#but while i was half asleep i was thinking to myself that i love min and ryan and hope they knew that and could somehow hear me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shiprasworld · 2 years

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Requested!

« ... My big brother's marriage got fixed and was in next 20 days, so my mother asked me to come for help. I informed my husband and inlaws and came to my parents place to help in wedding.

As there was little time we got to work, I was paired with my big bro for shopping and other outside works. We wrapped up inside two days.

Kiran: Bro are you asleep?

Imran: Kiran! Not yet, you in my room this late. What happened, everything fine?

Kiran: Need to talk to you about something i noticed in these two days. I found you were checking out my rack and were ogling at my butt while i was busy shopping for your marriage.

Imran: What are you saying Kiran? You are mistaken. How can i do it? You are my sister.

Kiran: Stop it Bro! don't deny, i have been observing you for past 2 days. Atleast open up now Bro! I know you had a thing for me since we were teens but i didn't know that you still have these thoughts. You could have got all you wanted back then itself, you just needed to ask. Fine Bro! now you dont need to ask, consider this as your wedding gift from your loving little sister. I opened my jacket and pants, crawled onto his bed just in my inners as gifted myself to him.

Imran: Wow Kiran, such a thoughtful gift am already loving the sight of it. Quickly disrobed and went to bed where my gift was waiting to be claimed.

Kiran: He kissed my lips for few minutes and then went down on me. Slowly tormenting my pussy with his tongue and increased his sucking pace, within minutes i came in his mouth. He drank all of my pussy juice. I then returned the favor by sucking his huge thick cock for about 15mins then he lifted me and pushed on top of bed and jumped on me positioning his cock on my pussy and pushed it inside me with one hard stroke and i cried out loud. He was like a raging bull with lust thrusting raw into me with wanton desire. He ravaged my pussy for about half an hour before groaned loud and deposited his full load of baby batter inside me. He slid off me and lay next to me, i put my head on his chest as we were regaining our breath.

Imran: After recouping for about 20 mins i said, Kiran you are the best fuck of my life. I have never fucked anyone like that and probably cannot even in future. You have a great body and you are just awesome sister. Thanks Kiran for having sex with me, it's a dream come true to fuck you and your body. Sorry kiran for fucking you raw, i know you should be sore down there.

Kiran: Bro don't call it fucking, you simply used and abused my pussy. No one even fucks a whore like that, but i loved it. No one has used me like you did, It was just raw and completely filled with your lust for me. Even though it's sore down, i enjoyed that someone lusts for me and desires me so bad even if it's my big bro. I can understand you were totally possessed and consumed in your lust for me when you got the opportunity, all those years of your pent up lust just exploded.

Imran: Kiran you are an amazing sister and you understand me so well. It's pretty late sister you should go back to your room before someone sees us naked together in my bed.

Kiran: Are you done with me Bro, in just an hour? I thought that you will use this golden opportunity and pound me all night long. Just small info big bro, my pussy was just an add on. The actual gift i wanted to gift you is my ass. I know you are an ass man and really love my ass. The icing on cake is its untouched till now, I am still virgin there. Would like to pop my anal cherry and claim your gift 😉?

Imran: Wow Kiran today you are giving surprises one after another, you are really making my day. I am getting everything all that i wanted in my life and didn't even think it was ever possible.

Kiran: I see you are already ready and quite excited. Imran i have thoroughly washed my ass for you and please be gentle, it's my first time don't ravage it like you did to my pussy.

Imran: Sure sister don't worry i will be gentle.

Kiran: He then turned me on my fours and bent down and put his face between my ass cheeks and smelled my but hole then i felt his tongue on my butt hole and slowly started licking it and after couple of minutes he started eating my ass furiously and the feel and pleasure was heavenly and unmatched.

Imran: After eating her ass for about 10mins i said Kiran please suck my cock and lubricant it so that i can penetrate inside. She quickly took in her mouth and nicely sucked and slurped on my dick and made it wet and nicely lubricated with her saliva.

Kiran: Go slowly big brother, be gentle and don't hurt my ass please. He smiled and went behind me and gave a nice spank on my ass and i moaned loudly. I felt the pressure of his tip pushing on my butt hole, my virgin butt hole was too small for his huge thick cock. After trying for couple of minutes he gave up and told your shit hole is too small for me to penetrate. I was disappointed as i thought finally i can have anal sex which my hubby doesn't like and refuses to do. I asked in disappointed tone, so what do we do now bro? This means can't I even give the gift which my brother likes the most?

Imran: Don't worry little sister, let's prepare you up for this. I went to cupboard and brought a lube and squeezed handful and applied in her but and slowly inserted middle finger and started moving in and out and she started moaning. Slowly one after other i pushed 3 fingers and started fingering her butt by pouring more lube for better lubrication. After 15 mins of fingering i poured more lube in the ass and applied on my dick and slowly pushed into her. After couple of mins my head went past her hole and she withered in pain but asked me to continue. Slowly i managed to push my entire length inside her and it took next 15 minutes for her to adjust to my size and slow movements. Thought to myself, thank god i already had a round and deposited my entire load in her otherwise i would have already cum by now as her ass was really tight and literally squeezing and milking my cock.

Kiran: Wow big bro this is better than what i thought it would be. It hurt a bit initially because of your sheer size and thickness but now it's the most pleasurable moment in my life. I thought anal sex would be good but never expected to feel this good bro. Now that we passed the difficult part, time to start the good part - "fuck my ass".

Imran: Once she gave green sign i start to move in and out of her slowly and then after sometime increased the pace.

Kiran: My moaning increased and became louder as well. It's been half an hour since he started pounding my ass and both of us were exhausted as well as profusely sweating, but both of us didn't want to stop it. I kept on moaning and shouting "Fuck your lil sister's ass bro, fuck it, fuck it harder Bro!". He couldn't take it and started pounding and banging my ass with all his force and after 15min i felt my release coming and shouted "Bro! your lil sister is cumming, cum with me" and i felt him releasing his load in my butt hole at the same time and we synced our orgasms.

Imran: I rolled off and lay next to her and took her in my arms. Both of us were exhausted i lifted her head and was greeted with a an exhausted but satisfied smile on her face. Her beauty was a sight to behold. She was glistening in the afterglow of our sex, naked and all the sweat and the prespiration giving her the extra sheen which is adding to her glow. Her exhausted look coupled with satisfied smile is an icing on the cake. I took her face and kissed her lips tenderly with love and tightly hugged her body against mine.

Kiran: Big Bro! you were the best brother anyone can have and i wanted to give you the best gift for your marriage and after i found you checking my body i decided to give myself to you. But i was not completely sure and thought i might regret my decision later but still i wanted you to be happy so i decided to go ahead. Now i can say that, i will never regret this decision. You are what a women want her man to be in bed. Your wife is lucky to have you. I really can't express how great i am feeling now, this feeling is surreal. I don't want this feeling to end now, hope you don't mind me sleeping with you, you hugging me naked all night ... »

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charlie-lynchs · 4 months

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Eye-Witness

POV: the daughter of Kate Beckett and Richard Castle witness a murder and gets hurt because of it.

Name: Charlotte "Charlie" Johanna Beckett

Age: 17

Warnings⚠️: death, blood, weapons

Charlie was awoken by the knock on her door like every school morning.

"Charlie come on time for school." Her mother Kate yelled and opend the door. "Seriously you're still sleeping we have to leave in 10 min." Kate said while pulling the blanket off Charlie. "Moooom, let me sleep." Charlie groaned while pressing her face in her pillow. Charlie was the strong and confident like her mom but also pretty stubborn and waking up was not her favourite thing. "No, you're going to be downstairs in 5 min or I will drag your butt myself and we both know you don't want that to happen." Kate said giving Charlie the look. "Fine" Charlie said annoyed.

5 min later Charlie walks downstairs.

"Ah, the dead has been raised" Rick said in the good mood he always is in. Charlie sits down and start eating eating. "Morning Dad" she sat still half asleep. Rick gives her a kiss on the head and sits down in front of her. "Good Morning everybody." Kate says walking in the kitchen, kissing Charlie on the head. "Morning Yeah, good no" Charlie said not looking up from her plate. Kate's phone starts ringing. "Beckett" she answers it. "Oh and Dad I was not dead but the Person they're calling about is really dead." Charlie said looking up. "Haha good one kiddo" Rick and Charlie Highfive. "Well there is a homocide so I have to go." Kate said. "But what about Charlie? I can't drive her." Rick said.

"Guys calm down, I will just walk there and back. I'm not 6 anymore." Charlie said to stop the talk. "You sure?" Kate asked looking at her. "Yes Mom. Go and serve justice to the victim." Kate smile at that comment. "Will do. Bye love you baby" Kate said while giving Charlie a big kiss on the cheek. "Bye babe" Rick and Kate kiss and she walks out.

The way to school is boring and always the same. Charlie takes, like every other student who live in her area the shortcut through an alley. It can get really creepy in the dark but Charlie wouldn't admit that she is scared.

Two streets after the alley Sara catches up with her. "Yo Charlie, what's up?" Sara says in a good mood. "Not much. I have absolutely no interest and motivation for school." Charlie says while laughing.

In the 12th precinct:

"Good job solving the murder, guys" Kate said walking up to Javier and Kevin. "Thanks Cap, wasn't to hard after all." Kevin said. "OK I have a meeting at one pp. I can't answer calls, so text me when there is another murder." Kate said. "Will do." Javier and Kevin said at the same time.

Charlie had to walk home alone because Sara was picked up by here parents. She walks the same way as usual and greets the homeless guy sitting at the corner. She walks in the alley but comes to an stop when she sees an man in his mid 50s pointing a gun at another man kneeling infront of him. Charlie gets out her phone and starts recording.

"Please Sir, I have kids and a wife." the man on the knees says. "You should have thought of that before you betrayed me." He says and shots the man in the chest. He shots him another time in the head and looks up. Charlie and the man have direct. eyecontact. Charlie starts running out of the alley. She hears another gun shot. She reaches for her phone and calls her mom but keeps running.

Kate has her phone on silent while being in a meeting. "This is Kates Phone, you know what to do." "Fuck!, Mom it's me. I think I saw something I shouldn't have seen. I'm running right now, but I don-" Charlie gets interrupted by being thrown into a white van. "Naughty little girl, you were not supposed to see that, but now we have to get rid of you to." The man said.

"I wouldn't do that. I recorded everything and sent it to a hidden laptop of mine. No one but me knows where it is." Charlie said knowing they can't kill, but torture her.

At the same time Kate gets out of the meeting. She was just about to look at her messages but gets a call from the precinct before. There's been another murder.

"Hi Cap." Javier said when Kate arrived at the seen. "Hi, so what do we got?"

"43 Year old Man. Was shot 3 times. One time in the head and two times in the chest."

"And that daylight. Brave. Any witnesses?"

"Yes a homeless guy. Sat around the corner heard a the gunshots. And it gets better." Javier said.

"He saw the murderer?"

"No but he saw someone who did. After the second shot a teenage girl ran out of the alley. She saw him." Javier said.

"Perfect, let him describe so we can find her." Kate said walking away, forgetting to check her phone...

Charlie woke up in an dark what she guessed basement.

"See who is awake, ready to talk?" The man says. Charlie is tied to a chair and answers:"Over my dead body".

"Oh you will wish that you didn't just said that." He walks to her and starts cutting her with a knife along arm.

At the precinct:

Kevin and Javier walk into the captains office. Kate smile at them, but seeing there faces she starts to frown. "What happend?" She asked wanting to know what's going on. "Kate the sketch of the girl came in." Javier said. "Good and what?" Kate asked confused. "You should have a look at her." Kevin says and lays the sketch on her desk. She looks at it and her face turns completely blank. "No, No. Charlie? She was supposed to be at school." Kate says fighting tears. "Her last period didn't happen, we checked with the school. Kate there is more." Kevin said calmly.

"There is tape of her running and calling someone and..." Kevin is not sure how to say it. "Say it Ryan come on." Kate said getting angry. "She was ripped into an white van, propaly from the killer." Kate can't hold it in anymore and starts crying. She pulls out her phone and sees the massage from Charlie. "I know who she called." She starts playing the messages and feels immediately guilty for not picking up the phone. "Ok. Ryan find that Van. Espacito call Castle and tell him everything. And hurry she doesn't have long she knows to much." Kate says picking up the phone.

In the meantime, Charlie sits beaten up in the chair and breathing heavily. She has cuts and bruises everywhere. "I have to say you are tougher then most grown ups I have here. But now our little game has to end." He points a gun at Charlie. "I don't care about the tape anymore I will just vanish to another country." He shots her in the stomach. As soon as he starts going. The door burst open and Kevin and Javier run in. "NYPD. HANDS IN THE AIR." they yell. Both of them throw themselves on the man. Charlie barley make out what happend. But suddenly to known figures make their way to her. "Oh God. Charlie baby. We need medical assistance now!" Kate says.

Charlie feel someone run their hand over hair and Kate holds her hand while the paramedic take care of her. Kate picks her on bridal style up and carries her out and lays her on the strechter. "Everything is going to be ok baby. Mom and Dad are here." After that she doesn't remember anything.

Two Days Later:

Charlie lays in an hospital bed both if her parents next to her. Kate didn't leave her side since she was there. "Kate you need to go home take a shower and eat something real. I will watch her." Rick says while rubbin her back. "No Castle. I need to be here. I need to be here when she wakes up." Kate said not taking her eyes if Charlie.

Light. That is the first thing Charlie sees when she opens her eyes. Soon the light becomes less and she can make out the hospital room. Her uncles Kevin and Javier a sitting in the chair in front of her and reading the newspaper. Next to them are her Grandma and sister. On her right side her dad texting something on his phone. She feels someone holding her hand. She turns her head to the left and sees her mom holding her hand while sleeping. Charlie presses her hand soft and Kate jolts up looking at Charlie. "Charlie, Baby you're awake. How do you feel?" Kate asked while softly stroking her finger over her cheek. Now everyone look to the bed and smiles. "Like I was shot." she says with a smile. "That isn't funny. You scared the hell out of us." Kate says. "You did it Kiddo. I'm so proud." He says with a smile. "How long was I out." Charlie asked. "Two Days. That man did a lot to you." Kevin says now standing next to the bed. "And you're going to stay for while. You will need a lot of physical therapy." Javier takes over. Charlie suddenly sits up trying to stand up. "No I have to go and get my laptop.". Kate holds her back with her arms and lays her back down with the voice of her doctor in mind that Charlie shouldn't move to much and quickly. "Baby hey everything is ok he is captured and you're save." Kate says laying down with her. "No you don't understand. The only reason that I'm alive and they didn't kill me in that Van was because I have a tape. I filmed him and his man cannot find that laptop." Charlie explained. "Charlie, God you're so clever. Look I will sent Uncle Kevin and Uncle Javier to get it then nothing happens to it. OK?" Kate asked. Charlie just nodded and gave them the location.

The night was really hard for Charlie but as always she tried to hide it. But the pain and the nightmares were to much. And she suddenly starts to cry. Kate who sits next to her notice that. "Hey what's going on?" She asked sitting on the sight if the bed. "I don't know why. I'm sorry" Kate lays down next to her and move Charlies head carefully on her chest. "There is nothing to apologise for. Let it out baby. I'm right here." Kate says calm and quiet. Charlie cried for a little bit longer but eventually fell asleep in her mothers embrace.

The next weeks were hard. Charlie had to do a lot of physical therapy and went to therapy on demand of her parents. They were there for her on every step of the way.

And then the day finally came. Charlie is allowed to go home. She was so happy that she couldn't sleep the whole night. The next morning they all walked out of her room. Rick had all the bags. Charlie still has to take everything calm and slow much to her dislike. "Ok, I only have to fill out the discharge papers and we're good to go." Kate said walking to the front desk, Rick behind her. When they walked out Charlie would have sprinted to the car if her personal police captain wouldn't tell her to slow down. "Charlie I mean it. If you start running again, I will pick up and carry you like when you were a baby." she would warn her and give the look. Charlie would just answer with "Ay Ay Captain".

When des Beckett-Castle Family walks in the appartement, Charlie was hit with a "SUPRISE" from her family. They celebrated and Charlie went to her room to sleep when she got a notification on her phone.

Murder Trail over. Patrick Swat gets the Life Sentence

with a smirk she turned her phone off and laid down. But she couldn't sleep so she sneaks into her parents bedroom and lays between them. Both Rick and Kate laid one arm around her. "I love guys." Charlie says quietly. "We love you too. We're so happy you're back."

And the family happily falls asleep.

---------------------------------------------

Yeah that's it. I hope you liked it and forgive me for any mistakes. English is not my first language

#kate beckett #kate beckett x daughter!reader #richard castle x daughter!reader #castle #kevin ryan

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house-of-slayterr · 1 year

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Intimate Birthday Party:

CW: just some light smut

An: This is part one of the birthday storyline. I wasn’t feeling well today so I didn’t feel like writing all of it at once. But I still wanted to post 🥰

Hannibal’s POV:

Today was the day before France’s Birthday. My Beloved was about to celebrate another year around the sun. And I wanted to see to it that everything was perfect for them. Meadow had know Frances longer than I had, so there were many secret conversations while Frances was away.

I smiled, sitting up in bed and glancing down at my beautiful fiancé. Part of me wanted to rush this wedding, speed things up so I could call her my wife already. Not that it would change the dynamic of our relationship in the slightest, but I was eager to have her take my last name. She looked so delicate and innocent when she was a sleep. Her hair splayed out on the pillow, and her face fully relaxed for once.

It was a subtle thing I had noticed about her. Her jaw was almost always tense while she was awake. She always had a look of determination when she was concentrated on something. Wether that be work, helping me in the kitchen, or reading with Frances. I’ve gently brushed a lock of hair out of her face, resting my hand on her cheek as she leaned into it. It was endearing, watching her natural reactions.

“Godmorgen min sovende skønhed” I said simply.

She leaned further into my touch and gave me a lazy half cocked smile.

“Good morning handsome.” She greeted.

“I was going to let you sleep, but I’m afraid we have quite a busy day ahead of us.”

She hummed lightly, pushing herself onto her elbows and scooting up the bed. She turned her full attention to me, eyes still heavy with sleep.

“Hannibal did you-“

“Already have the next few days off work, My Love.”

“And the gift?”

“Already bought.”

“Do you think, perhaps we should give them their main gift today? You know how they hate to be put on the spot.”

“While I would love to do it at the party, I do agree with you my dear. Dinner is just three three of us this evening, we can present it together then.”

She gave me the most breathtaking smile. Her eyes finally lighting up as the last of sleep left her body. She looked the prettiest to me in the morning. Lazily wearing one of my silk dress shirts that covered every curve of her body flawlessly. It seemed she’d caught on to my train of thought, as she playfully rolled her eyes at me.

“Hannibal, we have far too much to do today. You know how stressed I’ll get if we don’t pull this off.”

“Which is precisely why you should relax, Min smukke engel.”

“Hannibal-“ she tried again.

But I wasn’t really listening. It was invigorating watching her get all flustered. I moved myself on top of her, caging her head onto the pillow with both my hands trapping her on either side. She first looked at me with a glare, but it quickly softened. A gentle chuckle passed her lips.

“Is this why you woke me before the alarm?” She asked, bemused.

I bent down, placing a kiss on her forehead, then slowly trailing kisses down her face. Her giggles made my heart feel light.

“Frances will be asleep for at least another hour. We should let them rest their birthday week, Hmm?”

“You’re impossible.” She said playfully, hitting my chest.

I continued trailing kisses down her neck. Humming thoughtfully as if to agree with her observation.

“I don’t hear you complaining.” I smirked into the crook of her neck, just above her collar bones.

When she didn’t speak again, I softly bit down on the skin there, causing a soft gaps to leave her lips. I chuckled darkly.

“Fine.” She agreed.

I knew she’d be stressed for the next two days, and I would be ghastly fiancé if I didn’t try to help her relieve some of that stress. I continued my assault on her flesh, helping her unbutton the shirt that hung over her chest. She looked up at me with so much love and adoration in her eyes, I could hardly control myself. I pushed her back down onto the bed, continuing my kisses down her body.

“Hannibal, you’re wearing far too many clothes right now. It’s not fair.” She pouted.

I smirked, stealing her in a kiss before pulling back to pull my sleep shirt over my head. Her eyes hungrily raked down my body, as her hands were firmly planted on my chest. I pulled her further down the bed by my legs, helping her pick off her sleep shorts. I was surprised to notice she was wearing red lace panties, a smirk firmly planted back on my face.

I tsked, shaking my head at her.

“Are you sure you’re didn’t plan this morning in your head my love?” I teased.

Her cheeked reddens deliciously, as she tried to hide her face in the crook of my neck.

“Hannibal-“

“Yes Love?”

“Quit teasing me.”

If looks could kill, the glare she sent would have surly caused a heart attack. I went back to trailing kisses down her stomach, until my lips met the edge of the delicate fabric. I softly took her panties between my teeth and wiggled them down her legs. But my eyes never once left hers, watching every micro reaction on her face that she tried to desperately to hide.

I liked moment like this, when she was more shy. Letting me be in full control. Letting me do whatever I wanted to her gorgeous body. Certainly one of the biggest perks of our relationship, I could not lie about that. She let out a hiss as I latched my mouth around her clitoris. Sucking on it, like my life depended on it. She tasted so sweet, but got the whimpers she let out were the star of the show. They made every hair on my body stand in end, and sent waves of electricity down my spine.

I knew full well there was a time limit, but if I was being honest, I could do this for hours. Desperately making her come undone over and over just to see how much her body could handle. How long before her normally eloquent words dissolved into madness and whines. My hands were firmly planted on her plush thighs, keeping her pinned down beneath me. I could feel her muscles flutter every-time I licked her pussy.

Her hands were instantly in my hair, greedily pushing me down to provide more pressure.

“Mmm, fuck Hannibal!” She moaned.

I pulled away.

“I’m barely even touching you.”

She opened her eyes, glaring at me once more.

“I believe your mouth has much more important business to attend to right now Doctor.”

She knew I loved it when she used my title in the bathroom. It sounded so dreamy rolling off her sweet tongue.

“My apologises.” I said, pulling her into a passionate kiss to show her I meant it.

“Mmm, I’m sure you are.” She sassed back.

I was quickly back at work, moving my tongue expertly with my hand splayed out on her stomach. I could feel the muscles tensing, and I knew she was getting close. She tried to muffle her moans by shoving her head into the pillow. But I reached up with my other hand and threw the pillow off the bed. She went to protest, but I stuck my fingers in her mouth to silence her.

She lazily sucked in my digits, bucking her hips in time with my graceful strokes. She popped my fingers out of her mouth as she threw her head back and came into mine. But I wasn’t going to stop there. We still had at least another 45 minueted before we truly had to get up for the day.

I helped her get dressed for the day, throwing her hair up into a tight ponytail so it wouldn’t bother her. I was surprised to see Frances already up and about in the kitchen. Unlike Meadow and I, there job was mostly centred around the evening. Having to wait for the children to be done with their regular school before they could teach.

It wasn’t that difficult to work out the schedules so we still all had time together. But they normally we’re awake until at least noon.

“Somebodies up early.” Meadow mused.

“We’ll I see you both had some fun this morning. Good morning Hannibal, Meadow.” They greeted, sipping from their tea.

I don’t know why Meadow seemed shocked, she gave up on attempting to be quiet about halfway through our morning. Not that I was complaining.

“How?”

“You’re legs are still trembling darling. Hannibal, perhaps you should go easy on her yeah? You do know birthday sex is usually reserved for the actual birthday person right?” They mused.

Meadow rolled her eyes.

“My apologises your birthday majesty, could you ever forgive us?”

Meadow did a mock curtesy.

“I could be persuaded.” They hummed.

I walked around the table to kiss Frances on the head, and they looked up at me with those big dark eyes. It was almost impossible to look away once they actually decided to make eye contact. The moment being so intimate in the most raw of ways.

“Good morning, Love.” I greeted.

“Bonjour amant!” They said back.

Their accent was always thicker first thing in the morning. When they were still to tired to mask it. It was the most adorable thing.

“Hannibal, Darling, I know you planned to have dinner, just the three of us this evening. Which, of course, we can still do. But-“

“It’s your birthday my dear, we can do whatever it is that you want.”

“I was invited to star in a showcase across town this evening. The lead has unfortunately fallen I’ll, and they don’t have time to train anyone else on the choreography. One of my old friends from the dance company up in New York, is directing it. I told him I would have to ask before accepting.” They explained.

“Oo, what a treat. We get to watch you perform fro your birthday.” Meadow said excitedly.

I was a little concerned, they hadn’t been back on the stage since we first met. But they’ve been working hard with their physical therapy and getting stronger each day. And I suppose with their teaching job, they’re gotten in some stretching and stamina practice. They genteelly reached up and kissed between my eyebrows.

“You’re thinking to hard My Love. Relax.”

I pulled out the chair beside them and sat.

“If it will make you happy, then Meadow and I will be glad to come watch. We can push dinner back.”

They grinned wildly. They turned to Meadow.

“Meadow, dear, would you mind if we pushed breakfast back as well. I would like to spend some time alone with our Fiancé this morning.”

I couldn’t blame Frances, the two of us had been rather busy recently. It was their birthday, they could have anything they asked for.

“Go ahead. I’ve already hogged him for most of the morning.” There was a tiny tinge of guilt in her voice.

I remember when this relationship first came to be, sprouted fun to the amazing thing that it was today. Alana had some doubts that one or both of them might get jealous, or feel unloved. But I did my best to make sure neither of them felt more important than the other. It came almost naturally. And communication made it easier.

Despite Frances a being on the younger side, they were surpassingly mature about everything. Only ever playfully teasing, there was never any malleus or envy in their words.

“Perhaps we don’t even cook breakfast today. I could go into the city and pick up for favourite pastries form that coffee shop you enjoy so much.”

“Meadow you don’t have to do that.”

“I insist. You’d do the same for me on a regular day. But the next two days are all about you. Enjoy it.”

“The two of you spoil me too much.” They muttered.

“I disagree, we don’t spoil you quite enough.”

They laughed, throwing their head back.

“Of course you would say that Mr Money Bags. I swear to god Hannibal if you buy me something expensive for my birthday, I’m shipping you off to Wills house to sleep with the dogs.” They jeered.

Meadow and I exchanged a look. We were sure they would love the gift we’d chosen for them. It took several months of planning to get everything worked out. And I’d already spoken to Frances boss, it was easy to convince him considering how scared he was off me. That spineless bastard.

“I just want the two of you for my birthday, that’s it.”

“Then you shall have us.” I said simply, honestly.

I took their hand in mine, kissing the back of it. They shook their head playfully, grabbing my hand and dragging me away from the kitchen. They dragged me into the bedroom, and to the master bathroom. I raised a brow at them curiously.

“I would like to take a bath.” They said simply.

My face didn’t show it, but I was shocked. They’d never really initiated an intimate moment like this before. But a bath would be lovely. I dropped their hand and walked over to the cabinet, pulling out the supplies. Some lavender Epsom salts to help with their sore muscles, and their favourite bubble bath. I was already dressed for the day, but it was fine if everything was out of order today.

They sat on the edge of the counter, watching me as I prepared the bath. As the bathtub was filling, I walked over to them and slotted myself between their legs.

“You’re in an odd mood today my dear.” I mused.

“Hey, if you don’t like it I can totally stop. I just thought it would be nice. I’m not apposed to touch Hannibal, I’m just hardly ever in the mood and that doesn’t seem fair to you.”

I frowned.

“My love, you know I adore you just the way that you are right? I’m more than content with what we have. I’ve accepted that that just how you are and how you function. I would never ask more from you.” I assured them.

“Well this is me asking.”

They gently reached up to cup my cheek in their hand.

“Do you know how many people would kill to see you naked Dr Lecter?” They teased.

I rolled my eyes.

“I’m serious, you have the body of a god Mon Cher, and I don’t tell you that enough.”

It was strange, in the over a year that I had known them, they never talked like this. Of course, they have Meadow and I compliments and praise almost constantly. But never so suggestively. But now wasn’t the time to psychoanalyse them. The thing about being partners is trusting in them, hoping that everything they say is truthful.

“I have to say, I wouldn’t mind hearing that more often.” I grinned.

“I love you Hannibal, all you you.”

They gave me a chaste kiss on the lips. Something they usually only did in moments of high emotion.

“I love you too Frances.”

I gently helped them hop down from the counter. As much as I would want to, I let them be in charge of every movement. I didn’t want to push them too far, encourage them to do something they’d be uncomfortable with.

“We’ll are you just going to stand there, or do I have to undress myself?”

The beamed up at me with their pretty eyelashes batting.

“Oh, yes, it seems I’ve forgotten my manners.”

Frances was also simple in their night clothes. Wearing what seemed to be old dance competition t-shirts and loose shorts. They always wore they’re glasses the first part of the morning, hating having to put in contacts just so they could see. I took their glasses off first, placing them gently on the counter.

“You know you could wear those all the time, they look nice on you.”

“Ahh yes, my little librarian glasses make me look so good.” They said sarcastically.

“I think they make you look astute and ravishing.”

They held their hands up so I could help them slip out of their shirt. And they removed their shorts themself.

“Hannibal, Darling, you’re wearing too many clothes to get into the bath.”

I hadn’t expected them to want me to get in the tub with them. I was simply going to roll up my sleeves and help them bathe.

“That’s the second time I’ve been told that today.”

“Can you blame us?”

It was nice seeing them so shamelessly flirty for once. It was almost like they were trying to run away from themself. Like they were afraid of allow themselves to intimate. A carefully calculated discipline to never allow themselves too much, like they were afraid they would lose it, lose control perhaps.

“Hey, what did I say about thinking mister? I’m trying to be present and I’d appreciate it if you could match my energy.” They laughed slightly.

I just gave them a nod, not choosing to utter another apology. They hated it when I over apologised for things. And they didn’t seem truly upset. I began unbuttoning my shirt, carefully folding each article of clothing and placing it next to the sink. They walked around me, hugging me from behind and nuzzling their face into my neck.

“It’s my birthday darling, nothing is going to go wrong. Everything will be perfect, so stop worrying. I’ll love whatever the two of you have planned for me.”

They grabbed my hand again and I helped them up over the edge of the tub, before sliding in behind them. They sat on my lap and I traced my hands over the myriad of scars on their body. They had far too many for my liking.

“Do they still hurt?” I questioned.

“Only sometimes. When it’s cold.” They said softly.

I hummed, reaching for the little bucket at the edge of the tub to soak their hair. They’re hair was hard to manage, required more maintenance then Meadow or my own. But it was well worth the effort. They relaxed into my touch as I scrubbed their scalp, massaging it gently. I had to admit, this was quite a lovely way to spend the morning. Sure I would have preferred to cook breakfast for the loves of my life. But if there was one thing they were teaching me, it was to be more comfortable with going with the flow.

I put the condition in their hair, and spun their hair in little coils around my finger.

“You’re really good at that.” They said, leaning back to smile up at me.

“I try to be good at everything I do.” I said honestly.

“We know, we can tell. It’s appreciated.”

“Have you ever considered cut your hair?” I asked.

“I suppose now that I don’t have to adhere to a specific dress code, that could be an option. But I’ve never really had short hair before, I wouldn’t know the first thing on how to style it.” They laughed airily.

“We could explore it together if you wish. Meadow was showing me this website, I believe it called Pinterest.”

“Oh, I love Pinterest, I have two accounts.”

“Why two?”

“One for personal, one for daydreaming I guess. You know, you’re typical dream house, car, life. It’s like planning out a mini life in my head that I can escape to if need be.”

I hummed thoughtfully. That was a good thing for them to have. They certainly didn’t live an easy life, though I did everything in my power to make it easier on them. Moving them into my home, getting them a safer car. I would do anything got Meadow and Frances, and I believe they would do the same for me. They already have, they knew everything. All my secrets, all my sins, and they didn’t run.

“So what do you want to do with the rest of your pre-birthday day?”

“We’ll I will be gone most of it, rehearsals before the show and all that. But the morning is all our. Meadow should be back with pastries soon, and Hopfully coffee. Lord knows I need the caffeine.”

I laughed.

“But perhaps you could read to us, I think that would be lovely.”

“Any book in mind?”

“I’m afraid my mind has been clouded with thoughts of Dorian Gray all week. It’s one of my favourites.”

“Oscar Wilde is quite a brilliant writer isn’t he?”

They hummed in response, just enjoying the warmth of the bath water. I warned them before rinsing their hair, so they wouldn’t be startled. I got out of the tub first, wrapping a towel around my waste. It was endearing to see how they whined at the lack of body heat, the heat they were usually so content without.

I helped them out of the tub and quickly wrapped their body in a warm blanket. They tended to get cold rather quickly. I then helped their fry their hair, plopping the towel how they taught me, and retrieving their bonnet from the drawer. It helped their curls to stay more sharply and less frizzy.

I already had my outfit chosen for the day, so it was quick to get ready once more. They followed me into the walk in closet, and I picked out a few options. Meadow was wearing purple today, and I had picked my tie to match.

“Would you like to match with us, My Dear?”

“What sort of question is that, Hannibal? You already know the answer.”

I chuckled. I pulled out a purple blazer, pairing it with a black button up and black dress pants. I went to reach for the accessories draw but I stopped.

“I suppose you won’t be wanting your gift, since you told me not to get you anything expensive.” I teased.

They sighed, rolling their eyes.

“Well I suppose if it’s already in the house-“

I smiled, taking the jewellery box out of the drawer and handing it to them. They gently placed it on the counter top, and began to get dress first. I guess it made more sense to open gifts when wearing clothes. Then they turned their attention back to the box.

“Don’t you dare tell me how much this costs, I don’t want to know.”

I raised my hands in mock defence.

“Just open it please.” I said softly.

They slowly opened it, and the look on their face was well worth any money I had spent. They clasped a shaky hand over their mouth and brought their eyes up to meet mine.

“How did you?”

“You mentioned that you were quite sad when you lost the old one. I gave your grandmothers photo to a jewellery and had them recreate it the best the could.”

“Hannibal I-“

I quickly brought them into a hug, seeing their small for shaking. I was expecting tears so I was prepared for them. I shushed them lightning, trailing my hands up and down their back.

“You don’t have to thank me Darling, it was no big deal.”

“But this is the biggest deal. Han, nobodies ever done something this thoughtful for me. What did I do to deserve you?”

They leaned back into the hug. I gently picked them up, setting them down on the bed. They giggled lightly, the sound floating throughout the room in an echo.

“Will you let me put it on you?”

“Of course, no one else deserves the honours.”

I sat behind them on the bed, gently bringing the pendant around and clasping it behind their neck. They touched it lightly with their fingers before turning to look back at me.

“Thank you. Truly Hannibal this is the best gift anyone has ever given me. I will cherish it always.”

“You are very welcome my beautiful Frances.”

We both turned out head as we heard the door open.

“Oh, sorry, we’re you having a moment?” Meadow asked awkwardly.

“You may join our moment my love, I want you here with us.”

Meadow didn’t need to be told twice and quickly made her way into our bedroom.

“You look handsome in that outfit.” Meadow complimented them.

“I do don’t I?” They laughed once more.

Their laugh seemed particularly contagious today. More joyous than usual. Meadow held up two take out boxes. “Coffee cake or raspberry Danish?”

Frances pretended to think about it. “Well I am the birthday human, can’t I have both?”

Meadow chuckled shaking her head.

“I figured you’d say that. And don’t worry Hannibal, I got something healthy for you. They were selling tofu scramble at the vegan place next door. I know it’s not your favourite but-“

“Thank you Meadow.”

“It’s got a lot of protein.” She offered.

“As much as I love breaking the rules today, eating in the bedroom is not one I’m willing to compromise on.” I shooed them out into the dinning room.

“So, what’s this surprise show about?” Meadow asked.

“Well, that would ruin the point of it being a surprise now wouldn’t it?”

“I’m sure it will be entertaining.” I mused.

“Oh, you just wait, you’re gonna love it!” The grinned wildly.

The rest of breakfast was pretty uneventful. Meadow wanted to be there when we presented the plane tickets. So we decided upon waiting until dinner to give them their other present. I dropped them off at the theatre, considering they would be much to tired to drive home later.

“The show starts at 5, correct?”

“Yes, I have the front seats blocked off for the both of you.”

“Shall I get you flowers?”

“That would be just like old times, I would love that. Surprise me with the type.”

“I love you Frances.”

“And I love you Hannibal.”

Frances’ POV:

Rehearsals went great. It was so nice to be back on the stage again, working with so many amazing and talented people. This dance style wasn’t the usual type I was used to. My professional ballet days unfortunately over. But even if my body did ache more than normal, it was worth it.

But my new just was fulfilling too. Soon enough I’d be presenting my students on stage and cheering them on from the wings. The show case at the end of the year would be amazing. I had spent nearly an hour in hair and makeup. All Hannibal’s hard work from earlier seemed useless, but it was still well appreciated. My hair would be pulled into a tight bun at the back of my head, that I could keep looking neat for a few days. I had to wear a wig with this costume.

I peaked past the wings when I noticed people start pouring in. I saw Hannibal standing up from with a bouquet of flowers, and Meadow excitedly looking around by his side. Of course they were early, I grinned, early was the only time Hannibal spoke. Punctual looked good on him. The announcer came on stage to introduce the show.

“Laddies and gentlemen, I would like to welcome the New York dance company, and our special guess Frances Darling, who so graciously agreed to save out show, in tonight performance of Burlesque. Applause is welcome and encouraged to cheer on tonight performers. Please, enjoy the show!”

There were a few performances before mine, which were fantastic. I was in awe watching everyone do their thing. It wasn’t a style I excelled in, but it was fun to watch and learn new techniques. One of my old friends from the company met me behind the curtain.

“You ready?”

I nodded. “My fiancés are in the audience, they haven’t seen me preform since-“

“Hey, as far as I know, what happened wasn’t your fault. It’s stupid for people to blame you for those deaths, simply excuse you were the sole survivor. Did you say, fiancés? Congratulations.”

“Yeah, I have no idea how I managed to snag the two of them. It’s entirely a mystery.” I laughed, trying to shake my nerves.

“Well, then you better put on a good show for them tonight. You’re going to do amazing Frances, knock ‘em dead.”

“Thanks Chip.”

He laughed at the ancient nickname. We’d gotten them way back when we were children. When I first moved to America. I was Chocolate, and he was Chip. Of course, it bothered me when I first got there. The two of us being the only people of colour in the company. But when used between just us, it was lighthearted and friendly. It felt natural.

“Oh and Happy Birthday!”

“You remembered?”

“I still pick up cookies every year on your birthday, no matter where I travel.” He admitted.

“Perhaps if your still in town tomorrow evening you can come to my birthday.”

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“Nonsense, it’s my party, my guest list. I’ll send you the address. Then you can meet my fiancés.”

Before he could answer I was given my cue to go on stage. But I’d find him after the show.

youtube

I kept my eyes on them whenever I could. Gauging their reactions. Meadow had this goofy, adoring smile on her pretty face. And Hannibal seemed totally entranced. This might actually go down in history as my best birthday ever. The crowed roared with applause when I finished. Only a few more group acts and we’d be done!

“You were amazing!” Chip praised.

I did a little curtesy.

“Thank you, thank you! I try!”

“About the party, I’ll be there. Here’s my new phone number so we don’t loose touch again.”

I smiled wildly.

“Excellent, I let Hannibal know to make extra food so you can have some for your flight home.”

“Hannibal, that’s quite an old fashioned name.” He pointed out.

“He’s kinda an old fashioned guy.”

“Can’t wait to meet him, and your other fiancé?”

“Meadow, she’s absolutely lovely. She was my best friend for the past five years. It just seemed to be the natural progression of the relationship.”

“Look at your pulling the girls and the guys. Is there anything you can’t do?”

“I think we both know the answer to the question.”

He cringed.

“Still haven’t learned how to cook?”

“We have several fire extinguishers in the kitchen and dining room.” I laughed.

We both went back on stage to do the final bows. And I was quick to shed my costume and run out to the audience. I practically the myself into one of Meadow’s hugs.

“So, what did you think?” I asked.

“I think you broke out dear Doctor.” Meadow whispered, kissing the top of my head.

“Hannibal?” I tried.

“You were amazing, you’re always amazing.” He said, finally turning to look at me.

I giggled quietly.

“Didn’t know I had that in me, did you?”

“No, My Dear, you seemed to be full of pleasant surprises today.”

I couldn’t hold back the yawn that escaped my mouth.

“I think we should get them home.” Meadow laughed.

“Indexed, these are for you, Cala Lilies.”

“They’re beautiful Hannibal, thank you.”

I wasn’t sure if my actual birthday could top tonight. But I was excited to see Will and Alana and share my birthday with them as well.

Tag: @myers-meadow-selfship

#meadow lecter #Frances lecter #hannibal au #hannibal lecter #hannibal oc #Youtube

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hansomeskz · 1 year

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I’d Bleed Myself Dry Chapter 2

Jisung is used to living in monochrome. Since the day he was born, he’d felt like the world consisted of shades of grey, and as he grew older the alcohol blurred the lines so the world consisted of nothing at all. That’s how he ended up here.

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Chapter 1 | 2 | 3

CW: Swearing, Alcohol consumption, insecurities, anxiety

Minho doesn’t mention it. The next time they cross paths in the hallway, Minho clad in a stupid yellow knit sweater, he says nothing about Jisung’s night out. Instead, he smiles brightly at him. “Do you want to get a coffee with me? I was just heading down to the café.”

“I’d love to, Min.” Jisung smiles, following Minho closely. They both grabbed lukewarm coffee and soggy sandwiches at the café before sitting at a table together by the window. Jisung doesn’t have much to say, so Minho babbles away about his day and the choreography he’s working on right now. admiring the sharp angles of Minho’s face and the curve of his smile, warmth spreads through Jisung’s chest. He blames it on the coffee but something tells him it might just be Minho.

This is how most of their days go. Minho invites Jisung out and talks about anything and everything to stave off the storm brewing inside of his friend. It helps, Jisung thinks. He’s never felt so calm. They’re by the river in the sun, Minho is laying on his back staring at the sky while he tells Jisung about a drama he thinks they should watch together. Jisung is half listening, propped against a tree as he watches the clouds go by. “Minho,” he says suddenly, looking at the older boy. “Why are you doing all this?” Minho blinks in confusion, propping himself up on his elbows. “Doing all what, Ji?”

“Spending all this time with me.” Jisung casts his eyes downwards, missing the way Minho knits his brows together in confusion. “I just like being around you, Jisung. I needed a friend and you welcomed me with open arms. We like all the same movies, the same food… it’s easy being around you.” Minho places a hand on his arm, the touch burning into Jisung’s skin. His face is hot, chest tightening at every word. “I don’t think anything about me is easy.”

“Agree to disagree, yeah? I like you, Jisung. Stop overthinking it. Sometimes a good thing is just a good thing.” Minho is trying to sound comforting but it does nothing to ease his mind. Jisung crosses his arms over his chest and looks back up at the sky. He’s quiet for a minute before offering a small “Okay, thank you.” Minho moves so he’s lying with his head in Jisung’s lap instead, staring up at the clouds. They don’t say anything for the rest of the afternoon.

Jisung is sprawled out on Minho’s couch, his limbs tangled into the older boy’s. Minho fell asleep ages ago, but Jisung can’t seem to convince his brain to calm down. His chest is tight, and there is a feeling of dread swirling inside his stomach. Minho’s hand slides up Jisung’s chest, fingers gently curling against his neck. Minho mumbles something completely unintelligible, pulling Jisung briefly from his thoughts. “Min?” He whispers, peeking down at him. Minho hums in acknowledgement, pressing impossibly closer. “How are you still awake?” Minho sounds seconds away from falling asleep again and Jisung considers just staying quiet until he does. He chooses to be a little selfish this time, combing his fingers through Minho’s hair. “It just happens sometimes. So much on my mind that I can’t turn it off.” When a couple of minutes pass by with no answer, Jisung thinks Minho really did fall asleep again. That is until he feels a pair of lips brush against his neck, shooting shivers down his spine. “We can put on another episode of that show you like so much...”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Minho stays curled close for a moment before he blindly searches for the remote. A fondness that he isn’t familiar with settles in his brain in place of the swirling, storming thoughts. “You’re not even close to the remote, Min.” Jisung laughs, pushing the piece of plastic into Minho’s hand. He hums happily and peels his eyes open to flip over to the show they had been watching earlier. Jisung slides his hands under Minho’s yellow t-shirt, pulling him somehow even closer as he looks back to the tv. Thank you, Minho , Jisung thinks. The gentle kiss Minho plants on his shoulder lets Jisung know that he heard him.

It’s when Jisung is starting to get bad again that the punches just keep coming. The first blow comes when he walks into the studio one day to find Changbin and Chan standing far too close together, Changbin’s hand angrily curled into the neck of Chan’s hoodie. They’re screaming but Jisung can’t make out any words. “Woah, what the fuck is going on here?” He tries to yell over the noise, only to be ignored. It takes him shoving between the two for either of them to notice he’s entered the studio. “What’s gotten into you guys?” He asks, looking between the two with wide, scared eyes. Chan softens at the look on his face, but it only seems to make Changbin angrier. “And here he is after the fucking damage is done.” Changbin’s voice is sharp, words piercing right through Jisung’s chest. “What’s going on?” Jisung asks, frowning. Changbin barks out a humourless laugh, shaking his head. “What’s going on with us? What the fuck is going on with you, Han? We’ve been begging you for fucking months to talk to us-“ Jisung gasps as Changbin plants both hands on his chest, shoving. “What the f-“

“I can’t keep waiting for the fucking day you decide to let us in. You’ve been fucking weird lately, and-“

“Changbin, that’s enough,” Chan says sternly before turning to Jisung, eyes full of what he can only assume is genuine concern. “We’re just worried about you, Hannie. If you would just talk to us-“

“There’s nothing to talk about! I’m just fine and-“ Changbin is quick to cut him off. “I’ve heard enough of your bullshit, Han. Talk to us or don’t, but I can’t keep being around somebody who doesn’t trust me.” Jisung’s eyes search Changbin’s face for any sign of him bluffing, but he’s met with nothing but anger and disappointment. Tears prick at Jisung’s eyes but he spits at Changbin’s feet before turning and walking towards the door. “Finish the album on your own, I’m sick of writing fucking love songs anyway.” Jisung slams the door behind him, making his way into the elevator.

A few floors from the ground level the doors slide open, he pulls his hood up and adjusts his mask over his face, sniffling. “…Jisung?” It’s Minho’s voice. Of course it’s Minho. Jisung looks over at him briefly, he can feel his mask clinging to his face where the tears are soaking into it. He hadn’t even realized he was crying. Minho is quick to scoop him into a bone-crushing hug. Jisung curls his fingers into Minho’s yellow hoodie. “Let’s get some lunch, Ji.”

“Minho, I really don’t-“

“Come on, my treat.” Minho pulls away and grabs Jisung’s hand, pulling him out of the elevator. “Min, I just really want to go home,” Jisung says quietly. Minho thinks for a second before texting somebody. “At least come back to my place with me. We’ll get take out and just stay in, okay?” Minho squeezes his hands, looking at him. Jisung nods, tucking himself into his friend’s side as they walk back to Minho’s. He turns off his phone.

Once they’re both fed and Jisung has changed into some of Minho’s pyjamas, Minho curls his arm around Jisung’s shoulder. He still feels tears threatening to spill but he’s trying to hold them back so he doesn’t worry Minho. “Do you want to talk about it?” Minho asks, cocking his head to the side. Jisung shakes his head, swallowing hard. “Can we just watch that new drama, Min?”

“Yeah, Ji. Of course.”

Jisung hadn’t meant to fall asleep but he finds himself waking up, panicking when he realizes he isn’t in his bed. He goes to sit up but a weight is heavy on his chest. Jisung thinks maybe the weight of what happened is what’s crushing him but then the weight shifts and a soft head nudges against his chin. “Fuck- Soonie, you scared the shit out of me” he breathes, scratching behind the cat’s ear. Soonie purrs and curls back up. Knowing he’s stuck under the ginger cat for another few hours, Jisung finally gathers the courage to turn on his phone.

Channie

Missed Call (2) 11:47 AM

Missed Call (4) 11:49 AM

Missed Call (3) 12:09 PM

Missed Call (2) 12:14 PM

Please call me back Hannie

I’m not mad, are you okay?

Missed Call (1) 12:45 PM

Where are you?

Missed Call (1) 1:16 PM

Are you okay?

Missed Call (3) 2:37 PM

Please call me back

Are you okay?

Jisung please text me when you get this.

Missed Call (2) 6:54 PM

Bin

Missed Call (2) 4:34 PM

Are you safe?

Felix

Missed Call (5) 7:41 PM

Please call one of us back, Chan is worried sick.

Jisung checks the time, sighing when he realizes Chan would still be up. Chan picks up after the first ring, sounding desperate. “Hannie- are you okay?”

“Yeah, Chan. Sorry, my phone died. I’ve been at Minho’s…” Jisung trails off, not sure if Chan buys his white lie. Chan sighs, relieved. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I’m so sorry, Hannie. You know he doesn’t mean it, Changbin just gets…”

“I know Chan, it’s not your fault.” He props himself up on his elbows, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “I don’t think I’m going to be coming into the studio for a while.” Jisung’s stomach is twisting itself into knots, clouds swarming in his mind. “I think that makes sense, ” Chan says after a few minutes. “Please, Hannie, call me if you need anything.” Jisung doesn’t answer, hanging up instead.

After a few minutes of panic building in his chest, he hears a door open down the hallway. Gentle footsteps pad down from Minho’s room to the living room. “Jisung-ah?” Minho sounds like he’s just woken up. The clock on Jisung’s phone shows it’s only 1:11. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

“No, no…” Minho yawns, going over to crouch by him. His eyes are barely open, a small sleepy smile on his face. “Do you wanna come to bed?” He shoos Soonie off of Jisung’s chest, offering his hand. Fuck , Jisung thinks. It is so fucking easy for Minho’s sunshine to burst through the heaviest of Jisung’s clouds. Jisung stretches briefly before slipping his hand into Minho’s and following him down the hall. They tangle their limbs together under the sheets. Jisung feels safe, falling asleep faster than he ever has.

The second blow comes when Chan is manhandling a drunk Jisung into the passenger seat of his car. “Fuck- just- Hold fucking still, Han.” Chan successfully buckles his seatbelt and slams the car door, getting in the driver’s seat. “You need to pull yourself together, you know? People fucking care about you, Han. It’s so frustrating to watch you try to fill all these voids in your life with alcohol and sex. It’s never worked for you. Why do you still even try?” Chan is gripping the steering wheel tightly, sparing Jisung brief glances. He watches his drunken confusion morph into anger from the corner of his eyes. “Oh- what, like you’re so fucking perfect, Chan? You spend your life locked in your room with your fucking laptop. You’re just so scared because you don’t know what it’s like to feel alive so you try to stop everyone else from feeling it too.” Jisung doesn’t believe a word of what he’s saying, all he knows is he has to bite back and hurt Chan worse than he was hurting him. He knows he’s successful when the older man falls silent, shaking his head. He stops the car outside of Jisung’s apartment, staring straight ahead. “I don’t want to see you throw your life away chasing something you’re never going to find, Han. I’m just worried about you.”

“You’re an overbearing, unlovable workaholic. You don’t get to tell me I’m wasting my life when you don’t know the first thing about living.” Jisung pushes himself out of the passenger seat, nearly eating shit the second his feet touch the sidewalk. “Deal with your shit first before you try to psychoanalyze me.” Jisung is just spitting anything he can think of at Chan now, turning to stare at him. Chan is pale in the driver’s seat, jaw clenched. His knuckles are white with how tightly he’s gripping the steering wheel. “I don‘t know what the fuck is wrong with you, Jisung. I just hope you figure it the fuck out. Call me when you’re ready to talk.” Chan shoots Jisung a scathing look before he peels off.

Jisung dials Minho’s number the second he steps into his apartment. Minho answers after a few rings, sleepily mumbling a greeting. “Min, I could really use somebody right now,” Jisung says simply. “I’ll be right there, Ji” Minho promises before hanging up.

Minho lets himself into Jisung’s unlocked apartment, finding him when he steps into his bedroom. Jisung is on the balcony gasping for air, and his hands are tightly gripping the railing. Minho hurries out to him, placing a hand on either one of his shoulders. “Breathe, Jisung. It’s going to be okay” Minho coos, frowning when Jisung practically collapses into him, burying his face in Minho’s yellow hoodie. Jisung is embarrassed but he doesn’t even know how to stop the steady flow of tears. He focuses on catching his breath, leaning heavily into Minho as the older boy lowers them both to the ground. Minho hums a little song that floods Jisung’s brain, drowning out the events of today. Minho presses a gentle kiss to the crown of Jisung’s head, and he feels a little bit less lonely.

The third and final blow comes a few weeks later. Jisung wakes up to the feeling of his stomach doing somersaults and a pounding in his head. He quickly launches himself out of bed, slipping into his bathroom. Emptying the contents of his stomach makes the pain in his head worse, tears squeezing out from the corners of his eyes. He slumps back against the wall, curling his arms around himself.

Jisung nearly jumps out of his skin when somebody crouches down next to him. A bleary-eyed Minho pushes a glass of cold water into his hands. “What are you doing here?” Jisung blinks a couple of times, not sure he’s fully awake. Minho raises his eyebrows, an amused smile tugging at his lips. “You don’t remember, huh?” He sits next to Jisung, gently nudging the bottom of the glass. Jisung shakes his head before taking a sip. “ I don’t remember much of last night,” he admits, scratching the back of his head. Minho hums in acknowledgement and nods, falling quiet.

Jisung finishes the glass of water and leans into Minho’s side, eyes fluttering shut. He feels an arm slither around his waist and for a second he feels safe, his mind going quiet. Minho delicately pulls the glass from Jisung’s hands and places it somewhere nearby before pulling him closer, rubbing slow gentle circles into his back. “Do you want to go back to bed? I’ll make us some breakfast” Minho offers quietly. Jisung nods, pulling away. With Minho’s help, he gets off the ground and back to bed. “Min…” Jisung yawns before looking up at Minho with big round eyes. “Can you actually just lay with me a little longer? I’ll order us some breakfast.” Minho opens his mouth to protest but can’t resist when Jisung bats his lashes at him. “You’re lucky I feel bad for you.” Minho grumbles, but he crawls in and cuddles close without any hesitation.

Jisung spends the morning dozing off, the longest he opens his eyes once he’s back safely in bed is when Minho slips out from under the covers to go get their food. By the time Minho comes back, Jisung is fast asleep again. Minho finally tries to wake him a little while later, running his hands through Jisung’s hair and whispering softly to him. When Jisung’s eyes flutter open, he finds his breath catching in his throat at the sight of Minho’s face sitting so close to his own. Minho smiles lightly, sitting up. “Good morning,” he teases before slipping out of bed. “You should get up, maybe take a shower.” Jisung pushes himself into a sitting position, grumbling. “I’ll shower later.. is my food cold?”

Minho laughs at that, nodding. “Yeah, it’s been sitting for a couple of hours. Do you want me to heat it back up for you?” Minho is smiling so warmly at Jisung, and Jisung wonders why he looks so fondly at him. He averts his eyes to try and spare himself the wondering. “Yes, please.”

Minho slips out of the room, the takeout container in hand. Jisung slides out of bed, following him out of the room. Once Jisung is seated at his island, picking at his food, Minho dares to bring up last night. “Last night,” he starts, not truly able to meet Jisung’s eyes. “Last night you were talking about how you really…” he takes a deep breath, clearly struggling to put the words together. Jisung’s heart feels like it’s stuck in his throat. “What did I say, Minho?”

“I just… I know you haven’t been on good terms with Chan and Changbin, and last night you made it sound like maybe it’s affecting you more than you’re willing to let on when you’re sober. I’m here for you, Ji. You can talk to me about anything.” Minho is looking at him with the softest gaze Jisung has ever seen, and it makes his blood boil. “I think you should go, Minho.”Jisung stands, Sliding the takeout container down the island. “Jisung, come on. You said- You said that you feel like you’re sinking. I hate the idea that you feel like everything is already over for you. Please, let me help you” Minho pleads, stepping closer to him. Jisung takes a quick step back. “I’m completely fine, Minho. I don’t know what I was talking about last night. I was drunk, that’s all. Just saying whatever came to mind.”

“I just think-“ Jisung cuts him off, his voice dripping with venom as he takes a new angle to drop the subject. “What makes you think I’d tell you anything, anyway? Even if I was having a hard time or whatever, why would I tell you of all people?” Hurt flashes across Minho’s face, disbelief in his voice. “What do you mean by that?” Jisung realizes already that he’s making a mistake, but the anger and desperation burning in his chest do nothing but push him further. “You’re nobody, Minho. You’re some new choreographer that joined the company to follow me around because you’re some insane super fan. Do you think I’d tell you anything about me? About what I’ve been through?” Minho is blinking hard as he pushes past Jisung into the main hallway. “Okay Han,” Minho starts, the nickname makes Jisung’s chest tighten impossibly around his lungs. “Push everyone away. Suffer on your own. By the time you’re through with whatever this is, there’s going to be nobody left to help you.” Jisung doesn’t miss the tears pooling in Minho’s eyes when they lock eyes one last time. As the door slams behind Minho, Jisung realizes that there is nobody else for him to call. He is completely and utterly alone.

#Minsung #han jisung #Han #i love you han jisung #lee know #lee #know #lee minho #han and minho #stray kids #skz #stray #kids #fic #chaptered #angst #weeeeeeeeeeeeee

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lucysweatslove · 2 years

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Journal 8/23/2023:

Last night after my workout I had a protein shake because I felt like I needed protein just nutritionally, and then I took a bath, and I had to cut my bath short because I started getting super nauseous and sensitive to smells. I proceeded to spend 1.5 hours feeling like I was going to vom at any minute. Then I thought, we’ll I haven’t had a lot of produce today, and I did do an hour workout, so maybe I really need some carbs and I ate an apple and a tortilla.

I felt a little better, but I couldn’t say I felt *good.*

Sleep-wise, I though I fell asleep quickly, but my Pillow app says it took me 28 min to fall asleep. It also said I woke up a lot at night, which I honestly don’t remember? I woke up once I think because I needed to pee (problem with late night baths- I drink a lot of water at night right before bed). While I was in bed for 7:29, I only slept for 6:21.

PT was fine. I feel weak. It really reminded me how much and how quickly I atrophy. And how hard it is for me to put on any muscle or gain strength at all. I’m spiraling into my typical health anxiety fueled deep dive into all of my labs again to see if I can point to any specific cause of all my symptoms which of course I can’t because I probably just lost the genetic lottery and my body just sucks. I also feel like the protein I eat is utilized for energy more than it’s utilized for muscular rebuilding but of course that’s speculation.

At the dentist today, the hygienist was surprised but how good my teeth and gums looked! But of course one of my watched cavities needs a filling now so I get to do that next week.

I started training my replacement today and I’m. Idk. She is really nice, and seems energetic and excited, is doing a HUGE career switch from classical music to medicine… but training is one of my least favorite things because I can’t be sure I’m doing it “right.” I loved practical teaching in grad school but I guess I just don’t feel confident enough still with work. Tomorrow is going to be a somewhat rougher day. It’s the multidisciplinary peds hearing loss clinic which is just a pain and a half to get all set up… but the only other provider in will be one with two telehealth visits so it really won’t be bad at all. I’m not sure if I’m training my replacement tomorrow on that doc or not and I don’t love surprises (so I’m planning on yes).

Financial stuff is weird right now. With uneven work hours and only 6.5 hours until I leave, I’m feeling antsy. Husband says we can talk about finances and work out a better budget that includes my needs and fun stuff I currently take care of myself, but it’s going to be a huge transition for me still. I know I’m going by to be focusing on volunteer work, and I’ll love to have more free time, but… idk. I’ve considered starting my own actual rock business but I just can’t justify that either as it wouldn’t pull in a real and usable income in the short time I’d be working before I get swamped with school. Honestly I’m missing teaching labs.

#personal #journal

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chronicals-of-top-surgery · 2 years

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Day of surgery 5/26/22 Post OP

Pain: 6/10 uncomfortable but not unbearable

Waking up was a struggle at best, it took me quite a while to fight off the anesthesia. I was super woozy and dizzy. I was also super uncomfortable. The nurse was nice enough to humor me as I gradually wanted to be more upright. When I woke up, my piercing was back in and I was bandaged up nice and tight. I didn't notice my drains for a hot minute. I was mostly fading in and out. I think I fell back asleep once but not for super long. Waking up was really hard but they turned off some of the lights to help me and invited my companion back in to help ease me awake while the nurse did some paperwork. They inserted a breathing tube, which I had been told of and is normal, but it dried out my mouth hella bad. Thankfully, they had ice chips to chew on and that actually helped both my dry mouth and nausea but I had to get my partner to feed them to me.

Waking up from anesthesia felt like my entire body was made from lead. Luckily, no one rushed me or made me feel hurried to wake up so it was just me trying hard to wake up at a reasonable pace. I eventually could squeeze my hand, then wiggle my toes. As I got more sensation, I wanted nothing more than to be disconnected from everything and to sit upright which sounded the most comfortable but it was NOT happening since my body still felt so heavy. Eventually, with enough ice and when I could sit upright (I'm not sure how long it took. 30 min maybe??) The nausea was eased. My partner was shown how to take care of my drains as well as general care knowledge for me. Your companion NEEDS to be compassionate and competent, I wouldn't be nearly as comfortable right now if he wasn't doing so much for me. I was informed that I need to be drinking sports drinks, something to replenish electrolytes and the like, not just plain water, I also need a LOT of protein, like as much as I can get, so I'm gonna try and focus a lot more on that.

The heart monitor was taken off, the IV was taken out, and I was VERY glad that I wore shorts and that button up Hawaiian shirt. It was a lot easier than it could have been to get dressed. I also had a mastectomy pillow and pouches to hold my drains which 1000/10 I HIGHLY recommend getting both. The pillow looks like the bottom half of a pillory (stocks) and it made me SIGNIFICANTLY more comfortable while driving home with a seat belt. I also really like the drain bags cause it stretched around my belly comfortably and the drains weren't just hanging around. I'm not scared of them being tugged or squished or something.

I'm glad our temp apartment was only 6 min away because driving wasnt fun. Even the wheelchair ride down to the parking lot kinda sucked. I was still pretty wobbly and woozy but I wanted to be HOME. The nurse pushed me to the car and the assistant and receptionist both waved a cheery goodbye to me and wished me a happy recovery until they saw me for my check up. I felt incredibly loved and safe.

Finally, when we got back to the apartment, I got inside and sat at the table. My lower back hurt since sitting in the bed for recovery wasn't super comfortable. I was damn near falling asleep sitting up because of the residual anesthesia but I managed to stay up long enough to order in some food, eat some, drink Gatorade, take 2 Tylenol, and let my body feel better before I laid down. I was honestly only awake for like 10 more minutes before passing out for a nap.

When I woke up again, I was still a little woozy and my arms felt like I bench pressed 100 lbs. It sucked, but I needed my drains milked (HATE that term) and I needed my meds and more food. I finished my leftover Gatorade and food, my partner got my drains cleared (they require photos of the levels of drainage, my right side produced more liquid than the left) and I let myself stand and walk for a little bit. When my chest started to hurt again, I went to lay back down.

My voice is really crackly and rough, which makes sense since I had a tube down my throat, and it kinda hurts tbh but I'm not used to drinking anything but plain water so ice chips are the best to soothe it until I don't have to worry about plain water bloating me

I went into the clinic at 8:30, left at about 5 pm, woke up again at 10 and I'm now going to sleep at around 11:30 pm

#top surgeon #top surgery recovery #trans voice #transgender #ftm #ftm surgery

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hardfeeling505 · 3 months

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All about her

This story is about my experience became friend with someone i accidentally met on random tiktok live and i asking her to be FRIEND MOOTS

her nickname idk, i just call her M, she is the oldest child, from what i see she is a very good big sis to her younger sis(her sister is so lucky to have u M).height 5'4 feet in cm its like 162.56 (she told me how else i know😐)born on September something 2005. I thought i'm going to jail man😐 but i born on 2001 so it okay, thanks God for that✊ (im a little bit cooked tbh i'm on a thin ice right back there😔) she a Filipino Canadian Girl, raised in Alberta , Edmonton , Canada. It take about 24hr 45 min flight from my place. One day i hope for to meeting her in person😤,even though i know its not gonna happen(just me being delulu).

Actually, i want to witness the flower bloom in spring with my own eyes + Also meeting my buddy. She told me her province is known for Grand Prairie’s and stuff, it's like a full green land and have so many lake ,as i recall there also a moutain (6 hours ride from her home) bcs she told me that there is so many wild flower will bloom when it spring season. I bet the view is so beautiful, you know nature and beautiful, a word that can't be separated, and yes always beautiful + watching with her? Bro!! i gotta prepare insulin injection bcs i might got sick from all those sweet moment with her

(🗣️📢🔥🔥🔥this is not a pickup line).

Other thing about her.She is one of the lactose intolerant victim , can't drink or eat anything contain dairy stuff ,only almond milk. She told me she can't eat corndog ,poor her.😭 Bro!! i eat corndog like i cant even count how much i eat.When she say that , i wish i can give her a hug but must keep it halal (yes i'm a muslim). Furthermore, i like like like it when she go suddenly share random fact about her ,one example of it "i hate energy drink" and "im just got choke from reading your comment bro" , she so random Bro that is one of her charm and i loving it (as a buddy ofc)

And one moment, my dumbass go tell her to try drink banana milk, After re-read my chat i go Oof what have i done😐. I genuinely want to kick myself for that I'm so sorry M forgive me please i think i half asleep at that moment not thinking straight. 🙏 (im doom can't think of any better excuses Help😔)

Also the so CUTE impression of her i can't hold myself to tease her😭(im cooked). SO STRONG INFJ VIBE FR. There is one morning we chatting about breakfast , she say she making a toast bread, I ask her "M you eating the bread with what? peanut butter?" and she answer "i eat it with banana and something" , then i say "i like banana too" for real i like banana💯. Then, i saw my opportunity to tease her and i took it😭, i start with asking her "u know what i like too?" ,she reply "what?" , it might seem crazy what gonna say, i with my full consciousness say " i like strawberry jam, strawbewwy jam is so✨✨" , and she reply with "Oooh" then "okay". I feel like a bad guy at that moment but man she so cute i cant resist it I am so sorry M forgive me🙏😔. (i want to do it again frfr)

She going into Nursing then paramedics like ambulance people, praying for her to achieve her dream, Amin .Please God give her All the strength she need bcs im so far away from her🤲.(Proud for her Bro as buddy ofc).She enjoy work out so much (i like it too💯), consider it her hobby for now.She like to say LOL a lot i know everyone does but her LOL is different for me (dont attack me).

One more thing i like about her is her habits to explain to me about something until i truly understand, her effort Bro!!. (she like to express her feeling by put it all in her writing). I swear i will like and always read everything she wrote man like i feel like my eyes and brain (my whole life existance) is created by god to read her essay man, to listen to her. I literally crying right now while writing this. thank god i not writing this on paper man.She so precious to me Bro!!! like very unreal to me and i dont deserve to get to know her, to good to be true.

(Pls read this one paragraph below while listen to Everygreen by Richy Mitch & The Coal Miners trust me)

one moment , i talk to her about snow (we like to talk about random stuff) anyways it go like this i ask " M, is it spring there?" she answer "it still winter season " , after that i told her "i like winter but i like to see flower bloom in spring more" , and she start telling me all of her life experience living in 4 season, after that we caught in deep talk moment it for like forever for me (it feel long for me) It so beautiful man talking to her, its healing me. Then the sentence hit me.I dont want to lose her as a buddy ofc(she already on a somewhat relationship).

- her Twice bias is dahyun meanwhile mine is sana

- her Aespa bias is karina(same as me)

- her Nmixx bias is lily(same twice) Do you see there is a sign here.

Finally we are here thank for staying with me on this journey,The Main Topic is her MBTI😤

A Beautiful yet So Soft INFJ personality ,i have so much interest in this mbti man,you know this type of mbti is so rare. I am shooketh yes my jaw drop ahh so cringe but it is frfr when she told me her mbti i am so shock Lol, i never found this type before all of my friend male/ female is always started with E and end with J or some case started with I and end with P, what i want to say is it so weird to me this type of MBTI INFJ. It so UNIQUE thats the word .Don't want to be so hype talking to her so i tried to cover with "oh idk u were an I" meanwhile me talking to myself ofc she an I you dummy she like nature and stuff also she admire cat ☝️😃 Also it her fav animal. (i bet you 100 dollar she will pat every cat she bypass)

About her song taste is interesting .Quite similar to me or just the same genre?🤔 As expected from her MBTI type. Her fav song is My Love Mine All Mine by Mitski (this song is PERFECT just like her)😤 *i want to cry again bro. She has 39K+ minutes streaming on spotify for this song ALONE (she told me). JUST FOR 39k MINUTES ??? THE SONG IS IN YOUR BLOOD GIRL FRFR . It Mother Mitski song never ever doubted her song✊). One statement from M. "I actually have 209k minutes of listening to music on Spotify😌"

I want to ask her ig so bad Bro!!! or anything that can i use to reach/contact her others from tiktok. i can't use my sticker that the main reason, all my hilarious meme collection relatable go to waste and also i'm a coward.

Something i truly get hurt from is the fact she have anxiety/panic attack(she frequently got stomachache).I really want to know how to pleasant or calming her, tbh i try search and read many article about anxiety, unfortunately ,i don't find any effective ways just some drinking water and stuff like that😔. Even though i suffer from same thing but i too don't know any tips.Maybe try go to therapy session like me once a week?(its not working for me my therapist just want my money i know it not that right Mr Lim? you scammer he is chinese).Article nowadays is unhelpful.

I think i just like her personality or am i? or im just too easy to catching feeling (maybe its true). It just a phase i guess i will get over it😌

Sorry i forgot to put her Newjeans bias(her ultimate Gir Group). Her bias is Kang Kaerin😸 , i agree with her Kang Haerin is so cute but She more cuter to me ahh i wish i could tell her this, what a coward i am. Ofc bcs they share the same Mbti INFJ (she like her so much, i bet her photo album of Kang Haerin is more than 500+ pic). Her bias wrecker is Danielle🐶(my bias), YES if you notice there is pattern here.If you a Bunnies, DaeRin Friendship you will get it what i mean. Also i make a Favorite Collection on my tiktok profile for her, I know i know, it nothing but i should do something for her. The Title "For Her , yep U" . I remember creating it 3 day after meet her, and ofc as buddy nothing personal. My tiktok name is Newjeans Haerin (cactus name)🥕 on her Jean'Zine solo vlog.

Btw I'm an INFP My MBTI ,funny right?

About my MBTI there is story too🤟.

Before the covid, i take the MBTI test between 2018-2019 i'm still in college back then and My first MBTI test result is ENFP. Fyi, i'm quite not shy person. Main reason, 2nd child curse?. i believe this is so true My family always ignore me frfr😭 but i know deep down of their heart they still care or maybe bcs“ i'm annoying "ahh kinda kid back then, I like hugging them, its that wrong?😃 that not a crime and i am still kid. I think clingy is the word😌🤟.Don't blame me, since birth i'm like this (im cooked)

After Covid, between 2023 year i retake the test the reason is i notice that my social skill is gone ,maybe bcs im live alone. Literally, It was like i scare to talk , i'm worry that someone will judge me when i approach them. I hate anxiety bro!! My condition is so bad at some point i can't breath normally , it like my chest is so full, i took various antistress pill(i stop taking them now) this entire pain after years not talking much to someone, only my cat Lol, i love my cat he so cute like frfr😭 his name is kuromi. he a black cat with yellow eye + he like hugging me,he is the only creature that like back when i hug😭 the other half of me. About friend i have friends so many friends but i don't usually contact them by phone or online its just me, i prefer go meet them , stop by for a drink like that , Face to face Obviously before covid what harm can happen to you by doing outdoor activity?get hit by car? actually that is harmful.Super harmful actually, really what the dangerous thing could happen to you? got sick from fever? Back then even social anxiety scare to me😔. Yeah i know what u thinking My friend when don't like the idea i want to hug them too , that not a new things to me i'm just joking 😔(im not).Frfr i have so many friends. It so easy to make friends Bro!! like just go talking to someone new i don't see any problem at all . It just 2 human talking like .

you=>🧍🏻talking🧍🏻<=me

Agree with me Dangerous Virus is just a myth before covid-19 exist, its like a movie title Bro so dumb. Just a small dumb virus ruining my life.

Continue my story about mbti test , i retake it, the result come out, and i got the INFP BRO!!☹️ as expected ,yeah the E is gone. Untill now i still not retake the test but im 💯 sure the E is back bcs starting this year at my workplace i slowly not slowly tbh Lol, easily can approach people now bro like frfr, i think i enjoy talking to people back , i like listen to them. i know what u think the hugging thing i can control it now.Bro i'm a grownass man now😭 (i still like hugging but not other gender keep stay halal). Maybe i should consider retake the test again this year🤔.Overall For who reading this now.Thank You Very Much For spend your time reading my yapping essay about someone who already i lost contact with. My conclusion is, Heals Really Take Time FRFR,you just has to trust the process.

#MBTI#Healing#infj#enfp#infp#Mitski#yapping#shortstory#fantasy#humor#frfr#halal#anxiety#covid#imcooked#haerin#danielle#newjeans#nmixx#lily#aespa#karina#twice#dahyun#sana#spotify#🥕#feeling#tiktok#tiktoklive#canada#alberta#edmonton

side note : i type all this while listen to her fav song on loop, I'm not good at writing essay unlike her, sorry for all grammatical error or miss place, word conjunction. Thanks all for the memory M. Hope ur doing Great Now.

#mbti #kpop #newjeans #mental health #healing #nature #anxitey #humor #nmixx #twice #aespa #kpop bias #bias wrecker #infj feelings #infp things #infp thoughts #enfp personality

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paperocksyringeii · 4 months

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01.12.24

It’s exactly 6am, I am still bursting with anger because my husband told me “Anong ano jan” with a tone that ticked me off because for the love of peace and quiet in our household I CANNOT FIGURE OUT HIS PC. My brain is to squirmy to even come up with words when I wish to write something as bland as this blog. I feel like my efforts in life are always overlooked because it’s “what I am supposed to do” as a wife, a mom, a non working human in this household. A little back story might be helpful to understand my postpartum rage.

7am woke up to feed crying baby then fell asleep.

9am woke up again, chapped lips from dehydration, drank water and fed awakened baby from waking from the bed.

10:30am fixed the bed (half) with asleep baby, went downstairs to thaw the chicken and had a peaceful 30mins choking on my cheerios and figuring out if there is a faster way of finishing it because I know I am unconsciously timed by my husband if I am taking too long downstairs bc he is working upstairs.

11:30am finished cooking, cleaned kitchen, living room and I went up. Fixed the baby’s bath tub and clothes, and while the husband bathes the baby, I clean the room, I sweep, I tidy, I fix. Then he calls for me to pat the baby dry and groom.

12:30 husband goes for lunch, I stay with the baby to feed and his 1st afternoon nap. I get my peace too for 30mins until he “does” things “quietly” for him and wakes up the baby. It’s 1:30pm, and I have a dental appointment with an empty tummy and reek of sweat and breastmilk.

1:35pm I power shower/ clean myself as I fell exhaustion reach my eyes and I feel a tad bit warm on the eyes. I refuse to cry, this is everyday, I can’t be too surprised, nor disappointed.

2:15pm reached dentist and the procedure goes. I wish he didn’t have to ask questions so I could have my quiet time.

4:30pm I went for a quick Mcdo fix, staring blankly into the students thinking “ang lalandi netong mga to ke babata” squeeing their delight in seeing a group of sweaty boys enter the premises. I can’t even eat in peace, the student next to me keeps shouting.

I booked a Joyride (not sponsored, charot) and asked the rider to kindly stop by any Dunkin Donuts kiosk, I added the fare, ofcourse. I was fast and sure of what to get and in less than 5 mins we were on our way to the house, the home? I don’t know.

My baby was wide awake when I got home, good, I said because my boobs were exploding. I fed the baby and he proceeded to working again - checking his phone again - to trading again - to playing switch again - and not finishing his work again due to the many stop overs to a finished contract.

I know he is making a living while trying to earn on the side (stock trading) but when your baby is almost 99.99% facing his cellphone and monitor, always having to catch the baby on his “improper” position while sleeping, ticks me a great deal specially when I keep reminding but never listened to. Paulit ulit ako na hindi dapat ganun position ng baby dahil baka makasanayan ng likod with his unsteady bone structure. ANG TIGAS NG ULO NG ASAWA KO.

It’s dinner time. I told him to fix his own plate, walang nadinig. I had to say “wow don na don ha, nag aabang na lang ng pagkaen nakaupo na” and prepred his food with a grin. The baby cried while we ate and I didn’t stop. My last meal were 30 pcs of cheerios at 10:35am and I am hungry. He was on his 2nd bowl tho.

He washed the plates, I go back to wipe the counter. Fix the dishes and arrange. Every. Single. Day.

We went up at 8:30pm after the news. I told him to clean and change the baby to his sleepwear while I cleaned the room again and prepare for sleep. Emails to Cafe Kai keeps coming about bazaars, rentals and opportunities, I reminded him to make an LOI and he nodded.

My back hurts, I feed the baby again, and this was about the start of our fight.

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eristic-kaleidoscope · 1 year

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Nine Lives | Akito | Trial 4.1 | Re: Adrik, END, Kenshin, Jae-min / Attn: KOKONE, Erik A

The impromptu nap was refreshing, the deluge of memories it unsealed not so much. His skin felt crackly and sore, the rest of his muscles groaning in tandem with his own sigh as he pushes himself back upright to a sitting position. Compared to his compatriots, Akito Mikage hadn’t really suffered a complete overhaul of personality from having his traumatic experiences excised and then replanted in. Part of it had been because his partners and friends had filled him in on what he had been missing, part of it was because he was usually the kind of person who just hid everything that was affecting him anyways.

The truth was losing those memories just meant he had less to hide in the moment, and more to grieve about now, especially with what they were gathered to debate over. Erika L was notably the only person who he would happily consider a friend with zero baggage between them; everyone else that he was attached to, something or another had happened between them to strain their relationship or further deepen it, but Erika and he had gotten along pretty swell after some initial worries. And after finding out about her secret, he couldn’t even blame her for not wanting to talk more about her You2be channel. Regardless, he would like to think they had been good friends, plain and simple and uncomplicated. Now even that was gone too.

“Earlier this morning, I was still in P office talking to Emil. Thought I’d update him about the status of the mountain now that Herr Weiss had been pacified, and I was hoping that he could help check in with Miss Fujita’s efforts to assist Haven. I left around… okay, I'm not sure when I left, but I know I was there past four. I headed south, back to the dorm rooms. The only person I saw at the time was…” He trails off, glancing over at Eiri, deciding to play things safe until they decided what they currently wanted to be called. “KOKONE-san, when we passed by each other in front of the surgery room. She was headed in the other direction, so back towards the north side of the map. Now, I don’t know if it was there when we passed by it the first time, but during investigation, there was a trail of fresh-ish blood droplets from the centre of the hall leading into the tech room. The interior of the room is something else entirely, but I’ll get back to it after I finish recounting what I remember.”

He runs a hand through his hair. “When I got back to the dorm, Adrik was asleep and Erik A wasn’t around. Would’ve gone out looking for him if I wasn’t exhausted and didn’t think there was cause to worry, so I just crawled into bed myself. I woke up the first time when Adrik shifted away, but fell back asleep after that, and then woke up for good when the door opened up and they left at 7.55AM. I freshened up, and then waited for Erik A to get back, because we made plans to do the laundry today. He came in… sometime in the next half an hour, then we headed to the laundry room. We stayed for an hour, and Erik A mentioned that he had been out almost all night, and that he would go rest up after he did something else.”

Akito’s sad eyes shift towards his boyfriend. “I didn’t know what you were up to, but based on what we found, I think you owe both me and Adrik an explanation." There’s genuine pain born of hurt and worry in his voice. It’s not every day you find out someone you love wrote such a damning note about themselves, after all.

"In any case, Erik A left around 9.35AM or so based on when Adrik met him afterwards, while I stayed inside the laundry room to finish up things. I made it back around 9.45AM to an empty room, and was still putting away our clothes and sheets when the body announcement sounded.” He concludes. “Speaking of sheets though, we also found what happened to Jae-min’s stolen bedsheets. Also, keep in mind that all of these favours were bought from AION in the morning and not redeemed by any sort of favour voucher. I can vouch that Adrik used up theirs for something that is not case-important anyways.”

He tilts his head. “Anyways, about those stolen bedsheets, those blood droplets leading into the tech room led us to what I presume to be those bedsheets all over the floor, weaving around the machines inside the room. They were damp, and Erisu said that they smelled like lighter fluid. We also found some pliers tucked into the handle of the X-ray machine and the bedpost Jae-min swung at me tucked behind the CAT scanning machine. I’m not sure who contributed to all of that, or if it even was just one person but… Yeah. That was a lot.”

Speaking of Jae-min, he turns towards the athlete with a deadpan stare. “Thank you for revealing what most of us figured out.” He turns back to the others. “Still, considering where it was in the proximity of where Miss Ljunggren perished though… Well, it wasn’t exactly hidden very well, but it certainly was shiny. Could it be possible that she ended up where she passed because she saw the shiny key at the very end of the aisle from the entrance of the library door, and walked towards it by taking the most direct path past the bookshelf that crushed her? Bit of a longshot, I’ll admit, but I don’t have any other reasons to support why she was there, or wouldn’t have looked around and noticed the trap set-up to start.”

Akito shrugs. “I still have the key, incidentally. Maybe it’s just some random key, but it had to have come from someone or somewhere, and I doubt anyone else would have just left it all willy-nilly on the bookshelf if they hadn’t planted or hidden it there to start. It could be a silver chimaera or just a plain red herring.”

#Azr #chapter4 #trial4 #submission

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miaslame · 1 year

Text

Journal Entry #2

Dear Journal,

Today is Thursday, February 23rd - 2022.

Last night I went out with friends (Fransisco and Kim) and Chris also joined along. We had plans to get handmade beef noodles in Alhambra. The noodles were so good and spicy and much needed on a cold night in Los Angeles. My boyfriend came over before I went out with my friends because I offered to make him a panini and I needed to give him an airtag + airtag holder I bought for him online since he somehow always mis-places his car keys. We, once thought we were stuck in Glendale after his keys slipped out his pocket in a Home Goods. But, luckily a nice person turned them in and we were able to get home safely. Anywho, he came over I made him (2) paninis with a side of doritos and we talked and laughed and kissed and enjoyed each others company. I seemingly miss him during all hours of the day even if I just saw him 10 mins ago (lol) After, the night ended and we finished eating the noodles and dumplings we sat there talking for a little while before Franny drove Chris and I back to my house. Then, Chris and I proceeded to get boba from Boba Time on 6th - I ordered a cookies and cream and Chris ordered a strawberry matcha with boba. We sat at the boba place for a little while and talked then he drove me home. My boyfriend, “E” said he could come back over if I wanted him to so of course I said yes and he was back at my place about 30 mins later. We talked, kissed, and cuddled in bed before both quickly falling asleep. We, and by we, I mean he, had to be up at 5:30 AM to get ready for work. But, I fell back asleep and when I woke up again it was already 5:49 AM and he is normally out the door by 6:00 AM but nonetheless he was still able to make it to work with time to spare even after stopping by Starbucks to pick up the food/coffee I order every morning he sleeps over. After letting him get to work I went back to sleep then got up to head to the libary. I, stopped at Starbucks myself and got a ice matcha latte with sweet cream cold foam and a donut before walking the 2 blocks to get to the library and got my book that was put on hold, then sat outside in the garden and read about a chapter and a half before I was making my way back to the station and headed back home.

My grandma sent me 40$ via western union for my birthday so I was able to pick that up and then I walked myself back home. I am now sitting in bed watching SATC (And Just Like That) I need to make myself something to eat before I have to gt ready in the bathroom and head out to meet some friends before we go to a Curtis Waters show tonight. I really want my boyfriend to join but I think it will be too last minute, too late, and he would have to rush to get home. I just love doing things with him but I feel bad always having him doing stuff with me when he barely manages to get 5-6 hours of sleep a night. I want him to do more and get more but it’s so hard for him.

Anyway, I need to get to cooking now. I know this ending was a bit abrupt but I am running behind (in my head)

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garfieldsladybird · 2 years

Note

oh im fine - i think im just tired, so my brain doen't like the bright light from my laptop. (im in my room in the dark but even with my settings on low and the warm light on it still makes my head feel fuzzy ig? idk i get it a little bit every now and again)

i also said like half an hour ago i was going to sleep and now its two and i'm struggling rn :(

one thing that we found when i was in the art dept (all the kids who take art as a gcse either a)though it's be easy b) are fucked in the brain or c) (me btw) had to change my options from dt (design and tech) to art) was that those baby sensory fruit and veg videos actually really helped when we were stressed from exams and watch them on my ipad while we're doing our own thing.

i unironically watch these doing my hw and i will probably fall asleep to them in like ten mins lol.

have you made many friends / met any cool people at school? 💕💕

I usually take melatonin when I can’t sleep, could you be able to take that? i’m sorry that you haven’t been able to sleep :( I understand that tho. I would always get like this headache feeling in my forehead from being on my phone because of the brightness and I’m also like very sleep deprived then. so yeah. I hope you can go to sleep soon though 🫶

that video is so cute!! that’s amazing that it helps <33 i love that :D

I wouldn’t say I have made any official friends, like I’ve introduced myself to some people but we didn’t talk a lot. but 1st period 2 people, first guy was actually really cool (his name cream) :DD but the second guy was talking over me and not letting me talk when it was time to discuss with your partner and i didn’t like that. WIAT BUT- nokko there’s this really cute guy in that class, he reminds me of Dylan is in trouble and BRUH his voice- AHH- its so deep 😭. 2nd period; the person that sits in front of me is really cool, me and them were talking (kinda) but i like them and i also have an old friend in that class too, I didn’t know she was going to this school and i’ve known her since third grade, but me and her were never close because of stupid fucking drama. 3rd; I made a friend and their cool, but I don’t think I would like hang out with them at lunch or something, still definitely acquaintances with them, and they were kind of giving me a weird vibe too. 4th; nope. 5th, lunch I’m just hanging out with my sister and her very shy friend, she’s(sister) is not that close with her and i dont think she likes me but like I said she shy, my sister said so. 6th, uh I kind of became acquaintances with my neighbor/elbow partner, who’s a guy but I don’t think he likes me. 7th; nope.

there’s definitely a lot of cool people though.

#garfields.new school 🏫#garfield answers 🦖

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silasbug · 2 years

Text

dream log Nr. -014

14/03/2022 (extracted from a chat, unstructured)

hade:

I had a dream where we were running dungeons and kept getting Elden Hollow I and you were getting sooooo frustrated

Tuffi:

lol

somehow i am jealous of you dreaming so much but since you told me it feels like not sleeping, i am not jealous

hade:

You shouldnt be, plus I was half-conscious during that dream and was aware I was half-awake, but the dream kept repeating somehow & I wasnt actually falling back asleep

I did feel a little rested during that time

then I fell deep again, had another intense dream where I was sprinting across fields with a plant-farmers market on them and I kept passing out while running and hence tumbling and rolling off the floor

then I felt fucking tired again when I woke up lmao

idk man I have periods where I dont dream or cant remember and sleep is super uneventful, and then there are times like these where I'm just.. "please, no more”

but ngl its very interesting being able to remember full cohesive dreams, I kind of love it besides the tiredness

Getting control of them would be sweeeeet

but idk how, I can be aware of thr fact that I'm dreaming but it'll have no bearing on whether or not I can change or impact that dream

when I am a little more conscious or close to consciousness (so waking, or being aware that I have to go to the bathroom for example) I can repeat parts of the dream but it will no longer organically continue

I just recounted them and I had 4 dreams last night, all of which I can remember in most-detail

Tuffi:

when i have strong dreams with some kind of loop in it where i can't seem to move forward, i feel like i have a smidgen of influence on it and i bet if it would happen more often, then i could trick myself a little to gain more influence on it

it feels like a psychic wall i need to train my brain for, before i can cross it

maybe i would never be able to cross it though, no idea

that's crazy

hade:

I'm usually pretty blank? But I notice when I close my eyes that the moment I start to fall asleep a shit ton just goes on in front of my eyes and if I wake without having fallsn fully asleep I kinda feel like what the fuck was that mess and where did it come from.

it's like rapidly switching channels but with some cohesion

Tuffi:

i can barely remember one dream, if i dream at all. since we are supposed to dream every night, i guess i almost never remember my dreams =/

hade:

usually same for me

but the last two days have been intense, because the night before this I was also able to recount 3-4

Tuffi:

holy shit, that sounds .... confusing

hade:

maybe implementing some kind of trigger, or designating something as trigger that could make you realize you're dreaming but in a way where you can become lucid would be neat, but I don’t think every dream would include that trigger

but thats only when I'm almost falling asleep and then wake back up before really falling asleep, that's like a 5-10 min window

usually when I fall asleep it's just snap I'm asleep

Tuffi:

dude

our brain is so crazy

it's also quite interesting how little we still know about it i guess

hade:

"brain-daddy, no! please! no more!""

Tuffi:

lol

you just humanized your brain and made it a naughty man

hade:

hahahaha

I mean it almost feels abusive

if it werent so interesting

ive always loved dreaming and being able to remember that shit because theres just absolutely nothing like it

Tuffi:

let brain daddy poke you a little

i'll be gentle

(maybe)

Muahaha

oh? you think you can run? let's trip you a couple dozen times

I HAVE THE POWAH

hade:

movies, tv, dont even come close to the weird shit your subconscious projects, the itch it scratches is so very satisfying

lmao

literally

towards the end I had rapid succession of pass out fall down roll off back up and immediate repeat for like 4x in a row

it was almost like cartwheels with your shoulders and more scrapes

Tuffi:

where did you want to go?

where you running?

why? where did you come from?

so many questions

where you just happily skipping across the field, enjoying the weather? or were you trying to reach the market?

we need to analyze the shit out of this

i mean ... your subconsciousness really gets to live out its shit when your consciousness falls asleep so ... i know i had quite a lot of dreams that made so much sense when thinking about what they've shown me

hade:

oh I remember more than running and tumbling, I just didnt write it all out, just the part that stuck the most vividly

Tuffi:

ah okay

no worries, if this gets a little too personal. they are dreams after all

quite vulnerable state that is

no control of what you think and do

hade:

for one I had a girlfriend (someone who was actually my “girlfriend” in my childhood, her name was Nina), there was a plant market across thise fields and I was looking for a new plant because one of mine died

this one was just weird, I just didnt write it all out because I didnt know how interesting dreams are for you and jusg the tumbling was super exhausting and memorable, plus funny

a new plant, I was looking for a new plant! at the plant market, because my girlfriend was a botanist and coming over and one of my plants had died and I wanted a new one and also to show her

Tuffi:

didn't you say something about your plants just yesterday ?

when we briefly talked about the vinegar smell

hade:

I got soil gnats in my plants, yes (hence the apple cider vinegar traps)

but I dont think it was related

one thing that really sucks about these phases though, despite the exhaustion, is that once the dreams fade again, either from memory or me having any, it feels sooo empty

Tuffi:

what do you mean exactly? you feel empty after forgetting what you dreamt about?

hade:

no, you feel the absence of the dreams

knowing you dreamed vs suddenly only waking up after falling asleep, just coming back from the black instead of movies in your head

it's a very distinct empty feeling

and also after forgetting what you dreamed about, because before there was knowing and remembering, and suddenly it's gone and you cant grasp it anymore

#dream log #retrospective dreams #in which i was cartwheeling along a barren field to buy a new plant to impress my dream gf #mostly a conversation with Tuffi i wanted to save

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