#anyway i do wish a motherfucker would learn to take a hint that i do not wish to continue a conversation

[thenixkat]

Anyway, if you aren’t Black don’t use any variation of woke. I don’t care what conservatives are calling fuckers/using as the new sjw/political correctness/what have you.

If you know what fuckers mean use what they mean, and if you don’t why are you copying what people are saying?

Woke ain’t for you. If the discussion isn’t about Black people being aware of and/or educating other Black people about racism/antiblackness/structural inequality/all the other bullshit then it doesn’t need to be used in the discussion.

#nix meows #aave #woke #aave misuse #apparently that one post i made where i directly mentioned how i don't wanna see boogleech no more showed up in his tags #which is generally how tumblr's search function works; if a word in there it shows up #anyway i do wish a motherfucker would learn to take a hint that i do not wish to continue a conversation #cause all i'm getting is excuses about how he's just paraphrasing so its fine #that other people don't have an issue and not 'to shoot the messenger #my wigga i was forced to see the word 'wokeist' (yall know i can't spell) on a post from someone i know is white #who's posts show up everyfucking where in the corner of tumblr i generally operate in #why would i give a damn what the rest of the post was about when a wigga shouldn't be using words like that period #aint no fucking changing my mind #ya ruined my night and i don't wanna see ya #i aint ask nobody to block you or some shit like that #i personally don't wanna get microaggressed on my own damn dash cause my white mutuals (who mean well but dont all ways catch shit) #decided to reblog it untagged #like yeah its pretty easy to drop a bitch i only occasionally interacted with over the course of a few years over #it just on the innitial 'it's not an issue' dismissal #told me everything i needed to know #bogleech #may as well actually tag them cause I've been feeling a lot less charitible given how they handled shit and kept trying to shut me up #plus they're a vote blue no matter who fucker like genocide joe is harm reduction

[userastarion]

Coming from a fellow Sailor, I just want you to know that I’m sorry.

I don’t know what sub life is like personally or what he’s like as a person, but I’m sure he’s trying to distress or has to do some offloading/in port work.

I’m about to head on deployment in a few months myself, and I can’t imagine not wanting to talk to those important to me when I’m able to.

I just get this feeling he’s got something going on, and can’t reach out to you for whatever reason.

first off, thank you for sending this!

secondly, i know he's on leave right now, so that's kind of what's been getting to me. that and the fact that like... he WAS answering me, and then suddenly just didn't? at all? i'm really struggling because he has no track record of just falling off communication but at the same time, it's entirely possible he's just being a big ole coward because i just asked if we were good, he said yeah, and then his feelings changed and he doesn't want to say that bc maybe he just told me what i wanted to hear at that time?

the issue is that i don't know. and when i tell you i have done my very best to be SO understanding of the situation. i have made so many accommodations the entire duration of our "relationship" or whatever it was that we had. it just reached the point where, aside from any personal emergency, i really don't understand how he can't even send me a message that says "i'm sorry, i can't talk right now" or "i can't talk for a few days" or whatever.

trust me when i say i have thought through EVERY possibility here lol. including like, having my friends call and see if he answers so i at least know he's alright, if completely blowing me off.

the trouble is... we were never "official" or whatever so there's no one who would know to reach out to me if something DID happen. i've been freaking out a little bc he's not on socials and the only places i CAN see if he's active he hasn't been, so i don't really know if he's actually alright, but my friend did actually call today and his phone rang all the way through so i at least know it's on. that offered me a little reassurance.

idk. reconciling this with his past track record is hard but we all know people can change really quickly or rapidly show their true colors. and he has had a very mild habit of prioritizing "the boys" over me before, in port, which i mostly allowed bc i knew it was their time for freedom. to me, it's just... I had to reach out to HIM to learn he was back. we didn't talk about seeing each other. and after a 3:30am heart to heart i didn't hear from him again. like. it's been almost 5 days. i feel like i should take the hint.

i've been saying he has a blinking half-heart of health left with me, if he reaches out again in a reasonable time frame and either tells me something terrible has happened or apologizes and immediately corrects the behavior, but otherwise i just have to call it. i want a relationship. i have waited seven motherfucking months for a relationship i thought i was going to have and been rapidly watching those hopes dashed before my eyes. i don't have it in me to just... sit here and wait around to be conveniently there, you know? i'm a real person with feelings and needs and a life.

anyway. i'm sorry for the diatribe lol, you probably didn't expect (or need) it. i'm just sad and angry and tired and so very, very disappointed.

i do wish you all the best on your deployment, though! it's tough. it sucks. i did a lot of research on it ahead of time trying to prepare for what he would go through emotionally (and what i would likely go through) so i've learned a lot and it's probably not necessarily a highlight of the job but! you got this!

#b:answered #b:sailortalk #letssteez #especially when he knows i'm anxious as fuck like sir??? you can't just leave me in the dark????¿¿¿ #but the more messages/reaches out that go unanswered the more i feel like i'm just not reading the 'gtfo' room 🤡

[dulce-pjm]

clean up on aisle seven!

word count: 3.3k

genre: casual fluff :)

summary: you really didn’t want to go on this grocery trip. and now you’re stuck trying to track down that last thing your mom needs while the clock is ticking before she checks out. but something (or someone) might just make you lose track of time. 

This is your worst nightmare. Your heart was pounding in your chest, your breaths were shallow and staggered, and you could feel droplets of sweat quickly accumulating on your forehead. You’d just suffered finals week and you could definitely say this was the most stressful situation you’d experienced in your life.

This might be where you die. 

Actually, if you died now, your mother would drag you back from the grave and kill you again for being so dramatic. 

You were standing helpless in the middle of the produce section of your hometown’s grocery store, desperately looking for the red potatoes. And while you frantically scanned for the vegetable- Are potatoes vegetables? Maybe they’re starches. Or a root. It isn’t important. What is important is that you have no clue where they are and your mom is currently in the checkout line, wondering what’s taking so long. 

Onions, leeks, asparagus, radishes, cabbage. . . 

Maybe you were looking in the wrong place. You circle the aisle, hoping you don’t look like a madwoman as you wring your hands and tug at your hair. 

You were a STEM major, for god’s sake! You just crushed your sophomore finals (maybe. probably. you completed them, it’s all that matters), you were not going to let some stupid red potatoes and a fear of abandonment you’ve harbored since childhood distress you in this way. 

Spinach, lettuce, carrots, celery. . .

You know, you never should have agreed to go on this grocery trip. Just an hour before now, you’d been comfortable in bed, sleeping in to your heart’s content. But it’s the holidays and you know your mom likes to run her errands with someone and the guilt was just too much. So you let her drag you out of bed and you barely got to brush your teeth before she was dragging you out of the house, too. You probably looked like a wreck. You sure felt like one. 

Tomatoes, avocadoes, peppers. . .

Normally by now you’d suck it up and ask an employee for help like the adult you were supposed to be, but, just your luck, the entire section is void of any workers. Honestly, good for them. You’re sure they’re tired of dealing with hopeless idiots like you, anyway. 

Garlic, strawberries, blueberries. . .

Who puts garlic next to strawberries? And how did you end up in the fruit section? Even you could do a better job organizing this place. Or maybe you have poor observational skills. You decide not to dwell on which thought is more correct. 

You rush back to where you started, begging your eyes to actually work and help you with this one task. 

And then: a miracle. Yellow potatoes! You scan the vicinity and... 

No red potatoes to be found. Maybe there’s no such thing as red potatoes. Maybe your mom just wanted you to go away for a while. Well, no, that can’t be it. You’re certain you’ve had red potatoes before. 

The stress was getting to you. By now, your mom was probably loading her groceries onto the conveyor belt, annoyed at your slow pace and mind. 

You know, in many other situations you’d actually consider yourself good under pressure. Put you in a lab coat and in front of a titration and you were a goddamn genius, if you did say so yourself. But once you weren’t poring over textbooks or analyzing data, you felt completely useless. Ask you to cook and you’ll set the kitchen ablaze. Anything more athletic than a casual jog is off the table. Your friends often joke that you can’t even be trusted with a microwave. For good reason. How were you supposed to know those chicken sandwich bags can’t go in the microwave? They’re made of paper. 

Other shoppers bristle past you to grab their own groceries, but all you can do is reply with a few murmured “sorries” and stand in the middle of the place looking like a lost puppy. To them, you look utterly distressed. A few shoppers consider asking if you’re okay, but little do they know there’s only one question plaguing your mind. 

“Where are the motherfucking red potatoes?!” 

You didn’t mean for it to slip out, but at least there’s no one close enough to hear-

A giggle rings from the other side of the waist-high aisle you’ve been staring at. Your eyes slide up to meet the gaze of a boy not too much taller than you- kind of cute too- but the important thing is that he’s staring right at you. Very obviously trying (and failing) to fight an uncontrollable grin on his face. 

Your cheeks heat like a furnace. All you can do is stand and stare, caught red-handed cursing over produce at the corner grocery store. 

The boy with full, boyish cheeks, twinkling eyes, and a very cute smile that you might consider infectious in any other scenario leans forward on the tips of his toes and peers at the side the aisle you’ve been intently gazing at for the past several minutes. To your horror, he lifts his finger and points just inches from where you were just looking. 

“Maybe right there?” It isn’t said sarcastically or with even a hint of ridicule, but despite his genuine nature you only grow more sheepish. You wish you could shrink into your sweatshirt and never come back out. 

You lower your eyes to the direction he’s pointing and lo and behold, there are several bags of red potatoes just under your nose. 

“Oh. . uh. . Thanks.” You tentatively reach and grab a bag, your eyes not leaving the boy’s face. You can’t help but notice the line forming between his eyebrows and the way he cocks his head to the side. Now, that you think about it, there’s something distinctly familiar about him. 

“Wait, Y/N?” Your eyebrows raise, and that seems to be all the confirmation he needs to know that you somewhat recognize him too. “I’m Jimin!” He continues when you don’t respond. “We were best friends when we were, what, six or seven?” 

The memories immediately begin rushing back. Though many of your memories from back then have faded, you can remember very distinctly the elementary days full of you and a younger version of the boy across from you causing mischief. More specifically, the two of you thought up increasingly risky pranks to play on your parents and friends until one or both of you got the scolding of a lifetime. You’d nearly completely forgotten about him. 

“Yeah, it’s me,” you finally manage. “It’s been a while.” Jimin circles to your side of the aisle. 

“Oh my god! When was the last time I saw you?” Jimin thinks for a moment. “Wasn’t it your birthday party? When we hid in the bathroom cabinet and it took them hours to find us!” The memory has the both of you giggling.

“Yeah! My mom would have grounded me for scaring her so badly if it wasn’t my birthday.” The atmosphere is comfortable. Almost as if it had been no time at all. 

“I think if anyone was scared, it was you. Weren’t you terrified of the dark?” You blush despite the ridiculousness of his teasing. 

“Hey! I talk to you for two minutes after all this time and you’re already back to making fun of me?” Despite their legitimacy, the words carry no malice and you’re grinning from ear to ear. A smirk plays on Jimin’s cheeks and you catch yourself studying his features. It should seem normal, but you’re slightly struck by how much he’s grown up. His baby fat is long gone, replaced with a striking and defined look despite his sweet and boyish features. His brunette locks are neatly cut, his bangs complimenting his cheeks and forming a slight heart shape on his forehead. He’s cute. 

If you weren’t so caught up in your own embarrassment, you might have noticed the endeared look he’s giving you as he studies your face at the same time. 

“What can I say?” he replies with a shrug. “You’ve always been easy to tease.” You scoff, shifting the bag of potatoes in your arms. 

“Speak for yourself, crayon-eater.” Jimin’s giggle is infectious, drawing a snort or two out of you, though you desperately try to play it off as just a cough. 

“Where did you end up going? I never saw you after that.”

“Ahh, we moved to the other side of the city. It was pretty sudden.” Jimin nods in understanding. 

“I guess you moved again for college, too?” he asks tentatively, gesturing to your sweatshirt. You glance down at the university logo before meeting his eyes again. 

“Yeah, I’m just back for the holidays. You?”

“I go to university in the city. Just picking up some groceries for my family. I tend to do our grocery shopping on weekday mornings anyway, since most of my classes are in the afternoon.” You learn that Jimin is a communications major, which you think suits his personality spectacularly. Jimin is not even close to surprised to find out you’ve dedicated yourself in chemistry. 

“And to think, just yesterday we were making potions from mud in your backyard. You’re practically a prodigy. Can I get your autograph? You know, for when you become a famous scientist saving the world and all that?” You shake your head, noting that Jimin is just as ridiculous as you remember him.

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” you muse. “But I’m leaning more towards education. I’d like to teach high schoolers one day, maybe college students too.” Now that strikes Jimin as a surprise, evident by his shocked expression. You can’t help staring at the way his lips puff out in an unintentional pout.

 “Really? You want to deal with those brats? We just left high school and you already want back?” If your mom thought you were a drama queen, Jimin had you beat tenfold. He’d always been a bit of a class clown, always supplying exaggerated expressions and stupid jokes to garner as many laughs as possible. You roll your eyes. 

“They’re not that bad.” You pause. “Well, they are pretty bad but I think I could get through it if I knew I could make at least one kid excited about science, you know?” You inwardly cringe at your mini-spiel. Normally once you get talking about your love for chemistry, your friends zone out or casually change the subject to avoid massive boredom. But to your surprise, Jimin doesn’t seem the least bit annoyed at your sappy, nerd-ish outlook on your career. Instead, he’s nodding with you, attentive and interested. 

“That’s. . . really nice.” You blush, stopping yourself from going on a further tangent, sure he has much better things to be doing than listening to you go on and on. 

“Oh, it’s nothing.” You twiddle your thumbs and Jimin tugs on the sleeves of his oversized sweater. “Do you still have that cat? What did you name him... Snuggles?”

“Chubbles!” he nearly shouts with a massive smile. “And yeah, I do. He’s still overweight as ever. And old as hell. But I love the grumpy thing to pieces.”

“He was so cute! I remember cuddling with him while watching cartoons together.”

“Oh my god, yeah! That was the only time my mom would let me eat in the living room. I swear those waffles tasted better in front of the tv screen.” The story sparks a memory in your mind. 

“Hey, wanna know a secret?” Jimin leans in slightly, confused but definitely interested. You pause for effect. “My mom didn’t let us eat in the living room either. I only said that because you wanted to and I thought it’d convince your mom.” Jimin feigns a gasp, putting a hand on his chest. 

“Are you serious? I was jealous of you for years after that and it wasn’t even true? You said your family always ate in the living room.”

“I may have exaggerated a lot of things back then in order to impress you.” 

“No way. Then do I really know you at all? Was everything a lie?” You find yourself laughing again. Talking with him is easy, like being kids again. 

You shrug. “I like to maintain an aura of mystery.” Now Jimin’s the one rolling his eyes at your antics.

“Hey, speaking of Chubbles, do you want to see a picture of him? My mom posted the best picture of him on Facebook the other day.” Jimin whips out his phone. While others might find a college student doting on his cat and his mom’s Facebook a bit dorky, you find it all too endearing. 

“Um, of course!” You step towards him to peer at his phone. But instead of cat pictures, all the two of you see is an endless loading screen. 

“Shit. My service sucks out here. I’m sorry.” He gives an apologetic look, but you’re quick to brush it off. 

“No, it’s okay. You can just send it to me later.” The connotation of your words hit you like a freight train and you’re about to not-so-eloquently take them back, but Jimin beats you, a smile is plastered across his face. A part of you wants to reach up and squish his cheeks together, but you don’t need to create any more reason for the other shoppers to think you’re unhinged. Also, personal space. 

“Oh, great. I’ll just get your number-”

“Y/N.” You freeze, your head whipping around behind you to where your mother stands. She glares at you with her hands set on her hips, no groceries in sight. 

“Oh, um, oops.” You muster the best smile you can but your mother is anything but amused. “I found the red potatoes!” You hold up the bag that’s been making your arms ache, as if that would magically fix the situation. She scoffs. 

“And while you did, I checked out, paid, put the groceries in the car, and realized that we’d already gotten red potatoes. They were just piled under all that sugary cereal you insist on-” Her eyes flicker to the boy standing awkwardly behind you when she lets out a scream of joy. “Park Jimin!” She nearly shoves you aside to wrap him in a hug, instantly recognizing him despite years of not seeing him. Though if Jimin’s mom is active on Facebook, you guess your mom has seen plenty of Jimin via social media. While you stare incredulously at your mother, Jimin is staring at you, internally laughing at your expression. 

“How’s your mother? Is she well? Healthy?” Jimin nods with a charming smile.

“Yes, she’s great.” Your mom is clutching Jimin’s hands as if she’s in her seventies and not her forties. Jimin awkwardly shifts his grocery basket to his elbow, but your mom pays no mind to the uncomfortable position he’s in. 

“Oh, you’ve grown so much! I can still remember the days when you two were taking baths together!” Your face blanches while Jimin chokes. Knowing the volume of your mom’s voice, you’re sure the entire grocery store knows your and Jimin’s history now. “You know, I was just thinking about your mother the other day. When we were pregnant with the two of you, we-”

“Hey, Mom.” You place a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t you think we should get going? The groceries are in the car...” 

“Oh! You’re right, sweetie,” she smiles. It seems that all it took was Jimin’s charm (and by charm, you mean standing there with that grin of his) for her to completely forget about your previous transgression. She turns back to Jimin. “It was lovely to see you, dear. Please tell your mother I said hello. We really should have a get-together over the holidays, don’t you think?”

“That sounds like a great idea, Mrs. L/N,” Jimin says, his eyes trailing to you. “Sorry for keeping your daughter. We were reconnecting and lost track of time.”

“You’re too sweet. I’m sure my daughter was the one babbling on about whatever popped into her head next. It’s no wonder she got lost looking for potatoes, she’s so easily distracted. You know, we had to put her on a leash as a child.” Your cheeks flush red while you get the sense that Jimin is enjoying this a little too much, despite his awkward smile. 

“Oh...” You can tell he’s doing his best to spare you the mortification, but if anything his efforts to conceal his laughter only make you more eager to end the conversation. 

“Uh... Mom... Groceries...”

“Fine, fine. You didn’t seem to care that much when you were flirting in the produce aisle.” Now that is the final straw. 

“Mom! Oh my god, let’s just go.” You feel like a teenager again, embarrassed and at your mother’s mercy. “Bye, Jimin! It was nice seeing you!” You grab your mother by the elbow and nearly drag her out of the store, tossing the red potatoes back onto the aisle as you go. You barely catch Jimin’s weak wave as you storm out. 

“He really is such a sweet boy, I’ll have to give his mother a call.” Call. That’s right. You forgot to give him your number. 

On pure instinct alone, you spring around, abandoning your mother in the parking lot to sprint back inside. 

“Y/N? Y/N! Where are you going?”

“I’ll be right back! Start the car!” Your mother sighs and shakes her head. You imagine she’s pinching the bridge of her nose and wondering how her child still acts like a seven-year-old chasing after butterflies. 

You find Jimin not far from where you left him, skimming through the juices. You do your best not to show how heavy you’re breathing or how you’ve nearly broken a sweat. And you curse yourself for not using the university gym more often. Upon seeing you reappear, Jimin’s face lights up, albeit somewhat confused. 

“Oh, hey.” He holds up two jugs of orange juice. “Pulp or no pulp?” You freeze for a moment.

“Pulp. Obviously.” Jimin nods in agreement, putting the jug in his basket. He looks at you expectantly. “And I forgot to give you my number.” You quickly catch yourself. “For that Chubbles pictures.”

“Oh, yeah. Right.” Jimin’s hand rises to the back of his neck nervously as you punch the digits into his phone, making a contact for yourself. If your friends saw you now, they’d think you’d been replaced by aliens or finally gone over the edge. But something in you just had to do it. 

“Send me that picture, yeah?” You hand him back his phone. 

“Of course.” Jimin gives you a salute, making you giggle shamelessly again. With nothing more to say, you spin on your heel and speed walk out of the store to be mercilessly interrogated by your mother. 

Jimin shakes his head and smiles to himself as he watches your retreating form. He makes a mental note to go through his mom’s scrapbooks to find a childhood photo of you two to use as your profile picture. 

While your mom is berating you for wasting time and questioning your intentions with Jimin, you couldn’t be happier, grinning from ear to ear. Didn’t Jimin say he did the grocery shopping on weekday mornings?

“Y/N, are you listening to me?” You nod vigorously, which is enough for her when she switches to ranting about gas prices nowadays. 

But in reality, you’re not listening at all. You’re planning your next grocery trip. 

At least next time you’ll know where to find the motherfucking red potatoes. Though you doubt you’ll need to remember. Something tells you Jimin will remember this for a long time too. 

#bts #jimin #jimin x reader #jimin fluff #bts scenario #jimin scenario #bts fluff #kind of boring but short and sweet (i hope)

[fatalezr]

Suburban Slaughter - Part 2

Tik-tik-tik, tik-tik-tik, tik-tik-tik. The three round bursts landed neatly in the target and Jane admired her handiwork. The new suppressor for her HK93 was working nicely for its first time at the range since she purchased it a week previously. She was controlling the weapon and it was more comfortable on her hearing, although she still used ear protection. She looked to her right. BAM!.....BAM!....BAM! Kayla was taking exaggerated gaps in between each of her shots and Jane noticed that she had missed a couple wide of the target. She tried not to laugh. She knew Kayla was a much better shot than this but she had the skill to appear like an amateur in front of others.

"Night Jane" she heard a man's voice say, and she turned to see Hank Fallon, an auto engineer who frequented the range, raising a hand to say goodbye.

"Night Hank" she replied. She realised that her and Kayla were now the only ones on the range. BAM! Kayla finished her magazine and ejected it. Jane walked over to her and removed her ear protection and Kayla did the same. Jane looked at the missed shots. "Not your night?" she asked Kayla.

Kayla grinned. "Some things are best left to the imagination" she replied. She was wearing a black tanktop that did something similar, showing off her arms and giving a hint of her neckline but covering most of it. Her jeans were blue and well-fitted and Jane couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable. She still didn't feel like she could wear such clothes and was still in her comfortable hoodie with some baggy jeans.

"So just how good are you?" Jane asked. Kayla looked around and saw they were alone in the range.

"I've got some game" she said, winking at Jane. She replaced her ear protection and Jane did the same. Within a flash Kayla had slammed home a new magazine and fired BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM, all 8 shots bursting from her pistol within a couple of seconds. She put the gun down and brought the target closer for examination.

"Holy shit" Jane said, "that's-". She was speechless. All 8 holes were dead centre in the target in a neat and tight circle. She gazed at it, open mouthed, whilst Kayla casually took the target down and threw it in the bin. She shook her head - she'd have framed a target if she hit it that well. "Where did you learn?"

"At a place...a long time ago" Kayla said. "Hey listen, you want to go grab a drink? John's letting me have a night off".

Jane agreed and Kayla convinced her to drive home first and drop the car off before the two walked ten minutes to a dive bar. Jane knew the place well but had not been inside for a couple of years, preferring to shun social contact after the death of Tommy and her divorce. She hesitated outside.

"Come on" Kayla said kindly, taking her arm, "I'll get the first one". Jane nodded, took a deep breath and the two walked inside. She saw a few men at tables drinking, a couple of groups of women laughing and joking and a couple of people at the bar watching a basketball game. Kayla sat with Jane at the end of the bar and ordered a couple of bottles of beer.

"Thanks" said Jane, "been a long while since I was here".

"That's OK," Kayla told her, reassuringly. "It takes time to heal".

"I just don't know where I belong Kay" she admitted, "I don't know where I'm supposed to be heading".

"Well honey, that's easy!" Kayla exclaimed, "You're supposed to be heading towards where you want to go. There's nothing out there that predetermines anything for you - you have to make your choices, and the ones that are right for you and you alone. If that's moving to New York or Washington, go for it! If it's sitting here in a bar with me, well here we are. If it's over there on that guy's lap, well you go for it girl. Whatever you want!". She gestured towards a man in a jean jacket sitting solitary at the bar.

Jane laughed but thought deeply about what Kayla said. What did she want? "I want to be happy" she said, as much to herself as to Kayla.

"Then that's what you're gonna fight for, every day. You're going to make that choice and fight for it".

Jane nodded. "It's just....not that simple though" she said, "you've got confidence, you've got moves, you're....sexy, me, I'm just...." She looked at herself and left the sentence unfinished.

"Damn Jane, you are sexy as fuck too" Kayla said. Jane laughed and shook her head. "No girl, I'm serious. What do you think sexy even is? You think it's showing the arms? You think it's looking cute in bed? No, it's confidence and I know you have that Jane, I know you do. I saw you push past your fears and get revenge. I saw you blast a motherfucker's brains all over a barn and walk out smiling. That's confidence, and confidence is sexy". Kayla held her hands out wide, as if she had just demonstrated her logic.

Jane nodded. It was true - she had been confident in that moment a couple of weeks ago. She had let her pain and anger go. She was smiling more. She was healing. She nodded again. She could fight for this. She called the barman over. "Beer and a shot each," she said. She turned to Kayla and the two giggled.

The bar gradually emptied as the evening progressed and after another drink, Jane worked up the courage to ask Kayla the thing that was on her mind. "So a couple of weeks ago..." Jane started, "we said we'd go after, you know, the suppliers..."

Kayla nodded. "Yeah, I've been doing some research on this Eric Martinez. He's a trucker, just like Billy says. I have a friend at the border. He kept an eye on his movements last week. Says he always uses the same outpost to leave the country and the same to get back in".

Jane looked at her. "You think someone is just letting him back in?"

Kayla held her hands up. "I don't know - sounds suspicious though. Anyway, last week I heard he was coming back in so I left the kids with John to do some following. I only picked him up once he'd got back in the city. Seems there's a bar near where he drops his truck that he frequents a bit".

"And the truck - was it full?"

"Empty by the time I got to it - he's obviously got somewhere that he goes to for unloading before he heads into the city".

Jane sighed - she had hoped that they could find out where Martinez was unloading. "Could we follow him from the border?" she asked.

"With no way to know when he'll come through? And on some of those open roads?" Kayla looked unsure. "I've got a better plan though".

"What's that?"

Kayla smiled. "Honey trap".

Jane nodded. That could work - Kayla could lure him to an unsuspecting location and then the two of them could interrogate him further. "You can get to him that way?" she asked her.

Kayla shook her head. "Not me. I'm a married woman Jane" she said, holding up her left hand and showing her wedding band. "John and I have our rules. No honey traps".

Jane was confused. "But then...?" she started to ask, before realising what the answer must be.

Kayla pointed at her. "That's right - you".

Jane scoffed at the idea. She couldn't lure a man anywhere. She caught sight of her reflection in the mirror again and looked downcast. She shook her head. "But..."

"Don't give me that shit Jane" Kayla said forcefully. "Look, you don't want to do it's fine, but if you don't think you can then you've got another thing coming sister".

Jane still felt unsure but Kayla put her arm around her. "You'll help me?" she said.

"Course" Kayla assured her.

----

Two nights later, Jane stood outside the bar in Austin. She looked around nervously. "Don't worry" Kayla's assuring voice came through the earpiece she was wearing, "I'm with you all the way. You've got this".

"I've got this" Jane repeated to herself, "I can do it". She felt different and more exposed than usual but she supposed a lot of that was to do with the clothing. Gone were the baggy jeans and hoodie. In their place she was wearing a burgundy leather skirt that fell to just above her knees. Her lower legs were covered by black boots and she wore a tight black top that exposed her shoulders, arms and gave a hint of her black bra straps underneath. Kayla had insisted that confidence started in even the simple things she wore so she had specifically bought a new black and white set that felt sensual against her skin.

She tried to remember the last time she had dressed like this. "When I was married" she thought. When she had first met her husband she was young. They would dance and laugh and make love all night long. She had fond memories of those years and thinking of them made her smile. She took another deep breath, gripped her handbag and walked into the bar.

Half of her had been expecting gales of laughter to meet her as she walked in but there was none of that. It was a similar dive bar to the one near where she lived, but slightly busier with an array of truckers. Several looked in her direction as she walked in and she caught several glances as they looked her up and down. There were no crude remarks and she held her head high. "Smile," she told herself. Her face obeyed and she walked confidently to the bar.

"What can I get you?" the bartender asked as she took the seat. She noticed he was smiling at her and it was infectious - she beamed back and ordered a glass of wine. She started to relax a little - this wasn't so bad. A couple of men came over to her and wished her a nice evening in a polite way and she was flattered by the attention she received.

"You see, you're killing it!" Kayla's voice whispered in her ears. She knew Kayla was also in the bar that night, sitting at a table with her laptop open and sipping on a glass of coke. She had donned glasses but otherwise wore a black leather jacket over a plain white t-shirt and blue jeans. They had agreed not to acknowledge one another's presence until the right moment. Jane continued to sip on her drink and scanned the bar. She spied Eric Martinez, their trucker target in the corner. He was in his 40s and wearing a flannel shirt and jeans with an unshaven face and black hair. He was playing on a pinball machine and drinking from a bottle of beer. Conveniently he was on her way to the bathroom.

Jane got up - she felt a surge of confidence, almost like she was a spy in a film. She strode across the bar to the bathroom, her heels on her boots clicking. She deliberately swerved wide of a woman walking from the bathroom and in doing so touched Martinez's back. He turned round.

"Beg your pardon Miss" he said, smiling at her. Jane noted his eyes wandering down over her body.

She smiled back at him. "No, I'm sorry" she said, "hope I didn't break your flow" she said, referring to his pinball game. She turned and went to the bathroom.

"Perfect girl - perfect" Kayla's voice whispered as she did so. "Always leave them wanting more". Jane had to smile and giggle to herself - the adrenaline was building in her. This was exciting, intoxicating even. She took a couple of minutes in the bathroom, admiring her reflection as she did so. There was something new about her today - not just the clothes or the style of her hair or the makeup on her face but a kind of attitude.

As she left the bathroom, she saw Martinez had finished the pinball. "How'd you do?" she asked him.

"It's a crapshoot anyways" he told her, "pass the time though, I suppose. I...I haven't seen you here before, have I?"

"No" Jane told him, "I was supposed to be meeting a man here for a date but...well" she sighed, "guess I'm drinking alone tonight".

"What?" Martinez said, "pretty lady like you being stood up. Now that ain't right, ma'am, that ain't right". He paused for a second and Jane could see him working up some courage. "Perhaps I might buy you a drink in his place?" he asked.

"Why that would be kind, thank you" Jane told him, and they walked together to the bar. "I'm Gina, by the way" she said, offering her hand.

"Eric" he said, taking it and shaking it gently as they sat. "Another wine?" he asked, nodding to the bartender and ordering himself a beer too. Jane found he had an easy-going demeanour. They sank into conversation together, talking about his work as a trucker for a bit and Jane's made-up profession as an accountant. He was well-humoured and charming and she found herself almost forgetting that he was also running drugs and other shipments into the country for a local gang. Maybe they had the wrong guy, she thought. Maybe she was just not used to spending time with a guy, her thoughts responded.

They both finished their drinks. "Another?" Eric asked.

"No more wine for me" Jane said, "I need to be up early tomorrow. I was only visiting town for a couple of days".

"Where you staying?"

"I've got a motel close by. Figured might come in handy if..." she giggled again and he smiled.

"Well, how 'bout I walk you home? Keep you safe?" he offered.

"That would be very kind," Jane said, fluttering her eyelashes. She glanced to her side and saw Kayla shut her laptop down. The trap had been set. Her and Kayla had booked a nearby motel - that part was true, but neither intended to stay longer than necessary within it. They had booked it under a fake name Kayla had set up and paid the owner in cash.

Jane and Eric left the bar and she turned to the left to head towards the motel when he stopped her. "Come on, I know a shortcut" he told her and pulled her in the opposite direction. They walked for a minute before Eric turned them down an alleyway. Jane's senses perked - this was definitely in the opposite direction to the one she wanted to go in. The alleyway had one solitary light that occasionally flickered and was empty of all people. She was suddenly acutely aware of how dangerous the situation could be. She gripped her handbag tightly. How quickly could she pull out her gun if needed? Would she have a chance? The hairs on her arm stood up and she found herself losing confidence.

"This your shortcut, yes?" she asked Eric.

"It's the way to get you where you want to get to," he said. He took her arm in his hands - they were strong. Jane started to panic. Where was Kayla? She was supposed to follow but did she know that she had gone in the opposite direction?

"I...I don't think this is, Eric" she said, increasingly unsure.

"Course it is Gina" he countered, with a hint of menace in his voice. His hand tightened to the point where it was painfully so. Jane tried to pull free but instead he whipped her arm round and she hit the wall in the alleyway. Her head and back hit the stone with a mighty thud. She dropped her bag from her other hand. Eric was on her, pinning both her arms against the wall and kissing her neck. "I'll fucking get you where you want" he said breathlessly.

"No, dammit," Jane shouted. "Get off!" He continued pressing her against the wall but she found her legs were free. She swung her right knee upwards and into Eric's crotch. He wailed in pain.

"Fucking bitch!" he shouted in pain, "I'll fucking kill you. You got any idea who you're messing with?" He threw a punch in Jane's direction but she dodged to the side. She swung her own fist in a counter-attack, catching him square on the jaw. Her fist throbbed in pain from the impact but she saw his head snap back a bit too. She continued moving, trying to get closer to her bag and her gun. Eric was moving again too, circling her and trying to restrict her movements. He lunged towards her and caught her arm as she swung her fist again but Jane was ready for this and used his momentum to push him into the wall. He hit it at pace and cried out in pain.

Jane reached her bag on the floor and opened it. She took out her HK45 handgun and pointed it at him. "Don't fucking move!" she shouted at him. The attack had left her breathless and vengeful. She thought of pulling the trigger right there and then.

"Fuck you!" Eric responded and he took off, running in the opposite direction. Jane tracked him with her gun and moved to the trigger but stopped as what seemed to be a black blur appeared at the end of the alleyway to intercept Eric. With a well-timed strike of her fist into his throat, Kayla floored Eric and Jane saw he was writhing in pain on the ground. Kayla kicked him over and put handcuffs on his hands and a gag in his mouth.

"You OK?" she asked Jane as she walked over, gun still in hand.

Jane nodded. "Motherfucker" she spat in Eric's direction. He was laying still on the ground now, all the wind knocked out of him by Kayla's punch. "Let's get him to the motel" she told Kayla and the two hoisted him up. They walked a short distance to where Kayla's car was parked, taking advantage of the empty streets to bundle him inside the back seat. Jane breathed deep. The fury had been replaced by a hunger to hurt this would-be rapist. Kayla drove them quickly to the motel and they shoved Eric inside the room they had rented on the ground floor. Kayla sat him on a chair and looked over him. Jane hung back, pacing slowly.

"OK Martinez, time to start talking to us" Kayla told him, "who are you working for?" She took the gag out of his mouth and he spat on Kayla. She responded by punching him hard in the gut. "Who are you working for, you piece of shit? Who's sending the stuff across the border?"

"Fuck you" was all he could say, still wheezing from the punch Kayla had delivered.

"You know this only ends one way, Eric" Kayla told him coldly, "but it either ends quick, or it ends real fucking slow". She reached behind her back and pulled out her own handgun, a Smith & Wesson M&P. She pointed it at his chest. "Like I say, this ends quick...", she lowered the weapon towards his crotch, "or real...fucking....slow".

Martinez pulled at his restraints but there was no give. "There's no way out for me here?" he asked.

Kayla shook her head. "I'm not going to lie to you. Now tell me which cartel you're working for"

Martinez was silent for a few seconds, thinking over his options. "The Alonso cartel" he said finally, "out of Mexico City".

Kayla nodded. "And who are you supplying here in the city?"

Martinez shook his head. "I don't know the guy's name".

"Bullshit". Kayla lowered her gun towards his crotch. She reached inside her jacket and Jane saw she had pulled out her suppressor and was attaching it to the gun.

"I don't know," Martinez pleaded, "I don't. I just take some shit to a warehouse, south of the city, some place on west 4th in Holyton. I take it, a guy helps me unload, I get money, I go the fuck home".

Kayla nodded again and Jane could see that she believed what Martinez was saying. She had wanted to make him suffer in death but resolved that no, they had to be the honourable ones and keep to their word.

"One final question," Kayla asked, "how do you get through customs at the border?"

"They got a couple of guys" Martinez answered, "when I pick up, I'm told which post to go through. Just get waved on by. No random checks.....they keep changing it up. Keep us all isolated from one another".

"OK" Kayla said, "you did good Eric". She took a step back and looked back at Jane. It was her turn now.

"You did good Eric, and you were charming" Jane told him. She looked inside her bag and found the suppressor Kayla had given her from their first kill of Billy Oakland. She slowly twisted it on to her gun as she spoke. "But you're bringing drugs into this country and you tried to rape me".

Eric looked up at her. "No hard feelings, darlin'?" he said.

"None," Jane replied. It was time to settle the bill and she knew tonight she would be the winner. She aimed down the barrel of the gun and the long suppressor as Kayla did the same. Jane felt invincible, like they were two women who could take on the world. Her nipples hardened and her mouth opened and her finger instinctively started squeezing the trigger. Pfft-pfft-pfft-pfft. Each bullet made his chest jerk at their impact. Pip-pip-pip-pip. She saw Kayla unloading her gun too. There was an incredible power and control in her stance that Jane saw. Pip-pip-pip. Kayla fired three more bullets, all landing in a neat circle on Eric's chest. His head was slumped forward now and surely dead but Jane found herself wanting more than this. She felt herself growing moist beneath the new pants she was wearing. Pfft, pfft. Each bullet she fired seemed to send a shockwave through her body that excited her. Pfft, pfft. She found herself biting her lip. Pfft, pfft. The gun emptied it's magazine and she found her release, her eyes closing as she moaned softly.

As she opened her eyes, she became acutely aware that Kayla was still with her in the room. "Sorry" she apologised to her partner.

"You don't ever need to say that to me" Kayla reassured her. "I want you to remember this feeling, Jane. Remember it. You beat a fucking drug pusher tonight and beat him good, and you looked good and felt good".

Jane nodded - it was true. Tonight had awakened parts of her that she didn't know existed anymore. She felt almost twenty years younger. "Thanks Kay" she said, "for...for everything".

"Anytime, partner," Kayla told her. She squeezed her arm. "Now come on, let's head back home. We've more work to do".

Jane took a last look around the motel room, savoring the smell from when she had been shooting. She caught a last glimpse of herself in the room mirror, sleeveless top, leather skirt and gun making an imposing look. "It's time to throw out the hoodie" she told herself, "it's time to move forward"

#suburbanslaughter #femme fatale #female assassin #silent assassin #story #silencer hitwoman #hitwoman #woman gun #killer woman

[hartigays]

For the writing prompt, Harringrove 33 & 3? ✨

33. “What? No! I wasn’t staring…I-I was looking at something behind you!”

3. “Would you just shut up and kiss me already?”

(we going ✈️ modern!au so boys can kiss in public)

at last count, dustin has fallen on his ass at least seventeen times. in the last hour, at that.

steve watches the kids ice skate from one of the picnic tables in front of the hot cocoa stand. he’d spent the first hour taking video after video to send to dustin’s mom. then he’d spent another hour scrolling through social media.

shitty thing is, he’s exhausted pretty much every social media known to man. steve wants to tell the kids that time’s up, it’s time to pack it up and go home. it’s just - they look like they’re having so much fun.

max is rosy-cheeked and giggling like a schoolgirl in love, zipping around the rink hand-in-hand with el. will, mike, and lucas aren’t far behind them, chatting animatedly about something steve still hasn’t quite caught.

dustin is the only one flailing about at the center of the rink, shouting at steve to take pictures and send them to suzie. pictures of what, steve isn’t sure. dustin looks more like a baby giraffe learning to walk than a olympic figure skater.

so, yeah. steve is basically stuck until he can muster enough ebenezer scrooge energy to rain on the kids’ parade and call it a night.

robin and heather have long since run off, most likely to go makeout at the christmas tree farm right next to the rink. leaving steve alone with his thoughts and dry as hell phone.

“well, don’t you just look like you’re having the time of your life.”

steve’s heart lurches in his chest. he looks over his shoulder to find none other than billy hargrove hovering behind him. he’s wearing his signature smirk, and there’s one loose curl that’s fallen across his forehead. he looks too damn good to be at some shoddy ice rink in hawkins, indiana. it makes steve’s mouth run dry.

“i’ve never felt more alive,” steve replies, monotonous.

billy laughs, a genuine thing that has steve’s heart pounding and butterflies fluttering about in his belly. he’s pretty sure every hair on his body stands on end when billy seats himself next to him, close enough that their shoulders brush.

“thought you had to work tonight,” steve says after a moment, arching a brow. “‘s why i’m stuck here watching a bunch of 13-year-olds ice skate instead of getting loaded at tommy’s christmas party, right?”

“got off early. boss man got his hand shut in a car door, broke almost every bone in the damn thing,” billy explains. “what, you’re not happy to see me, pretty boy?”

“that’s disgusting. and no, i’m not,” steve tells him. a bold-faced lie, but he can pretend. “unless you’re here to tell me you’re relieving me so i can get the fuck out of here?”

“no can do. you leave, i leave. i don’t do kids, remember?”

“helpful,” steve grumbles. billy’s smirk just widens.

they watch the kids for a while, chatting occasionally but mostly sitting in comfortable silence. it’s basically routine for them, at this point.

steve would be lying if he said he didn’t get sick of it. the shallow conversations and amicable silences, anyway. he wishes billy would just yank him in by the collar and plant one on him. but steve figures that if billy wanted to do that, he would have by now. the guy’s not exactly known for holding back.

not to mention, they’ve been friends since they were kids, and steve has been in love with him for almost the entirety of that time. his feelings have only gotten harder to ignore as they’ve gotten older. it doesn’t help that steve knows billy is the gayest motherfucker in hawkins. because billy knows steve is bi, so that means that if billy had any inclination to be more than friends, then they’d be more than friends.

they’re not. billy comes over to play video games or do homework or use steve’s walk-in shower. billy does not come over to kiss steve or fall asleep next to him or tell him that he loves him just as much back.

steve isn’t sure how long he can keep up this friends-only facade before he breaks. a long time, obviously, given that he’s been alive for eighteen years and billy has been present for thirteen of those. and steve hasn’t broken yet.

yet recently, things have felt incredibly strained between them and steve has felt uncomfortably close to snapping. maybe things are reaching a tipping point, or maybe steve is just tired of pretending all the time. that shit gets beyond tiring, you know?

it’s just that steve’s gotten the vibe that billy might just feel the same way about him. with the casual touches that have been greatly increasing in frequency and the lingering gazes and billy’s increased usage of particular pet names. steve is pretty sure billy has called him pretty boy or princess more in the last couple of weeks than he has in the entire time they’ve been friends.

the only problem with that is billy will do those things, then immediately shut down and revert back to that no homo bro state. so, steve really can’t gauge whether or not billy actually feels the same way, or if he’s just reading into things. it’s fucking exhausting.

“hey, earth to steve. steve.”

billy snaps his fingers in steve’s face. instinctively, steve slaps his hand away. his vision refocuses, only to find billy staring directly into his eyes, his brows raised. steve feels a little faint being at the center of billy’s attention.

“what?”

the other boy rolls his eyes. “you’ve been staring at me for like five minutes straight. i think you were drooling.”

“what? shut up,” steve mutters, his cheeks coloring. “i wasn’t - that wasn’t - i was looking at that, um. that.........incredibly interesting skate rental desk behind you.”

the look billy gives him is indecipherable. steve feels hot and cold. like he’s being crushed under the weight of possibly having been found out.

his breath catches when those blue eyes flicker down to his mouth. steve stops breathing altogether when billy inches forward ever-so-slightly.

“steve,” billy repeats, still staring at his mouth. “do me a a favor and shut up, yeah? i think you can put that mouth to better use.”

all the air rushes out of steve’s lungs at once. all he can manage to squeak out is a pathetic, “what?”

“christ,” billy groans. “would you just fuckin’ kiss me already?”

but steve doesn’t have a chance to process that request, or collect himself enough to fulfill it, or even breathe. because in the next moment, billy is tugging steve in by the drawstrings of his hoodie and kissing the lights out of him.

billy’s mouth is a whole hell of a lot softer than steve had imagined it would be. and he’s imagined it being very soft, very often. it’s like kissing a cloud, or cotton candy, or some other soft thing that steve can’t think of right now.

he can’t think about much of anything. his brain basically short-circuited the moment billy’s lips touched his. finally, steve lets out this pathetic noise of relief, before tugging billy in even closer, deepening the kiss. he has one hand tangled in the freshly cut mop of billy’s curls, and the other resting against billy’s cheek.

billy holds him by the waist, kissing him like he’s mapping out every inch of steve’s mouth. maybe he is. steve doesn’t really care, as long as billy keeps doing it.

steve is really butthurt about having to breathe. because it means he has to pull away from billy, has to stop feeling his lips against his. and that’s just a travesty, alright?

they’re both breathing heavily, looking at each other like they both have no idea what to do next.

“i’ve been in love with you for as long as i can remember,” steve blurts. he winces at his own confession.

billy just looks relieved. “good. that means you’ll finally go out with me, right?”

“oh my god, yeah, yes, of course - wait. what do you mean finally?”

“i’ve only been dropping hints left and right for the last, i dunno. five million years?” billy teases him, rolling his eyes.

“so you were flirting with me. noted.”

steve honest to god giggles before he goes to press another kiss to billy’s lips, but he falters when someone else speaks.

“fucking finally. it was starting to get really sad being around you two,” max says. she’s standing in front of them with her hands on her hips, el by her side.

billy and steve share a look, before they both burst out laughing. because it’s not like she’s wrong, right?

but it doesn’t really matter. all that matters is that they’ve finally made it here, and it’s better than steve ever thought it could be. all that other shit? that’s just details. steve has the full picture now.

and goddamn, was it worth the wait.

send me a number + a pairing!

#thank you for the request!!! 💝 #harringrove #my fics #ask #imaroyaltea

[nazariolahela]

Something Domestic: Chapter 6

A/N: Hey y'all! This is a new TRR AU I’ve been working on. This story is told in first-person narrative, from Riley’s (MC) POV. There will likely be smidges of canon in this, but not too much. Thanks for reading, and please leave feedback, and/or if you would like to be tagged.

Catch up here

Series Tags: @burnsoslow @aworldoffandoms @dcbbw @ladyangel70 @texaskitten30 @sunandlemons @jlynn12273 @indiacater @jared2612 @rainbowsinthestorm @drakesensworld @badchoicesposts @msjr0119 @katurrade @blackcoffee85 @cynicalworlds

Synopsis: When Riley Brooks takes a new job as a nanny for the affluent Rhys family in New York’s Upper East Side, she assumes she’s just going to care for the children of the couple who hired her. But instead of just school pick-ups and afternoon snacks, she also finds herself spending time with Liam, the handsome divorced dad. Can Riley control her feelings for Liam while still performing the job she was hired for?

All characters are the property of Pixelberry Studios. Thanks for allowing me to borrow them.

Chapter Summary: Riley gets to know the other important people in Liam’s life and learns about his past.

“Okay, tell me everything!”

Hana and I sit in our usual booth at the Double Tappe, discussing the events of our first day at our new jobs. She tells me about her schedule and the other teachers she’ll be working with this school year. I then tell her about the literal “run-in” with Liam in the kitchen, and the incident with the paparazzi in the park. She listens intently, pausing every few moments to take a sip of her Whiskey Sour. When I finish, she sits back and exhales.

“Whew. That’s intense. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I guess we’ll have to make sure we have someone with us every time we leave the house. I’m not worried about being attacked, but if they get too close, I’m worried they might frighten the kids.”

“That’s not what I was referring to.”

Of course, she wasn’t. I know what she’s hinting at and I’m not taking the bait. She was the one who told me to be cautious when it came to Liam. And as much as I want to throw caution to the wind, my job is more important than some mild flirtation with my boss.

“Hana,” I warn.

She throws up her hands defensively. “Look, I saw how you two were the other night. You can’t tell me there’s nothing there. I’m just trying to get you to realize the gravity of the situation. Getting involved with your boss is one thing. Him being a prominent figure is a whole different animal. Especially given his current marital status.”

I sigh and take a long pull of my drink. She’s absolutely right. As much as I want to argue with her, I can’t. Especially after what happened in the park this morning. The last thing I need is the tabloids catching wind of my little crush. I drag my hands down my face, wishing I could just disappear into the floor. “I hate that he’s a celebrity in this city. This would be so much easier if he was a nobody. Why does this have to be so messy?”

“You poor, stupid fool.”

“Excuse me?” I jerk my head around and come face to face with a woman with fiery red hair and emerald green eyes. She’s wearing a black blazer over a grey skirt and top. She stands next to me; one hand on her hip, and a look that would incinerate me.

“Scoot your ass,” she says, motioning for me to move over. She smirks and takes a seat in the booth next to me. “So, you’re the new nanny.”

“I am. And you are?”

“Olivia Vanderwall Nevrakis.”

She holds out her hand to me and I shake it nervously. She then reaches over and shakes Hana’s hand. Hana and I slink back in our seats, eyeing each other. Who is this woman? And what the hells does she want with us?

“I couldn’t help but overhear your little ‘predicament.’”

“Yeah? What’s it to you anyway?” I ask suspiciously.

“Let’s just say I’m an old friend. And I’m very interested in this new person in my friend’s life.”

“You’re a friend of Liam’s?”

She takes a sip of her wine, examining the glass. “You’d think this halfwit bartender would know how to properly clean a glass before serving drinks to his customers,” she states loud enough for the entire room to hear.

From behind the bar, I see Drake shoot her a death glare. “Because gods forbid her Highness has to drink out of a glass with water spots,” he grumbles, then retreats back to the kitchen. Hoo boy, that was awkward.

She rolls her eyes. “Now, where were we? Yes, I’m a friend of Liam’s. Our fathers were business partners a million years ago, so we grew up together. We even dated for a hot minute in college, but we realized we were better off as friends. Then, he married that she-witch.” She chuckles, taking another sip of her wine. “You know, the day he told me he was going to ask her to marry him, I told him he was the dumbest motherfucker alive. You’d think he would have listened to me.”

Hana cocks her eyebrow. “That seems harsh. Even if you didn’t agree with it, a good friend would guide him toward the right path, but support his decision no matter how stupid you thought it was.”

Olivia eyes Hana, smirking. “Oh, sure. If it were anyone else. But that man was so blinded by love and pussy, he completely missed all the signs about her. He wasn’t even her first choice. She had eyes for his brother, but Leo hit it and quit it faster than you can say, ‘Here’s cab money. Now get out.’”

Hana glares at Olivia, then turns to me. “Excuse me. I need to use the ladies' room.” She slides out of her seat and stalks off towards the back of the bar.

“I’m sorry, but why are you telling me this? I don’t even know you.” This all feels weird. This woman I just met is suddenly so interested in my non-existent relationship with my boss, who just happens to be her friend. This entire conversation is completely out of left field.

Olivia shakes her head. “You don’t think I don’t know about his little infatuation over you? We talk every day and he’s told me about you. And now seeing you in person, I get it. You’re young. You’re hot. You’re his kids’ nanny, so the whole idea of pursuing you is taboo. He’s pussywhipped and you haven’t even given up the pussy yet. To be honest, I don’t give a shit about you. I’m just looking out for my friend. He’s still legally married, and I don’t want this to blow up in his face.”

I already knew he talked about me to his friends, but to admit to them he has a thing for me? My head is spinning as I take in the information she’s slinging at me. Before, it was just a stupid crush. Now that I know he reciprocates my feelings for him, I’m not sure what to think.

“Wait a minute. Are you in love with him?”

She laughs. ”Good gods, you're as ignorant as my ex-husband.”

”You were married?”

”Ugh, yes don't remind me. My parents basically forced us into it because it was ’good for business’” she says, making air quotes with her fingers. “The day I married Anton Severus was the day a part of my soul died.”

”Wait...The Anton Severus? Majority Owner of the Lykos Kings?”

She sighs. ”One and the same. The only good thing I got out of that marriage was part-ownership of that damn baseball team. Except I hate baseball. I only keep it to piss him off.”

Hana returns a moment later. She scowls at Olivia as she slides back into her seat. “So, what did I miss?” she asks sarcastically.

“Well, your friend here has the hots for her boss, which I’m sure you already know. I also gather she’s told you about his situation. And to top it off, he’s like a horny teenager over here waiting for his divorce to be finalized so he can make a move on her.”

Hana sighs. “I’m not going to lecture you any more about it. I just hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.” She stands to leave and picks up her drink. “Olivia, pleasure to meet your acquaintance,” she says and moves to the bar to chat up a tall brunette in a blue mini dress who’s been eyeing her all night.

Olivia cocks an eyebrow at me. “You should listen to your friend. She’s obviously the smart one.” She polishes off her glass of wine and slides out of the booth. “Word of advice; keep your hormones in check until the ink is dry. If Madeleine finds out he’s got heart eyes for you, she’ll drag this bitch out until the kids are in retirement homes. Until next time, Riley Brooks.” Then, she saunters away.

“Don’t worry about her. She might seem vicious, but she’s harmless,” I look over to see Drake wiping down the table in the booth next to me. He eyes my empty glass. “Want another one?”

“Actually, do you have Skullcracker Ale on tap?”

“16 or 20 ounce?”

“After the day I’ve had, make it a 20.”

He nods and makes his way to the bar to pour my beer. He returns a few minutes later, beer in hand. He sets it in front of me and takes a seat across the booth from me. “So, you and Liam, huh?”

I groan, dropping my head into my hands. “First of all: there is no ‘Liam and I.’ Second: How many people know about this?”

Drake chuckles. “Not as many as you think. Just Max, Liv, and myself. We’re his three closest confidants, and he trusts us with his life. Even more than his family or that bitch of a wife.”

“Wow. I take it you’re not a member of the Madeleine Karlington Fan Club either.”

“That woman is the devil incarnate. Even before they got married, she was always chasing the ‘next big thing'. He told you why they’re splitting up, right?”

“Yeah, he said she cheated on him with one of her co-workers,” I reply.

He holds his finger up and walks over to the bar. Grabbing a tumbler, he pours himself two fingers of whiskey, then returns to the table. He sits down and sighs deeply. “Sorry, I need a drink for this. So anyway. Yes, she slept with one of her co-workers, but what Liam didn’t know is that it wasn’t the first time.”

“Olivia said she also slept with his brother.”

Drake nods. “Leo and Madeleine ‘dated’ for a few months the summer after we graduated college. Leo was only interested in a fling, but Madeleine was madly in love with him. After he dumped her, she started dating Liam to get back at him. The problem was, Liam fell in love with her. They dated for three months before he moved her into his penthouse, and they were engaged six months after that. They married less than a year later, and she got pregnant with Charlotte shortly after. Come to find out that she was messing around almost the entirety of their seven-year marriage.”

I gasp. “Oh, my gods. Are the kids his?”

“Yes, thankfully. One look at Philip, and there’s no question he’s Liam’s. He’s the spitting image of him as a child. Charlotte looks more like Madeleine, but he had a paternity test to be sure. Especially since she’s asking for full custody and child support in the divorce.”

I shake my head. Good gods, I can’t even begin to wrap my brain around how dysfunctional their relationship is. What’s worse is there are kids involved. Thank goodness they’re too young to comprehend what is going on with their parents. I take a pull of my beer. “So how long have you and Liam known each other.

“Liam, Max, Liv, and I have all been friends since high school. He and I played lacrosse together sophomore year. He and Liv dated for a few months in college. They fought all the time because she’s stubborn as hell.”

“Was it serious? Liam and Olivia?”

He grins. “Do I detect a hint of jealousy?”

“N-no. I’m just...curious. Do I need to worry about a crazy ex stalking me?”

“I’d be more worried about Madeleine firing your ass and ruining your chances of getting another nanny job than I would be about Olivia harboring feelings for Liam. Deep down they love each other, but it’s not romantic.”

I nod and take a sip of my beer. Why am I jealous? Liam isn’t mine, so I have no right to be envious of Olivia or their relationship. Besides, if she was really after him, I’m sure she’d crush me with her bare hands for trying to step in and take “her man.” OMG, listen to yourself, Riley. He’s your boss, not your boyfriend. That means he’s technically off-limits.

“So, what does Liam’s family think of all this?” I ask.

Drake chuckles, but there is no humor in his voice. “Constantine is the one who encouraged Liam to marry Madeline. He said marrying a girl like her would convince investors to do business with the company because it would paint Liam as a ‘family man.’ He knew about her and Leo but said that it wouldn’t matter because Leo wasn’t the settling down type. Leo was actually supposed to take over the family business after college, but he gave that up to travel the world. To be honest, the company is in better hands under Liam. Their revenue went up like 25% last year.”

“Is that a good thing?”

He shrugs. “I guess. At least that’s what everyone tells me. I don’t know jack about multinational investment companies. Hells, I barely know the ins and outs of running a business.”

I cock an eyebrow at him. “But you’re a business owner. Don’t you think you should at least know the basics of running your own business?”

“Yeah, probably.” He notices Hana and her new lady friend flagging him down and gets up from the booth to move back behind the bar. I leave my booth and take a seat a few stools away from Hana. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her lean in and whisper into the woman’s ear, the two of them touching each other’s arms and giggling. Get it, girl!

“So, what made you want to open your own bar?”

He finishes making their drinks, then moves down the bar. “It’s always been my dream to own my own bar. There was this place called The Laughing Seal where we used to drink when we were in college. It burned down about five years ago. Most of the place was destroyed, but the bartop managed to survive. Liam’s dad knew the owner and convinced him to let me buy the bar when I opened the Double Tappe.” Drake says, running his hands along a charred spot on the bar.

“I’m glad you found your passion. And I’m glad you give us a place to unwind. You’re like a modern-day Sam Malone.”

He snorts. “Except I suck at baseball and the ladies don’t fawn over me like that.”

I smirk and glance up at the clock on the wall. Holy shit, how is it already 9 p.m.? I reach in my purse and slap two $20s on the bar top for my tab. “Thanks for the chat, Drake. I’ll talk to you later this week.” 

He nods. “No problem. And for what it’s worth, don’t let the whole Madeleine thing bother you. If you and Liam are meant to be, it will all work itself out.”

I shake my head and turn to Hana, who is currently exchanging phone numbers with the brunette. “You ready to head out, girl?” I ask her.

She leans in and whispers into her companion’s ear before standing up. “Yep, let’s go. I have to finish putting my lesson plan together for the year. See ya, Drake.”

He waves to us as we exit the bar. It’s late August, so the weather is still warm. We decide against hailing a cab and trek the 10 blocks back to our apartment. As we walk arm-in-arm, Hana tells me about her new lady friend. Her name is Meghan and they’re going out this weekend. She grins from ear to ear as she talks, and I can’t help but feel joy for her. All the pressure she gets from her parents to find a man, it’s about time she lives for herself. If my best friend can find happiness, maybe there’s hope for me as well.

Right?

#trr au #trr fanfic #liam rhys #riley brooks #the royal romance #something domestic #playchoices fanfic #nanny au #nazariolahela fanfic

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 236: Mr. Stark I Don’t

Previously on BnHA: We kicked off Year Five Of This Bullshit with another Tomura flashback! Once upon a time there was a boy named Tenko. Little Tenko was very cute and happened to have a real prick of a father who forbid his kids from talking about heroes and punished them severely when they broke that rule. Like, he locked Tenko outside for hours and even fucking hit him when he found out he looked at that picture of Nana. It was super fucked up and very unpleasant to read, and on top of that Horikoshi peppered the entire chapter with hints that the supposedly quirkless Tenko was slowly developing his Decay quirk, so much of the chapter was also spent waiting for that shoe to drop. The chapter ended with a sobbing Tenko hugging his dog Mon-chan (a very good boy) and thinking that he hated everyone, as the scene slowly faded to black. After that we don’t know what happened. Presumably Mon-chan went to live on a farm with lots of other puppies where he could spend the rest of his days in cute doggy bliss. I’m sure Horikoshi will allow me to continue indulging in this theory.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi doesn’t let me indulge in shit! Horikoshi is all “lol bitch you thought!!” Horikoshi shows us the dead dog!! Horikoshi shows us the scared and sobbing child! Horikoshi shows us the sister! Horikoshi shows us the grandma and grandpa and the mom! Meanwhile poor Kotaro is all, “I suddenly wonder where my whole family has gone,” and goes outside and sees All Of That and is horror-struck. Through a series of terrible but also hilarious coincidences he accidentally smacks Tenko with a big stick, and Tenko suddenly realizes he’d like nothing more than to just STRAIGHT UP!! MURDER HIS DAD!! and so he does. And that’s basically it, guys. That’s my summary of the chapter. I would also like to add that for some reason I ended up fucking loving it in the end, though it was a real roller coaster back and forth until those last few pages. So yeah. Might want to steer clear of me, because I’m sure that’s some kind of red flag there. This motherfucking chapter, guys. I don’t even know.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added one or two ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

thank you anon but rest assured I’m already filled with a deep and profound dread. so we’re good

oh. heh

well that’s just. okay. sure. so a whole nother chapter of this. okay yeah that’s great

oh sweet jesus mary joseph oh shit oh fuck oh SHIT

THAT’S NOT A FARM!! HORIKOSHI!! WE HAD A DEAL! YOU SET ME UP

holy shit!?!? and this is only the start of the chapter oh god. oh god oh god. MR. STARK I DON’T

no thank you I want to return it. reason: item exactly as described. I don’t know what I was expecting. we knew exactly what was going to happen. but I still -- !!

how is the anime going to show this?? no one even wants to watch the senseless blood and violence for once. does Japan do those warning things where a “the following program includes scenes of graphic violence that may be disturbing to some viewers” screen appears before the thing airs? if not they should probably consider it. maybe change “some” to “all”, because let’s be real

anyway so guys I’m waiting for Horikoshi to email me my free shipping label so I can send this back, but in the meantime let’s continue to read I guess

WOW

THAT’S A DEAD DOG. THAT DOG IS LYING IN PIECES IN A POOL OF HIS OWN BLOOD, HUFFING HIS LAST HUFFS. HORIKOSHI REALLY DREW THAT. THAT IMAGE WAS BURNED INTO TENKO’S MIND FOR THE REST OF HIS EXISTENCE AND NOW I GET TO LIVE WITH IT AS WELL. WELL THAT’S JUST REALLY FUCKING GREAT. YIPPY SKIPPY

OH JOY

HANA GO BACK INSIDE, IF HORIKOSHI GRAPHICALLY DRAWS YOU BEING BLOWN INTO CHUNKS BY THIS FUCKING QUIRK I’M FUCKING DONE AND I QUIT. AND I KIND OF NEED TO CONTINUE UNTIL I AT LEAST LEARN BAKUGOU’S FUCKING HERO NAME, SO I’M COUNTING ON YOU HERE OKAY

by the way, this is weird though. because that didn’t look anything like the prior instances where we’ve seen Tomura use his quirk! there was no crumbling apart, no dust ominously drifting away on the breeze. it was more like poor Mon-chan just kind of fell apart into pieces. is this because the quirk is still developing and not yet at full power? or is this more AFO shenanigans in play. it at least explains why it was plausible for their hands to be intact once everything was said and done though

really I’m just trying to talk myself into believing that this didn’t actually happen and is all some grand fucked up psych out and his family is actually fine. I saw this post going around about Tenko’s mole (you know, the one on his chin) not being present in all the scenes last chapter, and the theory was that the scenes where he doesn’t have the mole were not actually real and were implanted by AFO. I personally think this is a reach, but I’m also prepared to 100% subscribe to this theory if and when anything happens to this precious baby girl when I click to the next page you guys. we shall see

okay so Hana’s apologizing because I guess she’s the one that ratted him out to their dad? girl it’s okay you were under a lot of pressure. it’s not like it’s your fault Kotaro flew off the deep end and started beating your brother

anyways but this is currently the least of your worries though oh god. she hasn’t noticed yet, and Tenko’s sobbing and trying to talk to her but his voice isn’t working??

is that because he’s traumatized, or because this is in fact a fake memory? not being able to warn a beloved person of an imminent danger is basic nightmares 101, I’m just saying. I’m actually a bit more convinced than I was just a minute ago

anyway so now she sees the dead dog, and I have a new least favorite panel in the entire series, great

hello, I hate everything about this. what the actual fuck

now she’s turning to run and I SWEAR TO GOD if Tenko instinctively reaches out to grab her... shit. I fucking...

-- WHAT DID I JUST -- !! !!!

son of a bitch. fuck. I’m literally frozen in place and having trouble willing myself to scroll down to see the rest of this. like, can we seriously just stop here. fuck!!

shit. I need a minute. holy fucking shit. I want an actual apology from Horikoshi, and an explanation for why he thought his readers apparently lacked the imagination to fill in the rest of the blanks themselves. like, I was perfectly fine with all of this just being Very Much Implied, dude. seriously

fuck me. I’m just gonna do it. power through the rest of the chapter and assess the resulting psychological damage once it’s all over and done with. okay deep breath. we’re going in

oh honey. oh baby no. oh my god the “crack crack” sound effects again, and the lines of blood appearing oh god

and of course he didn’t realize what was happening at first, didn’t realize it was him. honey it’s not your fault. but you now officially have Murder Rights to All for One, and if anyone else gets to deal the final blow I will fucking sue

hahaha, fuck

at least he didn’t go into the same level of detail as with the fucking dog. but I’m still calling the police, holy shit

if anything, Tenko’s reaction actually makes this even worse than Mon-chan’s death, though. and you know, also the fact that it was a six-year-old girl. who died terrified and in agony and not knowing why this was happening to her. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

somewhere Ito Junji is reading this and wishing he’d come up with this shit. Nakayama Masaaki is taking notes. Stephen King is waking up in a cold sweat thinking to himself that for some reason he really wants to start reading shounen manga all of a sudden

sob now everyone is running outside except for his father. of course. saving the best for last. it’s almost as though someone fucking engineered all of this to make it as psychologically damaging to the kid as possible! but who could possibly be twisted enough to do something like that? oh hey there All for One, you sure look happy. why are you smiling so much. what do you mean, it’s a secret. you son of a bitch

hey do you guys want to see the expression of a mother seeing her youngest child screaming and sobbing and covered in blood and surrounded by the bloodied remains of a dead dog and something else that is hopefully unidentifiable because if not holy shit for real? anyways, do you? you don’t? sure you do. Horikoshi thinks you do, so here it is

t-minus five seconds before the level of Horrifying escalates yet again! five... four... three...

oh shit??

did he do that thing again?? disintegrate them without even touching?? or did we just jump-cut to right afterward? because if it’s the latter, you mean to tell me we did that with the mom and grandparents but couldn’t do it with Hana and the dog!? and if it’s the former then that’s really interesting though, because I was under the impression he’d been incapable of that until just a few chapters ago when the grown-up him awakened the ability in the middle of Deika City. maybe it’s something he can only do when under extreme mental duress

oh wait, never mind, I scrolled a bit further down and it seems like his mom is still alive. I guess that was Hana he was reaching out towards there. anyways so here’s his mom’s horrified face again

actually, wait. before we click to the next page, let me go back to the four panels right above these, because this is actually really interesting and deserves more analysis

I really like this actually. Horikoshi acknowledging that even though his mother and grandparents were very kind and loving, they were still complicit in his suffering in a way because they knew what was going on, and they let it happen. this is actually huge, and I’m really grateful to Horikoshi for calling attention to it and pointing out how damaging that was. I’m actually very pleasantly surprised to see it acknowledged

but maybe I shouldn’t be, because this is after all something that’s very important to the story’s themes of heroism. my thoughts immediately ran to Horikoshi’s own favorite hero, Spider-Man, and the whole “with great power comes great responsibility” thing. if someone needs help, and you’re in a position where you could do something but you choose to not take action, then you do bear some responsibility for what follows. “when you can do the things that I can, but you don’t, and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you”

just, this is a theme that has always resonated with me, and one of the most important themes of hero stories in general. and obviously I’m not saying Tenko’s mom and grandparents are in any way bad people, or that what happened is their fault, because it’s not! but all the same they could have done something and they didn’t, and if you were to ask me what I think is the most essential, defining aspect of what makes someone a hero, I would say it’s that. the difference between stepping in, and not stepping in. if you were to boil it down to one single point, that would be it. a hero is someone who helps

anyway. so I really like that. maybe I won’t send this chapter back after all

OR MAYBE I WILL AND NEVER FUCKING MIND!! I DON’T!! FEEL SO GOOD!! MR. STARK!!

holy shit you guys. I have no words. somewhere the person who wrote Mufasa’s death scene is taking notes. the person who wrote Littlefoot’s mom’s death is shook. the person who wrote Bambi’s mom’s death is rubbing their chin and thinking, “honestly mine is still more traumatizing, but I can still respect that”

meanwhile I, a millennial forged in the ashes of all of those childhood-defining fictional tragedies, am going to just suck it up and move on because fuck. my whole life has been preparing me for this day

oh my fucking god

fuck me why did I laugh. I fucking lost it just now. fucking gallows humor, idk

just. his entire family is being blown to little bits in the backyard, and Kotaro cracks open his fucking door and peers his head out like “hmm I thought I heard something just now. hey, where is everyone. did I miss something.” no you didn’t miss anything Kotaro, go back inside

he looks like a kid who’s not sure if he just heard the ice cream man driving by

sob. “better go investigate”

look what happened while you were taking your fucking nap, Kotaro. JUST LOOK! your son disintegrated your whole entire family and uprooted a fucking tree somehow. jesus christ

you know, the irony is I bet you that despite all of his hang-ups, he’s probably thinking “okay maybe a hero would come in fucking handy right about now”

oh shit

“you think this is a fucking joke?!” Horikoshi screams, shoving this page in my face. “you’re just going to sit there and keep making your cute little remarks?? A FAMILY IS DEAD!!” okay jeez I get it fuck

oh no, oh shit for real though I can’t

he’s so scared and traumatized and now he knows, he knows it was him who did it and he can’t bear it, and even though he hates his dad, he’s still his dad, and he’s terrified and looking for comfort from anyone at this point oh god

and for Kotaro to see his son like this, and the rest of his family dead in such a horrifying way! just!!

and fuck me, because if he reaches out to try and comfort him, if he ends up dying because his better instincts finally take over now of all fucking times; if he tries to help and Tenko knows what’s going to happen when they touch and tries to stop him but can’t...

okay but what

Tenko’s quirk is really behaving strangely though. like this is ridiculous. at this rate he’s gonna take the whole house down with him

also there’s no way all of the neighbors just sat by all la dee da and didn’t go to investigate afterwards. 100% AFO had a hand in all this. shit

now also feels like a good time to point out, before we wrap this all up, that with Kotaro being the only one still alive now, there is no one around to shout “Tenko, no...!” when that hand is reaching out to his forehead. so I’m very curious to see how Horikoshi plays this out, because now more than ever I’m suspecting that the altered memory theory is really true

(ETA: well. shit.)

anyway, so now what looks like a tree pruner is just randomly falling into Kotaro’s hands, for some reason. just like we all expected

of all the ways I imagined this actually playing out, this was not one of them

hmm, interesting

so did he disintegrate the pruner and then get pissed at his dad thinking he was trying to hurt him again? and then instinct just took over? guess we’re about to see

oh SHIT!!!

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

just, imagine like another 7 paragraphs of me just typing out “shit” over and over again. I don’t feel like actually doing it, but that’s basically an accurate summation of my thought process right now

I bet even AFO wasn’t expecting that. I picture him whistling softly from his hiding place nearby, watching all of this go down and making that excited Andy Dwyer face to nobody in particular

holy fucking shit, holy hell

guys I just decided this is actually my favorite villain origin story of all time. just like that. holy shit. this page though

okay you know what, let me just finish this up, and then I’ll try to sort out all of my messed up feelings. one more page to go I think. probably his hair turning white

why didn’t his hair turn white. Horikoshi you’re such a fucking troll

(ETA: or did it start to change though?? it’s really hard to tell with the shading on this page tbh. but it does seem to be lighter than his shirt, and closer to the shade of his pants instead. but I can’t tell if that’s just due to the lighting here or not. anyways.)

anyways, wow. so that’s the end. let me just sit down here for a moment and try to process this

that page, though. that mental break. the idea of him being so overwhelmed by the pain and trauma of what just happened that when his dad shows up and tries (from his perspective) to hurt him again, his mind just goes !! and snaps and goes “you know what, this is better, let’s just reframe all this shit to make it a good thing so that we can cope, because to hell with that. big fat nope to the alternative, right there! yeah no thanks we are not going to do that”

and him realizing that he finally has the power to stand up to his father and stop him from hurting him. and probably a part of him is also irrationally blaming his dad for being the reason this all happened, because it’s much easier to assign blame to something tangible here, rather than it all being a freak tragic accident that no one could have prevented. (or worse, his own fault. which it isn’t, but I’m sure he subconsciously blames himself regardless, so)

and even better if the person to blame is someone you already hated. so yes, that’s much better, let’s just do that

and that whole “somewhere deep in my heart” thing, I don’t buy that for a second to be honest. but I do believe that he believes that. that for his own self-preservation he desperately latched on to this idea and convinced himself that he’d wanted this all along. that it felt good. fine, then, I’ll become a monster to save myself

I keep going back to look at his face, though. and just. holy shit. if you’d told me a week ago or even five minutes ago that Horikoshi would write out the entire thing, all of it, in all of its sickeningly detailed glory, that he would just say “fuck it” and go all out, and that I would go from “take it back” to “okay I’ll allow it” to “you can pry this incredibly fucked up chapter out of my cold dead hands” in the span of three pages, I would have thought you were insane. and yet here we are. and it is insane. and I’m fairly disturbed by my own heel-turn here actually, but I can’t deny it though

just, shit. that was so good. I’m blown away by how good that was. Deku, stop looking at me like that

you know what, you don’t get to judge me, kid, okay. shut up

anyway guys, so that was one hell of a ride. I learned some things about myself, like that I will follow this maniac of a mangaka into much deeper and more fucked up chasms than I ever expected. and Tomura learned some things about himself, and I have a lot of Concerns about those things, but I guess that’ll just have to wait until next week! all the best until then, everyone

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha 236 #shigaraki tomura #shimura hana #shimura kotaro #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #I'm working from home and it's a slow day so this recap is earlier than usual #do you know who is not having a slow day #shigaraki f***ing tomura #holy hell my man #I'm so sorry kiddo

[zankivich]

Neighbors: Shawn x Plus Size Reader Chapter 13

a/n: Hi there. This is going to be good. I promise. Take some deep breaths. Relax a little. Let yourself fall into it. There’s a lot of build up here but it will all make sense in a little while. I promise. If you hate it that’s cool, you can come yell at me. I’ll understand. But I love you? If you like it enough to want to buy me a ko-fi I’d love you forever! 

Trigger Warnings: details of sex, anxiety attack

*y/n’s point of view*

Going home is good for a while. You start a huge campaign with Roger’s Stadium to do their new branding. It’s kind of Shawn adjacent, but distant enough that no one brings it up that your boyfriend just happened to sell out a show there. You got to pick someone to help do the low-level research and you quickly paired up with Stu. It meant late nights in the office with your best friend doing what you did best. Marketing was your thing. Understanding different demographics of people and what got through to them best was something that you’d never had to be taught in the classroom. It came naturally. So communicating your product, connecting with people was just fun for you. It just so happened to come with a lovely commission on the side.

You meet with Gina, to confirm and solidify your pitch, but also apparently for a wellness check. After a lifetime of male bosses, you’d never once had one of those, but the second you sat down in her office she quickly flipped the lid on your ipad and made you talk about yourself instead.

“How are you?” She asked.

Your eyes widened slightly. “I...I’m good. How are you?”

“I’m okay,” She chuckled. “You’re used to jumping right into things, aye? Is that it?”

“I guess. Most bosses usually just want me to do the job and move on.”

“Ah. Then this should be a lovely change of pace for you. I have no interest in what you do professionally if you’re not doing okay holistically. The two are deeply intertwined. I’m not saying we’re going to be best friends. In fact we probably shouldn’t but, if at no other point in your day is someone asking you how you’ve been, let that be what your time with me looks like, okay?”

“Okay.” You murmured letting your shoulders relax slightly. “Okay.”

“So I ask you again, how are you doing y/n?”

“Things are good, actually. Stu and I work so well together that sometimes I can’t tell when our friendship stops and when the work begins. We just understand each other’s minds in a really productive way, so it’s really nice to be able to work together.”

She gave you that smile again that said you were doing something wrong causing you to pause again.

“What?”

“I guess I’m just curious how often when someone asks you how you’re doing you immediately start talking about work.”

You signed, hands twisted up in your lap as you struggled to maintain eye contact with her.

“Yea well...There’s not really much going on for me outside of work right now so?”

“Really? What about that famous boyfriend of yours everyone’s always yapping about?”

You snorted. “Famous boyfriend is getting ready for his very famous tour in England at the moment.”

“England, aye? That’s where you flew out to a few weeks ago right?”

“Yea. We uh had a fight that was bit my fault, so I went to apologize and smooth things over. He’ll be heading for Amsterdam come March though.”

She nodded. “That’s a lot for you to handle, I’m guessing. You must fly a lot to go see him? That’s hard considering your job here.”

You peered down at your lap again.

“This is actually the first time we’re doing the whole long term long distance thing. I’m sure we’ll be fine. It’s all a learning curve though. I uh I was planning on going to Amsterdam for the first two shows but that will probably be the last time I leave for at least a few months. I won’t see him for most of the year.”

“Well, shit. That just sucks.”

You smiled. “Yea, little bit. But he says he’ll fly back as often as he can. And with social media and technology now a days I can still talk to him for like hours. We’ll be okay. The hardest part is just keeping myself busy, and thankfully I’m pretty good at that.”

“What about family and friends?”

“Family is...complicated. Friends is Stu and his boyfriend Brian. Most of the people in the office are much older than me though, and we just don’t really care about the same things. I’m good though, I’ve always been the kind of person to go out and do whatever makes me happy. I don’t need a bunch of people around for that.”

She laughed again. “Well isn’t that nice to know. I suppose you can show me your pitch now.”

She loves it. And it’s incredibly validating, and takes a lot of stress of your shoulders. Now all that was left to do was to present the real thing and hope that they liked your design. It seemed like a cause for celebration. So you and Stu made plans to get all gussied up, go out to a fancy dinner, and get wine drunk together before eight pm. You tried to give Shawn a call, he knew how stressed you’d been about it after all, but it went to voicemail. So, you tucked your phone in your purse and went out to have a good fucking time.

“To being in our mid-twenties and finally hitting the fucking glow up! We are in our prime motherfucker!” Stu grinned cheersing his glass against yours.

You snorted. “We sure fucking are. When Ari said it feels so good to be so young and so successful, bitch was not lying.”

“Ugh. I wanna die and come back as that song. I thought that the thing I hated you most for was getting to see Shawn Mendes’ dick in person, but I think it’s that you have the ability to meet my fairy godmother, Ariana Grande, and there’s just nothing I can do about it.”

You peered over at your best friend over the rim of your glass with raised eyebrows.

“Stu...Are you sexually attracted to my boyfriend?”

His eyes widened slightly and his lips parted like a goldfish flopping on a dry surface begging for water. The idiot.

“To be fair...The entire office wants to fuck your boyfriend. Not just me!”

“Wow...That does not make me feel any better you sleez!” You chortled. “You’re my best friend!”

“It’s not like I would pursue it! Besides, Shawn Mendes was on our hall pass list far before you two were playing footsie behind my back.”

“I beg your pardon? And stop calling him by his full name, it gives me the creeps.”

He rolled his eyes at you. “The minute that man figured out how to put on a suit, Brian told me straight up if he ever found out Shawn went the other way, he would leave my ass in a heartbeat.”

“Jesus. So the whole world wants to screw my boyfriend?”

“Little bit, babes. But, you’re the only one who gets to! Don’t worry about the rest of us horny idiots.” He smiled.

“Have I ever told you how good you are at consoling me?”

“No.”

“Good.” You smirked. “You suck at it.”

He swatted at you playfully allowing both of you some time to look over your menus. At least that’s what you thought you were doing. It only took a few minutes of not so subtle stares for you to get the hint. The more you got used to being with Shawn the more you picked up on stuff like that.

“What is it now, Stu?” You sighed plopping your menu down.

“Well...Don’t take this the wrong way, because I completely don’t mean it in a predatory, creepy one at all but...What’s the dick like?”

“Oh god.”

He sighed. “We used to talk about all our hookups! I just want to know that my bestie is getting the dicking down that she deserves. It just so happens that this is internationally famous dick.”

Your best friend was a complete and total dumbass. But, you loved him. And you loved Shawn. And quite honestly not getting to share your experiences with someone was tough. It was hard because you knew Stu might not be able to relate to some of the things you were now experiencing as a result of your relationship, but he was also the person you went to for just about everything and vice versa. Also...sometimes a girl needs to gloat.

You peer around the restaurant as if a pap or one of Shawn’s fans might be lurking around every corner. (Sometimes, it felt like they were.) Stu leaned in in his nosey ass manner

“So like...it’s the best dick I’ve ever had in my life.” You whispered.

“Shut the fuck up.”

You whined dramatically. “I wish I was kidding. The whole hour and a half shows every night of the week translates so well into the bedroom. His stamina is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. His breath control allows him to go down on me for insane amounts of time. I’m talking like the bastard has evolved gills or some shit!”

Stu cracked up laughing and clanked his glass happily against yours.

“To evolving gills, bitch!”

You snorted happily and cheers’d with him again.

“Wait Stu, something happened.” You murmured moving closer in your seat to lean across the table.

“What? What?”

“So I went to the UK obviously to make up for things and I found this plus-size lingerie store while I was there so I thought it might get his mind off things if we like had some fun or whatever.”

“Okay….AND?”

“And so we’re doing...you know, it. And out of nowhere this dominant side of him comes out that honest to god made me wetter than the ocean seas.”

He raised an eyebrow at you. “What the hell does that mean? What did he do?”

You bit your lip taking another gander around the restaurant only for him to swat at you about getting shy just as you were getting to the good part.

“I was somewhat bent over, I guess you could say.”

“Great so you were doing doggy style, get to the kinky shit, sis.”

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t know… It just like started to feel really good and I had a feeling that I was going to…”

“Cum?”

You shook your head softly.

He gasped. “Squirt?”

You nodded.

“Oh. My. God. He’s really dicking you to explosion.”

“Yes. That is accurate. Anyway, I’ve never done that while he was in me before so I guess I started pushing against his hips because it felt so good? And he pulled my arms behind my back randomly and literally fucked me through it. Even when I was screaming louder than I’ve ever screamed before. He said, and I quote: ‘Baby, just let me give it to you. Let me make you feel good like only I can.’ and I just...holy shit Stu it was the best orgasm of my life.”

“You memorized a quote during sex? That is the biggest dick energy I’ve ever heard in my life. I have to go home and now slap my boyfriend because you’ve told me that story. I hope you’re satisfied, ruining other people's relationships. Holy shit, y/n.”

You licked at your lips and smile up at the sky as if God had something to do with it and not your wonderfully aggressive boyfriend.

“Yea. I know.” you sighed dreamily. “I love him.”

Meanwhile…

*Shawn’s point of view*

“What’s your problem? Y/n not texting you back?” Brian asked as Shawn tossed his phone back onto the couch.

He rolled his eyes. “No. But I am a perfectly grown adult who doesn’t need his girlfriend’s constant validation to feel secure in our relationship, Brian!”

“That what the self-help books telling you, bud?”

Brian was walking past after having turned the tv on and he very purposely tripped him. Jackass.

“Is you not getting to blow your load at least three times a day gonna make you an asshole this whole entire tour?”

He reached for a pillow and quickly socked his best friend in the face.

“Why are you such a dickhead, dickhead?!” He snorted. “There’s nothing I can do about having an incredible sex life. That is not my fault!”

“Incredible sex life, my ass!”

He put his hand over his heart and gave him the most sincere face he could offer.

“Bri...it’s a great fuckin’ sex life. Best of my whole life.”

“What does she shoot beams of light out her pussy or something?”

“This is why women hate our whole gender by the way. No, jackass, but she might as well. She is soft and passionate and beautiful and...vocal. Everytime I think I’m in control she does something to put me in my place. It’s wild. She’s fuckin wild.” He sighed collapsing back against the couch. “God, she’s perfect, man.”

Sure, he missed her. He always missed her. But, he also just appreciated everything about her. And talking about their love life wasn’t out of disrespect at all. It was more like bragging out of love for everything that they were together. And also because when it came to sex...they were kind of incredibly good at it.

“You two fuck like bunny rabbits. I’d almost be impressed if it wasn’t a complete inconvenience ninety nine percent of the time.”

Shawn rolled his eyes. “How is our love making an inconvenience to you, oh poor wonderful Brian?!”

“Oh don’t even get me started! Exhibit A, you invite all of us over to your apartment for a party in December. We’re supposed to get incredibly hammered and play mario kart. Not even forty-five minutes into the damn thing, you two assholes disappear into the bedroom, WITH the game system I might add, with the door locked for over an hour. The only reason you even came back out was because y/n wanted more tequila!”

“Hmm...that was a beautiful night. She sounds like a symphony when she cums.” He sighed to himself.

“Gross. Exhibit B! We go to the after party for the billboard awards. It’s supposed to be a good fuckin’ time for everyone--”

“Hey! We had a good fuckin’ time that night! We shared a blunt with Post Malone, Alessia, and fucking Ariana Grande. What could you possibly have to complain about?!”

“Why yes Shawn, that we did. But do you remember what happened after that?” He paused for the briefest of moments before very quickly continuing on. “Y/n for some reason found you smoking to be the hottest thing in the world and decided that she had to have you right then and there. You two left the fucking party and Alessia and I had to uber back to the hotel.”

“Well that is...yea I don’t really have an excuse for that one. Not our best moment. But trust me you didn’t want to be in that car anyway, I ripped her dress that night. It was a bit of a shit show. The only reason the paps didn’t get us was because we penguin waddled inside to hide it.”

“The moral of the story is, as happy as I am that you guys are trying to set an olympic record for fucking, you both suck!”

“You’ve got me there. We both suck...incredibly well I might add.”

He hit him with a pillow and left the room. What are best friends for anyway?

*y/n’s point of view*

“How are things going with Bry?” You asked as Stu worked to pack their bowl.

What better way to celebrate their wonderful friendship date, then ending it with a little weed?

He lit the bowl and took a deep hit, letting it sit in his lungs as he handed it over.

Stu groaned. “They’d be fine if he would get his shit together and propose to me already.”

You took a hit of your own and laughed.

“If you want to marry him so much, why don’t you propose?”

“I’m the one who asked him out in the first place! I’m the one who single handedly kept our relationship going through college. I told him point blank that he needed to propose and for some reason, five years later I’m still missing a ring on my finger!”

“Do you want me to talk to him? Give him the hint?”

He rolled his eyes. “As wonderful as that sounds, no. I want him to want to be with me. I just want him to take a little initiative ya know?”

You each took another hit of the bowl and leaned against each other and the high took over.

“I get it. You want to feel confident in your future. You wanna know he’s gonna be there when you need him. That’s a valid feeling.” You assured him.

“We’ve just been together for so long. And most of the time we are so good together. We communicate well, we have fun together. I just want to know that we’re both feeling the same things. Sometimes he seems so sure that he just thinks we don’t need to talk about it at all.”

“Damn. I think Shawn and I might be the opposite. I think all he wants is for me to talk more.”

Stu chuckled. “No shit. It took me getting you high in my college dorm for you to even tell me anything even remotely personal about yourself. Shawn’s sappy ass probably thinks it’s like talking to a wall.”

“Very funny asshole. I can’t help it okay? I’m the baby of four kids. By the time I was growing up, no one had time to listen to me whine and complain about shit. Shawn just...he understands all of his emotions so well, and he spends so much of his life reflecting on everything no matter how busy he is. I’m trying though. I know it’s necessary, It’s just hard.”

“Do you think you two will be okay with all the touring?” He asked.

Wasn’t that just the million dollar question? You didn’t know how to explain that when you were together it seemed like you could take on the world, like you could do anything together, but that when you were apart you’d never felt weaker. It all feel so sappy and so high school. Not being able to live on your own and per your own person? You wanted to be better than that. And admitting anything else out loud, even to Stu, shook the very foundation of the persona you were trying to force yourself to be.

“Shawn thinks we will be.” You mumbled.

“I didn’t ask what Shawn thinks. I’m your best friend, you can tell me of all people.”

“It’s just harder when we’re apart. So, I fly into whatever country he’s in and we fuck and we go out to dinner and maybe we get high because that’s all there is when you’re together for two or three days. And it’s not until I come back home that I even realize it. Cause when we’re together, I can’t imagine being anywhere else. I could honestly sit in one of those green rooms and just watch him all day, and I’d be happy. I love him that much. But when I get some distance, when I’m back home I realize just how little there is. How little there will be for the rest of the year. I just...I guess I’m hoping I can hold on. Because when I’m with him? It’s the greatest pleasure I’ve ever known.”

“Holy shit babes...That’s deep. C’mere.”

He wrapped his arm loosely around you. You passed the bowl back and forth a few more times until the world grew fuzzy and calm and you were each happier for it. It was a good way to end the night.

***

It’s four in the afternoon. You have a meeting in fifteen minutes to go over revenue for the department. These meetings always made you super anxious. You were the only female senior executive, so any conversation you had about revenue was always in a room full of men. It didn’t help that a lot of the assholes in the office didn’t like the way you were offered the job and definitely held a grudge. You were always dead set on having the best numbers, so no one could say shit. Your stomach was tied up in knots and you just wanted to get it over with, so you could go home and drink a glass--or three--of wine. You’d been stressed about it all week, and it only made it worse that you had started sleeping in Shawn’s apartment because the smell of his sheets was sometimes the only thing that could lull you into sleep only for the smell to eventually fade away. There was tension in your neck and in your shoulders from the tossing and turning, and you just needed the week to be over.

Your phone started to vibrate on your desk and you almost chucked it at the wall. When you saw that it was Shawn wanting to facetime you honestly weren’t sure if that made it better or worse. But, Shawn tended to get anxious when you didn’t answer, so you took a deep breath and opened the phone.

“Babe!” He smiled immediately as his image came slowly into focus.

He must’ve been walking somewhere with the team cause he wasn’t looking at his phone right away. You didn’t really have time for this.

“Hey Shawn. Look, what is it? I’m uh I’m kinda busy.”

“Wait just one sec.” He scrambled a little with the phone before he was finally staring at you, wild curls and beautiful brown eyes to boot. “What’s wrong? You sound stressed.”

“I am stressed. I have a meeting in ten, Shawn; what can I do for you?”

He frowned. “I don’t need you to do anything for me. I just wanted to see you. Hey Jake, I’m gonna go sit for a minute alone alright? I’ll be back.”

“No, Shawn don’t--” But he was already walking away from the group.

“What’s going on, right now? Talk to me.”

Your initial instinct was to tell him nothing was going on, that you didn’t want to talk, you just wanted to muscle through. But you couldn’t help but remember your conversation with Stu a few days ago. It felt hypocritical to say you were trying to communicate if every time your boyfriend asked you to communicate you shut down.

You closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose between your thumb and forefinger.

“I have a meeting, okay? That’s all” You mumbled feeling like an incessant toddler.

He nodded. “Okay, you have a meeting. You’ve told me that. You’ve got a meeting that’s stressing you out. You look flustered. What else is going on?”

“Nothing else is going on. I’m just really stressed at the moment.”

He sighed. “Sweetheart, you don’t need to fight me on this. I only want to help you. You’re breathing is uneven. Are you feeling anxious right now?”

“I--I don’t know. Yea, sure, I feel anxious.”

“How long have you felt anxious, honey?”

“Shawn, what the hell does this have to do with anything?!” you snapped the irritation getting to you.

“I think you might be having an anxiety attack. Try and take a deep breath with me. I know you’re feeling upset, but let’s just breathe for a little bit.”

“An anxiety attack? Shawn what--”

“Hush. Just fucking listen to me okay?”

You stumbled into silence and watched as your boyfriend did his best to calm you down. He had you lean the phone against your desk so that you could place one hand over your stomach and the other over your heart. He had you use your stomach as a guide to let your lungs fill with air, breathing slowly and letting the tension in your back and neck to ease out. His voice was low, calm, and incredibly soothing in your ear. You may have offered him comfort before, but this was something new entirely. At least Shawn could tell when he needed help. You were so delusional about your own wellbeing that you hadn’t even been aware you needed it. It wasn’t until you felt your heart rate calm and your shoulders drop that you felt infinitely better. With this relief came a rather odd rush of sadness that left you crying in the middle of your office in broad daylight.

“Hey,” He cooed face moving closer to his screen. “Why are you crying, y/n?”

“I don’t even fucking know.” You sighed trying to catch the tears before they fall. “I really thought I was fine, Shawn. I thought I was okay.”

“That’s alright. That’s why I’m here. To catch the things you let slip. You do the exact same thing for me all of this time. It’s okay to lean on me once in a while, you know?”

You nodded softly with a sniffle. “I really do have to go to my meeting though.”

“Go. Call me when you get home from work okay? Take a shower, relax a little bit. I’m a few hours ahead of you here, but just call and I’ll be there. We can talk through it.”

“Okay. Okay, I’ll do that.” You mumbled.

“You’re gonna do great, sweetie. I love you so much, okay?”

“I love you too. I’ll talk to you later.”

*four hours later*

“Is that my bed?” Shawn asked leaning back with an arm behind his head with abs on full display.

Ugh.

You nodded. “I’ve been sleeping here a little better lately...Is that okay?”

“Yea! Of course it is. Nothing makes me happier than you sleeping there. That spaces is yours too. That’s why I gave you the key to begin with.”

“Okay.” You murmured not being able to hide the smile that his words brought to your face. “You could probably send me a sweatshirt or something that you’ve worn recently though. The sheets hardly even smell like you anymore.”

He grinned. “I’d love to sweetheart. It’s just that by the time something could get to you from Amsterdam, I think you might actually have already flown to Amsterdam. I’ll be sure to send you back with plenty of material.”

“Good.”

“So...you ready to talk about it?”

“Ugh, I am surprised you're not a licensed therapist with how much you want me to talk about my feelings.” you whined. “How did you even know it was an anxiety attack?”

“I just remembered when I was going through my panic attacks at first, that I didn’t even know what they were called. The doctor said these two words, panic attack and anxiety attack, and I didn’t really know the difference. They sort of sound the same. But you know how like when it gets really bad for me it’s like...super quick? Like one second I’m just thinking about something bad and then the next I can’t see my way out of it?”

“Yea. That’s usually when we start breathing together.”

He smiled. “Exactly. I guess anxiety attacks can be a little slower. My doctor said they can actually happen over a period of days. It’s what makes them harder to detect, but it can also make them much harder on the body. It’s like thinking about something until it consumes you. Not being able to sleep, irritability--even at very lovable and cuddly boyfriends, muscle tension. You seemed to check a lot of boxes, honey.”

“I’m sure loveable and cuddly boyfriends was right in the symptom description, aye?”

“You’re deflecting.”

“You’re digging.”

“I am trying to take an ounce of burden off your back, and you are making it incredibly difficult.”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath telling yourself to stop being such a little bitch. He was there. He wasn’t going to leave. You could trust him.

“It’s okay to talk to me, y/n. I’m not going to hurt you.” He murmured.

You groaned. “I know. I know.”

“It’s just that...if it were anyone else I’d say that you should find someone to talk to, anyone to talk to but I . . .I’m supposed to be your person. You’re my person and I just--I don’t know y/n, how do I help you through this if you won’t let me?”

“I’m trying Shawn. I swear I am.”

“Hey I know. And I’m trying to be understanding of how hard it is for you. But, I’m also trying to help. I’m gonna need you to at least meet me halfway.”

You nodded sullenly, fingers bunching up in the blankets at the thought of failing him, of not being able to be what he needed.

Shawn sighed. “It’s uh...it’s getting pretty late here. Let’s just talk tomorrow, yea?”

You peered at him through the phone unable to discern how deep of a situation this was from halfway across the world.

“Are you angry with me?”

“N--No. Honey, I’m not angry. I’m just...tired. I’ll call you when it’s morning for you okay?”

“Okay. I love you, Shawn.”

“I love you too. Get some sleep.”

That was certainly easier said than done.

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

He’s in the middle of a meeting when his phone starts to buzz on the table. And he can’t help but reach for it just in case it’s y/n. It is.

y/n: so I couldn’t sleep last night. Surprise. And I just kept thinking about everything that you said, and it made feel really shitty.

y/n: not to say that you made me feel shitty just that that’s how I was feeling

y/n: anyway. I couldn’t sleep, so I tried to think about how I feel and I tried to write it down. I thought I could share it with you. Idk if it’ll help at all I just don’t want to keep letting you down.

y/n: so check your email if you have time. I love you. K. Bye.

And of course the rest of his meeting is absolutely useless. Of course all he can think about is her, about what she might be thinking, about what she might be feeling. And there’s a much bigger part of him than he’d like to admit, that’s wants nothing more than to fly home and cuddle the hell out of her until she gets some rest. The distance between the two of them felt heavier than ever.

“You’ve got forty-five minutes for lunch. Then we’re at the venue for run throughs. Final creative meeting for tour outfits after okay?” Andrew ordered.

Shawn nodded already in search of his laptop.

“Can you have Jake bring me something for the drive? I’m not gonna have time for anything else.”

“Why not?”

“Something is wrong with y/n. I need to check in okay?”

He was so unwilling to focus on anything other than y/n that if Andrew had anything else to say, he didn’t notice. He set up his laptop and found a space to sit in the quiet and read.

So...This is weird. I haven’t written anything like this since my diary in the eighth grade. I just um am tired a lot lately. I don’t think it’s work because I love what I do so much. I guess that’s not great either because I just keep working even when I’m exhausted. And it’s not you. Jesus, it most certainly is not you. I keep thinking that my love for is going to plateau or something, but it never does. It just keeps growing infinitely. I’m not sure if it’s the distance between us at the moment. When I first got home it actually felt good to get back into my routine. I think it’s not until I can’t sleep that I roll over and see you aren’t there that it hits me. It’d just so odd for me Shawn. I want to hold you and talk to you and I can’t because you’re not here. And there isn’t anything that either of us can do about it. I’m not used to there not being a solution. I’ve always been so good at solving things, that now that I can’t I feel like a waste of space. And I know that if I told you you’d tell me to call you but you’re six hours ahead of me right now. Everytime we talk it feels like I’m keeping you from something more important, and I don’t want to do that. I want you to be happy and to tour and have all the success in the world. I think also, and this is just me being honest with myself, even with the people I’ve loved most in my life I haven’t always had my needs prioritized.  My mom. My brothers. My dad. So I really try to take care of myself and prioritize myself. I never learned how to let someone else do it for me, because every time I tried I got let down. Your so endlessly kind to me. And you love me like i’ve never been loved before. Me not letting you in when I’m struggling is not malicious it’s just innate. I’m trying to unlearn these things and it’s much harder to do when I don’t even realize that I’m doing them. I’m sorry if I upset you. I’m sorry that you stayed up for me last night only to be disappointed. You mean more to me than a hundred of these pages could explain. I know I keep asking for time, for some leeway, and maybe your getting sick of that. I guess I’m sorry for that too. I promise you it’ll be different, if you let me try. I want to try. I love you enough to do that for us.

He sits with it for a while. There’s a feeling in his chest that he’s never had with y/n before and then there’s another feeling into response to it. He gets out the app on his phone and meditates for a while because he just doesn’t know what it is at first. And it isn’t until after he’s breathed for twenty minutes and they’re in the car on the way to his next meeting that he gets this overwhelming wave of deja vu. It’s so visceral that he feels himself become sixteen again. He watches himself get off the plan in Toronto and drive to his first girlfriend’s house. He watches him explain to her that he’s got to go away and live his dream, and that them being together is only going to hurt her, that it would kill him to keep hurting her. This idea that...it doesn’t matter how much we love each other, it’s never gonna matter, because all I’m ever gonna do it hurt you. And if I love you, if I truly and genuinely love you, then isn’t the greatest act of love I could ever show you to let you go?

It fills him with anger. Anger because this was meant to be different. In hindsight it makes him feel like a child who had been shouting at the top of his lungs that he knew something that he so clearly didn’t. Maybe Andrew was right. Maybe Brian had gotten annoyed for a legitimate reason. Maybe their love wasn’t what he thought it was. Or, even worse, maybe there love was everything it felt like. Maybe it was larger than the two of them, maybe it was complex and beautiful and wonderful. But, maybe that only meant it would consume them in the end.

After that there’s nothing but sorrow. Because his thread, his being, his life was so deeply intertwined with her’s that he could see no way out, couldn’t imagine not being with her.

For the first time in a long time he was completely at a loss. And it seemed as though he had opened up a can of worms that was only going to hurt them in the end. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

Taglist: @kitykatnumber @lou-and-me​ @ourlittleshawnie @mutuallynotmutual @wanderingmendes @peacedolantwins2 @chels-nyc @justbeingoceana  @hayyitsfayy​ @claredolphinbear24​  @september-lace  @literallyshawn @mchutchmendes @liliane106 @iloveshawnieboi @samwillllson @illloveyouforever1 @grittyisaho 

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[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #262

WoW will probably start to take over my life again tomorrow oof so expect surveys to slow down some.

What do you wish people wouldn't call you? The only one I don't really like is Girt calling me "kid." He doesn't mean it in a derogatory way or anything like that; he's just always called me that since I was a high school freshman and he was a senior. Now as an adult that's been through things I don't believe anyone deserves, it's kinda weird but more so frustrating as, regardless of his intentions, I somewhat feel belittled. I've never said anything directly about my discomfort, though, so it's my own fault. I just don't want to make him feel bad for doing it for years lmao. What do people say about your name upon learning it for the first time? They don't say anything; my name is very ordinary. Why did you choose the hair length you have? I have a few reasons. The biggest is because I was just bored of average, long hair, and the fact I was at the time having a very hard time with self-care. My hair would get incredibly knotted to where it was hard to even brush it sometimes. Makes me shiver thinking back on it. For my own sanity and ease, it needed to be gone. Also, with how STUPID hot I get, cutting it all off helped with the weight of my hair (it's v thick) but more importantly how hot it made me it the warm months. Zero regrets chopping it all off, omg. If your hair could be ANY color, what would you pick? At this very moment, I really want silver hair. Do you wish your hair was longer or shorter than it is now? It needs a trim. Do you think you're attractive? (It's okay to say yes =P) No; I think I wouldn't look ALL to bad if I lost some more weight (I've literally been on a weight loss plateau for two fuckin years). When I was perfectly healthy, I didn't think I was very pretty even back then, but now that I look back, I feel I was decently pretty. Not gorgeous, but. What is your favorite band? Ozzy Osbourne. :') What is your favorite movie? The Lion King. The second one is like directly behind it. Finding Nemo is also very precious to me. What is your favorite book or magazine? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton and Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. What is your favorite song? Ugh, this is impossible. I love way way too many. I suppose maybe... "Death Inc." by Motionless In White? Idk. What is your favorite color to wear? Black, duh. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? South Africa because I want to spend time with and take pictures at the Kalahari Meerkat Project and especially pet a Whiskers meerkat. I WILL cry. Meerkats literally changed my life. So many people I wouldn't know... If you got the chance and wouldn't get caught, would you cheat on a lover? NOOOOO the guilt though. Someone drops a fifty dollar bill and doesn't notice. Will you tell them? Definitely. I'd feel awful otherwise. Would you ever pierce something on your face? I already have my lip and tongue pierced, and I did have my nostril pierced, too. I want more, particularly an undereye microdermal if I can switch to contacts... which I don't like. I think it'd look pretty dumb with glasses. Are you selfish? EVERYONE should be to a degree depending on the occasion. Doing what is best for you is not a bad thing. Are you mean to people who are different from you? Wow no. I find people "different" from me interesting. Do you make fun of obese people? By the BMI definition, I am one of those people. So take a guess? Do you eat when you're upset? I have to fight that extremely hard, because I usually do experience the impulse to comfort eat when I'm very depressed. I've gotten way better at it, though. What if you had to choose between feeding yourself or feeding your pets? I honestly don't know for sure what I'd do... but I think I would prioritize my pets, honestly. It would break me to watch them suffer and lose weight. What if you saw someone being beaten on the street? YOOOO I READ THIS AS "EATEN" FIRST. But anyway I'd call the cops ASAP. There's a possibility I'd intervene if I felt myself capable of taking on the assailant. What if it was you being beaten? According to the night terrors I've had beyond count, curse like a motherfucker and fight back while calling for help. Who's the most important person to you (related)? Mom. Who's the most important person to you (non-related)? Sara. What's more important to you, happiness or success? Happiness. What's more important to you, your happiness or someone else's? Depends on the person. List the ten most important things to you: Oh, yikes. No order: 1.) My peace of mind, health, and happiness; 2.) my family; 3.) my pets; 4.) my career future; 5.) my friends; 6.) a YouTuber I've never met lmao; 7.) my pebble from my partial hospitalization program; 8.) Teddy's ashes; 9.) the Mark mug Sara gave me sobs; 10.) and the RP site I'm on. Like if it disappeared tomorrow with all the profiles and history and stuff I would break the earth in half oof. Have you ever lived in a mobile home? No. Have you ever had your bedroom in a basement? No. How many times in the past week have you eaten fast food? Hm. I don't think once. In the house - shoes, socks, slippers or bare feet? Bare feet.\ Do you consider dogs inside or outside pets? Usually indoor, depending on the breed and the time of year. What’s your favourite piece of furniture in your house? ig my bed? Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s parent? Yikes no. Do you prefer carbonated or uncarbonated drinks? Sucker for carbonated over here. Favorite thing that you can see up in the sky? A full moon. Would you rather eat at the table or in your room? I'm so used to eating in my room. Do you like the sound of birds singing when you wake up, or is it annoying? I love it. If someone gave you a kitten, would you keep it? I'd love to, but it'd really be my mom's choice. What’s your ideal activity for a rainy day? Nap oh lawd. Favorite type of cracker? Cheez-Its. Banana sandwich... yum or yuck? Only yum with peanut butter. Animal you like to watch but sort of creeps you out: Spiders. Bagels or English Muffins? Bagels. Do you like to daydream about sex? I do it sometimes. Which of your parents do you laugh more with? My dad is really funny. Have you ever been to an open casket wake or funeral? Wake, yes. Who mows the lawn at your house? A family friend. Have you ever written a story from beginning to end? When I was little and was writing that meerkat story, yes. I started on the sequel but didn't get far. What’s a big turn on for you? Being genuinely interested in what makes me me. Actually wanting to know the littlest things about me. Just show sincere interest. Are you doing anything tomorrow? I do know I'm fuckin finally getting my laptop home. Does your car have a name? N/A Do you own clothes from any celebrity clothing lines? No, but a bitch is getting a Cloak shirt or hoodie at some point. Who was the last person you ranted about? My bitch of a cousin for being a disrespectful fuck when all my dying grandmother wants is to talk as a group with the whole family. I ranted to Mom though, not in the group chat because I'm actually mature enough to not talk shit when, again, all our grandma wants is peace and love between us at the end of her life. I was SEETHING. Know any magic tricks? I don't remember any. I LOOOOOVED those magic kits as a kid, though. Is there music in your head right now? Right now "Dirty Pretty" by In This Moment is on, so does that count as "in my head?" Would you like to become a dancer? It'd be very cool, most certainly, and due to taking dance classes so long, I tend to think of potential dances in my head when I hear like... any song, lol. I'd love to be one if I had the grace and endurance + no hyperhydrosis. Name one person of the same sex as you you wouldn't mind doing: Hunny I'm bisexual, there's a lot, lmao. Dream woman? Uhhhh. Maybe my friend Alon. She was like one of my first hints I wasn't straight, lmao. But idk, I find soooo many women to be attractive. What is the most gory film you've seen? One of the Saw movies. What a surprise, ik. Ever fallen down a hole? ZOINKS no. Do you work better in a clean or messy environment? Clean, durr. Do you know any vegans? Only online. Do you like bananas? I am VERY picky with bananas. They have to be perfect. My preferred ripeness lasts only like, two days. .-. What's a film you've seen that confused you? Oh boy, idk. I don't watch many films... especially if I'm confused and the plot isn't great, I'll stop watching. WAIT!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!! I went to see Warcraft when it came out and I was so fuckin lost just because the orcs' voices are so goddamn deep that I just sat there like "uhhhh sir come again????" I didn't play Classic, and I'm not great at remembering every aspect of the plot, so. I'm to this day p confused lmao. Do you ever wear black lipstick? I really only ever wear black. What is next to your bed? I have a white shelf to my left where I put my meds, a drink, the fan... that kind of stuff. My cat's food bowl is to the right of it on the floor. Are your fingernails dirty? Nope. Have you ever fell for someone believing you could "fix" them? Not for that reason, no. Describe a picture of yourself that you hate: LASKJDLKFJAOWJE my friend took a picture of me eating a hot dog once and joked she was putting that shit on Facebook and it was funny as shit but thank Christ she was in fact joking. Would you rather play a good or an evil character in a play? While I'd love to be the evil one, I'd probably make it too cheesy because I am a BAD actress. Has anybody ever lied to you just to impress you? Story of one of my "best" friendships. What's your favourite shade of blue? Baby blue, probs. Can you remember a world before iPods? I do indeed. On rides to school when I sat in the back, I would bring one of those portable CD players with me to play discs. Where did you go on your last date? I can't remember the place's name... Lume's? Something like that? Breakfast place in Illinois. Do people find you "cute"? It happens sometimes. Who does the best remixes? Oh idk, I don't pay much attention to this. Where do you get your news? Facebook, lmao. What social stigma does society need to get over? What DOESN'T it need to get over???? What was the last photo you took? Probably something funny on Facebook to send to Sara lmao. I will get memes to her some way. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? As badly as I want to say dragons, I don't think it'd be a great idea, heh... Maybe dryads. What are you interested in that most people aren't? As of recently, TARANTULAS. I've fallen in LOVE with them. What's the most ridiculous thing you have bought? No clue. What sounds hit you with major nostalgia every time you hear them? The gem collecting sound from Spyro. It was my text ringtone on my last phone! I need to move it over to my current one. What was the biggest realization you have had about yourself? I was possibly the bigger villain than Jason in the breakup. But idk. What topic could you spend forever talking about? Gay rights. Which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? In the original patent, it was designed as going over. GMM knowledge. Therefore I find over as correct, BUT I ultimately don't care like... at all. I don't even really notice when I go in the bathroom. Are you usually early or late? Usually slightly early. What do you wish you knew more about? Politics so I could be a more helpful member of society alksdjfka;lw What is the most annoying question you've been asked? It's not really like, annoying I guess, but the closest would be just how frequently people see my lip ring and ask if it hurt. It's incredibly sensitive skin, and even if it wasn't, a needle went all the way through it. Like... guess. News flash: being stabbed hurts, lmao. Like I always explain that it's not awful, but duh, there is pain. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Yummm chocolate. What was the worst phase in your life? 2020 thinks it's a bad guy, but lemme tell ya, shit's got nothing on 2016. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? I hate sprinkles on anything. Just an annoying texture with negligible flavor. The last time you went out to eat - what did you order? It was just a milkshake. Do you have all 32 teeth? I'm missing two wisdom teeth that just never grew in. Do you know how to do the moon walk? Never tried. What is one of your favorite comedy movies? White Chicks. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yeah. I don't think I do. Onion rings or french fries? Fries. Not an onion ring fan. Who is the best cook that you know? Sara's mom is great, omgggg. She's cooked things I generally don't like yet I wound up enjoying. Can you name 3 different dinosaurs? Let's see: Spinosaurus, stegosaurus, velociraptor. I was a dino kid, man, just gettin' started. *finger guns* What's the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can’t juggle. What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? I'd daaaash for the swingset. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? Ummm I think 6-something pounds? 7? Where do you spend most of your time at? At home. In my bed. Exciting stuff, y'know. What noise does your favorite animal make? If my memory serves me right, they have over 40 vocalizations, but I'd say barking and chirping are the most ordinary/basic. Have you ever fallen in the toilet when you were little? lol I don't think so. What is the best kind of mac & cheese? I'm a basic-ass Velveeta bitch lmao. Who is your favorite oldies band? Boy oh BOY, you're asking a classic rock/metal addict. Of course it's Ozzy tho. But I love soooo many!! What is your favorite farm animal? Pigs! Do you like to play Monopoly? I'm not a big fan, no. What is the most fun restaurant you have ever been to? I like the vibe of Buffalo Wild Wings. Or I just have good memories there. What size bra do you wear? I'm actually not sure. I haven't bought new ones in a while and I don't think the ones I currently have are the right size anyway. Do you have a ceiling fan in your room? No. Who was your favorite Sesame Street character? I don't remember too well, but I think Cookie Monster? What about Muppet? Idr. What was going through your mind during the presidential campaign? I am sadly paying no attention. What do you think of the Duggar family ( 17+ kids )? Could you handle taking care of that many children? Ew, hell no. I don't believe the number of children warranted in a family should be legally monitored, it's much more difficult than that, BUT RATHER I'm very firm about knowing when it's more than enough. Population control is a thing. NOBODY needs that many kids imo, not even close to that. So far, what is the number one, best decision you have ever made? How has it affected your life? Letting go of Jason/accepting life without him. It has made my life much, much brighter and healthier. Have you reunited with any old friends recently? Was it awkward, or just like old times? No. When was the last time you talked to your first ex? February of 2017. Wow... been a long time. How different is your online personality from your offline personality? I am MUCH more outgoing and talkative online. What are your favorite holiday-themed movies? Jim Carrey's How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Hocus Pocus, The Nightmare Before Christmas, etc... Do you listen to Christmas/winter-themed music when the season comes around? No. Is there anything that you do that’s potentially controversial? Yes. What is your most recent obsession? Most recent, whew, tarantulas. I'm really gonna try talking Mom into letting me get one when/if we move. Do you say “merry Christmas” or “happy holidays”? To you, does it really matter which one is said/you say? Do you do your best to remain politically correct? Instinctually, I say "merry Christmas;" that's what has always been said around me. I personally see zero problem in calling it whatever... Like just appreciate someone wishing you well. You get the concept, and that's all you really need imo. As for political correctness, I'm kinda... down the middle? Like I feel it's been taken way, way too far, but I see some caution in wording as wise. If you could relive one week of your life, which would it be, and why? Would you do anything differently, or keep it all the same? Ugh, my first visit at Sara's. I just loved it so, so much. I think I wouldn't change a thing. It felt perfect. Is there a part of your life you wish you could remember, but can’t? Sometimes when I take these surveys and they ask "how old were you when...", ha ha. Frustrates me. What was the last thing/event to trigger a painful memory? It was last night, actually. The Final Fantasy VII remake is out, and I started watching a YouTuber I like play it. Jason got me to play the original, playing it a lot when we spent time together, but I only got a bit beyond half-way through before my PS3 broke. Cherished memories, so it was decently triggering indeed. I loved the game though and ABSOLUTELY want to see it played out in its entirety, so I shoved past the pain and am glad I did. Now I'm anxiously awaiting the next video aljkdsjfawe Y'ALL I wanna play more FF. What do you think of people that choose not to vote? I can't say anything, seeing as I never have voted before... Are you keeping anything from the people you love? Nothing important, no. Have you ever written a suicide note, whether joking or not? Yes, and that stupid novel is one of my biggest regrets. Who the FUCK would joke about that, though. When was the last time you let something ‘go to your head’? Not even like an hour ago. This happens allllll the time. When are you most likely to show off? Maaan Guitar Hero used to be good for that shit, ha ha. I was an expert at that back in its day. I haven't played it in forever, and on the rare occasion I do, I am suuuper rusty. Which would you prefer: spectacular view of the ocean, or of the mountains? MOUNTAINS!!!!!! Do you follow any dating rules/play any dating games? No. When was the last time you felt extremely confident about something? ME????????? CONFIDENT???????????? WHAT A CONCEPT!!!!!!!!!! When was the last time you blew the seeds off of a dandelion? Wow, not a clue. Probably not since we lived at my old house and I would go on walks down the path. What was the last thing that happened that you couldn’t explain? Oh I dunno. What do you do with all of your spare change? I just keep it in my wallet. Where did you hear about your all-time favorite band? He was and still is one of my mom's favorites! How many cans of soda do you drink in a day? AHHHHHH soda is my biggest nutritional weakness. I refuse to let myself drink more than one a day now though. It's funny and disgusting, when I was HEALTHY AND SKINNY I could on a rare occasion start a fourth can in a single day. Nowadays the thought almost makes me shiver. What is the oldest thing that you own? and the newest? The oldest thing, ummm. Not sure. Probably a stuffed animal in the attic. I just got two new books today! Is there anything you wish you had never found out about? Yep. A number of things. What is something that you refuse to believe in? Astrology. What is something you wish more people believed in? Gay rights. What food is your ultimate comfort food? Ice cream. Have you ever put anything inside a time capsule? What? OMGGGG I remember doing this in elementary school as a class! I don't recall what was in it, though. Is there too much violence on tv, or are people to sensitive? Too sensitive, but also negligent. It's got a lot to do with raising, imo. Don't show kids wild shit at too young of an age, and when they are shown this kind of stuff, you make it obvious that the behavior/content is unacceptable irl. Entertainment is not responsible for someone's shitty actions made with their own volition. What is something you used to fear, but no longer do? My first huge fear was thunderstorms. Now I enjoy them lol. Do you think it’s important to know a 2nd language? Not mandatory, no. Especially depends on if you're going anywhere. Do you know anyone that’s just naturally good at almost everything? My old friend Hannia IMMEDIATELY came to mind. She was the best in class GPA-wise, first chair for flute in band, and just in general STUPID talented. Do you know anyone that’s just bad at everything? BITCH ME What is one emoticon you use often? A sarcastic :^) or <3 What is one emoticon you almost never use? A lot, particularly ones with equal signs for eyes.

#survey #quiz #questions

[lavellaned]

blunt thou the lion’s paws,

Chapter Three

So, there happens to be 20 foot tall carnivorous lizards roaming this hellscape, because of fucking course there is. And of course, she is the one that had to deal with it. Never mind the fact that she has literally never been in a suit of power armor until twenty minutes ago or fired a minigun, let alone seen one in person. Oh, and fighting giant, pissed off, dinosaur-looking motherfuckers also happens to be something missing from her toolbox.

Fucking ridiculous.

The power armor is more frame than armor at this point, probably due to the amount of times the deathclaw (yeah, a real astute observation in the naming of that monstrosity) picked her up like a rag doll and slammed her into the concrete. She won’t be surprised if she’s covered head to toe in bruises.

Claudia stands within the ruins of the museum with the rag-tag group of people. She takes her helmet off as they bicker quietly amongst each other. 

“So, what? We’re just going to keep making decisions based on some chem-head’s ‘visions’ still?” the dark haired woman snaps. Said chem-head sits quietly in the middle of it all, seemingly not taking offence.

“What other options do we have, Marcy?” the colonial cosplayer ( Preston, Claudia reminds herself) replies.

“Look where it’s gotten us so far! We don’t even know if the place exists! We can’t keep going like this. If we haven’t found it yet, that’s ‘cause it’s probably not real!”

“We just haven’t reached it yet, is all,” the slight old woman gently says.

“Oh yeah?” Marcy spits, “Which one of your chems told you that bit of bullshit, huh?”

“Alright, alright,” a burly, dark haired man calmly drawls. He pushes himself off of the wall that he was leaning on, his hands held out in front of him in a placating manner. “Mama Murphy says that it’s not too much farther ahead. And I don’t know about y’all, but I’m willing to walk a little bit further if it means I can finally settle for a moment.” Marcy rolls her eyes, but Sturges continues before she can cut him off. “RIght now, we got something we’re working towards. Like Preston said, if we don’t follow Mama Murphy’s suggestion, what else are we going to do? Stay here and hope more raiders don’t happen in on this place?” Marcy folds her arms across her chest, glaring a hole through Sturges’ head but says nothing. Sturges nods. “Alright. So, if no one else has any other ideas…” he gestures widely, bringing his point to a conclusion.

Claudia walks up to Preston who is rubbing his forehead with his hand. He looks up at her as she approaches.

“Where are you going?” Claudia asks. Preston gives her a quick once over, probably trying to decide if she seems trustworthy enough for the truth.

“Mama Murphy’s been talking about a place up to the north. Calls it a ‘sanctuary’ where we might be able to settle.” Preston informs her. Claudia’s eyebrows furrow.

“Like Sanctuary Hills?” she asks, shooting a glance to Mama Murphy who sits there with a serene smile on her face as she pets the dog (Dogmeat, Claudia had previously learned).

“You know what she’s talking about?” Preston turns fully to her, hope painfully written across his weary features.

“Uhm, I know that there’s an old neighborhood just north of here. Just came from it, actually.”

“You’ve been there? Is it what Mama’s been talking about?” Claudia gets the slight impression that she’s being interrogated. 

“Right, like we’re just going to trust some rando to lead us to safety,” Marcy interjects. Claudia’s headache returns, though, she’s not really sure it ever went away.

Preston lets out a heavy sigh. “Marcy…”

“No, how do we know she’s not just going to kill us as soon as our backs are turned, hmm?” Marcy looks at Claudia with wild, sleep deprived eyes and Claudia has to hold back a laugh. As if they had anything worth killing them for. Instead, she takes a deep breath and releases it in a sigh of her own.

“If I’m lying, then you can have the honor of shooting me in the face yourself. How ‘bout that?” Marcy is looking at her like she’s seriously contemplating just doing that now.

“Great,” Sturges intercepts before more venom can be spit, “What if you take point, and we’ll see if this Sanctuary is all it’s cracked up to be?”

Claudia would rather do anything else than that, but she’s short of friends in this wasteland, and she might be able to get some information out of them if she helps them out a little bit more. 

“Sounds good to me.”

-+-

Codsworth was happy to see new, (mostly) friendly people, at least. He was also more than happy to help the troupe clear out one of the houses to bunker down for the night and finding things that Sturges could scrap.

The poor remains of the power armor sit off near one of the houses. She has no more use for it, and if she never gets into one of those things again, it’ll still be too soon. 

Garbage is being toted out of the house across from Claudia’s old one. Marcy’s husband, Jun, rolls out an old barrel and gets a small fire going inside. Sturges and Codsworth are chatting quietly, but it’s more like Codsworth is talking the poor man’s ear off with his interaction-deprived rattling. Claudia contemplates saving him from the Handy’s lunacies but figures that would require too much energy that she doesn’t have to spare.

Preston walks back to the rest of the group from his patrol of the neighborhood. He comes to stand next to Claudia who has placed herself on the sidewalk, trying to stay out of the others’ way.

“Besides a couple radroaches, this place is quiet,” he says. Claudia nods in acknowledgement. “Damn lucky we got to this place when we did,” he says more to himself than anything.

“Well, I’m glad.” Preston looks over to her.

“You said you had come from here when we met. What were you doing this far north?” he asks. She figures now is as good a time as any to try and get some information from these people. 

“I’m new to the area.” That’s not a total lie, she thinks. “And I’m looking for someone who’s gone missing. Trail led me here.” She shrugs. It was the truth, albeit not a detailed one, but she always found those to be much easier to keep up with than full out lies.

Preston hums. “Sorry to hear that.” He doesn’t press for more information after that. Her sob story is probably no different than that of any other Wastelander’s, she figures. “I wish I could tell you better news, but people going missing isn’t too uncommon in these parts.” His hand pushes his hat askew when he runs a hand through his tightly cropped curls. “But if I can help in anyway, you let me know.”

Claudia gives him a look. “Really?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He gets a look at her bewildered expression. “That’s what the Minutemen do,” he says with a hint of pride before his face falls again, “Or, at least what they used to do.”

Overlooking that last remark, she turns fully to face him. “Would you happen to know where one might go to start searching, then?”

“The great, green jewel of the Commonwealth,” a voice rasps from the side. Claudia has to stop herself from jumping. She has the feeling that others would appreciate that old woman wearing a bell, or something, to give some sort of warning of her presence.

“That’s not a bad idea,” Preston agrees.

“What’s the jewel of the Commonwealth?” Claudia asks.

“Diamond City,” Preston answers, “Biggest settlement in the Commonwealth. Not too bad of a place to go looking for a missing person around here, either.”

“You’ll find answers there, kid. I seen it.” Claudia refrains from rolling her eyes. This whole mystic shtick this lady’s got going on has gotten real old real fast.

“Do know how I might get there?”

“Yeah, here, I’ll mark it on your map,” Preston says. She hands over her pip-boy and he puts in the coordinates. “So, you from a vault, or something?” he asks. “Never heard of a Vault 111.”

Claudia looks down at her beaten up vault suit. “Found this over by the old vault on the hill,” she gestures behind her with a nod. “My old clothes were a little less than ideal.” Preston nods, accepting another one of her half-truths, and hands her back the pip-boy.

“I get you. But, a friendly word of advice, I’d find something to cover it up with if I were you. It kind of makes you stick out like a glowing feral.” 

Claudia understands about half of what he just said, but nods anyway. She looks at her map and sees where Preston marked. It’s quite a hike, but if it means that she can get closer to finding Shaun, that’s the least of her complaints.

“Thanks,” she says to the two. Dogmeat trots up to her, nosing the hand that hangs at her side. “Ready to go, boy?” she asks him.

“Well hold on a minute. There’s only a couple hours of daylight left, how ‘bout you rest out here and head out in the morning. That deathclaw really did a number on the power armor, and I can’t imagine you feel much better.” He isn’t wrong. Her entire body aches and at least she would be safer here than out there. But sleeping is the last thing on her mind, and she’d quite frankly rather set herself on fire than stay another night in this neighborhood.

“No, that’s quite alright,” she waves away his concern with a stiff smile, “I should get going before I burn any more daylight.” She adjusts the straps of her pack that were digging into a sore spot on her shoulder. Preston looks like he’s about to protest again, but Claudia waves a small goodbye and turns away before he can.

Dogmeat trots a little bit ahead of her and the two of them leave Sanctuary behind. She feels eyes on the back of her head as they do so.

The sounds of the settlers fades away the farther she gets until it’s just the sound of her feet, Dogmeat’s paws against the ground, and the wind to fill up the silence.

Dogmeat sniff the corpses of some zombie-looking dog and of a man just beyond the bridge. Claudia thinks about what Preston said earlier about her vault suit, and looks down at the body with a grimace. The corpse does have clothes, she notes, and she has the feeling that she’s not going to get much better of an opportunity for a while. While there is still sunlight, there’s already a slight nip in the air, and she guesses that she’s going to be short of freezing her ass off once night comes. She lifts her foot and rolls the body over so it lays on its back rather than the front. It has gone stiff, and Claudia can only guess at how long it’s been sitting out here in the sun. But the jacket on it doesn’t seem to be damaged, nor be covered in questionable substances. She heaves a heavy, gravely sigh, retreats into her mind, and crouches down and begins stripping off the jacket.

The smell hits her only occasionally when the wind blows just right, but she’s so far behind the walls constructed in her mind that she barely notices it. After wrangling the corpse for far longer than she would ever want to, the jacket is finally free. She holds it up. Her initial examination holds as she can’t see anything wrong with it. As a plus, it barely smells like carrion. She counts her blessings where she can.

Swinging the jacket on and buttoning it up with the few buttons it has left, it covers down to just above her knees. Most of the obnoxious blue of the vault suit is covered up instead by the nondescript brown jacket. It has pockets roughly sewn in on the inside, though the outer ones are riddled with holes. Claudia reaches into her bag and places what little ammo she has left and stores in the inner pockets.

She left the laser musket back with Preston and them. It was out of ammo and she was completely useless with it anyways. There’s maybe a full magazine of ammo for the 10 mm left over, and she keeps that at the forefront of her mind. She holsters the gun in her belt and takes out the baton instead. No point in getting into a fire fight with nothing to fire back with.

Dogmeat waits patiently up the road a bit and Claudia moves to join him.

They make their way back into Concord. It’s much quieter now than it was earlier in the day. The bodies of the raiders are still strewn about and Claudia can see the dead deathclaw up at the end of the road. Sore-ridden crows pick the scene over, but scatter when the two of them approach. Dogmeat weaves around the area, nose never taking a break. Claudia peeks into the broken window of a hardware store. She’s about to go inside, see if there’s anything useful, when Dogmeat lets out a bark. It makes her jump and spin around to face him. He’s standing near one of the dead raiders doing a little happy dance.

Claudia walks over to see what’s got his attention. He gives a woof of encouragement. 

“What is it?” she asks, crouching down to his level. He looks at her, looks down at the body to push it with his nose, then looks back up at her again. 

She takes the hint and starts inspecting it. Looting the corpse leaves a bad taste in her mouth, but she’s short on supplies.

Not like they’re going to need them now.

She manages to find a box of ammo to a caliber of a gun that she doesn’t have, a stimpak, and a wrapped up bundle of what appears to be jerky. A sniff confirms that it is indeed dried meat.

Claudia looks around the town at the rest of the remains and then to the sky. The sun is as low as it’s going to get without disappearing completely. She rubs her cold hands together in reservation, and gets to work scavenging.

She surprises him when she breaks off from the rest of the group. Not the move that he would’ve seen her making, but he’s gotten the impression by now that Princess is just full of surprises.

Deacon managed to catch a bit of the conversation she had with a few of them (that old lady tends to talk with her whole mouth), giving him an inkling of an idea about her future movements.

We watches with a small bit of distaste as she starts looting the bodies back in town. But, hey, scavvers can’t be choosers. And he’s certainly the last person who can judge. 

It’s practically nightfall by the time she reaches the end of town. She looks out into the open wastes, the gears turning in her head again, before she turns back and walks through the rubble of the hardware store.

In the darkness, Deacon is in his element. He slips unnoticed into town and routes his way to one of the old houses sitting offshoot from where she’s decided to hole up for the night. He takes his spot on the upper level, pulls the only sittable chair left in the house to the corner where he can look out the window, and watches as she goes up stairs out of his direct line of sight.

Deacon sits his rifle against his legs and lights a cigarette, hand blocking the red embers from view.

Claudia doesn’t sleep at all that night. Even with Dogmeat with her, she can’t turn her brain off for a single moment to even think about going to sleep. She’s sitting curled up on the floor, her back shoved in the corner of the room. Dogmeat is stationed next to her and she unabashedly leeches as much body heat as she can from him. He doesn’t seem to mind. The darkness chases away the sun quicker than she’d like, painting the world in shadows.

With nothing to keep her mind busy, the cotton starts filing in again. She can feel herself falling into that comfortable, predictable state of auto-pilot. Usually, she would welcome the reprieve of consciousness, but the idea of her mind being otherwise occupied while she’s in unsafe territory makes her do everything she can to stay present. 

Her hand goes down to Dogmeat, burrowing her fingers in his thick fur. If she closes her eyes (which she won’t chance), she can almost imagine it’s Watcher sitting next to her. She counts her breathes, trying to take in air as deep as she can and ignore the smell of decay as best she can.

With the last remaining dredges of sunlight quickly fading, she reaches into her bag. She pulls out the folded picture.

It now has a horizontal crease in the middle of it, a line separating Nate’s head from her’s. 

His hair is longer here. She remembers how long it would get before he was shipped off to Anchorage. He’d always complain about it.

“You can always just cut it off,”  she’d remind him, “it’s just hair, it will grow back.”

“What, and get rid of this luxurious mane? I think you just want to be the one all the hair glory,” he’d tease. The memory brings the ghost of a smile to her face. Claudia did use to have long hair, it reached down to her waist, and it’s that length in the picture. She lopped it all off shortly after Shaun was born, not wanting to deal with two feet of hair and a newborn at the same time. It sits just above her shoulders now.

Claudia stares into the picture until it’s too dark to see anything. The cold she feels has little to do with the weather. She folds it back up and places it securely in its spot once more.  

She lays her head back on the wall behind her and tries to listen for Nate’s humming amongst the silence.

#deacon x sole survivor #deacon fo4 #deacon x sosu #fallout 4 #fo4

[x0401x]

If you didn't read the last chapter of Tsurune don't read the ask: OMG! I almost get killed in this "Masa-san lightly pinched Minato’s cheeks and pulled them" and in the car scene.I laughed so hard on minato he's really didn't think about hiding his feeling lol. what do you think about the chapter?

Took me almost two full days to reply to this, and if that doesn’t speak volumes about how wild this chapter was, then I don’t know what would.

I’d read spoilers of volume 2 right after it came out so I already knew what was gonna go down, and being very honest, the cheek pinching was something I’d actually expected to see at some point after reading the summaries of volume 1. And rather than wishing for it, I was waiting for it because it seemed so obvious to me that this was gonna happen one way or another. I mean, it’s just so much like Masaki to do something of that sort, lmao. But I admit I expected it to happen in a daily-situation scene and not… like this. As always, Ayano surpassed my expectations on the unapologetically huge amounts of gay.

I’ve mentioned this topic in my post about the differences between the novel and the anime. Minato may keep a lot of secrets from everyone, yet Masaki has been the sole exception to this ever since they met. I mean, look at volume 1. It’s basically Minato hiding nearly every important thing from literally everybody except his conveniently-there-by-narrative-default master. Volume 2′s chapter 3 is basically a massive meme based off this plot device, like:Shuu: *touches Masaki*Minato: Sir, that’s my emotional support coach.Anyway, my point is that Minato doesn’t hide anything from Masaki, ever. Not even the most embarrassing shit.

The chapter was very interesting. It was rather entretaining to see how inept Eisuke actually is regarding himself. The novel often references Amanojaku, so I was wondering if we’d ever get an Amanojaku-ish character, and sure enough, here he is.

Other than that, good God. Minato is such a fucking embarrassment. I adore this walking fivehead so much. Had to put the extent of my love for him and this chapter under a cut because it’s probably the lenghtiest ask response I’ve ever written.

I think I can’t even pinpoint what the best thing about this chapter was. Like, the details are very subtly placed in all the right spots as always, and this is probably what leaves the bigger impressions on me. And by “details” I mean the subtext and symbolisms.

For starters, Ayano knows very well how to fuck with plant language nerds. She’s used a lot of it with Masaki and Minato, and it feels like the bar just keeps going up. First it was oaks (strength and knowledge), then bamboo (inspiration), then azaleas (developing passion), and now it’s freaking bellflowers. What’s more: the ones that Minato stopped by were spotted bellflowers. They’re known for their heart-shaped foliage. In flower language, bellflowers stand for gratitude and unwavering love. And sure enough, Minato doesn’t waver at all before going into that bakery and buying a batch of cinnamon buns (did it really have to be that of all things, omg) for Masaki, specifically.

I can’t stress how wholly, completely, utterly unnecessary that was. There’s no heterosexual explanation to it. I mean, there’s no heterosexual explanation to a lot of things about these two, but the romantic connotation was really heavy on this one. You have to use a fucking magnifier to find the platonic in this bullshit, and it’s still hella hard to ignore the implications. It’s even harder when Minato is berating himself for buying the buns on impulse when he heard that they go well with coffee and thinking about how irritated he feels when Shuu is around Masaki. He doesn’t even try to pretend that he’s not jealous. Be more like any other oblivious sports anime protagonist and let me die in peace, for fuck’s sake.

I’m just trying to pretend that I don’t know cinnamon is associated with romantic love and often used to inflame passion, because that’s too fucking much.

On other news, I’m highly pleased that we get SeiKai hints even when Seiya and Kaito don’t show up together. Kaito mentioning Seiya’s name every two or three sentences and approaching Minato simply because he saw Kuma and thought that maybe Seiya was there was gold, tbh. It was a good break before the mattress fire that happens right after.

The way Minato found out that Masaki meant well and didn’t want him to become like he was in the past was just so priceless. Take this shit straight to the face, son. Get fucking wrecked by how much he cares about you.

It’s also really freaking hilarious to me how everything that concerns Minato’s relationship with Masaki involves shoujo manga tropes. Envious of your rightful rival being too long around your master? Check. Learning the hard way that it was all for your sake? Check. Getting frustrated and shouting like a bitch at the irony of it? Check.

Minato is Minato, though, so of course he acknowledges that he wants Masaki by his side in spite of this. Did he have to do that while lying in bed, though? I think the fuck not.

And cue Masaki texting him immediately while he’s doing that, because Masaki always shows up when he wants to see him, and because this has turned into a romantic comedy, apparently? Love me that age-old cliché where the main character goes to the window after getting a message and finds the person who’d been occupying their thoughts standing there by sheer unadulterated coincidence, and they fucking heard you, you little shit.

This comes in a set with the “first visit and you’re already inviting him to his room” trope because why not follow all the way down with the romcom narration structure since we’re already at it? Double entendrees every three phrases or so because go big or go home.

“Dad isn’t home yet, so should we go upstairs?”

Yeah, lmao, that’s what about every shoujo heroine says before getting lectured on how they “shouldn’t make that sort of invitation to a guy”.

“It feels great. Thank you, Masa-san.”

It doesn’t feel so great not being able to overlook this, Ayano.

“Well, I may not look it, but I am your master after all.”

SHUT THE FUCK UP, JESUS CHRIST.

Seriously, this shit only loses to Fifty Shades of Takehaya and his more than unasked-for lines about “punishing” and “thoroughly training” Kaito. Sure, none of this is on the level of dirty jokes, but the subtleties are still too many.

The fluff is what gets you good, though. Because that was fluff right there. No, it doesn’t classify as hurt/comfort. These bastards fluffy. I just wanna know who managed to stay upright after reading about Minato feeling his heart ache because it had been too long since the last time he’d seen Masaki smile at him, ‘cause I sure as fuck didn’t.

No time is wasted before they off their asses to the place where they first met, which is basically a world of their own at nighttime (it’s named Yata Shrine for a reason; fuck that reason). And of course there had to be your usual load of elusive language in the middle, where the destination is pitch-dark but the road there is all wildlife and stars and this sparkly wave of light at the end of the tunnel. Welcome to the land of bitch, this isn’t a shoujo, stop acting like one.

Or don’t. We’re indulging. Screaming internally the entire time, but still indulging.

The dialogue is so obviously crafted to seem like something else that it’s useless to pretend it wasn’t inentional. I already knew what was coming but reading about the whole thing was an experience.

“I’m happy that you became my coach at Kazemai but I’m also not, because I don’t get to keep you for myself.”

Did he have to say it like that? Abso-fucking-lutely not. But he did anyway, because since when does Narumiya Minato give a flying fuck about ambiguity versus precision?

Six kinds of gay here. And all of them confirm that Minato’s “mixed feelings” when seeing Kaito being so familiar with Masaki from the get-go were, in fact, pure jealousy. It’s not even envy, because that’s wanting something someone has and you don’t. Minato was even closer to Masaki than Kaito was at that point, so it was all just his Masaki-exclusive greed speaking, plain and simple.

This is what gets me about this scene, tbh. It’s so much like Minato to say that, but it’s so alien to read it in a shounen novel. I don’t recall seeing anything so direct and raw in any sports franchise aside from Yuri on Ice. The most we get is “I wanna do [insert sport here] with you”. But this case is a blatant “we’d be doing the thing we like together one way or another and I’d have preferred if no one else were involved”.

And this comes right before we get a reminder that Minato doesn’t like it when Masaki treats him as a child, again. That’s… something. I hate this something a lot.

Also, it feels like the two of them are having completely different conversations with each other. Masaki is talking about his struggle coaching Minato and pointing out the crap he has to deal with in having a student whose last words are probably gonna be something stupid like “oops” or “oh, shit”, and Minato is countering with apparently completely unrelated arguments.

“But didn’t you let Shuu touch your belly, Masa-san?”

The fuck does that have to do with anything? How is that of any relevance to the conversation? What is this gay nonsense?

“If anyone else heard only that, I’d sound like a pervert, wouldn’t I? Did you want to touch it too, Minato?”

JUST DISMISS IT, YOU MOTHERFUCKER. DON’T ENCOURAGE HIS FOLLY. LET IT DIE.

“I’m no pervert, so I’m good.”

And now the moment of crushing honesty is over. Time for lies and derision because we all saw earlier in this chapter that (I can’t believe I’m actually writing this) Minato did, in fact, want to touch Masaki. Boy just called himself a pervert, indirectly. Gotta congratulate him for playing himself for, like, the hundredth time, I guess.

Of course Masaki would get emo in this scene sooner or later, because the fact that he’s dealing with the most reckless character out of the cast is apparently not a pertinent reason for things to have ended up the way they did. And of course Minato was gonna do something about it. It’s almost obligatory by now that they lift each other up.

WHY LIKE THIS, THOUGH?

Like, there’s just too much here that doesn’t translate into a master-student thing. Okay, I can totally see that in the dialogue but the actions are screaming something else entirely. Obviously, as I always say, I’m not gonna label it as romantic. What I’m talking about is: this isn’t the behavior of someone interacting with a teacher, but of a person with another. I mean, no matter how you look at it, there would have been a lot to consider here regarding the minimum of restraint that one should have around their mentor or at least around their elders, but Minato is basically saying “fuck you” to all of this.

Yeah, sure, go reach out to grab his hand and gently brush his bangs off his eyes simply because you can’t help the urge to look into them. No big deal. It’s just the affection of a disciple. Anyone else would have done the exact same.

I JUST WANNA TALK, AYANO. I JUST WANNA TALK.

Not trying to stereotype or devalue the worth of teacher-student relationships. Just back to my previous point: you don’t do this shit to a teacher, realistically speaking. And even if anyone hypothetically had any gall to do that, neither the teacher nor any onlooker would disconsider it an advance. Anybody would find it a little bit out of place at the very, very least.

Also, that declaration? Literally Minato swearing he would have Masaki be the one teaching him for the rest of his life? This after having said similar bullshit like claiming that he would never let Masaki go or that he’d follow Masaki to the grave. The bar just keeps going up. So, in short, “you don’t have to be my master but I’ll be damned if you’re not my master forever”.

Ayano, you’re murdering us. You’re murdering your readers.

“I feel more relaxed when I talk to you, Masa-san.”

No news here but thank you for saying it anyway. There had to be icing on this cake. And the cherry on top was Masaki’s explanation about the word “talking”. Are you telling us that these idiots hand their hearts over to each other every time they open up like this, Ayano? IS THAT WHAT YOU’RE FUCKING SAYING, AYANO?

Love me all of Minato’s non-existent heterosexuality being killed with fire.

I imagine that Minato must have made the cutest face when seeing Fuu again. Fuu, the owl with a heart-shaped face, showing up at the most convenient time. Because heart-shaped leaves weren’t enough, apparently.

The end of this chapter made me feel a tiny bit bad for Shuu, though, because it was one more instance of something that he and Minato and no one else had in common that got overwritten and outshone. It’s definitely a parallel to when they were little kids learning under Saionji and hiding it from everyone until a certain point, yelling at the top of their lungs and being competitive while taking things seriously to an extent. Here, we have Minato and Masaki in perfect sync, reproducing the exact same thing that Shuu and Minato had learned so many years ago but with experient successfulness and also complete harmony. And this time, it’s 100% their secret only, taking place at night without the knowledge of anybody, with no audience, no parents and no teacher.

It’s… too much, lmao. In every sense. Shuu literally stands no fucking chance next to Masaki and I love it. *broadcast lady voice* Fujiwara Shuu. Repeating; Fujiwara Shuu. Your wife Senichi is waiting for you at Kirisaki High.

And of course, the chapter had to be closed with a finishing blow. God fucking dammit. Minato packing coffee to share with Masaki would have been enough, but nay, Masaki also had to bring the fucking oyaki. From the fact that they’ve had oyaki together before at the shrine and that these oyaki are from the bakery where Minato had bought the cinnamon rolls without a second thought, it’s sort of really obvious that Masaki bought them to eat together with him.

I didn’t ask for any of this and now I need to lie the fuck down.

#tsurune #tsurune kazemai koukou kyuudoubu #takigawa masaki #narumiya minato #sfw

[tommyhagen]

Five Percent Of A Fairytale : Things Could Be Better Pt 1

Meant to post tons of stuff before this but oh well skipping way ahead, seriously send asks about what you want to see because my interest here is waning. And as always references to Charles and Tony being best friends. Sorry bout it but it’s basically canon. And idk if you got my subtle little hinting but Charles’ college Alpha was Sherlock

Tw: Slut Shaming

—————————————————————-

They were sitting on the couch, cross legged, giving the girls their bottles when Steve finally brought it up. Tony had been the one to put the rule in place but was just as relieved as Steve to have it broken. It worked for a while, hell, for a while it was the only thing that kept it going. No Talking About Our Past. But turns out that was a lot easier said then done when they spent almost every moment with two little beings that were the embodiment of it.

It was sudden as it always was when something was weighing heavily on Steve’s mind. “Did I make you happy, Tony?”, he blurted out. Tony would never understand how even an Alpha could be so serious while making silly faces at a baby. Not even Virginia’s contagious giggles could crack him when he got like this. “Before, I mean.”

Tony considered waving him off but knew better than to think that would work much longer. It would only get more difficult as time went on. Steve and Tony were fine now, even good. He’d forgotten how much he liked their friendship. It was like someone had hit a reset button on their relationship and they were getting to know each other all over. Things were going well but they could be going better.

It was obvious that there was still something between them. How could there not be? There’d been no closure, no catharsis. Tony had just chosen not to think about it. He’d thought that was what was best for the babies but now he realized it wouldn’t be fair to them. Sarah and Virginia weren’t going to have a childhood like his. No one would grow up walking on eggshells. They wouldn’t suffer because of their parents’ issues with each other.

It took a moment but Tony finally replied, “It wouldn’t have been so hard on me if you didn’t.” It was the truth. As much as the end of things had sucked major ass, it’d been a great ride down. Everybody needed a whirlwind romance at least once in their life. Even if they usually ended in one too.

“Good.”, Steve sighed, already on to burping Ginny. She was a big eater just like her dad; Sarah on the other hand was already getting picky. “Good. At least that something. Of course, I’m sorry if it made things harder on you but I’m proud to have made you happy.

I know it might be hard for you to believe now but I really wanted to.”

Tony considered that. “I know.”, he decided, finally moving on to burping Sarah. At Steve’s suspicious side glance Tony laughed if for no other reason than to break the tension. “Really! I do! I mean for awhile there we were really good together, weren’t we? And I’d been completely obsessed with you since I was a kid. You’ve seen my childhood bedroom. I couldn’t help it when you were practically all Howard ever talked about. He’d lose it if he saw us now. I was in love with you since I was five years old.”

In the past Steve would have laughed at the irony in that. Howard had spent all that time and money just to create his son’s first Alpha. But now Tony had barely finished speaking before Steve was asking, “Do you miss me?”

Tony blinked owlishly him. Well then, they were gonna be jumping right in the deep end, huh? Oh boy, this would take some consideration and very precise wording. Unfortunately, he wasn’t known for being particularly good at either. “I guess I miss certain things about you. I think that’s just how it is with your first love.”, Tony mused.

“I was your first love?”, Steve interjected.

“Well, duh, obviously!”, Tony laughed. Then at Steve’s blank look he continued on, “Really?! You didn’t know that?!”. Steve shook his head.

Tony sighed and wondered if it would have made a difference if he’d shared this earlier. He thought not. It didn’t stop him from admitting it now, though, “Well, you were the only one before T’Challa. I mean, clearly I’ve got plenty of experience. I’ve been passed around the scientific community like a bong. You know that stretchy guy, Reed Richards? Well, I can tell you for a fact that’s the most interesting thing about him. His work is so derivative it should be in a fucking science fair but he makes up for it. So long as you can get him to keep his stupid mouth busy with something else it’s quite an experience. Yeah, slept with him, that uber hot wife of his and her Alpha brother. Never the big guy though. Kind of a shame too, bet that would have been interesting.”. Tony’s laugh this time was completely genuine and bright.

“Tony!”, Steve gasped, horrified. “You are holding our little girl!”. So much for precise wording.

“What?”, Tony protested. He’d missed this. Steve was the sort of the man who wasn’t your friend once he was your lover and Tony was the type who couldn’t have any sort of meaningful relationship that was just one.

It turned out that Steve had been right. Tony really had missed him. Even if he was just missing the man Steve had been before becoming Tony’s Alpha. That guy had been pretty great, after all. Tony wondered if it was okay to feel so natural interacting as they once did even after all Steve had done. Was he being too soft?

Despite the concerns Tony continued to joke, “She doesn’t even know what I’m saying. Watch.” Tony laid Sarah on his lap so she was looking up at him. Then, very sweetly, he said, “Motherfucking cocksucker!”

Sure enough, his daughter just cooed delightfully in response. Steve was still covering Virginia’s ears. It’d been mostly an attempt to get a rise out of him, anyway. Tony chuckled at how easy and predictable Steve was even after all they’d been through. “They can only pick up a few words at this point and it’s all just stuff like their names, really only the things important to them. It’s pretty much just about positive and negative sounds right now. I’ve only got a month or so left of this so you better believe I’m gonna take advantage of it. They’re only babies.”, he explained.

Steve gaped at him. “You know so much about them...”, he wondered.

Tony was a bit uncomfortable under the Alpha’s gaze but figured Steve was most likely just baffled that he had somehow created life with a person like Tony. And how could he hold that against him? The girls had been inside him for close to 9 months and sometimes even he could barely believe it. How had he ever gotten so lucky? “Well, I did give birth to them.”, Tony replied. “You try keeping literally anything inside of you for 9 months and not having it become your main interest.”

He’d meant for Steve to laugh but he didn’t. To fill the awkward silence Tony tickled Sarah’s round little tummy. At least someone laughed at his jokes. He pulled his girl close and peppered her face with kisses. “Give me Virginia. I’m terrified of them thinking I play favorites.”, Tony said and that had only been half a joke.

Steve finally did chuckle as they switched their little girls out, so caught up in the pure bliss of having their children close. It was still an easy feeling to have when they were so small and cute. And hadn’t learned the word ‘no’ yet. “You just said it yourself, Tony. They’re only babies. But they won’t think that when they grow up and become young ladies either. You’ll see.”, he reassured.

“Now how would you know that? Both of us were only children. And my parents still managed to play favorites so long as the kid wasn’t me!”, Tony teased.

Steve still frowned deeply as he always did whenever Tony talked about his less than stellar childhood. Meanwhile, Steve’s own had been a low budget, single parent version of the Brady Bunch. They were a real Dickens novel, the two of them. The loved poor boy and the lonely rich boy, living in the same city only separated by a few decades. Maybe they hadn’t worked out in real life but someone could probably make bank off a movie where they did. But real life was more complicated than a romcom. And Tony wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I just know.”, Steve insisted, forcing Tony to stop thinking about who would play him in that movie. But probably Johnny Depp, right? Yeah, he was an Alpha and all but he’d played Omegas before.

“They’re my little girls, after all.”, Steve continued. “Only natural that I should understand them. They already know how much their mom loves them. Everybody does. You’re an amazing mother, Tony, incredible actually. Gosh I- I wish you could see yourself with them it’s just so...beautiful to watch.”. Steve looked too enraptured to really process what he’d said.

Tony sure as hell had. “Thank you.”, he replied stiffly.

And now Steve had too. “Oh! I’m sorry. Don’t know what came over me.”, he exclaimed, suddenly becoming incredibly fascinated with Sarah’s feet. In his defence, they were adorable.

“It’s okay.”, Tony reassured him a bit nervously. “Old habits and all that.”

“Yes. Old habits.”, Steve murmured before lapsing them back into awkward silence. Their daughters cooed and wiggled between them, completely oblivious. But soon enough they wouldn’t be. They had to fix this. All the same, for now, Tony would let Steve struggle with words for a bit. Mainly Tony was just happy to have not been the one making things awkward for once.

When Steve finally did land on something to say it was forced and too far back in the flow of their dialogue. He’d never been any good with uncomfortable situations. “Have you...been with Doctor Xavier too?”, he asked.

Odd and totally off topic but Tony’d take it. “With Charlie?!”, he practically gasped. “Man, I wish! If I could fuck only one Omega for the rest of my life it’d be Xavier, any day, anytime! Not that he’d ever let me. I had a chance back in college but his college boyfriend beat me too it. Didn’t stand a chance against an Alpha like that. Since then, I think Charles has turned me down more than anyone else. That’s a part of it though, isn’t it? The unattainable one.” Steve just went right on staring. So in fear of yet another awkward silence, Tony kept babbling, “But he’s no pure little lamb. Don’t let his sweet old man act fool you; he’s a dirty slut through and through! I’m pretty sure he’s even got me beat.”.

Tony’s nervous babbling slowed as he frowned telling the next bit, “He’s not like that anymore. Really he’s not even like himself at all these days. Hasn’t been for awhile. And I thought my first romance ended badly. His Alpha completely ruined him. That’s why he’s in the wheelchair, you know? That guy was a complete psychopath. I met him a few times and his college Alpha was no sweetheart but at least he didn’t disfigure him. Still completely crazy, though. He was big into drugs and and got us into a lot of trouble. If his brother hadn’t been in like a British version of S.H.I.E.L.D or something I probably would have been charged with a felony. Poor guy just has the worst taste. If you wanna go for him, I get it, he’s hot as fuck. Just warning you now though, you’d be wasting your time. Charles hates Alphas. Who could blame with what he’s been through.”

Steve was smiling again at the end of his nervous rant. Tony tried not to let that make him feel uncomfortable but it was hard to do given some of the things he’d said. A smile? Had Steve been listening to him at all?

“How can you just say things like that, Tony?”, he laughed. So no. No, Steve had not.

Virginia was yawning and Tony decided not to get himself worried over Steve instead focusing on putting her down for a nap. He kissed her sweet little button nose. “I’m not telling you anything he wouldn’t tell you himself if you asked. Charles doesn’t have secrets. Never did, even before.”, Tony shot back in what he hoped seemed like a casual manner, rocking his youngest gently.

“I didn’t mean it as an insult. It just amazes me how freely you speak.”, Steve clarified.

Eventually Tony returned the smile Steve was offering. “Well, not all of us came over on the Mayflower with the puritans, Gramps.”, he teased.

They sat in companionable silence for awhile, Tony softly humming a lullaby. That only lasted a few precious moments before Steve made things even worse than before. “And Bruce? Have you been with him too?”, he demanded, looking far too invested in the answer to even reign casual conversation.

#tony stark #steve rogers #steve rogers x tony stark #steve x tony #stony #tchalla #t’challa x tony stark #mpreg #omegaverse #fanfic #post breakup #post divorce #kids #kidfic #banter #babies #avengers #marvel #black panther #tony stark has a heart #tony feels #tony is the best mom #parenting #reed richards #tony stark and charles xavier #charles xavier #bruce banner

[hypotheticalother]

it's gonna be okay, baby

Hey, you.

I think the last time I wrote anything to you, about you, I was 19, and I thought your name was S. I didn't know yet how right I was, at least for a while - I can't figure out how to access a version of that post that shows the datestamp (oh, tumblr) but it was clearly in February, and we didn't admit we were in love and start dating until March 5th. But we managed it, somehow. For the first time ever, it worked out. That's probably why I quit posting on this blog around then.

For two years, she was you, and I was so happy. I was posting on main today how I think the best time in my life so far, mental health-wise, was when I was with her. For the time when it was working, anyway, cause of course eventually it stopped working so well, our lives went in different direction, so we went our separate ways. I don't really miss her - there's no need to. We're still friends, though we've continued to diverge and definitely wouldn't work now the way we did then. Still, it was good. I learned so much, grew so much, gained so many of those experiences I spent all that time writing to you lamenting not having had. Having sex. Being loved. Feeling at home and okay in my body, at least for a while.

It's funny reading back my old letters to you - journal entries, basically - and seeing how much I feel like I've come full circle since then. A lot of things have changed. Half the people in those letters are getting misgendered when I read them now, including sort of me. I've spent a lot of time with my therapist talking about how mad I was at that version of myself, for a long time, for not realizing she was queer sooner - if the affection and compassion I feel for my younger self, reading back, is any indication, I think we were successful at moving me past that - so it's interesting to look back and remember it wasn't as much of a snap realization as it feels like in hindsight. It feels so obvious now, and it's honestly kind of funny to read some passages that could be straight (ha) out of an encyclopedia entry on compulsory heterosexuality.

but back then, I had thought I was straight and was slowly but surely figuring out I wasn't, even as I was lonely and longing to be loved but unable to find it or feel it yet. now I'm lonely and longing to be loved and unable to find it or feel it lately, and back at the questioning drawing board a little as I work out gender and whether I might actually like men after all, after years of firmly believing I don't, just in a gay way that it feels completely impossible to practically achieve in the body I live in. but I still love women in a gay way, in the body I have, and maybe that's enough, cause it's not like there's anything I can do to change that. not in the exact way I want. which is how I felt about everyone, when I was 19 and hadn't experienced being loved and desired while fat at all yet! maybe it's all obvious egg behavior from the outside looking in. maybe I'll read this back in another 6 years and say oh honey, how wrong you were. let's manifest that, maybe. I don't know.

there've been a lot of people in between who weren't you. no more sexual experience, frustratingly - that 20 years of pent-up sexual frustration I mentioned in one of those letters is now 25 years, minus, like, maybe 2 weeks' worth of total days (I can't remember how many times S and I had sex, I didn't keep track past that wonderful week in Michigan when I was 21 and got eaten out daily), of sexual frustration, so I look forward to figuring that out with you - but at least thanks to a different S (definitely not you, but very hot) I know there would have been if not for the pandemic. let's not talk about the pandemic. I don't want to talk about the pandemic. I kind of think I won't be able to find you, or the next version of you, anyway, until after it's over, and I also kind of think it will never end, because that's how it feels right now, so here I am again writing to you crying alone in my room instead of doing homework. at least it's a room to myself with a queen-size bed now. if I do find you, we'll have enough space.

there was K (who shared my pre-high school name, if not the formal one). we went on three dates, she was the second person I ever kissed, I was maybe going to go hang out at her apartment one night but she panicked and cancelled and at the time I didn't fully understand what was going on but now I think she assumed hanging out at someone's apartment definitely meant sex and she just wasn't ready for that commitment and you know, that's fine. she was cool. veering a little close to queer twin dating, not to mention the name thing, but she was great. she moved to New York, and as far as I know, didn't experiment with communism - but almost certainly went down on a girl, since she got into a relationship with one within months of moving there. I don't know if they're still together, but I'm happy for her. the timing just wasn't right.

there was C. I can't talk about C right now, or maybe ever. I'm so happy for her that she's so happy with the nice transmasc guy she's living with and their cats. timing is such a motherfucker. alexa play the one that got away by katy perry. I could have said anything, ever, but I didn't, because I was moving away. god I just don't know. they're moving here right as I'm leaving. that's probably for the best. fuck timing. I miss her so much.

there was N. we only made it two dates before we both bailed on each other and blamed it on being too busy, though I'll never know if that really was it. it's fine. never kissed her. she kissed my cheek. didn't really think she was probably you, but she was cool, and maybe if I hadn't been an overwhelmed mess adjusting to law school she could have been.

there was S, the second. I was never going to fall in love with her, we weren't enough alike, not on the same wavelength - I haven't found anyone since the first (well, second) S who felt like we were on the same wavelength at all, and maybe the fallout is now I know that's the problem, and it's what I'm looking for, and I'll know it when I feel it, I just can't find you. the next you. I don't know that I believe in there only being one you anymore, but I want to find the version of you that I'll be willing to put in the work to keep that way, and you'll be willing to love me like that back. point is, S was not you. but we were on the same wavelength when it came to sex for once - I wanted it, I think she wanted it too (she said she did), we just couldn't make it work out. because of the pandemic, which we're not talking about. the 20s and my 20s had better be even more roaring than the last, is all I'm saying. we're all pretty much fucked, no matter what S (the very first, one of those people getting misgendered in the old entries, sorry S, we didn't know then) says; I'm open to being pleasantly surprised, of course, but I feel like I know enough to know the broad outline of what's coming and I just want to get fucked really good by someone other than me before it all gets too fucked up. I don't know if that'll be you. wish it could've been S. we did make out in my car for like 2 hours, so at least there was that, and talked through the logistics of meeting up to spend just one night together, maybe, until we ran into too many roadblocks. again with the timing.

most recently, there was E. I'm still mad at her - she's clearly not you, because I'm old enough and tired enough now not to give someone with that many hardline opinions about mundane things that differ that deeply from mine 2 years of my life, let alone more than a month. I adore cats even though I'm allergic and someone aggressively hating them is a huge red flag to me, and my favorite food revolves around onions, and I don't actually think it's cute to joke that by the fourth date, someone should be willing to change their name for you because it reminds them of their ex. but I'm mad because I did like her, even if we aren't compatible, and I got to know her over that month - we texted almost every day, which is maybe why I let it carry on for a while, cause it was like that with S too; wonderful fun over text, then always rougher around the edges face to face - and then when I said I wasn't interested in dating but would like to be friends, she never replied. ghosted me. she's older than me, even though I guess in dating years she's kind of younger - since she didn't start dating until 22 or 23, as I recall. but for fuck's sake, if you were American you wouldn't be on your parents' health insurance anymore. you could at least have the maturity, the decency to respond to a very polite breakup text, at a stage of the relationship where it's reasonable to break up that way (especially in, again, the pandemic), from someone who goes to grad school on the same campus as you, even if we're thankfully at opposite corners. I hate her and also I keep wanting to text her Twilight memes now that she's finally watched them all and there's nothing I can do about it because she made this choice, not me, and I can take a fucking hint.

I just wish I'd found you by now. maybe picking this up again is me trying to manifest that a little, since the last time I wrote angstily in my online sadness diary here, one autumn, I had found a version of you by spring. but now I think my problem is I feel like I don't understand how. people talk about knowing right away, and I guess maybe I did too, with S, I just didn't know that was what it was yet - I remember thinking, that winter, that it was strange and confusing to have met this person and have bonded so fast but to not know how to fit her into the scheme of my life, because all my real friends were people I'd spent at least a year and mostly many bonding with before we all moved to different places, but here she was. and there you were, for a while. so maybe when I know, I will know. but I don't think I'm going to know any time soon, cause now I'm in a stage of education where most people who aren't fucking unbearable are already happily partnered.

and you know, I'd say I hope I find you again soon, but - there's that bitch timing again, because this time, by summer, the plan is I'm moving away. so I think I just need to be patient, and plan to work harder at finding you where I land. but - *little women saoirse ronan voice* I am so lonely.

I can't really relate to almost any of Katie Gavin's songs, and I think that's healthy for me, in the big picture. but I sure do read back those things I wrote to you when I was - not a kid, but definitely not as much of an adult as I am now - and the one thing I think is,

it's gonna be okay, baby. it's gonna be okay.

Love,

Me.

#epistolary #009 #it's gonna be okay baby

[theofficialcunt]

Simplicité - Chapter 5

#simplicité #simplicité saturdays #jk its sunday #multi chap #biadore

[itsallavengers]

SO I WROTE THE ANGST (which u can find here if u want) AND. DIED A LITTLE BIT INSIDE. But,,, it’s his birthday,,, I can’t just write angst,,, so... *throws fluff in your face*

“Morning, beautiful,”

Tony squinted, rolling a little further into the warm embrace that he knew was Steve’s arms and groaning softly. “No. Too early. Call back in an hour.”

Steve laughed, lips brushing softly over Tony’s hair. “It’s 11. I’ve been lying in for 3 hours, now.”

Tony smiled, kissing Steve’s chest as he did so. “Have you just been lying there watching me this whole time? Pervert,”

“Guilty,” was all Steve said, before rolling himself on top of Tony, elbows resting against the bed to stop his weight from crushing into Tony’s arc reactor. He leaned down a little, kissing Tony’s nose. “Happy birthday, darling,”

Tony paused, brow furrowing for a moment before it dawned on him. “You remembered my birthday?”

Steve shot him a look, part frown, part fond exasperation as he kissed Tony again. “We go through this every year, babe. Yes, I remembered your birthday. I’m slightly offended that you thought I wouldn’t, to be honest.”

Tony shrugged, pouting a little as he arched up into Steve’s touch, hands wrapping around his neck and mouth finding Steve’s. “Does this mean,” he whispered in between kisses, “crazy morning s-”

“Nope,” Steve interrupted, pushing Tony’s hips back on to the bed before rolling off him, grinning cheekily, because he was a motherfucking tease, “There’s food cooking- and the team said they’re waiting for us downstairs.”

Tony groaned, sprawling out on the sheets ad smushing his face further into the pillows. “But it’s my birthday-”

“And the team are going to come barging up here with pitchforks unless we hurry up,” Steve interrupted, throwing on a shirt and smiling as he crossed the room and jumped back on the bed, crawling over to Tony and covering his face with kisses, despite the man’s giggling protests.

“Steve, stop it, I thought we needed to h-h-hurry!” Tony wheezed, as Steve dug into his ribs and tickled, mouth moving across Tony’s face and strategically, covering every area he could find.

Steve paused, nipping Tony’s ear lightly before sitting up and sitting on his knees, still beaming. “Correct. Let’s go, Stark, get a move on, we don’t have all day- you’ve already spent half of it asleep.”

Tony groaned again, but allowed Steve to wrap an arm around his waist and pull him up. He took the opportunity to slide his arms around Steve’s shoulders again, mouth on the other man’s neck. “Are you very sure we can’t just-”

“I’m not going to let you tempt me, Tony,” Steve said, biting his lip and unwrapping Tony from his neck. It looked like he was having a tough time believing his own words, but he kept firm, yanking them both up into standing and then maneuvering Tony until he was facing the direction of his wardrobe. “We will definitely be coming back to that later, though.”

“I’m counting on it,” Tony said, pulling out some comfy clothes from the bottom of his wardrobe and throwing them on. “By the way you’re talking, I’m guessing you’ve got plans for me.”

Steve nodded, watching Tony dress. “Yep.”

“Care to give me a hint?”

“Nope.”

“As long as it doesn’t involve excessive amounts of peril, I’m good. Medium amounts of peril are fine, though. Also no nudity on Clint’s part.”

Steve paused, but altogether he didn’t seem that shocked by Tony’s wishes, which said something about their lives, really. “I told Clint explicitly that no clothes were to be removed, don’t worry. As for the peril, I’m pretty sure there will be none. Although, you know, I can’t exactly promise that.”

Tony just shrugged, walking over to where Steve was sat on the bed and slotting himself between his knees. “Eh, that was pushing it anyway.”

Steve laughed, taking Tony’s hands and kissing the palms, before wrapping his arms around Tony’s waist and pulling him in, pressing his face to Tony’s stomach. “Happy birthday,” he said again.

Tony stroked his fingers through Steve’s hair, shutting his eyes and letting the sound of Steve’s breathing take over. 

Well. For about three seconds, anyway. After that, their moment of peace was rudely interrupted by four other people as they kicked the door open and piled in.

Tony sighed as he was rounded on and pulled away from Steve, who was just sitting there with a fond smile and a twinkle in his eye. The team had a very thorough hold on him, so there wasn’t much point in trying to fight them off. He just let them haul him up and carry him down the stairs, while Steve laughed and trailed along behind him.

“Which one of you creeps is feeling my ass?” He yelled.

“Apologies, Tony, there is no other space to hold,” Thor said, giving him a look that meant there were plenty of other spaces to hold, he was just a little shit.

Once they’d kidnapped him, it didn’t take long for all of them to end up in the communal kitchen, dropping Tony gently on the table and then pressing a mug of coffee immediately into his hands.

“Thanks Brucie,” he said, because it was only Bruce who knew how to make coffee just right- everyone else had yet to learn the art.

“Right! When do we get to do presents?” Clint asked the room, clapping his hands and then slow-motion punching Tony in the face, because he was a five-year-old.

“No time like the present,” Natasha shrugged, and then paused, eyes widening a little. “That... that was not a pun. If any of you mention that ever again I’ll break your fingers.”

Tony laughed, and Natasha saw, but she just rolled her eyes and smiled a little, squeezing his arm. “We had a long think about what to get you this year- it was kinda difficult, as always, to buy anything for you, considering the fact you are a billionaire and can therefore buy anything you so desire.”

“So we were like- what do you do for a guy who has everything?” Clint cut in theatrically, before whipping an envelope out of his pocket and grinning. “Why, you do him favors, of course.”

Tony’s eyes narrowed, as he took the envelope from Clint’s hands. “This better not implode upon opening-”

“I can vouch for Clint, don’t worry,” Steve said, leaning on the counter opposite Tony and smiling. “No explosions.”

Tony nodded, and ripped open the envelope. Inside, there were three strips of paper, with hand-written sentences in the middle of them. He furrowed his brow curiously as he removed them, reading them quickly.

5 free passes to the TV, even when I’m watching it, because it seems 80% of all our fights stem from arguments over who wants what.

1 team-up against Natasha. Only one. She’s scary and will kill us both if we do it any more than that.

5 ‘leave me the fuck alone’ opportunities. You invoke this slip and say those words, and I’m gone, no questions asked.

Tony looked up, confused. “What the hell does this mean?”

“It means,” Clint rolled his eyes and hopped on the table next to Tony, “that these are favors you can ask- no arguments allowed- of me, contractually signed and agreed upon. Only for the amount of times it says on the slip, though, I’m not that easy.”

Tony stared at them for another few seconds, before a smile broke out on his face, and he looked at Clint, eyes sparkling. “Thank you. I’m going to savor the fuck out of these for years, you know. Save them for special occasions. Or maybe I’ll do them all at once, and make you my slave for the day.”

Clint frowned, but Tony pulled him into a hug and then let go, turning to Natasha as she held out an envelope of her own. “Wait- you’ve all done this?”

“Yes. Decided to switch things up for a change, you know?” She explained, shoving her present into his hands and then turning away to grab some food. Tony knew she didn’t like her kindness being acknowledged, but when Tony read her slips, he jumped off the table and pulled her into a tight hug anyway, which she luckily returned.

One by one, he received all the favors off each teammate- from ‘will let you ride on the Great Stallion of Asgard through the meadows of Gold’ from Thor to ‘I’ll get you coffee whenever you ask for a whole month’ from Bruce.

It was perfect and thoughtful and by the time he got around to Steve’s envelope, he was already feeling pretty emotional.

Smiling, he opened the letter and pulled out its contents. There were three slips, the same as everyone else, and Steve had bordered them with little cartoon drawings of the whole team. It looked adorable,,and Tony grinned up at Steve, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him down for a kiss before he continued.

The whole team were positively beaming, and everyone seemed to have forgotten how to stand still- even Steve was fiddling with his hands as Tony read through the first note.

I’ll grow a beard on three different occasions for a month- I know how much you want to see it on me.

Tony laughed, imagining clean-cut, lovely Steve with a scruffy lumberjack beard. “Yeah, I’m using the first one right now. No shaving for a month, baby.”

Steve laughed nervously as Tony continued.

You can order to me get to bed if I’m in a shitty mood and still working at the gym. 10 times, non-negotiable on my side.

Tony smiled softly, nodding his head. “That sure will come in useful. Thank you, Steve.”

At this point, the entire room was pretty much vibrating on the spot, and Tony was a little nervous as to what the last one was going to be. He looked at Steve curiously, eyebrow raised, and Steve just nodded at the last slip, biting his lip.

Curious and a little excited, Tony read through the last line.

This one isn’t so much doing a favor for you as it is me, but- you’d make the happiest man in the galaxy if you would let me have the honor of spending the rest of my life with you, as your husband. If you’ll have me. Unlimited offer.

Tony stared at the words for a long time. When he looked up, Steve was on one knee, and there was a ring held between his fingers.

He raised an eyebrow, scarlet in the face. His hand was shaking a little, but there was the same determined look in his eyes that he kept for battles.

Like Tony agreeing was ever going to be a battle.

“Oh my god. Yes. Holy shit, yes, Steve.”

The room erupted in yells and cheers, and Steve’s eyes widened in shock as Tony jumped off the table and slid down until he was able to throw himself at Steve, burying his face in the other mans shoulder and gripping the fabric of his shirt so tight his knuckles were white. “Yes, yes, yes, holy shit, I love you Steve, yes-”

Steve kissed him, cutting off the ramble, but they had to stop when both of them began laughing uncontrollably. Steve looked down at Tony, wiping the tear tracks off his cheeks with his thumbs before leaning down and kissing him again. “You make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And I’m going to be the best husband you could ever hope for, Tony Stark. I promise.”

Tony opened his mouth to reply, but at that moment it seemed Thor lost patience and tackled them both to the floor, hugging them tight enough to bruise. Not that Tony gave a damn, mind.

He was marrying Steve. 

“Group hug!” The God yelled, and Steve was laughing, tears still in his eyes as he rolled Tony into his arms and leaned over him, making sure he wasn’t crushed as four other superheroes launched themselves on top of them, whooping and yelling and (In Clint’s case, anyway) removing their shirts to swing them like lassos.

Tony felt like he was dreaming. Like he was floating on a level of euphoria that anyone else had yet to reach.

He was marrying Steve.

“Clint, what did we say about keeping our clothes on?” Someone groaned, and Tony could feel the vibrations of Steve laughing on top of him, his face crinkled and smiling from ear to ear.

He was marrying Steve.

“Happy fucking birthday,” He said to himself, stealing a kiss before the whole pile rolled and fell down the set of stairs that lead to the living room.

#tony stark #steve rogers #stevetony #avengers #marvel #superhusbands #FLUFFY VERSION OF TONY BIRTHDAY FICS #YAY

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 144: Kirishima Flashback Part 1

Previously on BnHA: Chance the Rappa and Fat the Gum prepared to have a punching match while Tengai and Kirishima stood there and watched. Rappa punched Fat Gum like 600 times as Kirishima looked on, feeling increasingly powerless. Finally his shounen instincts couldn’t take it anymore and he leapt in there to take some of the blows for FG. Rappa was impressed by his durability, but things weren’t looking too good, as Kirishima’s hardening kept reaching its limit and breaking only for him to turn it back on again. Having been all but turned into a bloody pulp, he finally tried to counterattack, only to have Tengai step in with his stupid barrier. Fortunately, Kirishima’s intervention gave Fat Gum time to charge up his attack power, and as Kiri fell, FG stepped in ready to kick some ass. Oh, and he’s hot now. All of a sudden, just out of fucking nowhere. Shit’s wild.

Today on BnHA: Hot Gum gets ready to punch some bad guys as reality abruptly gives way to a sudden Kirishima flashback. Middle school Eijirou tries to defend a hapless kouhai from some thugs, but is shown up by middle school Ashido Mina, who effortlessly befriends the thugs and teaches them the error of their thuggish ways. Everyone is all “oh shit Mina is awesome”, and Kiri thinks that he himself is pretty lame in comparison. He knows his quirk is nothing special, and he’s trying to compensate by having a manly spirit just like his hero Crimson Riot. Later on while walking home, he stumbles across an intimidating villain confronting two girls from his school. No heroes are around, and he knows he should step in and try to help, but he finds himself frozen in fear. Luckily, Mina arrives to save the day again and sends the villain on his way. Later that night, Kiri sits in his room thinking about how his manly heart failed when it really counted, and miserably crosses off U.A. from his school aspiration report.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 175 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

two chapters in one day?? is it just because Fat Gum is that hot? maybe. maybe it is

“Red Riot” is the chapter title; that’s very promising

anyway so Hot Gum is all rarin’ to go with his punchin’ fist

incredibly, Rappa is actually asking Tengai to lower the barrier. seriously, this type of villain basically does all of your work for you

Tengai is saying that Kirishima’s thrilling heroics in the previous chapter must have been intended to set up this attack

but Kiri’s thinking that’s not it at all, and that he was just scared

“again...”

oh my god. this is a flashback. we ‘bout to get that good angst, aren’t we

I guess this is Kiri’s middle school

some thugs are picking on a child who has a quirk that lets him transform leaves into sweet, sweet cash. omg. are you serious

oh wait, he says it’s only a temporary transformation. dang

is he supposed to be a tanuki or something. he doesn’t really look like one, but he’s kinda got similar ears, and there’s that shapeshifting leaves connection too so idk

lol actually I just read the translation notes and they’re confirming that he is indeed a tanuki

the thugs are all “we’ll just spend it before it turns back” but obviously that’s. not nice

and here comes our boy!

this motherfucker really does dye his hair. I can’t fucking believe it. that’s such a nice character touch because it’s totally unnecessary but it’s just a nice little additional character detail

anyway, he’s charging at these guys in hardened mode but one of them is chucking a rock at his face. which fucking hurts

wow, he was this weak as recently as his third year of middle school? if that’s the case, he’s gone through almost as rapid of a transformation as Deku

oh my god the thugs just picked up the weird little tanuki kid and are scampering off with him while Kiri is all “HEY WAIT”

what the fuck

were they watching the whole time?!

...

damn, Kiri’s friends need more spine

it’s so weird how he’s now best friends with a guy who not too long ago was not all that different from those thugs. and yet, maybe not that weird after all, because even at his worst, Bakugou was still a hell of a lot more honorable than these guys seem to be

now Kiri is dashing off heroically

I really want to meet Crimson Riot. although the way they talk about him makes me wonder if he’s an older generation hero and maybe retired now or something. but then, Gran Torino is getting on in years too and he still kicks ass, so

OH MY GOD WHAT

MINA!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE CRASHING KIRISHIMA’S FLASHBACK

ALSO, YOU TELL THOSE THUGS OFF GIRL. FUCK YEAH

OH MY GOD

oh my god

what in the name of

lol are they best friends now

just. fucking Mina. we don’t deserve her

now the bullies and the leaf kid are walking off sparkling and waving back at Mina

my god. send this girl off to Tomura and let her just befriend him and all of his stupid hands. problem solved. I fixed your manga for you

Kirishima are you appropriately impressed by Mina’s outrageous big dick energy

he and his buddies are watching as Mina’s friends come up and ask her if she wants to come with them to that shop and she’s like “yeah!”

they’re saying she’s gonna be one for sure. a hero, that is. presumably

yep

Kiri’s mildly annoying friends are talking about how heroes these days are different from the ones in the past. “it’s all about entertainment and approval ratings”

and they’re saying that Mina is a perfect fit for the job

and while I can’t argue that Mina is going to make a phenomenal hero, Kiri is feeling a little down on himself now, thinking that he’s just “kinda dull and boring”

damn, who would have thought Eijirou of all people would have self-esteem issues. I mean, we’d gotten some hints previously, especially a few chapters ago when we flashed back to their special moves training and he was thinking how plain his quirk was compared to the rest. but this is more than I thought

by the way I really don’t have room for all of these adopted kids

also, are they trying to imply some sort of Kirishima/Ashido thing here now? I feel like they’re slowly but surely pairing off all of the 1-A girls one by one. Ochako with Deku, Momo with Todoroki, Jirou with Kaminari, and now this. this leaves us with just Tsuyu left, basically. (and Hagakure, but I still think she might be the traitor, so)

(ETA: and how could I forget that she’s paired up with Ojiro? so that really is all of them accounted for except Tsuyu. I swear to god, if Horikoshi so much as sneezes in a way that implies he’s considering pairing her off with Mineta, I will fucking learn Japanese and move to Japan and become a Japanese citizen and go to Japanese law school and become a Japanese lawyer and sue the fucking shit out of him for everything he’s worth until I fucking own the series and can pair her off with the mongoose snake girl. don’t test me, sensei. this is a little frog girl’s life on the line here and I will fuck you up.)

but anyways, try as they might, I doubt most of these vaguely “official” het pairings stand even the ghostest of chances against all of the glorious gayness that this fandom has embraced

so now we’re cutting to a one-panel training montage of Kirishima doing pushups and hitting himself with a stick and doing sprints and shit

and all the while he’s thinking of his hero Crimson Riot, who apparently said that as long as you have a manly spirit, it doesn’t matter what your quirk is. aww

so now Kiri’s friends are discussing what they’re gonna put on their career sheets, and which high schools they want to apply to

Kirishima’s acting like he hasn’t decided and doesn’t already have his heart set on U.A.

aww, he’s patting the sheet in his pocket which has U.A. written on it as his preferred school

now he’s walking down the street wishing that he had more confidence

you know, the more I see of flashback!Kirishima, the more I understand why he was so quickly drawn to Bakugou. he naturally exudes the self-assurance that this Kiri wishes he had more of. it’s similar to the reasons why Deku was drawn to him too

also, here’s a big dude in a lumpy cloak who just appeared out of nowhere and what the hell

holy shit

for a second I thought he was transforming into something because the outline of his cloak was so weird, but nope, looks like he just has some sort of massive troll body

anyway, Kiri’s looking over and realizing that those girls that this dude is terrorizing are from his middle school

and once again there are no pros in sight. there never are

now the villain dude is touching the wall and it’s cracking

Kiri’s thinking the exact same thing as me about the pro heroes. I kid you not

because pro heroes are the worst, Kiri. well most of them anyway

(ETA: and it’s fitting that later on in this chapter, Kiri mentions that one time that about a half dozen heroes all gathered around to watch a fourteen-year-old boy nearly suffocate to death because they were all afraid to get too close to his quirk. thank fuck for the Minas and the Dekus of the world)

he’s looking around frantically and thinking “somebody...!”

and then realizing there is nobody and he’s gotta do this himself

but he’s frozen in fear omg

HOT DAMN BUT LOOK WHO IT IS THOUGH

NO ONE TOLD ME THIS KIRISHIMA FLASHBACK WOULD RESULT IN ME BEING CONVERTED INTO A HARDCORE MINA STAN

OH MY GOD

SHE’S GIVING HIM DIRECTIONS. TO THE HERO OFFICE. THAT HE WAS ASKING ABOUT EARLIER

sflkahd

I’m fucking speechless

(ETA: ...hold up. holy shit.

that profile. the radio hanging from his neck. that face. those lumpy rock shoulders. holy shit. this is that guy. the guy we saw again in 162. Giganto something. holy shit.

this guy took out half a fucking mountain and nearly killed Gran Torino and Naomasa. Gran referred to him as an it. this fucking guy is one of All for One’s direct subordinates. and fourteen-year-old Ashido Mina just stood her ground against him and didn’t back down.

yet again I’m fucking speechless. damn but this girl is so much more amazing than she’s been getting credit for. also I’m just gonna file away everything that we just saw here, because we all know this guy is going to become a big deal probably in the near future. I can’t believe I didn’t even make the connection the first time around.)

y’all think I’m kidding about siccing her on Tomura. I’m not. this is the way to go guys. this is how we win the day

and now she’s collapsing from fear and crying about how that was so scary

and her friends are embracing her and thanking her for saving their lives, and they’re all crying together

I can’t believe Ashido Mina is my new favorite character. well actually I can. how far out is the next character poll? I think still a good thirty or forty chapters out, but just you wait. this girl is going places

(ETA: I regret to announce that, after ranking Mina at a pitiful #36, behind Mineta and fucking Overhaul, Japanese BnHA fandom is cancelled. or at least the ones who voted for the aforementioned two are. more than a thousand people voted for You’re Damn Right He’s The Best Fucking Jeanist, though, so in the end I still can’t be too mad.)

Kirishima are you in proper awe of Mina’s massive, huge, just totally fucking colossal dick energy yet?! bow down to it!!

he’s still standing frozen across the street, just staring at them

and he’s berating himself for just standing there and not taking action

now it’s later that night, presumably, and he’s sitting at his desk staring at his career sheet or whatever you call it. “aspiration report”

holy shit he’s thinking about Bakugou, somehow, even though he hasn’t even met him yet. and Deku too

Deku out there inspiring people even before becoming the Symbol of Peace Jr. was ever even on the table. what a legend

Kiri is miserably thinking to himself that not even his heart was up to snuff. boring quirk, timid heart

oh no he’s picking the pencil up and I think he’s gonna erase U.A. from his number one choice

except that can’t be right, unless we’re about to cut back to present day!Kiri and shockingly find out that him attending U.A. has actually been a 140-chapter dream sequence this entire time. whaaaaaaaaat

but he really is crossing it out!

I can’t. I don’t. where am I going to put all these sons. too many sad children

also this chapter was only 13 pages long what the fuck

and now there’s an omake corner??

oh my god it seems like the scanlators took it upon themselves to fill up the additional space with translations from the official character book!

this is awesome. but it’s also way too long for me to read right now, so I’ll have to come back to it. maybe do it as a separate post if I get into it

(ETA: so I most definitely am going to do a separate post on the character book, but I’m not sure when that will be. I have the whole thing downloaded, along with as many translations as I can find, so it’s mostly just a matter of finding some time and energy to do it. it will mostly just be me nerdily comparing the characters’ stats and also going “omg you guyyyyyyyys” at that one concept art picture of Shouji without his facemask lol.)

BONUS:

KIRI COSTUME :D I’ve actually done a fair bit of wondering exactly what all this stuff does, so I’m excited to finally see!

so apparently the headgear is supposed to protect the weaker spots on his face. I like how the explanation acknowledges that it rarely works :’)

and here we go, an explanation for the arm covers which were a new addition during the provisional license arc!

so apparently they’re to help protect the people he rescues from getting hurt if he has to carry them. that’s so thoughtful. here I thought he was just getting cold lol

I love his reasoning for wearing a deliberately tattered-looking costume. just embracing it as part of his look. Deku might want to consider a similar strategy at some point

the “manly justice” theme is just perfect. although ngl, I would have also enjoyed if we kept our usual naming conventions and these were referred to as kimipads, kimicovers, etc. but this works too, and it fits him to a T

I hope and assume that the double exclamation points are part of the official name. not just manly justice, but manly justice!! !!!!!!!

#bnha #boku no hero academia #kirishima eijirou #fat gum #ashido mina #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #so we're all in agreement that mina is the actual star of kirishima's flashbacks yes #which isn't to say that I don't love kiri or that I didn't enjoy his character development #because I did #very much #but there's just no denying that ashido fucking mina stepped in here out of nowhere and just seized my heart and was all 'mine now' #and I just let her because *holy shit* though you guys #she's been pretty amazing in the cultural festival arc as well #she's just the best and I fucking adore her