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#I'M RAMBLING IT'S 7 AM I HAVE TO WAKE UP IN 3 HOURS?

glacierruler · 5 months

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It's so annoying just how right my dad can be, while still being incredibly wrong. Because, when talking about how he has to scan a QR code to petition the school to not have her classes end up as audits because she's missed x amount of days, he brought up how her grades were good in all of her classes. And we both agree that the QR thing is stupid when they don't also give a web address to do it on!(Not to mention that he got this paper today, the last day to do this). And he made a comment about how schools are just teaching us how to pass tests, how to be cogs in a machine. And he's right.

Like don't get me wrong, there are quite a few things that schools do well. But, for highschool, you have like 8 classes a day, with only one early release say where you then have like, 4. Not to mention homework, oh but if you want to do extracurriculars like soccer you have to have at least C's and no more than 6 tardies/absences that aren't excused by a doctor's note. Even though for a good half of the year you have to wake up before dawn to get to school on time(not mentioning 0 hour classes). And the other half the year you're waking up right as sunrise is starting. Which is kind of how it works at a lot of jobs.

And like, dad's right about that.

But he's also voting for a lot of the people who are the reason behind this.

He mentioned how they're taking history out of schools, and he's right, but he's voting for the people doing it.

And it's so fucking disheartening, because he can see what's wrong, he knows fundamentally what's wrong. But he doesn't seem to realize who is doing it.

And I'm not sure what to do about it either. Because he gets so irrationally angry and defensive of the people he's voting for, and I live with him because I don't have any other options. So sitting down with him and talking just isn't an option right now.

#glacier rambles #glacier vents #i really am not sure what to do here #this sucks #like he's got the problem he just doesn't seem to know anything else #if that makes sense #0 hour classes start at 6:30 am #1st hour starts at 7:20 #(as far as i'm aware my sister doesn't have a 0 hour class)#(but i had just hit freshman year before covid and i was in marching band)#(and i was waking up at 3 am just to be able to get there)#i'm in college now and full time is 12 credit hours #which is usually about 3-4 classes #and every class i've seen is mon/wed or tues/thurs #and the occasional friday class #and i didn't really get a proper high school education because of covid and ended up getting my ged instead #but i know the hell i went through freshman year #and i see my sister struggling #and this can't be humane...

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lovifie · 3 months

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Are we ever going to find out more about what happened when reader and Ghost switch bodies?

I would love to see how the rest of the 141 would react seeing “Ghost” who is normally so calm, cool, and collected, suddenly acting strange - How would Simon feel in reader’s body when he is no longer one of the biggest/scariest/strongest people in the room? Do they “explore” each other 😉😉 (if you catch my drift)

I’d love to see how much of a menace the reader becomes in Ghost’s body, or see what Ghost decides to do in hers. Does he finally make her eat 3 meals a day and drink water? How long are they stuck in each others bodies, and how do they switch back?? I could and would honestly read an entire series on this

I’m so sorry for rambling but this has me so intrigued. I just want to keep reading about it and know more. I also absolutely adore your writing, and I hope you know I you have a true gift. Keep doing what you’re doing because it’s absolutely amazing!!!!!

Hi, love ❤️

Oh, definitely! I am uploading a new chapter to Lift Me of My Feet in a couple of hours and after that, I'm definitely going to write more about Ghost and reader switching bodies. That and a continuation of Hormones.

I think the first thing I'm going to write is about how they got after waking up and meeting the rest of the 141, maybe they have to work out how to act as each other for a couple of days to see if it just turns back again. And like, learning the size of each other and how to function, Ghost suddenly being half the size of everyone he knows, having to probe to the 141 they are not lying, the reader having like a constant boner because she is not used to having to hide she is having nasty thoughts 24/7, like, there are so many different scenarios.

I'm definitely writing more about it don't worry, and don't apologise for rambling, love. I absolutely adore that you are just as excited as me, thank you so much for writing it ❤️

And thank you so much for the compliment, it makes me really really really really really really really happy to read that you like it ❤️❤️❤️

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simpingcowboy · 1 year

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A Late Night Call

Pairing: Maxwell Lord x GN!Reader, use of Y/N

Word Count: 1.5K+

Warnings: work place relationships, Maxwell being a softie

Summary: A late night call from your boss ends in an unexpected proposition.

A/N: Please accept this soft Maxie piece that's been laying in my drafts forever as an apology for being MIA <3 slowly getting back into writing! Ft. Raquel being an absolute gossip girlboss of a wingwoman

Max Lord sits impatiently by the phone. Eyes switching over to watch the time, doubts mounting with each click of the clock. Hands tracing up and down his thighs to stop from dialing the number.

He knows he shouldn't. It wasn't right. It wasn't professional. But he just had to. Max needed more than anything to hear your voice.

"A la mierda." Fuck it, Max hisses under his breath as he reaches for the hotel room phone quickly typing in your mobile phone number.

You slowly rose from your place in bed, where you'd been comfortably relaxing. The insistent ringing of the phone Max had given you. Making your way over to the phone you reluctantly press accept.

"Hello?" You answered in a sleepy voice.

"Good evening, Y/N" Max feels a tinge of shame for bothering you, but he can't deny the relief he feels at the sound of your voice. He'd missed you so much.

"Mr. Lord! I'm so sorry I wasn't expecting a call from you."

At the sound of Max's voice you feel much more awake than you were prior. Your boss and huge crush of the past year is calling you off the clock late at night. Initially, you're hit with concern; though some far back corner of your mind hopes for something more personal. But certainly that would not be the reason.

You straighten up and clear your throat. "It's rather late, is everything with the convention going fine?" You ask with concern.

"Late?" Max questions, glancing over at the clock by his bed it only reads 7:30 pm. He had given you an itinerary for the week he'd be off, meaning you should be finishing up at the office for the day.

"Yes Sir, it's 10:30 here. You're 3 hours ahead of us, Mr. Lord." You suppress the giggle in your throat.

Max dramatically slaps his hand to his forehead, internally cursing himself for forgetting. "Forgive me. You know how lost I am without you." He says in an attempt to charm you into excusing his mindlessness. "I hope I did not wake you? I can let you go if you need to rest."

His embarrassment is obvious by his tone of voice. You smile to yourself as you imagine him, blushing with his hand slapped over his forehead. The same way he always was when he'd made a mistake.

"It's not an issue Mr. Lord. You know I'm always available to you. What was it you were calling about? I'm not at the office, but I'm sure I can help."

"I just wanted to catch up with my favorite employee. Everything has been well? You and Raquel have everything under control?" A lie, but a good of an excuse as he could give at the present.

"Yes! It's been fine. The office has been a bit- boring since you've been gone, but we have everything under control." You say with confidence. With the exception of Raquel going on a very expensive lunch outing with a client all has gone to plan. Though your days were much more lonesome without Maxwell Lord to fill them with laughter.

"That's great to hear." He says with a pause.

"...Mr. Lord?"

"Yes?"

"Was um…was that all you needed?" As much as you loved talking to him, speaking outside of business hours, alone, in your home was confronting you with all your most personal feelings towards Maxwell. Felt as if you were on a late night call with a boyfriend not your boss.

"Oh I suppose it was." He says solemnly, desperate to not hang up the line yet. "But…we could- only if you want of course- talk a bit more…" he rambles, cutting himself off.

"I- I could do that…" a warmth comes over your face, burning hot. Suddenly very grateful he can't see you through the phone. "I'm not stealing you away from anyone, am I?"

You had never seen Max go on any dates, and he certainly was not married. Raquel also seemed fairly certain there was no one he was seeing in any sexual relations either. Still- you couldn't help but wonder. He could certainly get most anyone he wanted.

"No, I'm alone." Max states simply. "And I am not denying anyone your company?"

Max had never heard you mention any romantic partners, and according to Raquel you had been single the whole while you'd been employed under him.

"No, Mr. Lord. I'm all yours."

"If we're going to just talk, you can call me Max." He says blushing, wondering if you'll accept. He always wondered how your voice would sound saying his name.

You smile giddily into the phone, feeling like a high schooler, "Okay…Max."

Hearing you say his name makes him smile. His name sounds so good coming from your lips, "Much better."

There's silence for a moment as you both rack your brain for something to talk about. You cave first, succumbing to your usual talk..work.

"So umm… how has the convention been?"

"Good! I think we will be very busy for the next few months." He says excitedly.

"I knew you'd do amazing, Max. I'm sure we'll be able to handle the new work just fine!"

Max let's out a soft sigh, reclining back in the office chair. The hand not holding the phone moves to unloosen the tie around his neck, suddenly feeling much too tight. He wants more…not just work out of you. He just needs to know if you want that too.

"Y/N… May I ask you something?"

"You may."

"Do you like me?"

"Well- of course I do…You're a very good boss, and a good man." It was an odd question. He was not one to ask for reassurance, always effortlessly pulling up a confident facade.

Max chuckles softly, deciding on a more direct approach. His usual tone subdued down to a tender voice, "Good enough to go on a date with?"

"Mr. Lord-"

"Max." He quickly cuts you off.

"Max. What- why are you asking me that?" Your face grew hot from embarrassment. Was he humiliating you? Did someone tell him in an effort to undermine you?

"When I get back I'd like to take you out to dinner." Max says bluntly.

You nearly choke- "T-to dinner?" You repeat nervously, certainly he doesn't mean…

"Yes…if you'll have me that is. It can just be as coworkers, but I would like to go on a date with you. If it is, you'd like to go out with me too? Maybe that new Italian place you were talking about?" He asks gently, preparing his heart for you to reject him.

You feel your heart race. He doesn't usually date his employees, does he? No- Raquel definitely would have told you if he dated people in the office.

"Maxwell, are you sure? You are feeling okay, right?" Maybe this big convention had been too much for him.

"Yes." He says without hesitation. "I've wanted to ask you out for a while." Max anxiously fiddles with the telephone cord. "Will you allow me to escort you to dinner?"

"I would like that…" you reply shyly, trying not to sound too eager. You bite your lip to keep from dramatically exclaiming. "I would really like that, Max."

Max smiles in the comfort of his hotel. His heart jumping with joy. "I look forward to it. Umm…could you write that into my schedule?"

You laugh aloud, you were still his secretary afterall. "Of course, Mr. Lord" you say teasingly. "Should I secure you a reservation as well?" You add smiling.

"Yes…" he says smiling "That would be very helpful. Choose whichever seating you most prefer… I'll have Raquel help set up the rest of it." He says bashfully. "Have to let some of it be a surprise. "

Your heart beats in anticipation of your date. Your mind too is already racing with the question of what to wear. "I'll do that first thing tomorrow…Max."

"Y/N" He repeats your name back to you, a flirty tone evident in his voice.

A sudden yawn escapes through your throat. "I'm sorry-" You continue, trying to explain yourself.

"It's okay, Mi Amor. You should go to bed." Max hushes sweetly into the receptor, his voice softer than you've ever heard before. "I'll call you and Raquel tomorrow, okay?"

You want to stay on the line. You want to talk to him all night, but your drooping eyelids betray you. "I look forward to hearing from you tomorrow. Not so late this time though, please?"

He laughs, "No, not so late. I'll call around lunch time."

You nod your head mindlessly, "Sounds good."

Max smiles to himself, enjoying this relaxed playful side of you. "Goodnight, Darling. Sleep well."

"Sleep tight, Max." You murmur into the phone, reluctantly hanging up.

Max clutches the phone to his chest, unbelieving what just unfolded. A smile growing on his face, eyes lighting up like a school boy. "Te gusto…" he murmurs into the empty room. 'You like me…' Max may not truly be a confident man. Nor half the lady's man he claims to be, but if he's gotten you- he can't be all that bad after all.

Tomorrow, you'll wake up and question if it was a dream. And when Raquel vehemently interrogates you about it, the reality of what you agreed to will hit you like a freight truck…But for now, you're more than happy to crawl back into bed and drift off dreaming about your handsome boss taking you out to a romantic dinner.

#Am writes #max lord x reader #max lord x GN!reader #maxwell lord fanfic #maxwell lord fanfiction #WW84 fanfiction #max lord

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kanvasal · 8 months

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exploiting ADHD like a buggy feature in a game

I've realized some things about adhd, specifically how I can exploit certain things like impulsivity and hyperactivity to benefit me in specific ways.

All of my (2) posts? Purely driven by the insane amounts of manic energy I get at 1am after my meds have worn off. Also posting is scary, but the second point makes it possible to post

The way that I can stop over thinking and actually enjoy conversation? Telling my brain "fucking stop" and it being like "no, actually, sure, you're probably right"

and this morning, I have something even better

I've been trying to fix my sleep schedule, and my chosen method is to bully my body into being tired earlier by waking up on as much sleep was given to me (waking up to an alarm at 7am and dealing with the consequences of staying up till 4am). Normally an impossible task, something only possible if one is a deity of some kind

but not today, no, today I could do it. My proof?

boom, undeniable proof (just noticed how fucking long my ramble is, and I haven't gotten to the point I wanted to share lol)

The way that I did it was that, as soon as I woke up, I realized that the song I had in my head was perfect for waking up. The song was C:\AM#N_C0RE, and the only way I can describe it is manic adhd energy but in music form. My brain, with less than 3 hours of sleep was like "Fuck this is such a banger that I gotta listen to it" and so I was up at 7:04 head banging as my mind tried to keep up with the drums, flailing my hands around as my flesh prison tried to keep up with the energy of the song and soul, you know what I'm talking about?

youtube

The other part that adhd plays in me being able to do superhuman feats of waking up and functioning is that I have stimulant meds, that means that I do not feel tired during the day when I pull shit like this

Also for all of those people that are going "Well, I can also run perfectly off 3 hours of sleep, and I don't have adhd", quiet. Please let me be proud of waking up using my chaos disorder

#adhd #adhd brain #still new to tumblr #still new to this #amen break #breakcore #waking up #chaos #so i've seen that lots of posts have long tags #how am I supposed to do that #not like “its a thing I can't do” more of a “what do I put in them?”#only the highest quality adhd ramblings #Youtube

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void-galaxy-shenanigans · 22 days

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I need to wake up in like. 7 hours. but.

I did something important!!

I applied to a job at midnight today/this morning (*checks* yep, still today), because was still awake.

It's not a job we're actually directly qualified for. It's technically social work. Usually that requires a bachelor's degree, which we do not have. They also say 2+ years experience preferred.

But. they also say ‘but if you're close to qualified and you're BIPOC, LGBT+, or disabled, apply anyway. Quote, “consider your contributions to the community” as relevant experience.

So I applied anyway, and I wrote a cover letter explaining how fast food experience and Gendered Scouts and College Access Coach stuff was relevant and transferable. I was nice to myself in the cover letter, and I didn't minimize my abilities. And I got to be passionate, and even to include that I'm LGBT+ and disabled, and I said it's “encouraging” that they are not just inclusive, but inviting people like me to apply. I put a whole half an hour of work into it, didn't start with A.I. (I sometimes use it to give me a leaping off point/ideas rather than to write *for* me), just...let myself ramble a bit and share why I think I'm technically qualified.

At 3pm today, they called me back. I missed the first call because I was in the shower, but I immediately called back and left a (way more articulate than usual) voicemail that I was in the shower before bit was now waiting for a call back. They called about ten minutes later, asked if I had about half an hour to spend on a phone interview, I said yes.

did the interview. tried my best to not downplay my knowledge and skills. made what experience I could relevant. they even liked that I used an analogy to display that I understand the difference between equality and equity, which I was worried would come across as juvenile.

¡they liked me enough to want to schedule a second interview, which is now set for Tuesday at 9a (PST)! (/excited)

I thought there was no way I'd get the job because I'm just....so underqualified on paper, but the thing they really want and care about/are looking for is someone who understands equity, values diversity, and will take an open-minded, empathetic, and sensitive approach when engaging with underprivileged communities. I can do that. I enjoy that. I was able to show that I can do it, with semi eloquence.

& then afterwards they emailed me a calendar invite for the interview, along with (attached) all of the interview questions I have to worry about. I'll have three full days ahead of time to prepare. I'm good at preparing.

It's half office job, half driving people to important appointments & whatnot. It has a set schedule M-F, same hour block every day, reliable & predictable, and mostly sitting down. It inherently accommodates our physical disabilities.

and they actually like and appreciate that we're a little mentally disabled because it gives us an insight into working with fellow disabled folks. they actually wanted us more because we're disabled.

The job posting had a lot of green flags. But I was not expecting a phone interview 15 hours after applying, let alone a second interview because they liked me enough to send me to the fucken project manager (the important hiring person)??

Not only is their turnaround time fantastic, I am excited/surprised that I made it this far?? and I'm actually looking forward to the interview because they gave me all the questions, exactly written out as they'll be asked, 3 whole days ahead of time. I can prepare. ¡I can prepare! ¡I won't have to make up an answer in two minutes (and stumble like a fool when I know I'm competent & qualified)!

I also finally got the accommodation approval from my current corporation, so my GM who said there was “just no way” they could accommodate me was wrong and I'm happy about that. of course she'll be mad (she actually needs accommodations but wouldn't ask, it's basically ¿jealousy/envy I think?) but that's fine. it makes this job survivable in the short term, until I get hired at the better place.

Oh & it's a $4/hr raise from where I'm at. They pay biweekly, but ¡it's technically salaried too! I'd be making almost double what I make in fast food, and actually doing what I wanna do (helping people!!) and I just.

it'll probably suffice to say that I (a generally quiet, stressy depressy, Guard Dog, masc-ish vibe (in person)) squealed and giggled and danced around in a circle after the phone interview ended and I could celebrate that I made it this far.

not only did I apply when I wasn't sure I was qualified¹, I wrote a cover letter boldly saying I was in fact qualified, and I successfully did a very Mature Adult™, semi composed interview, and I did so well that I got to progress to the next step!!

I would never have done this just a couple of months ago. It's amazing to finally be here, breathing and thriving in the knowledge that I did a scary thing and it paid off (maybe even literally because I told them I want to be hired ASAP and I didn't mention I have a job right now because I kind of don't, haven't had a paycheck since March 29th²).

I can do hard things. ¡I can do hard things! ¡and the scary hard things can actually succeed! ¡scary things can lead to joy and relief!! 😭💜💖

(¹ as our (queer) best friend M said, “apply anyway. have the audacity of a mediocre cishet white man”)

(² because corporate stuck me on Unpaid Leave until they decided I was, in fact, Disabled Enough™ and Reasonable Enough™ to be accommodated)

~Nico

#healing from trauma #healing journal #healing journey #healing #progress #career #excited #i feel so relieved #I made it!!#I did the scary!!#it paid off!?#eeee!!!#~Nico #long post

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ramblingsofuncertainty · 11 months

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Old Entries

Ramblings

Sunday

3:15. The silence is nice. I can talk to Allah swt and I feel safe at this moment. The stillness of the night isn't stifling. I don't turn on the fan even though it's hot. I like the silence. My thoughts are quite too

7:10. I don't want to get up but I've already jumped off the bed. Need to get breakfast ready. Need to take medicine. Need to hurry hurry hurry.

9:15. Panic and dread.

11:50. Relief. Exhaustion.

2:42. I had this really intense need to be talking about it with Saadia. Can't call her cos she's probably sleeping. And this urge might become less and then I'll make excuses to myself to not call her. But I wish we were exhausted and lying in her room ranting. Or maybe not even that. Just being quiet. She'd be watching something stupid like NCIS or suits or something and I’d be squished in her giant beanbag (territory Id claimed long ago) I remember the neck ache I got when Id been squished in it too long. Her mom would poke her head in and shake her head at us and bring us pasta. Or chicken bread! Man, I miss that chicken bread. The squishy peices of corn that would pop in your mouth and the hot buttery peppery chicken.

She knows me inside out. I don't want to burden her right now. She can't do anything about it being so far away.

I'm happy, reminiscing while writing about her, and it hasn't made me sad, in a surprising turn of events. I think my circuitry is messed up. But happy accidental serotonin is still serotonin and I'm grateful.

Monday

Didn't write the whole day. Brain feels like a fog. No emotions. I just need sleep.

Tuesday

9.:40. Stopped to have a conversation with a squirrel. It seemed interested, but then decided it didn't have the time. Squirrel business called. And I was late for class

9:43. Needed to make a call and that was it for the day. Cue the mind haze. All the emotions all at once. And none at the same time.

Music to shut out the thoughts. Helped a bit.

P realized something was up. As much as I felt cheery and awake at the end of the day, but she knew something was off. I couldn't put a finger on it til she said it. Despite trying trying to distract myself, I still felt like there is a pulling, scratching inside. I'm craving something and I don't know what it is. Bit it's like a dull sort of scratch, like the echo of a thing

Thursday

4:57. Missed fajr. Feel like shit. Had nightmares, woke up feeling more exhausted than when I slept. I haven't been able to dream for like five or six years. But nightmares are becoming a thing now.

8.25. Tried to wake up but the day already feels exhausting and I don't want to deal with it

9:20. Fell asleep and woke up in a panic. There's so much that needs to be done. I have so much work. How can anything feel exciting when there is always anxiety and panic that's flooding my brain.

9:55. My joy in realizing they've made eggs for breakfast today is fleeting. The eggs are burnt at the edges and dry. I still eat them, my mouth feels like what I imagine it must feel like to wake up from surgery, desperate for water. I'm being ungrateful and I dont like it. It's food. Why am I being like this?

Cant feel much today.

4:50. Decided to take a nap. Woke up in a panic again because I thought I'd slept for three hours instead of one. Body hurts and I don't want to get up. I'll procrastinate more and then the day is over and I've done nothing.

8:05. Feeling good. Found myself humming something. Surprised enough to want to write it down. I feel like I can get something done. Making tea, then getting down to work. I feel like I'm in flow. Hope this stays!

P.S. it didn't stay. Something happened and all sense of time and work and sanity was gone. (Writing this on Thursday)

Friday

I broke the streak today. I didn't want to write down anything the whole day so now I'm writing it at the end of the day. I woke up with a numbness in my body. Had nightmares again. It's getting both more difficult and easier to get up. I can't explain it.

There's this short stretch of trees lining the football field that blooms with these hanging yellow flowers that always snaps me back to the present and gives a couple of seconds of relief everyday. Today it just made me annoyed (there aren't any blooms but the walk usually is still pleasant) because I realized the absence of that relief and that is what jolted me out of my thoughts. Not the relief but the lack of it.

Everything felt off today. It's exhausting living with myself.

I came back and slept. I just want to sleep. Forced myself to eat. I can't work. I can't work. I can't work. I'm trying. I have class at 6am. I don't want to be. There's too much noise. Writing all these things down is making everything more concrete. It's the fig tree again. From Sylvia Plaths Bell Jar. But the roots shriveled up and wilted and the trunk is hollow too. No possibilities lying blackened at my feet. They are a distant memory, haunting the air with a rotten smell.

(P.S. (writing this on Saturday: I feel disconnected reading what I wrote last night. I don't want to linger on it. That person was there. So was one who was not in that state. I feel like a conduit, in this moment, reading the previous entries, they feel like versions of me that exist and existed, a product of the things happening to me at the time)

Saturday

Today I felt disconnected, outside of my body. Woke up tired again but almost mechanically, went through the motions of getting up and getting through the day.

I'm relieved though. Beats yesterday in any case.

Saturday/Sunday:

(A summary): I did not open this up to write anything for the past two days because I was in a good place after a very long time. I passively tried to understand what triggered it but couldn't. Coming back to why I didn't write. Writing things down forces me to confront what's going on in my head and usually that untangles whatevers up there and when the thoughts become clear, they are usually not very pleasant. And so I wanted to live in denial for a little bit longer.

Sunday

9.09: Panic again. but dull. I have to work. There might be eggs.

11.06: Mediocrity scares me. I don't want to be a blob of nothingness. I have worlds inside of me, I have been so many me-s, they were all people with thoughts and emotions and intelligence. I feel like I have lost grip of so many of those versions of myself, and of the potential that they all had. Now everything I do feels like I am dragging myself through a thick sludge of effort, pushing pushing pushing. My head feels dull and more empty than it used to be.

The air feels thick. Dead, no crispness in it, just a lingering heat and smell of dead grass

Monday

4:40. Unraveling. The air is nice today, feels fresh and crisp. I can smell the freshly mowed grass of the football ground as a linger on my way back

5.:15. A summary of today: Flow state. I found myself quite unexpectedly in a state of flow, like everything was aligned and I was getting things done. Things seemed to be rolling off of me, I just kept working like nothing mattered and I actually felt happy with the work I made, and when I made something not so good, it didn't stop me. It felt like I side stepped a ditch that would have pulled me in, and I was just able to brush it off so easily and move on. I felt like a person. I felt complete. Like otherwise there's always echoes of me slightly lagging or moving ahead and I'm just trying to keep track of the pieces to move together and making the effort of carrying all the scrambling, falling, scattered pieces keeps me occupied

6:20. A word out of place. And it started this echo that kept reverberating and bouncing back and forth off the walls of my mind. And it shook everything out of place. Like a tiny tremor that upsets the precarious balance that had been a happy accident.

The crows and their noise just before maghrib remind me of Karachi and the breezy evening air, that smells like dust and sticks to your face on the sheen of oil covering your sticky skin at the end of a long day. The smell of gasoline and petrol heavy and clinging to your clothes, coming home with you

Tuesday

My thoughts are not my own. Not writing today.

Wednesday

I like this moment. Its the end of the day and I linger going back. My walk is deliberately slow and I focus and at the same time watch without seeing, the details of the accumulated dust on the sidewalk. The cars passing by seem slow and fast at the same time, their noise amplified for some reason. The sound is grating but I cant hear it even though everything feels heightened.

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armysantiny · 2 years

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-[ nct dream: late-night headcanons

P: ot7 dream x gender neutral reader | G: fluff, headcanons | Inc: laughter, playing the guitar, cuddles, taking pictures, art, playing games with them, making ramen, coffee shop runs, Daegal, late-night ice cream bc I said so, I'm in love with boys can you tell??, star-gazing, learning Chinese with Renjun | Wc: 681 | W: food/drink | R: G

Minnie's Notes: Here you go my lovely @renjuns-grillfreind <3

Mark Lee | 이민형

Late nights with Mark are full of laughter and deep conversations about everything and nothing all at once. Eyes shut as you listen to him cover your favourite songs and embarrassed smiles while he teaches you how to play the guitar. Listening to the curated playlist he made for you while you lay together and watch the ceiling. Sneaking pictures of him without makeup, refusing to delete it because he looks pretty like that and pointing out every little feature you like about it. Hint; it’s everything.

Huang Renjun | 런줜

Twilight hours spent getting lost in various art projects together, watching over Jun’s shoulder as he finishes another one of his pieces. Deep conversations about the future and your goals; he promises to support you as much as humanly possible. Staying up over the phone for little Chinese language lessons while you both fight the urge to sleep. Tracing constellations in the night sky in the park with nothing else but coffee, blankets and all the time in the world. Late-night photoshoots against alleyways, laughing at how bad the picture came out while taking the best ones as shared wallpapers.

Lee Jeno | 이제노

Late nights spent looking at new desk setups and decorations for your shared gaming spaces. Laughing at Hyuck’s incessant yelling down the mics when you ‘accidentally’ let yourself get killed in-game to spend more time with Jeno away from the screen. Content smiles when he wraps his arms around you from behind while you’re making hot chocolates, his head buried in the crook of your neck. Constant discussions over adopting a puppy and all the aesthetic things the pair of you could do as pup-parents.

Lee Donghyuck | 이동혁

Staying up watching as he plays round after round with the others, chuckling as he shouts obscenities over his headphones. Filming Hyuck to use as ‘blackmail’ material in the group chat later on. Popping open a can for the pair of you when he finally finishes playing, the clock hits two am easily. Throwing a pillow in his face when he suggests something absolutely insane and laughing at his over-the-top offended face. Pretending to film that reality show he keeps talking about whenever he starts going off on one of his tangents. Sharing snacks while you bicker over what to watch and watching the same show for the nth time.

Na Jaemin | 나재민

Late night coffee runs where you gawk at the sheer amount of extra espresso shots he adds to his drink order. Running after him as he pulls you to the next 24/7 café he finds. Listening to him ramble about his day while you watch with an endeared smile because how does he still have all this energy? Waking up at unholy times because Jaemin’s calling you over to bake muffins with him. Enjoying your freshly made midnight snacks with a drama marathon wrapped under blankets.

Zhong Chenle | 천러

Falling asleep against his shoulder three dramas into your tv marathon, his hands gently laced through your hair. Playing with Daegal and struggling not to wake up the entire neighbourhood with your shared laughter, the small dog just too cute. Wandering the convenience store looking for the best midnight snack before settling on buying an entire bag full because no one could come up with a clear answer. Nibbling on the bag of snacks on the way home while ranting about each other’s day and making fun of his hyungs – with good intentions.

Park Jisung | 박지성

Waking up to Jisung pleading you to join him on one of his late-night craving-induced trips to the store to get ice creams. Laughing about your brain freezes while trying to down the frozen treats. Watching (read; supervising) him make ramen and applauding when he manages to not burn the kitchen down; his hyungs aren’t exactly keen on waking up to the smell of a burnt kitchen and a panicking Park Jisung. Eating said ramen by the balcony and watching the rain hit the ground outside. Counting as many graveyard shift workers making their way across the street and wondering what their day looks like. Laying in each other’s lap and relaxing while you play with each other’s hair.

Networks: @kwritersworld, @kdiarynet, @ultkpopnetwork, @whipped-kpop-creators, @prism-nw, @k-library, @knet-bakery, @kpclub,@dreamwritersnet, @nct-writers, @neoturtles, @nctcreations, @nct-frathouse, @aandmlibrary

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boldlyvoid · 3 years

Text

Hypothetically | Chapter 16-20

summary: Reader and Spencer were friends in kindergarten, she watched him grow up and explore the world while she was still trying to catch up to him. now that they work together, they fall in love incredibly fast.

friends to lovers, case of the week style story

A/N: Set between seasons 4 and 6, not following canon. all original crimes based on real-life stories.

Warnings 18+: Murderers, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Blood, Guns, mentions of autopsy, Fluff, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, bed-sharing, Riding, Unprotected Sex, Virgin Reader, Case of the Week, original crimes, Food mention, Smut, Oral Sex, Light BDSM, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Talk, obgyn appointments and info, Home Invasion, Past Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Emotional Manipulation, Grooming, Pedophilia mention, non-con oral (male receiving), Pregnant Sex, Daddy Kink, Breeding Kink, Homophobia, conversion therapy

Word Count: 10k

chapter 16

It was 7 am when they got the call. Y/N had barely gotten any sleep that night, Spencer was adamant that laying on the left side helps maximize blood flow. Meaning she faced the wall all night with him happily cuddled into her back. She hated it.

Between peeing 100 times a day and the constant heartburn, she couldn’t really pick the worst part about creating a human.

It fuckin’ sucked and no one thought to warn her.

She dragged herself out of bed, trying her best to do her morning routine with only one eye open. Spencer, on the other hand, seemed to bounce out of bed like he slept 12 hours. Dancing around the kitchen as he poured his coffee and took a smoothie out of the fridge for Y/N.

He fed the cat, changed the litter and even took out the garbage by the time she pulled herself from the bathroom and to her closet.

Her jeans didn’t fit, she let herself take a minute to cry out of frustration in the closet before she looked for anything presentable. The only pants she could get into were a pair of leggings, and at that point, she didn’t care anymore. She was probably going to stay back with Penelope anyway.

She threw on an FBI sweater to hide her bump from the rest of her co-workers, grabbed the rest of her shit and followed Spencer to the car. Getting in the passenger seat and immediately closing her eyes again.

“Wake me up when we’re at Quantico,” she told him. Leaning against the window, ignoring the world.

Maternity parking was the only bonus, she only had to walk 4 feet from her car to the elevator. She felt lazy, but she was allowed to.

“Hopefully,” Spencer finally spoke to her as they entered the elevator. “At the end of this week, your energy should return as your placenta is done developing. You’re the most tired right now because your organs are working 3 times harder than they’re used to.”

“I’m tired because I had nothing to cuddle with all night, but thanks for the insight,” she tried her best to be cheery.

The door dinged, opening to the rest of the team standing in the entryway. “What’s up?” Y/N asked them.

“Hotch got a call, we’ve got a weird one coming in, he’s in his office talking to someone right now,” Morgan said. He looked just as tired as Y/N.

“Are we going in?” She asked, walking past them and towards the bullpen.

She rushed through the room and waddled up the stairs, searching for a chair before she actually passed out. Everyone followed her soon after, patting her back as they walked around the table to their seats.

“Over the past few months 6 feet have washed up on different beaches along the coast of Maine,” Penelope started explaining the case while Hotch was still on the phone in his office.

“6 feet belonging to 6 different people, all incredibly hard to identify. Interpol, Europol, the RCMP and the FBI have all been in communication with each other as no one knows where the feet washed in from. International Water laws prohibit just one of us from taking jurisdiction until we identify the nationality of the victims.”

“How are we going to Identify the feet?” Prentiss asked.

“We’re currently running the DNA against missing persons along the east coast as well as anyone who recently travelled to North America by boat, so far we don’t have any matches. We do know all 6 feet are white so hopefully, hopefully,” Garcia repeated for extra magic help, “this isn’t a refugee transport gone wrong.”

“We’ve been seeing an increase of boating accidents from Syrian refugees recently,” Spencer added. “The wars in the middle east are continuing to push people from their homes in mass numbers, meaning a lot of the boats are overpacked and capsize mid extraction.”

“So we’re probably looking at someone from North America who is using their own boat to sail out and release victims,” Y/N added. “Do we have the ME reports on the 6 feet?”

“Oh, yeah,” Garcia said, flipping through papers and handing them to her.

She read it over carefully, trying to see through her new blurred vision. Another wonderful pregnancy symptom. “Normally when feet wash up on shore, they’re in shoes. If a body is lost in a boating accident or drowning, the rubber soles will always want to float to the surface. When a body is decaying in water long enough the bones will separate, and when the ankle bone goes, the feet float to the surface,” Y/N explained.

“How do you just know that?” Rossi asked.

“In Nevada, we had a lot of drownings in a man-made lake, people would get stuck at the bottom on tree roots. And every year a few feet would wash up,” she added. “I only explained that because it says in the ME report that the feet were cut with a sharp blade, all clean cuts with no shoes or socks. So someone is cutting these bodies up and bringing them out to sea, probably to use as bait for a big catch.”

“It’s weird to me that the feet are the only parts washing up?” JJ’s face was absolutely puzzled as she flipped through the files.

“Not really,” Y/N argued, “I’m more concerned with why he’d even cut the feet, to begin with. With most shark attacks they go for full limbs, if I was the unsub and I was cutting the body up for bait, I wouldn’t make the pieces so small. There isn’t enough blood or flesh on feet to entice a large fish or shark to take it.”

Rossi was tapping his fingers against the table, “Do you think he wants us to find the feet?”

“I’m not sure, but it doesn’t look good.”

Then, Hotch finally walked in. “Which 3 of you want to travel to Maine to take a look at all the findings?” Prentiss, Morgan and Rossi raised their hands, “alright, meet me on the runway in 20. The rest of you, find a way to identify the feet.”

—

She sat at her desk most of the morning, munching on a bag of animal crackers to keep her nausea at bay. JJ brought her a cold ginger ale around 11, rubbing her back for a bit while she flipped through files.

She had a doctor’s appointment during lunch that day, so she headed downtown to give blood in the hour she was permitted. Knowing that she could be late and no one would really care.

She waited in Dr. Korrapati’s room patiently, looking at her arm as she rested it on the table. Her veins were more prominent now than they had ever been in her life. JJ insured her that they would go back down but it did make her a little self-conscious.

“Hey mama,” Dr. Korrapati cheered as she walked into the room. “How are we feeling?”

“Good, tired but good.”

“Work kicking your butt?” She asked as she prepped her arm for the blood draw. “Or just the baby?”

“Having a hard time finding a comfortable sleeping position, I’m probably going to get one of those long pillow things to help,” she rambled to take her mind off what was going on with her arm.

For someone who looked at dead bodies as her job, seeing her own blood freaked her out. Dr. Korrapati noticed she was a little stressed, “how about when I’m done here we take a look at your little person?”

That piqued her interest, she sat completely still and looked away as the nicest doctor she could’ve asked for, got the test over and done with, in record-breaking time.

“Do you have any other symptoms that are bothering you?” She asked as she wrote the exact tests down in her paperwork.

“Yeah,” she struggled with the sleeve of her shirt as she tucked her arm back in. “The nausea is driving me nuts, I’m living on animal crackers and ginger ale.”

“If you eat small meals every few hours it should settle it out,” she explained. “But if it is really bothering you we can give you some anti-nausea medication.”

“I tried that, everyone keeps bringing me snacks and trying to take care of me but I don’t want anything because I’m so tired,” she ranted as she climbed onto the exam table.

“Have you tried sleeping on the other side of the bed?” She asked.

“no, why?”

Dr. Korrapati laughed, “you sleep on the left side of the bed right?”

“Yeah?” She questioned, wondering how an OB could profile so well.

“So I'm assuming your smart and overprotective boyfriend has advised you to lay on your left side like he told JJ?” She smiled. “And because you sleep on the left side of the bed already, that means you’re not cuddled into him. He’s the big spoon now and you hate it.”

It was like a lightbulb went off in her head, “oh my god?”

They laughed at the fact it was so obvious and she never clued in. “It happens all the time, you’re so in a routine that you don’t realize you can just switch sides and it’ll work.”

“You’re so smart!”

“Ready to hear and see this baby of yours?” She asked, waiting for Y/N to raise her shirt and lower her leggings to expose her lower stomach.

“Can we?”

“Yep,” she nodded, “you’re in week 9, so you’re exiting the embryo stage and moving towards the fetal stage. We’ll be able to see the fetus and hear the heartbeat.”

“Can I record it for Spencer?” She asked, not wanting him to miss it.

“I’ll do you one better and put it on a disk for you.”

Just like that, she was smothering her stomach in warm jelly. Spreading it around with the ultrasound wand before she began to search for them. Pressing in slightly on her right side, she heard her own heartbeat whooshing. The closer she got to the centre, the more they heard the second.

Her baby’s heartbeat was strong. She saw them on the monitor, they had changed from being a jellybean to actually looking like a person. 4 strong limbs were stretching and moving, growing faster than she thought possible.

“That’s insane?” She was in such awe of it, “when will I feel the kicking and stuff?”

“In a few more months, they’re only the size of a green olive. You’ll probably feel it around Christmas?” She guessed. “You’ll be 16 weeks around then.”

“Wow okay,” she was just astounded by the magic of growing a child, she felt like absolute shit but it all made sense at that moment. In just a week, muscles and limbs formed and her baby grew the ability to self-soothe in the womb. Growing 10 fingers and toes that they already knew how to put in their mouth.

She cleaned the gel off Y/N’s stomach and began exporting the files for her. “So, I will call you when the results are in, and I can just email you guys a copy and go over it with you on the phone when you’re free? I know your job is unpredictable?”

“That would be perfect, thank you. We’re working on an international case right now so for all I know I’ll be in Ireland next week,” She laughed.

“Of course, take care of yourself make sure you’re taking all the vitamins and having 8 cups of clear fluids a day, you have to stay hydrated.” Dr. Korrapati handed her the disk in a sleeve as well as her contact card.

“Yes ma’am, I can’t wait to hear from you,” she smiled before leaving the office.

—

Y/N walked back into the BAU around 1:15, wandering down the hall to Penelope’s office to get a rundown of what she missed.

Spencer and JJ had the same idea, all turning towards the door as Y/N walked in, “hey.”

“How was it?” Spencer asked softly, beckoning her to his lap.

She sat down on him softly, “I got a DVD copy of the ultrasound.” She waved the disk around. “But, we can’t watch it until I get a rundown on what we know so far.”

“I hate how professional you are sometimes,” Penelope huffed. “Luckily, it is very important.”

“We matched a tattoo on one of the feet to a missing person’s case in Nova Scotia. So we focused our efforts on missing person’s cases who fit the same features and backgrounds as her,” JJ explained.

“Okay cool, who was she?”

“Andrea Carlton, 18. She was hitchhiking, apparently wanting to run away to meet her boyfriend in Newfoundland. I traced her transactions before she disappeared and it looks like she bought a ferry ticket, however, there are no reports of her ever getting on it,” Penelope added. “So I’ve looked into other people from Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, New Brunswick and Newfoundland, who went missing hitchhiking or after booking a ferry ticket.”

“Smart, how many matches did we get?”

“5,” She laughed.

“You’re kidding?”

They all shook their heads, “nope. And we were able to match all the feet to them.”

Y/N handed the ultrasound video over to Penelope. “Your reward.”

She snatched it from her hands so fast, taking it out of the packaging and shoving it in her CD port. Loading the file within seconds.

She watched Spencer’s face the whole time. Already having seen the footage herself, knowing the real show would be his reaction.

He was so mesmerized, his eyes blown up in awe as tears welled. His grip on her leg was more intense, he was squeezing along to the beat of the baby’s heart, absentmindedly. He shook his head in disbelief, that was his baby in there.

The phone rang before they could really talk about it, Hotch requesting the team hop on a plane and meet them in Nova Scotia. The RCMP and the FBI have taken sole jurisdiction over the case.

Y/N was able to convince him that it would be best if they get some sleep before they go. He agreed, telling them he expected to see them in Canada at 10 am sharp.

“Before we go home tonight can you cross-reference freelance charter boats or fishermen in the area the day each victim missed a ferry? Someone desperate to get a ride might be willing to hop in a boat with anyone going where they are,” Y/N suggested to Garcia.

“I’ll run it in the background, you two go home and get some rest so my god-baby can get big and strong!” She hugged her lightly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Y/N and Spencer didn’t need to be told twice, practically running to their car. She let out the deepest sigh ever once she had her seatbelt on, so excited to go home.

Spencer drove them home, getting used to it as she got more pregnant. Soon she’d be too big to drive at all let alone stay awake the whole time.

“How are you feeling?” Spencer asked as they cleared the security check.

“Good, Dr. Korrapati is going to email us the results when they’re in and go over them with us on the phone. I told her we’d probably end up going out of the country soon,” Y/N recalled the day.

“The ultrasound was so cool,” he gushed.

“Yeah,” She smiled. Reaching to hold his hand on the centre console. ��She also suggested we switch sides of the bed so that we can still cuddle while I’m on my left side.”

“She’s a genius.”

“that’s what I said!” She laughed, “literally how dumb are we?”

“187 till I become a dad and then I’m an idiot,” he smiled back at her quickly. “I’m glad you had a good day. Now we can go eat and get a full night’s rest.”

She let out another deep breath, “I can’t wait to cuddle.”

—

Garcia was waiting for them at the elevator the next morning. “Patrick Timmins.”

“Who?” Y/N asked, fully awake and ready to go, just confused by the ambush.

“I ran the perimeters that you asked for and I found a freelance fisherman slash charter service run by a guy named Patrick Timmins,” Garcia explained. “The townspeople call him Patty Tims, they think he’s fine and lovely according to his Yelp page but his criminal record tells a different story.”

“Really? I thought that was such a long shot!” Y/N was cheery from the extra sleep she got with Dr. Korrapati’s advice.

“The plane is ready when you guys are, I have all the updated info in this as well as some snacks for the plane,” she handed Spencer a cloth bag.

“What would I do without you? My pretty penny,” she kissed her friend on the cheek.

“If it means I get some sugar from you, I’ll do anything,” Garcia flirted with her in the absence of Morgan. “Go get on your plane, I will see you when you return my loves.”

They landed in Nova Scotia around 10 am like Hotch had requested. Bypassing customs and driving directly to the RCMP headquarters. They needed to come up with a plan, they had no idea how to find a man who travels by boat and lives at sea.

“We could always send undercover’s out in the areas he’s picked up before, have them dress as hitchhikers, miss the ferries and wait and see who tries to pick you up. Everyone will have a team watching and police boats on standby?” Morgan was theorizing as Spencer, Y/N and JJ walked in.

“We have report’s that he’s in the bay, if we’re going to do this we need to do it now,” An RCMP officer she hadn’t met yet announced to the room. “Who here is comfortable posing as a vic?”

JJ raised her hand, “get me some dirty clothes and I can be ready in 5.”

They raided the lost and found, they filled a backpack with random things and tried their best to dirty her fingernails and hair. She looked like she had been travelling without a proper place to stay for a while.

They managed to hide a wire on her, prepping what she was going to say if she was in danger and they needed to move in. Hiding a gun and a knife in her socks in case she needed them later.

They drove her down to the bay dropping her off 1 kilometre away, letting her walk into town while they parked closer to watch with binoculars. They planned it for her to arrive as the ferry pulled out of the bay.

She ran down the dock, trying to catch the ferry. Putting on the best performance of: “fuck, I missed the boat!” That they had ever seen.

“She’s going to win an Oscar,” Morgan whispered in the back of the surveillance van, trying to make Y/N laugh.

“Excuse me, ma’am?” They heard over the wire, trying to identify the source of the voice. The man was standing on his boat, hanging over the edge to get JJ’s attention.

“I missed the ferry, do you know when it’ll be back?” She played dumb. “I promised my mom I’d be back tonight and now I won’t be.”

“I can give you a ride, for a price,” the man suggested. “Names, Patty Tims.”

Hotch turned around from the front seat and motioned for Y/N and Morgan to head out quietly without making a scene. Listening in their headsets as JJ replied. “How much?”

They hid around the corner of the ticket booth, watching as the undercover officers walked around the civilians.

“Just a simple photo, I like to put a face to the stories I run across. Come on up,” he motioned for her to get on the boat.

She walked closer to him, “I don’t know sir, I should probably wait for the ferry.” She smiled.

“No,” he ground his teeth together and clenched his jaw, reaching for her.

She grabbed his arm and flipped him, getting into the boat and pushing him to the ground. She cuffed him by the time Morgan and Y/N could board. “What the fuck is this?” He struggled in her grasp.

“You’re under arrest for the murder of 6 people,” JJ replied, about to tell him his rights.

“Only 6?” He laughed.

JJ shoved him into the floor harder, reading him his rights before lifting him to his feet and shoving him off the boat and into RCMP custody.

Y/N lifted her hand up to high five JJ, pulling her into a half hug as they walked back to the surveillance van.

She never had a sister before, JJ was probably the only woman in her life that she felt this close to. It was mostly to do with the fact she’s always been so wonderful to Spencer. She helped him feel loved before Y/N, and that was important to her.

“Can we search the boat? Or are we still waiting on the warrant?” Y/N just wanted to check with Hotch before she barged onto the boat. Not wanting to jeopardize what they’re allowed to enter into evidence.

“We got it, you can start looking,” Hotch said, handing her a pair of gloves and a handful of evidence bags.

JJ went with her. They walked in together, noticing that he wasn’t lying about wanting a photo to go with the story. Below the deck, the entire wall was filled with Polaroids of terrified people moments before their deaths.

They bagged them all into evidence, dreading having to put them all into the system and match them to missing person’s reports. Delivering the news that someone’s loved one was gone for good was never fun.

Telling 58 families that their loved one was dead was a nightmare.

chapter 17

She’s a little confused when she wakes up to the sound of geese honking. Rolling away from Spencer’s embrace and immediately being blinded by the sunlight in the room. She sat up in a small panic.

She had forgotten that they stayed the night at the new house.

The large windows in the bedroom faced the water. She could see the sun’s reflection on the lake as it stretched over the house from the east. It was absolutely stunning. She could get used to waking up early with a screaming baby if this was the view.

Then she remembered it was the day they got their test results, she bounced a little as she reached for her phone to check her messages.

“Morning bunny,” Spencer’s groggy morning voice startled her a little.

“Bunny?” She questioned, never hearing him call her any form of nickname before.

He reached out of her, wrapping his arms around her growing belly, resting his head in her lap. “Have you ever noticed you hop a little bit when you get excited?”

“Yeah, it’s called Asperger’s,” she smiled as she ran her fingers through his hair. “It’s honestly better than bugs bunny though, just don’t throw carrots at me okay?” She laughed to herself as she recalled the childhood trauma.

It was a little funny, looking back now.

“Never, you’re my bunny. I love my bunny.”

He was so soft in the mornings. Snuggling in against her skin as he slowly woke up. He stretched and yawned a bit, making the cutest little sounds as he did so.

She kept her fingers in his hair, twirling the ends every once and a while. Mostly running her nails along his scalp, soothing that big beautiful brain of his that she loved so much.

“We find out what the sex is today,” she reminded him.

He lifted up her shirt to expose her belly. Kissing the skin as she laid back against the pillows.

“What’s going on in there today?” She asked softly.

“They’re the size of a prune,” he mused. “speaking of, as you enter the fetus stage this week you’re going to get constipated.”

She couldn’t help but laugh, “thanks that’s exactly what I wanted to know!”

“Right now the fetal development is focusing primarily on the bones, tummy and teeth,” he explained with the largest smile on his face.

“There we go.”

He hovered over her, brushing the hair from her face so he could look at her, “You look so beautiful right now.”

He said that as if he wasn’t blocking the sun from her view, perfectly casting a halo glow around him. She placed her hand on his cheek, “I love you.”

He leaned in and kissed her, pressing his body softly against her’s. “I love you,” he whispered between kisses. Covering her face and neck with small pecks, making her laugh as he covered her body in kisses.

The phone rang on Spencer’s night table causing him to press his forehead against her hip, letting out a deep sigh. Y/N reached over and picked it up. “Doctor Spencer Reid’s phone,” she answered. “He can't come to the phone right now, can I take a message?”

“Funny,” Penelope replied.

“We have a case,” Morgan added.

“What time do we need to be on the plane by?” She asked.

“Uh, it’s 7:46 now, so you’ve got an hour, tops?” Penelope guessed, “why?”

“I said he was busy. I’ll see you later.” She hung up.

“You did not just do that?” He looked absolutely horrified, his whole face turning pink.

“They could either think you got some, or you could actually get some?” She teased. “We have an hour.”

—

“All 3 Vic’s had been strangled and raped before they were wrapped in plastic and released into the river,” Garcia explained to the team over the laptop as they travelled through the sky. “Washing away all of the unsub’s DNA, however, they did find carpet fragments under the victim’s finger-“

“Like the ’84 Oklahoma Child Murders,” Y/N cut her off.

“What?” Garcia asked.

“Oklahoma 1981 to 1984. Local black children between the age of approximately 6 and 17 were being abducted, raped and murdered. Their bodies were mostly discovered in wooded areas and along the edges of the river, never submerged. The BAU worked the case, only ever being able to solve the last 2 murders before the Oklahoma governor, I think, kicked you off the case, right? They cared more about the money going towards the investigation than the black children going missing,” She explained.

“Gideon and I tried,” Rossi said. Still very bothered by the ending. “We wanted to catch the guy, the last 2 murders were so different from the others and yet the local cops considered it the same guy. Much like this new unsub, he raped young men before strangling them and dropping them in the river. All the way down to the carpet fibres.”

“It ended up being a local man named Oscar Pope, they caught him dumping an older male victim at a police checkpoint. They matched carpet fibres at his house to the 2 rivers Vic’s, but none of the children,” Prentiss cut in. “This has to be a copycat right?”

“We don’t know that,” Y/N added. “The BAU was working the angle that a local boy who knew the majority of the victims was in on it. Um, Daryl Livingston, he was in foster care at the time. He was the 7th boy to go missing and then every one of his friends was found dead after that. However, his body was never found. They suspected that he formed a bond with his captor and offered to bring him, other boys, if he let him live.”

“Any chance that this unsub could be the same kid, using Pope’s tactic to get our attention back on him?” Morgan asked.

“I was about to say that too,” JJ cut in. “they might’ve even been a team back then as well. That would explain why the murders stopped when Pope was caught but they still never found that boy.”

“That’s possible. They concluded that the last victim Pope dropped into the river was a long-time, secret boyfriend of his who found out what he was doing to the children. His MO changed when he didn’t want people to tie the murders together,” Spencer provided the extra information. “Only backfiring when local cops patrolling the river heard a splash.”

“Garcia, can you see if any of the Vic’s have any relation, contact or even geographical coincidences with the original murders?” Rossi asked. “If this is a victim continuing Pope’s work we need to find out who knew him.”

“Sir, Oscar Pope is still alive in a local correctional facility,” Garcia added. “I’m going to run background checks on all contact he’s had in his entirety at the prison, it might take a while but I’ll get it.”

“Garcia, I can go to the facility and just read everything they have there. It might not be all digital yet,” Reid offered.

“Good idea, take Y/N with you. You two bounce ideas off each other better than the rest of us,” Hotch agreed. “Morgan and Rossi join the search teams at the rivers. JJ and Prentiss, we’ll set up communication with the locals and go through old case files.”

“Reid’s good at bouncing somethin’ off her, alright,” Morgan teased him. “You were on speaker this morning.”

Spencer turned bright red once again, burying his face into the table as everyone laughed, reaching across the aisle to give Y/N high fives.

—

Being in a prison was always weird for her.

Having to hand in her gun just to read papers in a dusty office made her uncomfortable. She understood the protocol and she knew the guards would keep them safe, but knowing she was near men she helped put away, that scared her slightly.

“I’m not finding anything,” Spencer sighed. “There was a flood 2 years ago that destroyed most of the files near the ground. Including the Pope documents.”

“We can always just go ask him?” Y/N suggested, “he’s in D cell, he’s behind bars. We can just talk to him from the hallway unofficially. Pretend we’re here for someone else. I’ll say I never thought he really did those murders and gain his trust, see what happens.”

“I don’t like it but, I think we have to,” he agreed. Opening the office door for her to lead the way, “after you.”

Spencer felt very protective, she could tell. He was never pushy or controlling with her, but for some reason, he was now manhandling her. Making sure she walked on the inside of the hallways, closer to the brick walls so that no one could get her through the bars.

“So Doctor Reid,” she picked up the conversation as they hit the D block. “I was reading the book you lent me about engineering.”

“Oh,” he tried to play along. “How did you like it?”

“It was good,” she replied while trying to look at each inmate she passed. “I loved page 187— oh my gosh?” She stopped at Pope’s cell.

“You’re Oscar Pope?” She pointed at him.

“and you’re?” The old man questioned her. “A fed?”

“We’re here for something political, nothing to concern yourself with,” she lied, getting closer to the bars, whispering. “I just want you to know I never thought you did all 16 of the child murders back in the day.”

“Thank you,” he was suddenly enthusiastic. “Now why can’t all the fed’s be as smart as you?”

She laughed, tapping his arm through the bars. “How are you doing? Is there anything I can get you while I’m here?”

“Phone privileges!” He answered quickly, “the mail’s taking forever and I’ve got people to talk to before I croak in here.”

“I’m sure you do sir,” she smiled at him. “I’ll pull some strings, you have a good day!”

“You too, beautiful!”

Spencer placed his hand on her hip and led her away from the bars, she waved as they walked away.

“Agent Y/L/N,” a voice stopped her at the end of the hall.

She turned to see a man sitting cross-legged on the cell floor. His orange jumpsuit gathered around his waist as he sat in an undershirt. She glanced over his body, stopping at his face. She’d know those eyes anywhere.

“Didn’t I say only good boys get to talk to me, Bitch?” She snapped at him.

“Congratulations on the little one.” He replied. Laughing as Spencer placed his hand over her small stomach and led her out of the room, through the big metal doors.

“Keep walking with me,” Spencer insisted. “Or I will turn around and I will kill him.”

She huffed and continued down a narrow hallway with him. “We need to call Hotch.”

“Yeah,” he flipped his phone open and hit the speed dial.

“Reid?” She heard Hotch answer.

“We couldn’t get any of his information from forms, they all had water damage so Y/N and I walked past Pope’s cell and struck up a conversation,” He explained.

“And?”

“She got on his good side, pretending that she could get him a favour while she’s here for political reasons. He said he’s desperate to make a phone call today.”

“I’m on my way, get Garcia to prep paperwork to allow us a meeting with him now,” Hotch instructed, hanging up.

Y/N dialled Garcia on her phone. “How’s it going love birds?”

“Not good,” she replied. “We need you to get the paperwork going to allow us to sit down with Oscar Pope today. And we’re going to need to tear through his cell.”

“Oh, damn okay,” She replied. “Ask him about Cody Kollins.”

“Who?” Spencer asked as his phone rang again. He flipped it open, “we’ve got Garcia here too.” Putting it on speaker.

“Morgan and Rossi just intercepted a man dropping a body in the river,” Hotch confirmed. “I need you to rush that paperwork.”

“Sir, what was the man’s name?” Garcia asked.

“Cody Kollins.”

They sighed at each other, “let’s do this.”

—

Y/N watched him through the mirror. She could see him fidgeting. He was frustrated. He was exhibiting the exact same behaviour as he was when he was caught the first time.

“Every time we one-up him, he breaks down,” she whispered to Spencer. “Even in his interrogation tapes, he was like this. When they found the single patch of carpet left in his closet and were able to match the fibres, he lost it. He likes to play it cool and under control, he wrote the story and he wants us to stick to it.”

“How upset do you think he’d be if we went in there and told him we actually caught the original killer and he’s going to be released pending DNA testing?” Spencer suggested.

She tilted her head, biting her lip as she thought. “I think he’d be violent.”

“Sit here,” he said as he walked into the interview room.

She hated having to just watch. It helped that Pope was cuffed to the table, and the table was drilled into the concrete floor, Spencer wouldn’t get hurt. The guards are right behind the door. It’s fine.

“Sorry for the abrupt interrogation, I promise this isn’t what you think,” Spencer smiled softly. “We have reason to believe that the original killer has returned, the state is running the DNA now.”

Y/N watched as Pope’s right eye started to twitch, his finger on his leg was tapping at an odd rhythm as Spencer talked.

“The second we can prove you had no hand in any of the killing’s we’ll issue a pardon and your discharge papers will be filled out,” Spencer finished his sentence and moved to open the door once more.

“You’re a fuckin’ idiot,” he hissed. His voice was completely different than it was when they were speaking in D block.

“Why?” Spencer asked, easily playing the innocent and stupid role.

“You think some crazy-obsessed, fuck toy of mine whose doing half-assed attempts at my signature, is the real killer!!!” Pope spat his confession out. Literally covering the table in spit as he became more feral. Shaking violently.

Spencer walked right out of the room. Y/N watched as Pope smacked the table, tugging violently at the cuffs, scratching himself all up. The guards had to run in and hold him down, shooting a sedative into his neck.

“Jesus,” she whispered. Taking her phone out of her pocket to call Garcia, when she noticed the voicemail notification in the bottom corner. She ignored it, calling her friend instead.

“Hey,” Penelope answered quickly. “So turns out we were right, who would have thought, Cody Kollins is actually Daryl Livingston.”

“We just got a confession from Pope,” Y/N shared her news. “They had to sedate him so we’re going to come back to the station. Wait until tomorrow to interview him again.”

“Yeah, sounds good, Hotch and Morgan are in with Livingston right now,” she updated them. “Make sure to eat something when you get there.”

“Yes mom,” she teased, hanging up and smiling.

Spencer put his hand out in an invitation to hold it. She interlocked their fingers and followed him back to the filing room, gathering their things before exiting the prison.

She sat on the passenger side of the SUV, she and Spencer just sat there and took a few deep breaths. Processing everything the exact same way, quietly and on their own.

She cut the awkward silencer by taking out her phone and playing the voicemail. Putting it on speaker.

“Hi Y/N, this is Doctor Korrapati calling. I’ve emailed you your results. The gender is at the bottom, under the little read more button, in case you wanted it to be a surprise. Call the office and let us know when you’re free to go over the results and we’ll book you in, as far as I can tell everything looks good, so don’t feel the need to rush. Take care!”

Spencer looked over at her with a soft smile on his face, reaching out for her hand once more. Holding her hand with both of his now, “do you want to do this?”

“I’m ready if you are?”

He nodded, watching her contently as she opened her email up, finding the right one and scrolling to the bottom. Her heart fluttered a little as she looked at the read more option.

She took a deep breath and clicked on it.

Chromosomal sex: XY

“Well?” Spencer asked softly.

“I’d really love to tell you,” she bit her lip trying not to laugh, “but I don’t remember what this means?”

He laughed, shaking his head as he looked at the screen. He blinked with glossy eyes as he read it, a light chuckle escaping his lips as he cried softly.

It had to be a girl, she knew he wanted one. She convinced herself in that millisecond that it was a girl.

He reached over and placed his hand flat against her belly. “Hi Matthew,” he said softly.

“You’re kidding?” She couldn’t stop herself from crying.

Spencer wrapped her up in a hug, the two of them happily crying into each other. She wasn’t sure if she was giggling or sobbing, she just knew she was shaking in Spencer’s arms with happiness that this was her little family.

He kissed all over her one cheek as he held her close. “I love you so much,” he reminded her.

She pulled back, wiping her tears off on her shirt sleeve, laughing at the serendipity of it all. “I love you too, dad.”

“I have to drive, don’t make me cry again,” he laughed, wiping his own tears before tucking his ever-growing hair behind his ears.

“Let’s go.”

—

Y/N sat beside JJ in the break room of the police station, salad bowl in her lap, shovelling the dressing-covered leaves in her mouth.

They weren’t tasked with anything until Hotch and Morgan attempted to get some info out of the unsub. “Were you crying earlier?” She asked.

“A little,” Y/N smiled at her. “We’re having a boy,” she whispered.

“Oh my god!” JJ whispered back at her, reaching out for her arm and shaking her a little. “I have a feeling your little guy will be bigger than Henry was so he’ll fit into all Henry’s summer stuff when he’s born!”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah!” She confirmed. “By the time he grows out of everything I might have a second boy and we can rotate it around again,” she laughed. “This is going to be so fun.”

“Matthew and Henry are going to be best friends,” Y/N smiled.

“Matthew,” she repeated. “That’s a nice name, I like it.”

“My brother’s name is Levi, I thought it was a nice way to keep a family name in my baby’s life, and his middle name is going to be Gideon,” she spoiled it for Spencer.

JJ looked a little emotional, “sorry it’s just so surreal thinking about me and Spencer having kids who are friends.”

Y/N moved her dinner out of the way and hugged her then, holding her tightly. “You better not be pregnant too,” she whispered in her ear. Not wanting to give it away if she was.

JJ just laughed, rocking Y/N back and forth in her embrace, not answering. “Right?” Y/N asked again.

“We’re trying, so who knows,” JJ replied.

“Shut up?” Y/N pulled back and stared into her eyes to see if she was telling the truth or not. “Holy shit? Since when?”

“Honestly, I think the night we celebrated Canadian thanksgiving,” she laughed. “You and Spencer got us talking about babies, and you got Henry to sleep through the night, so this is technically your fault.”

“JJ,” Y/N started to cry, “I’m so happy for you.”

“They’ll only be a few months apart, so they’ll be best friends too,” JJ smiled. “This is going to be really fun.”

chapter 18

For Christmas this year, Y/N just wanted to be fully moved into their new home before they had to leave for Vegas. Spencer followed through with the present. Inviting the entire team over for drinks if they promised to stop by Y/N’s apartment and bring a few boxes to the new house. It was basically just free labour.

She spent the night nesting while her friends drank in her kitchen. They understood why she was nervous, she was going to tell her parents about the baby and the engagement, and the house, in 3 days.

It was all going to be a lot.

She was 16 weeks along as of Christmas Eve. Waking up the morning of their flight to a weird twitching sensation in her gut, like butterflies or a muscle twitch but right where the baby would be.

“Spence,” she shook him awake. “Spencer.”

“What’s wrong?” He sat right up, squinting at her as he tried to figure out what was going on.

“It’s like, I don’t know how to explain it?” She worried.

Spencer placed his hand on her belly feeling the slight flitter. “He’s kicking.”

Spencer’s early morning smile was the best, he tackled her back against the pillow and dug his face into the crook of her neck. “That’s my baby in there.”

“I wouldn’t have known,” she laughed, wrapping her arms and legs around him. “We have to go to the airport soon.”

“I know,” he mumbled into her neck.

“If you get up now, we can go get breakfast before we have to board?” She enticed him, “we can get sprinkle donuts for the flight.”

“Okay,” he said as she freed him from her grip. “Are you nervous?”

“I know they’ll be happy, just not ready for them to ask why I didn’t say anything sooner,” She explained. “I’ve been really distant since I got the job, I’m really excited to spend time with them this weekend.”

“Same,” Spencer smiled. “Come on you two.”

They took a 9 am flight one-way to Las Vegas. Y/N slept most of the ride, spending the last 45 minutes just snuggled into Spencer’s shoulder as he watched a documentary on some form of science or math. She couldn’t hear what it was about, all she saw was a man writing out numbers on a chalkboard.

She ran her hand over her belly lightly. There was no way she could walk into her mother’s house in a few minutes and just pretend it wasn’t there. It was there. So were the 5 pounds of baby weight on her hips and the swelling in her face and knuckles.

She was pretty quiet during landing and baggage claim. Thinking in her head what she was going to say to everyone, how she would explain it. She sat in a cab beside Spencer, absentmindedly following him through the airport they’ve both been through at least 20 times.

It was a short trip to her parent’s house. Spencer traced little shapes into her leg with his finger to distract her. A flower, a 4D cube, the words I love you. It was sweet, non verbal comfort was very important to her.

When they arrived, she stayed in the cab to pay while Spencer got their bags out. Taking as long as possible so she could avoid it a little longer.

Biting the bullet, she took a deep breath and walked out into her parent’s front yard. Taking the handle of her suitcase and dragging it up the walkway.

She walked right into her house, her parents and brothers all standing up from the living room and rushing into the entryway. She was wrapped up in 7 hugs within a matter of seconds.

“You look so different,” her mom said as she pulled back from her hug. Holding her arms as she examined her, “what did you do?”

“I got pregnant,” she replied, scrunching her face as she waited for their response.

She could’ve sworn she went deaf at that moment, reaching down to cover her bump as everyone cheered and jumped around her. She was pulled into a group hug before she could process anything. Laughing awkwardly at the whole experience.

“Be quiet, he can hear this week!” She laughed.

“He?” Her father inquired.

She looked back at Spencer, smiling at him. “It’s a boy,” Spencer confirmed.

“Holy shit!” Her brothers cheered, high-fiving each other. “When are you due?” Harrison asked.

“June,” she smiled. “3 days after mom’s birthday, see I do remember it.”

“Come sit,” her mom insisted, pushing everyone out of the way and dragging her to the couch. “Put your feet up, how are you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” Y/N insisted. “You’re almost worse than my co-workers.”

“Are they taking good care of you?” Her father asked.

She waited for Spencer to join her on the couch, they had all been so excited about her they forgot he was there. “Yeah. Um, we have a lot to tell you,” She explained, holding Spencer’s hand for comfort.

“I asked Y/N to marry me,” Spencer announced. “I am so in love with her, this baby is a dream come true and I’m very excited to become a part of your family.”

Her mom cried, tossing her hand over her eyes as she sobbed. “Mom,” she was so overwhelmed with everything she started to cry too.

“You’re a wonderful man Spencer,” her father interjected. “It’s an honour to have you.”

Spencer smiled and nodded towards him, silently thanking him for the approval.

“So, it’s kind of insane how it all happened. It wasn’t intended, but we love him so much already,” Y/N glowed as she spoke. “Are we going to tell people the name yet?”

Spencer nodded, “we can.” He smiled down at her with such wonderment, the moment she had been scared of for 16 weeks turning out to be the best time she’s had with her whole family in one room.

“His name is Matthew Gideon Reid,” Y/N smiled. “After my favourite brother, no offence Harry, and Spencer’s mentor.”

Levi was her more emotional brother. He was her best friend growing up. The 5 year age difference gave them the time to grow up separately but still find common interests to bring them together. They were the closest in the family before she moved to Virginia full time it became hard to keep up with him as much.

Now they were both parents, their kids only having a 3 year age difference. Meaning next year there would be 2 little ones at Christmas.

“That’s a lovely name,” Levi smiled. “Thank you.”

“It’s whatever, don’t expect our kids to have your name either,” Harrison replied as he held his wife close, pretending he was a little offended.

“We also got a house,” she added to change the topic, “Jason Gideon, he kinda gave us his place in Virginia.”

“You’re kidding me?” Debbie gasped. “For free?”

She laughed, “it’s complicated.”

“I grew up without a father, and Gideon neglected his son for his work at the BAU,” Spencer chimed in. “We bonded, and he wanted his house to be used for good. He specifically asked for us to fill it with love and laughter. We’ve just finished moving into it. You can visit any time!” He panicked and rambled by the end.

“I don’t know if you know this,” her mom tried to joke with them. “But there’s this thing called a phone, where you can call your mother and tell her these things.”

“I wanted to!” she hurried the words out. “But I’m still working in the field, I was weary with who really knew besides the team. It’s my only weakness on the job.”

“I get it,” Debbie smiled. “Honestly, I’m so happy for you both.”

“Thanks, mom,” Y/N choked back tears. “Sorry,” she laughed. “Pregnant things, y’know.”

—

Visiting hours at the nursing home changed during the holidays. Spencer and Y/N were permitted to enter anytime between 8 am and 10 pm, giving them lots of time to spend the afternoon with Y/N’s parents before visiting her.

They borrowed her dad’s truck, driving to the nursing home with a special gift for Diana. Spencer had spent the last 2 weeks making a scrapbook page about Matthew for her, he knew how much her book meant to her and he wanted to add to it.

Her mom’s co-workers all stared at them as they walked in hand in hand. Her bump on show under the T-Shirt she chose to wear.

Diana was in her room, then walked down the long hallway to her suite. Knocking lightly on the door, waiting for her to greet them.

The door swung open, “Spencer!” She cheered. Hugging him tight in her arms.

“Hi mom,” he held her just as tight. Knowing he was a mama’s boy always made Y/N’s heart flutter.

She pulled back and looked at Y/N, “you look so nice!”

“Thank you,” she smiled. Stepping in close to give her a hug as well.

Diana welcomed them into her room, closing the door behind them. Y/N took a seat on the couch while Spencer looked around at the new things she had on display.

“I made you something,” he said softly, taking off his bag and pulling the pressed cardboard out of the protective sleeve. “here.”

She held it in her hands, looking at the ultrasound photo they got a few weeks ago at the anatomy scan. “What is this Spencer?”

“You’re going to be a grandmother,” he explained. Watching her run her fingers over the words on the paper. She was in shock, she had nothing to say. She just looked at the photo.

She quietly walked over to Y/N and sat beside her, “may I?” She asked, holding her hand up.

Y/N leaned back a little, “absolutely.”

Diana placed her hand on the bump lightly. “I was so worried I wouldn’t get to really experience this one day,” she whispered. Trying her best not to cry. “Thank you.”

Y/N cried, not realizing how special this must be for them. She was so focused on her family that she forgot that this was going to change Diana’s whole world. She now had 2 boys to love unconditionally.

“His name is Matthew?” Diana asked, running her hand over the bump softly.

“Yeah,” Y/N smiled. “He’s due in June. If you can, you can fly out and stay with us for a little?”

“I’d love to,” Diana replied. “I have enough points for a trip, and I’ve been feeling really good on my medication.”

“If your doctors clear it all, Debbie and you can fly in together,” Spencer confirmed.

“Wow,” Diana smiled like Spencer. Wide thin lips, straight white teeth, big rosy cheeks and glistening eyes. She hoped Matthew inherited it too. “This is my best Christmas yet.”

—

Y/N woke up Christmas morning with Spencer cuddled into her side in her childhood bedroom. She slipped out of his grasp and sat in her windowsill instead.

She pulled her knees to her chest as best as she could now that she was pregnant, looking at the lone swing across the street that swayed in the December morning breeze.

It should be 8 am back at Quantico, her parents must have let them sleep in while they opened presents. She could see Chloe in the front yard trying out her new car. Levi smiled as he pushed her down the road, Lizzie filming the whole thing on her phone.

Her whole life was so different from the last time she really sat on the windowsill in her bedroom. Back then she was about to move to Virginia, graduating college in Nevada and getting into the training program at the academy. Harrison was already there at Fort Meade, she was about to move into his house with his wife for the first semester before settling into DC. Levi and Lizzie had just started dating, Chloe wasn’t even conceived yet. And she had no idea when she’d run into Spencer.

She rubbed her hand over her belly as a tear rolled down her cheek. She couldn’t wait for the day that she was pushing her own child on that swing across the street. The day she and Spencer tell him about the love story that bubbled between two kids with books who looked at each other for years before they fell in love.

“What are you doing?” Spencer asked, removing her from the moment she allowed herself to have.

She wiped the tear from her cheek, “they’re happy tears. Go back to sleep.”

“Come cuddle?” He pouted, his big puppy dog eyes drawing her back to the bed.

She snuggled into him, running her fingers against his bare chest as she watched him breathe. “Can I tell you something?”

“Always,” he kissed the top of her head.

“When I was 17, I had my appendix out.” She rolled over and laid back, showing him the 3-inch scar on the right side of her stomach. “It was pretty bad, they said I would have died if my mom waited 15 more minutes to get me to the hospital. They had to fix parts of my stomach and intestines that were eaten by the ruptured appendix bile.”

“I had no idea,” he whispered, running his finger along the scar. “I always thought that was just a scratch.”

She shook her head lightly. “It was December 5th, ’98. They uh,” she took a deep breath before resuming. “They put me on a drug called Dilaudid, they told my mom it was a non-addictive version of morphine and that I’d be fine but, I kinda got addicted to the pill version when they let me out,” she scrunched her face as she told him. Not wanting his opinion of her to change.

“You’re kidding?” He asked, a chuckle fell past his lips as he sat up. “In my second year at the BAU I was kidnapped by a man with dissociative identity disorder and he drugged me.”

“Dilaudid?” She asked, sitting up too and shaking her head in disbelief.

He laughed at how absurd it was, “yeah.”

“I moved to Benadryl for the sleepy and calm effect after I couldn’t get any more refills and didn’t want to admit I had a problem, and weed in college” she added. “but I haven’t even taken a Tylenol in the last 5 years now.”

“I had a small problem with it after everything, but I’m also clean now,” Spencer smiled at her. “Why did you want me to know?”

“Because I don’t want to take any drugs when I deliver the baby, even if I beg for them I don’t want them to give in. I talked to Dr. Korrapati about it but I wanted you to know too,” she explained. “Being in here all night got me thinking about a lot.”

He wrapped his arms around her and tackled her back against the pillows. “I love you,” was all he said.

“I love you too?”

“Seriously,” his voice was so soft and low. “I’ll never stop.”

chapter 19

She woke up to the feeling of hair tickling her face. She swatted at her face to try and get it to stop before opening her eyes. She blinked into the early morning sunlight, only to Spencer looking down at her, his hair long enough to tickle her skin.

“You were snoring,” he whispers down to her. “Also, Happy Birthday.”

She smiled, pulling him down and into a hug. “Thank you.”

Every morning with Spencer for the last 10 months had been special. Something about the warmth of his body against hers, and the sunlight bouncing around their new bedroom made this morning her favourite.

It was so calm on the water. She could see the snow settling on the ice as the sun made it glisten like diamonds. The birds had all but disappeared for the winter, the stillness in the world was lovely. It was like time stopped with Spencer laying in her arms.

“What do you think Penelope has planned at work today?” She asked him softly, playing with his incredibly long hair. It was almost longer than hers now.

“She told me to bring you in after 8.”

“So does that mean you have to distract me for a little while, Doctor Reid?” She teased him.

He pushed himself up, leaning on his arm as he hovered over her. “Any requests?”

She spread her arms and legs out like a starfish. “Have at ‘er,” she couldn’t stop herself from laughing as Spencer just shook his head.

He dipped down to her belly, blowing a raspberry onto her protruding bump. “Good morning to you too little dude,” he whispered against her skin. “Go back to sleep.”

She shoved him lightly, not able to stop herself from smiling, “he is asleep, leave him alone.”

It was the best morning ever.

Every time she thinks that she’s reached peak happiness she discovers another level. It felt like every time he touched her, she wanted to describe it as the best she’s ever felt.

When they finally got dressed and made their way downstairs for the morning, she found it incredibly odd that he wasn’t asking her what she wanted for breakfast, like he did every morning. Very concerned that she had all her meals and then some.

She fed the cat, picking him up and giving him a little snuggle after he finished his breakfast. “You are getting so big and chunky buddy, I might have to change your food timer.”

He meowed at her, sounding really pissed, making her laugh. “Fine but when you can't climb all the stairs in this house it’s your fault.” She placed him back on the ground and watched him wander into the sunlight. Plopping onto the hardwood and stretching out. Just living the life.

“Ready to go?” Spencer asked.

“Yeah, are we stopping for breakfast?” She asked, the second trimester making her hungrier than ever before.

“Penelope has it covered,” He said, placing his hand on her back as he leads her to the foyer.

“Oh this’ll be good,” she smiled, putting her shoes on before arming the alarm and heading outside.

Spencer locked their beautiful green front door, it was colder out than they had expected. He held her hand as she shivered slightly, they walked down the 3 steps together, Spencer not wanting her to fall if it happened to be icy.

Seat heaters were a blessing from god. The car was freezing when they first got in, the heater barely kicked in by the time they reached Quantico. Living 10 minutes away now was really nice.

Up the elevator they went, she was basically bouncing with excitement. “See?” Spencer nudged her with his shoulder. “Bunny.”

“Shut up,” she smiled as the door dinged before opening.

They walked into the bullpen to find it empty. She took off her coat and placed her bag on her desk before slowly walking up the small set of stairs and heading towards the briefing room.

All her co-workers were sitting around the table waiting for her and the boy wonder to arrive. Strawberry cheesecake danishes sat on a tray on the table, a strawberry milkshake in front of Y/N‘s regular spot.

“Happy Birthday!” They cheered as she walked in.

“You guys!?” She was so flattered. Never in her life has she been thrown a party by someone who wasn’t her mother. “Thank you.”

“Sit, sit,” Penelope insisted. Placing a danish on a napkin and putting it on her spot on the table. “I know you can’t have ice coffee right now, I thought a milkshake was the next best thing.”

“I seriously love you, come here,” she pulled Penelope into a hug, kissing her right on the mouth as everyone cheered.

“See that?” Penelope blushed. “Kisses are how I should be thanked around here.”

“HR already hates us,” Hotch made everyone laugh, “don’t push it.”

They all ate breakfast together, sharing stories from their weekend. They decided to spend New Years’ apart, everyone taking time to themselves for the first time ever.

“Where did you go, Prentiss?” Morgan inquired.

“Sin to Win weekend in Atlantic City,” she sighed and leaned back in her chair.

“Oh my god?” Y/N looked at her with absolute astonishment.

“What’s that?” Morgan and Spencer asked at the same time.

“Nothing.” Emily and Y/N replied in unison. Making a look at each other that screamed: ‘tell anyone and I’ll hurt you.’

Like a saviour, the fax machine in the briefing room turned on, spitting out 15 sheets of paper in a few minutes. Penelope cleaned off the table while Hotch ran everything over.

“Last night a family in Boston had their home burned down with them inside it,” Hotch explained.

“How is that something for us to look into?” Rossi asked.

“Because the unsub broke in and turned the water off and tampered with the gas system, causing CO2 to render them unconscious. He stabbed the father to death in the bed before laying gasoline all over the floors and lighting the house on fire.”

“Damn,” Y/N whispered under her breath. “That is personal.”

“I’d say,” Hotch agreed.

“Who was the family?” JJ asked.

Garcia looked through the sheets of paper spewed across the table. “Thomas Greenway, 61. His wife Alison 43. And 2 children aged 8 and 12.”

“We need to head to Boston,” Hotch announced. “I’ll call about prepping the plane. Y/N you can stay here with Garcia if you’d like, your insight will aid her search greatly.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind,” she smiled at Garcia. “Good luck out there.”

“Wheels up in 30.”

Everyone sighed before standing up. Spencer leaned in and kissed Y/N softly before standing up. “I’ll see you later.”

“Come home to me safely Doctor Reid.”

He smiled down at her, fixing his shirt before he left with Morgan.

“I hate to see him go, but I love watching him leave,” She said softly towards Penelope, making her laugh in the process.

“Come on mama, let’s go to my office,” Garcia said, putting her arm out for Y/N, the two of them skipping down the hallway with their arms linked as the team filled the elevator.

Y/N sat in Garcia’s office and immediately put her feet up, still drinking her milkshake as she flipped through the case files. “Can I suggest possibly the dumbest thing ever?”

She laughed, “shoot.”

“So, homeboy here breaks in and knocks out a family with co2 poisoning, just to stab the father to death and light the house on fire.” She ran it down once more, “What if we just search mothers stabbed before dying in a fire and just see if this is some traumatized kid, at this point that’s what they all end up being.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Garcia said, typing away as she added the parameters. “It’s like you can see the fucking future?”

Y/N threw her head back in a laugh, “did you get something? Seriously?”

“Adele Hollis was found dead in a burning apartment building in Boston in 1978. ME reports say she was already dead from co2 poisoning before she was stabbed 6 times in the chest. The whole apartment complex went up in flames after the unsub doused the bed in gasoline and lit her up.”

“Well fuck,” Y/N replied. “Does she have children?”

“Yes, her son Cameron was at school when it happened. He was 8, he moved in with his step-dad shortly after, they ruled him out and never found the guy,” Garcia added.

Y/N leaned across the desk and dialled Hotch, the plane hadn’t even left yet. “I think I found the unsub?”

“How?” Hotch asked.

“I jokingly asked Garcia to search and see if there are any men whose mothers died in a fire after being stabbed cause we deal with sooo many traumatized kids, and we found one,” she laughed at just how insane it sounded.

“Video in and give us a rundown.” Hotch hung up. Ever the conversationalist.

Garcia and Y/N squeezed into the same frame seeing everyone gathered in the little plane seats. She gave them the basic rundown of her findings, watching them all shake their heads at the fact she solved the case already.

“Have the local PD issue a warrant and bring him in. Can you check and see if he knows the victims?” Hotch asked.

“On it sir,” she smiled, clicking away.

“How did you do that so fast?” Morgan has to ask, “it’s not human.”

She laughed again, “If I’ve learned anything in the last 10 months it’s that traumatized little boys can fuck up a lot of people’s lives.”

“Preach,” Rossi added.

“Um, guys,” Garcia’s tone changed. “Cameron Hollis’s birth father is the father who was stabbed in this case.”

“You’re shitting me?” Y/N couldn’t believe it. “Do they have any kind of relationship?”

“His father is on the birth certificate but it looks like Adele left him when Cameron was 3, after some domestic disputes that had the cops at their door. She was remarried when he was 6, it doesn’t look like they ever really talked,” Garcia explained while continuing to dig.

Y/N watched through the monitor as the team gripped their seats, the plane was taking off now. They would be in Boston with this guy in just a few hours.

“Thanks, Lady Wonder,” Morgan winked at the camera for Y/N before leaning in and turning the monitor off.

She sat back and put her feet up once more. “Best birthday ever.”

—

They had Cameron Hollis in custody with a full confession before 5 pm that day. Everyone was beyond thankful that they would be back home with their families shortly.

Y/N had said goodbye to Penelope shortly after, driving home to have some alone time. Rossi would drive Spencer home, they lived close enough now that they could all carpool if they wanted.

She had never been in their new house all alone before. She took the time to just walk around and admire everything, being thankful that her life ended up like this. Not taking a second of it for granted.

She sat down on her bed finally, taking her phone out and calling JJ.

“Hello bestie,” she answered.

Y/N smiled, “Hey, do you think Will could find a babysitter tonight?”

“Probably, why?”

“Tell him to drop Henry off and head to my place. I’m going to have pizza delivered and you can come here with Spencer when you land,” Y/N offered. “Have a date night with us.”

“That would be amazing, I’ll call Will right now. See you later,” JJ sounded happy. It made her smile.

“See you.” She hung up, laying back against her bed softly.

She changed quickly before heading downstairs, wearing a pair of leggings and an academy t-shirt. She was getting too big for almost everything she owned now.

She placed an order for a few pizzas to arrive at 8:30. Next, making sure she had more beer in the fridge, for the nights when Will wandered over with JJ. They had visited almost every weekend since she and Spencer moved in.

That’s when she saw him.

chapter 20

Previously...

The dream was always the same:

A man would get into their home, he knew their schedule, he knew when she’d be alone.

He’d get in without any trouble and he never made a sound. She wouldn’t even know he was in the room until she felt the cold metal gun press against her face, as shaking hands instructed her to tie her own behind her back.

He’d always use her supplies. Duck tape, shoelaces, scarves. Anything at his disposal that he didn’t have to bring with him. Almost as if he didn’t fully choose her to be his victim until the very last minute.

He assaulted her all for what felt like hours, stopping occasionally to cry in the bathroom or eat a snack in their kitchen. And he always showered at the end. Sometimes, he’d wrap her up in a housecoat, put her sheets in the wash and sincerely advised her to invest in a better lock for the sliding door.

Then he was gone.

Slipping into the night, on his way to become someone else’s nightmare...

There was a man in her yard, he was dressed in all black, with a backpack wrapped around his shoulders and a ski mask on his face.

He couldn’t see her from where she was in the kitchen, but she could see him. She ducked to the floor and crawled towards the stairs, booking it up the steps and grabbing her gun. She made sure it was loaded, grabbing a second clip from her nightstand and tucking it into her pocket. Then she detonated the alarm system from the remote on Spencer’s bedside table.

She crawled into her closet, making herself look like a pile of clothes.

And she waited.

She felt a little insane, she tried to convince herself that it could be anyone from a neighbour to a lost person from the trail. For all she knew, it was someone from the academy lost in the woods.

She tried to calm her breathing, calling Will with her cell phone. “Hey, JJ just filled me in-“

“There is someone in my backyard in all black with a backpack, how fast can you get here?” She panicked in a whisper.

“Fuck, okay, I just dropped Henry off at the sitter. I’ll be right over, stay put and I will call you when I’m there,” his southern accent came out more when he was stressed.

“Okay, thank you,” she hung up and took a deep breath.

She closed her eyes, listening to the sounds in her house.

She remembered what the house sounded like that morning. The stillness, the quiet peacefulness of her and Spencer in the bed only 12 feet away from where she was now hiding.

She remembered the way the floors creaked as it popped and settled with the heat, how the tree outside would sometimes tap the window, the sound of snow tumbling off their roof. Passing cars on the main road kicking up gravel, the odd bird singing in the cold breeze, her own heartbeat in her ears.

Then she heard the alarm turn off with its overly happy welcome home chime. Only knowing one man would be able to disarm her alarm system without a code, and he was in the air right now.

“Open,” she heard the alarm’s voice as the door opened.

Footsteps travelled along the hardwood floor in wet shoes. She listened to the sound of the wet rubber on hardwood explore the first floor.

There were 2 people in her house, splitting up as one went to the kitchen and one went up the stairs.

She aimed her gun at the doorway, aiming to shoot anyone who walked through the door in the leg. Not wanting to kill anyone who she knew that might’ve gotten in for a different reason, unannounced.

In the rare happenstance that this wasn’t her worst nightmare coming true.

Her hands were shaking as she kept the gun pointed for what felt like hours, just waiting for him to find her. The door handle started to turn slowly, she heard the sound of the old metal grinding ever so slowly.

The first thing she saw were his eyes, yet again. The same eyes that haunted her dreams, the eyes every woman she spoke to for 2 years remembered from behind the ski mask.

Fuck Wichita, he was her own personal nightmare. He had been for a while. Those eyes, big and black all the way around, not a single glimpse of colour or life or hope. Every single dream came flooding back as she saw him in her doorway, the same aura of death, destruction, loneliness and despair from all those months ago was now filling the most special place in her home.

He still hadn’t seen her in the closet, looking around the room carefully as she watched him. Waiting for him to get closer, and closer to where she was. Finally peeling back the wooden closet door.

“Surprise, bitch,” She said before aiming higher and shooting him between the eyes, knocking him down.

She stood and stepped out of the closet, “Travis fucking Johnson,” she shook her head as she looked at the man bleeding on her bedroom floor. Taking his pulse to ensure that he was dead.

She couldn’t hear anything for a second, trying her best to zone in on the sound of someone tiptoeing in her kitchen, “WHO ELSE IS IN MY HOUSE?” She screamed.

Suddenly she could hear the sound of a car on the gravel and then a door slamming. She stepped into the hallway, gun pointed, looking over the railing towards the front door.

“Y/N?!” Will yelled. Gun pointed as he entered her house.

“I’ve got one down, I think there’s another in the kitchen,” she replied.

“On it.”

Y/N looked down the hall, none of the upstairs rooms were open, every door exactly how it looked when she ran up the stairs. She headed down the steps when 2 shots were fired.

She quickly ran to the kitchen to see another man on her floor behind the counter, his feet the only thing she could see as he laid there, dead. Will was standing over him, taking his pulse.

“He’s gone,” Will confirmed.

Y/N finally let herself panic, shaking as she tried to catch her breath, pulling out a chair from the counter and sitting down. Her adrenalin was running wild in her bloodstream, she didn’t even know how to speak let alone think about what had just happened.

“Y/N,” Will’s soft voice brought her back to reality. He was right beside her, wrapping his big strong arms around her to try and calm her down. “Shh, it’s okay.”

“Who was it?” Is all she asks him.

“I have no idea, who was upstairs?” Will asked.

“Travis Johnson, from my first case with the BAU,” she calmed down a bit, breaking away from the hug to get off the chair.

She walked around the counter island, looking down to find another man she knew, bleeding on her brand new hardwood floors. “Oh my god,” she felt sick at the sight.

He smelled the same, stale and rotten. The same look on his face even as he slipped into eternal damnation. Empty as when he was alive, pure evil down to his core. Dead to match how he felt inside as he did those awful things to undeserving mothers.

The second worst man she’s ever come in contact with.

The Winnemucca Womb Raider.

She backed up into Will, he held her close so she didn’t drop to the floor, helping her back into the chair. “Do you know him?”

“Yeah,” she felt herself starting to cry. “How? They were both in prison?”

“We need to call the police,” Will said softly before taking his phone out.

“911 what’s your emergency?” She could hear the muffled woman’s voice as he pressed his phone to his ear.

“This is Detective William LaMontagne Jr. Two men just broke into my friend’s home and tried to kill her,” he explained the situation, making her shutter.

She watched as he talked to the woman, suddenly not able to hear anything as her body slipped into shock. She was completely numb. In the last 10 months she hadn’t fired a single shot on the job, and yet on her birthday, the one time she's alone, she has to kill someone in her own home.

The place where she was supposed to feel safe and happy. Where her new life with Spencer and Matthew was supposed to start. They promised Gideon love and laughter, having that dream stripped from them when Pure Evil stepped over the threshold.

It was just like the dream, the last one she had before Spencer wrapped himself around her, calming her down.

This time he wasn’t here, he didn’t even know that this had happened, he wasn’t always going to be there to save her. She pulled herself back into the moment, calming herself like she had all those years before him.

She wasn’t a damsel in distress, he knew that.

A man walked into her home, the one time he knew she’d be alone and vulnerable.

That was the only part of the dream that matched.

Unlike her dream, she wasn’t a victim. Not in this house. Not in her space. Not ever.

The sound of the sirens echoed in her ears finally, she turned to the commotion of officers running into her new house. Will walked them through it all, telling them who Y/N was and that this was her home. How she saw a man in her yard and hid before killing him upstairs.

“Ma’am?” A stranger in a uniform tried to get her attention. “Ma’am, can you come with me?”

She nodded, standing up and finding support in the man’s arms. He wrapped her up in a silver blanket before he led her outside and into an ambulance. She had her vitals taken and an oxygen mask placed on her to help her calm down.

“Is the baby okay?” She asked the EMT, pulling the mask off her face so he’d hear her.

“Yes,” he smiled. “Strong heartbeat, no signs of distress but you need to relax so we can keep it that way.”

Will climbed into the ambulance then, taking her hand in his, “hey doll, are you okay?”

She nodded, “just a little shook up.”

“I called Spencer,” he said softly. “They’re 30 minutes from landing, then him and the team are on their way. No one told the team about the prison break in Oklahoma, they didn’t even think to connect them back to you.”

She sighed, “two cases in 2 different states, where the offenders ended up going to a 3rd state to meet and do time together and bond over the women who put them away. Makes sense.”

“You put them both away?” He asked.

She nodded again. “I basically made it my life goal to get Travis Johnson, he’s the reason I have this job, he’s the reason I’m pregnant right now,” her words trailed off into whispers. “I saw him in November, he congratulated me when he saw the bump.”

“Who was the other guy?”

“The Winnemucca womb raider, he would kill pregnant women by strangling them before removing their wombs,” she looked at him, horrified. “They wanted to kill us...”

She wrapped her arms around her own stomach, she had almost forgotten to worry about him. To even think that she was more than just one person at the moment.

They weren’t after her, they were after the most important thing to her. Her son, her baby boy. Like all the mothers before her, like their own. They wanted her to suffer, for her son to be spared a future worse than death in their opinion.

All the images from the cases came flying back as she blinked faster and faster. Strangled women, removed wombs, thanking God for a second that Spencer was the one to see the recovered organs in his trailer. A sick feeling bubbled in her body, a chill ran deep in her bones.

Then everything went black.

—

The first thing she remembers when she gained consciousness again was that Spencer was furious. She could see him and Hotch in a heated conversation from inside the ambulance, she tried her best to wake up and zone in on what was going on.

It was too dark for her to read their lips, but he was angry.

JJ was sitting beside her now, holding her hand. “Hey, bestie.”

“Did the cat get out?” She doesn’t know why that’s the first thing she asks, “the door was left open, did he get out?” Still in shock, still trying to understand everything.

JJ shushed her, petting her hair as she leaned in close, hugging her softly. “He was in the laundry room, Will said he made sure to find him when you were getting checked out.”

“Good,” she nodded along as she listened. “I’m so overwhelmed.”

JJ let out an awkward laugh, “I can imagine.”

“I’m also starting to fall in love with your husband,” she found her sense of humour then. “He has perfect timing.”

JJ laughed a little harder, causing Spencer’s focus to shift to the ambulance. Y/N watched him run towards it and jump in.

“Y/N, oh my god,” Spencer wrapped his arms around her. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she replied. “I’m safe, the baby’s healthy,” she assured him.

He kissed her all over her face, making her giggle when he wouldn’t stop, repeating kisses all over her face, her ears and her neck. She could hear JJ also laughing as she watched with Hotch just outside.

He finally stopped to catch his breath, hugging her again with his face in her neck. “I love you,” she reminded him.

“You love me?” He pulled back, “I love you so fucking much, I am never leaving you alone again.”

“Spencer,” she laughed, “I think I handled it pretty well.”

He huffed and shook his head, “you shouldn’t have had to handle this in the first fucking place! It’s not that fucking hard for someone to call the god damn FBI and say hey two psychopaths that your genius new girl put behind bars, fucking escaped!”

She finally knew what Hotch meant when he said Spencer’s anger scared him. She looked at him like he was a whole different person, “Spence, baby, I know. It’s okay, I’m fine see?”

She placed her hands on his cheeks as she looked into his beautiful hazel eyes, watching his pupils change size as he focused on her. Love and life behind them, true happiness clouded by horror at the thought of losing the love of his life.

He was what a true man was supposed to be, a real genuine person with love and kindness, and empathy. Her soulmate, her Spencer.

“We can’t control everything, that’s what you told me. We handle what’s in front of us, and we do it well,” she smiled as she reminded him.

Spencer started to cry, pulling her in close. “I can’t lose you.”

She cried at the sound of his voice, his heart shattering as he cried in her arms, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. Terrified on a level she’s never seen in him before.

She rubbed his back as she held him, rocking him lightly as she shushed him absentmindedly. Soothing him as if her life depended on it, it broke her heart to see him this broken about the idea of losing her. She loved him so much it made her heart physically ache in her chest as she held him.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she promised, whispering against his hair. “I’ll kill a million men if it means coming home to you.”

He laughed in the middle of his cries, she could feel him smile softly as he sniffled against her shirt. “Promise?” He asked as he pulled back to look at her.

She wiped the tears from his cheeks, his beautiful eyelashes clumped together in the wetness. He was so sweet, she couldn’t help kissing him quickly, “promise.”

—

Hotch insisted they head to the BAU with the rest of the team while he handled the crime scene and the forensic clean-up, knowing on a personal level what it was like to clean Evil’s blood out of your bedroom carpet.

Y/N was sitting in the car waiting to leave when she saw Will coming out of her house with 3 pizzas. “I forgot I ordered those,” she gasped at the sight.

“You should’ve seen the look on the delivery guy’s face,” JJ laughed.

It was really bizarre having a pizza party in Rossi’s office after shooting someone in her home. Everyone was trying to be as chipper as possible to try and take the tension off the situation, but Y/N was pretty quiet.

Morgan got everyone to settle down before closing the office door, sitting close to her and Spencer. “Everyone in this room has either been shot, in danger, held hostage or worse,” he offered her some support.

“If you want to share anything, express any feeling or just tell us to fuck off, you can,” his words were soft, she watched him with soft eyes as he spoke.

“The only thing I can think of is that fate is fucked up,” she replied, the honesty slipping off her tongue like it was made of butter.

“You have the floor,” he insisted that she continue.

“I moved into a tiny apartment, farther away from my job, because I needed somewhere to live, and I found Spencer in the hallway. Spencer led me to you, and you guys helped me find Travis Johnson, my personal nightmare case of 2 years,” she explained like they never knew that. “But it’s so much more than that now.”

“We ran into Travis at the prison in Oklahoma a few months ago,” Spencer added. “He noticed that she was pregnant and congratulated her.”

“But the thing that’s fucking me up the most is that, and sorry TMI,” she warned them before continuing. “but we conceived the baby in Kansas when we caught the VICAP counsellor, only a few towns over from where we arrested Travis. Then we ran into him on a different case in Oklahoma, and he happened to be in the same prison as a man from New Mexico I put away for killing pregnant women. Something about this all lines up so perfectly... I hate that I find it so interesting.”

“That is kind of insane,” Morgan agreed. “I think it just means you and Spencer are being pulled together by something with bigger plans than you realize. And you’re a good shot, so thankfully you have nothing to worry about now.”

“Thanks,” she smiled.

She held Spencer’s hand, looking down at the ring on her finger that meant she was his forever. As much as she hated the idea of a man owning a woman, she loved the idea that Spencer was her person forever.

They were tied together in a way no one would understand, she loved him deeper than she ever thought possible.

Everything happened for a reason. Her reason just so happened to be Fate wanting her to spend the rest of her life, Happily with Doctor Spencer Reid.

—

She woke up around noon the next day, Spencer was sitting up beside her reading a book when she finally clued into where she was. They had spent the night at Rossi’s house while the forensic cleanup team handled her kitchen and bedroom.

“Good morning,” she smiled up at him, stretching against the sheets as she fully woke up.

He put his book down and joined her, wrapping her up in his arms and kissing her neck softly.

“Good morning,” he replied finally. She loved his voice when he hadn’t spoken yet. His vocal cords yearning to be used.

She smiled against his skin, holding him against her chest as she breathed him in. Her safety, her cosmic soulmate.

Everything just felt better in the world when they were pressed this close to each other. This was how they were meant to be.

“How are you feeling?” He asked after a few minutes of silence.

She rolled him onto his back, snuggling into his chest and lifting a leg over him so the baby wasn’t squished. “Good, I’m excited to go back home later.”

“You’re not scared,” his fingers ran through her hair as she felt his breath on her face.

“No,” she shook her head against him. “Yesterday could’ve been a lot worse, but I’m trained to think on my feet and the danger is gone now. I’m never going to let myself be a victim in my own home.”

“I love you,” he reminded her. “And after yesterday-“

“I want to get married soon too,” she cut him off, getting up and sitting on his hips. She ran her hands over his chest as she looked down at his beautiful, still puffy, morning face.

He beamed up at her, “I feel it too, I want to make it official. I want to shout it from the rooftops that the love of my life chose me too.”

She nodded softly, “and we agreed that in April this year we’d go to Vegas, and we’d do it. I think we still should, I just want to plan it a little.”

“Of course,” he agreed, squeezing her thighs in his excitement. “Come here.”

She held his face in her hands as she leaned down, rubbing her thumb over his bottom lip as she looked at him ever so softly. “I love you,” she said before kissing him.

His hands wandered over her back, holding her into the kiss. Breathing in deep through his nose, kissing her as if they hadn’t seen each other in months.

Spencer was desperate to love her, and she was desperate to be loved by him.

She broke the kiss to just look at him, moving his hair back and pressing her forehead against his. “The park across the street from my parents house,” she whispered.

“Mhmm.”

“I want to get married there, I want to start the rest of my life in the spot where I first really fell in love with you,” she explained, her lips close enough to him that the words could have stuck to his skin.

“I think I can pull some strings and get us a permit by April,” He smiled against her lips, “what day are we thinking?”

“The 23rd, 1 year exactly,” she said before Spencer pulled her back into another kiss, this time it’s soft and delicate. “Until forever,” she whispered against his lips.

“You need to promise me one thing,” he added. Feeling her nod as she kissed down his neck. “I know you said you’re fine, but the second you’re not I need you to tell me.”

“Okay,” she agreed, sitting back up as she straddled his hips. “You have to do the same, I can’t handle you crying in my arms like that again, it really broke my heart.”

He held his pinky out to her, she smiled as she wrapped her own around his. Both leaning in to kiss the other's knuckle, a small tradition Y/N adored.

—

They were back at their house by 5 pm. Hotch had ensured that everything was completely cleaned and there was 0 evidence that a crime had even taken place on the property. Penelope on the other hand had taken it upon herself to break into their alarm system and reset it for them shortly after everyone left.

They changed the code, closed the door and sighed at the beautiful home that felt a little different now. “I think I want to paint,” she announced.

“Yeah?” Spencer laughed at the suddenness.

“It’s too blah, y’know? I see what they were doing with the whites and beige for all the light. But, I’m thinking green in here to flow with the cabinets in the kitchen,” she walked through the foyer as she imagined the colours that would look good. “Like an olive or forest, maybe even jade. It’ll look nice with the dark wood.”

“That would be nice,” Spencer agreed. “Make it feel more like the old apartment.”

“Exactly,” she smiled. “I miss the clutter and the intimacy of the last place, and I know you miss the look of books everywhere.”

“I’m still alphabetizing them in my office,” he added. “I’d like to paint in there as well, I’ve been looking at antique chairs and couches for my reading.”

“Hotch is going to make us take 2 weeks off again,” Y/N looked at him with excitement. “We can put all our energy into this place now.”

“Let’s make it ours,” He agreed.

“Wanna go to the hardware store and look at paint samples?” She hopped with excitement, grabbing his arm and tugging on him.

He laughed, pulling her into his chest. “Sure, bunny,” he pressed his cheek to the top of her head as he held her. “What about Matthew’s room?”

“Oh, me and Penelope have it all planned, all the stuff is being delivered next month. She kinda went a little nuts,” Y/N laughed.

“He’s going to be one loved little boy,” Spencer chuckled. “Come on, let’s go.”

#hypothetically #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader

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there-will-be-a-way · 2 years

Note

hey i was wondering - i saw the post about structured days and one of our therapy goals is to eventually hit that point, how long did it take in therapy to get to that point + do you have any tips?

Hi!! 💙

I was diagnosed with DID six years ago and am now at a point where most of the time I can structure my days well. 👍🏻 I was only in therapy for a portion of that time though. Two years, I think. Everyone learns things in their own time though, so it's perfectly fine if you're quicker to reach that goal or if it takes you longer. 💙

The first step to structuring my days is always planning everything that needs to get done. Then I decide how to use my free time. It's also very important to me to be serious about my sleep schedule meaning I get up and go to bed at the same time every single day. 💙 (Sometimes I fail but that's okay. ✌🏻) I learned that having a routine is super helpful with managing switching, because after some time parts get used to it and learn when it's a good time for them to be present and when they'd rather stay inside. To give you an example, here's what my days look like:

8am: waking up - and if I feel unmotivated to start the day, do a quick morning meditation

8:20: take care of the horses

9: breakfast 🙏🏻

9:30: check my messages and reply to friends (my social parts know to be present then ^^)

10:30: chores (my everyday life parts learned to be around for this chunk of the day 💙)

12pm: lunch

12-1pm: Writing (aka Aiden time)

1-3: nap lol (time for exhausted parts to rest)

3-5: free time

5: take care of the horses

6: workout - and on rest days gentle movement like going for walks or roller skating (so my exercise loving parts like to show up for this 👍🏻)

7:30: dinner

8pm-2am: free time

As you can see, I do a wide variety of things everyday that already make a lot of my parts happy. The two chunks of free time is what we fight for. 🙌🏻 Usually we take turns. If Aiden had like 10 whole chunks of free time in a row to write (which happens so often lol), we make room for the gaming loving parts to play whatever they want to for an hour or two. Or we give one small chunk to someone who likes to watch YouTube videos.

First thing I think you gotta do if you want to make sure all of your parts are happy with your daily structure is figure out the needs of your parts and then incooperate them into your days. Needs can look like rest, fun, movement, learning, social activities, spiritual practices etc.. You learn about these needs by building communication with parts and getting to know them. The more needs you fulfill everyday the, the happier and more content you will be (in my experience).

In my opinion it's super important to still have your overall life goals be the number 1 priority when it comes to planning days though. It's easy to get lost in everyone's wishes, so I consciously focus on what brings us all forward and you can see that in my planning. Like how fitness is so important to me (because my life goal is to be invincible ngl) and writing (I want to make an income as an author before I turn 30). So the evening chunk of free time more often than not goes to writing because of how I prioritize things. 💙

It's a lot of trial and error tbh. Took me years to build this routine and some days I still mess up. Don't want to do chores. Am on social media for far too long. But the most important thing is to try again and again to get your life in order.

Okay that was super rambly. My brain is soup right now. 🥴 I hope it was still at least somewhat helpful. If you have more questions, let me know. 💙

[Disclaimer: I'm just some dude talking from their personal experience so take everything I say with a grain of salt 💙💙]

#answering asks #anons #💌#dissociative identity disorder #working with parts #actuallydid

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theji · 3 years

Text

Things Yizhan Made Me Do

It's BXG Day today! 🐢💛

To commemorate the occasion, I thought of making a list of 13 out-of-character things that I've done since falling into the fandom. (OK I'm a bit late I meant to do this sooner, the day is ending soon in a couple of hours).

1. Start a blog

And a public one, no less. I had a blog when I was in my teens but that was private, like a personal diary. My day job already involves writing so off-work I would usually like to indulge in mindless activities. Now, here I am, maintaining a Yizhan blog. I have not even used Tumblr prior to this but I'm enjoying it now, rambling about our fav boys. Writing is not a chore if it's about them.

2. Join a fandom

I joined a boy band fan club once upon a time, some 15 years ago, but I was never as invested in it as I am now with Yizhan. Back then it was just buying some merch, attending their concert/autograph sessions, listening to their songs. Apart from work, dog mum duties, personal relationships, other hobbies like kombucha brewing, most of my free time is now spent on the fandom. My Netflix account is crying. There is just so much to do and catch up on (I'm not complaining). I also enjoy interacting with and learning from other bloggers here. Antis are no fun and some industry news/developments/hate messages are upsetting but ultimately, you curate your own fandom experience. And I choose positivity and rationality.

3. Indulge in RPS

I don't ever 'ship'. What is 'ship'? 😆 I was always a dutiful audience, just enjoying whatever drama series and moving on after that. I started with CQL like most people and I didn't even notice/like GGDD until much later. Didn't even set out to 'ship' anyone but now I'm a self-professed turtle. SZD is SZD, and anyone can see something special between them if you keep an open mind. I wrote about my SZD reasons here previously. That said, GG & DD are individuals, each with their own successful careers. They come first, the ship comes second. That I'm very clear of.

4. Use Chinese apps

Gosh, my phone and tablet are now full of Chinese apps. I used to have only WeChat cos I needed it for work but now I have Weibo, Oasis, Douyin, WeTV, MangoTV, Youku, etc. Some of them are not even available in the app store so I had to find alternative sources to download them. haha..I even have paid membership for some of these apps. And now, browsing Weibo daily becomes a routine. If you wish, you can just get stuck browsing Weibo for a long long time. It's entertaining.

5. Read fan fic

I only started about 6 months ago but now I'm hooked and fics are largely the only thing I read these days, apart from news. But I only read Yizhan or WangXian fics (p.s. calling for fic recs of other pairings!) I know some might have different feelings about fan fics but to me, I really just see them as fiction, with characters (and sometimes traits) bearing similarities to GGDD. Similarly, I separate the platform from the incident so I have no problems going to A03 despite GG's incident. I just enjoy seeing the characters named XZ/WYB having happy endings in many different timelines and universes. While most of the fics I read are explicit (by design), I don't use them as tools to play out certain fantasies or to think of GGDD in a sexual manner. In fact, I really hate fics that have little substance and just go into the explicit parts without plot development. I like those with interesting premises too, like one I read recently where XZ is a serial killer and WYB is a police officer investigating the case but also in love with him. I do have plans to share my list of fav fan fics some time down the road so keep an eye out for it!

6. Willingly read Chinese

Yes, Chinese may be my mother tongue but I don't use it much in daily living unless I have to. I also find it tedious to read Chinese cos the characters are just so squashed together. If I have a choice, I will always pick English. But now, I read so much Chinese from my daily weibo browsing. I even read fan fics in Chinese! Who am I? On the plus side, I think my Chinese comprehension and translation skills improved. I also picked up some internet lingo used by Chinese netizens, which are pretty interesting like doi, 🐮🍺, 🖍. My all-time fav is yyds.

7. Act like a cougar

In real life, I have always maintained that younger men are childish. At least those I have encountered. But look at me now, fangirling over two younger men (I am closer in age to GG, but still..). I even jokingly call them my 'China Boyfriends'. I look at them very respectfully most of the time.

8. Buy merch

Seriously, once you start, you can't stop. At least that was what happened to me, although I'm still quite selective when it comes to supporting their endorsements. I usually go for consumables like food, cosmetics vs collectibles cos I'm more practical. Also, GG says to support their merch within reasonable means so that's what I'm doing. Just buying things that I'm interested to try and not because it has their faces or names slapped on it. In a way, this suits me cos I like trying new brands and stuff anyway.

9. Keeping a Yizhan archive

Photos, weblinks, videos, songs, fan fics list..my phone is full of these things now. I think my Yizhan photo gallery is only second to the folder with my dogs' pictures. But how can you resist when we are blessed with new pics of them almost every week?

10. Camp for livestreams

I'm lucky I live in the same time zone as the boys so I don't have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning just to watch something. But that's the thing, being in the same time zone sometimes make me feel like I HAVE to watch that thing live because, why not? Why wait? Not shy to admit that I once watched a live programme in the middle of work but I made sure I finished what needed to be done. I think so long as we don't let these livestream schedules run our lives, there's no harm in camping for them.

11. Watch c entertainment

I am one of those who used to pass over Chinese productions, simply because it's a Chinese production. Not in a scoffing manner but I'm just genuinely not interested in them nor the celebs. I was more of a US/UK production kind of person, occasionally Korean/Japanese. Now, I'm learning to enjoy them although I just watch those with GGDD in them. No energy to follow other Chinese celebs anyway. The other programme I'm contemplating watching even if it doesn't have them in it is Who's the Murderer (GG was only in one of the cases) cos I like the premise. On the flip side, now my sis and partner keep making fun of me cos to them, all I do now is "watch China shows". That is so not true. Or is it?

12. Write fan mail

I wrote a letter to GG once. A long-ass letter. I hope he read it. That's all I'm gonna say. 🙈 hahahahaha

13. Desire to visit China

China was never on my list of to-visit places. Just wasn't interested. I have been to Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou a few times in the past for work but even then, I never felt the urge to revisit for leisure. Now, I wanna visit GG and DD's home town, visit Chongqing to see the graffiti wall with Bobii Zanbii on it, eat mala hotpot and try out their sauce recipe, attend BXG events, dine at the CQL restaurant... Watching TTXS also made me realise that there are many beautiful places in China with natural landscapes and all that. I used to be clouded by my disdain for the regime and some behaviour of its citizens but now, I recognise that the country is separate from the regime or a smaller group of poorly behaved citizens. China is a beautiful country and I would love to visit some day. I will fly over immediately on my own if someone gives me tix to ADLAD!!

Well, I hope some of these things resonate with you. Feel free to share the OOC things that Yizhan made you do.

Once again, Happy BXG Day! 🐢💛🐆🐇🐷🌶🦁🍑🐶🍍🛹🎋

#yizhan #bjyx #things yizhan made me do

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toomanyfandoms02 · 4 years

Text

Evidence // Spencer Reid x Reader

HEY guess who's back. I'm SO SO SO sorry for the delay. I've been having the most SERIOUS case of writers block and I'm finally pulling myself out of it YAYYYY. So here ya go.

Not a request, but I couldn't resist this prompt!

Summary - Spencer and Reader get locked in the evidence room.

Prompt - “What on earth happened in here?"

Word count - 2.9k

Spencer and I often stayed after together to finish up work. We didn't like to have to wake up so early to make touch ups. So here we were, sitting on the floor in the back of the evidence room. We were sat behind tall filing cabinets, a dim lamp lit beside us.

We were working a case in Arizona involving 3 girls. It was running relatively smooth, the problem was that the police station that we were placed at was in the middle of nowhere. And that was proven by the signal warning on my phone.

*unable to send message.*

Good thing it wasn't anything important.

There were multiple pages sprawled out in front of us, we looked between them all.

"I don't think we will have to stay too long after today." I commented. "It looks like we are working pretty fast this time around."

"I guess we're getting the hang of this " Spencer laughed, writing something down.

*click*

I craned my neck around the cabinets, wondering if someone was coming in the door. Seeing no one, I turned back to him, shrugging my shoulders.

We continued for another hour (and 28 minutes by Spencer's count). I stacked the papers together, shutting them in a folder and tucking it under my arm. I stood from my previous position, stretching my back.

"That's enough sitting on a concrete floor for me." I complained, hunching over and dragging myself to the door. This earned a laugh from Spencer. I reached for the knob, eager to get to the hotel and sleep.

But the knob only jiggled.

And jiggled.

And didn't budge.

"Uh. I think, I think the door is locked." I whispered, turning to Spencer slowly.

"No way." He stated, lightly pushing me out of the way. I listened as he jiggled it, desperately trying to turn the door knob. His head was placed against the glass, hands framing his eyes while he looked out the small doors window. "The lights are all off out there. I think they are on night patrol."

"Well this is thrilling." I laughed, slumping onto the floor. I pulled my phone from my pocket, holding it in the air and attempting to call Emily. The call started, my excitement being crushed by a warning on my phone.

*Your call cannot go through at the moment, we are unable to find a signal.*

Well fine then.

"Do you know how to pick a lock?" He asked.

"If there was anyone that knows how to pick a lock, I thought it would be you."

"Why?" His posture looked stiff and offended.

"You know everything." I deadpanned offering a dumb look. He rolled his eyes at this and sat down across from me. "Do you think we'll die in here?" I asked nonchalantly. Spencer squinted his eyes at me.

"Well statistically, no." And that's all he said.

"Is that all you got?"

"I'm too tired to ramble." He groaned. His head was leaned back on a cabinet. "But I will say that on average night patrols and at around 3:30 to 4 am. So we have quite a few hours to kill." The clock on the wall read 11:17. Yeah, we had some time to kill.

"Alright, we aren't just gonna sit here. We are gonna play games, I can't stand to sit in silence." Spencer sat up slightly, flashing me a confused look.

"Like what?"

"We are going to start with would you rather. I'll start." My head started sorting through all of the would you rather questions I had been asked that I loved and found the perfect one for this genius.

"Would you rather lose the ability to read or the ability to speak." I watched as he opened his mouth to answer then closed it, thinking again. I thought this would be a pretty obvious answer for him.

"I think I would lose the ability to speak. I could do nearly everything the same. I would just have to write my findings down." He sat in thought for a moment. "Would you rather have unlimited international first class tickets or never have to pay for food at restaurants?" I was thoroughly surprised by the question.

"That's a good one! I definitely want to travel, but I do eat a lot... First class tickets. I want to see ancient ruins, can't walk to them." I laughed. We played this game for around 10 more minutes before getting extremely bored of it.

"Alright enough of this." I groaned, coming up with a new idea. "We are gonna play two truths and a lie. Pretty straight forward, I'll start and you try to guess which one is a lie." Spencer nodded and waited. "I broke my leg while falling from a tree when I was 9, I've had a crush on someone on the team, and I once ate nerds candy for a whole week when I was 7 and had to get my stomache pumped." The last one had his eyebrows furrowing. I remained still and emotionless so he couldn't read me as well.

"I completely believe that you ate candy for a week and had to get medical attention as a result." He pointed out oh so graciously. "And you're a total klutz too, so it wouldn't surprise me if you broke your leg. Plus I think I'd know if you ever liked someone on the team. Final answer you've never had a crush on anyone on the team." He looked so smug in the moment, this just got me more pumped to wipe that smile from his face.

"Nope." As expected, his face immediately fell.

"Who did you like!" Spencer's arms were flailing in exasperation.

"I don't have to tell you that." I chuckled. "Now you go." My foot kicked his lightly, egging him on. He gave a glare and moved on reluctantly.

"I'm afraid of the dark, the only reason I drink coffee is because I had a crush on a girl who liked it, and I drank 11 cups of coffee one day and was up for 39 hours straight."

"You definitely drink coffee because you like it and not because of a girl, lie." There was no question about it, that would be a dumb reason to drink something.

"Actually that is why I drink coffee."

Huh?

"The lie is that I was up for 39 hours straight, I was only up for 35."

"Christ Spence!" I shook my head in disapproval. "Tell me about the girl." I could see his cheeks flush in the slightest. ~~Silently wishing that I could make him feel like that~~

"Her name was Josephine and she lived on my street. She and I would play chess together in the park whenever I wasn't studying, and she would bring a cup of coffee every day. Eventually, in my own way to impress her, I started bringing coffee too. And she liked that, but of course we drifted apart because of how fast my life was moving. It's unfortunate." He was staring down at his hands now. "You and her are very similar. I think that's why we've gotten so... close." That comment got me very curious.

"How were we alike? If you don't mind me asking."

"She was kind and funny, never let anyone down. And she was intelligent. Not only in personality either, you have the same color hair and eyes. I bet you guys would have gotten along really well." I could see him making his thinking face, I assume he was looking into past memories.

"That's so sweet." I kicked his foot with a smile, bringing him back to reality. "So, last round until we are playing the dreaded truth or dare ooooOooOooOooo." Spencer laughed and rolled his eyes. "I use to have a cat named Piglet because of how obsessed with Winnie the Pooh I was, my first boyfriends name was Spencer, and I play guitar."

"There is absolutely no way your first boyfriends name was Spencer, it's the 828th most popular name. That would be nearly impossible or a crazy coincidence." His hand gestured were out of this world at this point, completely flabbergasted that I would even try to tell him such a *lie*.

"Wrong again pretty boy, that's true. His name was Spencer Allen Sallow. The only reason I remember his middle name is because I remember his initials being 'SAS'. Are you ready for truth or dare?"

"I guess." He mocked annoyance and threw his head back.

"Ok, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"If you could make one wish, right this second, what would it be?" He stared at me intently for a moment, as if he was looking for the answer in me. He then lightly shook his head, it was so small, but hard to miss considering we were practically having a staring contest.

"I would wish for the door to be unlocked so I could sleep at the hotel." His head nodded.

"Boring, I choose dare." I was now sitting much closer to him, waiting for whatever that beautiful brain could come up with. Spencer looked to the papers on the floor and then back at me, an evil smirk forming on his lips.

"Do a snow angel in our paperwork." My shoulders slumped.

"What if I rip something!" I wouldn't usually whine like this but *geez* I did not want to redo all this.

"Just be careful then." I looked at him with a pleading look. "Oh so you're *boring*." That's what got me.

"**Fine!**" I slowly lowered myself onto the papers, flattening out and looking up to Spencer, he was hovering over me slightly in a criss-crossed position with that evil smirk. His hands gestured me on.

I laid my arms and legs and and moved them, hearing the paper scrape against the floor and giggling. I had to admit, it was fun. And if having fun with Spencer meant I had to redo a few papers.

Then so be it.

I sat up after Spencer told me I'm done through fits of laughter, holding his stomache and nearly toppled flat on the floor. I looked around happily to see most papers were only crinkled, not ripped. I'll just have to flatten them out tomorrow.

"Okay asshat, truth or dare." He tapped his chin, looking daring for once.

"Dare." Perfect.

"Serenade me." I crossed my arms over my chest as I watched his face fall.

"With just my voice?"

"Oh no no, I have an instrument, the bag I carry with us on cases is like a never ending bag." I reached into the giant bag and pulled out a ukelele case, but not an *ordinary* uke case, a *mini* uke case. "Can you play ukelele?" I pulled it from the case, handing it over to him.

"No, but I may be able to pick it up."

"So you will actually serenade me!?" I got my hands ready to clap.

"Sure, why not." I clapped infinitely fast, watching him pluck at the strings a bit and lean back into the cabinets. Then he started on a beat, one that I recognized.

"Put your head on my shoulder, hold me in your arms, baby. Squeeze me oh so tight. Show me that you love me too." I listened to him through the whole song, knowing full well that as soon as he was strumming that ukelele I was already done for.

"How did I do?" He strummed the last chord and look up at me with a smile.

Oh how I wanted to tell him that he serenaded me to the sun and back.

"That was amazing! You learned that om the spot?"

"Yeah, like piano. It's basically just math and note remembrance." He shrugged, setting it back in my case. "Truth or dare."

"Truth."

"What's the first thing on your bucket list and your biggest secret?"

"You can't ask two questions, that's cheating!" I laughed.

"You technically never specified that so, answer."

This little shit.

"Fine. The first thing on my bucket list has been the same since I was an 8th grader, which is to fall in love. And I know that's cliche but I'm sticking to it." I didn't want to tell him my biggest secret. Truth be told I had a pretty normal life, so my biggest secret was my attraction to him. After telling my mom about it she told me workplace romances were dangerous and wrong, so I tried so hard to get over it. But it's not going away, it's doing anything but that.

"Come on y/n, I'm not going to judge you for your secret."

Yeah uh huh, sure.

"It's embarrassing, and I would prefer not to tell you in a locked room so I can immediately escape after I tell you. So can I just tell you when the door gets unlocked?"

"It can't be that bad."

"It is."

"Please Y/n!"

"I like you!" His mouth shut quickly, tilting his head like a confused puppy. Now that I had given out my biggest secret, I felt a little... powerful. I crossed my arms firmly over my chest, maintaining eye contact, my heart pounding out of my chest. He wanted the truth and he got it, I hope he's happy to be stuck with me in this room for another hour and a half.

"Really?" Was all he could say.

"No. I just said that I could have awkward tension swirling around the room for the next hour, I love doing that." I replied in the most monotone voice I could muster. A very faint smile was appearing on Spencer's face, making me a little nervous. He quirked one eyebrow.

"Are you sure it's not sexual tension?"

What?

My eyebrows raised at the question. Was he... flirting with me? I didn't know he knew how to do that, let alone so *well*. He began speaking again.

"Truth or dare?"

"It's my turn to ask you."

"Truth. Or. Dare." Who knew Mr. Sweatervest could seem so intimidating.

"Dare."

"I dare you to act on your biggest secret." Is this some weird way to make me kiss him, because it's working. If we aren't on the same page, this is about to get Mega embarrassing, but I don't think this could get any weirder. I crawled forward, placing myself on his lap and staring into his eyes. I've never seen him smile so big.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Actually no, this is awful you should really stop." He deadpanned, lightly placing his hands on my hips.

"One, since when do you use sarcasm. And two, I hate you." I giggled, pulling his face to mine. One of his hands fled to my cheek, rubbing his thumb across it. He pressed further into the kiss, all while pulling me impossibly closer.

Is this real?

I pulled one hand away from his face, putting it on the skin of my thigh and pinching myself.

"Ouch shit!"

And apperantly I don't know my own strength.

"Are you okay?" Spencer's face was a wave of concern, scanning over my face quickly to make sure he didn't do something wrong.

"Yeah I was just, pinching myself to make sure this was real." I lifted my hand to his shoulder, resting it there.

"Why? Is this like a lot of your dreams?" He winking obviously at me as I slapped his chest.

"Please stop." I whined, pulling myself off of his lap. "I'm very tired and we still have an hour left, are you up for a cat nap?" I pulled a blanket from my bag. "We can use this as a pillow, it's already pretty hot in here."

"Definitely." I made it into a pillow, giving him enough room. He slung his arm around me, burying his head in the crook of my neck. "Thank you for telling me. And for the record, I wouldn't want to be locked in a room with anyone else." And with many papers scattered messily around us, we fell asleep.

I shot up, hearing voices I knew all too well.

"What the hell is happening, since when it pretty boy a playboy."

"Finally! Now y/n can stop silently pining and telling me about it."

"I knew those two had chemistry."

I blinked slowly, trying to release the sleep from my eyes. Spencer's sleepy arm was still wrapped around my waist, unmoving. Once my eyes adjusted I was met with the staring eyes of Derek, Garcia and Emily. Then there was Hotch, just entering the room.

“What on earth happened in here?"

"We got locked in here and played some innocent party games." I explained gesturing to the messy papers. "Spencer dared me to make a snow angel in our files." I smiled sheepishly. Spencer was now stirring awake, sitting up and looking at our teammates. Derek held out his hand for a fist bump and Spencer highfived it weakly.

"Told you you would rope her in." He chuckled. I rolled my eyes at the comment and stood up.

"Let's finish up this case. We've only had 1 hour of sleep and I want this day to be over with already. Save the comments for when I'm asleep on the jet." And with that we were off.

But let's not ignore that Spencer and I's hands were clasped beneath every table we sat at that day, it's not to be ignored.

And I won't be forgetting that day any time soon.

#mgg #criminal minds #spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine

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nokiawrites · 4 years

Text

Don't move

SUMMARY: On the run from a man who claims you as his. But that's not your biggest problem. Your 7 months pregnant with the wrong man's baby. What will Dabi do when he finds out that the baby he's been told was his for the past couple of months isn't his. But instead the man he works with. How will he react when he realizes shigaraki has put a life long claim on you. Seems like you get the short end of the stick.

'ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴋᴇᴇᴘ ʀᴜɴɴɪɴɢ.' ɪ ᴛᴇʟʟ ᴍʏꜱᴇʟꜰ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀᴅ. ᴍʏ ᴄʜᴇꜱᴛ ɪꜱ ʙᴜʀɴɪɴɢ. ᴍʏ ꜱᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴍʏ ʙᴀʀᴇ ꜰᴇᴇᴛ ꜱᴍᴀᴄᴋɪɴɢ ᴀɢᴀɪɴꜱᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀᴠᴇᴍᴇɴᴛ.

ɪ'ᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ꜱᴜʀᴇ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ɪ'ᴍ ʀᴜɴɴɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ, ᴄᴏɴꜱᴛᴀɴᴛʟʏ ꜱᴜʀʀᴏᴜɴᴅᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴀ ᴘɪᴛᴄʜ ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ ᴅᴀʀᴋɴᴇꜱꜱ ꜱᴜʀʀᴏᴜɴᴅɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ.

ᴍʏ ꜰᴇᴇᴛ ʙᴇᴄᴏᴍɪɴɢ ʀᴀᴡ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴄʀᴇᴛᴇ ᴀɢᴀɪɴꜱᴛ ᴍʏ ꜰᴇᴇᴛ. "ɪ ꜱᴇᴇ ᴀ ʟɪɢʜᴛ, ᴀ ꜱᴛʀᴇᴇᴛ ʟɪɢʜᴛ ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ. ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ɪᴛ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ."

ᴘɪᴄᴋɪɴɢ ᴜᴘ ᴘᴀᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴜɴɴɪɴɢ ꜰᴀꜱᴛᴇʀ. ᴍʏ ʙʀᴇᴀᴛʜ ɪꜱ ʜᴀʀꜱʜ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ'ᴍ ɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ᴛɪʀᴇᴅ ʙᴜᴛ ɪ'ᴍ ᴀʟᴍᴏꜱᴛ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ. ɪ'ᴍ ᴛᴏ ᴄʟᴏꜱᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴛᴏᴘ ɴᴏᴡ

ᴀꜱ ɪ'ᴍ ʀᴜɴɴɪɴɢ ɪ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ɪᴛ. ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ'ꜱ ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ ᴍᴇ. ɪ ꜱʟᴏᴡ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴛᴏ ᴀ ɴᴇᴀʀ ʜᴀʟᴛ. ʟᴏᴏᴋɪɴɢ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴍʏ ꜱʜᴏᴜʟᴅᴇʀ, ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ꜱᴇᴇ ɪᴛ.

ɪᴛꜱ ᴀ ꜱɪʟʜᴏᴜᴇᴛᴛᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴀ ᴍᴀɴ.

50ꜰᴛ ᴀᴡᴀʏ, ᴇᴠᴇɴ ꜱᴜʀʀᴏᴜɴᴅᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴅᴀʀᴋ ɪ ᴄᴀɴ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ꜱᴇᴇ ʜɪᴍ. ɪ ꜱQᴜɪɴᴛ ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴇᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴏɴ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ. 'ᴡʜᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴇʟʟ ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴀᴛ?'

ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀ ꜱᴛᴀʀɪɴɢ ꜰᴏʀ ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ɪ ʙᴇɢɪɴ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇᴀʀ Qᴜɪᴄᴋ ᴘɪᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴘᴀᴛᴛᴇʀꜱ. ɪᴛ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛᴏᴏᴋ ᴍᴇ ᴍᴏᴍᴇɴᴛꜱ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴀʟɪᴢᴇ ᴡʜᴏᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪꜱ, ɪꜱ ʀᴜɴɴɪɴɢ ꜰᴜʟʟ ꜱᴘʀɪɴᴛ ᴀᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ɪꜱ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴄʟᴏꜱᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅɪꜱᴛᴀɴᴄᴇ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ᴜꜱ ꜱᴏᴏɴ.

ᴍʏ ᴇʏᴇꜱ ᴡɪᴅᴇɴ ɪɴ ᴀʙꜱᴏʟᴜᴛᴇ ʜᴏʀʀᴏʀ. ᴛᴀᴋɪɴɢ ᴀ ᴄᴏᴜᴘʟᴇ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴛᴇᴘꜱ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴀʟᴍᴏꜱᴛ ᴛʀɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴍʏꜱᴇʟꜰ ɪ ꜱᴇᴇ ʜɪᴍ ꜱᴡɪꜰᴛʟʏ ʙᴇɢɪɴꜱ ᴛᴏ ɢᴇᴛ ᴄʟᴏꜱᴇʀ.ɪ ᴛᴜʀɴ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ʙᴏʟᴛ ᴛᴏᴡᴀʀᴅꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪɢʜᴛ. ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ᴀʟᴀʀᴍ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀᴅ ɪꜱ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴏꜰꜰ.

'ɪᴛꜱ ꜱᴏ ᴄʟᴏꜱᴇ ɪᴍ ʀɪɢʜᴛ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ.' ɪᴛꜱ ᴡɪᴛʜɪɴ ʜᴀɴᴅꜱ ʀᴇᴀᴄʜ. ɪ ʟᴀᴜɴᴄʜ ᴍʏꜱᴇʟꜰ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇᴀᴍ ᴏꜰ ʟɪɢʜᴛ. ꜱɪᴛᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴘᴀɴᴛɪɴɢ. ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪɢʜᴛ ꜱᴇᴘᴀʀᴀᴛᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʀᴋ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ɪ, ᴏʀ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴍᴇ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʜɪᴍ.

ɪ ꜱɪᴛ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪɢʜᴛ ʟᴏᴏᴋɪɴɢ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜɪɴɢ ꜰᴏʀ ʜɪᴍ. ᴀ ᴀʀᴍ ꜱʜᴏᴛꜱ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʀᴋɴᴇꜱꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴀɴᴋꜱ ᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ʙʏ ᴍʏ ꜱʜɪʀᴛ. ᴛʜʀᴏᴡɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪɢʜᴛ. ᴍʏ ʙᴏᴅʏ ꜰɪɴᴀʟʟʏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴀ ꜱᴛᴏᴘ.

ɪ ᴄᴀɴᴛ ꜱᴇᴇ ʜɪᴍ ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ʜᴇᴀʀ ʜɪᴍ. ɪ ꜱᴄᴏᴏᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ꜰʀᴀɴᴛɪᴄᴀʟʟʏ ꜱᴇᴀʀᴄʜɪɴɢ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ꜰᴏʀ ʜɪᴍ. ᴍʏ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ʜɪᴛꜱ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ. ɪɴ ᴜᴛᴛᴇʀ ʜᴏʀʀᴏʀ ɪ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴇᴇ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʙᴜᴛ ᴀ ᴡᴀʟʟ.

ᴍʏ ʙᴏᴅʏ ʀᴇʟᴀxᴇᴅ ꜱᴏᴍᴇ. ʟᴏᴏᴋɪɴɢ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ɪɴ ꜰʀᴏɴᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴍᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ʜᴇ ɪꜱ. ᴏɴʟʏ ʜɪꜱ ᴇʏᴇꜱ ᴀʀᴇ ᴠɪꜱɪʙʟᴇ. ɪ ᴄᴀɴ ꜱᴇᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇʀᴀɴɢᴇᴅ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ɪɴ ʜɪꜱ ᴇʏᴇꜱ. ɪ ᴘʀᴇꜱꜱ ᴍʏꜱᴇʟꜰ ʜᴀʀᴅᴇʀ ᴀɢᴀɪɴꜱᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʟʟ.

ɪᴍ ʜᴏʟᴅɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ʙʀᴇᴀᴛʜ, ɪ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅɴ'ᴛ ʙʀᴇᴀᴛʜ ɪꜰ ɪ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ. ᴍʏ ʙʀᴀɪɴꜱ ʀᴀᴄɪɴɢ 'ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪꜱ ʜᴇ ɢᴏɴɴᴀ ᴅᴏ? ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪꜱ ʜᴇ ɢᴏɴɴᴀ ᴅᴏ?' ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴛᴀʀᴇ ᴀᴛ ʜɪꜱ ꜰᴇᴇᴛ ɪɴ ꜰᴇᴀʀ ᴏꜰ ᴡʜᴏ ʏᴏᴜ'ʟʟ ꜱᴇᴇ. ʜᴇ ʟᴀᴜɢʜꜱ. "ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴛʜɪꜱ ʜᴀʀᴅᴇʀ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀꜱᴇʟꜰ, ʏᴏᴜ ꜱʜᴏᴜʟᴅɴ'ᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʀᴀɴ."

ᴀɴᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜɪꜱ ꜰᴏᴏᴛ ᴄᴀᴍᴇ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴏɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛᴇᴍᴘʟᴇ ᴛᴜʀɴɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴠɪꜱɪᴏɴ ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ.

I Gasped, waking up from my nightmare. Its the same dream as always. I'm being chased. I never see their face.

But I just know even when I wake up they're coming for me, but this time it won't be a dream. I look around my dark room.

Small bits of lights from the bright city light outside of the window gets in. I drag myself to sit up on my bad. Grabbing my phone, 3:05am.

I yawn looking around. I'm still feeling anxious. I feel a kick. And then another. Welp, guess we're up. " Are you hungry munchkins? Because im hungry too."

You slowly easy your way up and beg walking to your kitchen. Before you can even make it you feel pressure on you bladder.

'Ok bathroom first i guess.' You make pit stop. You sit on the toilet staring at your huge baby bump. Such and innocent creature yet the creation of a horrible mistake.

If only I could go back in time. This would be Dabi's baby. I wouldn't be hiding from my deranged baby daddy.

The glint in Tomura's eyes when he came inside me. I should have know that fucker would do some shit like that.

"How will you tell Dabi that your a dirty slut who let me impregnate her?" The thing is, I haven't. I was to scared to tell him. How could I possibly look Dabi in his eyes and say that this baby is shigaraki's.

If only I hadn't accepted that drink. I would have been able to fight him off. Scream for dabi. Anything. Would Dabi even believe me if I told him that I was drugged?

He knew Shigaraki longer. Hell he even considered him some what of a 'friend'. Of course he wouldn't.

So I ran. Leaving everything and everyone and hoping on the first flight to the U.S. and its been 3 months since then.

Now 7 months pregnant and getting closer and closer to your due date each day. Staying alert is getting harder and harder.

I finish using the bathroom and I waddle to the kitchen. Somethings off everything is too quiet. Even tiny stopped bouncing around in there.

I looked around my small kitchen for anything out of place. Then I walked out to my front door. All the locks were still intact.

Then I saw it. An open window that I had previously closed. I felt as if my whole world was once again. I was too heavy pregnant for a hand to hand combat fight.

Think over all of my options, to pregnant to run, Cant yell for help, and quirk would bring unwanted attention. Shit. Im stuck between a rock and a hard place, and totally unarmed.

You quietly shuffled to your way back to your room. Extremely alert. You rush into your bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind you.

Rushing around the room beginning to snatch clothes out of your closet and throwing it into a random bag you found.

You throw on some tights and a sweater, snatching your phone up you call the only person you know who would have your back. You dail the number with no second thought.

Pacing and waiting for them to answer. 'Pick up, Pick up.' You bit your nails. 'If they dont answer what am I going to do?'

*click*

"Hello?"

They answered you let go of the breath you held "Keigo I think he found me. He's here I don't know what to do." Rambling on and on.

"OK (y/n) calm down, what do you mean he's here? Tell me what happened." His honey glazed voice calming you down. Breathing out and starting over.

"He's here he followed me back to the U.S, My kitchen window was wide open." He laughed on the other side of the line. "Are you sure your not paranoid? And I mean let's be honest they have no idea where you are, your safe hun."

You can her the smirk on his face. Oh how you wanted to smack him. Hawks begins to ramble on and on. You tone him out as you stand there and rub your round stomach.

You begin to sit on your bed to get off of your swollen feet. You hear a crickle. 'What the hell was that?' You switch the phone with the rambling man to you other ear.

You lean over and snatch whatever was under you butt. Paper? You unfold the unknown paper in your hands

"𝙁𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪"

You stared at the paper hands beginning to shake. The phone slipped from in between you head and shoulder.

"Hello? Hello? (Y/n) whats going on?"

You can here the urgency of his from the phone on the floor. Snatching up the phone "I need you to fly me out, tonight."

Shivering in fear. "I'll pay for you, pack your shit and call an Uber." "Ok I'll call you when I get to the airport."

Hanging up and slipping on your slides. Snatching your bag of clothes and hospital bag you sat on your bed, getting an Uber and waiting. This is gonna be a hell of a couple of hours.

Preview

Standing there in my hoodie and mask. Watching you get off the plane. Smiling to myself thinking. 'I knew you would come back (y/n), I knew you wouldn't actually leave me." I pushed my mask back up and began walking with a rest of the surrounding people, blending in. 'No worries though, I will get you."

#dabi x reader #bnha dabi #bnha #bnha imagines #reader #tomura x reader #tomura smut #bnha tomura #yandere shigaraki #shigaraki x reader #bnha shigaraki #bnha scenarios #bnha fanfiction #pro hero hawks #my hero academia hawks #my hero acadamy #boku no academia #boku no hero fanfic #yandere dabi

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elusive---ivory · 4 years

Text

Circus Act - 9

I've been slacking lately on this. I take full responsibility. As a sorry, I made it twice as long. Enjoy!!

WARNING: MENTAL ILLNESS

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9

Arthur walked home with a pleasant smile on his face. His date couldn't be more perfect. The events of the played out in his head as he walked home. He could still taste Sandy's lips against his own.

It was marvelous.

He went straight for his apartment door, not even stopping by to check the mail.

His mother was sleeping in a chair next to the television. The ending tune of the Murray Franklin show played as Arthur gently woke her up.

"Uh, what?" She mumbled, as she slowly woke up.

"Come on, time to wake up, and go to bed." He said, as he danced with her in his arms.

"Happy, I wrote a new letter." His mother said, still half asleep.

"Come on, dance with me." Arthur said, as he twirled her around.

"You smell like cologne." His mother commented as Arthur danced about.

"I just had a big date." He said, still dipping his head back.

Arthur led his mother to her bedroom.

"Just don't forget the mail." She said, before disappearing into the bedroom.

Arthur sighed, walking back into the living room.

He picked a small envelope. Gently opening it, hoping his mother wouldn't see.

The letter was directed to Thomas Wayne. Since Arthur knew that Thomas wouldn't read them, he read it himself. What caught his attention were the words underlined.

Your son and I need your help.

Arthur's eyes widened as he began to skim through the next page.

Thomas, you are the only hope for me and your son. Arthur is a good boy. Maybe a little sad, but a good boy nonetheless.

Arthur couldn't hold the paper straight anymore. His anger built up inside of him.

Arthur fought with his mother. His mother using the defense that he was gonna kill her. She ran into the bathroom slamming the door.

"Mom, I'm not mad." He said, calmly. "I just wanna know. Is this real?"

His mom rambled on and on about how her and Thomas Wayne were in love.

"I signed some papers. If anyone knew about us. If anyone knew about you, I couldn't imagine the ridicule you'd face." His mother said, against the bathroom door.

Arthur stood there in shock. Was all of this true? He needed to find out.

Sandy woke up the next day with her telephone ringing again.

She apparently slept through the entire day again, feeling more lethargic than usual.

Her nightmares seem to get more and more real. More visions of Dennis played in her head. Her paranoia seemed to really get the best of her. Her medication had run out a few days ago. Usually, it was Dennis that filled it for her, but now that he was gone, she was completely out of it.

She had took her last dose just a few nights before her date with Arthur.

During her medication, she'd do whatever Dennis said with no questions asked. She could hardly remember why she was on them in the first place, but Sandy knew there was a reason. It just seemed unclear to her.

While Sandy was in deep thought, she'd completely forgotten about the phone, but quickly answered it. "Hello?"

"Sandy, how are you?" A familiar voice said on the line. The voice sounded conceded and pretentious.

"Des, how nice to hear your voice again." Sandy muttered, sarcastically.

"Come on, Sandy, lighten up. I was wondering if you would like to come to Thomas Wayne's campaign gala this Friday?" Sandy rolled her eyes hearing Des's offer.

After Des moved to California, her personality completely changed. She gotten rich by showing up on a tv show and getting married to some high class billionaire. She only came back to Gotham to prove a point to both Sandy and Dee, that she was better than them.

Sandy groaned. "I don't think so, Des."

"Well, Dee said that she'll definitely be here, only if you come. You don't even have to stay for the entire night, just for a hour or so." Des whined, trying to convince Sandy.

"Ok, fine. I'll go." Sandy said, finally. She hated Des's grating voice.

"Alright, I'll see you there, and try not to embarrass yourself. After all, this is THE Thomas Wayne, everyone is talking about. Bye!" Sandy slammed the phone down. She could barely stand Dee.

Des would always put down Dee and Sandy for as long as she can remember.

Des would always take sides with Dennis on issues that were none of her business. She loved to torture Sandy about how she looked and how Dennis didn't deserve her.

Sandy begged Dee to cut ties with Des, but Dee was too nice, and truly loved her sister.

Just then, Sandy heard a knock on her door.

"Hello?" She said, opening the door.

She was greeted with two detectives at the door.

"Ms. Dolere, we need to speak with you." One of the detectives said.

"I am Detective Garrity, and this is my partner, Detective Burke. We'd like to ask you a few questions about your late boyfriend, Dennis Cullen." The other detective said.

Sandy nodded, letting the two detectives in.

"We'd like to ask you about your relationship with Dennis." Detective Garrity said, walking towards the living room.

"Yes, of course." Sandy gulped. "I was with Dennis for five years and 6 months. For the three years, I was happy."

"Then you were admitted into the hospital, is that correct?" Garrity asked.

Sandy nodded, stirring her tea. "Yes, I was admitted into the hospital."

"What for might I ask?" Burke asked.

"Delusional Psychosis." Sandy said, sipping her tea.

"Delusional?" Burke commented.

"Yes, at least that's what the doctors told me." Sandy sighed.

Garrity looked over at Burke, writing stuff down on a notepad. "And these delusions? Do they happen often?"

Sandy shook her head. "No, they don't. They're usually in my dreams. I don't have them during the day."

"Uh-huh, and you don't take medication for this stuff?" Burke asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I did, and Dennis would fill out my prescription." Sandy added.

"That was very kind of him to do that." Garrity said. Sandy could tell he was trying to be compassionate, but it just seemed to hurt Sandy more.

As more and more questions came up, the more difficult it was to answer them.

"And if you have anymore answers for us, Ms. Dolere. We're only a call away." Garrity said, handing her a business card before heading out the door.

Sandy sighed, closing the apartment door. She took a deep breath.

She couldn't remember when Dennis started showing his true colors. She knew that they were happy at one point.

A memory started playing in her head. Dennis was walking with her in Gotham Central Park. It was a summer afternoon.

Sandy remembered Dennis talking to her kindly, saying that her curls looked nice today or that her face was gorgeous. She even remembered him standing up to her.

Then, she thought of last night. Her date with Arthur. It was the same thing, but better. What felt real with Dennis felt real with Arthur.

Soon, thoughts flooded her head.

"Say, Sandy, have you gotten bigger?" Dennis said. "The doctors said the medication would cause you to gain weight. It's a shame, really. Such beauty gone to waste. You're nothing, but a pig now."

The good memories were gone.

There was nothing.

She remembered the night Dennis first beaten her. It was a night she'd wish to forget.

He'd come home late, smelled of perfume and alcohol. He struck her in her sleep. These actions started getting more and more frequent. To the point where, it made Sandy paranoid, and unable to sleep. When Dennis took her to the doctor, he fibbed, saying that Sandy was inflicting pain on herself. She knew it wasn't true.

Sandy opened her eyes, trying to get rid of her thoughts.

All too negative. All too hurtful.

She ran into the bathroom, breathing heavily.

Her vision began to fade as the bathroom walls closed in on her.

It all came to a stop as the phone rang.

Sandy stumbled out of the bathroom, running towards the phone ringing in her bedroom.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Sandy? Co-Could you come over to the hospital? It's my mother. She's had a stroke, and I just don't want to be alone." Arthur's voice cracked as he breathed deeply into the phone.

"I'll be right there, Arthur." Sandy said, calmly.

Soon after that, Sandy got into her car and drove off.

Taglist: @princessgeekface, @jokerflecker, @gloomyladyy, @joker-flecked-me, @mama-mischief, @memory-mortis

#joker movie #joker film #joker x reader #joker arthur fleck #joker 2019 #joaquin phoenix joker #arthur fleck x reader #arthur fleck #arthur fleck x oc #arthur fleck x sandra dolere #arthur x sandy #oc: sandra dolere

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dorotheajanegilmore · 5 years

Text

Devil’s Daughter

Previous: 1 , 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,

Chapter seven

I had been staying with the Winchester's for just over two weeks now. My purple case looked great against the brown walls of the guest room, really made it feel like home.

The first night I stayed at the bunker (Before visiting parents in NY)

"Sorry it's so plain." Sam has said when he first brought me in here.

I shrugged. "It's much better than my dorm."

He chuckled and nodded. "Yeah I know how ya feel. Stanford."

"NYU." I admitted and he nodded with an impressed face. "Creative writing."

"Law."

I cringed. "Smarty pants."

Instantly an attractive smile broke out across his face and he shook his head, blushing wildly. "No. I never graduated."

"I don't think I will either, at least not yet." I told him truthfully.

"I hope that decision isn't because of us? I know how it feels to have your studies cut short and if I could go back..." Sam paused before he shook his head, laughing at himself. "I actually wouldn't go back."

I laughed at his honestly and shook my head. "No, I've been contemplating dropping out for a while. This whole angels exhausting and paternity testing is just the push I needed."

"Right." Sam wondered over to the bed and sat down beside me. He looked at me with a face of concern. "How are you feeling? Honestly."

"Honestly?" I asked and he nodded. I let out a deep breath, letting my shoulder sink. "I feel...like it's not real. I haven't thought about too deeply or really acknowledged it properly. I know that's not healthy but I just don't know how to accept this. My family life has always been rocky, my mother hates me."

Sam recoiled and pulled an offended face, as if I had just delivered a blow to his stomach. "I'm sure she doesn't hate you." I knew that his situation was difficult at the moment. Dean told me that their mother was trapped in some sort of apocalypse world.

"Don't defend her, I promise. You'll see tomorrow, she hates me." I emphasised it again but he shook his head, not having it. I decided to just continue because there was no way in changing his mind. "So, how did Dean recover so quickly? Those guys tortured him too."

Sam shifted on the bed and adjusted his watch on his wrist. He was clearly uncomfortable the way he was sat because his legs are way longer than mine and even my legs ached. We were both sat criss cross and I couldn't take it any longer.

I moved to sit at the edge of the bed, Sam sighing in relief and copying me as he answered. "Castiel healed him. Dean was supposed to save you from those guys but they ended up injecting and torturing him too. Demons aren't really fond of us, we've made a name for ourselves as hunters and they didn't know he was working with Crowley."

I nodded understandingly. I bit the inside of my cheek as I thought about asking the next question. My curiosity got the better of me and so I asked. "Did you, do you and Dean think I'm evil?"

Sam thought for a moment, before gently taking my smaller hand in his larger one. "I won't lie to you. When Rowena told us that Lucifer had a daughter and we needed her help...I definitely believed you to be evil. I thought that we were gonna find you at a bar murdering people or eating babies." Sam laughed at that last part.

“Why eating babies?" I tilted my head to look at him, confused as to where he'd get that from.

"Because ya'know, Lilith eats babies? At least in mythology and all of my text books-"

As Sam rambled on I looked down at the ground. I had forgot about Lilith being my true mother, I was so busy worrying about the devil I forgot about his first demon.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Sam put a gentle hand on my shoulder and I shook my head.

"It's not your fault, Sam. I just can't believe I'm not a product of Christian and Rose. That Hallie and Alex aren't my blood related siblings. They'll always be my family, regardless of what a test says but I had that I don't have an actual connection to them. I hate that my blood isn't their blood. I hate that my blood is...evil." I sobbed as the word evil left my mouth.

Sam shook his head and wrapped his big arms around me, pulling me into him for a supporting hug. I cried into his red plaid chest as he held me tight. "You're not evil, Elle."

"You don't (hicup) know that!" I shook my head, feeling him hold me tighter. He began to rub his palm up and down my back, as if he was soothing a crying baby.

"No I don't, you're right. But if raising Jack has taught me anything, it's that we can't make quick assumptions."

———

Present day

(Two weeks living in the bunker)

I sat in the library with a book under my nose. Every waking moment of the passed week has been spent reading up on Lucifer, and learning my powers.

So far I have discovered my psionic energy blasts can be used in blasts, streams, waves and bolts to move things, lift and even throw things. Allowing me to hit, push or pull a target, potentially exerting enough force to destroy them. I had also improved my telepathy, I can control when to and when not to listen to thoughts so I could actually focus now.

As I was reading about Lucifer's cage I felt a presence enter the room. I was already on edge from all of the reading, Satan's not a happy guy. Feeling threatened I spotted a pair of scissors on the end of the table and used my new found powers to lift them up and send them at the person watch me.

As I span around, hands glowing red I realised who it was. Dean was stood at the door with wide eyes and hands held up in the air alarmed.

The blade of the scissors, surrounded by red wisps, hovered just inches away from his neck.

"I didn't mean to scare you, little red." He pushed the scissors away with his index finger. They landed in the floor with a snap and I sighed in relief.

"Dean, sorry about that." I felt immediate relief, so happy that it was him and not some creature I had been reading about. I cringed, hoping he wouldn't be to mad at me. "I'm reading about monsters so I'm a bit on edge.

"A bit?" He smirked, amused. He pulled out a seat opposite me at the table and sat down. "Is that why I was nearly executed in my own home?"

I nodded and slid the book over to him. I pointed at a paragraph and he quickly skimmed over it. It said;

The powers of a nephilim would be to great to raise such a creature on earth among mortals. A human woman could never contain a baby nephilim for very long as it could tear them apart. A nephilim will grow at rapid speeds, much faster than a human woman's body could contain. Once born a nephilim will reach adulthood within a matter of hours.

"Yeah." Dean nodded, confirming that the information in front of me was in fact correct. "Jack was born and within twenty minutes he looked like he was twenty years old.

"So how come I have baby photos? Actual picture evidence of me growing through the years. Every birthday party photo shows a year of progression. Am I slow? Am I broken?"

Dean chuckled at my outburst and shook his head. "Elle, there's never been an angel, demon cocktail baby. You're the first. Perhaps Lilith's genes are much slower."

"Or." Came a Scottish voice from the doorway. Rowena stood with a mischievous smile on her face as she danced her way over to the table.

"Perhaps I did a wee spell to aid in your human growth. I was there when Lucifer chose your parents and he made sure that Rose would be strong enough to encapsulate you for nine months, not to raise your relatives eyebrows at a two month unholy pregnancy. The spell made sure that Lucifer's child would grow as a normal human until she reached adulthood, then her powers would slowly blossom. That's why it's important that we found you." She lifted her martini up as if to cheers us before taking a large sip.

"I thought you want me to put him in a cage?" I raised a brow, wondering why she was adding to her story now.

Rowena shrugged. "That’s for the after party. Once we’ve rescued Mary from the apocalypse world, you and Jackie boy can work together to put him in a new cage, a stronger sturdier cage. Come on, had I told you this earlier you would’ve been overwhelmed and scared away. We need you, Red.”

Dean shook his head and pushed the book away. "Damn it, Rowena! Any other information you'd care to share?"

Rowena bit her lip and tapped her finger against her chin in thought. ”Aside from Lucifer wanting Jack and Elle back? No, not that I can think off.”

Next: 7

Tags: @lilulo-12 @vicmc624

#dean winchester #dean winchester fic #dean winchester x ofc #x ofc #x reader #imagine #fanfic #fanfiction #spn #supernatural #sam winchester #castiel #rowena #lucifer #mary winchester #dean winchester x reader

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irepookie · 5 years

Text

Wake up Call, Infinity Ch.3

Summary: QUEEN AU WHERE ROGER (ROWAN)IS A19 YEAR OLD SINGLE DAD TRYING TO FIND A PLACE IN THE WORLD OF MUSIC

WARNINGS: iNTENSE FLUFF AND SOME SWEARING

Chapter 3: Row has to start stepping out of the bubble him and his daughter have been living in while in the safety of the hospital, and break the news to his best friends.

John- Rick

Fred-Len

Bri- Terry

Rog- Rowan

When Row had hung up on Len mid sentence, the boys had been confused. Then again, he was at his mom's house and they had heard her infamous shout of <<ROWAN EUGENE QUEEN>> that always preceded an argument, so they let it go. But then he didn't turn up to rehearsal, or called back for the rest of the afternoon. Or the following afternoon. Or for rest of the week. And that was unlike him. He always called back. (Well, most of his former one night stands would disagree with this). Let's just say he always called his band mates back. Sometimes drunk, at 4 AM, Thus leaving a wakeful Terry with 2 hours to spare nothing to do but to start revising for whatever exam he had ahead.

So, when they didn't know of him, they went directly to the village's police station, to see if he was locked up, and if not, to report him missing.

"What if we ask Gina?" Rick suggested

"I'd rather check the morgue first, thanks" Len said.

"Well, what else can we do? Huh?"

"Audition new drummers"

"Seriously boys. Let's go."

They knocked on Row's childhood home. Gina opened, with messy hair, a dressing gown and slippers

"Oh, hello boys. He ain't here" she took a drag of the 4th cigarette she had smoked that day despite it only being 8:30 AM.

"Where is he?"

"He isn't at home?"

"We've checked and there's no track of him. We haven't seen him in 7 days"

She sighed "in the hospital, I think. If he hasn't left already"

"Hospital?" All three said simultaneously

"What happened?!" Len added

"You don't know?"

"Know what?"

She smiled, mockingly "Wow, father of the year isn't so sure after all"

"What?"

She laughed bitterly. If he hadn't told his best friends yet, it maybe meant he was reconsidering the whole thing. Maybe common sense had hit him after the first stinky nappy.

"You know what? Come in."

"Oh we were actually in a rush..."

"You wanna find him or not? Come in, I don't bite

"Alright" all three musicians entered somewhat awkwardly in the house where so many sleep overs had taken place, back in the day.

She led them to the kitchen, where the phone was, and dialed.

Callie was the closest to the phone "Row? Yes, I'll get him"

She made her way to the room where the Prune had been moved in the previous evening, due to her favourable evolution and the need of free incubators.

She grinned at the scene: the 6 day old infant was dozing against her dad's bare chest, supported by his hands -which seemed huge in comparison to her small figure-. His eyes were closed, but Callie could tell he was awake as his left hand was stroking her head. It was adorable, and they seemed at such peace -poor Row had spent his first whole night on night watch and was exhausted-.

"Row" she called softly

He opened his big blue eyes in acknowledgement.

"You have a call"

"A call? From who?" He whispered back, before looking down at the baby to make sure she was asleep

"Didn't say. But she was kind of irritated"

"Oh, that's mom then" he smiled sarcastically, but didn't move a bit.

"You aren't gonna get on the phone?"

"I don't know. She doesn't deserve our attention does she?" He cooed

"How bad can it be?"

"You don't wanna see my bad side. And I don't ever want her to see it either"

Callie smiled "Go. I'll stay with her"

He groaned in annoyance. He was so comfortable, and he didn't want to get up.

"C'mere darling" he mumbled, detaching his daughter from his lap and carefully lying her on the cot

He exited the room and walked to the phone "What?"

"Row! Where are you?" The three voices of his best friends greeted him from the other side

"Oh, hi guys I... How did you get this number?"

"We're calling you from your mum's. She says you're in hospital" Terry's soft voice said worriedly

"You've gone fucking AWOL! Where are you man? We're worried as hell" Len scolded

"Oh yeah, hehe been..."he scratched the back of his head "been pretty busy" He glanced in the direction of his daughter's room, where he saw Callie readjusting the yellow teddy bear he had bought her the second day.

"Busy? With what?" Rick inquired

"It's... It's a long story."

"Well we've got time"

"Shouldn't you be in uni?" Row said in hopes they'd have to run into class

"It's Sunday, Row!"

"Oh is it?" He had lost track of time, honestly

"C'mon! Spit it"

He sighed "Alright, huh..." He tried to think of where to start. He couldn't really think much tho; his brain was pudge at that moment. "I met a girl in..." He counted nine months back from February "June?" No wait Piper was premature so it could be July or... Then it hit him. "No, remember that afternoon when we set up that Live Aid session in your parents backyard, Len?"

The boys nodded. July 13th. How could they forget? It had been dubbed the best Summer Party of 1985 in town. The four of them had tried to get tickets, but they couldn't even afford a ticket to London in the first place. And so, They watched the whole show with four TV screens around the yard instead, and the whole village had joined them, arguing on which performance had been the best.

Of course, all four members of Symbols agreed that it had been Queen.

"But they signed up late" someone said

"Yea, they came late to the party" another agreed.

"So what? They rocked the party! You just say that because you like U2 better"

"Like you prefer Queen!"

"But we've got a point! Regardless of how much we like them, they were, objectively, the best performance" /

"Objectively? Bullshit!" Anne Williams snapped "They played the same shit they always play! And Bono was a true gentleman, helping that girl who was getting crashed by the crowd."

"Yea, I'm sure Freddie wouldn't have given a shit, so full of himself and his teeth up his~" /

Dennis Phelps couldn't finish his sentence as a someone tossed him a Converse, which hit his head. A young woman, with Bowie-like orange dyed haircut approached, with a bare left foot and the matching shoe on the other

"You know nothing about putting up a good show then. Also, you mess with Freddie Mercury again and next time the shoe will be stuck up your ass" she told Dennis, retrieving the item "I mean, it's clear who I'm rooting for but Queen really did what had to be done. Geldof told them all to play the hits, because that's precisely why they're hits: they work. Other artists, like your boyfriend Bono and his band played new material, as if this was their concert. And it's not. Even though they signed up on time and whatever. They took a risk, crowd didn't know the song, they lost interest. But Queen had common sense: they played the hits, the anthems, and people connected with them. And it's not about Freddie or him hypnotizing Wembley. It's having some common sense. And not even you two knew the lyrics of U2s new song. So shut the hell up"

Row had liked her instantly. That's a girl who knows the stuff.

They exchanged a smile, a wink and a complicit nod

"We must join our forces to help out our friends under pressure, don't we?" She said

"Oh yes, Bowie girl." Terry remembered

"Yep."

"So what's with her?" Rick said

"Well, that.. she..." He cut himself off when a cry echoed in Pip's room "Gotta go, guys. I'll call you back"

"No! Row!" Len said, but the line went dead

"Shit"

"What happened?" Gina, who had watched the scene from the door frame, -and was about to finish her 6th cigar in a row,- asked

"He rambled about that Live Aid day, and a girl he met there"

"Did he say her name?"

"No. He had to go suddenly. It's all weird"

"Yea, well... Life is weird, boys"

"I don't understand. What's going on? Can't you tell us, Mrs. Queen?"

"Oh no. No. It's not my story to tell. Nor my business. I tried my best, but that stubborn bastard didn't listen. I'm sorry" she said

"But is he okay?" Len asked, concerned

Gina grinned, at how despite it all, the four boys would stick up with each other to the end of the world "Yes. He's fine."

"Row, are you okay?" Callie said, as the drummer wordlessly took the bundle from her

"Yes, yes. Why wouldn't I be?" He said, sitting with the fussy baby

"You're a bit pale"

"Oh I... Nothing. Just... I'm nervous honestly. Because we're about get discharged and I'm gonna be alone with her and I'll have to dad around all by myself and... And everyone will know..."

"Know what?"

"About her"

"And is that a problem?" Callie crossed her arms

"No, I mean... No, of course not. But everyone will ask questions and judge me and... I'm worried I will end up believing them more and fuck it all up"

"Believing what?"

"They'll start telling me it's a mistake, that I'm gonna screw everything up and that I won't be able to be a good dad and I'm afraid it will become true"

"So you're saying that how people think of you is gonna affect the way you... How you called it? Dad around?"

He nodded "Well, answer me these, will you? Have you, in this moment or at any point during these seven days, thought you are making a mistake?"

He looked at the tiny bundle and shook his head.

"Are you willing to always do your best for the shake of Piper?"

He nodded, noticing he was unconsciously rocking her back and forth.

"Then what's the problem?"

"Look I haven't exactly been a role model in... Well anything. One thing my mom's proud of is that I'm not into drugs. Everyone who has a daughter in the block hates me. So how am I supposed to raise one?"

"Exactly how you've been doing the last six days"

"Yes but I have you guys. And the medics, and the equipment. But there I'll be all alone"

"You will never be alone. You have the friends you've told me about. And your mum...Maybe the little darling is gassy"

"Oh stop about my mum" he carefully changed the Prune to an upright position and began to rub circles on her back without even hesitation. Wow he was actually getting a hold on the burping stuff.

"Yes. Your mum will eventually come to terms with the lil'raisin. I'm sure." She said, whist handing him a muslin to place on the baby's range of accuracy

"Oh you don't know her"

"I know she's a mum. Your mum and mother's rarely ever turn their backs on their children for good"

Row looked at the baby, then raised an eyebrow at Callie

"I said it's rare. There are obviously exceptions" she said "And believe me you're better off. Also, she did call. That's gotta Mean something"

"I didn't speak with her. Just the band. They were at her place, yeah but... I don't know. I'm not gonna beg on my fucking knees..." He was interrupted by a burp I his ear. Damn, that was a big one. He'd need 2 beers to produce such a loud one.

"Easy, tiger." He laughed "Goddamn it, where did that come from, huh? You're unbelievable" he praised, while getting the muslin out his shoulder and handing it to Callie

"And a neat one too. 10/10." She chuckled

"Atta girl. That's my lil'raisin. Yeah, good girl" he cooed, bringing her to face him, before she started fussing and he nested her again on his chest "Aw, don't cry honey. Please. You're alright. C'mon" he begged. She settled down quickly, and he sighed in relief.

"The point is, that here is like... I feel safe, you know? It's like another world. Another life. And now I have to fit her in my every day, and be in charge and stuff, and... I'm not sure I'm ready"

"Parents are never ready to take them home. Not even those who had 9 months of preparation, and parenting classes, and a nicely decorated and supplied nursery. No one feels ready. But nerves are good. Nerves mean that you care. Worrying and doubting about your ability to be the dad your child needs is precisely what's gonna make you raise your game. Just one last question: are you 100% that you love that lil one with all your heart?"

He looked at his daughter, who had gone back to sleep with the rambling of his voice, as his hand still caressed head and grinned "Hell yeah" Otherwise, how could he explain the way his chest seemed to be holding two hearts whenever she was in his arms? Or how, when he had to leave for the night it felt as though both those hearts were ripped away from him? Or how else could he have turned this goddamn sappy? Yep. That was the proof.

"Then that's all the two of you will ever need. She won't care if you two are rich or live in a cardboard box, or if she wasn't in your initial plans, or that she doesn't have a mom. As long as you love her and make her feel like it."

He nodded, and rested his lips on her soft scalp.

"Right, I Gotta get to another patient. Call'em back."

He stood up, this time taking his Prune along, and went to the corridor where the phone was. Making sure her head was safely cradled along with the rest of her small body on his left arm, he tucked the phone between the right shoulder and neck and dialed their shared place's number

Rick picked up "Yes?"

"I'm a dad" he said simply, and waited for his reaction.

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I’ll post the picture separately in order to preserve my goddamn sanity cause Tumblr is being a pain in the arse!!!!!

How do you guys do it? Am I the only one who needs 5 bloody tries to post this things?

#roger taylor #dad!roger taylor #queen band #queen fluff #bohemian rhapsody

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