#I mean it’s not like I can’t empathize with someone who’s scared to have this baby because of all the what ifs

[notafunkiller]

treat you better

Summary: Caught between playing the girlfriend of Bucky's younger brother and the unexpected allure of Bucky's genuine affection, you don't know what to do.

Pairing: (fake) boyfriend's brother!Bucky Barnes x female reader

Warnings: age gap (r is 26, Bucky is 38/39), teasing, pet names, language, no mention of y/n

Word Count: 3.7K

story masterlist

Bucky Barnes masterlist

A/N: This story will have around 4 parts, so this is just the beginning. And I also want to thank @marvelouslizzie and @lavenderhaze967 for their support!

Please, do not repost or translate without my permission!

It’s hard to ignore how loudly he chews or how some water drips down his chin as he drinks between bites. For someone educated well, he has no manners.

“Come on, eat faster. He’s gonna come any second.”

You drop your fork on the plate and give him a look. As if! “I am not gonna do anything like that.”

He is his brother, not the devil. And he actually seemed pretty nice when you met earlier. The fact that William is so scared is funny.

“You don’t ever listen to me.”

“I wonder why.” Your sarcastic answer gets a sigh out of him before he stands up, throwing a napkin on the plate.

“I’ll take a walk.”

“And? Do you want my approval?” You literally couldn’t care less what he does or doesn’t. He’s annoying.

“No, I told you in case he comes down...”

You can’t imagine dealing with this version of him for days, or however long The Devil decides to stay. You snort. “Go ahead, take a walk. Take three walks, I can handle myself.”

He leaves without saying anything else, and you smile, scrolling on your Instagram feed. Fucking finally!

You don’t know how your families considered this a good idea. You are close to hitting him every day, but it seems like things only become worse and worse. You just wish you could just run away and never come back.

“Do you mind if I sit here?”

You look up, jumping. It must be ridiculous to be so shocked since he’s the only one who could come here since William left. You let the phone down and wave to the chair in front of you.

“Please, this is your house.”

The Devil gives you a polite smile. Manners... at least one brother has them. “But I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You won’t eat me, right?”

He gives you a look you can’t exactly decode, and that bothers you. You are good at reading people usually.

“No, love, I won’t eat you.” He sits down amused, and you stare at his arms as he reaches for the chicken plate without realizing. He’s... big.

“Bon appetit!” You smile.

“I didn’t say I won’t bite, though.”

You freeze, thinking he is flirting with you for a second. But it’s ridiculous, there’s no way. Everyone spoke so highly of him: how he is always serious, how he’d be against this whole arrangement. No way he’d flirt with his little brother’s girlfriend. “Is the chicken not enough for you?”

He laughs softly, and you can’t help but stare at him a little more. He shaved and has a small cut right under his chin. Jesus, he is really hot! The little dimple, the eyes and that nose...

“Do what do you do?”

“As in for work?”

“Yep.” He empathizes the p in a very childlike way, which makes you wonder even more how old he is. You should totally ask William later.

“I work for my parents’ company,” you whisper ashamed. You always hate when you say that out loud, but, somehow, it feels even more embarrassing now. You can feel his eyes on you, but you don’t look at him.

“What do you do there?”

“Basic HR work.”

“Is the payment that low?”

You snort. “What?”

“You sounded, so I assumed...”

“It is a little low, not gonna lie. But I mean, no nepo baby judgement…?” You hesitate because you realize you don’t remember his name. Fuck! You and your bad memory.

“What? Why are you blushing?” He leans in, placing his elbows on the table to get closer to you.

How horrible can this situation get?

“I just... can I ask something?”

“I don’t know, love, can you?”

You roll your eyes. You know what? He deserves it.

“What was your name again?”

He doesn’t seem surprised or bothered by your question.

“Full name? James Buchanan Barnes, but you can call me Bucky. Should I write it down in case you forget?”

He gently takes out a pen out of his front pocket and grabs your hand. You tremble a little as he starts to actually write his name on your wrist. The letters get a little smudged, but they’re still clear.

Holy fuck...

He’s warm, but not too warm, so you wait for him to let you go.

“Do you always carry pens around?”

“Only on special occasions.” He winks and gets back to eating, letting the pen on the table.

“How old are you?” You ask before you can change your mind as you keep staring at your wrist. He looks in his early 30s, and since he’s the oldest one, it would make sense.

“Didn’t Will tell you?”

You blush again. “You can see my memory isn’t the best.”

He sighs, suddenly shy and reserved, and you wonder if this is somehow a weak spot. But how would age be a weak spot for a man like this?

“Old.” He smiles. “Thirty-eight.”

You try not to look affected as your eyes drop instantly on his left hand. No wedding band.

And he notices.

“He didn’t tell you I’m single, either?”

You take a few slices of cucumber and eat them fast. “Why would he?”

“I’m his brother.”

You throat feels dry as you nervously swallow. “And I am his girlfriend...”

Bucky nods and immediately starts eating.

“That’s all?” You ask. “No threat not to hurt your brother? No background questions?”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-six.”

“I would have guessed twenty-five.”

You snort. “Really? I was told I look younger than that.”

Bucky shrugs in response. “I assumed you’ve been working for a while, and my brother likes them his age or older.” He pours himself a glass of water, and you watch him drink without any shame, not even caring if he notices. You’re already flushed, and he’s a good view.

“I guess I fit the standard.”

He bites his lip while placing the glass down and shakes his head. “Nope, actually you don’t, this is why it’s really interesting.” He smiles. “How did you two meet?”

“The office. He came with his... your dad and we met at an event,” you answer instantly. Your parents have already made up the story for you, and you had to practice it a few times to make it sound genuine, which was a real struggle.

“Was it love at first sight?”

You snort. “That doesn’t exist.”

“Attraction?”

You try to subtly take a deep breath and pray you’ll sound as convincing as you could. “Look, he seemed like a nice guy, good looking and smart. And he asked me out-”

“He asked you out?” His eyes widen in sheer astonishment. “He always waits for girls to ask him out.”

This is when you snap. What is this? An interrogation?

“And? He asked me out. People make exceptions sometimes, Mr...” you pretend you forgot his name again before you look at your wrist. “Bucky.”

“I understand. My bad, didn’t want to make you mad.”

You puff because his tone in everything but apologetic. “I am not mad!”

“No, obviously. Just like you didn’t pretend you don’t remember my name a second ago.”

You bite your cheek annoyed. “Do you not have something more important to do than this?” You gesture between you two.

Not a smart move, but you are exposed anyway.

“But this,” he copies your hands moves. “is fun. And I am just getting to know my little brother’s girl. Since we’ll live together and stuff.”

What?

“You plan on staying?”

Bucky raises his eyebrows. “Of course.” He smiles. “Where is William? I want to know more about how he asked you out.”

*

You can’t say you’ve been avoiding William, but you’re not necessarily enjoying his company. Since Bucky came, he’s been like a bomb, scared, annoyed, always suggesting you to move in his room because his brother will notice, but you brushed him off constantly.

Unfortunately, you can’t tell him to go away now, too, as he drinks coffee in his gazebo.

“Do you want to go out? For a walk or lunch,” he asks, his voice carrying a hopeful note 

“No, thanks.” You don’t intend to sound rude, but it comes out like this anyway.

His face falls, a subtle disappointment etched across his features, but he tries to hide it by taking a sip of his coffee. Instantly, a pang of guilt hits you.

“Look, I’m sorry, I just... I just don’t feel like going out.” With you.

“Well, you should at least try to make an effort, we should be seen together, you know?” he remarks, his tone slightly reproachful. You nod, realizing he must be also pressured by his family the same way yours pressures you.

“I understand. I assume they put pressure on you.”

He sighs. “Of course they do, but like I think it’s a good idea.”

“What’s a good idea?”

You know it’s Bucky not only by the way William stiffens, but you can also easily recognize his voice, and it’s hard to ignore how attractive you find it.

“To go out more often,” you quickly say, avoiding his eyes. “I told him he should have fun since work has been stressful.”

“What about you?” He casually drops on the chair between you two and takes a bite from his sandwich.

“What about her?” William asks, , his tension evident in his voice.

“Don’t you need some stress relief?”

“I’m alright.” You finally look properly at him as you speak. He’s wearing a white tank top and his disheveled hair adds to the casual allure. He’s so well-proportioned...

“Good.” He smiles and turns to William. “What’s wrong, punk?”

“Just work, you know? Business, you wouldn’t understand.”

You and Bucky snort.

“Sure, buddy, I wouldn’t understand.”

“Are you having siblings time? Should I leave?” you ask, hoping for a positive response.

“Babe, no need.”

You try not to cringe at the way the word babe sounds coming from him and force yourself to give him a polite smile.

“Please, babe, no problem.” You stand up waving, toward Bucky. “Bye.”

Their brotherly time didn’t last long, though. You take a short shower, and as you finish dressing up, you hear a knock on your door.

“You can come in.”

You expect to see William's face when the door cracks, but no, it's not him at all.

“Hi.”

You freeze.

“H-hi.”

Fuck, what will you tell him now?

“Trouble in paradise?”

“What? No. Uhm...” you look around. “What happened?”

“You sleep here, right?”

“Yep.”

He leans his back against the wall, and you can't help but notice how good he looks in those shorts. Jesus, it's like you haven't seen a man in your life.

“Interesting.” He laughs.

“What’s so funny?” You cross your arms, annoyed. He thinks he’s superior or what?

“You are telling me you two have been together for less than six months and you sleep here?”

The judgement and amusement in his voice piss you off even more, as if the situation you are in isn’t bad enough.

“Yes, and?”

“And?” Bucky comes suddenly closer to you. “Are you seriously asking that?”

“Yes! I don’t see what’s your fucking problem. How does where we sleep concern you?”

“Can’t a man be curious?” 

Fuck your curiosity!

“What if we didn’t wanna sleep together now and wait... does that make us less of a couple?” You let out your anger by screaming at him. You don’t think you’ve said anything more ridiculous than that because, sure, you respect everyone who wants to wait, but that’s not you. There's no way you'd get engaged or marry a guy without knowing what your sex life would be like. No way!

“I didn’t say that, but I know my brother, and he is not this type of person.”

You let a deep breath, finding it hard to take your eyes off his lips.

“What if I am?”

He doesn't answer you, simply moving his right hand to his back pocket and taking out a small perfume, then handing it to you. "I think this belongs to you."

Shit!

“Yes, thank you!”

“So you slept in my bed.”

The way he says it makes it sound like you had sex with him or something. But it still leaves you breathless.

You take the perfume from his hand. “Don’t worry, I changed the sheets.”

“See you at dinner, love.” He snorts, turning a little more toward you before opening the door. “You got taste, though. It smells wonderful.”

*

Maybe it’s the hunger or the lack of sleep. Otherwise, why would this make you angry?

“You look very well.” You roll your eyes as you imitate him before taking a sip of your water. Fuck him for coming here and disturbing you. It was enough you see him every morning and after work.

You hear a knock, then the door opens as soon as you put your bottle down. He didn’t even wait.

“Hi, love. How are you?” A few heads turn toward him and then you, and you groan.

“I’m well, thanks. Why are you here?”

Bucky shakes his head. “This is not a nice welcome.” And then he notices everyone. “Hello.”

You hear a few ‘hi’s, but he only focuses on you.

“Who are you waiting for?” You ask, and your thoughts immediately dart to Dana. He complimented her earlier, after all.

“My dad.”

You roll your eyes. “Fine, keep it a secret. I don’t care.”

“I’m serious.” He snorts. “What has gotten you so worked up? Did you eat your chocolate bar today?”

You puff, trying to keep your annoyance under control. “What’s this question? Are you my mom?”

You can't lie, though. The fact that he noticed your daily chocolate bar ritual makes you happy. Today, however, you didn't have time.

“I can be your dad.”

That makes you gasp.

“Bucky!” you whisper, and he leans in. “We are working here.”

“And?”

“And go away, you disturb us.”

Bucky rolls his eyes and gets behind your back, dragging your chair away from the desk.

“Barnes!”

Jessica laughs behind you. “Such an older brother behavior.” she says casually, and you frown. You don’t want people to consider him your older brother. Well, it’s obvious why they do, but it still bothers you.

“I need you to come with me.”

You sigh. “Don’t you see I am busy?”

“Come onnn!”

You tell Jessica you’ll be right back and manage to take your phone with you before Bucky drags you by the arm to the hallway. Dana looks up, surprised, but this time he doesn’t even turn his head toward her, guiding you to his dad’s office. Dana looks up, surprised, but this time he doesn't even turn his head toward her, guiding you to his dad's office.

“You brought me here to be your babysitter? You are 38, not 8. I am sure you can wait patiently for your daddy.”

He closes the door, and you try to control your breathing. Why does he make you blush so much? It’s been one month since you two met, and he still has this power over you.

“You have a big sassy mouth, love, that is for sure.”

You cross your hands. “And?”

“And what?”

“You won’t even deny you brought me here cause you were bored?”

“Nope. Why would I?”

And there he is, getting closer to you little by little. You have to fight the urge to step back.

“Instead you talk about how big my mouth is...” you murmur and he snorts.

“Quite a big mouth for someone with thin lips.”

Well, that is a low blow. You don’t even have thin-thin lips.

“You’re an asshole.” You try to leave quickly, but he stops you instantly, realizing that made you mad.

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way at all. You have a spark.”

“I am working. I do actually work, Bucky. It doesn’t matter this is my family’s company.” You try not to yell, but it’s hard. “I get you’re bored, but-”

“I am sorry.”

“For what?” You voice is a whisper, as you’re still trying to calm down. You’re surprised he apologized so fast.

“For being like a douche. It’s the opposite, I wanted your company because you are really nice and smart. I love our conversations. And you having a big mouth means to me you have an opinion and limits.” He takes your hand and squeezes it.

As he speaks, you can't help but feel a mixture of warmth and confusion. His sincerity catches you off guard, and the tension between you begins to shift. Maybe, just maybe, there's more beneath the surface of his teasing and provocation.

You nod. Maybe you overreacted, he never said anything offensive to you. And you appreciate his company in that house.

“It’s okay, I understand. I am surprised you are here, though.”

He doesn’t let go of you hand, so you don’t either.

“He said he has an offer for the office renovation.” He shrugs. “I cannot refuse without talking first. It wouldn’t be fair.”

You want to answer him, tease and maybe fish for more, but you hear the voices right outside the office and you let go of his hand immediately. As if it burned you, as if you were doing something forbidden.

William steps inside first, followed by his dad and your dad, surprisingly.

Bucky immediately gives you a look and takes a step back.

“You came!” His father welcomed him before turning to you. “Thanks for bringing him to my office.”

You realize this is your clue to go and you slowly walk to the door, intentionally ignoring your father. What shocks you is William grabbing your hand, the same hand Bucky touched before, and kissing your cheek.You realize this is your cue to go, and you slowly walk to the door, intentionally ignoring your father. What shocks you is William grabbing your hand, the same hand Bucky touched before, and then kissing your cheek.

“Thanks, babe.”

You have to clench both of your fists not to punch him in the face, refusing to answer him. You don’t know what bothers you more: the fact that he touched you so casually and called you babe again or that he did this shit in front of your families, and more important his brother.

You feel Bucky’s eyes all over your back and face and you can’t help but turn to look at him. He’s expressionless.

You shake your head. What did you expect?

You get back to your office a little grumpy and upset. Jessica immediately asks you if you’re okay, and you brush it off. Fuck your family, fuck Bucky, and fuck his brother.

But the meeting is surprisingly short since you have Bucky back at your desk fifteen minutes later.

You just can’t take a break, can you?

“What?”

“Shouldn’t you have lunch?” He looks around to emphasize his words, and you roll your eyes. You know everyone left but you.

“I have to finish a few tasks. Why?”

“Your boyfriend left the meeting halfway through cause he was hungry.”

You almost gag. You’ve never hated that word more in your life, but you can’t let him know that.

“And?”

“What do you mean and? Why are you not having lunch with him?”

“Because I have tasks to do!” You snap, irritate, while looking him in the eye. You obviously don’t want to talk about it, but he continues, seemingly unfazed.

“Is he gonna bring you some food?”

“No, we didn’t even talk about it. Can you leave me alone now?”

You are so close to crying for no fucking reason. You can’t let anyone see you like this.

“Prick! He should have waited for you.” He strokes his chin as he speaks, clearly annoyed with his brother. “Want to come with-”

“I’m fine. Had my chocolate bar.” You interrupt him, your voice steady despite the emotional storm within. Finally, he takes the hint.

“Okay, love, I understand. I’ll leave you alone. See you home.” He smiles politely and leaves, giving you the space you need.

Alone in your office, you let out a shaky breath, your hands covering your face as you start sobbing. It’s really touching how understanding Bucky is, even if he’s teasing you. It’s a precious reminder that, amidst the chaos, there's someone who actually cares about your well-being.

*

You wait for William to return from his lunch break, and as soon as you see him, you drag him to his office quickly

“Easy! It hurts.”

“Good, it’s supposed to hurt!”

“What did I do?” He genuinely asks.

“You fucking touched me. You kissed my cheek. Did I allow you?”

“What?” He raises his eyebrows. He doesn’t remember seeing you so angry before.

“I asked you when I gave you permission to put your hands on me!”

“I’m supposed to be your boy-”

“But you are not my fucking boyfriend! You don’t have the option to touch me unless I let you by telling you that you can. And you don’t even have to display a shitty facade because guess what? He doesn’t care.”

“Look, I didn’t mean to...”

“You didn’t mean to what? Get in my space? Take advantage of the situation?” The bitterness in your tone echoes your frustration. “You’re just a man, that’s what you do.”

“Not all-”

You laugh humorlessly, not even a little surprised. “Not all men, right? Well, I heard that one before. But you are officially in all-men category.”

You leave like a storm, letting the door open, and before you can get back to your desk, Dana calls your name.

“Hi, what happened?” You try to sound calm.

“You got a delivery and a note.” She hands them both to you and you can’t help but ask:

“A note?”

Who writes notes anymore?

“Yes.”

You take them from her desk, but you don’t enter your office. You want to read the note first, without Jessica’s eyes on you.

If you don’t eat, I’m gonna punish you... with my presence. So think twice before refusing :)

You almost cry again right there in the middle of the hallway. Fuck him! Just fuck him!

How are you supposed to stop thinking about him when he does this?

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #boyfriend's brother!bucky barnes #fake dating #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes au #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #bucky fanfiction #bucky barnes smut #my stories #my fanfics #sebastian stan

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

How to Talk to Someone Who is Struggling⁣

It can be tough to talk to someone who is struggling with their mental health. We want our friends and family to feel comfortable reaching out to us, but most people aren’t actually sure how to react when that happens. I’ve heard a lot of people express fears that they might say the wrong thing or even make the situation worse. And that’s valid. It took a lot of training for me to learn how to talk to suicidal and depressed people, and they just don’t teach those skills in regular school. But having those skills can save lives. ⁣

So if you’ve got a struggling person in your life and you’re not sure how to talk to them, remember:⁣

Don’t be afraid of using the word ‘suicide’. It’s a harsh word, and a lot of people are scared that talking about it directly might push someone to do it. It won’t. Suicidal people are thinking about suicide in explicit terms all the time; hearing the word out loud isn’t any worse than the things they’ve already been thinking. Using euphemisms and beating around the bush just makes it hard to have an honest conversation. Be direct. Say exactly what you mean. Ask your loved ones if they are thinking about killing themselves. Say the word suicide. It’s hard, but it’s important.⁣

Don’t make the conversation all about you. It is really, really tempting to jump in and tell a struggling person all about your own struggles with mental health in order to empathize with them. Don’t do it. Not right away. You might mean well, but when you launch into your own mental health struggles, you are suddenly putting the other person in a position where they have to comfort and empathize with you, when it should be the other way around. They don’t have the energy for that right now. Let them talk about themselves first. ⁣

Don’t have an intense emotional reaction to what they’re saying. This is really, really hard, but it’s important. When someone is telling you about their self-harm or suicidal thoughts, try to keep your face and your voice as neutral as possible. Offer empathy in a calm, comforting way, and avoid crying in their presence if you can. They are watching you closely to see what’s okay and what’s not okay to disclose; if they see you getting upset at what they’re saying, they won’t want to talk about it anymore. And once again, it puts them in a position where they have to stop and comfort you. ⁣

Don’t say “I know exactly how you feel”. Because you don’t. And hearing statements like this, even if they’re well-meaning, can come across as dismissive or patronizing. Even if you’ve been in a very similar situation, you can’t really know what it feels like to be someone else, or feel the pain they feel. Instead of saying “I know what you’re going through”, validate their pain and say “I can’t imagine what you’re going through” - because you can’t. ⁣

Don’t ask “why” questions. Asking questions that start with “why” automatically puts people on the defensive. When you ask “why do you feel that way”, it makes people feel like they have to justify themselves to you. Instead, ask “what are some of the reasons you feel that way?” This is a much more non-judgmental way to phrase things, and it allows people to explain what’s going on without feeling like they’re on trial. ⁣

Don’t be afraid of silence. When someone tells you something really heavy, sometimes you just won’t know what to say. That’s okay. A lot of the time, distressed people aren’t looking for comforting words - they just need someone to sit there in their pain with them, by their side. Silences are a natural part of intense conversations, and they’re important. Let them happen. And sometimes, a long silence gives someone the space to say the things they were afraid to say before. ⁣

Don’t try to “fix” the problem. When someone comes to you with a problem - their partner dumped them, they lost their job, they’re broke - it can be really, really tempting to just start hurling solutions at them. We’ll sign you up for dating sites! We’ll spruce up your resume! We’ll make you a budget! If the person reaching out to you wanted that kind of help, they would ask for it. If they’re reaching out to talk about their problems, they aren’t looking for practical solutions right now - they don’t need you to fix it, they need you to listen to them, understand how much they’re hurting, and sit by them when they cry. ⁣

Validate their feelings. Distressed people often feel that their emotions are ridiculous, or that they don’t “deserve” to feel sad because they are better off in life than other people. Remind them that they have a right to their own feelings. Confirm that, yes, their situation sucks and it’s okay for them to be upset about it. Never confirm suicidal feelings, but do let them know that their sadness or anger or shame is okay to feel, and they have a right to feel it.⁣

Offer resources only if they are okay with it. Pelting a suicidal person with unwanted pamphlets isn’t helpful. Even if you know a great mental health resource in your area, it’s important to ask if the person even wants resources, or feels comfortable reaching out to a resource. Always check in with the person’s comfort after providing a resource, and ask if you can help them to be more comfortable accessing this resource. If you gave them the name of a local mental health clinic, ask if they would like you to call the clinic for them, or accompany them to the clinic - offer whatever help you can, but don’t push resources, and always check in with their needs and comfort. ⁣

These tips aren’t perfect, and they won’t necessarily work for everyone - they are a guideline to get you started, and to feel more confident approaching struggling family and friends. Having intense conversations about mental health or suicide with a loved one can be overwhelming, and many people don’t feel prepared to have these conversations, even if they want to. Do your best. Even if you make mistakes, showing someone that you honestly care about them and you’re making an effort to be there for them can make a world of difference. Having an imperfect conversation is better than no conversation at all. ⁣

If you’re still having doubts about your ability to have these conversations, remember that there are helpful videos online that you can learn from, and you can always call suicide hotlines to get tips and reassurance about approaching a loved one you’re concerned about. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter how you have this conversation - it matters that you have it.

#mental health #mental health awareness #mental illnesses #depression #anxiety #bpd #cptsd #ptsd #bipolar #psychosis #panic disorder #schizophrenia

[mylovelies-docx]

Sorry, I Love You - Part 12

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry for this.

Plot: You and Bucky have a good thing going - best of friends that also have more than a little chemistry between the sheets. Everything is fine until you develop feelings for the man who doesn't want a relationship. What will happen when Bucky finds out?

C/W: Angst (!!!), murder, blood, guns, violence, death.

(I PROMISE EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY! You've just gotta trust me.)

Word Count: 2,724

Tag List: NOW CLOSED! If you'd like to keep up with this story, please follow my blog and turn on notifications! ❤️ you :)

He can’t take the silence any longer. You should have been home hours ago.

All his texts go unanswered and his calls go straight to voicemail. You’ve had late nights at the HYDRA base, but never this late – never an early morning kind of late.

He knows you’re capable. Knows that you’re one of the strongest people, the best agent, the best everything, but something doesn’t feel right. He can’t feel you. He knows that’s stupid – that he isn’t psychic or empathic or whatever he’d need to be to feel someone’s presence when they’re not in the room with him, but he’s always felt you. 

He can feel you down in his bones, his body unable to forget your voice, your laugh, your smell, your body beside, on, under his own. There’s no one in this universe that he knows better, that knows him better, than anyone else. 

Used to know. Until he fucked it up. Until he fucked everything up and drove you away. Drove you so far away that you weren’t even on the same continent for months, that you never picked up the phone and called him, that you didn’t send any silly texts at 2 am like you used to. He was too embarrassed and ashamed of his reaction to contact you first. He thought it’d be too impersonal to apologize over the phone and admit how scared he was when you confessed to loving him and how sorry he is for what he did afterwards.

That’s why he sent Steve and Sam to bring you home: so that he could see you again and explain himself to you and hopefully confess that, yes of course he loves you too. He was so nervous as he watched the quinjet approach, worried that you wouldn’t like his outfit, or the stubble on his jaw, or his new haircut that he got for you because he remembered how often you’d run your fingers through it and comment on how hot you thought shorter hair would look on him.

But then he cornered you in that hallway. Felt his heart break as you told him that you got over him, that you didn’t love him anymore and never did in any meaningful way. You assured him that you could be friends again if that’s what he wanted.

Of course that’s what he wanted. Of course he wanted to be friends. But he also wanted everything else – what you had before that night at the movies and what you could have had after. He wanted the date nights, and forehead kisses, and hand holding. He wanted the quick fucks, and makeout sessions, and love-making. He wanted all of it with you.

He still does. 

But you don’t.

He will forever regret the words he said to you that drove you away and dissolved the love that you felt for him. He will never forgive himself for taking away your future together. And after that disastrous conversation with you about Petre, he feels like he’s gone right back to square one. He doesn’t know what to do with his emotions and can’t express himself properly to save his life.

He knows what you said, knows the meaning behind the individual words you spoke to him last night: that you and Petre are not together in any way. But Bucky knows that isn’t what Petre wants – knows that Petre wants you in a way that Bucky used to have you, that Bucky could have had you, and more. Because Bucky sees the way that Petre looks at you, the way his eyes follow you around the room as you say hello and chat with his family when they’re around.

Knows that Petre has already asked his mother if she knew of anything else about you before he moved forward with a proposal, if there was somewhere specific he should do it, what else to bring besides his grandmother’s ring. Petre had been across the room with Tessa during this conversation, but Bucky’s serum-enhanced hearing picked it up and he knew that Petre was head-over-heels for you because how could he not be?

He’ll also never forgive himself if something happened to you at HYDRA. Your argument from last night has been lingering between the two of you, and he doesn’t know what to do to fix it – it’s just the actual process and action of initiating that conversation and exposing his squishy insides to you that causes his brain to shut down and his mouth to spew out stupid shit. He knows that you would never turn him away for being vulnerable, but just the way he’s acted when feelings have come up… it leaves a sour taste in his mouth and he’s sure it’s left one in yours as well. 

But you were supposed to call him at lunchtime and he would have said everything he’s been bottling up right then and there. Would have blurted it out because god damn him and his stupid mouth because every time he’s tried to bring it up, he’s fucked up and he hurt you. He doesn’t want to – can’t do that to you again. If you had just called when you said you would, it would have all been cleared up by now and you’d be home and hopefully in his arms and, and, and.

But you didn’t call. You’re not home. Bucky hasn’t apologized.

He’s already called Steve and requested backup – he’d rather be safe than sorry. Now all he’s waiting on is –

His phone that he’d left faceup on the countertop before him beeps and the screen flashes with a notification. Tony finally sent the link to track your location, letting him know where you’re at. Before his heart can even beat again, another message scrolls across the top of his screen.

That’s all Bucky needs before he races out the door, not even bothering to grab a coat before the door slams behind him. Tony’s second message burns behind Bucky’s eyes and makes it hard to think.

Hurry. Something’s not right…

***

The ATV Bucky ‘borrowed’ off one of the neighbors is perfectly capable of getting someone where they’re going, but Bucky grew frustrated with the speed as soon as he raced away with it. He’d have been happier on his souped-up motorcycle, roaring down the roads and sending gravel flying, but it’d be impractical on the freshly fallen snow and hilly terrain. 

His heart stutters in his chest every time he looks down at your tracker’s location and doesn't see it moving. There’s no way you’d be sitting idly in one spot deep in the forest, nearly 20 miles away from the HYDRA base and the house you’ve been sharing with Bucky. The home the two of you have made since arriving.

He thinks of how the two of you should be at the house now - fast asleep, maybe in the same bed if he’d found the right words to tell you what’s been going on in his head, why he was being such a asshole yesterday and how he never should have said any of the shit he did – or at least phrased it better, correctly. 

Every time Bucky remembers your fight last night, he feels the air leave his lungs and a fist form in his throat. The way your face had crumpled when he said you could be together again but then immediately shifted into a flat stare, no emotion evident when you told him that he was the reason that could never happen. Your broken voice when he tried to approach you again when he followed you home. The wrenching, muffled sobs he could hear you trying to smother across the hall as he laid there wide awake, his own tears soaking the pillow.

If Bucky could turn back time, he never would have asked you to be friends-with-benefits. His emotions were all over the place and he was still relishing his freedom, his autonomy that had been returned to him. He didn’t think he wanted any kind of committed relationship back then because he thought it would suffocate him, make him feel like he wasn’t his own person anymore, that there was someone that he had to answer to again.

He should have known that you wouldn’t have made him feel that way – that you are the exception to every rule and that you always helped build him up, never once did anything that made him feel suffocated or out of control. He’d been the one to initiate your friendship, he’d been the one that sought you out for no-strings-attached sex. You’d only ever been there for him, followed him when he needed to get away from the others, listened when he needed to talk to someone. Loved him when he didn’t want to be loved.

And what did he do with that love? He threw it away, crushed it under the sole of his boot in that alley way, let you walk away from his life when you should have worked it out together.

When he’d finally gotten his head out of his ass and realized that all the late nights, deep conversations, the comfort and warmth he felt in your presence: that was love. He didn’t recognize it at the time, but he knew that you were important to him, that you were the only one he could spend so much time with and not become overwhelmed. It took you leaving for him to realize everything that you did for him, all the support you offered. 

He spent a lot of time with his therapist after that. He used to be so angry at you and he knew it was unfair, that it wasn’t logical to be so mad at someone for falling in love, but he was. His therapist listened to his deepest, darkest, most wretched feelings about you, about himself. They helped him to realize that he wasn’t mad at you, that he was only frightened of the love you had for him and the feelings that brought up in him. He didn’t realize he found himself so unlovable and broken that he didn’t think anyone could love him like that. Could love him like you do. 

Did. Love him like you did until he ruined that love like he always knew he would, deep down. It took a lot of time and effort, but he finally understands what he feels for you. 

But now it might be too late.

Bucky is only a mile out from your location when he hears the barking of dogs and men yelling to each other. He pushes the ATV faster, dodging between trees and ducking under branches. Seconds later, Bucky sees lights bouncing off of a decrepit shack and agents wearing HYDRA uniforms scrambling around. 

He takes one hand off the handle and pulls his pistol from the waistband of his pants. He clears the treeline and jumps from the vehicle, ducking and rolling onto the ground. The ATV flies forward and knocks down one of the agents. They all turn to investigate the commotion, and Bucky starts firing.

He shoots one, two, three people off of their feet and they collapse onto the ground in pools of blood. Realizing at this point that Bucky is a threat, the others around the cabin pull their weapons out and aim for Bucky. He clears the next six with one shot each, leaving only two standing and no bullets left in his magazine. Bucky launches the empty pistol straight into one of the assailant’s temples, sending him sprawling. At the same second the pistol leaves his hand, Bucky sprints at the remaining HYDRA agent and slams his metal fist into their face, blood and bone splattering.

Grabbing the gun from this last agent, Bucky grips it in his fist and enters the building. Pivoting side to side, there’s no one immediately in his line of sight. He can see blood spatters around the room, in front of the bookshelf and desk, and a pool of it right in front of him in the archway between rooms. Bucky can hear someone just on the other side of the wall and he adjusts his hands around the gun, finger hovering over the trigger. 

Quickly rounding the open archway, Bucky finds his worst nightmare.

He sees you lying motionless on the ground, your warm, red blood steaming as it puddles around your body. A HYDRA operative stands over you, gun poised and ready. 

Without another thought, Bucky unloads the weapon. He riddles the final agent with bullet holes, ensuring that their finger will never pull the trigger on you. He doesn’t watch as they fall, instead running towards you with only one thought in his head: Please. Please be alive.

Bucky reaches your body where you lie on your side, facing away from him. He quickly rolls you onto your back and watches as your head lolls from the motion. 

“Y/N,” he calls hoarsely, placing his hands on your cheeks and patting quickly. “Y/N. Doll, wake up.” 

Your eyes remain closed and you don’t move. Heart in his throat, Bucky places his fingers on your neck.

Nothing.

“Oh god,” Bucky whines.

Nausea roils in his stomach as Bucky places his hands one over the other on your chest, fingers interlocked. He begins compressions, forcing your heart to circulate what little blood remains in your veins. He feels your ribcage creak and groan under the pressure, knowing he will break bones but hoping the effort will revive you.

Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty. 

Bucky removes his hands from your chest and uses them to tilt your head backwards, opening up your airway. He clamps your nose shut and presses his lips over yours, forcing two breaths into your lungs. He returns immediately to chest compressions, counting up to thirty again and repeating the process.

“Come on, doll. Come back to me.”

It feels like hours that Bucky crouches over your body, working hard to manually pump your heart and keep your brain oxygenated. He doesn’t know how long you’ve been without a pulse, but he’ll do anything to give you a chance at survival.

A loud whirring sound comes from outside and Bucky can hear boots hit the ground. He panics for a second, wondering how he’s going to keep you safe while also keeping you alive, until he hears Steve’s voice.

“Buck? Y/N?!”

“In here!” Bucky yells frantically.

Multiple people come barreling into the kitchen where Bucky is administering CPR. Shock and dread wash over everyone’s faces at the sight in front of them, but Bucky doesn’t have time for them to stand around. You don’t have time.

“Help her!” he cries, lungs and muscles burning. “Please!”

Natasha tries to rush forward, but her booted leg slows her down. Steve and Sam collapse on either side of your body, Sam pushing Bucky out of the way to start his own compressions. Bucky thunks to the ground, his body exhausted from the fear and effort of the last little while.

Wanda runs in, using her powers to suspend the regeneration cradle in the air and bring it over to you. Tony and Nat help Steve and Sam lift you up off the ground and into the machine as Bucky watches your cooling blood drip, drip, drip from your body.

Wanda’s face is wet with tears as she picks the cradle back up with you inside. Using a pulse from his palm, Tony blows a hole in the kitchen wall. Scraps of paper fly off the table and land near Bucky. Wanda takes you directly outside and into the waiting quinjet, Nat and Tony running alongside her. 

A blast of cold air from the open wall slams into Bucky and chills him to his core. He looks down at himself and finds his hands and legs covered in blood. Your blood. One of the pieces of paper catches his eye as it turns red where it lays on the floor. He scoops it up gently and tries to make out what is written.

Bucky can tell instantly that it is your handwriting, but it’s nearly illegible now. He can barely make anything out, and what he can rips his heart to shreds. A wet hiccup tears out of Bucky’s throat and his hands start to quake uncontrollably as he stares at your words.

In case these are my last words,

Don’t be sad. I wish that I could  have spent the rest of my life with you. I just want you all to know that I love you. so , so much. 

“I’m too late,” he whispers. “She’s… she’s…”

Steve and Sam grab either of Bucky’s arms and drag him to his feet. 

“We’ve gotta go, pal,” Steve says. “We’ve gotta get her to Helen!” Nodding his head, Bucky allows his friends to lead him outside and onto the jet. 

He watches you lying in the cradle, not moving, the entire way home.

Part 13

Tag list: @jackiehollanderr @rabbitrabbit12321 @12345sebby @blackwood-bodecker-housewife @lauraashley93 @themorningsunshine @happinessinthebeing @nash-dara @calwitch @stany0url0calwh0res111 @pono-pura-vida @learisa @introverbatim @kentokaze @marvelogic @kaz11283 @terry2227

#sorry i love you #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes fic

[i-am-suffer]

I’m going through the anti Aang tag rn and…. sigh….. there’s so much bull shit….. like people can have whatever opinions they like but so many of them are based off of unbelievably shallow takes on Aang’s character and character arcs. People are choosing to hate a fictional child because they can’t be bothered to see anything other than the worst in him. So now, in a fit of saltiness, I will be debunking some of the recent Aang criticism I’ve found.

Firstly:

Huh???? Whoever you are, anon, I think you’re the one who doesn’t know what good character writing is. Aang isn’t my all-time favorite, and he’s not always written consistently, but he still manages to tell a compelling story of a boy who, even after the genocide of his entire people and with the weight of the world on his shoulders, still manages to hold on to his happiness, his kind spirit, and his morals. And even though he makes mistakes (mistakes that his antis refuse to stop screaming about) he’s still a good person. Not even deep down, either, it’s right there for everyone to see. Which makes it doubly frustrating when people ignore that obvious fact.

Secondly:

Okay, so the context of the comic panel is this: Aang is mulling over his feelings for Katara, and he’s a little sad. Katara walks in, wanting to train with him, but he says he doesn’t want to. Katara thinks he needs to train, especially his firebending — and she’s not wrong — but then she starts throwing water at him and asking him to spar with her. So Aang, frustrated, does some firebending. That’s about where the comic panel is taken from. Taken out of context like that, he looks like he’s about to attack her, but he doesn’t. He actually gets really scared about almost hurting her and asks her if she’s okay. So, thank you for showing the whole unbiased truth, and not ignoring any parts that show things that contradict your opinions on any characters, tumblr user the-badger-mole. You clearly know the importance of reading the entire story before forming said opinions.

*deep breath* Okay. Now let’s talk about the Ember Island Players.

I don’t think Aang kissing Katara was a good decision for the writers to make. In my opinion, Aang was being ooc. They also should have shown him apologizing to Katara afterwards (which I definitely think happened because why else would Katara make the decision to be with him in the last episode?) But even onscreen, Aang isn’t portrayed as being in the right, and he’s clearly shown regretting his actions. He hits himself and calls himself stupid, and he was miserable for the rest of the episode. It was a mistake on his part, and he’s incredibly guilty about it. And it’s important for shows aimed at kids to show characters making mistakes they could make, teaching them not to do those things. That being said, I don’t think Aang traumatized Katara by kissing her. If he had, she wouldn’t have come back to him, and she wouldn’t have initiated the kiss in the finale. Katara is not the type of person to resign herself to a life of assault, and Aang is not the type of person who would knowingly assault someone, especially not someone he cares about as much as he does for Katara.

Which leads into the next criticism:

I am flabbergasted. What do you mean he never helped Katara with her problems? Who was willing to drop everything to take someone he had just met all the way across the world so she could learn waterbending? Who stood up for her when Pakku was being a misogynist? Who comforted her when she was crying about being forced to bloodbend? Who gave up the chance for ultimate power because her life was in danger? And that’s just what I can list off the top of my head. And of course he empathized with her! Also, the kiss at the invasion wasn’t assault. It may have taken Katara by surprise, but it wasn’t assault. Just say you don’t like Kataang and leave it at that.

Fourthly:

It wasn’t handed to him. The lionturtle was foreshadowed in season two, in the Library episode. And stop acting like a thirteen-year-old killing a man with his hands is the best solution. Taking a life is deeply traumatizing, whether or not it’s justified.

Fifthly:

I can only think of one time where the pan-up thing happened, in the fortune teller episode (lmk if I’m wrong tho). Getting flustered when your crush looks pretty is not a crime like these people say it is. Also, Aang literally travelled across the world with Katara and has seen her at her worst, and yet people still have the audacity to claim he doesn’t know her as a person? And don’t try to tell me he doesn’t respect her (“A herd of rhinos… or two waterbenders” —Aang).

Next:

Bro. This boy had his entire people killed, including his father figure and all his friends, and just when he’d made two new friends, they were given an opportunity to leave him and seemed to want to. He was afraid of losing Sokka and Katara! He didn’t hide the map out of malice. Plus, he was going insane with guilt the whole time he was hiding it! Sure, it was presented in a comedic light, but he was clearly suffering! And when he got found out and his friends understandably got angry and left, he didn’t try to stop them! He didn’t care about attention, he cared about his friends. (Plus that whole episode was really poorly written, not just with Aang.)

Okay, that about wraps things up. Thank you for reading my long, salty post. I’m going to put this in the anti Aang tag in an attempt to get the antis to actually think about their opinions for once >:3 To my fellow Aang Aapreciators, I congratulate you on your good taste. Love you guys <3

#atla #avatar the last airbender #atla aang #atla meta #pro aang #aang apprectaion #aanglove #avatar aang #pro kataang #avatar the legend of aang #aang defense squad #aang #anti aang #aang critical #long post

[xstarkillerx]

✨ here and I had a whole discussion with my friends about Anakin and me being like “100% would love to handle this guy” and my friend was shocked as she could definitely not see Anakin as a sub. And it reaaaally got us heated like “no Anakin is definitely giving too energy” and me being like “I can’t imagine that sorry” and the thing you published about Anakin just giving his all while trying to hide his tears of frustration, I agree so so soooo much. Man is scared of his own attachment it just works perfectly

LMAOOOOOO, I love that y'all were debating about it. There are two wolves inside of every person, one wants to get absolutely railed by Anakin Skywalker, the other wants to make him cry. You guys could go back and forth on this debate forever, honestly. I do it every day.

Honestly, soooooo many versions of Anakin exist in my head, but I think the main one exists as this Christian grey type character (HEAR ME OUT, GIVE ME 2 MINUTES OK I SWEAR I CAN EXPLAIN).

Is Christian Grey a complex and well written character? Absolutely not, that entire series is dogshit, but the most interesting thing about him that I took away from those movies, is this admission of feeling like the weakest creature on earth.

mildly off the rails tangent below that I'm hoping no one thinks I'm fucking crazy for saying out loud. But sparkle anon, I think you more than anyone else will at least have a laugh about it so... CW for unhealthy BDSM practice mention, grooming mention, etc.

I was surprise to see that in that second movie, Christian actually admits that he's not a dominant, he's a sadist. NOT even in the BDSM sense of the term, which requires actual training, emotional, physical, and psychological awareness and care, but just a sadist in general. He's a very confused victim of grooming who gets off on hurting people who look like his mother. His first genuine act of emotional vulnerability with Anastasia, the first one that holds any real meaning to him, is getting on his knees and letting her violate a previously stated boundary (touching his chest), which is FUCKED UP but entirely telling of the values that were instilled in him when he was being groomed as a teenager, that love is submission, devotion is submission, and submission is self-destructive, which is horrible and I really empathize with that experience. He turns to this charade of dominance (and extremely unhealthy BDSM practice) as a rejection of his grooming but also as a way of expressing his pent up trauma that he refuses to address in a healthy way. However, when it comes time for him to show Ana who he is, be genuine with her, what does he do? He kneels, palms up, eyes to the floor.

The truth is, if he were able to find submission on his own, he would have a much better internal relationship with his submissive tendencies. (if I'm remembering correctly, I haven't seen the second film in ages)

So, how this connects to Anakin (in the way that I think and write about him) is that he probably sees things in the same way. For his own reasons (i.e. slavery, losing his mother, Palpatine's grooming), Anakin has problems relinquishing control, not just in a sexual sense but in a spiritual one too. He does not feel entirely comfortable giving things up to the will of the force.

So when it comes to you and the power you have over him, it completely tears him up inside to be at someone's mercy and it's something he clearly fights against when he's with you. Like, this isn't necessarily a sexy thought, but I almost picture him hating you sometimes because of it. Yet, how he expresses love for you, in his own fucked up little way, is to let you cross his boundaries and see hints of that submission. He lets you get on top, he lets you pull his hair, he lets you use his body, because he loves you and he loves it, he just can't help but feel conflicted and weak for how good he feels when you use him. So sometimes he fucks you rough with tears in his eyes crying and groaning in your ear about how much he fucking hates you, because his insides feel all twisted the fuck up.

Is this fucked up? probably, but I see it as being pretty aligned with his character.

ALSO SORRY FOR SUCH A LONG REPLY THAT PROBABLY MAKES NO SENSE, your asks always get my brain working, sparkle, dearest.

#anakin skywalker hcs #anakin skywalker smut #anakin skywalker x reader #donnie does 👑

[skylarmoon71]

Lex Luthor (Smallville) - Short Story : Chapter 6

It’s usually custom to use the door, but some people don’t seem to get that concept.

“Hi there.”

You screeched at the voice, and Clark raced into your room. It probably didn’t help that you’d just gotten out of the shower and you were still standing in a towel. He was in hero mode the minute he stepped inside your room, but the second he caught sight of you dripping wet, it was as if all his brain power had dissolved.

“CLARK!!”

“Sorry!!” He replied. He spun around in the other direction.

“What are you doing!! Catch that freaking hot stranger in my bed!!” You yelled.

Clark’s gaze moved to the brunette and she just smiled.

“Zatanna, nice to meet you.”

She was dressed like a circus performer, holding out a hand.

“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!”

It’s clear that the morning was off to an interesting start.

After getting dressed, you met Clark and his friend downstairs. Clearly annoyed.

“We’ve talked about this, you can’t just show up. Especially at my friend’s house.”

“She’s the one that called me here.” Zatanna reasoned.

“I don’t even know you lady.” You were glaring and she smiled.

“I was summoned by the call of your magic. I thought I was the only gifted being here, but it seems I was wrong.” She was still wearing that knowing smile, and now you took a seat on your couch, clearly trying to follow what she was saying.

“What do you mean by magic? I don’t have magic.”

She was looking at you as if it were a joke, then she started laughing.

“You’re kidding right. Do you really not know that you’re magical? You have empathic abilities, where did you think they came from?”

“The meteor shower.”

“Oh, please. That meteor shower may have been supernatural, but there is so much more out there than our alien friend here.” She pointed to Clark.

“You’re a crossbreed, just like me. I got my powers from my father, but your abilities must have been further down your familial tree. Mages don’t typically manifest one so prominently. It must mean that your other abilities are still growing. “

You weren’t sure if you liked the sound of that. Because you were still struggling to get a grasp on this one.

Zatanna could see your worried look, and she moved closer, patting your arm teasingly.

“Relax, you have me now. I’m a little busy, but I can pop by now and then to show you the ropes. I’m relieved you didn’t turn out to be a lust craze deity like my last trip.”

“A what?”

She brushed it off.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll be seeing you both soon.”

You wanted more questions, but you blinked and she was gone.

That was irritating. Your eyes moved to Clark who tensed up from his spot next to your couch.

“Why are all your superhuman friends so weird?”

He just chuckled nervously.

“The next time one of them breaks in I’m shooting you.”

“Why me!!”

“BECAUSE I CAN!!”

Maybe you were still a bit bitter that she’d scared the crap out of you while you were almost naked. You had a right to hold a grudge.

~

Lex wasn’t a stranger to being alone. He’d gotten used to it. The isolation. Although lately he’d become much more used to company. Just not the kind he expected. That’s why he told himself he should have called. You shouldn’t just show up at someone’ s house.

That’s what he thought, but now that he was at your door, he couldn’t turn away now. Sucking in a breath, he knocked twice. He could vaguely hear shuffling, or was that yelling?

The door opened, and the last person he wanted to see was Clark.

The space became quiet.

Too quiet.

“Who’s at the door Clark!!”

You sound so casual and Lex couldn’t help but feel jealous at how familiar you sound as you call Clark.

“It’s Lex.”

His tone was almost emotionless. Lex knew better than to expect anything less.

“Good to see you too, Clark.”

The door opened just a bit wider, and you peeked your head out from under Clark’s arm. For a brief moment his mind forgot about his giant of an ex-best friend. Because of the clear size difference, well, he couldn’t deny that you looked unnaturally cute. Especially with wet hair.

Wait..wet hair?

“Geez, do none of you have a good concept of manners. First Clark almost catches me with the towel down and now you’re randomly showing up.”

Your words caused a shift. Lex wasn’t sure why, but he felt a sense of relief at your explanation. The thought of you with Clark, it..it didn’t sit well with him.

You pushed Clark out the door and he stumbled, looking at you incredulously. Lex moved to the side, obviously not expecting it either.

“Go and find your weird friend and tell her not to pop up in my bedroom again.” You said taking Lex’s hand as you guided him inside.

“Come on Lex, at least you don’t have your millionaire friends sneaking into my bedroom.”

“It’s not my fault she’s crazy!!” Clark called.

“Goodbye Clark!”

You closed the door in his face, and Lex just stood there, trying to process what happened.

“Did you really just kick him out?”

“Wanna join him?”

“No ma’am.”

“Good, make yourself at home, I was just about to have lunch.”

“It’s two in the afternoon.”

“Oh,”

You supposed talking to that witch messed with your plans.

“A snack it is.”

You turned to the kitchen and Lex followed behind hesitantly. He’d never been inside your house. This wasn't exactly how he pictured his first visit.

“(Y/N)..”

Clark’s whiny voice on the other side of your door pulled you back.

“What, why are you still here!!”

“Let me in!”

You huff.

You wanted to hang out with Lex, but you didn’t want two of them glaring at each other the entire afternoon.

“Fine, I’ll let you in, but you play nice with Lex.”

There’s a prolonged silence on the other side.

“Fine.”

You smile, and Lex is anything if not impressed.

“It’s open.” You call.

He turned the knob, stepping in, clearly mad that you hadn’t even bothered to lock it just to torment him.

It was definitely going to be an interesting evening. 

#empath #lexluthor #friends #protective #clark kent #trust #lexxreader #smallville

[wisteria-lodge]

snake primary + bird secondary (badger model?)

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these, I’m excited to get back into it!

I thought I’d start with a little bit of backstory: my father is a double badger, and my mother is a snake badger with a bird secondary model. Therefore, I think it is fair to say that family and community have always been important in my family. I, too, tend to want to help people whenever I can, feeling the most useful when I can be helpful towards others. However, I want to help people, not entire groups. Even in my friend group, it is more about my personal link with each of my friends than with the group as a whole.

Even when I was a kid, I didn’t really care about the “class” or the big group, I only wanted to have a few friends. As long as I had one friend in my class, I didn’t care who else was in it. 

Well, so far so Snake. Are you worried about getting a false positive because your parents also have Loyalist primaries? 

As a kid, my biggest fantasy was that my best friend and I would stay friends forever. We would move into an apartment together when we’d be older, and our boyfriends would also be friends so we could hang out together all the time.

I also remember how completely devastated and betrayed I felt when that same best friend moved away a town away just before high school. She had to change schools and she made new friends. She became closer to them, and I felt her distancing herself slowly from me. I tried everything I could to keep the friendship going: I sent her emails or text messages almost every day and was constantly asking her if she was available to hang out with me. Looking back, I knew she had moved on already with her new friends, and she didn’t want to tell me because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but I just couldn’t accept it back then. Until she stopped talking to me and was only answering my messages when she thought I had something important to tell her. It was the ultimate betrayal to me. I stopped trying to contact her, and I realized that she made no efforts to contact me, even if had been a while she hadn’t heard from me. I never talked to her again, and I’ve never looked back.

Loyalty has always been THE most important thing to me. My biggest fear is being abandoned by the people that I love and care about. 

So far, this all absolutely sounds like a young Snake. The one friend, and not being able to understand that your friend doesn’t have the same kind of pinpoint-loyalty-as-morality than you do. 

Consequently, I am deeply scared of hurting or disappointing them. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt or disappoint someone that I love and care about. 

Hmmm. Talking about fear as a motivator is usually a sign of some burning somewhere. I’ll keep an eye on that. 

Also, I do have a way to “classify” people (family, friends, best friends, acquaintances, etc.), and those who I don’t consider being a part of my inner circle don’t really matter to me. I will be nice and kind to them, but I don’t really care about them. And that extends to family members as well. There are some people in my family that I wouldn’t mind never seeing again, because I just don’t like them. I am nice when I do see them because I know they matter to my father (who is part of my inner circle). I also wouldn’t wish anything bad upon them, and if something bad would happen to them, I would empathize with them and feel bad for them, but not to the point of caring and wanting to help. 

The classic Snake “inner circle” model. So far you’ve been kind of word-perfect describing textbook Snake. I’m wondering where the disconnect is for you. 

My father, on the other hand, really cares about them no matter how mean to us they can be, which I just can’t wrap my head around.

Well, you did say he was a Double Badger. 

I also tend to drop everything when someone I care about needs me. I remember not too long ago, I had plans to spend the evening with my boyfriend, but my friend called me. She asked me if I could stay the night at her place, since she was alone and she was going through a rough time. I was really conflicted about seeing her the next day instead or cancelling my plans with my boyfriend to go spend the night with her to make sure she was okay. They were both people who I consider to be part of my inner circle, and I didn’t want to upset any of them. But what really made me tip for cancelling my plans with my boyfriend is the fact that we could always reschedule and have a great time the next day. But my friend needed me right now. I will always do everything in my power to help someone I care about.

Even if my parents are both people-oriented, they have always insisted about the importance of academic success. They wanted me to be studious, to get good grades and to work hard…which I did. Even now that I’m in university, I still study as much as I can and sometimes even spend nights cramming for an assignment or an exam. I like feeling that my work is appreciated, both academically and professionally. But I don’t like doing the work. I’m a great procrastinator, and a fervent believer of “work smarter, not harder”. I like when I can find a short-cut to a task.]

Well, that sounds like a pretty textbook Bird secondary.  

I also have a problem with rules that don’t make sense to me. 

I would hope so! :) 

I need to understand the reasoning behind the rule before I can follow it. Otherwise, I will continue to do it my way, because at least it makes sense to me. If I get caught rule-breaking, I will explain my reasoning and keep my ground until I receive an explanation for said rule. 

That’s also very bird flavored. That’s not social-engineering your way around the problem *or* just trying to stubborn it out. That’s the Bird secondary ‘I just need to explain it in exactly the right way, then they’ll get it. 

But I never do it in a confrontational manner because I hate confrontations. I also hate lying. I’ll do it when necessary, but as a last resort only.

My guess is that you’re probably more comfortable in single-player Bird when it comes to problem solving. 

I do know that I am a planner. I enjoy sitting down and planning my day or my week, making to-do lists and spreadsheets to help me organize all the important stuff. I also tend to make plan Bs and plan Cs, and sometime even plan Ds for situations, just to make sure that I know what to do if something goes wrong. And I do become anxious and panic when my plans fail, before I can focus again on what knowledge, tools, and skills I have at my disposition to make a new plan. I hate situations where you have to improvise everything: it makes me deeply uncomfortable. I need guidelines to at least have a general idea of where I’m going.

Just, couldn’t be more Bird secondary sounding if you tried. 

In my friend group, I’m the one who will always make sure we have everything we need before leaving for an activity or a trip. I make a list of everything we need, and I check it as we pack. I’m also the one who will have a bunch of stuff in my bag, just in case my friend would need a plaster or some lipstick.

You’re like Batman. Always prepared. 

I like to remember little details about my loved ones (favorite song, favorite movie, favorite tv show, favorite meal, etc.) and use those to make personalized gifts or to plan surprises for them.

Bird secondaries love their data, and Snake primaries like doing special things for their people. You sound lovely. 

I do act differently depending on the situation or the people I am with, but I don’t see this as “acting” or wearing a mask, because none of it is fake. It is just different sides of me. For example, I’ll act differently at work than when I’m with my family or my friends, but it is still always me, no pretending involved. I also like to match other people’s energy, as long as it fits with who I am.

This is interesting, because just this bit is sounding a lot more Badger. You’ve clearly read a lot of my stuff, and are using the sort of language I like to use while writing my sortings (which honestly a point for Bird.) A Bird’s personas are all absolutely sides of themself - the main difference is that because they don’t shift between them as often as a Snake or Badger does. A Badger or Snake will shift multiple times in a conversation, this is usually what they mean by ‘matching energy.’ A Bird is also more likely to match a face to the situation, not the person - so when you say you have ‘a face for work,’ that is what I think of.

Sometimes Birds will feel themselves “suck” in one face or another. and that feels unpleasant, because their people aren’t seeing the whole, just seeing a part. It doesn’t seem like you’ve ever experienced that, but that is a Bird thing. So what do you think? Does the way an Actor Bird wears personas sound like you, or do you maybe model Badger secondary? 

When I have to make a tough decision, I will focus first on what I want and need, but I will also consult with people that are close to me (again with that notion of inner circle), just to make sure that my decision won’t impact them negatively. 

Sounds like a Snake primary to me. 

However, when I have a problem to solve, I will rely on my own skills and knowledge to find a solution. If I know someone who has a skill or a particular knowledge that could help me

“I know a guy” Bird.

I might ask for their help, but it is not guaranteed, as I might still prefer to find a solution on my own. I find it hard to ask for help. I like to look at the bigger picture, and make sure I have enough information before doing anything.

I am a very curious person, with various interests. I love researching and learning more about those interests. I also like to learn new things, but not necessarily with the intent of using them eventually. I don’t need a reason to learn or read about something, other than being curious about it. I tend to memorize random facts about stuff that interest me even if I’ll never use them again, just for the fun of it.

Sounds like your classic Collection Bird. 

I want to thank you for taking the time to read and to analyze this. Hopefully It wasn’t too boring or confusing! I absolutely enjoy reading your posts and I love the consideration you put into each sorting.

I thought yours was very well organized, and pretty darn straightforward. 

#submission #sortinghatchats #shc #wisteria sorts #sortme #snake primary #bird secondary #snake bird

[animebw]

I think episode 8 of Yuri Kuma Arashi is kind of the perfect example of the issues I’m having with this show. Because on the surface, all the symbolism and commentary are spot fucking on.

I’ve danced around it a bit in my posts, but to me, YKA is very clearly commenting on the “pure yuri” genre, as it’s sometimes known. To simplify for time, it’s a certain attitude that goes into writing yuri stories where the girls are shut off from the real world. They don’t read like actual lesbians living full lives, they come off as porcelain dolls kept safe and pristine in their little doll houses. It’s an infantilizing strain of writing that doesn’t really care about portraying queer experiences as much as it cares about selling fluffy fantasies of surface-level cute gayness, separated from the reality of what it actually means to be gay in today’s world.

To be clear, I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with queer escapist fantasy like that. God knows us LGBTQs could use a few perfectly happy stories where we don’t have to think about how much the real world sucks for us. But there’s a certain point where it feels like a lot of yuri stories aren’t written to actually speak to a genuine lesbian experience, but just to present a safe, non-threatening plastic approximation of it to make it more palatable to hetero consumers. Trapping queerness in an unbreakable bubble where it can play out in harmless separation from the real world, a greenhouse full of beautiful flowers that can’t survive outside its walls. No need to think about gay people’s place in “normal” society, either from the perspective of a gay person trying to navigate it or a straight person trying to understand and empathize with their struggles. And I say this as someone who’s loved plenty of fluffy yuri stories: it’s not healthy for so much of the genre to be dominated by that stuff.

So theoretically, I should be really receptive to what YKA is doing. A vicious deconstruction of the harmful expectations that the pure yuri genre places on actual queer people? How it boxes in their experiences and stunts their humanity by reducing it to a harmless, commodified product? With a main villain who was explicitly broken by being locked one such box until she began to see herself as filthy for every minor misstep and grew obsessed with trapping all girls like her in those boxes too, scared the world wold break them as badly as it broke her? I should be so on board for that. That’s exactly the kind of commentary I should be foaming at the mouth over.

The problem is that the show serving that commentary just isn’t very interesting on its own terms.

Like, do I understand the point of Yurika’s role as antagonist? Sure. Do I get the importance of the metaphors that drive Kureha to try and kill Ginko? Absolutely. Do either of those things make me care about them on a deep, personal level? No. Because the sad truth it, these characters are not interesting outside their place in the metanarrative. Strip away the commentary these characters exist to serve and there’s basically nothing left. You can watch Utena without a master’s thesis in feminist theory and still care about Utena trying to save Anthy from her shackles. You can watch Sarazanmai without a PhD in child psychology and still have a blast with the kids’ struggles for connection. You can even watch Penguindrum, confusing mess though it may be at times, and care about Kanba, Shu and Himari even when you don’t understand exactly why things happen the way they do. But you cannot watch and enjoy Yuri Kuma Arashi unless you care more about the overarching metaphors and message of a story than the story itself. If anything, it reminds me less of any other Ikuhara show and more of the similarly meta-narrative heavy Re:Creators: a very good message that I definitely agree with, but man does the story conveying that message not measure up on its own.

#anime #the anime binge-watcher #tabw #yuri kuma arashi #yurikuma arashi #2015 aniwatch

[itsbopp]

What Is: It Like Dating Season 4 Clementine - The Walking Dead | Headcanon | Part I

A/N: This is set after the original plot of Season 4.

SUMMARY: What would it be like to date S4 Clementine?

WARNINGS: Talks of nightmares, general TWDG stuff, but mostly fluff.

WORD COUNT: 1495

For one, Clementine isn’t the most vulnerable person in the world. From a young age, she’s always kept to herself, and she never saw a reason to change that as she grew up. She was by herself, with AJ, and he never often asked her what was wrong, but that was only because she did a good job at hiding her worries. Well, she thought she did, at least. Upon meeting you, however, she came to the realization that she wasn’t good at painting on a poker face at all. Or, maybe, you were just really good at noticing when she was fighting with the thoughts inside her head. 

Even before you and the brunette started dating, you had always been attentive to her. You either helped her with her personal concerns or let her vent about things that were bugging her. Or, you assisted her with her prosthesis, and walking just in general. They were things that she was always grateful for, but sometimes she couldn’t help but become too prideful about them. She never wanted to feel weak, and she felt that way with her new ailment that would remain lifelong, but you always tried your hardest to assure her that she was still the same strong woman you had fallen in love with.

Honestly, in your eyes, she was even stronger now. 

With that strength, comes her sometimes overbearing need to protect you. She means well, of course. She just wants you to be okay and not suffer the same fate she did, or worse. It’s endearing if you really think about it. She hasn’t shown such an obvious need to keep someone safe since AJ, and now you’re the second person in her life that she couldn’t handle losing. Her way of showing that to you is by reaching out to hold your hand in public situations or wrapping her arm around your waist when she has the sudden urge to keep you close. 

That’s typically as far as she’ll go when it comes to PDA, too. Most she’ll do is give you a soft kiss to the cheek, and the least she’ll do is rest her hand on your back. It’s either when she’s passing you by and wanting you to know she’s there, or it’s when you showcase that you need some physical support that doesn’t encase your body in any way. No matter what, though, she’ll always be happy to have her hands on you in some way. She just loves you a lot, you know?  And she may or may not be touch-starved, so feeling you in some way is a must for her. 

With being Clementine’s partner, you and her eventually move into a dorm room together, and that only happened after AJ decided to bunk with Tenn and Willy. There were some nights where you and your girlfriend could very easily hear the boys shrieking and laughing, all the way down the hall, but instead of being annoyed about it, you both couldn’t help but chuckle in amusement. Those nights of happiness and comfort typically also led to ones full of deep conversation and soft-spoken words exchanged between you and her. Those were always your favorite moments. 

You’re both vulnerable and able to tell each other anything without the worry of judgement seeping through an attempt at understanding. The brunette never has to feel scared when it comes to your responses to her stories regarding the past and the trauma it brought her. Always, you listen, and even if you can’t completely empathize with what she’s been through, you can easily sympathize and tell her what you feel she needs to hear. No matter what, you always try to make her feel better, even if only a little bit in those moments. 

You’re thankful that laughs and fun are typically what comes after those conversations. Like AJ, Tenn, and Willy, you and Clementine end up giggling away and wheezing like two little kids who were scolded to keep it down at a sleepover, but you both just can’t. The closeness between you and her is like a match made in heaven. You guys can talk about anything, and it will never become stale or boring. And that’s one of the traits she loves about you. You’re so easy to talk to, it’s almost unreal. 

You two definitely gossip about the drama that sometimes goes on throughout Ericson’s. If it’s really bad, of course, you and her are going to try and handle it, but if it’s something like Louis crushing on a newcomer or something and acting like a complete doof in the process, then each of you are on that shit like hot cakes. She wouldn’t have it any other way. She loves talking to you, and if that means pulling you into a corner with the two of you giggling like little gremlins over stupid stuff, then she’s all for it. The banter between you two makes the scenarios much more entertaining.

When it comes to sleeping arrangements, Clementine goes with the flow. Either she’s the one holding you, or you’re the one holding her. No matter what, she loves being close to you, but if she could choose which she liked the most, then she’d probably pick a position where she’s holding you. Just the idea of having you in her grasp makes her feel like she’s keeping you safe and protected, which is always something she wanted for the people she loved. Having you lay on her chest gives her peace as well. You were like a weighted blanket, which gave her security on her sometimes-restless nights.

Speaking of restless nights. When Clementine had nightmares, you’d always wake up with her and comfort her. She would be shaky and quiet, so you often took matters into your own hands and, as a way to help her feel better, would go and make her some coffee. If the bad dream was really intense, she’d come with you, not wanting to be alone, but luckily, that wasn’t often. You always hated it when her mind would scare her. If you could fight that part of her mind, you totally would. You even made a comment about it one night without even thinking, and she snorted in response, finding your groggy, grumpy voice cute.

“It’s not funny! I don’t like it when you can’t sleep because your brain likes to bring up bad memories.” You pursed your lips into a pout as you slumped your shoulders, which caused the brunette to smile softly at you, a warm cup of coffee in her palms and a blanket draped over her shoulders. 

“I’m just thankful you’re here,” Clementine replied. You could only scoot closer to her and wrap your arm around her waist in response, making her sigh and lower her head to rest it against your shoulder. 

“I’ll always be here, Clem.” 

On a brighter note, Clementine made it her mission to teach you how to use a bow and arrow. If you knew how to use one already, then you and her would have little dates. Granted, they consisted of killing rabbits, but you know, beggars couldn’t be choosers. Even if you didn’t know how to use that particular weapon, dates would still happen. And, honestly, they probably would be longer, because she’d make an effort in getting techniques down to a T before heading in for the day… or night. 

When it comes to nicknames, she’d probably use “babe” or a shortened version of your name. I don’t think she’d be really big on nicknames. Not because they made her uncomfortable, but just because they didn’t sound right coming out of her mouth. If there were any other nickname she’d use, it’d be one that related to an interest of yours or something. You like space? She’d call you, “cosmo” or “cadet” or even something funny, like “twinkle.” You’re an artist? She’d call you “Picasso” or “songbird” or “my muse,” if she wanted to be cheesy.

And boy, can this girl be cheesy. 

She loves taking you on dates. Whether it’s just walking around the forest, star gazing, or going up into the headmasters’ office and coexisting with one another, while the two of you do your own projects. No matter what the date entails, you and her always have an enjoyable time.

Even though Clementine’s new to romance, she figures it out relatively easily. It helps that she has someone she passionately cares about, and it also helps that AJ loves you too. He was like the family dog when the partner goes to meet their partners’ parents. You passed the vibe check, so good job. And you’ve even got Louis and Violet enjoying your company, too. Everyone just thinks you and the brunette are perfect together, and she wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Because in her eyes, you’re the best she could ever get. You’re one of a kind.

#clementine x reader #twdg clementine #twdg x reader #twdg

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hiii! I was wondering if I could get a matchup for Attack on Titan and My Hero Academia?

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Hetero

Zodiac/MBTI: Sagittarius/ISFJ (personally, I think my ISFJ is scarily accurate)

Appearance: I am 5’5 with naturally tanned skin. My hair is brown, kinda wavy, and goes a little ways past my hips. I have blonde highlights, though they’re kinda grown out atm. Both of my ear have two lobe and one cartilage piercing. My eyes are a superr dark brown but I’ve been told I have long eyelashes. (As a native, ppl typically compliment my hair, cheekbones, or dimples) Figure wise: I’m on the chubbier side, fuller in the thighs and chest.

Personality: I am a very non-confrontational and quiet person. Eternally anxious. A lot of times, I would rather keep quiet and the peace than speak up. But this is smth I’m working on! If someone else were to start the conversation— I turn into an absolute chatter box. People I’m comfortable with easily make me loud and relaxed. I’m sillier and more outgoing with them. I show a lot of my affection though teasing and laughter. I think I’m really disciplined and responsible (courtesy of having strict parents and being the oldest daughter) I’m extremely family oriented, I grew up basically raising my brothers. I like being involved in communities and making friendships. I’m an empathic person and while I love romanticizing things, I’m a pessimist when it comes down to it. I crave academic validation so much it’s awful but I’m also such a procrastinator-bare minimum will get me by type of student.

Likes: Rain, Cold drinks, sunsets, anything music related, sweet tea, books, doughnuts, family

Dislikes: being yelled at, being ignored, materialism, room-temp. chocolate, deadlines,

Hobbies: Baking, reading, Vinyl collecting, writing, shopping

Extra:

— my dream career is being a pediatric doctor

— my aesthetic had been described as coquette and old money

Thank you!! No rush, love! If you do get to this, sorry it’s kinda long and everywhere! I hope you don’t mind! Thanks again!

Hi Anon! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took so long. I hope you like your matchups!

In Attack on Titan, I match you with...

You and Jean are the perfect romantic couple. Although it annoys everyone around you to no end, you can’t help it. You’re both people who romanticise things and being together only makes that trait stronger.

Please bake with him. Jean craves domesticity so it will mean a lot to him that you’re able to share these peaceful moments together.

In the same manner, Jean also loves reading, listening to music, and going shopping with you. He just wants to spend time with you.

Will never yell at you. Or, he tries his best at least. Only if he gets incredibly stressed will Jena feel close to yelling at you.

Even then, he will recognise the stress and do his best to spend some time away from you to get himself under control. The last thing Jean wants is to hurt or scare you.

In My Hero Academia, I match you with...

Koda is a lot like you in the sense that you’re both quiet and reserved people. You’re the more outgoing one but, given time, Koda will start to open up around you more and more.

He’s happy to tag along with you when you go out shopping or hanging out with people but don’t leave him alone for too long. He gets stressed easily in social situations where he doesn't know people.

This guy? Yell at you? I don’t think so. Is Koda even capable of yelling? Either way, he couldn’t even begin to imagine yelling at someone he cares about so deeply.

Loves listening to music with you. I see Koda as someone who really gets into music, especially if the lyrics are something he can relate to.

He’s not sure if he can help you with your procrastination issues but he can certainly show you validation, even if it’s not academic. He thinks you’re great at everything you do and will do his best to show that.

#writing #fanfic #matchup #matchup request #request #attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin #jean kirstein #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #koji koda

[axdently]

 ̶D̶a̶d̶ Benny,

I can’t… I can’t stay, I can’t. I did something terrible and my heart is racing and my head is spinning and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who I am I don’t know what happened, I didn’t mean for it to be like this Benny, please, you have to believe me. I tried to stop myself, I tried to control it but it was like I was watching myself unravel from the outside, I didn’t mean to do it

I’m so scared, Benny. I don’t want to hurt you too. I’m so scared of myself and I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I’m so sorry. I love you so much and I’m just so sorry. I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶f̶r̶a̶i̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶

I don’t think I’m the same person anymore and I don’t know if I’ll ever be again, ̶i̶t̶’̶s̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶s̶u̶m̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶

 ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶m̶o̶n̶s̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶’̶s̶ ̶w̶

I can’t stay here anymore. Please don’t look for me.  ̶I̶’̶m̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶s̶a̶f̶e̶.̶ I’m not good.

Benny’s hands trembled slightly as he read the heartfelt and distressing words before him. Flashes of the final scene he’d seen her in vanished. His own fear wades in the deep end, as the shallows grace him with correspondence. She’d thought about him before she took her leave, and seeing that familiar handwriting had swelled a giant inhale of hope in his old man’s heart. He rips the envelope open tenderly even as the hole in his chest remains a void.

The weight of each word bore down on him, a mixture of worry, confusion, and deep concern for the person who had become an integral part of his life. Elia’s message held a vulnerability that cut through his heart, and Benny couldn’t help but empathize with the pain it conveyed. She sounded lost, scared, and hurt– and just like that, his promises all went straight to hell. 

He has had little time to blame himself– but after reading her own reflections, he begins to realize just how at fault he is. Had he not told her enough just how special she was? And was it his fault that she carried her secrets all alone?  

As he absorbed each line, his gruff exterior softened, revealing the depth of his fatherly instincts. He felt a mixture of sorrow and helplessness, the ache of a parent witnessing their child in distress.  Watery brown eyes that are usually so steady, glistened with the emotions he struggled to put into words He traced the lines with his fingers, as if by touch he could somehow reach out to her, offer the comfort she needed. The desperation and self-doubt in her words cut him to the core, his own heart aching in response. His daughter, his precious Elia, was in turmoil, and he felt utterly helpless, miles away from her in her time of need. With a heavy sigh, he gathered his thoughts, his throat thick with emotion as he began to pen his response:

Elia, 

I’m reading your words, and my heart aches to know that you’re in so much pain. It’s tearing me apart not to be there with you, to hold you close and tell you that everything will be okay. I want you to understand that no matter what you’re going through, no matter the mistakes or the struggles, I love you. And I believe in you.

I can’t pretend to fully comprehend what you’re going through right now, but I do know one thing—you are not alone. You have people who care about you, who want to help you through this. Please don’t bear this burden on your own. Reach out to those who love you, who want to stand by your side.

It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to feel lost and unsure of yourself. We all have moments of doubt, moments when we question who we are. But remember that you are stronger than you think, and you have the capacity to overcome all of this pain that is consuming you.

If you’re not feeling safe, if you’re feeling like you’re not in control, please don’t isolate yourself. Let someone help you, guide you through this. I’m here for you, always. You are not a monster, Elia. You are my daughter, and I love you with all my heart.

Please, reconsider leaving. Let’s find a way to face this together. You don’t have to do it alone.

Please, take care of yourself.

Love always, Dad.

As he finished writing, Benny’s heart felt heavy with the weight of his words. He dropped his pen, and watches it roll off of the surface as his mind is filled with a mixture of hope and fear for his daughter’s well-being. He knew that their bond was strong, but the distance between them was a barrier he wished he could break through. He realizes that even in writing her back, he has no place to send it to.

All he could do now was wait and hope that she’d return. 

@spcllcraft​

#submission #⸻ 𝒅𝒂𝒅𝒅𝒚-𝒊𝒔𝒎𝒔 ; PROSE. #BENNY FT; ELIA #EVENT 003

[ossifer-bones]

13. “You make me feel safe.” with ChenPrice.

The words are a whisper, yet they jerk Chloe out of her half-sleep like Alex is shouting her name, because how the fuck does she make Alex feel safe? She’s the one who broke down crying out of nowhere when that song came on, dropped the plate she was in the middle of washing, and offered no explanation besides some other girl’s name.

Someone who still can’t handle hearing Santa Monica Dream all these years later isn’t a source of safety. Safety is stability, composure, and a lot of other things that Chloe knows she lacks. Rachel is proof of how good she is at providing safety.

She grits her jaw and considers trying to turn to look at Alex, but that would mean making Alex stop spooning her when that arm around her waist is the only thing keeping her grounded right now. How is she making feel Alex safe when she’s the one who always needs comforting? She settles for talking to Alex as she is: facing away so that she can’t see the tears. “How? I’m a fucking mess. You’re the one playing big spoon right now.”

The words come out with more bite than she intended. She’s sure that Alex knows it’s aimed at herself. They were two weeks into dating when she realised Alex could already read her like a book, to a degree that couldn’t just be explained by how she wore her heart on her sleeve, and it was a month in when Alex told her how she did it. It’s funny, her, the emotional clusterfuck of the century, ends up meeting an Empath in a bar. Another one of the universe’s sick fucking jokes, like how Rachel died in the town she always wanted to escape. Fuck, and here come the tears again. Stop thinking about it, stop, stop—

“It’s because you feel so much,” Alex continued in a soft voice. “Other people, they’re still hard to read even though I’m the mind-reader in the room, but you aren’t.” Chloe can hear the smile in her voice, the conviction, the certainty, and something else that she’s scared to name. It’s too presumptuous to think of that after only seven months and some change. “It was overwhelming at first, but it’s what drew me to you. You’re honest in a world full of people eager to lie and bury things to the point only I can see them…

I don’t feel like I have some advantage over you because of, you know, being me. I feel normal. Loved. Safe.”

This time, when Chloe feels the sting of tears, she doesn’t stop them, even though she doubts she could after hearing all of that. She turns around and presses a salty kiss to Alex’s forehead and finally lets herself breathe. The pit in her stomach is a distant memory now that she’s got all this warmth in her chest and a shaky smile on her face. “God, how long have you been holding that one out on me?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Alex grins up at Chloe, pushing herself up on an elbow so that they’re more level. She reaches out to brush a lock of hair from Chloe’s face and takes on a more serious expression. “I’ve always sort of known. I just didn’t know how or when to say it until now. Didn’t feel appropriate.”

Everything that song dredged up is still there, underneath it all, but the joy of the moment shines too bright for Chloe to dwell on it. Plus, Alex has just left herself wide open. “Wow, you were not as concerned about being appropriate the other night.” Chloe’s voice cracks a bit as a shaky laugh accompanies the remark.

Alex colours a bit and scoffs. “Turning my words against me? Don’t make me take it back, Price.”

When Chloe laughs this time, it doesn’t have that shakiness. It’s still not her normal laugh, but fuck, it’s better than it was. Because she already feels better than she did. It’s impossible not to with Alex in her life.

#chenprice #this was fun to write in an emotionally masochistic way #no beta we die like rachel #chloe price #alex chen #life is strange #my writing #asks #thanks for the prompt!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW for possible emotional abuse and gaslighting. discussion of PTSD symptoms. guilt(?)

I’m looking for support and validation if that’s ok! I don’t really want to use a nickname for paranoia reasons as well.

I think last year I was in a bad relationship. I can’t really remember anything (and I mean that literally, it’s like a huge gap in my memory with little disconnected pieces of memories here and there). I have really intense C-PTSD that makes it incredibly hard to function. I don’t really feel comfortable talking about my symptoms in detail but they feel very extreme and even the smallest trigger can cause me to mentally shut down for weeks. I feel like I’m living in a constant fear, like my body is always on survival mode and I can’t turn it off.

but the thing is I can’t seem to accept the idea that I’ve been abused. It scares me to even say it. I’m deathly afraid it’ll make its way back to my ex and they’ll try to hurt me (though again I can’t remember why I would think that). I’m scared that I won’t be taken seriously. And I just… can’t imagine accepting it. I feel like I’d be betraying my ex in a way, because they were generally a nice, well-liked person and throughout the whole relationship I felt like the bad abusive person. And they told me so themselves, too, several times. I do remember trying really hard to change myself for them, trying to be docile and quiet to avoid upsetting them and it was never enough. Nothing I could do was ever right, no matter what I ended up making them really upset and that alone made/makes me feel horrible. I often feel like I can’t trust myself or my own thoughts. I went through a phase where I wanted to be put on mood stabilizers because I felt like I could never be in a good relationship without being completely passive somehow.

Everything I have been told by friends and therapists, everything I’ve seen online is telling me that I’ve probably been gaslit and manipulated and in my logical mind I know this, but no matter how hard I work on myself I cannot shake the idea that I’m a horrible abusive person. I feel like I don’t deserve sympathy. I feel like a monster, I feel worthless, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with everyone because they’ll see me as a mean person if I assert myself(?). I do everything in my power to please others so they don’t think I’m bad. I’ve ended up in a lot of unhealthy relationships since then because of this.

So I don’t know, I guess I just need to hear an outside take on this. I feel like I’m stuck and I want to get un-stuck. I want to be able to move on and be a better person, but I don’t know how or if it’s even possible. Sorry if this is too long! If it is or breaks any rules feel free to delete it!

Hi anon,

It is absolutely okay that you are here looking for support and validation because that’s exactly what we hope to offer, and I can appreciate wanting to be careful about your privacy - because everyone gets to decide for themselves what their boundaries are about the information they share with strangers.  And before diving into the history and trauma, I wanted to jump ahead to the last part of your ask as well to help assure: this wasn’t too long, nor broke any rules <3

Alright with all that being said, I want to validate each part of this ask:

I want to say that I’m so sorry for your symptoms, as someone with c-ptsd I can deeply empathize with these feelings of survival mode, because unfortunately our minds might be consciously aware of reality, but our body doesn’t trust this reality that implies safety.  The mind and body must be in alignment and how, and the process that takes, the coping skills you might need to develop to have that happen can vary for each one of us but let me link a few options: safety affirmations (written by fellow survivors and including printables), grounding techniques, breathing exercises (GIFS that you can follow along), as well as potentially looking into a therapist who might help develop a treatment plan for these flare ups, including but not limited to, compartmentalization techniques.  

Unfortunately because of your past trauma - and I agree between what you’ve shared, and what others have tried to assure you with as well - that you have experienced abuse and to me it makes sense why you would have these fears about experiencing emotions, much less speaking up, because sadly in your past the response to it was more abuse.  Again, this might be an issue to process in the safe spaces of a therapy room, so you can discern what coping skills you’d like to develop around it.

Finally, the last part, where you shared that you’ve developed a people pleasing survival skill and that’s how you’ve “ended up in a lot of unhealthy relationships” - I’d like to offer a counter I’ve stumbled on in my own healing journey: “it’s not that you’re attracting toxic people.  Toxic people aren’t picky, they go to everyone.  You letting them stay is the issue that needs to be worked on.”  Which is a far different narrative than the “you’re broken, which is why you’re attracting broken people.”  People abusing you says everything about them, and nothing about you.

And I hope as you continue on your healing journey, you will one day find your self worth again, and know, truly, deeply, to your core, that you never deserved such treatment in the first place.

- Mod Kat 

#trauma talks #mod kat #emotional abuse #tw emotional abuse #gaslighting #tw gaslighting #cptsd #c-ptsd #tw cptsd

[amikye]

I’ve been watching Elementary for years (finishing tv shows takes me a long time. Leave me alone.) and I got to the last season, where Sherlock is diagnosed with both a TBI and post-concussion syndrome. And it’s giving me some feelings.

I love Sherlock Holmes. He is one of my favorite fictional characters of all time. And that includes the adaptations. I have my criticisms, but I’ll take all the Holmes content I can get. In terms of the most recent/ modern adaptations, for me Elementary’s Sherlock is the closest to the books. I’ve seen some wonderful analysis about how the show is about Sherlock becoming a part of a community, which, along with the focus on his addiction, is one of the best parts of the show. But I digress.

As someone who has had multiple concussions and is still dealing with post-concussion syndrome, seeing a character who I idolized growing up dealing with the same condition is incredible. Is it entirely accurate? No - they definitely hyped up certain symptoms for the drama (hallucinations aren’t really something that happens) - but it is fairly close to my own experiences.

It’s both heart breaking and warming to see the frustration and fear that comes with this type of injury portrayed in a sympathetic way. And Watson’s response? Incredible. I wish I had someone in my life respond in the same way. (I did have sympathetic responses, but no one went out of their way to do research to help me). She is a great support for Sherlock and lets him make the decisions, while acting as a buffer when he needs it. Which is such a great thing for a tv show.

There was a moment in the last episode I watched where Sherlock can’t remember why he’d come into a room and is increasingly frustrated. Joan says that everyone does that and he responds, “not me”. And I felt that in my soul. The amount of things that have changed for me in this way, especially memory-wise, that other people say happen to everyone, when I know it’s because of the concussions is tremendous and terrifying.

Seeing Sherlock express his fears and then Joan take them seriously was healing. The number of people in my life who say “oh but it’ll get better” or “just give it time” when I tell them how I’m worried I’ll never be fully healed is overwhelming. I want someone to be like Joan and say, “you might be right. But that doesn’t mean it’s hopeless”. Because I’ve already accepted that each concussion fundamentally changed my life. But that doesn’t mean I have to give up on my goals and hopes for the future. It just means I have to adapt them in ways that are more accessible to me.

I do hope that the show doesn’t end with Sherlock completely breaking down, as that would be a cop-out ending and would let down all of the fantastic work the show put into it’s complexities. I could see him moving upstate/ retiring to look after his bees, which would not only follow the books, but also give him an outlet for his mind without slipping back into his addiction. That’s the part that is most fascinating: Sherlock is scared because he needs to take a break/ step back from cases, but if he doesn’t keep his mind occupied, he’ll most likely relapse, which scares him because then how will his brain heal? And this complexity is why I love the show. He’s humanized in a way that most people can empathize with/ have compassion for while remaining brilliant. Yes, he definitely comes up with solutions no one else would, but he has the same internal conflicts as everyone else. Which makes the addition of a TBI all the more interesting. For how does Sherlock, someone who is used to having full control and function of his brain, deal with the only thing that could truly put an end to his sleuthing? I think the answer lies in the main theme of the show: by relying on the support of the community around him.

#elementary #spoilers: elementary #the show ended a long time ago though #tbi #post concussion syndrome #addiction #fear of mental decline #sherlock holmes #joan watson #it got me in the feels

[mazegays]

I wanted to know what you liked so much about my empath Thomas headcanon and if you're gonna publish your fic soon (no pressure or course, but like you, I really like this headcanon and I need more of it haha) Love you!

-thominho-incorrectquotes

okay, so you know when you read a prompt or smth and immediately have Ideas™️? That's what happened. I read your headcanons and was like: I need 500 fics about this immediately, and I have Ideas for one so I will write it myself.

Also, it's a different take on Thomas’s character, especially because we all see him as oblivious to, well, everything. Empath Thomas can be oblivious, but it has to be done differently, because he knows what people are feeling--he feels it himself. So maybe he doesn't trust his own emotions now, because while sometimes it's easy to tell that it's not his, he can’t always do that. Especially when they're very similar to what he's feeling. Hence Thomas sticking with logic and objectivity when he can, when he has time to think things through. He ignores everything he feels because he doesn't know what's his.

(This is not a good idea, Thomas.) He also doesn't talk to anyone about this in true Thomas fashion of questioning everything that's not personal, so as far as he knows, it's normal.

Minho eventually figures out that Thomas never seems to respond emotionally to anything, and they're a bunch of teenage boys stuck in a Maze. Like, emotional outbursts aren't super common but he’s never met someone who just... doesn't respond to anything. Ben's attack? Yeah, Thomas was scared, but then Ben was probably scared too (Thomas knows the anger didn't come from him.) So he hides his reactions as best he can and pretends they don't exist.

Minho figures out that Thomas can feel everything, and has no defense against it, when something happens to Thomas and Thomas, mostly out of it, tells Minho to stop worrying because it hurts.

(Thomas does not remember this, but part of the reason he sticks to the Deadheads to sleep here is because some of the Gladers have nightmares, which equals strong emotion, which overwhelms him and causes him physical pain.)

And so Minho starts trying to figure out how Thomas can block or mute others' emotions and help him trust his own again, but it’s a slow process, and then the Scorch happens and Denver happens and they don’t have time, and it turns out that Thomas has just been shoving everything behind mental shields and it's too much one day and well... that's definitely not a good thing.

This got a little long! I kind of focused on the whumpier side here but there is fluff that goes with it (and a definite happy ending).

As for the fic, the above is kind of where I'm planning on taking the longer version. The shorter verison, which will only be Fever Code Era, involves Minho figuring it out on his own and working to help Thomas. Then he gets sent to the Maze, and of course later Thomas does as well, which means all progress is reset re: managing empathic abilities. That will hopefully be done sometime next week, but my work schedule is still up in the air so no promises.

Thanks so much for the ask, Momo! 💜 Really hope I do this justice.

#minho #thomas #thominho #momo #ask box #empath thomas headcanon #empath thomas fic

[funkymbtifiction]

Hello! How are you? I know you read a lot and also have psychology realm books on your "books I've read" list so I wanted to see if maybe you have recommendations on how I can learn to heal my mind based on my thought process. It can be a podcast or video recommendation too if you prefer, if you please....

It sounds like you are a very sensitive and compassionate person, who hates to see the suffering of others and takes it upon yourself to try and protect and help them.

From a MBTI/Enneagram perspective, I see you as a clear EFJ social 2 with a 6 fix. 2s are extremely emotional, they feel others’ pain when combined with FJ types, and they over-think things, especially related to their relationships, to making things easier for their loved ones, and in guilt-tripping themselves for not being more generous, loyal, protective, or selfless. For whatever reason, you are fixating on pain and suffering. Is it possible that you experience OCD and are you working through that with your therapist? Because 2s like everything to be happy, and pleasant, and safe, and lovely; they don’t like cruelty or suffering or anguish, even though it’s a part of life.

From an Enneagram perspective, learning to cope with your 2-ness means learning productive thinking instead of emotional thinking (more on that in a moment), and to accept that you can’t head off or take others’ pain, and shouldn’t make up stories about their emotional states and slant them toward anguish.

Learning to be a more productive thinker as a 2 means to learn boundaries, and to learn to catch yourself defaulting into over-thinking about other people in your life. This will be hard for you to hear, but it can also be enlightening to understand—by establishing yourself as a martyr and trying to head off pain for everyone else, you are feeding the 2’s prideful stance of being a “martyr” for other people. Instead of being the martyr who will take all their pain for them, or head it off, or who wallows in it, you need to learn to ask, “Is this mine to do?” Most things aren’t yours to do—it’s not yours to do someone else’s homework for them when you haven’t enough time to get your own done; it’s not your place to assume that other people are breakable and fragile and going to snap if life gets hard. You cannot wrap people in bubble wrap and protect them; that’s not how life works. You have to let them make mistakes, learn, and grow through them. The same as you need to learn to make mistakes, forgive yourself for them, learn from them, and grow through them.

Control is an illusion; it’s not for you to try and control other people’s lives or solve their problems. What you CAN do, as a 2, is support them, cheer for them, champion them, encourage them, tell them that they are strong, and brave, and they can do it. That’s utilizing 2 and EFJ properly.

If you struggle to decide what you should be doing and want to be doing, and then lapse into self-hatred and self-recrimination, you may need to step away from others for a time and decide what you want, independent from them. What do you want from life, and by over-protecting others, what are you disowning in your own life? Are you afraid that life is going to break YOU? That YOU are too fragile to handle it? Is trying to save and protect others really because you’re scared that all those things might tear YOU apart?

Why is suffering bad? I mean, yes, it sucks, but suffering is the consequence of living and loving. You get a pet, it gets old, it dies. As C.S. Lewis said, “Pain is the price for love.” Your pain shows that you loved. You cannot avoid suffering, because it’s going to find you. When you love people, it hurts to lose them. If you choose to risk your heart, it might get broken.

It’s natural to be afraid of pain and grief, but it’s important to choose to live anyway. You sound like an empath – someone who very easily reads a lot into the emotional environment. But you also need to make sure that when you reflect/mirror people’s feelings back at them, you are not adding emotional weight to them that isn’t there. EFJs can sometimes read more into a situation than exists; so you need to learn to step back, and ask, “Are my feelings equal to this situation? Am I feeling my own feelings or am I feeling their feelings?” Learning to tell the difference will be a challenge, but it’s worth doing.

Unless you learn to self-analyze and think about the circumstances that lead to your problems, you will keep making the same mistakes over and over. When you leave a therapy session, you need to do the inner work the therapist suggested. It would be equally good for you to seriously think about what they told you, and then to think about what causes you to constantly try and rescue people. It might be helpful to carefully read through my Enneagram 2 page on the website, and sit with it for a while. Learn to watch yourself and try to find moments where you are “doing” 2.

The most important thing for a 2 to learn is that everything they feel like they “should” do – is optional. They won’t be a bad person if they don’t do it. If you are over-focusing on others at the expense of your own mental health, it’s not the wrong thing to do to pull away from them and focus on your own mental health and your own needs. The best way to help other people is to support them and be there for them, not to throw yourself in front of a bus for them. And to do that, you have to be in a good mental space, and know what is yours to do and what isn’t. It might also be helpful to read the 6 page, since I also see a lot of 6-ness in what you sent me.

You sound like a really nice person, and I’m sorry that you are struggling so hard with this. I don’t know of specific books that pertain to your particular situation, but you could always try doing a YouTube or Google search for key words related to it (over-sensitivity, curing an empath, avoidance of pain, etc).

#question #mbti #esfj #enfj #enneagram #enneagram 2