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hypermoyashi · 1 month

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hiiii moya!!!! Tell us about your favorite detail that youve snuck into any of your fics!! Any detail, big or small!!!

Oh man. Thank you for the ask, Tobi!!! You basically gave me a free ticket to talk about Anything I Want, and I have so many things I could chat about kegmrkemkg It's hard to pick out one detail or another because I tend to like a lot of what I write (it's catered to Me, after all), so I shall. Ramble under a read more, if that's okay lol.

OKAY SO. First thought was. How demons, specially Vash in the demon AU, work--because demon slayer canon has very strict rules on how thing works, but it doesn't often explain why things work the way they do. Which gives me a lot of room to be kind of hand-wavy with canon. (And I'm going to preface this that this is a lot of speculation for the AU and not necessarily reflective of canon in demon slayer rkengjrkengjrkeng.)

I also can't guarantee there won't be lore spoilers here (for both the fic/AU and the source), so read at your own risk!

But basically demonism was invented on accident in an attempt to cure a terminal illness, and it basically gives someone Immortality At A Cost. I think it functions sort of like a virus. Getting exposed to the blood of a demon will infect a human into become a demon, but "viral load" is important--the amount of "demon infection" determines if a demon can turn a human in the first place, and that depends on how diluted the demon's blood is from the original source. Too far, and they can't turn humans. Conversely, if a human gets Too Much demon blood at once and too much from the original source, their body changes too rapidly for it to handle, and they die instead of turning. Technically speaking, the same thing can happen to demons, too.

But all that to say, the main thing that demonism boils down to is rapid change of the body. Got cancer? Becoming a demon sure can cure that, just change faster than the cancer. Got a limb torn off? Let's just grow that right back. Need to develop supernatural powers or senses? Sure thing, buddy.

Demonism allows demons to change rapidly, but they also Need Humans to survive and have to avoid sunlight--obviously from a literary standpoint this is because they're meant to resemble western vampires, but from a functional standpoint? Sunlight I would guess is probably a glitch of rapid change? Like, when you implement coding too quickly, there are bound to be errors. If you force the body to change rapidly, like when it's converted from human to demon, then the weakness to sunlight might be an "error" in the biological code of the original demon that was then passed on to all subsequent demons, since they all came from the same source.

Feeding on humans, though? The implication I've always seen is that animal meat doesn't do it, and rotten flesh isn't as nutritional, either. So there's something about live humans that demons Need to consume to survive and grow their strength--demons can cannibalize one another, but I think they more or less just can steal traits from one another in those cases, and it's less about needing to eat then and more about assuming a trait another demon has developed through rapid change instead of taking the time to develop it oneself. We don't see demon animals, so I think it has something to do with the fact that only humans can become demons--demons can also only feed on humans, in return, so it might have something to do with the demon cells themselves running out of human cells to feed on in their host (i.e., the demon) and needing more to produce that rapid change we see them do.

Alright, but what happens when you deprive a demon of human flesh and blood? Obviously, it doesn't kill them (as we see with Nezuko in demon slayer canon). So it won't kill Vash now that he's decided not to have Anything, but then, how does he avoid the whole "going feral and attacking people anyway" thing?

Well, there is a procedure in demon slayer canon that reduces a demon's dependence on blood--this is not explained at all in canon, but I explained it by the use of introducing "antibodies" or a demon vaccination. These are demon cells that don't act fully like demon cells anymore--they were once demon cells that have changed to the point that, if introduced into a demon, it mitigates some of the impact of regular demon cells and thus lessen the symptoms of demonism (a.k.a., needing to eat people).

How did these cells come about? Well, through that rapid change of course--you'd just need a demon willing to change their cells and body in such a way as to mitigate some of the effects of the demon cells, and in this case. This is difficult in this case, I think, because to get cells that need less flesh/blood, these would need to be cells that haven't been given their "fuel" for rapid change and been forced to adapt without it. Basically, you'd need a demon willing to abstain from eating for a long time, if you see where I'm going with this.

In Nezuko's case, since she Never Ate Anyone Ever, I think her change under this theory would be forced from the fact that she never let her cells have anything to begin with. The change happened over a few years, because she Had To and she dedicated pretty much all of her energy to it. No speaking, no hard cognitive tasks, only occasional fighting and Blood Demon Art usage--she mostly just slept and only intervened in events when her brother was in danger, for the most part.

For Vash? The change would be a lot slower and a lot harder, because he has eaten at least one person, on top of having been fed blood/flesh (willingly or unwillingly) throughout his life. He also prioritizes keeping his mind sound and with it, and maintains his ability to speak and interact normally (most of the time). He also expends energy fighting, healing, and through his Blood Demon Art. So he's diversifying a bit more, and had less of a jump off point, so it'd take him much longer to get the same results. That being said, it's still definitely possible for him to get what he wants--a body not as reliant on blood or flesh (though he is still technically denying his body something it needs, it just needs less over time as his body starts working with him).

And hey, if demons can change to need less blood... Well, who's to say they can't change in other ways, too?

(demon slayer readers don't spoil it lol)

ANYWAY. Demon lore surrounding Vash in Make it to Daybreak is. Very fun to talk about. Everything above is all stuff that's been vaguely hinted at but not laid out plainly like this, but I think it'll give the non-demon slayer readers more of an edge guessing upcoming developments that demon slayer readers will already have lol. Plus it's just fun to fill in the holes on demon slayer lore with stuff that sounds neat to me.

But!!! Thank you so much for sending the ask, Tobi!!! It really made my day!!

#trigun #about my fanfiction #trigunfanficappreciation #whimsicmimic #again thank you so much for the ask tobi #i am absolutely stoked to ramble on about random demon au lore lol

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eternityunicorn2-0 · 2 years

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Does Eternity sleep? Is that why Dream couldn't find her, in her dreams?

Hi! 👋

She does sleep.

The reason why Dream couldn’t find her in dreams os because I simply interpreted the Dreaming as being for human and other mortals only. That and in Eternity’s canon, she and the other immortals live separately from mortals. So, I just went with Eternity being outside Dream’s reach.

(I hope that makes sense. It’s early and I’m not awake yet…lol)

#thanks for the ask!#about my fanfiction #oc: eternity #dream of the endless #morpheus #the sandman #netflix the sandman

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inkskinned · 14 days

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please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!

do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!

#i am so sick of writers having to anticipate the most boring #bad-faith readings of their work. i am like - if you use cheese as a currency #okay! as long as the world makes sense to me: cool. cheese tax. moving on.#my job as the reader is to suspend my disbelief and say i am so sick of like #fanfiction authors having to write dissertations #because they had an interesting idea they'd like to try out!!!#just write it! if it doesn't make sense that's someone else's problem!!!#PS OP is autistic. yes sometimes i take things literally at first glance. then i think about it lol #this is so clearly not about accessibility etc. it's about like. girl even i an autistic person #am able to understand ''they probably didn't mean his eyes darkened LITERALLY''

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lu-inlondon · 5 months

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source

#saw those pictures and immediately thought about my writing process #have a shitte meme i guess #writing #fanfiction #ben affleck #5k #8k

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theoldaeroplane · 9 months

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worried that thing you put in your art or writing or game or music is too self-indulgent, too self-referential, too niche for anyone but yourself? fear not! you can do whatever you want forever. and you should.

#writing #art #music #games #things i have to remind myself of daily #anyway ive found those things you're worried about sharing are often the most powerful things you CAN share #i hope you write #<- i would like to replace that tag with something that is less conversational #it makes reblogs awkward #anyway good morning. i have so many things to do today but instead i am crafting a memorial to my partner's best friend in my fanfiction.

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pagesinmylife · 27 days

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I don’t care if this comes off as cruel but you are not entitled to fanfiction. You are not entitled to podfics. You are not entitled to translated works.

Creators are not paid to make fanworks. People spend years of their lives writing fic and getting nothing in return except positive interactions. You can ask to make a translation. You can ask to make a pod fic. But you cannot demand it.

And because the only thing fanfic writers get in return for their work is positive feedback, taking away an authors ability to receive that is disgusting. Authors deserve to have full control and ownership of their works.

Fanfic isn’t a product to consume and then demand more of. Authors and creators deserve better.

#can you tell I’m furious?#I don’t want to lock my fics but I think I will #this is about the app lore.fm btw #lore.fm #fanfiction #fanfic #fics #ao3 #piml

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mostly-imagines · 2 months

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Guard Dog vol.I

jason todd x fem!reader

aka don’t fuck with jason’s girlfriend

4 in 1 blurbs

warnings: mildly creepy guys, standard protective bf methods

Jason’s good at shutting people up very quickly. You’d almost call it a talent.

He shuts you up with a kiss when you get stuck in a rant, or with a hug to calm your worried rambles.

And when you’re in an incorrigibly teasing mood, he’ll throw you over his shoulder and carry you back to your bedroom to really shut you up.

With other people though, he has…different methods.

You sit atop your kitchen counter, trading lazy kisses in between giggles with your boyfriend. He stands in front of you, hands massaging your thighs as he leans in for another. You happily oblige.

You break off the exchange to lay a series of sweet kisses on that spot under his jaw.

His head tilts back, letting out a groan so low you nearly miss it. “Sweetheart…” he warns.

“Sorry…” you resign with a sheepish smile.

A knock at the door bursts you out of your shared reverie. You press a kiss to his knuckles and hop down to start setting the table.

Jason gets the door, greeting the pizza guy with a nod as you shuffle around the kitchen. The delivery guy hands him a receipt, asking for a signature.

Jason uses the door as a surface to sign, giving the delivery guy an apt view into your apartment, where he sees you getting out plates in the kitchen. More noticeably, he sees you in your boyfriend's shirt, which rides up just a little bit when you stand up on your toes to reach the top cabinet. The lift of the shirt exposes the bottom of your underwear, though it falls back into place again just as quickly.

Now, lucky for this guy, Jason’s facing the door and does not see him checking you out in your own home. Unlucky for this guy, he has wildly misread the vibe of your relationship. Or at least your boyfriend.

“Man, how do you get anything done around here?” He jests.

Jason looks up at him, and the pizza man’s eyes tear away from your legs to meet his hard gaze. It does not take him long to realize his mistake.

“Try again.” Jason behests, arms crossed in front of him.

The pizza boy’s eyes go wide and he shakes his head, stuttering. “I—uh, I said have a good night.”

“Mhm.” He grumbles.

The pizza guy hands Jason the box with shaky hands and scuttles back down the hallway.

Thankfully, you didn’t seem to notice the exchange, but even so, your boyfriend still glowers down the hallway after him.

“Jay?”

His attention snaps back to you, demeanor changing instantly. “Yeah, baby?”

You’re sitting in your usual spot at the table, his chair empty and waiting just around the corner from you.

“Come sit.” You say, with eyes that might as well be hearts.

He gives a reassuring nod and kicks the door shut behind him.

You and Jason are sitting on the floor in his old room at the manor, your legs thrown over his. You lean up against his bed, asking him about posters on the walls and trinkets on the shelves.

His knee is propped up and your arm dangles across it, his hand in yours. He plays with your fingers and periodically leans forward to leave a kiss on them.

You’d just woken up less than an hour ago after spending the night post-gala, and it’s a peaceful, if not unusually quiet morning.

Dick shouts your name from another room, audibly booking it towards you. Yeah. That’s more like what Jason remembers.

He grumbles some annoyances, dropping his head against your intertwined hands.

Dick bursts into the room, clearly incredibly excited.

“What’s up, Dick?” You ask, calm as ever. Jason lets an unseen smile creep up, head still down.

Dick’s practically jumping up and down, “You gotta see the shit that Tim just found in the cave!” His face drops as he directs his gaze to Jason, “You’re not invited.”

“Thank God.”

Dick ignores him and grabs your wrist, yanking you up from the floor. This is one place where he differs from Jason—he’s not always quite so aware of his own strength.

His grip doesn’t hurt really, but it’s firm enough that you imagine there’ll be bruise marks there later.

“Hey.” Jason calls out, nodding his head to where Dick is holding your arm. “Ease up.”

Dick follows his gaze and immediately loosens his hold, apologizing to you before pulling you along once again (this time much more gentle).

You grin at Jason as he tugs you out the door, him returning it with an endeared smile as he watches you go.

Fuck he loves you.

Jason had a decent break from his night job for once, and was happy to let you drag him out to a bar for a little date. You’d been linked at the hip for most of the night, his hands maintaining their ever present home on your waist with yours rested on his thighs as you told him about your hectic day.

He’d usually prefer to stay in bed with you for as long as possible when he gets time off, but you’d looked so excited asking him to go out with you—he never stood a chance.

You look up into the mirror as you wash your hands, a strand of hair falling into your face as you do. You push it back behind your ear and smile to yourself, recalling the several times Jason had wordlessly done the same throughout the night as you rambled.

You make your way back to the bar, smile immediate on your face when you see your boyfriend. It gets replaced rather quickly though, when a man slides in front of you, cutting off your view of him.

“Hey there.”

You have to take a step back because of how close he decided to stand to you. He looks sober (enough) but wildly overconfident in whatevers about to happen.

"Let me buy you a drink, pretty thing."

Jason calls you pretty thing sometimes. It makes the blood rush to your cheeks and an inescapable smile creep up on your lips. When this guy says it, it makes you literally frown.

"Oh no, I'm okay, my—"

"You seem like a dirty martini kinda girl." He expertly ignores you, clearly trying and failing to make some kind of innuendo there.

Jason's sitting back against the bar, watching the interaction carefully. You still can’t see him, but he’s close and you can rest comfortable knowing he’s looking out for you.

With that reassurance, you don’t play this out quite as carefully as you would if you were alone.

"Look, I don't want a drink from you, thanks."

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say to him because his face contorts quickly to mock-disgust that you figure is really just embarrassment.

“Hey, don’t be a bitch just ‘cause—”

You try to sidestep around him, thoroughly done with this interaction, but he grabs your upper arm harshly, pulling you to an abrupt stop.

Jason stands up real quick, yanking the guy backwards by his collar before you can even process what's happening.

Now, you know that Jason is an objectively intimidating guy. There's not many people that will come face to face with that absolute unit of a man and still decide to keep on trying him. However, you tend to forget that when you're so used to your gentle giant that only ever speaks to you kindly and touches you softly.

But his intimidating status becomes very apparent when the guy spins around, looks up at Jason, and immediately takes four steps back. He actually almost bumps into you in the process, not doing anything to tame Jason’s acute distaste for this man.

"Listen to me—back the fuck off before you get hurt."

“She—”

“I don’t give a fuck. Leave.”

The guy hesitates.

“Now.” Jason adjusts his posture to stand at his staggering full height, clearly with no qualms about putting him back in his place.

That does it for him, the man stumbllng away with half-committed mumbles of “whatever” or “something something lame anyway.”

Jason watches him until he walks out the door, before turning back to you.

He delicately takes your upper arm in his hand, pulling your sleeve up to search for bruising. But as harshly as he had grabbed you, it didn’t have the time to cause a bruise before Jason intervened.

“What’d he say to you?” Jason asks, brow furrowed as he inspects your arm.

“Nothing very interesting.” He looks at you mildly.

You smile and comb his hair back from his forehead, “Don’t worry about him. I’m good.”

He lets your arm go, and exchanges it for holding the back of your head, planting a kiss on your forehead.

You take his other hand and guide him back to your seats.

“Besides,” You look over his shoulder and let out a little shocked gasp. “Guess who just walked in.”

He gives you a questioning look before his face slacks, eyes widening in realization.

“No…” And you smile so brightly it almost makes up for what's coming his way.

You redirect your smile over his shoulder and give a wave to the door. Jason swigs down the rest of his drink, hand finding your waist once again.

“Jaybird!”

Jason’s still exhausted from patrol last night but he’d insisted on going with you to the bar to meet your friends. You’d tried to convince him that it was okay to stay in and rest tonight, you’d be fine. But it was a losing battle.

You suspect it has something to do with him not liking when you go out in Gotham at night, especially when you’re drinking.

So he hangs out in the background of the buzz, with you sat in front of him, in between his legs.

You’re talking it up with Roy, who’s been making jokes about how Jason’s “moody ass” tricked you, “the ray of sunshine” into this relationship somehow.

You laugh, taking a sip of your drink. “Right, ‘cause you and Kori were in love at first sight.”

"Oh, fuck off." Roy jeers.

He doesn't say it with the cadence of a joke, but it is.

You know he's joking, he knows he's joking.

Jason, who very well may have been tuned out of the conversation up to that point, does not seem to know he's joking—or he doesn't care.

You don't need to look behind you to know that your boyfriend is in defensive mode, though the look of regret mixed with amusement on Roy's face gives a solid hint.

You hold your hand out to block Jason his path as he moves forward. He lets you stop him, though you're certain he could get past you without so much as blinking, no problem.

"Right. My bad, forgot your guard dog was here. Don't fuck off." Roy backtracks, hands up in front of him.

Jason just rolls his eyes, slouching back down. You reach behind you for his hand, giving it two squeezes. You know he’s tired, so much so that he almost punched his best friend for making a typical joke.

“Five more minutes, okay?” You say softly over your shoulder.

He nods at you blearily, and ducks his head down to rest on your back. You adjust your posture a little bit to make it more comfortable for him and continue on talking, his hand still in yours.

If he hadn’t fallen asleep so quickly, five minutes would’ve been five minutes, but instead it became something more like fifty.

He goes through patches where sleep isn’t always so welcoming, a phase he’s been in for the past couple of weeks. You’d been waking up to find the bed half empty, your boyfriend resigned to doing research on cases in an attempt to at least be productive while he’s awake.

You can’t protect him in the same ways that he protects you—you’re not a fighter or necessarily “intimidating.” But you can protect him like this, in these little ways. Letting him nap on you, making him close the case files and rest with you, holding his hand throughout the night so that when he inevitably has nightmares, he knows immediately that you’re still with him. That he’s safe.

So if he can get some much needed sleep while only costing you a stiff back tomorrow, you’ll happily take that deal as many times as he needs.

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felixcosm · 4 months

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I think it's mean how some people talk about fics on AO3.

'Oh you gotta wade through literal trash to find the good stuff'.

Were you not a beginner once? Did you not write crack fic or self indulgent things for your own entertainment?

Maybe don't speak that way about your fellow fic writers? Just because some fics aren't as polished as others, or involve fetishes and tropes you don't enjoy, or are not the style you want your fics to be doesn't mean they're trash.

It's a horrible thing to say and beginners are going to be discouraged from writing knowing that their fics might be considered trash because they're just starting out.

#on fanfiction #archive of our own #ao3 #fanfiction #this is inspired by a lot of the posts i see floating around that talk about fics like that #*i* dont read everything either #but you can say this is not for me without insulting the fics #(also mutuals this is not directed at any of you im not vaguing anyone on my dash)#these posts have existed for years

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crispyliza · 3 months

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I've got you all figured out fanartists

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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses · 10 months

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i vote that next year instead of reading Dracula we do a Jeeves & Wooster Book Club. those two never got the rabid tumblr shipping fandom they deserved (disqualified for the sheer technicality of being published a century too soon). we must correct this injustice

#jeeves and wooster #i want to watch tumblr go rabid i want to watch ao3 overflow with jeeves/wooster fanfiction #yes obviously the fandom EXISTS but it's a cozy little neighborhood #a handful of talented artists and writers doing their best to keep their charming little village going #but i'm tired of cozy i want this fandom TRENDING #I WANT TO SEE THIS ON MY DASHBOARD PEOPLE #i swear to you if they made a shiny new tv series tumblr would absolutely obsess over these characters. good omens levels of obsession #it's just such a great dynamic! the good-natured overly-trusting bumbling idiot in constant need of rescuing!#the stoic all-knowing genius who quietly masterminds mayhem in order to protect this one moron he's devoted himself to for some reason #jeeves as a morosexual is just such a beautiful interpretation of the original text #wooster as a happy-go-lucky himbo who stumbles his way into a relationship with a protective caring and supremely competent mastermind #the angst and social complexities of a same-sex cross-class relationship in turn-of-the century london!#oh AND half the stories are about jeeves helping wooster get out of engagements/desperately avoid marriage #two men who live together constantly scheming to maintain their bachelorhood. this is quite literally the main plot point #the gay subtext is there! the gay subtext is there and very ripe for picking!!!#this thing is LOCKED AND LOADED we can pounce literally any time

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nocteacakes · 9 days

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Thank you for filling in some of the backstory! All your WIPs sound amazing, but I'm especially partial to this one, because I'm a sucker for good angst and it sounds like there's a lot potential here 🤌🏻 Understand that you might have other priorities, but I hope to see it more fleshed out someday 🙏🏻

Take care and I look forward to seeing what other Snowbaird fics you might share 💛

oooo anon you have hit upon my favourite thing -- ANGST. I am also such a sucker for good angst; it is my absolute preferred flavour of fic lol. I am in need of a fic that explores the political aspects of the Capitol more (if you know of any lemme know!) because I LOVE political intrigue/court politics/"I have to do this because it is my Duty to" etc that is MY SHIT. Other media that I love that have this stuff along with the angst are: Star Wars Episode II and III, Dune, and Kushiel's Dart series by Jacqueline Carey.

Related to this, I had more backstory thoughts the other day:

So, he still loves her he just also hates her, and for the most part the hate overrides the love because that love is a weakness and it's how he got stuck in their current predicament. But once he's her husband and they're married, he's possessive as hell. Anyone insults her they die. Anyone looks at her the wrong way, they get their eyes cut out. Rumors spread about her that consequently paint him in a bad light -- they get their tongue cut out. He is adamant that he controls the narrative from here on out, and the narrative is that Lucy Gray is a perfect wife and he is a perfect husband and they are perfect together. She can try to act out but it weakens both their positions and he won't have it.

anon you are pushing this up the list of priorities lmao.... the snowbaird agenda waits for no one.

#asks #my fanfiction #about my fanfiction #snowbaird

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hypermoyashi · 11 months

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#trigun #tristamp #about my fanfiction #look its probably gonna turn into a longfic either way #the series of one-shots will just fit the earlier portions where it jumps around a bit more #but then the chaptered fic is gonna fit the later portions when the time skips stop better #also one-shots make it easier to flip between Nai and Vash #but also earlier parts lean towards Nai while later parts lean towards Vash #ugggghhh choices #yes i do have some of this written already ekakdkgjfkf

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captainkirkk · 2 years

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I want to see characters being taken care of in an explicit and worshipful way. Home-cooked meals. Hair brushed and braided by gentle hands. Little gifts just because.

I want to read about characters who are not used to kindness being bombarded by acts of service. This trope works romantically and platonically. Give me found family and acts of service - all the ways a character is wrapped up in wordless, explicit care after years of cruelty and having no idea how to handle. I need it.

#fanfiction #this is the 'comfort' part of hurt/comfort #but i want to take it to the extreme honestly #not just comfort immediately after a traumatic event #but consonant daily comfort!#being taken care of because you are loved always and unconditionally #this is the real reason why i sometimes read sugar daddy AUs even though i don't like them #i want to read about characters being SPOILED #this is also why i love the mdzs love interests so much #luo binghe is the ultimate worshipful house husband and i love that #my posts #you can tell i'm irrationally tired when i start getting tear-eyed over someone being cooked a meal

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inkskinned · 11 months

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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME #there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing #and the writing is what i need to be doing #writeblr #this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to #edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol #i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means #i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong #i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse #i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO #i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness #and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it #im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us #i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer #and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work #even if it means being miserable #but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.

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