I’m in the sealing room with everyone else holding their spouse’s hands and looking at each other with adoring eyes, I feel set apart from the others, I will never have this. No marriage in a temple surrounded by people who love me *  New Stake YM & YW presidencies were called and suddenly my involvement in stake youth activities is much less, which is fine, but for 3 years I was in the stake young men presidency, and the next 1 ½ years I was still asked to participate in some way in most every stake youth activity. After 4 ½ years to suddenly have little involvement, it’s a big change for me *  Had a few times where I felt suicidal and that was stressful, both at the time and afterwards as it really worried me, I haven’t felt like that for years. I even wrote my own eulogy. Several of you from Tumblr were very kind and kept checking on me, making sure I was okay. *  Hurricane Irma came roaring through the area. For weeks afterwards I was involved daily in planning the stake’s cleanup efforts *  I took training at the university so I could be a better ally and advocate for the undocumented and for LGBT students & staff *  I went to Pride for the first time over in Orlando, it was amazing *  I finally started trying to meet guys and have gay friends in real life. It’s sort of tricky, the only way I know to find them is through dating/hookup apps *  Started therapy with a psychologist. Btw, when he found out I had written out a eulogy, took it as a very bad sign. *  Created a “safety plan” to use when I feel myself falling into that tailspin which led to suicidal thoughts. Part of this plan was getting lists of 5 things people like about me, I had to ask several people to do this, which was awkward. Reading what they wrote has really touched my heart. Several people from Tumblr anonymously wrote things, too, using Sarahah *  Have had several frank discussions with my stake president, who’s asked me to help him make the stake more loving and supportive of LGBT members *  Met another Elder Costa at stake conference and received a personal invite to lunch with him in Salt Lake *  My first kiss *  Learned how to tie a bow tie (my nephew gave me one for my birthday, I was determined to wear it the next time I saw him) *  Apparently my summer debut as a DJ was successful as I was asked by the stake youth committee to DJ the December dance 2017 had many big changes for me, mostly positive ones. I’ll go into 2018 with some good accomplishments under my belt and a lot of opportunities and possibilities

[blackbriarsraven]

replies

I’m sorry guys, these are massively overdue and I know I’ve skipped a lot TRUST ME I appreciate them all and I really wish I had time to catch up on them all. I’m kind of massively stressed and overwhelmed trying to get caught back up after surgery AND my damn boss is on vacation AGAIN so guess whose free time just evaporated... -_-; My blog might be kind of dead, so I apologize for that. I just need time to get my shit together so I can actually take time and enjoy my hobbies. The LALBC is still happening, no worries, it’s practically all set up anyhow, there just might be some delay before you guys start to actually see it. Also if you’re sending me a sim, you have one week left :P

Replies for @simblu @willky12 @owly-sims @curmudgeonness @nornities @hyperkaos @amphorasims @ashuriphoenix @dramallamadingdang @treason-and-plot @andantezen @tangie0906 

simblu replied to your post “So all the posts in my queue that have been marked nsfw have one thing...”

That is so silly!

willky12 replied to your post “So all the posts in my queue that have been marked nsfw have one thing...”

Imagine tattoo'ed carrots and zucchini's, wow, tumblr would explode at those post! hahaha!

owly-sims replied to your post “So all the posts in my queue that have been marked nsfw have one thing...”

I noticed all my posts that have the word tattoo in them are marked as NSFW. I guess they have words that are flagged for some reason. :[

LOL if Andrei is holding them while dressed in his highly nsfw gnome suit, we’d break tumblr forever :P

curmudgeonness replied to your photo “Look at the cute little shops.  Aha! Souvenirs spotted.  One pirates...”

That grass canopy would be nice to have in Sims 3.

WOuldn’t it? I think I’m going to come out of this with a shopping list of stuff to try converting...

simblu replied to your photo “Here we find ourselves back in the medieval land of Dragon Valley, in...”

Love your silly bears

nornities replied to your photo “Here we find ourselves back in the medieval land of Dragon Valley, in...”

I love cow.

LOL I’m glad you guys like them.

willky12 replied to your photo “Cassandra is me at the beach. Fully dressed in black from head to toe...”

Except Cassandra is much closer to the water than you ;DD

:P I would put a toe in.

hyperkaos replied to your photo “To make himself feel better after almost dying from being in close...”

His eyes are screaming (((((BEWBS!))))

LOL totes. 

amphorasims replied to your post “My cat, the same one who turns up his nose at turkey, bacon or *gasp*...”

My cat turns up her snobby nose at everything except for roasted chicken. And like willky's dogs my dogs eat any and everything...including grass, bird poo, dead birds, dead mice, live mice, trash from the garbage can....I refuse to let them lick me for that reason alone. I caught one of the dogs steal a bacon greased paper towel from the garbage and licking it. :P

willky12 replied to your post “My cat, the same one who turns up his nose at turkey, bacon or *gasp*...”

Pffft, both my dogs would eat the turkey bacon tuna peas carrots vegan hot dogs tofu leaves dirt grass, should I go on? XP

dramallamadingdang replied to your post “My cat, the same one who turns up his nose at turkey, bacon or *gasp*...”

LOL. We have a cat whose favorite food is tofu. She'll turn her nose up at most meat/fish, won't eat canned cat food at all, but she loooooooves tofu. Curried tofu, tofu turned into "egg" salad, BBQ tofu, even just plain old tofu. She'd probably eat a whole block all by herself if she could. She'll eat cooked chicken breast and she eats her dry kibble, but her heart belongs to tofu. :)

LOL all dogs are vacuum cleaners though! Cats are notoriously picky, which is why I find it so funny my idiot cat likes veggies when he’s supposed to be a blasted carnivore. Dogs are omnivores (and opportunists - hello, wolves eat literally whatever they can find) so I can understand snuffling up whatever they can get into. Peanut has always hated human food AND most cat food, he’s extremely picky about kibble (he actually tried to starve himself when the vet decided he needed to eat science diet... Peanut decided he’d rather die, literally) but will eat almost any gravy heavy wet cat food. But why peas? Or carrots? He makes my brain hurt. Also, that is hilarious about your cat loving tofu so much. I feel the same way xD

hyperkaos replied to your photoset “Hello Don your new wife would like to pinch your butt do you mind...”

My what nice pigtails you have. hehehe

LOL

owly-sims replied to your photo “Take that, Tumblr safe mode. Take it and like it. ”

I am scandalized! SCANDALIZED!

Bwahahahaha!

ashuriphoenix replied to your photo “Take that, Tumblr safe mode. Take it and like it. ”

Sherbet cock is too much. Sending you the therapy bills. D:

xD you and everyone else. I have bills coming out my nose right now. 

willky12 replied to your photo “Pappy: O_O oh my god this green cloud is following me everywhere....”

Toilet cleaner?! Gah, something a little stronger I think XD

LOL ok maybe just pure acid.

treason-and-plot replied to your photoset “I switched to the Goths briefly because i wanted to explore a vacation...”

In my husband's village the rellies are all buried in the front yard. He said when he was a teen he would come home drunk and trip over great grandma ��

omg lmfao I died when I read this. Ty you made my day, that is so fucked up

andantezen replied to your photo “The Ivy house:  the master bedroom Last room one the ivy house tour”

thank you for the tour! You've done a beautiful job decorating it!

Yw! I’m glad you enjoyed it :)

ashuriphoenix replied to your photoset “titosims: Berylla Boffin - for @acquiresimoleons Lords & Ladies...”

I love this. Bonus points if the monk's foreplay includes braiding her foot hair. xD

LOL so fucked up A+ necessary plot twist now

ashuriphoenix replied to your photoset “The Ivy house: Peanut’s room. ”

Dresser ducky!

xD 

ashuriphoenix replied to your photoset “Don either likes kids or likes toys. I wonder if ts2 has a ducky toy…....”

Someone has converted the TS4 ducky toy for TS2, I know.

Whaaat? Links, pls if you have them! If not don’t worry, I will google when I have time.

tangie0906 replied to your photo “Gladsten leaves the cafe to head home to his trailer. For now he has a...”

I love that Jeep! It's pretty cheap. If you think it's looks too nice, how about using a rusted metal pattern on it?

I will try this at some point, when I have my cc sorted out to go back into that save.

dramallamadingdang replied to your photo “Annalove’s kid, whatever the peanut is called, is up at the counter...”

That's an impressive gumball machine!

Isn’t it though? It’s huge though and I always have trouble making it seem like it really fits someplace :/

ashuriphoenix replied to your photo “Annalove’s kid, whatever the peanut is called, is up at the counter...”

Someday, you will be a screenshot surgeon. xD

I aspire to your skill level!

amphorasims replied to your photo “His breakfast is a fried peanutbutter and banana sandwich because what...”

Guarding coffee is a most noble deed for the Hipster Dinosaurs.

Hopefully the barista’s wear wheatgrass sachets so they don’t get bitten when fetching the syrups :P

treason-and-plot replied to your photo “He heads to the cafe to get his coffee. Gladsten isn’t much for...”

Some of them might have journeyed through a monkey's rectum. Just saying.

I legit can’t decide if this would make him regard it as a more manly drink or if he’d spit it out and never buy there again. Conflicted.                     

treason-and-plot replied to your photo “Linda Rogers is here playing a solo on the air guitar. Apparently she...”

The cat obv thinks there will be fish ��

Excellent point!

dramallamadingdang replied to your photo “Gladsten’s day starts with a workout. well, you know. Some people...”

And some people are just plumb crazy! *mutters about people who jump out of bed to go RUN, of all things.*

omg nope can’t do it. I’m perfectly fine going to the gym after work but first thing in my day? Ugggh. All I want to do after a workout is shower and go to bed!

dramallamadingdang replied to your photo “Mooooooooom! Go put clothes on, you’re so embarrassing!” Mary Sue got...”

Well, at least she's not wearing a lampshade on her head or tangoing with a mop or panhandling on the streetside in her underwear. It could be worse! :)

LOL true! We haven’t QUITE reached that stage yet, but Daniel is pushing it!

ashuriphoenix replied to your photoset “I am still muddling through renaming and organizing my cc but i got...”

"Mudroom and rear door" makes your blog totes risqué. Tumblr should mark this one to save me from myself.

Bwahaha I thought so too as I was typing it.

willky12 replied to your photo “Suddenly getting a different idea, Belinda abandons the hot man and...”

All the ladies love Gladsten ;D

For good reason! He’s very nicely built 

#simblu #willky12 #owly-sims #curmudgeonness #nornities #hyperkaos #amphorasims #dramallamadingdang #ashuriphoenix #treason-and-plot #andantezen #tangie0906 #nonsims #text #replies

[alexrodriguespage]

Our Anasazi Experience Pt. 1: Ivie’s Interview

I have sat down countless times to write this blog post, and it was like my fingers just wouldnt work. I have had so many emails from parents that are worried and families that are in crisis that I know it’s time to share something. Even if we’re still close to it, even though we dont have a 20/20 perspective yet, and even though we are still very much finding our footing and working through stuff.

I know that this is a very public forum. Sharing this is something that we decided as a family. We arent putting our daughter “on blast”. She very bravely opened up about going to Anasazi before we even considered sharing it. I dont know about you but at 16 I was for sure not woke enough to know that sharing the hard thing I’m struggling with could lighten someone else’s burden. As a mother there is nothing in this world that I could be more proud of her for. 

This post like all of the posts we share about our story with addiction, is about hope. I mean, what’s the point of going through rough stuff if in the end it doesnt help anyone? Here is our experience. We hope with our whole hearts that it can help one of you! 

Our 16 yr old daughter was struggling. Without going into to too much detail (honestly it’s irrelevant now that we’ve experienced Anasazi) we were completely lost with how to help. For years we had tried all of the things that people suggested and it just wasnt helping her. Knowing what I know now, there was no way that she could change without our family changing as well, but that is what we kept trying to do. Change her, fix her. The reality is that our whole family was in crisis. We ALL needed to be changed.

I had some pretty inspired revelation that she needed to go to the Anasazi wilderness program. (You can read more about that here!)

The Anasazi Foundation is a non-profit wilderness therapy program for teens and adults. It is grounded in Native American traditions and outdoor survivalist methods. Anasazi has their own language for stuff, so as I use it I’ll make sure to clarify what it means! The YoungWalkers (as the kids are called) live in the wilds of Arizona for 7-8 weeks and it is one of the most inspired programs I have ever experienced. They are taken out of the world and given tools that help them see themselves differently. 

Those that have been following along for a while know that Court and I LOVE the LDS 12 Step program, I love Anasazi just as much. It is inspired and saved our family. In fact we love and believe in it so much that every single one of our kids will be going, whether they are struggling or not. 

The incredible thing about Anasazi is that it isnt just sending your kid off to get “fixed”. As parents and family members we are also doing really intense work. Even though we’re not physically walking like they are, we are walking in our hearts right along with them. They have a powerful workshop that you get to attend when you drop your Youngwalker off that changed my whole outlook on life. 

Anasazi believes that every child is good; that they have a Seed of Greatness. The Trailwalkers (the staff that lives and hikes with the Youngwalkers) are so positive. They understand the sacred responsibility that we as parents have trusted them with, and they love those kids hard. They magnify every good thing they see in that child in ways that only an outsider full of compassion and a deep desire for connection can. They see and focus on things that we as parents are missing in our every day frustrated interactions. They dont know anything about the Youngwalker’s past or situation, they go in completely open to learning about them and treating them with compassion and love. 

Each Youngwalker has a Shadow (Therapist) that they meet with once a week. The Shadow goes out on the trail and has sittings (sessions) with them. Court and I also met with him via phone once a week for a report on Ive and to help us with the things that we were working on. Shadow G is part of our family forever. We love him!!

Life on the Trail

I did a little interview with Ive about what life on the trail was like. I wanted to share it from her perspective. Because TBH if I just listed the facts of what they did and didnt have, and did and didnt do, its intense. But no one has died, so that’s good right?!

After some of her answers I chime in with a little more detail/clarity, these notes will start with an asterisk*.

If someone is sending or thinking about sending their child out on the trail, what do you want them to know about it?

Um, that it sucks at first but it gets easier. Ya, it pretty much just sucks (laughs) but it’s a really good experience and you wont regret going. Send them!

In the beginning, what was the hardest thing about being on the trail?

Not being able to see my family. Not knowing anyone in my band yet.

The band is group of people that you’re stuck with. (laughs) You have to learn to like them and work together. It was hard because you dont want to be stuck in a place where you dont like the people you are around cause that makes you unhappy and its unpleasant.

There are a lot of different personalities in the band. Some people I got along with really easily and some people were harder. I met my best friend when I first walked into the office. Meeting her was the best thing of my whole life. We left on the trail together and came home at the same time. If you are going out there I would try really hard to find a friend, because some people are weird. Parents, you’ll get the stories when they get home. That’s all I’m going to say. There are lots of different reasons that people go out on the trail. Some people didnt really have a huge reason, and some were using it like rehab, most of us were somewhere in the middle.

Being in the band taught me that we have the choice to learn to love people even though you want to punch them in the ass. (laughs)

*A band is what they call the group of kids, they keep boys and girls separate. The bands range in size but aren’t larger than 9 Youngwalkers. 

Tell me about the hiking.

It sucks. You hike almost every day for 2 months. But it feels so good when you get to your camp spot and you can take off your 50 pound pack and lay down…on rocks. (laughing) It’s fun when you have a friend. Hiking taught me to push through hard things. Cause when you wanted to give up you couldn’t, or else you wouldn’t get where you needed to go.

Tell me about the pack.

The pack is a pain, emotionally and physically. It’s really heavy and you have to learn to pack it. I’m making this whole experience sound really bad, IT’S GOOD I PROMISE. In my pack I had a sleeping bag, tarp, fire set, food pack, burrito, books, extra clothes, toiletries. It’s heavy as hell.

Ivie’s first week on the trail

*The pack has everything the YW needs for the week, it’s not a traditional hiking backpack like we are used to, they use the things in the pack to actually build it. Everything gets wrapped in the tarp and the straps of the pack are made out of the burrito (the burrito is a canvas cocoon with snaps, they can use it for a million different things!)

Tell me about the food.

It tastes um-not good at first, I’m like why am I eating rice? But by the end you are a gourmet chef. You get really creative with the food pack. I loved Beanie Mac, Ash Cakes with butter and brown sugar, Beans and Rice, Cheesy Beanie Rice and Cold Gold. 

*Having experienced Ivie’s cooking at Family Camp I can tell you that she did in fact become a chef. They can make anything out of the food pack ingredients if they put their mind to it! She said that they talked about food a lot on the trail, and she had a list of what she wanted to eat when she came home.

Tell me about making fire.

You make fire with a bow and spindle. Its really hard and frustrating. When you very first make the fire it’s like the coolest feeling in the world. Because you’re like damn I just did that. Once you learn how to you feel like a god! Cause you’re just making fire! And once you make it you dont want to stop. 

Tell me about your trail name

A trail name is a name given to you. It represents things that the Trailwalkers see in your personality or things that relate to you. Like an animal, or thing in nature. It speaks to you. I thought it was literally cool, like “Oh wow, you see that in me?” My trail name is Golden Warrior Butterfly. Golden means the I have an essence of light, Warrior means I’m loyal to my friends and family, and Butterfly means that I have the ability to change.

Tell me about the Trailwalkers

The Trailwalkers are really good people. They’re really nice and they treat you like you are their own and they care about you a lot. Some of them are really excited and happy, so you might want to prepare yourself for that. Most of them are really chill. They have different personalities and everyone finds somebody they connect with.

*The trailwalkers walk for a week with the band and then new trailwalkers come in, so the dynamic is always changing but is always full of love. We were able to talk to some of the trailwalkers when they came off after spending the week with Ive. You could feel how much they loved her and it was powerful to hear all of the wonderful things they said about her.

Tell me about your Shadow

Shadow G!! I love that guy. He was my best friend out there. We talked about everything, like, literally you could name anything and I’m positive that we talked about it. I miss him!

What was the hardest part about living on the trail?

Not being able to shower, not seeing my family, hiking everyday, sleeping on the ground and peeing my pants. That sucked really bad.

What was the funnest part about being on the trail?

When we had free days. That was the best! You just got to hang out with everyone and not hike. Cause like, when you’re hiking all the time you dont want to talk. Then youre out of breath and dont want to talk because you have to go slower or stop so you dont make it to your spot. When we had off days you could just sit and talk and get to know everyone.

Do you feel like the trail made you a different person?

Ya, I still pretty much act the same, not the bad stuff though. I dont do that anymore. It made me realize that I didnt need all that stuff I was doing before. It also make me realize that there were people I didnt need in my life. So when I got home I cut all of that stuff out. Oh and not depressed anymore! 

If someone has a kid that is struggling and they are worried that their kid will be mad if they go on the trail what would you tell them?

That the kid will probably be mad. (laughs) I’m not going to lie, there were a lot of people out there that were pissed at first. But if you can, don’t Goon them (Goon means you have a transport company pick them up without their knowledge and take them) It makes the kids more pissed and you’re stuck in the woods. I felt so bad for all the people that were taken like that. Tell them in advance that they are going so they can emotionally and mentally prepare. 

What advice would you have for kids who’s parents are sending them on the trail?

Suck it up because it’s going to be great. It sucks, it sucks so bad. But it’s worth it in the end. Power through!

What did you learn about yourself?

That I’m pretty cool and I’m a lot stronger than I thought I was. You learn a lot about yourself and how strong you are and who you want to become.

Are you glad that you went on the trail?

Yes. 

*Teenagers 🙄

How has it been since you’ve been home?

It’s been good. It’s a lot better than it was before. I mean, it is really hard coming home because you cant be around a lot of people, sound or light, I almost had a panic attack when I got home because my entire family was there and it was a lot of people. (laughs) Love you guys missed you, I promise!

How do you feel our family changed after Anasazi?

I feel like we understand each other more. We try to use our tools to get along and I dont know, it just made us all come together.

Isnt she the best?

This video of meeting her on the trail is the most special thing that I own and if it doesnt give you hope then I dont know what will!

              View this post on Instagram

                    WE GOT OUR GIRL BACK! I can’t wait to tell you all about it, but for the moment we’re soaking up all of her light! @iviegubler @anasazifoundation

A post shared by Mandi Gubler | Fearless DIYer (@vintagerevivals) on Nov 1, 2019 at 8:07pm PDT

  I thought instead of chiming in with all of my thoughts and making this already long post even longer, that I’d give you guys a change to ask some questions and do a follow up post. So feel free to leave them below! 

          The post Our Anasazi Experience Pt. 1: Ivie’s Interview appeared first on Vintage Revivals.

Our Anasazi Experience Pt. 1: Ivie’s Interview published first on https://vacuumpalguide.tumblr.com/

[mysticscanlations]

That Summer Chapter 137 Summary!

911.... i need.... happiness... for everyone... no more....;;;

Chapter starts with the trio reuniting as college students!! :') 

They've all glowed up I'm so proud of them. They gather in a cafe, amazed that they're college students now, and catching up on each other's lives.

Jumi tells DN and YB about the friends she made, and she ends up rambling for a while before YB decides to interrupt, showing off her newly treated nails. YB got double eyelid surgery right after the CSAT ended, and she's studying dental hygiene! She also got a college boyfriend who's two years older. DN, on the other hand, has lost a lot of weight after going on a strict diet and Jumi notes that she looks a lot better/happier compared to high school. She thinks that they've all changed a lot.

All of a sudden, DN asks if HB still hasn't contacted her yet. YB panics for a second, because they hadn't been planning on bringing up his name during their meeting T__T DN doesn't care and gives it to Jumi straight, telling her that she shouldn't be waiting around for a guy like that, and that she should find a nice guy at college. HE HASN'T BEEN IN CONTACT FOR 6 MONTHS WTF BOY I'M BOUTTA GO TO BOSTON AND THROW THESE HANDS.

DN: Why are you waiting for someone like that? -Is there no decent guy at college?

Jumi does that awkward loud laugh, trying to deny that she's actually still waiting for him. She said she'd be crazy if she did that, and that she'd go meet someone else now, too. Which is clearly a lie but :'( This poor girl why she gotta suffer.

The trio chat for about 3 hours before parting ways because YB and DN both have plans. Jumi doesn't really have anything, so she takes the train home alone :( She starts to realize how different things are now, in that she needs to make plans to meet her friends since everyone's so busy. She figures she needs to get busy too, so that she can stop thinking about unnecessary things.

On the way home, she stops for a moment and looks towards where HB used to live, before looking pissed and heading inside. Quick flashback to what happened: HB went completely MIA after the CSAT, and Jumi was a mess over it, thinking it was her fault by accidentally driving him away since she told him they shouldn't see each other for a bit due to the CSAT.

Jumi recalls that every time she would think about the situation once in a while after the CSAT, she would wonder if YW would know the reason why HB went missing. But when she went seeking him out at the academy, CR and HK say that YW quit academy a long time ago, and they have no idea where he went. Jumi was surprised at that, realizing that even YW disappeared without a trace.

Jumi only got her first answer when her mom read in the newspaper that Governor Kang's son was sent abroad to prepare for college. Jumi's none the wiser, grabbing the newspaper in shock, and wondering why HB didn't tell her anything.

Back in the present, Jumi glances at the letter that HB had written for her to read after the CSAT. She's already read it multiple times, but decides to read it again. The letter is literally so cute and I'm... :'(

“Hi, Jumi. Did you do well on the CSAT? I wrote this for you to read after the CSAT ends... You're not reading this before that, right? Make sure to read it after the exam! Right now, it's 19 days before the exam, 5:30pm... I'm so bored right now and I'm sad that you won't play with me :( So I started writing this letter. I really want to talk to you, but I won't interrupt your studying... But you're sure you're reading this after the CSAT, right? If not, close this right now! Because it's fun that way. Since the exam's over now, you have to play with me a lot now. Okay?”

“Um... And also.. It's embarrassing to say this but I like you a lot. Everyone says that I'm immature, disrespectful, and a self-centered kid, and I think they're right too. But when I'm with you, I get the thought that I could become a better person.”

“Do you remember? You said this before... If you're sincerely thinking about a person, you have to consider them. You're really cool and incredible to stay by my side even during the absolute worst moments... I also thought that I want to be someone like you. I think I can become someone like you. This won't do, the letter's getting more serious the more I write... I'll shorten it now, poof. I love you.”

Jumi (like me) tears up after reading it, and starts yelling in her room while she's angry crying. She asks what he expects her to after he just leaves that letter with her, calling him a bastard and whatnot. She's calls herself crazy for still waiting for him.

This.... This ain't what I wanted T__T Too much pain I need therapy.

#mysticscanlations #that summer #that summer webtoon