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alienstargirl1111 · 2 years

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i refuse to suffer at the hands of unevolved men anymore

every time i evaluate my relationship too deeply, all that i see are the parallels that exist from my mother to me. i call her to talk and she cries to me about the fear she is experiencing about going to couples therapy with my father. i allow myself to let the fact that the relationship she is telling me about is parental to me dissolve into the hot acid of my mind. and i detach as much as i can for a water moon with a fourth house stellium. i want to ask her to do this for me. do it to show me better and to show me different. do it so i can really know that i don't exist for others and that my needs do matter and that i value myself. show me how to do it right so i don't end up here too. and what kills me is that i see it in everything. i see it in my brother’s unwillingness to dance and passive aggressive comments. I see it in my own unwillingness to dance and explosive anger. and i see it in how i know it happens, i see very clearly how we are hurt at this ripe age when everything is changing and we are changing too. we are like goddamned play dough being poked and scratched and shoved into the ideas that those around us hold over our heads. and when we are not protected and you can't protect yourself, the easiest thing to do is please those around you because you convince yourself that you must not deserve to be protected and everyone else has something you're missing or else you wouldn't be forced into a life that feels like this. it sometimes feels as though everyone got to focus on themselves and live their life on their own accordance, except for you. and that is how people are put into those lives where they don't accomplish their hearts intentions. you assume that you are here as a support beam. and you let your life, your relationships, your love and your hate, your anger, your fire, your realist, truest, dirtiest, most authentic identity slip into the sludge that you are building inside you- not to mention the sludge your consuming trying to cope with what is essentially the death of yourself. and it is an ego death, stronger than what any psychedelics can achieve. trust me, ie experienced that too. but when it’s like this, you’re gone and it leaves you raw and exposed. you let yourself get away and now you have to rebuild who you were from the very deepest pits of your stomach and fingernails and become human again. and do you think my grasp on these feelings is as equally confusing as it is clear because i didn't have to experience it as generational trauma and the need for a man as a form of protection and self destruction? do you even know what i just said? i both unconscientiously and subconsciously found these situations and walked into them only knowing what i had seen in front of me without even really knowing what was in front of me. it was normal, and it got so bad, so fast. and that was still normal. i was so clearly not okay. i needed someone to notice and help me. i used to be so angry that i ever let that happen to me, that i ever folded into a neat little napkin as to not ever anger a man. and what's sad is it’s happened more often than not in my relationships with men. the first, of course, being my father, and then every man that came after him. i have to be the one to end this and do the scary thing because I'm afraid my mom won't. but i don't even ask her to do it for me because i don't want her to feel guilty when she can't leave and it doesn’t get better. putting that weight on her shoulders will leave her in crippling guilt, or be the shove that she needs. but who the fuck am i to tell? how unfair is it that i assigned this role to myself to have to make that decision for my parent’s marriage. maybe i have to do it for her and show her what the path looks like. men have hurt me. and i have been big and small and crazy and mean and nurturing, and ultimately, malleable for them. so it might be my fault, or it might be the fault of every single woman that existed before me. or every single man that existed before me. or how we cannot see eye to eye in a patriarchal society, we are simply not allowed to. i am done doing anything for men. i need to be alone i need room ands space. i need to leave and go to space. maybe sit on saturns rings and feel my physical body be torn away from me in an explosion so i (my mind) can be left to float around aimlessly forever, completely untethered and never having to be attached to anything ever again. men have shown me very little that I've ever needed to know. i exist peacefully without them and it heals me to do so. i think i want to ask my mom to do it for me because i know i would, and will do it for the women that come after me. i know i will do it for her. and none of this is to say i am happy about my parents possibly getting a divorce. it’s the meaning behind it all. it’s what that signifies to me. and my dad is a good man. he has to know this isn't against him personally, but that it means much more. it means i don't allow men to hurt me anymore and i am brave enough to be alone. it means healing. it means change. like summer into fall. that's all it really means. and my lover is sweet and tender. watching me when my eyes are closed, looking at me in awe that i exist in front if his face. he puts my toes in his mouth. he tucks my hair behind my ear when we kiss and he rubs my back and makes me peanut butter and jellies. he is kind and open minded, and he slaps me sometimes. and he accuses me of lying and twists my words then tells me to shut the fuck up. he leaves without helping me make the bed. and i sometimes wonder if i even like him anymore or if i just like that he is a boy who likes me most of the time. the faeries tell me that they will help me get rid of him from the inside out and i will let them when it is time, but until then, all i do is build up this resentment towards him for being a man and treating me like a women. will i miss him? of course i will.

#journal entry #healing #generational healing

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arcane-ish · 2 years

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Vi changing, revisited

Actually I think I kind of take back what I said about Vi not changing in prison.

I think it can be read in a different way.

The main thing is that she didn’t change in a way that we expect people to change in prison.

I think normally if somebody that young goes to prison that long under such bad circumstances (beatings, solitary, separated from her family, having just lost her family, no mental health support), we would expect:

- They come back rougher and hardened and cynical from the rough prison life they had to endure (”I did what I had to do to survive”)

- They come back a complete mess due to all the trauma and mistreatment

- They found comfort in a really obvious ie come out super religious

But maybe the thing about Vi is that she came out of prison even gentler than she went in?

Now Vi before she goes into prison was by no means a bad person. We see her lose her temper in the Enemy video, we see her be short with Mylo, we see her be angry at the enfocers. But of course we also see that she is somebody who is willing to listen when Vander gives her a proper heart to heart and of course we also see her be affectionate with Powder and try to properly juggle her leadership role.

At the end of Act 1, she lashes out at Powder, runs off, regrets it quickly but is then prevented from outside circumstances from reuniting with Powder and talking things through.

When she finally voices her feelings to Powder she says:

I'm sorry, Powder. I never meant to leave you.

and

I spent so many nights in that shitty prison. On the freezing floor, hungry, bloody, counting the hours. The only thing... The only thing that kept me going was the thought of getting back to you.

So she gets ripped out of her life at her greatest moment of regret and she spends years (6-7 years according to the writers!) stewing in her regret. IMO it makes sense that those conditions would cause her to single mindedly focus on Powder and reuniting with her and desperately wanting to do better/wanting to make up for things.

And while it wasn’t the prison that caused her state of regret, it sort of caged it in. I still think that if Vi hadn’t been taken and instead had to take care of Powder and fend on her own, the reality might not have been easy, to have to deal with the exent of Powder’s trauma (this time without help from Vander), but also be faced more directly with the loss they experienced.

IMO it makes sense that if prison did not create the idea that all those deaths did not matter, she still loves Powder, it most likely helped cement that conviction (a conviction that might get challenged as she sees that Powder killed a lot of people since then).

(I still maintain that this doesn’t really fit with Jinx’s complaints against her, after all, why would Jinx have a problem with Vi being more gentle and more dedicated to her than she was already)

Sidenote: thinking about Vi, stuck in her cell, stewing in her regret made me wonder about a different topic, to what extent Vi had the chance to really grieve for Vander.

Any chance that anybody would tackle that as a Vi/Cait thing? Vi opening up to Cait about who Vander was/Cait asking in a quieter moment what exactly happened between her and Jinx/what some of Jinx’s ramblings meant at the “dinner” (”He took everything from us. Right here, he stabbed Vander in the back.”)

Or where Cait’s cop mind quietly kicks into gear (imo her way of thinking is like super on display in the Council Archive thing) (also in my mind Cait’s mom would have to be okay for that to fit the characterization) and she starts questioning Vi about the dinner scene, about what the various other “people” there meant because the cop mind wants to catalogue it and understand the motives and mind of the criminal she is dealing with. (and maybe in the middle of it a worn down Vi goes “wtf? are you interogating me?” and Cait is like “what no? wait, actually, probably yes”).

#arcane #vi #jinx #caitlyn #vicait #piltover's finest

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yesimwriting · 3 years

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The Promise of Rain, blurb 2

The Promise of Rain (part 2?? technically)

A/n I was not originally planning a second part for this but some people wanted it and this idea came to me and it works better with the context of ‘The Promise of Rain’ but it can technically be read as a stand alone :))

Anyways this might turn into a small series of kinda connected blurbs that are all kind of canon with each other but aren’t necessarily connected except for the reader’s background (the reader is a very sunshine-y person and knows Kaz bc she’s a runaway princess that he was hired to bring back home but she managed to convince him to let her work for him instead)

The night air had left me with a chill that made me want nothing more than to have my covers draped over me as I read. I’m normally more sociable after a job, especially after such a simple and safe ending, but a lot of tonight had left me wanting to be alone.

Well, not truly alone. The company of my books is always welcomed, but tonight I can’t seem to find much comfort within the pages. After almost every paragraph, I find myself distracted by gusts of wind and thoughts of the heavy, silver clouds that seem to make up tonight. A part of me longs for the rain. I know it’s ridiculous to expect rain each time I desire some sense of comfort, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it. Especially when the sky so clearly implies it.

“This must be the fifth time I’ve come here and you’ve been reading.” Kaz’s sudden appearance is almost enough to shake away my lingering somberness.

I roll my eyes slightly, turning my attention back to the page in front of me. “That observation is just a testament to how often you come in here.”

His glare is half hearted, a look I’d find endearing if I was less annoyed. “Where else am I going to find a reminder that good people exist in Ketterdam?”

I think he may have a sixth sense that warns him when I’m treading the line between being annoyed and displeased. Everytime I find myself mad at him in a way that makes me want to avoid him instead of yell at him, Kaz makes some ridiculously heart-melting comment. He steps further into the room. I don’t miss the way he eyes my stretched out legs. Ever since the conversation we had after he woke up after an injury, we’ve fallen into the unmentioned habit of silently inviting the other to stay by moving to make room for them.

It had started the day after the conversation in which Kaz had admitted that he wanted me to stay with him. He had been sitting on the small couch while discussing the details of a job. Shortly after I walked in he made a point of shifting so that he was clearly on one side of the couch. I didn’t think much about sitting down, but Inej and Jesper exchanged a look.

Now, though, I keep my legs stretched out on the bed. He eyes my position on the bed, something grim crossing his features.

“It might rain tonight.”

He knows me so damn well. I hate it. “I hope so.”

I turn my head, analyzing the way the world seems to be on the cusp of something. I stare at the silver clouds until I feel something hard tap my leg. The tap is firm but not painful. I’m quick to look at Kaz as he lowers his cane. The mention of rain had been a distraction.

“You distracted me on purpose.”

“The first rule of the Barrel is to always be prepared.” There’s a slight uptilt to his lips, something I’ve learned to interpret as a sign of teasing.

How is he so easy to be around one second and so cold the next? I resist a smile. “I’ll take notes.”

Kaz ignores my passive aggressive tone. His focus seems to be on my legs that have still not moved to offer him a place next to me. “You wear your emotions too openly.” Great, he’s going to make us talk about it. “What reason could you possibly have to be mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you.” It’s a partial truth.

His expression harshens. “Don’t lie.”

“I’m not thrilled with you, but I don’t think that’s the same as being mad.”

Kaz lets out a partial sigh. “No, they’re not the same.” Such an early concession feels like a trap. “With you, the first option is worse.” I don’t have anything to say to that. “Is this because of what I said to Jesper?”

My posture straightens on instinct. “He wants your validation more than he’d ever admit and I understand that expressing praise isn’t exactly something you do, but would it kill you to not actively insult him?”

“I didn’t say anything that was wrong. He thinks he’s a gambler but he’s just someone born for losses.” The look I give him must mean something to him, because Kaz is quick to tact on, “That doesn’t make him less valuable of an asset or less relatively dependable.”

I eye him cautiously, the slightest bit of vulnerability playing at his features. “Don’t look at me like that--and don’t tell me that. Jesper’s the one who could use the occasional reminder from you that you hold him to any regard with positive connotations.” His lips press together like he’s thinking about scolding me for scolding him. “It’s only because I know you care more about Jesper than you’d ever let on.”

“Jesper’s esteem can handle the blow.” The curtness of his voice is a blow in its own sense. “And he didn’t exactly deserve to be in my good graces after what he did tonight.”

My sigh is not weighted enough to match Kaz’s newfound fountain of emotion. “We were successful--”

“He left you.” I didn’t know Kaz’s voice was capable of such harshness. “I paired him with you, and he left you--and you almost didn’t make it.” I let the weight of his words take up all the available space in the room, keeping the silence that follows them until some of the heaviness has dissipated. “He could have cost me one of my best people.”

Oh. His harshness, his unwarranted coldness, had been a manifestation of his concern. For me. Guilt knots my stomach. Potential words that may offer Kaz some sort of support raise and die back down in my throat. Kaz turns towards the door.

“Kaz.” He pauses. There’s a long moment in which I think he won’t turn around, but finally, he does. I tuck my legs beneath me, forcing myself to sit up a little straighter. “I told Jesper to leave because I knew the job would have failed if he had been trapped in that room with me.” I drop my gaze towards the window. “I was right, the job was successful, and I got out in time so it was worth it.”

“You risked your safety?” The harsh facet of his being is making its return in full force.

“For the job,” I’m careful to keep my words factual, “It’s what we’re supposed to do.”

Kaz’s jaw locks. “When I said that keeping you near me would ruin you this is what I meant.”

Is it really this big of a deal? I made it out. “Kaz.”

“This wasn’t my best idea.” His words are leached of anything. “You’re going back home. Tomorrow I’ll arrange the voyage myse--”

“Kaz Brekker you may get to live your life doing anything you want but you don’t get to control mine.” My chin raises an inch, an instinctual act of subtle rebellion. “I am not going back there, even if I’m technically indebted to you because you didn’t return me to my father but that does not mean I’ll--”

“I’m not trying to control you.” His words are sharp, boarding on a yell. “A job like that one wasn’t worth you.”

From Kaz, I know those words are heavy. There’s a lot of things I could say to that. I could tell him that I wanted to do something for him. I could say that I appreciate him telling me that. I could even say that in his own way, Kaz giving Jesper a hard time because he left me, is kind of cute in a misguided way. The thing is I think all of these responses will make things worse.

“Kaz,” I keep my voice as steady as possible, “I’m fine, you’re fine, it all worked out.” Scratching the back of my arm, I exhale gently. “I’ll be more careful next time, I promise.”

I watch him carefully, there’s a slight slump to his shoulders as he exhales. Is the fight leaving him so easily? He walks further into the room. “You better.” He sits down in the space I provided for him slowly. “If you’re not you’ll have worse things to worry about than anything that can happen to you on a job.” He moves his cane forward easily, tapping my knee in a swift motion.

I roll my eyes at the mock threat. “They do say that there’s nothing to fear in the Barrel like the Dirtyhands.”

“Remember that.” Any edge in his voice is forced. I fight against a smile that seems to always want to break across my face whenever I think I see something resembling lightness in Kaz.

“I don’t think I could forget anything about you.”

He turns his head slightly. “You should.”

“Too bad.”

Kaz leans his back against the wall, untensing slightly. “I think you just like disagreeing with me.”

There’s no point in lying about it. “Only because when you argue with me you give me this really particular look.”

“A look?”

Adding insult to injury, I smile. “Sometimes you look like you’re too focused on being angry, like you’re compensating for something.”

Kaz lets out a bitter sigh. “Maybe if you were less of a puppy I wouldn’t have to--”

The laugh that escapes is most definitely a mistake. “Did you just call me a puppy?” I don’t give him a chance to reply, laughter taking over again. “I mean this in the least argumentative way possible--but you’re so weird sometimes.”

He rolls his eyes, tensing. “I’m leaving.”

I stifle the rest of my laughter. “No. I was--I was kidding!” I keep my eyes on Kaz, expecting some type of annoyed glare, but his expression is a lot more weighted than that. Odd. “Kaz?”

“You need to be more careful.” I understand Kaz’s pause as something he does before saying something outside of his nature. “I’m not asking you this as a Crow or a Dreg.”

On instinct, my posture straightens. “I promised and I meant it.”

“Sometimes I wish I could believe in Saints,” his voice has taken off a distant quality, almost fragile, “That way I could believe something existed to help what matters.”

Oh. “You never fail, even if I didn’t believe in Saints I’d believe in you.”

“You’re wasting your faith.” The sound of lightning cracking is almost enough to make me jump. The rain finally came.

I know I’ll never convince him that that’s not true. “I don’t think so, but that’s why it’s called faith.”

“I have faith in some things.” His expression is far off.

“Like what?”

Kaz’s eyes find the window. “People that find meaning in the rain.”

Something in my chest swells. “You’re like the rain.”

We sit there in silence, watching raindrops glide down the window. “What were you reading?”

The question has me dropping my gaze to the forgotten book on my lap. “I stole this book from the palace before I left. It was my mom’s favorite, she’s read it so much the spine’s completely cracked and the cover is practically falling off.”

“Hm…” He mumbles. “Read some, the books read in a palace must be worthwhile.”

A part of me wants to tell him that elitism has no place in literature, but his request leaves me frozen. I nod once, turning to the first page of the book. “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife--”

“Your upbringing makes sense--”

“You can’t judge it off the first sentence,” he’s insufferable, “It’s setting up irony, and if you’re going to complain--”

He lets out a conceding sigh. “I’m listening, I’m not interrupting.”

I keep my eyes on him for a second longer than I should. “Okay.” Dropping my gaze back to the book, I adjust my grip on the worn paperback, “Good.”

And then I keep reading.

@theincredibledeadlyviper @grishaverse7 @lonelystarship @mentally-in-northern-italy @uhanddreag

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bernadettefoxs · 3 years

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friends don’t kiss me like you do

summary: lou and debbie have to fight their feelings for each other while working/living together + one very jealous lou miller.

length: long (and gay) enough

warnings: extreme fluff!! and a little angst

—

“Just leave it there, TamTam, Jesus.” Debbie spoke with an angry tone while Tammy was sitting at the other end of Lou’s couch, trying to fix Debbie’s heel that broke when she and Tammy ran home together after getting out of the cab on a rainy New York city night.

Debbie almost twisted her ankle stepping on a cobblestone and Tammy laughed, tugging her arm and helping Debbie steady herself, but one of her heels was now wrecked and the brunette was cursing under her breath, meeting an impatient Lou waiting for them by the door, whispering “what the fuck” when both women showed up looking like train wrecks, both a little drunk too. It was supposed to be a business dinner with one of Debbie’s old friends who worked at the bank, and it ended up with margaritas and endless vodka shots.

Lou was a bit hurt, not ever admitting that to anyone, that Debbie didn’t ask her to come with her, calling Tammy instead. Sure, Tammy was her best friend too, but she wasn’t Lou, and Lou wondered why not just ask her when Tammy had to leave four snotty kids at home and Lou was always just… there. She welcomed their drunk mess with tea and dry towels, and now she was watching the silly shatter from the kitchen as Debbie snatched the heel from Tammy’s hand with a giggle.

“Leave it to me, honey, I can do it.” Lou knew it was all part of the banter, but hearing someone else call Debbie those stupid pet names was one of the worst things she’d ever witnessed. It only made her wanna throw up, thinking she’d been somehow replaced by Tammy as the best friend, and maybe as something else too. And it hurt her even more that Tammy was her friend, and that now she was starting to act and think like an immature teenager. Put it together, Miller.

Lou was in love. She couldn’t deny it. As much as she really, really, truly wanted to. She and Debbie had decided on staying “just friends” until they could really work things out between them and also get the heist successfully done. But every time Lou let time pass carelessly she’d find herself attached to the brunette, physically, almost too many times.

It would either happen after Debbie had a rough day assembling new members for the team or after Lou didn’t have a good day at the club. They would always find comfort in each other after midnight when Lou was about to go to bed but Debbie always stopped her before the australian could even step into her bedroom.

It was 1am, Debbie was sure because she’d had dinner with Lou three hours ago when she came back from the club, and afterwards she texted Tammy good night, assuring her that she was okay and thanking her for the help with the banker guy the other day, “also, fuck you, I ruined one good pair of heels because you thought you were Usain Bolt in the rain.”

She heard Lou turn off the kitchen lights and knew the australian was headed to bed, and she suddenly lost interest in the cooking book she was reading. It was Lou’s and she wasn’t even so sure Lou herself actually ever read that thing ever, but it was something to kill her time.

“Lou? Can I sleep with you?” the whisper filled the silent living room. All the lights were out except for the yellow ray from the creepy skull lamp Lou had gotten as a gift from her brother Rusty, she put it on her coffee table at first not really knowing what to do with it and she would always find Debbie sitting by the corner of her couch, using the light to read in the dark. She liked to sit there because she could always see when Lou walked around the place.

Debbie’s eyes followed her like a flashlight and even after almost fifteen years of knowing that woman the effect the australian had on her was still the same. Lou didn’t change at all. Being in prison for five years, she missed seeing that on the daily, and to her surprise, the first night she spent with Lou felt like home again. She never got used to being without Lou. And Lou didn’t either.

It would all fade to black again when Debbie decided to distance herself from those feelings, from Lou. She couldn’t escape the fear of fucking things up with the most important person in her life, so she would pretend to look away when Lou looked at her with that look, wouldn’t go out with her even just to run some stupid errands when Lou asked her to, every moment did something to her and she couldn’t bear it anymore. She couldn’t bare being Lou’s sidekick, even if she knew she wasn’t just that to her.

“Can I?” she whispered again.

“You- uh-“ Lou looked her up and down, her body covered by the robe she hadn’t known the brunette borrowed from her. She smirked, thinking about how she too would often just grab some of Debbie’s clothes and not even give them back later.

“I know we’ve talked about it. It’s not that. I mean- I just can’t sleep. I’m probably reading this stupid book for the 20th time only because I can never fucking sleep. It’s hard, without…” Debbie’s eyes would start to get watery if she hadn’t known any better, feeling so vulnerable in front of her partner. But she felt grateful for Lou’s silly smile growing wider, and the pang of pity as well. Usually that would piss her off, make her feel like she was nothing, like people were always just trying to be nice to her out of politeness and not because they cared for her, but this was Lou. And she knew the truth whenever it came to Lou.

“Yes, c’mon. Leave the bloody book there.” Lou walked to where the brunette was sitting on the couch and helped her stand up, grabbing the book with her right hand and Debbie’s waist with the other. Debbie looked at her with guilt in her eyes.

“Lou, I…”

“Yeah?” she watched the blonde rub her eyes in a sleepy way before yawning and sticking out a hand to her in the most loving, Lou way possible.

“Nothing. Thank you.” she closed her brown cardigan tighter around her shivering body, taking Lou’s hand and walking upstairs to Lou’s room.

Lou let Debbie make herself at home as the brunette tucked herself in and waited for her on her side of the bed. Lou usually slept in the middle of the bed, but she didn’t mind this, at all. The room was a bit dark and had one big window that shone the night lights from the shore outside. Lou loved hearing the waves break inside her head and how the shadows coming from outside the window made living shadows on her walls, it always helped her fall asleep faster, but tonight she didn’t mind that either. This was one of those nights where Debbie was all she would think of. Touching her and having her scent all over her and the room, felt like she could stay like that forever, falling asleep in the brunette’s arms as she scared Debbie’s nightmares away.

She cuddled closer to her, feeling the Ocean sniff her neck as they held each other tight, and Lou covered both their bodies with the heavy white blankets.

“I think we forgot to turn off the lamp, Lou.” Debbie whispered as she felt the blonde run her fingers across her arms.

“What?” Lou glanced at her, confused, making Debbie flush at how cute her stupid little frown was.

“In the living room.”

“Oh. That’s okay, Debs. Just sleep, alright?” she kissed the crown of Debbie’s head and held her like that, letting Debbie get closer and closer. “And you never know, maybe Tam will wanna barge in in the middle of the night to try and fix your heel for you. She might need the light to see.”

“Lou.” Debbie warned, holding back a chuckle.

“Sorry. It’s true.” Lou laughed, turning her back to Debbie.

“Lou?” Debbie called again, almost too scared to speak up.

“Yeah, Debs?” she answered like a mother angry at her child, making them both laugh.

“I miss this.” Lou’s heart stopped, and she looked at those dark eyes facing her in the dark. She could barely see Debbie, but she knew every inch of that face and that woman even more than herself.

“You miss sleeping with me, Ocean? Well that’s fucking impossible because you’re always in my bed.” they shared a laugh and Debbie rolled her eyes.

“You know what I mean, Lou.”

“I do.” Lou could feel her heart break inside her chest like never before. They both knew what they felt for each other, and how they’d left things between them before Debbie went to jail, and they hadn’t walked so far from that point after she got out. Five years later. They just knew it was still there, all of it. The painful silence, the electric touches, the desperate exchange of looks in a crowded room. The longing.

But they had agreed on staying like this for a while and that was the plan the had to stick with no matter what. No matter how much they wanted to go home together after a party with the team and just jump at each other with kisses and teeth, no matter how bad they were in love with each other in a way that nothing else could ever live rent free in their minds like each other.

“I miss… sleeping with you.” Lou smirked, covering her face with her arm.

“We really had it all didn’t we?” the australian whispered.

“We still can.” Debbie said, almost like a plead.

Lou shook her head, lying with her back facing the ceiling and her elbows supporting her weight.

“We couldn’t figure it out back then, Debs. What makes you think we could now?” Debbie cupped her face, bringing it impossibly close to hers.

“We were young, Lou. And stupid.”

“Yeah, well-“ the blonde scoffed, thinking about a 19 year old Debbie Ocean kissing her for the first time. “We still are. Stupid, at least.”

“I wanna be stupid together.” her voice came out broken, her hands finding Lou’s above her brown locks. Lou smiled.

“You do?”

“Yeah. I really fucking do. I can’t be just friends. I wanna kiss you all the time and every fucking day and I wanna be able to tell people that I’m yours and you’re min-“

Lou’s lips met hers with a calm pace, both in a way of saying “please shut the fuck up” and “I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

“I wanna be stupid together, too.” Lou whispered, kissing her again, and again, and again, and again, until they were both finally deep asleep.

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youngbugandtonystank · 3 years

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what's the difference between what wanda did to those people in wandavision and what tony did with ultron?

I have so many asks about this. Hate asks, and people wondering what’s going on. This is the only one I’m answering.

Both of them are responsible for their actions. I’ve seen people try and take away either Tony’s responsibility for that or Wanda’s engagement and accountability.

In Tony’s case, the Ultron program was supposed to be a global peacekeeping program to protect the people, acting as a suit around the world to prevent events like the Battle of New York. He was doing it in the name of peace and safety. Tony was rightfully scared because he was the only one who knew what was coming. Wanda intentionally enhanced that fear in him and this drove him to create Ultron with Bruce. He has responsibility for it. Same as Bruce. He owns up to this, he took full responsibility and agreed that they needed to be regulated.

Tony Stark: A few years ago, I almost lost her, so I trashed all my suits. Then, we had to mop up HYDRA... and then Ultron. My fault.

Tony Stark: There's no decision-making process here. We need to be put in check! Whatever form that takes, I'm game. If we can't accept limitations, if we're boundary-less, we're no better than the bad guys.

Tony Stark: That's good. That's why I'm here. When I realized what my weapons were capable of in the wrong hands, I shut it down and stop manufacturing.

If people think he needs to be in jail for it, then I’m guessing the rest of the Avengers too since all of them have made mistakes and killed people too. As a matter of fact, after the events of Wandavision, I’m sure that Wanda should be in the Raft, but because she’s ‘a poor baby’ yall won’t think she deserves that.

SPOILERS

It’s a big possibility that we don’t have all the info about what happened in Wandavision but we’re going to go with what we know so far.

In Wanda’s case, she did it to appease her grief and pain, and I can understand why she would get to that point, she’s been through a lot and maybe she was about to lose her mind. Instead of recruiting Wanda after the Sokovia incident, they should’ve given this girl treatment for her mental health problems. She just lost her brother and passed through a very traumatic war zone, of course she needs assistance. Cap and Natasha were the ones responsible for her because they were training the ‘new’ avengers. Sam was with them and he used to be a counselor to veterans with PTSD. He could’ve helped Wanda with some of her traumas. As shown in the series, Wanda did the whole hex business before meeting Agatha, which means creating that little reality was all Wanda’s responsibility. Hayward and Agatha did exactly what Wanda did to Tony (and the avengers/other people) in AOU. They manipulated her and played with her emotional traumas. Hayward showed her Vision’s body parts and Agatha started to pull strings to know how Wanda did what she did and her real powers while orchestrating against her.

Both of them have made mistakes. No one is better than the other. I don’t understand why some fans want to make someone responsible more than the other or blame one character for the other. While Wanda gave Tony that vision and pushed his self-destructive side to obsess over saving the world, he did create Ultron, what Tony didn’t predict was that the robot was going to corrupt itself. Same with Wanda, while Agatha and Hayward contributed to her trauma, she held hostage and isolated 3,892 people to create her perfect reality, ripping these people away from their identities and free will to fit her own fantasy. Don’t turn this into ‘omg poor her, it’s Tony fault that she’s this way'. I can’t believe I have to repeat this but you don’t see Peter Parker obsessively looking for the person who manufactured the gun instead of the criminal who actually killed Uncle Ben. Ridiculous that I have to repeat this example.

Oh and about Vision’s body (damn yall have a gift to turn everything into Tony’s fault for some reason). I can’t believe some of you think Tony (while grieving for 5 years) would give Vision to Hayward. You’re either pulling stuff out of your asses or you didn’t pay attention to the show. Maria Rambeau founded and was the Director of S.W.O.R.D. In 2018 (when IW happened), this is where she came up with a new policy within S.W.O.R.D. to ground snapped agents in case they ever returned. Maria was diagnosed with cancer, then two years later (2020), she passed away. Then, Hayward was promoted to Director of S.W.O.R.D., in his first years (2020-2022) he refocused the organization’s work from extraterrestrial operations to robotics, nanotechnology and artificial intelligence, etc. There, that was the 5 years. Then in 2023 it’s when he started project Cataract, which revolved around rebuilding Vision as a sentient weapon. Tony was dead when this happened. How come yall don’t get this part? I don’t understand, do you really think his dead corpse signed some papers to give Vision to those people? LMAO

Instead of thinking Tony would give up Vision just like that, think (possibilities):

Maria was the head of S.W.O.R.D., she might have just been keeping his body safe without doing anything with him. Maybe she trusted Hayward and he, obviously, betrayed her because he’s turning her organization into something else after her death.

One of the Sokovia Accords regulations states that the use of technology to bestow individuals (the term ‘enhanced individual’ in this book is defined as any person, human or otherwise, with superhuman capabilities) with innate capabilities is strictly regulated by the government, as is the use and distribution of highly advanced technology. Vision signed those accords ('I'm saying there may be a casualty. Our very strength invites challenge. Challenge incites conflict. And conflict... breeds catastrophe. Oversight...oversight is not an idea that can be dismissed out of hand’) The Avengers were no longer be a private organization and they operate under the supervision of the United Nations. This means they (UN) were the ones that referred Vision’s body to S.W.O.R.D., to a trustworthy leader, Maria.

Vision died in Wakanda, not in New York. Tony was missing for 22 days after the snap, the rest of the avengers should’ve taken responsibility for his body.

Why is it always Tony’s fault but never consider that other parties are also involved in this?

I want to address some other asks with this one. I know some of you are angry because people are starting to blame Tony all over again, so a few things to remember:

Tony did not create the Accords. The Accords were the result of all the collective actions the Avengers have done in their superhero careers. All of them have made mistakes and the collateral damage of that was taken into consideration by the government and 117 countries around the world. He signed the accords because he knew that he could amend them with the support of the rest of the avengers and he knew about Thanos (something big was coming).

Obadiah Stane (it’s so bizarre for me seeing that some people don’t know who this guy is, I’m guessing that the people who are watching Wandavision are too young to remember or didn’t watch the Iron Man movies at all which is highly probable) was the one selling weapons to the wrong people, not Tony. Obadiah was the CEO of Stark industries and became second-in-command for two decades. He grew jealous of Tony and began cooperating with the Ten Rings in Afghanistan, selling them Stark Industries weapons illegally. Imagine blaming all of it on Tony when Obadiah basically murdered thousands only because he felt a little green. If someone who you trust (he had no reasons to doubt Obadiah since he was like a second father-figure for him) does something behind your back (take into consideration that people like Pepper; who was Tony’s assistant and had knowledge of all of Tony’s activities and responsibilities, Rhodey; who was the liaison between the military in the department of acquisitions and Stark Industries, and Happy Hogan; who was his personal bodyguard and Head of Security of Stark Industries, didn’t know what Stane was doing either), how are you going to know about it? Tony trusted him. And when he realized what was going on he immediately stopped all of it. He worked hard to be better and people overlook that because they want other characters to look better.

Don’t act like Tony was the only one assisting the military. All of the avengers assisted in one way or another. Natasha (who used to be an assassin) was in the Red Room, trained in the Black Widow Program in association with Leviathan and the Soviet Armed Forces, served for KGB, etc. Bruce Banner used to work for the United States government and was commissioned to create a super serum for them. Same goes with the rest, Sam, Clint, etc. Steve Rogers was a soldier lmaoooooooooooooo like, what happened to Tony with Obadiah happened to Steve with SHIELD/HYDRA in TWS. He trusted the people working in there (SHIELD), served for them, did missions for them and as soon as he found out what they were doing behind his back he turned against them.

Knowing all of this, how is Tony always the villain for yall? I’m guessing because Tony’s popularity in the MCU, but still, aren’t yall tired of not understanding the plot and having people repeat it to you constantly? Watch the movies if you want to understand the franchise, people. Stop following the crowd.

Also, Wanda is not a kid, she’s a 35 year old woman in Wandavision, she was 26 in AOU and 27 in CW. Hardly a child. Tony had almost her same age (38) when he realized Obadiah was selling illegal weaponry behind his back. The only reason people don’t fully forgive Tony is because 1. he’s a man and 2. he’s a billionaire. Even if Wanda was poor she still killed and hurt many people over the course of her life. Stop trying to make Tony the villain only to downplay Wanda’s actions.

Both have killed people, both have made mistakes. They’re both responsible for them.

#wanda maximoff #wandavision #vision #tony stark #avengers #marvel #mcu #this is the only ask I'm answering about this #exhausting

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its-deputy-caleb · 3 years

Text

Four Lord’s with a ftm!S/O

a lot of ppl requested a ftm reader with the four lords so i tried to incorporate them all together here, i know everyone’s experiences are different and for people who are trans everyone is at different stages of transitioning so this may not be for everyone: to try and be as inclusive as possible the four lords talk about different areas of transitioning! As always pls enjoy!!

Alcina Dimitrescu

One would simply assume that because Alcina openly shows her distaste for men that she wouldn’t give you a second glance. But you’d be wrong about that.

She’s extremely overprotective of people that she loves and as a member of her family you hold a special place in her heart.

Alcina has been by your side the whole time you’ve transitioned, making sure you’re comfortable everyday and complimenting you every chance she gets.

She has the maidens make you the finest suits with all the expensive accessories like ties, pins and brooches. Everything has a gold inlay and while it may be overwhelming at times she says that you deserve to be treated like a king.

Alcina makes sure the maidens cut your hair every few weeks so that you’re always looking sharp for when you’re at family dinner with her and her daughters.

If anyone is transphobic or misgenders you she will not hesitate to cut them to ribbons on the spot, her long claws ready to kill whoever could’ve hurt you. She’ll never stand for anyone who offends her family.

“Here in House Dimitrescu, we support trans rights!”

The Castle is your sanctuary where you’re allowed to be yourself. Not only does Alcina love you for who you are but the girls adore you and see you as a fatherly figure to them, you’re the perfect addition to their family and they’d change nothing about you.

Donna Beneviento

Donna is your number one supporter. The minute you told her she wrapped her arms around you and said just how proud she was of you.

She’s quite the seamstress herself and so she always finds time to make you clothes for you to wear. Some of your favourite things to do together is explore the old Manor for fabrics that you might like.

It took her a few weeks to perfect but eventually she made you a binder that you could wear. She spent ages finding the right fabrics and threads to use, even taking trips to the duke to make sure the binder she made was safe for you to use.

She never forgot the smile you had on your face when you had it on for the first time looking in the mirror, a brand new shirt over the top. It was the first time in a long time where you saw yourself for who you are.

You and Angie get on like a house on fire, causing mischief where you can and Donna can’t help but smile when she sees you both return from some adventure in the lycan den, covered in blood and chuckling. Donna and Angie couldn’t be happier to have you in their lives.

Donna loves you so much and is always there for you through your dysphoria. She’s always patient and will listen to you for hours while you get everything off your chest. She’ll sit with you and rub slow circles on you shoulder, an arm wrapped around you as she tells you how amazing and handsome you are.

If Donna so much as hears someone misgender you or provoke you, Angie is coming at them with a pair of scissors and a mini army of dolls behind her. Hearing those things about you makes her blood boil and it’s one of the few times she gets truly angry.

What you love about her is how she sees you for yourself and doesn’t define you for being trans but instead sees it as something that builds to someone who she already loves regardless.

Salvatore Moreau

Salvatore has the biggest heart when it comes to you. He understands what it feels like to be rejected and to feel like you don’t belong anywhere but he could never imagine what it’d feel like to be a stranger to your own body. That’s why he’s always thought you were so brave for being who you are, no matter how hard it can get sometimes.

He does a lot of research, trying to find ways that he can comfort you and support you. Of course as a physician he’s got some medical background and that’s why he’s never failed to support you through your medical transition, whether it’s hormones or surgery it’s something Sal can understand and wants to be there for you.

If you have scars, he loves them. He’s constantly complimenting your body and telling you just how perfect you are to him knowing that it helps with your dysphoria. If you don’t have scars it’s still the same, he’s still your biggest supporter and doesn’t love you any less.

You love taking walks together or doing activities on the lake like fishing or swimming. There’s been times when you’ve protected him from lycans and other creatures to which he always refers to you as his “knight”, a nickname which has stuck with you.

One thing Salvatore hates is when people are transphobic towards you. He hates to yell and get angry but he won’t hesitate to turn into a giant fish and spit venom back onto anyone who tried to do it to you. Maybe he loses his cool from time to time but you mean the world to him and you bring out his protective side.

Salvatore just wants to see you happy at all costs and he’ll do anything to make you feel more like yourself. Sometimes that involves running to the top of the hill behind the reservoir and announcing to all who’s near that you’re the man and that you’re the most amazing person. And sometimes it means you’re curled up on the couch in front of the television with a warm cup of hot chocolate in your hand and a cheese platter for you to share and cuddle up together afterwards.

Karl Heisenberg

Karl is super supportive and understanding when it comes to you being trans. He’s always chill and makes you feel comfortable but in his softer moments will make you feel loved beyond imagination.

He makes you armour, teaches you how to fight, lets you pick out weapons you like until you’re more skilled and cunning to defeat even him. He’s so proud of you and is always by your side through all your transitions.

The two of you often get up to a lot of mischief together, sneaking into Alcina’s castle for good wine or taking on the giants near House Beneviento. It’s a way for you to be care free and allows you to be who you are without judgment.

If he sees you’re feeling dysphoric about your scars, he won’t hesitate to show you the array of scars he’s obtained from the battlefield. He’ll tell you about how you should be proud of them; they show how far you’ve come and how much you’ve fought for who you are. Of course Karl will also boost your ego by telling you just how tough scars make you look.

You and Karl spend your nights working away on new designs for armour and weapons, welding long into the night and modifying the machinery on Strum. It ends up with you both passed out on the couch, covered in grime and sweat far too exhausted for a shower.

Alcina called it the behaviour of “man-things” and that you and Karl could at least make the effort to bathe but it ended up with you both bursting into laughter and getting right back to work, wearing your boyish behaviour with pride.

Regardless of the fun you had with Karl, he truly cared for you and understood what it was like to have bad days. That’s why he’s always been supportive and does his best to show you that he loves you no matter who you are.

#alcina dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu x reader #lady dimitrescu x reader #karl heisenberg #karl heisenberg x reader #donna beneviento #donna beneviento x reader #salvatore moreau #salvatore moreau x reader #resident evil headcanons #resident evil 8 #resident evil village #resident evil #asks #prompt #🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

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andvys · 3 years

Text

Longing (part 13)

Warnings: angst, some fluff

Pairing: Ellie Williams x reader

Author’s note: this chapter is kinda short but I still wanted to give you guys something so here you go 💕 next chapter might take a while tho, I’m not sure yet.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” Ellie answered, running her hand up and down your arm. You were still laying on the couch, naked under the thin blanket. You were fully on top of her, your head on her chest.

“Is that ‘chemical burn’ a bite?” You asked looking up at her.

“Yeah, you put the pieces together huh?” She asked, looking down on you. Nodding your head, “kinda always thought this story was bullshit but I didn’t think that it could be a bite from an infected.” Tracing her tattoo.

“Do you wanna know the story?” She asked, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to Ellie.” You said, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

“I want to.” She said, rubbing your back softly.

“Alright.”

She began telling you about Riley, she first told you the story of their friendship and how she always had a crush on her. It was cute hearing her talk about her teenage years. Comparing them to yours, they seemed normal, your teenage years were brutal, you were forced to do things, horrible things. She told you about her and Joel, how they met and bonded over time and then she told you about what happened at the hospital, what Joel did to get her out of there and how he lied to her about it, you never knew what happened between them but now you understood.

You got why she was angry at him for keeping something like that from her but you didn’t agree with her opinion on this. You knew the fireflies, you knew what they did and you sure as hell didn’t support what they were willing to do to get a vaccine. Killing an innocent girl for a vaccine that didn’t even have a guarantee that it could work, seemed wrong to you.

Ellie looked down at, she wanted to know what was going through your head. You didn’t say anything yet and you seemed to be deep in thought, processing all the information you just got.

Looking up at her, you leaned in pecking her lips softly. “Can I be honest with you?” You asked, stroking her cheek.

“Of course.”

“You won’t agree with me on this but what Joel did.. it was right.” Furrowing her brows at you she went to say something but you didn’t let her. “There was no guarantee that it would’ve worked. My dad was a firefly.. h-he told me some of the horrible things they’ve done to people. How they experimented on them and even turned them into those things just to see if they’re new ‘cure’ would work. Ever since the outbreak, they’ve been promising people a cure and yet they always come out empty handed. You being immune, has got nothing to do with a cure, your blood might be more advanced or something, maybe there are more like you around the world and maybe in the future most people will be immune.” She seemed to process your words, not knowing what to say, she looked up at the ceiling.

“And Joel, he loved you ellie. He would’ve done anything for you. He decided that it wasn’t worth to live in a ‘better world’ knowing that you weren’t a part of it. He was okay with living in this horrible world as long as you’re alive and well I would’ve done the same thing if I was him.” She looked at you, eyes glistening with tears.

“Ellie I’d rather spent my life living in a world where there’s a possibility that I could die out there every time I go out than living in a peaceful world knowing that you don’t even get to be a part of it.” You said, wiping her tears away, you kissed her cheek. She couldn’t believe that you’d rather live in this hell with her than even thinking about the possibility of living a safe and healthy life, without her.

“I let him down.” She whispered, letting more tears fall. “And I never got the chance to forgive him.”

She was feeling guilt. You knew this ugly feeling all to well and you wouldn’t let it destroy her. She was suffering for having treated Joel bad all these years but beating herself up for it wouldn’t bring him back.

“He knows Ellie.” You whispered, hugging her. You felt her pain, you knew exactly what she was going through.

“Joel loved you like his own daughter, no matter what. He wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up like that okay?” Grabbing her face in your hands. “Don’t do this to yourself Ellie, it’s easy to lose yourself in this darkness so fight it, no matter what.” Wiping her tears away, you pressed a kiss on her cheek. “I’m here with you.”

“Thank you babe.” Hugging you close to her, she kissed her forehead. You knew what she was going through right now, you knew because you felt like that too. Ellie couldn’t forgive herself for the way she treated Joel and you couldn’t forgive yourself for saving Abby.

You always tried to do the right thing, helping wherever you could, helping whoever you could and yet you felt like you were a bad person. You saved Joel’s killer. You saved a boy you shouldn’t have saved when you were 14 years old. You always tried saving everyone and in the process of doing so, you started losing yourself.

You realized most people you saved ended up being bad and you’d have to kill them in the end. Abby would be no exception. You were going to kill her, you promised yourself that. For Joel.

You still had nightmares of Joel blaming you for his death before killing you. You knew it wasn’t real, you knew it was your mind making it up because of the guilt you were feeling. This wasn’t Joel, he would never blame you for anything, let alone kill you but it still made you feel bad. It was exhausting and you were tired all the damn time. Your mind either plagued your with nightmares or with Joel’s death, you weren’t sure how long you could keep going like that but you had to stay strong for Ellie, you acted like you were fine, you didn’t show her how weak you actually felt. You had to pull through at least until Abby was dead, you owed this to her, you owed this to Joel.

Waking up it was still dark out. Both you and Ellie fell asleep after your conversation. Looking down at her, she was fast asleep, breathing softly, her arm was around you, keeping you close to her in her sleep, you’d love to stay like that with her for a while longer but you still had to check out the rest of the theater, so you got up carefully making sure you wouldn’t wake her up. Putting your clothes on, you looked at Ellie one more time before going further inside the theater, to see what you would find.

You went up the stairs, and grabbed whatever you could find that would be useful later. You thought about last night. You weren’t sure if what you and Ellie did was right, you wanted her but you had to admit to yourself that it was an act of frustration. You were on the road for weeks, facing bad people, infected and what not, life wouldn’t let you catch a break and the minute you had time to relax you and Ellie used it to forget about everything else for a while, it helped but it wasn’t the right time. You didn’t regret it, not at all. You enjoyed every second of it and would do it again but maybe at a more appropriate time. You just hoped Ellie wouldn’t regret it.

You found an old radio and decided to try and fix it after you got the generator started. It took you a while but you finally managed to fix it. Listening in on them you found some stuff out that would definitely be useful to you. Sitting on the floor you looked at the map and then at the Polaroids, grabbing the one with Abby and the guy named Owen, you looked at it. Deep in thought you didn’t hear Ellie come inside until she said your name softly. Turning too look at her, you smiled at her. “Hey.”

“Hey babe”. Sitting down next to you. “You good?” She asked, searching for the look of regret on your face. She woke up with you gone and she feared that you changed your mind about her and felt bad for what you two did.

“I am, you?” You asked, glancing at her quickly before looking down again. Feeling a little shy under her gaze.

“Me too.” She said, nervously rubbing her neck she looked at you, blushing at the marks around your neck, it was covered with hickeys and bruises. “Listen (y/n) you don’t- you don’t regret it do you?” Her question making you snap your head to the side, to look at her.

“No! No, god no Ellie.” You said, staring into her eyes now, intertwining your fingers with hers. Hating the fact that you made her feel like you regretted having sex with her.

Breathing out, she felt relieved at your words. For a second she thought you’d go back to the way you used to be a few weeks ago. Moving closer she kissed your temple before looking down at the map.

“I see you fixed the radio.. did you hear something?” She asked, taking polaroid of Abby and Owen in her hand looking at it.

You started explaining to her what you found out and where you’d have to go today, showing her on the map while talking about the WLF’s.

“We have to find Jesse.” You said, looking at the map in worry. You had no idea where he went and you didn’t know where to start looking for him.

“Do you think we should go back to the serevena hotel?” Ellie asked, noticing the concerned look on your face.

“I.. I don’t know. He wouldn’t be there anymore I think.” You said, sighing. “I don’t know what to do, I hope he’s okay.”

“I’m worried too but I’m sure he’s fine. Tommy’s out there as well, who knows maybe they ran into each other already.” Ellie said, shrugging.

“I hope so.” You whispered, grabbing the map off the floor you stuffed it in your backpack. “Should we get going?” You asked, standing up.

Ellie looked up at you, frowning slightly, she was worried about what you were going to be facing today, she didn’t want you to be in danger but she knew you sure as hell wouldn’t sit back and wait for her here.

“Yeah.” She said, getting up.

Nodding your head you turned around to go out the door but a hand pulled you back. Facing Ellie again, she pulled you closer hands on your cheeks she leaned in pressing her lips against yours softly. Sighing into the kiss you closed your eyes, kissing her back with your arms around her neck. Enjoying this moment before you’d go out into this shitty world.

Pulling away from each other, you opened your eyes, gazing into her eyes you pecked her lips once more. “Alright let’s go.” You whispered, grabbing her hand. “Yeah”. Squeezing your hand she followed you out.

You didn’t know what was going to happen today. You didn’t know what kinds of threats you’d be facing but you knew that you’d keep Ellie safe and she would keep you safe.

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams imagine #ellie williams #tlou imagines #tlou ellie

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 3 years

Text

Of something beautiful, but annihilating🚬4

Warnings: nonconsensual touching, fingering, deceptive behaviour, allusions to abuse.

This is dark!fic and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Note: I haven’t updated in a minute but I got the yen to come back to Arvin so here we go! Also working away at my gif requests which are super fun :)

Thank you. Love you guys!

As always, if you can, please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

The fight echoed in your head as Arvin buttoned up the front of your dress, although a few were missing. He helped you to your feet and you leaned on him heavily, barely able to see ahead of you, let alone support yourself on your shaky legs. You climbed the stairs as your mind passed through a tunnel of shock. You didn’t realise you’d even left the living room until you were lowered onto the bed.

Arvin sat beside you, his hand on your shoulder as he spoke softly. You didn’t understand his words as you turned your face away and tears trickled down your tender cheek. You weren’t sad that Roy was gone, you were embarrassed that another had seen what you let him do to you, and terrified of the nice man with the pistol.

Was he really so nice? You barely knew him at all and he’d had a gun under your roof. Sure, Roy had a rifle but that was for hunting. You couldn’t say or even try to imagine why Arvin had a handgun.

The lamp clicked off and the end of the chain clinked against the long stem. You laid in the dark, not daring to move, and after hours of dazed disbelief, you dozed off, your back wracked with pain from the tension and awkward position.

You woke with a stiff neck, a swollen face, and a weight in your chest. You sat up slowly and held your forehead as the bed shifted. Arvin dumped an armful of Roy's old flannels into the open suitcase at the foot of the mattress. You blinked and rubbed your eye as you leaned on one arm. You yawned and stretched your shoulders.

"What are you doing?" You asked.

"I'll see him today," he said as he pulled open the chest of drawers and grabbed the stained and torn denim from within, "make sure he stays away for good."

"What? Arvin," you bent your legs and crossed your arms over your knees, "he's my husband."

"He didn't act like one," he continued to toss Roy's clothes haphazardly into the bag, "he beat you!" He stopped and put his hands on his hips, "he never talked to you nice and…" he stopped and shook his head and closed the suitcase. He zipped it up with a sigh, "I heard him that first night. I figured, you weren't my wife, I could live with it. Well, I can't. You deserve better than him."

"It's not that easy. I can't just toss him out--"

"No, I did," Arvin insisted, "and I'll keep him out."

"You shouldn’t have done that. Last night. He'll be mad."

"So?" Arvin hauled the bag off the bed and dragged it to the door. The bottom of his shirt moved and revealed the butt of the gun sticking out of the top of his jeans.

"Are you gonna make sure with that?" You asked as you turned your legs over the side of the bed, "you can't just shoot him, you know that, don't you?"

"Of course, but he doesn't know I won't," Arvin looked back at you, "I'm gonna make breakfast then head out… how's your head?"

"Feels like there's a rock in my temple," you groaned and stood, "I don't want anyone to get hurt."

"No one but you, huh?" He challenged, "Look, I won't hurt him, I promise, but I also won't let him hurt you."

You neared him meekly as you hugged yourself, "why?"

"Because you do," he said, "because if you won't save yourself, I will. I have to," he looked down at his scuffed shoes, "I seen too many girls, too many women, hurt in my life. I ain't that old, you know? But I can't stand no more."

You watched him go and listened to him descend the old stairs. You frowned and flinched as you glanced around and caught a glimpse of yourself in the antique oval mirror your mother had left behind all those years ago. You looked as bad as you felt, worse; you couldn't help but be comforted by Arvin's concern, in fact, it felt good to have someone who cared about you.

🚬

It was hard to concentrate that day. Even a chore as simple as the dishes or sweeping the floors took twice as long as usual as your mind strayed to the night before and fears of what was to come.

You tried to convince Arvin to leave the bag there but he wasn’t folding, not like you. You admired him for that, but at the same time it made you squirm. Something had changed. He was no longer the sweet young man staying in your attic, he became the indomitable and angry man waving the gun around as he spoke about killing others without so much as flinching.

You remembered what he said. He’d killed a man before, or was it men? It wasn’t like you had anyone who could or would help you. You doubted Roy would come back even if you wanted him to, and on that front, you just couldn’t be sure. He was your husband and it was improper to put him out but let another man sleep under your roof.

The only woman in town who’d dared divorce her husband was Carmen Dolan and there was no where in town she went where people didn’t whisper about her; at the store, in church, and even on the sidewalks. It didn’t matter that her husband was sneaking around or that he was little better than Roy in his manners. It was a small place and people had too much time to talk.

Well, how many friends did you have there? Noreen couldn’t be called as much and all the girls you knew in school were married and too busy to keep up those old teenage ties. You could bide them at the sewing circles, they never were very nice, and you went to church out of obligation not out of a need for that ridiculous shallow socializing of housewives. Besides, you’d failed at all that, hadn’t you?

Then you began to worry. What if Roy flipped and hurt Arvin? Or Arvin hurt him? The suitcase would hardly be taken with a thanks. If Roy was ashamed enough he might just grumble and ignore the other man for the rest of the day, but if he wasn’t, he might just pick up where they left off last night.

You were hanging out the washing when a faded old Chevrolet drove up the dusty drive. You squinted past the stiff jeans as it steered closer and the engine stopped. Arvin climbed out and jingled the keys as he went around the other side. He took out a paper bag and crossed the yard.

“How was your day?” he asked with a smile.

You stared, dumbfounded. How could he act so… normal?

“Wh--what happened with…” your voice trailed out and you unclipped a pair of his jeans.

“Roy? Oh, he took his things and tucked tail after lunch,” he scoffed, “he didn’t look too good. Probably didn’t feel good neither.”

You nodded and dropped the jeans into the basket and tucked the pegs into your pocket. He crinkled the paper bag and stopped you from reaching to the next pair.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

You shook your head and stepped back so that his hand fell from your arm.

“I know last night was-- hard. I only did what I had to, not anything I wanted to,” his brows drew together, “here.”

He held out the paper bag and you eyed it warily. You chewed your lip and he stepped closer.

“Please, it’s, uh, I want you to have it,” he said, “you deserve it and maybe it is an apology. I went a little far but… I don’t regret it. Roy got what was coming.”

You took the bag and he tucked his hands in his pockets. “You didn’t have to get me nothing,” you said.

“Like I said, I wanted to. You do all the hard work here,” he replied, “and I’ll finish this up.”

He reached up and took down the next pair of pants and put them in the basket with the rest. He moved down the line as you watched him, the bag under your arm. You didn’t move, just watched. You looked over at the Chevrolet and frowned.

“Where’d you get the car?” you asked.

“Used,” he said as he folded a shirt in half and dropped it into the basket, “they had it down at the shop for a while now and I told the boss to take out installments from my next few checks. He didn’t mind much, he ain’t been able to get rid of it. Some work to be done but--” He lifted the basket and neared you, “you didn’t look yet?”

“Inside,” you said, “I didn’t wanna just leave you out here with all that.”

You nodded to the laundry and he pointed you toward the house. He followed you up onto the porch and through the screen door. He stopped to slip off his shoes and continued on after you into the living room. You put the bag down on the end table and uncurled the top.

You pulled out the large square and held up the record. The man who stared back at you had sparkling blue eyes and black hair. Elvis Presley smiled as if it was all a funny joke.

“There’s more,” he said.

You set down the record against the arm of the couch and reached into the brown bag again. You pulled out the fabric and a finely tailored pink dress in the latest style unfolded before you. You stared as he neared and he took the bag from the table. He revealed the last piece from the bag and set them down on the carpet, a pair of brand new heels.

“Why did you do all this?” you shoved the dress at him, “I can’t accept it.”

“You can,” he stepped back, “and just so you know, I’ll be paying my rent to you direct now.”

He sidled past you and took the album from the couch. He went to the record player and slid the vinyl from the sleeve. He carefully placed it on the player and lined up the pin. He turned back to you and crossed the room. He pulled the dress from your hands and let it slump over the couch cushion.

“Do you know the shimmy? I could show you? It’s the new thing,” he said as he took your hand, “you just move your hips, bend your legs a little, keep your arms out like this.” He moved slowly at first as he drew you into the middle of the room, “just with me, to the rhythm.”

“I can’t,” you protested, “really, I’m not a dancer.”

“Me neither, but it’s fun,” he tugged on your hand, “come on.”

He sang out of tune as he kept his hips moving. You watched him and tried to copy him, hoping to placate him long enough that you could escape to the kitchen. The dress, the album, the dancing, it all felt so wrong.

As the song ended, he brought you close and wrapped you up and slowed down. He swayed you with him as the record kept spinning. His eyes clung to yours.

“He didn’t know what he had,” he said.

“Arvin, I gotta start supper,” you whispered as you pushed on him, “please.”

“I got you the new dress so we could go to the drive-in,” he kept you against him, “Friday night. You like Audrey Hepburn?”

“I… haven’t seen much of her,” you confessed, “Arvin, really, the ham--”

“He’s not coming back,” he released you reluctantly, “I told you. I told him.”

“He’s still my husband,” you crossed your arms and looked down.

“Is he? He never treated you like his wife.”

“It’s the law--”

“Divorce him. You’ll keep the house, it’s yours. Your daddy left it to you.”

“And do what? I can’t afford it on my own--”

“You got me.”

“You won’t stay here forever,” you uttered.

He didn’t say anything and narrowed his eyes. He shrugged and turned away. “You have options and Roy is the wrong one,” he said, “you can’t hate yourself that much.”

You barely heard him and didn’t know how to respond. So you didn’t and left him to Elvis’ soft tones as you went to pull out the honey ham. You still had some of your sweet mustard left in that jar from last year or maybe the apple sauce. It was easier to focus on the food and not the madness of men.

🚬

The nights and days drifted by like sand in a glass. Whenever Arvin was there, even when he was in the attic and you were below, you were painfully aware that it was only the two of you in that big house. You weren’t afraid for yourself really, he hadn’t done anything to you. You should hate Roy for how he’d been to you all those years but you didn’t want to be the reason he got hurt.

But as the time went by, it was also harder to tell Arvin no. You never thought anyone could be overly helpful, especially after Roy’s indifference, but you were overwhelmed by his presence. He was always lurking around when you least expected, watching you, waiting. He always offered to finish the chore or kept you from doing it entirely. You should be thankful but it made you feel more guilty than anything.

When Friday came, you carried on your usual routine. You were mopping when the Chevrolet pulled up. He’d spent the night before with his head under the hood. He said it wasn’t too bad for the price and the repairs were minimal and none so urgent.

The car door closed then his steps walked up onto the porch. As he entered the house, you hit the mop against the wall and kept your head down, swiping back and forth against the wood. He didn’t dare to step past the threshold and mess your clean floors.

“You should finish up and get ready,” he said.

You looked up at him and feigned ignorance. You hoped all day he would forget about the movie. You didn’t want to wear the dress, it made your wedding ring chafe just to think of it. You focused again on the mop and kept back stepping away from him.

“Maybe not tonight, Arvin,” you said, “I’m tired.”

“You don’t have to work yourself sick,” he leaned against the doorframe, “really. You can always just take a day and… relax.”

You put the mop in the bucket and rested it against the wall. You took a deep breath but didn’t look at him.

“I don’t think we should go at all.”

He sighed and rubbed his cheek, “Really? Roy hasn’t even tried to come back. Hasn’t even tried to apologise. In all these years, did he ever once say sorry to you for anything?”

“Maybe not but I married him. I made that decision and I have to see it through.”

“Not like that,” he tutted, “besides, it’s just a movie…”

“Just a movie,” you repeated and walked over the drying floor, “alright then.”

He watched you and the thoughts wrinkled on his forehead. He let you go as you grabbed the railing and ascended the stairs. You felt his eyes on you, even after you turned down the hall, as if he could see you through the walls.

“We got time,” he called up, “no rush. It’s not even close to dark but I don’t want you to worry about… all this.”

You didn’t reply and closed the bedroom door. You sat on the end of your bed and clasped your hands. You still felt terribly trapped. You didn’t think so much of what Roy would say, he always said the worst. You thought about your father and how disappointed he would be. You knew he wouldn’t have let Roy treat you so bad if he was still alive, but he would still be sad if he knew how it all worked out.

🚬

You hadn’t been to the drive-in since you were going steady with Roy. It was a singular occasion and an unpleasant one. He got drunk and couldn’t drive home so you had to get behind the wheel and pray you didn’t crash. It wasn’t that you couldn’t drive, you just hated it. Thinking of it then, you should have expected all that came after.

Arvin pulled in as the sky dimmed slowly and he left you to go to concession and grab popcorn. When he returned, he handed you a box of chocolates as he cradled the large paper bag of kernels. You thanked him and opened the box, distracting yourself with the chewy caramels covered in milk chocolate. You offered him some as you looked around and waited for the screen to flash into motion.

There were a few families among the patrons but mostly teenagers, couples and groups, rowdy as they impatiently hollered for the film to roll. You hadn’t heard of this one, Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Arvin said he read about it in the paper and it was supposed to be a flick meant for ladies. He said he didn’t mind as he liked the actors.

When at last it was dark enough, the movie began and you set the box down on the seat and munched on a handful of popcorn out of courtesy. The credits began and you were quickly swept up into the life of Holly Golightly. You were almost agog to think that a woman could live like her. City life seemed so different, so free, so scary. And she didn’t let all those men rule her.

You felt Arvin slide closer to you and his arm snaked around your shoulders. You tensed as you focused on Hepburn’s waifish voice and offkey plucking of the ukulele. You tried to ignore him as you felt his warm breath and the kiss on your temple made you wince. Your eyes flicked over to the car on the other side of you, then the next. The audience was rapt.

His hand grazed along your skirt and he kissed your cheek. Your heart raced wildly. You wanted to stop him but didn’t know how. And he was so sweet and he did so much for you. He’d brought you all the way here and kept Roy from cracking your head open. Could you really say no?

“I know I said it already,” his hand lingered on the pink fabric, “but this looks wonderful on you.”

“Thank you,” you whispered as you kept your wide eyes on the screen.

“Really, you’re beautiful, honey,” he purred as he nuzzled your throat, “living so close… it’s hard…”

He pushed his hand under your skirt and up between your thighs. He wiggled until you parted your legs and grabbed your chin with his other. He turned you to face him and crushed his lips against yours. He leaned on you until you were flat against the seat and he brought your legs up onto the leather as he held himself over you.

He kissed you even deeper as his fingers tickled over the front of your panties and crawled up to the top. He slipped his hand down the front of your underwear and you whimpered. When he touched you, you were afraid but confused. It felt good, better than anything you’d ever done with Roy.

You gulped and turned your head as you gasped. You grabbed his shoulder and shuddered. His fingers delved between your folds and swirled. You murmured and squeezed his arm.

“Please, I’m-- I’m still married, we can’t--”

He nibbled at your neck and blindly reached up to grab your hand. He gripped the ring on your finger and forced it off and flicked it away. It rolled under the seat as he rasped against your throat.

“He’s gone,” his fingers danced around your clit eagerly, “don’t you understand? I’ll make sure he doesn’t come back, honey.”

“Arvin, I--” you squeaked as the waves swelled and flowed down your legs and you were caught in the tide, “please…”

You closed your eyes, your mind stormed with how wrong it was but your body pulsed with delight. He pushed his fingers further back and the heel of his hand pressed to your bud. He curled his fingers inside of your and you moaned as he rested the weight of his pelvis against his hand. He rocked his touch in time with his hips, as if he was fucking you, and kissed you on the mouth again, swallowing up your desperate cries.

Your legs wrapped around his as you came and you tilted your pelvis as you rode the high. He lifted his head to watch you orgasm and your lashes fluttered as you succumbed to the ecstasy. You squirmed as he slowed his fingers and stilled his hand entirely. You were out of breath as he stopped at last but kept his hand nestled between your legs.

You covered your face with your shaky hand and exhaled deeply. He pulled your hand down and rubbed the tip of his nose against yours.

“I’ll buy you a new ring,” he purred, “a nicer one.”

#Arvin Russell #dark arvin russell #dark!arvin russell #arvin russell x reader #the devil all the time #Of something beautiful but annihilating #series #fic #dark!fic #dark fic

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anawkwardshit · 3 years

Text

I commented on Derivakat’s new song “Doomsday” and got this reply:

Let’s address it.

I disagree with this being more unbiased than “Why,” simply because I don’t believe Doomsday can be considered just punishment at all.

Dream destroyed L’manberg because of his own selfish motivations, God complex, control freak tendencies, and as a way to hurt Tommy more by teaming with people he once trusted to help him and keep him safe, as well as to rub his power into his face.

Techno did it because he was mad at Tommy for “betraying” him, but it’s not a correct view of the situation. Techno literally offered to give him to Dream for the favor while Tommy was right there next to him (how was Tommy supposed to trust him after that?), continued to insist their relationship was only a business transaction until the very end where he admitted that maybe he “might” consider Tommy something of a friend, only let Tommy stay with him and hide as long as Tommy was useful to him in his own goals (ergo, they used each other, and his insisting that Tommy only treated him like a weapon was a hypocritical argument to make when he didn’t treat Tommy much differently from a tool; he could at least respect the fact that they used each other equally), and while Techno insists he made his intentions clear from the start, that is untrue—Tommy’s the one who made his intentions clear, saying he didn’t want to blow up or hurt L’manberg, and Techno simply brushed that aside and insisted they’d talk about that later (Tommy only agreed to “minor terrorism” which we see he doesn’t back out on when he lets Techno spawn a Wither, take Connor hostage, etc). Also, the line “This is what happens when you turn your back on a friend”: this implies that Doomsday is the result of Tommy’s “betrayal,” making Techno’s destruction of L’manberg personal, even if he argued that it was to teach the lesson of a corrupt government, which I think it was a mix of both. Doomsday was partly a “personal grudge,” just like Ghostbur said in “Why” (and I think that’s the least biased thing said in either song when it comes to opinions). As much as I love Techno, we have to admit that he has somewhat of a victim complex, especially what with teaming up with Tommy’s abuser after seeing the effect he’d had on Tommy after exile and then calling what Tommy did “betrayal” even though it could be more realistically considered a conflict of interests. Next to that, he was also angry about his own attempted execution, which is extremely hypocritical considering he executed Tubbo under Schlatt’s orders (the government that he insists he oh-so hates and refuses to bow to, implying that he’ll follow their demands but only if it benefits him (the man has a bloodlust, and we love him for it, but come on)) and didn’t even have the gall to be properly regretful of it (Tubbo can have said he forgave Techno all he wants, but they were in the middle of a rebellion; Tubbo didn’t have the luxury of staying mad at Techno during the time, and he knew it).

Phil was just as bad, too. He said his reasoning was, like you mentioned, government being corrupt, etc. But he also brought up the fact that government made him kill his son as a point to support this claim. The thing about this is, government didn’t make Phil do anything. Phil killed Wilbur, and while one might argue government is what led to Wilbur’s down spiral and death, Phil is still the one who chose to participate in an assisted suicide; pushing blame around doesn’t change the truth. Next to that, we know Wilbur lied to Phil in his letters; Phil admitted he didn’t know Wilbur was on his last life when he stabbed him, meaning that if anyone is to really blame for Wilbur’s death, it’s Wilbur and his lies. If we want to get technical, Wilbur was the one who started the whole government bull when he decided they needed an election for a President so he could assert his “power” and be taken more seriously.

I’m not saying L’manberg is entirely in the right. I don’t really agree with how they handled Phil when he wouldn’t disclose Techno’s location (legally, they shouldn’t have had any right to search his house like they did without a warrant); I don’t agree with their/Tubbo’s exiling of Tommy (especially since he was exiled for an accident when others have committed the same crime on purpose and received no punishment at all); I don’t agree with their system of a Cabinet, which was obviously out of balance and poorly handled. There’s a lot more I could talk about, but you also have to remember that the place was being run by a child soldier; Tubbo was not only a kid but also wanted peace badly enough to a destructive fault, and he tried to keep it by rolling over and simultaneously trying to eradicate any threats, no matter if it wasn’t logical to provoke those threats. I could blather on about the things Tubbo did wrong, too (I wrote a tumblr rant on it), but it is what it is.

I’m also not saying that Phil and Techno (not even gonna count Dream, because we all know he didn’t destroy L’manberg under the idea that government was corrupt) didn’t have any points either. I do think L’manberg was sort of a lost cause near the end there and that the clinging to its crumbling foundation was only gonna end in disaster, but I don’t think Doomsday was the right way to go about it. They didn’t just disassemble a “corrupt government”, they also destroyed people’s homes and killed people who didn’t even have anything to do with the politics of L’manberg (especially if we think of this in a realistic light, such as if canonically L’manberg was inhabited by more than just a few people and instead it was actually a whole community with hundreds of people, but that’s introspection).

Techno and Phil (and Dream) used violence to teach the lesson of “government is corrupt,” but I can’t say it was effective. All they did was teach people that they thought government was corrupt, and because they had the power to tear everything down and nobody could retaliate, everyone had to just lie down and take it. They demonstrated that their views would have to be agreed with simply because no one else could challenge them. No offense, but for an anarchist, Techno is kind of a tyrant (and I’m sorry, but the Syndicate is toeing the line of being a government body).

Conclusively, I simply can’t agree with Doomsday being deserved or just. This POV is just as biased as “Why,” if not more so.

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chordwrites · 3 years

Text

Run Away Part 3

Part 1 Previous

Villain prepared tea for Hero, the newspaper long since tossed aside, though Villain assumed the contents were not forgotten. They were keenly aware of Hero watching every movement they made. Villain maintained a blasé expression, but inside, they concentrated on not spilling anything while considering what Hero thought of their previous selves. They had been hoping for visible horror, or some banter, at least. But Hero hadn’t said or done much of anything since they’d revealed their past.

“Can I ask you something?” Hero asked. There it was.

“You may, though I can’t guarantee I’ll have an answer for you.” Finally.

“You mentioned that you frequently hop from identity to identity. You know, when things get ‘too hard’ or ‘boring.’ So why are you here?”

Disappointing. “I don’t consider taking down the League to be either. In fact, I think it’ll be quite fun.”

“Okay, then what about before? Wasn’t it boring to fight someone so much weaker than you?” Hero spoke the words bitterly, as if angry at themself. Villain didn’t know why, but it annoyed them. Regardless, they’d tried to be moderately forthcoming since taking in Hero, so they might as well continue, for now. Villain handed Hero their tea.

“It’s not boring. It’s different,” Villain said, “Fighting you... it isn’t the rush I usually crave. Since taking on this new identity, I’ve never once experienced that familiar adrenaline coursing through my veins like electricity, or the high of coming out victor after destroying my opponent’s will to fight.” Villain shook their head, staring down at the palms of their hands.

“Typically,” they continued, “that would mean that this identity was a dud. An utter bore. Yet I never felt the urge to move on to the next thing. I felt... content when I was with you. And that’s something I’d never had in all my years of villainy.”

Hero stared again, but their emotions were kept less in-check. Stunned, Villain thought. Understandable. They were a bit stunned themself. “Now it’s your turn. Tell me more about your situation. Why is the League after you?”

“Because they’re evil.”

“Elaborate.” Villain waved their hand expectantly, and Hero clenched their mug tightly.

“It’s all about money and power for them. The League gets funding based on how many people they save and how terrible their fate would’ve been without the League. That means the bastards are actually better off the worst things are. They want, need, all of it. More natural disasters. More threats. More crime.”

Villain hummed dismissively. “I feel that’s common knowledge. Us villains all know it, at least. I really can’t imagine that knowing about their vested interests is enough to put you on their blacklist. And I’m sure I’ve seen a few protests against the way the League operates before.”

“Did you know that most of those protestors have disappeared? The League doesn’t just hope for bad things to happen. They create them. I found evidence of villains being bribed, supers being hired to create “natural” disaster, anyone who questions the League vanishing. Countries and regions who didn’t let the League have jurisdiction saw a sudden spike in crime and disasters until they joined. They’ve orchestrated events that have killed thousands, millions even if you consider it all together. The League might as well be a supervillain organization.”

“And I’m guessing they only want heroes who are fully supportive of this noble plight. Or at least unaware of it. And they definitely don’t want someone with good public relations to speak out against them. Even in your training days, you were well-loved, weren’t you? I suppose it explains them sending you off to die.”

“They’re trying to get rid of me in the way that best suits their image.” Hero’s face was all scrunched up like they’d just smelled something horrible, and Villain couldn’t help but agree with the sentiment.

“That also means that they might get desperate now that you’ve disappeared from their reach. They might be more direct.” Villain could protect Hero here. They knew they could. But there were other factors to consider. “Do you have anyone close to you that they could use against you? Family? Friends?”

“None, besides you. They keep us pretty isolated.”

Villain scowled. Of course they’d kept Hero isolated all this time. Then, it processed. Besides me. Hero considered them to be someone close to them. How sad.

“This isn’t a situation you should be smiling about,” Hero said.

“Pardon? I’m not smiling, am I?” Villain touched their face. They were.

“And it’s not your usual evil smile. It’s sort of... soft, which somehow makes it creepier.”

“Hm, a creepier smile. Maybe I should use it more often, then.”

“You should.”

Villain turned their back on Hero and pretended to clean dishes.

#writing #hero x villain #heroes and villains #flash fiction #snippet #continuation #long post

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knickynoo · 3 years

Note

Gonna regret asking this as soon as you answer, but what do you think Marty would’ve done had doc actually died in the parking lot? Like immediately and beyond? And just to spread the pain around, what would doc have done had Marty died by buford’s hand?

This is another one of those asks that got backlogged. Sorry, anon. I've given some thought to these scenarios, though, and, well...I'm sorry. This is gonna be dark.

Had Doc not heeded Marty's warning and actually died (& assuming Marty re-loading the time machine with plutonium and trying to fix things isn't possible for some reason):

Marty would've continued to sit on the cold ground, sobbing for a long while. Einstein would join him, torn between trying to comfort his young friend and whimpering by Doc, trying to get the man to wake up.

Once the initial flood of tears eases, I could see Marty getting angry. Like, the angriest he's ever been. Screaming at Doc, at himself, and maybe finding things in Doc's truck to throw around and destroy. Then another wave of sadness would hit and he'd break down again.

Eventually, Marty would realize he needed to get moving. Someone was bound to see the fire caused by the Libyans' van and also the truck, DeLorean on the street in town, and the man lying dead in the mall parking lot. He'd know that the police would soon be called and that there would be a lot of questions that he'd rather not have to answer, but Marty would be very hesitant to go. He wouldn't want to leave his best friend. How could he? It would be a betrayal. He'd be a coward to run. Doc wouldn't leave him if the roles were reversed. So he'd stay, shivering in the cold night air, trying to figure out what he'll say. What they'll ask him.

After, he'd find a payphone and call the police himself. Upon their arrival, though, he'd lean into his own hysteria and act like he had no clue what happened. Maybe explain he was Doc's assistant and that he'd been asked to come to the mall but he'd shown up late and found the scene as it was already. When it came down to it, Marty would really be too much of a mess to talk to anyone, and the authorities on the scene would just see a distraught kid who needed to get home.

(There's a lot that could probably be said about how things would unfold once Marty got home, but in the interest of wanting to skip ahead, I'll just say that George and Lorraine would be horrified. Scared out of their minds and confused at what had happened. They'd likely do everything in their power to shield Marty from questions and prying eyes in the weeks that would follow)

Oh, right...on top of Doc being dead and Marty having witnessed it (twice!), he'd also have to deal with the whiplash at his suddenly new family. Which would really not be a good situation.

Things would rapidly fall apart for Marty once the dust settled and the reality of things set in. He'd be dealing with a family who all felt like strangers. He'd have no memories of ever having lived with those people. He wouldn't even be able to talk to Jennifer about anything for fear of sounding crazy and scaring her away. His best friend in the world, the only person who Marty felt truly understood him, was gone.

I think some pretty significant PTSD would be likely. Marty would have constant nightmares of Doc getting killed. Of trying and failing over and over to save him. And even with his loving, supportive parents doing all they can, it wouldn't be enough. Marty wouldn't feel a real connection to them or want their help. He wouldn't want Jennifer's help. He'd just want Doc back. He'd torture himself with thoughts of what he could have done differently that night he left 1955 or upon his arrival back to '85. He'd blame himself entirely for not trying hard enough. Not being smart enough or brave enough to have done something to save Doc.

Things would only be made worse as rumors swirled around town. Doc would be solidified as a villain in Hill Valley. A crazy, dangerous man who drew terrorists to their quiet little town and almost got a teenager killed. Marty would have to listen to whispers of people's theories as to what happened that night and hear them express their relief that Doc was no longer around to cause them any trouble. People would shoot Marty sideways glances, either looking down on him for having been acquainted with the deranged scientist or holding pity for him. Classmates would harass and taunt him, wanting to know what happened. Wanting to hear the "real story".

All the while, Marty is consumed by a grief he's unable to escape. He'd probably go one of two ways. Too depressed to function, he'd sort of withdraw entirely from life. Break up with Jennifer, shut his family out, abandon his music, etc. He'd see no real point in trying to make a good life for himself and be too anxious to ever move out of his comfort zone. On the other hand, he could give in to his anger and swing the other way, becoming self-destructive and sabotaging his future--drinking, dropping out of school, and using his fists to deal with any peers who dare to say a bad word about Doc. Either way, he'd be upset at himself because he'd know Doc would want better for him. Expect better of him. But he wouldn't be able to pull himself together because he'd be so stuck having convinced himself Doc's death was his fault.

Where would all of this leave our dear Marty as the years pass? I'm not sure. He'd either spiral totally beyond reach or eventually hit rock bottom and realize that he had to let go of all the sadness and anger and live up to all the potential Doc was always saying he had. At that point, though, he would have lost years to his grief, so getting his life together would be difficult. And...yeah.

That was lovely, wasn't it? Doc's turn!

Had Marty actually been killed by Buford (again assuming using time travel to fix things isn't an eventual option):

I feel like, initially, Doc would skip right past the devastated/crying phase and go immediately to a level of anger he'd never felt before. Do you remember how he acted when Buford was harassing Clara at the dance, especially when she was pushed down? Remember how it took 3 of Buford's guys to hold Doc back?? Yeah, well, take that and multiply it a couple of times.

I think it's quite possible that Doc would attempt to take Buford down right there, which likely wouldn't end well for him. But he wouldn't even care. He was heartbroken already over Clara and then his best friend in the world is killed in front of him. All rational parts of Doc would be gone. And seeing as Buford is, you know, dangerously unhinged and has his little posse with him, Doc might end up getting himself killed a minute or two later as well. In which case...well, that would be the end of this scenario. He and Marty would end up buried next to each other in the Old West.

If Doc somehow managed to survive an encounter with Buford, or if he didn't confront him at all because he was in such a state of shock, I think he'd resign himself to a quiet, lonely life in the 1880s. I'm not sure if he'd stay in town and work as a blacksmith. Maybe? If he wanted the distraction? But he also might move away to a little house and just live off the land.

Not sure how Clara would factor in, assuming she'd return to town to find Doc after getting off her train. I don't know if Doc would push her away, wanting to be totally alone in his misery or if he would cling to her.

Doc would be dealing with a lot of guilt. He'd decide that he was responsible for Marty's death. After all, he'd made the decision to stay in the saloon all night, and Marty had to then track him down. Then he'd taken that shot and passed out, costing them valuable time they could have otherwise used to be well on their way to the train. They could have avoided Buford altogether if it weren't for him, Doc would conclude, and in his mind, he'd essentially forced Marty to have to face the man.

Doc might eventually settle into a routine and go about living his life, but I don't know that he'd ever recover from the crushing guilt he'd feel. Losing Marty would shatter him. Marty was the first person to reach out to him, even with all the rumors and disdain other residents of the town threw his way. Marty liked and accepted him for who he was, something no one else had ever truly done. Marty brought so much good into his life, and in exchange, Doc had done all he could to be there for and protect his young friend--to help him see his own potential. But he couldn't protect Marty, and that failure would hurt more deeply than every other one combined.

Basically, I think that Doc would just lose part of himself after losing Marty. Even if he married Clara and had Jules and Verne and ended up with a nice life, he'd always feel the absence of his friend. He wouldn't ever fully be "Doc" again--more of a subdued, more serious version of himself.

I could see him holding it together for the most part, being a family man, all that stuff. But then he'd have moments where he'd find himself alone and just fall apart. And just to make things extra sad for anyone who's read this far, I imagine Doc taking very frequent trips to wherever Marty is buried, laying a few flowers down, and staying there for hours, crying, praying, talking to himself, or just sitting in silence.

Well. Anyway.

Thanks for the ask?

#back to the future #bttf #marty mcfly #doc brown #asks #anon you said you would regret your ask and I want to know if you do lol

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s-serendipit-y · 3 years

Text

dating - protagonist edition

a/n- spoilers!!! cursing in shuichi’s part (miu)

——— makoto naegi

i don’t even know how to say this

he would be a perfect boyfriend

well - not technically perfect but you get what i’m saying.

he would always be there for you

he would alway try to get anything you wanted or needed.

and makoto would be pretty bummed if he couldn’t.

i feel like he would prefer to have little pda in the relationship

probably only hand holding, hugging and maybe kisses on the cheek.

for cuddling he’d like to be the little spoon, but feels like he should be the big spoon.

but you can just reassure him that it’s okay to be held :)

unless you want to be held you guys can switch.

or if you don’t want to be touched when you sleep he can work with that too.

if you two are dating during the killing game he would be protective over you.

if anyone try to make accusations that you were the blackened he wasn’t going to allow that.

“where were you s/o? i don’t recall seeing you anywhere during the time of the murder.” - byakuya

“oh um they were in my dorm, with me” - makoto

“the adults we’re talking naegi.” -byakuya

he doesn’t even mind lying for you

hell, if he could get executed for you to survive he would in a heartbeat.

also you would at least have to get along with kyoko and aoi

those are his close friends and if you guys don’t get along. that could be a dealbreaker.

also makoto would hate fighting with you

and would try to avoid it at all costs.

unless you talk bad about his friends

or if during the killing game, you start to give into despair

or support the game

but overall he would be a great boyfriend

and would do anything, even dying, for you

——— hajime hinata

ah, the reserve course student.

if you’re an ultimate he’s very confused on why you’d want to hang out with him.

or even date him.

but after some time of thinking he really loves being with you.

but if you’re not an ultimate he feels like he could relate to you more.

unless you don’t go to hope’s peak academy

if you two happen to get together during the killing game, he would be extremely protective over you.

especially during the class trials

if there’s even a slim piece of evidence that points towards you he would deny it

until the evidence is irrefutable

“s/o wasn’t these yours? there is no doubt, s/o is the blackened.” - peko

“that doesn’t prove anything, it just says she was in that room. like all of us were.” - hajime

he would definitely prefer to be the big spoon while cuddling

hajime is also known to be pretty blunt so he isn’t afraid to call you out on your lying

unless it for a good cause of the class trial.

but if you’re talking bad about yourself

his isn’t allowing that

“don’t talk about yourself like that s/o. you’re amazing and i love everything about you.”

hajime would probably only trust you to investigate with him.

or he would ask you to guard the bodies so no one can tamper with the evidence

you two would stay in each other’s cottages

he claims it’s to keep to both safe but in reality it also because he likes being around you.

hajime wouldn’t mind pda in my opinion

especially if you’re a ultimate and he’s in the reserve course

it show that your happy to be with him

and he’s happy to be with you too :)

——— kaede akamastu

well technically she’s not a protagonist

because of well- chapter one.

but let’s just forget that

kaede would be an amazing girlfriend

she would always support you in be in your corner

if you shy and withdrawn she’ll definitely tries to help you be more social

whether that’s a good or bad thing is up to you

but she just wants what’s best for you to help you get out of your shell.

if you two are dating during the killing game she would like it if you slept in her room

or her in yours

it’s a way to protect each other

shuichi is definitely jealous

but nevertheless you and shuichi get along

you two would spend time with each other in your ultimate labs

she would also tell you about how shuichi thinks the mastermind is one of the students

you would help the two find out who the mastermind is

brushing past the fact she died from it

you would help her during class trials but your not a detective like someone

kaede would also hate fighting with you

and she would only back down if she thought it was a pointless fight.

but if you were deliberately holding up the trial or talking about shuichi in a bad way

she would be very angry with you

but if you can give her a valid enough reason she’ll be fine again

or else she just need some time to herself.

however she loves playing piano for you

it’s her favorite past time besides cuddling

on the topic of cuddling, i feel like she would like to face each other and just hold you in her arms

or her in yours

but i think that she would be a good girlfriend and would only want what’s best for you.

——— shuichi saihara

oh boy

it would take him some time to get comfortable in you relationship

like he wouldn’t have gotten into a relationship with you if he wasn’t close with you

but this was different than a platonic relationship

he’s shy with affection it he’s okay with minimal pda

sometimes if you really beg he might give in to giving you an actual kiss on the lips

but then he has to deal with hearing his friends

“that’s my sidekick! “ - kaito

“you guys are definitely fucking, are they good in bed?” - miu

“i’m really proud of you shuichi!” - kaede

with cuddling i feel like he would prefer to be the little spoon at first

like when he would still use his cap to avoid people’s gaze

but after gaining some confidence due to his friends he would be more open to being the bigger spoon.

also it would be almost impossible to hide things from him

he’s the ultimate detective, even if he doesn’t want to admit it.

so his deduction skill are amazing and if you’re feeling down he’ll do his best to help you

if it’s during the killing game, he would ask if you want to train with him, kaito, and maki.

also as seen in the game, he doesn’t have a problem lying during the trials for someone he cares about.

especially if he knows your innocent.

also i don’t think he’d get that jealous

mostly insecure

like he loves being with you and doesn’t want to loose you to anyone

but he does think you could do better :,(

he won’t ever admit to you though

he doesn’t want you to see him like that.

also he doesn’t mind if you take his hat when it’s the two of you

if you do it in public he might be annoyed

but you two wouldn’t really fight

if he’s mad at you he would keep it to himself until he felt better

unless you force his hand and kept jabbing at him

but in all honesty, he really really cares about you

and would do anything in his capability to make you happy.

#danganronpa x reader #danganronpa imagines #danganronpa headcanons #shuichi x reader #makoto naegi x reader #hajime hinata x reader #kaede akamatsu x reader #v3 x reader #dr2 x reader #dr1 x reader

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findingjoynweirdstuff · 3 years

Text

Dream SMP Recap (January 14/2021) - Dawn of an Empire

While the day is at first full of happy bonding moments with Techno and Ranboo, and Tubbo continues work on Snowchester, things take a turn for the sorrowful as Puffy questions her stance in the server’s conflicts and wonders what it truly means to be a knight.

Later, Badboyhalo gathers a Roundtable on the Crimson together to discuss matters concerning the containment of the Egg, and the future of the Badlands.

Now that L’manburg has fallen, it might be time to take a step forward into a new age.

It’s the spark of a new alliance.

The rise...

Of the Eggpire.

---

- Dream whispers to Techno that he’s currently living at his mysterious house far away.

- Techno comes up with a plan to name his dogs after donators.

- Dream also tells Tubbo he’ll kill him soon. (Uncertain if the things he said are jokes or serious)

- Ranboo gives Techno the axe that he made to replace the Axe of Peace.

- Ranboo tells Techno that he’s planning on going off to find another Woodland Mansion

- Techno’s dogs kill Edward. Rest in Peace.

- Tubbo goes to collect ice from the ice biome for Snowchester

- Ranboo shows Techno the stronghold.

- They then set off through the Nether on another roadtrip. Apparently, Techno still has some plans that may involve some violence in the future.

- They reach the Woodland Mansion and loot it.

- They then commit some mild arson, then head back.

- Techno says goodbye. Ranboo now has three more Totems -- three extra lives!

- Puffy looks out at the L’manburg Crater, saddened by all the loss and destruction. She’s unsure of where her loyalties lie.

She considered Techno and Dream her friends -- and her duckling! But can she really support someone who did this?

“Right now, this castle is a hollow nothing...it’s just a title...There’s no consequence, ever. It just happens, and people just get sad, and they have to suffer their feelings and move on...We need safety, we need security, and happiness. We can’t live in fear.”

“To Dream, my duckling...I might be a villain. I don’t wanna be, but it’s what needs to happen. I might have to sacrifice...”

She questions what her duty is as a knight of the SMP, and starts to write her statements in a book.

“Sometimes being a hero to others comes at the consequence of being a villain to those who you hold closest.”

- She goes to destroy the cottage she made for Dream.

“I did this ‘cause he didn’t have a home...and everybody, no matter how cold, or violent, or angry, or maybe even unforgiving they may be... Everyone deserves a home, a place they can go to at night to feel comfortable and safe.”

- She burns it down. A lot of the non-flammable blocks remain, though.

- Puffy starts listening to “TNT” by CaptainSparklez and TryHardNinja as she explodes the rest of the house with TNT.

- In the explosion, though, she exposes Dream’s old house as well (as it was directly below the cottage) and blows some of it up by accident, instantly regretting it.

She’s very surprised that she built a whole new home for Dream right on top of his old base without even knowing it was there.

- She decides it was a happy accident, and now Dream is fully homeless. She still puts everything back in the chests, though, to clean up.

- She finds in one of the old chests an abandoned copy of “Blocks” and decides to keep it. It isn’t Tommy’s canon disc, but she decides to give it meaning anyway.

“This disc might not have started canon...but it’s canon now...Red, because of all the bloodshed and wars that have been waged over them.”

- She goes back to the crater as it starts to rain and thunder, and questions whether she should keep the disc or burn it. Or perhaps give it to Tommy?

- Puffy decides that she has sympathy for Tommy. Sure, Tommy’s made mistakes, but he’s young and has been exiled twice now! He’s already paid for the things he’s done enough. Does he really deserve all of this? And poor Tubbo as well, being put in such a tough position, leading a country.

- She decides that the Glitch Cube can be her panic room for the time being.

- She goes to the Castle, thinking about how useless it is. It’s just a symbol with no real meaning behind it. Not by the fault of Eret, but because Dream calls all the shots. Eret is the king, but has zero control.

- Puffy then looks at the ruins of the Community House. Who’s to say it wasn’t Dream who did it? How do they know it was really Tommy?

- She thinks that when somebody’s made mistakes, you have to be there for them and help them grow instead of just exiling them and leaving them alone to rot. Tommy’s suffered enough consequences for his actions. He doesn’t need to be blamed anymore.

- She wonders why Techno can spawn thirty withers and not be exiled, but all Tommy does is grief George’s house a little and he gets sent miles away? There’s a double standard.

She believes in justice, not cruelty. And exile is cruelty.

- Skeppy comes online and she gets into the Skeppy Maid skin, as one does.

- Puffy goes to set up a beacon in her base. She creates it using one of the stars she got from the Doomsday withers.

- Puffy then gets a pet spider named Peter Parkour.

- Bad comes online and Puffy shows him her Catboy Skeppy outfit.

- Puffy also gets a slime pet and names it Jream.

- Later, Bad comes online to gather a roundtable about the Egg. Punz, Puffy and Ant come online to join in. As Bad refers to them, the “Egg People.”

- Bad begins the meeting by saying that the Egg has become a problem. What is there to be done?

He also mentions the carnage that took place in L’manburg. They quarantined the Egg and kept it from spreading its Vines across the server.

Bad proposes that instead of keeping the Egg contained...they break the containment and allow it to spread again.

- Ant insists that Bad must be corrupted somehow, while Bad claims that Skeppy has been cleansed of the Egg’s influence and that whole situation is just a matter of getting him back to normal.

- Bad seems convinced that L’manburg being gone has something to do with them keeping the Egg contained.

- Bad likes that L’manburg is gone, but it’s problematic that there’s so much chaos coming from Dream and other members of the SMP. He wanted L’manburg to remain a source of conflict, and now the Badlands lacks a consistent source of chaos for the server since Dream blew it up.

And he thinks that the Egg is just the right amount of chaos that is needed.

- Punz and Puffy, the Dream SMP faction members, both think Bad has lost it. What about peace? Who knows what the Egg could do?

- Bad points out that the Egg isn’t in the Badlands. It’s in the heart of the Dream SMP.

If they let the Vines spread, it would give the Badlands an opportunity to take control with the one other large remaining faction weakened.

- Puffy loves the Vines, but she wants the peace to remain. Bad says that peace is never going to happen with the Egg’s power being concentrated in an isolated chamber. The potency of its influence will only grow.

- Bad suggests they look at the Egg to prove a point.

- He asks the Dream SMP members what they want, since he’s already made a case for the Badlands.

Punz says that he’s “factionless...”

- The entire Egg Room is completely covered, and new growths seem to have appeared on the Egg. Its power is so concentrated that even Punz, who had before always had immunity to its effects, says that he’s starting to feel something.

- “Little Red,” the pet Vine that Ponk has in his Casino, has “flowered” and...turned green?

Ponk apparently poured holy Twitch Prime water on it.

- They go back to the Roundtable and Bad asks if Puffy and Punz want to join the Badlands.

He says that he has a long-term plan, and that if Punz and Puffy join them in their forces? They could easily take over all of the Badlands territory.

He proposes they let the Egg go and wipe out the entire portion of the Dream SMP while the Badlands searches for a counter to it. They come in after the chaos, clear the Egg with their methods, being the “saviors,” and

TAKE OVER THE ENTIRETY OF THE DREAM SMP TERRITORY, FORMING THE BADLANDS EMPIRE.

- Puffy says that she thinks Bad is turning into a tyrant. Bad says that he wants the Badlands to be a collective, all with equal say in the government instead of one ruler controlling everything. All the factions with one ruler have faced issues.

- Punz says that he’s willing to work towards chaos. He supports the idea that Bad has. Bad suggests that if Punz and Puffy agree, the Badlands can incorporate Punz’s territory and Puffy’s temple. Punz and Puffy are not a part of the Badlands faction, just part of the incorporated territories of the Empire.

- Bad wants an Empire name.

---

He declares that the Formation between the Badlands, Punz and Puffy shall henceforth be known as:

THE EGGPIRE

“Let’s let chaos reign over the Dream SMP.”

---

- They go down to the Egg Room to destroy the barriers keeping it in.

“Eggcellent.”

As they destroy it, Bad says he’s grown fond of the way the Vines look. Wouldn’t it look nice if these spread all over the server?

He wonders if Sam would be in agreement with this.

Puffy is still having a few doubts, but Bad insists that all this current chaos will be in the name of achieving eventual peace once all other faction conflicts have been wiped away.

- What’s the best place to plant the seed of the Vines?

Badboyhalo suggests the Crater.

The Ruins of L’manburg.

- Puffy thinks they all should have protected L’manburg. Punz hesitates...he says he “tried his best to help,” but that they should move on and upgrade the Crater with a little floral decoration.

- They head to the Crater and begin planting seeds of the Crimson all around the L’manburg Flag at the bedrock.

- Badboyhalo believes that, once they take complete control...

It will be the ultimate utopia.

- All they need to do now is convince Sam to go along with the idea. Punz suggests that they get him to go down into the Egg Room without a Prime Suit on.

- The egg puns are getting out of hand. This is an issue.

- Lastly, they gather together, the members of the new Eggpire, in the Church of Prime.

- Puffy still feels that she’s the only voice of reason, and wonders whether she’ll have to warn the others about the Badlands’ plan.

- Once he’s stepped away from the other members, Bad reveals that underneath his disguise, his red has been drained away to gray and white just like the Egg did to his statue. He doesn’t want the others to know yet, but thinks Antfrost was close to catching on.

- Meanwhile, Puffy continues to write in the Captain’s Log -- her journal from earlier. She is very concerned about these new developments.

---

Upcoming Events:

- Futuristic Tales From the SMP Episode

- Tommy’s plan to kill Dream

- The eventual reveal of Pandora’s Vault

#dream smp #dream smp recaps #long posts

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vagrantblvrd · 3 years

Text

The AU where Anakin doesn’t dramatically die on the second Death Star, right?

Luke is like, well, medical treatment is a thing. Comes in hand-y, get it dad? Hand-y?

Anyway.

Luke ~sneaks about getting Anakin medical treatment, some nonsense about “Hey, so. How does one treat electrocution? Asking for a friend,” and other such things.

Some doctor somewhere being, “Oh, well, if it’s for a friend...” and then gives Luke all the information and whatnot he’ll need, and also does this friend of his need life support equipment???

Anyway.

For Plot Reasons Anakin doesn’t die over Endor and Luke is trying to get supplies - he just got this rad new shuttle to fly - the Emperor won’t mind if he borrows it - oh, man. Is it too soon?

Anyway.

One of the Rebels who was on the mission to destroy the shield generator is like, “Vader’s dead, is he?”

Because Luke said so, and also the funeral pyre with his armor and hahaha, why would he ask that?

Weird, right?

Friend I found on the Death Star being held a a prisoner for many years who I then rescued because hero, don’t you think that’s a weird question to ask?

Anakin who is hooked up to many life-saving machines until Luke can get him somewhere to get replacements for the Vader suit as what the Emperor fried while trying to kill them is just.

“Hello, Rex.”

And Luke being, omg, DAD, at least pretend to go along with Luke’s terrible ruse for like. A whole minute, pls.

This fraught moment where Luke isn’t sure what’s going to happen because clearly these two know one another and there’s so much anger and hurt and betrayal in Rex and his dad is this sucking pit of shame and guilt and misery, self-loathing and -

“OKAY, WELL. Unless you’re about to kill him - us - we have places to be. Specifically not here.”

Because everything is celebrations and relief and so on? But also Imperial ships and forces and Alliance forces and so much could go wrong so fast and Luke would like to get his dad somewhere safe before people figure out his deception and brand him as a traitor or whatever and anyway

Does Rex wanna come with?

He gets looks from Anakin and Rex at that and shrugs because hey, no one’s dead yet.

And aside from a few notable exceptions dead people can’t answer whatever questions others might have for him, and anyway, anyway.

Rex sighs, this tired little smile on his face as he looks at Anakin. “He’s definitely your kid.”

Which.

What? But it gets an equally tired smile from Anakin, this sadness to it but also this flicker of pride and Luke escapes to start the pre-flight before he cries, again, and anyway.

Rex joins him up front and offers up somewhere they can go. Friends of his - might not be glad to see Anakin, but they’ll listen to Rex, and so off they go to, idk, someplace clone troopers set up a place for themselves.

(Because I need there to be more of those bastards out there after the mess of Order 66 and other nonsense okay.)

They get Anakin set up with new life-support suit or whatever, one that’s not horrible and awful and a goddamned gift from the monster who created Darth Vader, and anyway. (I may have feelings on the matter.)

Luke avoids calls from Leia and Han and everyone if he can, and when he can’t tells them he’s fine, really, just. Jedi stuff. Feels guilty as hell but he knows Leia can’t handle he truth of it just yet and technically it kind of is Jedi stuff,because Anakin.

Ben visits every so often and Luke pretends he doesn’t know his father was crying afterwards, but after a while he’s so relieved he could cry when he realizes his father didn’t cry in talking to Ben.

(He does, though. Luke cries so much, but conveniently wherever they ended up is in the rainy season and Rex just pats him on the shoulder when Luke comes in and gives him a solemn nod, and anyway. Yes.)

It’s like. Not Done, this whole Vader Thing of Anakin’s, he’s done so many terrible things and all that? But he finds a way to make peace with that, or whatever the proper term is I don’t even know at this point, okay, just.

You know.

Also, though, also.

All the information he knows, or knows how to get his - or any Alliance Intelligence agents - hands on.

Things he gives to Luke or whoever to pass on to the right hands, help the Alliance, and then the New Republic root out the Imperial remnants before they can pose a threat to the fragile peace being built in the Empire’s fall, and so on.

Luke just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and tells anyone who questions where he got the information it’s from the prisoner he rescued and so forth and so on. (Rex backs him up, and his position in the Alliance’s ranks lends Luke more credibility, and anyway. Yes.)

Eventually though, Luke can’t just hide out for forever with his dad and his dad’s old war friends, and also Leia would hunt him to the end of the galaxy if she doesn’t see him soon, and.

Anakin more or less boots him out of the little homestead or compound or whatever it is where they are, tells him to come visit but really, get out, son.

So Luke does.

Tells Leia he’s fine, he’ll tell her what everything was about and such, but. Later, you know? Later.

She lets it go because other business to deal with and anyway, Luke’s gallivanting about and gets ambushed by a Togruta with twin lightsabers who nearly takes his head off before she asks how Rex is doing and has Anakin gotten over himself yet, and also, Luke might want towork on his form a bit.

Which, you know, hi, hello, who the hell are you? But more politely worded and Luke gives Ahsoka the commlink number? address?? whatever??? to contact Anakin.

Hopefully she understands why he didn’t just give her the coordinates to their location, what with nearly taking off Luke’s head and all.

Ahsoka laughs, and does the shoulder pat thing Rex does to him, says, “You’re your dad’s kid alright,” which.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

Anyway.

More adventuring about, Ashoka ambushing him every so often. Payback, she tells him, for everything Anakin ever put her through - before Everything - she’s quick to clarify, tired smile on her face and Luke understands, but dear God is he so tired of seeing these people who are so important to him looking like that?

ANYWAY.

Some more adventuring about and then this SOS call through the Force and an Imperial light cruiser and this sad panda Mandalorian and.

“Okay, you? You’re coming with.”

And since Luke doesn’t actually have a spot for his school yet and he doesn’t know where this Mandalorian calls home he’s like. “I know a place.”

Anakin and Rex share this look when the shuttle Luke borrowed lands at their little hideaway and Luke comes out with this tiny green gremlin kid toddling after him and this sad panda Mandalorian trailing behind them, and really, the family resemblance has never been stronger, you know?

ANYWAY.

Din and Grogu and Luke trying to figure out how to juggle this whole...Thing.

Anakin never feels comfortable giving Luke advice, because talk about bad role models?

But.

Anakin was raised to follow the old Jedi Order’s rules and whatnot and Vader came of it. (Maybe not the sole reason, but the Order was definitely a factor.)

Also, also.

Anakin doting on Grogu and being his best partner in crime - :D smile when Din comes looking for his tiny green gremlin kid and finds him with Luke’s dad and they’ve both been Up To Something but there’s never any proof, and anyway, yes.

(Also, also. Luke and Anakin bonding over working on this old speeder that’s never run right, or Luke’s X-wing - and okay, yes, maybe someone finds an old Y-wing or something and there are “training exercises” in which everyone takes bets on which Skywalker wins this time and Luke actually hears his dad laugh for the first time and it’s pretty awesome okay.)

But also Boba Fett and Fennec and the whanot finding them and Drama and Boba being like, “Always hated Vader anyway,” and Luke being like !!! but also huh, and Din is like NO.

Because the whole reason Boba and Fennec are even there is because of Bo-Katan and the whole Darksaber business and c’mon, dude, you can’t avoid your duties forever, nice as it might seem.

Anyway.

Anakin looking at his kid who is totally in love with the leader of Mandalore and then at Obi-Wan who is off to the side trying so freaking hard not to laugh, and anyway.

Yes.

(But also, okay, also. Luke trying to tell Leia that hey, their dad’s kind of not dead? And she’s angry - every right to be - and upset and neither of them expect her to do anything, just. They didn’t to keep it from her anymore and more than that she deserved to know, and anyway.

One day, you know. One day she makes a trip out to this hideaway Luke told her about that one time. There’s yelling and crying and not everything is resolved, but. It’s a start and more than Anakin ever thought he’d get and. Yes.)

Also, also.

Anakin and Rex and whoever else going to check out this school Luke is building on Mandalore, Ben beinng like “Oh,” because Luke and Din are like, they found some things he might care to see, and everyone leaves him with old journals or whatever from Duchess Satine and Anakin and Rex wait for him outside, and just, yes.

Basically good, nice things for everyone because I need it today, so yes. /o\

#star wars nonsense #dinluke #technically not a fic #vagrant fic #long post #¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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