#Demotivated Review | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vettelsvee · 1 month

Text

SO... YOU'RE LEAVING? | Sebastian Vettel

f1 masterlist | history series masterlist | season 1

summary: diana is about to finish her third year of university, which means that she has to say goodbye to seb for now... especially after she realizes that yes, she might be in love with red bull's golden boy

word count: 4319

warnings: not actually! first seb and di "date", and last chapter with them just being the happy friends they seemed to be. pay attention to future chapters' trigger warnings because there will be many of them that might be hard to read for some of you

taglist: [@theseerbetweenus @annewithaneofthegreengable @vincentvanshoe @formulaonebuff @roisinivy] if you wanna be tagged in each part just tell me in the comments <3

a/n: the best is about to come omg. i'm so happy and so scared at the same time because the next two chapters are gonna be THE ONES (everything is going to hell)

feedback, as well as reblogs and comments, are truly appreciated!

2009

Spanish Grand Prix Circuit de Barcelona-Catalunya, Spain

May 9th Saturday

It was Friday, the day of free practice sessions, and the circuit in Montmeló was bustling with activity.

Diana was in one of the quieter corners of the paddock, near a catering area. The table in front of her was cluttered with textbooks, notes and an open laptop displaying several documents, all filled with complex formulas that would be completely indecipherable to anyone without at least some knowledge of Mechanical Engineering even for the blonde-haired girl, who was already halfway through her university studies and, unfortunately, becoming increasingly demotivated.

Amidst the mix of noises from fans, journalists and engines, Wagner was engrossed in trying to review all the content she had learned since March. She was tackling problems that seemed to make no sense while taking small sips of her iced coffee, lovingly prepared by the girl who was serving her. Valentina, she thought her name tag said.

The morning progressed, so did her study session. The girl hadn't noticed, but when she did, it was already two-thirty in the afternoon. The pain in her head was so intense that she just wanted to stop and take a well-deserved break. Her ambition, however, made her want to keep her head down and push through to ensure that the results were better than they already were.

Sebastian, after finishing the first free practice session, wasted no time in rushing out as soon as he stepped out of his vehicle. Still in his racing suit and his helmet resting under his arm, the German headed out for a walk, hoping to grab something to eat that didn't involve vegetables without his trainer, Edward, catching him red-handed.

He just wanted to clear his head before the second practice session, but his mind played against him again as he spotted a familiar figure.

The Red Bull Racing intern was sitting at a slightly secluded table. Her blonde hair, slightly tousled, fell over her shoulders, while her gaze was absorbed by the screen of a laptop, although occasionally she would glance down at some papers in front of her, covering the entire surface.

Sebastian knew Diana had been studying hard for weeks, but things seemed to have gotten worse. They had spent a lot of time together for Sebastian to know perfectly well that Diana Wagner was the epitome of academic excellence and perfection. She studied on every flight and free hour she had, regardless of where she was, who she was with, and what noise surrounded her. Every time she had a gap, she used it to get ahead with her studies or any work assigned to her due to her "job" situation.

The boy was afraid to approach the girl because he didn't want to bother her, but much to his regret, he decided to do so when he heard, from just a couple of meters behind her, her murmurs of frustration and, surely, overwhelm. After a brief greeting that startled her, making her even jump slightly in her seat, her eyes met the pilot's:

"Seb! Hey, I didn't expect to see you here."

The girl greeted him with a smile, setting her pen aside and closing her electronic device. Her eyes filled with excitement upon seeing Sebastian, who had caught her off guard: she didn't expect to see him there, especially with the second practice of the day scheduled to start in less than an hour.

"I'm doing some exercises to review all the content for the exam I have on Monday," the Austrian explained, pointing to the pile of notes on the table. "I'm a little nervous, and I'm studying everything in Catalan, so sorry if I say a word you don't understand..."

"It's tough being multilingual, isn't it?" Vettel said ironically, trying to change the subject to help the young woman forget about her studies. "You know German, English, Spanish, and, from what I can see, Catalan," he enumerated with his fingers. "Any more languages?"

"No," she quickly replied, "but I'd like to learn to speak a language you don't know so I can say things to you without you knowing what I'm saying."

After saying that, Diana quickly got up from her seat to approach her friend, taking him by the arm and kissing him on the cheek. Although it was somewhat contradictory on Sebastian's part, who hadn't been completely honest with the twenty-something, they had gotten used to this type of greeting. Sometimes desperation gnawed at him because their lips ended up so close to each other that, let's not deny it, he had been about to try to kiss her on more than one occasion.

"I don't know Spanish," the boy complained. "The only things I know are gracias, lo siento, and no."

"Perfect, although no is an universal word," Diana responded in perfect Spanish. "Anything else?"

"Te quiero," he told her with horrible pronunciation. "Is that right?"

Diana laughed, completely ignoring him as her cheeks turned a much too bright red, which, out of nowhere, had begun to embarrass her a lot. Sebastian simply lowered his gaze and regretted the last thing he had said.

He had to stop being an idiot not for Hanna or for Di, but for himself.

"I'm sure you'll do great on the exam," he resumed the previous conversation, more nervous than he had expected. "You work hard day in and day out. In fact, sometimes, more than Rocky, I hear you reciting things that make no sense."

The blonde nodded. However, a feeling of doubt and, at the same time, guilt, invaded her.

"I hope so," she replied sincerely. "The first year of university was really tough for me. I had trouble with some subjects," she confessed, "and I even had to retake exams because I failed more than I would have liked."

"And now look where you are. You don't have to worry so much about this, Di," the boy replied. "You're intelligent, and you're capable of this and much more. Trust me: everything is going to be better than you think."

Despite his reassuring words, the blonde noticed that the lack of confidence persisted in the eyes of the girl in front of him.

"When do you have exams?" the boy wanted to know. "Are you going to continue with us, or...?"

"No, not for now… I mean, not for the moment," Diana clarified before Seb could finish speaking. "I'll stay here, in Barcelona," she said with determination, although deep down, it made her sad. "I start on Monday, and with that and the final project submissions for the end of the semester, Helmut suggested that I should stay home and focus on my studies."

Sebastian nodded, understanding what the girl meant. He was relieved that she was staying in the city where she grew up but, at the same time, he was a little disheartened because he didn't know exactly how long he would see her.

Diana Wagner had become a fundamental part of his life, and although he knew they would talk every day as they had been doing since the beginning of that season, it wouldn't be the same as being able to spend physical time with her.

Although maybe it would help him to set aside his obsession and start focusing a little more on his girlfriend, whom he seemed to have neglected in his mind and feelings.

"Di, seriously, you shouldn't worry so much," the blonde insisted again with a smile. "I've been seeing you study more and more, especially in recent weeks."

"That's what I told you before, Seb. I don't want to fail again. I can't disappoint my father..."

Sebastian could hear how his friend's voice trembled after mentioning the man who gave her life. He didn't know if it was exhaustion, overwhelm, or how undervalued she felt in those moments: Vettel had no doubt that Diana was on the verge of a mental breakdown and needed to get out of the loop of physics, mathematics, and engineering as soon as possible.

He hated that Diana was so insecure. If only she knew her worth...

"We all have tough times, Di, but that doesn't define who we are, what we're capable of, and certainly not our worth as a person," he tried to clarify, putting his hands on her shoulders as he looked her in the eyes.

The blonde smiled gratefully at him, although she still carried that persistent concern on her shoulders. Studying was the only thing she had had under control in her life, but her desire to give up was growing stronger when she had to face an increase in the difficulty of the material and the multiple rejections she received for being a woman trying to live a "man's life."

"Why don't you leave this for a while, and we go for lunch?" Seb suddenly suggested.

Diana glanced at the makeshift library that had been created on the metal table, not entirely sure of what she should do.

"I'm not sure if it's the best idea, Seb. I have so much to study and review..."

Sebastian, however, wasn't going to take no for an answer: carefully, he began to tidy up the chaos the girl had created, trying to organize the neatly numbered notes and the books, as if they were treasures.

"Your studies can wait a bit," he muttered as he dismantled all the mess. "A meal with me, before Free Practice 2, can't."

"Okay, Seb. You win again."

The driver smiled triumphantly and immediately tried to pack Diana's belongings as best as he could into his backpack. Then, he extended his hand to her, which she gladly took, and they headed towards one of the nearby restaurants.

In the end, lack of time consumed them, so they ended up sharing a salad in the Red Bull hospitality area. Although it was filled with a positive and welcoming atmosphere, the somewhat curious looks focused on them bothered them, especially Sebastian, who knew they were already speculating in their heads about whether he had ended his relationship with his girlfriend.

Couldn't a boy and a girl just be friends?

"I've been watching Formula 1 since I can remember. My favorite has always been, and will be, Michael. I hope he returns someday."

The blonde took a sip of her water bottle and smiled nostalgically. To her surprise, she ended up telling the German more than she had intended, and she had given a much longer account than she had time for about her parents, her sister, and the majority of her family members who, luckily, no longer seemed to be.

"My mother died when I was 14," Wagner recounted carefully as she remembered the image of her deceased mother. "It was a very difficult time for our family, so my father suddenly decided that moving to Spain was the best thing to start over and distance ourselves from the pain."

Sebastian didn't know what to say. He had a lump in his throat, and all he wanted to do was run away from there.

"I'm sorry, Di."

"No, don't be," she replied kindly, swallowing back the tears that were beginning to form in her eyes. "It was a complicated time, and my relationship with my father changed a lot after that. We had a hard time moving forward," she continued, "but I'm almost ready to leave home."

Immediately, Diana regretted what she had said, even though that was all she wanted. She couldn't think that way, especially when her father was in a rather delicate state of health, and her sister was just a teenager who still had a lot to learn.

The conversation continued, and Sebastian tried to avoid those delicate topics for the girl. Quickly, he asked Di about her likes: he found out that she was a big fan of Spider-Man and of comics and superhero movies in general. She loved food, although most of the times she had to control herself because, otherwise, her weight would skyrocket at lightning speed. He also told her a little about his family and how the adoption of Lara went, whose biological parents gave her up for adoption because they were just teenagers who had made the mistake of conceiving her.

They didn't have time for much more because Britta, twenty minutes later, appeared, demanding Seb's presence in the garage at the request of Rocky and Christian. Diana ended up staying there, finishing what was left of her plate, and she bid the boy farewell cheerfully, wishing him luck.

An hour later, Diana, who was with some mechanics discussing some improvements to the car of the number 5 driver, saw Vettel appear, a little tired, immediately heading towards his engineer while wiping the sweat from his forehead. She decided to approach him as soon as he finished talking to the Frenchman; his fatigue seemed to still be present, and from what she could see, he had already drunk almost three small bottles of water and a bit of isotonic drink.

"I think I'm going to go home now," she began to say, knowing that the young man wouldn't mind in the slightest. "I need to rest for tomorrow, and you should be doing the same."

She knew that if she told him that as soon as she opened the door of her house, she was going to go to her bedroom to continue studying, he wouldn't leave her alone. A little white lie didn't hurt anyone.

After all, everyone lied, right?

Sebastian looked at her, slightly frowning. He could boast of knowing their facial expressions and reactions quite well, and he knew perfectly well that what she was saying might not be as true as she made herself believe.

"Di... I know you're worried about university, but you also need to relax and rest. We could go for a walk, if you want."

"I don't want Rocky or Britta to get mad at you for seeing you leave when you should be focusing on tomorrow's qualifying," the blonde stated. "We have to be responsible, but..."

"But what, Diana?"

Little by little, the German approached Wagner, who began to tense up for no reason. She knew that Seb was right: her obsession with studying had been increasing lately, and maybe she needed a little break.

"Don't worry about them, Di," Vettel continued, gently caressing the girl's shoulder. "I'll take care of them later. Now it's our turn to relax a bit and forget about everything. We deserve it."

The afternoon passed peacefully but, to the surprise of both young people, much faster than they thought. They enjoyed the warm sound of the Catalan capital and its overwhelming atmosphere. Although Diana was uneasy during the first few hours and felt guilty for enjoying herself and not studying, she gradually let herself be carried away by the German, realizing that she needed to disconnect from everything, even beyond her studies, more than she initially thought.

They started by strolling through some of the city's most renowned streets, not forgetting to take a look at the Sagrada Familia and stopping to enjoy the ice creams from one of the girl's favorite places, which the driver insisted on paying for. While they enjoyed the refreshing taste of mint and the sweetness of chocolate, they headed, at Diana's request, to a quiet park she used to go to when she needed to leave her house. Sitting on a bench, they continued the conversation they had started at noon, discovering more about each other if that was possible.

Well, except that Sebastian had been dating a girl named Hanna Prater for about three years.

By the time they realized the night was starting to get late, it was already nine o'clock. When Diana saw the hands of her watch pointing to that hour, she started to feel uneasy because she knew her sister would be home alone. She didn't want the day to end, let alone say goodbye to Sebastian, but the responsibility of acting like a mother to the youngest in the family called her.

"Seb, I think I should go back home," the young woman interrupted the moment when Vettel approached to read the menu of a restaurant even though it was written in Spanish.

The boy lifted his gaze from the sign and fixed it on the blonde, who looked somewhat uneasy.

"Don't worry, I'll accompany you," Vettel saw Diana was about to speak to refuse again, so he anticipated her, "and before you say anything, yes, I'm going to take you even if you tell me not to because my hotel is not very far away," he lied as best as he could.

Diana tried to object, still insisting that Sebastian needed to rest for the qualifying race the next day, but it was all in vain because the German was too stubborn, causing the Austrian to eventually accept.

After parking the car in a parking lot near the building where the blonde lived, Sebastian asked the girl, in a friendly tone, if he could come up to her house. Saying that he was curious to meet her family was a bit rushed, but he really wanted to know more, as much as he could, about her.

Obviously, Diana didn't refuse.

When they entered the building, they took the stairs to the second floor and, as soon as the university student opened the door, the lively sounds of Mario Kart coming from the living room started to be heard. They entered the room and saw Amelie, Diana's younger sister, immersed in a race, with Yoshi in the lead, and she kept moving the controller with enthusiasm. When she glanced at Sebastian, she immediately stopped the game, surprising her sister.

"Wow, hi, you're Sebastian!"

The mentioned nodded and greeted her back, letting the teenager continue playing the video game. With curiosity, he turned to Diana and blurted out, suddenly, where their father was.

"He's at the hospital... working," the blonde assured, trying to hide the truth as calmly as she could.

"What are you saying, sister? But if dad is..."

"He's working at the hospital, Ame! Don’t you remember?"

After the shout of reply from the older of the sisters, a kind of tension in the living room began to be palpable. Shaking her head, and trying to control her breathing while counting backward from ten, Wagner left the living room and headed to the kitchen, leaving her sister immersed in a game with the driver.

As she began to prepare dinner, and as angry as she was with her sister at that moment for almost jeopardizing her position as an intern.

Sebastian was so focused on the game that he didn't realize that the vibrations of his phone were becoming more and more frequent until a loud ringtone started to sound. He took his phone out of his pocket and, seeing who was calling, he sighed; as much as he was having a good time in the company of the Wagner sisters, he forced the girl to stop the game so he could answer it.

"Yes, Rocky?"

The driver replied a bit more gruffly than usual, but he couldn't help it: he was havinga great time in the company of the Wagner sisters for someone to ruin his party. He could see how, at the same time he headed to the hallway to speak more privately, Diana appeared at the kitchen door, with one eyebrow raised, and her hands and face covered in flour, just like the apron she was wearing.

"I need you to come back to the hotel immediately. We need to go over the strategies for the qualifying, but I didn't want to bother you because I knew you needed this day to relax."

The boy put on a rather unfriendly face when he heard his engineer speaking in plural, but he knew he was right. After exchanging a few meaningless sentences, especially about how he had spent his afternoon, he hung up and returned to the living room, where the little redhead was looking at him with quite intimidating eyes.

"What's wrong, Sebastian?" Amelie's curiosity was impossible to control.

"I have to go back to my hotel to talk to my engineer," he smiled, crouching down to be at the girl's height, sitting on the couch. "I promise that as soon as I can, I'll come back and we'll play all the games you want. And, if you want," he added, "we can convince Di to join us."

She nodded with an understanding smile despite her disappointment.

"I like that you call my sister Di," she revealed, leaving Vettel completely stunned. "I wish everyone had the affection for her that you have."

“Why do you say that?” Now, Sebastian was overtaken by curiosity.

"Because I've read with dad some really mean things people say on the internet about her."

Sebastian was intrigued by Amelie's words, and he wanted to know more about it, but he knew it wasn't the right time to delve into the subject; he would investigate it on his own. He said goodbye to the girl with a smile and headed to the kitchen, where Diana was still immersed in the preparation of a dinner that, more than that, seemed like a banquet.

"Di, I have to go. Rocky called me saying that if I'm not there in an hour, he's going to break the brakes of the car so I crash tomorrow," he joked in bad taste, causing the girl to scream at him.

"Don't say that, idiot!" she hit him on the arm forcefully. Immediately, she worried if his words were true. "Did he really say that?"

The German couldn't help but laugh. He loved Diana's innocence, and he would never stop loving her no matter what happened between them.

"Shall we meet tomorrow then so you can guide me when I realize the brakes aren't working properly?" he continued in an ironic tone to try to make the girl laugh.

"Of course, Mr. Vettel."

Diana accompanied Sebastian to the door with a kind of mixed feelings that she couldn't explain. Surprisingly, the driver felt the same. Neither of them wanted to be apart from the other, but neither was brave enough to say it, let alone show it.

When they reached the door, she instinctively opened her arms to give the boy a hug, who was leaning against the door frame.

"Thank you for making me feel better today, Seb," a shy smile appeared on her lips. "It's been a wonderful day, and I'll definitely start reading the Spider-Man comics you bought me totoday. Really, there was no need for you to buy them!"

Sebastian reciprocated the hug whispering in her ear "You're welcome, Gwen Stacy." After they separated, Diana made a gesture as if she was about to say something else. Sebastian just leaned forward, seeking the lips of the girl who had him so confused. She didn't know what to do, so she closed her eyes as calmly as she could in anticipation, so that just before their lips met, the German abruptly withdrew, regretting what he had just been about to do.

Confusion and rejection began to show on Diana, who felt pretty bad about herself at that moment.

"Seb..."

The girl's voice trembled like it had never done before. Sebastian took a step back, stumbling as he tried not to fall down the stairs; his gaze was fixed on the ground, trying to find the right words to apologize.

"I'm sorry, Di," he tried to express himself as best as he could. "It was a mistake… I shouldn't have done it..."

Diana, even though she knew it didn't make sense, felt hurt and, above all, vulnerable. She just swallowed and nodded, downplaying it even though she wished things were different.

"It's okay, Sebastian," she murmured bittersweetly. "There's nothing to worry about. After all, we all make mistakes."

Sebastian, without responding to that, turned around and quickly left the apartment, leaving Diana completely alone at the door, trying to fight back the tears that were already coming, and a feeling of rejection that she had never felt before.

She just wanted the ground to swallow her up at that moment; the slightly open door of the apartment across the hall, which allowed her neighbor to clearly want to know more about the scene she had just witnessed, seemed to say otherwise.

"Well, my dear! Who is that handsome boy I saw leaving your house and who has left you like this?"

The woman, about forty years old, had stopped hiding behind her door and had decided to come out just to point and laugh quietly at the sight that, surely, Diana had.

"It's none of your business, Chari," the Austrian snapped rather sharply.

"My dear, I'm sorry if I bothered you..." she pretended to be surprised, "I just wanted..."

"No, that's enough. Stop being so annoying!" the girl interrupted, already tired of the woman.

After saying that, Diana entered her house and slammed the door aggressively. She hated Chari, her demanding studies, that her father was getting closer to death, and above all, that her head was lost in thoughts that made no sense.

Lost in her thoughts, the dyed blonde didn't realize that Amelie was looking at her with curiosity, a little surprised by the bipolar behavior that her older sister seemed to be having that day.

"What's wrong, Diana?"

The innocent look of the youngest, combined with her curiosity, broke the silence that had settled in the house. The eldest, still lost in her thoughts, completely confused about what she was feeling, tried to bring to light, as best as she could, the words she had been holding back for too long and that she was eager to share with someone:

"I think I like him, Ame. I think I like Sebastian Vettel."

#f1 #formula 1 #sebastian vettel #sebastian vettel fanfic #sebastian vettel fic #sebastian vettel x fem oc #sebastian vettel x oc #fluff #sebastian vettel fluff #history #diana vettel #emma stone #sebastian vettel imagine

29 notes · View notes

exoticabl4 · 2 months

Text

How to actually stick to your habits ?

Hello, my loves. This post will be, as you've read it in the title, about how to stay committed to your habits. So without further ado, let's start.

1. Don't start off too strong.

You've got to know that your brain always wants your safety and your comfort. Your old habits provided you with both of these, even if they were unhealthy, and even if the pleasure was very short and temporary. Therefore, it is very normal that your brain will keep dwelling in your old habits and routines. So never start off too strong, otherwise it'll be very hard for you to stay committed. What I recommend doing, is to identify 8 habits that will highly benefit you, and get you closer to your goals. Instead of adding those 8 habits to your day all at once since day one, you're going to add 2 habits a week. Focus on progress, rather than perfection. At the end of your first month, you'll find yourself with 8 new habits. Give yourself the time to get used to each habit, so about a week or more (depending on how hard the habit is).

And before you come to me, I know that the average duration to implement a habit in your life is 21 days, but the goal here is not to be used to it at a 100%, the goal is to lessen the unfamiliarity, so that the brain can stop dwelling in the old habits.

2. Focus on the end-goal.

Sometimes, we tend to focus on how hard the task/habit is, rather than the end-goal that will result from the consistency of the habit. Therefore, try to remind yourself of the end-goal. My experience with this has been IMMACULATE. To focus on the end-goal, I make Pinterest boards. Personally, studying and reviewing for exams is something that I absolutely dread, so in order to get myself to enjoy it or make it more bearable, i made a Pinterest board with the lifestyle i wanna have in my early 20s. So it contains pics of my dream uni, the country i wanna be living in, the life i wanna be leading. Whenever i feel too lazy or demotivated to study or review stuff, i go back to my Pinterest board to remind myself of my end-goal. And when I tell you that each time i do this, i get the best grade of my class, and when i really put my mind into it, i get the best grade of my whole promotion.

3. Realize how simple your task is with this technique.

Many times, we don't see the habit for what it is, but rather for some kind of absolutely dreadful and unbearable task that's impossible to achieve. So what I do to simplify it, is that i write down in my notes what my most productive day would look like, and compared to the tasks that I set to myself, i start to view that as some really simple stuff. To give you an idea of how it works, I'll do what i do best : give an example.

I wanna learn Spanish, last year i was very consistent with it, but the last few months, I really procrastinated and got lazier, like, even spending my daily 15 minutes of Duolingo seemed like a torture, so i decided to use this technique. I wrote down what my ideal spanish learning session was, and it kind of looked like this :

45 minutes of Duolingo

Learning 3 new pages of vocabulary from my notebook

Using each newly learned word in a sentence

Do a conjugation lesson/ learn the conjugation of an irregular verb

Listen to a short story in Spanish, and write down new and unfamiliar vocabulary

Next to this routine, 15 minutes on Duolingo looked very simple and easy, even too little, and now it is wayy easier for me to stick to habits.

4. Always have an alternative.

You got me there, we all have our bad days, low-energy days, and it is very hard, if not impossible, to get anything done on these days. That's why you should give each of your habits an alternative. Let's say you wanted to workout an hour a day, but you came back home absolutely exhausted. Instead of the intense 1 hour workout, have a less intense and easier alternative for it, or maybe a shorter one, or you could go for a walk instead, after all, the end goal is to move your body, you do you, you know what works best for you.

That was all for today's post, hope it helped. Bye, my loves 💗

#self healing #affirm #self concept #summer #glowingskin #glow up #confidence #dream life #wonyoung #affirmations #habits #glowing up #tips #advice #program #self love

46 notes · View notes

corvid-language-library · 21 days

Text

I'm really enjoying studying Japanese at the moment! I go through phases where I feel like I'm making no progress and feel demotivated, but then suddenly something happens and I notice my progress and I magically have motivation again!

Today I was listening to the radio and I found a lot of words I've recently learned were jumping out at me. I couldn't remember all of them, but I knew I'd heard them and encountered them previously, which is something for sure. And there were definitely words that I recognised and knew the meaning of too. I've not been using a textbook or a set study plan; just reviewing kanji with my silly little app and playing lots of Pokemon and putting on grammar videos as background noise.

I'm in two minds about taking JLPT N3 in December. I don't want it to be my main focus because I still feel like I should work more on speaking and being able to navigate daily life situations more comfortably here. But also, I'm just really enjoying studying N3 kanji and vocabulary for the hell of it. I'm using it more as a starting point than an end goal, I guess? I skip over words I'm like "yeah like I'm ever gonna use that" and instead focus on learning sentences with words I want to use (which sometimes include words from N2 or N1 lists too). So I kinda want to take the test just to see how I get on/give me extra motivation, but I also feel like it's too expensive to take if I'm not serious about passing it, y'know?

Well, applications open in August, so I guess I'll see how I feel then. If I do take it and I pass then I'll get more on my bonus, so I do have that motivation too.

#chough chatterings #nutcracker nihongo

24 notes · View notes

sgt-seabass · 2 years

Text

I didn’t want to make this post. In fact, I’m kind of nervous to. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, because I am incredibly appreciate for those who have supported me. But there’s been something on my mind.

My most recent fic, ‘I don’t even care about you’, currently has a reblog rate of 14.39%.

The reblogs I have got are phenomenal. And warm my heart. But it can be so demotivating to have likes coming in with no reblogs attached. I understand the fic is long, and it takes time for people to read it. But I know people are reading it and just moving along.

Please, engage with creators media. Feedback and reblogs are so important for morale. I want to hear your thoughts, feelings, and everything attached. Whether it’s just a meme or a review. Every reblog counts, and helps not just with boosting my spirit, but also helps me get my work out there.

I have lots of ideas I want to share. But I guess I don’t know if it’s worth it if people don’t engage.

#psa #ambs thoughts #sorry I’m just feeling this right now

264 notes · View notes

chaoscharme · 5 months

Text

How to stay consistent with your habits

With January almost over already, many of our resolutions have proved short-lived as our motivation and good intentions fall by the waste side. This is my short guide to keeping focused throughout the year, learning and maintaining habits and reaching goals.

Reward good work

If you are staying consistent and meeting your goals regularly, try carving out a bit of time to play or celebrate your new wins. All work and no play makes it very difficult to stay motivated and enthusiastic about your goals and dream life. Make sure the process of improving yourself is enjoyable as well as efficient.

Review goals and adapt

Often we begin working towards a new goal and realise we actually don’t feel like that goal aligns with our dreams anymore. Instead of throwing in the towel, try to assess regularly if your goals are still part of your dreams, and try to adapt existing habits and behaviours to suit the needs of your new intentions. Often we are only changing our behaviour slightly, but it can be easy to write off all of our hard work in favour of a blank slate. Don’t waste your efforts by refusing to assess your progress.

Surround yourself with as many positive influences as possible

One of the biggest demotivating factors in our lives are negative or critical influences. Instead of trying to block out negative ideals and influences, try introducing new ones that align with your mindset. These will automatically push out the more negative or unhelpful voices and will reduce the pressure on you to defend your actions to others.

Allow yourself to fail

By allowing yourself to fail, you’re admitting that you are not perfect in whatever habit or skill you are trying to build. When you can finally accept that all progress takes time and failure, you will feel more comfortable practicing your habits openly in your life, and won’t feel as overwhelmed if you’re struggling.

As always, my advice is exactly that, please adapt all the information here to fit your life and your goals, everyone is different and our needs are different too.

Mwah, chaoscharme

40 notes · View notes

luaspersona · 1 year

Text

hey y’all, how have you been?

i know it’s been a while, and i know i promised a fic that was supposed to be posted earlier this month and that it’s been some time since i dropped a review. but a lot of stuff happened and i realized that i needed some time off. during that time, i reflected a lot and considered not returning, maybe only posting the seoul town road story and going offline for good. eventually tho, i understood how much i missed reading and how much i couldn’t really stop coming up with ideas and outlining some stories — i like this and for the most part, it makes me really happy.

but i wanted to talk a bit about the stuff that made me second-thought coming back. i wanted to be open about stuff that’s depressing and demotivating in this community, especially because i’ll change a lot of things about how i interact here.

this will be a long text, but it’s really important if you follow me. i wanna make it clear tho, before anything, that i’m speaking for myself here, and myself only.

⇢ the first thing i wanna say is that i’ll be generally less active. i used to think that in order to become a popular blog or whatever i had to be chronically online, posting all the time and all. after giving it some thought, i can't really tell if that's true or not, but the thing is: i don’t have the mental health for it. so i won't push myself. but also, if you write something and want me to read it, please send it to me! shamelessly and guiltlessly promote your work! i probably won’t see it on the feed, but i’m always open for recommendations, i just don't have the time to look for it anymore.

⇢ i’ll also go through my followers and block anyone who doesn’t have their age displayed or looks like a bot. no questions asked. this isn’t a blog for minors, and i wanna protect myself. understand how tumblr works if y’all wanna be here.

⇢ i will finish and post seoul town road soon. please be patient.

⇢ lately, i’ve seen a lot of wonderful writers deactivate due to lack of interaction and support. i understand we’re here working, writing and sharing for free because we *chose to*, but it's hard to speak to the void. so please, don’t let this become a place where authors are talking to themselves while feeling unsafe due to plagiarism or hate. i understand the reasons why someone might be a silent reader, but... just don't make the authors you like feel alone, y'all (i can write some tips and general guides for reviewing and interacting with writing blogs if y’all are interested).

⇢ ok, so… i thought a lot about whether or not to talk about it. it was already super messy, even if i wasn’t online at the time and didn’t see it happening (i'm sorry if this is just repetition, and i bet y'all are sick of it). but ultimately, the main reason why i hesitated to come back was because of what happened to M, so i kinda need to vent about that.

M was one of the oldest blogs here, always open to chat and interact and doing god's work for our horny and sentimental souls (shape of your body is actually one of my favorite stories ever and made me realize a bunch of stuff about myself to the point where i quoted some of it to my therapist at the time), and y’all came for them in such a nasty, violent way, misgendering and attacking a person that, upon first being called out for writing something insensitive, was immediately open to discussion and hearing what y’all had to say (regardless if it really was insensitive or not, the discussion was more than welcomed by them).

what shocks me the most, is that y’all are supposedly from a fandom of a bunch of dudes who once wrote problematic stuff, but educated themselves after accepting criticism and changed. if y’all understand that our oppressions are systematic, y’all have to understand that everyone has stuff to learn and stuff to let go. i say that as a black woman, who once used to perpetrate racist shit because that was how i was raised and taught. i say that as a bi woman, who once used to perpetrate biphobic and queerphobic rhetoric because that was how i was raised and taught. i say that as a human being, who once used (and probably still do to some capacity) to perpetrate prejudice and problematic behavior because that was how i was raised and taught.

this is not to say we should forgive and forget whenever someone says stuff that’s wrong or suspicious, but sometimes people really don’t understand that what they’ve said is offensive or from a place of unfamiliarity (not sure if that's a real word), and if we gave the boys the benefit of the doubt and still supported them (and are now being rewarded with their care and attention) why can’t we do the same for ourselves? not to mention how transphobic most of y’all were, all while calling someone out for doing something you deemed problematic, like ??? fuck y’all tbh. seeing how they were treated, and learning about the tea blog made me physically sick. someone who has always been such a light in this community being dragged from one (debatable) mistake — which they acknowledged and apologized for — made me depressed af.

it all made this look like stan twitter, where every interaction feels like an attempt to expose someone and draw hate towards them. this makes me feel unsafe as hell. and i don’t know… this whole environment is not as it used to be. there were a bunch of nice projects i wanted to share, i was working on jade’s profile for a nice little thing i wanted to do to support the writing community, i was working on monthly recs, but… idk. i’m not saying i won’t do them, just saying it might take longer for me to feel comfortable here again.

⇢ i know i'm no one. i'm a little blog from the corner of our community, and i barely have enough followers for all of this to mean anything. but this is still my blog, and it's still a place that was supposed to feel good. and i want to have some control over it, even if no one cares necessarily.

anyway. i’m depressed, and i’m saying stuff i might regret, but. yeah. that’s it ig. i'll return slowly and i missed y'all, especially on discord, and i'm sorry for vanishing. i'll also be rb this for the next days to make sure that i reaches everyone i want it to reach.

#psa #long text #luathots

91 notes · View notes

seriouslysam8 · 5 months

Note

what’s the best way for a reader to give constructive feedback to an author?

You don’t unless they specifically ask for it.

This is a fun little hobby for most people. The last thing someone wants doing their hobby is to be criticized. I’ll be honest with you, 99% of the “constructive criticism” I have received over the years is really just opinions disguised as constructive criticism.

I have four people I trust to give me constructive feedback for my stories. Only four. They know where I’m going, they know my thought process, and I have built a rapport with them. They know me and my writing well.

I hate nothing more than to get some “constructive feedback” review from someone I’ve never heard from because it’s almost always just bitching that I’m not doing what they would do. They don’t think x fits or they would have done y and then they stick on some “it would have made the story flow better” or “it would be more believable like that.” Like stop. I’m on track to write a million words about two emotionally damaged boys in fanfiction. I’m not writing a novel to publish where it needs polished and edited down for length. I don’t care that you have that opinion. It’s my story and I’m writing it.

Even the very few actual technical constructive criticism I receive, I hate because I could write a technically correct story if I wanted to given taking a shit ton of creative writing classes but I choose not to because it’s more fun to word vomit about our favorite characters and not worry about length or is that POV necessary or whatever else. Most people don’t care either about the technicalities of writing when they write fanfiction because you can explore so much more in fanfiction that would never be published in traditional fiction for a multitude of reasons.

Unless someone says “hey I want to be a published author one day, constructive criticism welcome!” then don’t leave it.

If you don’t like a story, then click the x. If you like a story, motivate the author to keep going by saying nice things. If you like a story but think it could be better if they did x, then just focus on the parts you do like.

People bitch about fanfiction stories being abandoned. They bitch about stories being taken down off sites. This is why. People thinking they need to leave constructive feedback that is almost always just opinion. I had so much “constructive feedback” on Legerdemain that I deleted the story and almost stopped writing in the fandom completely because I was so demotivated. Even when I asked people to stop and explained reviews are motivation to me, they wouldn’t. They kept coming.

Do not not it unless an author asks for it. End of story.

16 notes · View notes

lovebvni · 2 months

Note

hi :), I'm opehl, 14, and I would like to know when I will enter the void state (aware and be able to manifest as well) (I am so so so very sorry if this annoys u ik a lot of ppl in the community are tired of the void obsession but I am very curious to know)

thank u for taking ur time to do these readings

hiiii opehl! that’s such a unique name!! i saw ur other asks but im js gonna post this one (i hope that’s okay!! :D)

my friends love the last of us!! i haven’t watched it or played the game so i don’t know much abt it (can u tell i’m still a closeted nb person can’t u)

i instantly heard “in about 7-8 months” because you aren’t in the best mindset rn. i know this may b demotivating, but im gonna b honest, it took me a year to shift for the first time (consciously!!)

for consciousness in the void, i feel like abt 1-3 months after that depending on how you react. don’t be overwhelmed by how far that sounds! one of my going inspirations is a tiktok comment.. lemme see if i can find it

i will live and die by this quote. u can sit and do nothing or you can work to get what u want in that time. if u sit and do nothing, then les js gonna take longer!

i feel like this was kinda straight forward, but i still wanna do a shufflemancy.

well uhm… this isn’t very helpful LMFAO

my best idea is that it takes a long time to learn ballet routine, and it’s really grueling on the body, but it comes it comes out as a beautiful ballet that millions are anxious to see.

as an ex-dancer, ballet would KILL my body! but i always was so happy with how it turned out (haha… turn out… sorry)

but yeah, opehl!!! i hope this reading helps u so much!!

leave a review <3 xx

#abyss .answers #void state #void #manifesation #law of manifestation #manifest #manifestation

9 notes · View notes

ink-bunny-blue · 6 months

Text

Winter Reading/Arting/Writing Tag

Tagged by @blind-the-winds . Thank you so much! I do love tag games where you get to just ramble about things

Describe one creative WIP project you plan on working on over winter

Well... I'm in the middle of a demotivated slump at the moment (just generally) so creative writing isn't my top priority right now. However, winter break starts next week, so I hope I get regain some energy and get back to the words. Because I miss them!

There's a short story I've started drafting for an anthology submission which closes at the end of the month. I don't know if I will get it done and fully polished by that time, but I really want it to work out. I've been meaning to publish short stories for a while now, because I feel my writing style fits well with them, plus it will give me an advantage if I traditionally publish a novel one day.

And like always, I'm trudging along slowly editing APOM whenever I have the stamina.

Recommend a book

The Shadow Of The Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon is always my go-to recommendation when people ask for one. It's a gorgeous historical mystery set in 1940s Barcelona, about a young boy who tries to solve the disappearance of a mysterious author. The prose and characterisation are top-tier, and has one of the best uses of The Power of Storytelling trope I've ever encountered. (I actually have a review of another book by the same author sitting in my drafts. I'll edit and post it eventually)

The Master And Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov has the exact kind of macabre whimsy that I seek out in stories. It follows the devil (disguised as a magician) and a band of demons as they wreck havoc around Soviet-era Moscow. The plot is difficult to explain, but its very clever and vivid, and one of the only books to ever make my cry with laughter. I like to describe it as "Alice In Wonderland but with guns and vodka"

Winterset Hollow by Jonathan Edward Durham is a hugely underrated book, and one of the most imaginative I've read in a long time. All I can say about it is: Imagine if Wind In The Willows was a horror novel. It had such a vivid setting, and ended up being such beautiful tragedy. If your into folk horror or anthropomorphic fiction, you should definitely look into it!

Recommend a fic

Disappointingly, I don't read fanfiction. It's never something that has appealed to me, even though I respect it as a craft. To make up for it, I recommended three books above instead of one.

Recommend Music

Indigo Night by Tamino- To me, this song feels like a lullaby from a fallen civilisation. It has a very ageless feel to it, and the lyrics tell a beautiful fairy-tale. In fact, every song on this album touches my soul.

Bernadette by IAMX- Gothic, whimsical, and theatrical. This one has inspired me on a creative level many many times, and it still sounds just as amazing as it did when I first discovered it years ago.

Youngest Daughter by Superheaven- I heard this one the other day, and I wish I could send it to my 13 year old self. It has the exact sound and mood I was seeking out in music back then. There's a post on this website that went around a while ago that was like "nostalgia can make you miss the worst points of your life" or something. This is what this song is doing to me at the moment.

...

Gently tagging: @k-v-briarwood @chauceryfairytales @writeouswriter

#Tag games #writeblr #writers on tumblr

11 notes · View notes

kierensjpnjourney · 4 months

Text

HEY, YOU!

yeah, you! are you scrolling through social media instead of studying like you promised yourself you would? well, get up, go get yourself some water, or a snack, whatever else you need, and start studying. i promise, you can do it! even if it's just 10 minutes of reviewing what you already know, you'll feel better once it's out of the way and not weighing on your mind. baby steps always go a long way.

if you're feeling demotivated, take a look at this post. it helped me, i can only hope it'll give you a little boost, too.

you can do it, you got this. best of luck! <3

7 notes · View notes

corvid-language-library · 4 months

Text

Language Learning Log 2024 Week 4 (21/01 ~ 27/01)

Photo: Still absolutely in love with the snow! I went for a walk around Kajo Park and took this photo of the moat the day after a snowstorm.

Japanese

Listened to the radio

Renshuu app

Reviewed vocab with anki

Started reading Japanese Stories For Language Learners

9x Jujutsu Kaisen episodes

Minna No Nihongo unit 6

Migii JLPT app

Idodori app

Kanji dojo app

Norwegian

3x journal entries

1 unit of Enjoy Norwegian

Made & queued more Norwegian Word of the Day posts

Chatted for 2 hours with a friend

I'd been feeling pretty demotivated about Japanese because I felt like I hadn't made any progress for months, but I finally started watching anime again and managed to catch quite a few words, and sometimes I could match up the translated subtitles to the Japanese words. I also went back through the anki decks I made for the N4 and realised how many of the words previously graded E or F I now know without really thinking.

Of course, there are still plenty of words I struggle with. But I'm getting there. Maybe by the end of next month I'll be able to move on to learning N3 properly. I've already started on N3 kanji (and, by extension, some vocabulary). I really need to focus on grammar though honestly.

I made a start on Enjoy Norwegian too, again. I've had this textbook for a long time and I keep saying I'm gonna actually use it and then I forget lmao. Unit 1 was pretty easy so I mostly just read aloud and answered questions aloud, focusing on pronunciation.

And then I had a 2-hour conversation with my Norwegian teacher. I booked a 1-hour lesson even though he said I didn't need to pay him, he just missed me and wanted to catch up. We've become pretty good friends honestly which is kinda cool, and we only stopped talking because I had to go to bed.

Last week's goals:

Learn the first bridge + second verse of 少女S - I'm more or less there with the first bridge (although I need the lyrics sometimes) but the second verse still needs work

1 chapter of Minna No Nihongo - Yes, I completed ch 6

At least 1 HIIT session and 2 stretching sessions - I did yoga twice, two HIIT sessions, went for a walk and did some dance. Go me!

Finish January's beginner Norwegian crash course + another 2-3 of February's WOTD posts - I queued half of the remaining posts and another week's worth of February's posts. Truly an ADHD mood lmao

This week's goals:

Learn second verse + bridge of 少女S

1 chapter of Minna No Nihongo

1 unit of Enjoy Norwegian

Finish queuing January's content + another week (up to day 21) of February's content

At least 4 stretching sessions/yoga + 2 other kinds of exercise

#progress report #language learning log #japanese langblr #norwegian langblr #langblr #language blog #learning languages

13 notes · View notes

keiskake · 1 year

Text

i'll see you tuesday (chapter five - hawks)

takami keigo x quirkless f!reader (au chilhood friends // characters are aged up 21+)

warnings ~ swearing, pet names, mentions of abuse + trauma, spoilers about hawks’ backstory from the anime

wordcount ~ 2.190k

summary ~ you and takami keigo grew up together in a shitty hut with terrible parents. he disappeared one day when you were 6, but he never left your mind. the heavens entwine your destinies together, but it’s not a smooth journey you soon figure out.

a/n ~ unfortunately i've been shadow banned for about a week now. i'm currently waiting for my ticket to be reviewed, but until then i will continue to write on this account. though it is a little demotivating i will keep doing what i enjoy, and hopefully release things you guys will find enjoyable to read. thank you for reading, reblogs + likes are always appreciated. <3

˗ˏˋ꒰ previous ꒱˗ˏˋ꒰ next ꒱

and there he was, right in front of you. raw in the fucking flesh.

he landed on the balcony and stood across from you with a small smile, hands in his pockets. tears slowly trickled down your soft cheeks and a cry escaped your lips, falling down onto your knees and your phone clenched tightly to your chest. all the disappointment and hurt had been bottled up, the lid finally busted open. the pain, the sorrow, the fear. it was free. you were free. the lacquered chains of despair had been shattered, releasing you from its torment.

he scooped you up in his arms and carried you inside the house, closing the balcony door with his foot. you held onto the opening of his yellow jacket, rubbing your cheek on the fluffy sides and taking his scent in. he was almost like a shield, keeping you safe from all the worries from before. he was so warm, so safe.

he sat you down on the couch with a reassuring smile, taking off his jacket and hanging it on one of the kitchen chairs. his eyewear was removed soon after and been left on the dinner table. he kneeled down in front of you, placing his hand on yours and his eyes holding a comforting gaze. the weariness you felt before seemed to drown out of you, pulling hawks closer to you and grabbing both his arms. he was on the floor, bent down and wedged in between your thighs. his arms easily wrapped around your waist tucking you closer to him, and your arms made its way draped around his neck.

you felt so warm and fuzzy, you felt safe and protected. it felt like home again. he looked up and gave you a little nudge to let him go. you hesitated, but eventually moved your arms away from his neck, allowing him to reposition himself next to you on the couch. he sat right beside you and pulled you into his embrace once again, his hand rubbing your back. it calmed you down, your breath steadying after a few more minutes. he finally broke the silence, “baby bird, hey i’m here alright? what’s going on, i’m all ears.”

your head dug its way out of his chest and met his eyes. they were soft. his softness didn’t just come from his eyes but his words, his chest, his wings. though you were unsure about telling him, scared he would judge you or tease you. your mind was on the fence, hawks was a tease for sure but he was always some what kind to you. looking at him once again made you see that his eyes were clear of judgment, filled with worry if anything. so maybe it was okay.

“w-why didn’t you answer me? or call? or text? or anything?”

he was taken aback by the sudden rush of questions you hurled at him, and with it a lingering hint of frustration and sadness. his hug loosened and his arms dropped to his side, your teary face staring right at him. his small smile was no more. his eyebrows furrowed and his lips straightened, his golden eyes darkening a little. did you say something wrong? you didn’t mean to strike a nerve, it was the last thing you wanted to do.

he cupped your face with his hands, “i’m sorry. i complained about you not calling me for a few hours but you wait for a week without a fuss. there’s no excuse is there?”

“were you busy hawks?”

“i was, but regardless if you like someone enough you’ll make time for them, and i couldn’t even do that for you.”

there was shame in his eyes. shame in his words. shame was hanging over his head. you understood that his intentions were not unkind or malicious in anyway. he never meant to hurt you, nor did he possibly think the outcome could be so emotional. you were relived to know he didn’t mean any harm but saddened to see the light in his eyes fade away. it was simply just human error.

you smiled at him, nuzzling your cheek against his hands. the clouds in your eyes started to disappear, your heart seemingly becoming lighter too. mistakes and misunderstandings don’t always mean someone is unkind. the outcome may not always be so grim and dull, but maybe bright and meaningful. if you wait long enough, there’s always hope at the end of despair. that was the mindset you wanted to keep.

“it was just a misunderstanding hawks, it’s okay i promise”

“...you forgive me just like that? a slap on the wrist?”

“well yeah i guess, what did you want me to do?”

“i wanted you to hit me. it’s what i’m used to when i make a mistake after all.”

you weren’t exactly fazed at what he said, but shocked that he said it. you knew the feeling all too well, being afraid to make mistakes and knowing the punishment that waited for you at the end of the tunnel. you and kei were always destined to meet the ends of those tunnels. you grew up later understanding that it was never right, that mistakes didn’t always mean punishment in the outside world. it was just normal inside the cage you and kei were trapped in.

the idea that hawks had experienced what you had once gone through stung a little. nobody should have to go through such pain and suffering. not him, not you, not anyone. you jumped on him, pushing him down on the couch. you hugged him tightly and plunged your face in his chest. you wanted to comfort him, the same way he did for you. your eyes didn't have the soft look hawks did and your voice didn’t sooth people’s worries, but your physical affection was more than enough in that moment for hawks to feel at ease.

his face was shocked, surprised, unsure. it happened all so suddenly without any warning or build up. but he placed his one hand on your head and another on your back, rubbing it up and down again. the warmth didn’t just come from hawks, but it was from the two of you. you didn’t need a fluffy cloud bed to make you feel cosy, you just needed him. and he needed you.

“m’not gonna do that hawks. it won’t do anything to change what happened, besides this was just a tad bit dramatic.”

“a tad bit, baby bird?” he chuckles, trying to cover it up with his hand.

“hey! i couldn’t help it, the embarrassment was killing me.”

“embarrassment of what? you mean the drunk call-”

“don’t. say. another. word.” you put your finger over his mouth, and a blush appearing quickly after that.

“it wasn’t all that bad sweetheart, but your wish is my command.”

“missed you hawks, i thought you never wanted to talk to me again..”

“i’m sorry, i really am." his eyes avoided you, his head tilted a little left.

you lifted yourself off of hawks chest, stretching your arms and letting out a sigh. you were glad that you didn't need to think about the drunk call ever again. you stood up, hawks still laying on the couch looking away from you. you assumed that there were things going on inside his head he didn’t want to share with you, and you weren’t going to press him to share. but you didn’t want to end the night off on a bad note. you wanted to take care of him, like he did for you earlier. you moved towards the kitchen and hawks sat up following you.

“are you hungry number two hero?”

“starving sweetheart“

“in the mood for some fried chicken wings?”

hawks beamed at the sound of ‘fried chicken wings’, you didn’t even need an answer from him to know whether he approved or not. you took them out of the fridge, preparing oil, batter and sauce. whilst you cooked, hawks stood behind you, wrapping his arms round your waist and resting his chin on your head. it felt so nice to have company, and company that you enjoyed nonetheless.

you ordered hawks to set the table if he wanted to eat, so he did that but not without whining and complaining that he was comfortable in his position prior. you set down a basket of fried chicken wings and an assortment of sauces. it wasn’t anything fancy, but it was delicious. but what made it so delicious was the conversation, the company, the excitement that filled the air. all of it put together just made the meal that much better. this is how every meal should be eaten.

it made you want the heart warming feeling to stay forever, the feeling of not being alone and being next to someone you loved. it was so precious. nothing could replace it.

once the meal was finished, the both of you cleared the table and divided the workload of dishes. hawks cleaned the dishes and you dried the dishes. normally chores were mundane to you, essential but mundane. but tonight it felt different. you wanted to keep doing chores with hawks. you wanted to spend a little more time with hawks. you wanted to get to know him, learn about him, become someone he could trust. not to mention you wanted to be able to trust him too.

“what’s your name baby bird?”

“huh?” you stopped humming and turned around to face him with a shocked expression.

“we’re eating and doing dishes together yet i still don’t know your name. or better yet you haven’t told me your name.”

“my name is y/n, what’s your mr number two?”

“it’s hawks of course.” he smirked at you, still washing the plates and bowls.

“i severely doubt that, but hawks is fine with me.”

hawks turned the tap off and you dried the last few plates off before hanging the towel up. you tried to leave the kitchen but a big bird hovered over you, his hand holding yours. he just stared at you. it was like his eyes could speak, telling you to just stay with him like this a little longer. butterflies filled your stomach and your hands was unsteady. his intense gaze made you nervous, shy, red.

“w-what is it hawks?” you mumbled, trying to conceal your pink cheeks.

“you just look so cute y/n. you look like a girlfriend, my girlfriend.”

how could he say that with such a straight fucking face?! you were completely red like a tomato, your mouth was wide opened with no words to respond to him. “w-why did you say that? don’t tease me hawks!”

“i’m not teasing y/n i’m being serious, well half serious right now. maybe in a few months i’ll be completely serious.”

you looked away from him but your grip on his hand tightened, “sure...i’ll wait till your serious.”

he pulled you into a warm and hard embrace. one hand held the back of your head and the other was placed on your hip. you relaxed your body and snuggled yourself comfortably in his chest. he left kisses on your head whilst he played with your hair, and with every kiss came a ‘thank you y/n’. he really was just a gentle thing, being a bastard was just a mask to cover up his kindness. you didn’t know how many other people knew of hawks’ soft side, but being one of them made you feel so lucky and so trusted.

“it’s late baby bird, i should get going.”he pressed another kiss, but this time on your temple. pulling away reluctantly, he picked his stuff from the table and put them on.

you suddenly grabbed onto the back of his jacket, “you’ll come back right? or at least talk to me over the phone? please?”

“don’t worry y/n, i won’t make you wait this time i promise.”

“okay hawks, then i look forward to the next time we talk.” you let go of his jacket and took a step back.

“next tuesday lets go on a date, i’ll have my sidekicks and intern handle my afternoon patrols.” he faced you with a smile.

“then, i’ll see you next tuesday hawks!”

“i’ll take care of everything, so just relax sweetheart and wear that pretty hairclip for me okay?. goodnight y/n, thanks for the meal.”

“goodnight hawks, text me when you get home so i know you’re safe!”

he looked away and chuckled, his cheeks having a little taint of pink running across it. he opened the balcony door and stepped on the platform, his wings spreading out, ready for take off. hawks turned back to face you one last time and waved a goodbye at you, you waved back cheerfully. the tension that was there at the beginning of the night had long gone. it was filled with light, cheerful gleaming light. he flew off, heading home. your heart throbbed a little, he was gone. but you knew he’d keep his promise this time round, he’d do a better job than last time. besides, he was like light. and you trusted that light.

until tuesday, hawks.

(bonus!)

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #hawks series #hawks x reader #hawks x y/n #mha fluff #bnha fluff #hawks fluff

37 notes · View notes

blueberry-lemon · 9 months

Text

You've probably seen this image. I've seen it many times. I have mixed feelings about it.

It's a funny image, and represents a good cause. It's usually posted by people who want to support fairer working conditions for game developers, and want to show support for smaller titles.

It's usually posted in contrast to something like Cyberpunk 2077, Watch Dogs: Legion, The Last of Us: Part II, or God of War: Ragnarok.

There's a part of me that cringes every time I see it, though. I imagine there may be other game developers who feel similarly.

I think the reflexive cringe comes from the phrase "shorter games with worse graphics." People being paid more to work less sounds great, tbh, and barring any sort of production pipeline blocking, I think most devs would be into that.

These are the thoughts that fly through my mind when I hear people say "I want shorter games with worse graphics."

Short compared to what?

Shorter than Elden Ring? Shorter than Hollow Knight? Short like Venba? Short like Celeste? How short could a AAA game be before, even despite posting this phrase, you'd find it unsatisfying or incomplete? How short could an indie game be before you don't consider it a "real game"? Games can be anything from Ulysses to a haiku, but it rarely seems like people are talking about the haiku style of games.

What does "worse graphics" mean?

I just can't imagine a world where "worse graphics" could possibly correlate to Hi-Fi Rush, Undertale, Hollow Knight, Bomb Rush Cyberfunk, Celeste, Mario Odyssey, Wind Waker, A Short Hike, or Hades. Even though those are the types of games that I often see people use this meme in support of. Those games have incredible art that talented artists worked really really hard on. It feels like a bit of a sting to associate those beautiful games with the term "worse graphics." That phrasing, sadly, implies that photorealism is the bar by which all other games are compared.

Forever Games

Where do replayable games, like roguelikes, tycoons, crafting games, and farming sims land on the realm of "shorter games"? They're not inherently any shorter than a big AAA game, and they're designed to be replayable and to suck your time in. That can be great, but it also might be a treadmill that is not inherently any more honorable than a game trying to tell a linear story.

Are you really "not kidding"?

This meme has a very confident, smug energy and I think that tone invites this question: Do you REALLY want shorter games with worse graphics? I know this is going to depend on the individual lives of each human being who's ever reposted this meme, and it can never be truly answered, but it really begs the question of whether or not people REALLY DO WANT "shorter games with worse graphics." Because let me tell ya, there's a lot of shorter games with worse graphics right now and they ain't selling very well. Check the Steam reviews. Ask devs how many copies they sell on itch. There are many devs out there who make shorter games with worse graphics and no matter how many times people post this phrase, people don't seem to flock over to support those projects. And that sinking feeling of "oh, these folks don't mean the games that my friends and I post regularly on itch, they mean Hi-Fi Rush and Wind Waker" is a little bit demotivating, given the gusto with which this meme is posted. There are people whose whole careers hinge on the hope that there's an audience out there that wants "shorter games with worse graphics" and there doesn't seem to be an actual sea change that's helping those projects out. There is a treasure trove of games out on itch that you can play in between hyped releases, but most people's playing habits don't seem to shift.

Lastly...

...there are thousands of devs out there who work hard, collaborating with other devs and artists, to make their games the best they can be. Devs work hard to bring their artistic vision to God of War: Ragnarok or to Bomb Rush Cyberfunk or to experimental indies with intentionally-ragged art styles. Everyone is putting their heart into their art to make something that will connect with the player. Sometimes, this can be pulled off by 1 or 2 people. Sometimes, this will require hiring more onto the team. It's slightly dissonant to see people say they want to see "worse graphics" when you're trying to get a job in texturing or particle effects and want to deliver something your team is trying to push a boundary on. This is true in both small projects and big projects. Artists are putting their stamp on Horizon Forbidden West just as much as they're putting their stamp on Venba. There are artists looking for work in the indie space who want to make better and more beautiful "graphics."

Anyway, no disrespect to people who post this meme. I understand that it's a show of support and solidarity. I understand that it's just a joke. I know that it's not a big deal.

But I'd be lying if I said that these mixed feelings didn't flash through my mind every time I saw this hedgehog. Figured I would share them.

#gaming #indie games #game dev #gamedev #indie dev #i want shorter games with worse graphics made by people who are paid more to work less and i'm not kidding #game discourse #blogofkylelab

17 notes · View notes