#and I finally told my friends

[youchangedmedestiel]

Confession time

It has been 6 months (more or less) since I joined Tumblr and AO3 and I finally told my friends. I couldn't not tell them because it has become a big part of my life now, especially writing fanfics. A year ago I wasn't even writing a single word in my native language. And NOW I can't stop writing. Like it's a new hobby. And I think I just can't live without it anymore.

It took me a long time to tell them because I was scared of their reactions to be honest. I know they are open because otherwise we wouldn't be friends but still. I was scared they find that ridiculous or worse that they didn't understand how important it is for me and how much it changed me.

And man, they reacted sooo well. One already read fanfics since high school and loves Dean and Destiel. Plus I already send her some of my fics. The second one hasn't watched SPN and doesn't know a thing about Tumblr and fanfiction. And the last one is a Sam girl and is not really into reading fanfiction but still wanted to read what I wrote about Destiel. So I picked one, that wasn't easy to choose but I did and I hope she likes it or at least doesn't throw up while reading it.

Anyway, their backgrounds might be different, but all of them found it awesome and asked me why I haven't told them before. And I told them that it was also because I had to process the whole thing on my own, because it FUCKING changed me and the perception I had of myself. But that's also why I had to tell them, because it changed me that much and if they didn't know about it, it's like they would know me anymore.

So if you don't know how to talk about it to your friends but want to and you need inspiration then here below, this is what I sent them to explain. It might not be everyone's experience though but there this is mine:

"I should tell you because it's been 6 months now, so I've had plenty of time to accept it. You know how abnormal I am about Supernatural and especially Dean and Cas. Like, it never did that to me with any show before and when I say THAT you don't know what I'm talking about because I didn't tell you. The THAT: I created a Tumblr account, where I follow people, people I don't know follow me and I post stuff on it on SPN, on Destiel. I also created an AO3 account. Where I read fanfics but not only. Hold on tight. Me, who didn't like French or English classes when we were at school. You know me, I've never been literary, let alone in another language. But now I write fanfics in English and I LOVE it. It's my new passion, it's become a big part of my life and I think it helps me on a daily basis, I'm sure it does, like it helped me a lot especially when I had nothing to do all day when I was unemployed and it still helps me. Because it's a way of expressing myself and when I'm inspired it's an incredible feeling, I've never really known that before (except maybe when I was drawing) and I can't live without it now. I spend a lot of my free time on it and it's still not enough, which is also why I get frustrated when my weekends feel too short. It's because I'd like to take more time off to work on all the fanfic ideas I have. Because I can't always write between my evening shower and preparing dinner because it's too short, sometimes I need to take time to be able to sort out my ideas. But sometimes it just comes to me, like Saturday morning when I was just waking up in bed, I wrote a few hundred words because an idea popped into my brain. So I wanted to tell you because it's important to me. It may sound ridiculous to some, but I don't care because the feelings it gives me when people like what I write or comment that the characters sound like themselves or that I've made them cry make me happy (yes, I do like making people cry, apparently lmao). Yesterday I wasn't doing too well, I couldn't get any work done. I must have PMS going on or some crap like that, I felt empty and I didn't feel like doing anything because I couldn't see the point, whatever. I wrote a few cute words about Dean and Cas, my loves, and it made me feel better. It's kind of magical. I feel like my writing has improved a bit in 6 months. I don't think I can live without writing anymore anyway, and I never thought I'd say that one day. Here you know everything, it frustrated me that you didn't know, because it's cool to share it with strangers online but if my friends don't know about it, it doesn't make sense 😘 especially given the role and place it has in my life."

#destiel #deancas #dean winchester #castiel #supernatural #spn #when I say destiel change me #I'm not kidding #and I finally told my friends #they know now how much it changed me #now that I acknowledged it #now that I accepted it #now that I owned it #that's the first time I'm sharing this much in here #but maybe it can help someone who knows #or maybe it can help me to know i'm not the only one #writing fanfiction #fic authors #fanfic writing #my destiel fanfic #my personal experience with destiel #my personal experience with spn

[simplenefelibata]

as much as i love sam knowing about destiel before dean does, there's something about "i mean yeah my brother and his angel best friend are really weird about each other, live together, co-parent a kid, nearly kill themselves every time the other is gone, stand too close and stare at the other's mouth while they talk, but i mean to each their own i guess??" that's so special to me

#it's just so funny #and when it finally clics he's like #OH #that... explains a lot actually #he's so committed to believe dean's heterosexual act #and you know what i respect sam for it #if the dude says he's straight then it doesn't matter he stares at men lusting! he's STRAIGHT. #i'm sam btw #i had a friend who told me for 6 months he was straights while he performed in my face Telephone by Lady Gaga #and also knew the entire loona lore #but he said he was STRAIGHT okay #i had the audacity (or the politeness ig) to act surprised when he came out #i'm rambling #sorry #destiel #dean winchester #castiel #supernatural #spn #casdean #sam winchester

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

#selfie bee #me telling a coworker who I have been working with for 4 months and whose name I do not know about my toenails #i'm sorry Tobias (?? Paul ??) it was the only topic I could come up with after I already told you about the big bird I saw in 8th grade #FRIENDS how are you!! :) how has the new year been so far!! #did you have a lot of snow on christmas! #we did and it was really fun! I had a very bad cold so I just watched the snow from inside but that was good too c: #do you have any plans for the new year? #i always have lot and most of the time I do not do any of them but planning is fun #this year I REALLY want to watch all of Star Trek ヽ(´∇｀)ﾉ #I would also love to learn how to make a handstand #imagine if you could just make yourself upside down #but it is a far away dream because honestly I am not very good at being usual side up most of the time either #but I will try probably at least 2 times to learn it ( ᐛ ) #maybe I'll finally finish that website! #new years are good and fun #it's wild to think about how much daily life has changed since last year but I feel just the same :) #who knows what this year will bring! #I hope I don't hit a pheasant with my car #I almost hit a pheasant with my car last year and the pheasant made direct eye contact #I wonder how he is doing today #since that moment I think about pheasants a lot #I knew they were real but I had never seen one #just to know they are out there is a mystical feeling #right know it is raining so all the pheasants might be wet #get dry soon pheasants!! #I don't think I've ever seen a wet bird either #I don't know what do do with all these birds thoughts #also thank you for the person who asked about my skirt!! ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅ #I've finished it and its really really bad #but I love it

[crowsgrudge]

fionna's world being represented by a dandelion makes so much sense ... they're weeds. yet people make wishes through them, changing their whole meaning from something meant to be destroyed to something hopeful.

dandelions are also resilient and it makes sense that something associated with them would. you know. perservere despite the destruction caused by the scarab.

but ultimately i think what REALLY made me tear up over this is that dandelions are really boring plants. when you're a kid you blow on them and make your wish but they're not eyecatching or anything but still, fionna's final wish was for her old world to still exist as it was when she left it (> plain and simple. boring even).

like the moment she realized she would lose her friends, and that her friends might forget each other if the world got its magic back, she immediately decided she didn't want it and I think that ties back to the dandelion metaphor so well... like, do you really need magic to be real to find it everywhere? or can you turn something boring into something magical?

#remi rambles #fionna and cake #f&c spoilers #sorry i have many Not Silly thoughts about the finale #i looove fionna she was such a wonderful character .. so well written and real TO ME #shes my best friend shes my everything shes silly she makes me so emotional #like even when simon told her he was gonna wear the crown to get the magic back to her world #< the moment she realized he would go crazy she started to think about it #like she wont sacrifice a friend just to get what she really wants #i really loved her journey through the show idk #going from being so over her routine > finding out magic can be dark too > making her own magical world just by loving her friends #like its so much more than 'the power of friendship will save us!!' #yes she saved the world thanks to the love she had for her friends but it was backed up by a full journey beforehand #i think. the line about having functional toilets (while still being a p good joke) makes the point so much clearer #we have been to the end of the universe and back but we have functioning toilets !!! #like do u get it. do i sound crazy #< crazy person voice #anyway yes im done sorry #live laugh love fionna and cake

[ryuniiis]

Chao garden doodles ⭐

#one of my friends told me I should play SA2 battle because of better cutscenes so I am finally doing it after 4 months #I love chao garden a lot and feel guilty for not putting more effort into it before #also first time posting Rouge ‼️ I gave chao heart shaped fruit too hehe #sonic the hedgehog #sonic adventure 2 #sonic adventure battle 2 #rouge the bat #shadow the hedgehog #chao #chao garden #art #digital art #illustration #artists on tumblr #sonic #sonic fandom #shadow

[seraphic-sibyl]

There are two wolves within you. One of them just came up with a fanfic you desperately need to see, and the other refuses to write it.

#fanfiction #fanfic writers #writing #fanfic memes #fanfic meme #fanfiction meme #fanfiction memes #fanfic #i have a fic idea in which agnes nutter sends crowley and aziraphale a housewarming gift or a wedding card or something #350 years later for when you finally get your crap together #and that’s pretty much it #or like an epistolary fic told only through the prophecies of agnes nutter #need more agnes centric fic to be honest #anyway no i’m not going to write it #i had one (1) friend say they didn’t like my fic and i refuse to write fanfiction ever again #but oh well i can chew the idea for a few days #fanfic writer #fanfiction writer #writing memes #writing meme #two wolves #fandom meme #fandom memes

[khaopybara]

alley rose by conan gray for @mbjw!

you wrapped your fingers around my neck and pulled me into your desperate breath the way you kissed me hot and fast i knew it'd be the last

(hey juls, i hope you liked it. thank you for trusting me to make this and for encouraging me. you're great!)

#only friends the series #ofts #sandray #only friends #firstkhao #khaotung thanawat #first kanaphan #ray pakorn #ofts sand #raysand #only friends ray #.. bibs gifs. #.. bibs edits. #only friends sand #mbjw #juls it's finally here after so long #remember if you don't like it you can just lie i don't mind #but genuinely i've told you this before and i'll tell you agai thank you for being lovely and patient #this has been sitting on my drafts since yesterday and i waited until now to see if i was going to end up hating it after waking up

[kaizokuseb]

god fucking damnit. i woke up from a nightmare this morning and just immediately broke down sobbing. sometimes i cry after a nightmare (because they’re literally all about the people i love suddenly being indifferent/cruel to me), but i still feel like i could start crying again any second

#and then i texted my brother and just asked him to tell me he loves me #like just a little reassurance #and he sent me back ‘lol my partner gets those same dreams’ #i finally get all the women i know #i told him exactly what to say and he still fucked it up #seriously is there like a filter on some people’s brains that just doesn’t see a request like that #okay editing tags because this got notes: #my brother is awesome #he’s my best friend and he’s only 23 so he’s like a baby #(i know 23 is an adult but he’s five and a half years younger than me and the baby of our family) #he is also like 6’6 or something #he towers over us all but especially our sister (the oldest) #we go backwards in height vs. age

[akkalime]

they should've given zenos so much more cake

#final fantasy xiv #ffxiv #zenos viator galvus #this didn't have to have all the jokes and i'm trying to decide if i should give him acrylics but it's almost 5am and i gotta pass out #i'll update this if i decide to give him the acrylics he deserves #shoutout to my friend who told me to do this there was supposed to be a fandaniel chihuahua somewhere in there but i cant be assed add him #akkart

[eggsistential-breakdown]

Put some women in suits and men in dresses

#finals went great but super burnt out #my friend told me to watermark my art so i guess i do that now #not the happiest with this but i was sitting on this forever and it wasn't getting better #transcendence au #tau art #alcor the dreambender #dipper pines #mabel pines #rosa darling #mira ramachandran #belle sterling #henry pines #ian beale #toby pines #tobias pines #my art #digital art #fan art #gravity falls

[artpepkin]

I literally cannot believe @wolfbeestudio 's kickstarter managed to make it all the way to Cross (and I'm not even doubting it can make it to Gaster as well)!!! I joined it before dream was even unlocked and got so excited each time I could update my number of kitties sjhfd. Congrats to Wolfbee!! I can't wait to have my little gang 🥺🧡🧡

#undertale #my brothers face when i told him i bought all four was hysterical #oh my god i love them so much my poor friends have watched me slowly get more excited and hyper as each new kitty was unlocked snfbd #undertale sans #undertale sans au #killer #cross #nightmare #dream #random pep talk #kickstarter #wolfbeestudio #im gonna have to finally buy shelves for my room so i can put them up 🥺 #artpepkin

[myreia]

— iii. need | want

Her breath mists in the air. A sigh, a pause, soft in the moonlight. The pulse of life—her life, theirs, intertwined in a way she once could not have conceived—thunders in her veins, a rare flicker of desire stirred by his touch. Their wants and needs are different, not always matched, but tonight is different. Special. Private. She can give him this, as it is what he needs.

#ffxiv #ff14 #final fantasy 14 #gpose #gposers #warrior of light #thancred waters #wolcred #aureia malathar #oc tag #myreia screenshots #aureia's asexual and i have so many essays i could write about ace/allo dynamics and how it factors into her intimate relationships #anyway my friend told me this looks like they snuck into an arboretum greenhouse and you know what maybe they did 😌 #aurcred 2024 #wolcred week

[oatbugs]

Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship

#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it #it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper #provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the #interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after #50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked #his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it #he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from #when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has #his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever #but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how #we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe #cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna #back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed #practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence #we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one #who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted #to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say #goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art. #you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea? #if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa #the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding #his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.

[weirdcat1213]

I've been looking at a false image that flitted through my feverish mind / I've been looking at my own self

#1ST TRIGUN EDIT OF THE YEAR #CAN I GET A YIPPY :D #also yes is purple vash again #also i finally figured how to use the japanese dialogue #i told you that phrase was stuck on my mind #trigun #trigun stampede #trigun edit #yt link in the comments #also the song is a fixer cover by utauonisan but its not on yt anymore #ill probably put the niconico link in the yt video #if you know the song we are friends

[cubedmango]

sibling secrets

#cherry magic #my art #comic #finally drew out another silly cm comique bc its been a while since the last one #radio drama edition this time bc ive been missing them dearly :( #me as i was drawing this: my own rd krdc designs ? broke and too basic . my own rd mari design ??? lets fucking goooo #i love her so much u guys have no idea .!!! recently i found out her name actually stems from My name and that was like . holy shit #i knew our annoying elder sister vibes matched . shes my best friend now #also the 'kurosawa drunk rambles abt adachi to her' thing is an hc of mine for them in every version . he would do that u cant even argue #also also mari 1000% percent knew what she was doing in every adaptation too and set them up on purpose its true she told me herself-

[justaboot]

im finally starting to write my book says girl actively logging in to tumblr dot com

#hashtag jamie finally writes her fantasy series #got snowed into a cabin in the mountains with my two favorite people in the world for six days this week #told them the outline for my series and they were SO EXCITED it was crazy ive never felt so supported #got the highest compliment one can get from an actor from demetrius friend of 'if you do the radioplay I want to voice the lead' #gf is mad she can't voice the female lead sorry babe thats me 🤟