poeticmika

[poeticmika]

Echoes of Absence

My eyes bear the weight of sunken bags beneath them, each crease a testament to the sleepless nights spent thinking of you. How life has changed, how I have changed, and how I will forever miss you. My mood has plummeted, so deeply down. I try to wear a happy face, and for a fleeting 60 seconds, I succeed. Then, I catch sight of a tree you would have admired, hear a song we would have shared, or smell a dish you loved, and I am transported back to the moment I learned of your departure. Cradled on the floor, engulfed in sorrow for you. 

This month, every day in it, I've counted down to your birthdate. I knew you didn't like anyone making a fuss over it, but I loved making a fuss over you every year. I'd annoy you for weeks on end about it, I'd send you gifts you hated receiving, but I think secretly you loved. Now it's here again, and I can't message you, I can't call you, I can't send you a sneaky pork roll, or collection of photos of trees I thought you'd like, the ones I've been collecting for the past few months.

Happy Birthday, Love. I miss you.

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[poeticmika]

Diary Entry One

On the brink of your birthday, my heart's in disarray, For though you've passed, your presence still holds sway. I recall your favorite drink, a memory so dear, And I've found another you'd cherish, if only you were here.

The thought of celebrating without you cuts deep, For your absence in my life, I endlessly weep. How I long to share this moment, just like before, To tell you how much you're loved, forevermore.

You never cared much for birthdays, that's true, But I'd remind you each year, of the love you drew. Now, without you here, it feels so incomplete, The ache in my heart, the tears on repeat.

Yet amidst the sorrow, love still shines bright, Guiding me through the darkest of night. Though you're gone, your spirit forever near, In every cherished memory, you reappear.

So here's to you, on your special day, Though you're not here, in my heart you'll stay. I'll raise a glass to the love we once knew, And honor your memory, in all that I do.

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[poeticmika]

Flames

I am the shield, woven from fibres designed to withstand the searing heat of her flames. My purpose, my very existence, revolves around her. When she blazes with intensity, I am there, ready to smother the inferno threatening to engulf her. Though I normally stand strong and resilient, proud of what I am, when she is near I worry. In her presence, I find myself rendered silent, as if my sole purpose is to shield her from the intensity of how I feel.

Just as she stood as a radiant blaze, illuminating my world with her brilliance, now it is my turn to envelope her, to absorb the heat of her passion and the fervour of her spirit. If she senses my presence, would she understand that I exist solely for her protection? Would she feel comforted by the knowledge that I am here to extinguish her flames of worry and doubt? Or would she push me away, fearing the sacrifice I am willing to make for her sake?

She is the fire, the very source of my being. Without her, I would be nothing but a dormant shield, lacking purpose and meaning. Despite often being overlooked in the midst of her blaze, I remain steadfast and unwavering in my commitment to her. For in her flames, I find my purpose, my reason for being. I love her with every fibre of my being, willing to endure any suffering for her sake. For she is my guiding light, and I will always be her faithful protector, her steadfast guardian, her loyal shield.

[poeticmika]

Missing You

I read writings I started and could never finish for you, before you left this world. They encapsulate us. They show me how pure and nervous we were. I stare a the ring you gave me on my dresser, I'm sorry love, I had to take it off. It would constantly bring me to tears. I'll never forget you. I still hear your voice. I still see you, and your car. I still crave you, my forehead kisses, the crappy cups of coffee I pretended to love. The shitty movies we'd watch and love. Fuck I miss you. I'm a little lost, I think maybe I'm selfish in trying to get better, but fuck man I gotta get better. You have no idea, hopefully you have no idea. Don't worry, I'll get better. I'll just, fucking miss you.

[poeticmika]

I've never

I've never had a knife to my heart, but I came pretty close today.

I've never felt the pain of my heart being bludgeoned and feel the blood pour out. But today, today I came pretty close.

I've never felt that sharp pain, you know that pain? It's almost like the sharpest pinch, but in your heart, its such discomfort and sometimes, it removes the ability to see.

I've never felt a fist impact my chest, and my chest love it.

I've never been so hurt, and happy I feel such hurt.

I have never

I've never missed anyone the way I miss you.

I've never cried so erratically

I've never longed to see anyone's else's parents

I've never told anyone that I lost the love of my life, the heart mine beats for.

I mean why would I? It's not me who passed, It's not my mother who had to say goodbye to her child. It's not my life that was taken. So why, why when I hear your name or see your birthdate why do I feel this way.

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[poeticmika]

I can't seem to find the words, even though they normally flood my head. Perhaps it's my instinct to protect her by not giving anything away. Just like every day she stood like a shield over me to protect me, it's my turn to protect her by not giving any clues about her heart. What if she sees me? Would she shoo me away? Would she sit by my side and say 'it's okay Mika, I'm here'? Would she laugh and scold me? This is her world, this is what she has given her life to. Not that my voice isn't important, but she found this place to be hers, yet she decided not to bother with me. So, why me, here? Because I love her, because she's my sister. She is my blood and I will always protect and defend her. Because this world, like our lives, we can share.

#poem writing #poetry #writers #writing #poem #poems on tumblr #writer #poets on tumblr #written word #love #sisterhood #sisters #family

[poeticmika]

Beyond the Wall

In a kingdom shrouded in the mystery of a towering wall, two souls found themselves entwined in a tale of love and courage. On one side of the wall stood a brave adventurer, renowned for their daring feats and unwavering determination. On the other side, hidden in the shadows, lingered a shy dreamer, their heart brimming with longing and unspoken desires.

From afar, the dreamer watched in awe as the adventurer scaled the heights of the formidable wall with grace and ease. Each ascent seemed effortless, a testament to their courage and strength. Enchanted by their bravery, the dreamer yearned to follow in their footsteps, to join them on the other side where love awaited.

With trembling hands and a fluttering heart, the dreamer approached the wall, feeling its rough surface beneath their fingertips. As they reached out to touch it, a miracle occurred: the stones shifted and rearranged themselves, creating footholds where none had existed before.

Encouraged by this unexpected turn of fate, the dreamer began their climb, guided by the light of love and the promise of a new beginning. Each step brought them closer to the adventurer, their heart swelling with anticipation and hope.

But as they neared the summit, doubts crept into their mind, threatening to derail their journey. Fearing rejection and heartache, they hesitated, unsure if they were worthy of the love they sought.

In a moment of weakness, the dreamer pushed the adventurer away, their fear and insecurity driving them to make a grave mistake. But as the adventurer stumbled backward, their eyes filled with hurt and confusion, the dreamer realized the depth of their folly.

With tears in their eyes and remorse in their heart, the dreamer begged for forgiveness, their love stronger than ever before. And in that moment of vulnerability, the adventurer's heart softened, their love transcending the pain of betrayal.

Hand in hand, they vowed to overcome the obstacles that stood between them, united by the power of love and the strength of their bond. And as they gazed into each other's eyes, they knew that together, they could conquer any wall, no matter how formidable.

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[poeticmika]

I care for you I truly do. I did that thing that I learned to do. I pushed you. You have been a master at what many have found a challenge. It's as if you barely noticed how I protect myself. But I fucked up. I told you something I thought you'd want to know about. In that 14min that felt like 14 hours. I wished everything that you felt would leave you and come to me ten fold. I pushed you away, because in that moment and in a few before it. I was a coward. I get these moments of fear, the feeling of how could I ever be good enough.. it lingers. It's no excuse and I'm not sure if you want to know it, I'm sorry.

[poeticmika]

Without a path

I'm not searching for it, nor seeking I'm barely looking. So why is everyone telling me that it's happening that it's here and now, it's now or never, there's no time like the present, grab a hold and don't let go. Would you let something so special slip through your fingers?

How do I say this without people being disappointed? I guess I don't. But I know in my heart, this isn't for me. Here I am though, lying in the bed I made. Giving others the hope and the opportunity to see what they so desperately need to see.

My heart is not and nor will be the same. My dear heart; I don't know if I can put her through that pain again. I lost, my friend. I lost my love. I lost my family. All in one, it broke me and I'll never be the same again. It's probably a good thing that I'll never be the same though. I can be better. Broken, but better.

So where do I go from here? Why am I always at a crossroads. That is all life seems to be. This ongoing journey of uphill battles and crossroads, then every so often for the smallest fraction of time, I'm floating. Is my heart so conditioned to being hurt that she is just mimicking the pattern she knows so well?

From curiosity to learning to questioning to further learning, and then installing the trust—I'm sure it comes from my inner child, the young girl who wants to believe in everyone she sees, despite having witnessed the evil that is possible in this world. I always try to shield her from the depths of my emotions, but she always finds a way to them. I'll never tell her, but I love that. Then my heart was there, having solved problems and running as fast as she could up that darn hill.

She leaps from the highest point to get to someone who will not catch her. When she's in the air she has that floating feeling, you know the one? It's kind of like when you drive over a sharp hill, for a split second on the way down your tummy feels this odd yet comfortable sensation. That's what I imagine flying to feel like. Then she plummets to the ground.

She falls and breaks, it takes her a fair amount of time to pick up all of her pieces. Yet somehow she does. Every time, how is she not tired of this? She never gives up on others, I guess that little girl inside, is good for her after all.

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[poeticmika]

I dreamt of you last night

You were in a crowd and I saw you. You were sitting at the cafe we went to and looked right at me. You gave me a smile and waved me over. What a relief, I didn't expect to see you. I ran to you and someone walked in front of me

Then all of a sudden, the cafe was one from my home, the people were all ones I knew and the sun was on the other side of the ocean. Leaving me, you were gone. I awoke and I landed home.

Thank you for the cutest little visit. It's the simple things, it's your eyes searching for me in a crowd and the smile on your face when you find me. It's the small spoons and the sweet kisses. I love the simple things you do.

[poeticmika]

To Love

I have met another, he is kind and warm. He loves trees and his mother. He's not you and I want you to know that I'd never call him what I called you.

Love, I like him in the way my soul has reached out and touched his. I long for him in a way I believe I have met him in another life.

Love, I'm going to ask something of you. Something I didn't think I'd ask you in a long time. My heart, the heart you gave back to me when we said our goodbyes. I'd like your blessing. I'd like to give him my heart, if you'd give me your blessing.

I miss you.

[poeticmika]

My Fish

I long for you

I lust after you

I crave a touch I've never felt before

Yet when we are both true to ourselves and each other, it's as if I can feel you with me.

It's almost as if our need for each other transcends time and space.

It's almost as if your lips are the only lips I could ever want as if I need to feel them to survive this life.

It's almost as if my head on your chest is the only place I can truly rest.

It's almost as if our two souls yearn for each other.

[poeticmika]

Wishful Thinking

Be my one, my heart, the reason I breathe.

Be the one I turn to, the one I long for and dream of.

Be the one man that actually sees me, just me and actually loves her.

They have all fallen in love with my smile. Be the one who falls in love with my scars.

[poeticmika]

The love and support the kindness of words and pats on the back. It's all well and good.

I guess it's time people come to the realization that I am strong. That I don't want your empathy or your sorrows, I don't need your weed or your alcohol. Tissues? yes. Love..? always.

It's as if people forget where I've come from, I flourished in a world of pain. I have fought many beasts and yes I have lost a few battles but I have never given up. I will never stop.

My love, He is no longer in this world and that is fine. This world, it was so cruel to such a kind soul, you see he did not flourish in his adversities. He drowned, he stumbled and fell he was torn and forever in pain and now he rests.

I miss him, yes. I wish we were together, again, yes. In this world, no, never again. He no longer feels pain. He can sleep now, he can rest his troubled mind and be at peace.

Goodbye Love, you were the most beautiful soul that I never deserved.

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[poeticmika]

I'll lay with you, when your eyes are heavy and you're not making much sense. I'll lay with you when you can't think clearly and your heads a mess. I'll be by your side when cuddles are needed. I'll run to you when you're feeling defeated. All you need to do is call Love, when life has your on your knees, I'll fly to your side and put your soul at ease.

I promise you darling I love the sound, of you finding comfort, when your z's hit the ground. So snuggle in dear, I'm right here, don't worry about the noise it's nothing I fear. I just want to be the one that is there for you. To comfort, love and cherish to name a few.

[poeticmika]

I think you can see how much I love him, not by telling you, but by how my walk has changed. It's not through my assurance, but by how my smile is genuine and not forced. I think you can tell how much I love him, not by how we show the world, but by how light bursts out of me when he is in my presence.

I think you can smell how much I love him. Odd yet true, the smell that comes from my kitchen now is from dishes of love. Ones I haven't cooked in a long time. You can smell the soul in my food, taste it on your tongue, and hear it in the crunch of the dish I cooked with him, the one where I shared my love for him.

I think you can watch it grow. In all honesty, like a vine that finds its way by feeling its surroundings. You can watch my love for him grow, not only in size and flourishes, but also deeper and rooted. Its roots weave into my soul and strengthen me as a whole.

[poeticmika]

Jandamarra

Hello little darling, welcome to this crazy world, there are a few things you should know.

You are loved, so dearly, so fully, so incredibly, this is the most important thing to know. We loved you before you were born, knowing the soul you would be, knowing that you belong in this world. Just remember sweet, you are loved.

You are strong, you come from a long line of strong willed, wise and determined people. You need to know the leader you are, you're a warrior and you will face some tough times. Just remember love, you are strong.

You are kind, I say this with so much confidence my dear boy. You. Are. Kind. This means you will be hurt and that's okay, that's what will make you the man you need to be. Just remember dear, you are kind.

Go to water, whenever you feel tried, torn, hurt, confused, broken. Whenever you have a feeling of loss or one of those days where all you want to do is curl up in a ball. Honey roll out of bed, and go to the water. She will wash away your hurt. Remember my boy, go to water.

Go to the trees, when the world feels heavy on your shoulders, my dear, seek solace among the trees. Their towering presence holds wisdom and tranquil strength. In their embrace, find respite from your worries, and let their gentle rustling leaves whisper serenity to your weary soul. Let the grounding roots remind you of your own roots. Remember, my love, when you're seeking refuge, find solace among the trees.