#OH AND i would feel so strange coming out as gay but not nonbinary | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rimunagenius · 2 months

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I’m Not Talking ‘Bout Boys I’m Talking ‘Bout Them.

ఌ pairing: Naomi Mcpherson x AFAB!reader

ఌ Warnings: RPF!! homophobia!! , slight smut, slight angst?, fluff, fluff, and some more fluff, realization about the preferred sexual preference (if that’s even a warning)

ఌ Word Count: 3.5k words (major whoopsie…no it’s not)

ఌ okay so as you may not already know, this fic is based off the song ‘girls’ from girl in red. it’s basically the prompt of the story. another thing, this fic is loosely based off me, being a bisexual woman, and not experiencing homophobia personally, but seeing how others around me speak and feel about people in the LGBTQ community, i haven’t come out to my parents. so writing this, i hope this helps in anyway, whether it’s a tiny small or big significant way, to help whoever reads this know it’s okay to be queer. to love women. to love whoever the fuck you want to love. be yourself unapologetically and once you stop caring what the people around you feel, and stop thinking about how you may offend them for your choices and feelings, you’ll truly live a blissful life. okay that’s it, enjoy!

ఌ

❧ I've been hiding for so long

These feelings, they're not gone

Could I tell anyone?

You have always been an ally to the LGBTQ community. You had many friends who grew up to be gay or lesbian, nonbinary, all of the above. You even have family members part of the community. You didn't realize until you had hit high school that you were into a spectrum of people. Freshman year, you were curious and never even experimented with anyone other than boys. But by your junior year, you had realized you loved anyone…you were queer.

The thoughts of wanting to understand someone so deeply and have a beautiful connection that would manifest in a caring and long relationship, was all you seeked. It was never a phase that every teenager convinces themselves they're going through—it was real.

But you knew your parents. They'd say they were supportive because you had family that were queer. But now and then, the unsupportive side of them would slip and it made you scared for the reaction you'd get if you had said you not only liked men but everyone.

❧ Afraid of what they'll say

So I push them away

I'm acting so strange

You so desperately wanted to tell your parents about the feelings you had and the thoughts you wanted to share. You just could never get past the what if.

Any conversation about your love life you had dismissed. You couldn't possibly say that you liked a girl or someone who was different than themselves in their eyes. You knew it was getting obvious with the way you'd shut down the topic. You knew that your siblings would catch on.

The jokes they’d make about you being queer because you haven't mentioned the idea of being with a guy recently were starting to irritate you a little more every day. You just had to suck it up and "forget" to tell them about the most beautiful person you had ever met.

❧ They're so pretty, it hurts

I'm not talking 'bout boys

I'm talking 'bout girls

You don't know when it happened but you just knew you had to speak to this person. Their beautiful curly hair, the perfect height, the perfect style, the perfect facial features that were accentuated with the prettiest gold jewelry in their nose. They caught your eye the second you had walked into the club.

You had been with friends and you just couldn't stop looking. Your friends picked up on the longing glances you'd throw their way any chance the conversation got dull someplace.

"Just talk to them!" Your friend yelled over the loud music. "What's the worst that could happen?" They sipped through the straw of their drink while moving their eyes from you to the person you couldn't stop looking at.

"No. Absolutely not. They're way out of my league, dude." Oh, absolutely not. Your friend was not about to take no for an answer. They knew about your family situation. Even though you were a grown woman, your parent's opinions still mattered to you. What they thought of you was important.

"Babe, you are so beautiful and hot. Please be real here. They're coming over here anyways, now's your chance." They smiled, sipping their drink again watching the person walk up to the bar.

"Are you fucking serious?" You took a small step back and bumped into someone. Turning around immediately, you saw them. The perfect person you had been staring at all night long. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I did not know you were right there,"

"No it's okay, don't worry about it." They smiled at you. The height difference was stirring a nervous feeling in your belly. Like someone had released a butterfly sanctuary in your belly.

"Let me pay for your drink, it's the least I can do for someone as gorgeous as you." It slipped out. You hadn't even realized you said it until you said it and saw their face looking back at you. The embarrassment was unbearable. A small smile graced their features and they were thankful you couldn't see the small blush creeping on their cheeks.

"Oh, you don't have to but thank you. What's your name, pretty?" They leaned down so they could hear you better over the music. Your knees were weak.

"Y/n. And yours?" You looked at them, batting your eyelashes. It was hard not to try and make them interested. You thought they were so pretty, you had to have them.

"Naomi. Nice to meet you." You both smiled and insisted on paying for their drink. You paid for it and smiled. The smile faltered as you realized this may or may not be the very last time you see them ever.

"Hey—" You both spoke at the same time. You giggled and looked up at them, signaling for them to finish. "Can I get your number? Sorry if that's forward but your beautiful and want to know if you'd like to get coffee sometime?" They asked, leaning back up to gauge your expression.

"Oh yeah! I'd love to." You gave them your number and for the rest of the night, you both went about your own business with your separate parties. Catching each other's eye from across the room every now and then.

They were the most beautiful person you had ever seen in your whole entire life. It hurt your brain to even fathom how they could exist.

❧ They're so pretty with their button-up shirts

I shouldn't be feeling this

But it's too hard to resist

You and Naomi had hung out a lot of times after the club incident. You were so glad you had decided to get out of your house that night. You didn’t think you could sit through anymore phone calls of your mom telling you how nice her coworker's son was for the last 5 months. You did have to, every now and then.

They had told you they were in a band. A relatively famous one. You hadn't known any of that and were about to explode when they told you they opened for Taylor Swift on her Eras Tour. What made you so oblivious to this information? You had been there. You even asked about the dates and you didn't even realize you had watched Naomi perform.

They also told you that they had a show this coming weekend and needed help picking an outfit or two for the music festival. They invited you over to their house, which was a pretty close range from your condo that you lived in. You had been over more than a handful of times. You guys have been seeing each other for almost 5 months, making it official in the third month.

"I say, you give me a fashion show and we can decide from there." You smiled at them. You honestly believe that you have never been this happy. Yeah, a few hetero relationships you had in the past you were happy. But you weren't truly happy. Not like this. You haven't told your parents about them but you truly wanted to. You wanted to tell them that Naomi had awakened a newfound liveliness to you. That they had made everything so much easier. You thanked your lucky stars for bumping into them five months ago.

"I say, that's a great idea, gorgeous." They walked up to you sitting on the foot of the bed, planting a kiss on your forehead, and then walking to the closet to grab an outfit to try on.

They changed in the bathroom and walked out in long basketball shorts, a white wife beater, a jean jacket, and a backward black LA hat. Heat rose to your face, and all over your body. Especially there. You blushed intensely and smiled. "So this outfit is a yes, then?" Naomi laughed as they noticed the immediate reaction your body had.

"Oh, hell yeah. I honestly think you should never take it off. Unless I'm taking it off you." You smiled and laughed. Their face flushed as they turned away for a second and looked back at you. You gave them a small wink as they walked up to you, crouched down, and grabbed your face pulling you into a kiss.

Both of you smiled into the kiss, which started to grow more hot and heavy. A small sigh left your nose and you pulled away. "As much as I love doing that, you have a fashion show to finish, baby." A small frown pierced their lips as they grabbed a few new articles of clothing from their closet and walked into the bathroom.

Walking out in a white button-up shirt, a tie hanging loosely around their neck under the collar, and black vintage Versace jeans. You absolutely loved this outfit. You loved the other one but something about this outfit made them look so professional, endearing, and just overall adorable. You had always loved when they would pick you up for dates and they were wearing an outfit similar to this with a button-up shirt.

"Oh my god, I love this nomi. You look so good." You smiled as you pulled out your phone and took a video. Naomi does a small spin before flipping the camera off. They laughed and immediately apologized. You both now laughing together.

❧ Soft skin and soft lips

The soft light from the sunset started creeping in through the bedroom window, adding an even more romantic ambiance to the room. Your soft pants fill the room.

"Oh..my...god." You sighed heavily, your hands gripping the sheets tightly. Your chest rose and fell with the swift motion and pace Naomi had set with their fingers curling inside of you. You could not lie and say this wasn't better than any sex you had ever prior to now.

"You're doing so good for me, sweet girl." A whiny moan left your throat as their soft praises and new pet name coaxed you closer and closer to the finish line. Your eyes looked into theirs. Your walls tighten around their slender fingers. How could someone be so good with just their fingers?

"Uh...don't stop. So close, baby." Your voice rose and thighs closed. "Just like that. I'm so close." You could not fathom the feeling they were making you feel. In almost a mere second, their fingers curled in just the right spot causing a soft scream to escape your lips.

"Oh, baby." Naomi looked down at you, head dropping to kiss up your neck. Their soft lips traveled across your jawline, lips brushing the lobe of your ear. "Let go for me." They whispered, another soft whine left your lips as you did what they asked of you. "Yeah, just like that, baby."

Naomi maneuvered their body back in front of your aching cunt. Sliding their fingers out, catching whatever slipped out with their tongue. You let out a soft cry, overly sensitive to touch as you were still coming down from what felt like the best high in your life. Naomi then put the fingers they had buried inside of you in their mouth, sucking and licking off any remnants of your orgasm off their fingers.

You wouldn't lie...you could've come all over again just by watching them watch you while they did that. They then placed a soft kiss on your clit, a soft satisfied hum leaving their lips. Their lips trailed up your body until they found solace on yours again. The passionate kiss left you breathless and tasting yourself on their tongue.

Naomi’s arms planted on either side of your waist, you ran your hands slowly up their arms. From their soft and slender wrists, all the way to the open expanse of their shirtless back. Naomi sighs at the cool sensation of your rings dragging across their body.

You then pulled them in for another kiss, your arms slung over the back of their neck. Your fingertips graze the beautiful crazy curls on their head.

You could stay here forever.

❧ I should be into this guy

But it's just a waste of time

He's really not my type

I know what I like

"No, mom." I am not going on a date with Nick. He's not my type at the moment." You looked at Naomi, an incredulous look on your face, a quiet tut of laughter leaving their lips as their hand glided up your thigh.

"Why not? What is your type then?" Your mom asked over the phone. You didn't know if you had wanted to flat-out say that you had been seeing someone. The someone being a famous queer public figure. Your mom on speaker, Naomi being able to hear the whole conversation.

They nodded their head at you, a look of encouragement in their eyes. This whole ‘your mom trying to set you up’ thing was getting old. You just wanted to tell her that you were so in love with your partner.

"Mommy, I'm already seeing someone. And they make me very happy, any more than a man could." Naomi squeezed your thigh, their head resting in their hand that was leaning on the back of the couch. You smiled at them, mouthing 'I love you.' They did it back. Big smile across their face.

"What do you mean "any more than a man could"? Are you dating a woman? Are you seriously dating a woman? Y/n, don't make me tell your dad about this. What do you think he'll say?" She sighed loudly over the speaker. You started to get super nervous.

You rubbed your other hand that wasn't holding the phone, across your chest. A heavy feeling weighing down on you suddenly. "No, mommy. They're not a woman either. They're nonbinary, which means they don't choose to identify as a boy or girl. I love them. They make me happy."

"I don't want to hear details about this gay relationship."

"I never said anything about that."

"Well, I don't want to hear about it. I have to go. And I'm going to tell your father about this." You didn't even feel nervous anymore. The hard part was over and you honestly felt irritated that your mom couldn't just be happy that you were happy. Why did it matter who was making you happy?

"Okay, whatever." You hung up the phone and flopped your head against Naomi's chest. "I'm sorry she said what she said, baby. I didn't think she'd take it that bad. For once I thought she’d just listen and still accept what’s happening." You looked up at them. They leaned down and placed a kiss on your lips.

"It's okay. We'll be okay. At least she knows now. The hard part is over, love."

"Yes. It's finally over." You both lay there on your couch, cuddling for the rest of the morning. You could only think about how their opinions slowly started to not matter what they thought of Naomi. It only mattered what you thought and you thought the absolute world of them. You had truly never met anyone like them.

❧ No, this is not a phase

Or a coming of age

This will never change

You and your parents had been fighting over the phone and dinner for the last week. They couldn't get used to the pronouns Naomi had gone by and not identifying with a gender, how they lived their life, and how we both chose to live it together.

You had slowly started to get over your parent’s projecting and ignorance and felt at peace with your life. With your Naomi. They had known how stressful this had been for you, so a nice romantic weekend was planned for the both of you. Granted the weekend had consisted of you two at Josettes parent's vacation cabin by the lake. It was honestly so beautiful.

The second night you were there, you celebrated your one-year anniversary with a nice candlelit dinner and walk outside by the dock. When you reached the end of the dock looking out across the lake, the moon casting the perfect light over the royal blue waters. "Naomi look how beautiful." You looked across at the landscape in front of you, your smile faltering when Naomi said they couldn't see it. "What do you me- Oh my god."

Naomi was on one knee, a beautiful diamond ring in their hand. "Holy shit. No way. Naomi." You couldn't help the tears falling and the laughing trying to hide the fact that you were literally sobbing.

"Y/n. You are so perfect. From your hair to your contagious laugh. Everything about you is engraved in my brain. I think about you when I'm thousands of miles away and when I'm right under you while you sleep against me." You could not stop the loud sob that escaped your throat. You immediately got on your knees and cupped their face. "I can't even remember what my life was like before you were in it and I don't want to know how it is after. I never want to have an after-you. This," they motioned their index finger between the two of you. Their eyes welling up with tears too. "Is forever. You and me. Will you marry me?" You kissed their lips, the kiss so tender yet so full of every emotion you could possibly feel in a moment like this.

"Yes. Yes. It will always be a yes, baby." You continued to cry as they slid the ring on your finger. You could not have imagined that this would be your life a year ago. You never wanted to forget this. Forget them.

Your parents would never understand you both. No matter how much they tried to will this relationship away. You both had already left an imprint in each other's lives. This was forever or nothing. Happiness or nothing. Your love for each other was never going away.

❧ They're so pretty, it hurts

I'm not talking 'bout boys

I'm talking 'bout girls

You had spent the next day at the cabin wrapped in the sheets and each other's embrace. The bliss that came with Naomi was something so sacred and real. You knew that when you looked at them.

You had woken up before them. The sun shining through the window behind you. Sitting up, wrapping and holding the sheets over your naked frame, you reached over and took a picture of their peaceful state of sleep.

The way the sun shines on their features, accentuating the gorgeous freckles across their face, you posted it on your Instagram story. The first time your family will see that this was never a phase. It was real and it was happening.

Captioning the picture, "I can't wait to marry you." You had tagged Naomi before turning your phone off and laying back down next to them. Snuggling in closer, they wrapped their arm around your frame and pulled you closer before placing a soft kiss on your head. You both had gone back to sleep. Just you two against the world.

❧ They're so pretty with their button-up shirts

They're so pretty, it hurts

I'm not talking 'bout boys

I'm talking 'bout girls

You knew you couldn't count on them to be here. The one special day that you'd ever have in your life and your family couldn't set their pride aside and be there. It didn't bother you much because you had friends and they showed up for you. That's what counted. That's the only thing that matters aside from marrying the love of your life. But it still hurt.

Josette had suggested she walk you down the aisle and you loved the idea. As you both walked down the aisle, you looked at her and then at Naomi. You three had all been crying as the seconds ticked that the marriage was official.

Naomi in their tux, you in your long white wedding dress. This was perfect. They were perfect. A button-up shirt never looked as good on them as it did right now.

❧ They're so pretty with their button-up shirts

'Cause I don't know what to do

It's not like I get to choose

Who I love

Your honeymoon consisted of laying in bed, sex, beach, sex, laying in bed, more sex, and sleeping. Falling for them was singlehandedly the best thing you had ever done. You could not believe this is who you got to do life with for the rest of it.

You didn't choose to be queer. But you sure as hell glad that it got you here in this moment.

❧ They're so pretty, it hurts

I'm not talking 'bout boys

I'm talking 'bout girls

They're so pretty with their button-up shirts

And they're so pretty, it hurts

I'm not talking 'bout boys

I'm talking 'bout girls

They're so pretty, it hurts

Being out, not giving a single damn about who had to say what about your marriage, was a blissful life. You get to watch your soulmate do what they love, be who they are, and choose you to be a part of it. Going through the suppression and ignorance to get here...was so rewarding.

Naomi. They were so pretty it hurt to even express the amount of attraction and admiration you had for them. You got to have them. All of them.

Forever.

ఌ loving someone for who they are is all that matters. Whether your bisexual, lesbian, pan, etc. You don’t owe anyone a damn thing. Even if your not out yet, that’s okay. You won’t be in the closet forever, you will be yourself openly and unapologetically, whether it’s tomorrow or in the next year (and i’ll be on that journey with you); Loving a woman, loving your partner, is not a crime. It’s not wrong. No matter what anyone says. They can’t take your love, your identity, yourself, away from you. Never forget it.

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minty-mumbles · 10 months

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I had a fic idea about queering the Chain into oblivion

What if every single member of the chain was a trans man, or at least transmasc in some form. Every single one except for Wild. (Could honestly be any of them, but I made it Wild because I like playing with Wild's gender)

Wild is the last to join the chain. as they so often are. It eventually comes out that Wild is not a trans man?? Apparently he's a cis man?? The rest of the chain are baffled by this, because why would there be an outlier to the pattern?? Seems strange.

Answer: There isn't an outlier, and Wild isn't cis.

Two ways this could play out:

A) Transfem egg but in a funny way.

No angst here. Wild simply hasn't had time to examine their gender closely, what with dying and saving the country and ect. I imagine it would go something like this:

One of the Links: Wild, you're cis?? Wild: Haha, yep! I'm a man. I mean sometimes when I'm in Gerudo town I really like when people see me as a woman, but I mean everybody feels that way!! Just your regular manly man here!!! :) Narrator: What the poor naive dingbat did not realize was that not everyone felt this way

Immediately the other Links are like. "Oh this one is trans. Just in the other direction... makes sense." Either they leave Wild alone and let them figure it out on their own, or (more likely) shenanigans ensue as they try to get Wild to realize that they're a girl

B) Wild is blatantly transfem/nonbinary in some way, and just prefers to pretend to be a man while traveling because it's safer

The rest of the chain is oblivious to this and ignores/dismisses the signs that Wild is a trans girl/has a weird gender.

Wild: *Standing there in a shirt that has "respect trans rights" printed on it in bold letters, is wearing a hat that says trans pride, and a trans flag around her neck like a scarf.* Rest of the chain, somehow missing the she/they pronoun pin on Wild's shirt: Hmmm, is this a cis man ally?

In this second scenario either: Wild knows the rest of the chain thinks they're cis and is utterly amused by it. They want to see how long it takes for the other heroes to realise.

Wild: I'm gay. Warriors: So you like men? Wild: haha no Warriors: I'm confused Wild: Then stay confused :)

OR: Wild has no idea that the chain doesn't know. They think that the chain calling them he/him pronouns is simply the others supporting their decision to pretend to be a man while traveling. Wild made an offhand comment about being trans shortly after they joined the chain, and assumed that tipped the others off. In reality, that comment only made the rest of the chain wonder why a cis man would have such intimate knowledge about the trans experience.

#They're all idiots and I could see this happening #and again this could realistically be applied to literally any of them #linked universe #lu wild #lgbtq+

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petrichor-idyllic · 1 year

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Hi! Could I request a newt x nonbinary!reader where reader is put into the maze without remembering that they’re trans, but then they realise and come out and ask people to use they/them pronouns - especially with newt first but reader is worried that he won’t accept them or like them back but yay feelings are returned in the end

Thank you so much!!

Absolutely I can.

UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTANCE

MASTERLIST | NEWT MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: See above. Takes place before the arrival of Thomas.

WARNINGS: Inappropriate language, gender queer distress, struggling to come out to people, one sarcastic sex joke from Minho, I've tried my hardest to figure out how to write this so I'm sorry if this is bad - sorry.

You've always felt out of place in the Glade.

At first, you figured it was just because you're in the middle of a giant changing Maze without any knowledge of who you are - which would make sense.

But as you watched the other Gladers adapt and accept themselves and their situations; you didn't.

You always felt strange in your body, and you hated it when people referred to you in any way, shape or form. A lot of the boys started thinking you were just shy and didn't want to be involved. But, in reality, the internal cringing that takes place whenever anyone ever talks about you is enough to knock you physically sick.

It took you a long time to figure things out, and a slightly awkward drunken conversation with Alby.

Despite Gally's Special Brew making your brain fuzzy, you still remembering the conversation embarrassingly well.

But thank God it was with Alby.

Alby is a harsh leader and keeps his men on a tight leash, but he also deeply cares about you all. So, when he came up to you, asking if you were okay and you immediately burst into tears, he was beyond experienced enough to deal with it.

It did take him back for a second, though.

Alby has dealt with a lot of emotional situations. From Minho's stress-induced mental breakdowns behind closed doors to Newt's gay crisis - he's witnessed it all. He's dealt with it all.

It was a strange realisation, and you didn't expect Alby to be the one to point it out, but you became aware of your gender identity.

It was like something clicked.

Alby was the first person you asked to refer to you as they.

And he was the only person for a while. You became close because if that.

Then he accidentally called you they in front of Minho. You panicked but Minho didn't care.

He shrugged it off but started also referring to you as they.

Slowly, you started to tell more Gladers, and all of them were pretty accepting.

You begin to realise that they just don't care. Everyone has bigger things to care about. Sure, the drunk philosophy conversations around a Bonfire about sex, love and gender are interesting. But they don't actually mean anything to the boys. They have far too much on their plates for that to be at the forefront of their concerns.

Even the less accepting boys don't really care. There's a couple of confusing looks or sparky questions, but that's it. Which sucks, but apart from that, everyone is very accepting.

But that doesn't make you any less scared of someone not being accepting.

And that specific person is Newt.

Which is ridiculous.

And you know it's ridiculous.

Newt is easily one of the most accepting person in the Glade, and it's pretty much an open secret that he doesn't like women. If anything, he's the person to go to for any identity or LGBTQ+ issues.

Which is why it would hurt so much if he didn't accept you.

You're only really out to a few people, but it feels like everyone. But despite people's views, they've all agreed to keep it to themselves until you gain the courage to tell everyone. And the next step is telling Newt.

It really doesn't help that you have a small crush on the boy.

Small.

Oh, so small.

Teeny-weeny, you could say.

You are a liar.

You're borderline infatuated.

Deep down, you know Newt will accept you.

But what if he doesn't?

What if you catch him on a bad day? And he laughs at you or tells you to piss off?

The thought is enough to send waves of anxiety through you.

"It's really not a big deal, dude," Minho hums from next to you in his hammock. You've, for some reason, been hanging around the Keeper since Alby exposed you. He's surprisingly good at being a comfort.

Probably from the traumas of the Maze and dealing with stressed Runners.

"It's a big deal to me," you mumble, legs crossed as you draw lines in the dried dirt in the floor in front of you.

The sticks holding Minho up creak as he turns to lie on his side. The other boys are talking around the main area of the Glade, where they just hang out after a hard day's work. Minho often calls it an early night because he doesn't have time for the petty stuff in the Glade.

Which obviously means he has to deal with you and your problems instead.

"Dude, he's not gonna give a shuck. You're buggin' out for no damn reason. Newt's one cool shank, and you know that. Just tell him. Half of us know anyway, and it's only a matter of time before Alby slips up again."

That is a daunting thought.

"But what if he-?"

"What if he doesn't accept me? What if he doesn't like me back? What if he doesn't want to make sweet, sweet love to me all night long because I changed some funny little words about myself?" You look over your shoulder, glaring at the boy as he mocks you. He grins, sitting up in his hammock and attempting to adjust himself.

He almost slips, which is kind of funny.

"Slim it, shank - I'm tellin' ya. It'll be all good. Just... tell him when you're good and ready, if ever." You let out a huff as Minho tries to drop the sarcasm and attempts to be genuine. "Though, I'm am gettin' shuckin' sick of hearing about it, so if you could do it sooner rather than later; it would be appreciated."

You pull your lips into a thin line, grimacing at the boy. "I hate you, you know?"

"Nah," he flops back down. "You love me, really. Now, either shuck off and get some sleep or go get your man - keep me out of it."

You grumble to yourself, walking away and over to your hammock. Well, you get about halfway there when you slow down to look at Newt.

He's casually leaning against a plot holding up a torch, laughing along with Frypan and another boy whose name you can't place. His golden locks are illuminated by the flame and his cool but casual stance makes your heart melt.

You have to tell him.

You want to tell him.

"Screw it," you change your course of direction and start marching over to him. Your stomach is a bundle of knots and you feel like you've just woken up from a rough night of drinking.

But you keep going.

Until you stop dead in your tracks.

God, he's pretty.

He's pretty and kind, and kind of nihilistic, and he's probably the most level-headed person in this place.

How were you ever meant to stand a chance?

So, obviously, your nerves buckle and you decide better.

Nope. You're not doing this.

"(Y/N)?" Newt's accent stops you mid-escape, forcing you to awkwardly spin back around to face him.

"Hey," the word comes out strained as you offer an awkward wave.

"Hey, haven't really seen you about recently," he stands up straight, causally slipping his hands into his pockets. "You a'ight?"

His voice, his hair, his dark eyes - everything about him makes you melt.

No wonder Minho's sick of hearing about this shit.

"Y-" your voice breaks, and you have to clear your throat to hide it, "Yeah, I'm good."

He gives you a nod before vaguely gesturing towards his companions. "You wanna join? Fry managed to get his hands on an early batch of Gally's mystery recipe."

"Nah, I'm good, thanks," you go to leave again, but stop yourself.

You've got to get this over with.

"Actually," you clearly your throat again, "can I, uh, can I talk to you, for a second?"

Newt's eyebrows raise slightly. "Yeah, sure - 'course."

You nod for him to follow you, and he does. You walk to the edge of the Deadheads, where you stop and look at him.

"So, uh..." You very quickly trail off.

Where to start?

Okay, so, I really like you and also I don't fit the gender-binary. Okay, bye.

Yeah, don't think that'll work.

"Are you okay?" He steps closer to you. "You've been distant for the last few weeks - I'm starting to get worried."

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just have to tell you a couple of things." You glance at the floor before your eyes flickering back up.

"Okay." You hesitate and he continues. "You know you cab tell me anything, right?"

"Yeah, I know... okay, so uh, basically... Okay. I don't identify as male or female, and I go by they/them pronouns - a-and I would appreciate it if you respected... that."

You look him in the eye and he just tilts his head.

"You wanna used they/them?"

"Yep."

"Okay, cool. They/them it is then."

You blink. Once. Twice. And again.

"What?" He asks. "What is it?"

"You're fine with that?"

He smirks, his eyebrows furrowing, amusement written across his face. "Yeah? Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well... I just... sorry, I've been buggin' over it."

"Really? C'mon, (Y/N), you know I ain't gonna judge ya."

"Yeah, I know, I was just being dumb."

"Yeah, you were," he rocks on his heels for a second. "Wait, what was the other thing?"

"Huh?"

"You said you had two things to tell me?"

Honestly, the relief that you'd experienced made you completely forget that you're in love with this man.

"Oh, right, yeah, uh... okay, you might actually judge me for this one." You try to laugh it off but he seems concerned more than anything. "I kinda, maybe... like you?" You didn't mean for it to be a question, but that's what it is now.

His expression falters at this.

"W-what?" He splutters out.

Newt isn't sure if he heard you correctly. He's never told anyone, but he's actually had a crush on you since you showed up in the Box. He likes your work ethic and the way you treat people.

So, you'll have to forgive him when his words catch in his throat.

"Ithinkimaybesortahaveamassivecrushonyou."

He blinks. "Okay, one more time, you said that way too fast."

"I really like you, Newt - I have a crush on you."

You're not sure what you expected, but as Newt starts to smile, that familiar feelings of butterflies fills your stomach.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he grins.

"Thank God for that," he scoffs, "I thought you were gonna tell me you're dying or some klunk."

You snort at this, shaking your head. "Nope, not dying."

"Good. Couldn't have my partner dying on me, could I?"

Your eyes widen. No... surely not.

"Partner?"

"Yeah, like a couple," he pauses. "That's the right word... right?"

"...You wanna be a couple?"

"Yep," he pops the p, "believe it or not; I like you too."

"You do?"

"Yeah," he steps forward, standing a few inches away from you. "I do." His eyes fall to your lips. "Can I kiss you?"

You nod, leaning in, your noses brush before your lips meet. It's a quick peck, and when you pull apart, he's grinning like an idiot.

"I think we make a pretty good couple, don't you?" He kisses the end of your nose and you roll your eyes.

"Couldn't agree more."

This has taken me embarrassingly long to get through, so I apologise.

Anyway, hope yall enjoyed :))

#🌿 petri writes #🌿 petri tmr newt #🍃 petri tmr #🌿 petri writes tmr #tmr fanfiction #tmr imagines #the maze runner #newt the maze runner #tmr newt #newt tmr

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kabutone · 2 years

Text

just saying my thoughts here but i feel like as much as the lgbt community hates terfs (as we should, might i add), there’s not enough outspoken disapproval of trans people that call Other trans people “trenders”. like the concept of “trans trenders” is absolutely some terf shit right? and this is mostly weaponized against transmasc people or simply anyone that is afab and nonbinary.

cause if you think about it, who are the people that are often called “trenders”?? trans/nb people that still appear very feminine. terfs say that trans women have to be this and that and fit their narrow (and frankly misogynistic) view of what a “woman” should be in order to be considered a woman. afab trans and nb people are held to this invisible standard by OTHER trans people in order to be considered “actually trans”. like is that not some terf shit??? is that not the exact same thing terfs do???

“oh but look they still wear makeup, and they wear skirts, and they act feminine and whatever!” if a cis man did that, and said he was positively sure he was a cis man and not a trans woman, would you question that?? or do you believe makeup and skirts are biologically ingrained in every afab person? when terfs say that “biological males are just ALWAYS violent and misogynistic and whatever bc they're MALE and thats just a permanent feature of their sex” is that not the same rhetoric as “you still do “girly” things therefore you are still a girl. bc those “girly” things are ingrained in your biological sex, you are programmed, as a female, to like makeup”. interesting how these insignificant traits are signs of a “trender” and someone who is pretending to be trans but if cis men do it they're idk revolutionary or smth. its almost as if anyone can be interested in anything bc interests are not some inherent trait of your sex??

and its strange to see trans people vehemently hate terfs, but then turn around and go “ha ha the she/theys are just girls that wanna be quirky” like. you are more similar to terfs than you are to the trans women you claim to protect, you know that right? are trans women just “quirky men” if they don't “pass” well enough for your own standards? is it suddenly no longer transphobia if its coming from you, the speaker for all trans people?

like idk its strange to me. its like seeing someone say they hate nazis but then turn around and go “but i do think certain ethnic groups should be killed off” like ok. ok. do you see what ur doing

ALSO. doesn't it sound a LOT like those conservatives that go “its a trend to be gay now, everyones turning gay just for fun!” and we, gay people, say “no, there were JUST as many gay people back when you were our age, it’s just that we were very likely to be killed back then, so many of us stayed in the closet forever.” so you realize gender and sexuality isnt a trend right? do you think that MAYBE, since the internet has made queer education SO much more accessible to people, that more and more people are finding out they are trans?? the amount of trans and nb people is probably always going to be the same, but some people would’ve never found that out about themselves if it wasnt for the internet going “hey, if you feel like this, maybe you’re trans and you should explore that about yourself” and then they DO, and they explore their gender.

anyway. a trans man calling people “trenders” should be viewed the same way as a lesbian that claims they are a “gold star” which is, huge red fucking flag that they are a transphobe

#same w aphobia too actually #like people will scream all day to not discriminate against someones sexuality! until they're asexual then its fine #like 'yes we hate homophobia! but also we would like our own version of homophobia to partake in'#also if u see this and ur an exclusionist or you like to call ppl trenders: block me and die #or if youre nice about it i can educate you but if youre annoying even in the slightest then block me and die #theres more nuance to this that i can talk about too but this post was long enough already

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pansyfemme · 1 year

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oh man your tags on your previous post. I am also binary in a atypical way; both binaries for the price of one in my case (bigender) and while many consider themselves nonbinary along with that label, I… vehemently do not. ough the amount of. conversations I’ve needed to have with people about they/theming binary trans people and/or people who explicitly do not use they/them. I am not “nonbinary” or a “they/them” because I do not perform gender conformity well enough. gnc-ness or gender subversion in general is not a negation of gender identity. sending you luck out there

thank you, it's really nice to hear from someone feeling similarly. I've had a number of strange discussions about gender, and honestly i can't always tell you where i lie. the way i think of it, i'm male. 1000% male. but tbh. i cannot tell you my "male" and a cis guys "male" is the same. or that my "male" is the same as other trans guys I know. but yknow. while i doubt my gender belongs on the cisnormative idea of a gender binary- i think its probably not what people are expecting as a binary "male" gender- it's male to me, and so i identify as somewhere in the world between binary and not, if you really want to get deep about it. either way tho. if you ask me, im a guy, a binary guy. whether that binary is binary or not.

I'm never really sure why i started the whole gnc thing. To me, it's "crossdressing" but i don't use that word a lot bc it confuses people. I'm not always trying to look like a woman, but it is a bit of a performance for me, i do get a bit of a thrill out of being a spectacle, of being unidentifiable as a man or a woman. And as such, i don't really mind what strangers call me. I get a bit pissed when im fully in boy clothes with my facial hair out and get called a lady, but yknow. whatever. maybe they just thought i was a really cool butch, im fine with that. I'm proud of being a femme, of being a gay dude. I like when im seen as such, but i can't exactly pick and choose how people see me when im purposly blurring the lines. I used to wear my pronouns on my mask back at the beginning of the pandemic, when i first got back into wearing skirts, but that only worked abt 50% of the time. plus, women's bathrooms are cleaner, even if it does terrify me to go into either gendered toilet.

The issue though- arises is that publically, to those who know me, to my classmates, my professors, my friends- my gender isn't ambigious. I am very, extremly clear about my pronouns and my gender, i say it a lot, too much, honestly. But still, they/them is the most commonly used pronoun set for me, despite me being vocal that i use exclusivly he/him. It's not a secret, it is easily found, accesible information. if someone does ask me my pronouns, i don't mind even. at least then, i can make sure that they know them. but no matter what i do, i'm still referred to neutrally. It's not as bad as being called she/her, but it is a bit of a sting to the heart. I'm not a masc guy, i don't care if im "manly enough" to prove im a guy, i just have the simple hope that if i give people clear instructions on how to not make me feel like shit, they will follow them. I know people aren't trying to be malicious, people make assumptions about gender all the time. The fact that i 'pass as nonbinary' without even trying would be a lifetime achievment for other trans people i know. But the reality is, i'm not other trans people- i am just a dude with a 'typical' gender who does things in an 'atypical' way.

The one thing that has come of a lot of this, as my body became more masculine and my clothes more feminine, is that I have found a few people who didn't know my agab. They weren't surprised i'm trans, but i doubt they'd be either if i said i was a cis dude. It's just become that kind of way. I don't claim to pass as cis normally, im not trying to do that or particurally instrested in the ability to do so outside of casual situations and when it might be in my best intrest to try and do so. But the reality is, a lot of people see me, see my beard and my flat chest, my skirts and my longer hair, and they aren't able to catogorize me. And when i say im a boy, they are so confused about why a boy would be wearing what i do to even consider i might not actually have a dick. It's a funny thing.

i dont really know what to say. honestly its like. just up and down. i have no plans to stop presenting the way i do or calling myself the words i do, but i do think about it a lot. I do think about how people view me.

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ksfoxwald · 2 years

Text

I just find my current fascination with the Babysitter's Club fascinating on a meta level because I would have absolutely hated these books as a proto-queer dragon-loving child (I would have gone absolutely feral over Wings of Fire, even more so than I am now).

But as an adult I'm like, these are a masterclass in character building and episodic storytelling (HP killed the chapter book, but that's it's own post). And the graphic novels are a masterclass in adapting media to other formats. And even though I can't relate to the actual story events - babysitting, crushes, engaging in girl culture - I can relate to the feelings. Being embarrassed, getting carried away, trying to fit it - those are pretty universal.

Actually, besides the clothes, not many details had to be updated from the 80s. Pretty much every book has at least one passage that goes "So-and-so is sooo fashionable; for example today she was wearing [the most bonkers 80s outfit you can imagine]"

A few other things that got adjusted:

When Kristy's mom is getting married it's a plot point that "oh no, we sold the house earlier than expected so now we have to hold the wedding earlier than expected, because we can't move in with each other before we're married!" The GN throws in a line about the stepdad's family being religious.

When Logan Bruno, the "boy babysitter" joins the club as an associate member, in the books he decides not to come to meetings because it throws off the vibe; they can't talk about girl things like bras if a boy is present (funnily enough, the only time anyone ever mentions a bra at a club meeting is when Logan is present). But now it's supposedly less weird for girls and boys to hang out in mixed gender groups, so they had to give him a schedule conflict.

Which! Is really interesting, actually, that writers would think a lone boy in a group of female friends wouldn't be weird. I know kids gender less now than they used to, but they still gender quite a bit. We still live in a heteronormative society, just one where kids know that gay people exist, and that means that interactions across gender are weird, especially among tweens. But kidlit keeps pushing for less gender. Every book (particularly fantasy) must have a Boy and a Girl protagonist, and they are each allowed a maximum of 1 line to express feelings about gender.

It might feel counterintuitive for a nonbinary/agender person to be arguing for more gender in kidlit, but I'm frustrated. Kidlit is trying to present a washed out image of gender, and for me, gender is and has always been painfully sharp. It is jarring to read books where Boy and Girl friendship pairings are the default while living in a world where single-gender friend groups are the norm. People not acknowledging gender actually does make it harder for me to be nonbinary, because they're still doing gender even if they're not talking about it, and then you have to be the one to bring it up, and then it's "why is everything about gender with you?" Ugh. Gender.

Groups vs. Pairs is another issue. I suppose it's simpler, particularly in fantasy, to have a pair of protagonists rather than keeping track of a large group. (Animorphs did it, though. Just sayin') BSC showcases some very intricate group dynamics, how some members are closer than others and some have recurring personality conflicts and how various circumstances change their relationships.

Gender, though. Strangely enough, that is part of why I'm so fixated on this series. Because these books are full of gender. These are girls being loudly and unabashedly girly, experimenting with ways to express that and navigating society's expectations of it. It's like cis people nowadays are afraid to talk about gender, because gender belongs to the transes, and they miss the deep, deep irony that they are the ones who make the most gender. Just. I don't know. I'm running out of brainpower here. Something something letting cis people gender hard actually frees trans people to gender hard as well?

Or maybe it's just the validation that girls were exactly as girly and alienating as I remember. I am out of brain. But between BSC and my Animorphs re-read, there's going to be a lot of retro kidlit on this blog for a while.

#fox reads #bsc

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sparrowmoth · 3 years

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I’m back in case nobody ever asked about your boy, so…. Carlos de Vil for the ask meme :)

@hoodpane Aww, thank you, sweetheart, I appreciate that! 🥰♥️♥️

1. Sexuality Headcanon

I headcanon (and write) him variously as gay OR bisexual since I can see it either way with him, for reasons akin to my thoughts on Evie in this post. Sometimes, I headcanon him as aspec, too, and that's been at the back of my mind with certain fics, but I haven't yet decided if I feel strongly about him fitting a particular label or if I'm just trying to figure out things for myself by projecting different labels at him idk.

Anyway, related (gender) headcanon that I can never shut up about: whatever sexuality I'm writing him as, he's always he/they nonbinary in my mind, my writing, my memes, just everything jdkaljgklsg. <3

2. OTP

Jaylos, my beloved! For me, there's no universe in which these two don't end up together, which is why they come out on top as my OTP, deeply fond as I am of the Rotten OT4 ship. Marlos and Carvie can be romantic or platonic, it's fine either way, but if Jaylos isn't happening, I probably won't bother. I just don't enjoy reading them in other ships.

3. BROTP

I think Jane and Carlos are really cute as friends. It makes me really happy to think about Jay and Carlos going on double dates with Jane and Lonnie (who are in lesbians together, change my mind you can't).

I'm also here for Chad being the bestie Carlos literally never wanted. Their dynamic is just so fucking funny. It makes no sense! Compels me though. And Mal, Jay, and Evie absolutely tease Carlos about it.

4. NOTP

No hate, but I'm not here for Benlos. I think it's cute that Ben clearly has a crush on Carlos, but I mean, it's Ben. Show me a VK he doesn't have a crush on lmao. I don't know, this ship just leaves me bored, so I'll usually take a hard pass on anything that features them together.

Less common nopes I've encountered: Gilos and Chadlos. Just nope.

5. First headcanon that pops into my head

In telling Carlos all those horrifying (and untrue) tales of dogs being vicious, rabid pack animals as he was growing up, Cruella liked to up the drama by growling, baring her teeth, even biting him sometimes.

This instilled such terror in Carlos that he thought to weaponize it, so, for years, he'd growl at his bullies and try to bite and claw instead of punching and kicking. The other kids found this strange at best and hilarious at worst—none more so than Harry Hook in the latter case.

Oh, he never let Carlos live that down, even long after he'd realized it wasn't having the desired effect. Harry would bark and growl at him in the street, laughing gleefully when he managed to startle Carlos.

Meanwhile, with Jay, Mal, and Evie, the nickname "pup" emerged as a soft, teasing reminder of the first impression he'd made on them as kids. Much to his exasperation, he's simply stuck with the nickname.

6. One way in which I relate to this character

Look at him, he's got anxiety. No, but seriously, that's definitely a big thing for me. The way his anxiety makes people underestimate him, both in canon and fanon, because it's easy to see just a scared little boy where, in fact, there are so many sharp edges, so much steel in him that's helped him survive.

I relate to that a lot, because IRL I find most people make the mistake of assuming anxiety is my personality ("omg you're so shy uwu," "you should talk more," "smile for me"), and well, they're wrong, but I didn't always realize that. I see something similar with Carlos on the Isle, in that he grows up being told that he's weak for so long, he internalizes that as a truth about himself when, in actuality, if he was weak? He'd have never survived. Not the Isle, not his mother, not his entire life.

7. Thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

chocolate-all-over-his-face.jpg jkdlajlkgsjlkg

Like, it warms my heart how excited he is about chocolate, but also I kind of want to be a mom for just TWO SECONDS and wipe his face before he gets out of the limo looking a mess like that jdkasljkgdlsjk

8. Cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

You know, he can be a cinnamon roll, but it would be a mistake to see that as the extent of his character. I'd say more than half the time it's just an act to get what he wants, which is valid of him. Jay and Evie flirt, Mal intimidates, and Carlos? He gives the puppy eyes so you don't notice the knife slip out from his sleeve before it's too late.

One of my favourite things about him is that he could have gone the route of problematic fave. He's capable of it. He just... chooses to be better than that, like in this scene from Return to the Isle of the Lost (Book 2), which is one of my favourite scenes in the whole franchise:

Cruella cackled with glee. “Go ahead, then, use it on me. Destroy me. With that ring you can obliterate me forever. Tell me to throw myself off this roof and I’ll do it. Isn’t that what you want? Isn’t that what you have always wanted?”

Carlos felt the ring throb in his hands. He could destroy his mother, rid the world of another villain, and stop having nightmares once and for all.

“Do it!” Cruella cackled. “Do it, boy!”

He raised his hand, pointing the ring right at her. Then he dropped his arm down with a sigh. “No, I can’t. I’m better than that,” Carlos said, turning on his heel and heading for the elevator. I’m better than you, Mother. No matter what you’ve always told me.

That's my baby and I'm proud.

Character Headcanons

#hoodpane #<3 #descendants #carlos de vil #cruella de vil #core four #harry hook #descendants headcanons #my headcanons #descendants fandom #abuse cw #thank you hun!! <3 #I'm always down to ramble about my son jdklajsklgsdj #this was a good and welcome distraction from life #long post

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surveillance-0011 · 3 years

Text

TBOI Headcanons: Horsemen

Death

He/him

He’s...nice. Not a good person by any means but he’s the most polite of the bunch. Kind of strange though. Creepily calm, a bit sarcastic, and he has a pretty morbid view on the world.

Reserved and usually grumpy. He can be rather chipper off-duty, though. Putting up with the others takes a lot of energy from him.

Tired....

A bit neurotic but good at coming off as a down-to-earth guy.

He’s the most book-smart of the bunch and he’s fairly wise. A bit emotionally stunted, but he tries his best to be mature and make the right choices.

Death is more than a bit nihilistic and pessimistic. He has a hard time just... caring, mostly about himself.

Not to say he’s completely apathetic, he can be pretty empathetic but he tries not to act on that too much because if he did his job would have broken him by now.

He likes to think he’s got it all under control, but he does not. He’s more prone to pettiness and stupid decisions than he’d like to admit.

That being said he’s been pretty good with like. Growing and maturing though. He’s changed more than he realizes in just in the past.... decade or so ago. A bit of a late start for an immortal but hey at least he’s slightly less of a scumbag.

It’s usually not easy to anger him unless he’s really tired or something’s already set him off. When something does piss him off badly he’s a bit prone to freaking out. He’s not very good at handling his emotions.

Sees his own job as a necessary evil, because hey, someone’s gotta do it.

Interested in botany/gardening, as well as literature.

Genuinely nice- or at least polite- to the kids when he’s not supposed to be murdering them. He sees no reason to go out of his way to do so, especially since unwarranted cruelty towards others has only bit him in the ass.

Famine’s older brother. The two have always had each other’s backs.

Diligent, and always considers the logistics to things instead of acting on emotion alone.

Protective of the other horsemen.

Pretty short tbh

His horse’s name is Chili.

Famine

She/he (bigender). You can use both interchangeably or only use one set, she doesn’t care. Fine with they/them too but it’s never really clicked w/ him enough to be preferred.

Usually prefers more masculine terms (brother, sir, mr...) but fine with anything.

.Flips between bouncing off the walls and having no energy whatsoever.

Impulsive, she’s got terrible judgement and has the most idiotic of ideas sometimes.

Fairly easygoing, tries to forgive and forget and doesn’t let little transgressions get to her

Actually pretty damn sad. Needs some self care but never looks after herself.

I mean she’s optimistic and usually happy but like. There’s always just a bit of sadness, you know? He’s dealt with a lot and it’s definitely taken its toll on him.

Disaster Lesbian

Tries to be a graceful loser but she can get a bit more competitive than she’d like to admit.

Has a hard time relating to others and considering how they feel, at least when it comes to anything more complex than “bad thing happened now I’m sad/mad” He’s a drifter by nature, always onto the next big thing for a quick thrill.

Eats a lot. It’s never enough.

Plants and a good deal of food will decay if she touches them, or even gets too close to them.

Like his brother he has some interest in nature. Famine is more on the adventurous side, though. She’s tried to live off the land a few times with varying success.

Named her horse Frisk

Pestilence

He/him

Calm, quiet, but also a pessimistic jackass.

Always in a bad mood. I mean, he’s permanently sick with just about everything contagious and deadly. You’d be grumpy, too!

Surprisingly high pain tolerance. A good deal of his nerves have probably just.. shut down or something. Or maybe he’s just numb to everything after a lifetime of pain.

Sleeps a lot

Dislikes his situation a lot, but doesn’t mind the company of the others.

Lazarus is terrified of this dude. The other kids are mostly grossed out or annoyed by him.

Likes to be alone.

Fairly smart, but comes off as absent minded bc he’s pretty much too sick to function. He slips up a lot and he’s pretty damn clumsy

Probably the most rational of the bunch, when he’s not in airplane mode.

He’s also got a fairly strong moral compass. He doesn’t really like fighting the kids unlike War and Famine. Or just having to go up against people in general. Hell he hates the fact people get sick because of him. At the very least Pest has higher standards and is fairly transparent

But that isn’t to say he’s a good person. Yeah he doesn’t go out of his way to hurt others for shits and giggles and He’s Not Conquest but he doesn’t ever object to any of the shit the kids are put through and well. Yknow he still does kill them. He will also encourage some of War’s antics when it’s against someone he dislikes.

Tries to be as supportive as he can for the others. He knows he can’t do too much without overexerting so he tries to be encouraging and comforting as he can.

This compassion usually isn’t extended to humans, though.

Not very emotive, the only emotions he ever really expresses would be disdain and mild concern.

Not very fond of Conquest but they don’t hate each other. They actually work together well, too.

Friends with Mahalath. They’re pretty close!

His horse’s name is Moses.

War

He/it

He’s not very friendly, he’s pretty defensive and always on edge.

Out of all the horsemen, he’s probably the one closest with the Beast.

Lots of scars n injuries, it’s practically stitched together

One gold tooth

Impulsive, prefers solving issues through violence than through reason.

He can be fairly clever, though.

Intentionally angers/upsets others, likes causing problems and ruining things for people.

Desires wealth and power

Gets burnt out pretty quickly.

Emotional, insecure, and sensitive, and he hates this part of him. Definitely overcompensates for it.

Explosive temper, quite literally. Catches fire when upset and explodes if it’s more intense. Damage done to him also makes it happen. It’s not entirely voluntary but can be held off, and his “sobbing” sprite is him doing exactly that (but he’s probably also trying not to cry lmao). In the Ultra War fight, however...

Its daily routine leaves a lot to be desired. It wakes up, goes to work, then it goes home and just. Sits and rots.

Also, his diet is god awful. Please just eat a fruit or vegetable for once maybe you’d feel better goddamn.

He cannot remember if his horse is actually a horse or not but uhh he named her Bellum.

Conquest

He/they.

High and mighty sort of attitude. Can be very selfish. Stubborn, set in his ways. Gets defensive if you call him out or tell him he’s wrong.

Gay + nonbinary but in the closet (and denial) about both of those things. They’re trying to unlearn years’ worth of internalized bigotry.

Used to be worse, now trying to unlearn his toxic behaviors. But he’s still awful.

Doesn’t remember anything before their death. However they’ve held very strong Christian (specifically Catholic) beliefs all their life and they have a pretty black and white way of thinking.

Very cold and clinical. He has a bit of a temper but there’s a sort of calmness to everything he does even when he’s pissed.

Just as argumentative and aggressive as War but like more of a threat.

The others call him Connie sometimes, especially Death, who practically almost always calls him by this nickname.

Doesn’t harbor ill will towards Pestilence. They might have been overshadowed, but it’s not Pestilence’s own fault. If anything, being out of the spotlight has been good for Conquest, even if they do miss the attention sometimes. The only reason the two dislike each other is because their personalities clash.

Now if there’s anyone he hates that would be the Headless Horseman. Fuck that guy amiright

Very protective of Death. The two are close, Death is probably the only person who is consistently nice to him.

Utterly terrified of needles (hypodermic, not sewing needles, though he’s not good with sharp objects tbh) and medical stuff makes him anxious

Seems very... off. Just weird vibes but no one can pin point what about him is wrong.

Oh uh and his horse’s name is Josephine.

#the binding of isaac #binding of isaac #tboi conquest #tboi death #tboi war #tboi pestilence #tboi famine #tboi headcanons #long post #some of this is tentative but for the most part this is just. here to stay

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whencartoonsruletheworld · 4 years

Link

Disney but just the Queer Mood™ Songs, a full Spotify Playlist

Open to updates should anyone notice a song I missed!

Tracklist with specific lyrics that fuck us all up under the cut:

KEY: A general list of which songs resonate with people. The 🏳️‍🌈is for general songs; if you relate to a song but don’t see ur emoji beneath it, send me a message and I’ll add it!

🏳️‍🌈 General Queer Anthem 🌈 Gays specifically have related to this song ❤️ Gay Men specifically have related to this song 🧡 Lesbians specifically have related to this song 💕 Bisexuals/Pansexuals specifically have related to this song 💜 Asexuals/Ace-spectrum people specifically have related to this song 💚 Aromatics/Aro-spectrum people specifically have related to this song 🤍 Trans people have specifically related to this song 🖤 Nonbinary/Genderqueer people have specifically related to this song 💗 Polyamorous people have specifically related to this song

Know Who You Are - Moana

🏳️‍🌈

They have stolen the heart from inside you But this does not define you This is not who you are You know who you are...

I Wonder - Sleeping Beauty

🌈🧡

I wonder, I wonder, I wonder why each little bird has a someone To sing to, sweet things to, A gay little love melody I wonder, I wonder, I wonder if my heart keeps singing, Will my song go winging To someone, who'll find me And bring back a love song to me...

Mother Knows Best - Tangled

🏳️‍🌈 honestly this is just... a general song for some of our shitty relationships to guardian figures...

It's a scary world out there Mother knows best One way or another Something will go wrong, I swear

Me, I'm just your mother, what do I know? I only bathed and changed and nursed you Go ahead and leave me, I deserve it Let me die alone here, be my guest When it's too late You'll see, just wait Mother knows best

Don't forget it You'll regret it...

Dangerous to Dream - Frozen Broadway Production

🏳️‍🌈

I can't be what you expect of me But I'm trying every day with all I do and do not say Here on the edge of the abyss Knowing everything in my whole life has lead to this And so I pull inside myself, close the walls, put up my guard I've practiced every single day for this So why is it so hard?

I can't dwell on what we've lost And our secrecy and silence comes at such a cost

I wish I could tell the truth Show you who's behind the door I wish you knew what all this pantomime And pageantry was for

It's dangerous to wish I could make choices of my own Dangerous to even have that thought I'm dangerous just standing here for everyone to see If I let go of rules who knows how dangerous I'd be?

Reflection - Mulan

🏳️‍🌈🤍🖤- literally everyone requested this. everyone. so im just copy-pasting the entire lyrics sorry not sorry

Look at me, I will never pass for a perfect bride Or a perfect daughter Can it be I'm not meant to play this part? Now I see that if I were truly to be myself I would break my family's heart

Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don't know? Somehow I cannot hide who I am, though I’ve tried When will my reflection show who I am inside?

How I pray that a time will come I can free myself From their expectations On that day, I'll discover someway to be myself And to make my family proud They want a docile lamb No one knows who I am Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide? Must I pretend that I'm Someone else for all time? When will my reflection show Who I am inside? When will my reflection show Who I am inside?

Everything I Ever Thought I Knew - Tangled: The Series

🏳️‍🌈 when u realize u might not be straight lol

I thought no one could love me And how could I have known? I was wrong, oh so wrong

Everything I ever thought I knew Where I've been, where I'm going Everything I counted on turned out to be untrue Could've guessed, should've known, now I do

If none of it was really me then who am I supposed to be?

I guess I'm someone else now I wonder who I am

God Help the Outcasts - Hunchback of Notre Dame

🏳️‍🌈...yeah. yeah

Yes, I know I'm just an outcast I shouldn't speak to You Still, I see Your face and wonder Were You once an outcast, too?

God help the outcasts, hungry from birth Show them the mercy they don't find on Earth God help my people, they look to You, still God help the outcasts or nobody will

I ask for nothing, I can get by But I know so many less lucky than I Please help my people, the poor and downtrod I thought we all were the children of God

Belle (Reprise) - Beauty and the Beast

🌈 when a cishet thinks ur interested smh

Madame Gaston! Can't you just see it? Madame Gaston! His little wife No, sir! Not me! I guarantee it I want much more than this provincial life!

I want adventure in the great wide somewhere I want it more than I can tell And for once it might be grand To have someone understand I want so much more than they've got planned...

Part of Your World - The Little Mermaid

🌈 SO many people requested this one guys it’s not even funny

Wandering free, wish I could be Part of that world

Betcha on land, they understand Bet they don't reprimand their daughters Bright young women, sick of swimming Ready to stand

When's it my turn? Wouldn't I love, Love to explore that shore up above?

One Jump Ahead (Reprise) - Aladdin

🏳️‍🌈

Riff-raff, street rat I don't buy that If only they'd look closer

Would they see a poor boy? No, siree They'd find out There's so much more to me...

Proud of Your Boy - Aladdin Broadway Production

🏳️‍🌈❤️🤍

That I've been one rotten kid Some son, some pride and some joy But I'll get over these lousin' up Messin' up, screwin' up times...

Water flows under the bridge Let it pass, let it go There's no good reason that you should believe me Not yet, I know, but

Someday and soon I'll make you proud of your boy Though I can't make myself taller Or smarter or handsome or wise I'll do my best, what else can I do? Since I wasn't born perfect like Dad or you...

Someone’s Waiting for You - The Rescuers

🏳️‍🌈

Be brave, little one Make a wish for each sad little tear Hold your head up though no one is near Someone's waiting for you

Always keep a little prayer in your pocket And you're sure to see the light Soon there'll be joy and happiness And your little world will be bright

Have faith, little one Til your hopes and your wishes come true

Stick to the Status Quo - High School Musical

🏳️‍🌈 🌈 YOU ALL KNOW EXACTLY WHY THIS IS HERE

No, no, no, stick to the stuff you know It is better by far to keep things as they are Don't mess with the flow, no no Stick to the status quo

Into the Unknown - Frozen 2

🏳️‍🌈

I can hear you, but I won't Some look for trouble while others don't There's a thousand reasons I should go about my day And ignore your whispers which I wish would go away

I've had my adventure, I don't need something new I'm afraid of what I'm risking if I follow you

Or are you someone out there who's a little bit like me? Who knows deep down I'm not where I'm meant to be? Every day's a little harder as I feel my power grow Don't you know there's part of me that longs to go

Where are you going? Don't leave me alone How do I follow you Into the unknown?

Go the Distance - Hercules

🏳️‍🌈

I have often dreamed of a far off place Where a great, warm welcome will be waiting for me

And a voice keeps saying This is where I'm meant to be

I am on my way, I can go the distance I don't care how far, somehow I'll be strong I know every mile will be worth my while I would go most anywhere to find where I belong

Tomorrow - Annie

🏳️‍🌈 - betcha didnt know disney had an annie movie did u

The sun will come out tomorrow Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow There'll be sun

When I'm stuck in a day that's gray and lonely, I just stick out my chin and grin and say, oh, The sun’ll come out tomorrow So you gotta hang on til tomorrow, come what may...

Learn Me Right - Brave

🏳️‍🌈💜💚

Though I may speak some tongue of old Or even spit out some holy word I have no strength with which to speak When you sit me down and see I’m weak

We will run and scream you will dance with me We'll fulfill our dreams, and we'll be free We will be who we are, and they’ll heal our scars Sadness will be far away...

Strange Sight - Tinkerbell and the Legend of the Neverbeast

🏳️‍🌈

You stand in the light You're wrong, but you're right And my heart's beating wildly Strange how I'm scared but delighted Afraid, but excited too

I will understand you Strange how I'm drawn to the danger I reach out my hand to you

If you're caught in the shadows and turned all around Lost in the darkness, you will be found If you hear my voice, follow the sound Cause I'm here to guide you home...

I Don’t Dance - High School Musical 2

🌈 ❤️ 💕 okay so if you weren’t here for the high school musical tumblr revival you may be confused but listen... it’s about being mlm...

Step up to the plate, start swinging

I wanna play ball Now that’s all, this is what I do It ain’t no dance that you can show me

I’ve got what it takes playin’ my game So you best skin that pitch you gonna throw me, yeah I’ll show you how I swing

I can prove it to you ‘til you know it’s true Cause I can swing it, I can bring it to the diamond too You’re talking a lot, show me what you got Stop, swing!

Kiss the Girl - cover of The Little Mermaid

this version is sung by a girl so 🧡💕

There you see her, sitting there across the way She don't got a lot to say but there's something about her And you don't know why, but you're dying to try You wanna kiss the girl

Yes, you want her Look at her, you know you do It's possible she want you too There is one way to ask her...

Can You Feel the Love Tonight - The Lion King

🏳️‍🌈

An enchanted moment And it sees me through It's enough for this restless warrior Just to be with you

There's a time for everyone if they only learn That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn There's a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors When the heart of this star-crossed voyager Beats in time with yours

And can you feel the love tonight? It is where we are It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer That we got this far And can you feel the love tonight? How it's laid to rest It's enough to make kings and vagabonds Believe the very best

Beauty and the Beast - Beauty and the Beast

🏳️‍🌈- a lot of queer people tend to empathize with “beastly” characters so we all latched the fuck onto this movie huh

Just a little change, small to say the least Both a little scared, neither one prepared

Ever just the same, ever a surprise Ever as before, ever just as sure As the sun will rise

Tale as old as time, tune as old as song Bittersweet and strange, finding you can change Learning you were wrong...

Healing Incantation - Tangled

🏳️‍🌈🤍🖤

Heal what has been hurt Change the fates' design Save what has been lost Bring back what once was mine

So Close - Enchanted

🏳️‍🌈🌈

A life goes by, romantic dreams will stop So I bid mine goodbye and never knew So close was waiting waiting here with you And now, forever, I know All that I wanted to hold you so close

Oh, how could I face the faceless days If I should lose you now?

So close to reaching that famous happy end Almost believing this one's not pretend Let’s go on dreaming though we know we are So close, so close, and still So far...

If Only - Descendants

🏳️‍🌈🌈

A million thoughts in my head Should I let my heart keep listening? Cause up 'til now, I've walked the line Nothing lost but something missing I can't decide what's wrong, what's right Which way should I go?

Every step, every word With every hour I'm feeling in To something new, something brave To someone I've never been

Will you still be with me When the magic's all run out?

If only I knew what my heart was telling me Don't know what I'm feeling Is this just a dream? If only I could read the signs in front of me I could find the way to who I'm meant to be

Wherever You Are - Pooh’s Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin

🏳️‍🌈- out of context could be interpreted as romantic, esp since the credits version is a duet (🌈 💕) but the original context is friendship so honestly it’s very 💜💚

I'm out here in the dark, all alone and wide awake Come and find me I'm empty and I'm cold, and my heart's about to break Come and find me

I need you to come here and find me Cause without you, I'm totally lost I've hung a wish on every star It hasn't done much good so far I can only dream of you

But when the morning comes and the sun begins to rise, I will lose you Because it’s just a dream, when I open up my eyes, I will lose you

I used to believe in forever, But forever is too good to be true I've hung a wish on every star It hasn't done much good so far

I don't know what else to do Except to try to dream of you And wonder, if you're dreaming too Wherever you are

I Won’t Say (I’m In Love) - Hercules

🏳️‍🌈 🌈 💕

If there's a prize for rotten judgment, I guess I've already won that

Who d'you think you're kiddin'? He's the earth and heaven to ya Try to keep it hidden Honey, we can see right through ya Girl, you can't conceal it We know how you feel And who you're thinking of

I thought my heart had learned its lesson It feels so good when you start out My head is screaming "Get a grip, girl!" Unless you're dying to cry your heart out

You keep on denying Who you are and how you're feeling Baby, we're not buying Hon, we saw you hit the ceiling

This scene won't play I won't say I'm in love

At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love

Endless Night - The Lion King Broadway Production

🏳️‍🌈🤍 🖤

Where has the starlight gone? Dark is the day How can I find my way home? Home is an empty dream, lost to the night Father, I feel so alone

When will the dawning break, oh, endless night Sleepless I dream of the day

I know that the night must end And that the sun will rise I know that the clouds must clear And that the sun will shine

Set Yourself Free - Tangled: The Series

🏳️‍🌈🤍

There's much more inside of you than anyone can see And now the choice is yours Life waits beyond the doors So step on through, the time has come And only you can set yourself free!

No one else can tell you what to do Or who to be! No one gets to say if you will stay or go

Look inside your heart and find the key... And set yourself free!

Bound up by your worries Trapped by your mistakes Forced to play a role you never chose Why not test your limits? You've got what it takes Let it out and follow where it goes

No more letting someone else define you to a "T" You know that you are strong You've known it all along So seize the day, let down your hair You’ll find a way to set yourself free!

So look to the horizon Open up your wings! Fly away to find your destiny... And set yourself free!

Speechless - Aladdin 2019 Remake

🏳️‍🌈 ALL OF US ALL OF US

Here comes a wave meant to wash me away A tide that is taking me under

Cause I'll breathe when they try to suffocate me! Don't you underestimate me! Cause I know that I won't go speechless!

Written in stone, every rule, every word Centuries old and unbending "Stay in your place, better seen and not heard," Well, now that story is ending

Try to lock me in this cage! I won't just lay me down and die! I will take these broken wings And watch me burn across the sky!

I’m Still Here (Jim’s Theme) - Treasure Planet

🏳️‍🌈❤️🤍

I am a question to the world Not an answer to be heard Or a moment that's held in your arms

You don't know me And I'll never be what you want me to be

And what do you think you'd understand I'm a boy - No, I'm a man You can't take me and throw me away And how can you learn what's never shown Yeah, you stand here on your own They don't know me, cause I’m not here

And I want to tell you who I am Can you help me be a man They can't break me As long as I know who I am

They can't tell me who to be 'Cause I'm not what they see Yeah, the world is still sleepin' While I keep on dreaming for me And their words are just whispers and lies That I'll never believe!

Crossing the Line - cover of Tangled: the Series

🏳️‍🌈 🧡 tfw when u are DONE with that fuckin closet

This has to stop now This thing where you think that you've been my friend And don't even hear how you condescend The way you've always done

How I've tried to jump that great divide! But I've never got the chances you were given You don't know how much I've been denied Well, I'm not being patient anymore

I'm crossing the line! And I'm done holding back So look out, clear the track, it's my turn! I'm taking what's mine Every drop, every smidge If I'm burning a bridge, let it burn! But I'm crossing the line...

Let it Go - Frozen

🏳️‍🌈 listen. i do not have to explain this one. you all know exactly why it’s here. we were all tiny gays in 2013 losing our shit in the theater for no discernable reason why. we know

Couldn't keep it in, Heaven knows I tried

Don't let them in, don't let them see Be the good girl you always have to be Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know Well, now they know!

Let it go! Let it go! Turn away and slam the door! I don't care what they're going to say!

It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all!

No right, no wrong, no rules for me I'm free!

I'm never going back, the past is in the past!

Let it go! Let it go! And I'll rise like the break of dawn Let it go! Let it go! That perfect girl is gone!

This is Me - Camp Rock

🏳️‍🌈 🧡 💕 🤍

I've always been the kind of girl that hid my face So afraid to tell the world what I've got to say But I have this dream right inside of me I'm gonna let it show it's time To let you know It's to let you know

Do you know what it's like to feel so in the dark? To dream about a life where you're the shining star

This is real, this is me I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, now Gonna let the light shine on me Now I've found who I am there's no way to hold it in No more hiding who I wanna be...

Breaking Free - High School Musical

🏳️‍🌈 🖤

You know the world can see us In a way that's different than who we are Creating space between us 'Till we're separate hearts But your faith it gives me strength Strength to believe

Soarin, flyin There’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach If we’re trying, yeah we’re breaking free We’re running, climbin To get to the place, to be all that we can be Now’s the time, so we’re breaking free

True To Your Heart - Mulan

🏳️‍🌈 🌈

Baby, I knew at once that you were meant for me Deep in my soul, I know that I'm your destiny Though you're unsure Why fight the tide Don't think so much Let your heart decide

True to your heart You must be true to your heart That's when the heavens'll part And, baby, shower you with my love Open your eyes Your heart can tell you no lies And when you're true to your heart I know it's gonna lead you straight to me

Someone ya know is on your side can set you free I can do that for you if you believe in me Why second guess what feels so right Just trust your heart And you'll see the light

Never Knew I Needed - The Princess and the Frog

🏳️‍🌈 🌈 💕

For the way you changed my plans For being the perfect distraction For the way you took the idea that I have Of everything that I wanted to have And made me see there was something missing...

My accidental happily ever after The way you smile and how you comfort me with your laughter I must admit you were not a part of my book But now if you open it up and take a look You're the beginning and the end of every chapter

You're the best thing I never knew I needed So when you were here I had no idea You'd be the best thing I never knew I needed So now it's so clear I need you here always

Colors of the Wind - Pocahontas

🏳️‍🌈 - colors.... rainbows.... yea

How can there be so much that you don't know? You don't know...

You think the only people who are people Are the people who look and think like you But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger You'll learn things you never knew, you never knew

How high will the sycamore grow If you cut it down, then you'll never know And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon For whether we are white or copper skinned We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains We need to paint with all the colors of the wind...

I See the Light - Tangled

🏳️‍🌈 🌈 - you would not BELIEVE how many of y’all requested this one

Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight Now I'm here, suddenly I see Standing here, it's all so clear I'm where I'm meant to be

Now she's here shining in the starlight Now she's here, suddenly I know If she's here it's crystal clear I'm where I'm meant to go

And at last I see the light And it's like the fog has lifted And at last I see the light And it's like the sky is new And it's warm and real and bright And the world has somehow shifted

All at once, everything looks different Now that I see you

Strangers Like Me - Tarzan

🏳️‍🌈 🤍 🖤- that moment when u find another queer person and ur like “holy shit”

I can see there's so much to learn It's all so close and yet so far I see myself as people see me Oh, I just know there's something bigger out there

Come with me now to see my world Where there's beauty beyond your dreams Can you feel the things I feel Right now, with you Take my hand There's a world I need to know...

Why Should I Worry? - Oliver & Company

🏳️‍🌈- we’re queer, we’re here, get used to it

Why should I worry? Why should I care? I may not have a dime But I got street savoir-faire Why should I worry? Why should I care? It's just be-bopulation And I got street savoir-faire

Why should I worry? Why should I care? And even when I crossed that line I got street savoir-faire

Welcome - Brother Bear

🏳️‍🌈 pride parade amirite

Everyone's invited This is how we live We are here for each other, happy to give All we have we share And all of us we care

There's a bond between us nobody can explain It's a celebration of life We see our friends again I'll be there for you I know you'll be there for me, too So come on!

This has to be the most beautiful The most peaceful place I've ever been to It's nothing like I've never seen before When I think how far I've come I can't believe it And yet I see it In them I see family I see the way we used to be...

The Great Divide - Tinkerbell and the Secret of the Wings

🏳️‍🌈

I'm on your side Let's take this ride And together we're facing the world Doing things nobody's done before And the great divide doesn’t seem so wide anymore

With You by My Side - Tangled: the Series

💗 - tangled the series was so close to being canon polyam istg

Now; now more than ever We must stick together united

If we're destined to head in our own different ways Let's make the most of these sweet final days Why not go out in a glorious blaze

There's nothing I couldn't do Not with you by my side What in the world would I do Without you by my side...

Love Will Find a Way - The Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride

🏳️‍🌈 🌈

In a perfect world One we've never known We would never need to face the world alone They can have the world We'll create our own I may not be brave or strong or smart But somewhere in my secret heart

And if only they could feel it too The happiness I feel with you

Like dark turning into day Somehow we'll come through Now that I've found you Love will find a way I know love will find a way

Space Between - Descendants 2

🧡 never have i ever seen gays flock to a song faster

And you can find me in the space between Where two worlds come to meet I'll never be out of reach Cause you're a part of me so you can find me in the space between You'll never be alone No matter where you go We can meet in the space between

Even if we're worlds apart You're still in my heart It will always be you and me, yeah

If I Never Knew You - Pocahontas

🏳️‍🌈🌈

And if I never held you I would never have a clue How at last I'd find in you The missing part of me...

In this world so full of fear Full of rage and lies I can see the truth so clear In your eyes So dry your eyes

If I never knew you I'd be safe but half as real Never knowing I could feel A love so strong and true

I thought our love would be so beautiful Somehow we'd make the whole world bright I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong All they'd leave us were these whispers in the night But still my heart is saying we were right

I’d Give Anything - Tangled: the Series

🧡 rapunzel’s sad breakup song

So if you find that you're in darkness or despair Though you won't turn to me please know I'll be right there Name any sacrifice, I'll pay the price that's due Cause I'd give anything for you Yes, I'd give anything to relive everything we knew...

Someday - Hunchback of Notre Dame

🏳️‍🌈

I used to believe In the days I was naïve That I'd live to see A day of justice dawn And though I will die Long before that morning comes I'll die while believing still It will come when I am gone

Someday, when we are wiser When the world's older, when we have learned I pray someday we may yet live To live and let live

Someday, these dreams will all be real Till then we'll wish upon the moon Change will come, one day Someday soon...

No One Is Alone - Into the Woods

🏳️‍🌈

Mother cannot guide you, now your on your own. Only me beside you, still you're not alone. No one is alone. Truly, no one is alone…

People make mistakes Holding to their own Thinking they’re alone

Someone is on your side, someone else is not While we’re seeing our side, maybe we forgot They are not alone, no one is alone...

I Am Moana (Song of the Ancestors) - Moana

🏳️‍🌈 🤍 - it’s about the self-acceptance binch

Sometimes, the world seems against you The journey may leave a scar But scars can heal and reveal just Where you are

The people you love will change you The things you have learned will guide you And nothing on Earth can silence The quiet voice still inside you

I've delivered us to where we are I have journeyed farther I am everything I've learned and more Still it calls me

And the call isn't out there at all, it's inside me! It's like the tide, always falling and rising I will carry you here in my heart, you remind me That come what may I know the way

Show Yourself - Frozen 2

🏳️‍🌈 - this one was claimed immediately by the queer community and we all have a stake in it but i do want to point out that i got this from a LOT of 🤍 🖤 💜 💚

I have always been a fortress Cold secrets deep inside You have secrets too But you don't have to hide

I've never felt so certain All my life, I've been torn But I'm here for a reason Could it be the reason I was born? I have always been so different Normal rules did not apply Is this the day? Are you the way I finally find out why?

Oh, show yourself Let me see who you are... Come to me now Open your door Don't make me wait One moment more!

(Come, my darling, homeward bound) I am found!

Transformation / Beauty and the Beast (Reprise) - Beauty and the Beast Broadway Production

🏳️‍🌈

We are home, we are where we shall be forever Trust in me, for you know I won’t run away from today This is all that I need, and all that I need to say Don’t you know how you’ve changed me? Strange how I finally see I found home, you’re my home, stay with me...

Finale / Let it Go - Frozen Broadway Production

🏳️‍🌈 this makes me bawl so it gets finale

There’s so much I longed to say Then say it all, beginning with today It’s like a dream I thought could never be Elsa, you’re free

Here we stand in the light of day Let the sun shine on

I take this warmth within and send it up above Goodbye to dark and fear, let’s fill this world with light and love And here surrounded by a family at least We’re never going back, the past is in the past

Let our true love go Let it go!

#disney #disney songs #queer #lgbt #lgbtq #mine

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anonil88 · 3 years

Text

Generation hbo ep. 8 liveblog; midseason finale

Let's get into this episode before I loose my train of thought:

He dressed like an entire funeral. Of course he's listening to Bad Religion by Frank Ocean. I do love that the song is in the catalog.

As Sam should. Accept the consequences Chester you were in the wrong and you're lucky no one knows besides administration what you did.

Wow no need to be rude Chester, Riley is just trying to be nice. This isn't about him setting boundaries, this is about how he brushed her concern off.

Oh he really disregarded this entire kid and has now found himself a new talking buddy. Of course now that he doesn't have his head in the improbable clouds, he can sees around himelf. He still should talk to his friends though and his new counselor. The person you date isn't the solution to your self fabricated drama.

So he did get suspended, good.

Ay Legends of Zelda and DND. Whoever did that chaotic good chart placed Chester pretty correctly haha.

Get his number. Yo Chester you need to get his number or his IG.

These kids are kind of dicks but I'm glad everyone including his teammates are like we love you something is wrong and we can tell. It just feels a little heres our token gay entertainment moment.

This is so stupid but they did make him smile and laugh again because he can't stay in this rutt forever. Kind of wild how when you are the loudest person in the room just being yourself and you are off people notice.

The joy was good for some time but it doesn't last because he needs to face the root of his loneliness. Alone in a room full of people.

That doesn't mean he likes you so you need to slow down. But, also he needs to get the rejection so he's not stuck on the crush.

This message is awful and awkward start, but its become long and awkward.

I guess there was no pregnancy intro because we are going to the mall. This mall day seems so fun minus the pregnancy.

Some solid people and the fire station is the best location to go to.

Its been 4/5 days and you haven't talked to her, come on now the two of you. Euphoria and this show remind me of how much I hate teenage communication issues. The number 1 reason you could not pay me to go back and redo my teen years.

Tiktok dances to make the baby go yo sleep lmfao how gen z.

Why is Chester being kind of an asshole to Nathan all of a sudden?

Oh fuck that kiss was uploaded oh fuck. No Chester now is not the time.

I would of hung tf up if that woman was my mother, because you're not gonna be a homophobe to me and then ask me to come home. It's coded but she's really just upset her son does actually like women AND men, and probably anyone under the realm of nonbinary that he deems attractive.

Just say thankyou. Sisters ? When did y'all get that close?

Girl its not funny to tell your adoptive parents, who treat you like gold, that you'd rather they didn't adopt you. It is fucking cruel especially to two gay parents who likely had to fight to get her. They just let her get away with it in the name of teenage angst.

Delilah is setting this baby up to be so conscious. Aw his beanie.

They are really all gifting the baby charms and tokens. A proper sending off. Maybe not so much the cbd oil lmfao but everything else is so sweet. Those things will stay in the babies possessions too.

I really don't like Ariana, that was not the time to talk about the hot firefighter. She is used as the inappropriate comic relief character and it grinds me up for multiple reasons.

What us Riley? 🤨 There was no "us" established, yall didn't even share a kiss kiss. How the heck is a quick couple of pecks turning into saxophone time, but also how do those quick peck without talking about anything constitute a relationship or even situationship. Mutual feelings exist but they aren't even in a relationship. Also, Greta needs to apologize to Riley for how she spoke to her. Theres a correct way to say, "I'm not comfortable instead of you sleep around I'm not like you." Greta barely spoke in this episode and didn't even look at Riley or utter an apology. That's real strange.

Chester is gonna find someone his own age, awesome, and break Nathan's heart in the process. Oh the drama.

Mid season thoughts: This show isnt bad it just needs some refinement and work. The issues I had throughout the season did not get cleared up in this episode at all. I really like some of these characters and others are not for me at all. Some of the other characters could use more solidification of their interactions. These characters just felt very different in this episode specifically that we've seen them previously. Ariana was still consistent as were Riley and Nathan in comparison to the others. This is only the mid season there are 8/9 episodes coming soon, the cast is currently still in production. Sigh if only we could get a Euphoria cross over in one of the eps they are filming right now. I say this since Euphoria starts filming this upcoming week. How cool would it be to see Chester, Riley, and Greta coming out of a corner store and Chester holds open the door for Jules and Rue. Then in the foreground Riley and Greta awkwardly talk and in the background Chester says I like your hair or outfit before running up behind his friends like "Stop bring weird let's go."

Anyways I'll be here to watch when the series does come back.

#generation #generation hbo #genera+ion hbo #genera+ion #liveblog #live blog #greta x riley #chester generation #chester

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raspberry-arev · 4 years

Text

And they were roommates! (Snowbaz fic)

My writer self is back, armed with a cringe title and a whole lot of angst. Ladies, gentlemen, and nonbinary folk, I bring you a second part of the only fanfic I have ever written: And there was only one bed! (full of me projecting onto Baz because I can)

Summary: Baz and Simon have been sharing a bed for quite a while now, but their relationship is not progressing at all. Who will make the next move? Can they just talk to each other like normal people? Find out for yourselves!!

Word count: 7,5k

Tags: sharing a bed, kissing, unholy amounts of angst, heartbreak, oblivious gay energy, Penny the emotion translator, eventual fluff, Baz being a tortured soul x10

BAZ

What followed was silence.

Approximately five weeks passed since the time Snow exploded at me – this time in verbal form – and demanded we keep sleeping in the same bed, for no better reason than he wants to. (Look at pretentious I am, saying “approximately�� like I haven’t been counting every single night.)

Each sunset marked the time Simon Snow would come from the bathroom, breath smelling of peppermint toothpaste, and lay down in my bed. Sometimes I wasn’t there to witness it, as I was at football practice or feeding underground, but I assumed it would always happen like that. I could see him there, waiting for me, every time I closed my eyes.

I didn’t even have the energy to call myself pathetic at this point. I was too far gone.

The issue I had with this was that we – upon previous agreement, you could say – didn’t ever talk about it. At first, that seemed ideal. Wouldn’t it be dangerous to get too close? We might as well avoid it. Not give anything we were doing a name. What an adventure,I thought like the idiot I am. We would be secret lovers that didn’t call themselves secret lovers for the safety of it.

Now, I desperately wanted something defined. Something I could name and understand.

Snow and I… were stagnant. Each night was the same as the last. He was there, and however late I came, I sunk into the strange familiarity of his arms. (I hated the way I adored him even if he was snoring next to me with his mouth open.) But there was nothing else happening – just the sleeping, as he had said before.

Was I hoping for, at the very least, weekly make out sessions? Yes. Like bloody hell I was, who do you even take me for?

Admittedly, I was hoping he would say something, too. I was hoping he would try to give me more hints at whatever he was feeling when we were together. And he did not. Night after night, he did not, and I am a coward, so I surely wasn’t about to go first. Contrary to what it looked like sometimes, I did not have suicidal tendencies.

One thing did change, and I felt like it would be only a matter of time until people got suspicious. We stopped fighting. After all, rowing all day and cuddling all night was too great a contrast. I wouldn’t be able to keep that up. All our name-calling, playing tricks and consequent bursts of anger were replaced by strange, polite indifference. Snow mostly ignored me outside our room, perhaps besides the occasional staring across a room that I reciprocated as soon as he looked away. And I attempted to ignore him, painfully aware of the weird looks Dev and Niall were exchanging when they thought I wasn’t paying attention. I dreaded the day they would start poking their noses into it.

What pissed me off then was that even when we were alone, our conversations were never more than small talk. Not more than asking about when the other was coming back as he was one foot out the door. “You’ll have to spell the bed again, I think.” Asking whether you can open or close the window. Maybe a couple of: “Sorry, am I laying on your hair?” Or: “Can you move, my arm is asleep.”

And, who could forget, talking about fucking homework.

I distinctly remember this one time when I laid down next to him and he hid his face in my shirt, arm thrown over my body. I got comfortable and pulled him closer, just a tiny bit, so I wouldn’t look too desperate for contact. As I was thinking disgustingly gentle thoughts at him, he suddenly pushed me away just a little so he could look at me from under his heavy eyelids. “Baz?” he said, his voice deeper than usual. I swallowed. “Yeah?” I whispered almost without moving my lips. I thought I knew what was going to come next, and my stomach did a flip. Nay, three flips at once.

And then he asked, “Was there homework for Greek?”

I thought I would slap him. That was the closest I came to yelling at him – I called him stupid and lazy at the very least, because of course there was, firstly, and secondly, how dare you be so ridiculously oblivious, Simon Snow? How dare you?!

He didn’t understand why I got so upset.

I didn’t care to give him lessons in taking a hint.

I tried to think of it like this: what we had was already more than I ever thought I was going to get in my life. And thinking about that usually made me smile just a little. Who would have thought, right? Tell that to my younger self and he would probably pass out. In a good way.

(Can one pass out “in a good way”?)

(Do vampires have to worry about fainting? I didn’t get around to testing that out just yet. Maybe if Snow kissed me…)

These days, I kept thinking about all that the two of us could be. About… about “together”. And I knew I must be delirious, yes, but oh Crowley, it all must’ve meant something, right? Maybe, just maybe, Simon was thinking the same things I was. Maybe neither of us was brave enough and we were just playing this charade of “casual” because we thought the other didn’t care. Maybe we were bothclueless idiots and we couldn’t take a hint.

I felt myself growing more hopeful.

I felt like with all that life was throwing at me since my early years, this would be the one good thing that happened to me. This would save me and outweigh the tragic rest. If I just took the chance.

Soon.

Soon, I would.

Maybe not today – or tonight – but when I felt the time is right. On Morgana, I would.

***

Another day. Another day just like the others, full of schoolwork, stolen glances and talking about nothing of importance.

I was gathering my things for practice, while simultaneously burning a hole in Snow’s scalp with my eyes. Why wouldn’t he just talk to me? He was usually friendly with people. But then you let him sleep in your bed and he pretends you don’t exist…

Well, actually, no. I was being unreasonable. It’s not like I knew what to talk to him about either. Nothing seemed important enough to even hassle with. I wanted to talk about the two of us, about kissing, about dates, about more, morethings than just schoolwork or who uses the bathroom.

I couldn’t stall any longer. It wasn’t like Coach would be mad at me for coming late; after all, I was one of his best players, and if all else failed, a single mention of Mother would put him back in line.

But why would I wait here? What for?

Just as I turned my back to him, he glanced at me from his bed. (The only time he used it was when he was lounging during the day.) “When are you gonna be back?” he asked me. His tone was about as intimate as a landlord’s. I fought the sinking feeling in my chest.

“Late,” I replied. I needed to hunt today.

“Ok. Bye then,” he murmured, and I closed the door behind me without a response. I had to stop in the middle of the corridor to take a few deep breaths. I was so, so annoyed with him. And with myself. What was it I even expected him to do? A dramatic declaration of unyielding affection as I was off to practice? Was I stupid?

Yes. Stupid in love. There was no use in pretending I wasn’t. I thought of Simon Snow, as I did most of my waking hours, and let the warm feeling spread throughout my body as I descended from the stairs and walked on to the school grounds.

I cared so much. And I felt so alive for it. But I was also… frustrated? Sad? Desperate? All of the above.

Was I ever going to have him? Oh, I so desperately wanted him. I missed those days when I listened more to my sense of rationality than my heart. When I could see that to keep him safe at least a bit, I had to keep away from him. And to keep myself safe, too.

Now, I wanted to battle the odds.

Fuck the odds, fuck all prophecies. I only had limited time. “Saving the world” would get in the way. Someone else would get in the way – what was the deal between him and Wellbelove now, anyway? I didn’t know! Or maybe we would both live to graduate… and he would go out into the world doing Crowley-knows-what and I would be out of chances.

I refused to let myself run out of chances. Not this time.

Stood directly in front of the changing room, a couple of lads trailing behind me, I stopped. I turned on my heel and stomped back toward the dorms, waving off all confused shouts that came after me. None of them was Coach. Not that I cared. There was something I had to do.

My legs brought me back to the Mummers House, up and up and up all those stairs. Ran to the door. Swung it open. The impulse that brought me here was buzzing in my body. What was I doing? Who knew. Not me.

Snow didn’t move from his bed in those ten minutes I was gone.

He sat up straighter, his eyes asking me tens of questions. But before his mouth could ask some too, I was looming over him.

“Get up!” I ordered.

There was a flash of wariness in his expression. He did what I asked. Slowly. I noticed his hand hovering over his hip. That bloody sword of his. Yes, Snow, get it ready, I’m fine leaving this world like this. After this.

I let go completely. Sometimes, the crashing of all the walls you built to protect yourself can sound like a single sigh escaping your lips.

I grabbed his face and kissed him. Shut my eyes as tight as I could and leaned into him, and he was burning hot, so undeniably, amazingly real. I was kissing Simon Snow and I didn’t care that I didn’t know what to do with my lips now that they made contact with his. It… it seemed easier in my head. I had never kissed anyone before this. Like whom? Who could ever be enough to replace him?

For a split second, or maybe split ten years, nothing happened. And then his lips moved against mine. Took the lead. I let him. I felt him grab a handful of my shirt and I was ready to melt, ready to burn –

Movement.

Something moved at the door.

I opened my eyes, which was precisely when his hands pushed me away so hard I almost landed on my ass. All disheveled and confused, I looked around.

And I met with two eyes opened wide, in utter disbelief.

The eyes of Penelope Bunce.

There are and never will be no words to describe the terror I felt.

Fuck. Fucking shit, I was dead. The world was positively over.

I glanced at Snow in panic, as if asking him what to do, how to handle it, how to lie, what to say, please Simon just–

It wasn’t an exchange of glances. It was me looking and him trying not to vomit, I’d say. His face was wild with emotion. I couldn’t identify it, but it wasn’t a good one. It felt like he had shattered every bone in my torso, just like that.

His head whipped around towards Bunce.

“It’s not like that at all,” he exclaimed, reaching out to her as if he was urging her not to run away.

It’s…

It was not like that. Like that. At all.

Crowley, I was a fool. I was a fool. Somebody shoot me. Burn me and put a stake through my heart. My life was over anyway.

Don’t cry. Just don’t cry, you stupid fuck, don’t cry.

Bunce was just opening her mouth to say something, but I already dashed forward. She jumped to the side with a yelp as I pushed through the door and left. And almost rolled down the stairs. And slipped onto the school grounds and I ran, I ran, I ran for the forest as fast as I could, as if I had a horde of villagers with torches behind me, which would probably be a better fate than the one that was awaiting me.

My chest was aching. As if somebody was stabbing little pieces of glass into it.

I didn’t think it would feel like that. I hadn’t thought about anything at all, period. I never would have done it if I had.

As I stumbled between the trees into the eerily dim woods, everything was screaming in my head, everything was so loud, every sight and memory so bright, but the brightest and loudest… that would be his face. The one he made after he pushed me. When he said… When he denied everything…

Suddenly, my legs gave in and I collapsed onto the ground. My chest was so tight. It hurt so much, Crowley, what was happening? It felt like my heart was actually, physically ripping in half. Could it? I might be the first person – creature– to experience it. Violent sobs came out of my throat and I was not just crying, I was screaming like an animal into my hands, and the sound was so foreign as it echoed in the misty forest that some part of me found it unlikely that I was making it.

I stayed there until dark and then hunted and cried and hunted again. And the entire time, at the back of my head, I was thinking: I didn’t know it would feel like this. I didn’t know he could break me any more than he already has.

SIMON

Days continued to come and pass, and I was mostly carrying on as usual. But I couldn’t really escape the obvious: something was very wrong with Baz.

I lived with the guy my whole teenage years, you know. He always had this air about him, like he’s something better than you and he knows it really damn well. He was posh and graceful and unbothered; I was never totally sure if it’s just an act, or a genuine, unrehearsed thing about him.

Suddenly, all of that got lost. After… well, after.

I didn’t really try to talk to him or anything. Didn’t know what I’d say. But he wouldn’t even meet my eyes when we passed each other, anyway. It felt like he was hiding inside of himself, if that makes sense. From me, or maybe from everyone. He skipped meals and afternoon tea, nobody had seen him at the pitch for weeks. He looked like a beaten dog most of the time. Something told me it was my fault. Although that seemed impossible. He always looked like he couldn’t care less about what I said or did. I was pissing him off by just breathing, basically.

But then… The last month or so, I didn’t know what to make of him.

I didn’t know what to make of myself, either. I solved that by just doing what I liked doing and not over-analyzing why I want to do it. Case in point, sharing my roommate’s bed. As long as he was up for it… (It’s not like anything gets solved by just thinking about it until you go crazy. You gotta let things go.)

However… I caught myself way too often staring into the distance and absentmindedly touching my lips. The kiss was still pressed into them.

I… look, I really don’t understand what happened there! Or rather, I somewhere deep in my soul I did, but going down that road positively terrified me. A week ago, a bloke kissed me like it was the end of the world and then ran away. No, wait – Baz kissed me, not just “a bloke”. That was, somehow, different.

But that’s where I would have to start asking myself questions. And honestly, I didn’t have that kind of time.

Of course, then there’s the situation with… Penny just… walking in on us. Like that. I kind of wished she would tell me what was going through her head, but I also desperately prayed to never have to talk to her about it. Maybe she would spare me and we could forget about it…? Penny wouldn’t tell anybody. I knew she wouldn’t, but I… I never talked to her about the whole thing. I promised Baz I wouldn’t tell anybody about what we were doing. It’s not like we did anything, anyway, but I couldn’t even imagine the chaos that would take place if the word got out… Everyone would start assuming things and…

It’s understandable that I didn’t want that, isn’t it? As if I didn’t have enough issues to deal with.

Penny didn’t say a single word about it for a very long time. I almost got my hopes up, almost allowed myself to carry on like usual.

Until one afternoon, when we met up for a study session. As in, Penny helps me with my schoolwork and I tell her whether her essays make any sense, although they are always very well-phrased and generally perfect.

(We used to bring Agatha, too. But she didn’t really talk to us anymore, since we took our “break”. Just a fancy word for a breakup, basically.)

(Did I even miss her?)

(See, another question I wasn’t keen on answering.)

After she managed to cram some of our Political Science study material into my head…, she made a vague comment about the “last time she came to my room” being “interesting”. I could see curiosity bubbling just below the surface of her face.

Oh no, please don’t, Penny, I thought. Out loud, I said: “I really don’t know if Baz has reported you know how to get to the boy’s dorms, sorry. I hope he hasn’t.”

She gave me a look, like I see right through your bullshit.

“I understand if you don’t want to talk about it,” she assured me, “but you know I’m not talking about myself here.”

I felt my cheeks getting hot. I hunched and started picking at my uniform.

“Simon? Are you okay?”

Did I really want to tell her? I could feel she truly wanted to listen… she was Penny after all. We were a duo. A team.

“Look, I just…”

And then I spilled. Like an idiot, stuttering and getting tangled in words that had just too many syllables to be mumbled at an extremely high speed, I told her about everything. About my nightmares and the damn fire that I lied to her about out of embarrassment, about Baz’s offer to sleep in his bed, about how long it’s all been happening. I left out the kissing… I didn’t know what to say about that.

Penny was usually a pretty stable person. Not the type to get over-excited or freak out. But this time, her mouth was gaping open. She couldn’t believe her ears, and I didn’t blame her. It all sounded like a fever dream.

“So… that’s that,” I concluded and put one of my hands in my hair. “We’ve been sleeping together until… well, until that time. You know.”

“Wait,” Penny almost slammed the table. “Wait, sleeping together?!”

Sleeping…Oh god. Oh god, why can’t I talk like a normal person? “No!” I waved my hands, ears burning. “No, I mean literal sleeping. Literally!”

“Oh. That makes more sense, to be honest. Although I don’t judge…”

“Penny! For Crowley’s sake!”

She chuckled. There was a bit of silence. But then she looked at me with her kind eyes. Like she was looking at a kid. “But there was kissing?” she nudged me.

I looked away. “Only what you saw.”

“Oh. Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“No, no…” I shook my head. My brows furrowed as I tried to think of what I wanted to say. I just knew I wanted to say something. To not give her the wrong impression. Although, I didn’t know what impression would be right. “I don’t even know… whyhe did that, you know? To be honest, at first I thought he was going to punch me.”

And then he kissed me. And he was cold and firm and grabbing my face and nothing like anything I felt before.

Penny smirked and clicked her pen.

“Not really surprising,” she assessed. “Baz seems like exactly the guy to be mean to his crush.”

“Wait, uh… Crush? You… you think he likes me like that?”

She gave me an absolutely bewildered look and leaned towards me.

“Simon! He made out with you!”

All blood started boiling inside of me. I sunk into the chair. It… yeah, it made sense, but to think of it like that was…

Was I his crush?

Was he my crush? How would I know? Like, how can I be sure?

“Simon… have the two of you talked about what happened yet?”

I just shook my head.

“I don’t want to get nosy or anything,” she pushed up her glasses, “but I think it would be better if you did. Clear communication helps a lot, you know?”

Yeah?

And what would I tell him?

I didn’t have any answers. What was I feeling? Why exactly did I like when we shared a bed? Would I kiss him again? Did I feel something for him? Did I feel something for a boy?

What did I want from him?

I buried my face in my hands. I heard Penny get up immediately and rush around the table to my side. Before she could say anything motherly and soft that would just make me hurt from the inside, I confessed to my empty hands:

“I have no idea who I am anymore.”

BAZ

I was sure this was where I would stop loving Snow.

Up until now, I would have thought that was impossible to achieve. That somebody would have to kill me in order to stop me from loving the boy… I had been wrong about plenty other things before this, it was no wonder I was wrong about this, too.

Dear Morgana, I felt ashamed of myself for how utterly shitty I was feeling.

I thought I would be… well, sad at best if I were to be rejected. I had expected it, hadn’t I? I thought I’d be quietly, promptly devastated, and then not anymore, just to stand tall and undefeated when the inevitable backlash comes.

There was no consequence for what I had done, surprisingly. But I couldn’t relish in the thought, because…

Well. As previously stated, I felt like shit.

I could not sleep. Contrary to popular belief, even undead creatures need sleep to function, and I would get four hours of shallow slumber a night at best. I was being haunted by… well, not nightmares in the traditional sense… just dreams. Bad dreams. Bad, because Snow was in them, bad, because whenever I saw him, awake or not, my chest started hurting again (which was completely of a psychological origin, yes) and I genuinely felt like crying. But I could not, not even when I woke up sore and exhausted and with an overflowing fountain behind my eyes. I could not cry, because after all, the person who caused this was my roommate. And I had my pride. To the extent that I wouldn’t let him see me break down completely.

If sharing a room with him felt impossible before, I don’t know what it was now.

Absolute hell. My personal brand of it.

I couldn’t even look at him. I couldn’t bear being in the same space as him. Golden boy. “It’s not like that.” I wasted so much of myself on him. “At all.” Not that I was worth much to begin with, but still.

I hated him. I hated him, I was hurting, I was crying my eyes out when nobody could see or hear me, I hated myself, I kept hurting and not sleeping and not eating and I wished I would just stop existing too.

It’s been a while since it’s been so bad. The way I felt.

But maybe it was for the best. Because with all the hate and hurt that was filling me, how could there ever be space for more affection?

Maybe this would really be when I broke free from him.

If I survived to see the day, that is.

***

Time seemed to happen to everybody else, but not to me. I was not even sure how on earth I was keeping up with all of my assignments. I didn’t remember finishing them or turning them in, but there they were. Guess I had been working on autopilot.

But one of these identical, bleak afternoons, something ominous happened.

First of all, it was all a fault of bad timing on my part. I was passing the dining hall when afternoon tea would be coming to an end. I realized my fault as soon as I turned into the corridor and saw my classmates slowly leave the room. Chatting in groups. Everywhere. I tensed up – I knew hewouldn’t be far, as he wouldn’t miss an opportunity to ram cherry scones into his mouth. Just the thought of him made me ache a bit…

Then I caught a glimpse of rapid movement.

Unfortunately, I looked.

And Crowley below, it was Penelope Bunce. Waving at me. I didn’t even try to look over my shoulder to see if she means somebody standing behind me... Her gleaming dark eyes were fixed on me alone.

Cold fear gripped my lungs and squeezed the air out of them. This was it. The consequences were here. Invasive questions. Possibly ridicule or threats, who knows? My mind was giving me plenty of possible catastrophic scenarios. But I couldn’t not pass her in the hall – there was nowhere else to go, besides run in the opposite direction as if my life depended on it.

What did she want?

I would ignore her. I would just walk and ignore her.

I did make an honest attempt… but Bunce caught my elbow when I was trying to squeeze through a group of younger students. My try at the “get your filthy hands off me” glare went in vain.

“Hey!” she said to me. She knew damn well how weird it was to pretend that we just casually greet each other like that, but went on anyway: “I just hoped we could talk for a minute.”

“Well,” I retorted and yanked my arm out of her grip, “I definitely didn’t.”

Bunce let air out of her nose. Not exactly like an angry bull. An exasperated bull would be more like it.

“Just keep it civil for once, will you,” she looked up at me. “It won’t take long, I promise.” And then, as if she had been reading my thoughts: “Simon’s gone to Ebb’s today, you know.”

Crowley bless the weird-ass goatherd.

I jutted out my jaw. I was still feeling very defiant, but maybe hearing her out would make her leave me alone sooner. And as much as I didn’t like to admit that, Bunce was always sensible. Slightly terrifying and intense… but yes, sensible.

“Alright?” I reached up and put my hair behind my ears. It was greasy. Bleh. When was the last time I washed it…? “Go on, then.”

“Not here. Come,” she ordered and simply started walking. Her audacity was almost impressive. The only interactions we ever had was when she was breaking up fights between myself and Snow… she was in no position to tell me what to do, and yet, there she was.

Commanding. Bossy.

I followed her because she reminded me of a part of myself I couldn’t really find and dearly missed.

After turning a few corners, she tried to open a door of a classroom, seemingly at random. The door was unlocked somehow. She let me in first. I made sure to stand very close to the exit, in case I needed an escape route.

Once she was facing me, I made a simple gesture in the likes of “what is it”.

“Okay, so,” she started, “it’s about that time you saw me come into Mummers House.”

My hand twitched toward the door. I had to admit, she phrased it quite nicely though. As if her breaking the Watford code was a graver situation than me and Snow… No, I couldn’t even finish that thought on the inside without feeling my chest tightening. Fuck.

“What about it?”

“Well, I thought that we could just make an agreement here. Since it looks like you didn’t go and report me.” She hops onto a table and swings her legs back and forth. “I won’t talk if you won’t, that sort of thing.”

I snarled. What a sneaky little…

“Mutual blackmail? I’m touched.”

Bunce looked at me in a very strange way. “No, I didn’t mean it like that at all,” she assured me. “I can magically swear it if you want. It’s not my thing to tell, anyway. I would never.”

Tell the tale to someone who believes it, I thought to myself.

But I couldn’t really say anything out loud. This was the one person – apart from Snow – that knew what happened. Nobody else could ever know. But… but she did know already. By accident, but she knew.

Something in me was meekly calling out to her.

Say more. Please. Let me… I don’t know, let me break and spill all over the floor like broken shards of a porcelain figure. Please, could I…? Just once, could I stop holding myself together…?

Except I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t rest. The pretense was all that I had left to do in life. Always acting, always hiding, always keeping everything locked in.

“Other than that, I…” Bunce added and I kind of jumped, not really realizing she was still there and it wasn’t just me, lost in my own mind. “I wanted to ask if you’re feeling alright?”

I gave her a quick look before turning away.

“That’s honestly none of your business.” The tone of my voice was all wrong. Too fucking vulnerable. Bunce replied simply: “I know that.”

We looked at each other. Two completely different people who existed only in the background of the other’s life. But it felt like now, we were connected. However insane it sounds. Maybe we were connected by knowing I kissed Snow and got my heart broken. Maybe by more than that, whatever that “more” would be.

Bunce sighed and tapped the other end of the table with her hand. My eyes fixed at the window behind her, I approached and lightly leaned on the desk, still leaving a few feet of space between us.

“Look,” she said, looking straight ahead, “don’t get me wrong. I love Simon to bits. But the truth is, my best friend is often quite a dumbass.” Then she corrected: “Usually.”

That, I could agree with. But I said nothing. I was busy biting my tongue and refusing to look at her.

“He reacted pretty badly then.” She crossed her legs at the ankles. “But just… wait it out. Simon will come around as soon as he’s done figuring out… well, all of it. He is on a good way.”

I felt a lump rising in my throat. I swallowed. So they were talking about it? What else did the girl know? And was I even mad about it at this point?

What I was more interested in was…

“Bunce… why are you even telling me that?” I asked, giving her a puzzled look (mixed with my general despair look, I presumed).

But really. What good was it to her to tell me all of this?

Not to mention she was giving me hope. I could not afford that. Not again, not ever again.

She smiled at me. Way too kindly. It hit me all at once how odd this tête-à-tête was. “Well, Pitch, that’s simple,” she retorted. “I know that you care about Simon a lot. In your own way. That includes pushing him down the stairs from time to time.”

The corners of my mouth twitched upward.

Nothing like the memories of good, simpler times.

“And don’t get me wrong,” she suddenly continued, “but you’ve looked like absolute hell lately. That was a factor too.”

That actually made me smile for a second

“Thanks,” I told her, and when we looked at each other, she was grinning. “Pleasure,” she nodded at me, then jumped down onto the floor and formally extended an arm towards me. I rolled my eyes, but I gripped it and shook it a couple times, as if we had just concluded a business meeting. She put her hands in the pockets of her blazer and, instead of a goodbye, wished me: “Good luck out there.”

That created another crooked smile on my lips. I decided to mark this experience as less ominous than previously expected. As she turned her back to me and reached for the door handle, curiosity started growing in my mind. I couldn’t keep it all in.

“Bunce?” I called out to her.

“Yes?”

“This wasn’t… He didn’t send you to talk to me, did he?”

“No, he wouldn’t. But I figured, since I was already guiding one idiot through his love life, I might as well help another.”

SIMON

In the course of the following weeks, I had more deep emotion-related conversations with Penny than I had in my entire life before that. I mean… when it comes to feelings and relationships, she knows way more than I ever will, I think. I told her she was wise once. She laughed at me.

But basically…, I had been thinking.

And I was not ready to say anything definitively… I had no labels or anything yet, that stuff was just too confusing and I didn’t really need a label on my attraction and whatnot to function. But I settled on one thing: I so had a crush on Baz. And in a weird way, I think I had had it for a long time, but I just didn’t realize what it was.

I just kind of thought that I did not like boys, period. Because that was different. And if you were feeling that different, you would just know immediately, wouldn’t you?

Turns out that liking Baz is a very normal, right, non-dramatic feeling.

That reminds me… earlier that week, I went to see Ebb again. She was in quite a good mood that day, and she was concerned about how quiet and lost in thought I seemed. I started this vague conversation about “what if you liked someone that you maybe, uh, shouldn’t date or anything”. After a while of letting me spout absolute confused nonsense, she quietly asked: “Could this be about Natasha Pitch’s son, Simon?”

I almost choked on the stale pastry she gave me to munch on. I demanded to know how she got that so fast, and she just assured me that nobody is that obsessed with another person without a good reason. “I remember when you came to me once in your third year,” she laughed, “and talked about the boy for full two hours. That’s when I started to have an inkling.” Her eyes got misty. “You were so cute back then. And look how you’ve grown…”

My mind racing, I pushed on: “Why didn’t you talk to me about it then?” And Ebb answered with her own gentle question: “Were you ready to be talked to?”

No. No, I wasn’t, not then. And I still fully wasn’t now.

But maybe I just had to dare.

Ready or not, here I come.

***

Just like that, it was evening. Baz had quietly slipped into our room after dark and went straight to the bathroom.

I turned on the light.

Couldn’t sleep, anyway. Also, this felt like a giant déja vu.

Breathe, Simon, keep breathing…

I stood up as soon as Baz returned into the room, twisting his wet hair in a towel. How could he look so hot with wet hair? It wasn’t fair.

Baz stopped in his tracks and took everything in. Me in just my pajama bottoms standing there… the nightlight dimly lighting the room… me again, this time like he was calculating what was the catch here. Then he threw the towel over his chair (weirdly disorganized of him) and went to get to bed.

“Baz?” I spoke to him.

He twitched, as if he couldn’t decide between turning to me and ignoring me completely. But when I made a step towards him, he suddenly whipped around. I noticed the wary, hurt look in his eyes before he was able to conceal it. Crowley. I really fucked up, haven’t I?

I hated the way he was coiling up and leaning away from me, inch after inch. I didn’t know him like that. Oh please, let me fix this. All of this.

At first, I meant to just talk to him… as Penny said, open communication and all that… But being here with him, I made a quick change of plans and reached out to him. To cup his cheek in my palm. He almost turned his head away. But then, he closed his eyes and let me touch him. I wanted to erase all the tension in his face. I slid my hand to the nape of his neck, fingers brushing his wet hair, dark like the night sky outside…, and stepped closer.

Not as close as I would like, but closer.

Baz refused to look at me.

“I would tell you to get up,” I teased him lightly, “but you’re already standing, so…”

Then I tilted my head, to the side and up, just so I would reach his pursed lips.

BAZ

He was going to kill me. I didn’t want to make it so easy for him… I didn’t want to just let him waltz back into my personal space like he hadn’t made me feel the worst kind of way before this. But…

But as soon as his lips touched mine, the electric impulse brought me back to life. I felt lightheaded. He kissed me again and my lips turned soft and welcoming in a millisecond. I had no dignity. None. I kept myself from intertwining my limbs with his, from pulling at his curls. I wouldn’t give myself too easy… I wouldn’t…

Who was I kidding?

I didn’t have much of myself to give. He already had me.

SIMON

We pulled away from each other, breathing just a bit quicker than usual. Baz’s face was still difficult to read, but his eyes were wide, almost childlike. I couldn’t keep myself from smiling.

“Sorry,” I said. “It took me too long, didn’t it? Penny says that I should hire an emotion translator.”

He smirked. “She did say something along those lines, yes.”

I dropped my hand from his face and blinked about a hundred times. “Wait. Wait, since when do you two… I mean, she talked to you? Or youto heror… what?”

Baz cocked an eyebrow. “Well, Snow, I’m stealing your friends one by one. Watch out.”

Morgana help me, he could be so arrogant sometimes… I was annoyed just listening to that tone. And attracted. Somebody should explain the science behind all that.

“You’re an ass,” I pointed out.

He gave me a slow stare-down.

“Is that all you were going to say to me?” he wondered.

I felt my palms start sweating immediately.

No, I’m fine, I reminded myself. This is fine.

“Ah. Yes!” I nodded. “I, uh. I like you? If that’s not obvious by now. I didn’t really know before, but I like you a lot and… Yeah. I don’t know what we will do with that, but… Yeah. I mean…” I stammered. “If you… Do you?”

Not smooth. Definitely the least smooth confession in the history of confessions. I should have stayed at the kissing. That’s clear communication enough, I think.

Baz looked at me without blinking. At the last two words, he gave me this absolutely confused look, as if he didn’t know what language I was speaking to him right now.

“Crowley, Snow,” he sighed. Absolutely done with me.

Then, he grabbed my shoulders and hauled me back first into a wall. Before I could even think “he’s attacking me” out of habit, he was already pressing his body into mine and kissing me like there was no tomorrow. He always kissed with intent, like the whole fate of the world depended in it.

I could do this all night. I would if he let me. I broke away only to whisper: “You are confusing the Anathema, I think.”

His cheeks turned a bit pink. “Shut up,” he snapped and went for my lips again. I turned my face away, just to tease him.

“No, but really,” I laughed. “You’ll have to be nicer to me now, won’t you?”

Baz looked me in the eyes.

His were beautiful. So damn beautiful. Like storm clouds.

“Snow…” he whispered gently.

BAZ

I couldn’t handle it. He made a stupid joke about the Anathema… and we were standing there in the soft yellow light of the night lamp and he was laughing so sweetly, he was like the damn sun, so warm and bright.

And I loved him.

I loved him so much I felt like it was going to rip me in half.

“Snow…” I managed to breathe out.

And then I felt tears rolling down my face.

He was about as startled as I was.

I immediately turned away from him and tried to breathe, but lately it was difficult for me to stop crying once I started. It was… it was all just a lot. Simon Snow came back to me. I was kissing Simon Snow just now. I didn’t deserve this, did I? I bet he didn’t mean it. I bet something would take him away from me again… and I would just be alone, completely alone again. I was so scared. Scared to be happy, because once you find that happiness – especially if it’s a person– it can be taken away from you.

“I… Baz? Did I say something? I’m sorry.” He tried to take a look at my face, but I tried just as hard to hide it.

“No,” I blurted out and looked up at the ceiling. “Crowley, no. I am sorry. What the fuck is even wrong with me…” I staggered sideways and leaned on the writing desk. I covered my eyes with one hand and pushed my fingers into my eyes, as if I could physically push the tears back.

“Hey, come on,” Snow cooed. I didn’t even have the willpower to try and fight him off when he put his arms around me. Making sure I wouldn’t start openly sobbing took all I had. “Really, did something happen?”

I tried to answer normally. But what came out was a half-sob, half-laugh, before the words began rushing out. “I just… I never thought this would happen,” I admitted. “All these years, I thought I could just never have you and… Now look at me. Crowley. Way to ruin the mood, right?” I felt like I could die.

“I didn’t… You’re not… You haven’t ruined anything,” he shook his head and rubbed my back to comfort me. But I could feel him not being sure what to do. Then he apologized: “Sorry, I’m rubbish at this, too.”

I dared to lay my forehead on his shoulder.

“We’re both pretty rubbish, I think,” I croaked. “And I’m the one making things awkward.”

“Well then, you could just push me against that wall again. Would that work?”

“Ha ha,” I said sarcastically, but then, I couldn’t help but laugh just a bit.

He brushed my hair out of my face.

I slipped my arms around his waist.

“Baz?”

“Yes?”

“Just… just wondering. How long have you liked me for, exactly?”

Funny you should ask.I lifted my head up to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. The answer was simple. Straightforward.

“Always.”

He looked guilty for some reason. He pressed his forehead against mine. “Sorry it took me so long, then,” he almost whispered, and I couldn’t help but smile the widest smile in… Well, in years, I think.

“It’s okay,” I told him. “I think it’s okay now.”

#snowbaz #baz grimm pitch #simon snow #snowbaz fic #carry on fanfic #part two #angst #fluff #penelope bunce #anyone ever had a heartbreak so bad they were physically in pain?#yes? no?#projectiooooon #fanfiction #my fanfiction #writing #my writing

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askthesneakysnekboi · 5 years

Text

Diffuse

General Taglist: @demented-dukey @idosanderssidespromptssometimes @i-am-the-biggest-gay

Based off of this post

IM GETTING THIS OUT OF THE WAY RIGHT NOW: IT AINT ROMANTIC REMROM (though technically it could be taken that way) ((yes i do ship it, fight me)) BUT ITS NOT INTENDED SO DONT GIMME SHIT ABOUT IT

Okay, Warnings: angst, kinda unsympathetic Logan

As always, let me know if I miss a tag or if you want to be added/removed from the taglist!

~~~~~~~~~

Remus loved to fuse with the other sides. Absolutely adored it.

When fused with Virgil (that only happened once, it wasn’t a pleasant experience for either party), they became Paranoia. Intrusive thoughts mixed with Anxiety? Not a good idea. Constant thoughts about what people were saying about Thomas and how his friends secretly hated him did nobody any good that day.

When mixed with Logan, they became Curiosity. Mainly the strange kind of curiosity. You know the type, the curiosity that makes you wonder things like, “I wonder what would happen if someone didn’t have a skeleton.” Though sometimes, it was normal curiosity, but not very often.

When mixed with Patton, they became Impulse. You see a cute guy or gal or nonbinary pal and you go “Oh my god I should ask them out.” Or maybe you see a puppy and you think “I need to adopt it or it will DIE.”

Remus even fused with Deceit! Depending on how the two were feeling that day, they would become Self-Deprecation or Self-Preservation.

The only Side Remus couldn’t fuse with was Roman.

It wasn’t for a lack of trying. Remus and Roman both wanted to. Oh, god, how they wanted to. They missed being one person again. But no matter how much they tried, they couldn’t do it. It was as if after they forcefully were split apart, there was no hope to ever be whole again.

“Remus, how many times are we going to try this?” Roman asked in exasperation one day.

“As many times as it takes!” Remus shouted, stomping his foot.

“We’ve tried everything, Remus! We can’t!” Roman’s voice cracked. “We can’t..”

Remus shook his head. “Yes, we can, Roman, just, please. One more time.”

Roman sighed and nodded. Remus’ eyes lit up as he beckoned for Roman to come to him. Remus spun Roman around and dipped him, lacing their fingers together, before pulling him back up. Roman took a step back before twirling around and crashing right into Remus, knocking them both to the ground.

“I told you we couldn’t!” Roman shouted, untangling himself from Remus.

Remus’ eyes stung with tears as he sat up, running a hand through his hair. He pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in his arms. He sniffled before looking up at Roman.

"What did we do wrong?" Remus asked. "Why did we split?"

Roman shook his head, tears of his own slipping from his eyes. "I'm not sure. There had to be a reason though."

"But what if there wasn't?! What if--What if Thomas planned to get rid of me after we split?!"

The door opened as Logan stepped in, a frustrated expression on his face. "He did, but found you were more necessary than originally thought. Now please. Stop your whining."

Remus sat there in shock, looking at Roman as if to ask if he knew this. A nod from Roman had his heart cracking in two.

And when Roman left a sobbing Remus on the floor, Remus decided that he would never fuse again.

#alex writes stuff #tw angst #tw sympathetic remus #tw unsympathetic logan #remus sanders #creativitwins #roman sanders #logan sanders

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enbyleighlines · 4 years

Note

Would you consider writing Jiang Cheng's response to Nie Huaisang's confession as anpther one of the modern mdzs fics? Maybe with Wen Qing as well since I know she and Jiang Cheng have a relationship too? I cannot get enough of the modern au. I already love the way you write nhs so much and I need them to have a happy ending 😭

Absolutely, my friend! I’m glad to hear you are enjoying them~

—

On the night of his Jiejie’s wedding, Jiang Cheng drives Wen Qing and himself back to his apartment in silence. Both of them are exhausted from the long day, so the lack of conversation isn’t unusual or awkward.

Still, Wen Qing must have sensed something. As soon as they settle in for the night, and Jiang Cheng is about to climb into bed, she speaks up.

“Something on your mind?” She asks, looking up from the book she had been reading. She is marking her place with a finger.

Jiang Cheng knows that if he brushes off her question, that she will simply shrug and go back to reading. She will drop it, and probably not bring it up again. That is just the type of relationship they have. It is casual, surface level... a little cold. They both keep each other at arm’s length, metaphorically speaking. Their bodies can touch but their hearts can not, not for long, not long enough to risk forming an attachment.

Of course, Jiang Cheng also knows that he’s only lying to himself. He has already grown attached. Wen Qing just doesn’t need to know that.

When Jiang Cheng doesn’t immediately answer, Wen Qing folds the corner of the page she is on and sets the book aside. She gives the empty side of the bed a few pats. “Come on,” she says, “Say what you want to say, or forever hold your peace.”

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes, but sits down beside her anyway. “Nie Huaisang said something to me today,” he begins.

Wen Qing raises a single eyebrow, and waits patiently.

“They... told me that they like me,” Jiang Cheng confesses, trying to keep his voice tight and emotionless.

“Okay?”

“Ever since high school,” Jiang Cheng continues, “Can you believe that? Holding onto a crush from high school that long?”

Wen Qing snorts, but at least she tries to hide it behind her hand.

Jiang Cheng flushes, remembering that he is still harboring a crush on Wen Qing that had begun in high school. God, he can be such a hypocrite!

“Well,” Wen Qing says, “What did you say?”

“What could I say?” Jiang Cheng counters, deflecting by pure reflex. He feels the guilt he had suppressed earlier begin to bubble back up. “I told them... I didn’t know what to think. I mean, they sprung that on me so suddenly! So I said I’d give them a proper answer later, after I’ve thought things through.”

Wen Qing hums. Even as exhausted as she is, she clearly sees where Jiang Cheng is going with this. “And how do you feel about Nie Huaisang?” she asks, knowingly.

“I don’t know,” Jiang Cheng admits. It’s the not knowing that is messing him up, but he doesn’t say that. “I mean, Nie Huaisang... they’re assigned male at birth? I think that’s what they’re calling it these days. And I’m not gay. So I shouldn’t be attracted to them.”

“But you are?” Wen Qing guesses.

“Is that weird? Am I gay now?”

This time, Wen Qing is unable to hold back her laughter. She giggles into her fist, clutching her stomach with the other hand.

Jiang Cheng scowls and waits for her to finish.

After a moment, Wen Qing meets his gaze again. She’s still smirking, though, that little curl at the edge of her lip that drives Jiang Cheng wild. “If anything, you would be bi,” she corrects him, “Unless you no longer find me attractive?”

It’s a dig at him and they both know it. Jiang Cheng shoves her shoulder, and she only laughs some more.

“So we can rule out you being gay,” Wen Qing teases.

“Will you take this seriously?” Jiang Cheng grouches. “Just answer the question. Is it weird, for me to be attracted to Nie Huaisang?”

Wen Qing gives him another smile. This one is genuine, almost fond. “Of course it isn’t weird,” she says, “You might have a slight attraction to men, or you could just find the concept of androgyny attractive. As much as I wish human sexuality was as simple as movies and TV would have us believe, it’s far more complex than that.”

Jiang Cheng considers that. “Is there a word for... being attracted to androgynous people? As well as women?”

“Probably,” Wen Qing answers, “but I don’t know what it is. I find the concept of labels limiting at best and misleading at worst. But if you think it would help, I can do some research for you.”

Jiang Cheng leans back against the headboard. He doesn’t know if it would help. He supposes Wen Qing might be right about the labels thing. Any time they’ve attempted to put a label on the strange relationship they share, it’s only ever ended in heartache. And, on that note, being attracted to Nie Huaisang isn’t Jiang Cheng’s only problem.

“Hey, Wen Qing,” Jiang Cheng murmurs, “Are you... jealous, at all?”

Wen Qing sighs. “You know I’m not a jealous person,” she reminds him, “Why? Do you want me to be jealous?”

He kind of does, but he won’t ever admit it. And it’s not jealousy itself he craves, exactly, just the confirmation that maybe Wen Qing feels a fraction of what he feels for her. That maybe she considers him a part of herself, something she doesn’t want to lose.

Wen Qing sighs again. “We’re not exclusive, either,” she adds.

Jiang Cheng is painfully aware. He spits, “I know.” And then, “But have you actually ever... slept with anyone else? While the two of us have been a thing?”

Silence fills the room. Wen Qing fidgets with the ends of her bangs. “I’m too busy for that,” she deflects.

They’re both living a lie. That much is clear. Jiang Cheng blows out air though his teeth, and attempts to put his temper and ego aside for the moment. “So is it really fair, then, if I ask Nie Huaisang out on a date?”

Wen Qing surprises him. She reaches out and puts her hand over his, lacing their fingers. “C’mon, don’t they say everything’s fair in love and war?”

Jiang Cheng sucks in a breath. It’s the closest Wen Qing has ever gotten to admitting that there is love between them. He gives himself a moment to savor the little victory. And then he says, point blank, “I want to know if you’re okay with me asking Nie Huaisang out on a date.”

“Yes,” Wen Qing answers easily. She gives his fingers a squeeze. “Will you be okay asking them out on a date?”

“I don’t know,” Jiang Cheng admits.

“What’s holding you back? Be honest. Is it the whole gay thing?” Wen Qing’s smirk has returned. “I hope you realize how dumb that sounds to me. I did the whole gay panic thing back in middle school. That’s child’s play to me.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jiang Cheng finds himself smiling now, too. He remembers that Wen Qing was the first out and proud person he ever met. He remembers her wearing bi pride pins on her backpack, and how she was always the first person to put bigots in their place. She’s always been the strongest and bravest person he knows. He loves her so damn much. He only hopes that one day he’ll find the courage to tell her.

“So what’s really holding you back?” Wen Qing asks.

Jiang Cheng’s grin falls. He feels bad saying it aloud, even if he knows Wen Qing won’t judge him. But he says it anyway. “I’m afraid of hurting them,” he admits, “What if things go great at first, but when it comes to... getting intimate, I freeze up? What if I don’t find them attractive under the makeup?”

Wen Qing squeezes his fingers again. “That’s always a possibility,” she tells him.

“And I know I don’t know shit about being transgender or nonbinary or whatever,” Jiang Cheng continues, “but I heard that being misgendered hurts. And what if Nie Huaisang thinks I’m misgendering them, by not being attracted to them?”

“I don’t know,” Wen Qing says.

That shuts Jiang Cheng up. He looks at her, surprised. “What?” He asks.

“I don’t know,” she repeats. Her expression is so warm, so affectionate. “There are no easy answers, Jiang Cheng. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart. But I think it’s a good sign that you thought so much about this. It’s clear that you care about them. So... I think you should ask them out. You clearly want to.”

“I do want to,” Jiang Cheng confesses. He puts a hand to his chest, and is startled to find that his heart is pounding. When did that happen?

Wen Qing leans over and gives him a peck on the cheek. “So ask them out,” she whispers.

Then, she rolls over, turns off the lamp on her side of the bed, and goes to sleep.

But Jiang Cheng stays awake for a little while longer. He listens to his heart beat, and replays the conversation they just had in his head.

His fears and concerns are still there. But somehow, they feel more manageable.

—

It takes three days for Jiang Cheng to work up the courage.

Finally, he texts Nie Huaisang and asks them to meet him for a morning coffee at a locally owned vegan cafe and bakery. He figures it’d be the kind of place that Nie Huaisang would enjoy.

Jiang Cheng choses a table near a window. It makes him feel a little less claustrophobic. And then he waits.

Nie Huaisang arrives right on time, orders a latte at the counter, and brings it with them to sit in the booth across from Jiang Cheng. The nerves are apparent in every move they make, every little twitch of their fingers conveying intense anxiety.

Jiang Cheng wants to sandwich those fingers between his warm palms, and make them stop trembling.

“Good morning,” Nie Huaisang says. It sounds like they tried to sound nonchalant, but instead they just wind up squeaking on the first syllable.

It’s endlessly endearing. Jiang Cheng rubs the back of his neck. “Hey,” he replies.

Nie Huaisang looks down at their latte, and the foam heart on top. They swirl the spoon, distorting the image. “This is a nice place,” they say, “Cozy, and vintage. How long have you been coming here?”

“This is my first time,” Jiang Cheng answers. He doesn’t want to talk about the cafe! But he doesn’t know how to shift topics smoothly.

“Oh,” Nie Huaisang says. They peek up through their feathered bangs. Today, they’re wearing an oversized striped sweater, almost long enough to be a dress, over some leggings. As always, they look incredible.

Jiang Cheng has long found himself uncomfortably enthralled by Nie Huaisang. Their sense of style is— well, Jiang Cheng doesn’t know anything about fashion, so he doesn’t have the right words to describe it. But whatever it is, it looks good. It looks better than good. Jiang Cheng often avoids looking directly at Nie Huaisang for that very reason. But now that he’s looking, he can’t look away.

Nie Huaisang fidgets nervously, no doubt uncomfortable being under the heat of Jiang Cheng’s stare. “So,” they say, “What... have you been up to?”

It’s obviously not what they had meant to ask. Jiang Cheng suddenly realizes that he’s being a total douche for letting this drag on for so long. And so he blurts out, “I wanted to talk about what we talked about at the wedding.”

Nie Huaisang startles. They avert their gaze, and then ask, “O-oh...?”

“You said you liked me,” Jiang Cheng says, and then wishes he didn’t. Surely Nie Huaisang knew what conversation he was talking about! He berates himself inwardly for a moment, and then continues, “I wanted... to ask you out on a date.”

Nie Huaisang audibly gasps. They put a hand to their mouth a second too late to muffle it. “What...?”

“To the zoo,” Jiang Cheng adds, “Uh, you like the zoo, right? You like animals.”

“I do,” Nie Huaisang confirms. Their voice is so very small. Clearly, they had not expected this outcome. “But... I’m confused. You said... you said you don’t like men?”

“You’re not a man,” Jiang Cheng points out.

That gets a huge smile from Nie Huaisang. It lights up the entire cafe. “I’m not,” they agree, with a breathless sort of glee choking their throat. But then, the smile falls. “But I’m not a girl, either.”

“I know,” Jiang Cheng says. He straightens his spine, and tries to channel a fraction of the courage Wen Qing possesses. “I still think I’m straight, but I want to take you out on a date anyway. Maybe that means I’m not really straight, but right now, I really don’t care. I just want to take you to the zoo. And maybe to dinner, afterwards.”

Nie Huaisang looks like they don’t quite believe him. But they nod. “Okay,” they murmur, “I’d like that.”

#asks #livenarrator #mo dao zu shi #sangcheng #chengqing #drabbles #leigh’s writing #mdzs modern au

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